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flanklurker · 3 years

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Valorant Protocol Roommate Headcanons

No-one fucken asked but I delivered. Cypher, Omen and Skye cause I love them, more coming probably. gn reader

Cypher

Tbh, something has to have gone very wrong for Cypher to have a roommate. Expect the first few weeks for him to be actively trying to drive you out.

Obnoxious tool noises, dark muttering and whirring at all hours, stink eyes across the room on the rare occasion he makes eye contact, you name it.

But what Brim says goes.

If by some miracle you’re on good terms to start with, you’re probably already familiar with some of his idiosyncrasies.

Once the initial shock has gone, Cypher is the kind of roommate that really depends on your lifestyle. He’s not one to have parties all the time, but you will have to be able to deal with lights and fidgeting into the small hours of the morning.

Would highly recommend learning Arabic, if only to enjoy the creativity of his cussing. “I hope you wake up before your alarm and all your toenails have been replaced with dollar store gemstones.” That shit hits different at 3am

Do not expect to see any of his work. You get the sense that the general vicinity is boobytrapped to the point of overkill

Any portraits you manage to glimpse are probably no longer a threat to the Protocol…

Sinister as Cypher can be, you can always rely on a poorly-timed quip to make you spit your drink

Memorise his coffee (milk and 1 according to fanon), and you are instantly bumped to the bottom of the ‘would kill if he had to’ list

You are also the first to know ALL the best gossip. Like, you know who’s got a thing for who before they do.

You catch a glimpse of him just once without the mask. Disarmingly handsome, with kind eyes that crinkle up at the corners. Maybe just maybe it wasn’t unintentional that you were shown something

Overall 9/10, very polite, know you would never be attacked in the dead of night unless you’d done something reaaaaaaally bad to piss your roommate off.

Omen

“I don’t need a room. Or a mate”

However bad Cypher is, this guy is worse. Luckily, he’s more of the type to ghost you than get you to leave. First couple of weeks, you don’t see this ghostly man AT ALL

Weirdly, the room has occasional signs of life, like folded laundry and bandages, and if you’re particularly observant, you might notice that the bed made slightly differently every morning

Eventually, you find his lurk on the roof. “Omen you have to stop doing this, I promise I won’t bite, and it can’t be comfortable spending all your time up here.

He disappears, but the next day you find him spending a little bit more time in the room.

Give it a couple of months, and the Renaissance of Omen is upon you. Expect baked goods, fresh flowers arranged on the table, freshly pressed linen and most importantly, the most elegant knitted scarves and blankets. Even for someone that physically doesn’t sleep, Omen is PROLIFIC man

Omen takes curating his space as a way of keeping him grounded. He moves noiselessly and doesn’t disturb the world around him, content to watch, and arrange, and chip away at his projects

How do you feel about cat hair?

“Omen, we can’t keep her. Phoenix is allergic” “Even better, he won’t snoop.” “Omen, we’re hardened killers-” “So is she.” “Where would we even… oh, you’ve already knitted her a bed” “Her name is Pyjama.” “Like, singular?” “Yes.”

It’s honestly like a wild sparrow landing on you the first time it happens—you have to hold your breath when you see Omen curled up on your shared couch, cat on lap gently batting the yarn as he knits a pastel blue beanie.

Legit? 11/10 roommate he’s a really pleasant ghostly man to be around, and you can sleep well knowing he’d never let anyone get close.

Skye

Speaking as an Aussie, fucken excellent. Like, god tier roommate

Day one, you know she’s a good find when she helps you move all your furniture.

“Mate, I can whack together a flatpack or two in no time, no wuckers.”

Three things guaranteed: -> A climber’s pull-up rig on the door -> The smell of eucalyptus and teatree and sweat, but not like unpleasant sweat -> Spiders

I hope you don’t mind spiders. “Mate, they’re just fucken daddy longlegs yeah? Harmless lil buggers, AND they keep the mosquitoes out. Pick one.”

Skye gets up EARLY for her runs. If you’re not careful, you’ll be roped in too. Don’t believe her when she says 20 minutes, she’s talking 20 minutes from when you reach the edge of known civilisation and not accounting for when you get lost bush-bashing

Gives good advice and is a great person to vent to. Always in your corner

Always signing up for those month fitness challenges. She’ll whack a yoga mat down and go into a plank while you’re on a briefing call, sweaty breathing and everything

Skye makes a MEAN plant-based steak burger. Like, whatever dark secrets she holds, probably better not to ask, but it tastes fucken amazing

She takes campfire duty SERIOUSLY. I’m talking blankets, marshmallows, beers, trivia games and a prize selection of novelty instruments and games

Always raring for an arm wrestle comp… I mean, with those guns can you blame her?

Okay, I say this with love, but she’s a screamer. If she’s bringing home a special someone and they get handsy, find another room for the night. Lowkey though, if she says ‘fucken join in then cvnt’, she means it

Will absolutely get into a Netflix series with you, no questions asked. WILL make you laugh at inappropriate times though fair warning.

I just love her so much I

10/10 daddy longlegs are great and so is Skye

#valorant #valorant headcanons #cypher #cypher valorant #omen #omen valorant #skye #skye valorant #valorant cypher #valorant omen #valorant skye #valorant protocol #lozcanons #thank u for reading the tags #am sorry we are but a smol blog we need the engagement #bro u tryna smash fr

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monkey-network · 3 years

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Why Shrek IS The Best

Tastes can change, you know? And it’s less about “What’s good about this now compared to before”, more of “Why would you like this now as opposed to before”? Unless allergic, you didn’t get why dark cola or hot chips tasted bad to you as a child, but when you grow up you can come to understand and appreciate it. Shouldn’t pressure yourself, that makes things worse, but things can certainly align in helping this newfound respect you get for something you’d believe you would never want again. That really is where I stand with Dreamworks’ Shrek. As a kid, while Toy Story left me traumatized for a while, Shrek left me side-eyeing with how crass and ugly it looked and I never wanted to think of it. But, as I grew up to respect animation a lot more, 2018 was where I looked back at Shrek and soon come to understand how wrong I was and how much greatness it has that I now consider it an all time great. And with it getting inducted into the Library of Congress, I thought it was finally time to present what I see in this film. Let’s do this right with...

The SOMEBODY

Now this frame has been meme’d to death. If there’s anything iconic about this film, ‘bout the franchise as a whole, it’s the exact moment when our main character charges out of his outhouse as Smash Mouth’s ‘All Star’ gets going. But this honestly just says a lot about Dreamworks’ direction from its previous films where compared to Disney that’ll take their time making the setup before getting into the hype point for its lead, Shrek gets going in one minute if we don’t count the logo intro. Not even The Emperor’s New Groove, which was going for the same tone before Shrek even released, took more of it’s time with the fairy tale aspect of it in its intro. Shrek literally wipes his ass with the fairy tale aspect before giving us the SOMEBODY, all around a minute. This frame really shows that this is sticking to the Disney formula in some way because it’s wasting no time getting into it. It represents the more brisk pace Shrek has with pulling you into what it’s gonna be about. This overall frame works in its thematic and parody aspect and I’ve yet to see anything top this exact moment, not even the greatest films I’ll ever remember.

But enough about the fact that I made a whole paragraph about this one frame of the movie. Let’s dive into what I say is a piece of the heart for this film.

The Earnestness

Speaking of Disney, you probably notice that their films have some cushioning in their presentation, like they generally don’t show things with a straightforward lens; there’s some theatrics in the way their best movies present themselves. That’s not a problem, mind you, but that helped me understand how Shrek does things very differently whether you consider it parody or not. While it throws mockery at the played out conventions associated with fairy tales, especially its most subtle jab at copyright, it doesn’t full on say fairy tales are annoying and bad. Hell, the film IS a fairy tale adapted from a fairy tale about a fookin’ OGRE that can eat lightning and kills with farts. But, it’s an accurate and earnest way to view a fairy tale from a somewhat realistic lens. Let’s take Shrek’s journey for instance.

Typically, the main character would want to experience something more; explore new horizons, prove themselves, find their calling. Shrek off the bat doesn’t need or desire any of that. He’s content with his life, beside the angry mob he casually scares off, and throughout the film he’s not interested in anything else outside getting the squatters out his swamp. He happily makes a deal with the villain of the film to exile those innocent refugees off his land so he could then build a wall to keep everybody out. Bringing up Emperor’s New Groove again, Shrek and Kuzco are the few characters I know that are actively antagonistic even when they’re forced into their situation from outside forces. However unlike Kuzco that gets to be emperor again but learns humility, Shrek is in the same spot as before but learns that there are people out here that can love him for who he is. I can’t say there’s anything grand about that, but it doesn’t need to be unlike the many Disney or any film that tries to shower you with the grandest themes. The relationships Shrek has with Donkey and Fiona are the most grounded I’ve ever seen because they’re not only natural, they’re hardly dolled up with the bells and whistles made to either drum up the biggest laughs or tug the heart strings viciously. When I think about it, I honestly could see myself in Shrek. He isn’t made to be a legend, he isn’t some secret genius or lost prince, he’s just an every-man ogre that wants to live peacefully or meet SOMEBODY that doesn’t treat as someone to be feared or disgusted at. Everything Shrek says is something anybody could or would say if they were his shoes because he, and the film in general, is the most grounded without making it all distractedly meta or genre-savvy. This is generally helped by...

The Dounkaey

Everyone’s talked about how Donkey is the best confidant for Shrek and Fiona. How he’s most true to himself to where he’s the most openly musical character in the film, and how he’s the most balanced here with his comedic vs serious moments. But I gotta say it too: Donkey is one of the greatest sidekicks ever. He’s a motormouth, but is never annoying to where you wish he left the film. The couple times he is purposefully annoying, not for a joke, is when he knows Shrek isn’t being truthful. He truly gets to know Shrek on this journey, and is the character Shrek gets to capacity to actually loosen up to, so it’s fitting that he’d be the one to push Shrek when the ogre’s sounding more vague than usual. Even when he’s harshly insulted, Donkey doesn’t take it as bad as when Shrek kept trying to shut him out again in the 3rd act after the Hallejulah sequence which is the scene in every Shrek movie where’s there a super sad song because Shrek is alone and yadda ya. I’ll get to it in a bit, but he is as much responsible in providing Fiona that seed of doubt that Shrek wouldn’t love her as the ogre she is. Donkey is the greatest friend because he wants to be there for those who are okay with him being around, and while you could give and take sidekick animals in your notable films with them in it, this film really wouldn’t have happened without him. Speaking of Fiona, I won’t retread what’s been said before like with Donkey but I did want to bring up something I haven’t seen many talk about,,,

The Love for An Ogre

I’ve seen many say the scene where Shrek overhears Fiona talk about “Who could love an ugly beast?” and misinterprets that as her talking about him as a cliched or contrived downside to the film, but I feel that a defense can be made. It personally makes sense that Shrek would misinterpret that and take it personally because 1) Who else would Fiona be talking about? 2) How would he know she was talking with Donkey? 3) Why would he just barge in on her? 4) Has no one considered that this moment is parallel to when Fiona overhears Shrek’s conversation with Donkey the night before?

Fiona is very much the antithesis to Shrek’s character where she can very much be open about what she wants but is scared at the idea of anyone figuring out who she really is. She’ll gladly be gross, kick ass, eat the young of a bird she let explode, but won’t let anyone see her true face. That’s why her curse makes sense, and why Shrek would take a fondness to her despite her initial disdain of him rescuing her. Fiona’s a character where the surface level beauty is her weakness as opposed to Shrek where it’s internal. Which is why when she overhears Shrek open up to Donkey about his societal isolation, she’s soon more comfortable around him. And it’s why when she opens up to Donkey about her looks, Shrek would unfortunately take it personal enough. I ask again, why would Shrek barge in on a conversation he wasn’t aware of or who she was talking about to not take it about anything else but him when what he heard such a cut so deep, especially from a character that bears his similar issues? It also helps that Donkey was in on it, as Shrek feels reasonably betrayed by the only other person he’s come to appreciate in his life. Contrived as it seems, it’s thematically important and appropriate to the conflict of Shrek’s character and the film overall. Don’t know how this could be conveyed any other way because it adds up at least.

I just wanna know how Shrek got to Faarquard’s and back by sunrise like did he run cuz that looked like a huge distance to travel on foot but anyways...

I’m sure things could’ve worked out if Shrek knew, either by barging in that night or through Donkey, but I think it’s fitting that the climax takes place at the wedding. After Shrek and Donkey understand their friendship, after Donkey reciprocates the Dragon’s love (more ways than one), and when Shrek grasps the mistake he made to charge over to Fuccquad’s chapel, we get to...

The End

After everything, we get to the moment where Shrek and Fiona get to share their first kiss, Fiona permanently transforms into an ogre, and we get this exchange. One of my favorite exchanges in the whole film:

Shrek: “Are you all right?” Fiona: “Well yes. But I don’t understand... I’m supposed to be beautiful.”

Shrek: “But you ARE beautiful”

We don’t need any other vows to understand their relationship was built up to this. This moment where Shrek can reaffirm Fiona’s feelings of being able to be herself in every way, because she allowed him to be himself in every way before. That’s that mutual love, baby, that just gets me every time and makes this film one of the best romance stories I know as well, even when it isn’t solely about the romance. This is Shrek’s story, and there’s nothing more touching than seeing this outcast not only get another to view him as a friend, not only someone to love, but people, if only a couple, to actually wanted to get to know him. I know Shrek 2 expands on this more, and it’s considered a golden sequel, but I will always cherish the first movie for how much it tells us off the bat while appearing as a “Take That” to Disney films. This is the genesis of Shrek feeling more accepted for himself and society and it just bears so much good commentary while being a good adventure nonetheless. Like you could say this film indeed has... dimensions? “You were trying to meme about la-”

The Conclusion

Mentioning it, I always had this thought with the conversation Shrek and Donkey had of why Shrek didn’t just “be an ogre” and pillage Fuccnut’s fortress. It’s possible Shrek could’ve taken out Faarquid himself, but that would mean being the beast he knows people have shunned him for, grabbed the torches and pitchfolks for, made him feel worse for. Shrek enjoys being an ogre, but he doesn’t like how society makes him feel lesser as an ogre. That really is what the four films have been about for him and what I’ve come to appreciate about these films personally. It can be easy to love yourself even when there are others out here that stand against you, but it’s hard to consider that anyone else could love you for who you are in spite of how you try to present yourself. But if there’s anything Shrek showed me, it’s that it’s possible. There can/will be people out here who appreciate the real you, will be there as much as you want to for them, and can help you realize more about yourself as opposed to suffering to silence eternally. Generally ideal, I know, but this film in the least offered me that thought in the most balanced way possible. It’s incredible how much of a tightrope this film has in its parody and sincerity and that makes its induction in the National Film Registry and being the first ever Best Animated Award winner pretty justified all things considered.

I know this film, the character, has been a meme over the years. As Schaffrillas mentions in his video, the direction Dreamworks made because of Shrek’s success kinda turned it into a heel people clowned on because, in theory, it was nothing but a joke with the onions and the swamp and IT’S NEVER OGRE. Then again, like I said in the beginning, tastes change. I’d say with Schaff’s masterful analyses on the film series and 3GI’s Shrek Retold and Shrekfest, the perception of the film sure enough shifted like the perception of Megamind. It’s one thing for a movie to blow people away or leave them thinking it’s horrible beyond belief, it’s another to take the time to then look back and see how those feelings have changed. For Shrek, it’s a film that was able to trudge out of the meme era to be a film many consider a strong, rewatchable, and unique. Like the beauty of Spongebob, Shrek is a considered a classic because as in the times as it appeared when it released, this film actually stood on its own with the most enjoyable and meaningful timelessness, exploring the desired love for the self, that deserves to be recognized. What else can I say, people?

It’s The Best

#Shrek #dreamworks #dreamworks animation #animation #movies #cartoons #reviews #analysis #long post #Good Stuff

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elisabethrosewrites · 5 years

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The Cafe Test

Tagged by the wonderful @bookenders! Promise I didn’t forget about this I’ve just been down with the flu for like five days.

So this actually works well with my story because there is a cafe in it.

Did they get a cafe they liked? What kind of cafe do they like? What does that say about their character?

Kalum: Loves cafes, he doesn’t much like to be on his own, he loves to be around people just not interacting with them. He loves close and cozy cafe’s with overstuffed armchairs and couches, low music playing, and a huge supply of Earl Grey tea and honey. As far as what that says about his character, he doesn’t like to be alone with his thoughts because he’s anxious a lot, he’s also fond of watching people but not interacting much, probably the artist type.

Julian: He doesn’t really care about cafes unless he’s in the mood. He usually likes places that don’t feel too personal just so he can get in and out unnoticed and unharassed. However, if there is anything remotely chocolatey or sweet on display he will walk in just to “browse” their selection. He is very guilty of having a sweet-tooth. As far as what that says about his character, he also isn’t much of a people person but has a soft side? I suppose that works.

1. Where do they sit? (Near the door because there’s an exit? Near the back to hide? Where it’s shadowy? Where they’ll be seen by a waiter? Lots of table space for writing/drawing/hands? Minimal space? Would they ever sit with others? What do these things say about their character?)

Kalum: Kal likes to sit in the back or near the fireplace. These tend to be the warmest spots which make them the best to sit in for hours to people watch. He is rather like a lazy cat. There’s a seat at the back with a good table for days that he wants to spread out his work to draw. This says he is content to sit and do a single task for hours on end.

Julian: Julian likes the seat that’s closer to the door, if he even decides to stop and sit down. If he has to sit his posture usually displays is tension and he usually burns his mouth on his drink in an effort to finish it. This says that he is a very “on-the-go” character who, unlike Kal, is not content to just sit and exist.

2. What do they order? (Is it sweet? Is it focused on hydration only? Is it expensive? (Can they afford it if it is?) Is it milky and warm? Is it to wake them up? To comfort them like a hot cocoa? Does it bring back memories? Do they get a drink connected to other people in their lives?)

Kalum: Order tea, his usual cafe has a special Earl Grey Creme that has just the right amount of caffeine for him but the flavor is more of what he’s after. If it’s that tea he could drink it straight without added sugar/honey or milk. If its not that tea he ends up using more milk and honey in it. Tea of any kind brings him a sort of comfort and he is guilty of drinking more than three cups of it in one sitting.

Julian: Is very much a coffee drinker and the more espresso shots the better. He will add plenty of sugar but usually leaves out the creme. He needs it to wake him up and get his systems working in the morning. If he doesn’t get it, good luck getting a coherent thought from him for the rest of the day.

3. If they get a snack, what do they get? (See above for similar questions to ask. Another good one is: Are they allergic to anything? Are there health concerns? Do they have to worry about their digestion for any reason? Or is their stomach made of steel?)

Kalum: Kal will order a breakfast sandwich (usually sausage over bacon with no egg and extra cheese).

Julian: Julian orders cake, any cake really, the sweeter and more sickening the better.

4. How do they pay? (Are they rich? Poor? Do they count their pennies or do they throw a whole bunch of gold on the table? Or are they rich and stingy, counting their pennies because that’s how they got rich in the first place? Do they run out without paying? Do they not give a shit about the law? Are they desperate for a feed and want to pay but just can’t?)

Kalum: Kal usually pays in cash and sets aside money each month to make sure to budget himself (wish I could relate). He works a lot so rare days where he can just sit and enjoy his favorite cafe are what he allows himself to splurge on a little.

Julian: Has no money worries. He usually pays with a card-based currency and doesn’t bat an eye when his sugar addiction adds up to more than one person should be spending.

5. How do they interact with staff? (No eye contact? Lots of smiles? Friendly banter? Awkward conversation?)

Kalum: Kal usually offers the barista a friendly but shy smile. He doesn’t like for people to think he’s rude.

Julian: is usually brisk and doesn’t care what people think. He barely offers so much as a ‘hello’ let alone a smile.

I’m tagging @fanastyfinder @hannahs-creations @hammannahwrites @pens-swords-stuff @capricious-writes @i-rove-rock-n-roll

Sorry if anyone I tagged already did it :)

#writing #creative writing #writerblr #the cafe test #wip:dissociate

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paladinfeathers · 6 years

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Paladins With An S/O Who Accidentally Consumed A Bunch Of Altean Alcohol

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and (accidental) underage drinking.

LANCE

-At first he's pretty confused as to why you're suddenly so giggly and cuddly. -Like sure, you're a pretty touchy couple, but never to this extent? He's on one of the couches in the lounge, and you're sprawled across his lap, staring up at him in adoration. - "You're so handsome and I love you." you tell him, a goofy smile on your face. -He preens at your compliments. -But he's still concerned. This is very out of character for you. -Eventually you complain that you're dizzy, so he decides to take you to the kitchen to make you something to eat. He's worried that maybe you missed a meal. -Upon entering the kitchen, he finds the half-empty bottle you left on the counter. -You laugh and reach for it, making grabby-hands. He's never seen you react so childishly, and it's kind of funny. -But he finally has a pretty good idea as to why you're acting the way you are. -He tries his best to hide his laughter, but it's difficult. You're just being so ridiculous and cheerful, and your temporary optimism is so contagious... -He does make sure that you don't drink any more of that Altean alcohol, though. And he tries his best to get some water and simple food into your system. -Eventually, when you fall asleep, he cuddles you close and presses his face into your neck. -He also makes sure to ask Hunk to make you some hangover food, just in case. And he doesn't let you near that strange drink again.

KEITH

-He's thoroughly off-put by your sudden change in behavior. -You're pretty cuddly when you're both in private, but now? You're curled up on his lap in the common rooms, quietly whispering miscellaneous things to him. -And some of those things are not appropriate. -Sure, there are times when either of you are particularly affectionate...but you have an unspoken rule to keep the PDA to a minimum. -But now Lance is laughing at him, and Pidge is clearly uncomfortable by how handsy you're getting. - "Alright, Y/N, I think maybe you need to lay down." Or take a trip to the healing pods. -He's slightly worried that you've contracted some weird alien illness. After all, who knows what germs and viruses are in space? -You whine at him that you're not tired, but he brings you to your room anyways. -And he finds a mostly-empty bottle on your nightstand. - "What is this?" he asks, picking the bottle up and scrutinizing the contents. -You shrug. "Dunno. I found it in a crate in one of the unused rooms when I was wandering around the castle. It tasted pretty good, so I took some with me." -He gets it. - "Y/N, this is Altean alcohol." - "Well that explains why I feel the way I do." -You break out into giggles. -Keith shares your laughter, though he's quieter about it. He's glad you're not sick, or doing unwell, and he's certainly happy that your drunken state was an accident. -He makes sure to fully explain to you what happened, once you're sober. And he's makes you promise not to drink an entire bottle of the stuff again. - "One or two occasional shots during parties is fine, but I don't want you to get addicted to this stuff. Okay?" -You'd promise him anything if it meant getting to stay in bed and sleep off your hangover.

HUNK

-Are you having an allergic reaction to something you ate? -Being in space, it's hard to find foods that are similar to those found on earth. And even more difficult to find ones with the same properties. -He remembers he found something similar to broccoli and decided to steam it, only for it to melt into brown goo and stink up the whole kitchen. -You just don't know what's going to happen. -But you assure him you haven't eaten anything strange, and also that his cooking is amazing. -In fact, you nearly smother him in compliments, and then snuggle into his chest. - "Y/N, seriously. Are you sure you haven't eaten anything weird?" - "I'm sure, sweetheart. I mean, I had some water that I found in a crate in one of the castle's storage rooms, but it's just water. It can't hurt me." -He avoids going on a tangent about microbacteria and how dangerous untreated water is. -He's now officially worried that you have an illness akin to food poisoning. So he takes you to the healing pods. -But you guys bump into Coran along the way. -Coran chuckles and makes a joke about you 'getting into the drinks', which prompts Hunk to ask for more information. -Which leads to him find out that, in simple terms, you're drunk as heck. -Hunk laughs at his own disposition to worry about you, and you nearly burst into tears because of how much he cares. Then you go off about how great of a boyfriend he is, and how much you love him. -He indulges you in cuddles and hugs and affectionate gestures, until you're sober. -You promise him, and everyone else, that you're never drinking that weird Altean stuff ever again.

PIDGE

-She's one of the only two who can automatically tell that you're drunk. -Not that's she's been around a lot of drunk people. -But she's pretty knowledgeable, so she recognizes the signs. -"Y/N, I'm certain that wasn't water you just drank." -You try to convince her that you're not intoxicated, but it really doesn't work. -At first, she's a little uncomfortable with the whole thing. The only drunk people she's ever seen have been miscellaneous college students (at a distance) and occasionally one of her Aunts during family gatherings. -She doesn't know what to do, or what to expect. -But luckily, as it turns out, you're just a cuddly, curious, dork. -Maybe you disrupt her work flow a little bit, but you keep asking her really interesting questions. -And you keep praising her on her ability to discover things and find answers. -Eventually, she relaxes. Because it's you, and she knows you. Now it's just you with no shame, but still with all the love and respect you have for her. -She indulges you in your curiosities, and you both search for the answers to your questions together. -Though, after about an hour and a half, you fall asleep. -As was expected. -She smiles fondly and drags you to the nearest couch, arranging you so you don't get a sore neck. -She absolutely makes fun of you when you have a hangover the next day. -You swear on your own grave that you're never drinking again, even accidentally.

SHIRO

-He's the other one who automatically knows you're drunk. -Actually, you probably know too. -"Shiro, I found some bottles of stuff in a crate in a storage room. Don't freak out, but I drank one of them." -He does freak out at first, and wants to put you in a pod. -Allura assures him that the liquid you drank was only an Altean alcohol, and was not much stronger than Earth Wine. -You should be fine in a few hours, though you may exhibit strange behaviours until then. -Shiro laughs quietly. He’s familiar with how you act when you're drunk. -Headcanon that as students at the garrison, you'd sneak little shots of alcohol into your rooms, and celebrate your successes together (aced tests, passed exams, etc.) even though you didn’t do it often. -But he also knows how shameless you get when you're intoxicated, and how many embarrassing moments it has led you to. -So he carries you to his room and keeps you there. Not that you're much obliged. In fact, you're quite content to just lay on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. - "I love you, Shiro." you tell him. -" I love you too?" - You raise your head, and look him dead in the eye. "Shiro, no. I really, really love you. You're the light of my life. I'm so proud of you for everything that you've overcome, and just...I love you. I wanna marry you someday." -He's shocked into silence at that. He knows that you're a chatterbox when you're drunk, saying whatever pops into your head, whenever it pops into your head. -But you're also blatantly honest. - "You want to marry me?" -You nod, and press your face into his neck. - "One day, hopefully. Not yet, though. We're not ready. But when all this is over and we can go back to Earth? I hope we get to have a wedding, and maybe bring a kid into our family. But maybe a dog or a cat first?" -You go off on a tangent, about the life you want to have with him one day, and he listens intently. -He's so in love with you, oh my god.

ALLURA

-Okay I lied. -There are three people who know that you're drunk, right off the bat. -But Allura is the only one who knows what you've been drinking. - "You found some aged nunvil, didn't you?" she asks. -You shrug, because you honestly don't know. All you know was that it was sweet and pretty delicious, and nothing like the alcohols you've tasted on earth. You thought is was harmless, so you took a bottle. -You apologize profusely to her, worried that you've somehow offended her by being drunk in her presence. -She hides a (pretty) smile, and assures you it's alright. She remembers clinging to her father's side while he dealt and conversed with dignitaries who'd had too much to drink. -You still feel guilty, that you've put her in this situation again. -She appreciates your concern, but at this point in her life, it's actually quite funny. Especially since she knows you, and she knows how you feel and think. She's not worried that you'll overstep your bounds, and if you do, she knows that you'll immediately apologize. -You very seriously promise her that you would never do anything to hurt her. -For the most part, you just ask her questions that you were too nervous to ask before. You know, things about Altea, what it was like, the politics, etc. But you always assure her that if she's ever not comfortable answering anything, then she's not obliged to in any way. -One you get tired out, you put your head in her lap, and talk quietly to her about yourself. -You tell her about your life on Earth; what it was like, the friends you had, the experiences you made, the places you went. And quietly, you tell her; "I want to take you to Earth one day. When this war is over, I want to show you my home. I want you to have a place you can settle down at. Even if it doesn't happen to be Earth." -Then you blabber on about how you look forward to sharing the rest of your life with her. -She's a little sad that it took some alcohol to get you to open up like this, but she's also glad that she now knows these things about you. -Earth customs are different than Altean customs, so she'll try her best to get you to open up in the future, despite what you’ve learned is 'polite' while growing up. She wants to know everything about you. -She also makes you the best breakfast to cure a hangover, and you are eternally grateful.

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stereksecretsanta · 6 years

Text

Merry Christmas, @cats4stiles!

Dear cats4stiles, I hope this fluff is fluffy enough!

*****

The Cat Story

“Turns out my dad's allergic to cats, who knew, right?” Stiles says as soon as Derek opens the door. He steps around Derek to enter the loft, arm and shoulder brushing against Derek's and leaving a pleasantly distracting warmth behind. There's something weird about his scent, something new, and it throws Derek off enough that it takes him a moment to process what Stiles has said. Not that it made any sense as a greeting to begin with, but over the years he's grown accustomed to the non sequiturs.

As Derek turns to find Stiles sprawled comfortably across the couch-- a sight which fills Derek with a contentment he tries to ignore-- his inquiry of “And this is important because?” is cut short when he notices the source of the change in Stiles’ scent. There's a small kitten, barely big enough to be weaned and clearly enamored with Stiles, batting her tiny white and orange paws at Stiles’ long fingers as they wiggle in front of her. After a few seconds of daydreaming about those fingers, Derek shakes his head slightly to chase the thoughts away; now is not the time for thinking about how Stiles’ fingers would feel on his skin, or what it would be like to weave his own between them.

“That's a cat,” Derek says, wincing at the absurdity of the statement the second it's out of his mouth.

Stiles snorts. “Very good, Der, glad you're paying attention,” he teases, his voice softer than usual, presumably in deference to the cat, who Stiles can't seem to stop smiling at.

He tries to keep his responding laugh annoyed, but he knows it comes out fond instead. Stiles knows it too, because he tears his attention away from the kitten to smile at Derek.

Clearing his throat to break the tension he's pretty sure only he's feeling, Derek says “I meant, why do you have a cat? In my house, specifically.”

Stiles looks at him again, rolling his eyes slightly, as though the answer is obvious. “Because dad is allergic. I thought you were keeping up?”

Derek sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose for a moment. He may possibly be a little bit in love with Stiles, but no one could irritate him quite so efficiently.

“That answers literally zero of my questions, Stiles. And why'd you get a cat in the first place if your dad's allergic?”

“First of all,” Stiles sighs, fondly exasperated, “I didn’t know he was allergic until he came home from work this morning and started sneezing. Secondly,” he continues, cradling the kitten to his chest so he can sit up without dislodging her from where she’s fallen asleep, tiny purrs coming from her tiny body. “Secondly, I didn’t get her on purpose. Someone left her in a box in the parking lot on campus. Like a heartless monster, just abandoned her,” Stiles defends, a frown between his brows as his anger for the faceless abandonner of kittens leaks into his words and his fingers began absently scratching between the kitten’s ears. “Scott and Deaton checked her out, but they’re all out of foster homes for cats right now, and I couldn’t just leave her because she made the saddest little sound when I even mentioned it. So I obviously had to adopt her. But then, The Great Stilinski Sneeze Attack happened.” He’s still petting the cat, cooing at her when she wiggles her nose in her sleep. “And C, I’m here because I have something to give you. A present, even,” Stiles says with too much casualness, his scent spiking with nerves in a way that meant he was being less than straight-forward as opposed to being anxious.

Oh. Oh no.

“Stiles.”

“Derek.”

“Stiles, no.”

“But Der! Look at her!” Stiles says, cradling the kitten in his hands and presenting her to Derek like an offering. The kitten wakes up then, blinking her big green eyes sleepily at Derek and unleashing a squeaky yawn as she cocks her head to the side, studying Derek’s face from where Stiles is holding her mere inches away from his nose. “She needs a safe home, big guy. She can’t fend for herself out there in the great big world!”

Derek narrows his eyes at Stiles, who is looking at him with a shockingly accurate imitation of what Stiles would call Scott’s puppy dog face; Derek pretends he’s unaffected, but the kitten takes that moment to reach out with one tiny striped paw and bat at the tip of Derek’s nose. Stiles absolutely cackles as Derek reaches up to brush away the tickly sensation, shooting a shocked glance at the little ball of fluff that is now trying valiantly to escape the cage of Stiles’ hands and climb onto Derek’s face. “See! She loves you already!” Stiles crows triumphantly. Derek doesn’t have it in him to pretend that he’s actually going to fight him on it; he knew he was keeping the cat the second Stiles had flopped down onto his couch and snuggled up with her like it was something he did all the time. Dammit.

“Here,” Stiles says, gently shoving the cat into Derek’s chest, “Hold her a second while I go get her stuff from my car!” And just like that, Stiles is running out the door and Derek is staring at the cat--his cat, apparently--with what he can feel is an incredulous expression.

“Well, hi Cat. Welcome home?”

She mewls at him before nuzzling against his chin. He takes it as assent and moves to fall gracelessly into his favorite overstuffed chair to wait for Stiles to return.

When Stiles comes clamoring back up the stairs, he has a truly startling amount of stuff in his arms; Derek can only stare at him in mild terror for a long moment. “What is- haven’t you only had Cat for like, two days?”

Stiles looks sheepish when he shrugs as best he can with an armload and a half of cat-care and entertainment. He looks like a walking pet store. “I mean, she needed a litter box, and Scott said kittens need special food to help them grow,” he shuffles his burden slightly to indicate the box and a bag full of food, and Derek belatedly springs up to take some of the stuff, the kitten tucked against him carefully with his free hand. Stiles sighs in relief as Derek takes two of the heaviest bags,. Derek leads him into an empty corner of the room to start setting up and unpacking. “Plus, she has a lot of energy--when she’s not sleeping--so I got some toys, and I figured it’d help her brain development if she had a variety. But if the little balls with the bells inside drive your wolfy senses nuts, I can bring them to Deaton.”

Derek can’t help a fond smile and eye-roll as Stiles talks, he was clearly very excited about having a pet (and clearly also already diving into research about feline development). The disappointment he clearly feels at not being able to keep the cat is obvious, and before he can think about it, Derek is saying “You can come see her anytime, you know. You do have a key, and she’s your cat.”

With a grin that makes Derek feel like a king for having caused it, Stiles says “Thanks,” in a soft, awed kind of way, and Derek is hit with a wave of contentment that almost knocks him over. They stare at each other for a perfect moment, broken only by an excited squeak from Cat. When they turn away from each other to investigate the cause, both wear a heated flush that they tacitly ignore.

“So,” Derek clears his throat to ask, “What’s her name, anyway? We can’t just keep calling her ‘Cat’.”

Stiles snorts, and Derek pretends the inelegant sound is off-putting. “Tiger, obviously. I was gonna go with Pumpkin, but I figured most of my favorite people are wolves, so I stuck with the theme.” Derek thinks that Stiles’ eyes flickered to him when he mentioned his favorite people, but he probably imagined it. He can’t dwell long, because he cat--Tiger--demands attention, and neither of them can really deny her.

Before either of them notice, the day has passed in a pleasant flurry of playing with the kitten, and watching her sleep.

*****

Stiles starts coming over to visit. A lot. Derek’s place always smells like Stiles, and it’s as wonderful as it is maddening.

Tiger has quickly established herself as the Alpha of the house, and Stiles finds it endlessly entertaining to watch Derek coo at her and give into her demands for affection with half-hearted grumbles and a soft curve at the corners of his mouth. It makes it hard to keep his feelings for Derek from spilling all over, but he would give up a lot to see more moments where Derek absently scratches Tiger’s ears while he reads, or when he lets himself in to find Tiger curled up on Derek’s chest when he’s fallen asleep on the couch.

*****

Tiger is a troublemaker. She hides socks, she likes to bat at the your heels when they’re on the floor, and she shreds paper like she’s getting paid for it. More specifically, she shreds Stiles’ papers. For his thesis.

“Der-ek! Your cat ate half of my article on forensic psychology! Again!”

He’s staring menacingly at Tiger where she’s curled around a small pile of destroyed paper, her tail flicking slowly back and forth as she rubs her cheek against a strip of paper that has curled around her paw with a pleased expression on her face. Derek tries very hard not to laugh. He does not entirely succeed, because Stiles shoots him a glare that should probably cause him actual pain.

“Why is she only my cat when she’s destroying your stuff?”

“Who knows what you tell her about me when I’m not home! She’s targeting me, Derek!” Derek freezes in place at hearing Stiles call his place home, and a warm, bright feeling fills his chest, joining a pleased rumble that he hopes Stiles can’t hear. Tiger does, though, and she pads quickly over to Derek to try to climb his leg, a loud purr echoing his.

Stiles’ annoyance melts away when Derek scoops Tiger up and holds her with one arm, petting her with his free hand. “I only tell her true stories when you’re not here,” he tries to joke, but it lands too sincerely. “We’ll make it up to you by ordering your favorite take-out from that Thai place on Birch.”

“Extra peanut sauce?”

“Of course; gotta have extra peanut sauce.” Tiger meows.

*****

Tiger is a daredevil. It’s nerve wracking.

She jumps from stupidly high places, wriggles her way into the tiniest spaces, and climbs on top of things she has no right to be able to balance on.

Mostly, she has the balance of, well, of a cat, and it’s not a problem. But on one particular day, she leaps onto the counter and knocks Stiles’ mug of hot coffee down to shatter on the floor, gets spooked by the sound and by Derek’s yelp, and fumbles her dismount, landing in the middle of the puddle of coffee and ceramic shards.

They work seamlessly to bundle her up and get her in the car, arriving at the emergency vet in record time. The reception desk is empty, and Stiles yells “Excuse me? Our cat needs help, please!” His voice is a little shaky, which should be ridiculous after all they’ve been through--that a cat that might have a minor cut on her paw should make Stiles feel frightened--but only makes Derek’s love for him rush to the surface. He puts a palm on Stiles’ back and rubs soothing circles there, gratified when he feels the tension leave Stiles’ frame.

A friendly looking woman with cartoon dogs wearing capes on her scrubs rushes out from behind the reception area, already offering reassurance as she asks for their information. When she asks “And Tiger is both of yours?” Derek can feel Stiles tense up, can smell his embarrassment even above all the other scents in the office.

Before Stiles can back-track, Derek says simply, “Yes, she’s ours,” and is immensely gratified when Stiles relaxes into the gentle press of his hand and looks at him with something like hope.

The nurse smiles at them warmly and says “Right this way, gentlemen, we’ll get Tiger patched up in no time,” before leading them into a small exam room. Less than forty minutes later, Tiger has had a small piece of ceramic removes from the pad of her foot, and is sporting a small bandage and a cone around her tiny head. The cone is orange, at Stiles’ request, because “It’s funny! She’s Tiger, but now she looks like a lion! Come on, you know it’s funny.”

Derek has to admit it is.

When they’re settled in back at Derek’s, Tiger napping on her oversized cushion, Stiles and Derek sit quietly on the couch pretending to watch a movie that may or might not be about vampires; they’re close enough to feel each other’s warmth, but not quite touching. They haven't spoken about anything but Tiger all afternoon, and the weight of what they both almost said at the vet is pushing in on them from all sides.

With a deep breath, Derek moves his hand an inch or so, so that it lays against the side of Stiles’, and is beyond relieved when Stiles loops his pinkie around Derek’s own. “So,” Derek breathes out uncertainly, equally afraid to speak as to stay silent. Stiles though, Stiles has always been good at reading him, so he just lets himself lean over so that his head rests on Derek’s shoulder as he threads their fingers together.

The smile in his voice is audible when he replies with a quiet “Yeah.” They wordlessly rearrange themselves so that they can settle in to watch the movie. Stiles lays against Derek’s chest, and raises their joined hands to his lips to place a kiss on Derek’s knuckles. The kiss Derek presses into Stiles’ temple is shaped like a smile.

Before they can speak more--or kiss more--Tiger jumps onto the couch and claims Stiles’ stomach for the remainder of her nap. Stiles makes an annoyed sound, and Derek cuts him off with “She’s your cat.”

“Nope, ours,” Stiles argues happily. They both laugh softly, and hold each other a little tighter. When Derek hums his agreement, Stiles turns his face toward Derek’s, and they meet in a perfect, (mostly) chaste kiss.

Tiger purrs in her sleep.

Later, they leave her to her cushion and close the bedroom door.

#cats4stiles #eternalsterek #*fic17 #*gifts17

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