.

i’m just going to ask for writing advice here, i hope that’s okay?

first of all, i really love your writing! anyways, i want to write a fic (my first, yikes) with peter parker in it (highschool age) and i want him to be jewish in the fic. it’s not centered around religion, though. i’m personally not jewish and i don’t know a lot about the culture. i was wondering if you had any tips for writing him as a jewish character? like any cultural aspects I should address that imight mpact his life or stuff i should avoid as a non-jewish person? sorry if this weird!

Hi @spookiiess !

Thanks for submitting this question, it’s definitely a tricky one!

So I may not be the best person to ask because I am at most Jewish (I feel like this joke is used and abused but alas it’s still funny to me, so suffer).

What I mean by that is that my father is Jewish and my mother is Roman Catholic and technically, in Judaism, your religion/identity as a Jew comes from the mother.

So, with that, what I’m trying to say is that I’m culturally/ethnically Jewish, but not super religiously Jewish. I wasn’t raised with any particular religion in our household, and it’s my work with Holocaust history that has taught me a lot more about my family and people than my folks did.

I’m still learning about Judaism as a religion, and myjewishlearning.com is very helpful with that!

As such, I can only speak on this from this particular cultural angle about what it feels like to be Jewish in a society where the default is Christianity.

It’s a funny mix of being proud and feeling isolated.

Like, let’s say it’s winter and your Peter is looking out on the city full of lights and decorated trees, etc. And on the one hand, he’s fond because its all beautiful and tender. But on the other hand, as a Jew, Peter might feel that like that sea of holiday cheer isn’t for him.

Another thing that often comes up is frustration with the holidays–especially the big ones like Passover and Rosh Hashanah and Sukkot–that aren’t taken into consideration by schools or institutions, so folks have to make a decision to skip school, use Paid Time Off, etc. etc. in order to celebrate them.

On the one hand, it feels special that you are stepping away from the rest of your class/workmates to do this cultural thing, but at the same time, again, it feels like you’re the odd man out.

I think if you want to touch on maybe a holiday or two in your fic, that would be totally appropriate.

Maybe play with some Yiddish.

So Yiddish is a language that is occasionally/used to be spoken by many Ashkenazi Jews in the United States. It’s sort of a mix of Hebrew and European languages (Russian, German, Slavic languages) and it’s got this amazing rhythm to it. Peter canonically uses Yiddish in his speech patterns, so looking up some of the more common words (like ‘putz’ or ‘schmuck’ or ‘schlep’) and using them in an appropriate context would give him that lovely bit of light-touch cultural context.

(Just as a note, I say Ashkenazi Jews because there are two big categories of Jews– Ashkenazi and Sephardic Jews. Ashkenazi Jews tend to be folks from more European/East European backgrounds whereas Sephardic Jews tend to be folks from more Mediterranean and Middle Eastern backgrounds.)

So yeah, celebrating the holidays and using the language are all good and whatnot, but there are also some things that Jews do which are maybe harder to like, pinpoint/describe as Jewish?

Like in Jewish families, education is often highly valued, as are argumentation abilities. Some of that comes from the importance of literacy in regards to being able to read the Torah (an important and beautiful document with the first 5 books of the Hebrew Bible in it) - reading from the Torah is one of the important tasks used in coming of age ceremonies like the bar/bat mitzvah.

So in the context of writing Peter, if he comes off as argumentative or chatty/talking over people or especially interested in education-based activities, that could be a place where behavior is Jewish-coded (i.e. it’s not obvious. Jews would probably recognize that as being part of their culture, but other folks might not).

Questioning things and especially God is another hallmark of Jewish culture. I.e. If god is all-knowing and all-powerful, why does he allow people to endure such suffering on this earth? Why did he allow the Holocaust to happen if the Jews are His chosen people? Some Jews don’t use the word ‘God’ in their writing and write it, when they do, as ‘G-d,’ too so if you wanted Peter to do that, that would be appropriate too!

So like, that’s a lot of information, so let me give you some quick things to avoid:

1) avoid turning Peter into a lizard person. Avoid describing him as a goblin. These are both linked to stereotypes of Jewish people.

2) Try to avoid putting Peter in Christian coded situations without acknowledging the complex feelings he has toward that kind of thing.

3) Don’t make Peter into a Nazi or a fascist.

4) Jews have varying levels of observance. Some folks keep kosher, some don’t. Some feel like they should and have guilt over moments when they don’t. To this end, maybe avoid making jokes about eating pork.

5) Try to avoid tying Peter to excessive wealth.

This goes back to the goblin thing. Jewish stereotypes tend to frame Jews as money-grubbing people who want to destroy Christians and will do anything to make a quick buck. This is fucked up because Christians were the ones who, in ye olden days, forced Jews into positions where they would handle money so that Christians didn’t have to. Associating Peter with accumulating wealth in this way can have these similar connotations. It doesn’t necessarily ALWAYS have them. But if you lean too hard in that direction, things can get real anti-Semitic real fast, so be careful.

6) Don’t turn Peter into a devil. Don’t give him any horns. I repeat. NO. HORNS.

Christians are literally taught in some places that Jews have horns on their heads. Jews are depicted as agents of Satan who exist to corrupt and murder Christians (and Christian children specifically, but I won’t go into that.) So no horns, even fantasy horns. I’m being like, super real here. Avoid that aesthetic. Put them on someone else who isn’t Jewish.

———

Anyways that’s LOADS of information, probably more than you can absorb right now. So def take your time and use the website as you need it. And of course, I welcome other Jews to jump in with suggestions if y’all have them! It’s really refreshing to see folks asking how to depict Jewish Peters sensitively, so thank you so much for asking, Spookiies, my dear ❤

Hi Doc! I'm looking to buy a nice wine to celebrate with tonight and I've got about $100 set aside for it. Is that enough to buy a good wine with, or should I splurge a little more? I'm not necessarily looking for a high alcohol content, but I'm not afraid of that either; I'm looking for something that tastes lovely and goes well with fish. Do you have any recommendations?

Wine Anon: Ok so I consulted my co-celebrator and here are some answers!

I thought we were doing a fancy dinner but we're getting a bunch of sushi with some appetizers (edamame, maybe some oysters.) We aren't doing dessert with dinner tonight. We are eventually going to do a 3 course dinner with dessert, and we will be getting several bottles so I'll def have to come back to you for that!

I'm very new to wine, I know that I like rosé and some sweet whites? The last white that I got that I liked was a pear wine from Olive Garden (I know, I am the Haruka of my relationship.) It was actually the wine that convinced me to not give up on trying new wines! I think I'd only had a few up until then and they were dreadful. I think I don't like dry?

Wine comments from my so: dry, woody, not sweet, not leggy, anything he can taste the tannins in is a no-go so no reds? He favors white but he won't say no to a good rosé. His first wine love was a 5y Sauvignon Blanc he had at a some fancy rich dude's party when he was 17 so he can't recall the name haha. He mentioned New Zealand and Chilean wines were good.

If it comes down to it, I don't mind getting a good bottle heavily favoring his tastes (we're doing this for him) but if you can think of 2 bottles that we'd both separately like, I wouldn't mind that either.

Thank you so much for your help!

First of all, congrats to your mancandy for knowing the difference between tannic and dry. There's a huge misconception that dry means tannic, and they're totally different things. I assume it's because tannins have a sort of dryish feel in the mouth. Anyhow, I DO want to argue the fact that reds are exclusively tannic--there are plenty of low tannin reds--but that's another post, as red wouldn't really go with what you were eating unless we were really trying to make it stretch.

Secondly, all of this assumes that you have no interest whatsoever in sake. I LOVE sake, and it's my always go to for sushi, and my frequent go-to for light fish dishes in general. But it's not super accessible, and some (wrong) people flat do not like it.

Thirdly THANK YOU SO MUCH for just giving me a goddamn number!! My least favorite word on EARTH is "affordable." It's meaningless. Just tell me your number! I may not be able to HELP you, but I won't JUDGE you. For anything you need help finding. So bless you, and it was a MAJOR reason I decided to answer this. Whites tend to be cheaper (unless they are Champagne) for a wide variety of reasons, so I don’t think MUCH on this list will hit about 35-40. 

A note: Unless something is WIDELY available commercially, I just recommend TYPES of wine. I would go into your local wine store and ask for these varietals, depending on which one you choose. They may even be able to help select one to go with fish!

So for him, I DO recommend a Sauvignon Blanc, or another high acid wine. The fish used in sushi is mostly fatty and rich, for fish, and these high acid wines give a real element of freshness and even slightly of salt.

You want to know one of my favorite SBs? It's actually something you can get at the goddamn COSTCO, Kim Crawford SB. I don't know if I would call it an OCCASION wine, depending on how we think of things, but it is special enough to be a Shabbat wine in my family, I think you can get it in most grocery stores, and it never disappoints.

If you want SB, but not though, I'd go with a Fume Blanc, which is one of my favorite wines no one seems to know. Fume Blanc is SB, honestly, but made in the US, and pretty much always highly oaky and dry. I love it, but I love that oak shit. Fume Blanc is hard to find nowadays, because of declining knowledge of the name, winemakers are just labeling stuff " Sauvignon Blanc" which, yeah, it's the same grape, but I like to know which SBs have seen some oak, you know? Anyway, I like the rich oakiness paired with salmon rolls especially!

If you want to go with something TOTALLY different that I think he'd like, I think that a Muscadet is going to have a lot of those same flavors while giving him something different. It's BONE DRY, and the acids from it are going to give a lot of those same pleasant associations as SB. A good Muscadet is probably the most expensive thing on this list. 

My favorite budget sushi wine, period, is Ovum Big Salt. You are not looking for budget wine, but if you ever are like me and eating buy one get one half off rolls while reading a book, I love Big Salt. It's a Riesling-Gewurztraminer (Somehow I doubt I spelt that second one correctly) blend that legitimately has strong salt overtones. It's also great with coconut shrimp. (Come to think of it, dry Riesling would be a good pairing with this, too)

For you!

Sweeter wines are tougher to pair with sushi than his tastes, but that shouldn't say at all that it's impossible! If you like something labeled pear wine at the Olive Garden (ahahahaha I'm sorry but ahahaha) the wines you like are probably not just sweet in a WINE sense, but probably TRULY sweet.

So I'm going to push you a little bit! These are sweet in the wine category, or if you’re the sort of person who doesn’t eat a lot of sugar, but they aren’t like...fucking moscato or something. A bit more refined, a bit more elegant, and a good way to move into developing your palate, while not being OVERTLY challenging for a newbie. 

My wife is at times (often) a Haruka Lite, just one calorie, and moving her to a better and wider palate, I’ve had a lot of luck with bubbles. I think because they are widely fun in their own right, and give another quality to what might otherwise be a too-straight-on glass of wine, so that’s the direction I went here.

Prosecco, specifically a demi-sec. Demi-sec is the sweetest variety of prosecco, and I confess I give this to you more to try and put you on the path of expanding your wine palate than as a specific pairing--like I said, sweets are hard--and you’ll almost certainly need to go to a wine shop to find a version that is both demi-sec and GOOD, which is doable but not easily accessible*.

Now if you want something I ACTUALLY think goes with sushi, I recommend Cremant. Cremant is champagne, made in France, not made IN Champagne. It’s the same shit. It offers a lot of the complexity and delight of Champagne without the cost (Champagne is ALSO a lovely choice! But I generally recommend that if you’re both drinking the same bottle.) I think it’s one of the greatest secrets of the wine world--it’s not like the French terroir outside of Champagne sucks. You will almost certainly have to get this in a wine shop, as it’s not well known by people casually (which is a goddamn shame) in America--the UK tends to have a wider range of them.

I L O V E Cremant. Love. A favorite bubbly. Maybe my favorite, actually? I mean I love Chapagne but like, I have a baby and a mortgage and a budget.  And Champagne goes great with sushi! Cremant is, I find, a little less intense than Champagne, which I think will be really good for you as a “beginner” and also the price point tends to be SO APPROACHABLE. Anyway on this one I actually DO have a couple brand recs, because this a thing I drink A LOT, and I’m going to break my ruling about not reccing certain brands ahaha. 

J. Laurens Cremant de Limoux --I think this bottle is like 20 bucks locally? It IS more Brut (dry) but I still think it’s really nice, with a citrusy quality that pairs really good with richer fish

Kuentz-Bas Cremant d'Alsace-- I fucking love this bottle. It’s 25, I think, bucks, at my local wine shop. It’s almost...creamy? I know that sounds insane but I can’t think of a better word. I love Alsatian wine in general though. This is a really nice, light wine that I think pairs with TONS of stuff, and would be good with a wide variety of sushi styles. 

I had a really amazing Rosé Cremant years ago that had a quality of sweetness to it, but I bought it in a goddamn Tesco in London and so I DOUBT you can find it here. I have it written down in my travel journal though, I think. 

ANYWAY I HOPE THIS HELPS SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. 

*This puts me in mind of the One Good Moscato I have ever had, at Alinea (in and of it itself one of the highlights of my life) where it was still too sweet for me personally, but I could recognize the complexity and mastery in the glass. I was shit shocked. Someone remind me to ask @keyofjetwolf what it was, I think she wrote it down, and as I recall it was not a spendy bottle, even. 

The Case File – Mice and Murder Ep 3

The Case of the Curious Clues

Before we start, a quick plea to Grant O’Brien: Please stop finding clues. I can only take notes so fast. You’re killing me Grant. Moving on...

We start off this episode with yet another flashback, this time to the final confrontation of Sly and his supposedly dead arch nemesis Fletcher Cottonbottom at Reichenbunny Falls (...Brennan please). Fletcher was using a local castle as a storage center for munitions but Sly tipped off the cops before they could be moved. They do some repartee back and forth before Fletcher, the madman, handcuffs them together and jumps off the edge. They hit the water but Sly is able to lockpick himself out and escape while Fletcher disappears beneath the waves. 

You know what I got from that story? No body.

Anyway, we jump back to the present where there *is* a body, Squire Badger’s specifically. Everyone in the room who isn’t a PC thinks that this must either be the work of ghosts or Mrs. M who was the only person in the room when it happened (allegedly). 

This is a crucial time for clue gathering and Brennan keeps everyone in initiative for investigative purposes. Now, *so much* stuff happens here that I’m not going to recap every single detail--just the major clues and the things that seem relevant. I’m serious, this is like the volume of info we usually get in the once per season later game lore dump ep but it’s episode THREE.

Daisy tries to find a secret door but critically fails. She clocks Gangie, a fellow criminal, and in the moment Rekha and Katie decide that they prob have worked together in the past even though they are very different kinds of criminals. 

Buck, who is outside listening to what’s going on in the room notices that his ankle knife is missing which is Concerning considering a man was just knifed to death. 

Sly has Lars guard the door (he opens it and Buck is discovered, whoops) and then rolls a NATURAL 20 plus NINE to investigate so Brennan just has to tell him literally everything. RIP to him and me. Anyway, here’s the rundown (along with some of the stuff other ppl got):

Mrs. M’s hands are covered in blood but she couldn’t have done it. Based on her personality for one and for other reasons we’ll get to.

The wound is much messier than it would be if a person stabbed themselves typically.

There is a note in Squire Badger’s handwriting that says “Sylvester Cross I am afraid” No indication of if that was the whole message or if he got interrupted (maybe Buck could figure it out with his handwriting checking skills). Daisy from across the room clocks that Sly’s name is written on the paper but can’t read the rest.

The knife is a hunting knife with a pronghorn handle--an animal not common in England but very common in Texas (and Buck is sweating obv).

There is a slight layer of charcoal type dust on everything on the big resolute desk in the room (which makes sense, ash from the fireplace) but there is parchment type dust on the bust of Barkus Aurelius (OK, that one’s good) on the table and that’s the only place that dust is. Ian later notices that the date on the bust is wrong. 

Speaking of, the desk (which we learn later was put in and taken out of storage once Loan Hall was modernized) is bolted to the ground and a lot of stuff has been thrown off it as if by a powerful force but Sly notices that it’s just the metal stuff like things made of silver or with screws. Stone things like the bust and other non-metal things have stayed put. Plus he smells ozone. This was the work of magnets, not ghosts, he concludes. And, for the record, Grant figured this out himself!

Mrs. M’s eyes are rapidly dilating. She is questioned about what happened and she says that she was told she was fired and would receive a small pension. 

(Not a part of Sly’s clue dump but Buck rolls a 24 with disadvantage to persuade everyone he didn’t do it but then 2 nat 1s in a row to see if Harding--who said he was standing outside the door--is suspect. Buck thinks he’s at most a stooge but he did roll a nat 1 so who knows?)

Anyway, back to Mrs. M. Gangie fully believes Mrs. M is innocent and scared. She doesn’t quite remember what happened for a couple of seconds in there and it’s clear this is not the first time she’s had missing time. Sly calls Longfoot (the bunny photographer) over to take a picture of Mrs. M which everyone is a little appalled at until they realize he’s making a point. When the flash goes off, she bugs out like she did in episode 1 and forgets that the picture was ever taken. Sly then has Dr. Magpie list the symptoms of epilepsy. It seems that Mrs. M had an episode triggered by the flash she mentioned seeing and then lost time. It’s possible that what she thought she saw after that she didn’t actually see.

[While Sly is monologuing this Rekha texts Brennan and gets a 17 to swipe the “I am afraid” note. Sly doesn’t notice.]

So if it wasn’t her, then who was it? There’s only one door into the study and anyone who walked in would have to have walked past Mr. Harding, Shellcrest, Calliope, and Tabitha (who is having a marvelous time being in the midst of so much drama). Ah, but who said there was only one door? Sly has Harding pull a sconce and a SECRET DOOR OPENS! Woo! Finally! It’s a classic bookshelf one that opens into the hallway and there is some extremely fine crushed glass under the door. Hmm.

Sly clocks that there is something under the desk but we don’t know what it is because Brennan texts it to him and it’s redacted. There are actually a couple of redacted texts that go around this ep so we are def missing information. 

OK, that’s more or less everything. 

Sly notices that the page is missing and Grant gasps while Rekha does an excellent job of pretending like she doesn’t even remember what paper is being talked about. Constance asks if it’s possible that Mrs. M totally made up the memory because of her epilepsy and between Dr. Magpie and Sly they determine that that’s uncommon but possible. Dr. Magpie says that everyone should leave so he and Sly can examine the body and Sly says that someone should watch Gangie at all times. 

At this point, Harding and Gilfoyle (the butler) say they should establish where everyone was at the time of the murder. A lot of the staff and guests have solid alibis cause they were in big groups/cleaning up together. But the PCs were off alone (or with each other) and had reasons to want to guy dead so they’re prime suspects. Sly even admits that he’s one too. Also everyone dogpiles Ian because Raph makes it so fun. 

Harding mentions the letter that was given to Buck (the one selling his shares in BB and giving voting writes to his rival Josiah) and asks him to read it. Buck reads it and gives a streamlined version of the truth, saying everything except for the part with the proxy vote. With a 26 he is able to allay everyone’s suspicions for now, but now he’s purposefully hidden the truth in a way that can be readily called out if anyone sees the letter or the contract which he resolves to find. 

Buster distracts the group so Daisy can “check the body for a pulse” aka: check the body for the contract. She doesn’t find a it but does find a key attached to a piece of red silk--something that would be weird for him to be carrying around instead of his valet. She figures this must open whatever locked drawer the contract is in and swipes it but Sly clocks her stealing it (his perception ties her sleathiness but an earlier Bless from Ian tips him over the edge--poetic).  

Calliope says that everyone is kinds suspect, including Sly, but *someone* has to solve this and Sly’s their best bet so everyone should just stay put and they can guard the exits. The butler says that, besides the front door, there are some towers that poke up above ground and a servant's exit/entrance by the elevator in the kitchen wing but they can lock down both and have someone guard the front doors. 

The butler is like, lmao yeah Sly I know you didn’t do it and I’m not gonna stand guard here but you know, everyone is keeping an eye on y’all. And then he leaves the PCs, Mrs. M, Constance, and Dr. Magpie in the room with the body. 

Lars is about to go watch the kitchen staff but, before he goes, Sly says to him that he saw Cottonbottom and is obviously quite scared. Gangie, who used to work for the guy, overhears and asks what’s going on. Sly assumes Gangie is playing coy but rolls high enough to know that he isn’t. He saw a starkly white Cottonbottom and one of his known conspirators doesn’t know he’s back? Perhaps it was a ghost after all. 

Case Notes

My 2 fave bits of this episode were “bad to bad bad bad” (and the further riffing) and Daisy throwing increasingly bigger books at Sly.

Even with a Nat 1, Sly gets a 16 on Investigation. Wild. 

I don’t think Rekha got enough props for her “Cross examination” line so I’m mentioning it here.

Brennan said the ozone question was still open--but I assumed it was like the electricity smell from an electromagnet. That would make sense, right? Maybe he meant they hadn’t found the source of it specifically yet?

Brennan says Buck’s knife is a pronghorn knife. I assume they’re made from the animal’s horns? Even if they’re the kind that fall off every season, is that weird? Or is it just like human hair wigs? Also, does this world have leather?

I love that the dice keep supporting the narrative that Daisy simply cannot get her shit together when she’s with Sly because he distracts her too much. Delicious. Their whole relationship is delicious. 

OK, I am a tiny bit suspicious of Calliope. It’s partially the way she took control of the situation near the end and partially the fact that she doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would be involved in this which would make her heel turn delicious. No hard evidence and obv she couldn’t be the person who actually stabbed a guy but idk. Just spitballing. I’m very curious about whether we’ve met everyone we’re going to meet more or less or if there are still outside people/hidden inside people. Because, in real life, a murderer could be literally anyone but in a story, you can’t just introduce a new villain all of a sudden at the end. Bad storytelling. Weak payoff. We’ll see how things start to pan out. 

The vampire Russ thoughts you have given out are 😌. He def speaks in a Dracula sort of way sometimes, idk if it’s just me

BUT the main reason for this ask is for some redacted Marcus/giannis thoughts. Or some Chris Paul/ others thoughts, in honor of the finals being almost over!

He is DEFINITELY Dracula core LMAO like dark academia fancy man but... with more fashion

Like... you cannot show me This and NOT tell me he's a fancy possible vampire kin WNDNSKNX

I'm just like. Obsessed with russ as a whole. I know some people don't like him and for valid reasons but like... he's so?? Interesting??? On the court he is unhinged but off the court he's just ?? Chill. Like basketball is anger therapy for him and when hes done with it, he's done LMAO. He sits all fancy and elegantly sips his wine from a glass and braids his kids' hair like!!! King shit man! After a hard day's work of screeching on court, he can lounge back on his throne and speak softly in his weird little mafia king pin sounding sweet voice: totally unbothered. Like!!!! That's so enigmatic to me!!he's so interesting !!!! A truly magnificent Dracula man...

OKAY BUT ABOUT. .... THEM....

HMM....

I think they're a lot like john/trae where they're definitely on the VERGE of being sexy together when they're having sex... but their goofy personalities just ruin the moment (not for them but for normal humans who don't laugh at every single thing LMAO) ... BUT I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT THEM ANYWAYS... I just don't know if it's HOT. Yknow like those are my fav ships. When they have sex but they don't have to have like... the perfect porno version of sex where everything is always hot and perfect and?? Yeah LMAO. I like when they're a bit more realistic and have to pause and ask if something is ok like?? Idk!!that's my shit! Idk maybe that's just me???

ANYWAYS REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED...

Okay. We all know about Mr. Foreplay at night Antetokounmpo. And we ALSO know how much raw short king energy Marcus exudes... I feel like on those special nights, maybe after a hard fought game where they're both competitively Pissed at each other (giannis moreso than Marcus.)... the goofiness is flown out the window for just. Straight up fierce, competitive sex. Whoever c*ms first loses. AJBDJS just practically wrestling. Like.. picture after a Celtics bucks game. Marcus has been bothering giannis nonstop with his defense and giannis is fucking. Mad. Nostrils flared, shoulders hunched up. He hasn't been getting any foul calls and the refs have not been on his side at All during the Marcus defense. In fact, they found it amusing how a 6'3 man can stop a Greek Giant. And they aren't the only ones laughing, because everytime Giannis turns back to look at the little defender... he's got the widest grin with two taunting smile lines adjacent.

Oh hell no.

After a tiresome game, normal players would have went straight to their hotel to take a long nap... but giannis wasn't Normal people. He's storming right into the Celtics locker room, right as Marcus is sending away some straggler rookies from the locker because he Already Knows what's gonna go down.

Giannis has the politeness to wait for everyone to leave before walking Marcus so far into his locker that the defender's knees buckle and he has to sit literally inside the locker looking up at Giannis's looming form. Two big hands at each side of the locker, Giannis cranes himself down at just. Glares at Marcus and his permanent smug smile. Normal people would have shit their pants if they saw this 6'11 man staring like he wanted to rip their intestines straight from their body, but Marcus wasnt normal people. He just grins a big toothed smile and states matter-of-the-factly "you played like shit today."

Next thing he knows, he's smirking at Giannis eye to eye level now that Giannis has him slammed high up a wall, supporting his lower half with strong arms. Marcus's legs wrap around and his hands are already trying to claw marks into the other's skin, tearing at the jersey. Marcus digs into Giannis's back, as if it was the only latch he had onto life. He doesn't care that Giannis has to tighten the hold when he leans over to try and rip a bite into his carrier's neck, in fact, he Likes making Giannis struggle for it. For him.

So yeah, in short, they have locker room sex.

AS FOR LIKE.... just in general ideas of them doing redacted UHHHH

Marcus Definitely gives Giannis lapdances.

But he's got rules that are held in place with an iron fist. Sometimes he says that Giannis can't touch him or he'll have to bind Giannis down into a chair to keep him steady while Marcus Gets To Work. Of course, giannis laughs it off and promises that he won't lay a finger on Marcus. It's simple, all he's gonna do is just dance on his lap? He won't disturb that. Nothing bothers the Greek Freak.

So Marcus keeps him to his promise and climbs into his lap. And straddles him. And he does one long R o l l of his hips, right down where Giannis is feeling the hottest and

O h .

γαμήσω..

Giannis WANTS to keep his hands at his side, wants to keep them steady but Marcus's hips are Right there just Right There and his body is Right there and his bright smile is Right There and his cute freckled face is grinning Right There and he's so close and . Fuck he's so close. He's so fucking close-

Giannis whines and pleads and begs and gives his best puppy eyes. But Marcus holds him to his promise despite it all.

And then, to make Giannis squirm even more, the shirt comes off and Giannis can see just a Hint of a bare skinned hip peeking out from Marcus's pants and Oh Fuck. He's gotta. He's gotta.

Marcus is so slow with his dancing, planting kisses so sweet like he wasn't the one killing Giannis. Like he was playing unaware at what he was doing to Giannis. It was so hot and Marcus was Right there and it'd be so easy to. Just can he Please take off his pants? Both of them? Please? The underwear is constricting everything and it's so- he's so close. Fuck. He's so close. And-

Y e a h . So marcus gives Giannis lapdances.

In sex, they both kinda take turns teasing the other. Even when Giannis is smothering Marcus deep into the mattress with each thrust, Marcus always finds the energy to twist his head back and snicker at how concentrated Giannis is, how sweaty his face is. If Giannis tries to shut him up by sticking his fingers down his everyapping jaw, Marcus simply responds by biting. Still, Giannis takes it as a challenge and responds with his own quips, finding the most success during the aftercare when Marcus is too tired to retort.

After cleaning themselves off in the shower (and having a mini towel whip fight), they both cuddle under the covers. Marcus and Giannis both attempt to be the big spoon, usually ending up with their limbs tangled under the sheets. Giannis whispers about how much he liked seeing Marcus's eyes roll, about how cute his noises were. And Marcus just mutters for him to shut up and weakly hits him with a pillow.

AND FINALLY... just mini thoughts about them..

- giannis sometimes speaks Greek when he gets Really into sex. And he mumbles songs in Greek while he sleeps. Sometimes Marcus wakes up from a nightmare, stays up for a bit, but then hears the faint murmuring of an odd tune sang from his boyfriend's sleepy lips... and it lulls him back to rest.

- as much as giannis prides himself over being a Greek Freak, he's honestly not All that freaky. Just has a high sex drive, really. So does Marcus so their restless libidos work in tune.

- giannis likes pulling at Marcus's braids and trying to undo them. Marcus fucking kills him for it though LMFAO

- giannis does have a 'ring for blowjob' bell. Sometimes Marcus throws it at him if he's not feelin it JABDJAB

- giannis calls Marcus "stinky" in greek but says that it means "I love you" in greek

- giannis is still trying to introduce 'sexy roleplay' into the bedroom but it just ends up spiraling into two theater kids trying to act out their theater kid dreams

ANYWAYS... YEAH... they THEM. A very teasing kinda... unstoppable force vs unmovable rock KABDJSN UHHHH yeah! Those are my redacted marcus/giannis thoughts LMAO. I HOPE U LIKE IT LITTLE ANON!!

I WILL REBLOG THIS WITH CP3 CONTENT SOON!!!!!!!!!! busy rn so if this sounds insane it's because it is LMAO but YEAH. S o o n

Survey #363

(one more that’s a late upload from way earlier in the day, and i yet again don’t feel like updating the answers)

What brings out the worst in you? When I'm very anxious or having a PTSD episode, I can become very snappy and just not a joy to be around. What all did you eat today? This morning I had oatmeal, I had a rice cake as a snack, and lunch was ham and cheese on a tortilla. Some people were really destructive as a child, were you? No, I was a good kid. Who was the last person you were in a car with? My mom. Who was the last person you cried in front of? It was probably Mom. Do you talk about your feelings or hide them? I usually talk about them somewhere, like in surveys if I feel I can't with anyone else. Please be vocal with your feelings. It is so destructive to let them build up. Who was the last person you were with that smelled REALLY good? I'm unsure. Do you know anyone that is gothic? A good number of people, myself included at least in spirit. ;~; I can't really afford good attire, nor do I have the patience for so much makeup maintenance. Have you seen UP? I actually haven't seen the full movie, but I'd like to. How is your mom? Stressed as fuck and tired of everything. What color hair does your mom have? She recently dyed it black. Her hair is growing back totally gray now and she hated it. She's gotten so self-conscious as she's aged. When was the last time you were told you were cute? Idk. Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches? FUCK NO. Have you ever dipped french fries in a frosty? I tried it once and did not get the appeal. Did you have school/class today? No. My school endeavors are done. Do you have any paintings in your room? If so, of what? Yeah, I have my big painting of meerkats grooming above all my 'kat plushies. Have you ever had your photo professionally taken? As a child and by school photographers, anyway. Would you prefer eating jello or pudding? Pudding. After washing your hair, do you put any products in it? No. Last time you ate a salad? Like a week ago when we went to Ichiban for my sister's bday. Do you know how old your house is? No, I don't. Have you ever been described as ”adorable”? Yeah. Have you ever given a lap dance? No. They seem incredibly awkward to me?? Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make mega bucks? No. I can't do a job I hate for anything. I would be so depressed. Are you a moody person? Yes. What are you listening to? I'm watching Gab Smolders' new episode of Resident Evil 8: Village. I'm deadass watching four different LPers play it, I'm only moderately obsessed lmao. What video game could you waste the most time on? WoW, given it has like a zillion different things to do. Yet I still get bored lmao. What is your favorite condiment? Maybe Ketchup? I think I use that for the most things. What is the worst thing that you have ever done? I don't feel like getting into this. How old were you when your parents gave you the "birds and the bees" talk? They didn't; I learned in my school's sex ed in the 5th grade. Have you ever questioned whether or not you'd benefit from therapy? I have benefited from it. What would you like it to say on your gravestone? Hypothetically, idk. But I'd rather be cremated. Would you ever wear real leather or animal fur? NO. Have you ever completely failed a year of school and had to repeat a grade? No. Have you ever been bitten by an animal that wasn't a cat or a dog? Which? I think my old baby iguana bit me once or twice, not that it was very painful at her young age. I can't recall another animal. What type of literature are you most likely to read? (book, magazine, etc) Books. Do you prefer using candles, wax melts, or incense? Incense. Are you someone who actually doesn't have a Facebook? No, I have one. What kind(s) of Facebook groups are you active in, if any? I'm not really *active* in any; I just observe them and interact via "like"s. I'm actually in a whole lot of groups, though. Do you enjoy any herbal or fruit teas? What kinds? Neither. Do you hear any animals right now? No. What are your thoughts on Avenged Sevenfold? I know and like a few songs, especially "Dear God." Do you like Batman? Yeah, I like his "refuse to murder" ideology. The only thing is I kinda have a bad connection attached to him, because Batman was Jason's thing. Have you ever played fetch with a dog? Yes. Does your house have a fireplace? Yeah actually, but it might be fake? I don't even know lol. Have you ever pet a stingray? No. Have you ever dissected a baby pig in a class at school? Oh my god, no. I literally could never. I did dissect a frog in the 7th grade that wound up to be pregnant, though... I wasn't happy about it, but at the same time it was very interesting. Who is the last baby you held? My niece. Do you like Sunkist? The orange kind is fine, but the STRAWBERRY flavor? Jfc I love that shit. Would you ever consider being a cannibal? UM NO Do you have any scars from an animal? I have a lot of scars on my hands from playing with Roman. I scar extremely easily, so just his little scrapes leave marks. Have you ever seen an Igloo? No. Do you like Korn? Love 'em. How many animals do you have? Really two, but we have three in the house right now. Idk when this dog is going away. Are you more afraid of tornadoes or hurricanes? Tornados. Ever rode in a helicopter? No. Do you like rabbits? Yes, they're adorable. Do you like mushrooms? NO. What was the last movie you cried at? I want to say Logan, but I'm not sure. I watch movies so rarely that I really don't know. Would you rather work for a small or large company? Small. I'd feel more useful. What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? I don't know. Have you ever read the book 13 Reasons Why? Yeah. I thought it was good, but now I don't remember like... anything about it. What did you have for breakfast this morning? I had apple and cinnamon oatmeal. How many times have you read your favorite book? Just once. I don't re-read books. Have you ever been on Omegle? No. Are you still in love with one of your exes? "In love," no. Do you think being born was a mistake? Yeesh, no. Has a relative ever been arrested? My psychotic uncle (by marriage) has been. Was it a serious crime? Quite honestly, I don't remember. I just know he's an angry and dangerous motherfucker. Do you think the Fountain of Youth exists? No. How about in a parallel dimension? Doubtful. Do you believe humans are part of a giant alien experiment? I ponder over the possibility of being a research simulation, kind of like a much advanced version of The Sims, but I honestly doubt it. Have you ever been suicidal? Yes. Was it a passing phase or is it something controlled by medication? Therapy and medication saved me. Is there a holiday you wish no one celebrated? Which is it? Why do you feel that way? Fight me about Christopher Columbus Day. He didn't discover shit. Have you taken any writing classes? How about art? I've taken a writing course in college, and I've taken loads of art classes. What’s your all-time favourite band? How about all-time fave singer? Ozzy Osbourne; Freddie Mercury. What three songs do you want played at your funeral? Why those particular songs? "Like A Woman" by Alice Cooper, "Life Is Beautiful" by Sixx A.M., and "Angels on the Moon" by Thriving Ivory. I just like them and find them suiting. Do you think most mythological creatures exist? No. Have you ever had lice? No. What is one superstition that freaks you out? Why is that? I’m not superstitious. Are either of your parents retired yet and if not, what do they do? No. Dad is a mailman, and while Mom doesn't ~officially~ work yet because she's recovering from intense cancer treatment, she very recently resumed lightly cleaning a church for a small payment. Kinda like a warmup. When did you or do you want to move out of your parents’ house? I wanna move out once I'm in a long-term, stable relationship with someone so we can live together. Me living alone is NOT a good idea. How do you like your current job, or if you’re unemployed, have you been looking for employment? I don't have a job, but when I go to my tattoo appointment, I'm going to ask them if they'd be interested in hiring someone for the front desk. I think it's def something I could do because I love the environment, there's really not that much I need to know (like where the Doritos are, dealing with exact change, answering a dozen unique questions), it's not insanely busy, and the occasional phone call would challenge my anxiety and just be a minor inconvenience to me until I got used to it. My partial hospitalization program really got me wanting to fight back against what gives me anxiety, to truly expose myself to what scares me, while not going totally overboard with it. It was encouraging to hear my therapist there thought it was a magnificent idea for me. I decided I wanted to ask while at the parlor getting work done to show serious interest (like I'm not just some random chick walking in and asking for a job), as well as let the people warm up to me. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but damn am I wishing. I want it so badly. What kind of booze did you last take shots of? I've never taken shots.

(1)alright alright alright I decided to reread the first 5 chapters before reading the last one, because I make good life choices xD and like, all of it is even better the second time around?! but also oh man I cannot believe it took me until like halfway into rereading chapter one before I realized that it is a fucking pebble that eddie is always touching in his pocket and what was in the bag and why he was talking about the glove compartment, isn't it? can't believe I didn't realize sooner xDD

(2)here we goooo “I’m asking you to choose me, Buck.” I am already tearing up, this time I do have tissues ready tho xD "and it’s like — math, you know?” goooood I love this man so much <3 AND ONCE AGAIN I have to reiterate that christopher diaz is the best kid in the whole world and I love him so much, holy shit <3 can't believe I am sobbing over pebbles of all things but here we are xD (tbf I kinda collect pebbles and I would absolutely lose my mind if my crush would gift me one xDDD)

(3)a perfect pebble, oh man, hold on, I'm gonna need a minute here, this took me out! they're so soft and happy, oh man I wanna live in this feeling actually! 'it’s them starting and stopping because it’s overwhelming suddenly, realizing that they’re doing this, and they’re doing it together' <33333 'doesn’t compare at all to the way they whisper I love you to each other between breaths, spoken into their skin, like they’ll somehow tattoo them on every place they manage to reach, like they’re

(4)promising each other forever and a day.' asdfdlasdkjfala <33333 “I love Chris, and I know he loves me, but I know for a fact all he’s ever wanted is for you to be happy. And—” he smiles softly. “The fact that he thought the answer was me?” oh man, not htis is fine, I am totally fine, I am totally not this close to bursting with happy feelings! xDDDD “Oh? What else did he say?” yeeees buck, go for the insider info xD “Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll build a house made of lake-pebbles with this

(5)person.” amazing <3 “It’s my only request!” aasdfghgjkl xDDDDDD "It’s this tradition that — the matriarchs of the family pass the recipe down to — any new addition to the family.” He pauses. “Uh. Usually wives, or husbands.” OH YEAH xD <3 oh man I love hen and chim but also asdaflkdhfadh oh no xDD oooooh eddie, power move xDDDD “Oh,” Hen nods, the first to break it. “Yeah, that makes sense.” INDEED IT DOES xD oooh eddie ._. <33 'Buck makes a face, but it’s nothing compared to the face Albert

(6)makes, which – huh. He should examine that further later.' asdjfaldljkfh? 👀 “I’ve always wanted that kind of love for you,” she admits. “The kind I found with Howie. I’m so — so happy for you, Buck.” of course you gotta make me me cry again before the story is over, oh no, buckley siblings are my soft spot!! <3 OH NO a wedding??? a best man's speech by chris?? you want me to end this story sobbing, huh?

(7)“They have taught me love doesn’t always have to be loud. It can be quiet and thoughtful and intimate and sweet. They’ve definitely set the bar pretty high — and I’m thankful for that. I am. I’m thankful for them both." ooooooh I love this so much <3 “Just small act after small act that ripples all the way down.” OH MY GOD THAT LINE IS SO GOOD, god I love how you ended this story, definitely lived up to my expectations, def gonna reread when it isn't the middle of the night for me xDDD <333

(8)Oh man, okay, I just wanted to end this on a big THANK YOU for writing this story and for sharing it with us and I hope you know how amazing it is and how amazing your writing is and how you absolutely deserve all the love you’ve been getting for it <3

GOSH you always manage to blow me away with these i'm just so happy you found it enjoyable and that you liked so many of those small details because they were also some of my favorite moments in here!!!

thank you so so much again for always sending these as you read honestly again it means the world to me that you ever wanted to take the time to and that is just??? like, more than enough for me. thank you thank you thank you <333

ily to the moon and back!!!!

Hiya anon again but what do you think of pru granger's dad i personally despize him i'm not a big fan of pru either i think i only like lucky abigail and mixli ohh an also javier as well. Ugh i also don't like maricella. But i agree about the whole kate thing i wanted to see her and her dad bond more altogether in general.

Okay so, on the one hand I LOVE Pru’s Dad, but on the other I get super annoyed with how he handles a couple of things. So I’ll just list them both in bullet points below. In fact, I’ll make bullet points below for all the characters you listed. But the thing you need to remember about a lot of the characters listed? They are still just children and they haven’t totally grown into who they can and will be yet, give them a break.

Things I Love about Al Granger: A long incomplete list

He loves his daughter like crazy(he gave Lucky a horse that he could have gotten a lot of money for fore free when she saved her for petes sake!)

He is actually aware and doesn’t get the cloth pulled over his eyes like the parents in so many kids shows.

He trusts his 12(13 at that point? can’t remember) daughter enough to care for his business overnight well he’s away on business.

He is so proud of his baby girl! He loves seeing her succeed! He just wants the best for her!

He lets all the kids hang out in his barn and let’s people borrow horses whenever they need to out of the kindness of his heart.(Which Turo informed us of in the episode where he get’s Juniparo)

He knows that wild horses have babies all the time on their own but he was willing to go out and potentially get attacked by the herd(bc he def knew it was a possibility) just to ease the minds of his daughter and her friends.

He had no idea why Abigail was crying but this sweet potato gave her his handkerchief anyway all well patting her head and saying in the most adorable concerned but confused Dad voice ever “There there, wipe your eyes.”

He! Cries! When! His! Baby! Leaves! For! Boarding! School! Did Lucky’s Dad or Aunt cry? Did Pru’s Mom cry? Did Abigails Parents cry?(no they weren’t even there lmao) No! But he did!

Things I don’t like about Al Granger: A much shorter completed list

That he makes the kids fix the bard and fence ect on their own when they could get hurt doing it when they break things

Things I Love of about Pru Granger:

She is so brave! even if it manifests itself in the form of being way to head strong sometimes she isn’t afraid of anything, including letting people know what she really feels about them. She’s even brave enough to overcome her biggest fear, her stage fright.

She listens when someone tells her she’s being ridiculous, so many kids her age would just ignore their friends or adults when they tell her she’s being mean or unreasonable. But Pru listens and she tries to do better

She would do anything for her friends! And even her not friends! Remember when she forfeited a competition by going to help a girl on  bucking horse? Yeah, Pru Granger is a Hero no matter if you want to admit it or not.

Things I don’t like about Pru Granger: Notice I said she just needs to improve on these things because she’s still young.

She really needs to get a cap on her competitiveness, which she seemed to have done good at since the Booth episode.

She needs to learn to better realize how her words can affect those around her, especially those she cares about.

Things I Love about Lucky Prescott:

How much she loves her family

Her Bond with Spirit is honestly my favorite part about her character

Her bond with her Dad! I love how they are always there for each other and love each other so much!

idk, like. Honestly I like her but she’s not my fav character I don’t really have a lot

Things I don’t like about Lucky:

She’s so impulsive, not realizing what it does to those around her. Even though sometimes it is in the case of helping people/animals she should consider how worried it can make her friends/family.

She seems kind of entitled, she is very sweet and she does care about other! don’t get me wrong, I know that. I just mean in that “Only child” kind of way, and I think a lot of it is her Dad spoiling her. She’s gotten a lot better and I’m sure she’ll grow out of it even more, especially now that she’s got a sibling in Polly. But at this point it still shows itself sometimes and annoys me.

She just??? Doesn’t really take peoples feelings into account, she thinks more about Spirits feelings I think than other people’s. Which she’s a kid and she’s still learning these things aren’t unusual for someone her age, so I really don’t fault her for it?? I think she’ll be a much more interesting as she get’s older and once they really leave for school and have a chance to branch out and grow into themselves more.

Things I Love about Abigail Stone:

So loyal! She’s scared of like everything but she still went after Lucky with Pru when she ran off to the circus! She still helps her friends when they get into shenanigans!

I love the little names she comes up with; Shabigil, Plucky, ect.

She’s just? An innocent cinnamon roll, to good for this world, to pure.

SHE IS SUCH A BIG SISTER!! As someone who has 4 little brother’s I connect with her struggle with Snips on a spiritual level lmao

Things I don't like about Abigail Stone:

LMAO, there’s nothing I don’t like about her??? Except maybe how she doesn’t stand up for herself enough???

blog post on murdoc’s profile, plastic beach website 5/10/2010

Well. Wow! What A pointless week that was. Sugary Beelzebub !! The US authorities man. Total bummers. I’d snuck over to the US to go monitor the great and good ‘Gorillaz live band’, y’know, before they hit the main stage for the big Coachella festival slot. The UK warm up shows were great, but we / “they” hadn’t played with the any of the visuals or any of the guests collaborators, so y’know…the stakes were high. And so was I. I would have pulled Coachella if the band were just going to be limp. I wouldn’t have even blinked. It would have ruined the good and glorious work I’ve spent the last decade building up, and I’m not have that.….Anyway….

I was all hyped up the night before my departure, just rocking around my Plastic Beach, tweeting my nuts off. Rum n’ rohypnol on the go. Bags packed full of flick-knives and rum and spare nappies and capes and Satnavs. I couldn’t have been more fired up about this gig.

So, next right, I revved up my crappy little submarine, and after it spent two hours on its own zipping round the bay like a wonky Toyota (I have to upgrade that thing), I popped a couple of Xanies then purred my way over to the States. Feeling a bit mongy, like, but nice and calm inside….Mmmm….

It was great…Took me 24 hours of underwater hi-jinx but I eventually arrive in LA on the Tuesday, unzipped my wetsuit, and then checked myself into The Roosevelt, on Hollywood Boulevard. Nice! The so-called ‘party hotel’ of Tinsel Town. Spacious rooms, clean toilets, big wet swimming pool. Took a quick shower and then scooted down to the rehearsal venue where we were testing out the big screens...They look enormous! The Gorillaz backing band were in top form. Keyboards – check. Two sets of drums – check. Backing Vocals (four) – check. One Damon Albarn – check. Half the Clash – check. All good, and sounding unique! Let’s roll out the visuals and guests….

FRIDAY NIGHT in L.A.

So come Friday night, the April 16th, I went down to check on the Gorillaz G –Club gig, the first live gig with the visuals and some of those there guests we always crap on about. (I was at the back incognito dressed as Eddy Murphy from the Nutty Professor. Don’t know why I chose that one, but it was the last costume in the shop and it took me four hours to get the damn thing on. Still, did the job.).

But next thing, right, I notice we’re a few guests short of the full meringue. Turns out that due to that sodding Icelandic volcano explosion which went off we missed out on having the likes of Mos Def, The Hypnotic Brass, Shaun Ryder, Una Stubbs, Mark. E. Smith Bashy and Kano (or “Ashy” and “VolKano” as they’re now known round these parts), Rosie Wilson…loads of our sparkly glittery highlights…all stranded in Blighty with no way of getting to L.A.

My theory is that was Paul Simonon’s bass that managed to shift the ash out that Volcano. Nice work, Simmo!

Still, as I suspected there was more than enough action for our small, cosy little selected audience. The set looked amazing… although the atmosphere in the makeshift concert-cum-rehearsal hall was a little..er… dry.

Everyone was cross-legged so while they got blasted with 60ft screens, giant Doggy Doggs, the legendary Bobby Womack and seismic sub-sonic rumblings so deep I think half the first three rows actually sharted! I was just laughing away at the back in my Eddie Murphy suit….

At the same time their reaction was kinda somewhat static and …quiet. I don’t think they know exactly how to react….Maybe of having 8 zillion volts of sound and light blasted right at them left them a bit frazzled….And we weren’t even giving them the full spectacle….They look shell-shocked so I knew we were all set to go…Set us up good and ready for the Coachella meltdown….

That was the Friday. Friday The 16th. So, listen, after that we all go back to the Roosevelt, for our own little private Gorillaz party, to celebrate all the work we’d put together over the last couple of months. We were finally there and ready for battle. Nice hotel, as I said. Although I don’t think hiring an 8ft bouncer to kick you out of your own party when you’ve dropped more the 60k hiring a roped of area just to serve up a bunch of tepid drinks and a few chicken drumsticks is really anyway to run a top-notch LA hotel, for so called “celeb-based parties”. More like a knackers-yard for botoxed cock-knockers if you ask me.

Still, it was all good until I found a turd floating in the Jacuzzi…I should have taken that as an omen. A warning sign of darker moments to come, maybe?

DEARLY DEPORTED

So check this out.

3:00 am Saturday 17th I’ve just finished up the last line of my er….‘frantic memoirs’ when this happened…Saturday morning. 3:00 am. I got a knock at the door. Pause. Then it gets booted in. Some baloney-eating copper is standing there, with his squashed piggy nose telling me to get up and get dressed. Him and his stupid chubby sidekick.

You what? “I’m already dressed, mate” I said, “Nappy, boots and cape. That’s how I roll. D’you get me?”

Obviously not.

Even in my sleep I dress for success…So anyway, they yank me out of bed, and they’re barking about I can’t stay in the country. I’ve gotta get my peachy ass out of the U.S. and back to Plastic Beach. Now! No work visa. NO WORK VISA? Are you SERIOUS? I’m playing the biggest gig of my life tomorrow!

But no. They escorted me, well ‘frogmarched’ me with my spindly green arm rammed right up to the back of me neck all the way to the coastal border, and shoved me back in my sub. Bit unnecessary. But, yeah, for me the Coachella concert was cancelled immediately.

I was made to tootle of my way from the shores of America in my own little submarine back to my little garbage dump idyll in the middle of nowhere. Swine! SWEINHUNTZ! The Gorillaz backing band had to do the gig for me….Cnuts!

I missed out of the greatest gig of my life! Handed it on a platter to a sliver-gilded hired pick-up backing band. The very band I’ve been training for months, now get all the glory of headlining the Coachella festival on the Sunday night, bringing down the house to rapturous applause….

I watched it all from a video link up I’d arranged last minute….just heartbreaking. I almost wept. Watching these trained imposters steal my thunder! (big slurp of rum n’ ginger…all better now…)

So my rundown of the concert…Well, from the video cam footage I saw, it did look like an all-spectacular….

The Technicolor visuals of “The Orchestral Intro” with a 360 panoramic tour of my Plastic Beach straight into a 2000-foot Snoop Dogg lurching across the helm of the boat, telescope in hand right, then hit after hit washing like a Tsunami across the shores of the Coachella festival; a giant wave in all rights I should have been riding. White Flag, Clint Eastwood, FeelGood Inc, Empire Ants, Kids with Guns…Gliterfreeze…STYLO! I’d planned it all with meticulous detail!

I don’t want to spoil it all because it’s something that needs to be witnessed first hand, with your own eyes n’ ears, but what a fantastic concert. Something Coachella had never seen before. The best closing set the festival had ever seen by all accounts… And they’re all my songs! So imagine just how grand and awe-inspiring it’ll look when I’m in there. The real Gorillaz! Right in the middle of it all! Plus the artists who couldn’t make over Stateside. Makes my heart go all butterflies just thinking about it….

Still, such a bummer I couldn’t make it. Heartbreak aside I still managed to interrupt the performance with a message to my mate George, from Iowa, Des Moines just to let him know I got the stuff he wanted…I guess I’ll have to pass it on to him in Londonia. I sort you out at The Roundhouse if you’re coming George.

And where am I now? Kicking my heels back on Plastic Beach, that’s where!

Oh…The winds round here roar black operas into my ears. Tales of dust and ash and traumas, singing songs of desolation and hopes unfulfilled. All eternity wrapped into a single melancholic crappy midnight gale…I cannot seem to leave this rock.

It seems like my Plastic Beach is growing now too. Take a look at this. This beach in Hawaii is turning out the same as my place. Their beach is evolving into plastic too, all washed up by the sea…

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/8639769.stm

The horror is spreading…! Just without the cases of rum!

NEW YORK, AOL, STEVE COLBERT REPORT!

So, where were we? Oh yeah right, back in that world, while I just got escorted back to the island, the Gorillaz band continued without me. They had to. Straight on to New York, to do more promotion. A session at the legendary Electric Ladyland studios where Mr J. Hendrix laid down his seminal album. Historic! I think they’ve still got the original headphones he used in there. By all accounts they we’re well crackly…

Then what next hmmm…An AOL performance, and then some iTunes bizness. I’m glad these were just karaoke sessions otherwise I would have busted my nut over not being in on it. Still I just couldn’t hold my lip when it came to The Steve Colbert Report. That’s this TV show that’s big in America apparently. So I got wind that the boys and girls of the Gorillaz backing band were going to spring up on this programme, to play Stylo, again without your truly.

I thought it was only fair to let Steve Colbert know just exactly what he was getting for his bucks…I left him a little answerphone message to tell him that it wasn’t the real Gorillaz band, just a cod interpretation of it. I love them but I did think it’d be good to rain on their parade…

Steve Colbert quite rightly flipped his lid when he found out he’d been hustled. The interview with Jamie and Damon well and truly nose-dived into the surreal as soon as Steve got my message, so I’m glad to have helped out there….Or ruined it, if you like. Whatever.

Still none of that matters now. The past is a foreign country, as they say. Next Up!!!!

THE CAMDEN ROUNDHOUSE!!!

All of this is now loading the bases for The Camden Roundhouse in a magnificent style. Which I most certainly WILL be appearing at. My glorious return! And all the ‘work visa’ issues have just gone away. I just need to turn up. I’m a UK passport holder so there’s no worry of me not making this one. D’you get me…? I’m legit.

Boy, am I’m looking forward to this one. I’m applying the rosin to the shaft end of my bass….making it extra twangy for the Camden kids worldwide….POW!!!!!!!!!

This concert’s being streamed you know? LIVE to MTV worldwide. MTV will be steaming The Roundhouse concerts on the Friday and Saturday. So you can check it out all online, live streaming, for 48 hours after the concert…They’re going capture me in all my billowing glory! I’ve had my nappy silver –plated for this one…. http://gorillaz.mtv.com

And this time we’ll have the full set. We’ve got The Mos Def, The Hypnotic Brass, Shaun Ryder, Mark. E Smith….the works… Bobby Womack, Bashy & Kano, Little Dragon, The Syrian Orchestra….Gruff from the Super Furry Animals, Bootie Brown…De La Soul…

This will be the one! This will be the concert to end them all! Coachella got ruined because of the glaring gaping cavernous absence of me, Murdoc Niccals. That was like an Indiana Jones film without say…Harrison Ford. And I guess it would’ve helped too if, say, the Gorillaz guitarist Noodle was there too. Or Russel on drums. And having 2D singing instead of Damon Albarn probably would’ve made some kind of difference.

But the Camden Roundhouse concerts will have it all in spades! The full set. All the band, all the guests and all the back up we need to make this a gig to end them all.

It’s funny to think that Gorillaz started out here in this very spot all those years ago. Our very first gig was at the infamous Camden Brownhouse, just down the road from the Roundhouse. November 5th 1998. That’s the first one we did with out current line-up, me 2D and the other two. The first Gorillaz concert known to man.

A&R man Whiffy Smiffy from EMI signed us up there and then on the spot. One gig. One song. We we’re that good! And now look; 20 million record sales later, world tours, awards falling out of our collective arses, global stomping videos…. We couldn’t have taken it any further. We’ve pushed our boats to all four corners of the globe. The World is now Gorillaz-shaped!

And now we’ve come back to our old stomping ground. Camden, London, UK.

So here’s to Thursday, and here’s to me getting off this miserable island once more. It’s sending shivers up my spine now, this place. The island has started to rumble. Just before I left for LA it started playing spooky old jazz hits from the 50’s, eerie melodies wafting around its weeping shores. "Midnight, The Stars and You” I think the tune was...like something from the Overlook Hotel…I think something, some dark spirit, is trapped in this Plastic Beach. And it’s beginning to emerge….I’m actually hoping Russel gets here sooner rather than later now, which I never thought I’d hear myself say…

We shall see then…

Anyway, this is me Captain Murdoc of the Gorillaz Plastic Beach enterprise, signing off and hoping to see all of your pretty, pretty faces over in London at the Camden Roundhouse!

It promises to be an incredi….Hey! Wait a sec.! Just had a flick through the TV Times and what’s this? Apparently Gorillaz are playing the Jools Holland Show this Tuesday. In London. Tomorrow! Really? No-one informed me. Right, best get my harris over to England sharpish. Can’t miss that one too…Christ. It’s impossible to get decent update round these parts…Who’s tour-managing this thing? Houdini?!

Plastic Beach? It’s a concrete nightmare….

Right. I’m off

Love kisses and a sloppy dirty nicotine-stained smooch to you all.

I love you all from the bottom of my crooked little heart!

Ciao!

Murdoc N.

X

http://web.archive.org/web/20100924185751/http://gorillaz.com/profile/Murdoc

average 350z insurance

average 350z insurance

average 350z insurance

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