#but if not ill see u in a next life
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I added trunks to that last doodle and uuhhhh.. wasted a buncha time
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#my bullshit#idk what theyre talkin about but its probably dumb#ill probably see somethin horribly wrong in like half an hour and hate my life. but#*posts now anyways*#sunova bitch i knew it i fucking didnt even do the gd gemstones!#ok did the gemstone things#cant wait to realize what obv thing i messed up next :D#aaaaand iv added a buncha the same squares i always add instead of a real background :U#god forbid i just. wait to post somethin til im sure i dont wanna tweak it any more#no no its WAY better to just constantly edit#then have several slightly different versions floatin around out there#lol hate. hate that i am like this#trunks#broly#theyre friends cause who cares
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im going to be so annoying all week
#agghagahah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HYYESAAHHHH#★ arin rambles#BRO BRO PLEASLE#PELASE#my apology for everyone. I have to make it now . Sorry. If youre following me destroy that notif button you dont wanna hear how worse i will#get#actually no just Unfollow entirely#ITS THE ADHD#PLEASE. HE IS SO . COOL. his trailer is so awesome IVE REWATECHED IT 3 TIME SNOW.#I LOVE HIMMMMMMM SO MUCHHHHH#I LOVE HIM SO BAD I JUST ADORE HIM PLEASE#HES SO PRETTY. JAW DROPPING. ICONIC. LIFE CHANGING. THE TEARS IN MY EYES. GENUINELY SOBBING RITHT NOW IT S SO OVER#aventurine likers hold me. Nobody understands. Everyone is scared of me im too crazy#actually its everything wrong with me . Hes ruining my life#i dont struggle as an aventurine liker i actually excel at this its my full rime job now#‘9 to 5’ no i work 9 to 9. Every hour is dedicated to him#im glad uguys agree with me thannk uou i was starting to think i was a freak#Well i am but im glad someone else agrees hes cool#Hes so pretty im so happy#I CAMT WAIT RILL WENDENSDAY PLEASE IM GONNA FREAKIFN BLOW UP#I LOVE AVENTURINE. I LOVE AVETURINE.#i get so happy when i see him i get a little violent its unsettling .#like im like shaking my hands and jumping around my room and then u blink and im bashing my head against the floor#its carpet. Im ok. But like not but i am#DUDE. I LOVE. THIS GUY. EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM#i needto. Just. Okay brb gonna watch ir like 20 more times ill see u guys next year im going into a Aventurine induced coma#this makes me realize people read my tags. Oh dear. Sorry everypony#i apologize for my behavior. I will get so much scarier.#HES SO COOL. HES ACTYALLU SO COOL. LIKE HOW CAN SOMEBODY BE SO COOL.#oh god OH LORERDRDRDDDDDDD WHEN I GET YOU BOY WHEN I FIND YOU. WATCH OUT. WATCH OUT I WILL GET YOU.
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well🙂
#*visibly trying not to burst into tears* hey guys whats up#surprise surprise another absence bc my life can’t stop getting WORSE evry day it seems haha!#so. now who’s gonna tell me how u deal w the loss of ur fave person n the one person u were 100% certain truly loved u no matter what#who also inspired u to be an artist in the first place n who's been there for u ur ENTIRE life#like idk how to start dealing w it lmao. one min ill be basically okay n then the next ill feel like smthing just tore a chunk out of me#looked outside just a sec ago n thought “oh so she'll never see my progress in art. oh ill never get to make another painting for her”#n yk part of me just wants to pretend like none of it happened honestly#like “hey that was a fucked up dream oh well let me call [x] n tell them I love them”#n I dont fucking KNOW how to deal w this grief n idk whats normal n what isnt#no I havent cried rlly but almost every day I feel like I cant breathe n tht my chest is collapsing in on itself#no I cant talk abt it but i can’t draw like I used to n thinking abt my last art project makes me wanna throw up#< considering it was going to be a present for her tht she'll never get to see. Haha so funny right guys#fuck I need to get so entirely drunk over this now RELAPSING TIME BABY!!#anyways. will try to be normal tm n talk to ppl again instead of isolating as a way to cope n sorry to ppl who have msg'd me Ill be back
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cryingggggg enha just released what im positive will be the masterpiece of a century, @lebrookestore finally showed up in my feed (f u tumblr 🖕), and the weather is ABSOLUTELY DIVINE but here i am stuck in interview prep hell T^T
#im alive i swear i am#and i promise i will be back yall I PROMISE#these past 2 years have been so wOOOoooooOOOOOooooooOOOOooooOOOO#lots of hard work but also so much uncertainty about my future career/life etc#literally cant catch a break#(still cant figure out how i wrote doublure dargent last year 😪)#yall promise me that whatever you do#DO👏NOT👏SET👏YOUR👏HEART👏OUT👏ON👏MEDICINE#it will eat you up inside THIS IS YOUR WARNING#hopefully it will all be over for me on dec 3rd tho and ill get into my dream uni and things will all be fine 🤞🤞#also i swear im not complaining.. just repenting#and brooke ily i miss u and im sorry for being such a phantom this year (does not excuse me nonetheless) <3#and to the 201 followers that have somehow stuck by me: i love and appreciate every single one of you!#its really a miracle how i still see notifs on this blog ...#please stick around cause i actually have 2 new fics that im really excited about that i want to finish off and post within the next year!!#anyway rant over i will have a baddie comeback on of these days#i feel it 😌#medz moodz.☁️
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I recently binge read all 16 chapters of Stamps in one sitting and it was great!! I rarely read fanfic but this is one of my favourites, thank u for making it :3
I KEEP FORGETTING TO RESPOND TO THIS. thank you! i appreciate you very very much :). it really makes me happy that the stuff i make brings people such comfort and joy. thank u for sharing that with me.
i will also use this to say: apologies for missing the last update! unfortunately i have a father! so ive been kinda in a funk bc shit fr happens. it’s gonna go up this sunday, but maybe slightly later than usual. im gonna be a uni student!
thank you all for the love and patience! i will keep trying to fix my mental health! and i will see you soon!
#ask indigo#indigo speaks#STAMPS fanfiction#yeah sorry guys#shit happened w my dad and it put me back in a really bad place for a bit#im currently trying to get back to how i was nd im currently trying to be social again#it is hard#dad /neg#the urge to overexplain every single absence i have vs the urge to keep my irl life private#i think that may be a trauma thing#oh well#ill live#and ill see u all next sunday!
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had a moment of whimsy followed by a moment of genuine irritation
#i went outside for 20 mins bc i felt like crawling out of my skin and thought swinging alone in the windy weather would maybe help me calm#down just a bit. like a little tiny bit#for the first 5 mins i felt like my heart would burst from the anxiety of being in my neighborhood and ppl seeing me through their windows#i get so weird about existing in public (has an anxiety disorder)#i started swinging aggressively and started calming down a bit#then this little kid got onto the swing next to me and his dad started pushing him#and i could hear the kid laughing through my headphones blasting music#i started smiling without realizing and then made eye contact w the kids dad while smiling 😭#and tjen i took off my headphones bc i felt obligated to say hello just to be polite idk!#and i was like aww how old is heee so cute#the kid was 5#and then the dad was like how about yourself? i went: im 20 haha#and he was like. Oh? i thought you were like 12 years old. 🤨#PLEASE?#and then i was like haha yeah! i get that a lot! (no i don't?)#im actually a uni student#and he asked me what i was studying so i said psych#and he was like yeah youll need a masters there arent any jobs in that with just a bachelor's#and i was like I know right! ill probably get a PhD haha the job market is so horrible!#and then he was like so you live at home? and i was like yeah its so much cheaper!#and then awkward silence i said nice to meet u and got the fuck out of there#like why did he have to tell me i needed a masters Bitch I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWW my life is already falling apart dont remidn em 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#it was way more wholesome when i jjst smiled silently at him and his cute ass chuld#z.post
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I was so very good and finished my taxes and paid some things so I could reassure myself that I can put in my 2 weeks notice even tho I don't have a job lined up yet (I'm Working on it...)
I dont imagine it'll take me long to find Some kind of job, though it likely won't pay as much as I'm used to. But. So long as I have Something, I'll get by.
What matters most right now is getting out of this stupid fucking job bc it has been Killing Me.
#speculation nation#i dont say that lightly btw this job has been. ugh.#ill miss the mundane administrative duties. as strange as that is to say.#i like feeling productive and valued.#but it's been coming at the cost of my health and happiness#the stress would kill me by 30. and thats assuming my goddamned ankles didnt give out first.#continuing my work on the Unfuck My Life resolution. maybe after i get a new job i can try to get on adhd meds#and also Maybe do smth about my probable fibro. i would love to not be so fatigued all the time thank u#and then . going back to school. i logged into my school email for the first time in too long#i need to actually email my advisor soon. tell her whats been up. maybe that can be a goal for next week.#i also wanna get a haircut. short hair. chop it all off. new hair new job new me.#it's. it's a lot. it's really scary actually. but im working on it. im trying to get to a better place.#ive been suffocating for too long. i want so desperately for life to not feel like treading water at the threat of death.#so. we'll see. whatever happens im going to pull through.
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my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/
#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man#i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks#and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig#even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-#better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them#like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it#hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders#for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee#the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want#me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so!#anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too#its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh#we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its#kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way#im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily#cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction#its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things#for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a#want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them#and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎#i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay.#.vent
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its been so long, wow hi guys!!! see tags for more info on an update <3
#sorry i disppeared again#life is crazy#im trying rlly hard to getmy own place#its hard when u have no money#but hopefully when i have my own place for the first time i can finally be present#i dont havea computer rn that i can sit at and write#but i rlly wanna get back into it#so when i have that place hopefully within the next month#im gonna reboot carol and wanda for sure!!#and might make a multi too#thanks for hanging around those who are still here#pls continue to stick around for me! i promise ill be back!#see you guys soon! <3#ooc tbt
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desperately looking for a good tweet/twitter thread template who can help a friend out
#also yes i am in fact still alive even if u hardly see me on here lol#i saw barbie and oppenheimer yesterday!! did the whole double feature thing#it was incredibly fun#the energy during the barbie showing was absolutely perfect#i had soooo much good food we went for korean fried chicken for dinner#i havent been that satisfied on food for like#a long time#also i had my last day of work on friday! so now im free for six weeks until starting my next job after the summer#but yes okay the twitter template#my life's been taken over by my fake kpop groups sdfgh#it is what it is#ill be back on regular oc stuff i dont doubt it#but for now im having a lot of fun with these guys#less pressure somehow#aside from the fact that i cant find the right twitter template!!#so if anyone has a good one theyd like to share ill give u kisses#okay thanks#chats
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iam showing symptoms of mental illness!!!!!!!! /vent
#imm so scared actually i REALLY hope nothging bad comes out of this. and it will because im a stupid dumb idiot#ashy you are so fuckign stupid honestly............. begging to get people to know you and be your friend and now u wanna push them away-#because youre feeling too many thigns at once and dont know how to cope?????? sososososo stupid. need to be shot#i fuckign love my friends. to death i love hanging out with them and laughing and watching stuff and everything but. fuck im so anxious im-#gonna fuck this up so bad and theyre gonna hate me foreveer. im soooo sososo anxious and so paranoid everyone is after me n want me dead#I DONT KNOW sorry for venting i have no one to vent to. my silly little life#wordswordswords#ACK these fucking thoughts wont go away until i adctually end up alone again forever. so awesome yeah totally i deserve this kind of pain-#im stupid idiot dumb and wanna kms fora while. lets see what comes out of my thesis draft next week and ill cosnsider it a bit more serious#-y i dont know. i love and hate feeling things. so much forevr#whatever. laying donw in the ocean waiting for the tides to swoop me in and i disappear forever ok????#i don t know how to talk to people and communicate properly. thi sis the worst#just................. tlel me you dont hate me. all i want forever#sooo fucking anxious my hands are trembling and im crying a little bit#oo my ass is not finishing this essay
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watching star trek with sans soooofun^________^
#this means im watching star trek and im clutching onto my sans stuffie for dear life#because. well you see im watching the episode where spock gets drugged by sex pollen and gets all giggly and cute like a highschool girl#and puts on silly overalls and fucking climbs trees and stuff#and talks about how much he loves the creepy girl sorry i immediately forgot her name even though ive seen this episode before#and well you see. that does stuff to me#ive talked abt spock on here before hes everything to me hes my 2nd biggest blorbo after U Know Who#if he wasnt gay and in love with kirk id be in love with him is the thing#so anyway whenever spock is being cute i go insane because hes my babygirl and stuff and i need my sans stuffie to hold onto#and im also simultaneously daydreaming about watching star trek with sans for realsies#you know how you do that with your fave f/os. like you just imagine youre doing whatever it is youre doing with them#like ill be in the kitchen getting milk or on my way to school or something and my brain is like#ok now pretend sans is there too#and without thinking im like ok sir yes sir. hey sans do you wanna hold hands#its the same now i think wed both have a lot of fun with star trek bc we both love science fiction (''ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS REAL!'')#and ive posted this before but i like imagining my f/os getting either very silently flustered when i gush about my favorite characters#(i.e. f/o sitting next to me getting silently worked up because i just spout pet names about my favorite character)#or that same exact thing except they get a little itsy bitsy teeny tiny jealous about it instead#OR they just think im cute when i get super excited about stuff#i like thinking about all of those like simultaneously with sans#cherry chats#bf (bone friend)#i kinda forgot what i was talking about near the end there somethings been wrong with my head lately i keep getting dizzy all the time#like every 30 seconds i just get hit with this intense wave of dizziness and lightheadedness and then after 1 second it goes back to normal#its like migranes except it doesnt hurt its just like my brain is a fish tryig to get enough momentum to jump out of the water (my cranium)#i thought it was low blood sugar but...... no matter what i eat or how much nothing changes#and it happens all the time too even when im just laying down#its sort of annoying and just a little bit unsettling but anyway as you can imagine it gets worse when im super excited like i am right now#so if im not making a lot of sense thats probably why. um. i forgot what i was doing#GOING BACK TO STAR TREK NOW BYE LOL!!!!!!!!!! sans is with me and were having soooo much fun
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#twtt spoilers (sort of) onwards! ->#i always think of the twtt epilogue when i listen to this song#ive seen a lot of people say that this song is like sad or whatever#and i guess with the title i can see that#but for me personally (and maybe definitely its because this plays in lis 2 lol) its always felt like something very hopeful#u know? the sun has risen over sean and daniels little cabin#the horrors have passed (FOR NOW LOL. FUCK. HOW COULD THEY DO THAT TO ME) and a new day has begun#idk its always felt hopeful and sweet and i really love it#its weird to think that twtt this time next year is going to be over#im aiming for all of the chapters to be out by august#but twtt has been such a big part of my life for so long#and to know im finally telling that story the way i want to and that ill be setting it down for good after this makes me really emotional#i love them a lot. kid and mu and bow and timmy and minuit and everyone i do truly love them#and everything thats come of it: the fanart ive received throughout the years.. the friends ive made.. the PUZZLE.. and more that i cant#<- share yet is all so amazing to me#man#i love twtt.#i love love love twtt guys#sometimes i get in my head about it but i love twtt so much#rambling#Spotify
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i just had cute small talk w a white gay barista but im afraid i came off as arrogant
#they looked lesbian asf idk#they asked how my day was so far and i decided to say something other than fine thanks for once#so i was like “i just had a morning class and now I'm pretty tired haha”#and they were like oh? what class? so i responded 'spanish :]'#basically they asked if i was any good and i was like umm. uh well i have to take a certification exam to prove fluency in the next year#so i hope so! :P#and they were super stoked and then they asked about other languages i speak so i talked abt that briefly#basically they kept seeming interested and praising me and i felt really awkward so i was like omg u draw or paint right#and they were like ??? howd u know#and i was like haha i got a vibe ^_^#and they were like... :D that's a good thing right? and i said well yeah ofc that's so cool! and then they told me theyre an art his major#and i was like woaah sick#but basically it was sweet and i felt like i was getting way too many compliments at 10:15 am like way too early for this#im just so worried i came off as self centred or like overly self assured about my intellect#but also why do i gaf. why. some white ass barista who i see every so often is not going to give me a job or be the love of my life#also THEY ASKED!!! i just answered. i also tried my best to ask abt them as much as possible...#agh i hate talking next time ill jsut politely smile and say good thanks ☺️👍🏻#like i always do..#z.post
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