i have never met a white cis man in my life who has made interesting art or who has had worthwhile opinions on film. i'm thinking back to every time i have been in a film space and they were consistently the least pleasant people to be around. it was like a numbers game: how many films have you seen? how many films do you watch a week? the one time i volunteered at a film festival, the guy i worked with quizzed me on the oscars. they just don't have the minds of artists to me idk

april reading

oh yeah this is a thing. anyway in april i read about uhhh.... first contact (twice), murderers on skis & victorian church politics

the yield, tara june winch a novel about indigenous australian identity and history (now and throughout the 20th century) in three narrative strands. imo the narrative strand that consists of a grandfather writing a dictionary of his language (wiradjuri) in order to prove a claim to some land is by far the strongest, but overall i liked this quite a lot. 3/5

land of big numbers, te-ping chen a solid short story collection focused on modern china and young(ish) chinese people, both in china and the diaspora. i particularly liked the stories that had some slighty surreal or speculative elements, such as one about fruit that strongly evoke emotions when eaten and a group of people stuck in a train station for months as the train is delayed, which imo use their speculative aspects in effective (if not super subtle) ways to talk about society. 3/5

the pear field, nana ekvtimishvili (tr. from georgian by elizabeth heighway) international booker prize longlist! a short, fairly depressing read about a 18-year-old girl at a post-soviet school for developmentally disabled childred (but also orphans, abandoned children & other random kids) who is trying to get a younger boy adopted by an american couple. there seem to be a lot of novels set at post-soviet orphanages etc & imo this is a well-executed example of the microgenre, with the pear field full of pears that are never picked bc they don’t taste right as a strong central image. 3/5

the warden, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #1) ah yes, a 6-part victorian series about church politics in an english town, exactly the kind of thing i’m interested in. not sure why i committed to at least the first two entries of the series but here we are. despite this lack of interest (and disagreement with most of the politics on display here) i found this quite charming; trollope has a gift for an amusing turn of phrase & making fun of his characters in benevolent ways. 3/5

the lesson, cadwell turnbull first contact scifi novel set on the virgin islands, where an alien ship arrives one day. the aliens seem benevolent & share helpful technology, but also react with extreme violence to any aggression. they claim to be on earth to study.... something, but it’s never entirely clear what. the book makes some interesting choices (like immediately skipping over the actual first contact to a few years in the future, when the aliens are already established on the islands) but i thought much of it was kinda disjointed and confusing. 2/5

the heart is a lonely hunter, carson mccullers look, i get it, it’s all about the isolation & alienation (& dare i say loneliness) of 4 miserable characters projecting their issues on the central character singer, who is kind and patient and also deaf and mute, thus making him the perfect receptacle for their issues without really having to connect with him as a person and how that isolation hinders them socially, artistically, emotionally, politically, but like... i didn’t really like it. i didn’t hate it but i just felt very meh about it all. 2.5/5

acht tage im mai: die letzte woche des dritten reiches, volker ulrich fascinating history book about the last week(ish) of the third reich, starting with the day of hitler’s suicide and ending with the total surrender (but with plenty of flashbacks and forwards), and looking at military&political leadership (german and allied) as well as prisoners of war, forced laborers, concentration camp prisoners, and everyone else. very interesting look at what kästner described as the “gap between the not-anymore and the not-yet.” 3.5/5

firekeeper’s daughter, angeline boulley) i’ve been mostly off the YA train for the last few years, but this was a really good example of contemporary YA with a focus on ~social issues. ANYWAY. this is YA crime novel about daunis, a mixed-race unenrolled ojibwe girl close to finishing high school who is struggling with family problems, university plans, and feeling caught between her white and her native familiy when her best friend is shot in front of her and she decides to become a CI for an fbi investigation into meth production in the community. i really appreciated how hard this went both with the broader social issues (racism, addiction) and daunis’ personal struggles. there are a few bits that felt a bit didactic & on the nose (and the romance... oh well), but overall the themes of community, family, and the value of living indigenous culture are really well done & i teared up several times. 4/5

the magic toyshop, angela carter i love carter’s short stories but struggle with (while still liking) her novels so far. this one, a tale of melanie, suddenly orphaned after trying on her mother’s wedding dress in the garden, coming of age and awakening to womanhood or whatever. carter’s really into that. it’s well-written, sensual as carter always is, and the family melanie and her siblings are sent to, her tyrannical puppet-maker uncle, his mute wife and the wife’s two brothers, both fascinating and offputting (& dirty) make for an interesting cast of characters, but overall i just wish i was reading the bloody chamber again. 3/5

barchester towers, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #2) (audio) lol tbh i still don’t know why i am committing to this series about, again, church politics in 19th century rural england, but it’s just so chill & warm & funny (we love gently or not so gently - but always politely - mocking our characters) that i’m enjoying it as a nice little trip where people do some #crazyschemes to gain church positions or fight over whether there should be songs in church or whatever it is people in the 19th century fought about. it’s very relaxing. there also is a lot of love quadrangleyness going on and that’s also fun. trollope has weird ideas about women but like whatever, i for one wish mrs proudie much joy of her position as defacto bishop of barchester, she really girlbossed her way to the top. 3.5/5

semiosis, sue burke (semiosis #1) i love spinning the wheel on the “first contact with X weird alien species” & i guess this time we landed on plants! plant intelligence is interesting and the idea of plant warfare is really cool. i do like the structure, with different generations of human settlers on the planet pax providing a long-term view but this allows the author to skip over a lot of the development of the relationship between the settlers and the plant and locating the plot elsewhere, which i think is ultimately a mistake. i might continue w/ the series tho, depending on library availability. 2.5/5

one by one, ruth ware a bunch of start-up people go on a corporate retreat to a ski chalet in the alps, avalanche warning goes up, one of them disappears, presumably on a black piste, the rest get snowed in & completely cut off when the avalanche hits and then they get picked off *title drop* (altho really not that many of them). nice fluff when i had a miserable cold (not covid) but fails when it tries to go for deeper themes... like an attempt to address classism and entitlement sure... was made. also like what kind of luxury skiing chalet does not have emergency communication devices in case internet/phone lines are down...  i’d have sued just for that. 2/5

fake accounts, lauren oyler the microgenre of ‘alienated intellectual(ish) probably anglophone person has some sort of crisis, goes to berlin about it’ is my ultimate literary weakness - i almost never really like them, they mostly irritate me & yet i can never resist their siren call. this one is p strong on the irritation, altho at least the narrator does not ascribe much meaning to her decision to go to berlin after she a) discovers her boyf is an online conspiracy theorist (probably not sincerely) and b) gets a call that said boyf has died, it’s really just something to do to avoid doing anything else. but other than that it’s so BerlinExpat by the numbers, like she lives in kreuzkölln! put her somewhere else at least! there is one scene that elevates the BerlinExpat-ness of it all (narrator asks expatfriend for advice on visa applications, expatfriend assures her that it’s really easy for americans to get visa, adds “especially now” while literally, as the narrator remarks, gesturing at the falafel she’s eating) other than that, the novel is.... fine. it’s smart, but not really as smart as it thinks it is, which is a problem bc it thinks it’s just sooo incisive. whatever. 2/5

the tenant of wildfell hall, anne bronte this is reductive but: jane eyre: i could fix him // wuthering heights: i could make him worse // wildfell hall: lmao i’m gonna leave his ass anyway i enjoyed the part that is actually narrated by the titular tenant of wildfell hall, helen (which thankfully, i think, is most of it) because the perspective of a woman who runs away from her abusive alcoholic of a husband is genuinely interesting and engaging, while gilbert, the frame story narrator who falls in love with helen, is.... the worst. i mean he’s not the worst bc the abusive husband arthur is there and hard to beat in terms of worseness, but he’s pretty fucking bad. imagine if helen had found out that gilbert attacked her secret brother over a misunderstanding, severely injured him & LEFT HIM TO DIE & then (when dude survived & the misunderstanding got cleared up) apologised like well i guess i didn’t treat you quite right! she’d have to run away from her second husband as well! poor girl. 3/5

The Manics and Gender Identity, Part 1

There is a lot to unpack in Nicky and Richey’s early lyrics pertaining to gender, particularly in terms of identifying with women. Richey approaches the subject — as he is wont to do — with regard to the exploitation and degradation of the female image, while Nicky’s attitude is more inquisitive and casual. Both use lyrics to express their own personal “What if?”

Make no mistake: I’m not claiming that either Nicky or Richey is/was non-cis or trans or anything other than curious. But it’s clear from their personal lyric struggles and hard-won lifestyle choices that this was a different time they were living in. In the 1990s, gender identity was not a topic with any kind of mainstream recognition, at least beyond those who wanted a “sex change” or girls who were considered “one of the boys”. I think it’s fascinating, at least from my perspective, to go back and examine the themes of gender dysphoria, identity, and frustration in lyrics written before any of it was part of popular conversation, and in a way that emphasized the then absolute cultural disconnect between desire and society.

Also, it’s important to note that both Nicky and Richey have presented gender in ways that don’t have anything to do with lyrics. Nicky is comfortable in traditionally female clothing and wears dresses on and off stage; both band members wore makeup and feathers on a regular basis. I’ve tried to write about gender in terms of lyrics only, but at times I do take examples from visual media.

Finally, keep in mind that yours truly is non-binary, and the discussion will hopefully not reek of a cis person watching queer men from behind bars in a zoo.

Special thanks to @sinisterrouge for vetting this before I posted <3

Little Baby Nothing

Although Richey seemed to find comfort in claiming that his lyrics were about the larger world — in the case of Little Baby Nothing, feminism and the way women are perceived in media — a closer look usually reveals a personal stake. When I discussed the meaning of this song previously, I emphasized that the “Little baby nothing” in question is clearly Richey himself, writing in the first person and deconstructing his own image to align with a kind of mindless female groupie used for sex.

My mind is dead, everybody loves me Wants a slice of me Hopelessly passive and compatible Need to belong, oh the roads are scary Hold me in your arms I wanna be your only possession

Richey often refers to himself as a “slut” and a “prostitute” and uses self-referential porn star imagery in his lyrics (So Dead: “You need a fix I’m your prostitute”, Yes: “there’s no lust in this coma even for a fifty”), aligning the industries of pornography and music performance in very vivid ways most often pertaining to exploitation. Appropriately, singing pivotal stanzas on this track is none other than Traci Lords, arguably most famous (especially in the early 90s) for an underage porn scandal.  

What’s more, in the lyrics booklet for Generation Terrorists, there is a quotation or excerpt included for each song. The following corresponds to Little Baby Nothing:

“The male chromosome is an incomplete female chromosome. In other words the male is a walking abortion; aborted at the gene stage. To be male is to be deficient, emotionally limited; maleness is a deficiency disease and males are emotional cripples.” -Valerie Solanos.

Ninety percent of what the Manics said and did in their early years was intended to be shocking and/or ironic. Of course they were trying to incite anger and riots, the questioning of institutions, and a teardown of normalcy. But the fact that Richey later used part of this radical statement as the title to one of his songs (“Of Walking Abortion”, natch) proves that he took it somewhat seriously, even if only in the most simple sense — that part of him resented his own maleness.

Life Becoming a Landslide

This is another song I’ve previously discussed, mostly in the arena of Nicky and Richey individualizing their distinctive voices into lines that can clearly be attributed to one or the other. In a song about nature vs nurture and the plastic confines of greater humanity cracking down on who or what someone is really supposed to be, we have:

Life becoming a landslide Ice freezing nature dead Life becoming a landslide I don’t wanna be a man

As far as writing style goes, Nicky was always fairly straightforward. Richey loves to convolute his message with proper nouns and alternating verb cases and a lack of a subject just to throw  people off, but here’s Nicky, my boy, just saying, “Dude. Being a man sucks. I don’t like this.”

He could mean that being human in general sucks. But, since his attitude towards women leads me to believe he would not abbreviate humanity in this way, and given his and Richey’s track record with gender and Nicky’s well-documented gender presentation, I think it’s clear the lyric means that he doesn’t want to be male. Because he feels it doesn’t suit him, for whatever reason. And that nature failed by making him a man instead of a woman.

Yes

‘Yes’ is an incredible song. Its major-chord melody juxtaposed against Richey’s raw portrait of degradation is truly a thing to behold. The theme? Being used, prostitution both literal and metaphorical (“For sale? dumb cunt’s same dumb questions”), exploitation in the name of capitalism (“In these plagued streets of pity you can buy anything”), and reaching the lowest possible point of existence (“Purgatory’s circle, drowning here, someone will always say yes”). But the chorus — the chorus boasts one of the rawest images of sexual violence the band has ever used:

He’s a boy, you want a girl so tear off his cock Tie his hair in bunches, fuck him, call him Rita if you want

Wow. Okay. Where to begin? The implication here is that gender, along with everything else, is mutable if you have enough money and power to abuse people. However, it appears the change would be made not to entertain others, but to appeal to a specific person, sexually (“fuck him”). The “you” in question is clearly attracted to women, so the narrator offering to mutilate himself to please them can be seen as a last-ditch act of desperation. (“It feels like this massive defeat,” said a friend. “You can make him a woman to pleasure someone, but what’s left to change after that?”)

Richey wrote most of the song; “Rita”, obviously, is the name used for an alternative female identity. But who would Rita be? Richey seems to be wondering. Would she still be me? And would the change even be worth the affections of whomever he’s speaking to? If the means are so drastic (and difficult to picture without experiencing secondhand pain), that answer would usually be “no”. But the song is called “Yes”. I would say yes to anything at this point, Richey is saying, even the most extreme sexual violence imaginable, if that’s what you wanted.

4st 7lb

This is an extreme example of Richey using world issues to examine his own nature. Although anorexic himself, Richey writes “4st 7lb” from the point of view of an obsessive young girl admiring thin models. There could be multiple reasons for this, not the least of which is that when a person fails to fit the “classic” case of an eating disorder, they are often ignored. So, Richey says, you need me to be a teenage girl? I can do that. 

(Note that in 1994, when this song was written, any eating disorder demographic outside the “white girl who loves fashion too much” model did not exist by medical standards and was usually subject to ridicule.)

Karen says I’ve reached my target weight Kate and Emma and Kristin know it’s fake Problem is diet’s not a big enough word I wanna be so skinny that I rot from view

Embodying the anorexic female stereotype allows Richey to criticize both the world and himself; by creating a parody of a young girl with an eating disorder, he creates commentary on how ridiculous and counter-intuitive her thought process actually is. The song is brutal and often focuses on nudity and sexual imagery, as it has been suggested in studies that eating disorders occur in those who are trying to annihilate their own puberty. Though Richey was well into his 20s when he wrote this, he often expressed a loathing of aging and the entire concept of adulthood.

Stomach collapsed at five Lift up my skirt my sex is gone Naked and lovely and 5 stone 2 May I bud and never flower My vision’s getting blurred But I can see my ribs and I feel fine My hands are trembling stalks And I can feel my breasts are sinking

Ultimately, “4st 7lb” hits hard as both an experiment in identity and a vicious satire of the rich white girl eating disorder cliché. Although the lyrics do not express a desire to become female, they do indicate that Richey feels everything might be easier and fit more neatly into a box if he were a girl.

[Coming in Part 2: The Girl Who Wanted to be God, Tsunami, Born a Girl, and Pretention/Repulsion.]

reposting and pinning this

being a straight black trans guy is really weird. there’s so many intersections of experience, and not in the dumb “technically i can reclaim this axis of oppression” level of terminally logged in lgbt person i mean it in a “going about my life” way.

for starters, idt i ever “hated” being a woman, i don’t really relate to that trans narrative, i just realized it was an identity that became increasingly frustrating to align with and moved on to a label that finally fit me. being a black girl was cool, despite all the social toll that came with it, black girls have contributed so much to popular culture and even to our own communities, so there was no real reason for me to dislike it other than “it just doesn’t feel like me anymore” and i like it that way. i have a very comfortable relationship with both black girlhood and black manhood, if anyone asks i’d probably fall under that “i remember being convinced i was a little boy. not knowing why my parents didn’t see it too and insisted on treating me like a little girl.” narrative that seems to be the narrative a lot of "trans stories that won’t make cis people uncomfortably avert their gaze” media. i had (and still do have) genuine interests in a lot of traditionally masculine aesthetics, music, career paths, and hobbies, but i don’t recall ever feeling disgusted, embarrassed, or insecure parts of my life where i was identifying as / being coerced into woman aligned individuality, and the strained relationship i had with my mother because of these things, like a lot of trans guys (understandably) seem to be with theirs. this proves for disconnect occasionally, between who i want to be and who i actually am, but the more time goes by the less i give a shit about who thinks what. i don’t take shit from anyone as a guy because i didn’t do it as a chick, which leads for a lot of leeway in being comfortable with who i was and who i currently am.

i still have a lot of pleasant associations with being a gay woman, i probably wouldn’t be where i am today without a lot of the gnc lesbians and trans bi women, i still feel a sense of community with that identity (never to the point of being invasive, i hope.) i’m never not going to get sentimental about a woman being happy with another woman, comfortable in their own skin; that’s just how my brain is default-wired at this point. i’m not offended by women (cishet or otherwise) not wanting me in their spaces (it’s honestly more validating than being seen as a defanged token feminist boy who will bring no harm or whatever, i much prefer people hearing about me or holding a conversation with me and deciding what direction they want to take with me based on those things, like you would any other human being) but it’s still cool to know that i can have these feelings– still be deeply involved and still have feelings for this culture i’ve ingrained in myself from a young age– and not feel like an intruder or outsider, despite being a straight dude, i’m always going to have a pretty firm grasp of gay culture and won’t get freaked out by people putting the sex back in homosexual like a lot of cishets and even a lot of gnc tenderkweers tend to get every 3 months. it’s honestly been the side of gay culture that i’ve always preferred lol.

i call a lot of bullshit on this “toxic masculinity intricate rituals” stuff that’s come into public conscious in the last couple of years or so as well, not only was it mostly popularized by MRAs (around the same time as public concious on ellior rodger and incel/chad terminology as well…shoulda been a red flag from the beginning imo) not just because it frames men as the ones who suffer the most due to their own actions rather than the women and children they torture on a daily basis, but it’s also been used to racially pathologize the boundaries and mannerisms i have that my (racist) white partners have been uncomfortable with in the past. your weird entitled impulse to police my body and the way i present myself in a way i genuinely enjoy and am comfortable is not remotely subtle, and the mental gymnastics behind your desires to impress your frat buddies does not excuse you brutalizing women on a daily basis and shaming children to the point they have serious issues coping with a lot of hardships that face them later in life.

the most visible majority of the trans masc community is white dudes and they all fucking suck. they’re terrible to women, trans nonbinary and cis, are either extremely liberal in their political stances or simply never talk about anything relating to it at all (and they all have garbage taste in fashion and music, i know that’s kinda petty but i think i’m allowed to be rude to people who try to make wanting to transition into a humanstuck karkat gijinka a universal experience and hozier and constantly self infantalize and weaponize their own softness while expecting everyone else on the planet to wait on them hand and foot.) i’ve met maybe 3 good white trans guys in my life and one of them i’ve been friends with since high school, it really put me off transitioning all together because i was raised mostly by women and a lot of my idols have been women since i was a kid (and even if this weren’t the case, colonialist concepts of respect / equality / gender in general are very different from nonwhite cultures, so even if i wasn’t constantly in immediate proximity of women or didn’t have any “significant” woman figures in my life it would stil feel very weird and removed.)

none of this, of course, is to imply that black men aren’t horrendously misogynistic (especially towards black women. lbr, mostly towards black women, lol. this is another one of those weird intersections, knowing that misogyny is not exclusively a product of white supremacy but that colonialism has definitely catalyzed it.) or that black men won’t use their race to get out of being rightfully accused of misogyny similar to the ways a lot of white gay people use their sexualities as a get out of jail free card, but i really don’t understand white trans guys like this. i think they realize they’re oppressed and cling to it as a personality trait, and when anyone calls them on it they get really offended cus they have nothing else to fall back on, hence all the gatekeeping and regurgitated TERF rhetoric (which any and all TME people have been guilty of, at some point, and a lot of whom unfortunately are still doing as i write up this post) and truscum antics. this nonsense got so bad that it put me off transitioning for like 5 years.

i’m here now, though, and i’m content with it, so i try not to hold too many grudges about it even if it is a bit frustrating and put me behind a lot of my peers. i’m mosly just focusing on how many doors open to you when you’re finally comfortable in your own skin lol.

Just saw a post praising Taika Waititi (love him. This is not about him this is about you Tumblr.) for saying "back then, nazis went to jail" and how we should do just like back then.

Hell yeah we should do that.

But thank you, Tumblr and your "PEOPLE WHO ARE INTERESTED IN WW2 ARE EVIL CIS WHITE MEN WITH NO APPEAL" (fuck you and not all are evil, not all are cis, not all are men, and not all are white) because you're proving me right once again for hating you

Dude. All nazis went to jail? IF ONLY

A few died immediately. The faces. The known names. The known monsters. They killed themselves or they were caught and hung

Please do watch the Nuremberg trials and a bunch of documentaries before telling people who do this in the process of knowing their own history (hello some of us are Europeans and/or Jewish, some of us still have living family who lived under or fought in this war) that they're boring/evil people (and before presuming their gender, colour, etc.).

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF FRICKING PAPERCLIP? This is the damned tip of the iceberg. Of course the Russians did the same too.

Some others fled, and it took all the strength of Nazi Hunters like Simon Wiesenthal, or the Klarsfeld spouses, and others, to track and catch them. Sometimes helped by some countries governments. Often not.

Here is what I'm going to tell you now : most lower case nazis, or in the case of my own country, collaborators to nazis, stayed right where there were. Often in position of power. In German universities, people who had supported the racial bullshit with bad science stayed in their professor places and kept teaching. The French judiciary system and government was ripe with ex-collaborators until well into the 70s. I'm not German, but I'd swear it's the same for them.

I'm old enough to remember the trials of Maurice Papon. Klaus Barbie was on trial near where I'm from 3 years before I was born.

If you followed the news, a German man who worked in camps and whose job was to steal the money from the people sent there and who made a ton of cash on the process was caught and put on trial like, not 5 years ago. And the old nazi never showed any genuine remorse. Never.

Among all the documentaries I've seen, the most chilling were interviewing old white haired grandpas, in their living room, about their youth, and 80% of them were regretting that time. Some of them had Hitler busts exposed in their living rooms. (not all. As always, nuance is your friend. One of them especially made an impression on me, who totally turned and is now and since the 50s a helper for immigrants and fighter for human rights.)

The millions nazis and collaborators and sympathizers all over Europe wouldn't all be caught. How can you? How can you catch nazis if all the population was nazi? How do you make the difference between a real Nazi and a German who just tried to survive under yet another fascist regime? You think all the western Europe fascists were killed after WW2? Talk to a Spanish person. A Greek one. Etc.

So yes. Of course we want all nazis in jail and that is what we should do.

But thinking WW2 and it's aftermath was a neat black and white picture with American Saviors and Angelic Resistance people on one side, and Evil Nazis and Collaborators on the other, who won neatly and put alllll the bad guys into jail, is such an USAmerican view.

Did you know GIs had to be trained to understand why they had to fight the classy looking blonde nazis alongside the "dirty brown French"? Because many of them agreed with the Nazi theories? Did you know the French Resistance was first born out of a far-right movement who didn't want nazis walking on their territory? And so many other facts.

If you don't respect the people who are interested in this horrendous moment in history and who are here witnessing it happen again (and you're part of the problem thanks) at least respect the fucking facts. Knowing about these makes you aware of what is happening now. They didn't put all nazis to jail? Well we should do better. We should put them into jail now.

Learn stuff before you open your mouth.

PS : I can't source my sayings right now but they're probably quite easily found on the internet. And please watch some documentaries if you want to talk about that time period.

Yeah, so I read the comic. Spoilers below, consider yourself warned.

I think the artwork is great, and thank fuck they got a decent colorist. The first series was hideously colored with some sort of an overall mustard tone, I still can’t get over it. In this one the drawings are crisp and animated, and the color is rich and has more than three tones to it. Michelle Wong has a knack for nailing facial expressions which works so well in this kind of story. Huge thumbs up from me.

(Although I still hate that Mako went back to his teenage hair. I do not at all get this. AT ALL. Why the hell would he want to do that? This says a LOT to me about how Bryke sees the obviously temporary maturity they gave him in Book 4 since I sincerely doubt the return to his teenage hair was a choice made by either of the comic artists.)

The writing, though? A huge thumbs down from me.

The first Korra comic had Asami In Danger ™ as a means of moving the plot forward and now the second one has it as well. Sure, we’ve got Mako and Bolin thrown into the mix to up the stakes a little. But at its heart? That’s just lazy writing. And it’s very, very male writing as well. I loathe the damsel in distress trope precisely because 99.9% of the time isn’t written well. (This is definitely not one of the .01% of the times it is right.) Ho-hum, Asami has been brainwashed to hate Korra. I mean...there’s no real drama there. It’s not really her! The drama the two of them were having over even having Kuvira along was more interesting than that. There are no stakes with the brainwashing. We know that it’s going to get fixed; the Krew (and Wu) won’t stay brainwashed forever. 

Listen, Korra is the fucking Avatar. She is the most powerful person in that Universe, and her job is to bring stability and balance. Not to chase around her girlfriend who keeps getting kidnapped. TWICE.

At least we didn’t have to deal with straight white cis dudes writing about systemic homophobia in this one. (Or at least not so far. They aren’t done yet.)

Wu singing along to peeing actually made me laugh. That is very teenage Wu. (Also? His Jungle Outfit was EVERYTHING.) I did like the swamp vision of Hou-Ting and it actually showed that despite the accusation she was making that he was giving up the crown because he didn’t care/was a coward that it wasn’t the case. Which obviously is more in line with how I see the character. Although Toph calling him Spindleshanks pisses me off because now I can never have Lin do it in my fanfic. DAMMIT. Also? Pabu on his shoulder was frankly adorable.

Toph was great, as she usually is. Although you know what I loved the most about her in this volume? The way she’s cradling an injured Opal at the end. That’s the first gentle thing I think we’ve EVER seen Toph do, on the show or otherwise. I thought it was beautiful. 

I do like that Korra is still trying to work forward in how to be the Avatar, even when the things she does as an Avatar aren’t always approved of my her nearest and dearest. That’s one thing I always did think Bryke got right for her; it’s been a struggle for her to find the balance between having her own life and being the Avatar and I personally think it’s one she will always have, even if age and experience ease it for her as she gets older. I think all Avatars do.

I did like that even when brainwashed Mako took charge. That’s just what he does; even being brainwashed doesn’t change it.

Oh lord, and I guess I have to address Kuvira. So look. Here’s the thing. Bryke clearly wants to redeem her. Which...I know there are a lot of Kuvirastans out there that are happy about it. That’s not a slam on my part; I am not interested in it, but that’s why I write my fanfic the way I do. Fans like what they like, and redeeming her is a big one for a lot of people. I’ve got no problem with redemption stories, if they are done well. (Zuko’s redemption arc remains one of the best I have ever seen.)

But in order to redeem Kuvira they have to retcon her. They have quite literally no other choice in order to redeem her. And I loathe that regardless of what story it is. I mean, just walking her back by saying that Guan was doing experiments without her approval? Come on. 

The thing is this: canonically speaking, Kuvira commissioned a weapon of mass destruction that she had every intention of using, and which she did use. She killed we don’t know how many people (I mean, the idea that a city as big as that one had a 100% clearance rate is just silly, there were plenty of people who didn’t evacuate for various reasons, never mind the sailors on that ship she took out), left who knows how many homeless in Republic City, caused who knows how much yuan worth of damage. She took out half a fucking foreign city, which she attacked without any provocation. You cannot erase that by saying that she didn’t approve human experimentation and had a rough childhood. You just can’t.

That’s not even getting into her attacking Zaofu as well as conscripting soldiers from all over the Earth Kingdom and coercing provincial governors into allowing her to take control. I mean, she was a security guard who became a fascist dictator in the space of three years. You cannot forget that, no matter how hard you retcon her. If you do forget it it’s because you wanted her to have never done those things in the first place, you know? But she did do them. It’s canon.

Bryke’s whole stated approach - and it is stated, Mike DiMartino has done interviews - of Kuvira just wants to do good but can’t understand why Asami won’t forgive her for killing her father and never mind all of those other people is just painful to me.

Now look. The idea that Korra recognizes that as the Avatar she has to put aside her personal feelings and deal with Kuvira as a means to an end for a political situation she cannot handle on her own is not one I have a problem with. AT ALL. And having her and Asami clash over that? GOOD STUFF. In fact, I hope like hell some of the better fanfic writers out there are jumping on that, because that’s something that I firmly believe they’d have to deal with as long as they have a relationship with each other. Asami isn’t dating the Avatar, after all; she’s dating Korra. But Korra IS the Avatar, and that’s something the two of them will have to come to terms with, which they clearly have not. So I am onboard with this, absolutely. Yes!

But Korra does not have to retcon Kuvira. She does not have to understand nor forgive her. She does not need to be her BFF. As the Avatar, what she should be doing is using Kuvira to help bring about the balance that is her entire job and then putting her back where she found her, because the Avatar’s job is not to dispense justice or override what has been decided in a court of law. If Kuvira is going to be pardoned from her jail sentence forever then that’s for Zhu Li to decide as the new president of Republic City, not Korra.

(I have a sinking suspicion Bryke is going to have Zhu Li - who was the only person actually working directly under Kuvira to have the courage to not only defy her but to call her out on being the monster she was and get sentenced to death for it - pardon her. UGH. LAZY WRITING.)

I am sorry that Kuvira’s parents were shitheads. My own mother punched me in the face and broke both my nose and glasses when I was cast as Mercutio in my high school rendition of Romeo and Juliet because...well, I guess because she didn’t like that I would be playing a guy and not Juliet? (I dunno, it was 35 years ago and I’m still not sure but I’ve got a crooked nose to remember it by.) She was not exactly winning any prizes in the mothering department, believe me. Nevertheless I am still responsible for the decisions I have made as an adult. Having a shitty childhood was not my fault, but it certainly is my problem if I hurt others because of it. Kuvira is no different. I have a nagging suspicion that we are being set up to give Kuvira a get out of jail free card for the whole FASCIST MURDERING DICTATOR thing because her parents sucked. And frankly, I think that’s a terrible message for Bryke to be giving to people reading this comic and to be frank I am just bewildered as well as angered by it. I mean...they aren’t, right? They are setting up the whole bad childhood thing in order to prove that no matter how rotten things were for you you are never justified in cruelty (or you know, dictatorships) towards others? Right? Please?

Not to mention I am all for forgiveness but Kuvira didn’t pull a few pranks as a teen. She attacked foreign countries without provocation, commissioned and used a weapon of mass destruction, conscripted armies, set up camps for dissenters, and so on. If you want to redeem her, then have her recognize that she did wrong and willingly GO TO PRISON BECAUSE OF IT. The homeless, grieving and devastated people she left behind deserve that, they really do.

I did like that Su came when Kuvira asked. Her feelings about Kuvira are clearly complicated ones - to say the very least - but she was able to put them aside when her help was needed. That’s the Su Beifong I believe in and write about. She brought her three warrior children along as well. (Although what Opal was doing in Zaofu instead of RC I don’t know, but hey, what’s a plot?)

But if she goes on to forgive Kuvira for straight up attempting to murder her son then I call bullshit all the fuck over that. I’m a mother. NOPE. There are limits. I am telling you, anybody who tries to retcon that doesn’t have children themselves. The end.

My baby Baatar is coming back. Ya’ll know how I feel about him. I have no faith that Bryke will do him right, especially as Bryan once said that he was the character he hated the most. I cringe to think of what they are going to do to him. Blame him for all of Kuvira’s mistakes in order to continue her retcon? Retcon him into being the one actually responsible for her leaving and doing the things she did, making him the puppet master behind the scenes? Would not surprise me at all if it happened. Not at all.

What do you feel about the post about Vic mignogna by ultraericthered

https://ultraericthered.tumblr.com/post/183990672385/im-sick-of-the-rangers-spamming-vics-tag-with

Let’s break this down.

Vic is absolutely guilty of inappropriate behavior, misconduct, sexual harassment, and possibly (just possibly) sexual assault towards others. This has been established by his pattern of behavior for years. Monica and the others are being entirely honest in their stories and the allegations are very likely honest as well. How this is even in question, I have no idea, but it upsets and disturbs me that there are so many who are quick to jump to Vic’s defense while simultaneously vilifying his opponents and accusers (and possibly victims).

A, He hasn’t been proven guilty of exual harassment OR assault and inapporiate behavior means nothing.

And B. yeah, no. Monica has been lying via omission for months now, refusing to give ANY details on any incidents DESPITE the fact that those details are REQUIRED to convict him. And before you say she’s scared: she’s openly threatened vic supporters with legal action. Over asking her for info. That is not the behavior of an innocent person.

Oh and C. NOTHING came to light about Vic for MONTHS. The ProJared shit started and ended in the same month.

What gives credibility to the side of Monica Rial, Jamie Marchi, Jamie McGonnigal, Marzgurl, etc. is that not only do their words and allegations line up with accounts of Vic’s skeevy behavior towards fans and women that have been going around the internet for YEARS (It’s honestly astonishing just how far back some of this goes), but how many other VAs, people actually in the industry who might’ve worked alongside Vic and would be there to witness his actions, have come out in Vic’s defense? Can’t really think of much. Meanwhile, how many have been coming out in support of the alleged victims? Quite a handful, even J. Michael Tatum, himself a victim of sexual assault in the past. Apparently, Vic being a primadona and a skeevy womanizing creeper has been an open secret in the VA industry since forever.

And of these guys:

Monica has evaded legal action and refused to give details NECESSARY to convict him

Marzgurl has sactively ENOCURAGE VIOLENCE

And Jamie has been proven to bully people into dropping Vic from cons.

As for the ‘accounts”: they’re eitehr anonyomous accounts, too old to prove...or taken out of context of the people involed.

And by the way. how many famous people probably came out and said ‘that guy’s a commie’ back during the Red Scare? People coming out to help doesn’t MEAN anything without proof. People in the wrong can still come out in droves. And if that doesn’t convince: does that mean rape victims who don’t have public support while their rapists DO are the ones in the wrong then? Same logic of ‘One party has more public support than the other, therefore they’re right.’

What’s damning on Vic’s side of things? Well not only was a thorough investigation into the sexual harassment allegations conducted during the time of the Broly movie’s production prior to Funimation’s decision to lay Vic off (something his fans don’t even seem to realize happened) -

You mean the one where they didn’t give any info and was probably a ‘cut off the controversial figure for profit’ decision?

- but Vic’s response to the whole situation has…just not been how I think an absolutely innocent man getting his career and livelihood threatened by accusation of things he absolutely never did and would never do would respond. Vic’s been pretty sincere and professional throughout this and I give him props for that, but his “defenses” against the allegations have always been along the lines of “I remember things differently” or “I didn’t realize she felt that way - I thought that thing we had was consensual and mutual.” Of course he’s not going to recall those incidents as being ones where he committed sex offenses because he did not see his actions as being such when he committed them. He fails to recognize how and why his behavior is so wrong. He doesn’t knowingly think of himself as a sex fiend and harasser when he acts that way - he really thinks he’s being nice (backed up by the allegation where he repeatedly asked his victim to “let me be sweet to you.”). But those moments were not consensual. The girls and women he touched or romanced were not comfortable with it.-

And Monica has threatened legal action and Marzgurl thretaened PHYSICAL VIOLENCE.

You wanna judge this based on public reaction? Show me where Vic threatens anyone who questions him.

What his intentions were at the time don’t matter when put next against how his victims internalized his actions and how they were made to feel -

No, intentions DO matter. That’s why ‘self defense’ and ‘murder’ are different concepts.

And on top of that, look at how Monica Rial worded her own account:

This, by contrast, is Vic’s wording of his side of things. He “got lazy.” He’s “a work in progress like everyone else.” And my personal favorite: “Voice actors are no different from you: we’re bozos. We’re all dumb humans just trying to do our best.” The emotions are sincere, but the words are unrefined and a bit try-hard in trying to paint a sympathetic image of himself.

And Monica, by your own standards, is trying to appeal to basic human empathy to trick people into believing her. Thing is, Vic is consistent in his actions. Monica has acted contradictory MANY times.

And what’s damning on the side of Vic’s fans and defenders? Well, I could not help but notice that they can be found all over Youtube, hive of the Far Right that it’s become-

Strike 1.

I also could not help but notice that whenever I clicked a video made for supporting Vic and tearing down his opposition and accusers (who, again, could very well be his victims), it was literally ALWAYS a dude speaking.

Strike 2.

It was always some man speaking in defense of this other man who he probably doesn’t even personally know in a situation he wasn’t there to experience and knows next to shit about, and demonizing “waamen” that he also doesn’t personally know. And in all of this, I have not once seen any valid reasoning for why Vic absolutely must be innocent of the allegations made against him other than “he’s a super popular, charming, beloved VA” and “he seems like such a nice guy”. It’s frankly quite terrifying that the immediate default for these people is to stand with the popular, prolific, powerful man (and I don’t want to be an SJW here, but that Vic is handsome, white, straight/cis, and Christian might be a huge part of it

Strike 3-

Not only is this gonna EMBOLDEN the assholes on Vic’s side-

But Monica’s defenders (like YOU) have focused on gender and bullshit instead of anything FACTUAL. You act like anyone whose accused of sexual assault is IMMEDIATELY guilty if the accuser is a woman and teh accused is a man. Never mind how most of these accusations come down to simple miscommunication between the parties and nevermind how if a guy tries coming to the police about being raped, it’s likely HE’LL be arrested. Let alone what happens if the woman gets pregnant and can sue for child support...even if she committed STATUTORY RAPE.

Oh, and Vic’s italian and that culture is very touchy feely. So guess what? You’re racist by your own logic.

and denounce the women who come forward to accuse him as being liars because this is exactly why women who are victimized by men of such power and popularity tend to NOT come forward with stories of their victimization immediately after it happens. Yes, anyone is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, but that doesn’t mean the accusers should be denounced as liars and demonized for daring to mess with the man - they ought to be shown support and respect IF in the case what they say is true and they really were hurt by that man. If they’re proven liars beyond any doubt, THEN they can be given well deserved scorn. But brushing them off beforehand is Not OK. Especially if it’s with conspiracy theories about how this is some big coordinated feminist effort to tear down a great man and destroy his livelihood, or it’s a retaliation from yaoi fangirls who hate that Vic dares to be anti-yaoi and Conservative in regards to gay people.

And yet you condemn Vic before he is proven to be lying.

Sorry, either condemn yourself or be better.

These assclowns have also constantly resorted to the defense of “Oh, hugging other people and kissing them in places not on the lips totes isn’t sexual harassment”. Totally ignoring the little details of the girls getting the hugs typically being total strangers to Vic outside of being fans of his work who are thus underage girls being touched by a grown man who has absolutely no relation to them, that he might have done the same with female co-workers behind the scenes, and that he has done these things on a whim, without the recipient’s consent and without paying any mind to how it might make them feel.

Also ignoring if they give consent like that time someone tried portraying Vic touching a supposedly underage girl only to BACKFIRE as the womana spoke out in defense of the man.

This has been a consistent pattern of behavior with him,

Consistently unproven.

and allegedly, he’s justified it with saying “silence gives consent.” Like a girl or woman absolutely has to verbally say “no” or tell him outright that he’s making them feel uncomfortable for it to be considered wrong and unwarranted. Basically “a lack of a No makes it a Yes.” I can’t begin to describe how gross that is.

So Vic has to be a fucking MINDREADER or else.

Great to know, especially considering how my own condition would make this shit damn near impossible to see.

The worst part is how these IStandWithVic cultists demonize Monica Rial. A woman who, by her own admission, was a victim of rape as a teenager.

Says the man who demonizes Vic.

A woman who has shown nothing but emotional and intellectual honesty and kindness on social media, who has acknowledged that even Vic and his fans don’t deserve to be harassed and hurt, to the point of stating this:

https://twitter.com/Rialisms/status/1095156641543192576

Funny how she says this TWO DAYS LATER than your picture.

But she’s both painted as a vicious liar who’s out to destroy a good, innocent man’s life and career, and is ALWAYS being written off by these dudes as just “the VA for Bulma.” As though she’s had no other notable roles in her long career of voice acting aside from that one character (as opposed to the oh-so talented, versatile and legendary star that is Vic). As though that character has had only one English VA. As though Monica just plain doesn’t matter when put next to a fellow VA in the industry who happens to be a handsome white, straight/cis, Christian male.

Keep being a bigoted douchebag, I can hear the alt RIght cumming.

And as though Monica had any feasible reason to lie about her experiences with Vic and assassinate his character on social media.

*points at you and your blind defense of her*

the pro-Vic crowd seems to think she’s greedy or jealous or just resentful towards Vic as a person, and is out to get him so that she can get money or respect or more roles or petty revenge or whatever.

Literally change ‘vic’ to ‘monica and that’d describe you.

But if that were really the case, how does that account for the friends and family who support her claims? How does it account for the fellow VAs (Jamie Marchi, Jamie McGonnigal, J. Micahel Tatum, Josh Grelle, Justin Briner, Daman Mills) who’ve all supported her claims and have said “Yeah, Vic’s been like that forever.

‘Get social brownie points’

How does it account for the fans and congoers who have been sharing their stories of uncomfortable experiences and encounters they’ve had with Vic FOR YEARS?

‘Stories’ are not truth.

The deck is NOT stacked in Vic’s favor here, so “he’s successful, popular, funny, friendly, charming, talented and a classic VA who’s so well loved in the anime community” is NOT going to cut it as an assumption of his innocence or a defense for his character.

No, that’s the legal system that says ‘innocent until proven guilty.’

He needs to be held accountable for his misdemeanors against people who gave no consent to being touched, hugged, kissed, stalked, romanced, or squicked out by him.

And yet Monica threatening legal action and Marzgurl making THREATS OF VIOLENCE? A-Ok.

It’s a Michael Jackson type of situation - even if he’s NOT done the things he’s being accused of, that does NOT make his creepy behavior towards underage fangirls excusable or alright.

Funny thing about Micheal Jackson-

The accusations, when you actually pay attention, are complete bullshit. Events don’t line up, accounts vary wildly, facts contradict stories. And yet he STILL suffered until the day he died and BEYOND. So thanks for remindidng why, as much as I hate Yellow Flash, Hero Hei and Nick Riekta-

You idiots are the worse evil.

Tl;dr: I shall from now on be referring to this VA as “Vic Cosby Mignogna.” ‘Cause even if he’s not guilty of the heinous shit that Bill Cosby is guilty of, his case is still all too eerily similar.

#IStandWithMonica

So does that mean if I call Monica ‘Monikkka’- She’s a KKK member now?

Oh wait, you wouldn’t give two shits if the places were reversed would you? For your cry of ‘I’m not an SJW!’- You sure do sound like the fucking strawman it represents.

The Life of a Gay Man and His Need To Prove It

#1 The “Gay Gene”

               Although it has only been found in males, a linkage to males and homosexuality has been discovered by Dean Hamer and colleagues. On X chromosomes there is an unidentified gene that these scientists have named Xq28, which they relate directly to homosexuality. It’s a very controversial theory but ultimately purposes so many answers.            

#2 Evidence is Mounting for Homosexual Men

               “In 1993, genetic variations in a region on the X chromosome in men were linked to whether they were heterosexual or homosexual, and in 1995, a region on chromosome 8 was identified.” says Andy Coghlan from thenewscientist.com. This just proves that no, gay men don’t just wake up one morning and say “Hey, I wanna try dick today.”

#3 The Third Gender: Muxes

              In southern Mexico, the Zapotec people recognize a third gender called Muxes. In our culture, they would be known as homosexual people and transgendered people. This just makes me realize that some cultures, although so old, are so ahead of their time, open-minded, and progressive. Another reason to yell @ Donald Trump, don’t build the damn wall.  

  #4 We Are Not Alone

              Listen, science isn’t the only thing that proves this theory. Look at our environment and what isn’t directly affected by or altered by humans. “Homosexual behaviour is a natural biological feature and is common among non-human animals. In at least one species – sheep – individual animals have been known to form lasting preferences for same-sex partners.” says Australias Science Channel. Fun Fact: the oldest living tortoise who was thought to be female but was actually male only mated with males. Thus showing why no babies were being born.

#5 Should We Care About Giving Reason To Being Gay?

                Of course, being gay myself, you’re faced with a lot of harassment, questioning, judgment, and bigotry. Religion really attacks you, and you’re forced to feel like an outcast and forced into a stereotype. So, given the chance and these scientific findings, it can help explain to people who don’t believe/understand. It normalizes sexuality, it lowers being/feeling like a minority. “It adds yet more evidence that sexual orientation is not a ‘lifestyle choice’. But the real significance is that it takes us one step closer to understanding the origins of one of the most fascinating and important features of human beings.” says Dean Hammer from newscientist.com.

#6 Being A Watermelon in A Sea Full of Cacti

                      One word: Grindr. If you’re a gay male, you either gagged or hid your face in shamefulness for using the app. My need to prove myself starts here, it completely drains lives of romance and relationship oriented people. It sends a message that all gay men are they same, they’re horny and only want to bone. “The mental health professionals I spoke to are seeing problematic Grindr use in their clinics. And there is little published guidance on how to help those who are struggling.” says Jack Turban with Vox.com. This app is notorious for only being used to have sex, and it’s showing and obviously causing detrimental effects on gay men.

#7 Breaking Stereotypes One Straight @ A Time

                    Growing up, I only had girlfriends. Instead of playing basketball or throwing a football at recess, after school, in college, etc... I jumped rope. I learned how to french braid, I sang and danced. I yearned for the male on male friendship, or bromance you may say. I never got it because theres a stereotype, “I don’t have a problem with gay guys, but if he hits on me its game over.” Now, I can say once straight cis men give me a shot, they realize the stupidity behind it. I always here, “I’m not gay, but you’re one of the coolest dudes.” which isn’t ideal, but it’s progress.                    

#8 Trouble in the Workplace

                     When I bring up LGBTQ issues to acquaintances, a lot of the times i’m faced with “I don’t think gay people have a lot of issues nowadays”. But we dont, thats why I feel its so important for me to prove myself, my life, and what comes along with it. The facts, the struggles, the ugly truth. “59% said that where they live, they are less likely to be afforded employment opportunities because they are part of the LGBTQ community. One in five stated that they have had difficulty when applying for positions.” says victoryinstitute.net

#9 Let’s Prove Stats Wrong!

               Statistics can be demeaning, not all the time are they helpful or good. Sadly, for the LGBTQ+ community, the stats are disheartening. For example, LGBTQ people are 5X as likely to commit suicide than heterosexual people says thetrevorproject.org. 77% of LGBTQ youth reported are depressed, have anxiety, and/or have feelings of worthlessness says hrc.org. So, to all the heterosexual people out there wondering where their “Straight month” or “Straight parade is”, you have it, 11 months out of the year because you dont have struggles like that.

#10 Trans People are Simply, People.

                  Working with white, privileged, conservative, middle-to-upper class women, i’m forced to hear a lot of what they believe and how they think and what political decision they have recently made. Now and then, obvious and not so obvious transgendered women come into the store to shop and they outwardly treat them different or question the “real gender” of the person. I ask myself why whatever is under their clothes matter so much to them. When I tell them they are a woman, and that’s all they are, they are confused and partly agitated because I didn’t give them the answer they wanted to hear. Saddening fact? In a national study, 40% of transgender adults reported having made a suicide attempt. 92% of these individuals reported having attempted suicide before the age of 25 says thetrevorproject.org. Maybe if we stop making people feel so different, and start working toward progression instead of sticking our nose where it doesnt belong, we could actually get somewhere. Proving myself, to help the Trans community.

#11 “Gay People Can’t Naturally Reproduce”

                          I want a family, I want someone to call my husband. My son or daughter, my family. I need that in my life weather it is “natural” or not. People are so pressed about the natural way of things, but they can’t see that a majority of LGBTQ people who don’t reproduce via a man and a woman, help reduce the amount of foster children.14,000 foster children are being raised by Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual foster parents says Movement Advanced Project. Just because I am a man, married to a man, with our own children doesn’t make us any less capable for raising a family. 

#12 LG(B)TQ+

                Another group of people that are drastically hated on for being themselves. Human beings can’t grasp that someone may actually be more concerned about someones personality rather than their sexual organs. According to 2013 research by the University of Pittsburgh, 15% of people did not categorize bisexuality as a legitimate sexuality, with straight men being three times as likely to think it's "not a thing." People looking at you and just thinking you’re fake or just too horny. It’s pathetic, hence another reason to prove myself, my sexuality, for the other groups in my community.

#13 You Can Be Cured With Some Treatment & Religion - Mackelmore

                     Ever since before me, for a very long time, we were taught that there are conversion treatments, that being gay was a mental disability, a deformity. There were actually shock therapy treatments and conversion camps for LGBTQ+ people, people were killed in the midst of these treatments. But heres, *tap tap* the mutha f*ucking, *tap tap* TEA! American Psychological Association undertook a thorough review of the existing research on the efficacy of conversion therapy and their report noted that there was very little  research on sexual orientation change efforts (SOCEs) and that the "results of scientifically valid research indicate that it is unlikely that individuals will be able to reduce same-sex attractions or increase other-sex sexual attractions through SOCE." says hrc.com. Today there are still states that legalize this method!! Stop this!!

#14 The Importance of PRIDE

                   This isn’t just a time for LGBTQ+ people and allies to strut down the street in cute colorful clothing. This parade we participate in is a lesson, its teaching others about what we’re trying to do. Policies, laws, and other arguments we want and need heard. During the 2000s, battles at local, state, and national levels were being fought for marriage equality. Pride parades were utilized to educate the public, generate support, and encourage lawmakers to vote in favor of LGBT rights says thegayfamilylawmaker.com. We need to educate people on the education pride parades actually do. If it wasn’t for these parades, we wouldn’t have made the progress we have today. 

#15 The Audacity!?

                 My need to prove myself may be... borderline pathetic. HOWEVER, it’s so important and necessary in today’s society. The fact that just in 1982, it was okay to openly discriminate against LGBTQ people. IN 1996, it was BANNED to marry unless it was between a man and a women. Only in 2011 was “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” finally repealed. This may sound like good news... but then BAM! THIS YEAR, President Trump banned Transgender people from being in the military.(CNN.com) Every time we feel like we’re ahead, we get knocked back down a few steps. This is why it is important, this is why it is necessary, this is why i’m doing it. 

REFERENCES

https://australiascience.tv/science-of-sexuality/

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/cross-cultural-evidence-for-the-genetics-of-homosexuality/

https://www.newscientist.com/article/2155810-what-do-the-new-gay-genes-tell-us-about-sexual-orientation/

https://www.sciencenews.org/article/genetics-dna-homosexuality-gay-orientation-attractiveness-straight

https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2018/10/giant-study-links-dna-variants-same-sex-behavior

https://www.cnn.com/2015/06/19/us/lgbt-rights-milestones-fast-facts/index.html

https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2018/4/4/17177058/grindr-gay-men-mental-health-psychiatrist

https://victoryinstitute.org/issue-at-a-glance-lgbtq-employment-discrimination/

https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/preventing-suicide/facts-about-suicide/#sm.00001tfv8n5yekdvsq5f6al6h6i7u

https://www.hrc.org/resources/2018-lgbtq-youth-report

https://justlists.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/familyequality/

MTVS Epic Rewatch #175

VM 3x10 Show Me the Monkey

Stray thoughts

1) A fact which I think is important to remember and that people watching the show years after it first aired might not be aware of: Show Me the Monkey aired almost two months after Spit and Eggs, and it seems that the same amount time went by in the narrative. That means it’s been two months since the dean died and Veronica and Logan broke up.

2) “ Who do you go to, to find a stolen monkey and twenty control-group rats?”

3) Veronica staring at Logan while “having” lunch is sort of a staple in the show, isn’t it?

4) And I love Veronica’s voiceover here:

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Logan Echolls, don't you get it? Ex-boyfriend. That's your new title. It comes with certain restrictions. This is my Food Court time. You're not a breakfast person. You're not even an early-lunch kind of guy. Can't we just agree this is Veronica time?

Veronica’s voiceovers always give us an insight into her mind and thought process. But she seems to go speechless whenever it comes to Logan Echolls (think of The Kiss or any of their breakups.) So it’s kind of refreshing to actually have her voicing how hard the breakup is for her. It’s been almost two months, and she still can’t look at him without feeling hurt. 

5) Big Lebowski reference!

PAULINE: It's not a pet. We don't name them or wrap squeaky toys up for Christmas. His research ID number is twenty-five. Yes, I know exactly who stole him. It was those damn Phat kids. VERONICA: Because, I take it, monkeys are delicious? And, dude, "girth-challenged" is the preferred nomenclature.

6) If anything, you should offer a discount for hilarity...

MAC: I just can't wait for that moment when you're in a tree, going, "here, monkey, monkey," and holding out a banana, and then the branch breaks and hilarity ensues. VERONICA: Ah, if there's hilarity, I charge extra. 

7) And this is why I love Parker…

PARKER: Just so you know, we're approaching critical, pathetic mass if the girl who most wants to host gentlemen callers is the most recent victim of a sexual assault. We should be out there! Or, at the very least, not barring them from coming to us.

I think it was very important for a show that dealt with sexual assault on a regular basis to acknowledge that there are different ways to deal with trauma, and Parker offered a striking contrast to Veronica in their way of dealing with trauma. While Veronica mostly kept it to herself and chose revenge instead of justice, Parker was outspoken about her trauma and didn’t shy away from talking and joking about it.

8) Oh, Dick… 

9) But I do love how he boils down the most complex human emotions to the most basic grossness.

DICK: But if this were a book, the theme of my essay would be the symbolism of how your character had his man parts ripped off by the Veronica Mars character. LOGAN:  My man parts are intact. DICK: Show me. LOGAN: Well, you'll have to take my word for it. DICK: I mean, symbolically. We're young, single men in our sexual prime, and the only reason why we're not out there going hog-wild is because of your feelings?

I do appreciate that he was trying to help out his best friend, in his own Dickish way.

10) 

VERONICA: You look sad. You and your friend Weevil have a fight or something? KEITH: Just thinking, if I was going to get drunk and shoot myself, I'd probably drink the good stuff first. VERONICA: Sheesh. Good thing we don't have any good stuff.

11) How didn’t this raise Veronica’s alarms?

VERONICA: What did the note say? KEITH: "Goodbye, cruel world," typed as a memo. VERONICA: Like on the computer screen? KEITH: Yeah, why? VERONICA: Just... we had to do these papers for Landry's class, like plan the perfect murder. I got an A, just in case you were wondering. KEITH: And what does this- VERONICA: Mine was a fake suicide, where you leave a note on the computer, so you can't check the handwriting, and write something clichéd so you don't study the message. My example was, "Goodbye, cruel world."

12) 

DARLA: We have a lot of work to do, so just go ahead and take 'em off. VERONICA: Uh, take what off? SAM: Your clothes...for the calendar. You are committed, right?

13) I’m Mac.

BRONSON: So, um...some of us are going to grab a bite, if you want to come along. MAC: I'm good. I had some mints.

14) And I love this… 

What about this is Canada?

Canadians, tell me, how accurate is this portrayal of Canada?

15) I dare you to tell me Parker sucks. I DOUBLE DARE YOU.

PARKER: It's a new day. No more games, no more waiting around. I'm ready to be wooed! VERONICA: Amen, sister! That was supporting, not joining. I do not want to be wooed. PARKER: Don't you want to hear all about how great you are? I mean, don't you want to see the look on some cute guy's face when he realizes that you're not only smokin'-hot but funny and smart? Why, you're the catch of the century, Veronica Mars...  And so are you.

16) 

BRONSON: You're pretty dressed up. Where you guys off to? MAC: Uh...Club...Club. It's new.

17) Girl, you should feel insulted, not flattered…

TAYLOR: Hmm. What have you got? LOGAN: Apparently, we're into the cheap stuff. TAYLOR: Hmm.

18) 

TAYLOR: Boy, oh, boy. You are bad.  Man, I can't believe I just did that with Aaron Echolls' son.

As if he needed any more reasons to feel disgusted about this, right? I get why he slept with this girl, in spite his every instinct probably telling him otherwise. On the one hand, he wanted to get over Veronica badly. I think that’s why he agreed to follow Dick’s lead. He was tired of moping around. On the other hand, this is the only way Logan has always felt validated: his sexual prowess. And I guess he was truly in need of some validation.

19) I love this conversation between Veronica and Piz because it clearly shows how two people can have completely opposite readings of the same moment… Piz thinks they’re flirting and talking about how they feel about each other, like they’re talking in metaphors, while Veronica is only thinking of Logan and how he makes her feel. It also proves how deluded Piz actually was. Veronica had given him zero hints that she was interested in him. And he had witnessed on more than one occasion how into each other Veronica and Logan were. Yet, he deluded himself into believing that Veronica was talking about him. 

PIZ: I figure, you know, I mean, I know what I like. Why waste my time? VERONICA: Like, why bother with something not good just because it's something? PIZ: Especially when you know the difference, which not many people do. I mean, do you? VERONICA: I...I think I do. PIZ: You see, I think that's like ninety percent of life, just knowing the difference.

Like, he actually believed he was the something good instead of the something not good when it was the other way around, which makes sense for Piz as a character. I mean, this sense of entitlement is probably one of his defining traits. From day one, he set his eyes on Veronica and truly believed she ought to be his. It was literally impossible for him to believe otherwise.

20) And of course, there’s the Something Good...

I think this is probably my second favorite LoVe kiss right after The Kiss. There’s just something about the way they stare at each other and seem to be communicating without actually uttering a single word, and then the sheer desperation and passion when they finally kiss. It’s just kind of breathtaking.

21) Look how content and pensive Veronica looks after a night of LoVemaking… 

22) And then, all the awkwardness just because white CIS guy deluded himself into believing a girl was his. He seems to be actually offended by Veronica being with whoever she wants to be, who was, by the way, the same guy she’d been with since the very first date Pi met her? How is this shocking? How is this brand new information for Piz?

It wouldn’t be a Rob Thomas show without a contrived and unnecessary love triangle, would it? Anywho, at least our kids are back together. For like two episodes. 

Of Privilege and Punching Nazis

The title of this blog is “Angry Brown Girl Abroad” and it exists for two reasons.  One is to record my adventures of my travels through Central America and my trials and tribulations as I struggle to learn Spanish and connect to my roots.  The other reason is the “angry brown girl” side, a place to vent my opinions on my place in the world as an ambiguously brown, female in gender (most of the time) person from the United States.  I’ve mostly used this blog for the former, and I tend to take to Facebook more often to voice my opinions on the latter, because, quite frankly, I think they are more likely to be seen and shared there.  However, I feel like it’s time to explore my angry brown side a bit more in this space.

I actually haven’t posted anything on this blog in a few months.  Part of this was because I was in a rush, and went back to the states for the holidays, which ended up being a very emotionally tumultuous time for me.  When my feelings are in overdrive, I still turn to writing for comfort, but I rarely publish those deep feelings for anyone else to read.  The holidays were hard for a variety of reasons, but the even harder part was coming back to the country I am currently staying in (Guatemala) and watching both the inauguration and coverage of the Women’s March on Washington from thousands of miles away, and the ensuing aftermath of both events.  Watching your country implode from a distance is a strange feeling, you care, you want to be there, you can’t look away, you feel glad that you got out, you feel guilty that you got out, you struggle to enjoy your time here while you wonder if you can do more for the people still there.  I’m working on finding the balance, but I’m spending a great deal of time on the internet these days, reading about each new horrible thing our incompetent commander in chief has cooked up that threatens the lives of POCs, LGBTQ people and disabled citizens.  I am both constantly surprised by the lengths this administration is willing to go to, and also the response from people to it, especially within my own community.  I am frustrated with them more specifically, as I find out where each person falls on certain lines in the sand.  One of the ones that keeps coming up, weeks after I feel it should have been settled, is punching a Nazi (and, more recently, the violent opposition of Milo Y-I’mnotevengonnatryhesanasshole speaking at UC Berkley). I AM REALLY TIRED OF PEOPLE WHO ARE THE LAST IN LINE TO BE HURT BY BOTH NAZIS AND MILO YGAYNAZI TELLING PEOPLE IN THE LINE OF FIRE HOW THEY SHOULD REACT TO SUCH ABUSE.

Yep, I said it, I mean it.  It is not at all a surprise to me that every person I have argued with personally about whether violence is justifiable against people who PROMOTE VIOLENCE has been a cis-hetero-white dude.  I’m just mad that there are so many, and so many that I know personally, and that they have the audacity to call me, and the people like me to who disagree with me, names because we won’t agree with them that “violence is never the answer.”   Violence should not be our first answer.  Violence should not be applied willy-nilly to anyone who disagrees with us.  Violence is, 99% of the time, the last choice from a marginalized group.  You know why?  Because it’s dangerous, because people don’t want to do it, and because the people most likely to suffer the worst legal ramnifications for using violence against their oppressors are minorities.  Black men get shot by cops for doing literally nothing, you think they are going to actively choose to fight the police as their first move?  Nah. Which brings me to another point: so many of these dudes who I’ve seen argue really hard against punching actual, confirmed Nazis, have been oddly silent on cases where POCs are killed, without justification, by police.  They’ll go on and on about how minorities should not use violence to defend themselves, but say nothing for the victims of state-sponsored police violence.  They get into a frothy fervor about hypothetical punching, but when was the last time they even acknowledged the tragic ends of Tamir Rice or Trayvon Martin?  (Both are children and the last was killed by another citizen).  Where is there outrage for the actual deaths of people, who espoused no genocidal beliefs, and were killed for the simple sake of being not-white?  Is it because the punching of white dudes might actually affect them whereas police shooting them is pretty much a non-issue?  I take note of who goes hard for what issues, I see you, and trust me, I’ve made note. But lets just say that said dude is not in this just for himself and his own preservation.  Still, defending Nazis and the pasty scum that is Milo Yareyousoawful does not paint you in a good light.  Its not like these are white dudes who said something questionable on the internet.  Richard Spencer, the aforementioned Nazi who was punched mid-interview at Trump’s inauguration, is a confirmed Alt-Right (CALL THEM FUCKING NAZIS) leader who just launched a new website dedicated to the Alt-Right movement.  His previous website featured the essay “Is Black Genocide Right?” and features the line: “we should instead be asking questions like, ‘Does human civilization actually need the Black race?’ ‘Is Black genocide right?’”* So, pretty clearly a Nazi.  As for Milo Ywontyoujustgoaway, he is a Breitbart senior editor known for slinging hate who was supposed to speak at UC Berkeley but his engagement was cancelled after violent protests on campus.  Milo Yifeelsorryforyourmom has built his empire on hate, he gained notoriety last year by leading the charge on Twitter that led to Leslie Jones (one of the stars of the new Ghostbusters) being harassed with a slew of racist, sexist, violent messages and tweets.  This earned him a ban from Twitter, but didn’t stop his book deal.* In his speech at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee he outed a trans student named Adelaide Kramer, projecting a photo of her earlier in her transition for all of her classmates to see and calling on the audience to laugh at her as he degraded an misgendered her.* There are reports that, in his UC Berkeley address, that Milo Yohgawdshutup was planning to target students who did not have documentation to live in the United States.  Milo Yuccccckkkkkkkkkk claimed that it wasn’t true, but that instead he intended to talk about cultural appropriation while wearing a Native American headdress, so either way the man is filth.*  It’s not like these men are people who posted a questionable Facebook status, they have a documented history of advocating hate and abuse against people not like them. And we get told we cannot fight these men with fists because it would be “sinking to their level.”  We can’t, though, not with a single punch.  Hitting someone who advocates for the murder of an entire group based on the color of their skin is not comparable to, I don’t know, advocating the murder of an entire group based on the color of their skin.  Unless you immediately start putting together armed groups and planning the next white genocide after you throw that punch, there is no sinking.  Making someone reconsider their choice to espouse violent rhetoric in a public arena is a good thing, a thing that one wishes we could accomplish with protests, but clearly those protests are doing little to slow down the new Nazis in this country.  Also, claiming that we’ll lose support of fence sitters and drive them to the genocidal far right because we’re advocating for Nazi punching is ridiculous.  Anyone who is on the fence about support genocide or genocidal rhetoric is not someone whose going to change their mind if we are lenient on those who would see them hang.  If you’re on the fence about genocide, well your fence is already pretty far past the line of decency anyways. Which brings me to my last point, the invocation that I have heard over and over again that we should try and talk things out with Nazis.  That our words will be more effective than our fists.  And to this I say, “Maybe yours, Mr. Hetero White Dude who keeps espousing this belief” because believe me, they are not going to listen to an ambiguously brown woman, with an ambiguous sexuality, talk to them about hating less.  Those of us who are targets of Nazi hate should not be required to speak calmly to our oppressors about it, especially since some of the oppressors feel like we should be shot on sight.  And telling us we should is ignoring and invalidating the very real and justifiable fears that we feel.  Stop doing that, it’s a form of gaslighting.

The fact is, if Nazis are going to listen to ANYONE at all, it’s going to be another white dude.  Which means these dudes defending the not-punching of Nazis, should put their money where their mouth is and go talk to Nazis.  I want each and every one of you, before you come onto a status of a POC, LGBTQ or disabled person and tell them how violence is not the answer, to go to an alt-right forum, a Facebook page, hell, even in person, and engage in a peaceful discussion.  I want receipts proving that you are willing to do the very thing you are preaching that the rest of us to do.  I want to know your success rate for converting Nazis before you open your mouth about our methods.  Since you care so much, go and do the work you wish to be done in the world.  Maybe the two-pronged approach, discussion and violent opposition will be even more effective.

I’ll be over here, practicing my elbow strikes. PS: The First Amendment only protects your freedom of speech from the government shutting you down, it does not protect you from the people who you are calling for the murder of en masse from beating your ass down, so I’m gonna need all you crying out about that to get off that tired horse.  Words have consequences.

* http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2017/01/17/richard_spencer_launches_the_alt_right_s_newest_website.html * http://www.vanityfair.com/style/2016/12/milo-yiannopoulos-leslie-jones-book-deal * https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/trans-student-harassed-by-milo-yiannopoulos-speaks-out

* http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/uc-berkely-protests-milo-yiannopoulos-publicly-name-undocumented-students-cancelled-talk-illegals-a7561321.html 

What it's Like To Skateboard Across the Country as a Trans Woman

This past Sunday, a handful of people gathered at the Boston Marathon finish line and cast their eyes down Boylston Street looking for her. Each time we’d hear a skateboard on the pavement, our attention would be snapped back to the street. And then finally she appeared, weaving her way past parked cars. Trans woman Calleigh Little raised her arms in victory and punched the air. The enormity of her finish was of little consequence to the strangers passing by.

“I just skated from Oregon to MOTHERFUCKING BOSTON!!” She screamed as she spiked her board in the middle of the street and collapsed in an exhausted heap.

For trans women, the athletic experience is often one of controversy. For decades, they have suffered through accusations that they have an unfair advantage due to being assigned male at birth, and ensuing witch hunts that involve cruel sex testing. Despite very little evidence that trans women have a significant advantage over their cis counterparts, sports pages tackle the issue with very little nuance or understanding of hormonal science. It’s hard to find a sports story featuring a trans woman being celebrated. Enter professional long distance skateboarder Calleigh Little.

Only two other people, both cis men, have ever successfully skated across the U.S. solo. The trip itself is a grueling test of endurance, planning, and resourcefulness. Managing a food supply that provides enough energy for a body to skate a hundred miles or more every day for a month and a half is a nearly impossible task in unfamiliar geography and sleeping in a tent is not as simple as it seems.

Before she got started on her trip, Little, whose inflection over the phone is a subtle mix of Boston earthiness and relaxed Southern California, was confident. She has several years of long distance skateboarding under her belt throughout New England and Southern California, as well as professional Long Distance Pushing races along both coasts. “I’m not nervous, I’m ready,” she said.

Photo by Calleigh Little

But when asked what she feared most, she said it was mother nature itself as she set out from Oregon in mid October. “The weather definitely makes me nervous but I went out and got four season gear, winter jackets, gloves. I’m pretty much ready but nobody likes being cold. Coming from living in Southern California to being up here in the Pacific Northwest, I forgot what cold is.”

Little took up long distance skateboarding shortly after her transition in 2014 as a way to get to work and around town because she lost her driver’s license and couldn't even afford a bike. LDP as a sport was born out of illegal street races like the Broadway Bomb*, a spectacle involving hundreds of skateboarders bombing through the streets of New York, weaving in and out of traffic and through crowds of pedestrians before finishing at the Brooklyn Bridge. The sport has grown quickly over last decade and while once there was an edgy, almost illegal vibe, LDP has formalized of late, complete with a governing body, media coverage, and multiple professional events across the country. As a pro, Little doesn’t make any money on LDP—but she does have sponsors who provide gear. She’s ranked the no. 1 woman in the United States, and no. 3 in the world.

Little initially set out to prove that gender doesn’t matter when it comes to speed and endurance on a skateboard. “I’ve been racing with women for a few years now and I get a little backlash [for being trans] but I’m just blown away because I’ve seen women break the world speed record on a skateboard and in distance too I’ve seen cis women just absolutely blowing me away with the times they’re getting. I just want to prove that gender is insignificant and it’s about how much you want it. I’m doing it for all women.”

Additionally, Little hoped to bring awareness of trans people to areas of the country where they are not as typically present. But what started as a chase for the history books, turned into a valuable lesson on the humanity of strangers.

After careful route planning involving the latest mapping technology to measure everything from the grade of each road to the quality of the pavement, Little decided to start heading east from Bend, Oregon after completing the 5k/10k and 25k races at the Bend Beatdown, a popular annual LDP event. She initially intended to treat her trip like a race and loaded up her pack with food, cooking gear, and loads of clothes, an indication that she didn’t plan on making a lot of stops along the way. In her mind, she was chasing the calendar to make it across the country faster than anyone else on a skateboard ever had. As she struggled through the terrain of eastern Oregon, however, a snowstorm almost immediately derailed her plans for any records.

“As I was walking up this steep hill, a car pulled up and the driver was like ‘You look like you need a ride.’ At first I didn’t want to because I was going for this record but the guy persisted. ‘No really, you’re going to want a ride, there’s a snow storm up ahead.’”

Hitching too many rides would risk any official records but to Little, the thought of walking through a storm held little appeal. And it was not like she’d be able to break any records skating through the snow anyway.

She acquiesced, throwing her 55 lb backpack in the backseat to catch a ride to the next town. At the time, she reasoned, she was simply trying to survive. She was determined to get to Boston by any means necessary. It would not be her only ride from a stranger, she estimates that she covered about half of her mileage catching rides from strangers. A decision that comes with a tremendous amount of risk for a trans woman.

Photo by Calleigh Little

She hit one snag in Boise, Idaho where the roads were much rougher than expected as winter neared. “They had beautiful pavement down there, which is what I had heard, but by the time I got there, they had chip sealed everything. So riding over it was complete hell and I was screaming and crying. Think about skateboarding over loose rocks, it was awful.”

Little slept outside a lot, especially early on out west, which meant tying up her food in a tree away from her tent, in case a hungry bear came along. The reality of sleeping in a tent all night while also spending long days on her board meant that Little was constantly battling the elements.

Eventually, Little abandoned many of her supplies, dumping most of her clothes, food, and cooking gear along the side of the road with a “free” sign attached. The lightened load helped make her days on the board more manageable but abandoning her food meant she needed to skate from town to town and city to city for food and shelter. She frequently went without both.

I just want to prove that gender is insignificant and it’s about how much you want it.

Using a combination of warmshowers.com, a site cyclists use to find a roof to stay under on long distance rides, and Tinder, Little managed to avoid sleeping outside most nights. And in the process, met hundreds of everyday Americans along the way, many of whom had never met a trans woman before. “I can’t tell you how many times I walked into a random bar out west and I was the only person not wearing camouflage.” This often led to interesting situations when Little had to use the restroom.

With the nation still grappling with which bathrooms a trans woman should legally be allowed to pee in, I asked Little how she handled it out on the road. “It depends. Sometimes I would go several days at a time without being able to shave or wear makeup, so I’d try to judge as best as possible which would be safest.” She noted that in the cold late fall weather she was often wearing protection on her face, and a hat over her long strawberry blonde hair and that made it easier to just walk in and use the men’s room where she would be less likely to attract attention. At the finish line, she was happy to report she only had to shit in the woods once.

Later she reflected on her decision to seek help from those who offered, “I could have gone 100 miles a day, eating oats in the morning and soup at night and all I would have learned about myself is that I can plan and read a map.”

Photo by Calleigh Little

Sometimes those interactions didn’t exactly turn out positively. Over the course of several interviews during her journey, Little detailed a handful of incidents that went sideways once her trans status was revealed. But it was one incident in particular that sticks out of the bunch. As she crossed the flat, empty plains of eastern Wyoming, which Little called “very boring,” and into Nebraska, she had her first serious run in with the police. “A cop car pulled up and told me I wasn’t allowed to skateboard in Nebraska.” Little, who had checked the legality in each state she travelled through, pointed out that there was no law banning skateboarding in that part of Nebraska. Nonetheless the police picked her up and drove her almost 150 miles into the state.

Little believes that the transphobia may have been a factor.

“When they called in my ID, they described me as ‘Calleigh Little, white male.’ I overheard the dispatcher tell them that the original call in reported me as female and they still treated me as a dude.”

They ended up leaving her in the middle of nowhere, hundreds of miles off course, without food or water. It was frankly a bizarre encounter with seemingly little legal backing but she was content to move on without getting arrested or fined.

It wouldn’t be her only interaction with the Nebraska police. “The police in Nebraska insist on dominance even when they don’t have to,” Little said, detailing another experience with Omaha police where she was banned from the public library for having an empty water bottle.

Standing in stark contrast, however, is the way other Nebraskans helped her in between. “From the guy in Osceola who gave me a ride 100 miles east to Omaha and bought me food and drinks to the guy who offered to let me stay at his parents’ resort when I got lost in Ogallala on Halloween night and I couldn’t find a place to camp, everywhere I went the people were so kind.”

Little found it amusing that wherever she went, she was treated as a celebrity as word would spread around town that there was this person skateboarding across the country. She rarely had to pay for food and she had no choice but to start drinking coffee. “Everywhere I went, the one constant was coffee. Everybody drinks coffee and wants to buy you a coffee. The best stories came when I went off my route to find food.”

Photo by Calleigh Little

In Omaha she began feeling ill. Weeks earlier in Wyoming, she had made the mistake of drinking river water. “In Wyoming, I had ditched all my food because of the bears in Yellowstone, and nobody picks you up in Wyoming because it’s a state with only a few people. So I had no water so I stopped and drank water out of the Hoback River, which didn’t prove to be an issue until [later on] when I got Giardia. I knew I was going to pay for that.” She kept going into Iowa, despite non-stop constipation and diarrhea and made it all the way to Des Moines until the illness meant she couldn’t skate and she ended up finding a friend willing to drive her across Illinois to Chicago, where a woman let her take a few days rest.

According to Little, she felt most unwelcome as a trans woman in Indiana, recounting how she had been tossed out of an open mic comedy night at a punk bar after someone told an offensive joke about trans women. She wanted to try out her own routine.

“I was excited to get up on stage, the opening line of my routine is ‘My dad always told me I was going to grow up and be a great man someday, and I’ve spent the rest of my life trying to prove him wrong.’”

But she never made it up on stage.

“So this guy gets up there and tells a story about he hooked up with a 67 year old trans woman. He said at first he was wondering if it would be good but then he realized that she had her surgery six years ago, so it was like having sex with a six year old.” Calleigh didn’t appreciate the joke and one thing led to another and she ended up with the guy in a headlock before getting tossed out and banned from the bar for life.

The scene at the bar in Boston Little went to after the finish was more calm. The Patriots game was on every TV, but the people at the adjacent tables were focused only on Little. So often in sports, trans women who win against cis women are sneered at and accused of having an unfair physical advantage. Little, however, had achieved something that the general public could actually admire without caveats or snide remarks about her assigned sex at birth. But for Little, it was the people along the way that she’ll never forget. “How much further back would I be without the people I’ve met? I feel like I have homes in fifteen states.”

Photo by Calleigh LittlePhoto by Calleigh Little

In total, her trip took her through parts of Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming, Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts. While she accepted too many rides along the way for her trip to count as an official record, the fact that a trans woman could skateboard and hitch hike across the country in the current political environment is an achievement that transcends mere sporting records.

It was Little, who had never previously left coastal America, who summed it up best describing how her trip on a skateboard across a continent will forever be remembered by the people. “I found my life on the road meeting these people.”

Update: This article initially referred to the Broadway Bomb street race as the Brooklyn Bomb. It has since been corrected.

What it's Like To Skateboard Across the Country as a Trans Woman published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

What it’s Like To Skateboard Across the Country as a Trans Woman

This past Sunday, a handful of people gathered at the Boston Marathon finish line and cast their eyes down Boylston Street looking for her. Each time we’d hear a skateboard on the pavement, our attention would be snapped back to the street. And then finally she appeared, weaving her way past parked cars. Trans woman Calleigh Little raised her arms in victory and punched the air. The enormity of her finish was of little consequence to the strangers passing by.

“I just skated from Oregon to MOTHERFUCKING BOSTON!!” She screamed as she spiked her board in the middle of the street and collapsed in an exhausted heap.

For trans women, the athletic experience is often one of controversy. For decades, they have suffered through accusations that they have an unfair advantage due to being assigned male at birth, and ensuing witch hunts that involve cruel sex testing. Despite very little evidence that trans women have a significant advantage over their cis counterparts, sports pages tackle the issue with very little nuance or understanding of hormonal science. It’s hard to find a sports story featuring a trans woman being celebrated. Enter professional long distance skateboarder Calleigh Little.

Only two other people, both cis men, have ever successfully skated across the US. The trip itself is a grueling test of endurance, planning, and resourcefulness. Managing a food supply that provides enough energy for a body to skate a hundred miles or more every day for a month and a half is a nearly impossible task in unfamiliar geography and sleeping in a tent is not as simple as it seems.

Before she got started on her trip, Little, whose inflection over the phone is a subtle mix of Boston earthiness and relaxed Southern California, was confident. She has several years of long distance skateboarding under her belt throughout New England and Southern California, as well as professional Long Distance Pushing races along both coasts. “I’m not nervous, I’m ready,” she said.

Photo by Calleigh Little

But when asked what she feared most, she said it was mother nature itself as she set out from Oregon in mid October. “The weather definitely makes me nervous but I went out and got four season gear, winter jackets, gloves. I’m pretty much ready but nobody likes being cold. Coming from living in Southern California to being up here in the Pacific Northwest, I forgot what cold is.”

Little took up long distance skateboarding shortly after her transition in 2014 as a way to get to work and around town because she lost her driver’s license and couldn’t even afford a bike. LDP as a sport was born out of illegal street races like the Brooklyn Bomb, a spectacle involving hundreds of skateboarders bombing through the streets of New York, weaving in and out of traffic and through crowds of pedestrians before finishing at the Brooklyn Bridge. The sport has grown quickly over last decade and while once there was an edgy, almost illegal vibe, LDP has formalized of late, complete with a governing body, media coverage, and multiple professional events across the country. As a pro, Little doesn’t make any money on LDP—but she does have sponsors who provide gear. She’s ranked the no. 1 woman in the United States, and no. 3 in the world.

Little initially set out to prove that gender doesn’t matter when it comes to speed and endurance on a skateboard. “I’ve been racing with women for a few years now and I get a little backlash [for being trans] but I’m just blown away because I’ve seen women break the world speed record on a skateboard and in distance too I’ve seen cis women just absolutely blowing me away with the times they’re getting. I just want to prove that gender is insignificant and it’s about how much you want it. I’m doing it for all women.”

Additionally, Little hoped to bring awareness of trans people to areas of the country where they are not as typically present. But what started as a chase for the history books, turned into a valuable lesson on the humanity of strangers.

After careful route planning involving the latest mapping technology to measure everything from the grade of each road to the quality of the pavement, Little decided to start heading east from Bend, Oregon after completing the 5k/10k and 25k races at the Bend Beatdown, a popular annual LDP event. She initially intended to treat her trip like a race and loaded up her pack with food, cooking gear, and loads of clothes, an indication that she didn’t plan on making a lot of stops along the way. In her mind, she was chasing the calendar to make it across the country faster than anyone else on a skateboard ever had. As she struggled through the terrain of eastern Oregon, however, a snowstorm almost immediately derailed her plans for any records.

“As I was walking up this steep hill, a car pulled up and the driver was like ‘You look like you need a ride.’ At first I didn’t want to because I was going for this record but the guy persisted. ‘No really, you’re going to want a ride, there’s a snow storm up ahead.’”

Hitching too many rides would risk any official records but to Little, the thought of walking through a storm held little appeal. And it was not like she’d be able to break any records skating through the snow anyway.

She acquiesced, throwing her 55 lb backpack in the backseat to catch a ride to the next town. At the time, she reasoned, she was simply trying to survive. She was determined to get to Boston by any means necessary. It would not be her only ride from a stranger, she estimates that she covered about half of her mileage catching rides from strangers. A decision that comes with a tremendous amount of risk for a trans woman.

Photo by Calleigh Little

She hit one snag in Boise, Idaho where the roads were much rougher than expected as winter neared. “They had beautiful pavement down there, which is what I had heard, but by the time I got there, they had chip sealed everything. So riding over it was complete hell and I was screaming and crying. Think about skateboarding over loose rocks, it was awful.”

Little slept outside a lot, especially early on out west, which meant tying up her food in a tree away from her tent, in case a hungry bear came along. The reality of sleeping in a tent all night while also spending long days on her board meant that Little was constantly battling the elements.

Eventually, Little abandoned many of her supplies, dumping most of her clothes, food, and cooking gear along the side of the road with a “free” sign attached. The lightened load helped make her days on the board more manageable but abandoning her food meant she needed to skate from town to town and city to city for food and shelter. She frequently went without both.

I just want to prove that gender is insignificant and it’s about how much you want it.

Using a combination of warmshowers.com, a site cyclists use to find a roof to stay under on long distance rides, and Tinder, Little managed to avoid sleeping outside most nights. And in the process, met hundreds of everyday Americans along the way, many of whom had never met a trans woman before. “I can’t tell you how many times I walked into a random bar out west and I was the only person not wearing camouflage.” This often led to interesting situations when Little had to use the restroom.

With the nation still grappling with which bathrooms a trans woman should legally be allowed to pee in, I asked Little how she handled it out on the road. “It depends. Sometimes I would go several days at a time without being able to shave or wear makeup, so I’d try to judge as best as possible which would be safest.” She noted that in the cold late fall weather she was often wearing protection on her face, and a hat over her long strawberry blonde hair and that made it easier to just walk in and use the men’s room where she would be less likely to attract attention. At the finish line, she was happy to report she only had to shit in the woods once.

Later she reflected on her decision to seek help from those who offered, “I could have gone 100 miles a day, eating oats in the morning and soup at night and all I would have learned about myself is that I can plan and read a map.”

Photo by Calleigh Little

Sometimes those interactions didn’t exactly turn out positively. Over the course of several interviews during her journey, Little detailed a handful of incidents that went sideways once her trans status was revealed. But it was one incident in particular that sticks out of the bunch. As she crossed the flat, empty plains of eastern Wyoming, which Little called “very boring,” and into Nebraska, she had her first serious run in with the police. “A cop car pulled up and told me I wasn’t allowed to skateboard in Nebraska.” Little, who had checked the legality in each state she travelled through, pointed out that there was no law banning skateboarding in that part of Nebraska. Nonetheless the police picked her up and drove her almost 150 miles into the state.

Little believes that the transphobia may have been a factor.

“When they called in my ID, they described me as ‘Calleigh Little, white male.’ I overheard the dispatcher tell them that the original call in reported me as female and they still treated me as a dude.”

They ended up leaving her in the middle of nowhere, hundreds of miles off course, without food or water. It was frankly a bizarre encounter with seemingly little legal backing but she was content to move on without getting arrested or fined.

It wouldn’t be her only interaction with the Nebraska police. “The police in Nebraska insist on dominance even when they don’t have to,” Little said, detailing another experience with Omaha police where she was banned from the public library for having an empty water bottle.

Standing in stark contrast, however, is the way other Nebraskans helped her in between. “From the guy in Oskeola who gave me a ride 100 miles east to Omaha and bought me food and drinks to the guy who offered to let me stay at his parents’ resort when I got lost in Ogallala on Halloween night and I couldn’t find a place to camp, everywhere I went the people were so kind.”

Little found it amusing that wherever she went, she was treated as a celebrity as word would spread around town that there was this person skateboarding across the country. She rarely had to pay for food and she had no choice but to start drinking coffee. “Everywhere I went, the one constant was coffee. Everybody drinks coffee and wants to buy you a coffee. The best stories came when I went off my route to find food.”

Photo by Calleigh Little

In Omaha she began feeling ill. Weeks earlier in Wyoming, she had made the mistake of drinking river water. “In Wyoming, I had ditched all my food because of the bears in Yellowstone, and nobody picks you up in Wyoming because it’s a state with only a few people. So I had no water so I stopped and drank water out of the Hoeback River, which didn’t prove to be an issue until [later on] when I got Giardia. I knew I was going to pay for that.” She kept going into Iowa, despite non-stop constipation and diarrhea and made it all the way to Des Moines until the illness meant she couldn’t skate and she ended up finding a friend willing to drive her across Illinois to Chicago, where a woman let her take a few days rest.

According to Little, she felt most unwelcome as a trans woman in Indiana, recounting how she had been tossed out of an open mic comedy night at a punk bar after someone told an offensive joke about trans women. She wanted to try out her own routine.

“I was excited to get up on stage, the opening line of my routine is ‘My dad always told me I was going to grow up and be a great man someday, and I’ve spent the rest of my life trying to prove him wrong.’”

But she never made it up on stage.

“So this guy gets up there and tells a story about he hooked up with a 67 year old trans woman. He said at first he was wondering if it would be good but then he realized that she had her surgery six years ago, so it was like having sex with a six year old.” Calleigh didn’t appreciate the joke and one thing led to another and she ended up with the guy in a headlock before getting tossed out and banned from the bar for life.

The scene at the bar in Boston Little went to after the finish was more calm. The Patriots game was on every TV, but the people at the adjacent tables were focused only on Little. So often in sports, trans women who win against cis women are sneered at and accused of having an unfair physical advantage. Little, however, had achieved something that the general public could actually admire without caveats or snide remarks about her assigned sex at birth. But for Little, it was the people along the way that she’ll never forget. “How much further back would I be without the people I’ve met? I feel like I have homes in fifteen states.”

Photo by Calleigh LittlePhoto by Calleigh Little

In total, her trip took her through parts of Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming, Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts. While she accepted too many rides along the way for her trip to count as an official record, the fact that a trans woman could skateboard and hitch hike across the country in the current political environment is an achievement that transcends mere sporting records.

It was Little, who had never previously left coastal America, who summed it up best describing how her trip on a skateboard across a continent will forever be remembered by the people. “I found my life on the road meeting these people.”

What it’s Like To Skateboard Across the Country as a Trans Woman syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

What it's Like To Skateboard Across the Country as a Trans Woman

This past Sunday, a handful of people gathered at the Boston Marathon finish line and cast their eyes down Boylston Street looking for her. Each time we’d hear a skateboard on the pavement, our attention would be snapped back to the street. And then finally she appeared, weaving her way past parked cars. Trans woman Calleigh Little raised her arms in victory and punched the air. The enormity of her finish was of little consequence to the strangers passing by.

“I just skated from Oregon to MOTHERFUCKING BOSTON!!” She screamed as she spiked her board in the middle of the street and collapsed in an exhausted heap.

For trans women, the athletic experience is often one of controversy. For decades, they have suffered through accusations that they have an unfair advantage due to being assigned male at birth, and ensuing witch hunts that involve cruel sex testing. Despite very little evidence that trans women have a significant advantage over their cis counterparts, sports pages tackle the issue with very little nuance or understanding of hormonal science. It’s hard to find a sports story featuring a trans woman being celebrated. Enter professional long distance skateboarder Calleigh Little.

Only two other people, both cis men, have ever successfully skated across the U.S. solo. The trip itself is a grueling test of endurance, planning, and resourcefulness. Managing a food supply that provides enough energy for a body to skate a hundred miles or more every day for a month and a half is a nearly impossible task in unfamiliar geography and sleeping in a tent is not as simple as it seems.

Before she got started on her trip, Little, whose inflection over the phone is a subtle mix of Boston earthiness and relaxed Southern California, was confident. She has several years of long distance skateboarding under her belt throughout New England and Southern California, as well as professional Long Distance Pushing races along both coasts. “I’m not nervous, I’m ready,” she said.

Photo by Calleigh Little

But when asked what she feared most, she said it was mother nature itself as she set out from Oregon in mid October. “The weather definitely makes me nervous but I went out and got four season gear, winter jackets, gloves. I’m pretty much ready but nobody likes being cold. Coming from living in Southern California to being up here in the Pacific Northwest, I forgot what cold is.”

Little took up long distance skateboarding shortly after her transition in 2014 as a way to get to work and around town because she lost her driver’s license and couldn't even afford a bike. LDP as a sport was born out of illegal street races like the Broadway Bomb*, a spectacle involving hundreds of skateboarders bombing through the streets of New York, weaving in and out of traffic and through crowds of pedestrians before finishing at the Brooklyn Bridge. The sport has grown quickly over last decade and while once there was an edgy, almost illegal vibe, LDP has formalized of late, complete with a governing body, media coverage, and multiple professional events across the country. As a pro, Little doesn’t make any money on LDP—but she does have sponsors who provide gear. She’s ranked the no. 1 woman in the United States, and no. 3 in the world.

Little initially set out to prove that gender doesn’t matter when it comes to speed and endurance on a skateboard. “I’ve been racing with women for a few years now and I get a little backlash [for being trans] but I’m just blown away because I’ve seen women break the world speed record on a skateboard and in distance too I’ve seen cis women just absolutely blowing me away with the times they’re getting. I just want to prove that gender is insignificant and it’s about how much you want it. I’m doing it for all women.”

Additionally, Little hoped to bring awareness of trans people to areas of the country where they are not as typically present. But what started as a chase for the history books, turned into a valuable lesson on the humanity of strangers.

After careful route planning involving the latest mapping technology to measure everything from the grade of each road to the quality of the pavement, Little decided to start heading east from Bend, Oregon after completing the 5k/10k and 25k races at the Bend Beatdown, a popular annual LDP event. She initially intended to treat her trip like a race and loaded up her pack with food, cooking gear, and loads of clothes, an indication that she didn’t plan on making a lot of stops along the way. In her mind, she was chasing the calendar to make it across the country faster than anyone else on a skateboard ever had. As she struggled through the terrain of eastern Oregon, however, a snowstorm almost immediately derailed her plans for any records.

“As I was walking up this steep hill, a car pulled up and the driver was like ‘You look like you need a ride.’ At first I didn’t want to because I was going for this record but the guy persisted. ‘No really, you’re going to want a ride, there’s a snow storm up ahead.’”

Hitching too many rides would risk any official records but to Little, the thought of walking through a storm held little appeal. And it was not like she’d be able to break any records skating through the snow anyway.

She acquiesced, throwing her 55 lb backpack in the backseat to catch a ride to the next town. At the time, she reasoned, she was simply trying to survive. She was determined to get to Boston by any means necessary. It would not be her only ride from a stranger, she estimates that she covered about half of her mileage catching rides from strangers. A decision that comes with a tremendous amount of risk for a trans woman.

Photo by Calleigh Little

She hit one snag in Boise, Idaho where the roads were much rougher than expected as winter neared. “They had beautiful pavement down there, which is what I had heard, but by the time I got there, they had chip sealed everything. So riding over it was complete hell and I was screaming and crying. Think about skateboarding over loose rocks, it was awful.”

Little slept outside a lot, especially early on out west, which meant tying up her food in a tree away from her tent, in case a hungry bear came along. The reality of sleeping in a tent all night while also spending long days on her board meant that Little was constantly battling the elements.

Eventually, Little abandoned many of her supplies, dumping most of her clothes, food, and cooking gear along the side of the road with a “free” sign attached. The lightened load helped make her days on the board more manageable but abandoning her food meant she needed to skate from town to town and city to city for food and shelter. She frequently went without both.

I just want to prove that gender is insignificant and it’s about how much you want it.

Using a combination of warmshowers.com, a site cyclists use to find a roof to stay under on long distance rides, and Tinder, Little managed to avoid sleeping outside most nights. And in the process, met hundreds of everyday Americans along the way, many of whom had never met a trans woman before. “I can’t tell you how many times I walked into a random bar out west and I was the only person not wearing camouflage.” This often led to interesting situations when Little had to use the restroom.

With the nation still grappling with which bathrooms a trans woman should legally be allowed to pee in, I asked Little how she handled it out on the road. “It depends. Sometimes I would go several days at a time without being able to shave or wear makeup, so I’d try to judge as best as possible which would be safest.” She noted that in the cold late fall weather she was often wearing protection on her face, and a hat over her long strawberry blonde hair and that made it easier to just walk in and use the men’s room where she would be less likely to attract attention. At the finish line, she was happy to report she only had to shit in the woods once.

Later she reflected on her decision to seek help from those who offered, “I could have gone 100 miles a day, eating oats in the morning and soup at night and all I would have learned about myself is that I can plan and read a map.”

Photo by Calleigh Little

Sometimes those interactions didn’t exactly turn out positively. Over the course of several interviews during her journey, Little detailed a handful of incidents that went sideways once her trans status was revealed. But it was one incident in particular that sticks out of the bunch. As she crossed the flat, empty plains of eastern Wyoming, which Little called “very boring,” and into Nebraska, she had her first serious run in with the police. “A cop car pulled up and told me I wasn’t allowed to skateboard in Nebraska.” Little, who had checked the legality in each state she travelled through, pointed out that there was no law banning skateboarding in that part of Nebraska. Nonetheless the police picked her up and drove her almost 150 miles into the state.

Little believes that the transphobia may have been a factor.

“When they called in my ID, they described me as ‘Calleigh Little, white male.’ I overheard the dispatcher tell them that the original call in reported me as female and they still treated me as a dude.”

They ended up leaving her in the middle of nowhere, hundreds of miles off course, without food or water. It was frankly a bizarre encounter with seemingly little legal backing but she was content to move on without getting arrested or fined.

It wouldn’t be her only interaction with the Nebraska police. “The police in Nebraska insist on dominance even when they don’t have to,” Little said, detailing another experience with Omaha police where she was banned from the public library for having an empty water bottle.

Standing in stark contrast, however, is the way other Nebraskans helped her in between. “From the guy in Osceola who gave me a ride 100 miles east to Omaha and bought me food and drinks to the guy who offered to let me stay at his parents’ resort when I got lost in Ogallala on Halloween night and I couldn’t find a place to camp, everywhere I went the people were so kind.”

Little found it amusing that wherever she went, she was treated as a celebrity as word would spread around town that there was this person skateboarding across the country. She rarely had to pay for food and she had no choice but to start drinking coffee. “Everywhere I went, the one constant was coffee. Everybody drinks coffee and wants to buy you a coffee. The best stories came when I went off my route to find food.”

Photo by Calleigh Little

In Omaha she began feeling ill. Weeks earlier in Wyoming, she had made the mistake of drinking river water. “In Wyoming, I had ditched all my food because of the bears in Yellowstone, and nobody picks you up in Wyoming because it’s a state with only a few people. So I had no water so I stopped and drank water out of the Hoback River, which didn’t prove to be an issue until [later on] when I got Giardia. I knew I was going to pay for that.” She kept going into Iowa, despite non-stop constipation and diarrhea and made it all the way to Des Moines until the illness meant she couldn’t skate and she ended up finding a friend willing to drive her across Illinois to Chicago, where a woman let her take a few days rest.

According to Little, she felt most unwelcome as a trans woman in Indiana, recounting how she had been tossed out of an open mic comedy night at a punk bar after someone told an offensive joke about trans women. She wanted to try out her own routine.

“I was excited to get up on stage, the opening line of my routine is ‘My dad always told me I was going to grow up and be a great man someday, and I’ve spent the rest of my life trying to prove him wrong.’”

But she never made it up on stage.

“So this guy gets up there and tells a story about he hooked up with a 67 year old trans woman. He said at first he was wondering if it would be good but then he realized that she had her surgery six years ago, so it was like having sex with a six year old.” Calleigh didn’t appreciate the joke and one thing led to another and she ended up with the guy in a headlock before getting tossed out and banned from the bar for life.

The scene at the bar in Boston Little went to after the finish was more calm. The Patriots game was on every TV, but the people at the adjacent tables were focused only on Little. So often in sports, trans women who win against cis women are sneered at and accused of having an unfair physical advantage. Little, however, had achieved something that the general public could actually admire without caveats or snide remarks about her assigned sex at birth. But for Little, it was the people along the way that she’ll never forget. “How much further back would I be without the people I’ve met? I feel like I have homes in fifteen states.”

Photo by Calleigh LittlePhoto by Calleigh Little

In total, her trip took her through parts of Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming, Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts. While she accepted too many rides along the way for her trip to count as an official record, the fact that a trans woman could skateboard and hitch hike across the country in the current political environment is an achievement that transcends mere sporting records.

It was Little, who had never previously left coastal America, who summed it up best describing how her trip on a skateboard across a continent will forever be remembered by the people. “I found my life on the road meeting these people.”

Update: This article initially referred to the Broadway Bomb street race as the Brooklyn Bomb. It has since been corrected.

What it's Like To Skateboard Across the Country as a Trans Woman published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

What it's Like To Skateboard Across the Country as a Trans Woman

This past Sunday, a handful of people gathered at the Boston Marathon finish line and cast their eyes down Boylston Street looking for her. Each time we’d hear a skateboard on the pavement, our attention would be snapped back to the street. And then finally she appeared, weaving her way past parked cars. Trans woman Calleigh Little raised her arms in victory and punched the air. The enormity of her finish was of little consequence to the strangers passing by.

“I just skated from Oregon to MOTHERFUCKING BOSTON!!” She screamed as she spiked her board in the middle of the street and collapsed in an exhausted heap.

For trans women, the athletic experience is often one of controversy. For decades, they have suffered through accusations that they have an unfair advantage due to being assigned male at birth, and ensuing witch hunts that involve cruel sex testing. Despite very little evidence that trans women have a significant advantage over their cis counterparts, sports pages tackle the issue with very little nuance or understanding of hormonal science. It’s hard to find a sports story featuring a trans woman being celebrated. Enter professional long distance skateboarder Calleigh Little.

Only two other people, both cis men, have ever successfully skated across the US. The trip itself is a grueling test of endurance, planning, and resourcefulness. Managing a food supply that provides enough energy for a body to skate a hundred miles or more every day for a month and a half is a nearly impossible task in unfamiliar geography and sleeping in a tent is not as simple as it seems.

Before she got started on her trip, Little, whose inflection over the phone is a subtle mix of Boston earthiness and relaxed Southern California, was confident. She has several years of long distance skateboarding under her belt throughout New England and Southern California, as well as professional Long Distance Pushing races along both coasts. “I’m not nervous, I’m ready,” she said.

Photo by Calleigh Little

But when asked what she feared most, she said it was mother nature itself as she set out from Oregon in mid October. “The weather definitely makes me nervous but I went out and got four season gear, winter jackets, gloves. I’m pretty much ready but nobody likes being cold. Coming from living in Southern California to being up here in the Pacific Northwest, I forgot what cold is.”

Little took up long distance skateboarding shortly after her transition in 2014 as a way to get to work and around town because she lost her driver’s license and couldn't even afford a bike. LDP as a sport was born out of illegal street races like the Brooklyn Bomb, a spectacle involving hundreds of skateboarders bombing through the streets of New York, weaving in and out of traffic and through crowds of pedestrians before finishing at the Brooklyn Bridge. The sport has grown quickly over last decade and while once there was an edgy, almost illegal vibe, LDP has formalized of late, complete with a governing body, media coverage, and multiple professional events across the country. As a pro, Little doesn’t make any money on LDP—but she does have sponsors who provide gear. She’s ranked the no. 1 woman in the United States, and no. 3 in the world.

Little initially set out to prove that gender doesn’t matter when it comes to speed and endurance on a skateboard. “I’ve been racing with women for a few years now and I get a little backlash [for being trans] but I’m just blown away because I’ve seen women break the world speed record on a skateboard and in distance too I’ve seen cis women just absolutely blowing me away with the times they’re getting. I just want to prove that gender is insignificant and it’s about how much you want it. I’m doing it for all women.”

Additionally, Little hoped to bring awareness of trans people to areas of the country where they are not as typically present. But what started as a chase for the history books, turned into a valuable lesson on the humanity of strangers.

After careful route planning involving the latest mapping technology to measure everything from the grade of each road to the quality of the pavement, Little decided to start heading east from Bend, Oregon after completing the 5k/10k and 25k races at the Bend Beatdown, a popular annual LDP event. She initially intended to treat her trip like a race and loaded up her pack with food, cooking gear, and loads of clothes, an indication that she didn’t plan on making a lot of stops along the way. In her mind, she was chasing the calendar to make it across the country faster than anyone else on a skateboard ever had. As she struggled through the terrain of eastern Oregon, however, a snowstorm almost immediately derailed her plans for any records.

“As I was walking up this steep hill, a car pulled up and the driver was like ‘You look like you need a ride.’ At first I didn’t want to because I was going for this record but the guy persisted. ‘No really, you’re going to want a ride, there’s a snow storm up ahead.’”

Hitching too many rides would risk any official records but to Little, the thought of walking through a storm held little appeal. And it was not like she’d be able to break any records skating through the snow anyway.

She acquiesced, throwing her 55 lb backpack in the backseat to catch a ride to the next town. At the time, she reasoned, she was simply trying to survive. She was determined to get to Boston by any means necessary. It would not be her only ride from a stranger, she estimates that she covered about half of her mileage catching rides from strangers. A decision that comes with a tremendous amount of risk for a trans woman.

Photo by Calleigh Little

She hit one snag in Boise, Idaho where the roads were much rougher than expected as winter neared. “They had beautiful pavement down there, which is what I had heard, but by the time I got there, they had chip sealed everything. So riding over it was complete hell and I was screaming and crying. Think about skateboarding over loose rocks, it was awful.”

Little slept outside a lot, especially early on out west, which meant tying up her food in a tree away from her tent, in case a hungry bear came along. The reality of sleeping in a tent all night while also spending long days on her board meant that Little was constantly battling the elements.

Eventually, Little abandoned many of her supplies, dumping most of her clothes, food, and cooking gear along the side of the road with a “free” sign attached. The lightened load helped make her days on the board more manageable but abandoning her food meant she needed to skate from town to town and city to city for food and shelter. She frequently went without both.

I just want to prove that gender is insignificant and it’s about how much you want it.

Using a combination of warmshowers.com, a site cyclists use to find a roof to stay under on long distance rides, and Tinder, Little managed to avoid sleeping outside most nights. And in the process, met hundreds of everyday Americans along the way, many of whom had never met a trans woman before. “I can’t tell you how many times I walked into a random bar out west and I was the only person not wearing camouflage.” This often led to interesting situations when Little had to use the restroom.

With the nation still grappling with which bathrooms a trans woman should legally be allowed to pee in, I asked Little how she handled it out on the road. “It depends. Sometimes I would go several days at a time without being able to shave or wear makeup, so I’d try to judge as best as possible which would be safest.” She noted that in the cold late fall weather she was often wearing protection on her face, and a hat over her long strawberry blonde hair and that made it easier to just walk in and use the men’s room where she would be less likely to attract attention. At the finish line, she was happy to report she only had to shit in the woods once.

Later she reflected on her decision to seek help from those who offered, “I could have gone 100 miles a day, eating oats in the morning and soup at night and all I would have learned about myself is that I can plan and read a map.”

Photo by Calleigh Little

Sometimes those interactions didn’t exactly turn out positively. Over the course of several interviews during her journey, Little detailed a handful of incidents that went sideways once her trans status was revealed. But it was one incident in particular that sticks out of the bunch. As she crossed the flat, empty plains of eastern Wyoming, which Little called “very boring,” and into Nebraska, she had her first serious run in with the police. “A cop car pulled up and told me I wasn’t allowed to skateboard in Nebraska.” Little, who had checked the legality in each state she travelled through, pointed out that there was no law banning skateboarding in that part of Nebraska. Nonetheless the police picked her up and drove her almost 150 miles into the state.

Little believes that the transphobia may have been a factor.

“When they called in my ID, they described me as ‘Calleigh Little, white male.’ I overheard the dispatcher tell them that the original call in reported me as female and they still treated me as a dude.”

They ended up leaving her in the middle of nowhere, hundreds of miles off course, without food or water. It was frankly a bizarre encounter with seemingly little legal backing but she was content to move on without getting arrested or fined.

It wouldn’t be her only interaction with the Nebraska police. “The police in Nebraska insist on dominance even when they don’t have to,” Little said, detailing another experience with Omaha police where she was banned from the public library for having an empty water bottle.

Standing in stark contrast, however, is the way other Nebraskans helped her in between. “From the guy in Oskeola who gave me a ride 100 miles east to Omaha and bought me food and drinks to the guy who offered to let me stay at his parents’ resort when I got lost in Ogallala on Halloween night and I couldn’t find a place to camp, everywhere I went the people were so kind.”

Little found it amusing that wherever she went, she was treated as a celebrity as word would spread around town that there was this person skateboarding across the country. She rarely had to pay for food and she had no choice but to start drinking coffee. “Everywhere I went, the one constant was coffee. Everybody drinks coffee and wants to buy you a coffee. The best stories came when I went off my route to find food.”

Photo by Calleigh Little

In Omaha she began feeling ill. Weeks earlier in Wyoming, she had made the mistake of drinking river water. “In Wyoming, I had ditched all my food because of the bears in Yellowstone, and nobody picks you up in Wyoming because it’s a state with only a few people. So I had no water so I stopped and drank water out of the Hoeback River, which didn’t prove to be an issue until [later on] when I got Giardia. I knew I was going to pay for that.” She kept going into Iowa, despite non-stop constipation and diarrhea and made it all the way to Des Moines until the illness meant she couldn’t skate and she ended up finding a friend willing to drive her across Illinois to Chicago, where a woman let her take a few days rest.

According to Little, she felt most unwelcome as a trans woman in Indiana, recounting how she had been tossed out of an open mic comedy night at a punk bar after someone told an offensive joke about trans women. She wanted to try out her own routine.

“I was excited to get up on stage, the opening line of my routine is ‘My dad always told me I was going to grow up and be a great man someday, and I’ve spent the rest of my life trying to prove him wrong.’”

But she never made it up on stage.

“So this guy gets up there and tells a story about he hooked up with a 67 year old trans woman. He said at first he was wondering if it would be good but then he realized that she had her surgery six years ago, so it was like having sex with a six year old.” Calleigh didn’t appreciate the joke and one thing led to another and she ended up with the guy in a headlock before getting tossed out and banned from the bar for life.

The scene at the bar in Boston Little went to after the finish was more calm. The Patriots game was on every TV, but the people at the adjacent tables were focused only on Little. So often in sports, trans women who win against cis women are sneered at and accused of having an unfair physical advantage. Little, however, had achieved something that the general public could actually admire without caveats or snide remarks about her assigned sex at birth. But for Little, it was the people along the way that she’ll never forget. “How much further back would I be without the people I’ve met? I feel like I have homes in fifteen states.”

Photo by Calleigh LittlePhoto by Calleigh Little

In total, her trip took her through parts of Oregon, Idaho, Wyoming, Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut, Rhode Island, and Massachusetts. While she accepted too many rides along the way for her trip to count as an official record, the fact that a trans woman could skateboard and hitch hike across the country in the current political environment is an achievement that transcends mere sporting records.

It was Little, who had never previously left coastal America, who summed it up best describing how her trip on a skateboard across a continent will forever be remembered by the people. “I found my life on the road meeting these people.”

What it's Like To Skateboard Across the Country as a Trans Woman published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv