#but yale is fucking expensive
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#feel like rory from gilmore girls#when she drops out of yale#i never understood fully her decision or feeling#but fuck me#I do now#i feel exactly the same#its the feeling that you have been working for something but then all of a sudden is that thing even what you want#i feel lost#like i dont have any purpose#and it feels like shit but yeah#this is exactly what i feel like#and i get uer taking a sem off#i wish i could do that#i could financially cause i dont have many expenses or anything really#but just the thought of pekple knowing is killing me#i know exactly the 2 people who will mock me nehind my back or maybe even to my face#and literally make me feel like shit ahhh#yeah#150?
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i think we cuddled.
should we talk about it?
- Lexi Howard
should we talk about it?
i think we cuddled.
Pronouns: They/Them/Theirs, GN!Reader
There were many ways to fuck up in life.
Pull an all-nighter knowing you've got an exam the next day; Pick a fight with someone twice your size; Talk shit about your boss while they're within earshot; Knock over your grandmother's ashes. Or, as you had spectacularly done, sleep with an ex-girlfriend's younger, nerdier sister in her house and her room. Granted, it was inevitable sleeping in her room considering Cassie and Lexi shared a bedroom, but it remained part of the grand fuck-up.
Throughout your whole life, Lexi Howard had remained strictly off limits. Your beloved twin sister, Maddy, had set strict ground rules for how you were to interact with her friends and by extension, Lexi which ranged from never flirting with them to never laying an even slightly suggestive finger on them. You'd followed the rules to a T during middle school and ninth grade but then Cassie Howard showed her interest and Maddy could only give in and allow it. Like most of Cassie's relationships, it crashed and burned in just over a year.
Cassie loved hard and with her whole heart but if she felt even just slightly abandoned or ignored, she leaped into the arms of whichever interested guy was closest to her. It'd been a whole ordeal that'd nearly threatened Cassie and Maddy's friendship until you managed to calm the waters and enter a genuine, and somewhat awkward, friendship with Cassie to keep the peace between the girls. By then, you had become pretty acquainted with Lexi, even going as far as calling her a friend. Which made everything about your situation worse.
"Should we talk about it?" Lexi's meek voice asked from the bed, the covers and blankets scrunched in her balled-up hands. Her big, doe-eyes watched you get dressed and you couldn't quite tell if her reddened cheeks were from embarrassment, shame, or lingering alcohol in her system. Horrible, it was horrible. Lexi should've lost her v card to some smart loser who was head over heels for her, but instead, she got you.
"What is there to talk about? We got tipsy, I drove you home, I think we cuddled, one thing led to another, and shit happened." Her lips pursed and her gaze fell onto the covers. You winced and slid on your shirt. "I don't want to be mean, Lex. I think you're great and you deserve better. You probably expected the big day to be roses and candles and an expensive dinner with someone from Harvard or Yale who would be ready to pop out the engagement ring right after. I'm sure you'll find that person eventually, though."
"What... What makes you think I expected or- or wanted all that?" Lexi frowned and you wondered what great sin you had committed to get into this situation. "Maybe- Maybe I did envision it being with you. What would be so wrong about that? I mean, you're single and-"
"Cassie would be furious, and not to mention how Maddy would react. She'll get mad on somebody's behalf and it'll be hell for both of us. It's just- It..." You sighed heavily, running a hand over your face. "Maybe if I had met you first... things would've been different, Lex. But I didn't. I dated Cassie and that breakup was a fucking mess. It wouldn't be fair on her to storm back into her life like that. I'm sorry."
#x reader#x you#x y/n#x male reader#x female reader#x gender neutral reader#euphoria#euphoria x reader#euphoria x male reader#euphoria x you#euphoria x y/n#euphoria x fem!reader#euphoria x perez!reader#cassie howard#cassie howard x reader#lexi howard#lexi howard x reader#lexi howard x male reader#lexi howard x y/n#lexi howard x you#lexi howard x gender neutral reader
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my feet can’t touch the bottom of you (hangman x reader)
masterlist
pairing: (younger) jake ‘hangman’ seresin x bartender!reader
synopsis: your friend jake offers to lend a hand, but ends up breaking your heart in the process [‘you make me hate this city’ and ‘so casually cruel in the name of being honest’ and ‘I would give you the moon’ amongst other heartbreaking lines]
warnings: 18+ ONLY! NO HAPPY ENDING in this part, explicit language, alcohol, explicit sexual activity (semi-public, oral f recieving, fingering, inexperienced reader), angst, Jake’s an asshole, my close to zero understanding of navy education or bartending i did my best :( also pineapple on pizza
wc: ~6.1k
note: this is a doozy sorry for the angst! as always shoutout to besties seasonsbloom & gretagerwigsmuse I love them to pieces :(
“I don’t think we can be friends anymore,” Jake declares, cracks a semi-apologetic half smile before raising his beer up in mock farewell.
You scoff. “I think that’s a little extreme,” you reply defiantly, lean over the bar and level him with an unimpressed glare. “I didn’t think you of all people would have such a strong opinion on pizza toppings.”
He holds one hand up in the air innocently, the corner of his mouth tilting with the threat of a smile. “I don’t know what to tell you, hon, some offenses I can’t take too lightly.”
You fight back a grin of your own, feel your heart get giddy with excitement at being called hon. It ignites a tiny spark of hope in your chest, makes you feel warm all over like you’re basking in the glow of the sun.
“How is it an offense? I’m not forcing you to eat it!” you reply with a hint of exasperation.
The way you see it, this is all Yale’s fault for bringing up the controversial topic in the first place. One innocent question managed to snowball into a twenty minute long argument - primarily dominated by you and the green eyed ass in front of you. The rest of the Navy pilots have all already meandered back over to the pool table, but Jake remains resolutely glued to the bar, electing to throw quips your way as you putter around making drinks and attending to patrons.
“It’s the principle of it! Pineapple is a fruit. You can’t have fruit on pizza,” he repeats with a note of finality.
You stare right back, decide to pull out the big guns. “Tomato is a fruit.”
He immediately groans. “That’s such a stupid argument! You wouldn’t say marinara’s a smoothie - because it’s not a fruit in the same way as pineapple!”
Honestly, he makes a good point. But you’re far too keyed up to let him have the last word. “I’m not saying marinara is a smoothie - I’m just pointing out that you can’t say ‘no fruits on pizza’ and then forget about tomatoes.”
Jake pauses briefly, then: “I’ll give you that. But this brings me to my next point: you can’t mix sweet and savory - ”
“- I can name five foods right now that mixes sweet and savory right now - ”
“- Go on, then -”
“Sweet and sour chicken, barbecue, chicken and waffles -” you shove your fingers in his face and count off easily, letting yourself lean in closer to him over the bar.
Jake waves an arm dismissively. “- Nope, forget it. Nothing you say is going to change my mind.”
You level a glare in his direction. “Then why’d you start this in the first place?”
A beat. Then, he breaks out into a goofy grin with a signature dimple poking through his right cheek. Despite the fact that there’s a good twelve inches of glossed mahogany separating your bodies, somehow your faces are just centimeters apart. You can smell the cinnamon mixed with ale on his breath mixed with something woodsy and expensive he’d sprayed on earlier. The warmth of his smile radiates to you as it spreads across his face like ripples in a pool, eventually makes the corners of his eyes crinkle up to make your heart swoop. “I just like riling you up, sweetheart.”
Cue another heart swoop. “You’re an ass, Seresin,” you shake your head. “And you’re really fucking stubborn.”
He clicks his tongue playfully as he leans back on his barstool. In doing so, he unfortunately puts some distance between the two - but perhaps it’s for the best, as the close proximity was making your head swim like it does after a few drinks.
“Gotta be stubborn to be a great pilot, hon. Trust your instincts in the air, stick with them and all that.”
You don’t know all too much about flying - besides the fact that it's what Jake does, and that he and the other pilots have been assigned to some squadron here in Lemoore. But you’ve learnt a thing or two from Phoenix’s rants about the blonde in front of you.
You snort. “I’ve heard you’ve got to be quick and adaptable? Act first, think later…” you inquire defiantly. “Listen to your teammates?” you cock an eyebrow as best as you can. Subsequently, you catch the tail end of a long drink order directed towards one of your fellow bartenders and start to prepare two of the mojitos in order to actually do some part of your job.
He chuckles as you pour rum into a Tom Collins glass. “Maybe there’s some merit to that, too.”
You roll your eyes and polish off the drink with some club soda and mint. “Nothing about this conversation makes me feel confident in your flying abilities. I pray you never switch to commercial.”
And the final blow knocks a laugh out of him, makes him throw his head back and close his eyes, and the surge of pride in your chest ensures that this moment will be one you’ll hold onto for days to come. Because while you’ve never been one for sports, verbal volleyball with Jake has to be your favorite game to play. The prospect of witty conversation propels you out of bed on the mornings of your shifts, and the highlight reel of memorable quips and his laugh plays on repeat in your mind every night as you drift off to sleep.
Ever since meeting him a few months ago, sparring with him has become the best part of your week.
--
Later that night as you’re closing up for the night, Jake perches himself on top of a table you’ve already wiped down and watches as you clean up behind the bar. Sometimes he hangs back after everyone’s left to keep you company, and the two of you will talk late into the night. He usually gives up trying to help you after several failed attempts at stacking chairs, and instead always seems to end up giving you the rundown on gossip about his other pilots (he’s totally a Kelly Kapoor - an observation you pointed out last week that did not amuse him in the slightest).
“So… Phoenix told me you went on a date last week,” Jake says, looking on with a teasing glint in his eye as you’re wiping down the sticky wooden counter.
You look up at him suspiciously, barely able to imagine her willingly talking to Bagman about your dating life. “Phoenix told you?”
He has the decency to look a little sheepish. “Or maybe I overheard her talking to Specter about it.”
With a shake of your head, you turn your attention back to the bar to try and scrub out a stubborn water stain that’s been there since before you even started. “Didn’t take you to be an eavesdropper, Seresin,” you attempt to snark back, but it lacks your usual bite.
“Absolutely,” Jake plays along, drums his fingers on the table idly. “Gotta keep tabs on my favorite bartender.”
“Oh, don’t try and flatter me,” you give him a look. “I was hoping my affinity for weird pizza toppings would’ve scared you off by now.”
Jake snorts. “Almost did, but I’ll concede that you brought up some good points.” He crooks a finger in your direction. “Don’t change the subject, though. According to my source - “
“- Your source was illegally obtained - “
“ - Wh- illegal? I just happened to be in the vicinity and I heard your name! Sue me for being curious.”
You roll your eyes, heave out a sigh and lean over the counter. “There’s not much to say about it,” you confess. “He was a friend of a friend, and I don’t plan on seeing him again.”
“That bad?“ Jake shifts on the table, keeps his green eyes trained intensely on you. Feeling overly-scrutinized, you turn your back to stack clean glassware into some crates.
”It wasn’t, like, the worst ever. Not like that couple we saw a month ago where the dude’s wife showed up halfway through the meal,” you tell him. Jake chuckles, and despite how drained you feel, you crack a smile. “He just... didn’t seem interested in me? I felt like I just kept asking questions about him to avoid sitting in silence, and he’d go off on his own little tangents, and it was just exhausting, you know?”
Jake hums out a sound of acknowledgement, and you turn around to see him watching you attentively. When your eyes meet, he sends you a reassuring smile. “I’m sorry, sucks that he didn’t pay you any attention.”
“In more ways than one,” you snort. “I thought I’d give him a chance to make it up after dinner,” the words tumble out before you have the forethought to not overshare, to keep some details for yourself. But you’re on a roll, and he doesn’t seem too fazed by it. “And he was still quite disappointing, to say the least.”
Silence. You look up to meet Jake’s thoughtful expression - his eyebrows are furrowed, fingers no longer idly tapping on the tabletop. “Disappointing how?”
You sigh, flip the dish towel over your shoulder and cross your arms over your chest. “I’m sure you know how.”
He tuts . “You’re gonna have to be specific - “
“- Jake, come on - “
“ - I’m not a mind reader, hon - “
“- He couldn’t make me cum, alright?”
A beat. The corner of his lip tilts up slightly, almost into a look of amusement. You narrow your eyes, grit your teeth and grip the edge of the counter forcefully. “I shouldn’t have said anything to you - “
“No - hey, come on,” he raises his hands up innocently. “It’s not funny, I’m sorry. I just never really got that whole concept. Why would a guy leave a girl hanging like that?”
“That’s rich coming from a guy they call Hangman,” you bite back, still feeling like he’s making fun of you, still feeling embarrassed about giving up these details.
He snorts. “Sure, when I’m in the air. But I’ve never left a woman unsatisfied in bed,” he says matter-of-factly, with an air of confidence that makes it really hard to contest him. And you’ve heard the stories from the other pilots. You know he’s definitely been around the block and knows his way around the ladies.
That reminder only stings a little given your ever-growing attraction to him - but it’s beside the point.
Feeling only slightly less humiliated, you sigh and turn back to face him. “I guess the idea is just really foreign to me. And it’s not for lack of trying! Guys just tend to do their thing and roll over. No one’s ever even gone down on me -”
Jake’s eyebrows almost shoot off his forehead. “Seriously? No one? Ever?”
You shrug, try your best to seem unaffected but still feel the anxiety clench your throat forcefully. “No one ever offered. I just never... felt comfortable enough to ask, either.”
Jake’s shaking his head. You busy yourself with sanitizing the keg lines a second time, do everything you can to avoid meeting his eyes. “Can I ask you something?”
Cautiously, you pause and glance up. Nod slowly.
“You can tell me to fuck off, or whatever,” Jake prefaces. He steps forward slowly, carefully. His hands are shoved into his pockets and he’s exuding confidence just by the way he stands up to his full height. Yet somehow, there’s still a flicker of hesitancy behind his easy smile. “But you deserve better, hon. And I can give that to you.”
Normally, given the bar’s proximity to the ocean, you can hear the roar of waves crashing down on the beach, the breeze whooshing through palm trees, the sound of the wind chimes singing out by the front door. Right now, all of that is drowned out by the loud buzzing that’s filled your ears.
His words could almost sound sleazy, has every potential to - but his earnest expression makes you realize he’s being dead serious. Jake’s finally situated himself right up against the bar, resting his elbows on the counter and clasping his hands together. You search his face for signs of humor, for any indication that he’s about to burst out into laughter and spike a giant ball of disappointment over the net.
“I... What do you mean?” you stumble out, heart threatening to jump straight out of your chest and run out the door.
Something flickers across his face. “I mean... I can help you out, if you want.”
The idea sounds ludicrous coming out of his mouth and you wonder if you imagined it. You shake your head. “You don’t have to - God - Jake, I wasn’t complaining to make you feel guilty or obligated - “
“This isn’t out of obligation, sweetheart,” Jake is quick to assure you, also shakes his head furiously. “This is me offering because I want to. I’d really... I’d like to make you feel good.”
You pause, think about whether he has some ulterior motive. He’s a ladies man in his mid-twenties - who’s to say he’s not just trying to get his dick wet under the guise of helping you out?
Immediately, you banish that thought - he’s your friend, first and foremost. This is Jake - Jake - who hangs around after last call to keep you company, who makes a beeline for you the second he walks through the bar doors, who would judge you for pizza toppings long before he would judge your failed sexual escapades. You weigh out the possibilities in your mind, feel the scales tilt from side to side before ultimately falling right into the possibility of having Jake in the way you’ve always thought about, in the way you’ve always wanted.
Slowly, surely, you nod, let your eyes close to soak up the moment and think carefully about your next words. “Um... Here?” you hesitantly let out, facepalm at how awkward you sound.
He shrugs, glances around the bar. “If you want.”
“... Now?”
He turns to you, his lips quirk up with a smile. “Again, if you want.”
“... With you?” You want to be certain.
Jake throws his head back with a groan. “I don’t see anyone else here, hon - “
“- I just wanted to make sure - “
“- I’m plenty sure, I’m the one who offered!”
“Yeah, but still - ”
“ - D’you want me to make you cum or not?”
And the million dollar question hangs in the hair like condensation, the implication slowly trickles down as you register the reality of the situation. The joviality in you dissipates, replaced by a growing heat that spreads throughout your limbs. You examine Jake’s look of genuinity, deliberating his offer. Once you pass the twelve inches of counter space, there’s no going back.
At last, you nod, throw down your dish towel and press your lips into a fine line before steadily stepping around the bar, cross the mahogany threshold
“We can do it here,” you breathe out. “Now.”
--
The first drag of his tongue over your soaked cunt elicits such a loud moan you almost clap your hand over your mouth in embarrassment.
But you can’t - Jake’s ordered you to keep both hands on your thighs to hold them open for him, and before he even started his ministrations you felt so silly sitting there like that, so exposed in front of him with your legs pried apart. But the hungry, enamored glint in his eye melts away all the shame and embarrassment, fills you with heat and anguish as you await his next move.
Jake darts his tongue out to wet his lips, breathing shakily as he snakes his arms under your thighs and brings his hands together right above your stomach, interlocking his fingers and pressing his large palms into your soft skin. “Relax, hon,” he tells you with a smile, the look in his eyes soft, his usual bravado noticeably absent. “You tell me if you don’t like something. Just wanna make you feel...”
He trails off and leans in to lick another long strip up your pussy and landing straight onto your clit. Good, your mind hazily fills in the blank for him, with an overwhelming burst of pleasure erupting from where his hot tongue hits your lips. Your nails dig into your thighs harder as you try your best to heed his instructions, be a good girl for him, do everything he tells you to do.
Jake starts out with broad strokes, and slowly starts shaping his tongue into a point, drawing lazy shapes on your clit with it and using his interlocked hands to press down on your lifting hips. He hums - the vibrations reverberate throughout your whole body and you fight to keep your eyes from rolling back in your head. Your hips buck once against his grip, and Jake levels a semi-admonishing look from between your legs. For a moment, you feel your heart sink, worry that you’ve disappointed him, that he’ll be so unbelievably turned off by an inexperienced girl who’s so eager she can barely heed the simplest of instructions.
Instead, he presses a sweet kiss to you - could almost seem innocent if it wasn’t right between your legs. “Try to stay still, honey,” he breathes out. Then, he surges forward to wrap his lips around your clit and sucks gently, slipping in a couple licks through your folds in between and you can’t help it, can’t even control your arms as they unwrap from around your legs and tangle into his short blonde hair. The sound of surprise he makes is muffled by your cunt, but it’s quickly followed by a moan that vibrates your core again after you tug at his hair and pull his face further into you.
“More,” you gasp out, begging, desperately praying he’ll listen to your incoherent babbles. “Please, Jake, feelsogood, I’ll do anything, pleasepleasepleaseplease-” and he listens, pulls away to shush you gently with a small, almost triumphant grin on his face.
“You’re so pretty,” he coos, removes his hands from your stomach and takes on the job of pressing your thighs apart. “I’ve got you, hon. I always got you...” One of his hands inches closer to your core while he continues to eagerly lap up the slick that’s formed, even pushes his nose in to brush against your clit. It’s electrifying, shocking, nerve-singing pleasure and it’s intensified by the feeling of one long finger prodding your entrance, sliding through the wetness with ease.
And over the sound of sloppy kisses and the pulls of his tongue through your slick, you hear something else that sends shivers throughout your body, something that makes you clench down on his finger: he’s moaning, groaning, at the feeling of you pulling him in, of your thighs fighting against his bicep and shoulder, your sighs hanging in the air like smoke. The sound vibrates your core, sends ripples throughout your body like rocks skipping on water.
You can’t believe how much he’s enjoying this, how eager he is. For a split second, you wonder if he’s hard, if he’s just as turned on, if he’s desperate to have your mouth on his cock after this, to feel your hands all over him, to feel your lips on his skin.
You think you’d probably do anything he’d ask of you. Anything at all.
“Taste so fucking good,” you hear his voice over the loud buzzing in your ears. “Can’t believe no one’s done this before, fuck.” And he’s pushing his finger into you slowly, crooking it slightly to graze against the top of your soft, velvet walls. He matches the pace of his tongue flicking your clit with his fingers pumping in and out. It’s a rhythm, it’s coordinated, yet so sloppy with the sounds of his mouth drinking up your arousal, his knuckles getting wetter with every movement. Suddenly, a second finger joins the first and the stretch is too much, his fingers are too thick and hitting all the right spots and it’s spectacular, phenomenal, so incredibly electrifying like you’ve been struck by lightning.
His lips latch around your clit. Your eyes roll back. His teeth lightly graze the sensitive bud. You bite down on your lip. Hard.
Jake gives one strong, powerful suck, and releases the seal to lick a broad stripe with the flat of his tongue, from where his fingers are buried inside of you to the top of your mound, where your clit is still burning from his earlier ministrations. And with one particularly glorious thrust of his fingers that hits the right spot and makes you see stars, it all comes crashing down.
“Jake, I can’t, holy - “ you babble through your orgasm, hips rising off the table, ankles digging into his back. But he’s holding you through it, delivering small kitten licks to your folds and slowing down the pace of his fingers pumping into you.
“That’s it, Christ, your cunt feels so tight on my fingers, you’re too good for me,” he’s muttering, now pressing kisses into your hot skin. You’re acutely aware of the fact that he’s still using one muscled arm and a shoulder to keep your legs pried open, and his body heat radiates to you as a cool contrast with the cold tabletop.
With your chest heaving and eyes still closed, you rest your head back on the table for a few moments longer, feeling the exhaustion wash over you as your spinning mind regains its footing.
“You alright?” you hear from below, and you crack open one eye to glance down at the Adonis of a man between your legs.
“Yeah,” you breathe out, letting your head tilt back again with a sigh. “That was... nice.”
He scoffs incredulously. “Are you serious? ‘Nice’? That had to be some of my best work there, and by the sounds you made I’d say it was a hell of a lot better than - “
“ - Please, be quiet,” you hold up a finger and press it against what you hope are his lips. Your eyes squeeze shut again while you absorb the aftershocks of what might be the greatest orgasm you’ve ever experienced.
(You don’t think you’ll let that tidbit slip to Jake anytime soon, though. Lest his ego get too big for his jet to take off.)
As you’re catching your breath, you feel him smirk against your index finger, but he remains silent, frozen where he’s still kneeling on the painful hardwood.
“Holy fuck,” you finally breathe out, eyes flickering open
“That’s more like it,” he mutters. He finally stands up to his full height, and his hands return to your thighs to rub them soothingly, reassuringly.
You’re stuck with a thought, the realization that maybe he has his own problem you can help out with. Abruptly, you sit up despite still feeling a bit dazed, determined to return the favor. Jake looks at you curiously as you guide your hands to his abs, press into the hardened muscle before slowly descending down to his pants.
“Ah - hold on a second,” he says, and you freeze like a deer in headlights, fingers hooked into his belt loops. Maybe it’s too fast for him, maybe he wasn’t into it-
“I really want you to, truly,” he says, and his expression turns apologetic. He glances down at his pants. “As you can see.”
Your gaze follows his, eyes almost popping at the bulge straining against the khaki fabric, at the way one of his fists is clenched tightly against his thigh, at the way his breathing hitches when you tug slightly on his belt loops as you appraise him.
You snap back into action. “Oh, jeez, I’m so sorry - ” you pull your hand away and look down sheepishly, feeling worried that you overstepped his boundaries after he’d done nothing but respect yours.
Jake shakes his head. “You’re okay! I just gotta head back to base - I’m already late as it is. Lemme clean you up, though - ” he bends down to grab your discarded underwear and bottoms, places them into your outstretched hand.
You wave him off as you attempt to cover up with your garments, resolving to waddle to the bathroom the second he walks out the doors. “It’s okay! I got it, you go ahead, wouldn’t want you doing push-ups or whatever they punish you with - “
Jake barks out a laugh, and you beam as his eyes crinkle up, just watch his face light up in that moment.
“Hey,” you feel his fingers slip under your chin to tilt it upwards, eyes searching yours wildly. “I’ll be thinking about this later,” his mouth tilts up into a smirk. “You know, when I’m - “
“ - Fucking hell, Jake!” You attempt to shove at his chest, but he catches your wrist in with his other hand, squeezes tightly before lifting it to press a short kiss to your fingertips.
Heat rises in your cheeks - it’s so sweet, so tender after such lewd acts between your legs. Your breath hitches and you look up at him, wondering how on earth he managed to position himself so that the glow of the bar lights behind him cast an ethereal glow around his head.
He gazes down at you. “You look so fucking pretty when you cum,” he breathes out.
“I bet you do, too,” you counter, shocked at how quickly the quip rose to your lips when your brain feels like oatmeal.
Jake laughs again, the sound filling your chest with pride, and he shakes his head fondly. “You’re pretty when you’re not cumming too, though,” he insists.
A beat. Your head is swimming with the compliment. “You are, too,” you repeat through a whisper, and you wonder if anyone’s ever said that to him. If anyone’s ever told him how beautiful of a human he is. He deserves to hear it all the time.
Slowly, you find yourself getting lost in him, feel yourself getting swept up in the force that is Jake Seresin, gradually start leaning in (just to get a closer look at how green his eyes are, nothing else) - when he meets you halfway. Your lips slot together in a magnificent collision, and suddenly all you know in this moment is Jake and his arms wrapping around your middle and your hands gripping his shoulders and the smell of something woodsy infiltrating every part of your being.
His lips are soft, plush, still tastes like the beer he’d been nursing earlier mixed with something tangy - oh.
The realization that there’s still traces of your release on his mouth is quickly dismissed when his teeth bite start lightly nibbling down on your lower lip. You gasp slightly, your mouth opening just enough for his tongue to slowly slide into yours as he makes the kiss messier, more fervent. When your tongue grazes his, a groan falls out of him, and he presses his hands into your back harder, tightens his grip to kiss you even harder.
The moment is heating up quickly, it’s sure to lead to something more if the two of you aren’t careful, and you don’t want to push him any further. Somehow, you find it in you to pull your hand back from his neck and press it against his chest gently.
He pulls away, leans his forehead against yours. “I really should be heading out,” he breathes out, yet stays frozen in place as he catches his breath with you.
You nod, unable to find your voice.
“You’re real pretty when you’re kissing me too, sweets,” he tells you.
Your heart soars.
--
When a day goes by without any word from him, you assume he’s just terribly busy with training, or with some Navy business down at the base - you want to give him the benefit of the doubt.
You’re certain that nothing terrible has happened because news like that would’ve spread like wildfire around the bar. But you know he’ll reach out to you - you’re sure of it - because you know Jake and you know he cares about you. Surely he does as your friend. And you know he wouldn’t leave you hanging after everything he said that night.
You finally catch a glimpse of him at work a week later, right before you know the evening rush hits. He pauses at the other side of the bar, his eyes scanning the room thoughtfully - you think maybe he hasn’t seen you yet.
“Hey, Jake!” you make your way over, beaming at him before pulling out a beer glass and holding it up. “Just the usual?”
Jake meets your eyes briefly. “Yeah, that’d be great,” he tells you and flashes an unfamiliar smile. His gaze is now trained on the liquor bottles behind you - like he’s trying to maintain the guise of looking at you without actually doing so. It’s different, a look you rarely see. You’re used to goofy grins and sweet eye crinkles from Jake - not this distant, unfeeling expression that makes it feel like you’re a stranger to him.
Your heart suddenly sinks like a rock plunging through murky depths. However, you push down the anxiety, thinking maybe he’s just having an off day or something, maybe he just needs a drink. With bated breath, you focus on filling up the glass carefully with no foam at the top just how he likes it, just like you have for the past year he’s been here. The year he’s been your friend. Just your friend.
You set the glass up on the bar top, eagerly looking up to meet his gaze. “So...” you start, the words turning to dust on your tongue.
He’s already looking away, eyes trained on a pool match between his friends, and you feel your throat tighten when you realize he’s not even paying attention. Your eyes zero in on a girl in a gorgeous pink sundress - one you’ve seen around on weekends and guessed must be a Naval officer’s daughter visiting for the long weekend. She’s gesturing for him to come over, and you watch how his hand reaches up in slow motion to wave back casually. He’s nothing like how he was two nights ago - vulnerable, honest, sweet. Right now, he’s smooth, suave, confident, assured.
Right now, it’s like nothing ever happened between you two.
“Say, hon,” he says, and you feel your heart perk its head up eagerly, hopefully like a dog waiting at the door. If you’re still ‘hon’, then maybe there’s still a chance?
“Mind getting me a vodka cran too?”
And your heart sinks once again; you’ve never felt more let down, more defeated in your life. Numbly, you nod your head in affirmation before moving away to prepare the drink - it feels like everything’s happening in slow motion: Jake pulling out his phone instead of chit chatting with you, the pilots by the pool table loudly cheering and fist pumping the air after a spectacular play, the pretty girl laughing with her friends and tapping perfectly lacquered nails across her own phone.
(Do they know each other? Are they texting from across the room?)
You don’t know what to make of his behavior right now. Not when the words he said last week have rung over and over again throughout your ears like a symphony, like a record you mentally scratched in an attempt to have it replay forever.
Seems like he’s already forgotten about it.
A part of you feels angry with yourself more than with him. You feel disappointed for lowering your guard and letting him in, for allowing your expectations to run wild. And in that moment, you muster up every ounce of courage in your body to say something, anything, to get the answers you deserve.
“Can we talk later?” you channel as much strength as you can into your voice, mentally pat yourself on the back for not stuttering or letting your tone waver.
“About what?” he asks airily, still tapping away at his phone.
The anxiety wraps its cold grip around your neck - but you press on. “What happened last week. Right in this bar, actually.”
His fingers freeze over the screen, his eyes sweep upwards to look at the bar top scrutinizingly as if he’ll find an answer in the wood grain pattern. “What’s there to talk about? I helped you out,” he finally looks at you. “Didn’t I?”
The buzzing returns to your head, this time accompanied with waves of nausea.
You feel an urge to disappear. Or an urge to run away - throw down your apron and dish rag and dash out the door, book it to your car, drive far, far away from this stupid bar next to the stupid ocean in this stupid city. You want nothing more than to be miles away from these people and light years away from the stupidest, cruelest man you’ve had the misfortune of letting your guard down for.
You don’t feel like pressing the matter further. If this is some weird game of hard-to-get, or a ploy to get you to beg for his attention, you’re not interested in playing.
You never really were one for sports.
“Right,” you say, tersely. Your jaw hurts from how hard you’re clenching it. “You’re right. Appreciate the help, Hangman.” You spit out the name like it’s poison. He doesn’t reply, but you know he registered the vitriol by the way his eyes widen and quickly flit up to yours.
Here in this bar, calling pilots by their call sign comes as second nature to you. They introduce themselves with it and rarely call each other by their real name. If you think really hard, you’d remember Phoenix’s real name as Natasha from the one time you closed out her tab and glanced at the silver letters printed on her credit card. But Jake never really felt like ‘Hangman’ or ‘Bagman’ (or ‘Hungman’ as he’d introduced himself the first time you met). Try as you might, your head and your heart only know him as Jake.
Until now.
You robotically finish off the cocktail with a lime wedge (the smallest one you could find - for no particular reason) on the rim, pop two tiny straws in it before sliding it across the bar with a white napkin.
“Thanks,” he says, and you turn away, electing to shield yourself from the devastation of interacting with him further. A few moments pass as you take a few steps to the cutting board to slice up some more limes to add to the already full tub. From the corner of your eye, you catch Jake grabbing both drinks from the bar top, then make his way across the room.
Perhaps if Coyote hadn’t already had his way with the Jukebox, or if the Gators game wasn’t enthralling enough to incite loud shouts from around the bar, or perhaps if you two were the only people in the bar like you were that night, then maybe Jake would be able to hear your heart snap in two and fall down on the sticky floor. Maybe he’d swing back with a concerned look, maybe he’d stride right back to set the record straight, to reassure you, to say that one night meant just as much to him as it did to you.
But he keeps walking, doesn’t turn back, greets the pretty girl and her friend with a smile before handing over the vodka cranberry. And you think to yourself that even if he did come back and try to talk to you, you shouldn’t even give him the time of day. Because who does that? Who does what he did to a friend?
It stings to see the way Jake chats with the pretty girl, the way he’s most certainly volleying compliments and sweet quips her way. It burns to swiftly lose the potential of something more with him, to drop the inflated prospect of a relationship that your silly little mind managed to conjure up.
What aches the most is the fact that you feel alone in mourning a friendship that meant everything to you and clearly meant nothing to him. You feel used, like he saw an opportunity and couldn’t resist to take advantage of it. Of you.
Silently, you berate yourself for falling so easily into the fantasy, yet still feel your heart crumble as you sneak looks over at the pair across the room by the pool table. Suddenly, Jake meets your gaze. His easy smile falters slightly, eyes soften the tiniest bit. You purse your lips, shake your head resolutely, and turn away to attend to a customer who’s flagged you down for a refill.
At one point, you would’ve given Jake anything: Williams 1783, your time and your heart, perfectly poured brews. But now, he doesn’t deserve your attention, your pain, your understanding. And as long as you’re bartending, the only thing he’s getting is bottom shelf whiskey and foamy beers.
tentatively might have a part two if people are interested - no tag list though lmao sorry :( also I promise I can write more things than friends to lovers I'm just in a rut!
#hangman x reader#jake seresin x reader#jake 'hangman' seresin#hangman smut#jake seresin imagine#top gun fic#top gun smut#mine
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Ten Books to Know Me
@aboxthecolourofheartache reblogged her version of this from ages ago but she'd tagged whoever saw it and it sounds very fun and difficult so let's do it!
Tris's Book by Tamora Pierce - I had a habit as a kid of always picking up the second book in a series, so this was the first of Tamora Pierce's books I read. Emelan had an effect on me on a microcosmic level, I'm pretty sure. Anyway, the protag of a whole world of mine is named Tris now, in homage to Trisana Chandler, so. the particulate is still kicking around in my brain.
Ptolemy's Gate by Jonathan Stroud - Another childhood FAVE. This series as a whole started fucking with what I understood a book to be. Also the ending of it has a vice grip on me to this day, and it is probably why so much of my writing is very vibey and favors ambiguous endings.
Cyrano de Bergerac - This was the first assigned reading I had in high school that I utterly LOVED. I love this play so much, I love the tragedy, I love the quiet sorrow. This was also the first proper tragedy that I remember really loving.
The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan - This is a book of poetry and short stories by a Yale creative writing student who was killed in a car crash very soon after graduating, compiled by her professor after her death. I read it repeatedly in college; it is really quite lovely.
Underland by Robert Macfarlane - Apologies to Box who wanted reading recommendations, but she is who introduced me to this book if I remember correctly, and I have spent the two years since I read it habitually picking up Macfarlane's writing without even realizing it. Absolutely phenomenal writing.
Staying with the Trouble by Donna Haraway - @ professor Haraway I know you are a semi-retired scholar and also in the most expensive college town on earth but are you looking for research assistants cuz uh
The Mushroom at the End of the World by Anna Tsing - I actually read both Staying with the Trouble and this book on the same weekend in the start of 2021. I compromised on not including Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake, which I felt was very cliche of me, by including this book, which had as much of an effect. Read those three and Pantheologies by Mary-Jane Rubenstein and you will have some semblance of an idea of what the spiritual portion of my brain looks like. In the interest of not writing the same blurb four times I left the latter two off but know they make up a little microcosm of 'you could make a religion out of this' for me.
The Cat Who Saved Books by Sosuke Natskukawa - A Japanese novel about a cat who appears to a teenager after the death of his grandfather, a bookseller. I read it when I was very frustrated with trying to read contemporary fiction and it was a bright spot among that. (I am still very frustrated with the state of contemporary fiction and this book remains a light.)
Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer - Okay I read this one most recently out of this list (over the summer) but it had been on my list for a long time and it really does live up to the hype because it is just so luminous in every sense.
Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer - I had to put this one last simply because HOLY HELL. Rewired my brain. This is the goal I aspire to, this is the dream I dream, this is the highest peak among the mountain range of writing aspirations that I climb. If I can one day write anything even akin to the Southern Reach trilogy I will be ready to die, but that is an utterly unachievable goal so God's just gonna have to let me live forever, I guess.
#this was SO difficult I'm ngl#I had several more that I agonized over#the fact that there is no le guin on this? insanity. but regardless#also there were some that I didn't include cuz I read them too recently and didn't want to go too hard with the recency bias but#if anyone has read both underland and braiding sweetgrass 'the language of trees' features both authors and is STUNNING#megs is reading#also everyone read the alan dean foster novelization of star trek (2009). that was the other one from my childhood that hit so hard
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when worlds collide
smau non!idol ningning x reader
24. clarity.
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“Yujin, what the fuck?"
Yujin stared down at her feet in embarrassment and fear. She tensed up in preparation for the cruel words that were bound to be spewed at her.
Jimin looked fuming. Her face was bright pink, and she looked as if she were about to explode. Whether it be from anger or tears, no one could really tell. She opened her mouth and let out a chocked-up
“How could you? What’s wrong with-“
But before Jimin could finish her sentence, Y/N cut her off.
“You came up with this elaborate plan because you thought we would just abandon you?" You had tried your hardest to hold back tears, but couldn’t stop them from flowing. It was hard to wrap your head around. How could you ever possibly abandon your best friend? Just for some girl? Granted, that ‘girl’ was the beautiful, talented, and kind Yoo Jimin. Still, throwing away years of friendship seemed out of the question for you.
Yujin’s eyes shifted around. She was nervous. The three of you never sat down and had a serious conversation. It always felt like the wrong time to bring up something so serious, like it would kill the fun mood.
“I guess, yeah? You seriously don’t think you would’ve still needed me, would you? From the moment you locked eyes with Jimin, you never stopped talking about her. It was all you talked about.” Yujin let out a sigh, cringing at those past memories.
“That’s not true. What about the amusement park we went to in 10th grade? Jimin caught a fever and couldn’t go, so we went together."
“Yeah, we did. Except we couldn’t go on any rides because you were so focused on winning Jimin a giant panda plushie that by the time you won it, the park closed. You took three hours.”
“Oh… Well, what about when we volunteered to paint the school mural in 9th grade? We had fun drawing dicks on it in secret!”
“I drew them. While you gawked at Jimin playing volleyball next door, If I remember correctly, you only volunteered so that your mom wouldn’t freak out about you staying after school. And 'Watching Jimin practice' wasn’t a good enough excuse, so you dragged me into volunteering.”
“Of course, I needed an excuse to stay late; we couldn’t let Jimin walk home alone after practice."
Jimin turned to you and cocked her head to the side.
“Y/n, my dad always picked me up from school? Until I get my license?”
You paused for a second and felt your face getting hot. This whole time, you convinced yourself that you stayed late for Jimin. In reality, were you just staying late because of Jimin?
"Just face it, Y/N, our whole friendship was the Jimin show.” Yujin’s words sounded tired. It was as if she had relayed this message to herself constantly. She always knew this in her heart, and it always hurt her. Jimin’s previous anger had subsided. It was replaced with confusion. Confusion about her feelings toward Jimin. And the situation at hand.
The room was silent.
Until you began to break down. You sobbed, sitting on your dorm room sofa. Sitting around with the two people you thought meant the world to you They were your everything, and yet you had hurt them. All three of you were hurting.
Is high school supposed to be fun? The best years of your life. Yet, all three of you felt nothing but fear, pain, and anxiety. And they never felt comfortable enough to express it to each other. Is this really friendship?
You felt Jimin scoot closer to you on your right side, while Yujin got up and sat next to you on your left. They hugged you as you let out your emotions. Each one of you did.
"I got into Yale.” Both you and Yujin whipped your heads to look at Jimin.
Jimin was always a hard worker in high school, so it came to everyone’s shock when she decided to go to an in-state university. Jimin always seemed to have a bright future ahead of her. Like she could accomplish the biggest things. Everyone always expected her to go off to a big, expensive school and do something amazing with her life.
“Senior year, I got in. It was even a full ride. But I turned it down. I couldn’t think about leaving the two of you. I know everyone wanted me to do something special in life, but I couldn’t imagine doing it without the two of you. I always feel pressured, all around me. Everyone expects me to be perfect. But when I’m with the two of you, I can take a break. I can be a teenager. I can be me.”
“We would’ve moved with you!” You exclaimed, while Yujin nodded her head.
“Most definitely.”
“We could’ve gone to school in Connecticut.”
“Def not Yale, but something close.”
“Probably would’ve preferred it than you locking lips with Ning.” Yujin added. Jimin chuckled slightly and looked off to the side. Feeling embarrassed by how her one act of 'rebellion' led to disaster.
“But, Jimin, no matter what you do, we’ll always support you.” You went to her other side and gave her a tight squeeze, while Yujin stayed on the right and embraced her as well.
It seemed like everyone was venting tonight. pent-up emotions the three of you have faced for years.
“Now would’ve been a perfect time to confess my love for you, huh?” You laughed, looking at your lifelong crush.
“Nah, the rejection would’ve killed the mood.” Jimin pushed you slightly and chuckled. It felt good to joke and tease about these things.
Yujin laughed along with you two but abruptly stopped. She hung her head low again.
“Man, I really screwed things up with us, huh?"
You exchanged a glance with Jimin, both of you having a similar thought. You turned to Yujin and held her hand.
"Yeah, you did.”
“Incredibly so.” Added in Jimin.
"But it’s okay. Apparently, so did all of us. So it cancels out, right?”
Yujin perked her head up and let out a small smile.
“Yeah, that’s how math works! I learned it in geometry!”
“You slept every class?”
“Blah blah, numbers, shapes!” Yujin rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. All of you could do it and laugh. Just like old times. Just like your trio always did.
“So… Can I move back in?” Yujin asked.
“No.” Jimin turned to you, confused. It seemed like everything was working out. Why the sudden decision on your end?
“How else are we getting insider information on the bitch Wonyoung?” It was clear who common enemy number 1 was. And it was time to take her down.
“You’ve got a plan, Y/N?”
“You know it!”
“Ha, yeah! Operation Take Down Bitchyoung is a go!” Yujin got up and cheered.
“You still messed up, Yujin, so we expect a lot of help on your end.”
Her cheers became slightly softer, but Yujin was still glad to be part of your life again.
Before you could grab your phone and let everyone know you finished the conversation, Jimin tackled you all onto the sofa and embraced you both.
“I love you guys.”
No matter what happened, You always had each other. It was obvious now. It’ll take some time before everything returns to its old ways. Or maybe it never will. All that matters is that you know you can count on each other, no matter what.
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masterlist ~ next
(Synopsis) Y/N had never been the type to take life for granted. You grew up with the mindset that if you wanted something, you had to work for it; So getting paired up with the university’s “Rich Bitch” Ning Yi Zhuo for your midterm was the last thing you wanted. Are you willing to step into the world of fame for an A+?
taglist(open): @azraism; @kimsgayness; @sewiouslyz; @winieter ; @llluvbluy ; @i06kkura; @everydayiloveyves ; @edamboon ; @rdfgfv ; @beawolfbealionbeyou; @manooffline; @captivq
#kpop x y/n#kpop x reader#kpop smau#non idol au#aespa x reader#ningning x reader#ning yizhuo#kpopsmau#aespa ningning
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i finished watching millers girl !!! and to no surprise it sucked.
i thought the writing was cringe, and ending was predictable. it was like saltburn in the sense that so much of it was just build up for the ending so when your watching it your kinda just like “what’s the plot supposed to be???” i think it’s a movie that’s supposed to strive on you finding the sexual dynamic of the two characters attractive. but in my opinion a high school student having sexual tension with her english teacher is not at all attractive, even if she’s “legal”
also not to mention the reason she did this was,,,to get into yale ??? when the whole movie they were like “she’s a trust fund baby who’s parents are super expensive lawyers with connections !!” like babe she can get into fucking yale 💀💀💀💀
and a moment of silence for the person who thought writing something along the lines of i’ll paper mache you with my cum and money was okay,,,,you need help and to never book a job again !
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in a faberry post you said to ask about your quinn thoughts. so i’m asking. because as a character and an individual, quinn’s fucked and beyond interesting. so please; your favourite quinn thoughts. maybe something you’ve been pondering/holding onto that you’ve never had quite a good enough opportunity to talk about until now. something you’ve said 50 times over that you want to say again. rattle them all off in dot points. spend an hour writing a mini essay on two. what ever you like. what ever makes things easiest/most entertaining for you
YES...YES.........thank you dearly for this anon
so the thing about quinn is like. she is deeply deeply sad. and she is so gay. and she and rachel are both deeply unpleasant people, neither of whom would really be considered "good" by real-life standards and sometimes they even push it by glee standards (though people are a lot harder on rachel but that's a different essay) and quinn has the extra difficulty of essentially being glee's narrative punching bag. she gets pregnant she gets kicked out of her house her boyfriend pretty openly cheats on her she keeps getting dumped she tries to form a relationship with the baby she gave up only for the adoptive mother to outright refuse this and so she tries to steal the baby but this fails too her best friend who she is in love with almost gets married to her ex she's paralyzed for several months. the culmination of her arc isn't her getting what she wants, it's her giving up prom queen to rachel. and through it all we're told over and over again that she's selfish, she's horrible, she's the queen bee evil bitch even when what we're seeing onscreen is the polar opposite.
and i think one of the things that's interesting about her is how performative everything about her is, which lends itself to this sense that we're never even seeing the whole picture. we get these cracks in the glass - her confession that she's afraid of the future to rachel in 2x20, "i just want somebody to love me" in 2x22 - but by and large she has this veneer up. this manufactured self. we find out in s2 that she literally created a new identity for herself after she left middle school. lots of weird gender stuff going on there.
but despite all this she's still The Queen Bee Bitch. and however much glee deviates from/plays on high school tropes in other ways, she's still locked into the narrative culmination that that demands, which is to say, success for the protagonist at the expense of her own happiness. prom queen is a hollow title and she grows to learn that, but it's one she spent a lifetime working towards. and she gives it to rachel, because she loves her, and we never really see her get a fully realized happy ending beyond that (i kind of wish they'd just written her off completely so i could imagine she was being her best gay self at yale, or at least written her off after the quinntana sex episode) - she can't get the girl. that's not how this story goes. she's doomed by the narrative to never shine as bright as rachel. she was doomed the second she appeared onscreen in the pilot - hailed by rachel, no less - but god, she still loves so, so hard.
bringing faberry back into the conversation, she and rachel understand each other on this bone-deep level that nobody else in the show really manages. and it's remarkable. and it's so so compelling to watch, and a big part of why the latter seasons fail so badly is that we lose that complex relationship when we lose quinn - though, then, it makes sense that we would, since the watered-down version of rachel we see in latter glee would never have the same relationship the one we loved in the first half of the show does with quinn.
i have more quinn thoughts (i will always have quinn thoughts) but these are the main ones. girls when they're doomed by the narrative. girls when queerbaiting reveals a previously unforeseen depth to a relationship that would not be present were they straightforwardly canon. girls when dianna agron puts everything into playing a character who, on paper, could have just been a cautionary tale/one-note villain. and those girls? quinn fabray.
#quinn fabray#glee#faberry#anonymous#natsuki's terrible disco pants#THANK YOU for this i had a great time
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I'm just gonna lawyer rant about something here for sec - I just read that the SCOTUS clerks have been asked to voluntarily hand over their phones to law enforcement for furtherance of the leak investigation, and let me fucking tell you the answer to that should be NO NO NO please speak to my fucking lawyer.
Anyone who voluntarily hands over private information and communications to law enforcement without a fucking warrant is out of their fucking minds. People say stuff like 'well if you've got nothing to hide...' BULLSHIT. If law enforcement wants to ruin your life they're gonna do it and you don't need to fucking help them.
Following the 9/11 attacks the government passed a bunch of fucking laws to combat terrorism and one of them included legalizing warrantless wiretapping on U.S. citizens so long as they're speaking to someone outside of the country. 90-some-odd-% of the charges that resulted from the warrantless wiretaps were drug charges. Not terrorism. Drugs. When the government wants to get something on you they fucking will.
If any of those fucking law clerks voluntarily hands over their phone they should go back to their expensive fucking Harvard and Yale and Stanford law schools and ask for a goddamned refund.
#anyhow#just needed to get that off my chest#cause jfc#the justices know better than to even ask this#outrageous
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they must be spending their entire income on those clothes too lmfao vintage clothing is expensive. most of the stuff i’m interested in would be reproduction because i like pre-1900 fashions mostly and it’s still very pricey. if they have like a ton of clothes in good condition from the 20s that will be expensive. and i’m sure yale profs make more than most academics and they seem to have a bit of a cult following + write books for a more popular history audience so i’m sure that’s where the majority of their income is actually coming from but dfkjbasdfg. either they’re like the dril candles tweet or they’re fucking loaded.
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As much as I love Eddie as a rockstar or a mechanic, I think as a fandom we underestimate that little autistic nerd. Sure Eddie barely graduated highschool, but that's probably because he wasn't interested in the subjects. Imagine Eddie going to the most prestigious and expensive college possible as a joke since the government is bankrolling it as hush money. Imagine him signing up for all the craziest, brainiest subjects and accidentally stumbling onto his new hyperfixation.
When Eddie and Steve decided to apply to Yale with Robin, they did it as a joke. They wanted to see how far they could push the government deal offered to all the kids in exchange for their silence where they would be granted admission, full tuition, and housing at any university they chose (a deal negotiated by Joyce of course). Neither of them actually expected to get in, even with the deal. It turned out they were wrong.
Once they were enrolled and living together in a nice, off-campus apartment, Steve started taking things more seriously. He saw it as a chance to make something of himself in a subject he actually had interest in without the threat of his father cutting him off and refusing to pay his tuition hanging over his head.
Eddie, on the other hand, knew he'd never succeed in anything here. It'd taken him six years and some pressure applied to the school by government goons to graduate highschool for fuck sake. Instead, he decided to double down on the joke and see how many classes he could fail in a variety of subjects before they couldn't keep the school from throwing him out anymore.
Steve and Robin just roll their eyes when he shows up to their biomedical and linguistics courses in the first week, only to put his feet up and be obnoxious.
The joke comes to a sudden and surprising end on the third day when Eddie attends his first psychology lecture. By the end of the lecture, Eddie is completely enamored and he drops all the extra courses that night, filling his schedule with as many psychology courses as he can.
He doesn't expect to do well, but four years later, to literally everyone's surprise (aside from Steve who has been pushing and supporting him since he realized Eddie was serious) Eddie walks across the graduation stage with Steve and Robin.
The three of them continue to support each other as they get their master's and eventually their PhDs.
Years later, Robin is a Yale faculty member and proud advocate for the Lesbian and Gay Studies Center at Yale (LGSCY), Steve is a pediatrician at the local hospital and he regularly recommends that his patients' parents take their kids to Dr. Munson, who specializes in counseling for queer youth and their parents.
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L I Z ‘S B I R T H
lets start with saying that Liz was supposed to be a boy. Of course those victorian heir standards pushed in, but Liz had already an Older Brother and Sister, so they didn’t complain that much, but there was just something different during her pregnancy, from the moment that little plastic strip signed pregnant 2-3 weeks her mother knew that it was going to be a girl, those toxic jokes that people make have gotten in her head, “boys give beauty to their mothers, girls take it away” those fucking gossip ladys at brunches.
after 2 months of pregnancy her mother saw how different that pregnancy was, unlike the other two Liz made her mad, crazy, sad, disgusting and with the hunger of a homeless, words from her very self, her mother’s skin started to become dry, her hair slowly collected more in her bed, and make up didn’t work anymore, their Father loved all three of their children equally, but maybe its the luck of the youngest, everybody in the world loved Liz.
every single being that entered that nursery room in their mansion asked about Liz and Liz only, ‘she’s going to be the prettiest female the viboras have ever known’ ‘her name should recall a godness’s name’, every day. Nobody asked how her mother was, nobody complimented her mother.
people from all clans bought the prettiest and most expensive dresses, shoes and accessories for Liz, no present for Mother, Karlheinz him self, went all the way to Egypt for requesting a dress, it was request it had the best fabric and it was sent to the Mansion the name day he visited.
her mother snapped.
“She’s already going to be showered with the appreciations of all! What does she need all those dresses for?! We aren’t even aware if she shall inherit the damn crown!” her mother said, that baby shower was a disaster, her husband already began to despise her, and the King of all demons, Adlers and wolfs were there, prime ministers and such.
“I can’t believe the King himself disturbed his duties and went himself to tailor such an expensive gown! What about me? Where are my Russian Couture Gowns? My hand-made expensive shoes? Why did everyone forget that i can kick this child out of the world with just a sore glass of wine?!” Her mother said before storming out with her maids following her. (if you want to hear more about Karl’s and Liz’s mother affair click here)
That event was successfully hidden, but the day of birth was another disaster.
her mother started to love herself more in the last two months, since she thought that the torture was going to end soon, for motivation she used the ‘lets embarrass my called-daughter and make her jealous of her mother, as she should!’, they were at a Yale Dance, and for the first time in forever, she was again the prettiest woman there, all eyes were on her, a heaven of attentions only to her and not to her child, until she heard the sound of splashing water under her gown.
her eyes melted in horror as she realized Liz was ready. Ready to ruin her perfect day.
she couldn’t tell what was going on since she fainted. When she woke up, she saw the blue-ish walls of her hospital room, the white duvets around her, tables with flowers with Liz’s name in them, nurses cleaning around, and then, she saw the man she married holding a creature, she was pretty.
her mother cried, she cried in jealousy, how can a being be this pretty? Then she found out the name that rascal was going to have as the head nurse gave her the birth certificate to sign.
“L-LizBeth Ann..?” her mother’s voice came out trembling
“Yes your grace” the nurse responded
“S-She has a middle name..” Her mother said, that name, Ann, she always loved that name.
her head turned trembling at her husband’s direction.
“You gave her, a-a middle name? And it is Ann? You know i’ve always wanted to be called Ann” She asked hoping that it was for another reason
“Now she’s going to be called Ann, isn’t that wonderful?” Liz’s father said as he handed Liz to the nurse.
he stormed out without even asking his wife of her condition, cruel of him.
“You… you monster.” her mother said at the creature the nurse was holding.
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Die!
It’s All Glitchy
This month everything seems to be glitchy.
My Nespresso machine stopped working so I assumed it was time to descale it. It had been over a year and I dread the descaling process. I did it once before and it was a nightmare. No matter how many times I tried the instructions it wouldn’t descale back in 2021. This time was no better. It would NOT descale. Finally I called the Nespress tech line and after a lengthy process they concluded it was wonky not because it even needed to be descaled, but because it was broken. This was a machine Yale gave me to me about three years ago when he upgraded. I had never had a machine to make coffee before but it fit perfectly in the tiny space in my kitchen. I am very, very opposed to change of any kind. So when they offered me 35% off a new machine, but alerted me they no longer made this version, I balked. So they said if I paid $65 they’d send me a box and I could mail it back and they’d fix it. Within a week it was back on my counter working perfectly. I know I am on borrowed time with it and just postponing the inevitable.
Likewise my landline (another relic) keeps dying. I just changed the battery last month so not sure why it isn’t working. I changed the battery again and it seems to have resuscitated it, but again, I know I’m on borrowed time. They no longer make this type of landline anymore either.
I changed my printer cartridge yet it keeps saying low ink and printing spotty pages. UGHHHHH!
It’s not even like Mercury is in Retrograde, so this is like my own personal retrograde hell.
And speaking of hell and being on borrowed time, the WORST thing happened this week. As you know I use a Blackberry Key2LE phone, because I like the keyboard. I cannot use a touchscreen and hate Apple products. This is like a Frakenphone in that it is on a Droid operatizing system and works exactly like a Droid, but has a Blackberry keyboard. I knew Blackberry would be ending so I bought two. They are quite expensive. Anyway, I’ve been using the same one for the last three years and quite happily. Lately it has been getting glitchy and stallingn but i figured it’s because Blackberry is defunct. Still, because it is on a Droid operating system, it still gets system updates; it just has no customer or tech service. I have (had) a GREAT cell phone store by me that sold and did service for all old Blackberry phones so I figured when this device died I just take my brand new in box on and have them transfer old to new.
However, I found out this week that store closed during the pandemic. After a long Google search there are no other dedicated cell stores that deal with older phones.
I lived in fear of what would happen when this one died. How would I get the new one turned on and all the stuff from my old one transferred? I am NOT tech savvy so googling did not help.
Anyway, the reason why Is started to care about all this is because this week I was at Marshall’s and found Pumpkin Spice Febreze (linen spray/refresher). I absolutely HATE fall and anything pumpkin spice scented but had never seen it so bought it. I stuck it in my huge tote with some candles, conditioner and epsom salt. AND MY PHONE. When I got home I realized everything smelled like Pumpkin Spice. The cap loosened and leaked all over the bag. My phone seemed okay until I started typing. Not only did it smell super strongly of Pumpkin Spice but three keys no longer worked: The K, I and R. This makes it nearly impossible to text or type.
Well, no one seems to know how to fix a Blackberry keyboard. I assume I can’t just pour alcohol on it to get under the keys and dissipate the stickness. I can’t risk fucking up the phone entirely and losing everything. At least the phone works. I just can’t type well on it. SoI set about trying to find someone, anyone to transfer the old phone’s date to the brand new-in-box version I had to no avail. I am in constant panic over this and am unsure what to do. Even if I wanted to get an iPhone I don’t know anyone who could transfer all my address contacts, pics, etc from the Blackberry to it.
And it certainly adds insult to injury that not only am I dealing with this tech-related stress, but I can’t stop smelling the cloying Pumpkin Spice scent. Every time I pick up my phone it wafts out of it.
I am truly in hell. Autumnal-scented hell. I’d say please shoot me, but the gun would probably stick and end up shooting my dog instead.
Oh, and my body is also glitchy. Saturday I woke with a migraine and by noon I had a fever and diarrhea, aches and no appetite. I’ve been sick for days. All Covid rapid tests are negative, although this morning I went to the kiosk on my block – did you know that in NYC there are free Covid PCR and rapid test kiosks on pretty much every other corner on major streets? – to get a PCR test. BECAUSE for the second time this month, I find out that I had dinner with someone with Covid. A few weeks ago a friend and I had dinner, sharing food, etc. He said he took a rapid test prior to coming because he knows I’m immunocompromised and it was negative. The next morning he was at urgent care super sick and tested pos for Covid. I assumed there’d be no way I would not catch it. But I did not. Yay! So I told this story to my lunch partner last week. Thankfully we had eaten outside together, but I regaled him with that story about how maybe I’m impervious to Covid. He said he has had it the year before so he wasn’t worried and didn’t get the new bivalent vax. (I did.) Anyway, after this weekend of feeling sick, he called me last night to tell me him and his wife tested pos and apparently he had had Covid when we ate lunch. So I assumed this weekend sickness I ‘ve had and all the weird bodily glitches these last few days was because I caught Covid from him. But again, all my tests are coming back negative. I just got a PCR which seems far more accurate so I’ll know in about 12 hours.
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cherry
pairing: good boy!heeseung/bad girl!reader
genre: rich kid au, 80s au, smut with fluff and plot
warnings: dom!reader, sub!heeseung, smoking (cigarettes), alcohol consumption, prep school is mentioned but reader and heeseung are both of age, very brief mention of vomit, oral sex (m. and f. receiving), loss of virginity, there is some secondhand embarrassment in this but i swear it’s cute, reader calls hee “baby” literally all the time, the rest of enhypen are in this (and so are K and EJ from iland lmao)
word count: 15k
a/n: this is the longest fic i’ve ever written 😵💫 i also made a playlist to listen to while i wrote this so here it is if you want to listen while you read
masterlist here
You’d always felt the urge to destroy perfect things.
When you were five years old, you smashed your fist into your perfectly-decorated birthday cake. In elementary school, you ran your bike through the pristine flowerbed in front of your parent’s church. Three summers ago you used sewing scissors to cut off your hair simply because the pastor of that church told you it looked pretty.
Nothing was meant to be perfect, including people, though the residents of your town seemed to disagree. They loved to play pretend, to brag to each other about their new boats and cars, their son’s acceptance to Yale, or their daughter’s to Harvard. They loved to bask in the abundance of their wealth during the day, and then drink themselves to death at night. The most miserable people have the prettiest lives.
So you took it upon yourself to let the true colors of everybody else shine through you. Sure, you were an absolute mess, but at least you were an authentic one.
And you were determined to find a perfect boy and turn him into a mess for you. Your most ambitious project to date.
It’s 1986, and the only thing hotter than the summer sun is the desire that courses through your veins.
Between the country club, the beach, shopping, and attending one of the most expensive prep schools in the country, you had countless sources of entertainment. There was absolutely no reason you should be wasting your time with boys. That’s what your parents always told you, at least: that there were plenty of other respectable hobbies for girls your age to pick up.
They just didn’t understand how fun it is to create a spark in a boy’s eye and fan it into a little flame; Make him think he’s falling in love when he’s really falling in lust. To be whoever he wants you to be, allow him to project all his fantasies and desires onto you, make all of his dreams come true, and then leave him the second you get bored. It’s a little game that’s way more fun than tennis or polo, and you were the ace at it.
But there was a new game you wanted to try this summer. A game that still involved boys, of course, but a new game to put your skills to the test. You wanted a challenge. Because if toying with boys was fun, imagine how fun it would be to toy with an innocent, inexperienced boy. To corrupt him and teach him all the things you knew, to take all of his firsts and make him your plaything. The thought made you shiver with excitement.
That’s how you ended up at this house party, scanning a crowd of unfamiliar faces, trying to find the perfect victim.
“You look like a fucking shark,” K laughed. He was always criticizing your techniques. You instinctively tried to come up with an insult to spit back at him but remembered that he was the reason why you got an invite to this party in the first place. He was friends with Jake Sim, who was friends with the host.
“Don’t you know why she even came?” Summer giggled, clinging to K’s arm. “She’s looking for her prey.”
“You’re still stuck on that little fantasy?” He scoffed.
“What was it?” EJ chuckled, slightly slurring his words. “You want to absolutely ruin someone, right?”
You stared at your friends, who seemed to think that your plan was the funniest thing in the world.
“It sounds so nasty when you say it like that,” you sighed. “I just want to find a nice boy and… teach him a few things. Is that so wrong?”
“Just admit it,” EJ smirked at you, “You’re a maneater, through and through.”
You rolled your eyes. “Call me whatever you want. I’m going to have more fun this summer than all of you combined. Especially you two.” You shot a look at K and Summer. “Who the fuck stays in the same relationship for an entire year? You’re the most boring people I’ve ever met.”
“I just pity the kid that’s gonna finish the summer with a broken heart.” K stared at you and took another sip of his drink.
“Stop being so dramatic,” Summer tugged on his shirt. “She’s just having fun.”
“Thank you.” You sighed. “Now, can you guys let me focus?”
Your friends’ voices blended in with the hum of the party as your eyes scanned over the crowd of faces again and... nothing. All of the boys you saw were either drunk off their asses or flirting with girls or both. Maybe this summer was going to be more boring than you thought.
You huffed and downed the rest of your drink, turning your head to ask EJ to drive you home when your eyes caught a glimpse of… someone. You whipped your head back around to find the mystery boy, squinting your eyes to search with even more precision than before.
There. He stood about halfway up the grand staircase of the house, wearing a neatly ironed button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, the hem loosely tucked into the waistband of his just-as-neatly-ironed slacks. His huge Bambi eyes nervously darted around the room from behind wire-rimmed glasses that perched atop the cutest little button nose. His full lips were turned into a little pout, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. There was a cup in his hand but he showed no interest in drinking from it.
“Who,” you tugged on EJ’s shirt, never letting your eyes leave the boy, “is that?”
He groaned before turning to see who you were looking at, following your gaze. “Are you being serious?”
“What’s his name?”
“That’s Heeseung.”
You said nothing, and EJ scoffed.
“Lee Heeseung? We’ve gone to school with him since we were kids.”
You shook your head. “I’ve never seen him before.”
“This is literally his house.” He motioned to the huge framed picture hanging over the purely-decorative fireplace in the living room. Sure enough, your prey was smiling, resting his hand on the chair of the woman sitting in front of him, who must have been his mother. A slightly older boy stood next to him in the same pose, a man in a chair in front of him. His brother and father, no doubt.
“I’ve never seen him before.” You repeated yourself in a daze, tearing your eyes away from picture Heeseung and moving them to look at real Heeseung.
“He’s the one who came in his pants last year after two minutes of over-the-clothes touching. Remember?” EJ laughed, taking another sip of his drink.
“Oh, come on. No way that’s him. There’s no way.” You rolled your eyes.
You watched as one of his friends tousled his dark hair. He forced a laugh, then immediately started fixing it once his friend’s back was turned. His smile was pretty.
“He’s perfect.” Your eyes never left him. “I’ll be back later. Hold this for me?” You shoved your empty cup into EJ’s hand, not waiting for a response.
EJ called out your name once your back was turned. “He’s a nice guy. Go easy on him.”
You gave him a halfhearted wave over your shoulder, making your way over to your prey. As you pulled out a compact mirror to reapply your favorite cherry-red lip gloss, you wondered what his voice sounded like. Was it as sweet as his face? Or was it deep and mysterious? He hadn’t even looked at you yet, and you had to have him. You’d never wanted a boy more.
And he got even cuter as you got closer. His eyes were even more wide and starry than you’d hoped. He only looked at you once you were right in front of him, standing two steps below him so that he had to look down at you. You knew how boys loved that.
“Hi.” You beamed at him, looking up through your eyelashes.
He looked behind him, then back at you. “Hi…?”
“I like your glasses.”
His ears turned red as he instinctively raised a hand to adjust them. “Thanks... I, uh… need them to see.”
You smiled. “Well, they’re cute.”
A little smile played on his lips as he looked down at his shoes. Of course, they were perfectly polished. So far, so good.
“This music sucks, right? New wave is the worst.” You laughed, trying to keep the conversation lively.
His head snapped up. That sweet little pout was back on his lips.
“I put this record on.” His voice got a little bit whiny and it made you ache.
You stupid bitch. It’s his house! Of course it’s his music!
Your mouth opened and closed as you tried to find something to say, some way to turn your stupid comment into a joke or a flirt. Those wide eyes just stared back at you, and your brain completely short-circuited.
Something crashed in the kitchen, followed by the sound of two teenage boys hysterically laughing. Heeseung’s head jerked in the direction of the sound. A serious-looking boy who had the sharpest jaw you’d ever seen nudged his shoulder. “I told you we shouldn’t have invited the kids.” He shot you a look before making his way down the stairs. “RIKI! JUNGWON! GET OFF THE FUCKING TABLE!” You heard his voice boom through the house once he was out of sight. The two voices in the kitchen erupted into laughter again.
“I should…” Heeseung sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples. “I should go make sure they didn’t break anything. There are more records by the stereo. You can change the music if you hate it that much.”
And with that, he was walking down the stairs, disappearing before your eyes.
You audibly groaned. He was right there. The perfect boy, the type of boy you’d always dreamed of, was right there. And you blew it. Over Echo & the fucking Bunnymen.
You stomped down the stairs, throwing a tantrum like a toddler who had gotten her new toy taken away. When you arrived back at where your friends were standing, they were nowhere to be seen.
“Hey,” You tapped a kid’s shoulder, someone who you recognized from your English class last year. “Have you seen EJ? Or K and Summer?”
He laughed. “Not sure about EJ, but K was definitely about to get laid. And Summer was too if you’re picking up what I’m putting down.” He let out another disgusting laugh and high-fived his friends.
You groaned again, clenching your fists and stomping your feet. Of course they fucking left. You trudged towards the massive sliding glass door in the living room and found that it was nearly impossible to push open. You huffed as you pried it open just wide enough to fit your body, turning sideways to squeeze through.
You pouted again once you were on the patio, fishing through your handbag to find a cigarette. You recalled the advice your mother gave you at ten years old. When all else fails, smoke. The patio was prettily decorated and you found a seat on a stone bench that faced the house. You watched all of the partygoers laughing and dancing as you flicked your lighter a few times. It sparked but didn’t light as the night breeze whisked the flame away. You almost screamed in annoyance. “I swear to fucking-” you held the cigarette between your lips and cupped your hand around the end of the lighter, smiling when the flame finally danced to life and kissed the end of your cigarette.
You stayed smiling as you inhaled, the cool menthol soothing your throat and chest. You could make out the crashing of the ocean behind you, and remembered that this house was right on the beach. EJ made a comment about it being the most expensive house in the neighborhood when you first pulled up. With a cigarette between your lips and the sound of the ocean behind you to keep you company, the night didn’t seem like a complete waste. Who needs boys when you have this?
The sliding glass door slid open一 all the way open, with ease, you might add一 and you froze. A silhouette slid the door shut, and you would��ve had a hard time distinguishing who it was if it weren’t for the reflection of your glowing cigarette in his glasses. Him.
Heeseung clearly didn’t notice you as fast as you noticed him. It was quite dark outside, after all. He sighed and took off his glasses to rub his eyes, leaning against the stone of the house.
“Hey, are you okay?” You leaned forward.
He yelped. Like, literally let out a little squeak and jumped back, covering his chest with his hand. He put his glasses back on and squinted to see you in the darkness. “Oh, it’s just you.” He sighed.
“Don’t get too excited.” You laughed, patting the bench next to you.
He reluctantly looked over his shoulder before making his way over to the bench and sitting next to you. You took another deep inhale from your cigarette before passing it to him without a word and he, so eager to impress you, took it between his long fingers.
He took about a fourth of an inhale before coughing and scrunching his face up. “W-why is it spicy?” he sputtered.
You laughed. “It’s a menthol. You’ve never smoked menthols before?”
“I don’t even…” He shook his head, handing the cig back to you. “I don’t really smoke.”
He’s fucking perfect. “Of course you don’t.”
His precious little pout was back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen. Of course you don’t smoke.” You let out a breathy laugh, flicking the end of the cigarette with your thumb to let the ashes fall.
“I’m the-” Despite the darkness, you could almost see his ears turning red. “Don’t make fun of me!”
“I’m not making fun of you, baby. Just making an observation.” You lifted the cigarette to your lips again.
“Don’t call me-” he groaned. “Ugh, you know what? Nevermind. I don’t know why I thought I could find some peace out here in the first place.” He stood up.
“Heyyy don’t leave,” You tugged on his rolled-up sleeve, pouting your cherry-red lips. “At least stay until I finish this. My friends left me all by myself and it’s lonely out here.”
He paused, took a deep breath, and sat back down. “...Your friends don’t seem very nice.”
“Eh, they’re not all bad.” You sighed, taking another drag. “They’re the only friends I’ve got, so I can’t really complain.”
“I get that.” He adjusted his glasses. “I don’t have that many friends, either.”
“Really?” You gestured to the crowded living room. “You seem to have a whole lot.”
He shook his head, scoffing. “Only six of the people in that house are my friends.”
“And who might those lucky people be?”
He shifted in his seat. The back of the house was almost entirely glass to accommodate the ocean view, which made it easy for him to point out faces.
“There’s Jay.” He pointed to the sharp-jawed boy that you saw on the stairs. “He told me you’re bad news.”
You faked a little gasp, placing a hand over your chest. “That hurts.”
“He’s not wrong, though, is he?“ Heeseung smiled at you.
“... I’m not answering that.” You smiled back.
He tore his eyes away from yours. “And there’s Jake. He’s the one who begged me to have this party. I think he just wanted to talk to girls.” He pointed to a handsome boy with sharp cheekbones and a girl on either one of his arms.
“Nothing wrong with that,” You jerked your chin, raising your cigarette in a sort of salute.
Heeseung rolled his eyes. “But I think the girls are more interested in Sunghoon. He’s the one standing in the corner over there.”
Your eyes drifted to where Heeseung was pointing. One of the prettiest boys you’d ever seen was standing there, completely oblivious to the giggling crowd of girls next to him.
“The cute one he’s talking to is Sunoo.”
The shorter boy standing next to him was cute. His face was lit up in a smile, his eyes curved into little crescents.
“He looks like a peach!” You smiled. “Who are the other two?”
He sighed. “Jungwon and Riki. I have no idea where they are. They’ve been wreaking havoc on this stupid party all night.”
“Hey,” you bumped his knee with yours. “This party isn’t stupid. Look at how much fun everyone is having.”
“Yeah, everyone except you and me,” he pouted.
“I don’t know about you, but I’m having lots of fun.” You tossed your cigarette butt to the ground, smashing it with your foot. “I like talking to you.”
He looked into your eyes, opening and closing his mouth before staring at the ground. A little smile was on his lips.
“Plus,” You stood up, stretching. “Parties are way more fun when you’re not the one hosting them.”
“I wouldn’t know. Jake’s always begging me to have them here. He says the ocean view gets the ladies going.”
You laughed. “As much as I’d love to stay and find out if that’s true, I should really get home. Can I use your phone to call a cab?”
“I-I mean yeah,” he stood up behind you. “But… do you really have to go? You said you liked talking to me.”
You smirked. “I do, baby. But it’s getting late. And my friends already left, anyway.”
His eyes widened at the butterflies that filled his belly when you called him the pet name again. Uh oh.
“But… you could stay.” He followed you to the glass door, smiling to himself when you struggled to pry it open. “You could stay and hang out with me. A-and, you know… my friends.”
Heeseung reached above you to help slide the door open, but you turned around to face him. His breath caught in his throat when he realized his arm had you pinned against the door. The way you looked up at him through your eyelashes made him half-hard.
“You want me to stay?” You smiled, brushing your fingertips over his arm. “But I thought your friends said I was bad news…”
“They’re…” His words trailed off and he just looked at you. Like no boy ever had before, his eyes full of stars and curiosity and something else that you couldn’t quite put your finger on.
He’s perfect. You stood on your tiptoes to give him the tiniest, most feather-light kiss on his cheek. “I have to go, baby. Help me get this stupid door open.”
Heeseung brushed his fingertips over his cheek, touching the hint of lipgloss that you left there. After shaking his head to get himself out of the trance he was in, he slid the glass door all the way open with ease, following you inside and shutting it behind him.
“At least let me drive you home! Cabs are expensive this late. A-and cab drivers are pervs.”
“Who says you’re not a perv?” You teased, turning to look at him.
It was easy to see his blush inside. He vigorously shook his head. “I-I’m not! I swear, I just want you to get home safe-”
“Kidding. I was only kidding. I’d love for you to drive me home.”
He beamed at you. “Cool. I’ll just- I’ll go get my keys.”
Heeseung disappeared into the kitchen and you heard his friends cheer after a few moments. He reappeared seconds later with red cheeks, barely meeting your eyes. You turned to leave and he just stayed where he was standing, blushing and staring at the floor.
“Well?” You waved your hand to get his attention. “Are you coming?”
“Am I c-” His eyes somehow got even wider. “Am I…” He took in a deep breath. “Yeah. I-I’m coming.”
Heeseung drove a white convertible. He ran out to the driveway in front of you so that he could open the passenger seat door for you, then fussed with the cassette player for a good five minutes, thoroughly embarrassed when he couldn’t find anything other than new wave.
You laughed. “I don’t actually hate new wave, you know. I was just trying to make conversation.”
He gave you a sarcastic side-eye before turning up the radio. “Are you buckled?”
You ignored the fluttering in your chest as you reached for the seatbelt over your shoulder. He gave a little nod of approval once he heard it fasten.
The drive was awkward. Heeseung’s knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel so tight and he drove five miles under the speed limit the whole way, coming to a full and complete stop at every stop sign. Neither of you spoke except for when you’d give him directions. It was clear that if you wanted to talk to him, you’d have to start the conversation up yourself.
“So, are your parents totally going to kill you after this weekend?”
He shook his head. “They trust me. And the guys help me clean up whenever we do something like this, anyway.”
“They seem like good friends.”
“They are. They’re like my brothers.”
“What did they say to you in the kitchen? You were blushing like crazy.” You opened your purse and flipped down the visor in front of you to apply more lipgloss. Heeseung’s eyes darted over to you every few seconds as he desperately tried not to crash.
“Oh… they’re just, uh-” He cleared his throat. “They were just…excited. I don’t really… I don’t talk to girls that often.”
“Yeah? Why’s that? You’re really handsome, you know.” His head snapped to look at you, his breath catching in his throat. You pointed at the road. “It’s this next left.”
He pried his eyes back to the road before making the most cautious, calculated left turn you’d ever experienced. “...Thanks.” He mumbled. “Girls just… I don’t know, they make me nervous.”
You smiled. “Do I make you nervous, baby?”
He shook his head. “You have no idea,” he breathed.
“It’s that big white one at the end of the street.” You rested your hand on his knee, squeezing lightly. His whole body stiffened. “And there’s no reason to be nervous, cutie. I’ll only bite if you want me to.” You winked, unbuckling your seatbelt to place one last kiss on his cheek. His fingers instinctively touched the sticky red mark you left.
You opened the car door and he snapped out of his trance. “I can- I’ll get that for you.” He reached across your lap in an attempt to push the already-open door open. He ended up just awkwardly leaning over the seat, his head almost in your lap. You laughed as you stepped out of the car and gently closed the door. He stayed where he was, looking up at you with those starry eyes.
“Hey, remember how I said parties are more fun when you’re not the one hosting them?”
“M-Mhm?” He nodded.
“My friend K is having a party next weekend. You should come.”
“Oh… I don’t know.” He sat up a little bit. “I’ve never really been to a party without my friends before.”
“You’ll have me! We’re friends now, right?” You smiled. “And I’ll pick you up. To thank you for driving me home tonight.”
“You don’t have to. I drove you home because I wanted to.”
“And I’m inviting you to this party because I like you and I want you to come.”
“You… like me?”
“Party’s Saturday night. Be ready by nine, okay? I really hate waiting.” You gave him one last smile before turning on your heel and making your way up the pathway to your front door. You were halfway there when he called out to you.
“Wait!” You looked at him over your shoulder. “I… I just realized I didn’t even tell you what my name is.” He blushed.
“I know your name, Lee Heeseung.” You turned around to keep walking.
“Wait! Aren’t you going to-” he started.
“I know you know my name.” You yelled over your shoulder. His eyes stayed glued on you the whole time. The smell of your perfume was still lingering in his car, and it made his head spin. As you unlocked the front door, you heard his voice squeak out, “H-have a nice night!”
You waved at him over your shoulder. “Thanks for the ride, baby. I’ll see you Saturday, kay?”
Heeseung was thankful that your back was turned so you couldn’t see how wide he was smiling. Little did he know that you were keeping your back turned to hide the same expression.
Saturday couldn’t come fast enough. You couldn’t get those big doe eyes out of your head, and all you wanted to do was kiss the sweet little curve of his cupid’s bow. It had been years since you’d had a crush on someone, and you were remembering why they called it a “crush”. Thinking about him made your chest ache and you weren’t sure if you liked it or not.
Heeseung wore a tie when you picked him up, and you almost burst into tears. His hair was neatly styled, his glasses perched atop that cute little upturned nose just like they were the other night. You wanted to eat him alive.
He gawked at your car. “Is this yours?” He brushed his fingertips over the red paint.
“Did you really think you were the only spoiled brat in town whose daddy bought him a convertible?”
He let out a breathy laugh. “It’s so… cool.”
“Thanks, baby. It’s even cooler on the inside. Why don’t you come see?”
Heeseung was nervous, and it showed. He pretended to hum along to the cassette you had playing while he fidgeted with his fingers. In all honesty, you couldn’t blame him for his nerves. Your crowd didn’t consist of the most inviting people in the world, especially not to a sweet boy like Heeseung. They’d definitely do that thing where they made fun of him by pretending to be friends with him; laughing at him while he thinks they’re laughing with him. You promised yourself to keep him in your sight the whole night.
Luckily, the promise was only made to yourself because it was broken almost as soon as you walked in the door. Summer was in tears, pulling you aside just seconds after you entered the party.
“Oh god,” you sighed. “What is it?”
“Can we have some privacy, maybe?” She sniffed, eyes darting over to Heeseung. Poor baby just stood there like a deer in headlights, unsure what to do with himself.
“The guys are hanging out in the kitchen,” EJ butted in. “He can just hang with us.” He turned to Heeseung. “It’s just down that hallway, man. K’s in there, he’ll get you a drink.”
Heeseung gave you a nervous smile before making his way down the hallway. You grabbed EJ’s wrist as he turned to leave. “Be nice to him.”
EJ rolled his eyes. “You should be telling yourself that. Don’t worry, your little experiment is safe with me.”
A pit in your stomach formed, though you weren’t sure which part it was for.
Summer pulled you into the nearest bathroom, locked the door, and then sat on the closed toilet seat with her face in her hands.
“What ha-”
“You know how I got these stupid extensions?”
“Because K said he likes girls with long hair? Yeah, I remember.”
“He told me right before the party that they looked stupid. He said I look like somebody tried to draw Cyndi Lauper from memory. He called me a try-hard.” She sobbed, black mascara running down her cheeks.
You stifled a laugh because he was 100% correct, the extensions did look stupid and she did look like somebody tried to draw Cyndi Lauper from memory, but the try-hard bit was excessively mean, no matter how dumb she may have looked. “That’s shitty, Summer. I’m really sorry.”
“And it’s like- why am I even trying?” She rambled on, completely unaware of your apology. “I know he’s been looking at other girls at those weird garage concerts he goes to. And they’re probably cooler and prettier than me-”
“Summer, you’re plenty cool and plenty pretty. If K can’t see that, maybe he’s not the guy for you.”
“And I love him! I love him and I let him cum inside me whenever he wants! Do you know how many girls do that for their boyfriends? Not fucking many!”
You sighed. It didn’t matter what you said, she was only ranting to hear her own voice. She’d never listen to advice. You worried about what Heeseung was doing in the kitchen while she rambled and cried and rambled some more. Her whiny voice snapped you out of your thoughts.
“W-why do you keep checking your watch?”
“I’m sorry, Summer, I really am, but I shouldn’t leave Heeseung alone for this long. It’s already been almost an hour.”
“Oh… so your little project is more important than your best friend? What is he, a fucking baby who needs his mommy to watch him?”
You sighed and made your way to the door. “I’m not having this conversation right now.”
She continued. “No, wait, that’s what you wanted, isn’t it? A little fucking baby to ruin and break, because you can’t just see a nice thing and let it be nice. You know what? Why am I even asking you for advice? You don’t know shit about boys, you just want to see them cry.”
You closed the bathroom door behind you as she sobbed, your stomach churning in fear that she was right. The pit in your stomach grew even more when you heard voices chanting Heeseung’s name in the kitchen. No, no, no…
He was smiling when you saw him. There’s that, at least. And he truly did have a lovely smile.
But that was about the end of the pleasant aspect of the situation. A group of guys were huddled around him, encouraging him to take a shot. He could barely stand, let alone lift the shot glass to his lips. There was a look in Heeseung’s eyes that you’d seen on your friends many times. You’d seen it in your parent’s eyes, too; Even in your own from time to time when you stared at yourself in the mirror in the bathroom of a house party. The look didn’t suit him at all. He yelled out your name and laughed when he saw you, and you immediately made your way over to him. You must have had a scary look on your face because the crowd of guys dissipated as you approached them.
“Oh, Heeseung…” You sighed, holding his face in your hands. “Baby, what did they do to you?”
“The drinks were so small! They said…” He hiccuped, slurring his words together. “They said a guy my size should have no problem with them.”
“Those were shots, baby. How many did you have?”
“Six. Maybe eleven…” His words trailed off as he stared at you. “You’re so pretty.”
“Okay, sweetheart, we need to get you some water.” As much as you’d usually love receiving compliments from the sweet boy, seeing him in this state made you feel… icky. Like you’d ruined him, and not in a good way. You filled up a cup full of water then held his hand to lead him up the stairs.
“W-where are we going?” He hiccuped.
“Just a guest room, baby. It’s too loud down there.”
Heeseung’s heart thumped in his chest. What if-?
You pushed the door open and sat Heeseung on the neatly-made bed, placing the cup of water in his hands and turning on the bedside lamp. You gently closed the door before sitting next to him.
“Can you drink some of the water for me, sweetheart?”
He nodded, his eyes wide and glazed over as he lifted the cup to his lips. You watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed once, twice, three times. His lips were glossy with water when he pulled the cup away.
“All done?”
He nodded, gently pushing the cup into your hands. You leaned over to place it on the nightstand and when you turned to look at him again, he was pressing his wet lips to yours.
The kiss was messy. Messier than you’d expect from your sweet, innocent boy. You instinctively reciprocated for a few moments before his tongue slipped against yours. You tasted cherry vodka and pulled away.
“No, baby.”
He looked like a fawn whose mother was just shot. “N-no…?”
You cupped his face in your hands. His cheeks were flaming red. “You’re drunk. This isn’t how we’re doing this.”
“B-but…” His eyes got glassy, his lips wobbling. Oh no. “I thought… I thought you said you liked me?”
“I do like you, baby. I like you so much. It’s wrong to do it like this.”
He pulled his face away from your touch, resting his head in his hands. “You can’t call me baby! It makes my stomach feel funny…” he sniffed.
Precious boy. He made your teeth ache. You wanted to crack the shell of his candy-coated heart and eat him alive.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” You rubbed his back.
“You can’t call me that, either,” he whined. “I just… I just wanted to be cool like you and your friends. Wanted you to like me.”
“You’re way cooler than all of my friends, ba… Heeseung.” He looked up from his hands at the sound of his name. “You’re way cooler than them. I like you just how you are.”
His face scrunched up. “Now you’re making fun of me,” he cried, tears slipping from his big eyes. He hid his face in his hands again as you tried to reassure him that you weren’t making fun of him and that you really did like him.
“I’m so dumb,�� he hiccuped. “I’m so stupid. I thought I had a chance with you and I wore this stupid tie-”
“Hey, I like your tie!” You interrupted him. “Baby, if you weren’t drunk off your ass, I’d be all over you right now.”
He hiccuped one last time. “R…really?”
“Mhm. But I think right now what you need is more water and some rest. I’ll drive you home, okay?”
“And then we can kiss later?”
“Mhm. When you’re all rested up and sober, then we can kiss.”
He chugged the rest of the glass of water, then stood up a little too fast and almost fell over. You slung one of his arms around your shoulder and kissed his temple. “Slow down, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
Heeseung woke up in his bed the next morning with three things to worry about: the worst headache he’d ever had, the fact that he was in his underwear, the fact that said underwear were covered in Stormtroopers from Star Wars, and the note he found on his nightstand. Okay, so four things, but the underwear was really a two-in-one. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and located his glasses before reading the note.
Baby,
Don’t freak out. We laid on your floor and listened to records for a little bit and then you took off all your clothes and went to sleep. I wanted to kiss you but I didn’t. Drink some more water, it’ll help you feel better.
P.S.- cute undies. I love Star Wars.
He groaned when he saw your signature at the bottom of the page. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He’d definitely blown any chance he had with you now. He was even more confused because he could’ve sworn he remembered kissing you last night. Stupid.
He reached for the landline on his nightstand and instinctively dialed Jay’s house. His mom answered.
“Hi, Mrs. Park. It’s Heeseung. Is Jay there, please?”
He heard her scream for Jay, and the line clicked again.
“So? Did she fuck you in the back of that red Fiat? Was it everything you dreamed of?”
“Not even close,” Heeseung groaned again. “I got way too drunk at the party and she drove me home.”
“Yikes. And then what?”
“Apparently we listened to records and then I took off all my clothes and went to sleep.” He rubbed his temples. “She saw my underwear, man.”
“Don’t tell me.” Jay stifled a laugh.
“Yes, it was the Stormtrooper ones! It’s not funny!”
Jay burst out into laughter and Heeseung groaned again. “I said it’s not funny! I really liked her, and now she’s not going to want anything to do with me. It’s like that girl from the polo club all over again.”
“This is completely different than that. Have you tried calling her?”
“I can’t talk to her! What am I supposed to say? ‘Hey, thanks for driving me home last night! I can’t remember anything except that you looked really pretty. Wanna watch Star Wars?’”
“Yeah, that’s perfect.”
“Shut up,” Heeseung whined. “Seriously, man, what am I gonna do?”
“Let’s just do what we always do. Take some painkillers and I’ll tell the guys to meet us there in fifteen.”
Heeseung opened his mouth to object, but the line clicked dead on the other end. He threw up while he was taking a shower and then put his swim trunks on.
Childish as it might sound, wrestling in the country club pool was pretty therapeutic. Heeseung and his friends had a system down and they’d had tournaments every summer since they were kids. There were three teams: Jake and Riki, Sunghoon and Jungwon, and Heeseung and Jay. Sunoo didn’t like violence, so he was the referee. The boys would get on each other’s shoulders and wrestle until the top person on the losing team fell in the pool. They’d been playing this game for as long as they could remember.
Heeseung was having fun. He and Jay were winning the tournament, and they’d just secured another victory by pushing Jake off Riki’s shoulders. His headache was gone, and he was even starting to forget about yesterday. That was until he heard your voice.
“That was a nice one, baby!”
His stomach dropped to his toes as his head darted around to find where your voice came from. He froze when he saw you sunbathing by the pool, wearing a black bathing suit and red heart-shaped sunglasses. Quite literally something straight out of one of his wet dreams.
“Oh my god,” Jake popped up from the water just in time to hear your comment. He smiled, pushing his wet hair off his forehead and shielding the sun from his eyes. “That’s her, isn’t it? The one who saw your underwear?”
“You told them?” Heeseung looked up at Jay on his shoulders, who only shrugged. He reached up and pushed the younger boy off, wrestling him down into the water. Once Heeseung had gotten a fair amount of punches in, Jay turned to Jake, who was still giggling.
“Shut up, Jake! Do I need to remind you that you and Riki had to switch places for shoulder wars this summer? You’re so short you have to sit on Riki’s shoulders, and he’s a baby!”
The rest of the group burst into laughter as Jake tried to defend himself. “The little freak grew six inches in six months! I’m not the weird one here!” He wrestled Jay back into the water.
A tall kid who you assumed to be Riki joined in on the brawl. “I’m not a baby!” He screamed, “Or a freak, dipshit!”
Heeseung made his way over to you, embarrassed in too many ways to count. He pushed himself up and out of the pool, and you were thankful that you were wearing sunglasses to hide where you were looking.
“I, uh…” he spoke up, “I didn’t know you came here.”
“We live five minutes away from each other. What other country club is there to go to?”
“Right…”
You laughed. “I’ve been watching you guys play for the past two hours. You take this game pretty seriously.”
“Yeah, we’ve played it since we were kids.” He looked down and his face slowly reddened with realization. “Wait… please tell me you didn’t see…”
“When your trunks fell off? It’s okay, I only looked for a second. You have a really cute butt, baby.” You giggled.
He let out the loudest groan he’d made all morning. “That’s it! I have to die now. I literally have to go die.”
You tugged on his arm, pulling him down to sit next to you on your towel. “Stop it. You know I’m only teasing you because I like you so much.”
He sat cross-legged next to you, huffing. “Yeah, I’m having a really hard time believing that.”
“Why?”
“All I’ve done since I’ve met you is embarrass myself!”
“Well, yeah…” You smiled, and his head snapped to look at you. “But it’s cute. Every time you’ve embarrassed yourself, you’ve just been trying to impress me. It means you care.”
“Sorry to disappoint, but the swim trunks thing was not on purpose.” He raised his eyebrows, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.
You gasped. “Are you sure? Because that actually impressed me the most. You better do it again, or else I may just get bored and leave.”
He smiled, and this time it took up his whole face. “Go on a date with me.”
You smiled back. “Okay.”
“Like, a real, proper date. Where I pay for your dinner and you wear a dress and I wear a tie. I’m tired of house parties.”
You nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay.” He parroted, standing up. “Tomorrow. At… uh… at eight?”
“Eight’s good.” You smiled up at him through heart-shaped lenses.
“...Cool. Wear- uh… wear a dress, okay?”
You nodded again. “You already told me to wear a dress.”
He nodded back, smiling and sort of in a trance as he jumped into the pool again.
You wore a white sundress for your date with Heeseung. There’s something about seeing a girl in a white dress that makes boys absolutely lose their minds, and Heeseung was no exception. He brought you a single rose and presented it to you when you opened your front door, wide eyes raking over your figure.
“You look…” He inhaled shakily. “So pretty.”
You took the rose out of his hand and kissed his cheek. His fingers brushing against your kiss-shaped cherry gloss on his cheek were starting to become habitual.
Heeseung did everything right. He opened the car door for you and took you out to a fancy restaurant. He laughed with you throughout the whole dinner and then paid for everything even though you insisted that he let you help. He let you pick the music in the car and then took you to see Top Gun at the cinema. He rested a hand on your knee throughout the entire film and he never tried to move it any higher. The movie was so boring you wanted to fall asleep, but his hand would start shaking a little bit during every sex scene, and that alone was entertaining enough to keep you awake.
It was perfect. The most perfect date you’d ever been on. The only date you had ever been on, you realized as he pulled up to your house again. You finally understood what all those songs meant when they complained about not wanting the night to end.
Heeseung turned his car off in your driveway and walked you to your front door. Once you were there, he awkwardly stood under the porch light and fidgeted with his hands.
“What is it, baby?”
“I think… I think this is the part where I’m supposed to kiss you.”
You laughed. “Well, do you want to kiss me?”
“Yeah,” he nodded. “Like, so bad.”
“...Are you waiting for me to tell you to or som-”
He gently held your face and pressed his lips to yours. It was a sweet kiss, just like you’d imagined it would be. It wasn’t anywhere near as messy as the other night. And Heeseung’s lips were soft; the softest you’d ever felt on a boy. His kisses were plush and warm and completely addicting. The two of you trailed each other’s lips when the other would pull away. He planted two final chaste kisses on your lips before leaning back.
“Goodnight, Heeseung.” You whispered, brushing your thumb over his cheek.
“Goodnight.” He whispered back, so quietly that he was basically just mouthing the word.
Neither of you moved. You giggled and kissed him again. “Goodnight,” you repeated, lightly pushing his chest away. You couldn’t remember the last time a boy made you giggle.
Heeseung slowly walked backwards down the path to your front door. “Can I see you tomorrow?”
“I think we can make that work.” You leaned against your front door and watched him walk away. “I might have some spare time between the unemployment at 12 and the sunbathing at 3.”
He made it all the way to his car, paused, and then jogged back up the path. He held your face in his hands and pulled you into one last kiss. “Sorry. Last one.”
You lightly pushed his chest away, though you were secretly hoping he’d kiss you again. “Drive safe, baby.” Though you knew he couldn’t drive any other way. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And you saw him every day after that, too. You came to the realization that you’d never really dated anybody before Heeseung. You’d been with plenty of guys, sure, but none of them had ever dated you. And Heeseung loved dates.
Summer teased you for it. “Have you even fucked him yet? Wasn’t that the whole point, to take his big dumb virginity?”
You didn’t care. You were having just as much fun going on dates with Heeseung and kissing him goodnight. He was constantly trying to come up with new places to take you and new excuses to press his lips to yours, because he loved kisses even more than he loved dates. He kissed you on top of the ferris wheel at the boardwalk, he kissed you in his parked car while you watched the sunset, he kissed you on the beach after he let you bury him up to his neck in sand; simply because you thought it would be fun and he never said no to you. It seemed like you spent an entire month with your lips against his.
And you didn’t mind it at all. The dates were the most fun you’d had in months and his kisses really were addicting.
You’d lost count of how many dates you’d been on the night that you couldn’t seem to pull away from him at your front door. Every kiss just left you wanting more, every sigh he made lit your whole body on fire. His hands were getting a little more curious, sliding down your waist and gripping you tighter as he moved his lips against yours. You’d never needed someone before.
“Come upstairs.” You whispered against his lips.
He blushed. “Your parents are in there.”
“They’re passed out drunk by now and their room is on the other side of the house.” You kissed him again. “Please, come upstairs, baby. I don’t want to stop kissing you.”
He whimpered and pulled you into another kiss. He actually whimpered.
You and Heeseung tiptoed up the stairs and you led him to your room. He’d never been in a girl’s room before and it showed. “It… it smells like you in here…” He sighed, looking around the room with wide eyes. All at once, he realized that this was where you sleep, where you get dressed, where you touch yourself. His head spun.
“C’mere, baby, help me pick out a record.” You kneeled in front of your record player, and he was thankful that he had something to distract him from the red lace panties he saw peeking out of your hamper.
“T-that one’s good.” He pointed to the first record he recognized.
“The Psychadelic Furs? Right, I forgot you’re a new wave geek.” You smiled at him, and he was too enamored to defend himself.
Heeseung sat on your bed while you put the record on, and he forced himself to not think about the things you’d done on that bed. He also forced himself to breathe. Neither seemed to work.
He held his breath and you walked over to sit next to him. You gently held his hand as you connected your mouth to his again, attempting to start another makeout session, but he was trembling. Like, worse than he was that night in the movie theater.
“Baby, you’re shaking.” You frowned.
“Sorry…” he breathed. “I’m so nervous. I just… I don’t think I’m ready to have sex yet but I don’t want to do nothing and I don’t want to disappoint you-”
“Heeseung, we can go as slow as you want to.” You gently squeezed his hand. “If you just want to kiss tonight, we don’t have to do anything else.”
He finally exhaled. “Can we just… do what feels right?”
You nodded. “Whatever you want, baby. Anything.” He gave you a little smile and pressed his lips to yours again.
Heeseung was a good kisser. The movements of his lips and tongue were calculated and just enough to turn you on without being overkill. And he was very observant, paying close attention to whatever got a reaction out of you so that he could do it again. His hands stayed on your hips and yours rested on his chest, gently tracing your fingers over the sculpted lines of it. You tried to plant kisses on his cheek so that you could make your way down to his neck, but his glasses hit you in the eye.
“Can I take these off?” You giggled.
He nodded and you slipped them off, folding them up on your nightstand. You studied his face without his glasses. His lips were plump from kisses and slightly shiny and red from your cherry gloss. His eyes were big as ever, and they sparkled as he looked at you.
“Your lips are so sweet, baby.” You kissed him again and again. “I love kissing you.”
He whimpered again, and you felt your panties sticking to you when you shifted to sit on your knees. Your eyes glanced to his lap, where there was a noticeable tent in his pants. He was rock-solid, no doubt.
You moved your hand down his chest and tummy to brush your fingertips over his erection. He let out a breathy moan and then squirmed away from your touch.
Your eyebrows furrowed. “Baby… have you ever been touched before?”
He blushed furiously and gave you a small nod, barely meeting your eyes. “A… a little”
“A little? What do you mean?”
He sighed, closing his eyes. “Well, I used to date this girl from the polo club…”
You nodded. “Mhm?”
“And… we used to… kiss. Sometimes.”
A little smile crept onto your lips. “Yeah? Did you ever try anything else, baby?”
He shifted in his seat, ears burning. “She touched me over my pants one time… but I…” He stared at his hands.
You smiled, squeezing his knee to comfort him. “What, baby?”
“I got too excited and…” he covered his face with his hands. “Agh, please don’t make me say it.”
So he really did cum in his pants! It wasn’t just a nasty rumor!
“She thought I was disgusting,” He continued, frowning. “She broke up with me and told everyone about it.”
“Is that why you’re so nervous, sweetheart? You’re afraid of getting too excited?”
“I can’t embarrass myself in front of you anymore.” He shook his head. “I won’t be able to live with myself.”
“Heeseung.” He looked in your eyes at the sound of his name and you gently held his cheek. “I would never make fun of you for something like that, baby. I’d never do that. I just want to make you feel good.”
He sighed and looked at you like you were a goddess before kissing you again. It was a much more heated kiss this time, his tongue feverishly working against yours, no matter how calculated its movements may be. You gently pushed him down on the bed and swung your leg over him, pressing yourself flush against his chest. He let out a little gasp.
“Is this okay, baby?”
“Yes.” He breathed. “God, yes.”
You made out with him and pressed your hips against his just hard enough to give him a little stimulation, not nearly hard enough to make him cum in his pants. His hands squeezed your waist, his legs slotted with yours. He gasped again when your thigh brushed against his crotch.
You pulled your lips away from his with a little smack, empathetically looking down as you brushed your fingertips over his bulge again. “Does it hurt?”
“M-mhm.” He nodded, unable to find any other words.
You finally left little kisses up his perfect neck, planting one final kiss on his earlobe. Your voice was barely a whisper. “Have you ever had a blowjob, baby?”
He almost came in his pants again. You pulled back to look in his eyes and he just stared up at you with that sweet Bambi gaze, ever-so-slightly shaking his head no.
“Can I give one to you?”
A tiny nod.
“I need to hear you say it, baby.”
“Yes,” he nodded again, more sure of himself. “Yes, please.”
You undid his tie and he sat up to help you shakily undo the buttons of his dress shirt. Though you’d seen him shirtless in the pool earlier, you couldn’t help but marvel at his body. His stomach was muscular from years of surfing and wrestling and it felt hard under your fingertips. He propped himself up on his elbows to watch you unzip his pants and pull them down.
“No Stormtroopers today?” You smiled up at him.
He exhaled a breathy laugh. “No, not today.”
You gently tugged the waistband of his boxers down, and his cock slapped against his toned lower abdomen once it was freed. His tip was red and dripping, the vein running along the bottom of his shaft pulsing slightly.
“Wow, baby…” You gently took his cock in your hands. “You have a really pretty dick.” You pressed a kiss to the tip of it. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself to take deep breaths again. He’d pictured your face next to his dick a bit too many times before and seeing the real thing was overwhelming. When he opened his eyes, you were letting a glob of saliva drip onto his cock. It landed on his tip and then slid down his length, pooling at his balls.
Too much. His arms gave out and he just laid against your pillows, breathing heavily.
“Doing okay, baby?” You asked, gently jerking your spit into his cock.
“S-so good.” He breathed. You smiled and took his tip into your mouth, flicking your tongue over the sensitive underside of his head.
He moaned. Truly moaned, like you’d never heard a boy moan before. It was loud and pretty, like something that you’d only ever heard in porn. You shivered at the sound.
“S-sorry, I didn’t mean to-” He sat back up a little.
“Don’t you dare stop.” You jerked your hand a little faster. “I want you to keep making those pretty noises for me, baby.” You kissed his base and then licked up to his tip before taking him in your mouth again.
Another gorgeous moan. His hands gripped your duvet, his pretty eyelashes fluttering shut. His whole body was shaking and he whimpered again as he subconsciously rolled his hips into your mouth. You gagged around his length and he let out a loud moan before sitting up again.
“I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to, it just felt so goo- O-oh…” You jerked your hand over his tip while you tongued at his base.
“Don’t apologize, baby. Do you like this?”
“That f-” His eyes rolled back and his precious head hit your pillow again. “That f-feels so…”
You smiled, playfully tracing your middle finger around his slit to smear his precum around. You looked up at him as you pressed more kisses up his shaft.
“Oh my god…” he whined. His eyebrows knit together and his lips stayed parted as he looked down at you.
You hummed and spit on his cock again, jerking his tip as he seemed to like so much. “You’re doing so good, Heeseung. Being so good for me.” He let out something between a whine and a moan as you took him in your mouth again, slowly jerking his base while your tongue worked over his tip.
“Oh god,” He whined, his knuckles white from gripping your sheets so hard. “W-wait, gonna-”
You pulled off his cock, jerking the tip in your hand and running your tongue along his shaft. “I want you to cum, baby. I want you to.” You gave his tip two more kitten licks before taking him in your mouth again, pumping his base.
He let out the prettiest moan he’d made all night when he came. You sucked him through his orgasm, swallowing every last drop of cum he pumped into your mouth. Once he caught his breath, he looked down at you gently tracing your fingers over his spent cock. It twitched under your fingers.
“Where- where’d it… oh god… did- did you swallow…?”
You wiped the corners of your mouth, moving up to hover over him. “You did so good for me, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you.”
He whined and kissed you again. Tasting himself on your tongue was new and exciting and didn’t gross him out anywhere near as much as you thought it would. He gently flipped you over, kissing down your neck to the valley of your breasts. “C-can I…?” He looked up at you through his long eyelashes, and you pulled the straps of your dress and bra down to reveal your chest.
“Wow…” he breathed. “They’re so pretty. Can I…?”
“You can touch, baby. You don’t have to ask.” You smiled, running your fingers through his hair. He ran a thumb over one of your hardened nipples, taking the other one in his mouth and harshly sucking. “A-ah, not so hard, baby. They’re really sensitive.”
“Sorry.” He whispered, pressing a sweet kiss to your nipple. “M’sorry.”
“It’s okay, baby. It’ll feel really good if you just gently suck, okay? And keep doing that with your other hand.”
He followed your orders, worshipping your tits like they were the most precious treasure he’d ever held. His tongue occasionally flicked over them before he planted little kisses all over your chest.
“That’s it, Heeseung. Just like that, baby.” You sighed.
He positioned himself further down your body. “I’ve never… I’ve never done this before, so I need you to teach me, okay?”
“What do you want to do, baby?”
“I want to go down on you. Like you did for me.”
“Heeseung, sweetheart, you don’t have to. I didn’t do that to get something in return.”
“Isn’t sex supposed to feel good for both people?” He tilted his head. “I want to make you feel good, too.”
He looked up at you through his eyelashes again as he planted a singular kiss on your exposed thigh. You nodded. “Okay, baby.”
He helped you pull your dress off and you kicked it to the end of your bed next to where he was laying on his tummy. You threw your bra to the side, leaving you in your panties. “Why don’t you just try touching me first?”
He nodded, softly rubbing his fingers over the fabric of your underwear. “Y-you’re wet.” He whispered, almost to himself.
“You do that to me, baby. You’ve done that to me since the first night I met you.”
He whimpered again, pressing a kiss to your clothed heat. His tongue lightly dragged across the fabric and he pulled away with wide eyes. “Can I take them off of you?”
You nodded, lifting your hips so he could pull your panties down. You spread your legs for him to rest his shoulders between once they were off.
“Fuck…” he whispered. You had never heard him curse before.
“Teach me. Please, please, teach me,” he pleaded.
You nodded, spreading your pussy apart with two of your fingers and rubbing the bud there with a third. “Do you see this, baby?”
“Is that your clit?”
“Mhm. If you want to use your mouth, you can lick me there. Or you can suck, but not too hard or it’ll hurt. You can just touch me with your fingers, too.” He nodded, noting your words like it was the most valuable information he’d ever heard. You laughed. “Why don’t you just… try? I’ll tell you if something feels good, okay?”
He nodded, leaning forward to lick a single stripe up your pussy. You squirmed a little bit at the stimulation.
“You’re… sweet.” He breathed. He brought his face back to your pussy, giving your clit a few kitten licks just as you’d told him to.
“Mmm… that’s good, baby. Like that.” You threaded your fingers through his hair, pushing it off his forehead. He gave your clit a few more little licks and you let out a few breathy moans for him. “Can I try some other things, too?” he looked up at you.
“Try anything, baby. Go ahead.”
He nodded, running his tongue all over your pussy before it found your hole. The tip of his tongue dipped into your entrance, collecting your arousal and spreading it around your cunt before moving back up to lap at your clit. “T-that felt good, Heeseung.” You praised him. “Do that again.”
He continued his movements, his confidence building a bit. The record playing in the background was long finished, and the sound of it crackling and popping did nothing to mask the little squelching sounds of your baby’s tongue on your pussy. Heeseung was already completely hard again.
“Can I try sucking?”
“Mhm. Gentle, baby.”
His pretty lips ever-so-gently wrapped around your clit, sucking so light and sweet that it was almost like he was giving your clit little kisses. “Good… god, that’s good, Heeseung. That’s a good boy.” You praised, completely unaware of the new title you’d just given him.
He moaned against your cunt. “Can I use my fingers, too?”
“Yes,” you breathed. A few seconds passed and you felt nothing, so you looked down. He was looking between his hand and your pussy with furrowed eyebrows. “I don’t wanna hurt you,” he whispered.
“You’re not gonna hurt me, baby. Just be gentle. And curve them up towards my belly button while you thrust them, okay?”
He nodded. “H-how many?”
“Just two, baby.” You smiled down at him, pushing his hair off his forehead again. “Two’s perfect.”
He nodded again and softly slipped his pointer and middle fingers into your pussy, whimpering once they were knuckle-deep. “Oh my god,” he whined.
“Feels good, baby. Now just slowly pump them in and out and curve them like I told you.”
He was such a good listener. His long, slender fingers felt better than anyone else’s ever had, including your own.
“Can I do this and use my mouth at the same time?”
“Please, Heeseung. Please do that.” You breathed. Hearing you beg for him made him ache all over.
He used his other hand to draw a few little circles on your clit before lacing his fingers with yours and gently attaching his mouth to your pussy again. His fingers pumped at a steady pace, brushing your g-spot with each stroke as his lips and tongue massaged your clit.
“Baby,” you moaned, “You’re incredible. You’re doing so good, angel.”
Heeseung moaned against your cunt at the praise, moving his tongue down to flick over where his fingers entered you. The tip of his upturned nose bumped your clit. You arched your back, and he pressed his face further into your pussy.
“Mph! Baby… I think you’re gonna make me cum.” You breathed. He moved his mouth back up to your clit, whimpering and licking and gently sucking.
“Hee… fuck, j-just like that, baby.” This feeling was so foreign. Boys never made you cum. You’d only ever felt this way by yourself late at night in your room. But here Heeseung was, with his pretty little mouth and his perfect fingers, about to be the first person who had ever seen you have a real orgasm.
“A-ah, fuck,” your toes curled as you squeezed your eyes shut. The pressure in your core was almost to a peak. “That’s- that’s it, baby- fuck!” One last suck from his lips and curl of his fingers had you falling apart. Your walls clenched around his fingers and he moaned and hummed against your pussy as you came. Your body spasmed on the bed, back arching and hips wiggling as your high washed over you. Heeseung slowly pulled his fingers out of you once you came down.
“I’m… I’m so sorry.” He whispered.
Your eyes snapped open. “Why are you sorry? That felt really good, baby.”
“I… I came on your dress.” You looked down at the fabric, which had somehow gotten bunched up between his legs. So that was why he was moaning so much. “And it was so pretty. God, I’m so sorry.” He whined your name.
You giggled, pulling him up to you and kissing his glossy lips. “I don’t care about the dumb dress, baby. You did so good.” You kissed him again. “You know that was the first time anybody has ever made me cum?”
His eyes widened. “...Really? I was one of your firsts?”
“Yeah,” you breathed. “I guess you were.”
He smiled through the next kiss he gave you. His breaths were uneven, and for a moment, you thought he was crying. When you pulled away to look into his eyes, he was giggling.
“W… what’s funny?”
“Nothing!” He smiled, a blush spreading across his cheeks. “I’m just… I’m really happy right now.”
You brushed his bangs out of his eyes. “Yeah… I am too, baby.”
A small feeling of guilt crept into your stomach as he laid his head on your chest. Your own voice echoed in your head as you remembered all the times you’d described what you wanted to do to a boy like Heeseung. How you wanted to break him and ruin him, turn him into a mess for you. You ran your fingers through Heeseung’s fluffy dark hair and understood what the term ‘lovesick’ meant.
He’s perfect. And people aren’t supposed to be perfect, but he is. To ruin him would be a tragedy.
Heeseung started calling you his girlfriend after that night. He never really asked or made a big deal about it, he just casually slipped it into conversation whenever he got the chance.
“My girlfriend loves cherry stuff. She always wears this cherry-flavored lipgloss and it sticks to my cheeks when she kisses me.”
The gas station employee stared at him. “The lollipop is 89 cents, sir.”
The guys definitely caught on, too. Heeseung was constantly asking if you could join them when they made plans. Like this morning, for example, when Sunghoon asked if they all could go surfing on Heeseung’s beach.
“Can my girlfriend come?”
“You know we know her name, right? And I thought you said she didn’t like surfing?” Jay asked.
“She likes to watch.” Heeseung shrugged.
Which was true. You loved watching the boys. They were funny, and they truly loved being around each other. Watching them was like watching a sitcom. You sat on a towel on the beach, listening to Heeseung’s small radio while they surfed. The summer was almost halfway over, and it was turning out to be a lot purer than you anticipated.
Jake waddled up the beach, trying to knock the water out of his ears. He’d just wiped out for the third time in a row.
“That was quite a fall.” You laughed as he plopped down next to you on your towel.
“I just don’t get how Heeseung’s so good at it. He doesn’t even have to try!” He groaned, hitting the side of his head to get more water out.
“He’s good at everything.” You smiled, taking out the small pair of binoculars he gave you to watch him through.
“Yeah…” Jake sighed. “He really likes you, you know.”
“I know.”
“No, I mean he really likes you. He talks about you all the time. It’s kind of annoying, really.”
You didn’t say anything, smiling as you watched your boy through the binoculars. He looked at you and waved, screaming out a “Watch this!” that was muted over the ocean breeze. You gave him a thumbs-up while Jake kept talking.
“Jay still doesn’t really trust you. He thinks you’re going to break his heart.”
“I can’t blame him for that.” You sighed. “I have a pretty bad track record.”
“But… you aren’t going to, right?”
You watched Heeseung through the binoculars. He caught a wave, then stood up on his board and did a sort of flip trick. He tried to wave to you once he landed and ended up wiping out, slamming face-first into the ocean.
You smiled. “No, I don’t think I will.”
Heeseung waddled up the beach doing the same head shake that Jake did to get the water out of his ears. Jake stood up from his spot on the towel. “Just… take care of him. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Heeseung plopped down where Jake had been sitting as the latter made his way back down the beach. The towel darkened as beads of water dripped onto it. “What were you guys talking about?”
“You.” You answered honestly. “You looked really cool out there, baby.”
“You saw?” He blushed. “I tried to do a trick for you.”
“It was cool. I loved it.” You repeated yourself, pushing his wet hair off his forehead and then cupping his face. He leaned into your touch and pressed a kiss to your hand.
“Are you wearing enough sunscreen?” He squinted at your shoulders. “I don’t want you to get burned.”
Your stomach flipped and your heart broke at the same time. Never, in your entire life, had a boy cared whether or not you got a sunburn. Or opened a car door for you, or bought you flowers. Or kissed you just to kiss you, not to start anything else. Never had a boy bought cherry lollipops for you at the gas station because he remembered how your lips tasted and thought of you when he saw them.
And you didn’t deserve any of it.
“Are you?” His voice was laced with concern. “Here, turn around. I’ll put some more on.”
Heeseung sat up on his knees to work the sunscreen into your skin and you tried not to cry. His hands were so gentle, touching you like you were the most precious thing he’d ever held.
“Hey, are you okay?” He wiped his hands on his own shoulders once he was done.
“Why are you so sweet to me?” You whispered, staring out into the ocean. He sat next to you and stared, too, resting his hands on his knees. There was a beat of silence, and then he sighed.
“You’re the best girl in the world. And I…” He shifted in his seat, looking down at his hands. “You know… I love you.”
Your head turned to look into his eyes. They widened when he saw the look of shock on your face and the tears in yours.
“That was weird! That was weird, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said-”
You kissed him. He tasted like the ocean.
“I… I love you too, baby.” You whispered back, and you were 95% sure that you meant it.
Heeseung’s parents went out of town the next week, but he didn’t want to have a party. He wouldn’t tell anybody why but was insistent on it, no matter how much Jake begged. You were reading magazines on your bed when the phone rang.
“GOT IT!” You screamed, although you weren’t sure your parents were even home. “Hello?”
“Hi.”
“Hi, baby.” You smiled. “What’s up?”
“Can you come over? Like… like right now?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes! Yeah. Just… come over, okay? I love you.”
The line clicked dead before you could respond. Once you got to Heeseung’s, you pounded on the huge double doors of his house. No answer.
“Baby?” You yelled, cupping your hand around your face to look in the door. Nothing. “Heeseung?” You jiggled the door handle, and it opened.
Heeseung’s house was beautiful. Even more so without a bunch of drunk teenagers crowding it. It was open and tastefully decorated, pictures of baby Heeseung and his brother strategically placed about. You picked up a frame on the small table next to the couch, and a very tiny Heeseung smiled back at you with arms clad in pool floaties. Your heart ached.
Something moved in the corner of your eye and you turned to look out the huge glass windows. Heeseung was kneeling on the beach, adjusting something that you couldn’t see behind the seagrass.
Those doors were still impossible to open. You pried one ajar just far enough to squeeze through when you stood sideways.
“Baby?” You called out, shielding the sun out of your eyes with your hand. “What are you doing?”
“Ah! Don’t look! Close your eyes!”
You laughed and covered your eyes with your hand.
“It was…” He panted, trudging up the beach to you. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”
“You sounded like you were shitting yourself over the phone,” you laughed. “What is it?”
He held his hand out for you to follow him and walked back down the beach. Behind the seagrass, there was a pretty quilt laid out with a basket on top of it. Two crystal wine glasses sat next to it, a bottle of pink lemonade between them. You looked at him and his ears were flaming.
“It’s been two months since we met. I thought we should… you know… celebrate. Or something.”
How has it only been two months?
“Baby…” you whispered. “This is… this is so sweet. I don’t deserve this.”
He shook his head. “It’s nothing, really. I made the sandwiches myself so they probably taste really bad, anyway.”
You laughed and sat down on the quilt, kicking off your sandals.
“And I was going to bring wine but everything in my parents’ cellar tastes so bad. You like lemonade, right?” He sat down next to you.
You nodded.
“Ah- ow, wait,” He stood on his knees to pull something out of his back pocket. A very flattened rose appeared and he sighed. “Man… I really wanted to give this to you. You know, because I gave you a rose on our first date? But I crushed it… I’m sor-”
“I love it.” You swallowed the lump in your throat. “It’s perfect, baby. I don’t care if it’s crushed.”
“Wait, hey, are you crying? Don’t cry! I’ll get another rose, they’re only like two dollars!”
You shook your head, waving your hand to tell him to stop. You took a deep breath and he watched you with that look he always got when he watched you.
“You really do love me, don’t you?”
His eyebrows furrowed. “Of course I do. You’re my favorite girl in the world.”
Why did it feel like you’d been stabbed in the stomach? You jumped on top of him, resting a knee on either side of his lap, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing. He immediately hugged you back, burying his face in your neck. You kissed the top of his head.
“I love you, baby.” You whispered against his hair. You cupped his face and pulled it up to yours to look in those doe eyes. “I love you so much, Heeseung.”
You were 100% sure that you meant it. And he looked at you like you’d hung the moon.
While you kissed him, you wondered how he’d managed to squeeze his way into your heart. He’d completely split you open and forced you to feel things that would’ve disgusted you two months ago. You were planning on breaking him this summer and he’d broken you. You loved him with your entire being and it scared the ever-loving fuck out of you.
“I’m ready now,” he whispered against your lips, barely audible.
“W-what?”
“To have sex. I’m ready.”
“Are you sure, baby?” You brushed his bangs off his forehead. The question was just a formality. You knew he was ready. You’d been fooling around nonstop since that one night, and his confidence had only grown since.
He nodded. “Positive.”
“Okay. We can go back to mine after we finish eating, okay? I have condoms there.” You kissed his forehead.
“There’s… uh-” he blushed. “There are condoms in the basket. Jay gave them to me right before our first date and I’ve sort of been… saving them.”
“You want to do it here? On the beach?” You laughed, tracing your fingertips over his chest. He looked up at you with wide eyes as his face heated up. “That’s naughty, baby.”
“N-no it’s not! It’s a private beach, nobody’s gonna s- ah-” He interrupted himself with a little moan when you started sucking on his neck.
“I like that my baby’s a little bit naughty,” you whispered into the shell of his ear. “Just for me, right?”
“M-mhm. I-I’m your baby,” he whispered back. “Just for you.”
Fuck. Your hands immediately moved to the buttons of his shirt as you kissed him again. You rested your hands on his abs once his shirt was all the way open. The sun was just beginning to set and it painted him in orange light, illuminating every dip and curve of his body. His belly rose and fell with his quickened breaths.
“Have I ever told you how sexy you are, baby?” You breathed, running your hands over his abdomen. He gave you a tiny shake of his head.
“You are, Heeseung. You’re so fucking sexy, sweetheart.”
He slid his shirt off of his shoulders and pulled you into another kiss, pressing his body against yours. You mentally thanked yourself for wearing a sundress today, because it made it easy to grind your heat against Heeseung’s hardening dick. His moans were as precious and addicting as ever.
Your hands slid down his stomach to unbutton his pants, and he wiggled his hips to help you pull them off. You reached behind him to open the picnic basket, immediately spotting the gold foil of a condom packet. You spotted something else, too.
“Baby,” your voice was almost whiny. “Did you cut the sandwiches into little hearts?”
Those Bambi eyes. “I wanted them to be special for you.”
You grabbed the condom out of the basket and kissed him again, words of praise escaping your lips through kisses. “My sweet boy.” Another kiss. “My angel baby.”
Heeseung gently tugged the straps of your dress down your shoulders and immediately took one of your tits in his hands, massaging it and gently latching his mouth onto the other. He looked up at you through his eyelashes as he softly sucked your nipple, occasionally flicking his tongue over the bud.
He made you so proud. “Good boy, Heeseung,” You smiled, lacing your fingers through his hair. He whimpered and slid his hands up your legs to tug on the waistband of your panties. He didn’t ask for your permission before pulling them down and for some reason, that made your chest swell with pride again.
He kept sucking your tits as his fingers brushed over your pussy. With a knee rested on either side of his lap, you were already spread open for him, so he took the opportunity to circle his fingers around your clit. His movements were just enough; not too hard or too soft, not too fast or too slow. A little smile would appear on his lips every time you moaned for him. He really had learned a lot, you supposed.
You dipped your fingers into the band of his boxers and gently pulled them down to see that he was already fully hard, his tip reddened and leaking. You took him in your hand and gently pumped him while you kissed him for a little while longer, working him up even more.
“I’m gonna put the condom on you, okay baby?” He nodded and laid back on his elbows while you unwrapped the condom and rolled it onto him. You lifted up your dress and slid his cock between your folds, grinding your clit up and down his length and coating the condom in your slick.
“O-oh my god,” he whined, closing his eyes.
“You like that?” You smiled down at him.
He nodded and rested a hand on your thigh, his kiss-plumped lips parted in a moan. You took him in your hand again and teased his tip over your opening.
“Ready?” You asked quietly.
“Please.” He breathed.
You kept eye contact with him as you sunk down onto his length. This was the longest you’d gone without having sex in quite a while, and the stretch made you take in a sharp inhale. Heeseung’s face made it worth it. His eyebrows were knitted together and his jaw was clenched, his lips pressed together. You lifted yourself up on his cock and sunk back down on it.
“Fuck,” he moaned. The second time you had ever heard him curse.
You couldn’t wait any longer. You started bouncing on his cock, resting your hands on his stomach for support. He really was the perfect length, hitting every spot inside of you and stretching you out deliciously.
“Slowslowslowslow,” He whined, squeezing your thigh. You slowed down to an almost stop.
“You okay, baby?”
“Too good. Wanna make this last.”
You smiled and lifted your dress over your head, the ocean breeze dancing across your skin. This was the first time you’d ever had sex outside before, you realized. By the end of the summer, Heeseung would have taken as many of your firsts as you had his.
You pressed your body flush against him, pulling his lips into another kiss. Heeseung let out little moans into your mouth when you started slowly pumping him in and out of you again. He rested his hands on your waist but didn’t push or pull you, giving you complete control over his body.
And he felt so good. His dick was just as perfect as the rest of him, you were completely convinced. Lazily grinding your hips against his felt just as good as riding him, and when he’d bury his face in your neck, you could hear every little moan and whimper that escaped his lips. You leaned back after a few moments and moved a bit faster. Heeseung couldn’t even come up with words, he just laid his head back and moaned for you, making the prettiest faces you’d ever seen. His muscles tensed and relaxed under his golden skin.
“Always so good for me,” you praised, looking into his eyes which were full of nothing but pure adoration. He made you feel like the most important person in the world.
He propped himself up on one arm to stare at where he disappeared inside of you and couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away. His moans were becoming increasingly desperate as he reached a hand up to thumb at your clit.
“Heeseung…” you breathed, tightening around him.
“W-wait- ah!” he squeaked. You felt the condom fill inside of you, warming you up even more.
“That’s it, baby,” you praised, riding him through his high. “That’s a good boy.”
He whimpered and shook through his orgasm, his hands squeezing your thighs. You leaned down and kissed him again. “You did so good, baby.”
You heard him sniffle.
“Baby?”
“N-no I didn’t,” his eyes were glassy. “I’m so sorry. I wanted to last longer for you so bad.”
“Sweetheart, stop it. It felt amazing. It was perfect.” You cupped his cheek in your hand. “You were perfect.”
He shook his head. “We’re not done until you cum, too.”
Heeseung gently flipped you over, pulling out of you and tossing the used condom to the side. He positioned his shoulders between your legs and then immediately buried his head between your thighs, pressing his face to your pussy and splitting you open with his tongue.
“A-ah!” you threw your head back in a moan, stringing your fingers through his hair. He took a few seconds to just taste you and then got to work. After weeks of practice, Heeseung was an expert at eating you out. His tongue flicked over your clit a few times before he wrapped his lips around it and gently sucked, and then repeated the process. You were already close to an orgasm before, so you got close again in no time.
He ate you out with even more enthusiasm than normal. The slurping noises coming from between your thighs made your head spin. His mouth was so sweet and so sinful.
“H-Hee-” you started, looking down at him. He made eye contact and moaned against your pussy and that was all you needed to cum all over his pretty mouth. Your back arched as he licked you through your orgasm, humming against your clit and circling it with his tongue.
He moved up to press his glossy lips to yours in a heated kiss. “C-can we… try again?” he breathed. You looked down and saw that he was completely hard again.
“Yes. Yes, baby, please.”
He quickly got another condom out of the basket and rolled it down onto his length, aligning himself with your entrance again. You wrapped one of your arms around his neck as he slowly pushed in, meeting his eyes once he bottomed out. Heeseung laced his fingers through your free hand as he started thrusting. Precious.
His thrusts were slow and deep, much deeper than he was before. You swore you could feel him in your chest. You wrapped a leg around his waist so that he could go even deeper and simultaneously moaned with him.
“You’re amazing, Heeseung. Feels so fucking good, baby.”
“I love you so much,” he whimpered, burying his face in your neck.
You were both shaking in overstimulation, sweaty and clinging to each other for dear life. He was the most beautiful mess you’d ever seen.
Your orgasms built alongside each other this time. Every movement he made brought you closer to the edge, every noise and praise from you did the same for him. His thrusts eventually picked up speed, his tip bumping your swollen g-spot with every stroke. When he slid his hand down to play with your clit again, you couldn’t help but cum on his cock with a loud whine.
And that, Heeseung was convinced, was the single most euphoric sensation he’d ever felt in his life. Your walls sort of fluttered and then clenched, squeezing his orgasm out of him. His moans were just as loud, if not louder, than yours as he pumped the condom full. He collapsed on top of you once you both completely finished.
You ran your hands over his sculpted back. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he mumbled like a mantra, pressing his lips to your neck. The sun had finally set, and the night breeze made you shiver as you tried to catch your breath.
Heeseung pulled out of you and you shivered again. “Are you cold?” he asked, voice laced with concern.
“I’m okay, baby. Can you hand me my dress?”
He tied off the condom as you slipped your dress back on, shivering again. He frowned once he was dressed, too.
“You’re cold.”
“I’m fine, baby. I want to eat all the food you made. You worked so hard on this.”
He shook his head, moving to stand up. “I’m not gonna let my girl sit out here in the cold.” He reached a hand down to help you up. “I have Star Wars on VHS. We can watch and eat at the same time.”
You smiled. “Okay.”
He held your hand as you walked back up the beach, and it didn’t feel real. You ate those heart-shaped sandwiches while lightsaber sounds played in the background and that didn’t feel real, either.
You were in love with a boy who loved Star Wars and drove way too slow and wore ties to house parties. He held your hand just to hold it; he kissed your lips just to kiss them. You loved a boy who still wrestled with his friends in the pool even though it had been ages since they made up the game and he wasn’t a kid anymore. He is thoughtful and he is silly and he is good. He kept roses in his pockets for you and then offered to buy you more when he sat on them. He remembers your favorite songs and your least favorite ones so that he can change the radio station for you. He likes when you wear dresses and he likes when your lipgloss sticks to his cheeks. He can’t handle his liquor and he cries way too easily and he’s perfect.
Your baby. He’s perfect.
And you weren’t disappointed at all that your project didn’t go according to plan.
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Trip
Peter Parker x fem!reader
summary: Peter invites you and some of your friends to a cabin for his birthday, teasing from your friends is ensured; and maybe, you’ll finally get together.
warnings: suggestive jokes, fear of growing up
w/c: 3.8k
a/n: originally i started writing this as a ‘end of summer/ last chance to be young’ fic that would have angst, but i realized i could write in peters b-day so i made it fluffy :) ALSO RETURN OF MJ x GWEN BC I LOVE THEM AND TONY ISNT DEAD BC I SAY SO
anyways happy b-day pete <3
masterlist
You really miss four hours ago when you were not stuffed to the brim into a car with your friends surrounding you. Traveling in the middle of nowhere, far from the city, with only the GPS to guide you. Constant yelling and screaming with the additional music playing in the background made you want to scream at the top of your lungs. And there was one person responsible for your little journey.
Peter fucking Parker.
Tomorrow was his birthday, and he used that fact to guilt all of his friends to go on an impromptu road trip to a cabin that was owned by the Starks. Texting the group chat at three in the morning and said that's what he wanted to do for his birthday. Harry offered his car for the trip and no one was opposed. He came around to pick everyone up and when Peter gave him the top-secret location, they headed south, away from the city and further into isolation in Fairburn, Georgia.
“Pete, are you sure you’re not gonna kill us out here.” Harry joked as he loosened his grip on the steering wheel. Ahead of him were nothing but clear roads and everlasting trees surrounding the highway.
Peter scoffed, taking another bite of the animal crackers he was eating right from the box. He was sitting in the middle row, he offered you, who was in the passenger seat, some, and when you shook your heads he turned his head around and offered some to Mj and Gwen.
“I’ll take some.” Gwen chimed as she took the box and started pouring out a few in her hand.
“How much longer do we have?” Mj complained. “Feels like we’ve been driving for ages.”
“Only been driving for less than an hour-”
“An hour!” Mj shirked, taking her headphones off to listen more clearly. “My playlist only has three hours worth of songs and I don’t want to listen to it five more times.”
“You could listen to my playlist.” Harry offered, but Mj just scoffed and rolled her eyes.
“Absolutely not.”
“Why not?”
“Because it's shit.” Mj sat back down in her seat and leaned her head on Gwen's shoulder. Gwen gave a little kiss on her head.
“How is it shit?” Harry asked, his voice a little offended.
“You have One Direction and Cupcakke on the same playlist.” Mj deadpanned. “You could be crying your eyes out to one song then getting horny the next.”
“And that just how I like it.”
Everyone groaned, and you made a small vow to never let Harry get the aux cord. “Pete, what made you wanna do a roadtrip for your birthday?”
“Dunno.” Peter shrugged. “Thought it would be fun.”
In reality, when Peter was out doing his nighttime patrol when he passed over his school is when he got the idea. This upcoming school year was going to be his last, along with you and the rest of his friends. It all just hit him right at that moment. That this time next year, you all will be drifted apart, only mere memories of each other.
Hell, it's already started.
Betty has been looking at universities out west. Her dream was UCLA, and her grades were good enough already to get in. Ned had his heart set out on CalTech, already looking into scholarships he could apply for and how expensive plane tickets are. That's why they weren’t even here, they were off touring campuses.
Mj and Gwen planned on staying on the east coast, but both wanted to leave New York and its madness. They entertained the idea of Yale, it had a good english programme for Mj and a good art school for Gwen.
Harry planned on getting away from his dad as quickly as he could. He wanted to get out of his grip, but still make a difference. Recently, his dad planned on opening up a new branch of Oscorp in Europe, and Harry was the frontrunner to lead it.
You, on the other hand, still had your plans up in the air. You are still undecided on what you wanted to do. You refused to ever talk about plans, still living in the fantasy like ignorance that your adult life was years away.
Peter hoped that you would stay in New York. He had to stay in New York for Spider-related duties, but it would be so much better to have someone that he knew, that he trusted around. The only person who Peter truly trusted was you. He would only confide in you, knowing that you could help him with whatever problem he had.
And of course, you confided within him too, it's where the deep level of trust comes from. It couldn’t be this deep of a connection with it only being one sided. Being able to rely on one another for comfort and an untalked about love that made your relationship so perfect.
And of course, any love-sick fool would want you to stay with them.
“Dude, wake up.” You nudged Peter on his shoulder. Peter just groaned. “Wake up!” you punched a little harder, causing Peter to sit up and rub his shoulder.
“The fuck was that for?”
“You’re fine, you’ll heal in like two seconds.” Peter scoffed and blinked his eyes. Everyone else was out of the car, stretching and getting ready to go into what looked like a rest stop.
“Where are we?” Peter asked. Rubbing some of the sleep out of his eye.
“Outside of Richmond in Virginia.” You answered. “Now come on.” You patted Peter on the back. He opened the door and both climbed out, immediately squinting their eyes at the harsh sunlight.
“Oh, so he’s finally awake?” Mj teased. She was holding hands with Gwen, the most amount of PDA she’ll normally show. “Thought Sleeping Beauty was gonna need a wake up kiss.”
“I’m sure Y/n would be more than happy to do it.” Harry joined in.
“Shut up Harry.” You groaned. “Now come on, I wanna grab some gummy bears.”
Inside the rest stop was not as disgusting as what you thought it was going to be. It was clean, or clean enough for everyone to use the restroom. And it wasn’t busy at all so you could easily pay for your snack without too much trouble.
You stood with Peter as you waited for the others, reluctantly sharing your food with him. “Ayo, lovebirds!” Mj called, close to the exit. “We’re getting ready to go!”
He took some of your gummy bears as you both headed for the car. Everyone was already out, slowly getting into the car and into their old seats.
“Y'all ready?” Harry asked and a series of ‘yes’s’ was heard. You set up the GPS on his phone and positioned it so it was in the perfect view for Harry to see. A few minutes of silence passed, but it felt like an hour for Harry so he might as well stir the pot and help Peter out. “Don’t you think that Y/n and Peter looked cute standing back at the stop?”
Peter’s ears perked up and he hit Harry from the back seat. “Dude, what the fuck-”
“They really did.” Gwen chimed in from the back. “Looked all sweet, standing there sharing their food like couples do.”
“I’m not sharing my popcorn with you.” Mj mumbled. Gwen rolled her eyes and leaned forward so her face was near Peter’s.
“Are you gonna make your move on the trip?” She whispered, softly enough for only the boy could hear her.
“What?” Peter looked over to you and you seemed to be preoccupied on your phone with your music. “She doesn’t like me like that.”
“Are you serious?” Gwen blurted and looked over at Mj. “Is he serious?”
“You’d think with his genius level IQ he would be able to figure it out by now.” Mj joked, causing her and Gwen to laugh. Peter on the other hand was dumbfounded.
“Hey Pete.” Gwen spoke up, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Isn’t the cabin right by a lake.”
“Yeah? I told everyone to bring a bathing suit-”
“And you got your swim trunks.” Gwen smiled. “Good time to show off your impressive abs.”
Peter went red, “What? It’s nothing-”
“I’m just pointing it out in case anyone-”
“Y/n” Mj coughed, interrupting Gwen’s sentence. You whipped your head back to her and gave her a death glare.
“-was interested.” Gwen finished.
You turned to Mj and mouthed, ‘I will kill you.’ And she just mouthed back ‘I’m helping you!’ You rolled your eyes and looked at your phone.
“Speaking on Y/n, did you bring that bikini we got a couple weeks ago?” Gwen asked. Her voice was sweet but you have never wanted to strangle her more.
“Yeah, why-”
“You looked so good in it, it really made your boobs look amazing.”
“Mhm?” Giggles spread through the car, and heat rose to your cheeks and gave another death glare.
“That purple one you wore to my pool thing a few days ago?” Mj asked. You slowly nodded your head. “Girl you looked good in that! And Gwen’s right, your boobs did look amazing in it-.”
“Your ass too!” Gwen interrupted. You sank further in your seat, and your eyes went wide from embarrassment. You took a quick glance at Peter and he was beat red, while Harry had a concerning smirk on his face.
“You know, I’m sure your tits looked-” Harry started, but you hit him before he could finish his sentence.
The car went quiet, which you were internally grateful for. Peter groaned and layed back in his seat, trying his best to sleep. He tried to stop his thoughts drifting over to you, memories and his brain finding a way to romacize them. He tried his best to never indulge in them, only thinking about it if he needed to calm his brain from the frightening and worrying thoughts that came with the superhero gig.
You on the other hand put the volume all the way up on your headphones so you could drown out whatever anyone else is saying. You stole one last glance to Peter, you saw his eyelids drop and eventually shut. It made you smile whenever he was sleeping, knowing that his mind is safe in whatever dream he was having.
And though you would never say it outloud, you hope he dreamed of you.
~~
Eventually, you were woken up by Gwen poking you and she told you that you arrived. You got out of the car, took your bag, and entered the cabin. You all went upstairs into your respective rooms. In Stark fashion, the rooms were spacious with their own connected bathrooms.
You heard a knock on your door, and went over to open it. “We’re all going out to look at the dock now if you’re ready.” Peter announced. He was wearing a different pair of shorts and a different sweatshirt; curls better than ever.
You glanced behind you to look at your unpack suitcase on your bed. Either explore the million dollar cabin or start unpacking? “Yeah, I’m ready.”
You shut the door behind you and walked next to Peter downstairs and outside where everyone was already waiting. “Hurry up lovebirds, I wanna check out everything” Harry yelled. You rolled your eyes as Peter blushed as you ran over to the group. “You two took forever.” Harry groaned.
“Thought you two finally fucked.” Mj mumbled.
“MJ!” You and Peter shrieked.
“Kidding, kidding” Mj smiled, interlocking her hand with Gwens. “Maybe.”
Continuing to walk with the group you eventually got to a wooden shed with a lock on it. Harry tugged on it, but it didn’t budge. “Don’t suppose anyones got a key?”
“Let me try.” Peter volunteered. He stood weirdly in front of the lock, you peaked your head and didn’t see any key, but Peter’s hands were ready to break the lock. No one else here knew about Peter's secret life, and knowing how stressful it could be, you always did your best to help him out.
“Hey, look at the view.” You pointed away from the shed and when everyone's attention was away from Peter you heard metal break and fall to the ground.
“It’s really beautiful.” Gwen commented, swinging her hand that was entwined with Mj’s, who hummed in agreement. “Wanna go down to the dock?”
Everyone nodded and headed for the water. Harry stayed and turned around and saw Peter with the shed door open. “How’d you do that?” Harry’s jaw dropped.
“I used a rock.” Peter shrugged and went into the shed and Harry behind him. They admired the surprising amount of water guns that looked a little bit too high tech to be only Morgan’s. As well as some high tech scuba equipment that had to be worth at least a couple thousand dollars.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, but I think you should really ask Y/n out soon.” Harry mumbled. “Or else, someone is going to make a move on her and she’s not gonna wait around for you.”
Peter sighed. “I know, but it’s hard. I don’t know how Mj and Gwen did it.”
“They did it because they have enough common sense to see how the other liked them.” Harry wrapped an arm around Peter. “Besides, I know for a fact that she’s in love with you.”
“You don’t know that-”
“Yes I do-”
“Dude, stop.”
“I’m not gonna stop telling you to-”
Peter put his hand over Harry's mouth, “No, I mean stop talking.” Something didn’t feel right and it was coming from all over. He felt the hairs on his arms stick up and a strong compulsion to go down to the dock. Then, they heard a scream and some shouts.
The boys raced out of the shed and sprinted to the dock. He saw Gewn and Mj, pulling you out from the water and back onto your feet. You looked absolutely freezing. Shivering and crossing your arms and rubbing your hands over them, trying to warm yourself up.
“Fuck, Y/n what happened.” Peter quickly took his sweatshirt off and gave it to you to put on to get you warm. He then wrapped his arm around you.
“Mj slipped and almost fell in but I grabbed her arm and I ended up trading places with her.” You gave a sad laugh. Peter still kept his arm around you and you buried yourself closer to his chest.
The others, of course, felt their hearts melt at the sight.
“Let's go inside and get you dry.” Peter decided. You nodded your head. “We’ll be back in a few.” He told the others and you both headed back up to the cabin.
After walking in silence, you eventually made it into the house and up the stairs as Peter guided you to his room. You walked to the connecting bathroom and Peter turned the shower on. “I’ll be waiting outside.”
The way Peter hugged you and held you close made you feel all warm and fuzzy, but when Peter left that shiver came back. You hopped in the shower and turned the handle so the water was burning nicely on your back. Making sure to use enough body wash to get rid of any remnants from the ocean.
As you turned the water off and grabbed a towel, You felt guilt creeping in. It is his trip for his birthday, he should be hanging out with his friends; not dealing with you. You looked at your clothes, your shorts were dry but your shirt that you were wearing was still damp, leaving you in Peter’s sweatshirt.
You walked out of the bathroom, Peter looked up and cleared his throat, he blushed briefly and stood up. “You look nice.” He smiled.
You looked down. “Oh, I’ll wash your sweatshirt and give it back to you soon. I just didn’t have any other clothes-”
“You don’t have to do that!” Peter said, a little too quickly for his liking. He would never want to admit what you wearing his clothes does to him, making him feel like he’s with you. “You -uh- you look really nice wearing it.”
“Really?” You were shocked to say the least. “This is your favorite one, you never let it out of your sight.”
Peter blushed but quickly tried to cover it up. “It’s nothing, you look too good to change.”
“Are you sure, ‘cause I can always change if you want.” You offered again.
“I’m sure.” Peter pursed his lips together and sat back down. You sat down next to him.
“So, why did you want to come here for your birthday?” You admired his face as you asked. His cheeks had a soft blush to them with freckles sprinkled over them and across his nose. His eyes always caught you off guard from the rest of his face though, the dark circles just begin to show how tiresome he is and his eyes always look like they’ve seen too much.
“Thought it would be fun-”
“No, don't give me that, we’ve been friends long enough for me to know when you’re lying.” You wrapped an arm around him, giving him a much needed hug. “You can tell me.”
Peter sighed, giving into your hug. “It’s our last year and I don’t want more things to change y’know?”
You nodded your head. “Everything’s gone by fast, huh.” You agreed. “Pretty soon we’re gonna have to be making decisions about college and I don’t even know where to start.”
“Do you think you’re going to stay in New York?” Peter asked. You gave him a glare. “Sorry, sorry, it’s just everyone has plans and they’re all telling me that I shouldn’t have regrets.”
You quirked an eyebrow, “what would you have regrets on?”
Fuck. “Just, you know.” Peter stuttered. “Normal stuff.”
“What, like asking someone out?” You laughed. Peter’s eyes got a bit wider and your smile dropped for a second, you were right, there was someone. “Pete, if there is someone, tell them.”
Peter sighed, clearly thinking to himself and you could practically see the gears turning in his head. He looked up to you and tried to say something, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. All he could think about was the way you looked in his sweater, the way your eyes looked at him with hope and your lips, just there and looking like they need a little-
Peter closed the gap between you and gave you a kiss. He pulled back instantly, and stood up pacing in his room. “Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck.” He mumbled, pulling his hair and trying not to look at you.
You on the other hand were stunned. Did that just happen? Did you both really kiss? Did he mean you? You stood up and made your way over to Peter and grabbed Peter’s hands. “Y/n, I’m sorry, I know you don’t feel the same-”
You shut him up with a kiss, slowly moving your hands away from his hands and to his hair, deepening the kiss. Peter couldn’t believe what was going on, this had to be a fake. No one could love him, especially not someone as ethereal as you.
You both pulled away, your hands still in his hair and his were now respectfully on your waist. Peter gasped a little, a mixture of needing some air and feeling like he was going to faint. “I love you.” You spoke quietly.
“Oh my fucking god that is the sexiest thing you have ever said.” He blurted out, then immediately regretted it. Thinking to himself that he has been hanging out with Harry too much.
“I just confess my love for you and you go and say that.”
“I’m sorry!” Peter tried, looking up and giving you a sheepish smile. You, although, didn’t look that impressed. “But, I love you too.” Your eyes softened and you went in a little closer, not to give him a kiss, but a hug.
“Do you still love me after I said that?”
“Yes.” You sighed, pulling him away and giving him another kiss. It was supposed to be just a little peck but Peter seemed a little desperate for a little more, but you pulled away. “Just never say it ever again.”
~~
The rest of the night went by quickly, everyone went out to a fast food place to get dinner, and after a movie everyone suddenly yawned and claimed they were too tired, insisting that you and Peter should stay up. You looked over at Peter who blushed, and immediately knew that he told someone -most likely Harry- who told everyone else about the kiss.
“How are you doing?” You asked. “Feeling any better about the future yet?” You combed your hand through his curls and he just smiled.
“Better now that I know I won't have any regrets on my love life.”
“Mhm.” You hummed, sat peacefully with each other, snuggling closer and closer as you got sleepier.
An alarm went off, jolting you both awake. “Whas’ that?” Peter groggly asked, raising his fists a little.
You laughed as you reached over to the coffee table and took your phone, stopping the alarm. “I set an alarm for midnight so I could be the first to wish you a happy birthday.” Kiss. “So, happy birthday, Pete.” You gave him another quick kiss on the lips, pulled away, and got up.
“Where are you going?” Peter whined, making grabby hands at you to come back.
“Just grabbing your birthday gift.” You went to grab a small box with a bow from a drawer that you hid in there earlier, and walked back to the couch. “Here.” He took the box from your hands and slowly opened it. He gasped a little when he saw it.
“It’s... it’s just like in the photo.” He mumbled, pulling out the watch. Only touching it with his finger tips, scared it would break.
“I know you were sad when you lost Ben’s old one. I showed the picture around some shops so it’s the same model too.” You said sheepishly. “I hope you don’t mind.”
Peter shook his head and put the watch on his wrist. “I love it.” Peter smiled again. “Thank you.” You leaned into him and he leaned into you. You gave another peck on the cheek and he smiled again.
“Thanks for the best birthday.”
“It’s only been your birthday for five minutes.”
“I know.” He smiled, holding you a little closer. “But this is my first birthday where I’m not hiding my love for you.”
You kissed his lips. “That has to be the sexiest thing you have ever said.”
#peter parker x reader#peter parker x y/n#peter parker x you#peter parker fluff#peter parker smut#peter parker fanfic#peter parker imagine#peter parker#peter parker angst#peter parker fanfiction#spiderman x reader#spiderman x you#spiderman x y/n#spiderman fluff#spiderman angst#spiderman smut#spiderman fanfiction#spiderman imagine
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epilogue [sawamura daichi]
1k words
previous | masterlist
the final installment of the i'm gone i'm gone i'm gone miniseries. it's been worth every second of waiting.
tings // fluff, brief mention of sex // i swear this søng is abøut eating øut my best friend's pussy - cøzybøy // a.n.: thank u guys all so much for all the support you've given me over the past couple weeks <3
☾𓆙𓂻
— COMMENCEMENT: 14 MAY 2025. 13:00 EDT.
your parents are in the crowd as you cross the stage, as you receive a document which states that you have successfully obtained your bachelor's degree, as you shake the dean's hand. your bags are packed but for a few last-minute items; in thirty hours you'll be boarding a plane back to japan and daichi will be at the airport waiting, just like he always is.
— ARRIVAL: 17 MAY 2025. 18:37 JST.
you passed out in the car on the way home; you hardly slept on the plane. daichi dropped off your parents and the luggage at your place and took you back to his.
now you come awake slowly on sheets that smell like him. the sun is going down. jet lag is strange. you roll over to find daichi sitting on the other side of his bed, holding a pillow to his chest as he scrolls through his phone. you give yourself a moment to just take in the sight before he notices you're up.
"morning, princess," he says. "or evening, rather."
you laugh, sitting up and resting your head on his shoulder. he pulls you closer. "what time's it?"
"like, six-thirty? you hungry?"
"hmm." you let your eyes drift shut again for a moment. "i could go for dinner."
"ramen?"
"ramen."
☾𓆙𓂻
it's déjà vu; waking up in his bed, returning to that ramen shop where this all began. you're home; you love it.
☾𓆙𓂻
it's decided that you'll take a gap year before going back to school. daichi's nagging at you to take care of yourself is finally beginning to sink in, and you decide that you really do need a break right now.
you get a job tutoring middle-schoolers to keep yourself busy; it's relatively easy work and you enjoy it. daichi's over at your house after you both get off work pretty much every day. in spite of his constant apologies, your parents insist that they love having him there—it's true. he's family.
around the end of summer you begin submitting applications to master's programs here and there: one to columbia, because you did really like it there, one to yale because it's worth a shot. one to uc berkley, another to stanford. one to king's college in london and another to the university of edinburgh; a new country could be fun.
☾𓆙𓂻
in the early spring of the following year, decisions start to roll in. daichi's there to lean on when your application gets rejected; there to share a bottle of wine with you when you get in.
with the last of them, the two of you begin to plan your next moves. in june you commit to stanford; you hunt for apartments and start packing.
— 10 JULY 2026.
it's a much shorter flight into san francisco than it is into queens. that much is nice. and it'll be a little cheaper to go back to japan or have family visit here.
the studio you've rented on the southern edge of menlo park is cozy and adorable, if a bit dated. you fill it with books, make several trips to ikea to furnish it. within a few weeks, it is distinctly yours.
☾𓆙𓂻
and of course there's all the late nights you stay up with daichi, watching movies and talking about stupid things and breathing the same air. it's like a sleepover with your best friend every single night. you knew, and yet after all these years, it amazes you, the way you're still so in love.
it's not always easy, that much is a fact. there are spats and it takes either of you a month to find a decent paying job, then there's your studies and the fact that living in the bay area is extremely expensive for a couple half-broke twenty-somethings. but what it is is always worth it. it's worth the money being tight and the late nights into early mornings juggling school and work and the milk going bad in the fridge because no one's had time to remember to get groceries and the four years you waited for this.
it's worth it because you get to crawl into bed next to him at three in the morning, knowing you'll have to be up at seven, and it's worth it because he's sitting at the kitchen counter with an extra cup of coffee already there for you in the morning. he's someone to gently take you to bed when you've fallen asleep on an open book at your desk, someone to text you reminders throughout the day that there're leftovers in the fridge and you need to eat.
when it's too much and you can't take anymore stress he's there to kiss you and fuck you so you can forget all of it for a moment. when, a few months into the semester, your temper grows shorter, he makes it a point that the both of you talk about how your week's been, how you're doing, as you fall asleep on saturday nights.
it's worth it; he's patient and he's your best friend and you know that aside from yourself, he's all you've got as you begin to make a life for yourself in california. you wouldn't change that for anything.
☾𓆙𓂻
and it doesn't matter to daichi that everything he used to consider home is on the other side of the pacific, because those are the key words: used to. he's in america with you now. wherever you are—that's home. this is what he realized so many years ago, watching you at your high school graduation party, and this is what he's waited all this time for. it's all worth it, every second.
taglist: @sakruisin-thru @softetsurou @oligbia
#so like#i was not gonna post this tonight#but then i started writing it and it just kinda kept going#so here lol#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu angst#haikyuu fluff#haikyuu smut#not rly#daichi sawamura#sawamura daichi#daichi x reader#daichi x reader angst#daichi x reader fluff#daichi x reader smut#but again not rly#haikyuu series#daichi series#man ok so this one is sad#but like it's not????#idk it kinda made me wanna cry LOL but like it's not sad????#sentimental i guess??#also just#stories abt immigrants making a life for themselves in a new country always get me in my feels lmao#makes me think of my parents <3#anyway#this is the end :)#i'm so so so grateful for all ur guys's support 🥺🥺🥺#this series has def not been my best work lol but i rly enjoyed writing it#and a big part of that was bc u guys were so invested and supportive 🥺💕💖💘
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"My one and only"