#but i think it will be good for me. catharsis and shit.
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So with Ryan referring to chris as his soul, and also having said that Eddie is going to be isolated in season 8, I’m kinda wondering if that’s gonna be because if Chris leaves, he’s essentially walking around soulless. His reason for existing gone, as he drowns in his own self failings etc. which then also just confuses me so much in where we are going with Eddie. Like I know where I and others would like him to go, I just don’t… see a clear picture on how it would go that way because that’s not stuff I can see him focusing on in the light of losing his son?
Hi Nonny!
Well, if he would be losing his son for good, I would agree with you. I would never ever focus on anything beyond the fact that I need to get my kid back. And neither would Eddie.
But I really do think it'll be a decision made by Eddie himself. I think Eddie will ask his parents to take Chris for a while. Or maybe Chris will call his grandparents and they'll come visit, concerned about their son and grandson. While talking to them Eddie might realise that the best course of action is to send Chris away to Texas for Summer.
The thing is, when you have a child in your life, you never ever have me-time. It just doesn't happen. Eddie desperately needs time by himself. He needs to figure out who he is, because he never got a chance to do that, marrying so young. He needs to think about where his life is going to go post-Shannon catharsis. What does he want in life? How does he get past all the shit he went through and stay sane? Does he ever want a new relationship?... So many questions and no answers. We know that Eddie will feel isolated and I think this will have to do with him self-isolating, trying to figure out what he wants from life.
And you know who will be there with him, helping him out where he needs it? That's right: Buck. Eddie won't realise in the beginning how much Buck will do for him, but as he improves and starts feeling like himself again, he might just start noticing Buck more. Who knows? He might even come to some eye-opening realisations about Buck and his place in Eddie's life.
I fully believe that eventually Chris will come back and they'll be able to get past all the shit that happened in 7x09.
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finals week is over soon and that means that i can finally get around to writing the thing i’ve been working on for like 2 months. and then i don’t have to complain about anything ever again
#2 months + 1.5k words total bc i have worked on it maybe thrice#but i think it will be good for me. catharsis and shit.#me when i actualize my r*ckie hcs and i make steve deal with his issues and i make steve nancy jonathan talk#and i make steve and vickie bond and j/ncy break up for a little while to develop as people before getting back together and vickie rides on#the back of robin’s bike and they have a truckbed date and i insert vickie into canon#and on and on. well. u get it. manifestation of my opinions and all
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so is the whole 'sam is a leader on this team and the new highly sought after star footballer of afc richmond' storyline ever going to get brought up again, or are the writers done caring about sam now that he isn't rebecca's love interest anymore
#this season has so many problems#chief among them is that toheeb is credited as a main cast member and he hasn't gotten shit to do in six episodes#even in 3.03 his restaurant was just a plot device in rebecca's love life#like why isn't sam getting special one on one training sessions with roy. that would actually be interesting#their relationship in s1 was so good and we've only gotten crumbs since and it genuinely saddens me#ted lasso#ted lasso spoilers#sam obisanya#i will eat my words if the next six episodes are good and do sam justice#but i doubt it#i really don't think the writers went into this season knowing what to do with anyone but ted and colin#even nate's 'redemption' arc is all over the place#it's been six episodes and we've only seen him in three!! we haven't focused on him enough!!#his eventual redemption is not going to have the emotional catharsis it could have if nate's storyline was given weight in every episode#like who gives a shit about that model and his date at a taste of athens#but that's a rant for another time
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im not a even a fan of the "hellaverse" but i have seen helluva boss and with all the twitter uproar over the hazbin ep4 leaks i went and found a reaction video of the full ep on yt so i could see how bad it really was and. jesus christ. theres certainly analysis of the visuals that could be had regarding the original criticisms but for me the episode was more like... 1. angel dust is the exact same character as fizzarolli 2. hellaverse is never going to break away from writing its characters like a whump fic is it and 3. this is an absolutely horrible portrayal of sex workers. vivienne pleaseeeee get your head out of the yaoi bin and remind yourself of like. women and misogyny. and stop writing all your sex worker/sexually abused (notice how that is grouped together) characters in the same way. sex workers arent all victims who need to be saved from their jobs
#sorry i just already had a ton of thoughts on how poorly i thought fizzarolli was written#half for the writers riding too much on whump standards and thus ignoring the glaring fundamental issues in his life#and then blaming all of his problems on being cutely insecure#but also in the like. misogyny. i get it we fandomers like yaoi but please. HOW could you look at those 2 women villains#in s2e7 and decide that was okay. that was egregious#ive just been thinking about this shit way too much and i kind of want to dump a proper analysis of it but also. sigh.#do i REALLY want to be blogging about hazbin and helluva#then again i also feel the need to say stuff because im willing to bet that anyone on YT whos making hellaverse analysis#isnt familiar with whump and like. as someone who enjoys whump i think it should be required reading for understanding how narratives like#fizzarollis are constructed#because there are very obvious tropes and character archetypes being taken directly from whump-style stuff and it is NOT good in this mediu#as much as i enjoy a bit of catharsis you cant just carry over the same stuff from it and expect your audience to suspend their disbelief i#the same way. because once you start thinking about the actual politics and personal implications of it...#well. you end up with a poorly written show with poorly written characters that inadvertently end up being misogynistic#sigh. if someone wants me to i can share my thoughts on this#i dont entirely hate the hellaverse im more ambivalent on it i guess. i did like some parts of it but as a whole its not my thing#i am someone who enjoys thinking about this stuff and doing some casual textual analysis though#so i cant help thinking about this stuff when watching or reading anything
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saw a post that was like "girlies will be like 'this is my comfort game' and then the game is this" with screenshots of bloodborne monsters but like unironically i am like that with dead space 1 and 2. is dead space an incredibly stressful series of games? yes. is it still incredibly cathartic to be good at and beat successfully? you bet your sweet bippy it is
#sye's babbles#i think the reason why it's a 'comfort' game for me is like#the fact that dead space is a horror game that allows combat means that you can fight back#and while yes there are many creative ways to get your shit wrecked#you can still persevere to the end#and the way i described it to a friend once#was that the catharsis of dead space involved being able to assert control over a deeply hostile and stressful environment#to shoot everything that wants you dead until it's in pieces#and if you're good at doing that it can be so so so cathartic to just stomp those damn necromorphs into giblets#like the monster designs fuck of course obviously#but the real catharsis of the game is just. being able to kill the monsters and live.
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...
#shit chat#family cw#parents divorcing: dad moved into tiny apt & doesn't want anything. mom moving to kentucky in a few weeks? months? w/ new fiancee#brother sick of the drama; doesn't want anything & isn't talking to my mom rn (understandable)#so i'm. pawing through 30 years of my parents' junk trying to sift out & salvage childhood relics#the leftovers mostly bc my mom has already laid claim to most of the things i have a strong attachment to#and currently having an existential crisis on my bedroom floor sorting through xmas decorations to keep/donate#like damn my childhood has so much substance in my memory & these objects seemed imbued with so much magic#and looking at it now there's a few things that still have a glimmer of life but mostly it's just cheap old shit.#i don't want any of this; i just want the sense of comfort and love and security of a functional loving family#but the divorce is also dredging up a lot of shit that i'm further processing in therapy#and i'm coming to the very depressing realization that a lot of my childhood kinda sucked ass#not all of it! and looking at photos i still feel strong positive emotions towards my past#but there really isn't any legacy to speak of. heirlooms consist of a few sentimental tchotchkes & a box of old picture books#also my mom kinda fucking sucked as a parent in ways i'm only just now allowing myself to admit & examine#like i don't think i could ever hate her or write her off completely and i did get certain wonderful aspects of myself from her#but she hasn't consistently been a Good Mom to me. p much since my brother was born when i was like 5.#more like a very mentally ill fair-weather friend who was also partially responsible for raising me#god this sucks. but at least i have a box of delicate sparkly glass baubles that i can smash on the pavement for catharsis sometime#anyways. friends if it seems like i've been more hermit-y and avoidant than usual lately– this is why#i've been estranged from most of my extended family for years & used to be really close with my immediate family.#which is currently a reeking dumpster fire that's choking my life with noxious smoke#and p much all of my energy & free time is going towards not letting actively retruamatizing current events nuke my brain#brother & i agreed that the current Vibes are like...#trying to cut loose the life boats from a sinking ship and get clear before the water displacement sucks us under#but i finally have all my shit out of the house except furniture that can't be moved until my mom moves#so the gaping chest wound is slowly starting to scab over and i can start actually clearing out some of this shit &#tracing the panicked exodus back to a more grounded stable version of myself#ugh.
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idk what's wrong with rgg studio and why do they need to kill every major antag i mean ?? some of them wasn't THAT irredeemable!!! most of them are just stupid or/and dramatic and i don't know what do THEY think but my HUMBLE OPINION is that half of their antags could have better story ending by NOT DYING and redeeming themselves and being better people !!
aaaand yes i am also salty about aoki i get u man it COULD BE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL STORY ABOUT. ACCEPTING YOUR FUCKUPS AND LIVING WITH THEM. they could have killed sota kume instead if they needed to meet their killing quota no one cares about this mf like whatever
rgg is able to write really compelling characters and villain but they just utterly refuse to commit to a redemption arc. why i dont know but its so frustrating. closest we get is hamazaki but even HE bites the dust and it sucks so much we can't have one (1) redeemed character stick around
aoki's case is the one that makes me want to grind my teeth into dust the most because his death was at the literal very end of the cutscene- there was like thirty seconds left and they just had to fill the quota. ichi had successfully talked him down and had seemingly made a breakthrough to him- HELL, AOKI EVEN SAID HE WAS READY TO TURN HIMSELF IN so for RGG to pull the biggest Go Fuck Yourself is ACTUALLY blood boiling
#snap chats#like come onnnnnnnn#let jo and aoki reunite in prison and let them awkwardly talk abot jo being his dad#it'll be really funny but also Catharsis#someone remind me to do a comic on that cause i keep forgetting#but yeah. 0/10 worst franchise i hate these fuckin games <-- is going to replay them at least twenty more times#like nishiki/ryuji/mine i can take#like. WHATEVER i can accept those just fine#ryuji's was dumb as shit but dead souls rectifies it so fine ill let it slide#i dont feel too strongly about nishiki so . w/e.#tho i still think HEAVILY about that post bout how nishiki became who he was because he was constantly ignored and that happened in the end#like damn. thats a good post#mine is one i can also live with from a tragedy perspective#would have loved to see him stick around and have That Conversation with daigo#but i also like the tragedy aspect of it so yeah im fine#aoki. ouUGHGH MY BLOOD PRESSURE literally fuck that ending so much i hate it#i wish i could ignore it but i cant its so fucking stupid UGH MY RAGE
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Experiencing catharsis through angst and hurt/comfort fanfic but as soon as I stop the horribleness™ comes back
#like bro you did the catharsis why do you still feel like shit#i think im at the point where i like my current interest so much that NOT actively engaging with it makes me depressed#but engaging with it makes me feel too much emotions (good ones dw. but like the kinda joy that hurts your chest from its intensity thats#usually best in small doses)#so im just. constantly overwhelmed#also school sucks but thats nothing new#i hate ah art! art is difficult as a baseline but giving us free reign over our portfolio theme was a bid idea i have no idea what im doing#and my twcahers are sick of discussing it with me#so i keep making shit knowing i hate it and its probably not gonna be marked well#psii.txt#vent
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One of the greatest joys of living in a house now is that I can go sit on the front porch and smoke a joint
Fuckin lovely
#its been almost meditative#staring into space listening to the rain while smoking#smoking when you think about it is deep breaths#also good for catharsis the other night my roommate and i just hung on the porch for like an hour him smoking cigs me weed#and us just venting and talking about shit#fucking felt great#personal
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alright, i was way too quick to assume today's activities would be miserable, this was really fucking nice actually. the burial service was pretty low-key and pleasant even if it wasn't really my bag, and then after that we ate the last batch of spaghetti sauce my mom ever made from the freezer (1/2 of which had already been eaten at my cousin's after-memorial family dinner back in march 🙃) which was miserable miserable but would have been so much more miserable by myself, then i stuck around shooting the shit with a cousin i don't see often. he also has just started seeing a shrink (it's his first time!) and apparently he has mdd! so we were both there, miserable and smiling, which is not an uncommon state for either of us, both recognising the other's misery in a unique way that was very enjoyable for both of us. there was quite a double-edged kinship there that i don't get to experience often. also in other news my cousin who i talked to about my emotional affect problems the other day who didn't seem to get it did get it, actually! he hung in a lot tighter and was way more actively, almost aggressively, supportive today than previously and i'm pretty sure it's bc he now understands not to trust my face to communicate how i'm feeling. so yeah. fuck it. today went really really well and i'm glad i decided to suffer through it bc it was worth it.
#maybe my emotional affect is busted#maybe i'm really overwhelmed and more dissociative than i'd like#but i'm getting a good fucking grade in grief dammit#we achieved some level of catharsis today that we wouldn't have achieved if i hadn't taken such an active role in making this event happen#and if the people who wanted to do things i wasn't into hadn't done those things#...i'm literally like. proud of us for doing this. 🥺#the group cohesion was just 🤌#adams year from hell#all i could say when people asked me what i wanted to do today was 'put the ashes in the hole' and then 'eat the last batch of spaghetti'#and i felt weird for not having more sentimentaloty but ykw!!#the very fucking idea of inviting the people that i invited to participate was very sentimental actually#i could have personally just gone and put the ashes in the hole if i was so callous ab it#and no one in the world would have suggested 'oh you should share the last meal your mom made with all of us'#so that idea was pretty intensely sentimental and incredibly socially-minded#i thought i was ticking boxes to make their grief journeys smoother and allow them opportunity for self-expression and catharsis#and i was#but i think i was doing that as my catharsis#which is a much more positive spin on things#than 'i feel bad for having shit emotional affect so i have to make up for it somehow'
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for the ask game!
The Egg did this to you, you know. You hate it more than anything. You want to tear it to shreds, want to watch it bleed and wither and rot into nothingness. You want to dig your way to its core and settle yourself in its warmth, to infect it from the inside out and watch it shrivel and die around you. You want to make it hurt the way that it hurt you.
But you miss it, too. You hate it more than anything and you miss it, even though you know you shouldn't, even though it makes you feel sick, disgusting, ashamed. What kind of person loves the thing that killed them? What kind of person loves the thing that hurt so many people?
The Egg loved you at the same time that it made you unworthy of love. It gave you a purpose, a home, at the same time that it made sure you wouldn't belong anywhere other than by its side again.
You want to rip it open and crawl inside of it and never feel cold again. You want to tear it apart with your bare hands. You want to sink your teeth into its flesh and consume it until the hole it left inside of you has been filled. You want to hear it scream. You want to let it rot your heart until there's nothing left of you. You want to eat it alive. You want bloodvines to wrap around your throat and drag you back into the earth. Do you want to kill it, or do you want it to kill you? The line blurs, and blurs, and blurs.
Not that it matters. It's already dead, and you think you are too.
ANONNNNNNNNNN god this scene was so. it was so. it was very Interesting to write this is one of the ones where half the time i look back and im like "god i love that for me" and half the time i look back and im like "what the Fuck"
okay, so, heres the thing. i see a LOT of symbolism and potential with the egg, shit like addiction and dependency and especially abuse. and that aspect is what i was really trying to highlight here. i wanted to express how difficult the aftermath of a heavily dependent, abusive relationship is- feeling like it shaped you yet wanting nothing to do with it, wondering if you know how to exist without it, feeling like you owe it everything and like it killed you all at once.
and those feelings get intense. whether one way or another they can get VERY extreme, which is a lot of what that first (and second to last) paragraph is, trying to highlight how vicious those thoughts are. "You want to dig your way to its core and settle yourself in its warmth, to infect it from the inside out and watch it shrivel and die around you." is pretty much exactly what the next sentence says it is- its how i picture what the eggpire feels the egg did to it, seeping into their very being and rotting them from the inside out.
but yeah this entire excerpt altogether was done to highlight the conflicting love and hate that comes during/after abusive relationships like that.
#mmmmmm putting this in the tags bc i am a COWARD!!!!!!#but most of this scene i was thinking about my own experience with relationships like that#i actually ended up telling my therapist about this fic and talking to her a lot about it#because writing it brought a certain level of emotional catharsis#ive almost ENTIRELY processed all of my own shit in terms of everything that happened and im largely passed it#past it* oops#but i see a lot of what happened with me personally in what happened with the egg and the eggpire#so writing this was like. a way to express that?#with obviously the first chapter focusing a lot on those darker thoughts and the isolation and the spiral#and the second focusing SO heavily on the healing because thats the aspect thats the most important to me#the second chapter was NOT based on my own experience emotionally but it was so fucking enjoyable to just. idk.#write people who'd gone through the same shit experiencing different consequences and struggling with different aspects#all coming together to help each other and themselves in the aftermath#the ONLY thing i know about the second chapter is that someone liked my skeppy headcanon i have no idea if it was good or not#idk how my characterization was if it was alright or garbage or swapped between the two#and that makes me really nervous but at the same time#it was so enjoyable to write that healing process that even when i DO get nervous about it i cant entirely bring myself to care#i sort of automatically seek external validation but at the end of the day i wrote this fic entirely for myself#and ill always be really happy with that fact#I GOT SO OFF TOPIC but yeah so a lot of those extreme thoughts were like#me drawing from my own experience and my own more extreme and vicious thoughts. and my own extreme and more vicious love#things that are very thankfully years past me now but that i still remember pretty clearly
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Oh my fucking gooooooooood why did it take me this long to realise he is autistic he fucking has autism yes this is about Andrew Treneman
#I’m so about to kickstart a short career of writing shit fanfiction in my notes app and then never letting it leave there because shit#There is no fucking good Waterloo Road fanfiction and I need to do my whole autism catharsis thing#Tbh might make Chris mead transgender the only thing so far I’ve found in canon that effects that is his stance on the single gender#Classrooms like I feel like any regular trans person would think that is wack#Whatever I’m gonna make treneman stim if it kills me
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#crush blogging#5 months and 2 days in#i think he would make a good dad#i want to marry him... how embarrassing#nsfw-ish warning begins now ⚠️#i have this fantasy of letting him just take over and do whatever he wants with me#cause hes got strong arms and i like when i dont have to think and i like to let him manuever me around something something the catharsis#of relinquishing control#however#that sort of actually happened#and it sort of made me feel like shit#its not like he didn't ask permission. he did#and i thought it was ok#bit then he waa touching my chest and i thought oh. oh i dont want this to be happening.#and i didn't do anything about it#i let him keep touching me and i let him pull my shirt off and i wish i had been more respectful of myself#it was all ok i ended up really enjoying myself a lot#but for that one minute#y'know.#nsfw-ish warning ends now ⚠️#fire boy#from the couch#Spotify
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To all the group chats who are bored and need a hobby badly: goooo fuck yourselves!!!
#if me being cringe online is enough for you to talk about me then ur just bored. plain n simple.#if i was doing something wrong. well. you know how i feel right? call me out on it directly and ill try to understand why and stop.#damn its so easy to not just be a shifty sneaky pos. amazin.#yall DESPERATELY need to address and inquire about your need to shit talk someone whos just being cringe.#even if you found some dumb reason to justify it. say. being problematic in their youth inspite of it being 11 years later#and they dont do that shit anymore.#like. DESPERATELY need a hobby and need to find out WHY you thrive so hard on talking shit#anyways yall are enegy vampires to me so#ig ive stuck around so long bc i was goping youd notice when youve over indulged on blood but yknow.#thats a looot to ask for i guess.#if any of yall have to come to my blog every week to shit talk me out of catharsis. ya DEEPLY. need to evaluate that lol.#like thats 100% behavior of someone who feels inadequete so they shit on others to feel better.#i can smell a bitch like this from a mile away and all it has to do is w how much you shit talk vs actually talk about serious shit#that actually hurts people. and yall think you can hide behind a group chat but. just know that i know. kay?#:)#and i also dont give a fuck about you or anything that happens to you :) byeeee <3#grew up with ppl like all around me since i was birn so at this point i gotta sixth sense fer it.#its... sumn about the way ayll talk. carry yourselves. have this superiority complex over certain people. i can just *feel* it radiating#off of you. more to it than that but since im bad at communicating my thoughts (bc i have expressive language disorder asshole) which#i know mames me just oh so cringe and just simply Not Good Enough#oh and uh. the way yall are indifferent to me... avoid me... talk to me w unclear intentions. ya know. just shit like that.#people like that* since i was born*. i hate my huge phone.
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Radioapple Fic Recs
Finally got around to organizing a rec list. Going to pin this, since I see people ask for recs a lot. I expect I'll be updating this periodically, too, as I've only just started adding things to it.
These are my personal favorites. For context, I'm an almost 40 year old aroace person whose favorite fics tend to be those who take you apart and then put you back together, haha. Putting them under a read more because I expect this to get long.
The Ruination of Lucifer by @syaunei. (Explicit)
Remember what I said about taking apart and being put back together? Nothing has come close to toppling this fic for me when it comes to emotional catharsis. One of the things I love most about it is how directly it deals with Lucifer's severe depression and the consequences of it, as well as the many, many centuries of him having to deal with just being Who He Is, Where He Is. He's terribly wounded and suffering, but he's also indisputably the King of Hell, with all the power and all the knowledge and all the experience that comes with it.
This fic also stands out for being from Alastor's POV, which I love, because as much as this fic is called The Ruination of Lucifer, the subtitle could be "How Alastor Fucked Around and Found Out". Both of them are getting broken down here, and both of them are -- hopefully -- learning how to grow and move forward. It also takes into account Alastor's asexuality and his unconventional approach towards sex, and what it can (or can't) do for him.
Mind the warnings, though, because shit does get heavy in here for a while. And enjoy the gorgeous illustrations by @betti2024.
2. Lucifer and his Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Relationship by @keelywolfe (ratings vary by part)
This series has me in a chokehold. It's considerably softer than many Radioapple fics, but it really draws you in and makes you so invested in these two idiots and how much they care about each other but also how bad they are at understanding how much they care about each other. It's Lucifer's POV, which causes Suffering not only because he's an incredibly unreliable narrator, but because there's Something Going On with Alastor that we know nothing about except that it's Bad. And we (and Lucifer) are dyiiiing to know what it is, haha.
There is a lot of sex in this series, but there's something about it that's very compelling to me, especially from Alastor's side. The way he is written in these encounters is just so... tender. It's obvious that (most of the time) he's not getting anything really in terms of sexual gratification, but he's getting a great deal in terms of gratification of a different sort, and the fact that it's so clear that he derives as much -- or perhaps more -- pleasure from that as Lucifer does from the sex itself is so delicious.
But my favorite aspect of the whole thing is that no matter what conflicts are going on -- whether outside of themselves, or of their own making -- Lucifer has become Alastor's safe harbor. And that kills me.
3. Bedtime Rituals to Try Out Before the Next Angelic War by @miribalis (teen and up)
Did I mention I like soft? Because I do. And there's something so lovely about the slow, careful way their relationship progresses here, especially on Alastor's side. My issue with this fic is that it ended, haha! I was so looking forward to seeing where it went, because I got addicted to the particular tender rapport that the two of them built. But being left wanting more is hardly a knock on the fic itself, and it's absolutely a treat to get to read.
4. devils don't fly (don't expect me not to fall) by @corgiss (mature)
I think it's becoming apparent that I really enjoy fics that begin with the two of them butting heads, and sometimes stumbling into a huge blunder, only for them to slowly grow together into something much softer than either of them likely intended. This is one such fic. It also involves some fun stuff with the rest of the cast, and a masquerade. Gotta love that.
5. All changed, changed utterly by @tollingreminiscentbells (explicit)
This series is very different from the rest. It's a canon AU where Lucifer and Alastor first met when Alastor was still alive, and then proceeds to go into canon events from there, with Lucifer being the one holding Alastor's leash. There's a lot to chew on, and the author has chosen to go a very different route regarding biblical mythology than the show does. Definitely something I recommend if you want a deep dive into a really meaty series, that delves into both the dynamics of Heaven vs. Hell as well as the worth of free will, as embodied by Alastor (for better or worse).
It also includes one of my new favorite recurring things, which is Alastor's 'delusional not-sex'. (It's sex.)
6. Of Saints and Sinners by @morningstarwrites (teen and up)
This fic is probably the most lighthearted of the radioapple fics I read, haha. It's a fun romp and has definitely made me laugh out loud on more than one occasion. So if you're looking for something that preserves that antagonism-to-grudging-friendship-to-oh-no-we've-caught-feelings kind of story, but with more comedy and less angst, this is the fic for you! (I mean, I have no idea if angst is going to happen in the future, but so far.)
7. hit me where it hurts (the bruising will be worth it) by RestlessWanderings (mature)
This one can only be called radioapple if you squint, but I'm including it because a) it's by far my favorite take on the hotel battle scene, b) I love when Lucifer gets fucked up and people get scared for him and c) it's technically part of a radioapple series. I don't know if that series is still going to happen, but I do enjoy this plenty on its own!
Hold here for more! There are a bunch of fics I’m following but am unsure if they’ll ever be finished — which is fine, writers don’t owe us anything! But it will definitely determine how high up they are on my favorites, haha. And of course people are posting new ones all the time.
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Bakugou sits at your feet on the couch you're stretched out on. He's careful to make sure your feet are still tucked safely under the festive blanket as holiday winds down. He scrolls his phone idly with his left hand, his dominant one on your feet, petting lightly over the blanket.
He glances at you, knows you haven't moved a muscle since you opened the book, only your facial expressions change. Which is normal, you're his expressive girl who sometimes gets herself in trouble when she can't "fix her face."
Now you make a disgusted almost horrified look, maybe even disbelief as you turn the page. You look uncomfortable, shifting your weight although you didn't need to type of mental discomfort.
"What's wrong?" He glances down at the book title then your face again, it was one of the books you wanted to read, one you asked for, "Ya don't like yer book?"
"What?" As if it takes you a moment to register what he's said, to come back to Earth from wherever that pretty mind wandered off to. You follow his eyes down to the cover again and then you let out a small oh. Smile forming on your face again.
"No I love it!" Your eyes flint back to the page, stealing a few words off the page before going back to Katsuki.
"Ya look uncomfortable, usually ya make that face when ya hate a book someone picks out for ya." His phone is face down on the arm rest now, full attention on you as his warm hands rub your legs.
"I am. It's horrifying."
"And that's good?" Gruff tone softening at the end, higher as his confusion plasters his brows in a furrow. You were reading a fucking biography and he's seen you devour horror stories at three am with little light with no change in expression.
"Yes. Very good." You're stealing more words again, he chuckles lightly, the book must be good when he can't compete.
Especially when his thumbs squeeze tightly at your inner thighs and your eyes barely glance his way.
"Ain't it about some actress' life or some shit."
"Yea." Barely an acknowledgment.
"And it's horrifyin? How?"
A long stretch of silence before he's squeezing tightly, pouting and snarling all in one because you've ignored him.
"Ah Suki!" You hiss, he reaches up to shut the book on your thumb so he knows he's got your attention. The book is half gone, you just unwrapped it yesterday.
"How's it fuckin scary!"
"Because this is real. Some bat shit woman raising this poor girl. I can't even imagine the turmoil she was going through to appease her unstable mom at all times and idolizing her at the same time." The two of you share a look for a moment. Slowly Katsuki eases up, leans away and settles back into a comfortable position. Hand on your foot squeezing lovingly as you open your book again.
He can't focus on his phone in his hand, can't see the small appreciation posts to significant others or gift hauls or anything.
He just thinks about that book in your hands and what that little girl who turned into a woman who felt so heavily conflicted until the end of her mother's life that she had to write a book mainly based on that for catharsis.
His mom was tough on him, sure anyone could say that but he never once thought he'd feel relieved if she died. In fact the thought made his heart squeeze too tightly in his broad chest.
"You'll tell me all about it when yer done." He grunts, looking towards you, locking your eyes and like you always do you read him as easily as you've read any of your books.
"I wouldn't dream to leave out a single detail."
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