So with Ryan referring to chris as his soul, and also having said that Eddie is going to be isolated in season 8, I’m kinda wondering if that’s gonna be because if Chris leaves, he’s essentially walking around soulless. His reason for existing gone, as he drowns in his own self failings etc. which then also just confuses me so much in where we are going with Eddie. Like I know where I and others would like him to go, I just don’t… see a clear picture on how it would go that way because that’s not stuff I can see him focusing on in the light of losing his son?
Hi Nonny!
Well, if he would be losing his son for good, I would agree with you. I would never ever focus on anything beyond the fact that I need to get my kid back. And neither would Eddie.
But I really do think it'll be a decision made by Eddie himself. I think Eddie will ask his parents to take Chris for a while. Or maybe Chris will call his grandparents and they'll come visit, concerned about their son and grandson. While talking to them Eddie might realise that the best course of action is to send Chris away to Texas for Summer.
The thing is, when you have a child in your life, you never ever have me-time. It just doesn't happen. Eddie desperately needs time by himself. He needs to figure out who he is, because he never got a chance to do that, marrying so young. He needs to think about where his life is going to go post-Shannon catharsis. What does he want in life? How does he get past all the shit he went through and stay sane? Does he ever want a new relationship?... So many questions and no answers. We know that Eddie will feel isolated and I think this will have to do with him self-isolating, trying to figure out what he wants from life.
And you know who will be there with him, helping him out where he needs it? That's right: Buck. Eddie won't realise in the beginning how much Buck will do for him, but as he improves and starts feeling like himself again, he might just start noticing Buck more. Who knows? He might even come to some eye-opening realisations about Buck and his place in Eddie's life.
I fully believe that eventually Chris will come back and they'll be able to get past all the shit that happened in 7x09.
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for the ask game!
The Egg did this to you, you know. You hate it more than anything. You want to tear it to shreds, want to watch it bleed and wither and rot into nothingness. You want to dig your way to its core and settle yourself in its warmth, to infect it from the inside out and watch it shrivel and die around you. You want to make it hurt the way that it hurt you.
But you miss it, too. You hate it more than anything and you miss it, even though you know you shouldn't, even though it makes you feel sick, disgusting, ashamed. What kind of person loves the thing that killed them? What kind of person loves the thing that hurt so many people?
The Egg loved you at the same time that it made you unworthy of love. It gave you a purpose, a home, at the same time that it made sure you wouldn't belong anywhere other than by its side again.
You want to rip it open and crawl inside of it and never feel cold again. You want to tear it apart with your bare hands. You want to sink your teeth into its flesh and consume it until the hole it left inside of you has been filled. You want to hear it scream. You want to let it rot your heart until there's nothing left of you. You want to eat it alive. You want bloodvines to wrap around your throat and drag you back into the earth. Do you want to kill it, or do you want it to kill you? The line blurs, and blurs, and blurs.
Not that it matters. It's already dead, and you think you are too.
ANONNNNNNNNNN god this scene was so. it was so. it was very Interesting to write this is one of the ones where half the time i look back and im like "god i love that for me" and half the time i look back and im like "what the Fuck"
okay, so, heres the thing. i see a LOT of symbolism and potential with the egg, shit like addiction and dependency and especially abuse. and that aspect is what i was really trying to highlight here. i wanted to express how difficult the aftermath of a heavily dependent, abusive relationship is- feeling like it shaped you yet wanting nothing to do with it, wondering if you know how to exist without it, feeling like you owe it everything and like it killed you all at once.
and those feelings get intense. whether one way or another they can get VERY extreme, which is a lot of what that first (and second to last) paragraph is, trying to highlight how vicious those thoughts are. "You want to dig your way to its core and settle yourself in its warmth, to infect it from the inside out and watch it shrivel and die around you." is pretty much exactly what the next sentence says it is- its how i picture what the eggpire feels the egg did to it, seeping into their very being and rotting them from the inside out.
but yeah this entire excerpt altogether was done to highlight the conflicting love and hate that comes during/after abusive relationships like that.
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Radioapple Fic Recs
Finally got around to organizing a rec list. Going to pin this, since I see people ask for recs a lot. I expect I'll be updating this periodically, too, as I've only just started adding things to it.
These are my personal favorites. For context, I'm an almost 40 year old aroace person whose favorite fics tend to be those who take you apart and then put you back together, haha. Putting them under a read more because I expect this to get long.
The Ruination of Lucifer by @syaunei. (Explicit)
Remember what I said about taking apart and being put back together? Nothing has come close to toppling this fic for me when it comes to emotional catharsis. One of the things I love most about it is how directly it deals with Lucifer's severe depression and the consequences of it, as well as the many, many centuries of him having to deal with just being Who He Is, Where He Is. He's terribly wounded and suffering, but he's also indisputably the King of Hell, with all the power and all the knowledge and all the experience that comes with it.
This fic also stands out for being from Alastor's POV, which I love, because as much as this fic is called The Ruination of Lucifer, the subtitle could be "How Alastor Fucked Around and Found Out". Both of them are getting broken down here, and both of them are -- hopefully -- learning how to grow and move forward. It also takes into account Alastor's asexuality and his unconventional approach towards sex, and what it can (or can't) do for him.
Mind the warnings, though, because shit does get heavy in here for a while. And enjoy the gorgeous illustrations by @betti2024.
2. Lucifer and his Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Relationship by @keelywolfe (ratings vary by part)
This series has me in a chokehold. It's considerably softer than many Radioapple fics, but it really draws you in and makes you so invested in these two idiots and how much they care about each other but also how bad they are at understanding how much they care about each other. It's Lucifer's POV, which causes Suffering not only because he's an incredibly unreliable narrator, but because there's Something Going On with Alastor that we know nothing about except that it's Bad. And we (and Lucifer) are dyiiiing to know what it is, haha.
There is a lot of sex in this series, but there's something about it that's very compelling to me, especially from Alastor's side. The way he is written in these encounters is just so... tender. It's obvious that (most of the time) he's not getting anything really in terms of sexual gratification, but he's getting a great deal in terms of gratification of a different sort, and the fact that it's so clear that he derives as much -- or perhaps more -- pleasure from that as Lucifer does from the sex itself is so delicious.
But my favorite aspect of the whole thing is that no matter what conflicts are going on -- whether outside of themselves, or of their own making -- Lucifer has become Alastor's safe harbor. And that kills me.
3. Bedtime Rituals to Try Out Before the Next Angelic War by @miribalis (teen and up)
Did I mention I like soft? Because I do. And there's something so lovely about the slow, careful way their relationship progresses here, especially on Alastor's side. My issue with this fic is that it ended, haha! I was so looking forward to seeing where it went, because I got addicted to the particular tender rapport that the two of them built. But being left wanting more is hardly a knock on the fic itself, and it's absolutely a treat to get to read.
4. devils don't fly (don't expect me not to fall) by @corgiss (mature)
I think it's becoming apparent that I really enjoy fics that begin with the two of them butting heads, and sometimes stumbling into a huge blunder, only for them to slowly grow together into something much softer than either of them likely intended. This is one such fic. It also involves some fun stuff with the rest of the cast, and a masquerade. Gotta love that.
5. All changed, changed utterly by @tollingreminiscentbells (explicit)
This series is very different from the rest. It's a canon AU where Lucifer and Alastor first met when Alastor was still alive, and then proceeds to go into canon events from there, with Lucifer being the one holding Alastor's leash. There's a lot to chew on, and the author has chosen to go a very different route regarding biblical mythology than the show does. Definitely something I recommend if you want a deep dive into a really meaty series, that delves into both the dynamics of Heaven vs. Hell as well as the worth of free will, as embodied by Alastor (for better or worse).
It also includes one of my new favorite recurring things, which is Alastor's 'delusional not-sex'. (It's sex.)
6. Of Saints and Sinners by @morningstarwrites (teen and up)
This fic is probably the most lighthearted of the radioapple fics I read, haha. It's a fun romp and has definitely made me laugh out loud on more than one occasion. So if you're looking for something that preserves that antagonism-to-grudging-friendship-to-oh-no-we've-caught-feelings kind of story, but with more comedy and less angst, this is the fic for you! (I mean, I have no idea if angst is going to happen in the future, but so far.)
7. hit me where it hurts (the bruising will be worth it) by RestlessWanderings (mature)
This one can only be called radioapple if you squint, but I'm including it because a) it's by far my favorite take on the hotel battle scene, b) I love when Lucifer gets fucked up and people get scared for him and c) it's technically part of a radioapple series. I don't know if that series is still going to happen, but I do enjoy this plenty on its own!
Hold here for more! There are a bunch of fics I’m following but am unsure if they’ll ever be finished — which is fine, writers don’t owe us anything! But it will definitely determine how high up they are on my favorites, haha. And of course people are posting new ones all the time.
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Bakugou sits at your feet on the couch you're stretched out on. He's careful to make sure your feet are still tucked safely under the festive blanket as holiday winds down. He scrolls his phone idly with his left hand, his dominant one on your feet, petting lightly over the blanket.
He glances at you, knows you haven't moved a muscle since you opened the book, only your facial expressions change. Which is normal, you're his expressive girl who sometimes gets herself in trouble when she can't "fix her face."
Now you make a disgusted almost horrified look, maybe even disbelief as you turn the page. You look uncomfortable, shifting your weight although you didn't need to type of mental discomfort.
"What's wrong?" He glances down at the book title then your face again, it was one of the books you wanted to read, one you asked for, "Ya don't like yer book?"
"What?" As if it takes you a moment to register what he's said, to come back to Earth from wherever that pretty mind wandered off to. You follow his eyes down to the cover again and then you let out a small oh. Smile forming on your face again.
"No I love it!" Your eyes flint back to the page, stealing a few words off the page before going back to Katsuki.
"Ya look uncomfortable, usually ya make that face when ya hate a book someone picks out for ya." His phone is face down on the arm rest now, full attention on you as his warm hands rub your legs.
"I am. It's horrifying."
"And that's good?" Gruff tone softening at the end, higher as his confusion plasters his brows in a furrow. You were reading a fucking biography and he's seen you devour horror stories at three am with little light with no change in expression.
"Yes. Very good." You're stealing more words again, he chuckles lightly, the book must be good when he can't compete.
Especially when his thumbs squeeze tightly at your inner thighs and your eyes barely glance his way.
"Ain't it about some actress' life or some shit."
"Yea." Barely an acknowledgment.
"And it's horrifyin? How?"
A long stretch of silence before he's squeezing tightly, pouting and snarling all in one because you've ignored him.
"Ah Suki!" You hiss, he reaches up to shut the book on your thumb so he knows he's got your attention. The book is half gone, you just unwrapped it yesterday.
"How's it fuckin scary!"
"Because this is real. Some bat shit woman raising this poor girl. I can't even imagine the turmoil she was going through to appease her unstable mom at all times and idolizing her at the same time." The two of you share a look for a moment. Slowly Katsuki eases up, leans away and settles back into a comfortable position. Hand on your foot squeezing lovingly as you open your book again.
He can't focus on his phone in his hand, can't see the small appreciation posts to significant others or gift hauls or anything.
He just thinks about that book in your hands and what that little girl who turned into a woman who felt so heavily conflicted until the end of her mother's life that she had to write a book mainly based on that for catharsis.
His mom was tough on him, sure anyone could say that but he never once thought he'd feel relieved if she died. In fact the thought made his heart squeeze too tightly in his broad chest.
"You'll tell me all about it when yer done." He grunts, looking towards you, locking your eyes and like you always do you read him as easily as you've read any of your books.
"I wouldn't dream to leave out a single detail."
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