#but i know i've gotten through it before
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No one ever said that it was gonna be easy
#the first oc story i ever wrote when i was like 13 had this as title lmao#but it is true#sometimes recovery is harder than staying stuck#in the end it will probably be worth it though#it will#i mean i'm struggling a lot again#with things i thought i was past#things i do not really talk about#but i know i've gotten through it before#and it wasn't easy then and it won't be ease noy#now*#but as long as we get out on the other side feeling a little lighter it is all fine
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I was doing my own thing in ToonTown just running around and doing tasks until I stumbled upon this cog building, which seemed to be leading to the void
I thought at first the door was just missing its textures, but I could get my camera to peek through it so its physical...lity wasn't there
I assumed it would've worked as a normal cog building door at least, but it seems like it decided to just stop existing on this building entirely. So I went through and beyond
Is this what it truly means to be a cog
#toontown#toontown cc#toontown corporate clash#ttcc#toonblr#I've only went out in the void by accident before when trying to TP to someone who I'm grouped with to fight Buck but haven't gotten into-#a battle with him yet#At least that void was greener through#I didn't know I was playing Super Paper Mario
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day 26
someday if i can figure out how the hell people get these things made i would like to do some little destiny & malice acrylic charms. i think those are so fun. and while i mostly want them for Myself i figure that if i DID figure out the process, i should maybe open up the option to anyone else that might want them, soooo...
informal poll: if i figure out how all that works, would any of y'all be into that, and approximately how many of you?
#day 26#year 5#my ocs#destiny chainsaw#malice winterfang#i know i've said i don't really like the idea of commissions and this isnt like a PROMISE or anything#i still have a lot of research to do before i commit to a shop of any kind#BUT. i think like a redbubble or something in that vein might be a manageable project#i mention stickers specifically because that seems like a very manageable thing to produce and ship even if i didnt go through like#a service to do so#particularly because i dont think id get a TON of orders for my niche OCs lol#but if i got some practice with something small like this it MIIIIGHT help me build up to making things for a larger market like...#say... well you know what i'm about over here lmao#we've basically all but gotten the official blessings of the powers that be to make homestuck merch without fear of reprisal at this point#ANYWAY that would be a ways off and be a much MUCH bigger project both artistically and in terms of like#me learning how Online Commerce works from the seller end.#BUT I HAVE BEEN CONSIDERING IT. and it seems to me that it would at least be relatively simple to sell like. prints of old art maybe#i dunno! like i said i'll see how the poll shakes out while i do a bit more research
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I get so happy whenever I see your reblogs about Sun and Moon. You are so unapologetically enthusiastic and loving towards them and it makes me smile so much. Like!! Look at these two! They are so silly and goofy and endearing and they make me wanna grab their dumb faceplates and smooch them till they can't function anymore only to do it all over again!! Get loved idiots.
Sidetracking a bit oops but yeah, all your tags where you gush about them fill me with so much joy, as someone who tends to be less straight forward in tags/more shy I guess? I honestly get all giggly and smiley because you convey so well what it feels like to get them both on my dash. Hope this didn't come off as creepy, it's absolutely not my intention, just wanted to show appreciation for a small thing that it's very dear to me. Keep being you and have a wonderful day/night!! <3
AWWW ANON!!!! don't worry this wasn't creepy at all and actually means so much for me to read <333 I'm really happy that my unabashed joy for the dca spreads to other people (and also really happy that people read the silly tags that I put in my reblogs)
I've said this once and I'll say it again!!!! The dca fandom genuinely freed me and if there's one thing I want to do in this fandom, it's to encourage people to be so unashamed with the things they like!
#before sun and moon i remember i was begging a fandom to make me feel anything#and then these guys came along and they made me feel EVERYTHING#i also want to say that I've gotten this compliment a lot! so idk of youre ever worried about being too much#just know that people LIKE seeing someone be passionate about something#they like to see your joy and they can feel it through the screen#anyway thank you anon for stopping my and leaving such a sweet ask. im genuinely gonna treasure it#ask
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April 28, 2023
Despite everything, it's still you.
#me#ive cut back on lifting a lot due to injuries and struggles with my joints and instead picked up lane swimming in march#i had never used a public pool in my life and never swam with intent before#it was new and kind of terrifying but i needed to move my body again in a way that didnt cause pain#the first few times were pretty rough- i couldnt swim well or hold my breath and struggled with the repetitive motion and breathing#one day beams of sunlight shone through the airy space and large windows and cast shining watery reflections on the pool's bottom#i had been learning water caustics for 3d art and i loved to watch them#its gotten a lot easier now and i can let my mind wander and enjoy the sensations instead of worrying about drowning#the cool water on my skin#the muffled amniotic sounds of bubbling fluids#the mosaic tiles and patterns#the sunlight and caustics#every time i go its a social stress test- but I've gotten better at handling it and it helps me connect with other people in a tiny way#i dont know what the future of my body's training will look like as i plow into middle age#but im proud of myself for doing something totally new and finding joy in it
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Maladaptive daydreaming.
#daydreaming#maladaptive daydreaming#maladapting daydreaming disorder#maladaptive behaviors#maladaptive coping#dissociation#immersive daydreaming#dimond speaks#yeah so adding this to my list here lol#my therapist helped me realize i dissociate a LOT and the primary way i do it is through vivid daydreams#they usually happen at work but they also pop up if i'm having a bad day or... anytime really.#i've also come to the realization that i have at least one of these a day which is not good fgsjh#my therapist says they're not inherently bad especially since they do have a positive effect on my emotions (if its a good daydream)#but it's gotten to the point that it's affecting the way i work#and they can last for a LONG time too#i haven't timed them but i do know they've been over 30 minutes at work before#this is either due to ADHD autism PTSD or a mixture of the three lmao#weeeee#anyway. this post isn't really intended to be a vent post#it's more like a 'this is my experience' type post#it just kinda comes across as somewhat vent-y#but that was because i wanted to try and immerse the reader into what its like to have these daydreams#like mine look NOTHING like this but making it more generic would help others understand it#the void is the general dissociation from reality#then you emerge in the dream#i can feel things as if i'm there- the sun the wind and sometimes even physical touch#and i'll stay there until something snaps me out#strangely i can get my work done while i'm doing this- i just wont have any memory of doing so. it's like being on autopilot#anyway. I hope this post was helpful to someone out there#if you also maladaptive daydream YOU ARE NOT ALONE! it's valid and you're not 'faking' anything. it's a genuine trauma response.
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genuinely shaking with adrenaline, just soloed simon manus's 2nd phase fight
#picture this . it is my 3rd attempt going at it and i know i can get it cause i've gotten so close on the first 2 tries#2nd phase kicks off and we're looking okay . got most of my pulse cells to get me through#i see my spectre is at low health so i go to use a wishstone to restore his HP before this fight begins#i realise i forgot to replen on the wishstones between this attempt and the last . mfw 😐#spectre dies right off the bat and i think fuck it this will be a write off fight anyway . i go ham with the puppet ripper weapon#SOMEHOW between getting the guard regain health back most of the time + 1 pulse cell that auto charges + the damage on that weapon. i did i#something something using romeo's weapon to get me through#i exited the game right after taking the lift down but i can see gepetto the shady fuck . what does he want now#lies of p
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media producers/distributors refusing to release physicals sucks but also doing DVD-only releases with no bluray/4K is so bullshit as well like people's TVs keep getting better and better and bigger and you're only selling standard definition because you want people to sign up for your silly streaming services but even that "high definition" can never be truly supported by current internet capabilities like 1080p/4K streams despite their technical resolution still look like shit compared to actual bluray/uhd discs
#very first world problem I know and I've talked about this before but this shit is one of the reasons film making has gotten more expensive#trying to produce a high quality that consumers can't even enjoy/access through the means we are given#cin
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Ashenpaw
He/him, 9 moons, cis tom
#Ashenpaw#vixenclan#apprentice#clangen#kiri's clangen#warrior cats oc#Crowpaw's brother! They're both very lanky#I'm queueing this the same day as teh lest four posts to go up but in reality a draw all of those some weeks ago and kept forgetting to-#-queue them and I only finished drawing Ashenpaw the day I'm queueing this (wednesday)#so it's been a hot minute! but I'd like to draw these more again#maybe not EVERY day but I'd like to get back into a semi-regular flow. I don't think I've even gotten through half of them so god knows I-#-gotta start doing these if I wanna get through them before next year#anyways heres the goofster
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I cannot imagine writing a rude comment to a fanfiction writer, I mean at all obviously, but also to critique the ending of a story that still has 3 whole chapters left.
#i deserve compensation for every asshole who writes a review on chap 25 of TLWA to complain about how the story 'ended'#like you were so busy being a bitch maybe you didn't notice there is actually more to the story!#maybe all the backtracking and loose plot threads you are complaining about will resolve! If you continue!#you have read up to 25 chapters and NOW you're throwing in the towel??#Like I've gotten my fairshare of negative reviews and like in a way I understand#but these reviews irk me the most bc its so goddamn unimaginative and lazy overall#what there's a conflict midway through the story and you just assume thats how it will end?#if you're that upset then leave lord knows Ive noped out of fics halfway through before#but do you have to leave a parting comment to complain about something you never read
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i swear to god if i call my derm tomorrow and they tell me they haven't heard from dupixent and don't know what i'm talking about i'm going to fucking THROTTLE SOMEBODY!!!!
#i have a bitch of a rash in my armpit and it's pissing me off and being a ptsd trigger#i have exactly 3 shots left and i've already been rationing them#we're nearly halfway through the year and i still haven't gotten my new prescription. i was supposed to get it in January btw#the derm doesn't seem to know what's going on at dupixent and dupixent doesn't seem to know what's going on at derm#i've been on this med for nearly a decade and have NEVER had this happen before#DO YOUR FUCKIJNG JOBS FOR GOD'S SAKE. FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK!!!!#this isn't even getting into my other medication that i also haven't gotten yet this year. that i'm also supposed to get in January btw#and i've been out of that forever because they decided to short me on it for no reason and i was like well#i'm about to get a new script for the year so i'll just wait til then. then insurance decided not to cover it for the first time ever 😐#i'm so fucking upset and tired about this can someone please do their fucking job please please please i'm gonna lose my mind#i shouldn't have to call every goddamn week and be like hiii did you guys do your job yet? :)#darryl speaks
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finally tackled the absolute mountain of laundry in various states of cleanliness around my room. now all of it is sorted and put into its respective zones of "away".
#98% of my room being clean with visible floorspace is just finally handling the laundry#i am ashamed and embarrassed that i always have so much dirty laundry#eventually i'll get back to the point i was at when i was the coach of laundry where i'll have like a week's worth of shit to get done#and not a backlog of several months#eventually#and i will be working on not feeling so much shame about the state of my laundry#i don't *like* that i do it but there's nothing inherently immoral about it like the voice of my mother that shouts in my brain thinks#the put away laundry plus the effort i've been making to Make My Bed before sitting in it has helped me feel more settled in the space#so that's good#when i am not as concerned about blocking the various registers in my room i will be in business#(mattress on the floor only fits in one specific corner right by the intake)#(output register is awkwardly directly in the middle of the opposite side of the room which makes arranging the furniture where i'd like it#an interesting endeavor that i'm not super excited in attempting to orchestrate in the future)#i know where i'd *like* things to go#whether or not that'll actually be feasible is another story#also i think i'm going to have to just go through my clothes with the mindset of actually getting rid of things#i threw out a couple pairs of socks because they were worn so thin i'm not sure mending would have fixed the holes#like that that point i'm making a whole new sock and you know what i could do instead? not do that#i also have a lot of Baggage Items i haven't quite gotten around to divesting myself of#(as in the items of clothing have a lot of emotional baggage tied to them that i may or may not be using to negative effect on myself)#lots of old shit lots of things that don't fit lots of things i don't even like actually#but it was free or nearly so and i've just held onto it because free#only a few things are kept because i like wearing them and the texture is nice#so we'll just. go through some stuff and eventually i'll get to the point that even if *all* of my clothes are dirty and on the floor#it doesn't take up my WHOLE goddamn room#that said this has in fact been a problem my whole life and so i don't imagine it's going to be quick or easy to fix lol
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I just wanted you to know you're very wholesome and I admire that, because it's something hard to keep as you grow older. You're like Polites on cotton candy 🍭
Oh, thank you! 🥹 That's incredibly sweet!
I always try my best to look on the bright (yet still understanding) side of things as there always is one! :D There's good in everything! Even in darker aspects of a story/myth!
There's a lot of humanity and kindness in places you wouldn't expect and it honestly feels silly to act like such things aren't possible! :D
#Sorry this is a little late! I've gotten a few asks recently and I'm trying to space them out!!! :D#honestly. I love finding and creating little quirks and characteristics of characters and noticing them irl too#I just don't really see the point in bitterness about stuff. I know I can get fired up and angry myself but to only have bitterness is...#not gonna help in the long run.#There's only so much unwholesomeness in the world before you just get tired you know? :'D#I mean... unlike Epic Polites I DEFINITELY have “mean” moments. I'm not perfect but I always try and see good.#Honestly I relate to Odysseus a lot (technically Penelope too) but with the whole “so much love and hate inside one person”#as I have a lot of love (✿ ♡‿♡) ...but there's a lot of R A G E too (ʘᴗʘ✿)#also trauma O_O I am healing through this idiot.#I mean the reason why I love the Odyssey so much is that to me. It's saying no matter what you've done or what you've been through#you CAN know peace. the “Joy like a sailor” part really cements that to me.#The “sailor” is still covered in brine and he's cold but he can BREATHE again. It's a step in the right direction.#ask#simugeuge#🩵#Mad rambles
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i just passed out from stress
#just rambling ignore me#a bit confused a tad scared but mostly exhausted#the last time i passed out was from period pain years ago#but i've never passed out from stress#so far i have only gotten dizzy and managed to sit down before anything happened#this time i felt cornered overwhelmed was having two separate phone calls and didn't know how to navigate that#i hadn't eaten and the air has been horribly humid for days and my dog having been dead for less than 48 hours probably did the rest#and i have like half a dozen things to reply to of varying importance and i feel so bad for not being able to and it's just piling up#luckily my mother was on the phone with me#my father picked me up and now i am at my parents' where it is awfully dog-less#now i am one of those pitiful creatures who have to go through life without a dog by their side#meins
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*exhibits symptoms of disorders you have been diagnosed with and just so happen to also be depression symptoms, but isnt actually depressed*
People: Hmm I diagnose you with depression
#for reference the symptoms are fatigue/trouble motivating/general anxiety#I have had at least 4 people suggest 'Oh you might be depressed' in reference to my exhibiting symptoms of...what I have#It's very frustrating#Im tired because im chronically ill#I have trouble motivating because thats what ADHD does and being tired does#And my anxiety issues have gotten BETTER#Im am not numb hopeless or sad. I have plenty of interest in the things I like even at my worst.#my appetite is the same as its ever been#I've been through periods of self loathing. Those have passed.#and even when they were present I knew it the thoughts weren't facts bc God isn't a liar#Which that was the closest I've been to being depressed in a long time. But it still isn't depression.#If I were treated for depression rn it would totally ignore all the things ACTUALLY causing my symptoms#Life is awesome. I like doing things & I think I am the bee's knees (lol)#I have been depressed before. This just ain't it chief.#I already know what my issues are#Just cuz I got those don't mean I have to be depressed too#and I feel weird saying it too because I have the oddest feeling that I'm going to be dismissed as stubborn and blindsided#like 'you just refuse to admit it' kinda thing#But I know what it is that I am expiriencing#It's frustrating that an entirely different topic keeps coming up about it#also. the self loathing issues- they popped up when my ANXIETY got worse.#I was otherwise not expiriencing depressive symptoms outside of the things I expirience as a result of other illnesses#that I have been actually diagnosed with#blegh grr growl#Wanna focus on the actual issues not come up with false ones
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me thinking up a character to play in a campaign that I privately expect will die immediately: hm. I think I will just simply build a blatantly self indulgent outlet for character traits I find appealing and aspects of myself that I enjoy and game mechanics I love the most. just the most immediately fun and rewarding OC I can imagine that I'll be really excited to play and develop over time with my friends' characters in a setting I can engage with
that campaign: [dies immediately]
me:
#I've complained about this before but thinkin about it again#[looking at a scratch on my arm I got while scrambling up through a basement window to catch a toad]#'god I love clambering about I wish I was small enough to climb on and around stuff more. ... AH... that's why felix is like that....'#Idri is not NOT a Climb On Stuff guy but her energy is different her flavor is different#I don't know how to explain this but for felix it's the same as it is for me#he's not a self insert but he IS an outlet and a kindred spirit#anyway I know why this happened: it was 2021 and I was Incapable of Thinking and didn't expect the campaign to go anywhere#so I did what felt EASY which was just 'idk a bunch of stuff I like' and oops uh oh now I like him very much!! good job idiot lmao#and it's not like 'game he was created for no longer exists' has stopped me from putting creative time and energy into a beloved OC#but the DIFFERENCE with MILO is that at that time I didn't have anything else going on#I wanna engage with felix but my blorbos whose campaigns are running keep getting actually new experiences for me to think about#and I only have so much attention to split :')#I love him though... wish I could have gotten to know him better.....#about me#my OCs#felix
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