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cherriesformatt · 2 months

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a day || matt sturniolo

matt x fem!reader

summary: what would a typical day as Matt's girlfriend would look like

warnings: pure fluff

word count: 1,6k

a/n: idk let me know how I did English is not my first language but I am working on it

🍒

I was on my way from a long, Friday, morning meeting and all I was thinking about was going back to bed and never leaving it again. My week started with my car breaking down out of nowhere, then I got my period (which is not as bad when you think about it because it would be worse if I didn't get it), and then I had an actual meeting, in an actual office, with actual people (I usually work from home in my pajamas).

I had to drive my boyfriend's car to the meeting downtown. I am glad that I could, but let me tell you one thing, my boyfriend's car is giant and to park this lady downtown I needed to leave 30 minutes early.

chris 🦋:

waiting for u outside thx for picking me up kid ❤️

"oh fuck" I said to myself as I quickly did a U-turn before it was too late. Was it safe? No. Did everyone survive? Yes.

I totally forgot that I was supposed to pick up Chris from his own meeting since Matt couldn't because I had their car. I dialed Chrise's number.

"hi, ur okay?" he asked.

"yes, I just might or might not forgot to pick you up so I'll be there in 15 okay? I'm sorry I had a rough morning..."

"Bro no worries I'll pick up some coffee while I wait and you drive safe okay?" I smiled because wasn't he the best? He doesn't even drink coffee.

"Okay I'll see you there"

I ended the call and typed Chris's location. It wasn't that bad with the traffic so I was there in less than 15 minutes.

I was able to park where he was waiting so he got into the passenger seat and smiled at me while I started driving again. I really want to be home.

"I would say good morning but I'll keep that to myself. Got you an americano and banana bread" He put my coffee in the cup holder and threw his backpack on the back seat.

"Thank you, that's really sweet, I am literally half dead so that will help" I laughed and took a sip of my coffee.

"I still think that my brother is dating a weirdo, how can you even drink it black and unsweetened?" Chris looks at me with a disgusted face.

"You are all literally bunch of weirdos so I just matched the energy you know" I blinked at him and stopped on the red.

"How was your meeting? New fresh love is gonna be fire. I got the drafts in my mail this morning. Did not change a thing. You and the team did great" I said and smiled at him.

I was a graphic designer and helped Chris at the beginning of his brand, but I did not really want to work for him so I just help sometimes if it's needed. I am really happy that he still likes to know what I think about the projects tho. I also used to work for Laura but not anymore. That's basically how we all met. I quit after me and Matt started to be a thing.

"I know right? Well, I knew you will love it. The meeting was great, we should be able to make everything work by the end of the month. And guess what... I actually got samples and I have a pink set for you kid"

"Honestly... made my day, I am going to wear it for everything now" I laughed.

"Just don't post it yet" He said and started to click things on the car's screen.

"Just use my phone for music" I gave him my phone and he typed my code and put our favorite song by lil skies on.

"Still can't believe I memorized Niall Horan's birthday just to get to your phone"

I blinked at him and started rapping with the song. I loved make a toast. Music taste is probably one of the things that made my and Chris's bond strong. Don't get me wrong I love Nick as much as I do Chris, but he just always gets me and we were best friends since day one. The funny thing is that me and Matt did not really liked each other at first.

The ride home made my mood better. We sang and laugh, I wasn't tired of my life that much anymore. I took my shoes off while holding all of my stuff. Matt was on the couch watching something while we made our way up the stairs.

"Hi baby... How was it?" He asked as soon as he saw me.

"Crap, I am going to call Laura to take me back" I laughed and put my stuff on the table and went to wash my hands in the kitchen sink. I then walked up to Matt and just threw myself next to him to cuddle his side.

He kissed my forehead and started to rub my back.

"I am going to take a nice nap, you kids have fun but not too much" Chris waved at us and went back down the stairs to his room.

Matt rolled his eyes and kissed my head again.

"How about we do something nice together? Nick is going to come home with Madi soon, I think, and that means laud. We could go to that beach you like and just get food and watch the sunset later" He asked.

All I was thinking about was his cold hand on my back and how much I just loved that man. He knew exactly what I needed.

"Yes, please. I just need to change. I wore a bra man, can you believe this?" I sit back up.

He laughed at me and shook his head.

"Go then," He said patting my thigh.

I went to put my new fresh love set in Matt's bedroom, used the bathroom and when I was ready we went out.

"Wow, so it's your car now, huh?" Matt started to change the mirrors and seat but he also raised his eyebrows looking at my stuff next to the shift gear.

"Baby it's only essentials to drive, okay?" I smiled and got comfortable in the passenger seat.

We drove to get food and dessert. The weather was perfect to just spend an entire afternoon on the beach. Boys did not have any work plans today so I knew Matt was all mine for the rest of the day.

We sat on the beach, had our food, and just talked or cuddled in comfortable silence. That's what I mostly love about spending time with Matt. We could just sit the whole day without a word and be alright with it, but also we could talk for hours and we would always have something to talk about.

"I love you Matty, thanks for taking me to the beach. This new project sucks but I know it's going to be better after that. I really needed just you today"

I kissed his sweet lips. He tasted like the cherry Pepsi that we just had. He pulled me into his lap and slid his hands under my hoodie while he kissed me back.

I rested my forehead on his as I pulled away and smiled.

"Anything for my girl, I love you kid" He kissed my nose and I just wrapped myself around his body.

"I am not moving, you might as well carry me to your car like this" I said into his neck.

He laughed at that and hugged me back.

"Or we can just stay here" He lay back down on the blanket.

"I promised your brother that we are going to watch Criminal Minds with him tho" I said.

"Sometimes I just wish you and Chris weren't the same person y/n..." He joked and looked at his phone, holding it above my head.

"Let's go back after sunset in that case baby"

We did watch the sunset, my favorite part of the day. We came back home and spent time with his brothers as I had promised Chris.

"Spend the night?" Matt whispered in my ear while the last episode for tonight ended.

I smiled and nodded. I was off tomorrow and did not want him to drive me home that late anyway.

We said goodnight and went to his room.

"I will go take a shower" I said and opened his drawer to take a pair of boxers and a T-shirt.

"Go ahead, I went shopping while you were gone. I did restock your basket under the sink. I hope I did it right" He scratched his neck looking at me.

I had my stuff here, but I usually did the restock. Especially my period stuff under the sink.

"Matt...you did not have to do that, thank you, baby" I said pouting my lips.

"I wanted to, I want you to feel comfortable here. Not only you tho, all our girlfriends that come to our house. It's great that you did the basket and stuff" He smiled and I kissed his cheek.

"You are too sweet Matthew"

I went to the bathroom, when I was done he went to take a shower while I waited in his bed scrolling on TikTok.

When Matt came back from the bathroom I looked at him. He was wearing just his pajama pants.

"Should I just say what all of the girls in my books would say? Matthew, you are such a tease" I wiggled my eyebrows at him.

"Oh my god, would you stop?" He got into bed laughing at what I said.

"You love me for that" I put my phone on the nightstand and rested my head on his chest.

"Goodnight Matt" I closed my eyes.

He turned the lights off and tucked us in with the blanket.

"Goodnight sweet girl" He kissed my head while I was already half asleep after this long day.

The best way to end the day is knowing that I will wake up in his arms the next morning.

#matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo #Spotify

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placeinthemiddleofnowhere · 5 months

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You can totally delete this if it makes you uncomfortable or you just don't want to answer or anything

trigger warning : period (?)

I know you didn't describe Pup's body (and that's so great)

But i was wondering, in a world where they are afab (assigned female at birth), how would they react if they have periods?

Would their old base had shamed Pup of them? Or would Pup have something, like a treatment, to not have them?

How would Pup react if they got their period and it got a stain on their bed sheets or uniform?

(Not me again projecting myself because I have my period at the moment lmao)

✨️ anon

Yes, I like to keep most stuff for Pup gender free so that people are able to picture them being a guy/gal/non-binary wolf-person if they like! However I will happily write a lil something for if they were AFAB and had periods ☺️

You sighed and thunked your head back into the pillows, cursing softly as you felt a dreaded wetness pooling between your legs and an aching burn work itself through your tummy. Your period had started. With a small whimper you sat up and reached out for the lamp, standing away from the bed and sighing with relief when you realised that by some miracle you hadn't stained the bed yet.

However your pyjamas were another story.

There was nothing else for it, you had to raid your drawers and steal yourself to the bathroom so that you could shed them and get something to quell the bleeding. Luckily the house was quiet and dark, Ghost was asleep. At least that was something - you wouldn't have to face him seeing your dirty clothes and questioning why you were up past lights out.

After getting changed you headed to the kitchen and stuck your pyjamas into the washing machine, not thinking of anything else but hiding all evidence that you'd made a mess. Once all was clean, you breathed a little sigh of relief and sat cross legged in front of the washing machine, watching as the dark compartment filled with sloshing water and began to spin.

You were glad for being able to just deal with it right away, not having to worry about anyone else see you or judge you. The cramping, still blazing on low in your belly, reminded you of the training sessions you’d have at Branhaven, sometimes performing so badly in your dizzied and weakened state that you’d be sent to the kennels as punishment. Sometimes of course they’d catch you out from the blood on your clothes and send you off just for knowing you were on your cycle, ‘predicting’ that you’d just be a nuisance. The rest of the day would be spent clutching yourself like a feeble child, feeling dirty and sweaty the whole time until you were able to leave and change. It worse if you were actively on a mission, any little mistake would be blamed on your ‘condition’, and you’d be constantly threatened with abandonment.

“What’re you doin’ up then, ay?”

You jumped, not expecting Ghost to walk in on your late night contemplating. He shone a torch low at your feet, but from his shadowy position you could see that he was only in his boxers and t-shirt, his unmasked face was squinting out at you in the dark.

“Sorry, Ghost,” you murmured sheepishly. “Didn’t mean to wake you. I had some- I had to wash my pyjamas.”

“Alright…and why’s that?” He asked, rubbing his bleary eyes with the back of his free hand.

“My um- my period came,” you sighed.

Ghost’s head lifted in understanding. He flicked the light on at that wall, causing you both to blink furiously. In the cold harsh light, you found your cheeks warming, now embarrassed that he was having to deal with you. You just hoped he wasn’t going to be annoyed about your upcoming performance the next day…

“You need anything?” He asked, crossing the room to the cupboard he usually kept the first aid kit in. “I got some paracetamol here if you’re feelin’ sore. Can get you a hot water bottle if you’d like?”

You blinked, not quite prepared for his pragmatism until you reminded yourself of exactly who you were dealing with. Of course Ghost would be understanding. It was obvious now, you smiled and nodded and then gratefully took the pills and glass of water he’d prepared for you.

“Go get yourself comfy n’ lie down, Pup. I’ll get your hot water bottle to you once it’s ready.”

You were about to tell him he didn’t need to go to the trouble but he shot you a hard look that wasn’t easy to disagree with. Easier to just go along with it, you decided.

“Thanks, Ghost,” you said softly, smiling when he grunted his acknowledgement.

After you were settled in bed, Ghost soon joined you again and tucked the fluffy hot water bottle under the covers for you. Even after that though, he remained when you expected him to leave. He settled by your side and ran a hand over the top of your head, softly fussing at your ears until you let out a content purr like sound.

“Poor thing,” he cooed, cupping his hand over your cheek. “We’ll need to go easier tomorrow, huh?”

“We don’t have to,” you yawned, blinking back the sleep that darkened the corners of your vision. “I’ll still be putting in the effort for you Ghost.”

“I know you will, Pup,” he chuckled. “I know. We’ll see how you get on. Just do me a favour and get a good nights sleep, darlin’”

You rolled your eyes at him, but nodded. He was too nice sometimes you thought, he’d be such a pushover if you ever tried to take advantage. Not that you wanted to.

“Night Ghost,” you yawned. “Thank you…”

#reign down on me

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leatherbelt1295 · 11 months

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Your Daily Smile #2617

@ehan281

This should have been posted yesterday, but I didn't really get a chance to. I spent the previous 2.5 days with EHAN irl, and man they were just so wonderful... I'm so grateful we got to hang out again and do more than we did last time. Went during this time for a multitude of reasons since things lined up perfectly, but most importantly it was like a birthday present to him (5/29) and myself (6/3). We haven't seen each other since October 2017, so naturally I really missed him so much. ;w; That's way too long!!

We got to eat yummy food each day, got to meet his adorable doggy Sparky, met his folks, go through a mirror maze, played a laser busting game?, watch him do little runs of SpongeBob Battle for Bikini Bottom, watch the new Spidey on opening night with his brother, and went to a convention together and even cosplayed which was super fun! I went as Peppino Spaghetti from Pizza Tower (so if by chance you were there on Friday and saw Peppino, it might've been me!) and he was an excellent Cameron from Ferris Bueller Day Off. It was cool how often we were recognized, heheh. Really nice to see people's faces light up like that. Of course, we saw a lot of great cosplays too! Here's a few I saw myself that I got pics of, really nice stuff!

We got to play my favorite beat-em-up The Simpsons by Konami, and I'm glad EHAN and his brother really enjoyed it too! Really cool stuff all around, found plenty of gifts for my folks at home but also a couple things for me. Oh and Petra stuff and even comm'd a Petra for EHAN. :]

I haven't been to a con in 7 years, so being back at such a fun one was something I absolutely needed and appreciate immensely. Good times all around! I'm happy he and his brother enjoyed themselves too.

Here's my loot, though only the Jolteon and black shirt are for me.

We headed to Red Robin later on, and that was nice too! At least for me and his brother. :)

I went with the intention of recreating a certain Bocchi the Rock comic to EHAN. :))

And it worked. :)))

And the waitress didn't believe him when he said it was my birthday too. :))))

Ended the night with some 3 player Mario Party 2 on Pirate Land. We lost to the CPU DK because of usually MP shenanigans lol. Still fun!

And followed that up with me and EHAN rewatching Space Patrol Luluco as we do every June 5th, but a little early this time so it could be irl. A wonderful time as it is every year, but made more special being together and having fun irl! I'll be taking about that more on tomorrow's YDS though. :)

Wrapped up the visit with another good breakfast and visiting a lovely park, I really enjoyed that too.

Again, overall, I totally needed this trip and I'm eternally grateful for being able to do so. I really miss him though. ;w;

And I suppose I should mention a bit how my birthday was yesterday aside about half the day being with EHAN. I received gift art from friends through the day, including right at midnight and even today... Y'all really didn't have to... ;; But thank you so much... And to those who I know may read this and wanted to draw me something or whatever the case may be, but couldn't for any reason, just know it's more than okay and the fact that you even thought of me in the first place means a lot to me already. Wishing me hbd means a lot too... 🥺 So thank you guys too!

Even had a big surprise on the flight back home before departure. Someone close to me with connections actually informed the crew on board that it was my birthday, and if they could deliver a message to me for them, which they absolutely did... Even gave me free snacks and water, and invited me to sit in the pilot's seat which was !!!!!?? It was so cool what the heck... I'm grateful for that... 😭

Nice time spent at home with family, always nice to see them. It ain't a birthday without being with em, I'd say. Nice lil gifts too, they shouldn't have... ;; I do wanna show this Hank Hill in particular, gave me a good laugh and I love it, heheh. The Bocchi doodle too!

But yeah, I just wanted to dedicate this YDS to thanking @ehan281 and his brother for a wonderful time and express my gratitude of a happy birthday too. Hoping the next time we meet won't be so long! ^^

#EHAN #toskihero #your daily smile

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picavecalyx · 9 months

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Rex’s Gardening Service here.

Loamy Soil:

You have such a bright future ahead of you. There is so much talent, so much passion, and so much care up in that noggin of yours. And here you are, sharing it with all of us to see, LITERALLY FOR FREE, that sounds like a crime. You’re such a sweet person, you’re a little beam of sunshine, a lil rainbow, I appreciate you, you’re neat. And it’s VERY noticeable when you aren’t on the dash— but I know that when you aren’t here, it’s because you’re taking care of yourself, as you SHOULD, because damn, you work hard. You work H A R D! Can’t wait for you to get your first job in an animation studio, so that I can be like /POINT “IT’S MY FRIEND, TUMBLR USER NAMI!”

Sun Light:

You write literally everybody. If you told me that you wrote literally any character, I’d nod and go “yeah, sounds about right, she probably goes a great job.” I don’t know how you do it, but you do it in such a way that none of your characters feel stale, or like they overlap into one another. That’s not easy to do! And SILVA! *Silva.* I want her to be happy. And knowing that you have such a love for tragedy scares me so much. (That is a compliment.) I’m so invested in your OC, it’s nuts.

Drizzle from the watering can:

If Silva was in control of your job for a full day, what would she do?

god, so often i feel like i'm not good enough, or maybe am putting too much thought into nothing, or even just screaming to an empty void. as exhausting and stressful as life can be, i'm so happy that i can share what i make with everyone. not only that, but i'm happy i can collaborate and make more things with everyone around me. there was a brief time when i first started really getting into writing and feeling like what i was making was good where something happened and i felt like i couldn't ever collaborate again. paranoia and obstinant fears that in the end i'm glad no longer hold the weight they do now.

sometimes--a lot of times--i do feel bad for not being on here as much as i probably could. i feel bad for not being able to respond to things as fast as others--especially when i used to be someone that always had things under control. though honestly the more time passed the more i've removed myself from the idea that was very prevelent--thinking this was a job. that's something i'm so happy i've been able to remove myself from. this is a hobby, and i'm so glad i can treat it like one and make beautiful wonderful things as a hobby.

honestly something i worry about when i write a million muses, especially when i write them all overlapping and knowing each other is that things will feel too gatekeepy or that it's impossible to put another muse in because something's already "figured out." a lot of times i sorta go by the--if nobody will i'll do it myself. hell look at all the team flare shit i write, the living crystal stuff, terapagos, blah blah blah. i worry that the lore is too thick and that prevents interactions, but honestly i like being flexible about it 😔✊️ plus a lot of the "deep lore" i've got really doesnt matter unless the muses outwardly make it a point to mention it. i'm just glad i can be embraced when scrolling bullshit onto a page.

i love tragedy, i love scaring people, i love making people hurt as much as they feel joy, it's apart of writing. :) glad to scare you [affectionate]

FINALLY.

silva doesn't have the patience to animate drawing, she'd switch my major and do stopmotion and when i'd come back i'd cry because there would be a hot set and i'd feel too guilty to touch anything because silva would somehow have the will to make an entire half stop motion film in an entire day.

#ooc ;; pterodolphin has no devil fruit #BITESBYOUBITESYOUBITESYOUBI #chounaifu

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veronica-the-vampiric · 9 months

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Another rant/vent post, relationship stuff, sorta

Tl:dr at the bottom if you just want the short of it

Okay so like, I'm in another long distance relationship, and it's absolutely wonderful, love him to bits. But the distance is way more of an issue for me cause this touch starved slut got cuddles (plus lil extra) for the first time between last relationship and this one. And now that I know how nice cuddles and stuff are, my mind cannot shut up about wanting it. But, there's a slim chance (if any) that bf and I will be able to see each other for probably a year, maybe two

So now my mind is pretty much breaking down over the knowledge that I'll not feel that loving warmth of another holding me for over a year. And honestly I am just a total mess now

I've talked and talked to him about it, and he is comfortable with me cuddling people, cause "as long as it's not sex it's fine" and while that *is* nice. It doesn't help really at all

Cause limits he set, I am not sure I could find someone to cuddle with, or if I did I'd be more stressed then anything cause I'd be afraid of doing anything in fear of messing up yet another relationship

Even more frustrating, my vibe wand broke, so I am a lot more limited in my ways to pleasure myself without getting dysphoric, which means I don't play much at all, which means my desire for sex is just that much higher

And cause of how my dumb brain works, I struggle to understand why sex and sexual acts are exclusive to only you and your partner, and it's really frustrating

I think I mentioned in a previous rant, but when I got into this relationship it was a poly relationship type deal, and I loved it, I was so glad to have a partner that was open to that kinda stuff. But then turns out him being poly wasn't true, and it was his mind desperately trying to find a way to justify being with me before he broke up with his partner at the time. (this is poorly worded, and so to be clear, this sounds like a way worse situation than it actually was, it's late and can't be bothered to adjust wording)

So tl:dr

I got a taste of physical affection after being touch starved all my life, then ended up in a long distance relationship that I thought would be at least slightly poly/open but it turned out to be exclusively monogamous, and now my mind is breaking down trying to cope with the fact that I am not going to get that physical affection again for probably a year, or two, or more

Thank you for reading, have a lot on my mind and just needed to make the words in my head real, sorry if this doesn't make any sense, I'm very tired

#veronica's thoughts

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candiid-caniine · 9 months

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Hey! You gave me advice a few weeks ago and i just wanna say thank you for that! I was able to work it out for myself in the meantime and found a healthy way to deny myself for a shorter time like 1-2 days and then when i start feeling frustrated i just let go of it and it takes all the pent up horny energy away and makes me focus on other important stuff, while still being fun and enjoyable thank you!!!💖

(1/2)

Again the anon you helped a few weeks ago! I forgot to say something in the last one, so i add it quickly!! I had problems with getting sore relatively quickly and what helped me was a lil bit of drool + instead of edging like an hour straight rather edging an hour over the day!! If anyone has problems with that too it might help💖

(2/2)

So glad you found a solution!!! breaking up edging into smaller parts is definitely a good way to keep urself from getting too worn out!! 💕

#denial #asks #advice

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vakta · 2 years

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omw to see life coach guy!!

i haven't talked with him for almost 2 months omg. i had exams and stuff so i didn't rly have time, and yeah i mean if i rly rly wanted to i would've been able to find time, but that would've been stressful so it was better this way, even though it would've been rly nice to talk with him. but now exams are over and i'm rly glad to see him again bc he always helps me a lot!!

my dad was like "you haven't even thought of him all this time have you" and dad pls don't assume what i think about ok. i have thought of him. and my dad also asked if my psychiatrist knows about him and yea she does and she doesn't mind it, and second of all, if she didn't like the fact that i see him, i wouldn't be allowed to talk to him ?? or what. bruh he helped me so so much more even in these few months than that psychiatrist did in more than a year. so like let me see him pls. but yeah he lets me, so that's cool.

also my sister went jogging this morning which was kinda triggering :// i mean yk i used to jog a lot, not only to burn kcals but also to make my dad proud of me for once. it didn't rly work though. to calm myself down i wanted to make a post with affirmations and one i thought abt was "your worth isn't based on your achievements" and whoa that hit me kinda hard i mean yes i know this, i wouldn't have been able to think of it if i didn't, but yk still, i don't actually feel this way abt myself. maybe i should try.

when my sister arrived home i asked her if the jogging was good (partly bc i couldn't control myself but i thought abt it before asking and i think it was normal, like small talk), and she said yeah. and it sounded sincere. so ig that's cool. i mean this helped me a lot to calm down, it's not triggering (maybe just a tiny lil bit) if she does it bc she likes it, and not for the stupid reasons i did.

so yeah this was my morningg:) i hope y'all are okay, have a lovely day <33

#vakta long posts #vakta recovering & trying my best

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salaciousslut · 3 months

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At this point in time youre an hour ahead of me, im in one of those weird places that doesnt have daylight savings so i'll fluctuate between 1-2hrs behind you 🫣 and I should just start sending you good morning messages when i wake up during the middle of the night☺️

Its more than okay, found it cute tbh🤭 And come over then, sweetheart. I'd love to let you relax in my arms and hold you my pretty princess<3

I'm the same way when it comes to the expectations i set for myself. Im glad that you also hold the space to feel upset/disappointed i feel like its such an important step for processing stuff. And im excited for you to be able to go out with your friends and let loose after your exam!

My day's been kinda hectic each time i check the time i think about running off to the bathroom to say hi. Its a little rough though since everyone's over where im at so i cant even check with my brightness lowered. I hope youre also taking care of yourself today sweetheart<3 im only halfway through work but i'll try to check in again before the end of the day :)

hihihi!!! i see!! thats not too bad tho!! very very doable, and if my knowledge about geography i think i kinda know ur general area hehehe

yes if thats okay 🫣 dont get too worried if i respond in the middle of the night too bc we both have a hard time sleeping

your pretty princess 🥺🥺im gonna need to hear u say that some day bc it made my lil heart flutter a bit. i need cuddles too! im soo sleepy and needy today

we changed out plans for tonight so now we are having a girls night in with drinks and painting!!! so yay drinking but make it affordable!! i wish u could join us so i can sit in ur lap!!

im sorry work has been busy!! i am!! im playing games with my friends and chillin in bed so its fun!!! ill be thinking of you handsome

#ci answers #butch my beloved

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disfrutarconleo · 3 months

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its my third day working form home / so tired of this damn snow, especially since all the homies are enjoying it from midtown and im stuck the fukc out here. im starting to feel like myself again, which is a weird feeling. I really miss ch and im still trying to get over it. last night I cried myself to sleep but then I had really awesome dreams about having a queer community and going to New York and staying in this weird hotel that looked like it was on bourbon st in Nola. speaking of which were going next weekend im so stoked.

you ever just be laughing and then you start tearing up a lil because you can't remember laughing in a while and then you think about the time your ex said you were funny and you made them laugh and they made you laugh and now you just laugh at tiktoks because that shit just happened to me.

im hoping the roads are fine to drive on tonight just because I got invited to go hang in midtown. I'll make the drive and just see how things go.

kinda nervous about therapy later, just because ive already been a little sad and if I keep being sad then something might come out during therapy that I don't really want to happen! I have these dreams where I hear something, like someone knocking at the door or someone coming inside the house, that I know rents really but also take me a little bit to figure out once I do wake up.

therapy wasn't as long as normal, I didn't feel like there was much to talk about and we couldn't do emdr so we just chatted about my nightmares and stuff. im so glad I am able to go to therapy. I can tell its helping.

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moonykore · 4 months

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ending 2023

I DID IT, I survived <3.

This year was magical and also awful, a full emotional dichotomy, I was full of energy but also more tired than ever, but almost at the end I started having a little more of strenght!

The Talecraft Crew has been a light on my life this last two years and I really think they have helped a lot on painting a moon on a black stained glass.

It has always made me happy seeing my friends achieving their goals, helping them and speaking to them, but this 2024 i am going a step forward! I also wanna achieve my own goals, and ask for help, I wanna learn new stuff and I wanna fight for my own path.

I am starting to create consistent content again and I have been editing a lot, I even uploaded three YT videos on the last two months lol. I don't plan on going full burnout mode, but also I hope it wont take me six months between content and content. It will be a step by step journey, I wanna talk about videogames and make cute pictures, I wanna know new people and make them smile and laugh.

I also fought a lot meritocracy lol. Due to my different health issues and to my mom being sick I wasn't able to work nor study this year, and since I've been a lil isolated outside of my online friends, i couldn't do a lot to help anyone more than give a lot of emotional support. I used to measure my worth by how needed I was and how much I helped others.

I used to think that if I didn't helped anyone I was nothing and that if people didn't hurt me than the didn't love me. Sometimes I still think on it! But I'm glad i'm kind of getting over those feelings and thoughts.

I've been growing a lot since I started streaming, I think i'm finding myself and I still have a loooot to learn, so I hope everyone knows that y'all are welcome on this :)

love you all!

#moonkore #personal #thoughts #2023 #talecraft crew appreciation #twitch streamer

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sehunniepotwrites · 4 months

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hi nikki!!! i vanished again for a rly long time cuz its rly busy and crunch season for me in uni rn :/ how have you been!! hope youve gotten better since the last time we talked :")

i had 4 assessments last week like one on wednesday and THREE on friday it rly felt like acads was sucking the life out of me >< i hope you dont mind me ranting a little but this sem has rly been by far the worst semester in my uni life like ive been tryna stay all positive and focus on the good things that happened but fr NOTHING good has been happening :"( its rly a pain going through all these days and its like the skies r tryna play tricks on me even when it comes to small daily stuff.. like id just be minding my own business and walking somewhere and then someone spills water all over my shoes, or after finally managing to find an empty spot to study at, the charging plug at the table just refuses to work, or the chairs r spoilt and like.... IM SO DONE :"( and it sux even more cuz daylight savings have caused the time difference between me and my boyfie to increase and its alm like we can never find the right pocket of time to communicate anymore and its rly taking a toll on me mentally. sigh... like literally all the stress and discomfort has caused me to lose my appetite and ive lost alm 10kgs in the past 2 months..

i hope after going through all these, things would only be better and would make me happier after a long long time.. and id be able to learn how to express myself and speak my emotions properly again cuz im rly rly emotionally constipated rn.

<3, 🍑

hihihi lil peach!!!

it's okay, i totally understand crunch szn for uni--went through it one too many times. i'm sick yet again (thus the woes of being a kindy teacher, the germs!! it's my 6th time getting sick this school year) but i'm writing again! the inspo finally came back to me <333

i complete empathize w you--sometimes it's really hard to stay positive when all is going to shit. and with people telling you to look on the bright side makes it even harder because you could try and try to no avail. i'm so sorry this is happening to you, whatever you're feeling is so valid. i'm glad you see me as a safe space to come and talk about these things. i hope things begin to look up for you soon and that your 2024 is filled with happier days, good health, and prosperity.

when i feel like this, which is quite often, i turn back to journaling or asking myself these questions (they're questions i've learned as an elementary teacher, trying to understand the feelings of my kiddos):

what am i feeling right now? i use the mood meter (you can look it up on google and they'll be some good ones)

why am i feeling this way? (get down to the root of it) "i am feeling _ because _."

what is one immediate thing i can do to get me out of this mood? is there something physical i can do? an immediate fix? or is there a step i can take?

"next time i feel this way, i can _"

#i hope this helped in some way #idk if you were looking for advice but this almost always works for me and my friends when we're feeling some type of way #im sort of emotionally constipated too but im learning #ily lil peach #🍑anon #nikki replies

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brittapcrrys · 8 months

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this post just making me think abt something for, like, the 10th time today....

this got so fucking long ahhh i am just. justifying all this to myself as im unpacking where the feeings are coming from jsdfkhs glad i have a psych session next week, guess i know what we're gonna talk abt!!

i was rly generally frustrated this afternoon and got a message to pop around for last minute planning for the help/work im doing for mum's friend for the next few weeks. and like yeah i know that it is generally within my range of abilities, i know that most times i help 'em out like this it's Fine and occasionally even Fun, i know that if im Not Well or anything else i can text and say look can't do it today sorry and that'll be accepted!!!

but. whenever i am asked to Do these things (dog sit / dog walk / plant-sit&garden, etc) for "neighbours" and friends there's like......... they KNOW im unemployed and they KNOW i've done it before so there's this feeling of an unspoken expectation that i WILL say yes, i will agree to do it when and as asked.

and ig to some extent it's reasonable for any of them to think 'she's been happy to do it before so there's good odds she'll probably, hopefully, do it again!' and they're never DEMANDING abt it or anything so maybe it is, at least coming from the 'employer' in each case, mostly just ~in my head~ n something i'm seeing/feeling/projecting that's not Actually in there

but idk when i HAVE had jobs in the past (waitress, cleaner, babysitter, tutor, library assistant) if i got ~called in~ the day before i uhhhh could say no. and would say no. and i didn't feel bad abt it i didn't care like i had a (casual, but pre-planned) roster and i've been fortunate enough that saying 'no, i can't' didn't lose me those scheduled shifts or the job as a whole, i know that. but bc this isn't an ~official~ job there's no structure it's just a 'get a text 1wk-to-12hrs before, help a neighbour, get twenty bucks' kinda deal each time it feels like i HAVE TO say yes. if i don't have some other thing already planned, i have to say Yeah Sure or im evil and horrible and the worst and should be ashamed

excepttttttttt i think. a lot of that. comes from my mum lmao always a fun connection to make. bc i made some exasperated comment mostly to myself during that frustrated moment this afternoon and she was like "well what do you mean? why can't you do it? why would you say no? did you WANT to say no? it's not like you have much else going on... it's not even hard why wuold---" etc etc and dad isn't quite so expressive, ever, but less and less so as the PD continues to wear away at him & his speech in more obvious ways, but has similar sentiments. and like.... just bc THEY can't/won't say no to stuff doesn't mean i shouldn't????? mum will say she needs a week to herself and then 10minutes later has agreed to be a TRT (substitute teacher) for 3.5days that week. dad just thinks 'you do a job until it's done. you get asked to do a job, you do that til it's done' and like let's not even THINK abt the way that has worn each of them down physically and emotionally at different times, including now. like they just view Work and the related Expectations/Obligations differently, i guess? whether that's a generational thing, a ND (me) vs NT thing, a 'farmer and air force electrician' and 'lifelong teacher' and 'we both moved out at 16/17 and supported ourselves from that point on / u can't get something from nothing' thing. i have forgotten where this was going jfc

anyway. the dog will be a lil moody if i don't visit her for a couple hours & go for a walk, but she'll be fine. the plants can be watered by someone else, or - esp in the current weather - just miss a day, they'll bounce back later. me doing these things when asked is not, like, the key to holding the fabric of the universe together. nobody's life is gonna come apart at the seams bc i said 'oh, sorry, i won't be able to d that today/this week'.

and i shouldn't actually have to explain why! maybe i have a migraine and can't stand up straight. maybe i'm having a gastrointestinal Hell Episode. maybe i threw up overnight and am still very distressed abt it. maybe i haven't slept in 48hrs. maybe it's windy and im teetering on the verge of a panic attack and rly cannot be outside in it. maybe it's PMDD time and i know i don't have the patience to interact with another being especially not in a way where im solely responsible for it. maybe im bleeding heavily and cramping to the extreme on and off without warning. maybe i haven't been able to get out of bed all week because i just dont want to exist. MAYBE i just! don't! wanna!

and idt it's fair that anyone says or acts in a way that suggests im doing something Very Wrong or Shameful or Disappointing (there's a difference between, 'oh, that's disappointing, but thanks for letting me know' disappointment & 'why would you do that? what are you thinking?' disappointment, which is the kind i mean). is it gonna be fine most times if i agree to it even when i don't rly want to? yes. it's always mostly fine-ish. it's nto abt avoiding it out of anxiety or whatever like im not nervous abt walking this mini daschund that adores me. im not nervous abt watering plants that are essentially the same as my own at home. it's just, like, weighing up 'would doing this likely improve my mood/day? will it probably just be a non-impact kinda deal? what are the odds it makes me / my day worse?' each time (knowing when my psych appts are, when my period is and general mood shifts during my cycle, how my sleep and mood have been in the day/s before the 'shift', weather, etc etc etc) and determining which is likely to be the most effective and useful (or neutral, sometimes) option for me in that case!

and if that reason is just 'ehhh i really just Dont Want It today/tomorrow' that is also fine, actually

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s0urt33th · 9 months

Text

100 Days of Productivity

Summer Goals Completed

33/100

Ohhhh I kind of want to be more consistent with these but I've been so busy with traveling and packing and work.

I've officially completed my summer goals!

I made a zine. It made my boyfriend cry glkdfjglkfd bc it was about genders and jellyfish. I made it for my parents... they haven't read it though.

Found a name. I'm now beginning the legal process of changing it.

Wrote hella letters. Was the first goal I completed tbh.

Long essay is basically complete. I just have to actually do the effort of editing now

Other Goals completed:

update calendar

grad school advisor meeting

traveling and packing

Goals to do:

Actually write a letter of resignation and quit this hellscape job

set up time line for grad school applications

finish moving to new apartment

Go to see bf finally hehehehe

Email for letters of reccs for grad school

research the GRE and study/set up to take that exam

Journal :(

10 things im proud of

I'm proud of making the zine. I was nervous but I spent a lot of time painting it and stuff

I'm proud of being more assertive with my parents. it's only slightly but it's there.

I'm proud of making it to the end of the month without doing a bad™

I made some lil art! That was fun/nice

Telling someone I was too tired for them to come over at night. Holdin that boundary

Talking to people about my anxieties and concerns. Not just going silent. I gotta remind myself to not just cut people off but also object permanence happens and I forget that im allowed to bother people. SO actually talking to people has been- helpful

Taking initiative in grad school applications. I want to remind myself that this isn't a one shot situation. I have all my life to apply. If I can't this year, that's okay. I can apply again.

I've actually been reading which is nice. I don't usually expect myself to read and do my fun little things while at home. But i've been able to do that and it's been bringing me some peace.

driving. I hate driving, it makes me anxious. But I need to do that where I am right now. And it makes me uncomfortable but I've been able to do it and feel confident in it again.

Using my newer coping tools whenever I get stressed. Lil Tåsi the manta ray has been good. Ive been taking my meds and eating well. I have been drawing, turning to other tasks whenever the desire to do a bad arises and im glad for that distraction stuff. Documentaries ive learned helps out too. lol

#100 days of productivity

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