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coochiequeens · 5 months

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'A woman who falls through the cracks is falling with her children'   

Away from threat of Islamist violence or floods, health risks for pregnant women in Nigeria's refugee camps remain high 

By Adie Vanessa Offiong, CNN Photographs by Taibat Ajiboye for CNN

Editor’s note: This story is part of As Equals, CNN's ongoing series on gender inequality. For information about how the series is funded and more, check out our FAQs.

Abuja, Nigeria (CNN)Aisha Aliyu is eight-months pregnant and sprawled out on a mat in front of her house with four of her children spread around her feet. Two-year-old Hauwa and five-year-old Abba are both crying and tugging at their mother's coffee-colored hijab. She, in response, rolls her eyes and clicks her tongue at them. She looks tired. 

The child Aliyu is carrying is her tenth. The last four were delivered in the Durumi Camp, a place in Nigeria's capital city, Abuja, that she and an estimated more than 3,000 other internally displaced people call home. 

In 2013, Aliyu fled her home in the village of Wala in Nigeria's northeastern Borno State to its capital, Maiduguri. She said her village was attacked and much of it burned down by armed Islamist group, Boko Haram. Two years later, the militant group attacked Maiduguri, forcing Aliyu to again migrate, this time travelling over 856km south to Abuja with her husband and five children.

The now 39-year-old saw having many children as a way of replacing her relatives killed by the insurgents, but reveals she was done after her last pregnancy in 2021 and began using contraceptives. However, she became pregnant again this year. 

Having already borne children in Durumi camp (one of 264 communities for internally dispaced people (IDPs) known to exist across Nigeria as of September 2021), Aliyu was fearful, knowing of the limited resources she would have access to. The farmer's wife had been unable to afford the food and medication she needed to stay healthy, and antenatal services were limited.   

Aisha with five of her children

The space initially set up as a birthing suite at the camp was rudimentary and barely hygienic, explains Liyatu Ayuba, appointed the camp 's Women's Leader by the site's Chairman when she arrived in 2014. She has since handled issues regarding health, food or children on behalf the IDPs.  

"It was a tent that we swept, and I would put a mat or wrapper on the floor for the women to lie down on to give birth," says Ayuba, who for much of the camp's history has been its only birth attendant. Many of the displaced women refer to her as Mama. 

 Ayuba says the tent was a shanty built with corrugated roofing sheets and a sandy floor. If gloves were available, the birth attendant used them and if not, she explains that she covered her hands with polythene bags and cut umbilical cords with a razor blade. 

"I gave birth to three of [my children] with Mama's help on a mat under the shelter," Aliyu tells CNN, referring to the birthing tent. "Mama cut the umbilical cord and bathed the baby."  

In 2019, a non-governmental organization set up the camp's health post where Aliyu's ninth child, Hauwa, was delivered in 2021. The post is a small clinic located inside a repurposed 20ft shipping container, where wooden boards partition the space to create a delivery suite which looks more like a storage space and just about holds a bed, a baby cot, a drip stand, a broken chair, a trolley and empty containers that should contain water. The other half is the consultation room with a table, two chairs, a bed, and a cupboard where medicines and devices are kept.    

Though basic, the clinic at least provides a consultation space that women previously had to make do without and Ayuba is proud to say the camp has not recorded any deaths among mothers or babies under her watch. 

The makeshift delivery room partitioned in the shipping container used as the camp's health post

'No 'special arrangement' for those who are pregnant in Nigeria's camps

Aliyu is one of many internally displaced women bearing children in Nigeria's camps, with some grounds not even housing a health post or shelter for birth, instead needing women to go into labour in their own shelters or that of their birth attendant. 

A 2021 PhD thesis by Fatima Mahmood Jibirilla at Walden University, states that women living in IDP camps in Nigeria "have a higher risk of maternal death than women living in their homes." The author cited a range of factors increasing the risk of maternal and neonatal deaths in these settings, including inadequate prenatal care services and limited family planning programs.  

"There are no special arrangements for pregnant women in IDP and refugee camps [in Nigeria]. There are poor antenatal services that are inadequate to detect and address likely pregnancy-related complications and other signs of poor pregnancy outcomes," the author writes. While there have been no maternal or infant deaths at Durumi on her watch, according to Ayuba, multiple doctors volunteering there and across camps in Abuja corroborated the concerns highlighted in the study to CNN.  

In a country that has long had among the highest maternal mortality rates in the world and has the third highest number of internally displaced people (IDPs) in Africa as of the end of 2022, according to the Internal Displacement Monitoring Centre (IDMC), the lack of adequate maternal healthcare provision in these camps is a significant concern, one of the doctors told CNN.

The 2022 IDMC figures also show that 4.5m Nigerians were classed as "internally displaced people" as a result of both conflict and natural disasters, with flooding outstripping protracted violence as the main source of displacement. 

The camp nurse, Isa Umar examines a pregnant woman during antenatal session

While there is no national breakdown of IDPs by sex or age, a 2023 report by the Camp Coordination and Camp Management (CCCM) Sector says there are 1,575,741 women and children in the Nigerian states of Borno, Adamawa, and Yobe alone, making up 74% of the 2,124,053 IDPs in those states. 

Nigeria's total IDP population relies largely on the graces of charitable organizations for its health care, Ayuba and the camp's nurse Isa Umar told CNN. 

'If it happens, I am dead.' The prohibitive costs of care   

Wednesdays are antenatal day in Durumi. When CNN visits, camp nurse Isa Umar, who himself was forced to leave his home due to the insurgency, is in the consultation room using a handheld ultrasound scanner to monitor a baby's growth and a fetoscope to monitor the heartbeat among the expectant mothers coming in. 

Umar measures each pregnant woman's stomach followed by her weight. After they've been seen, women compare notes while sitting on the clinic's veranda, discussing how any of the medicines Umar has prescribed will be paid for.   

The set up is far from adequate. Umar tells CNN: "We don't even have folic acid or anti-malarial medicine to give them. I have to write these for them to go and buy." Malaria is endemic in Nigeria and infections pose various risks during pregnancy, such as premature labour and miscarriage, and folic acid is recommended for those who are pregnant or planning to become pregnant, to reduce the risk of certain birth defects. 

But for most of the 64 women recorded in the camp's birth register this year, these costs are prohibitive. Folic acid, for example, costs ₦3,000 ($3.74) for 100 tablets and Aliyu tells CNN she could not possibly have afforded that cost for the duration of her pregnancy. She says she's only been able to take this vital supplement when NGOs have donated them free of charge. Back home in Wala, her N100 ($0.11) hospital card had entitled her to free folic acid as well as other resources while pregnant. 

Getting clean water at the camp is also a challenge, Aliyu shares, explaining that it's a time-consuming, strenuous task requiring her to make several trips daily and is one she can no longer do in the final weeks of her pregnancy. Instead, she now pays for it to be delivered. At its cheapest, enough water to make the family's breakfast of pap (porridge made from ground corn) and other domestic chores for a month costs ₦24,000 ($28.43). Costs can rise by 25% on days when there is no electricity and a generator is needed to work the pumps, or when water sellers must go farther to fetch it.  

With Aisha almost full term, she is no longer able to go to fetch water and now has to pay up to N500 daily for it to be delivered to her home

There are also the costs of giving birth in Abuja that Aliyu didn't have back home.   

To immunize her babies at the camp, the mother of nine has to take them to the nearest government hospital where nurses have certain expectations that fall to the mother, she tells CNN. These include making sure the baby is wearing diapers and bringing various items including cotton wool and baby lotion, which would cost money Aliyu says she doesn't have.  

"In Borno, it was not compulsory to use [diapers] when going to the hospital. We just used our wrappers (a piece of fabric women tied around their waist). But here, the nurses insist that (the babies) must wear diapers and (we must) have an extra one in our bag," Aliyu says. Multiple mothers shared similar concerns with CNN. 

Dr Charles Nzelu, Head of Special Duties at Nigeria's Federal Ministry of Health tells CNN he believes health workers are simply acting in the overall interests of the baby and that a lack of medical skill, experience, and communication is resulting in a lack of understanding about the women living in the IDP camps. "When you come to me as a doctor, I will give you medical advice the way it's supposed to be," he explains. "When you are more experienced, you are flexible (with) the way you relate with patients." He adds that this government, which came into power in May, will work to address issues like these.

"I can't afford treatment. If it happens, I'm dead"Pregnant resident of Durumi Camp in Abuja, Aisha Aliyu

In the meantime, Aliyu says she is struggling to meet all her needs and those of her children. To afford what she can, Aliyu makes and sells wigs and traditional caps worn by men, earning on average ₦10,000 ($12.49) a month.

Money is not her only concern. Aliyu worries about catching malaria and about not being able to produce enough breastmilk because of the poor quality of her diet. Her family survives on staples such as pasta and maize in different forms. 

"I can't afford the treatment" for malaria, says Aliyu. "If it happens, I am dead."

Difficulty fulfilling promises

The National Commission for Refugees, Migrants and Internally Displaced Persons (NCFRMI) is responsible for Nigeria's growing number of displaced people. Its commissioner tells CNN that the organization, which was set up in 1989 and has a health budget of N250 million for 2024, has paid for midwives to visit IDP camps to assist in deliveries of babies as frequently as funds allow and has, in some instances, also paid off people's hospital bills. CNN was unable to verify this budget figure provided by the Commission which it said is not yet public.

However, some of the IDPs who have been in Durumi since the informal settlement formed in 2014, say that no midwives sent by the Commission have visited the camp during their time here and that in the past, it has been difficult to get it to fulfil promises they say the Commission made to the camp, such as furnishing the health post with an additional bed, scanning machine, gloves and other health equipment. 

CNN asked the NCFRMI about the services it provides to those in Durumi but did not receive a response prior to publication.

The nurse takes the weight of the pregnant women during antenatal

Within the Federal Capital Territory (FCT), where Abuja is located, the Territory's Health and Environmental Services is responsible for all health matters including services provided to people in IDP camps, including reproductive care and sexual health services, such as birth control. Dr. Dolapo Fasawe, Mandate Secretary of the FCT Health and Environmental Services, tells CNN that IDP camps in the area have functional clinics supported by area council staff and partners from outside, explaining that they cannot build permanent structures because the camps are meant to be temporary. She adds her belief that "the issue with maternal care in such places is child spacing, not maternal mortality." Birth spacing helps to improve maternal health outcomes as becoming pregnant too soon after giving birth increases the risk of complications. Doctors CNN spoke to also highlighted this as a concern in the camps, and Nigeria more widely.

But many residents of the camp told CNN they had not heard of the FCT Health Services or seen them at the camp and explain that the provision of birth control is again handled by non-profits working in the camps. When Fasawe was informed of this by CNN, she said it was a wakeup call for her department to act promptly. This "has opened our eyes to the need to focus on them," Fasawe says. "We need to (conduct some) outreach asap."

Nigeria's Federal Ministry of Health oversees health for the country (including provisions provided by the Commission). In response to the concerns, the Ministry of Health's Nzelu tells CNN that maternal and child health is a very high priority for government but explains that the Ministry primarily provides policies and guidelines for states, local governments and government agencies to follow and does not typically intervene directly. He said: "As a government, we are still working to make sure that both the state and all these agencies of government that are charged with the direct implementation, do their best to make sure that those inhabitants of IDP camps are well taken care of."

A volunteer doctor brought his own kit to do blood tests at the Durumi camp

'A woman who falls through the cracks is falling with her children'   

African NGO, Pro Health International, has been sending volunteer medical professionals to provide free healthcare services for IDPs across Nigeria for over 12 years. They were last in Durumi in June and describe it as one of the most impoverished IDP camps within the Federal Capital Territory (FCT), where Abuja is located. 

Pro Health International Founder and Executive Director Dr. Iko Ibanga shared that his team raised the issue of health challenges within IDP camps two years ago with the Minister of Health at the time, Dr. Osagie Ehanire. "We were told it would be looked into, but nothing was done," he says.

Ehanire did not directly respond to CNN about whether Pro Health International raised the issue of health challenges among internally displaced people with him, but the former health minister highlighted the NGO's work as a useful implementer of maternal health services in more recent years, and shared emergency response plans for IDPs that were put in place in the north-east of the country (where Boko Haram is most active) and go back to 2016. He tells CNN: "Women's Health services were prioritized and featured strongly in the programs designed to the needs of internally displaced women." This region does not include Abuja, however, where the Durumi camp is located.

Women at the Durumi IDP camp, sitting on the veranda of the makeshift health post

The 2023 health budget is ₦1.17 trillion ($2.2bn), which is a 42.6% increase since 2022 and the highest percent of the total budget allocated for health. But In Africa's largest economy, this is only 5.7% of the annual budget of ₦20.5 trillion, and is much lower than the 15% of annual budgets all African Union member nations, including Nigeria, pledged in 2001 to spend on "improvement of the health sector".    

According to the National Primary Health Care Development Agency, a health post, which is the most basic health care facility, should be able to cater to a population of 500 and have 34 items always available to serve that population. Durumi's health post serves more than 3000 people and has just 10 of these items: a waste bin, scissors, fetoscope, weighing scale, chair, tables, two beds, kidney dishes, and a cupboard, all provided by NGOs according to Ayuba and Umar who say they both manage the facility without a salary.

Nzelu shares that the Ministry of Health is currently conducting a health needs assessment in most of the IDP camps to learn what is and is not lacking to ensure adequate health care services. He tells CNN: "With the budget cycle currently on, it can inform some of the things we are able to get into the budget and hope that the National Assembly gives approval so that we can implement."

Pro-Health International's Ibanga is emphatic about the risks displaced people face during the perinatal period and beyond. "When [a woman] is ill, it affects everything tied to her and her children are the most important things tied to her," he says. "A woman who falls through the cracks is not falling by herself. She is falling with her children." 

This story was edited by Eliza Anyangwe and Meera Senthilingam

#Nigeria #Nigerian women #Maternal health #Pregnancy while displaced #As Equals #Durumi Camp #Abuja #Book harassment #internally dispaced people (IDPs)#A refugee camp had only one birth attendant #The birth attendant didn't always have surgical gloves #Folic Acidcosts ₦3000 ($3.74) for 100 tablets #Refugees and access to clean water #Refugees and malnutrition #Refugees and preventable diseases #Refugees and access to birth control #A woman who falls through the cracks is falling with her children

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littlegodzilla · 1 year

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hii, could you write a fluffy smut where daryl is a virgin, very inexperienced and ashamed about it? so basically reader taking his virginity, but in kinda slow steps to make him comfortable and showing him everything. but daryl being untouched since forever so he is really horny hahah. you know just smut but in a fluffy way with i love yous and reader praising him.

Hi anon!!

Sorry for taking me so long! I was busy with other stuff and I needed more inspiration but now with some help and good ideas, I'm already here!

I hope you'll like it!!

Enjoy!!

***************

First Time.

Virgin!Daryl Dixon x Reader.

One shot. Anon Request.

Prison Era.

Warnings: fluff smut. Lost of virginity. Shy Daryl.

Words: 3000

*****************

"That's right babygirl, look at me, I'm going to make you a mess. You're going to moan and beg, and when you're desperate, I'm going to fuck your cunt so hard you'll be sore for a week."

Daryl has to admit he never thought you could like that kind of reading.

You join the group at the camp outside Atlanta, in fact you were already there when he arrived with Merle at the quarry. You arrived with Dale, your neighbor outside, where you had your farm with your fiancé, he didn't survive and you fled with the older man. The first day you met, Daryl discovered he had a little kink about glasses, he came up to you to bark at you to move aside, he had to prepare the meat he had hunted and when you lifted your head out of your book, he felt a violent tug inside his pants; the confusion on your face, your glasses halfway up the bridge of your nose, your cheeks slightly reddened made Daryl lose his own mind and run away from you as if you burnt.

Little by little he realized that you were a kind, funny, straightforward person, you didn't care what anyone thought of you and you were never shy about flirting with Daryl. He also didn't need to be very smart to realize that you liked him and you were trying to guess how far you could go before he got upset. Truth be told, Daryl wasn't upset, more like frustrated and embarrassed. He's never been with a woman, at least not like this, it's not because he's not interested, he's just never been attracted to the female friends Merle has introduced him to, but with you it's different, after what happened at the CDC, your friendship grew stronger, you kept fooling around with him, joking with each other, but Daryl always set boundaries, he never felt quite confident to take the jokes to something more serious and real.

After you found the prison and made it habitable, you found a small enclosure with a library for the prisoners, there were books of all kinds and you spent much of your free time there, sitting in your armchair, curled up, with your lamp to one side and your glasses brushing the edge of your nose. Sometimes Daryl would stop in town when he was looking for more supplies and bring you new books to read, which you always thanked him for.

But he found that one by accident one day when he came looking for you to go to lunch with the others. It was already late, Daryl hadn't seen you all day due to the different guard and patrol schedules you had, so he thought it was a good excuse to go looking for you to see you and find out how you had spent the day. When he entered the room, he didn't discover you in your armchair, as usual, but he heard you rummaging through the shelves. Curious he came over to see the book you were reading and those were the first words that caught his eyes.

"That's right babygirl, look at me, I'm going to make a mess of you. You're going to moan and beg, and when you're desperate, I'm going to fuck your cunt so hard you'll be sore for a week."

"And what did ya expect, lil'brother?" Merle's voice rattles his brain. "What would a virgin like ya be? Almost forty years old and ya haven't even touched a tit." He is reminded by his subconscious in his brother's voice.

Daryl isn't an idiot, he knows there are such books, just like porn magazines, there are also books with erotic and sexual themes, but he has to admit he didn't expect to find you in a place like that. Much less that you would read that kind of stuff.

It's pathetic that his own mind humiliates him like that, but he can't deny it, he's never touched a tit, never even seen one, at least not live, but he'll never deny that he wishes he could see and touch yours, feel your soft skin, their shape, feel how soft and moldable they can be under his fingers.

He grunts and shakes his head. Ever since he found out you liked those books, his mind hasn't stopped flying, wondering if you really like that sort of thing, the dirty talk, the nicknames, having your hair pulled and tied up... he swallows hard feeling his crotch arouse at the thought of it. He clenches his fists tightly and leaves the prison for a walk around the prison yard to clear his head and not go crazy.

**********

You haven't seen him for hours, after last watch it's like he's disappeared, you're not sure if something is wrong with him, maybe you said something that upset him, or he's just isolating himself because he needs it, if so, you'll turn around and leave him alone.

"Daryl, are you here?" you ask opening the library door.

You're actually surprised to find him there, lost among the bookshelves, with a book in his hand, flipping through it. It's not that you thought Daryl couldn't read, Dixon hid more secrets and qualities than many of you knew, he just never talked about it, the information he always revealed about himself was limited, and you always found it fascinating.

"Daryl?" you insist, in case he didn't hear you, he turns slowly and looks at you intently, chewing on his lip. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I was just havin' a look 'round..." He lifts the book in his hands and you open your eyes wide. "I didn't even know these places had books like that."

"Well... actually, several of those were brought to me by you." You smile and now he's the one who's surprised.

"I guess you took them all without looking at what exactly they were about...I just organized them and put them on the shelf." You smile as you see some relief on his face.

"Me? I didn't... When?" he stammers in confusion, feeling his face heat up.

"Do ya like...? Do ya like these books?" he asks you and you pick up the one in his hands.

He's cute, you know that's a complicated word to define Daryl Dixon, but in your eyes, he is. He's rough and coarse, always ready to bark to defend himself, he's never bitten, at least not the one he's loyal to, but he has that side, that nervousness, that awkward chewing of his lip when something gets out of his control, the eyes of a scared little animal, looking for a place to run away. You would love to be able to hug him and hold him in your arms until you tell him that everything was okay. And other times you'd love to kiss him and let your passion run wild, but there was something about him that always made you stop, despite the intensity of your gazes, despite the fact that you were sure you both felt something. Daryl was never too close, too long.

" 'Lost Morals' Not bad, more intense than I thought it would be when I picked it up." You laugh seeing him nodding his head. "They're just an escape, keep the mind distracted I guess... sometimes the guards get too long and boring..."

"Yes, they are, sorry."

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault, it's the world we have now, nothing more." You smile at him again to calm him down and dare to stroke his arm. Daryl doesn't pull away, in fact he moves a little closer to you.

"Ya like those things? What it says there..."

"You mean the sex? Maybe sometimes it's a little over the top, but that's the great thing about literature, isn't it? Letting our imaginations run wild, to other worlds, other times, tasting kinks we didn't know we had..." You shrug, Daryl's gaze on you still intense, neither moving, nor opening his mouth, just listening to your opinion. "And you?"

"I've never read one..." He shrugs. "I didn't have time for that shit, actually..." He grunts a little, but you're not bothered by his coarse words, that's just the way he is. "We didn't have many books at my house either..." He whispers, now more embarrassed.

"Okay, if you want I can read you some." You propose.

"I can read, I'm ain’t that stupid." He grunts offended, now he does look annoyed.

"Sure, I don't... I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." You throat clears, lowering your gaze. "A-And the sex?" you dare to ask seeing him recoil again.

"Daryl..."

"There hasn't been much of that either..." He confesses.

Oh. Is he implying what…? No, he can't be. You don't think Daryl is like Merle by any stretch of the imagination, but you're sure that, at some point, at some time, Daryl has had a girlfriend, a Lover, at least something passing to have fun with. You open your mouth to say something, but close it again because you detect a glint in his eyes that shuts you up.

Oh.

"What?" his voice sounds hoarse and low, he's raised his defenses again, against you, you have to admit that hurts. "Gotta somethin' to say?"

"No, no... there's nothing wrong about that... not everyone..."

"Not everyone? Gonna make fun of me? It's fuckin' forty year old redneck virgin." He barks and now he's totally glued to you. "Come on, what yer waitin' for?"

"So what yer gonna do then?"

"I'm not going to make fun of you!" you reply wanting to calm him down. "Daryl you are important to me, I would never make fun of you, much less hurt you." You lick your lips feeling your heart racing.

You can smell him, he's so close that through your nose the scent of his skin, his sweat, the dirt on his clothes, the permeated air of the forest, tattooed on him, not to mention the smoke from his cigarettes, the leather of his vest.

"I-I... I could teach you..."

"Teach me?" His voice again sounds hesitant. Perhaps he hadn't expected that answer. "And what can ya teach me, huh? Yer just a bookworm."

He narrows his eyes from the watchtower, it isn’t just because the sun is cruelly hitting his pupils, it's because Axel is hovering around you like a vulture. That morning there are more corpses hovering around the metal fence of the prison, some of you have gone out to get their attention and kill them to get them out of there so that your protection doesn’t fall. You are one of the ones there. With an iron bar you are piercing the skulls of those things that fall like broken sacks to the ground. Axel, one of the prisoners that Rick let live, is by your side, helping you, when you have a group, he comes out of the fence and takes them away to burn them, with Oscar's help, that man is huge and can carry the bodies without problems.

"Maybe, but you'd be surprised what this bookworm can do." You stand up for yourself and push him away from you, maybe he's embarrassed, but you're not going to let him insult you any more than necessary, you've already apologized.

*************

"Like ya?" again Merle's voice in your head makes you grit your teeth. "'f course, yer a much better catch."

But for his taste, Axel is too close and with the crossbow sight he has seen you laughing with him and that gives him heartburn. You can't like that guy, you deserve something more, something better…

"I didn't say that..."

"Ya dun need to say it, lil'brother, I'm in yer head." He hears him chuckle and tries to push those thoughts out of her mind. "If ya wanna get him away from yer girl, put one of yer arrows through his head, from this distance ya dun even need to aim."

"Shut up, I'm ain't gonna do anythin'."

"I know, as usual." Again his sneer makes him growl, conscience is supposed to be a good thing, yet his is bitching the hell out of him. "I'm not yer concience, I'm yer fear, that one that lives in yer subconscious that won't let you near yer girl." Merle speaks again. "What are ya gonna do if one day she shows up naked in front of ya, would ya run away?"

"I said shut up!" He shouts to nothing.

"Daryl?" Rick peeks out the door of the tower, looking worriedly at his friend. "You okay, man?"

"I-I'm fine." He shakes his body, trying to appear normal.

"You sure? You've been a little... weird for a few days." He walks over to his friend who shoots an arrow, knocking one of the Walkers over the fence.

"I'm fine, Grimes." He mumbles.

Again his steps have led him to the library, again with that book in his hands. He puts the crossbow aside and sits down on the couch there. It is a sofa bed that you found in one of the offices of the prison police, probably used for the long nights of guard duty, to be able to rest if things were quiet. It took a while to get it there, but you had turned that place into your refuge, and although everyone passed by looking for something to entertain themselves with, they respected your privacy and had accepted that this was your room.

"Okay, sorry..." He gives him a sidelong glance and then looks over to the fence where you and Axel are standing. "They make a good couple, don't you think?" He tries to see Daryl's reaction.

As he expected, his friend grunts something under his breath, picks up his crossbow and storms out, slamming the door violently. Rick can't bite back the smile that comes out on his mouth. Daryl is hard to read, he has so many layers that getting to the deep end is tricky, but sometimes, just sometimes, you catch a glimpse of what's going on in his mind, like in that instant. It was funny to find out, at first you didn't think anything of it, but over time you discovered that Daryl didn't take his eyes off you, that he was always close and your friendship was gaining more and more trust, and now this. He's jealous of the recluse and Rick wonders where it will all go.

***************

"Daryl?" your voice sounds worried now and he flutters his eyes open.

Daryl opens the book, running his eyes over every line, every word. He frowns slightly, chewing his lip. The sentences, the narrative, begins to dance in his mind, becoming an almost real vision.

"Daryl." He hears your voice and lifts his head from the book.

His breath catches in his throat as he discovers you standing in front of him, your hair down, tousled, wearing only lacy black underwear and your glasses. Those damn glasses drive him crazy and he doesn't even know why. You walk slowly towards him, your whole body wiggling with every step and catching his breath as you stand right in front of him.

"Daryl..." You call out to him again, his gaze connecting with yours.

You slip one leg between his, rest your hands on his shoulders and sit on his thigh. His breath hitches as your lips almost brush his, he can't move, he's totally petrified.

His breathing is heavy, like he's been running a marathon, his brow is furrowed in a confused frown, and you're startled for a second. You've walked in there and he seemed so immersed in what he was reading, he hadn't even heard you call out to him, and now he looks frightened, like a little boy discovered playing a prank.

"You don't have to feel embarrassed..."

When you get a little closer you discover the book in his hands and if he was scared he now looks terrified, he wants to hide the book, keep it away from himself, you smile and pick it up turning the pages.

"I-I ain't feel embarrassed, I wasn't reading it, it was just there." He defends himself by getting up from the couch.

"I know you, Daryl, and I know it's complicated for you all this, I don't know what's going through your mind or why you feel so uncomfortable, but you don't have to be embarrassed when you're with me or feel threatened. I really like you, Daryl, and I know you know that. I-It's not just a physical thing, I've learned a lot of things about you, some of them just by looking at you. You're someone who deserves everything good that happens to you..."

"Yeah, well your body doesn't say the same..."

You both look down at his crotch, his hard cock, sticking to the fabric of his pants, making it clear that whatever it was he was thinking about, it has had an effect on him. You watch as he swallows several times, his breathing quickens, his eyes searching for a way out. You sigh, adjusting your glasses to the bridge of your nose, crossing your arms, challenging him with your gaze. Daryl is still breathing heavily, his hands twitching nervously, his lips turned into a thin line.

"Stop it... All the good things that happen to me? What good things have happened to me, huh? Tell me, how many good things have happened to me since y'think ya've known me?"

"Daryl, look at me..." You ask holding his chin, but you don't force him, you let him do it himself. "Please... You deserve so much..." You assure him. "You don't know how many people love you... how much they admire you; you're faithful and loyal.. you're a good man, Daryl..." you cradle his face in your hands, but he still won't look at you. "Let me prove it to you." You ask and brush your nose against his forehead.

"We have this place, you've opened up to us, you have friends, a family, a place where you belong..." You take a deep breath. "You have me... if you really dare to take that step..."

You move a little closer, you raise your hand pushing a few strands of hair away from his face, he's not able to look at you, but he leans his head towards your hand, enjoying your touch, your thumb brushes his cheek feeling his stubble tickle you.

"What if it's not what ya expect? What if a-ain't...?" he still won't look at you, but you allow yourself to kiss his forehead.

"Stop thinking, Daryl." You ask him.

"Wait..." He gasps holding your hands.

You finally get him to lift his head to look at you, your gazes connect, you smile wanting to relax him a little more, you move closer and kiss him very slowly, you hold his hands placing them on your waist, feeling him tremble against you. You kiss his lips several times, before he kisses you back, he opens his mouth and the kiss becomes a little awkward and wet, Daryl accidentally bites your tongue, but soon you take control and he is a quick learner. His hands clench tighter around your waist, his mouth devours you, his tongue tangles and plays with yours getting goosebumps on your skin. You break the kiss to look up at him, your thumb brushes his lips, you peel off several of the layers of t-shirts you're wearing, left with your tank top and bra. Again Daryl's breathing quickens, his hands want to touch you, in fact his fingers brush the edge of your t-shirt wanting to tug at it, to hide his hand under the fabric and feel the soft touch of your skin, but he holds back as you begin to unbutton his vest.

"I mean it, Daryl, you don't have to be ashamed of anything..."

"Ya dun know..."

"I-I wanna touch ya..." He whispers as if afraid to hear his own voice.

"I saw them..." You confess to him and he looks at you with wide eyes. "At the farm, when you were knocked unconscious... I helped Hershel heal you..." You look at him apologetically, but he just sighs letting go of your hands letting you continue.

You are in no hurry, you remove his vest and then his shirt, your eyes keep looking at him, he doesn't seem to know what to do or where to look, he is anxious, but at the same time he feels lost. A sigh escapes his mouth as you kiss his neck, your fingers brushing his chest, his belly, brushing his bulging pants that make his hips jiggle.

He growls low, swallows hard and grabs your shirt to pull it off over your head. His eyes roam slowly over you, tickling you as he brushes his fingers against your belly, but you hold back, let him take his time, let him study you meticulously, let him enjoy what's in front of him. You've been looking forward to sharing something so intimate with him for so long, now you're in no hurry.

"Do it, I'm all yours, Daryl."

"Somethin' wrong …?"

You close your eyes and smile when he dares to kiss your neck, imitating your steps, with his mouth half open he distributes soft and wet kisses on your skin, your neck, your cheek, your shoulder. His hands knead your skin with a certain desperation, he runs down your back, squeezes your ass, a small moan escapes you at the feel of it and he pulls away to look at you.

You kiss him and move at the same time to the sofa bed again, and sit him on the edge of the mattress.

"No, I like what you do to me." You smile wanting to get that fear out of his mind again.

He feels a little anxious, chewing on his lip again as you kneel in front of him to unbuckle his shoes and remove his pants. Your eyes don't leave him, studying his every gesture, in case he gets too uncomfortable and you need to stop, but he's watching you intently too, even raising his hips to make your job of removing his clothes easier.

"Wow, Daryl... Why did you have this hidden?" you try to joke and he snorts.

You can't help but be a little surprised by his size. Slightly curved, somewhat veiny, bigger than average, or at least that you've ever held in your hands, to be honest. You bite your lip with desire and look at him again, now your gaze is laden with lust and you can almost see his cheeks take on a reddish tinge.

"Wanna me to go with my dick free?"

"I'm sure you'd have made more than one girl's day." You laugh and he lets out a chuckle.

"Yer crazy, shut up..." He mumbles feeling like his face is going to explode from the heat.

"No..." He says to you and you look at him confused. "Don't take them off... I-I like it..." He falls silent not knowing how to say it.

You smile seeing him more relaxed, you spread his legs a little further apart and position yourself in the middle, your hand takes his size and you move it slowly, up and down, Daryl gasps and pushes his hips back up, but stops when he sees you are about to remove your glasses.

"Oh, do we have some kinks?" you joke again and your hand tightens a little on the head of his cock.

Again Daryl gasps, letting out a hoarse moan, his body jerks, uncomfortable at his own sounds, but you lean into him and your tongue licks his length.

"Stop, stop..." He wants to warn you, but doesn't have time, when he pulls your head away, which face is stained by several white spurts. "Oh shit, s-sorry!"

"Fuck..." He slips out between his teeth and his fingers grip the sheets tightly.

You glance sideways at him and your lips close over his tip, sucking slowly, never taking your eyes off him, Daryl closes his eyes tightly and his thighs tremble, your mouth, wet and warm, runs up and down his length, as far as you can encompass, starting a light pumping up and down. The pleasure is intense and unexpected, Daryl has masturbated on occasion, but with the end of the world, other priorities became more important and his own relief and pleasure took a back seat. Which causes him to now have little control, feeling his balls tighten.

You can't help but laugh at the sight of his concern, you gesture for him to calm down, grab a T-shirt from the floor and wipe your face with it. He continues to look at you shyly and embarrassed, you kiss his tip and slowly sit up until you can kiss him. This time the kiss is more intense, Daryl holds your cheeks to keep you glued to him.

"We can leave it here if you want." You offer, but he shakes his head.

"Wait, come here." You tell him by laying him down next to you.

"I wanna make ya feel good too..."

You nod, getting up to remove the rest of your clothes, but he stops you, his hands unbuttoning your pants as you remove your footwear to make his job easier. You lie down on the bed, Daryl pulls your jeans down to leave you in your underwear. He crawls onto the mattress on top of you. Again he leaves several kisses down your neck, his fingers pull down the straps of your bra, you arch your back so he can undo it and let the garment fall down the side of the bed. He breathes in deeply, his eyes recording in his mind every curve and line of your body. He kisses your collarbone, down the line of your cleavage, his hands cup your breasts, as he has done your ass before, massaging them eagerly, squeezing them between his fingers, the sensation a little uncomfortable and you have to stop him when his teeth bite down hard on you.

"Did I hurt ya?"

"No, but every woman likes different things." You try to calm him down.

"Y-Ya like it?"

You hold one of his hand to guide it to one of your breasts, with your fingers you show him how you like it and how you want him to try to do it, he quickly relieves your hand with his, pinches your nipple, massages the round shape of your breast, you gasp and sigh when he does it with both your breasts at the same time.

"Y-yes, it feels good, Daryl." You praise him and he grunts against your ear.

You smile removing your last undergarment, you hear Daryl snort loudly behind you, his hands release your breasts and he moves down your belly squeezing and caressing your skin to your thighs, spreading your legs apart to get a better look at you, you feel him caress your groin getting closer to your core, you hold his hand and indicate how he should touch you.

"Wanna touch ya more."

"Can I..." He starts to say releasing you for a moment. "P-put yerself against me, so I can touch ya better." He clears his throat and you look at him in surprise, but you do as he asks.

He leans against your headboard, you against his chest, you spread your legs and he circles your body, again his hand massages your tit as you instructed earlier and his other hand moves down to your core, stroking you very slowly. You sigh and close your eyes.

"I-I'm doing it right?" he asks you without stopping moving his fingers.

You moan louder lifting your hips, holding his hand by your wrist, you bite your lip feeling your legs tremble as he touches you in exactly the right place. Daryl doesn't look away, immersed in your movements, in your every reaction, wanting to know everything he's making you feel, making sure he's doing it right. You move his hand a little more and the pressure on your nub becomes more intense, your new moan longer and longer, as the pleasure shakes you.

"Yes, yes..." You gasp as he moves his fingers a little faster and squeezes your nipple harder.

His fingers begin to move slower until they stop when your legs close, he gently pulls his hand away, rests one on your thigh, the other on your belly, his lips kissing your cheek and neck still feeling you tremble against him and you breathe raggedly.

"Daryl! Daryl!" you cry out his name stirring in his arms closing your legs when the pleasure is too much.

"Are ya okay?" he asks against your ear and you nod your head.

"Do you want to fuck me, Dixon?" You ask wiggling your hips against his finger, and he nods his head. "Say it."

"Oh yeah I am, Daryl. You've made me feel really good." You assure him and turn your head to kiss again.

No doubt he's already become a good kisser, it doesn't surprise you either, he's always been quick to learn and to experiment on his own, it's natural for him. Without stopping kissing you, his hand from his thigh goes back down to your pussy and his fingers run along your folds, feeling how wet you are, carefully, groping, his finger presses at your entrance, inserting it slowly.

You stop your hips slowly, remaining seated on his lap, challenging him with your gaze, he is still breathing heavily, but his pupils are dilated in absolute desire. You smile and rise up releasing his cock, you hear him sigh before you lie down on the mattress and he gets on top of you, making room between your legs. You hold them open letting him take control, pressing down with his tip, entering little by little. You bite your lip at the feel of it, he glances sideways at you before moving out again and thrusting a little harder. You arch up and move a little with him, inviting him to go faster, he holds your knees and starts to move harder and faster, his eyes locked on how his cock moves in and out of you, panting, increasing the movement of his hips a little more, your moans increase your hands touching you, squeezing your nipples and searching for your clit touching it quickly looking for your own relief.

"Wanna fuck ya... wanna make ya feel good again..." He stammers still not confident enough. You smile and kiss him pulling his hands away from your body.

You settle back down, you get on top of him leaning on his chest, you move your hips against him, rubbing his cock against your clit hearing him gasp. You take his cock sitting up slowly, feeling it work its way inside you. Daryl holds your waist and digs his fingers into your skin feeling the pleasure growing in his body again. You rock your hips adjusting to his size, then moving a little faster on top of him using his chest for support. Daryl's hands run down your body, caressing your skin, wanting to help you with the movement, you hold his hands and guide them to your breasts for him to massage them as he knows you like. A louder moan comes from your mouth, you arch your back in pleasure. Daryl massages your breasts, squeezes your nipples, his eyes riveted on you watching your face morph into different grimaces of pleasure each time his cock hits inside you in just the right place. You open your eyes wide when suddenly he slaps your ass.

"I said I wanna fuck ya." He says now with more confidence in his voice and you feel your insides tingle.

"I-I'm gonna get something to clean ya up..." He whispers.

You know he is close again, his thrusts become more urgent and clumsy, he looks at you before pulling out and jerks his length in his hand, cumming, splashing and staining your lower belly and thighs, soon after your body jerks and you yourself reach your own climax. You both need to catch your breath, Daryl doesn't move until he is fully aware of what a mess you are and grunts low.

"Are you okay?" you ask without raising your voice too much, he shakes his shoulders mumbling. "What's wrong?"

"Okay..." You smile feeling adorable that his embarrassment has returned.

He gets up slowly, his gaze sweeps around the room before he enters the bathroom and pulls out a damp towel with which he wipes the remnants of himself on you and then wipes himself off as well. His eyes are glued to the mattress, avoiding any eye contact with you. You smile and hold his chin kissing his cheek, you rest your forehead on his shoulder and hug his waist.

"Y-ya didn't have to..." He starts to say again.

"Daryl, I've told you before, you're important to me." You sigh feeling hurt that he has so little confidence. "I love you..." You confess to him. "It's no a secret, I've always tried to get your attention, do you really think I would do this with anyone?" you don't want to sound offended, but you're surprised by the look he gives you.

"And Axel?"

"Axel? No, of course not. He's a nice guy, but he'll never touch me like that, I'll cut his hands off first." You assure him and see a small smile form on his mouth. "Were you jealous?" He remains silent and you can't help but laugh. "Daryl Dixon was jealous? Really?"

"Shut up, it ain't my fault, he's always right there with ya, what did ya wanna me to do, go up to him and tell him to stay away from my girl?" he defends himself and your smile grows wider.

"Your girl, huh?" You tease him and wrap your legs around his waist, still sitting next to him, sticking closer to him.

"Yer my girl..." He nods staring at you now and you feel goosebumps rise on your skin. "I-I love ya..."

You sigh and kiss him intensely, Daryl reciprocates without fear now, holding you by the nape of your neck, wrapping his arm around your body, sitting you on his lap, to lie on the mattress again.

The library is no longer your refuge. Now is yours.

The End.

Hope you liked it!

See you in the next stories!

#my stuff #norman reedus #normanreedus #mine #ask me #daryl dixon #smut #daryldixon #twd fanfiction #virginDarylDixon #anon requests #anon asks #smut request #daryl dixion x reader #daryl dixon x female reader #daryl dixon x you

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