#but like she definitely was an emotionally abusive if not physically abusive sibling. with no little help from her father ! but. yeah.
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I'm not hating but I do see some confusion around Zuko's flashbacks in Zuko Alone and the flashbacks in The Search re: people going "whaaaat this family dynamic is so weird Azula is acting so weird no one actually acts like this" and like IDK HOW TO TELL YOU THIS. BUT UHM. THEY DO. if they're fucking insane. and abusive. which was kind of the whole point
like hey its GOOD. that you have never seen this kind of shit irl but. it IS kind of textbook. idk how to break this news w/out sounding like a dick sdhsdhs
#'why would a sibling or parent be so cruel for no reason what's the reason for their behavior'#THERE USUALLY IS NONE DOG 👍 if anything we get more of an explanation for Azula's behavior than people usually get irl. imo.#ask to tag#atla#does this make sense. like. IDK. I always thought the abuse subtext/text was very obvious#this is not anti-azula. love her I love fucked up girlies. dont hurt me.#but like she definitely was an emotionally abusive if not physically abusive sibling. with no little help from her father ! but. yeah.#I think the only reason this has been bugging me is because like. I know this shit happens irl. one kid will be the scapegoat and#they'll get criticized and beat on for no reason. it happened to my dad. so seeing people go 'wahhh this is#such unrealistic characterization this would never happen' is just a little weird for me I think
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'huh... You have abandonment issues? I thought that was usually something you got from childhood trauma. Were you abandoned as a child?'
Me, trying not to cry: haha, not in the usual sense?
#miranda talking shit#I never .... Thought i was outright abandoned but the more i think about it... Uh i may fall under that category#I mean i probably felt abandoned... Emotionally? By dad i was he was never around even if we shared house#But even by my mom who i love to death... When i was hurt both hit physically and emotionally she never... Did much to help me#So i probably felt abandoned. It might be why i actually didnt tell my mom anything important until i was 15+?#I always loved her and i dont blame her or have any ill will towards her but... I uh. Yeah i definitely felt alone in the sense no one#Protected me against the abuse i got so my survival tactic for that was... Dont open up to anyone bc they wont help or care anyway#Always try to appease everyone/be liked so they don't hurt you or leave. I mean im no expert but i dont think this is too crazy of a theory#I actually never considered it until i got asked this... And i looked at my past through that lens. I know my trauma was thanks to my#Siblings abuse for years. But i... Never considered WHY i have some typw of abandonment issues... And now im like uh#Oh i guess ... I was somehow abandonment... If not physically emotionally.... When i needed to be seen and protected#Ah... Oh ... Uh... I dont know how to feel about this... I always feel bad about calling my past ... A trauma or something bc i feel#Others have had it much worse. But i also dont know what else to call my childhood experience like... I was definitely constantly terrified#Never felt at ease or safe at home or at school... My mom was my safe space but she still couldnt protect me#Or rather she didn't see or understand i needed it? I dont think she thought it was as bad as i felt it was. Bc i never said what they said#Or did. I just cried... So she probably just thought they did some lighthearted teasing and i was a sensetive child#But uh... Instead i was hit and was put in unsafe situations bc they told me to do things. And the constant shit i was told#Hearing i was a fat ugly idiot who could not do anything right and i was basically a waste of space... Since i was 4 yrs old... I uh#I thought that was a fact. I still believe thats true. Yeah no i... /:#Negative
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Hey Artzy, do you have any tips on how to write an OC without making them a Mary Sue?
I guess, just don’t make them overly perfect and “can do no wrong.” There’s nothing wrong with seemingly perfect characters like how I wrote Aurore, becuase she feels pressured by her parents to be perfect. Now, if you take away the bit about her parents, make her incredibly self righteous, give her all of these natural talents without any sort of practice, have everyone fawning over her, and let her always be in the right about everything and everyone who says she’s wrong is a piece of shit, then she becomes a Mary Sue
Like a certain someone…
Here are the Science Kids for example, OCs, and the canon ones I fleshed out
Aurore: Straight A’s and definitely getting into her top school, but how will she tell her parents she’s a lesbian and can’t keep being their “golden child” right before she cuts all ties with them and goes to live with her brother?
Denise: An enby with a physique body builders would kill for, yet they feel overworked by their parents simply because they’re the strongest in the family and the elder twin
Simon: Tech Wiz often commissioned to create promo videos for upcoming events, still not completely over their parents abuse and still has mental and physical scars
Reshma: Beautiful, modest rich girl with a love for magical girl anime and anime in general, BUT! She has difficulties knowing if potential love interests truly love her and not her status or looks. Also, has some difficulties trusting older men due to incidents at galas
Jean: Plucky theater kid with a flare for dramatics and has an amazing boyfriend. Who would have guessed that this guy still blames himself for his mom leaving?
Ismael: Cool skateboarder, loves magic tricks, and always seem so cool under pressure. His personality is just a mask to cover up the fact that he’s emotionally drained due to the torment his mother puts him through when he gets home and that his dad wasn’t able to get custody of him after the divorce
Mireille: Pleasant shy girl with a meek demeanor everyone seems to love? Throw in a bastard dad who keeps trying to push her into the spotlight despite the fact that she is painfully shy!
Cosette: On their way to become Paris’ next top makeup artist! How fun! Oh, what’s this? Their “perfect” older siblings are total assholes and this stems from the fact that their mother is emotionally distant and hasn’t once complimented or shown physical affection to any of her own children? And now they put on this cool “I’m here for it” persona and crack jokes to mask their tears?… Wow
Lacey: Let’s see… Incredibly athletic, cute yet badass… Dead parents. Has to take care of both her grandparents and younger brothers. Fears the day her grandparents will die as she does not feel mentally and emotionally ready to take care of her brothers all on her own and refuses to let people in and hell her so she does parkour and all sorts of other activities to null the pain
Marc: Talented writer with legs for days and a cute boyfriend. My, what could possibly be his flaw? Oh! I know! A bad case of anxiety, and depending on the universe, he’s still terrified of Lucien and believe he’s the one at fault for their relationship taking a toxic turn! Boom!
Zoé: Rich mom, rich dad. But, what’s this? The mom is a complete bitch (Which we already know) and is always pressuring her into looking and acting “like her daughter,” even going so far as to bleach her hair at a young age, forcing her to compete in beauty pageants, and the constant verbal abuse regarding her looks. The dad’s cool, though. He misses her dearly
See, no one’s perfect. Not all of them get straight A’s, and not all of them have parents who are super well off due to a thriving business or some shit, and not all of them have parents who are totally accepting of their genders and sexualities. They have to be human, and humans have flaws
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I've decided to explain what's been going on with me for the last few months. I figured I owe it to my mutuals since it's definitely going to affect my behavior going forward. I feel it's fair to say something now and maybe even apologize in advance.
In a nutshell: My best friend of 12 years ghosted (me and only me) for people he just met, destroying our relationship.
In a coconut shell: One of the most important people in my life allowed our relationship to not just stagnate but actively die, willingly and knowingly breaking our social contract and my boundaries in favor of the adoration and attention from strangers and newer, fresher friends. The fallout sent me into a several months-long spiral that regressed my mental and physical health and led to the relapse of my most self-destructive addictions.
The full story, abridged (if you can believe it):
1/?
CW, mentions of child abuse, drug use, mental health.
For clarity's sake, I'll be referring to him as 'Bestie'.
In the hierarchy of closeness, Bestie was right under my husband. Our relationship was 100% platonic but emotionally watertight. We had our disagreements like any pals would, but for the most part, we were siblings. We'd gone on vacations. We'd cooked meals together. We hung out for hours and hours over the many years of our friendship. It's safe to say that he was the closest thing I've ever had to an actual brother. …Because my real one totally sucks ass.
I don't have a good relationship with my family. At. All. The majority of our interactions are made out of obligation. It was my dad's literal dying wish to at least try and reconcile with my mother after a lifetime of drugs and abuse. I've been trying my hardest, but dear God she makes it hard sometimes. My sister is alright, I tend to keep her at arm's length because she's a control freak (eldest daughter syndrome + history of abuse) but to say that my relationship with my brother is antagonistic would be a massive understatement. I usually say 'We don't get along' and keep it at that, but it goes deeper. We barely tolerate each other… for reasons I can't understand. I was born dead last in my family, the next oldest sibling is 13 years my senior. Despite the age gap, I may as well have been born the middle child, because bro didn't give up his youngest spot. Both he and my mother show signs of classic narcissism.
You may be thinking to yourself, "Crow, not everyone you dislike is a narc just because your personalities clash~' Save it, please. Don't speak on what you don't know. My mother and brother are a classic narcissistic binary star system. Mother and her golden child. They revolve around each other in a borderline emotionally incestuous way. They do drugs together. She coddles him to an insane degree. He did not move out or get his first job until his 40s. Mom didn't parent me so much as she let me live in her house so she could collect a check from my dad. When I wasn't being actively abused by her husband (won't go into detail here, but know that he was my primary abuser, as he was also her abuser and to a lesser extent my sister's) I was almost always being actively neglected, sometimes in favor of brother. Like, locked out of/into rooms or told to go away whenever she didn't need me for something. Especially in my formative years (age 5-10), when mom was still shooting dope and leaving me alone for days at a time or bringing me around the men she'd shoot up with. I almost lost her to drug-related violence and she almost lost me to the state a couple of times. Eventually, she found a way to have her cake (me, child support check generator) and eat it too (heroin and crack). While she gained sobriety from hard drugs just before I entered middle school, the neglect and other forms of abuse persisted through the remainder of my childhood, until I enlisted in the military out of desperation.
So with all of that boo hoo hoo shit out of the way, it's safe to say that I have a bit of a -thing- surrounding abandonment.
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HOW DARE YOU make me seriously think about things I’ve long excepted but have not thought about much deeper than surface level because I don’t think I can handle it. DON’T YOU KNOW I’M TOO POOR TO CRY AT WORK?
Srsly tho,, your neglected Raph & Mikey are so familiar to me <33 & Mikey’s whole “I hate Leo for all his perceived perfection & how he gets away with everything” thing makes me sick to my stomach,, THAT’S LOW KEY WHAT MY MIKEY THINKS OF ME! My demeanour is much more Donnie & we weren’t physically abused (just emotionally & religiously or whatever it’s called) so thankfully there’s no fear of physical harm related to it but it’s just,,
One time we were all sibling bonding & my Mikey opened up & started crying,, my other siblings went to comfort them but when I tried to join the sibling pile they started yelling about how much they hate me & don’t want me near them. It wasn’t the first time my younger sibling yelled at me like that but for once I couldn’t just think they wanted space,, it was me specifically they didn’t want. It still happens, & even that time I could never really bring myself to leave them while they were upset, so I always end up just having to listen or even watch my younger sibling cry with the horrible sickening conflict of not wanting them to feel alone but knowing they hate me every second I try to be there for them. (I usually tell them I’ll be close by if they need anything & step into the next room. I know it’s probably not enough but I’m not sure what more I can do)
Is this something Leo will have to face when she starts trying to be a good brother?
yea, there'd definitely be situations like that where they'd rather Leo not be involved, or Leo's presence would be particularly triggering, and it kinda sucks for everyone involved hahhhh.
all children should unionize against their parents but its not equally easy for every family, I guess. parents can really fuck kids over in that department.
unionizing against my parents was easier for us cause we also had the common enemy of my oldest brother (who sucks not just because of what he's done but also because he doesn't care about us or even want to change his behavior) and the ever-looming fact that neither of our parents ever did anything to stop him.
oh but look at me, now I'm the one venting.
point is that yes, that happens, and it makes Leo more and more convinced his brothers would be better off without him. yippee!!
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Edelgard isn't big on physical affection in my stuff, due to her trauma. The list of people she'd comfortably accept even a hug or shoulder pat from is very limited. Just Hubert at first, then adding Dorothea (I ship them so hard), then adding Byleth after that. Ana and the kids are on that list too of course, but they don't come into play until after the war. Lysithea and possibly Hapi are in there somewhere, but I haven't figured out where. Beyond that it would be tentative at best.
Your thoughts?
Thanks for asking !! ^^ I agree, it'd take a lot for her to be comfortable with physical affection, even more so public displays of affection. She would accept it in some measure of capacity from her closest allies in my opinion, her partner (any flavor of Edeleth is still my favorite personally) and her family. I also do agree that she'd be more open to being physically affectionate with people who have gone through the same thing as her- they would understand on a deeper level. But how would that affection look like, especially between siblings ?
I think an underrated form of physical affection for Edelgard is hand holding, both romantically (with her partner) and platonically. And this is of particular significance regarding Loki, her younger brother.
See, growing up with TWSITD, Loki never got a lot of physical affection. But suddenly finding himself in a safe environment with people he could trust not to hurt him, his siblings, allowed him to become more and more physically affective. Although he was once touch-starved, he is now incredibly big on getting hugs or any other firm of physical affection, no matter the reason. With Aline and Adel, this isn't a problem. He can go up to them and whine about how he wants to be carried bridal style and he will be, especially if he asks Adel.
But then... that makes it all the more complicated in regards to El's trauma. A good compromise they found is Edelgard holding Loki's right hand. This is very emotionally significant to them because Loki's right arm is burnt and that's definitely his weak spot, which he takes great care of (and which he amputates after the war in favor of a prosthetic arm). As such, he's always incredibly wary of people touching it. I don't picture Thales as being physically abusive often (since he "raised" him) but that's definitely been a pressure point in the past- so Loki only lets people he deeply trusts hold his right hand. As such, he literally places his trust and love in Edelgard's hands. The first time he allowed her to take his right hand was actually when he accepted to walk her path with her, when she reached her hand out to him while he was having a mental breakdown over everything he had been told having been lies.
Another form of affection they both have is Edelgard giving her cape to Loki when he feels down so he can burrow himself in it.
Aline and Adel themselves have pretty heavy trauma regarding the experiments. Aline has done a tremendous work to reclaim her own body and accept her scars, especially by changing her vestimentary style and discovering that she loves wearing short dresses instead of the most covering and conservative ones that the Imperial etiquette advocates for- and she has also needed to be physically available to comfort her younger surviving siblings. For instance, she often holds her brothers or runs her hand through their hair while they wait to fall back asleep after a nightmare. However, although she is okay with physical affection, she hates being taken by surprise- if you touch her shoulder when she's not expecting it, you would trigger her fight or flight response- and she will punch you in the face out of pure instinct. And she will rarely be the one seeking physical comfort.
I have to say though, I am NOT impartial to Aline softly taking her sister's face between her hands and kissing her on the forehead in Edelgard's darkest moments. Or gently holding both of her hands in hers while their foreheads touch.
Adel meanwhile would be the one most prone to hugging Edelgard, but he makes a big effort not to. They're the two siblings most uneasy about their scars and they both cover up a lot to hide it- a way he would show Edelgard physical affection is by holding her by the arm while they walk around, trusting her with where they're going (since he is blind).
And finally, Siyn. Siyn struggles a lot with bodily autonomy for quite some time, and with the way she sees and treats her own body. But after the war finally comes a time where she can start treating it as something other than just a tool for fighting. This is also at this point that she becomes Edelgard's partner. I have a feeling they would take it very slow, and slowly become more physically comfortable with each other- and while Siyn would absolutely respect El not wanting too many physical displays of affection, I'd love for them to get to a point where they can proudly walk out holding each other's hand for comfort. Maybe even kiss in public. In private, they would take to cuddling more often. No matter the romantic partner El ends up with (if she does end up with someone), they would still have to take it extra slow regarding any form of physical affection.
What's really interesting is that I'm pretty sure that while she would allow Hubert to hug her or something, he probably wouldn't feel the need to. xD Ferdinand would probably be more inclined to hug the both of them out of the blues and while they'd feel uncomfortable, they'd appreciate the gesture. They'd need to set some boundaries, too. I do agree that Edelthea would also do pretty amazing in that particular domain. I have a feeling that early on at the Academy, Dorothea would have understood that Edelgard wasn't comfortable with physical affection, and Edelgard slowly opening up to her would make for some incredibly sweet moments between the two partners. I'd love to see it !!!
I'll share more thoughts if my brain stops being jelly at some point=)
#fe3h#edelgard von hresvelg#edeleth#edelthea#hresvelg siblings#loki blaiddyd von hresvelg#adel von hresvelg#aline von hresvelg#siyn eisner#byleth eisner#fe3h ocs#ask#thanks so much=)
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ok so ive decided to post dez and franks new bios just by themselves…just for funzies….
NAME: Desmond Oswald Arkady
DOB: November 30th, 1991; 14 years of age
HISTORY: Son of rancher Sloane Arkady and medical nurse Ed Arkady, and unknowing grandnephew of the famous superscientist Lupe Altena. Has two older siblings and one younger sister. Throughout grade school Desmond was noted for having poor social skills and having a severe temper; he was bullied and very much alone during this time. His mother was emotionally and physically absent while his father became emotionally and verbally abusive as he grew older. Eventually his parents split, Ed taking Desmond and his brother Jerome, with Sloane (under legal definition) ‘kidnapping’ their younger sister Zuri. Oldest sibling “Happy”’s whereabouts are unknown. In 2003 abnormal brain wave activity was reported, benign; his temper somewhat subsided. The remnants of the family moved to the NEC in late 2004.
Desmond’s above-average school grades have currently led to him attending the Promethean School of Science under the tutelage of one infamous Dr. Maya Fontaine. He seems to have an interest in all things biomedical and mechanical.
OCCUPATION: Officially listed as a part-time bowling alley attendant at Crimson Head Lanes. Unofficially: errand boy and lookout for the criminal body behind the bowling alley.
ORIGIN: A small black earth town known only as “Carbonville” that no longer exists.
Last Known Whereabouts: Lives in NEC, DUSA.
Identifying Characteristics: African-American, mole on left cheekbone, shaved dark brown hair, late bloomer in terms of height at just 5 feet tall, noticeably overweight and stocky. Known to almost constantly fiddle with his hands due to reported hypersensitive dermis and nerve damage stemming from contact with a wildfire some years before.
PSYCH: Annoyingly positive attitude that hides a deep, festering rage. An overbearing people pleaser almost to the point of submission. Desperate for validation and a sense of belonging. Chronically low self-esteem. Is repressing serious anger issues to the point of migraines and blackouts. Possible case of undiagnosed autism. Easy to intimidate and manipulate.
NAME: Francis T. Mueller
DOB: August 1990; 15 years of age
HISTORY: One of the tens of thousands of Chimera children of the Martian King Azelfafage, Francis was raised by her human mother Roxanne Mueller. Her mother being a drug addict and abusive, Francis from an early age found herself doing any odd job she could to simply feed herself, which soon escalated to working for the assassins guild, Antumbra for a short time at the young age of 10, and working as a bodyguard and gunner for various drug dealers up until the age of 12.
At 9 years old she experienced a medical “accident” that resulted in a severe case of dissociative amnesia.
Police records in 2003 indicate that after her release from brief juvenile custody, Francis worked her way up from petty thug to where she is now working for Crimson Head Lanes. Conflicting reports state that Francis was “handed over” to CHL and is working for them unwillingly by use of either force or threat.
OCCUPATION: Officially listed as a bowling alley attendant at Crimson Head Lanes. Unofficially: hitman thought to be employed by CHL owner Carmine Keller, as well as gunner, enforcer, and more recently the bodyguard of fellow coworker Desmond Arkady.
ORIGIN: NEC, DUSA.
Last Known Whereabouts: NEC, DUSA.
Identifying Characteristics: Curly red hair and freckled dark brown skin like all Chimera. Crimson red teeth. Androgynous/masculine facial and body structure, usually mistaken for a boy. Magenta eyes on yellow that in a highly unusual case shift to white on black in low-light settings, a possible case of intersexism or a mutation. Identifies as a transgender female. Over 6 feet tall and malnourished for a half-alien child.
PSYCH: Mentally and emotionally unstable, a possible case of borderline personality disorder and even sociopathy. Possibly suffers from a panic or anxiety disorder as well. A loner, dangerous, known for violent mood swings and outbursts. Suffers from dissociative amnesia, PTSD, and alcoholism.
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last talking post before i shut up about the situation (<-lying) a bit. words are difficult anyways.
It's interesting how my mom loves to put titles on us.
My brother is now taking the place of the smart child. and thats a heavy burden to place on him.
and me? The family fuck up. a bad example. a narcissist. an abuser. the reason everyone is stressed.
..except me? everyone is stressed except me? I'm pretty goddamn sure i experience the MOST stress in this fucking house but i cant mention that because its "attention seeking" or "because of my phone". I'm constantly being told I'm the worst person to be alive ever when I'm not even 16 yet fucks with my head. You place titles on someone and they start to fucking grow into 'em. I genuinely am starting to think i am not capable of changing at all. My personality is just horrible and I'm a disgusting human being. I have been pinned as the bully/abuser of our family ever since i was like fucking 10.
10.
That really fucking says something about moms maturity levels. You traumatized me at a young age and pinned all these stupid fucking titles on me so that YOU would feel better for screaming at and berating me. There has not been one day of my goddamn life since i was 10, EVER, where i am free of stress. Am I that fucking selfish?
You know what? Who cares if I'm a narcissist, mom. Maybe I am so self absorbed because you never taught me how to care for other people. Sorry I don't feel empathy for you, someone who fucked with my head and traumatized me MULTIPLE TIMES. Clearly me wanting to be mentally stable and okay is the reason our family is so fucked up. It's definitely not you and dad being emotionally (or, in dads case, physically) absent to your kids. Definitely not you expecting the oldest child to have so much on their hands. To be the second parent.
When you screamed at sister and made her cry because she said to not hit me, who went and told her she didn't do anything wrong and it was gonna be okay? Me.
Who confronted dad about his asshole personality and stood up for my siblings every single time? Me.
Who actually listens to sister and brother when they talk about their interests and talks to them about it? Me.
Who practically raised those kids just to have them turned on me and make me out to be the abuser? Me
Me. Its all fucking me. You are the most emotionally neglectful parents in the fucking world and I hope you both rot in fucking hell.
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one thing i notice is that sometimes, when people are discussing golden child/scapegoat dynamics, there’s a lot of contempt and anger directed towards the golden child - this comes up a lot in fiction too, I think that Zuko and Azula are a really excellent example of it. i think it’s reasonable to extrapolate from the way the series itself handles both of them that while Azula is presented as an ultimately tragic figure, she’s not really treated like a victim the same way Zuko is, but she really is.
it’s understandable. it’s not fair, and it’s natural to resent someone receiving unfair treatment, especially if it comes at your own expense. i think a lot of people who talk as if the golden child is inherently contemptible and an equal and eager participant in the dynamic are probably people who’ve been hurt or traumatized by being scapegoated or just watching a sibling get unequal, unfair treatment over them, and that pain is understandable.
and it’s not like “the golden child buying into the dynamic and participating in the scapegoat’s abuse in order to maintain the family dynamic and their place in it” doesn’t happen, it certainly does
but also sometimes tbh i really get the feeling that some people see occupying that position at all as something that the person is doing wrong, something about them that they deserve to have called out, even in the absence of enabling or abusive behavior, and i feel like i don’t often see how damaging that position can be discussed
it’s definitely something that hits pretty close to home for me since the dynamic in my house was basically that each parent chose a favorite. i think my mom’s treatment of me was more distant and neglectful than actively cruel, for the most part, whereas my father was emotionally and at times physically violent and explosive towards my brother, but in a way i feel like i’ve been on both sides of that dynamic, both being the one unfairly favored and the one watching someone else be unfairly favored.
and well all i can say is that there are a lot of ways in which being the golden child can harm you.
some of them are ways you might not be aware of, such as never being held accountable for your own actions and thus growing up into a person who can’t take criticism or personally responsibility, which maybe doesn’t ‘feel’ bad but absolutely cripples your ability to Be A Normal Human Being, and while an adult who acts like this is responsible for their own behavior, the fact that they were raised that way IS a disservice done to them by their parents.
some of them are more obvious, like the constant looming threat of “if you stop making me happy, then this is how i’ll treat you” - to go back to my pop culture media example, Zuko and Azula are a perfect example of that. Azula even says it! “you can’t treat me like Zuko.”
she knows that her father’s favor is conditional and she’s terrified of losing it because she knows what will happen if she does. she’s acting for the sake of her own survival by fawning pretty much the same way as Zuko does when he’s still on his quest.
but honestly there’s also an aspect of it i rarely see discussed which is that being the golden child can go hand in hand with incestuous abuse, either in an emotional incest way or just overt outright sexual abuse, or just generally result in being really objectified. sometimes being the favorite means being the favorite toy.
that was definitely my experience. my dad’s favoritism didn’t really have anything to do with liking me as a person or finding anything about who i was to be superior to my brother. it was all about how he could use me to satisfy his own needs/desires.
i was his therapist and teddy bear and toy. i was just there to make him feel good in whatever way he decided he wanted at the time, whether that was listening to him talk about how he wanted to murder-suicide the entire family or his history of drug use or the domestic violence he faced growing up or, you know, something else.
and while i was definitely insulated from a lot of the types of abuse my brother experienced, this was not healthy or good for me. actually quite traumatic in fact! and even when i was a kid and still wholeheartedly believed in and agreed with everything he said, he would still torment me for fun whenever he felt like it.
and then when i started getting older and developing a more independent personality and disagreeing with him about stuff? oh boy, lmao.
i’d get red-faced spittle-flying screamed at for things like “saying the wage gap exists” or “agreeing that i don’t want him to randomly go through my personal electronics” and called a bitch for things like “asking him to stop constantly grabbing my shoulders and physically steering me around when we were out walking together.”
so in my case being the favorite also came with a complete rejection of my actual personhood, a huge level of entitlement to my body and emotions, and meant that i was harshly punished whenever i stopped being sufficiently satisfying, or that if i wasn’t providing good feelings by being supportive and understanding and agreeable, then i’d just get yelled at and upset on purpose as a way for him to express his anger and feel in control.
regardless of how it was expressed, i was ultimately just an object to him, and being reduced to just the utility you offer someone sucks even if you’re praised and favored for it.
i don’t really expect Every Person On The Internet Ever to take my personal trauma and experiences into account when talking about this stuff or anything, but it’s something i think about a lot, and i feel like i don’t often see the perspective of like, “i was the golden child and it was a uniquely traumatic experience because of the reasons i was favored”
but i’m certainly not the only one, and it’s something i do wish was acknowledged or talked about more in these kinds of discussions. there can be a tendency to assume that being the golden child is a great experience, or that the negative effects from it are either “being raised into a shitty person” or “fearing a loss of status,” which both ARE very common negative effects, but there are other ways and reasons it can be an incredibly traumatic and damaging experience, and i don't think that it's taking anything away from people who were hurt by being scapegoated to talk about this aspect of it either.
#personal#some trauma stuff#references to csa and general abuse and my own ~personal experiences~#just thinking abt family dynamics and ways i often see them talked about. you know.#abuse
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engage plot thoughts
Finished Engage, here's my plot thoughts, full spoilers for entire game (my spoiler-light "full review" will be along shortlyish)
So tbh I don't think this is as bad and weak a plot as people were hyping it up to be. In theory the basic idea is actually really good! The issue is like…pacing and how the screentime was divided up. We spend wayyy too long wandering from country to country fighting bandits and then everything of significance is crammed into five chapters.
The plot tries to love its drama but fails to build things up well enough. Veyle only cameos in the early game as a generic Sweet Young Girl, so the big reveal — while it would have been predictable no matter what — just doesn't hit emotionally. Veyle in general just needed more time as a proper deuteragonist. Maybe have Veyle and Alear do a couple solo maps together? They get cornered by Corrupted and fight them off together (with Veyle using a different class and weapons of course), trying to get the player actually attached? Have Veyle hang out with the whole gang in a few longer cutscenes so she feels like part of the team and not a random aside? Maybe have Alear open up to her about Lumera so they have a special connection with her? I just wish they'd done something here. As it is, the only reason to pity Veyle is because she's a young kid being abused, and while of course that's something, she plays such a big plot role and we don't even get to know her as a person. There were definitely better ways, imo, to pull this off. Letting her join your army and leave again intermittently pre-reveal (a la Ninian, maybe) would have improved things.
Getting to the meat of the plot…I very much like that Alear is an adopted Divine Dragon and that this is treated like a good and legitimate thing, to the point of them even gaining physical characteristics of one. If we go through with a real world metaphor, then Lumera loved them enough that they became her "true" family, and that works very well. FE only really ever does found family stuff with its side characters, preferring to focus on Divine True Sacred Bloodlines, and having Alear as a Fell Dragon who became Divine through the power of love and wanting to be "a good dragon" is actually quite nice and helps them feel a little less like a Robin retread. The issue that is unfortunately there is effectively zero buildup to this revelation. Other than Veyle's sibling obviously being Alear, we see no connection between them and Sombron. Alear has a single flashback to 1000 years ago in an early chapter and never again until the reveals start being dropped…in the last handful of chapters. While the single time travel chapter is kinda bizarre, it's a good step from a character perspective, and I wish there was more of that. Why not show more of how they became close to Lumera and how she adopted them? When did they defect, how did that go for then, how did they start calling her their mother? Interspersing flashbacks or hell, even more time travel (as silly as it would have been) throughout the story would have fixed so much of this game's lacking emotional core and let the plot actually work. As it is, it's a good concept that we see barely anything of.
I do disagree with the people insisting that Alear shouldn't have been so upset when Lumera died because they barely know her — they barely know anyone, Lumera has been kind to them and they know she's their mother, they're mourning the possibility of what they lost as much as the actual loss. I dunno, obviously I've never been in that situation, but even if I barely remembered my mother due to total amnesia I think I would still be really upset if she was murdered in front of me and especially if she had died due to using up all her health and strength to protect me. Personally. Feels a bit silly to be defending something like this but yeah. Now I do think her death scene was a bit long and dramatic when a quick sudden death is pretty much always more emotionally effecting, but that's a separate issue. Regardless, the plot hinges so much on Lumera and her relationship with Alear, and we see hardly any of it for some reason. Lumera simply needed a lot more screentime, even posthumously. Hell, let her live for the first half or so of the game, THEN get killed off. It still would have been predictable, but at least we would have gotten to know her.
Alear as the thirteenth Emblem makes sense in a meta way, but it does make me wish that they provided SOME kind of lore as to why and how the Emblems exist. The implication seems to be that the Emblems were created in death separate from their bodies, or when their bodies were already gone? And that all of their worlds exist out there, with Sombron intending to invade them? At the very last minute Marth drops a "btw Emblems are not the same as the actual heroes" but that's pretty much all we get. Idk I'm not looking for a Zelda timeline for all the FE games, I would just like…some kind of lore explanation as to what is up with Emblems and creating new ones. As well as the idea of the new protagonist joining the old ones as an Emblem works on a meta level, we just kinda needed more lore and buildup to make it work. My usual refrain. Personally liked the idea that Elyos was created *by* the rings or is somehow linked to them, because of the way its lore feels like a mashup and homage to so many previous games but…that probably wasn't the intention. Who knows. Fire Emblem. I like that our protagonist *is* the literal Fire Emblem though. Last time it was their *waves hand* blood power, now it's just straight up them.
The Four Hounds show up way too often and only do things in their last few appearances, which is tiring. Constructing them to be semi-likeable from the beginning, and maybe not fighting them and having them easily walk away just fine over and over, would have really improved everything with that subplot. I see what the writers were going for. But they whiffed it.
Alear is fine. They are kinda forgettable and a total dumbass for the first half of the plot, but they do change and grow and become more assertive, which works. They are an actual character, unlike Byleth. And they don't do stupid awful sometimes-evil things and get patted on the back for them a la Corrin. That is all I ask really.
Basically, a mess, but better pacing with more screentime for Veyle and Lumera and more flashbacks on Alear's end could have made it a really nice mess. Alas. I do think, overall, this was a simple but good and heartfelt concept for a plot. The execution was just poor, as usual for FE, and because the plot is so simple it can't hide what a mess it is the way other FE games often do. But I like it better than SOV (I like cat food commercials better than SOV…)
#fire emblem engage spoilers#fe engage spoilers#engage spoilers#fe17 spoilers#fee spoilers#that should cover it? i think? i tried#elyos#txt#lace reviews
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TW : brief mention of drinking
uh, hello there! may I get a shufflemancy for my(kris) relationship with chara nd frisk as the oldest sibling of the three?
and uh, maybe a tarot reading here : how did mom's drinking affect the family? i remember she was never violent but, yeah..
Sure thing! I’ll do your shufflemancy first (one song for your relationship with both) and then a single-card reading for your second question using my Kawaii Tarot deck! If you want anything changed, just let me know!
———————————–
Bad Days on the Horizon / Steam Powered Giraffe
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There were bad days on the horizon
Way before I met you
There were bad days on the horizon
That were dark, so sad and so blue
I could never walk easily through life
Not like it should be, where it's easy to get by
We don't even have to try
Oh darling, I arrive to you
With my heart already in two
Yes, I arrive to you
With my heart already in two
Oh darling, I could see a silhouette
In the night sky, it was doing me wrong
And oh darling, you were in the stars
Was it me, eclipsing your love
———————————–
While this song is about romantic love, it can be viewed as familial love in this context! It’s possible that Chara and Frisk were your adoptive siblings, and you were going through a tough time before they came into your life. Once they did, you formed a strong bond and acted as each other’s support!
———————————–
How Mom’s drinking affected the family
I got the reversed Emperor card, which symbolizes powerlessness, abuse, and distraction. While she may not have gotten physically violent, she definitely took her emotions out on you verbally and emotionally. You felt helpless in the situation, and you felt as if you had no control. She was the authority in those moments, and she was abusing her power over you.
———————————–
I hope these help you, and let me know if they do!
#undertale#undertale kin#shufflemancy#tarot#abuse tw#emotional abuse tw#verbal abuse tw#alcohol tw#alcoholism tw#kris kin#chara kin#frisk kin#deltarune kin#mod mtt
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did you read RMB ? i didn’t but i heard colin rather was very aggresive in it.
Okay so holy shit did not realise it's 4am so this will be my last ask for tonight!
Thanks for sending this, anon :)
Before we get into this, I need to shill the hell out of Nine Rules To Break When Romancing A Rake by Sarah McLean! THIS is what RMB should have been although Callie and Ralston are MILES ahead of Book!Polin. The vibes of a fat girl gaining confidence through life experience and her "friend" helping her through it is IMMACULATE. So I would recommend reading that instead of RMB!
Anyways let's get into this ask! I will say it caught me off guard lmao because I am the last person who would be asked this.
That being said, yes I have read! January 2021 was a time for most of Bton fans I feel cos most of read the books after we liked what we saw in S1 (minus Daph assaulting Simon) and were curious about the books esp of the characters we adored!
I was so lucky that I loved Ben and Ant (he's a shithead but he's my shithead and also I love all fictional Eldest Siblings - they are me and I am them) so I binge read the series and fell in love with Kathony and Benophie.
Because I always finish what I start (though I have not finished the series 💀 thanks Philoise for being so shit), I went on to read RMB after Kathony and Benophie's books even though I didn't really care for them in the show. I really thought Colin and Marina would be endgame!
This is so funny you asked because recently I did come across my Goodreads review of RMB the first and last time I ever read it. Apparently 22 year old me liked it?? Which I cannot fathom now. Then again I have read so many other HR books now and all vastly different, by better authors too.
It's a nice book but ultimately pretty forgettable. I cannot tell you any key moments that stood out or the full plot.
Book Spoilers Ahead!
I just remember vaguely Lady Danbury does a bet to uncover LW and Cressida pretends its her?? I think??
Then one scene I remember - only because my friends and I are on a mission to find better and hotters versions in other HR books - is their carriage scene where Colins only grabs a single tit of hers 😂 So now we call him One Tit Colin
I would say it's a simple book, good for people just starting HR. However, it's not the best in the series like the Polins like to hype it. It's a bit boring because JQ tried to make them fairytale perfect and it did not work. It's not a Disney movie, Julia, it's HR and there needs to be substantial conflicts and hotness!
As for the aggressive bit, yeah I did not like how he emotionally abusive to Pen for most of the book especially after he finds out she's LW. Then in one scene gets so jealous, he grabs and bruises her, thus becoming physically abusive. Definitely did not like that.
Also their dynamics felt off to me upon reflection, they never ever get onto equal standing. Like yes, most HR books have that Regency-misogynistic gap in the beginning that tilts the power to the Hero initially but the couple always ends up equal in the end. That never happens with these two and it's just really weird.
Other than that, it's an okay book. Not awful but not great either. It's just overhyped in my opinion.
There are more points to be made but they all come from the brilliant Triv @hptriviachamp and I share the opinions too! She wants to add on to this and is definitely better for it since she has read RMB more recently than I have! (She also has alot more thoughts on the aggressive bit of your ask!)
Without further ado, I'll let her reblog and add on:
(Thanks again for this ask anon and let us know how you find Nine Rules if you decide to read it!)
#Bridgerton Books#Romancing Mr. Bridgerton#The Viscountess Answers#I don't hate Book!Polin so I was respectful#It's just not my cuppa tea
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I hate my family. My parents. My mom.
I hate that my mom cut me off from my siblings, many of which she forced to me to care for so she could lounge all day while I cared for her children, while I was still a child.
I hate that my older siblings, and the ones my age, just say by and watched, or joined in with my mom and agreed with her when she designated ME as the problem in the family—definitely not the mother, who’s been using me to do everything since I was young.
I’m glad I’m away from them, away from mom and her petty games… but damn does it fucking hurt to be away from my siblings, my babies that I raised and protected from her, that I nurtured cared for as much as my little broken heart could. It hurts that she refuses to let them contact me, unless I go through her, my abuser, to speak with them.
I am sick for days if I speak to her. I have panic attacks and crying firs immediately following calls with her, or I just freeze and am unable to function. Her abuse of me has been that terrible that just the mention of her name sometimes makes me panic and makes me act irrationally.
This is the kind of thing they all blamed on me, said that I wouldn’t be going through any of this if I forgave her, or if I just didn’t let demons make me sick—that’s how they gloss over all the other illnesses from her abuse, demons, that I ALLOW to make me sick.
Gee, if I could just choose to stop allowing demons in, so all my mental and physical illness would just be gone… that’d be great wouldn’t it?
Wouldn’t I have chosen to be well by now? Especially if the sickness keeps me from the kids? Wouldn’t I have turned the switch off now if the game I was supposedly playing was going to cost me my family? That’s just what they don’t understand. I’m not playing a game. I’m not manipulating them or faking an illness to guilt my mom, nor am I conspiring with the demonic, allowing them to influence me or take over my body (YES IVE BEEN ACCUSED OF LETTING DEMONS TAKE OVER MY BODY) I was simply an abused child, for all my life, and now… I’m a very ill adult, struggling to make it by and wake up every day.
My mom can’t handle the weight of her actions. She can’t handle even admitting that she made me sick. She would even guilt and shame me as a kid for “stealing her motherhood,” even though I was literally doing things she asked me to do for the kids, every day, like making dinner, bathing them, changing diapers, laundry, making lunch and breakfast, cleaning; you name it, I probably did it. She just really didn’t like it when I’d take care of their emotions too, said I was babying the kids—but yeah, sure, consoling a child you just hit in the face for doing absolutely NOTHING was totally babying and spoiling them, not comforting them and helping them deal with your cruelty.. sure mom.. babying… the children you never care for… yeah sure maybe it would’ve been babying if all their needs were met all the time emotionally or socially, but we were literally forced to be home every day all day with no school.
I guess just keeping us fed and in some sort of clothes with a roof over our head was ok enough. We could fend for ourselves since she had me just taking care of everything while she laid in bed all day watching tv and placing on her iPad.
But sure, me comforting the kids after you’re done hitting and screaming at them, telling them how stupid they are, that’s me coddling them.
None of us deserves the way our mother treated us, and I sure as hell didn’t deserve to be made the mother of my family when I was 10. I didn’t deserve to be punished for what I was FORCED TO DO as a child when I became an adult. I didn’t deserve to be shamed for just doing what she asked, and doing a better job than she did.
I hate you mom. If you end up reading this, I hope you go to hell for what you did to ALL of us. You’ve had 34 years to stop being abusive, and you’ve decided to just pick a new scapegoat every time we grow up and leave you. I’m almost sorry for you that you don’t even know that you lost your kid when you blamed me for having any illnesses, when you said it was demons, and not you, that made me sick. Sure, it’s the demons making me terrified of my loving mother, who made me do all the motherly house chores and screamed at me if I ever looked unhappy being forced to give up my childhood for her comfort.. sure.. demons.. not the 21 years I lived with you being manipulated and tortured by isolation from the world and friends, by being stuck with an abusive mom. No, it’s for sure the demons. Yeah. I apparently was never neglected by her or my family.
Mom, I hope you change. Until you admit your mistakes, you are not my mother. You lost that title as soon as you gave everything to me for me to carry. What mother were you to me, while I mothered you? Fed you? Cleaned up after you? You even had me comforting you whenever I FELT SAD—how fucked up in the head do you have to be to see your child crying, get upset at them, HIT THEM, then start crying about how you’re such a terrible mom, only to be seeking your child’s validation immediately??
My family that goes along with mom, that went along with her and suddenly switched from feeling bad for me to blaming me too, fuck them too. The family that didn’t call CPS once when they believed I was being abused, FUCK THEM! THE FAMILY THAT CONVINCED ME I WAS BETTER OFF WITH MY MOM, THAT THEY DIDN’T WANT TO RISK ME GOING TO FOSTER CARE, FUCK THEM! Everyone kept waiting for it to get better, but it didn’t. I just left when I could. Fuck the family that just waited instead of intervening. I’m fucked up because everyone watched me struggle in my prison of a life and just didn’t do anything.
I’ve been an orphan for a long time. Nobody took care of me. Now I’m far away from my family, learning to be a part of a different family that actually cares for me. It makes it that much clearer, now living with a family that actually cares for their children, just how much my family didn’t love me. If they did love at all, they couldn’t show it very much if at all. Everything seems fake. I hate it all. I hate this. I just wanted to be a kid. Now I’m damaged goods and have to act normal even though my whole life I was abused then just thrown away when I couldn’t carry on like a normal adult.
How did anyone expect 21 years of ongoing abuse to not heavily impact me? All of 21 years I had little to no support, and suddenly I had to just be fine when I turned 18? While mom still controlled my life? I was a slave, and the second I started getting ready to escape that life (21) when someone was supporting me and giving me the courage to leave, she turned on me so quickly—she was ready to punish me for leaving her, and cutting me off was her method, as usual.
I hate this. How anyone can justify the ongoing mistreatment of anyone, especially a child, is horrendous. My mom is absolutely mental.
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*cracks knuckles*
Will: 💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?
Jamie: 😨 FEARFUL - when scared, do they go into "flight" or "fight"?
Bree: 👪 FAMILY - what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?
Colette: 🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?
Hatch-fucking-ett: ☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?
From this ask game.
Warnings: mention of abusive dad, parental death, corporal punishment in school, general sad backstory & trauma
Spoilers (I guess) for this chapter below (the one with Ezra).
Will: 💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?
Oh, this boy is such a goddamn silly complex mess. He's totally a "put on a brave face" kind of guy—respond to terror with snark. (Not that this ever helps him out, by the way. Back in his schoolhouse days, the teacher would just bring the strap down on his palm harder.) Grief and dread are hard for him to manage, too—they result in more snark, and of course the false hope that bit him in the ass after Ezra's execution.
The moment Will truly admits to himself that there's nothing, absolutely nothing else he can do to fix the mess he's in—the moment he gives up and gives in—you know our boy has finally broken.
Jamie: 😨 FEARFUL - when scared, do they go into "flight" or "fight"?
So....Jamie's whole thing is that, like Colette, he is cautious—a thinker, a rational decision-maker, when circumstances allow him to think things through. In most situations, he knows when it's the right choice to fight or flee. (He is unlikely to 'freeze' or 'fawn,' if you've heard that variation.) He cares so much about the people he helps through IA (who our fave thieves give their spoils to), that he is probably thinking about what's right for them in a moment of crisis as much as he's thinking about what's right for him.
What "fight" looks like on Jamie Wardrew, though, depends on what's going on. He's not a naturally violent person, and he doesn't resort immediately to using his fists (like a certain little brother probably would). But he knows how to fight in other ways—like going against "the man" to battle injustice.
When it comes to protecting Will, though...well, let's just say that he'll go against his own rules.
Bree: 👪 FAMILY - what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?
haha OOOKAAAY. Bree had a terrible relationship with her family.
She doesn't remember much about her grandparents, though they were still alive when she was quite young. I'd like to think that they would have been kind and loving had they lived long enough to get to know her, but Bree never got the chance.
Her mother was very different from the young woman Bree has become. She got steamrolled by Silas Cooper for her entire marriage to him, and she did little to fight back against his abusive tendencies. Bree grew up knowing that's not the kind of person she wanted to be.
Bree's relationship with her dad was basically a nightmare. He was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive for much of her life. He never fully accepted responsibility for losing the family fortune, and he definitely still expected his wife and daughter to take care of him even when they were living in poverty—even when his wife was growing ill. That responsibility fell to Bree after her mother died.
He insisted on honouring Bree's engagement, something that had been arranged years before, despite knowing that she and the would-be groom were ill-suited to one another. Silas Cooper's death was liberating rather than tragic for her.
Colette: 🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?
LOL I love that you picked the spider for this one.
Time for a lore drop / some Colette backstory!
What is Colette afraid of? Being abandoned, and doing the same to those she loves. After she was cruelly disowned by her father and stepmother for something over which she had no control, she lives in fear of being rejected again—and of becoming just like the family members who hurt her.
I have this weird feeling that she might be a little afraid of dogs but that inkling came out of nowhere. We'll see if it becomes canon.
Hatch-fucking-ett: ☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?
I think strangers assume he's a chill, well-rounded guy who's got his life together and who is content with his lot in life. Why wouldn't they? He's got a good job. He comes from a moderately wealthy family. He always looks proper, his unifom absolutely spick-and-span. Why shouldn't he be happy with the hand he's been dealt...why wouldn't he have a robust social life and a gal he's chasing after?
Are they right? Hell, no. This guy has zero grip on reality. He is under a lot of pressure to prove himself in his position of power that he was promoted into (probably a bit too quickly). And, no, he doesn't have a girl he's wooing, not since some penniless harlot broke his (admittedly already-icy) heart a few years ago. His job has become his life, his vendetta against IA an obsession.
#oc ask game#ask game#oc jamie wardrew#oc will wardrew#oc bree cooper#oc colette haris#oc baden hatchett#oc emoji asks#Will Wardrew is a snarky little sh*t#Jamie Wardrew is too tired for this#Bree Cooper just wants to live her life#Baden Hatch-fucking-ett#the IA boys would be nothing without Colette
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Hi! I was wondering something maybe I am not alone in it. But do you think the reason Jensen doesn’t get to see his family a lot is because of Danneel? I mean holidays it is always her family he has to go see. During the Dallas con earlier this year Jensen was excited his parents were there. He also said he had not seen his parents in awhile. I’m starting to think it is cause Danneel refuses to be near his family. Plus I don’t think his parents care too much for Danneel. I mean if I am correct didn’t Donna(Jensen’s mom) and Danneel have an argument or something while Jensen was doing a few good men on stage while Jensen & Danneel were dating? I heard that apparently Danneel was being rude during the show and momma Ackles wasn’t liking it. Danneel definitely shows signs of being an abuser. I don’t know if she has done anything physical to him. But she definitely is emotionally abusive and alienates him from his family. But makes him do things for her family. Especially her brother Gino who apparently was with them on their honeymoon. Which if that is true that is just weird. But Gino only has a job because of Jensen. It makes me wonder what her parents are like. When Jensen is away from her he has this light in his eyes that shines bright. When he is near her that light is gone and all you see is misery. I hope I’m 2023 Jensen can find happiness even if that is being a single dad. I hope he gets to see his parents and siblings soon as well. Cause I know how much he loves his family so I hope he gets to see them.
It does seem Jensen had renounced his family in favor of Danneel's so the theory that his parents disapprove of her might not be so off.
It's clear she is an extremely toxic influence and since she has been milking Jensen hard in every aspect, especially when it come to obtaining favoritisms towards her family, she clearly wants to ensure he only focuses on them, it's in her interest to have Jensen rooting for her family rather than dedicated to his own because he is much easier to manipulate and take advantage of within her family sphere.
Fully agree, it's sad that Jensen himself doesn't realize just how different he is when he is away from her. He lights up and looks much happier, much more fulfilled and that says everything.
I too hope he will find happiness and there's nothing wrong with being a single dad for a while as he searches for the ideal partner. People are so obsessed with marriage they'd rather have someone live unhappily than acknowledge that you can be happy if you indeed find the ideal person and it truly seems he has not. So why keep him trapped? His unhappiness is bound to affect his children. I hope he prioritizes building a healthy dynamic in his life in 2023 and to achieve that he needs to remove the toxic elements from his life.
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you don't hate kim?
That's a very loaded question with a yes and no answer. And like I beg you to bare with me before y'all get your pitchforks and shit.
When I was younger and watched the episodes for the first time, oh yeah definitely. The older I get, the more I've rewatched and the more I tend to over analyze fucking everything now days. I can't.
The facts are:
Kim's the baby sister. And as a younger sister myself, (granted I've never done anything to that extent), when you fuck up you expect your older siblings to be there to catch you. And from what we know in canon; Amanda has always been there to clean up Kim's messes. And I think Kim just started assuming Amanda would always do it.
They both grew up in the same toxic and abusive household - though with the age difference between them (Idk what it is; but it has to be like 4-5 years at least) and the fact that Kim clearly has a very different opinion on their father than Amanda does - Amanda had to have shield Kim from everything as best as she could.
Considering Amanda went to college and grad school - it seems safe to assume that she got out of that house as quickly as she could. And probably cut contact except when necessary. Kim never got out, and I guess it's also safe to assume, homegirl didn't exactly run in the right circles.
Kim went years not knowing she was mentally ill. Girl was literally taking bipolar meds. Not only that, she's also suffering from a drug addiction - that's a disease. Thanks Jim for fucking up all three of them.
Kim was in an abusive relationship for however long. And we know Jeff was physically abusive; but we don't know if he was also mentally or emotionally abusive and he very well could have been.
It's also canon that for the short amount of time Kim was staying with Amanda in season 18, she had her shit together. Then she disappears again and doesn't show up for years and she has a kid? And she's back addicted to drugs.
I so much fucking hate the stunts she pulled with Jeff and the insurance policy and getting Amanda arrested. And then just jacking her entire fucking apartment. And even rewatching it pisses me off so much; but even now, I can't force myself to hate Kim.
Shit I'm at the point in life, where I hope to god she can get clean, stay clean and keep her shit together. And I think under the right influence and circumstances, she very well could.
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