#but im so tired of having to take care of everything all the time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

another-emotional-wreck · 1 year

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i cant wait to leave this house lmao

#it's honestly not even that bad compared to some people I know #shit some of my friends have way worse situations that mine #but im so tired of having to take care of everything all the time #and being so sad and anxious and stressed #i just wanna be able to be a teenager and enjoy what little time I have left in high school #its not fair cause everyone around me gets to just be normal #even my own fucking siblings #whole time this seasonal depression is kicking my black ass and it feels like I cant even fully explain it to anyone #and i wanna cry about it but the tears literally wont come out lmao #so im listening to buttercup by hippo campus instead #which kinda helps ngl #but everything thats happened lately #idk ive been tryna stay okay for the past few years and between the depression and (likely) autism it's taking such a huge toll #i feel like my brain needs to throw up or something #even my best friend doesnt seem to get it and ik its not her job to provide me with therapy or anything and that shes trying #but i feel so fucking lonely lmao #and my moms birthday was this past Saturday so that was a thing #idk #i just wanna sleep for a really long time i think #cause rn i feel like my mental state is close to how it was freshman year and i actually don't think ill make it if i end up back there #lolz #anywhoo #im totally being dramatic its all good #lee rants #lee rambles

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kuruk · 12 days

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why'd my adderall xr kick in so late I fell asleep after an hour and woke up feeling it after a 2 hour nap 😑 jm wasting it by being asleep the first half.. I do love waking up feeling rested and not confused at least but come on

#still such a lifecbanging difference sorry #i donr know if the constant sleepiness or the fatigue is what's worse but whatevevr it is just lifts so much easier like this help #i love thinking i can hold on to so many tboughts and care enough about them to even write or say them..#or even just staying in my head just that it's clearer and i have energy to even think at all #i get scared of the way my brain feels so disorganized and mixed up like i forget how language works and i cant remember anything anymore #everything feels like the same constant slush like someone turned the contrast down ans the information the world sends me is sanded down #none of that information ever hits i feel like it's never actually me reacting to it i feel like im watching myself on autopilot.#like km just so tired in every way i cant even relieve myself of boredom anymore because it takes too much energy to even think #and i know everyone on stimulants loves to talk and say things and whatever sorry help but i missed thinking i missed actually reacting 😭#a lot of the time i dont feel real just extremely uncomfortable for no reason. and that's the strongest thing there everything else is dull #like i funally feel awake and conscious and such. like things in this world happen to me and i interact with things and irs real...

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blndspotting · 1 year

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yeah im trying to be positive but i am not passing statistics

#bit of a vent #but my god im just so tired of everything that i don't even care if i fail anymore #like i literally feel like i wanna crawl out of my skin and just hide away #but i can't cause if i dont finish what the hell am i supposed to do bro #i dont wanna have to retake this class and i don't think i'd survive if i did it again #cause i was so overwhelmed the entire semester that i just don't think i can take much more of this #much more of anything really cause ive been crying for the past 20 minutes #im just fucking exhausted. i feel like that all the time but rn its really hitting me

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iloveyouitisruiningmylife · 6 months

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you know it's bad when you hit the 30 tag limit

#like shut up i wasn't done #i feel so unbearably hurt and betrayed like how can i be SO. unimportant to him so less of a priority that he's literally organising his #desk instead of talking to me taking five mins to talk to an agent book a ticket in tatkal #i told him i had to be back by 20 even before coming here on like 5th #and ive been reminding hin this everyday since after diwali #still he just. doesn't care?#and im his daughter? am i his daughter? does it even mean anything?????#ive never felt more alienated from my family than today #isn't it sad i don't even expect anything from mom all she does is tries to lighten the mood by making jokes #im so sick of her even the sight of her her voice makes me want to shout at her #i don't do it ofc but still #everyone is so selfish she's so selfish too she's always complaining about how i don't love her how i don't give her a chance #but that she'll stay away from all important thinhs that actually matter to me like what's the point of having a mother then??? i have my #siblings to listen to me i have my friends you i need u to be an adult and fucking help me in real terms #nvmind that path is just hopeless #anyway in tired of my small fucking life and my same small fucking problems and my own fucking self #everything would be okay if i just studied a little bit harder #idk ive been practicing saying it out loud that i can't study more than tui and after seven times i can say it out loud now #without crying or my voice watering #so hopefully it will go well #tho in my experience i never actually get to sya the stuff i practice to say to him because he dominates the convo so early so fast im #left speechless and shocked and on the verge of tears AGAUN #it's fine im calm now #but after crying headache ugh i did not miss u at all going back to storing all breakdowns in a bottle

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matchandelure · 1 year

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fhjmsdfhjglks feeling kind of frustrated at a lot of things

#sometiems i feel that maybe i set goals that are too ambitious #good grades in classes. internship prep. learning how to be independant and do adult stuff in general #working out regularly eating balanced meals getting enough sleep every night taking care of skin. overlall physical wellbeing #while also trying to make time for hobbies especially art...#ive been sucked into a rather strong loop of comparison.. bc i recentl ylooked through my old art when i went back home #and im so sad at how little ive improved. and i know that everyone learns and imrpoves at different rates #and i have more important things to focus on such as completeing this degree completely unrelated to art #but i dont want to go through the nexxt five years just.not improving at all at something i love so much :((#but everyday this past almost two terms of school. i never finish the work i need to before i go to sleep #everytime i do finish everything its time to repeat the whole cycle all over again #and whne i do get time to draw im so tired that all i can amnage are some scribbles..which means my technical skills arent improving atall #bc i dont have the energy to study even ifi its something i love #which iguess ispart terrible self discipline which i need to work on but sometimes i just wnat to shut my brain off and doodle mindlessly #bc i dislike my program :((( eww math ewwwww compsci #and i want a distraction from it whenever possible because if i have to calculate the eigenspace corresponding to an eigenvalue of a matrix #one more time i am going to cry #im tired gnight #willows rambling branch

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star-ocean-peahen · 8 months

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im so tired so tired and im bored and i need some easy reward chemical for my stupid brain but i dont know where to get it

#i want to do something that matters but doesn't matter something that requires no effort but engages me something that has #long-lasting consequences but will also change nothing i want something that changes me but doesn't affect me at all #i want to feel things but i dont want to despair but no matter if i can feel things or not i despair anyway #ive been putting off sending an important email for a week and a half and just the thought of trying to put my thoughts in order #terrifies me #i want to read fic because i like it but i know that when i do i will only feel like im wasting time #i want to finish that drawing i was doing of my body horror dream i want to finish drawing my oc i want to finish the gifts for people #that are years late i want to send that fucking email #i want. to be able to do things again.#but i can't. i can't do anything but sit here and feel awful about everything.#i can't take care of myself i can't make myself feel any better i can't do anything that helps me im just. stuck here.#and nothing is real nothing feels real nothing feels like it matters nothing seems to be making a change #and i. i know the only cure for this is time. and rest.#but i can't rest.#i can't do anything but sit here and try to forget how miserable i am #im tired of pretending im ok. im tired of pretending im getting better.#im tired of pretending im doing okay so i won't blame myself for not fixing me.#im tired of pretending i have hope because GOOD sick people have hope.#im tired of the consequences of my inaction catching up to me then i have to deal with that when i couldnt deal with their cause in the #first place #i have so many tabs open and its slowing down my computer and phone. but i can't bring myself to go through them and finish my business #with them so i can close them.#im tired of my room getting dirtier and dirtier and nothing is organized properly and my sheets are falling off my bed but i can't remake i #im tired. im tired.#lassie vents #vent

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almostastranger · 5 months

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honestly don't know if I even want to mail this bag I'm making for my mom to her because I am so sick and tired of putting in so much extra effort and time and money into people who just can't give the same back.

#it isnt just about my mom either #i dont know how to talk to my partner or if this is going to last #because i am so tired of doing everything in this relationship and even asking for something for xmas is like. too much i guess #knowing they have way more money than me and dont even want to get me something i asked for 30$ while i have no savings and got them #something they begged for for 60$ ... its not about the money either tho like. we dont go on dates we dont have dedicated time #cause they refuse to do anything i want to do because i dont want to just sit at home and play videogames #not to mention i work 40+ hrs a week and still have to do all the chores even though theyre right there #i do all the cooking all the grocery shopping since they wont leave the house #i take care of all yhe animals while they sleep. literally #but how can i say anything. cause any time i say anything they just get upset and start crying and it never changes #same with their job they dont get paid on time and don't do anything but cry and doesn't listen when I say to stop working for their parent #cause they dont like any other job out there and doesnt want to even draw and just giving excuses all the time about literally everything #what do i say im so tired at this point i dont even know how to vring it up

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lilgynt · 6 months

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i would be less of a holiday villain if my mom and brother could be less annoying about my mom being a boy mom

#personal #mom. he is a grown man. i do not need to grab the plate in front of him at a restaurant to put it in the to go box #brother. she is not asking just bc i have the box in front of me at the moment #and she was asking for help in the garage and specified a few times GRAHAM. not ben. and like yes #i get he had dental surgery im not gonna make him do heavy lifting #and then she rolled her eyes at me when i mentioned ben has to help clean the kitchen and table area #and it’s like i don’t want a repeat of that thanksgiving when he’d said he help #didn’t. then cussed me out till i was crying and made of me crying for asking him to fucking help #we both had jobs you think i’m not tired either!!!#and i’m still so bitter over the next two christmas’s #like the christmas directly after that didn’t ask for any help #even tho i was cooking and also taking care of my mom bc it was right after that huge surgery where i just helped her eat or move all the #time and no one got angry at me just bc i shut up and did everything without complaint #next christmas ofc being the one when ben broke my door and my mom blamed it on me even after ben said yeah i was being unreasonable #like if my mom could just let him do what he can do as a grown man i wouldn’t be so mad #and if my brother could stop writing off our moms known behavior that would make me not angry

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alphalesbian · 11 months

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#its like every now and again i am brought down by a terrible loneliness and am forced to remind myself i have in fact more or less #been alone in some sense of the word for more than a few years now theres been such incredible lengths of my lived adulthood where ive #been to deal with everything on my plate entirely by myself for the most part. not to say that i have been like Alone ive kept busy and all #but sometimes i have to remind myself its been years and years since ive had what i would call even some kind of community. and its a #necessary pain to reflect that That is probably why routinely i am completely leveled by some loneliness. this goes of course without sayin #a lot of this is circumstance why i would maybe end up so alone but the reality is im often the only one who gets me im often the only ear #can open up to im often the only one there to catch myself slipping the only one there to take care of myself when im hurting or sick or #tired. and its not that i dont ask for help. something something circumstance where i dont get it from other people #hardly a thing worth stopping myself over but the moments where i have to pick myself up by my own bootstraps for the nth time completely i #the dark by myself its hard not to feel small. looked past. even though im really doing quite okay all things considered. still quite #unfortunately alone and equally isolated and drained of any energy to change this or get out and find community (if i had the space and #the time and the money of course dont forget about the money)#and at the deepest reaches of this feeling i can only see cosmically that this is what im supposed to be doing. to some strange effect that #I Am at least on the right path as tucked away small and hidden and invisible as this may make me feel. bc its never a hard contrast to mak #that if i did have the ability to truly embrace and make a change in that regard would i? would i do it right? could i keep it? where would #that take me? and of course the answer is in this state id just fumble it. and be right back here #when do i get to have that fire in my hands unequivocally where i may finally furiously rid myself of this isolation this loneliness either #forever or long enough to make the change from this lack of connection and community i truly have?

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tortademaracuya · 11 months

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#i think like. the worst part of my mood lately #is that i feel so low that not only i have no energy or motivation but i just dont care #i cant keep working on this stupid code because i cant bring myself to care about it. i dont see the point. its useless #but i also know that i will go back to suddenly caring in like 3 hours and im going to have a horrible time :)#it would be easier if at least i stayed on a single mindset :)#but no lets go from absolutely miserable and hopeless but uncaring to hyper anxious mess that gets overwhelmed #maybe i need to touch more grass but now im also starting to get anxious about being outside too...yay.....#dont even get me started on actually talking to another person face to face #haunted.txt #had to go out today and even though it was fun i wanted to explode the second i was alone again #i cant stop overthinking everything everyone says or does...its so tiring #and it feels even more lonely in the end. being surrounded by too many people and feeling like an outsider or #seeing a single person and feeling like you are bothering them #not like i have seen anyone. i would have to go out or take breaks or even reach out for that aha. ahahaahaha #lets see how many more places i can quietly disappear from because i cant be bothered #its all too much and even though at first is a relief its like i need to cut out more and more communication little by little

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esoraluco · 2 years

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Totally Real postcards from the retro residential area and one the many beaches of Cyber city. Also the Dark synth district. Featuring in each: Some Guys