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theredharpy · 10 months

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Hypnosis: Part 1

What happens when a mission ends badly, König who Price had partnered with Y/N a year ago takes it upon himself to start showing his true intentions after Soap makes a couple of jokes.

F!reader x König, Fluff, Comfort, Friends to?, 18+( coming up ), showoff König ( he becomes cocky af )

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The mission had gone sour, they'd been lead a stray by the enemy, it was a setup.

of bloody course it was.

Ghost's words retorted in her mind as she sat on the window seat of the helicopter as they where carried back to base, watching the warm deep orange rays of the sunset lowering over the mountains.

Y/N purposely turned her face away from the rest of the team as she continued to chew on the side of her lip, she had been the only one who managed to sustain an injury during the mission, walking directly into a wire trap and cutting a huge gash into her cheek.

Though there was a pair of eyes gazing at her, it was the person Price had partnered her with, König.

Despite his reclusive nature and being known for his little to no words and nervous tendencies, ever since they met he was the one that approached her, maybe it was because he picked up on her own nervousness about the upcoming mission when they were first informed.

She was also fairly new to 141, she was used to working alone, but she truly felt the responsibilities that Ghost placed on her shoulders due to her abilities in the field, but that was over a year ago.

Everyone was talking amongst themselves further inside the giant helicopter as Y/N kept to themselves, muted, processing everything that had happened on the mission, she was annoyed at herself for managing to get hurt, let alone the information Ghost had managed to obtain, it was her old squadron that had been bought out by a mercenary group, she saw the look in Ghost's eyes when he looked back at her.

It was distrust.

König leaned against one of the back seats of the helicopter, his eyes still remained fixed on Y/N the entire time as she looked out the window.

He hated this feeling, like he had somehow let her down when Ghost started spluttering out heated questions about her previous squad, but he couldn't say or do anything that would have eased the situation.

He felt an overwhelming need to reach out to her, the silence was making his stomach twist.

A sigh left his breath, moving himself to one of the seats nearest to her, then slowly he leaned down and tapped her on the shoulder. “Y/N..look I know you’re probably feeling a lot right now." He paused for a moment trying to find the correct words. "I want you to know that you did a good job out there.” He said with a slightly raised tone trying to drown out the sound of the helicopter, he was trying to gauge her reaction before he continued to speak.

Y/N turned to look up towards König, the cut on her cheek was still slightly bleeding from how deep it had gone into her skin, the warm dry air causing the rest of the blood to stain her face.

"I fucked up." She said bluntly, feeling the sting of disappointment well in her eyes as she once more turned away trying to not show him her emotion.

The words hit König like a ton of bricks, he sensed her emotions even though he could tell she was attempting to hide it from him, from the rest of the team. "Nein, hast du nicht.."

No, you didn't.

He mumbled from under his breath as his eyes studied her form, he knew none of this was her fault, it was just Ghost lashing out in the heat of the moment.

"We will get to the bottom of this." König patted his hand on her shoulder trying to show her some sort of support, to take her out of her negative thoughts, he looked down at her through the two slits of his mask.

"That's alot of research we need to put in first.." She said in an annoyed tone.

"We can cross that bridge when we get to it." He responded in a more serious tone, his hand gently gripped her shoulder. "Until then, how about you have a little faith in me, hm?"

Y/N's her head fell back onto his leg in defeat, she remained silent struggling to form any words and she attempted to contain her frustrations, feeling lost and seething anger as she chewed on the inside of her cheek.

"We'll get through this." König calmly reminded her, trying to soothe the storm if thoughts that where currently flooding Y/N's mind, whilst also trying to remain calm himself feeling the warmth from her back against his leg, obviously on missions they'd be close to one another but not like this, he looked away from her for a second to clear his throat and steady his nervousness.

"Just know I have your back, I know you're strong, we just need to keep our heads up and our thoughts clear ja? We have to be able to work out how to get out of this situation in one piece."

His words gave her some sense of stability, she couldn't help but look up towards him, noticing how he was towering over her, his eyes staring directly back into hers.

"I do believe you and I trust you.. obviously" She said with some attitude in her tone almost as if she was reminding herself, she paused for a moment forcing her brain to return to reality.

"I just know the questions I'm going to get once we are back at base." She said as a warning, nudging his leg with her arm in the direction of where Ghost was watching the two like a hawk, she'd caught him staring a while back but chose not to pay attention to the Lieutenant.

König lifted his head, he could sense that Ghost was probably thinking of a hundred different things to say, how he was watching closely and judging how the two of them were interacting. "I'll keep that in mind." he said his voice quickly changing becoming emotionless for that mere sentence, his mind racing with the possibility of anything and everything that could happen in the coming days, feeling the helicopter starting to descend.

Ghost simply glared towards the both of them opting to stay silent for now, standing up from his seat and opening the exit door with a single pull of his arm, watching as the helicopter finally landed, the rest of the team chimed with relief of finally being back all following him out.

Y/N mumbled something incoherent to themselves as she stood up onto her feet, her hand gently pressed against her cheek. "Ah fuck, still got to sort this mess out." She rolled her eyes feeling blood stick to her fingers.

König scoffed at her words in response making his way out of the helicopter, Y/N following behind him as they towards the large hangar where he assumed medics would be waiting at the entrance in case anyone was injured upon arrival, he calmly talked to one of the men who handed him a first aid kit, assuring them he was suitable enough to tend to the injury himself.

You better get your seatbelts on for part two.

#cod fanfic #cod fic #cod mw2 #könig x reader #könig modern warfare #könig x y/n #könig fanfiction #könig mw2 #könig cod #könig

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windvexer · 3 months

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dear chicken, if its not too much trouble, could i ask for your advice on a situation that's troubling me a lot as of late? my spiritual practice has been suffering due to my being torn between so many different interests and areas of hyperfocus, and i'm unsure how to reconcile all the different things that i'm drawn to but are so culturally different. for example, i'm in love with traditional english folk magic/witchcraft, and have done a lot of research on the regional folklore of places my ancestors are from. at the same time, however, i'm also in love with orphism, and feel no greater contentment and purpose than when i dream about devoting myself to the greek gods. to say nothing about historical/cultural differences and potential disrespect (ancient greece having very different ideas on what constituted "witchcraft" and whether or not it was hubris, for example) i'm just not sure how to even go about reconciling how these would work together as part of a practice. genuinely, i feel distressed, stuck, and as if i am simultaneously letting down my ancestors /and/ those who historical practices i have put on a pedestal.

Hi, Anon.

Do you think it's possible that you might have very unrealistic standards for what it actually means to practice your faith?

Because, please forgive me if I'm wrong, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you might be making up a ton of rules for yourself.

Have your ancestors visited you and told you they would be disappointed in you if you practiced anything other than English folk magic? If so, why do you hold their opinions to be higher than your happiness? If so, what steps have you taken to reconcile your relationship with your ancestor and reach a place of mutual understanding so they won't be upset with you for doing what makes you happy?

Approximately one billion modern witches practice witchcraft and intentionally include the Greek gods in their witchcraft, or, have a faith centered around the Greek gods and practice witchcraft on the side. A Greek goddess has personally helped me with my witchcraft even though I'm not even a pagan.

Is there anything that makes you feel that you in particular would disrespect the gods by doing this, even though other people do it and it improves their relationship with the gods?

(I also just now remembered Hekate, isn't she like, the highkey Greek goddess of witchcraft? Why wouldn't she want you to both venerate the Greek gods and practice witchcraft?)

If the gods have told you that you can't practice folk magic without disrespecting them, what steps have you taken to understand why they have this special rule for you that they do not have for other people? Have they told you that this is temporary, or permanent? When you've offered solutions, what did they say?

And if these assholes are all banding up on you telling you that you can't do what makes you happy and weaponizing their disappointment to make you fall in line, why do you want to work with any of them at all? You deserve better.

But, Anon, I secretly suspect that none of that has happened. I suspect that you might have just made up a lot of rules for yourself and decided everyone will be mad at you unless you dedicate yourself to 1 thing and do it 100% perfectly.

I'm not saying that sometimes ancestors don't bully people into following a certain path, or that gods ask for very special levels of devotion once your relationship gets to a certain point. But I'm also not suspecting that this is the case for you.

It's just that, I dunno. To me it sounds like you're acting like any particular path you take is like locking yourself inside of a monastery to the exclusion of all else, like instead of starting out chill, you're wanting to start out as a devotee initiate ready to take lifelong vows.

Instead of just like, praying to Hermes to help with traffic and then later that week giving your ancestors a meal.

You're saying you don't know how this would look in practice, which makes me worry that you're trying to write a textbook about how to do your practice without ever actually having learned the material.

You can never know what it looks like before you do it.

You are not supposed to able to envision a complete, polished pathway before you put your hiking boots on.

You don't even need to be able to see around the first corner.

Toad charm to cure a cold, veil to limit Miasma. Pray to the ancestors, then to Zeus. I don't see the conflict. And if Apollo gets mad at you for doing your ancestral coffee grind readings because it isn't Greek enough for him, sort that out when it happens.

But wait until it happens before you worry about it.

#answered

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moltz23 · 8 months

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Random Three Houses & Hopes Trivia: How Edelgard & Dimitri's relationship is shockingly far more convoluted than you would think.

...And arguably how it's also kinda contrived, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

A few weeks ago, I had a realization about something surrounding Edelgard's past which lowkey explains her whole dynamic with Dimitri a ton better than the generally accepted theory that the experiments "those who slither in the dark" did to Edelgard affected her memory (not saying it isn't a factor, mind you). After sharing my thoughts with the Three Houses subreddit, people pointed I either got some facts wrong or was missing some key details, so I went back and did a more thorough research on the whole topic again. And once getting a full picture of the whole situation, I feel it was worth making this post.

To explain what I mean by claiming that Edelgard & Dimitri's relationship is shockingly complicated, we first need to go over everything both Three Houses and its Warriors spinoff tells us about their shared past and experiences:

1. Edelgard in the Goddess Tower scene says her first love was a noble from the kingdom a lifetime ago.

2. In the Blue Lions event "Childhood Memories", Dimitri says the following about his past with Edelgard:

Dimitri: We were born and raised in different territories, without ever knowing the other even existed. Yet, against all odds, for just over a year, we became childhood friends. [...] Unaware of each other's stations or backgrounds, we met and became incredibly close. This was when she and Lord Arundel were living in the Kingdom.

Incidentally, Dimitri also says this in his A-Support with Hapi:

Dimitri: As [Anselma/Patricia] was seeking asylum from the Empire in the Kingdom, Lord Arundel was obligated to hide the Imperial princess's whereabouts. She would undoubtedly have become a political pawn in the Kingdom as well. If her location had gone public, the Empire would have demanded her return. [...] I did not realize until much later that the girl I'd met under such strange circumstances was my stepsister.

3. In the AM event "Questions and Answers", Edelgard is noticeably shocked when Dimitri gives her the dagger back, which brings back the memories of when it was gifted to her. Besides realizing Dimitri was that kid, she also calls him once afterwards "My dear, forgotten friend...".

Oh, and Dimitri also calls her "El" a few times, which is important.

4. In Three Hopes, in one of Edelgard's Expedition lines, she recalls the following about how she got her dagger:

Edelgard: Have I told you about the boy who gave me the dagger? I called him "Dee," which is all I really remember about him.

5. In Edelgard's A-Support with Byleth, she mentions near the end how "there's no one left who calls me El..."

6. In Cindered Shadows, this exchange happens the second time you get to explore during the side-story:

Dimitri: Pardon the odd question, but something has been bothering me for a while now. Your hair...was it always that color?

Edelgard: That is an odd question. But yes, if you must know, it was a different color when I was a child. How could you know that? Is it possible that we met before the academy?

7. And finally, in Three Houses itself, not only any mentions of Edelgard calling Dimitri by name in flashbacks were removed with the last update in the English script, checking the OG Japanese one with Fedatamine.com reveals Edelgard never outright called Dimitri by name in those flashbacks, meaning the changes made to the EN script post-launch were likely done for consistency's sake (as in, the localization took some liberties with the Edelgard and Dimitri flashbacks, the devs likely noticed them, and ordered the translation team to remain faithful to the OG script).

In short, the "tl;dr" version of the whole Edelgard & Dimitri dynamic, in both Three Houses and Three Hopes, is that:

Dimitri recalls all of his past time with Edelgard back when they were kids. He remembers growing close enough to Edie to call her "El", but admits that neither Edelgard nor him knew who the other really was by then. Dimitri also states he eventually put two-and-two-together long after Edelgard had left the kingdom.

Edelgard meanwhile, remembers meeting a boy in the Kingdom whom she once had a crush on. She called him "Dee", recalls receiving her dagger from him and... That's pretty much it.

What exactly does this all mean then?

It means that, not only Edelgard does not remember her past with Dimitri the same way he does (jury's out as for why that's the case), her & Dimitri's recollections of events makes abundantly clear that, for most of Three Houses, Edelgard is 100% unaware that Dimitri and "Dee" (as in, the boy she befriended in the kingdom) are one and the same.

As always, many thanks to everyone who read this post! Looking back at it, I'm lowkey mad that I figured this out so damn late into the game's lifespan given all the evidence pointing it had been staring at my face all along.

But what do you all think about their whole dynamic? Does it make the whole tragedy of both sting deeper? Did it happen to confuse you even more somehow? Does it raise more questions than answers? Or does it feel needlessly complex?

#fe3h #crimson flower #azure moon #scarlet blaze #azure gleam #few3hopes #fewath #fire emblem: three houses #fire emblem warriors: three hopes #edelgard von hresvelg #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #trivia #fire emblem

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teeth-cable · 10 months

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Sorry to be harping on this, but I can’t really get over how baffling the inclusion of Lovecraft is? There’s so many other, more appropriate mythologies to pull from that work well with JudeoChristian demonology. Christianity itself had a ton of early offshoots that basically became their own distinct faith and mythology.

Gnosticism probably is the most distinct and well known. It has a lot of interesting concepts that would complement the Dante-ish style Hell Viv seems to want?

So why Lovecraft? Is this implying that Lovecraft in the HH/HB universe was like a prophet? Or did he just never exist? It’s hard to tell how closely the Human world in her universe is meant to resemble reality and that kind of bugs me?

We don’t really ever see or learn anything substantial about the human world in HB despite its existence being critical to IMP’s business model and by extension the core premise of the show? So fuck, who knows what is and isn’t canon about the human world other than…it exists I guess.

So sure maybe there never was a horror writer named HP Lovecraft and all his crazy invented monsters are real actually. I have to assume all because why would Viv use just the one? It’s not like she didn’t think any of this through…

Don't worry you're not harping, Viv adding Lovecraft makes no sense for the reasons you mentioned. Viv claims she did her research but then she adds an IP that has no relation to religions in a show about Hell. At this point, it's just the consequences of her action of not planning the worldbuilding since day 1 because unlike writing relationship drama, you can't BS the efforts and progress it takes to write good worldbuilding.

#꧁rambles꧂#helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critical #helluva critical #➥asks

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acosmicblizzard · 1 year

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Glad to see another Persona fan :D

May I please request headcanons for Kanji, Naoto, and Rise reacting to their African-American S/O introducing them to soul food?

Hello! Thank you for requesting, i'll do my best! Please tell me if any information regarding the food is wrong, i did some research but of course the websites i got the information from could be inaccurate!

African-American S/O introducing them to soul food headcanons

Warnings: Possible ooc

Story type: Fluff

Pairings/Characters: Kanji Tatsumi, Naoto Shirogane, Rise Kujikawa.

Naoto

Foods from different cultures? Sure, Naotos down to try it. Though Naoto hasn't had your cooking before, she's sure it at least has to be decent.

Her face is the equivalent of the surprised pikachu meme whenever you bring two bowls of Ham hocks to the table along with some black eyed peas.

She's immediately interested in these new dishes and as soon as she tries it she's in love-

She practically interrogates you about the other dishes and foods you can make from your culture, stopping mid way to apologize about getting too excited.

Every now and then she'll ask you if you can cook again, wanting to try out more then

expect to become the designated chef in a situation anyone needs to cook (and the housewife/househusband/housekeeper /j)

Rise

Honestly, Rise is down for anything. There's really no way your cooking could be worse then hers, Yukiko's, or Chie's. If it is, she's not judging. I mean just look at her cooking.

When you mention it to her she's interested and maybe will check the internet for information on the dishes from your culture before you cook them.

When the Banana pudding that you made for desert shows up hearts practically fill Rise's eyes. She quickly eats it and asks you to make it another time for her.

A ton of flirting ensures afterwards, Rise constantly telling you that you're a gifted chef and you could definitely make it into a career.

She'll also jokingly suggest you teach her how to make these dishes, it's up to you if you take it seriously and try to teach her the recipes without her accidentally making it too spicy or not.

Just like for naoto, you're the designated chef now, 0 arguments allowed.

Kanji

Kanji is more then happy, excited even to have you introduce these new foods to him. Cooking is one of his passions so he'd love to both taste and learn how to cook these new foods. He'll even ask you if he can watch you cook so he can start learning the recipes.

Kanji watches with intent whenever he see's you making the hushpuppies and cornbread. Noting down every step you take with interest and excitement.

By the time they're finished Kanji is already excitedly waiting at the table, mans seriously looks so excited that he's gonna flip the table over or something.

He's in love the moment he tastes the food, asking to help cook them next time and that he wants to learn all the dishes you can teach him.

Once you mention deserts all rational thought is outside the window and he practically drags you to the kitchen to ask you to prepare some desert from your culture.

You playfully roll your eyes as Kanji drags you into the kitchen wanting to make deserts with you. Looks like you got yourself a faithful helping hand in the kitchen.

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 2 years

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tuesday again 8/16/22

currently unemployed so i am real goddamn fuckin chatty in this one

listening CTRL^^^ by MONOWHALES bc jack read me for filth with this rec several weeks ago and it's been in heavy rotation since then, so into the tuesday playlist it goes.

youtube

reading Falling Sky by Rajan Khanna (published 2014, author says the concept began in 2008).

premise: this is an interesting little bridge between the steampunk and zombie trends. the comps on the back of the book (thriller/noir/hemingway/miyazaki) are not very accurate. it's set in california, a generation after fast and smart zombies that reproduce have made the ground is too dangerous, so most people roam about in airships and zeppelins (good on the author for distinguishing them, knowing his terminology, also giving some of them vertical takeoff and landing capability). posits a world where the airship was ubiquitous before the apocalypse, which is fascinating, bc the airship our hero owns is one stolen by his grandfather as shit went down. our hero is a jaded bodyguard is trying to keep a pack of scientists researching an infection detection method safe in a secret ground-based lab. wait up go back hold up a minute where do they get the hydrogen and helium? don't worry about the hydrogen, mr khanna says, let's talk about helium, which is marketed through a floating city with a secret ground-based mining facility (???). airships meet at covert docking points on tall buildings, there's a chicago outpost of sky vikings that's taken over the local floating sky city, you know, the usual. i can only imagine the airships look something like the aeroscraft??

worldbuilding stuff: props for the mention of salted pigeon meat, an established gunpowder manufacturing chain, general thoughtfulness about what salvage components are most valuable, what kinds of food keep and how to safely preserve them, boiled water (i don't think i've ever seen boiled water as a matter of everyday course in a postapoc novel), several different types of biofuels. i never found myself asking "well how DO they get [BASIC RESOURCE]"? this is mostly well-handled without a lot of infodumping, with little throwaways like "hey i tested your new biofuel blend, it was good in x ways and bad in y ways, do you have any more of z blend?"

character stuff: congrats to the protag for being sad about a dead dad instead of being sad about a dead wife. there is a sex scene that's pretty tasteful, mostly vague concepts, and did not make me cringe. the protagonist has a terrible crush on the female lead but is pretty respectful about it, is on good terms with his ex, and the other female merc they team up with is an extremely capable person even if she is mostly used as a battering ram. this was a welcome surprise! the most interesting character work that happens to our hero is a synagogue in the floating city, where our hero ends up after a particularly bad day and sort of makes a stab at reconnecting with his faith. i don't know that i've ever seen an atheist jewish protagonist in a postapoc novel before, or much discussion of religion aside from cults?

stylistic stuff: there is a very fine line between hemingway-style terseness and choppiness, and this tends to veer choppy (as i often do with my own writing). i didn't quite jive with the style, nor do i particularly care about our hero. he's fine. he's just kind of bland? the book is mostly about the protagonist telling you what he's doing, bc it's first person present tense. this doesn't bother me a ton, bc that seems to be the current trend in english fic in the handful of fandoms i pay attention to.

the backstory and infrastructure of the world is there but not necessarily the people that live there. good bones, not enough meat, the style and focus on and-this-is-what-happened-next was somewhat irritating. h owever this was a perfectly adequate first novel, and my hope is that the second and third novels improve. they are remarkably hard to track down, i found this one on a whim in a little free library. from reading a preview of the second book it already seems more noir-ish so i am cautiously optimistic.

watching i was adding stuff to letterboxd (really fucking hate that letterboxd has got me watching more movies. what the fuck are they doing with all my data. what are they using my movie watching habits to sell) anyway i was adding stuff to letterboxd and was reminded of the film Pitch Black (2000, dir. Twohy), which is an extremely competent little scifi/horror thing i enjoy a lot.

this zoom in to escaped convict riddick watching people frantically look for him after a spaceship crash is, as one letterboxd reviewer put it "like some sort of deranged bugs bunny", is the funniest zoom in the trilogy. this film works very well with its budgetary limitations and is mostly filmed in the desert under the blazing sunlight or in near-pitch darkness, freeing up a lot of money for creatures that have aged in an endearingly (imo) early 2000s way. like the mad max movies, it asks the question "what if an extremely unpleasant man is unchained and treated like a person? what happens to his personality and decisions after that?" this one's quite solid and i don't have much to say to it other than give it a little "pretty good movie!" trophy. it also sticks its ending, a thing i cannot say for the other two riddick movies. which i also rewatched.

beautiful fuckin aurorae look at that shit. The Chronicles of Riddick (2004, dir. Twohy) is not very good but we must give it points for sheer visual style. they truly do not make em like this any more, and they made the plot too big and galaxy-encompassing. this movie was at its was most successful when riddick is trying to find a specific person. it was also at its most successful when it's a movie about how riddick and also a planet are trying to kill you. i do not like the attempted sexual assault in this one. the ending made me go "ohhhhh" in sudden understanding but it did not pay off the "guy loses everything he cares about but gets enormous power/riches/etc he's been striving for" bc the movie establishes that what he wants is to be left alone with the two people he sort of cares about safe. the ending would have hurt more if the movie had spent like three more beats really hammering in that he just wants to be left alone.

i like the first half of Riddick (2013, dir. Twohy), when it's just a guy and his weird dog figuring out how to survive the planet. the last half is an early stab at what the john wick movies would become, combined with the last half of pitch black. there are some very fun, very tense shots in the last half, even if it completely forgets some stuff it set up in the first half of the movie.

i don't care about this one as much bc riddick experiences no interesting character changes. the most overarching thematic element, if we can very loosely call it that, is at the beginning, when he says "time to get back in touch with my animal side" and then...doesn't do that. he talks to his dog. he teaches it tricks. he shows himself to have a better understanding of the human psyche and how to really freak people the fuck out better than any of the posturing mercs after him.

i mostly dislike this one a great deal bc i do not like how the out lesbian in this one, with big guns and a sniper rifle longer than she is tall, is there for the men to constantly make passes at. there is an attempted sexual assault in this one too, and she..sleeps with riddick at the end??? i don't fully understand what was happening there. this riddick does not feel like the same riddick as the one from the previous movies. like the daniel craig bond movies, he is at his best when he reluctantly cares about someone and is reluctantly going "uggggHHHHHH FINE I GUESS I'LL BE A GOOD GUY BUT I'M GOING TO BE MAD THE WHOLE TIME AND EXTRA SCARY >:( " like yes yes big muscle man do flip and be very smart and punch hard and look nice. what does the big muscle man FEEL. that's when these movies get interesting, when they remind you riddick is a real actual guy and these aren't just stunt movies, and this last movie had too much bleh for me to enjoy the back half. so we progress in this trilogy from "really fucking fun and interesting, extremely tight and self-contained thesis" to "bizarre but going for something, thesis unknown" to "this is two different movies and not very much fun. cool dog tho". we must hand it to these movies as a whole for going "man vs nature on other planets lets us get REAL insane with it".

playing honestly probably a hiatus from Gaming (TM) for a while

making roundup of several small things.

a list of the westerns i would let other people watch, made for my siblings who will be visiting for christmas. they get to pick which ones but i do get to inflict three westerns upon them.

a rashomon-trope fallout fic for yeehawgust, where everyone has a different story about What Actually Happened: "There was a rumored pre-War banquet hall full of uranium glass place settings, ripe for selling to the Courier for her wedding. Now there’s a giant crater and four different stories about whose fault it is."

finally rigged up plant lights two and a half months after moving in. had to heavily prune and discard some plants, which makes me feel bad, and discovered i am still battling scale, which also makes me feel bad. however, now i know it's there and i can start dealing with it again. still need to rig up something better for my poor pencil plant, which also needs to be pruned and repotted bc it got Very leggy. do not worry about the snake plants they live in my office they didn't actually go anywhere

stopped at a yard sale, met a baby, pet a very friendly and well behaved chihuahua, got a 2-foot 10 through 60 parts to the inch architect’s scale and a pair of Wiss shears for a dollar. the shears are very dull, need a new nut, significant enamel wear on the handles which is annoying, but cannot beat the price for new kitchen shears. u kids know the drill into the vinegar bath it goes. will have to have a think about how to stop the handles from rusting again. maybe a dip in the can of white enamel paint i used for the kitchen table, maybe a funky new kind of spray paint is in my future.

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem #Youtube

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multi-lefaiye · 2 years

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💬💬💬 and pen for eden!!!!!

yes thank u <3 heheeeee

okay so the first excerpt is gonna be from one of my flash fiction friday entries, a tftgs fic specifically:

For much of his life, Jack has felt like a used battery. He feels like an old, broken thing, low on energy and with very little left to give. He supposes it was only a matter of time before someone decided to throw him out.

and thiiis is from an older thing i wrote that i might go back to at some point?? not sure though. not gonna give context for now tho <3 (if you recognize the characters. don't look me in the eye rn i know this is self-indulgent):

“Did you just shoot someone!?” Saeyoung cried, still clearly panicking.

“I don’t know, maybe?” Addison replied, trying to drag him along as they tried to avoid looking in the direction they'd just fired. “Just get in the car, asshole!”

“Sorry, I kind of have a bullet in me right now!” he protested, but still did his best to get to his feet. “I told you to stay in the car!”

“Have your goddamn lovers’ quarrel later!” Vanderwood yelled at them over the sound of gunfire raining down on them all.

and theeen this is for another slightly older thing, but i like the comedy here :3

For a moment, Henry just stared at the unconscious man on his living room floor. Then he asked the question that was nagging at the back of his mind. “Why the fuck is he naked?”

AND a little Eden conversation!!! I'm gonna talk a bit about something I haven't talked about publicly in much detail: Eden's chronic pain and fatigue. I haven't talked about it in Great detail because I'm still trying to research n' such to make sure that my portrayal is as faithful and respectful as I can make it.

I won't go into how it's going to come into play story-wise in the campaign, nor the mechanics and accommodations and such planned for this, but I'll talk a bit about it! Under the cut though b/c this might be a bit long.

So Eden's mother, Hannah, dealt with chronic illness for most of her life. In the campaign, it's kind of an ambiguous illness because she wouldn't have had access to modern terminology (or even really a specific diagnosis in general, considering the healthcare available where she lived), but I think the closest to what she has would be fibromyalgia, which is what I'm focusing my research on for Eden.

(And also, if I do go ahead and write a standalone story/WIP with Eden outside of the campaign, this will be discussed and explored in greater detail since the focus would be on him specifically a bit more.)

The research I've done so far does say that fibromyalgia isn't always necessarily passed directly from parent to child, but I'm thinking it's still something that Eden has, and after his death and resurrection his symptoms start to flare up in a way they wouldn't have beforehand.

Like I said, I am still doing research into this because I want to give the most earnest, respectful portrayal I can, but I do still have some thoughts about Eden's personal experiences with it and how he processes it. Because Eden's thought process is my favorite thing to explore.

So Eden approaches everything in his life from a very analytical perspective, so once he registers that his symptoms aren't normal he immediately goes into analysis mode and tries to determine, to an incredibly exact degree, what his limits are. He's a scientist at heart, and his response to every situation is to experiment and learn everything he can.

This will have... mixed results for him. On one hand, over time, Eden will come to understand his condition very well, even without necessarily having access to a specific diagnosis in the campaign itself. On the other hand, it also means that Eden is going to push himself a TON and possibly seriously hurt himself trying to see how far he can go before he has issues.

I'm still looking into specific accommodations Eden could have as time goes on, but I'm definitely thinking mobility aids would be very useful for him--particularly forearm support crutches, if possible.

And last thing I do wanna say. While it might be easy to assume that, all things considered, Eden would be very against the idea of using mobility aids b/c he's just so stubborn.... that's not the case! Eden is a stubborn li'l asshole, but once he understands his limits better I do think he would want mobility aids and would actively seek them out.

Aaanyway okay I still have a lot of research n' such to be doing, but that's some of my thoughts so far!!! Thanks for coming to my ted talk

#talk to the bunnykitty #eden linnaeus #bat time all the time #oc ask game #ask game #i love thinking about eden so so much #he means so much to me #and also all of these snippets delight me <3

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dzpenumbra · 10 months

Text

7/8/23

Today's been a tough day. I'm pretty cranky. The upstairs neighbor's boyfriend was back over, so there was a ton of creaking and thumping all day. The box fan mostly drowns it out, but waking up to those thumps really sends me into survival mode. I hate waking up feeling like a door slammed right next to my head, that adrenaline jolt and all that.

It was storming all day, I woke up after 3 hours of sleep to close the downstairs window and get some water. I got more sleep and then was woken up by the thumps and needed to calm myself down because my whole body was screaming "danger". I decided to do some research on karma, rather than open a social media app. Oh shit, actually that's not true, here's what happened. I opened this, Tumblr, on my art account that has nothing on it. And I searched for "zen" hoping to find... art related to it, so I could find people to follow and start building my account. And I found a few very insightful blogs that helped me calm down and reminded me of some important things in life. But it reminded me of what I was writing in here last night about... intentions... and the whole ahimsa thing and how that relates to intentions. And that brought me over to doing more deep-diving on karma.

And it turns out that intentions play a very big role in things traditionally. Predestination/fate/all that aside. The vibe that I got is that your intentions and your actions are more important than the result... and that in many schools karma is much more of an ethical thing than a causal thing. It is causal, but the big difference that separates it from simple cause-and-effect is your intention, which was the thing I was really unsure of. That being... because intentions are never truly seen, and are really a leap of faith to believe. And, tying it all together... Justice (divine justice, in reference to Justice from the tarot) is about all of this, the defining trait of Justice is that she can see your deeds and your true intentions. And I guess my big issue and why I am still haunted by encounters with Justice is... I lack faith. I have had good intentions through so many horrible situations, I have had so many people I've trusted as family betray me, so many situations where I've gone in with the best intentions and watched it all burn down. And I struggle to keep faith that divine justice is an actual thing. That I will be met with good and love and generosity and kindness, not just more selfishness and deceit and exploitation. It's hard.

And I guess it's not fair to put the sins of some onto others who I haven't even met yet. And maybe I don't even really feel that way, I'm just... reflexively trying to keep myself safe from potential (perceived as "likely") threats. I don't know.

I have no intentions of discontinuing my path of being a good person, and leading with love. I just... I struggle to have faith in the rest of the world. I often feel like... being a good, loving, honest, kind person... and working hard on something soulful, built with passion and integrity... it's either... not enough... or it's unwanted. And, more often than not... it can make you a target.

Maybe this is just residual from being around fucking Twitch again. Honestly, it probably is. I think I'm just spending too much time around people with toxic attitudes, constantly trying to one-up each other and shit like that.

I was going to stream tonight. I was late to it, but I was set up with the cam and everything. I was going to just stream me sorting gravel and listening to a youtube lecture on the evolution of ancient spirituality. And I chickened out. I decided it was already past midnight, it was too late anyway, and I just watched a stream instead. I got a lot of sorting done, but yeah.

So... I also skipped my workout today because I was really tired from fucked up sleep. I did a bigger and more intense yoga routine to compensate for that and called it a rest day. And I went to start stringing my new necklace... and found that it was way too short to be a necklace without some kind of spacing between the beads. I was tempted to use my small black obsidian beads that I had left over as filler beads in between... but I don't have enough. I tried to tie knots between but the knots are too small and the beads just slide over them... so I'm going to have to figure out... either bigger knots... or I'm going to have to make a new batch of beads to separate them. I guess maybe that kinda upset me a bit. I was really excited about that piece, the beads came out so good... and now it's just falling flat. I was even going to seal the beads in a jar with a small sample of cinnamon to kinda... infuse that smell in them, since they all kinda look like apples and I have cinnamon on-hand. It seemed like an appropriate scent combo, more-so than robbers. Robbers just makes me think of Christmas.

So... the necklace fell flat. I tried doing a little research on gaits and kinesiology and all that, to follow up on that new animation/visualizer idea, it was interesting and useful, but I just wasn't locked in on it today. I was just kinda drained and bummed out. Depressed, I guess. Crap weather, still hot, bad sleep, project snags, it was just not a great day. And my granola? It wasn't crunchy, it was kinda... chewy and wet. I don't know if I didn't cook it enough or what. And I couldn't taste the freeze dried strawberries at all. But other than that, it was good. I threw it in the fridge for a few hours, I'm hoping that helps it consolidate. I don't know if that will make it get crunchy... but yeah. Again, it's not bad, it's just not as great as I was expecting. But I have some frozen real strawberries I can mix with it tomorrow, maybe that will make it shine?

Here's the coup-de-grace for the day. It was about 3AM and I was still watching the stream and sorting stones at my desk. And I heard this loud thump. And I reflexively was like... "man, fuck my neighbors" because I'd been hearing loud shit coming from the building at all hours for the past few days and all night. Like my upstairs neighbors were watching a movie so loud that it upset the dog in the apartment next to mine, that isn't even below their unit! I just get so... "try to look past it, try to see the good in it"... that I never say anything about this stuff.

Anyway, that loud thump? It was one of the wooden blades from my ceiling fan snapping off and slamming to the apartment floor 15' below. It landed about 2.5' to my left. I had just shaved my head today too, so it would've been the absolute least resistance for impact. Just BOP right to the noggin. So... I guess it's a good thing I have that box fan, because I'm going to be using that as a primary fan now.

I've had that ceiling fan running non-stop since... probably December? Maybe January? I did research on it before I made that call and people said it was fine. I kept it on low exclusively, and I kept it running mainly to keep air circulation for the plants. And I really do think it helped. On that super hot day the other day? I cranked it up to High before bed, then back to low in the "morning". Before yoga today, I put it up a notch to Medium again. About half an hour before the blade fell off, I heard the whole thing wobbling and immediately reached over and turned it down to Low, not realizing I had left it on a higher setting for most of the night. Not really realizing it was that big of a deal...

So... I sent my building manager an email at 4AM letting her know that it happened. And I gave her my available hours - after 3pm, I tried to be generous, I just can't have that dude showing up at noon, that's just going to completely fuck up my entire week. I'll see if she even gets back to me before Monday, I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't. And honestly, I don't really feel like this constitutes an "emergency" maintenance call? So yeah, I don't mind waiting.

I just... I've been in a shitty mood because of it. Here's the fucked up part, here's how deep my guilt complex is. I'm not upset because the stupid fan is old as shit and fell apart and almost bashed me in the skull. I'm not shaken that I came pretty close to suffering what would likely have been a significant head injury. I'm not upset that it could've easily smashed my drawing tablet or my monitor. Ready for it? I've gotten this a lot before. I'm afraid that this is my fault. That I should've known better. That I somehow fucked this up and I'm the asshole and I broke something of theirs. And me being upset at them? Or upset at the situation? In the future, I would be looking back at that upset with egg on my face. It's so damn reflexive. It's just... "oh, how did I fuck this up, what did I do?"

And yeah, I mean... it's kinda my fault. I've had that fan running for 6 months straight. I've noticed it wobbling before. But like... I've never had a ceiling fan before. I don't know anything about it. Is it supposed to wobble at all? Was the stuff I read before I made the decision to keep the fan running 24/7... all bullshit? From multiple sources?

I guess it's a guilt and shame thing. In the past, I've straight up hidden stuff from my prior landlords. I made major life sacrifices (that I'm not going to get into here right now for the sake of saving time) and got to the point where my mom insisted on paying to replace utilities that I outright refused to tell my landlords were damaged. Not from use, not from misuse, but from disuse. From me not living in the house for 6 months while I detoxed off mood stabilizers and benzodiazepines in a residential retreat. I did not tell my landlords out of shame. And guilt. Because I really did not want to explain the reasoning to them. But, more so... I really didn't want to upset or disappoint or anger them. I was terrified. They controlled whether I had a roof over my head, whether my cat and dog had a roof over their heads. So yeah, it really started to strike on all the survival nerves.

I felt that again today. It completely overpowered my close call with physical injury, to the point where it didn't even register that the blade actually landed quite close to me until I just tried to eyeball the measurements a few paragraphs ago. All I felt was "oh shit, I have to talk to my landlord." Like a scared child going, "crap, I'm going to have to tell mom". And it got in deep, it paralyzed me for a few minutes honestly. I pulled up my building's portal website and got an email open and just... froze up staring at it. But I got through it, and I wrote it. I knew that I would have to do it right then and there. That the self-doubt and guilt and all these self-protective (also self-abusive) emotions would just grow and grow given time to feed. So I said "fuck what anyone thinks about an email timestamped at 4:15 AM" and I sent it anyway. And that, that is progress. I did that with no meds, no therapist on deck, no one to talk to, no one to run my email by to make sure I don't "fuck it up somehow". I wrote the email, I proofread it, I tweaked a sentence, it looked good, and then I sent it and went off to play Hades again to cool down. <gives self standing ovation>

That may seem like business as usual for some, but with the burdens I carry... doing that is literally a battle against my own nervous system. But... in a weird way? It wasn't battling that won.

I read something in that Tumblr scroll this morning. A few things, I'm sure. But a theme. The idea of peace and stillness being... the default state. I remember now, it was a Buddha quote. I'm going to absolutely mangle it, but it is definitely the core of what my therapist has been offering to me which has been helpful. And I distinctly remember pointing out when he presented it, "that's awful Buddhist of you..." XD Turns out it was like... a direct Buddha quote.

It was that thing about the stream of thoughts, your mind being like water, like a river. And thoughts and emotions, they run through it. They are not you. I mean... they are you... technically... I mean, they're part of you, they occur within you... do your thoughts come from you? Who knows. But... there's this mental place that I reach very distinctly when I smoke weed but often reach when I'm sober as well... isolation is actually a great place to come in contact with this... where you start seeing a very clear difference between you and your thoughts. That you (the Listener) are the one experiencing, listening, engaging. And your thoughts and emotions are sorta popping in and out. And for me, it's fucking constant, like a boiling pot. Buddha related this to a river, that thoughts and emotions are like water. My therapist called thoughts "leaves on a river". So... similar concepts all around.

The theme under all of this was... that peace is the default state. That peace and stillness is a general state of being that is experienced underneath... I don't know if that's the right word... maybe I should phrase it as... can be experienced at the same time as emotions and thoughts. Because those emotions and thoughts are just sorta... happening to you. I still struggle to really process it because I've been really stuck in this... "singular me" kinda mental place. Like... I am my thoughts, I am the experiencer, I am my body... all at the same time. And I guess that's kinda the trap, isn't it? Because... if you truly believe that you are singular. That you can only do one thing at a time... then how can you think a thought and also reject that thought at the same time? I mean... the simple core concept of having a subconscious or instincts (which I don't know a single fucking person who disputes) and having those as... a parallel self... that is also you... that is existing simultaneously to you... I mean, when you really look at what that concept is saying... it's saying being human... having the duality between conscious/subconscious is innately plural.

So... given that... and really just taking a beat and going. "Okay, I am... plural. I am multiple "minds" experiencing reality simultaneously." Whatever phrasing you need to get that concept to be palatable to you... It opens this door where... you have choice in how you choose to interact with your other self(selves). And the whole idea of meditation is to kinda... remind you that you can just... be, you can just exist. You do not need to engage every thought or emotion. You just observe, acknowledge, and then return to your focal point.

And that always felt to me like... denial, in a way. Like rejecting the self, rejecting thoughts and feelings. Suppressing, even. But I'm starting to think it's just... training. To train you to be able to resist the temptation of thoughts and impulses and the immersion of emotions, to be able to willfully peacefully detach from them. And the end goal, after lots and lots of training... is to be able to experience those emotions and thoughts from a place of peace. To experience everything from a place of knowing and truly believing that it is a part of life that simply... is. And to acknowledge, and to experience, but not to be... blinded... or get stuck.

And I get stuck a lot.

I get a little insecure writing about stuff like this. I don't like the idea of coming across like I've "got it all figured out". I'm exploring, and I'm exploring in isolation. I am not being taught or guided. So, I may be meandering and exploring and speculating. I'm okay with that. That's a huge part of learning. I just wanted to disclose that outwardly.

I'm getting better about self-awareness, and mindfulness, and honesty with the self and others... but this whole weed thing specifically really brings back this idea that like... okay... maybe it's better if I show than tell. If I start freaking out, why don't I just... change the channel? Why don't I just dismiss the thought as being a flashback or substance-induced paranoia? I swear, every time I run through an example script in my head on this... it just comes back to "that's avoidance" or "you're just suppressing your own fears"; it feels either unhealthy or impossible. I guess I still have a lot of work to do on this.

This is heavy stuff. But the idea that peace is a state that is always with us, it's the resting state, it's always there and you just need to go... "okay, I'm experiencing anxiety right now... but I am also observing that. And my observing self has the steering wheel right now... so... I acknowledge that emotion and the danger it's attempting to signal, and I'm going to respectfully ask it to go away." I want to be able to treat it like the timer on my phone going off, and learn how to just go "yep, I gotcha, thank you" and hit the "X" and have it leave me alone. In a self-loving way, not a "goddammit, I'm freaking out again and this sucks" or a "fuck off" kinda way.

Anywho, I've been rambling for way too long. I just found that stuff really insightful and I'm excited to engage with it further. But for now, I need to get to bed.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of thoughts #stream of consciousness

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dragonfly756 · 3 years

Text

Why did Kepler call Eiffel his Point man that one time: An essay.

Okay here is the reason I was researching what a point man is.

So there’s this throwaway line from Kepler in ‘Persuasion’ where he says he’s “Not about to waste his point man on such a hazardous mission.” Which is incredibly interesting to me because in a military context a point man would go out first into the most hazardous situation to investigate.And, if necessary, to die so others didn’t. Kepler very much isn’t asking Eiffel to do that....Yet.

See, in the episode, he’s asking Eiffel to stay with him on the Hephaestus while everyone else goes out on the dangerous space walk. So maybe it’s just an Inception reference, or the writers didn’t research some terminology that well, and it’s not that deep? (Probably, but I also feel like over analyzing this a little bit.)

So a point man, right? Characterized by being a scout, taking tons of danger for everyone else, and also, and this part is very important, being ceaselessly loyal....... and also an Inception reference, (Creating a sort of right-hand man connotation into the bargain, if you consider the character of Arthur.) (I could write a whole other essay about the whole point man thing for him but it would get really long if I did it here.) and obviously, Eiffel would appreciate a pop culture reference.

But isn’t that role more suited to Jacobi? I would argue not. Especially after Maxwell’s death, Jacobi quickly loses faith in Kepler, in fact, he seems to blame Kepler for Maxwell’s death more than he blames Minkowski. Kepler was the one to make the orders, even if she was the one to pull the trigger. Although his loyalties to Kepler seem pretty fluid, even after Maxwell’s death he has so much faith in her, I don’t have the exact quote handy, but he says something along the lines of “People like that (Kepler) are there to let people like her (Maxwell) be brilliant.” (And presumably better humanity and all that jazz, really sweet that someone as outwardly cynical as Jacobi has such....Noble thoughts.) Even from as early as the Goddard Christmas party, they seem to back each other up on the most banal of lies. TO KEPLER, no less.

This suggests something really interesting, that Jacobi isn’t Kepler’s point man, he’s Maxwell’s. Even before her death, Jacobi’s loyalty to Kepler is always going to be secondary. And even though Kepler heavily miscalculated how much Jacobi would still be loyal to him after the mutiny, I think he does realize this on some level.

So Kepler needs a new right-hand man, one who already has proven himself to be loyal, and who goes out into danger to scout it out.

Enter.....Doug Eiffel! Who has, A: Proven himself to be extremely loyal on multiple occasions, something Kepler would have witnessed both firsthand when he first picked him up on the Urania, and through Doug’s logs. and B: Had significant experience in dangerous situations. (Again, the whole ‘cryosleep and readjust the tiny spaceship to get in comms range of help’ is something Kepler would have seen firsthand.) and C: Eiffel is viewed favorably by the aliens they’re trying to contact. All of this adds up to a very good point man, if Kepler can win him over.

Which Kepler attempts through......Drum-roll please.....Emotional manipulation!!! Is anyone really surprised? Anyway. He starts by outwardly validating the person hood of both Eiffel and Hera, mainly by yelling at Hilbert a lot, While behind the scenes he has Maxwell put malicious code in Hera and expects Eiffel to eventually die for him if it comes to that.

He also isolates Eiffel as much as possible from other members of his original team.

He assigns Minkowski the most menial jobs he can, and since turning Eiffel against her is frankly a tall order, attempts to turn her against him with the records ‘leak’ of his past.

He gives Hera a new friend who understands her on a level that Eiffel doesn’t.

He keeps Lovelace close, (My personal interpretation of their dynamic is that Kepler views her as an opposing, but largely unattached agent. No loyalty to either him or the Hephaestus crew.) as master-at-arms, but largely doesn’t seem to worry about her.

Since degradation and other forms of manipulation (punishment?) don’t seem to work on Hilbert, Kepler attacks him through the only vector he can, denying him his research. (This serves two purposes, keeping Hilbert in line and submissive, and encouraging Eiffel to like him more. I don’t think Kepler would care that much about Eiffel’s health unless it benefited him somehow, so he uses Eiffel’s bodily autonomy basically as a treat for good behavior. Not unlike how a lot of people treat Hera, actually.)

And Eiffel? He praises him for his resourcefulness, he gives him preferential treatment, doesn’t call him stupid. (This is all heavily conditional on his mood, of course.) He makes himself the one person on the station who will give Eiffel consistent support and doesn’t underestimate his ability. This is all to the point where I think if the contact event had gone to plan, even if nobody else on the original crew survived, and it was just him, Jacobi, Maxwell, and Eiffel? Well, Kepler would be just fine with that. Eiffel would go out first, attempt to communicate with the aliens, and come back, maybe short a few limbs, maybe with some additional trauma, but ultimately fine.

Because beneath all the bluster and pop-culture references, Eiffel is stunningly good at his job.

He’s good at not dying, at thinking on his feet.

He’s made first contact with aliens when no-one else in presumably hundreds of other missions has.

Because you know what they say, when you’ve got a pig that good.....

#on a first listen through it seemed obvious kepler was doing some sort of manipulation #just was never sure for what #and then two years and one viewing of inception later #everything just clicked together in lurid detail #Wolf 359 #wolf 359 meta #Doug Eiffel #warren kepler

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petri808 · 3 years

Note

hiii i am absolutely obsessed with ur drabbles could u please do nalu #4 and #39 pls🥺

“Walk out that door and we’re through” + “Please come home, I miss you”

This was tough cause the questions could trigger a story similar to this one I also did for these prompt asks round. But I think I can make it different enough, albeit angst hell 😅 here we go! It’s a little rushed but longer then I expected for a ficlet lol

“Lucy,” Natsu knocked at the office door, “it’s time to go.”

“Where?” She answered without looking up.

“Levy’s birthday party.”

“Oh!” Lucy sat up in her desk chair and turned her body to face her husband. “Right! I forgot. Um, shucks, but I’m on a writing high right now and I can’t stop— tell her I’ll make it up to her, will ya?”

She always says that… Natsu sighed, “yeah, sure…”

Levy Redfox was Lucy’s childhood best friend and while the woman was also his friend, it just didn’t sit well with Natsu that she’d choose writing over the woman. But this had been an ongoing issue lately... Don’t get him wrong, he fully supported his wife’s career as an author, especially now that it’s really starting to take off. The issue was it had consumed her at the expense of everyone around her.

He knocked on their friends door, answered by Levy herself.

“Natsu!” Levy hugged the man excitedly, but when she noticed he was alone, frowned a tad. “Again, huh?”

“I’m sorry, Levy,” Natsu’s shoulders slumped. “Lucy’s in a,” he made quotation marks in the air, “‘writing high,’ and said she’ll make it up to you.”

“Well, I’m glad you came,” the woman smiled despite the sadness hiding behind her eyes.

All of their closest friends were in attendance and spent the evening talking, eating, and playing a few fun birthday games. It distracted him to some extent, but as the night wore down and the other guests had all left, Natsu, his best friend Gray Fullbuster, Levy, and her husband Gajeel sat around in the living room talking about the elephant in the room. Lucy.

“I’ve tried talking to her,” Levy said quietly, “but, I try not to make it sound too harsh.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what you need to do babe,” Gajeel chimed in. “Be blunt.”

“Yeah, I’m like you,” Natsu agreed with Levy. “It’s not easy to bring it up cause she’s oblivious about it.”

“But it’s hurting your marriage man!” Gray looked at Natsu. “And your friendship,” he switched to Levy. “I’m with Gajeel. If you aren’t honest with her, it’s not gonna get better.”

“Think I don’t know that?!” Natsu spat back. “Think I enjoy being the only one in that house in pain?! I don’t, but—” his voice cracked, “I’m worried I’ll push her away if I say something.”

“She’s already pushing you away dude. Do you still love her?”

“Of course, I do,” Natsu sighed. “I love her more than anything, but apparently it’s not enough… we haven’t even… you know, I can’t remember the last time.”

“Wow… Then you really gotta tell her. All of it,” Gray coaxed.

Levy who’d sat quietly through the back and forth, chimed in quietly. “Gray’s right. You should tell her, when you go home, just tell her how you’re feeling. And whatever happens, happens. We can just hope for the best.”

“You know you’ll be the first to hear from her if I do,” Natsu pointed out.

“I know. But… it’s time I come clean too.”

Natsu slumped back onto the couch and let out a depressed exhale. “And you,” he looked to Gray. “You know if it goes wrong I’ll be showing up at your door.”

“My couch has your name on it.”

“Gee, thanks.”

That had to be the longest drive home Natsu had ever taken, even though it was really just 10 minutes. He was a physical person by nature and never been very good at expressing his feelings in words. Words were his wife’s domain. There were a lot of things he wanted to say, but his biggest fear was saying things wrong. With his hand on the doorknob, Natsu took one last breath and opened the door to her office. He knew before entering, Lucy was still working by the clacks of the keyboard and interrupting would immediately cause friction. But he couldn’t wait anymore.

“I’m home,” Natsu called out… with no response. He sighed and spoke more sternly. “Lucy. I’m home.”

“Oh, welcome home,” she finally responded. “How was the party?”

He knew it was an empty question, because she never even looked up or stopped typing and it meant she wasn’t really listening. “Lucy… we need to talk.”

“I’m kinda busy Natsu.”

“I know, but you’re always busy Lucy. That’s part of the problem.” The moment the last word came out, Natsu knew instantly he’d picked the wrong one. Crap.

Lucy stopped typing, turned off the screen and shut the laptop. “Problem?” She turned the chair around with her eyes narrowed in a focused glare. “What do you mean, problem?”

“Lucy,” he ran a hand down his face, “I don’t want to fight, but we need to talk— there’s a lot we need to talk about.”

“Like what?” She crossed her arms. “What is so important that you need to mess with my job?”

There it was.

“I’m not trying to do that,” he sighed. “You know how proud I am of your career. But, it feels as if you’re choosing your career over everything else in your life. Me, your friends, we’re all just being pushed aside—”

“Are you kidding me?!” Lucy shot out of her chair shaking in anger. “I am not doing any of that! I’m not pushing anyone away! Y-You’re the one who’s acting selfish trying to tell me I’m not giving you enough attention! And don’t you bring Levy into this! If this was bothering her she’d tell me!”

“It does bother her! But she’s afraid of getting,” he gestured with his hands up and down at Lucy, “this reaction! Is it selfish to want to spend some time with my own wife?!” Natsu growled. “We never spend time together anymore! You’re just always hunched over that damn computer!”

“I’m doing my job!” Lucy shrieked. “I have deadlines to meet! This story ain’t gonna write itself! Research ain’t gonna materialize on its own! It’s a lot of work!”

“Lucy,” Natsu pinched his brows together, trying hard to stop from snapping further as well as to control the tears building in his eyes. “I love you, more than anything in this world, but I don’t know what happened to the woman I’d married. The old Lucy wouldn’t abandon her loved ones like this.”

“You’re just mad because I’m successful now.”

“That’s bullshit! And you know it! No job is worth losing the people you care about, and if you can’t understand that, then, I don’t know what else to say!”

“Then I guess there isn’t anything more to say,” she spat back.

“I guess not.” Natsu answered softly, turned and left the room.

He’d already assumed confronting Lucy about her precious career would not end well, and he was right. Staying would only cause more trouble. So, he quietly packed a suitcase to go to Gray’s house, making sure to bring anything he’d need because he had no idea how long he’d stay there. He’d said his peace; it really was all in Lucy’s hands now.

Back in her office, Lucy dropped back down into her chair as the full weight of what just transpired hit her like a ton of bricks. She cradled her face in her hands as the anger that had fueled her response suddenly mixed with sadness. Tears flowed free. Did that really just happen?! She could hear Natsu moving around in the bedroom, the opening of drawers, the closet, the zipping sound of the suitcase, each and every step driving a knife deeper and deeper. How dare he tell her to stop writing! This was her dream! Her livelihood! Why couldn’t he just support her instead of acting like a child who wasn’t getting attention!

When she heard Natsu walking towards the front door area, Lucy raced out of the room to confront him one last time.

“Walk out that door and we’re through!” She screamed. “Do you hear me? We’re through!”

Natsu ignored her words knowing it was the anger talking… hoping it was just the emotions fueling her rage. “I’ll be at Gray’s,” he simply responded with a hint of sadness in his tone. “You should really think long and hard about this Lucy, because if not, you’ll lose a lot more than you realize.” And with that, he closed the front door behind him.

Lucy crumpled to the ground and wailed— raged, banging the floor with her fists as the sobbing overtook her. She truly could not understand what brought this on. Hadn’t she been a good wife?! Faithful! Hard working! What more did he want?! All she was doing was trying to make it in the cut-throat world of publishing. Does he not understand how hard it is to make it in that world?! She pulled her phone from her pocket and started to dial Levy’s phone number. But just as she got to the last two numbers, she stopped. It was already 1 am, and it would be rude to wake her friend up. Lucy sniffled and hung her head in shame before dragging herself back towards the bedroom. She’ll just call in the morning.

When Levy answered the phone, Lucy was slightly taken aback by the response. Not a hello, just a, ‘I wondered when you’d call.’ Evidently the woman was expecting it, but she was too tired to let it add to her problems. She hadn’t slept much after Natsu left— no surprise. She was still angry, but also confused, sad, and just mentally drained of life. Her friend agreed to come over in a bit, so Lucy dragged herself into the shower hoping it would make her feel better.

“Wow, you don’t look good,” Levy remarked at her friend.

“Hi to you too,” Lucy mumbled as she moved to the side to let her friend in. “Who would after a fight?”

Once settled on the couch, Levy went straight to the point before Lucy could even begin. “I already know what this is about. I know Natsu’s side, so start with yours.”

“Wow— okay, well—” Lucy pulled her legs up and tucked them underneath her body in a protective mode. “He tried to tell me to stop writing and I thought that was bullshit,” she said bluntly.

Levy’s brow raised. “Is that exactly what he said? To stop writing?”

“W-Well no, but that what he implied!”

“What did he say exactly?”

Lucy looked away, a scowl growing on her face and to hide the renewed moisture in her eyes. “He said I’m pushing everyone away.”

“And you don’t agree?”

“No! I’m not choosing my career over everyone! It’s ridiculous to even imply that I would!”

“Lu, do you still love your husband?”

“Of course, I love him!”

“Are you sure he knows you still love him?”

“I—” Lucy crossed her arms over her chest and sunk further into the couch mumbling. “I don’t see why he wouldn’t.”

“I can tell you, he doesn’t. Lu, you’ve pushed all of us away.”

“So, you’re taking his side?!”

“No. I’m giving you reality. You’ve been wrapped up in your fictional world so much that you’ve forgotten this one and the real people in it.”

“I—” Lucy turned away to hide the tears slowly starting to trickle down her face. “I never meant to…”

“I know…” Levy placed a hand on her friends leg. “Lu, we all know. He knows, but he’s hurting and it’s in your power to fix this.”

“But how?! I can’t just stop writing. I have deadlines and— you know, its a lot of work to put a story together.”

“You have to find a balance. Right?” Levy coaxed. “You have to take breaks. You have to relax sometimes. Natsu’s not asking you to stop, and he knows there will be times you really can’t stop. But it can’t be all the time, and right now it’s all the time.”

“I know…”

“Girl when was the last time you…” Levy wiggled her brows and grinned. “You know.”

Lucy blushed. “Too long.”

“Well?!” Levy laughed. “Are you finally getting our point?”

“Yeah,” Lucy sighed. “I got tunneled vision.”

Levy leaned in, adding pressured from the hand on Lucy’s leg and a softening in her voice. “And it put your marriage in jeopardy. But it’s not too late to fix it.”

The tears exploded from Lucy. “I told him… when he left, I-I told him don’t come back.” She buried her face in her hands as the sobbing took control. “I-I was screaming at him… so angry, I just lost it and—”

Levy pulled Lucy into a hug. “Shhh,” she held tight. “I’m sure he knew you didn’t mean it. Shh, it’s okay. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we’re mad. But you can still get him back, I’m certain of it.”

“H-how?!” Lucy sobbed into Levy’s shoulder. “He’s gotta be so mad at me!”

“Hun, Natsu’s more sad then mad. He needs to feel like you still love him.” Levy pulled away and cupped Lucy’s cheeks, staring, searching the woman’s eyes. “Can you tell him you love him?”

“I can tell him I love him,” Lucy sniffled.

“Then go tell him that!” She hugged her friend. “You’ll be okay Lu, you two are meant to last.”

“Thanks, Levy.”

“He’s at Gray’s right? Want me to drive you?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Levy smiled. “Now clean up a bit, I’ll wait in the car.”

The whole ride over to Gray’s house was the most nerve wracking experience in Lucy’s life. As she sat there huddled in Levy’s passenger seat, all the ways she could ever apologize tried to funnel through her head. She was a writer, and yet for the first time in a long time, all the words dried up or mashed together like a broken verse. Levy did her best to keep Lucy calm, reminding her that it’s all about being honest— just let your heart do the talking for once and not her head.

“You got this,” Levy patted Lucy’s shoulder before she exited the vehicle.

Lucy sure hoped she did. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Seconds ticked by and with each chime, all the weight and worry crept closer to sending her over. He was mad. Too mad. He probably won’t answer…

Finally someone did. “You came?” Natsu’s voice was soft and low, his eyes still bloodshot and worn.

“I came,” Lucy hung her head in shame. “I’m sorry— F-For everything, Natsu please come home, I miss you. I love you more than my job, and I’m gonna make it up to you.”

“You always say that Lucy…”

Ouch. Straight through her heart. The tears broke free again as her knees weakened, causing her to fall against him. Natsu caught her, and she clung to him, gripped to his shirt. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please come home! I love you! Natsu please come home! I can change! I promise I’ll change!”

That’s when she felt his hold truly tighten around her body and his head come to rest against her own. Lucy sobbed harder from the acceptance, pouring her heart in her words. “I love you… I love you so much, I’m so sorry….”

Natsu cradled her head and closed his eyes, voice soft with an upbeat to its tone. “Now there’s the woman I married.”

He held Lucy tightly until her sobbing slowed, eventually pulling away just enough to wipe the tear trails away. “Shall we go home now?”

Lucy nodded. “Please….”

#fairy tail #nalu #natsu dragneel #lucy heartfilia #nalu au #nalu fan fic #nalu ficlet #nalu fan fiction #angst #asks and answers

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argylemnwrites · 3 years

Text

Some Definition

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x MC (Cassie Vanderfield)

Book: Open Heart (post book 2)

Word Count: ~2000

Rating: PG

Summary: Cassie is done being the “cool girl.”

Author’s Note: Well, I know a ton of the fandom is looking forward to OH3 coming out later this week, but I’m just... not. I hated the majority of OH2, and I just don’t have faith in PB to write OH3 in ways that I don’t find wildly frustrating. So, I’ve decided not to read it. I think I’ll be a lot happier not having to rationalize why Bryce and my MC haven’t defined their relationship, why my MC is consistently asked to care about Ramsey’s personal problems, and why Bryce’s residency is only four years when in should be five (or seven, if he takes research years, hahaha).

So, from here on out, I’m just going to be writing fic that is canon-compliant through the end of OH2. I had assumed that Bryce and Cassie would be in a committed relationship at this point, and I really don’t have interest in their dynamic if they aren’t committed to each other after two years (and a near death experience, smh at you, PB). So, everything I write that is set after the end of OH2 will just ignore whatever nonsense PB gives us, and this little fic serves as my personal break point.

Written partially out of frustration with the direction PB took this series, but also for Day 16 of the @choicesfebchallenge - Confession.

Cassie sat on the edge of Bryce’s bed, twisting her fingers around in her lap. She was supposed to be getting undressed. At least that’s what Bryce had hinted she should do when they got back to his place while he grabbed them both glasses of water. But she couldn’t. Her conversation with Elijah from Ines’ housewarming party earlier was stuck in her mind.

“Needless to say, my parents were pretty thrilled when I said I was looking at U of Chicago and Northwestern for fellowship. What about you, considering heading back to the Midwest?”

“Oh! Umm, I don’t know,” Cassie said, her eyes jumping to Bryce over by the keg before she could stop herself.

Elijah followed her gaze and let out a little sigh. “Well, you’ll have to make some choices pretty soon.”

His words haunted her for the rest of the party, worming their way into her thoughts over and over again. He was totally right. Not just career choices, but personal choices. Because after two years, she and Bryce still weren’t anything defined or official.

She’d tried to be cool about it. She’d tried to just enjoy what they had. But she was going to be applying for fellowship very soon. And she knew that if she made decisions about where in the country she was applying because of a guy who she couldn’t even legitimately call her boyfriend, that would make her so foolish.

The door swung open, revealing the man in question, taking a swig of water from one glass and carrying another. He did a little double take when he saw her just sitting there, placing both glasses on his dresser once he finished his drink.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked, crouching down in front of her.

“Bryce, what are we doing?”

“What do you mean?”

Cassie closed her eyes. “I need to know...” she took a deep breath, trying to steady herself, before opening her eyes and continuing, “I need to know what we are.”

Bryce frowned, coming to sit next to her on the edge of the bed. “Cassie, you’re so important to me,” he said, grabbing her hand, tracing his thumb over her knuckles. “You mean so much to me.” He leaned over, tracing his thumb across her cheek, leaning in and briefly pressing his lips to hers before pulling back. “I care about you so much.”

It would be so easy to give in, to let it stand at that. But the fact was that those words, as heartwarming and flattering as they were, didn’t really answer her question. So instead of getting swept away, she scooted further down the bed, shaking her head as she pulled her hand from his.

“I know you do, Bryce. But that wasn’t what I asked.”

“Where is this coming from? I thought we had a good time tonight?”

“We did.”

He stared at her, obviously trying to read her, trying to figure out what he was missing. “I don’t get it, Cassie. What’s wrong?”

She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to stay steady and calm. She didn’t want to come across as some pathetic, needy girl whose happiness was dependent on some guy. But she also was coming to the realization that if Bryce didn’t want an actual relationship, it was probably time to end whatever they had. Spend her last year at Edenbrook just focusing on her career, getting some papers published, going to conferences, that sort of thing.

“I guess I just need to make some decisions, with my fellowship application coming up soon.”

Bryce nodded, “Yeah, I get that. But trust me, you’ll have your pick. Every diagnostics program in the country is going to want you.”

She smiled at that, but she knew it was a hollow one. Sure, she had her fears about the whole process, but fellowship match was so much less stressful than residency match, at least in diagnostics. Her worries were so much more personal. “And what if it’s a program in Georgia or Texas or Washington where I end up?”

“If you want ‘em, you’ll match there. I’m sure of it, Cass. You are brilliant, and your CV is a perfect one for diagnostics. All the other applicants are going to hate you.”

Cassie had to close her eyes, not wanting him to see the tears starting to pool there. He looked so eager and hopeful and joyous and pretty, sitting there, a giant grin on his face. He was so supportive, but it was clear that her being close to him wasn’t a priority for him at all. And after two years, after everything they’d been through, it stung. Badly.

“I think I’m going to get going,” she choked out, pushing herself off the bed, not chancing opening her eyes until she was facing away from him. Tears were already starting to track down her cheeks, and she needed to get out of there before she had a total meltdown.

“Cassie!” he called out. She heard rustling behind her and felt his fingers grasp her wrist, but she kept going, knowing he wouldn’t actually physically stop her. Sure enough, those same fingers peeled away the next instant as she didn’t slow down. She swiped her hand under her eyes as she bolted through the living room towards the front door of his apartment. How she was going to explain this later she had no idea, but she needed to get out of there, get a grip, and start to move on with her life.

Suddenly, Bryce appeared in front of her, his hands gently resting on her shoulders. “Cassie, what’s wrong? We can fix it; I promise.”

His eyes were so wide and earnest, he looked so determined and sure, but all it did was break her heart more. She just shook her head, even more tears flowing. “I don’t think-” her voice cracked, so she took a breath before she continued, “Please just let me go home, Bryce.”

Bryce stared at her for a tense second. “Is that what you really want?”

She shook her head as she swiped away more tears with the back of her hand. “It’s what I need, Bryce.”

He dropped his hands from her shoulders and ran one through his hair as he stepped back. He looked so lost and confused. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“Why?”

He shrugged. “Obviously, I upset you. I’m not sure how, but clearly I did. So, I’m sorry.”

Cassie shook her head. “You don’t need to be sorry. You’ve never led me on or anything. I guess I just hoped that maybe… But, it’s fine. You did nothing wrong. You aren’t obligated to care where I end up for fellowship or anything.”

“Cassie, of course I care where you end up!”

“Right. As a friend. But you don’t care if I end up near you.”

“I shouldn’t be-” he took a breath and started again, “What matters is your career, Cassie. That’s what you should consider. Not me. I’m not a factor here.”

“I know,” she shook her head, wiping her eyes yet again, wishing she could stop crying, wishing she’d been able to hold it together a little better. “I just wish you wanted to be.” She gave him a little watery smile and shrug before heading to the door. There was nothing left to say.

“Cassie, wait!” Bryce cried out, brushing past her and standing in front of the door. “I promise, I’ll let you go,” he said, holding his hands up in front of his chest. “But you need to know it’s not that I don’t want to be a factor. I’m just not gonna be so selfish that I ask you to make me a factor.”

She paused for a moment, trying to figure out if what he was telling her mattered at all or not. “Bryce, I… Even if that’s true, I can’t keep doing this. Just rolling along, being a cool girl, pretending like I don’t need to label anything.”

Bryce was quiet for a second, so Cassie moved to step past him, but he shook his head, stopping her in her tracks. “Why didn’t you say anything?” His voice was quiet, subdued. He didn’t sound like himself.

“Bryce, I confessed that this meant something to me over a year ago. I wasn’t going to drag you into a relationship you clearly didn’t want.”

“Didn’t want? Cassie, I didn’t want to burden you.”

“What are you-”

“I’m a mess, Cassie. You know that. I just figured you would have the good sense to not want to get involved with my drama beyond some fun.”

“How are you a mess?”

“Well, my parents-”

“-You aren’t them. You distanced yourself from them.”

“And my sister-”

“-Is a teenager you took in and did your best to help raise and support and love. Your relationship with Keiki is wonderful, not a downside at all.”

Bryce smiled briefly, glancing down at his feet, but kept going. “I’m a workaholic.”

“I don’t think there is a way to be a resident and not be a workaholic, Bryce.”

“I couldn’t even make pasta, for god’s sake!”

Cassie couldn’t help but chuckle at that, a few more tears spilling out even if she had largely stopped crying by this point. “Alright, I’ll give you that one. But you learned, Bryce. You learned and grew, and that’s enough.”

He shook his head, his eyes still locked on the ground. “Last time I was someone’s boyfriend, I was pretty bad at it. And I don’t know if you’ve picked up on this, but I don’t do well when I’m not excelling at something. I don’t like being mediocre at things.”

Cassie stepped forward, linking her pinkie around Bryce’s. He glanced at their hands before making eye contact. “I don’t need perfect, Bryce. I just need… more. For you to at least try. And for the record, I think you were probably better at being a boyfriend than you give yourself credit for.”

He shook his head. “Nah, you know me. I’m not exactly shy about my strengths. It was bad, Cassie.”

She shrugged. “Well, then work on it. Get better. You learned how to cook. You figured out how to provide stability for your sister. And although you might try to deny it, I am pretty sure you weren’t born a surgeon. You learned how to do those things. This doesn’t have to be any different.”

He stood there, but he didn’t say anything for what felt like an eternity. Cassie felt her cheeks growing warm as embarrassment settled in. He was probably just being polite, and she had to go and corner him, make things awkward. “Of course, if you don’t want to, I understand. I just-”

Her words died as Bryce turned his hand and fully interlocked their fingers, tugging her close and kissing her. After a few seconds, he pulled back, sliding his free hand to her cheek. “Only an idiot wouldn’t want to be your boyfriend, Cassie.”

A strange little chuckle bubbled out of her at that. “So, are you saying…”

“That I want to be your boyfriend? Yeah, I want that. Do you still want that? I’m not exactly off to an auspicious start here, what with making you cry and then after that making you console me and give me a pep talk and-”

It was her turn to cut him off, kissing him soundly, placing her hand behind his neck and holding him close. After what could have been seconds or minutes or hours, she pulled back, her eyes flickering up to his face, please to see a wide grin and pure joy in his eyes.

“Do you still want to go home? Because I would love to show off my relatively new-found breakfast making skills for my girlfriend in the morning.”

She felt her cheeks grow warm as she was able to genuinely smile for the first time since her conversation with Elijah. “I’d like that,” she said, looping her arms around his waist and relishing the feeling of him pulling her into a hug. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Good,” said Bryce. “Me too.”

Permatag: @choicesficwriterscreations @walkerswhiskeygirl @octobereighth @kimmiedoo5 @mom2000aggie

Open Heart: @mskaneko @omgjasminesimone @debramcg1106

Bryce x MC: @weaving-in-words @anotherbeingsworld @chaotichuman0090 @fortunatelywaywardsandwich @dreaming-of-movies @choicesarehard @srta-give-me-my-jax-rl @sunnyxdazed

#choicesfebruarychallenge2021 #choicesfebchallengeday16 #bryce lahela #bryce x mc #open heart fanfiction #choices fanfiction

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yetanotherbuffyblog · 3 years

Text

Buffy has a new toy.

And dang it’s cool.

Buffy picks up the sweet axe (which seems to connect to Slayers in a way it doesn’t to anyone else) that she got and she’s about to rip into Caleb, but she’s told her friends are in trouble, and she goes and saves the group that Faith led when they’re being attacked by Uber Vampires. She leads them back home, including a wounded Faith. She shows off the axe to the group, which is sort-of-dubbed the ‘Slayer Scythe’ despite very obviously not being a scythe. She charges Giles and Willow to find out the origin of the weapon.

Also Buffy has Xander kidnap Dawn to take her away from the danger; when she wakes up and Xander explains, handing her the note Buffy left, she tazes Xander and drives back.

And the First bonds with Caleb, or something?

Buffy has heart-to-hearts with Faith and with Spike, and she follows the lead Willow and Giles came up with that suggests the axe is Egyptian or something, and she finds a pyramid tomb in the cemetery and enters. There’s a Guardian there, who claims to be the last of an order that oversaw the Watchers and that the axe was made for Slayers for the final battle against evil. Apparently it was used to kill the last pure-blooded demon from the world, and it’s there to be taken up by Slayers again when needed (Caleb noticeably could not pull it from the stone it was lodged in).

And then Caleb kills the Guardian, and so Buffy and Caleb fight. It’s closer this time, until ANGEL COMES RIGHT THE FUDGE OUT OF NOWHERE and gives her an opening, and she continues the fight without any more interference, cutting him in the gut with the axe.

The episode ends with Angel and Buffy making out. But OHES NOES! Spike is watching, and the First taunts him over this.

Notes! (Written mostly while I was watching the episode):

-The axe thing has a stake in it too? That’s a pretty cool weapon. It reminds me a bit of the Combat Cross in the Lords of Shadow games that is a chain whip and also a stake for killing vampires.

-The axe is REALLY cool.

-The Potentials really should have been given a lot more weapons and training with dealing with Uber Vampires.

-Viewing falling into Caleb’s trap as a punishment or karma for not following Buffy is stupid considering what happened the first time they fought Caleb.

-They refer to it as a scythe, which is a bit weird because it’s obviously an axe? A scythe is a thing that exists and that’s not it!

-Giles is baffled about how he couldn’t have heard of the axe before, which is because, I assumed, they just made it up this season.

-I feel as if we still don’t really have a satisfactory backstory for Caleb.

-The research Willow and Giles do is such weird BS-- “The vineyard used to be a monastery but the artifact is clearly pre-Christian”--HOW. HOW IS IT PRE-CHRISTIAN.THERE ARE NO PAGAN SYMBOLS ON IT, IT HAS NO WRITING OR PAGAN SYMBOLS. AND HOW DOES THAT PRECLUDE IT FROM BEING HELD BY MONKS. ARE YOU STUPID.

-And they just have their research on a random website. Although I suppose in a world with demons and such this stuff MIGHT be on the Internet.

-The weird demon image we get of the First is not… great CGI.

-If the First can possess someone, why hasn’t that happened before?

-As I guessed, Buffy is horrified to find out that Faith and Wood fondued in the house, in her room.

-I like when Faith and Buffy bond. I don’t want them to be BFFs but I like the idea that even if they don’t always get along, there’s an understanding between them, because there’s something they share that no one else does.

-“All I did was hold you and watch you sleep, and it was the best night of my life.” I am FAIRLY certain that Stephenie Meyer watched this show.

-Andrew and Anya are stealing from the hospital? Apparently town’s been evacuated so I suppose it’s not that bad, it’s more like raiding supplies from an abandoned facility.

-Anya praising humanity’s willingness to fight and then insisting she doesn’t love them (us) is kind of amazing.

-WHEELCHAIR FIGHT! It’s kind of out of place here but I don’t mind because it’s fantastic and what I might do if I had the chance.

-I’m sorry but the axe thing feels, like Caleb, like something else that came right the fudge out of nowhere--and makes sense because the foreshadowing for it comes in with Caleb. This feels more like plugging a narrative hole for something to help out against the uber-vamps. Though TV Tropes tells me a tie-in comic explains it better and makes it less of an armpit pull.

-The Guardian does not believe, at first, that Buffy is actually her name.

-ANGEL?! HWAT?!?

-Cut off Caleb’s head to be sure. Check for a pulse.

-That upon seeing Angel again they decide to make out for a bit feels very dishonest to their characters? I know she’s been under a lot of stress, but that’s not how they interacted last time they met up after a while. I know a ton of people see Angel as Buffy’s TRUE LUV but this is not… how they act? It’s inserted to cause drama with Spike, and that’s a pain.

-I have one episode left in this entire series. Wow.

#Buffy The Vampire Slayer #Buffy Summers #Faith Lehane #Xander Harris #Dawn Summers #Rupert Giles #Angel #Spike #Andrew Wells #Anya #Slayer #7x21

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ahwait-no-yes · 3 years

Photo

so basically my friend told me today about her dream she had that involved a demon and of course my mind went “...SAIOU AU”

here’s our convo so it makes sense:

if I had the motivation i would DEFINITELY write a fic about this- the fluff/crack/angst potential is t h e r e

and as a bonus doodle,

story is under the cut (it’s long)

“I was gonna keep this in tags but hsdf;j” is what I originally wrote here until I started thinking about this more and sorta wrote the whole plot-

-> as ouma’s killing the other monster things he flirts with shuuichi while the poor demon has never been flirted with so he’s stood there all confused and ??? (his version of blushing would be like, the fire coming from his small horns gets bigger and brighter)

-> the one he summons ends up being like. kaede and they both just end up having to lecture shuuichi on why it is that he should not want to die so easily

-> eventually kokichi and kaede wanna give him a hug so they try to but shuuichi’s Extra Hot™ (from being a demon and also probably blushing) so they both immediately regret that choice but kokichi laughs and gives an obligatory pun about shuuichi being hot which only confuses him because ‘of course im hot?? im a demon??’ while kaede explains what ouma meant

-> imagine shuuichi crying (fire tears..) at the generosity of these two strangers who a) aren’t absolutely terrified of him, b) refuse to hurt him and c) actually *want* to help him and ouma actually inwardly understanding a little bc he’d never imagine someone actually wanting to be with himself either

-> saihara now wanting to know what it’s like to live as a human with ouma and akamatsu but being unable to find a way (except for maybe being undercover?) but promising he’ll bring ouma back to him (he’s aware of the whole aging phenomenon in the lil demon world so he wants to keep their time short) and ouma finding that now he has something to look forward to

-> the 👏 mutual 👏 pining 👏 that commences after they both have to leave each other (if kaede knows kokichi in the real world she’d definitely tease him a little knowing he has a crush- this is probably good potential for building oumaede friendship)

-> it takes a while before ouma and saihara can see eachother again because getting the two to escape without killing saihara exerted a lot of energy on him, but they do get to! about once a month to be safe, and they get to know stuff about eachother like which shops ouma likes to steal from and shuuichi’s really loud demon friend he once had (aka momota)

-> one day though saihara tells ouma that if he keeps doing this he’ll die of exhaustion (it takes a lot of energy from saihara to get ouma in and out of there) and ouma calling him an idiot but really being worried. saihara tells him not to worry about him even if something happens to him, and makes ouma go back to the real world

-> ouma doesn’t hear from him after that

-> he worries he might have been killed or saihara forgot about him and feels stupid for being so hopeful in something so childishly impossible and starts trying to forget about him

-> the real world is aware of demons cause people talk about them (and obvs you can tell when someone’s gone to their.. dimension thing because you can visibly see them age) so still denying that he’s curious and likes saihara still, ouma tries to go to libraries and do his own research on demons and ends up finding out that saihara specifically comes from a bloodline that makes him quite powerful if not for that he wouldnt want to take the risks that come with it and then lowkey gets excited again for saihara while still in ✨denial ✨

-> it’s been almost a year when saihara has enough energy (and more) to ensure that his new plan is successfully carried out and that ouma (and potentially 1 more..) gets back to the real world safely. he created this plan when he figured out how to exist in the real world- by sacrificing the thing he cares most about

-> so when ouma suddenly gets that off-feeling people get when they’re leaving the real world he feels very many emotions at once (giddily going ”ohh my god its not this it cant be this no way oh heck tthisis not happening not a chance”) until he sees the face he’s been waiting 4 months for again except this time it looks.. frighteningly cold

-> ouma’s instincts are screaming at him that something is very, very wrong here especially when he can’t hear any warmth when saihara says “Welcome back, Ouma. It’s your final time” and explains the whole ‘kill these monsters then kill me’ thing again

-> ouma’s confusion inevitably turns to annoyance as he kills the dudes (there appears to be a lot more than there was last time) and fires questions at saihara (‘is this saihara?’ ‘what happened to you??’ ‘do you even remember me?’) while saihara stays silent for the whole time thinking about how he really doesn’t want to be doing this.

-> eventually ouma decides he was wrong (again) to have put his faith in a guy- a demon- he only met once a month.. even if said demon gave him something to look forward to

-> when he finally gets to saihara alone he internally notes that saihara cant look him in the eye, but he finally speaks to tell ouma that now either himself or ouma will now die (saihara knows this is for sake of the sacrifice, but he can’t let ouma know else it won’t work)

-> ouma refuses to fight him again, expecting saihara to snap back into the meek demon from a year and some months ago, but rather than that happening saihara actually says something like “if you won’t kill me, I’ll have to kill you” and swings at him

-> even if ouma was on his full guard, he still would’ve been surprised by how strong saihara actually could be when he tried to fight- and of course saihara can’t stop now that he’s started but ouma hears the hesitation when saihara asks “are you going to kill me yet?” and gets annoyed that the whole time he spent with him and even akamatsu meant nothing. saihara smiles sadly knowing he’s achieving his goal but ouma thinks he’s smiling at the thought of dying and gets somehow even more annoyed

-> during their whole fight, insert “I’m alone, Ouma, and I will always be” line from saihara, “No amount of talking can convince me otherwise, Ouma. I’m sorry it took so long, but it was foolish of you to trust a demon you met only once” or something and yes it hurts saihara too but ouma’s staying silent and before saihara can continue, ouma fires back with “You’re right- you are meant to be alone. You were always meant to be that kind of guy” and stops dodging to start finally attacking- this is when saihara knows he’s pretty much achieved his target: sacrificing ouma’s trust in him

-> just as ouma swipes at him, saihara’s lil spell thing is activated that takes saihara back to the real world, disguised so people don’t see him as a demon. but now ouma thinks he’s just killed saihara (I just attacked him. and he is gone. i dont know what that light was but i must have just killed him. oh my god im a murderer.”)

-> saihara hiding in the forest to do the lil spell thing again but on ouma (all the time he spent saving on energy was worth it) so ouma gets transported to the real world too and immediately runs to tell akamatsu everything that happened

-> saihara trying to find to blend in with humans from what he remembers of how they act but he doesnt need to particularly eat he just needs a heck ton of sleep so he basically just lives in the forest now. he’s very sensitive to water so he actively stays away from it too (it wont kill him but it does make him sick). he’s still feverishly warm but not scalding and he also decides to work at a store to fit in more

-> ouma regretting what he did to saihara even though saihara hurt him first and realising he misses him

-> saihara ends up accidentally bumping into him at the store he works at that ouma conveniently steals from a lot (”Ouma, you’d make a good demon” “Nishishi! What do you mean? I’m a perfect little angel!”) and saihara gasping when he notices ouma’s unforgettable purple hair and cute smile.

-> ouma finding something familiar about this awkward new staff with the cute face and deciding he’ll visit the shop more often to see this stranger and not because said stranger might help him get over his demon crush

-> then they get to know eachother again for the 2nd time, and as much as this guy is really cute, he clearly knows more than he’s letting on... so of course ouma’s gotta now pay even more attention to him. just so he knows what the guy’s hiding. not cause he wants to know him.

-> one day saihara is sick from trying to protect himself from the rain (cause yk, water bad) so he stays in the forest instead of coming in to focus his energy on getting better and also not blowing his cover. ouma notices he isnt there on that day and asks other staff members where he lives and they’re all like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-> it rains quite a bit after that, inevitably making saihara even more sick and in turn needing time away to himself, so ouma starts getting worried when saihara stops coming to work

-> saihara really wants to see him though, so one day he tries to drag himself to work in a terrible state where he’s actually almost cold for once and collapses after trying to run to ouma. ouma sees him and tells his manager he cant work nd takes him home himself where saihara wakes up confused

-> ouma lecturing saihara because he worried him and the way he fell reminded him of.. someone (demon shuu).. then he asks vague questions to saihara about if he’s ever met a demon and half-confesses to having met one himself multiple times and ending up falling in love and then probably killing them

-> saihara, in his tired state, tells him his story of how he was raised to believe he had no purpose other than to meet someone who would kill him, eventually finding that person but instead of looking at him with fear or anger he looked at him with admiration and playfulness, how the guy meant to kill him refused to and flirted w him instead. ouma has probably clicked on by this point but saihara continues to tell him he wanted to protect that guy with the power he had so he took time away from his first ‘job’ to find out how to be with him. saihara is probably shaking at this point while he continues telling him about how he found out he had to sacrifice the most important thing to him, so he “went and had a terrible argument with him one day and i ran away. but i’ve never stopped looking for him since, he showed me that even a demon like me can fall in love” (there’s the ✨grand confession ✨)

-> ouma saw it coming from the moment saihara started speaking, but that didnt stop him from being utterly paralysed. of COURSE saihara has to say “When I said you’d make a good demon I really wasn’t lying. Your hand is so warm it could fool even me” which possibly makes ouma completely combust before absolutely bolting out the door and calling akamatsu to tell her to get to his house (”AKAMATSU-CHAN I’M GONNA DIE RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON’T GET HERE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT THIS SECOND”)

-> while waiting for kaede, shuuichi explains that he needs to be Warm™ and immediately holds kokichi’s hold again, while the other’s having a gay panic.. and he doesnt know how to feel because on one hand, his beloved demon is.. right here, in the ‘flesh’, holding his hand, telling him he fell in love with him.. but on the other hand, that doesnt excuse the confusion and hurt he put him through back then, not being able to see him for a whole damn year..

-> ouma ignores all the feelings when akamatsu arrives where she’s brought water and blankets (just in case- i feel like shes the kind of friend who would do that) so saihara takes the blankets and ouma takes the water and she calms them both down and gets them to explain everything slowly and in their own time. its awkward esp for ouma who isnt particularly close with her, but they manage it in the end

-> they decide shuuichi literally cant live in the forest so of course now he has to live with ouma but akamatsu offers to help if it ever gets too much for ouma which obviously ouma denies. she leaves soon and its just them but ouma needs some time to himself to clear his head and he only returns late to see saihara asleep clinging onto akamatsu’s blanket with his life lmao so ouma sighs and brings him more. and if he kisses the sleeping demon’s forehead, nobody has to know

-> ofc its still very much awkward and it takes ouma getting used to having even just another presence in his home, let alone his sort-of-unofficial-demon-bf and saihara’s still sleeping a lot of the time but recovering

-> they probably establish their feelings for eachother properly when they’re more mentally prepared for it, and then 👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 (they kiss) and are now actually legally boyfriends. i absolutely cannot let this end in angst so they’re happy and love eachother now yay the end

nngl. i talked about this with that same friend and I lowkey want to start writing an actual fic for it now that ive written... literally the entire plot, but if i do that it probably wont be out for a while bc i take 10 years to write lmao-- plus i hardly ever finish what i start so uh yeah.. but hopefully! im not even good at writing fic this is just the plot but yello

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teeth-cable · 10 months

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Heres an issue I've been thinking on that I don't see anyone talking about in them critical space. I wrote a long ass ask to another blog about how Vivziepop sucks at portraying ethnic groups but its was and since your on the topic of Vivziepop FUCKING up basic religions I want to send something more organized and specific. I have an issue as an ethnically Jewish person with Rosie.

I will preface this by stating I am disconnected with my culture but I am trying to reconnect and I am not practicing. I actually would welcome people more connected than me or practitioners to add to this or correct me.

So we know Rosie is supposed to resemble a Jewish mother... I feel gross with that phrasing because there's a lot. Like again I'm disconnected but why did Vivziepop have to specify Jewish Mother? Like this almost feels like a stereotype and the best faith things I could guess is Vivziepop just thinks jews are a religious group or is just ignorant in general. The thing about our religion is that it's mostly closed... Like typically as far as I'm aware you can only practice if you are ethnically Jewish. So she wrote this in an official document highlighting a character specifically being jewish in a way that feels gross.

Another thing is you literally can't have a setting set in hell with Jewish characters because Hell doesn't exist in the Torah (the holy book) like all that stuff that Jesus said contradicts what was already written which is why Jews don't worship or see Jesus as the Messiah. I'm unsure if he is viewed as a prophet or not. I know in Islam he is seen that way.

I forget the name of the afterlife but basically when bad people die they only suffer for a year and everyone goes to the same place.

Also Rosie possibly being Jewish makes no logical sense because to be Jewish your mom has to be and her mother before her. It's a matriarchal aspect though there are a few places that accept patriarchal descent that is a recent thing. Rosie is Hellborn last I checked and sinners can't reproduce with Hellborns so.... How the fuck is she Jewish?

Then her being a cannibal is very off-putting because a lot of people who barely know anything about Judaism know that Jews usually have a specific diet practice. Now not everyone knows the name of it but it's called Kosher. And yes not everyone practices it is still widely known we aren't supposed to like eat stuff that comes from pigs. It's a bit fucked that the only Jewish character is a cannibal... That probably is connected to some anti semitic stereotype somewhere that I'm unaware of since there's a fuck ton.

Also Vivziepop wants an ethinically accurate cast but instead of specifically asking for a jewish actress she mentioned someone who sounds like a jewish mother... What does that even mean?

Like unlike the goblins from the series that must not be named, this reeks of ignorance instead of malice. Especially, since we know Vivziepop absolutely refuses to do research for her shows that require literally more than a 10 minute google search.

Like you can't fully separate an ethnically Jewish character from the religion itself unlike uh a character from Spain can be separated from Christianity. Like our blood and religion are deeply tied together especially as we are being prosecuted throughout history and still managing to survive it all because of it.

Like if you absolutely want a jewish character in Hazbin your gonna need a sensitivity reader and have to make them a sinner.

The character I see get talk about most about antisemitism in Hazbin Hotel is Mimzy and Rosie is just an "Ah-Ha!" moment for critics because her leak bio directly confirmed it. While there can a discussion if Mimzy can technically count as an Jewish stereotype because we don't know if she's Jewish or not, I found Rosie to be more egregious because Viv used the line, "Rosie has a strong presence and confident energy as a Jewish mother." First what is that even supposed to mean? And second by this description Viv see Rosie as a Jewish character and will code her as such.

I think the critics forget Rosie will be a recurring side character in the show which is why we haven't seen many discussions yet about what it means for Rosie's character to be Jewish coded.

I will said Viv's ignorance is getting to a point of malice to me since she very aware of the criticism she gets for characters like Velvette and Alastor and her not doing research and purposely spreading misinformation because of it is icky. Like this woman has to know eventually she can't just keep making up information of POC groups and religions out of nowhere and has to hire someone from those groups to help her. If Viv really did care about researching about these group for good rep she would have consulted with them first. If Viv hired a Jewish person to help her write Rosie, she would have learned about the problems you addressed with Rosie being a Hellborn who is jewish and the weird implications she added like making the only Jewish character into a cannibal. Viv has claimed Hell is supposed to take inspiration from different religions and cultures but that's just not true because Viv's hell is clearly christian inspired with a hint of demonology elements.

I'm unsure how she would even make the idea work in the first place if Christianity's hell is supposed to be the main setting in Hazbin Hotel and Helluva because different religions have different rules and interpretations of Hell, Heaven, and the characters, heck some religions don't even have Heaven and Hell like what we discuss here.

#hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin critical #vivziepop criticism #vivziepop critical #꧁rambles꧂#➥asks

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beammetothemoon · 3 years

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for my beloveds Damien and Lou: ❤️💙💕💞💗💖💌🎁💢🍼🧸🧺👀✈️🍑💔🥀🔪💧

SO MANY!!!! Answers under the cut.

❤️ — How do they most often express their love? Verbally or through actions? Lou: Acts of service, though he's not shy to shout it from the mountain tops.

Damien: Probably also acts of service.... but physical touch is also up there. Hand holding, gentle caresses, kissing knuckles, etc.

💙— How do they say/show that they miss their partner?

Lou: If she's not around, he talks nonstop about her to anyone who will listen. If it's a situation where she's busy with work or something, he would try to make himself helpful so he can hang around.

Damien: He would do the opposite and get very quiet around others so he can think about his man and how much he misses him, would try to come up with some plans to spend more time with Perplexity.

💕— What makes them feel connected to their partner?

Lou: When Branlin involves him in things she is researching even if he doesn't understand most of it.

Damien: When Perplexity opens up to him about what he's feeling. It shows him that he's trusted, and he's able to understand his partner better.

💞— Are they a big cuddler? What is cuddling them like? Lou: BIG cuddler....buries his face into his partner.

Damien: Also enjoys cuddling, though not as much. He prefers to be far enough back so he can see his partner's face clearly. STRONG ARMS.

💗— Do they noticeably change once they’re in love? Is it easy to notice or just something their partner would pick up on?

Lou: I think Lou is so loud with his affection for people he likes that it might be difficult to notice the exact change? He was surprised by it himself. Lmao.

Damien: He would laugh and smile a lot, his eyes holding a lot of his affection as well, unable to look away from his partner, though these would probably only be obvious to Perplexity since he'd try to avoid this in public. From the outside, people would only be able to guess because he'd be spending a lot of time with his partner.

💖— Are they a showy partner? Do they make grand gestures of love or try to be subtle?

Lou: Subtle, though does love grand gestures.

Damien: Subtle.

💌— What kind of love notes/messages do they leave their partner?

Lou: Mostly notes letting his partner know about something he's made for them - treats or lunch - but with a big "I love you" and tons of bad drawings and xoxo's.

Damien: He will slip something into his pocket to find later on in the day....probably something poetic about their love that can also somehow be read as a dirty joke...Perplexity seems to like those.

🎁— What kind of gifts do they like to give? What do they like receiving?

Lou: FOOD and FOOD... or things for lawn care.

Damien: Likes to give meaningful gifts, either things he's worked hard toward or things he remembers Perplexity mentioning. Damien doesn't really have a desire for specific gifts... it's enough that he's thought of so he'll be happy for anything.

💢— What are some habits of theirs that would take some getting used to?

Lou: He is a very loud man who isn't very self-aware....so you need to get used to screaming and him going off on tangents that don't make a whole lot of sense to most people.

Damien: He fidgets quite a bit and is pretty bad at eye contact most of the time.

🍼— What are their thoughts on kids?

Lou: Yes, lets get STARTED NOW....if you want. 😳

Damien: He is unsure about kids. Because of how he was raised, he's unsure if he could be a good father and fears messing up.

🧸— What are they like as a parent?

Lou: Thinks his kids are the coolest thing ever. Carries 500 photos in his wallet, will talk your ear off about them. WILL coach t-ball.

Damien: Gentle parenting style, talks to his kids like they are adults, speaks softly.

🧺— Random domestic headcanon

Lou: Makes a chore board for himself and gives himself stickers once he completes a task.

Damien: He is a TERRIBLE cook, but once he starts living with his partner, he really makes an attempt to get better. It can't be that much harder than learning magic.

👀— What’s their favorite body part on themselves? On their partner?

Lou: He loves Branlin's smile!! On himself....probably his hair (does that count??), but he did mention that he's working on getting his abs as nice as Heiry's so maybe that'll change. lmao.

Damien: Perplexity's eyes. He wouldn't be able to say what his favorite body part is.

✈️— How far will they go in public? What’s the weirdest place they’ll do it?

Lou: This is not something that Lou thinks about so it's not likely that it will happen unless Branlin mentions it while they are out.

Damien: All the way, pretty much anywhere, if the circumstances align in a way that his excitement beats out his anxiety.

🍑— Random intimate headcanon

Lou: Loves showering together.

Damien: Loves to be undressed.

💔— What could their partner do that would absolutely break their heart?

Lou: Losing faith or doubting him. So many people dismiss him. Branlin is really the only one who doesn't.

Damien: Say any of the awful things Damien already thinks about himself.

🥀— How well would they handle a break up?

Lou: Very terribly, but the good thing about Lou is that he is easily distracted....he will just bury himself in some work or activity, probably to some unhealthy level, so I guess that's not good.

Damien: He would probably live underneath his bed sheets for however long it took to feel somewhat normal again.

🔪— How would they react to injury/misfortune befalling their partner? Do they feel at fault?

Lou: Would do anything to help their partner recover or fix whatever happened, if possible. Would feel at fault for not protecting her.

Damien: Same as Lou, HOWEVER, if someone else did something to cause it, he would definitely lash out at whoever it was, and possibly cause injury in return.

💧— Random angst headcanon

Lou: NO ANGST FOR LOU. I headcanon that there is no angst. He and Branlin deserve all the happiness!!!

Damien: I cannot say because it may become spoilers for Curse of Strahd. 😇

#asks #emoji oc ask meme #damien von hardst #luciano #my ocs #liz this was so many i am returning to your home to face you in combat #but also ty for sending

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