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#but you cant see them because you are turned around
nyashykyunnie · 1 day
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˗ˏˋ Pirate King! Jinwoo x Siren! Reader ◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ ˎˊ˗
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕁𝕚𝕟𝕨𝕠𝕠˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
[ TW: Yandere Jinwoo, Violence , all Shadows Mentioned are in Human Form ]
‧₊˚ ☁️⋅ Part 1 ♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.
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╰┈➤ ❝ [ Across the oceans with the stars as my guide, my Bride, I will find you ] ¡! ❞
Jinwoo was a huge mommy's boy, that's for sure. But like any other son, he idolizes him to the point that he begs Il-hwan to take him out to his mini ship trips to which the old man humors the little boy and teaches him how to be a good sailor boy.
Il-hwan often took Jinwoo in his short trips, mostly just to let the boy be more physically active. After all, young boys oughta be active to grow into healthy and happy men.
Well... That was until Il-hwan lost sight of Jinwoo who wandered off into the island the little boy was accompanying him into to deliver some goods.
While poor Sung Il-hwan's heart was about to burst from his chest— His son meanwhile... Was busy getting heart eyes and butterflies fluttering in silly little tummy.
Jinwoo was your typical idiot child after all, he is reckless and wanders off despite his father's strict orders not to be 10 steps farther away from him.
He just got curious at the pretty little shimmering shells on the sand that seemingly created a path for him to follow.
So what does he do? Duh, he follows it.
As he does so, Jinwoo carefully picks up each shell so he can turn them into a cute little seashell necklace or crown for his baby sister who was just recently born. She's his little princess and he wants to make her as pretty as she possibly can because she is his baby angel.
While picking up the last shell, Jinwoo was startled and fell back when he heard a splash on the waters. He thought for sure that it is his father but instead he was met with a curious gaze peeking behind a moss-covered rock. The orbs were wide and beady, similar to his but more naive. Adorned on the stranger's head were several pearls acting like a glittering stars against the lovely wet strands.
Jinwoo had dropped all the precious seashells he had picked up, but was too distracted on your gaze that the sheepish boy cant help but fumble around on himself.
"E-erm..." Jinwoo speaks up, but soon panicked as he saw your frightened expression. "W-wait, no, no... Don't be scared! I won't hurt you, promise!"
He says, hurriedly lowering himself and then stretching his tiny palms out to you to show that he meant no harm.
Well, how could such bright and round grey eyes show hostility anyway?
So, you also started fumbling around, pushing yourself closer to the curious human and pressing his palms against yours.
Jinwoo seemed to have had his breath hitch when your skins had touched. He kept sputtering out nonesense, before his tiny little digits intertwined with your with his face red to the very tip of his ears.
"Pretty..." Jinwoo mumbles shyly.
It was an odd language to you, but somehow you could tell that this curious little human was very gentle.
And when you beamed, he grins right after.
Innocent and lovely smiles on both your precious faces.
Jinwoo tugs at your hand, leading you to the water so you two could play. He didn't seem to care at the fact that both of you are two different species. While he had legs that could walk and run, you had a lovely tail that you use to traverse the lovely oceans.
You showed Jinwoo the prettiest parts of the waters, while he in turn showed you some tricks he could do. From hopskotch to doing cartwheels and climbing trees just to see you beam as he swung upside down.
Your voice was soundless, and he understood that you did that to protect his ears. There were stories that a siren's voice can burst one's eardrums unless you are bonded to one.
Jinwoo didn't know how long he played with you, but he eventually became tired and just curiously stared into your pretty and dreamy orbs seemingly carved out of the milky way while your foreheads are pressed together.
He then feels a swirl in his heart, a faint, blue glow eminating from underneath the fabric of his shirt. The boy realizes the peculiar feeling, looking down at himself.
But weirdly enough, he wasn't a tad bit alarmed at the mystical sight.
Just as he was about to ask you— Il-hwan's panicked and booming voice echoed from the forest behind the both of you and it instantly scared you away.
Jinwoo helplessly watched you dive into the waters, instantly disappearing into the distant blue instantly.
As soon as Il-hwan sees his little boy, he immediately embraces a dumbfounded Jinwoo who was seemingly too frozen to say anything at all.
"Jinwoo, son, what has dad told—...." Il-hwan pauses, his words disappearing in his throat as he sees Jinwoo's tearful face.
"M-my siren"
"Siren?" Il-hwan scrunches his forehead.
"Dad, my siren!" Jinwoo yells, his face completely panicked as he starts to panic. "My siren, dad my siren! You have to get my siren back!"
"Jinwoo!..." Il-hwan's heart breaks at his son's wailing.
Jinwoo for one was never an insolent or needy child, he had always been good and obedient. Even a bit more closed off than most kids, he's a shy boy who never speaks much. But seeing the state of the poor child this distressed made Il-hwan's heart tremble with sadness.
All he could do was cradle the small boy who kept begging for him to find his dear siren.
⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪
Jinwoo could never really forget that day, no matter how hard he tried he couldn't. Not that he would want to anyway. It would be the same memory night after night.
The sight of that precious siren, how his father spent hours trying to console him a she had his mental breakdown about his precious little 'Friend'.
He would grow into a fine young man, too fine in fact.
The desire to meet you again burned in his heart like a flame dancing in the pits of hell.
Jinwoo wants to find you.
Jinwoo has to find you.
He needs to.
After all, he worked several years earning a reputation in the seas as a cruel tyrant. Not that he is really a villain, no, in fact— He was just passing by a bunch of bastards trying to hijack his ship— The ship he spent hundreds of golds on in order for him to pursuit your missing figure. The nitwits just couldn't sit down and shut up for once.
He spent all of his youth practicing and preparing, researching as much as he can about sirens.
Their habitats, their breeding routes, and their most known locations.
Jinwoo is not an idiot, he actually returned to the very spot he had met you in but found no signs of siren activity. Not even a path of seashells was laid out anywhere even as he circled the shore hundreds of times.
Frustrating? Yes.
But nothing was more frustrating than the fact that all these fucking hooligan pirates were trying to ruin his chances of finding your precious existence in these vast oceans.
He can't waste time playing petty mind games and bargaining.
Jinwoo's gamble is him trying to find a sliver of your trace.
And as he stood bloodsoaked atop of the remains he had mauled so grotesquely, his head tilted upwards with the most faded and lifeless purple orbs gazing at the pouring rain— He felt a sharp stab at his chest.
"Captain!" Beru wails, dropping his sword as he hurriedly assisted his master who had almost collapsed on the floor.
"My liege, you've pushed yourself too much" Bellion says as he took off his cloak and draped it over Jinwoo's figure who was still clutching his chest as if out of breath. "I beg you, captain, please breathe."
"I can't rest not," Jinwoo grits his teeth, moaning in pain as he feels another sharp stab in his heart.
It felt as though his insides are being burned alive, roasting him from within while his heart throbbed like it had a dagger embedded in it's flesh twisting so torturously slow.
Between death and this pain, Jinwoo would have rather chosen the afterlife if it weren't for the fact that he's so fixated on seeking for his precious siren.
His crew would gather around, panicking and attempting to be of help but to no avail
Since eventually, Jinwoo would have passed out from the agony he feels.
⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪
"It's not looking good," Igris sighs, running his hand through his long strands after patching up Jinwoo's chest with a bandage. "His injuries are getting more severe by the day."
"Where did it come from?" Beru asks hastily, gritting his teeth. "Did my liege's siren curse him?"
"Far from it," Igris explains. "If the siren had indeed cursed captain, then there is no reason why his the skin directly on top of his heart would rot and create cracks like it's made of glass. The injury not only affects his heart, but also eats him from the inside out. The black ichor spilling out of the wound shows that this is a divine punishment"
"Divine Punishment?!" Beru bellows, his expression turning dark. "Our liege is a gentle soul, why would he of all the bastards of this godforsaken world would suffer such ailment?!"
"Beru, your temper." He sighs, pulling the blanket up to Jinwoo so that their captain could rest more easily. "He has not offended any god, nor is he being punished for his misdeeds."
He takes a deep breath, "It's the aftereffects of being seperated from their mate."
"Mate? But our liege is human?" Beru inquires, flabbergasted.
"Yes, but he has bonded with a siren" Igris scoffs, crossing his arms as if mocking Beru's lack of comprehension. "Our liege told us of the story, of how he met a lovely little siren his age when he was but a wee little lad. A glow suddenly emanated from his chest as if there was a star being planted in his body. That is a typical way for sirens to propose innocently. And our liege has wholly accepted the bonding ritual. Unfortunately, the siren had fled. Prolonged separation from one's mate can result in the symptom's our liege has been showing. His young body is strong hence why he could keep the injuries at bay most of the time. But it seems that our captain will reach his limit soon if we do not find that siren soon."
"...." Beru droops, feeling hopeless.
"Best we let him rest for tonight," Igris simply taps his shoulder, signaling for his colleague to leave the captain's quarters too.
⋅ ˚ ₊ ‧ ଳ ‧ ₊ ˚ ⋅ ⋆ ౨ৎ ˚ ⟡ ˖ ࣪
Jinwoo had woken up in the middle of the night, he was completely exhausted from the battle that took place in the afternoon.
He reached out and downed the mug of water waiting at his bedside before getting up and donning a coat over his shoulders to take a simple walk on the empty deck.
"Where are you, really?" Jinwoo sighs, bringing his finger up where a tiny little fish made of water playfully nuzzled his digit. "My darling bride, how am I to gift you all the treasures I've coveted if I cant even have you here, hm?"
Jinwoo had discovered that the little fish friend he had been secretly summoning from his heart was in fact a proof that he and the siren had bonded. If humans had their rings, sirens would have these little creatures as proof of sacramental union.
It was adorable, really.
Sure, one could say that he is only searching for the siren with the sole purpose of prolonging his life but that wasn't his goal.
No.
Even if the bond didn't exist, Jinwoo would still choose the same path as he does now.
If he dies, his siren would die too.
And as a stubborn, reckless and steadfast king of the pirates who even has power above the holy king himself— Jinwoo wouldn't back down in this.
So long as he sees a star twinkling above the unruly oceans, he will continue to sail in search of his precious bride.
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꒰ A/N: Wont be making any fics for the next two weeks because exams yay but this will have a part 2 so dw and be patient xD... I'll let this marinate ꒱
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drdemonprince · 2 days
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do you have any tips on distinguishing between wanting to bang/wanting to be wanted by/wanting non-sexual intimacy with someone? or is it just a case of seeing how you feel when you're actually with them and getting good at communicating about it
im probably not the best person to ask, because it took me uhh decades of fucking random people before i let myself acknowledge that sex is nearly always extremely boring to me and the only thing i'm thinking about during sex or in the lead up to sex is what i imagine the other person might be feeling about me.
every now and then a raw animal chemical attraction happens where i just feel like i NEED the person in me, i love how they smell and taste and i will risk it all to get them to bust inside me and i want them around me afterward.
but the rest of the time its this completely intellectual fantasy. instead of getting all wrapped up in the sex, or the person, all i care about is what i can convince myself it means. thoughts like this:
"oh this person is hot, it's very validating of my desirability that someone this hot wants me"
"oh that guy came very fast, how flattering that he was so turned on"
"i cant see his face in this position but i imagine that he's staring at me hungrily, that's flattering"
"wow i got someone from grindr to come over within ten minutes, im so good at sealing the deal"
"wow i cant believe i fucked eight people at this convention, how cool so many people want me"
"i've never tried this sex act before, i guess i might as well. maybe itll be useful for my writing. maybe ill like it."
thats the kind of shit that is normally playing around in my mind. when im actually attracted to someone i dont have to come up with some weird intellectual justification for why fucking is interesting or rewarding or reflective of me in a positive way. i just NEED it.
the self help guru mark manson (who is a little corny, but not bad) has this age old advice that "either something is a FUCK YES! or it's a no." and i think for some people, especially people who tend to try and persuade/guilt themselves into wanting things they dont actually want, that is a worthwhile reorientation. if i actually want someone its pretty damn unambiguous. if i have to even ask myself or sort out the true nature of my feelings, im bullshitting myself.
granted this advice wont be best for demisexuals, or for lots of other people. sometimes experimenting and trying new things sexually is great! its just. ive been doing that for a long time. i have been a very open minded, open to experience individual. and now im interested in being picky for a while
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poppy-metal · 14 hours
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patrick is definitely the type to suggest skinny dipping, like the beach scene?? all that boys wants is to see his bestie and a hot girl stripped down, he’d be all “it’s dark we won’t see anything it’ll be fun” it’s so sleazy and cheeky but it would totally work on me, an “i will if you will” situation and if he’s in, you’re in then art’s obviously gonna join
sigh i wish they were real
the type to wade closer and closer to you until you can feel his naked body against yours. just all in your space splashing you, dunking you and its easy to tussle with him when hes so annoying but then you remember you're all naked and you get flustered. you shouldn't know how your best friends cock feels brushing against your hip but now you do and that is hard not to think about - its hard to separate how these two men are your friends and your platonic feelings when you feel a bolt of heat go through you at the sight of their bodies. because you can see, you can see the way art is no longer as lanky as he used to be, his chest filling out, tapering down to his waist where his adonis belt is - how thick and strong patricks thighs have gotten, the muscles of his forearms. and then there's the matter of their flaccid dicks you'd caught a flash of. it shouldn't turn you on, but you cant stop seeing them in your mind. patricks had hung thick and heavy between his thighs, bobbing slightly as he'd moved into the water and was covered. and arts..... pale and that unmistakable pink tip, your mouth is dry dry dry. the constant touching of wet slick skin as you all splash around and mess with eachother doesn't help. you think you're good at hiding it. but you're quiet on the ride home. laying long in your bed staring at the ceiling before temptation gets the better of you and your hand slips under the band of your panties.
you imagine a situation where their playful push and tugs turned more forceful. you imagine what it would have been like if they'd decided to gang up on you, all the sudden, sexually - push you back against a rock. one of them grabbing you until you were forced to wrap your legs around their waist while the other pressed against your wet back, hard and crushing you between them.
being between them has never felt sexual before but you're thinking now of how it could be.
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f0point5 · 10 hours
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The new fic was wonderful, I cant get enough of Em and Max I hope you never stop writing about them! That being said, I'm curious, would you write about one (or all four!) Times Max had to run around a city looking for Emelia?
Okay I’m sorry about how this turned out 🫣 I know in the fic it referenced that Max didn’t know there was a problem and only found out once she left but I am taking some artistic license with this being one of the four times! Don’t hate me 🫠
I did actually start a different one featuring Emilia’s dad so I may finish that one and we will get a funnier/more on brand instance of Emilia running away but…I hope you enjoy this one in the meantime!
✨Set in September 2021✨
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They nicknamed her “The Bolter”
Max watches the sunrise in total, deafening silence. He thinks at some point he gets up to feed the cats. He thinks, but he isn’t sure. He’s so tired. His eyes are watering. It’s not tears. He can’t sleep. He wants to. He doesn’t want to. It doesn’t matter if he wants to, he can’t. He can’t sleep knowing you’re not home. He can’t sleep not knowing you’re safe.
He looks at his phone again. He has it on loud and on vibrate but he still checks. Still hopes.
Daniel: Did you hear from her?
Lando: She’s not answering me sorry
Clara Albizzi: You fucked up
That last one makes me feel sick. He did fuck up. He knew the second he’d said it. The way your face just fell and you couldn’t look at him. The way your shoulders hunched over.
You’re the reason she’s not here!
You hadn’t even packed a bag. Hadn’t even taken keys for a car. You’d just picked up the shoes that were lying in the hallway and left.
And he’d let you.
It had taken everything in him to stand still and let you leave, even as the fear set in. Fear that smelled like freshly cut grass and petrol. Fear that felt like crisp night air. Fear that looked like headlights in the dark.
The restraint had only last a few minutes.
You had blocked him, of course. So he’d called your friends. He’d ended up calling half of Monaco including more drivers than he ever spoke to regularly. Everyone denied hearing from you. He’d actually driven to Daniel’s to confirm his story that he wasn’t home. Max wondered more than once if you’d earned more loyalty from his colleagues than he had. Even if one of them was lying to him, at least you were safe.
But he couldn’t take the chance that you really hadn’t ended up at someone’s place. You didn’t have you bag with you, or even comfortable shoes. You couldn’t pay for a cab. It was that thought that had sent him to the Hotel de Paris. It was your favourite hotel in town, you even checked in for staycations sometimes. They would have your information, so you wouldn’t even need a credit card. The receptionist had refused to tell him if you were staying there - illegal, apparently - but something about his appearance must have incurred her sympathy, because she’d said that they hadn’t had any unexpected guests.
That had sent him to Sass Café. A long shot, because you didn’t usually self medicate alone, but he’d tried anyway. Fifty times he thought he’d seen you across the room as he’d weaved his way through the hoards of people. Normally he could spot you anywhere but when all he wanted was to see you he’d seen you everywhere.
By the time he’d got home, some time in the wee hours, Max could feel himself starting to shut down. As he’d called your name to no response and checked your room to find it empty, he could feel himself starting to get cold. He’d sat down on the couch, intending to think about what he was going to do next, but the thoughts had started to get away from him. The memories of the last twelve hours began to fold in on themselves, becoming smaller and squarer and so too did the feelings. The anger, the frustration, the panic, the disappointment, it all got more manageable, packing itself away in the corner in his mind that Max had so often found himself hiding in.
Even the fear had gone. The fear had gone somewhere around 5.30 am, when the darkness started to wane. As he sat on the couch and watched the sky go from black to blue to the colour of the dress you wore to Luka’s christening, his leg stopped shaking, his fists unclenched, and the tightness in his chest disappeared.
Finally, emotions had given way to a familiar and encompassing emptiness. Max just felt numb.
You’re the reason she’s not here!
What had he even been so angry about? He could almost laugh at himself. He hadn’t been angry. He’d been embarrassed. You’d told him you’d found underwear that wasn’t yours in the washing machine and he’d been so fucking embarrassed. And then he’d thought, what did he have to embarrassed about, and he decided in a split second it must be because you were judging him, and who were you to judge him when you were the reason he was fucking random girls in the first place. His relationship had ended because of you.
You’re the reason she’s not here!
Except you weren’t the reason. Not really. It had been Max’s choice and he knew that. Max needed you more than he’d wanted her and he had never once regretted that choice, although wherever you were, you probably thought he did.
He almost wishes he could feel all of it. Whatever it is that’s been forced under the surface because he can’t deal with it. He can’t feel anything. His eyes are sore and unfocused and they sting.
He drags a hand over his face. He should do something. Get flowers, or call the police, or…anything. But he doesn’t. His limbs don’t move. He just sits there…like he’s waiting for someone to pick him up.
You’ve got to come back.
Don’t worry, Max. They always come back. You’ll apologise. You’ll do better next time.
His eyes water again. This time it might be tears.
Somewhere behind him, one of the cats meows. Maybe he didn’t feed them after all.
“Max?”
At the sound of your voice, Max’s head turns so fast his neck hurts. He blinks furiously at the sight of you. For a second he thinks he’s imagining you.
“I brought strudel,” you say, holding up a small folded pastry box.
Max gets up before his he tells himself to. He wants to pull you into his arms, the urge to do it is the only thing he’s felt in hours, but stays still. You’re back, but that doesn’t mean he’s forgiven.
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he says. His voice sounds hoarse.
“Not everywhere, clearly,” you say with a shrug.
“I went to Sass, Daniel’s, I called Lando, Alex, Clara, Zita,” he says, as if trying to prove that he’d tried. “I went to the hotel to see if you were there. I’ve been around the whole city all night, I didn’t sleep,”
“Oh.”
You look a little sheepish, almost guilty, as you make your way to the kitchen. Max follows, too far behind for his liking but he’s still too scared to get closer.
He sits on one side of the island and you stand on the other. He really takes in your appearance now. Hair up, no make up. Wearing a pyjama shirt. Where the fuck did you get pyjamas? He doesn’t care. His eyes run over you one more time. He might never let you out of his sight again.
“Don’t scare me like that,” Max admonishes, though there is no strength behind his words.
“Don’t piss me off like that,” you retort, and there’s strength behind yours.
The look you give him cuts like second place, and he looks away. He looks out to the balcony. The sky is cobalt now. What time is it?
“Did you mean it?” You whisper into the silence.
Max looks at you now. “No.”
“But-“
“No.” This time it’s an oath.
You shake your head as you open the pastry box. “Max, you obviously kind of meant it,” you say, turning to pick up two plates from the counter. “And I don’t blame you. I know I’m the reason you and-“
“You’re not the reason,” Max insists. “She’s the reason. She thought…she made that choice. And yeah, a part of me is still angry about it, and I cannot talk to her so I took it out on you. That wasn’t right and I’m sorry. I don’t know why I even- I’m sorry. It was my fault,”
Take responsibility. It’s your fault. You caused this to happen. If you don’t like the outcome then stop making people angry.
“I’m sorry,” he says again, quieter this time. Even to his own ear it sounds a little more desperate.
You stare at him, eyes narrow, like you’re trying to read him, and Max almost flinches under the scrutiny. Finally, your face softens, and you sigh. Something in your posture eases.
“Max, it’s okay,” you say gently. “People fight. I just felt like shit and you know how I get. You’re fight, I’m flight, remember? I was…anyway, it doesn’t matter. We’re okay, right?”
“Yeah,” Max says. “Of course.”
You don’t look like you believe him, but he’s telling the truth. If you’re okay, then he’s okay. If you’re there, then he’s okay. If you’re home then that’s where he wants to be.
You shuffle around the island with two plates of strudel, padding on bare feet towards the living room with Max in hot pursuit.
“Where did you go?” He asks, now noticing that not even your shorts are the ones you left in last night.
“The Maybourne,” you explain, settling on the corner of the couch, legs outstretched. “The concierge gave me some spa pjs,”
Max takes a seat next to you, further than normal but closer than he’s been to you in what feels like forever.
“I’ll pay you back for the room,” he says with a rueful smile.
“Yeah, I think you will,” you say haughtily, and Max forced himself to laugh. There must be something in his expression that tips you off, though, because your face falls. “I’m sorry I left,”
Please don’t ever do that again.
The words are on the tip of his tongue but he swallows them. He doesn’t ask. He can’t. He has no right to ask you that, because no one can ever promise not to leave and he can’t promise to be worth staying for.
“It’s not the first time,” Max says with a chuckle, nudging you with his elbow. “I’m used to it by now,”
You roll your eyes and turn on the tv, flipping through to find the Moto GP race as Max yawns. The buzz he felt at your return is wearing off and the exhaustion is creeping up on him. He doesn’t want to sleep yet, though. Not when you’re still in his periphery. It’s stupid, but some part of him needs to be consciously in your presence for a while.
“Max, you can go to bed, if you want. I know you didn’t sleep,”
“No,” he says, a bit too quickly. He imagines that he blushes when you notice. His cheeks certainly burn. “I’m just….I’m fine here.”
You reach over to pick up a pillow and lay it on your lap. “At least lie down,” you say, patting the pillow like you do to get one of the cats to sit on you. Max hesitates, but only for a moment, because he’d do just about anything you told him right now.
He settles his head on the pillow, eyes fixed on the tv. He used to do this with his mum, he remembers. The first night joke after being with his dad for months, she’d put on a movie and Max would lay his head in her lap while they watched. He doesn’t think he’s ever told you that.
Your hand running through his hair is like a little jolt of energy, somewhere above him he hears you giggle at the shiver that goes through him. You don’t stop, though, finger massaging his scalp. It quiets all of his nerve endings.
“You need a haircut,” you tell him. He knows what you’re doing, but he can’t bring himself to care. As long as it’s you doing it.
“Yeah,” Max agrees. It’s the last thing he says before he finally falls asleep.
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baekuras · 1 year
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Every time I pass by the timewriter starting the mine section I have to take a second and just look at how many cigarettes are around, mostly wondering if all of them are from Luis waiting around for Leon to get to him
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lecliss · 28 days
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The choice from Sunday is kinda weird cuz the options are build a cage in the house for the bird or build a nest where it fell and one leads to the bird growing up but dying once its set free and the other one probably leads to it dying much sooner. They both feel like the same option and even tho obviously the most kind, caring, morally right thing to do is keep it inside so at least it lives longer even if it's in a cage. But like to me both options suck and are basically nothing cuz I'm sorry if I look like a bad person for this, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not fuckin touching a wild animal. Even if I knew it was there even if I bothered to check out the sound to find a bird, which I wouldn't, I'm not touching it. I'm not even getting close enough to find out it's too young to fly yet. Whatever happens to it happens man and I'll never know what happens to it cuz I'm not even gonna look at it. Like, where's the 'you seem like an asshole but really it's quite a normal choice' in this whole trial thing??? That's usually an option you can pick. Sunday!!! Sunday, listen!!! There are more than two choices!!! You don't have to always do something!!!! You can just walk away!!! You don't have to try to do something for everyone all the time!!! Think about yourself sometimes!!! It's not selfish I promise!!! SUNDAY!!! OH MY GOD HIS WINGS ARE COVERING HIS EARS HE CANT HEAR US!!!!
#i genuinely dont wanna pick anything#like okay. i know they dont have animal control or a shelter in this setting. but irl genuinely just call some people and see if theyll take#it if you wanna do something about it.#you are not getting my ass to touch a wild animal of any kind. i dont care what the situation is#i was asked once if i could help take care of some baby mice a friend accidentally ruined the nest of and a shelter wouldnt take them#and i was like. im sorry but no cuz i know for a fact im not equipped to handle something like that and i dont wanna touch wild mice and#i KNOW at least some of them will die and i wanna now have to deal with dead mice. and you know what happened?#the friend couldnt keep up with how often they needed to be fed and they died. and now you have dead mice.#something could have happened where they survived outside like the mom came back and fixed it maybe or at least one fended for itself#like its a shame the nest accidentally got ruined but it was an accident and things like that happen all the time#yes its an accident you caused but in the case of something like that i really dont think its suddenly your responsibility now#and i know itll make you feel better to try to make up for it but now you have dead mice#and i know for some people at least trying to help makes them feel better but now we're at the point where i just dont understand#i just cant comprehend the feeling or the idea or the thought.#so its like. i get sunday feels like he HAS to do something for everyone all the time but its genuinely turning him into a monster and he#cant see that. like trying all the time despite getting nothing done will tear you apart. let yourself rest#do the small things you can do around you. dont put the weight of everything on you all the time otherwise you wont get anything done#and youll start thinking not doing anything isnt even an option anymore#i promise its okay. take a break.#im not even referring to sunday anymore. you 🫵 its okay. take a break. make yourself feel better#then come back to things with a clearer calmer mind and do the small things you know you can do#dont force yourself to do everything because you feel like you have to. itll be okay. i promise#hsr 2.2 spoilers#hsr spoilers#oh right this is a spoiler post ifnfjfnfk#long post
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it drives me nuts how much suffering we force people to go through to meet some arbitrary idealized standard vs something that'd actually help. they're making my 60 yr old mom with fibro take pain management classes because they're too scared to put her on the prescription pain meds that she was already on before. i just read about someone with adhd talking about how the only med that works really well for them without making them depressed when it wears off or causing anxiety is desoxyn but doctors are too afraid to prescribe it to them because it's technically methamphetamine. the drug war is a complete burden on society
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moonlit-orchid · 11 days
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good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons
#go fuck yourselves like seriously what the fuck#im so sick of this#this is about the last two anons by the way. i havent gotten any more because i turned off anon asks#if you wanna know why anon asks are off blame those two assholes#seriously that stupid shits been getting to my head#you know why? because every fucking person around here (especially my mum) LOVES to criticise me and accuse me of victimising myself#literally every fucking thing i do is wrong around here down to my hair#all these fucking adults like to bully me about MY hair#fuck you if i want bangs I'll keep the bangs#literally it seems like they're just doing whatever they can to change me into someone else. someone they want#this fucking culture of mine is so shitty i swear to god#like they think that BULLYING you is people being honest with you#and that if someone's nice to you theyre shittalking you behind your back#(honestly considering some of the people i see i wouldn't be surprised)#and im not even doing anything thats WRONG either. im different and not one of these people can tolerate that#yeah my mum sent me a video of a goat with curly hair and implied she thinks my bangs are like that. in a derogatory manner btw#so yeah that's had me pissed and then the fucking anons were also making me pissed#fuck you I'm gonna be as selfish as i want when i post on MY blog#this blog is MINE#I decide what i write and how much i wanna shittalk someone who upset me to get my feelings out. if anyone wants to call me selfish fuck you#and you know what? fuck That Person too. they geniunely messed me up more than they helped me#yes. im still gonna talk about them. im still gonna complain because FUCK YOU I NEED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW OKAY#I NEED THIS SHIT OUT OF ME AND IT GETS BACK INTO MY HEAD SO I NEED IT OUTSIDE#and fuck you anons who gave your unwanted opinion. if you cant say anything nice SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS#i was taken advantage of and manipulated#and apparently I'm the bad guy for small mistakes like excuse me#and then that person even told a friend of theirs once to attack me (over text) like what#i just cant anymore it needs to be fucking out#and im not sorry for complaining about this because this is my blog and i will complain on here. this blog is for ME. for MY happiness.#and as such i will fucking complain shit and i will fucking post my vents because thats the only way i can send these emotions off for good
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i love it when shit happens in my life that dredges up old wounds and coincidentally im re-experiencing the media i intrinsically link it to cause then i get to remember exactly why i love it and find it so meaningful all over again. there's a fucking reason ill always say Berserk [& RGU] both came into my life at a perfect fucking time and holy shit they fucking resonated with me so hard and as much as life can suck ass and lovvves kicking me in the balls when ive just recovered from last time i a least get to remember how & why i love something so much.
#thebirdspeaks#ive been trying to make a coherent post about Berserk and specifically the duality of Casca and Guts as victims post eclipse#because there are issues but also it resonates so well with me regardless#i cant word it pretty but i think its something about Casca and Guts both being victims and responding in opposite ways#and because they are so tightly linked you can almost see them as one victim experiencing the duality of victimhood#as an internal struggle made into two separate people#i flip flop between who i relate to more in relation to my own trauma#and there is plenty to criticize with the writing choices around Casca dont get me wrong#but as much as people criticize her mind breaking and turning into a shell of herself that needs constant help as something entirely negati#i sure as fuck was not given that space and care to be broken#its very nuanced but i think so few people write victims sympathetically that as much as turning into a mess can appear overdone#being cared for and given space and help and being allowed to be a burden is a powerful thing#and i find the expectation to be strong in the face of what you went though is much more common and damaging to me#anyway as many issues as i have i think Casca being allowed to be a victim as much a she was is why i love Berserk so much and while i thin#it could be better if some things were changed#but im not sure if it would have hit as hard and meant as much to me when i was wobbling between mindless rage and want for revenge#and just being broken and tired and weak and scared#reading Guts protect Casca like he did#showed me that that part of me could protect and is better off channeling the mindless rage into protecting whats important to me and what#needs it#letting me demand protection and love and sympathy for my weakest self in my darkest hours#i know im far from objective & my opinions are not universal#but the fact Casca is allowed to be a victim so fully and not just a hashtag girlboss who struggles her way out#well i wouldn't call Guts a girlboss but actually i think that's why it worked.#because between the two they cover the two ends of the common depictions of victimhood: forced to stay strong and allowed to be weak#anyway im about to hit tag limit i love you f you read this far and if you think this is horseshit then please don't say#if you think im right and sexy about it pile the love on meee<3
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beatcroc · 3 months
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learning dorohedoro's mangaka is a woman explains So Much about why caiman is like that
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milfygerard · 11 months
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im sorry and it was a post from a mutual no hate but every post i see comparing taylor swift to mitski makes me want to pull my hair out. the reason their music is so different is because they ARENT IN THE SAME GENRE!!!!!!!! TAYLOR SWIFT IS A COUNTRY SONGWRITER WHO MAKES MULTIGENRE POP MUSIC!!!!!! at LEAST compare her to someone closer to her genre like a kelsea ballerini or a kacey musgraves like its just bad song analysis
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ghostlysoupcan · 1 year
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i dont get how some people especially neurodivergent people can look at people with personality disorders and be utterly ableist and sanist against them when 9/10 you have more in common with a pwASPD or NPD than you do a neurotypical just based on the fact that mental illness is literally buy one get twelve free in some cases
#like i have adhd. im autistic. aro. schizophrenic/psychotic in some way do you REALLY think id be on the side of a so called empath#the second i even breathe about not feeling a 'human' emotion theyd have me put away thinking apathy would turn me into a serial killer#i have way more in common with cluster B disorders than i ever will with the empaths that claim to be ~*mental health activists*~#at least they claim to be mental health activists until its too messy or complicated and then out comes the slurs and bigotry#like id much rather hang out with a person who doesnt think thought crimes are real and that thinking abt the odd homicidal thought#makes you a twisted fucking cycle path or whatever#maybe its the aro in me and the similar experiences of seeing how bad we are dehumanized for some of us not feeling love#but it rankles like nothing else and if you do this please. reconsider and ask yourself why#if you create a stigma around the 'scary' disorders then how the hell is anyone meant to get help. feeling safe enough to get help.#cause these disorders are caused by abuse and if you really wanted people with a pd to get help you probably shouldnt make it harder.#and if we're going by therapy rules you cant armchair diagnose someone else anyways#sometimes an asshole is Just an asshole#long ass rant but seriously the amt of shit i see makes me so upset because like if someone does that to someone with scary disorders#how long is it gonna be till they start going after autism or adhd for similar traits. its already happened in some empath circles.#just ask yourself that because there is a lot more mental health overlap than you think#it already happens in most empath spaces#You cannot and i mean cannot decide if someone has bad intentions for you based on vibes.#you have to learn to trust people and if they break that trust they arent automatically a narc#just an asshole#and people hardly go around calling people a hyperactive abuser ghoul for them having adhd or being suspected of it
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epicdogymoment · 1 year
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yorozuya gin chan "i am a fully realised person with such a normal childhood and regular relatable backstory" mask vs shinsengumi demon vice commander "i am a 2 dimensional character with no backstory and no real human hiding behind it" mask
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skrunksthatwunk · 6 months
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jumpscared by least favorite seasonal chore
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#I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST LEAVING IT THIS YEAR SINCE IT WAS SO LATE. FUCK THE GRASS IT'S SHITTY GRASS#it's almost xmas why did you not rake the yard while i was um. not around#IT SUCKS OKAY. I"M NOT A TEAM PLAYER#ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND MANDATORY POINTLESS YARDWORK#it hurts my back and my joints and it takes me forever and it's always stupid bright outside and i hate kicking the rakes and it's never#good enough because if i'm raking the yard it should be perfect right?? it always turns into a 3 day thing and the yard isn't even that big#we just all suck at it except for my dad so he spends the whole time being like well why don't you just do it this way. dad i CANT that's#why i'm doing it my way. it's shittier but it's Possible and yours is not. bruhgh i hate raking the yard sorry that's all#i am feeble and sore and i hate moving please don't make me do this#he's like why do you sit on the ground to scrape the leaves into the bags girl what else do you want me to do. i can barely do the dishes#without sitting sometimes and you want me to rake for 6 hours??? what?????#look i know this is mostly trivial but it sucks okay. fuck my stupid baka life#i have been exactly this bitter about such chores my whole life and im not stopping now. i hate being made to do stuff on a whim that hurts#me for an entire day when i wasn't expecting it okay. i feel like that's a normal response adults are allowed to have even though children#are not. something something children's autonomy etc#and honestly i just hate being in my yard doing manual labor in full view. you should not be able to see me moving around what ew gross#(<- super weird about being perceived doing anything physical) (<- hates being seen moving awkwardly and so anything but small practiced#movements are just. agh. unless they're silly and i can make them smoother but like exertion? No. oh my god i hate that)#shit like oh i don't wanna put a bra on bc that's uncomfy but what if my neighbors ogle me while they drive past i don't want that#just some gangly twink failing a basic task in the clumsiest way possible and fucking all their joints at the same time. sucks. hate#(<- man i don't even feel right EATING around people for the most part like. you want me to RAKE?? movement is a performance and you put me#up there with no rehearsal no script nothing just the wikipedia page for hamlet. i can't do this all of a sudden. what. what)#(<- i just. waughhUAGHH i hate it so so much i don't like it okay. for reasons that are yet to be diagnosed)#(<- no body language is natural to me so it must be practiced to feel natural AND YOURE PUTTING ME ON THE SPOT. IT FEELS WEIRD)#aughh. if i had the leaves on a table and a chair or something i'd be better. not great but better. but all the bending over and crouching#and scooping and getting leaves under my gloves and the scary scuttly bugs and scraping myself on the branches mixed in on accident i just#do not like it. gross#ugh at least now i have wireless earbuds. used to yank out my corded ones with the rakes pretty regularly and Oh Boy Did That Not Improve M#Situation There like. whewwww#and my dad's always like hey i know we're starting late (it's past noon here) but ummm i'd really appreciate it if we could really push
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camelspit · 1 year
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scattered-winter · 1 year
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continuing my musicposting because have you ever thought abt how beethoven's 9th symphony was composed without him ever hearing a single note ?? he did the whole thing completely deaf. and especially the 4th movement ??? which is quite literally called "ode to joy" ?? and a celebration of humanity and joy that he never got to hear ??? waughghhhh
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