#but still it's just. IM SAD. IM DISAPPOINTED IM SAD
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Mizu's spectacles, and the levels of her disguise
In drafting some more Blue Eye Samurai meta posts, I find myself writing out the comparisons between what Mizu can and cannot hide about herself, and how that affects how she moves through the world.
Like, I get the jokes about Mizu's glasses, if only color contacts had existed back then, etc. etc., and I think (hope) that most viewers don't take the glasses jokes seriously, as in "I don't care about the suspension of disbelief because BES is a cartoon." But I wanted to write these thoughts out anyway without burying them in a text post about something else.
I think the points I'm going to lay out here are viewed very differently by different people, so please feel free to add to this post, reply, or put your thoughts in the tags!
Not only do Mizu's glasses not actually help her that much, there's surely more to Mizu's mixed race appearance than just the color of her eyes.
In my view, this was pointed out in episode 1:
I'm willing to bet most of us were expecting young Taigen to say "blue eyes," not "ROUND eyes."
Obviously this is still about Mizu's eyes, but not even spectacles can hide their shape.
I don't think the show is obligated to point out everything about Mizu's face that isn't quite as Japanese as the people around her expect. Though the creators have said that they specifically designed Mizu - and her clothes - to read both as "white" and as "Japanese," as well as both male and female. I think there's more about Mizu's features that read as "white" than just her eyes.
This is where my own headcanons start entering the picture, but it's my impression that people can just tell that Mizu looks different, whether or not they can put a finger on exactly how.
There's the little girl who looks at Mizu and then hides on the way into Kyoto:
When there's more to your face you'd like to cover up than just your eyes, big hats are a big help!
By the way, most of these examples have to come from the first half of the season, since by the second half, either Mizu is too preoccupied with fighting henchmen, or everyone Mizu is facing knows who she is already, and she therefore has no reason to hide her mixed race identity.
It's worth mentioning that the mere fact that Mizu has to hide multiple aspects of her identity - her mixed race and her sex - results in her having to choose clothes that really, really cover her up, which doesn't win her any favors either:
(Zatoichi reference, anyone?)
If it were as easy as, for example, tying her glasses to her head and wa-lah, nobody would ever know she was half-white - then (1) Mizu would've just done that long ago, and (2) Mizu wouldn't be so on guard and on tenterhooks 100% of the time the way she's depicted in the show, even when her glasses are on.
Her spectacles sure don't help her in the brothel, which is full of observant women who are trying to seduce her, meaning they get good long looks at her:
Mizu never takes her glasses off, but they still send a woman to her who has light eyes, thinking that must be what will interest a blue-eyed man:
No wonder Mizu gets mad after this, lol
So Mizu never takes her spectacles off in the brothel, it's dimly lit inside, and the women can still tell that she has blue eyes. I'm getting the sense that Mizu putting on her spectacles isn't a guarantee that people suddenly can't tell that she looks different.
And yet no one spots that she's female.
Mizu can hide her breasts, can wear her hair in the right style, can hide what's between her legs, can walk and talk and behave like a man - and she's been doing it for almost her entire life, to the point that not only is she very good at it, but the threat of being found out as female is deadly, but isn't presented in the show as omnipresent.
Let me explain.
She threatens Ringo for nearly saying the word "girl" out loud, because while she's constantly ostracized for being mixed race, being a woman traveling without a chaperone, carrying a sword, and disguised as a man will get her killed or flogged or arrested or some combination of these things.
But in addition, it's been drilled into her since she was a child that if she is discovered as female, the combination of her being mixed race and female will identify her as someone extremely specific, someone known to some bad people, and she will be killed:
I think of it as Mizu thinking to herself, "Being found out as mixed race means I'm treated badly. Being found out as mixed race and a woman means I'm dead."
Mizu's hair is cut as a child. But she isn't made to wear a big hat, or cover her eyes somehow, or anything like that. Because hiding her sex is a more successful endeavor than hiding her race.
Ringo finds out she's female by accident, but once Mizu accepts the fact that he won't rat her out, she relaxes pretty early on in the season. Because the threat of being found out as female is mitigated pretty much 99.9%, since Mizu has gotten so good at being a man. And also, because most of the time, people see what they want to see. Even if Mizu's face makes her stand out as "not 100% Japanese," no one in the world of BES looks at Mizu's clothes, her bearing, her sword, hears her voice, and will ever in a million years conclude that she is a woman, because expectations around gender roles in the Edo period were so rigid and so widely enforced.
One detail that proved this to me is after the Four Fangs fight:
Ringo takes off Mizu's clothes so he can stitch her up, then leaves her clothes off even after he's done. He doesn't even throw her cloak over her as a blanket or anything. There's a little a straw (pallet?) as a divider there on the left, but anyone could just peek around it and see Mizu and her chest bindings. (I think it's mostly there as a windbreaker.)
And Taigen is right there, but he doesn't give a shit:
Opinions probably vary hugely on this, but my impression is that because the show doesn't make any kind of deal about Taigen being in the room with Mizu here, my guess is that Mizu isn't in any danger of Taigen thinking she's female. Even when I watched the show for the first time, I assumed that Taigen had seen Mizu out of her clothes here, and that he thought nothing of it.
Eat your heart out, Li Shang (Mulan 1998). I actually do think that this scene is a direct and purposeful side-eye to that movie, lol
There's obviously some nuance to how "severe" being mixed race is compared to how "severe" being a woman is for Mizu:
After all, Swordfather can't bear to listen to Mizu confess to being a woman.
So a Japanese man can go wherever he wants, whenever he wants in BES. A Japanese woman has limited options: marriage, religion, or a brothel. A mixed-race man is an eyesore in this story. A mixed-race woman is a death sentence.
May as well eliminate the female aspect, and do what you can about the mixed-race aspect. Because that's just realistic.
Meaning Mizu can avoid the strictures Edo society places on women. But she can't avoid the repercussions that come with being mixed race. And I truly don't think that it's just because "there's no brown contacts yet."
#blue eye samurai#mizu#racism#bes#I am truly disappointed that we didnt get absolute confirmation that Taigen saw Mizus bound chest and just didnt think it was a big deal#but I still think that scene is making a point#again I dont think most people take the glasses jokes seriously#but its been bothering me ever since I first saw them#I really dont think Mizu just looks like a 100 percent Japanese person...... with blue eyes#and I bet that will be made even more obvious when she goes to London where Im sure she will meet plenty of people#who are more than happy to point out their observations to her#also I ran out of room in this post to go into it but this is also what made Mizus marriage an absolutely doomed prospect#Mikio talks about wanting to find the right creature for his lord and well... a mixed race woman is the right creature huh#he just needed a little push imo#getting kind of sad at the thought that Ringo is the only person in Mizus life who knows her whole identity AND accepts it wholly
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DUDE, HOLD UP. IT'S ONLY 12-ISH DAYS UNTIL THE NEXT WELCOME HOME UPDATE.
#MAN DONT TALK TO ME IM STILL IN MOURNING#snf. sob. wail. cry. wheeze. hack snf cough#IM SO EXCITED BUT IM SO SO SO SAD#man... why do i have to start working Two Days before the update....#hoping and praying that theyre like 'oh yeah you have to do the earlier shift sorry </3 i know you wanted the later one </3'#PLEEEASSEEEEE GIVE ME THE EARLIER SHIFT#ID HATE IT IN THE LONG RUN BUT AT LEAST ID BE THERE ON TIME. AT LEAST ID BE THERE#im so upset.... im gonna be crying in the car after work i just know it#man...#once i for sure know my schedule ill hold a poll#to see whether or not i should do the stream at all#i doubt that most people would Wait!#rambles from the bog#im so devastated man. the One Thing i've been hoping for. sigh#i mean i expect disappointment bc this always happens to me whenever i look forward to something lmao but still
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Hey guys... i dont think I'll be able to post properly for some time 😭😭 i thought i would be able to publish this fic before my placement started but unfortunately my mood started spiralling severely and im in no shape to be writing. I'm probably gonna go on a semi-hiatus for about two weeks from now. Thank yall for the support as always! I'll polish my drafts in the meantime as much as i can to make up for it.
#placements always drain the fuck outta me#I'll still be active tho#reblogging stuff as usual#just no writing i dont think#ive been so sad recently but im most likely being overdramatic 😭😭😭#sorry to disappoint
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#this is gonna sound bad so hence in the tags#i feel like everyone is in the grieving stage of tumblr fans not being picked but im in such an acceptance phase#i used to get so sad that i hadn’t met her and will never meet her but now i don’t#like i live one hour from LA but i still never expected to be picked like not even for one second#because i’ve just accepted it to the point where im not at all disappointed and im just happy that others get to meet her#like i know that some of these people meeting her weren’t fans 3-5 years ago and hated her in 2016 and it’s Different when they meet her#instead of veteran fans#BUT there are also a lot of long time dedicated fans there#i don't think we all comprehend what level of fame she's at#her meeting and inviting these many fans is not normal - casual fans or new fans or veteran fans#arshia talks
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So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."
But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️
So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to
And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to
Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!
#this is all speculation btw idk if any of this is canon. how duncan feels about all this#i know i keep saying the exact same shit over and over but.... really not a fan of how the game handled duncan! sorry!#i know wizard101 isnt supposed to be about every single character gets a satisfying ending to their arc-#-meaning not everyone in the story will face consequences and/or find a happy ending and like thats fine they dont need to#but idkkkk its just imo really sad how essentially a kid suffers frrom something he cant control by himself (his ego)-#and then instead of getting help he is instead ignored (ambrose) and then manipulated and brought up by a cult#and then when it becomes super apparent how... TERRIBLE his life really is and we defeat him he just... goes back??????#we.... we LET him go back???? i mean we're not responsible for other people's bad decisions or mental health but bro....#and then when we tell ambrose he's just like “oh. too bad. well anyways-” AND IM LIKE WELL THATS THE REASON!!!!! NO WONDER HE'S FUCKED UP#NONE OF THIS IS ADDRESSED. NONE OF IT. WE KICK DUNCAN'S ASS AND THEN HE.... GOES BACK TO THE CABAL#i literally just got so desolate when (wallaru spoilers) because. okay. all that for nothing i guess#this isnt me being mad btw LMAO i know the tone probably reads as angry but im not im just disappointed#and tired. what is it with wizard101 in particular and just people suffering with no end. (me as i make my main suffer with no end)#but anyways yeah duncan has been in my head for a while. he's one of the guys that i love a lot BDKSNSKAJ#he's like a son to me and HE NEEDS A HEALTHY PARENT. HE NEEDS IT#not excusing his actions btw. he still committed crimes JRKDJSIEJ#i just have a soft spot for those villains in media who are doomed from the start yknow. (stares tearfully at morganthe and gf spider)#wizard101#wiz101#w101#text posts#duncan grimwater#im not normal about duncan at all he's probably the wozard oc i feel for the most other than malorn and us
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You know what's a crazy concept to me now that I think about
That people actually read my tags???
Like all my unhinged simping, thoughts, and absolute filth that goes through my brain go there and people read that....
Yes, I'm delusional as hell, and yes, my coworker tells me I need professional help 😌
#he seriously know all about the john simp#that amount of time ive heard him sigh and shake his head in disappointment#just keeps me going#kadia chatter#im always open to discussing my tags fyi#i have no shame#also talking about odst john#him and Raya and that being his tall spartan girlfriend??? consuming my thoughts#she would still be a spartan iv but meet him early on i think#anyways#im heading to see my sister in seattle tomorrow#super excited#imma eat all the food cause idaho has no bakeries and it makes me sad#we have like one tbh but still#and our ramen isnt the best#i have full conversations with jp and now jello in these tags like damn
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God I've been in this fandom for so long and it's still unbelievable that this is happening and sadly it's more true than false. This proves the point that we really don't know this people and the things they are capable of. I don't think I'm deleting this blog but definitely deleting some post, other projects and rebranding. Thank you for bringing smiles and happiness to the community all these years and all the works and time spent is not wasted as long as it made us happy and connect with others
#im just so deeply sad and so deeply disappointed that a person we thought as nice and kind was capable of this#multiblog nabe era in#I don't think ill ever get into cc ever again its just too much#life has gotten in the way Plus me dealing with illness so i wasn't that active anyway but they still held a place in my heart#i love you guys thank you for being part of this amazing community that taught us so much about life and growing as a person
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It acc makes me so sad how disappointed everyone is with amateotw :(
#before we get into it disclaimer I’m enjoying it! im having a great time and hate that so many people aren’t#so it just seems like the expectations for this show were way to high. like everyone is comparing it to the oa and looking for connections#and easter eggs and things like that and that’s a sure fire way to set it up for failure#so I get it’s a murder mystery and there are clues we should be looking for but it feels like everyone went way off the deep end and are#disappointed with the ‘boring’ reveal this episode even tho brit and zal said it didn’t have the mysticism etc that some of their other#stuff does and idk like we’ve still not even seen the end people might love it yet but it makes me sad that just because it’s not as#convoluted or strange or sci fi esque or w/e as people thought it’d be doesn’t mean it’s not enjoyable#anyway if people see this another disclaimer that this isn’t an attack on anyone who’s not enjoying it I’m just genuinely sad that people#are so disappointed by how it’s going down so far#a murder at the end of the world#amateotw
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ik realistically i never got a lot of love for jensen and bryce bc oh my god a queer pairing of color?????? fucking tragic i know but also i like to pretend its just bc they are too complex for the mere cishet choices player to understand 😌
#no bc fr otherwise ill just be sad :')#on one hand i love laying everything on the line from day one#my first fic was a demiro bryce fic which scared off all the bryce romancers bc god forbid i go against the general consensus hc#and like sure i dont want them there if they cant appreciate or try to understand other hcs#but on the other hand like how fucking disappointing is that???#like its just so fucking tragic#this fandom is such a non queer friendly place#and not usually in the literal bright red im queerphobic way#but in the small ways that are so obvious#to queer people but maybe not the rest#and idk i just.. miss a lot of the people that were here when i started ig??#like ik im the one who bothered to stay this long but also like i just want people to enjoy media/hc bc theyre good???#like not bc they fit a trope you like??#idk im just wishing for something that isnt a thing here#and i Know it#but still#to have friends who love the characters i do would be so nice#just to gush about them yk#but the second i came here with a different hc it immediately set me too far apart from everyone else#and on one hand i Am annoyed#but on the other i just ignore it bc if i paid attention to it i might rip somebody's arm off#n e ways that was a nice mj ramble for you all youll never get it again
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why is life so hard
#for those who dont know i'm retaking med exams#because i didnt pass them last year#and im just so... sad#because it's never easy#why do all my friends get the life i dreamed of? and i stay here#1) i dont have a job 2) i live with my parents#3) my twin sister has a fianceé and lives in another country for gods sake#can you name a bigger disappointment? my TWIN sister#rock bottom. again.#i promised i wasnt going to let my emotions play such a big part again but#i just cant#it's inhumane#i do everything i can and i'm still dumb and i can't fix this#and it's not even that hard i'm just not good enough for this#sorry i needed to vent urgently#yes it's all i've wanted and all i've dreamed of#so i'll keep trying but wow. it breaks my heart#i studied so hard. for so long. i did everything i could. it's such a hard lesson#sometimes it's not enough#sometimes it doesn't happen because I physically can't push past my intelligence#i'm simply not intelligent for this#i know i'm victimizing myself but wow i wanted it so bad#i spent days dreaming about it and nights studying#and to see friends get positions i wanted just breaks my heart#always watching never participating#yes i've learned when I was 13 i was way less intelligent than my sister but still#this was such a different path from hers and i still couldnt do it#now i have no idea what to do because it's a fortune every year to pay for these exams#and i dont know if theres anything else i could do#sofia rambles
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listen im fine with people reading fics ao3 but if you're supporting it by donating then fuck off. the fact that the site gets over 100k thousands while allowing racist slavery sexy au fics (and its still in beta fucking apparently but not the point. and it allows "romantic" pedo shit but anyway). you should've been able to block users fucking ages ago. ao3 is important when it comes to fandom history but i'm so tired of people treating as if it's some godly website when it's definitely not the truth.
it's so fucking easy to say "it's just fiction" just because you might not be affected by the fetishization of racism or any other dark topics. but guess fucking what, black people are very much affected by your fetishization of black people (and our culture and/or history). fetishization is still racism. and its contributing to the way people objectify black people and stereotypes.
i am (not) politely asking you to fuck off if you lick the boots of ao3 and decide to donate to the site. how do people not realize that those "sexy" slavery au fics contribute to poc's harm and racism? yes it's so common to see better fics and there's a decent variety of content on ao3. but there's no fucking reason that should be blinding you from ao3's problematic aspects. there's no reason you should blinded by the fact that fanfiction can still contribute to real life discrimination (or harmful beliefs towards dark topics but not the main point of this post)
also trust me. ''sexy'' slavery fics or raceplay shit isnt the only racist shit on ao3. i could go on but ill stop- but its kinda a nuanced conversation.
#ao3 critical#tw racism#sunny is srs#sunny's thoughts#sunny's rant#isn't it sad that the last time i looked up (black and non-black) interracial tag for original stories ao3#most of it was completely filled with smut content that fetishized black people. not just including the slavery au fics btw#if i say something positive about ao3 in the future- dont forget that im still pretty critical towards that website#i get it- racist and harmful content wont be so easily censored on ao3 bc it was made where fandom culture was like#''do whatever you want! its JUST fiction'' but this is just so disappointing. and pretty sick#isnt pretty obvious that fiction still contribute to poc's harm? and other harmful beliefs? god#otw
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I get that Aquaman has always been about trying to marry two cultures/races together but it's kind of crazy with the heavy supremacist allegory they tried putting in the first movie by making Orm literaly Aryan Blonde Man adjacent against Jason's POC Arthur.
#And im still a big fan of AM#But there is a lot of thoughtlessness and an utter lack of reverence#for the themes thats disappointing#but i get that WB already#killed a lot of the uniqueness that could have made these wor#*worlds more interesting#just man#sad again about the potential#the world building for great commentary that could have been continued from bvs to the flash keeps me up at night kids#Rick and Zack were cooking something#and we really lost out
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i havent seen my closest friends in a few weeks and it’s mostly my fault…idk im just really not in a good mental state rn im unfortunately falling back into a depressive/suicidal state again. My most loved and cherished friends are very successful (rightfully so) and though they are extremely supportive, loving, caring, and genuine towards me, i can’t help but think that i bring nothing to the table as of rn. I know that friendship isn’t transactional and that they’d never treat me as someone disposable just because of my shortcomings and will always support me as best as they could, but my insecurities are literally taking over LOL. I just feel really embarrassed bc we all started at the same time and they’re exactly where they should be while I’m still behind, waiting for things to start looking up for me. I don’t have anything new to say like they usually do and I know that I can’t really relate to their experiences. I’m just not on the same page as them. None of them make me feel alienated or isolated by any means, they believe in me more than I believe in myself actually, I just feel like I’m stuck in a rut. I want to be at the same place as they are but I’m not right now and I just feel really embarrassed about it. Forcing myself to stay home on days off is how I’m coping rn.
#personal#lol sorry emotional post#2023 is just starting off rough…i still have hope but now i know what they meant when they said hope is a dangerous thing to have lol#[they- the unknown deity]#my best friend sends me any and every position she comes across (that aligns w my field) for post grad and is very supportive#but i just feel so sad bc my brain literally keeps telling me that i dont deserve to have these beautiful friendships bc im not on their#level and it’s literally eating away @ my brain#i know im still in college and should just solely focus on finishing up this semester#but this is my last semester iA so i have no choice but to worry about employment post grad#my internship managers are looking thru my resume and said theyd connect me to some ppl but havent heard back from them yet :(#i think i feel this way bc my family treats me very differently now#like i can feel their disappointment and they make sure to mention it too#but im not a bum LOL the only thing i want and need from this world is success! aka a corporate job that pays me six figures
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Can't pretend that I'm not salty about some dumbass joke that's been rotting in my drafts for months instantly gets notes while drawings I spend hours on don't get shit, fuck this website bro 😭😭
#just as a btw i still like the drawing very much#im not like genuinely sad abt this but it is disappointing#but tbf what the fuck did i expect posting art from a dead fandom on my dead art account 💀
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22 isn't very much at all, I think.
#5am rambles#anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps.#you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown?#that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes?#that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old?#im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed.#you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out?#I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt.#i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years.#i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best.#I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out#first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay#cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything.#any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic'#so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden.#i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door.#sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems.#that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too.#ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day.#therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope#i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed.#emotions are so hard to figure out.
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k ladynoir is my favourite side of the love square, but I was kinda get vexxed at a certain ladynoir stan blog for dunking on Adrienette in s5 and dunking on ppl who love Adrienette the most out of the love square? 😭Saying Adrienette was boring/generic compared to Ladynoir, like I thought we as a fandom reaffirmed that its not nice of certain Marichat shippers to dunk on Ladrien as a ship, so why we doing this again 😭And Adrienette is far from basic, even without identity shenanigans
You can’t look at Adrien changing into pajamas for Marinette’s sake, and call that shit generic high school romance
#like yes im sad over how we couldn't have more of the overall love square focus and falling in love as a whole for s5#and am a bit confused over this direction based on end of s4#...but like i still like the adrienette we are getting lol#they have been so adorable so far and just couple goals#basically im saying you can be a bit disappointed but to get straight up salty and start trashing adrienette is...weird lol#and this is from someone who's favourite side of the LS is Ladynoir#and plz dont say their username if you know who i am talking about because i dont wanna get axed lol#lily watches ml
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