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#but not one with maria
murcielagatito · 5 months
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not forgiving yall for watching her have crazy intense chemistry and tension WITH THREE WOMEN and do nothing about it
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oldrises · 30 days
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My king and queens
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leather-field · 2 months
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mistresses
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zeezu-ix · 1 month
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going through it B]
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miikpal · 3 months
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galleria
speedpaint under cut
youtube
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letmebegaytodd · 1 year
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somemismatchedsocks · 4 months
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OK LIKE BUT
WHAT IF
JUST HEAR ME OUT
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Edit:
ok sorry i realized I posted without much context, this is like some time after the events of sonic prime.
EDIT 2:
OOHMYGOD
ohmygodohmygod
GUYS IM FREAKING OUT
this comic
in dub
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and I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best my little dove...
absolute solitude: selected poems, dulce maria loynaz (tr. james o'connor) // the glass essay, anne carson // boyish, japanese breakfast // @uglyfruit // yves olade // hunger, harry styles // a not admitting of the wound, emily dickinson // no surprises, radiohead // fourth of july, sufjan stevens
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ratrrriot · 1 year
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Besties at the concert 🐝🎸
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also i know hot honey is probably a boyband or something but here's a playlist based on what i like to imagine Amy's taste in music is like :
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galacticghoste · 10 days
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"Sayonara... Shadow"
I was playing around with some random watercolor brushes... and felt like drawing these two. Also I was just feeling a lil sad.
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cloud-ya · 7 months
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hello. maria in polish folk costume
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themardlonk · 9 months
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The inevitability of Monkey D. Luffy.
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skipper1331 · 2 months
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Secret (4) // Alexia Putellas
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a/n: final part:)
| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | extra |
When Alexia arrived at home, she thought about the next day, the next week and the following months.
She was ready to fight for you.
And even if there's no chance of ending up together, at least she would have tried.
She wanted you to be hers.
But she also knew that it would take time for you to trust her again.
The two of you had to start over, getting to know each other like when you joined Barcelona.
She was ready to fight for months, even years if that meant being yours someday.
Shy smiles
Alexia started to send you a shy smile each morning when you entered the locker room, her cheeks turning red most of the time when you caught her staring at you.
It was weird at first as you saw the glint in her eyes - she had a plan in mind - but nonetheless you accepted the small acknowledgment from her. It was a nice way to start the day. And you had to admit, catching her staring at you made your heart flutter.
Greetings and good byes
Growing up with the rule: 'everybody gets greeted and a goodbye' you enjoyed it very much when Alexia started to say 'hola' and 'adios'.
But what you even more appreciated was when she greeted you specifically.
-
Alexia entered the changing room rather late for her standards, most of the girls already getting ready for training.
"good morning" she said to your teammates before walking over to her cubby, passing yours, "hola y/n" she smiled, her cheeks turning red when you looked up at her with wide eyes. You hadn‘t expected that - she talked to you, in a room full of people.
"Hi" you whispered, watching the girl walk away.
Both of you had red cheeks, this simple interaction making your heart race. What was her plan? She hadn‘t approached you properly since the flower incident, was that her way of fighting? What was her way of fighting for you?
-
She surprised you a second time that day when she came to see you in the physio room.
In training, you had fallen awkwardly on your wrist, resulting in some pain which had to be checked. It wasn’t something tragic, but better safe than sorry.
Running through the tests with the physio, you got interrupted by a knock, Alexia appearing in the door frame, "just wanted to say bye" she smiled, the same shy smile appearing on her face which you‘ve had met many times before.
"So, um, bye?"
You chuckled at her nervousness, "bye"
"Sí, bye!" with that she rushed out, closing the door.
And like that the 'hi' and 'bye' continued for awhile.
Talking
"I‘ve finally finished watching the show, it was awesome" Alexia randomly stated as you walked next to each other towards the pitch, "I really liked how it ended"
"Right?! It was a great plot twist" you knew immediately which show she meant - the one you had recommended.
"Sí, sí. it made so much sense"
you fell easily into the conversation, sharing your opinions about the plot, characters and scenes and continued to do so until training started.
Seeing the two of you talk with one another became a regular occurrence, Ingrid, Mapi and Frido keeping an eye on both of you as they suspected something more soon, not knowing there had been already and Alexia was working on getting back together.
friends
Over the next few months, the two of you became friends, best friends if you were completely honest. and even though, both of you loved the other one more than anything was that an important step in your relationship. You had learned to start over again, getting to know each other like the very first time.
But you couldn’t lie, it was hard at times. Sometimes, it took every inch of self control… for both of you.
-
It was a hot day, everybody exhausted after the intense training session. most of the girls dropped on the floor, sitting there for a few minutes to calm down while they drank water. Ale was talking to Mapi and Irene while you stood there, drowning half of the water bottle. Your eyes kept glancing at Alexia, the girls shirt rolled up as she every now and then wiped away the sweat from her face.
That‘s when idea popped up in your head. With a few steps you stood in front of the three Spaniards, shielding Alexia from the sun, "just stay like that" she said, smiling, leaning back on her arms.
"Are you hot?" you asked, a mischief smile on your face.
"Are you not?" she replied, her eyes closed as she appreciated the shade.
"Let‘s cool you down then!" you laughed, pouring your water bottle over her. The midfielder gasped, one hand wiping away the water as the girls laughed, Alexia glaring at you, "you better start running" she growled.
And that‘s what you did. You ran over the pitch, Alexia already running after you before you ran into the facility, not knowing where else to go. La reina caught up to you when you entered the locker room, her arms gripping your waist before she pushed you against the wall.
With fear in your eyes, you looked at her, shyly grinning, "cooled you down, didn’t it?"
"Cheeky as always, hm?" she leaned her body against yours, both of you so close that you could feel her breath fanning against your skin.
"You‘re so beautiful" the girl admired, completely lost in your beauty, as your eyes flickered between hers and her lips.
In that moment, both of you wanted to kiss each other, feeling the blood rush through your veins, stomaches full of butterflies - you didn‘t know you were leaning in until Alexia took a step back, "this wouldn’t be right" she whispered as she wanted to kiss you just as much, "and I want to make things right." you closed your eyes for a brief of a moment, inhaling the scent you loved so dearly and enjoying the proximity until it was gone - she was gone.
date?
At some point, these kind of situations happened more often, almost everyday. Alexia caught herself wanting to and almost calling you 'amor' while you weren‘t driving to your home but in the direction of Alexia‘s house.
It was confusing for the both of you.
You loved each other but somehow it felt like new butterflies discovered the surface. You got to know one another in a different way - in a way that neither of you knew before.
The combination of the new and old butterflies caused a feeling that you never felt before. The old merged with the new and turned out to be strong. very strong.
So strong…
…that you couldn’t go to bed without thinking of Alexia- without imagining your future together.
…that Alexia was now 24/7 in your mind, or maybe even longer.
Per se, it wasn‘t different to the things you felt before but it was definitely more present and more intense. Maybe it was the acknowledgement of you as a person in training, outside of the facility and in general that made everything so special.
Alexia interpreted these situations as a sign. As a sign that now the moment had come - the moment she had been working towards for months. Now was the time to ask you for a second chance. For a date.
-
"Wait a moment" Alexia called after you as you walked to your car.
You stopped in your tracks, turning around, "yes?" you asked.
Alexia was nervous, you could tell by the way she played with the ring on her finger, her eyes darted around or foot tapping the floor rapidly. "Would- I would- um- I thought- maybe- um" taking her hand, you caressed the back of it with your thumb - it felt so natural.
"Breathe in, breath out"
Alexia followed your instructions, squeezing your hand for her own reassurance and sake.
"Thank you"
"Do you want to try again?" you asked, smiling lovingly.
"Sí" she took a deep breath, "do you want to go on a date with me?"
In trance, you pulled your hand away, stepping back, "I’d like to take you out to the restaurant Frido suggested"
"Take out?"
"Yes- wait no! I mean- eating in the restaurant"
"Like an actual date?" you sounded so surprised that it broke Alexia‘s heart at the way your eyes lit up and the way your smile reached the corner of your eyes.
"Yes, an actual date. Outside of our apartments. Only if you want to, of course"
"I‘d love to" Alexia thought your smile couldn’t get any bigger but oh, she was wrong.
With confidence, she stated, "I‘ll pick you up tomorrow at 7. wear the nicest clothes you have" happily, she pressed a peck to your cheek before skipping over to her car.
You said yes!
chance?
"What’s that?" you asked, confused about the item Ale held in her hand.
"It‘s a notebook" she replied, shuffling with her feet as you stood in front of your door, the girl insisting on walking you home after your date, "i, um, haven‘t been romantic before and i-" nervously she scratched the back of her neck, a habit of her when she got anxious, "I want to be romantic." her cheeks covered in a blush. You raised a brow, even more confused - what was going on..?
She pressed a kiss to your cheek instead of answering your questioning look, hurrying away before you could say anything.
Rushing inside, throwing your shoes somewhere, you quickly got comfortable on the couch. As you opened the little notebook you were met with Alexia‘s handwriting.
20th August
Today, I started. I smiled at her - she returned my smile. My heart fluttered at the sight of her, she‘s so gorgeous and her smile is so incredibly breathtaking. It wasn‘t her There-is-a-puppy!-smile (which is one of my favourites) or the bright wide smile that reaches the corner of her eyes (which I absolutely love) - it was much more than that. For me, it felt like a chance.
28th August
I can‘t help but drool at the sight of her. Especially after a won game. She‘s my Barcelona.
12th September
I said hi and bye today. Bye turned out to be a lot harder because she fell in training and hurt herself. It was very hard for me not to approach her then and there, I was so worried. Her nose scrunched up in pain when her wrist was touched or she tried to move - I hate seeing her in pain.
I hope she doesn’t think I’m weird because I disturbed the physio tests, I just wanted to see her (and of course, say adios).
13th September
I love her.
Entries like that filled the book, every step (and achievement) in her plan was documented and sometimes there were just adoration entries - pages about how pretty you are, what she likes about you, what you love, your character and habits described down to the smallest detail and so much more. It was clear to say that she loved you. And that she regretted everything (pages of explanations, apologies and regret showing that very clearly)
Two entries caught you off guard though, you didn’t know if you wanted to laugh or cry.
1st March
Dear diary - I guess it‘s a diary, isn‘t it? Correct me if I’m wrong..
Anyways.
Dear diary, it‘s almost midnight at the moment and Mapi just left. I had invited mama, alba and Mapi for dinner tonight, I had to talk to them about y/n. I should have done that ages ago but better late than never?
I told them about y/n, that we were a couple, that I kept her a secret, offered Alba money to keep her mouth shut - I told them everything. No, I’m not proud about how I treated the love of my life but they needed to know. I had to talk to someone. I have told mama about her before that already, not everything but she knew enough to know that I fucked up badly. Now, all of them know everything (not that we had sex, a lot of that too - just the.. yeah I think you get the point).
I want inner peace and it‘s already hard enough without her in my life, so that was the least I could to do to come in terms with myself, even though I will never forgive myself or won‘t regret it for the rest of my life.
Mama was not happy with me but I didn’t expect something else. She hadn’t raised me to be an ass and is very disappointed in me. I can’t blame her.
Alba was quiet most of the time, i think she is the one who understands most. My sister was the first and only one who knew about y/n. She saw what an idiot I was and how rude I acted towards the girl I love. I offered her money - how pathetic…
She got under my skin while she flirted with y/n and she knew that. She made me purposely jealous. And I deserved to feel that rage because I let y/n slip out of my hands while I knew that she loved me more than anything.
Mapi stayed here the longest, because I told her about my plan on winning my girl back. I want her. I need her. I don‘t deserve her, I truly don‘t but I can’t stop trying, can I? I‘m in love with her, I’ve never felt something so strong for anyone before. It scares me.
Mapi isn‘t proud of my behavior either because she knows what a ray of sunshine and pure soul y/n is but is willing to help when i need her.
22nd April (today’s date)
I‘m sorry for everything. There hasn’t been a day where I’m not regretting letting you walk through that door.
I hate myself for being so scared, selfish and rude but I love you. I love you with all my heart and every inch of my body - that hasn‘t changed.
You are probably surprised about the change of perspective who I’m talking to but I know you are clever, you know I’m talking to you, y/n.
Or questioning why I’m even addressing it to you, but i think, you will know me the best when you read all of my thoughts. It’s hard for me to let my walls down, I know you know that, and I want to give you the chance to see all of me to the time you weren’t my girlfriend and understand the reasons of my actions to- well, everything.
Right now, it‘s an hour before our date and I’m so nervous yet so excited. I want to make things right. I don‘t want to hide you, I want to show the world how incredible and gorgeous you are and how in love I am with you because I am. I think about you all day everyday. It might sound crazy but you are the one for me, I’ve Imagined our wedding multiple times, little y/n‘s running around calling for their mama.
I love you, I really do.
And no matter the outcome of this date, I will always love you, even when we don’t end up together. I promise you to love you from afar and forever so. And if you should ever not have a home - mine will be forever yours. I will always let that door open for you..
Happy ending?
Alexia took you out on multiple dates: the beach, mini golf, the cinema, every romantic place she could think of. She didn‘t hide you and the attention you got from her was making you feel special.
You felt free.
You felt happy.
You fell in love with her all over again.
And you enjoyed every second of it.
The romance you always dreamed of became your reality. It was different than before with her. You both were full of life. It felt natural to hold hands as you walked down the streets, share kisses in the rain, or have a hearty argument in the restaurant over who paid for the meal (spoiler: la reina always won) yet things weren’t official. Alexia had the question resting on her tongue, not sure if it was right to ask you. She wanted to, she really did, but in the back of her mind, she always heard a voice "you‘re not good enough. You‘ve fucked up before. She‘ll never give you another chance" however Alexia wasn‘t the same - she wasn’t scared anymore. She was ready to show everybody how in love she was with you. She couldn‘t care less what the media would say about the two of you being together or what other people think about you.
She just wanted you.
So, she fought against the urge to believe the voice in the back of her head. She was stronger than that.
-
Your body was leaned against Alexia, her arms snuggled around you as your legs tangled together, her head resting on your shoulder as you watched some netflix show. The atmosphere was quiet and relaxing, the moment seemed perfect.
"I never want to let you walk through that door again, at least not without me holding your hand" she whispered, her grip tightening around your waist, "I’m forever sorry that I ever did, I promise."
Your heart stopped, everything before hadn’t been brought up since her shy smiles - the start of something new - "if you let me, I will show you every day that you‘re not my secret. That you are my girlfriend"
turning in her hold, you looked at her. Had she fought enough? Did she deserve to be forgiven? Will it be the truth that you won’t be her secret?
She showed you.
"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, la reina?" you asked, smiling, pushing all the negative thoughts away.
She deserved another chance.
"Sí"
It will be the truth.
"Then ask me"
"Will you be my girlfriend?" her heart stopped beating, her hopes high for a positive responds, her nerves at its highest.
"Yes"
Relief washing over her as she heard the answer.
no secret
The girls knew right away that the two of you were a couple as you walked into the locker room with intertwined hands.
In training, Alexia would stay close to you, preferably touching you (an arm around your shoulder, hand resting on the small of you back, etc) and constantly engaging you in a conversation.
"Finally asked her out, hm?" Ingrid teased Alexia as she stood next to Mapi, Ale‘s hand tightening on your waist. While the Norse‘s comment was meant innocently, the three of you froze - Ingrid still didn't know the whole story.
"Yeah, took me a bit to realize that she’s special" Alexia said, eyes finding yours. Her eyes were questions marks - are you alright? was this okay? In responds, you quickly pecked her cheek.
As you turned back to Ingrid and Mapi, you left Ale’s touch, throwing an arm around your best friend, "What about a double date?" you asked excitedly, knowing the Norwegian woman would agree in an instant.
In the background, you heard Mapi groan, playfully shoving your girlfriend, "I’m blaming you for this" as she listened to Ingrid and you planning where you would go. Nonetheless both Spaniards followed you to the changing room like lost puppies, eyes full of hearts as love glowed around them.
It was save to say, that double dates became a regular occurrence.
-
"Amor? Can we talk about something?" the girl looked up from her dinner plate.
"Don‘t you like it?" you asked, referring to the new recipe you had tried.
"No, it’s delicious" she put down her fork, hand reaching for your free one, "mama invited us for dinner" she said in a gentle voice, "do you want to go? I told her, I want to talk to you about it first before I say yes. In case, you don‘t want to"
"Do you want to go?" you questioned, unsure if she wanted this as much as you did.
"Yes, I’d like you to meet my family officially. As my girlfriend."
This moment showed you that you weren’t her dirty secret anymore - not at all.
"Only if you‘re okay with that, of course" she squeezed your hand, letting you know that you can say 'no' if you weren‘t comfortable "we don‘t need to rush anything" as she wanted to do everything at the pace you set.
You were her first priority.
"Does your mother like wine?" you answered, agreeing to have dinner with her family while you felt the excitement rush through your body.
-
"My family loves you, amor" Alexia said as the two of you were in the car on your way home from dinner. Her hand rested on your thigh as yours rested on top of hers, "you think so?"
"Sí, claro. You‘re perfect" lifting your hand, she pressed a kiss on the back of it before settling back down, your cheeks turning red.
After awhile of comfortable silence, you broke the tranquil atmosphere "You know, we‘ve never talked about the notebook" you whispered. You didn’t know why the words left your mouth but you couldn’t take them back either. In fact, you wanted to talk about it ever since you had read the pages full of information, thoughts and love yet never had the courage to bring it up. There was no reason to do so, Alexia was your girlfriend, you had read about her build up plan on winning you back, all the things she loved about you and the pages of regret and disappointment.
She knew that this day would come eventually - always wondering when. It had been awhile since she had given you the booklet.
"I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, I just want you to know that I really appreciated- still do the gesture of getting to know you in a way that I didn‘t know before."
She was very grateful that you didn't want to discuss the topic any further as she was still slightly embarrassed about all the feeling she had exposed in that book. But she also knew that the day would come where the both of you would have a very detailed conversation about every written word in there.
"Maybe one day we‘ll have a home where nobody had walked through that door and where you would never have to leave the door open for me." you whispered, smiling softly before looking out of the window at the night sky.
Alexia knew immediately what you were talking about
'I promise you to love you from afar and forever so. And if you should ever not have a home - mine will be forever yours. I will always let that door open for you..'
and what you were implying.
So, with the moon shining, the stars lighting, she promised that one day a shared home would be reality.
"I‘ll let the lights on instead" she chuckled, remembering the multiple times you‘d walked into something in the dark.
Ps. the internet went crazy when Alexia posted a picture dump of you on your first anniversary (finally confirming the rumours)
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ktgoodmorning · 2 months
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The Wall
Mapi Leon x Teen!Reader
Inspired by the song "The Wall" by GroupLove
“Just sitting on a wall, always trying to do it all” “Really wanna get away, to where I couldn’t say” “Yeah we got lucky, fell into place” “We found some friends, some stayed some passed away”
A/N: The timeline is a little funky, I know Leila didn't leave in the middle of the season but we're gonna pretend for the sake of the story. Even though I posted the lyric, nobody dies, just overall angsty, more parts to come.
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Masterlist
“You ready to go, amiga?” Mapi shouted across the house at you even though she already knew the answer. You were always ready long before she or Ingrid ever were. It wasn’t unusual for you to be up extra early to start your day with a run or at the very least, a long walk. At only 19, you hadn’t been playing with the senior team long and wanted to do everything you possibly could to prove yourself, even if it meant getting up at four in the morning. 
When you’d been called up to the senior team, Mapi and Ingrid had insisted that you move into their spare room to help you get adjusted until you settled in better. Originally, they had pitched the idea in order to make sure you were taking care of yourself and doing everything you needed to to be successful with the team. They had no idea how prepared you already were. Still, many of the older girls had taken you under their wing, Mapi more than anyone. She was highly protective of you and was always making sure you were doing okay, even if you didn’t normally need it. They rarely had to do much, as you were one of the hardest working members of the team. 
Some might call you a perfectionist, type A, or maybe a bit obsessive, but what you were doing was working. You would do anything it took to be the best footballer you could possibly be. Getting up early was just the start. You were always eating as healthy as possible with very few cheat days. You had done plenty of research on nutrition and everything you needed to eat (and not eat) to perform at your best so you always stuck to that. You often watched film from each game at least two to three times beyond what the team watched in training. That was your favorite way to improve yourself when your body really needed a break from training. It wasn’t a lot but it was everything you needed. Everything you needed to be enough. 
You grabbed your bag and joined Mapi and Ingrid in heading to the car to go to training. Ingrid sat down in the driver’s seat while Mapi plugged in her phone to play some music that you didn’t even recognize. As you sat in the backseat, you were slightly lost in thought, thinking of what you needed to work on today. Speed and endurance were always something you tried to improve but maybe it was more important today to focus on your passing accuracy but also you needed to work on your shooting or maybe-
“Hey did you hear me?” Your thoughts were interrupted as Ingrid snapped you back into the real world. 
“Hmm? Sorry.” You mumbled as you gathered your thoughts back to focus on the two girls in front of you. “What’d you say?”
“Leila said you were going with her after training? Is that right?” Of course you were forgetting something- your dinner plans with Leila. You sighed gently, trying to straighten out your schedule in your head. 
“Oh, umm, yeah. We wanted to go to this new restaurant. I guess I forgot.” Because she was sitting in front of you, you missed the way Ingrid’s brow furrowed at the lack of enthusiasm in your response. Leila had become like a fun older sister to you. The two of you got dinner together at least once a week and were typically causing some sort of trouble during training. She kept you from taking yourself too seriously, worried that if you went unchecked you’d spiral under the amount of pressure you placed on yourself. Like many of the older girls, she had taken it upon herself to protect you. It was different with Leila because she treated you as more of an equal rather than a child. Because of this, everyone knew how much you cherished your time with her. 
Mapi took the opportunity to lightly tease you for your weird behavior, “don’t get too excited there, chica.” She turned to look at you, trying to gauge your reaction to her comment. 
It didn’t offend you, although you still didn’t laugh. You just weren’t really bothered by the comment at all. “Sorry, just thinking about other stuff.” 
The older two girls had let it go, changing the subject as you got closer to the training grounds. You missed the look of nervousness shared between the two of them as you got lost in your thoughts once again. 
~
You remained focused all throughout training, focusing on the things you needed to improve- speed, endurance, strength, passing, shooting, accuracy- the list in your head was miles long. Anytime the other girls would joke around, they knew you typically needed some coaxing to join in. However anytime one of your closer friends would get you in on it, that’s usually all it took. Leila was your weak spot, sometimes Pina too. They were always able to break down your walls of focus and seriousness and allow yourself to have a little fun. If it weren’t for them (and the rest of your team’s antics), everyone knew you’d sink into your perfectionism even further. 
As you walked off the field at the end of the session, it was Pina that spoke to you first. “Hey, some of us are going out tomorrow night, you’re in right?”
Your face contorted with uncertainty, torn between the idea of having fun with your friends for a night and knowing you could use the sleep to prepare for Sunday's match. 
Suddenly, an arm wrapped around your shoulders and you instantly recognized it as Leila’s, “Si, she’ll be there. Even if I have to drag her out myself.” 
Well there was your answer. You gave the two girls a shrug, knowing you’d enjoy the time out with them. A little relaxation couldn’t hurt, right? You deserved it after how hard you had been working so far this season. And just because you went out didn’t mean you had to drink yourself into oblivion. You’d still be plenty prepared for the next match. As you all got ready to leave, Claudia filled you in on the plans, making you look forward to the night even more. 
There was a newfound lightness in your step as you followed Leila to her car and went to the restaurant for dinner. You were excited for tomorrow night with everyone. It had been awhile since you’d let your guard down and just had fun for a night so you knew it’d be good for you. You knew how much you needed it and were thankful your friends were able to give you the little push you needed to agree. You were thankful for your friends until you got to dinner with Leila and learned the true reasons behind the night out. 
You were sitting across from her, in the corner of the small restaurant when she broke the news to you- she’d be transferring to Manchester. The party tomorrow night was to have one last celebration together before she left. Instantly your chest tightened. She continued talking, explaining why it was a good decision and that she’d always be there to support you no matter how far away she was. However none of this registered to you. The second she said the words, you quit processing anything else. 
Manchester? Why Manchester? How could she leave Barcelona? How could she leave you? She always said you were like family but you don’t just leave your family behind. Was Barcelona not good enough for her anymore? Or worse yet, did she not think she was good enough for Barcelona? If that was the case, how could you ever be good enough for Barca? Or for Leila for that matter? If you were a good enough “sister” to her, she would have no reason to want to leave, to go so far away. 
Leila managed to pull you out of your thoughts when she reached across the table to hold your hand. “Hey, take a breath, it’s okay. You can still call me whenever you need anything, I’ll still come visit. You’ll be okay, I promise.” 
She squeezed your hand tightly, trying to get you to meet her eyes, but you just couldn’t do it. You knew she had talked about not renewing her contract but you clearly had been too naive to think it could actually happen. Suddenly it hit you that other people must have already known. If Claudia had already had the time to plan a party, when did she find out about this? Had you been the last to find out?
“(y/n),” she squeezed your hand again, tighter this time, getting concerned at how you still had yet to respond. 
Suddenly you were snapped back into reality, shaking your head quickly, “I’ve gotta go, I’m sorry.” Leila could hardly hear you as you mumbled, barely coherent. Frantically, you had pushed away from the table and made your way towards the door. You were almost running as you finally made it outside. 
The cool evening air hit you hard. It helped you steady your breathing slightly, feeling less choked by the air of the restaurant. You didn’t notice how much your hands were shaking until you grabbed your phone to call Mapi, hoping she could pick you up. 
In the time it took you to unlock your phone and pull up her contact, Leila appeared next to you. “Don’t be ridiculous, chiquita. I will drive you, come on.” She grabbed your hand before you had the chance to argue and led you to her car. Her silence was unusual but you hardly noticed, consumed by your thoughts. 
Her heart broke when she saw your reaction. Obviously Leila knew you’d be upset but she couldn’t have imagined you’d take it this hard. The Spaniard was consumed with guilt as she tried her best to focus on the road ahead. It had crossed her mind that maybe she should have told you sooner but she wanted to make sure it was completely finalized first. You’d have other people that could step into her role when she was gone, people that would make sure you’d be taken care of. And like she said, she’d still be just a phone call away. Hopefully you just needed a night to let the shock wear off so you could both enjoy your time together before she had to leave. 
You hardly realized that you had arrived in front of Mapi and Ingrid’s, the entire care ride being completely silent until now. “Chiquita, can we please talk?” She was still met with complete silence from you, taking it as an invitation to continue on. “Listen, I’m sorry. I should have talked to you sooner but I just-”
“It’s fine.” you shrugged her off, her face full of confusion.
“But, I should’ve-” 
“Leila, it’s fine. I’m fine. I’ve got to go.” 
“But (y/n), I-” and you were gone. Leila let out an exasperated sigh when you slammed the car door shut, mid sentence. So much for talking to you. The older woman texted Mapi, hoping she’d be able to talk to you in a way that was more successful than what had just happened. 
Mapi had just read Leila’s message when you trudged through the front door. She decided not to let you know what Leila had told her, trying to see how much you’d be willing to share on your own. Committing to her plan, she greeted you, just as chipper as always, “Hola, Amiga! How was Leila?” 
You responded with a shrug, doing your best to push your feelings down. If you just pushed them away, you’d be fine, right? “She was fine.” Mapi and Ingrid shared a look of concern at you making a beeline for your room. Once you made it to your room, then you could handle whatever you were feeling, but you weren’t about to do that in front of them. 
Your plan would’ve worked out if it weren’t for Ingrid making one last attempt to get you to talk, “Hey, did you want to join us for a movie night?” You were so close, your door right in front of you. You pressed your forehead against the door, taking a strangled deep breath in an attempt to keep your emotions at bay. “(y/n)?” They shared another glance, concerned by your reaction. 
Almost in slow motion, you turned silently to face the pair. “Did you know?” You choked over your words. You didn’t plan on talking about it tonight. You didn’t know how to face this news but you had to know the answer. Did Leila really tell everyone but you? The silence from Mapi told you everything you needed to know. All you could do was turn and take refuge in your bedroom. 
As soon as the door shut, you pressed your back against it and slid down until you met the ground. Knowing you well, Mapi knew you’d want some time to handle it yourself. You were fiercely independent, always acting much older than you were. Sometimes Mapi had to remind others how young you were, making sure nobody went too hard on you. At times she had to remind you of that as well. Remind you that you were still learning, still figuring out life. Mapi admired your maturity but was also terrified that it would end up breaking you. She knew if she tried to follow you know, you’d push her out even further and want to try to fix it yourself first. 
If only she could see you- sitting on the floor, tears rolling down your face as you choked down sobs. Your whole body shook, filled to the brim with emotions that you were too scared to let out. Your cries continued, much longer than ever before. 
            At some point during your crying, you had made your way into bed. The blankets and pillows provided you little comfort from the world inside your head. You didn’t even realize you had cuddled up with a sweatshirt of Leila’s. You borrowed it once when you were chilly and she let you keep it after she saw how much you loved it. It was instinctual for you to reach for it in times of stress so of course you hugged it tightly as you cried over the idea of her leaving you. Eventually, your cries seemed to tire you, succumbing to the exhaustion and falling into an uneasy sleep. 
~
When Mapi and Ingrid had finished their movie and you were still yet to emerge from your room, they knew they needed to check up on you. Mapi being the closest with you, always took it upon herself to play the role of mother when you needed it. She knocked on your door lightly, expecting some sort of response. When she was met with none, she pressed her ear against your door, hoping to hear something that’d give her an idea of how you we doing. With still no response, she gently pushed the door open. 
Upon seeing you, Mapi let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. You were curled up on your bed, fast asleep. She quietly sat down next to you, taking in your stressed appearance. Your face was still stained from tears, your eyes puffy and red. The older woman pushed some hair away from your face and ran her thumb over your eyebrows, hoping to relax the crease that remained on your face. It was clear to her who’s sweatshirt it was that you were gripping tightly. Mapi realized that while you were clearly sad, you must not be too angry at Leila herself. You wouldn’t be snuggled into her sweatshirt if you were mad at her. 
Mapi pulled up your blanket around your shoulders and pressed a light kiss to your forehead, assuming that you’d be feeling better in the morning. Of course it would be hard on you to see one of the closest people in your life move away but Mapi knew she and Ingrid would be with you to help, no matter what it took. You were a hard worker, resilient in nature. There was no reason for anyone to expect you to be anything but that. 
~
The next morning, Mapi was surprised when she entered the kitchen and didn’t see any trace of you. Sometimes you’d be up, cooking breakfast or at the very least, she’d see your empty mug in the sink which communicated that you’d had your coffee before going on a run. When she looked closer, she noticed your shoes and training bag already gone. Intending to call you, she opened her phone just to notice an unread message from you: 
Wanted to train early. Used my run to run here. See you later. 
Mapi’s face contorted as she read your message. How early had you left? The training grounds weren’t exactly close and would’ve taken a long time to run there. You were probably exhausted after being so upset the night before but maybe you wanted that run to clear your head and would talk with her afterwards.
~
Mapi and Ingrid arrived to training early, hoping to catch you before the rest of the team showed up. They stopped in the locking room first, thinking you’d be taking a break there and waiting for everyone else. When they didn’t find you there, they went on to the gym, the physio rooms, and the cafeteria- all of which remained empty. They hesitantly decided to check the pitch, confused as to why you’d be willing to spend more time in the sun on top of the time you’d spend outside for team training. 
Of course that’s where they found you- on the side of the pitch running sprints. You didn’t notice them, fully lost in your own head, running as fast as your body would take you. Your lungs were burning. At this point, you had no idea how long you’d been running, definitely over an hour. 
But you needed to. You had to get faster. You had to work harder. You had to prove that your spot on the team was not from getting lucky. You had worked for it. You were still working for it. 
Maybe if you ran fast enough, you could run away from all your problems. Run away from here. Run away from being lonely. Or stressed. Or tired. Or insecure. Or not good enough. You didn’t need anyone’s help- not Leila’s, not Ingrid, not Mapi. You had to do this yourself. You had to work harder. 
Mapi froze- watching you run yourself to exhaustion. She had never seen you like this. She’d seen you struggle but she’d never seen this. How would she even begin to help you? Clearly you couldn’t continue in this headspace but right now your friend was completely lost as to where to even begin with you. She sent Ingrid back inside, knowing her best chance at getting you to open up was if you were alone.
“Amiga! Come on! Come take a break before training starts!” Her shouting across the pitch at you was the first you were made aware of her presence. You shook your head at her and continued your sprints, not bothering to look her way. Your lungs didn’t have the capacity to use your voice at the moment. “Si, vamos! It was not a suggestion, you have to be done out here!” Once again, you ignored her. 
The older woman let out a heavy sigh, knowing she was going to have to stop you herself. She did just that as she lightly jogged towards you, intending on intercepting your path. You didn’t even notice what she was doing until you suddenly struggled to avoid running into her. You stumbled over your feet while she grabbed at your shoulders, hoping to help steady you. With how fast you had been going, it was difficult trying to stop your momentum so suddenly- something she should have known before trying to get in your way.  As soon as you had steadied, you were filled with anger and Mapi’s hands holding onto you tightly were not helping. The Zaragozan had no idea the amount of rage you were about to unleash onto her.
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