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#but also talk to me about them I am totally normal about them
aklxojjk · 2 days
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Chica Tímida
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[ Gekko x Fem!Reader ] Gekko looks through your phone and finds the Spanish lessons Reyna was giving you.
note - This has the smallest amount of lore, reader understands Spanish but doesn't know how to speak very well, i got most of my Spanish from my Mexican friend so if its wrong please let me know. ALSO ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE SORRY FOR THE GRAMMAR.
w/c - 2k
warnings - Smut, praise, dirty talk, dirty talk in Spanish, very passionate, riding, fingering.
purple text is Reyna and green is Gekko in case y'all get confused.
MDNI
You sit up in your small but comfortable bed rubbing your eyes, looking at your clock it shines a bright 7:00 AM at you. Groaning slightly you get up and make your way to the bathroom, turning the lights on you start brushing your teeth immediately. After getting done with your daily skincare routine you change into more acceptable clothing, since you sleep with just panties and a shirt on every day.
Making your way to the kitchen you see a just bare-faced Reyna drinking some black coffee. 
"Good morning chica." She says in between sips.
"Morning... I just had the worst sleep ever, felt like I just took a nap, you?" Yawning you make your way to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee and some scrambled eggs with bacon.
"it was alright, our work has been pretty complicated lately" She looks at you with a sly smile. 
"Why are you looking at me like that Reyna... What did I do this time?" you give her a smile taking the seat in front of her, taking a sip of your coffee.
"How have you and Gekko been?" Her tone is playful.
"We've been good unless he told you otherwise…?" your statement comes out more like a question.
"No, he told me you guys were closer than ever... but he wishes you were closer if you know what I mean." she sips her coffee nonchalantly.
"I see, I mean the only reason I've been hesitating is because I wish I could talk to him more you know... sensually but in Spanish." looking away from her, you feel your cheeks grow warm. 
Your relationship with Reyna has always been really good even before Gekko joined the team, but recently you noticed that she has been talking to him more, and that made you feel as if you couldn't share information with her about your relationship with Gekko. Maybe it was the fear that she would disapprove of you guys relationship or perhaps you were just too timid to share all the details.
"How about I teach you some phrases?" 
"Please do" Pulling up the notepad app on your phone you give her a nod as if to say 'I'm ready'
"Just give me your phone I'll write them down for you"
You immediately give her the phone and finish your breakfast, grabbing her empty plate and putting it in the sink. When you come back she puts your phone in front of you, smirking.
"'Okay let's see if the pro has game" You smile at her and pick up the phone.
qué guapo estás
me encatas
estoy loca por ti
Estoy pensando en ti todo el tiempo
estás bueno
cógeme
https://www.spanish_pillow_talk.com
You can understand most of these except for the word before the link, they were normal compliments one would give their partner.
"What does cógeme mea-" Your sentence is cut short when wingman jumps in your lap, meaning Gekko is not too far behind. 
"Hola amiguito" 
"Hi wingman" you say before squeezing the poor little guy.
"Hola mi Reyna, hols mi cariño" his arms wrap around you from behind and you feel his head on top of yours, before you could look up he gives you a quick kiss on the forehead and heads to the kitchen to grab his breakfast.
"Te ves guapo hoy." you immediately shift your gaze to Reyna looking for some sort of approval, and she nods slowly. 
"Only today? I thought I looked good every day." His laugh can be heard from far away, that laugh that you so loved. 
"You know what I mean" Rolling your eyes you click on the link that Reyna had left on your notes, the website took a while to load so you just went to get water. 
"Gekko you've got training later today with Harbor, I totally wish I could stay pero yo tengo una meeting con brimstone" Reyna stands up making her way out the door.
"So I was thinking we could hang out before you have to train" You come back to the table water in hand, and as you sit down you notice your phone is missing. 'Where is my phone?' you thought lifting the table cloth and checking all of Gekko's pets to see if they had it, but your phone was still missing.
"So what exactly do you mean by "hang" before I train" he has a slight smile on his face, he's holding your phone reading something off it.
"just hang out in your room- Oh." you quickly snatched your phone off his hand, checking what he was reading. Your phone read: 'Pillow talk in Spanish' 
“just hang?”
"I was asking Reyna how to uhm compliment you in Spanish and she… she recommended that website!" your nervousness gave it away, he knew you were lying.
“so Reyna recommended you to talk dirty to me? no necesitas mentirme, estoy tan duro pensando en ti” He’s no longer interested in his food but rather you.
You look down at your notes analyzing everything you could say to him right now. “okay maybe we won’t just hang, but please speak slowly so I can understand you.” Eyebrows dropping as if begging him for mercy. 
“Of course,” He took his time throwing all the trash out and leaving the dishes in the sink, but once he was done he lifted you making your legs wrap around his waist. “I’ll do whatever you ask me to”
As he walked to the room he kept giving quick pecks on your lips and cheeks, making you blush as you looked him deeply in those brown eyes of his. Gekko is okay with PDA but knowing you don’t like it, he chose to not embarrass you in case someone comes out of their room.
Stopping the kisses to get the door open, he sits down on the edge of the bed with you still in his lap. He pushes his lips against yours again when all of a sudden he bites your lip softly and you open your mouth just enough to let his tongue in, the heat is intensifying and your moans start getting more audible. Your hips can’t help but grind against his clothed dick, which he responds with helping hands deepening the friction. You both break the kiss to catch your breath but when you are about to go back in he makes you stand, then spins you around so your back is facing him and he sits you down again on his lap. 
“Relax cariño,” You feel his warm breath as he gets closer to your neck, then your shoulders, then up to your face… teasing you slowly as he leaves a trail of kisses. His hands caress your hips just above your panties, his digits twirl around the cloth, he subsequently slides it off your thigh then drops it on the floor. “Estas tan mojada” he whispers in your ear as his hands roam all around your thigh but not where you need him most. One of his hands leaves your thigh and you feel his digits go up and down your slit, spreading it, collecting some of your wetness.
your hand covers your mouth making it very hard for him to hear you, you didn’t mind that since this whole situation made you so timid.
 “Why are you so quiet.. am I not doing this right?” You feel Gekko’s frown as he kisses your neck before he pushes his fingers inside you, gently pumping you, curving them ever so slightly trying to find your sweet spot.
“Cógeme porfa..” You didn't mean for it to come as a whimper but you’re glad it did because he started fingering you deeper and faster, every pump hitting your sweet spot and making you huff and whimper out his name. 
“I will as soon as you cum” his voice low as he concentrated on making you feel good, his free hand stops roaming your hips now cupping one of your breasts fidgeting with your nipple. He knows you’re close and that's turning him on. “Tan hermosa” his whispers in your ear tickle, you turn your head to look at him with eyebrows furrowed and lips parted. 
“I’m about to- “ his glistening wet fingers slide out of you leaving you with a feeling of emptiness, but that's instantly replaced with pleasure when he starts rubbing circles on your clit. You can’t manage to get any words out as your orgasm takes over you, leaving your legs trembling and your eyes closed shut. 
His fingers start rapidly rubbing your sensitive spot as you're coming down from your high, the movement makes you throw your head back against his shoulder. Once you’ve stopped trembling you hide your face on his neck, kissing it and marking your territory.
He once again makes you stand up only this time though he stands up with you sliding his pants down, he sits back down on the bed with his arms behind him to support him. 
You try to be sexy by leaning down and rubbing him through his boxers but he pulls you in by the waist forcing you to fall on top of him, you lift yourself off of him and pull his boxers down. One of his hands is firmly gripping your waist and the other is still behind him. 
“Me encanta cuando me miras así” This is probably the most you have used your brain to speak Spanish but it pays off seeing the look he gave you. 
“yeah?” the hand on your waist forces you down on him earning a moan from you as he took you by surprise, you both let out a groan as more of him slides inside. Both his hands grab a hold of your ass and start moving you, making you grind on him. You speed up as he adjusts himself inside you, thinking the grinding isn't enough you start to bounce on him. He lays back down pulling you with him, kissing you passionately as his back hits the mattress. 
“qué rico mami, me encantas” He whispers sweetly in your ear while his hands rub your back, his lips giving you a small kiss on the cheek, then your lips, then down your neck. “I love you”
“I love you too” You’re drunk off his love, eyes closed, smiling at anything he says, craving his touch as you push your body against his. All of that comes to an end when you open your eyes and go back to riding on him, he pulls you down just enough to be able to grab your boobs. You look at him sweetly and he does the same to you, he adores you.
His eyebrows furrowed as you picked up a pace and his hands left your torso and are now on your hips again, making you grind faster. One of his hands leaves your side and holds your face making you look at him as he’s about to cum. He wants to see your face when you finish with him inside, he wants to see you throw your head back, your mouth part open, and he wants to hear you moan his name.
His eyes are closed but he tries to keep them half open as he's about to cum, your mouth agape slightly as you feel your second orgasm arrive. You push your lips against his own as you both moan in each other mouth, his hands never leaving you.
Gasping for air you part ways, getting off him and lying next to each other you both stare at each other. Nothing but love in both your eyes, smiling wide you giggle a bit.
"¿qué~?" he hugs you as you both laugh
“you should speak Spanish more often, you sound so sexy” You say with your face in his neck
“you should too, i loved it.”
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this has been spawned into existens due to an discord convo with @s-e-v-e-n-24
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I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHH
also if I get enough attention I will write the complementary fic to it soooo
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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lonely--seeker · 19 days
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I think I'm going insane. Lately my dreams have been so mundane, it wouldn't be weird if I wasn't just a person that has nightmares 80% of the time, so I now my dreams are so hard to distinguish from reality.
I wouldn't be able tell what was real from what not if it wasn't because last night I went to my doctor's appointment and I was handed new glasses by Harvey just to go back home and find out Laois was cooking something in my backyard.
#to be fair. in my dream i was back at my old house. so the horrors where there still#also i've been dreaming about my dog. but sometimes it's not him. it's other dog trying to replace him. but it's not him. i miss him dearly#but it's... weird. i never actually dream with characters either. something strange is going on#I've been telling my brother i wake up and i have to remember who i am#for the totally normal dreams. it's like my soul is divided and it's living somewhere else for the night#who is the person i am when i dream. because it's not me. it's a whole different live. whole different people around me. I'm going insane#there's such a strange feeling about it. it's familiar? it's comfortable?#which only makes it even more weird. why is a life so different to mine feel so comfortable...#to the point i wake up and i don't remember who i am for at least ten minutes#but then i forget what i had dreamt about. and then i go around my day randomly reminding things. then that's when i realize those memories#were actual dreams#i should write a fanfic about this lmao#it was a nice dream though. i remember vividly i was sitting in one of those chairs thingies that hang in the air?#and i was swinging happily. i think Laios was talking about where he got whatever the fuck he was cooking. i couldn't understand him really.#he wasn't speaking in spanish but it wasn't english either. i think it was a made up gibberish... I'm still baffled by how comfortable i was#i think there were friends around too. maybe a hangout was going on? everything was nice. it reminds me of the times#i would go eat at a friend's house. but things felt a lot nicer. it was like if time had stopped and nothing wrong could ever happen.#and even then. i was still there. which i think that's why i started to feel dizzy in my little swing. i ended up waking up from that.#i still get dizzy remembering it.#welp. I hope i don't lose myself tonight...#I don't actually know what's worse. the nightmares are common. they are familiar. there's comfort in knowing what to expect.#but “good” dreams like that... i end up thinking about them too much. the residual feeling is weirder#and i have to deal with the whole different layer that is.. there's was a fucking anime guy there. kill me. kill me. get him OUT of my brain#I'm not lying when I say I can physically feel Laios rearranging my brain in ways i will not share publicly#kill me.
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spaciebabie · 6 months
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What's with all the pie?
i was thinking abt my mutuals/friends and how much i love them. my train of thought then went 2 what kind of pies they would be. i immediately needed 2 tell as many of them as possible
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jikigo · 8 days
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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medicinemane · 20 days
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.
#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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stinkrascal · 2 years
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even though it was buried in the tags of my last text post, that text post was the first time ive ever admitted to any of my ocs having The Diagnosis which is also My Diagnosis which means ive just somewhat admitting to having The Diagnosis which is My Diagnosis and wow that was extremely nerve wracking but it also felt nice to get it out there. this is my coming out post i guess
#definitely gonna delete this later i just wanted to ramble for a minute#idk why but this specific diagnosis was the most difficult thing to come to terms with#being diagnosed with adhd and bpd that was nothing but THIS ONE? it ruined my life for at least a few months#which is so silly bc when other people have this diagnosis i think nothing of it#but when its Me it just brings out this horrible complex inside of my heart#so having an explanation for that kinda stung you know. but hey its there now#a lot of this journey has just been me trying 2 unlearn the harmful stereotypes abt myself as far as The Diagnosis is concerned#and learning to treat myself kindly in spite of my insecurities which at times feel like a direct byproduct of my diagnosis. its a lot#but yeah. Yeah. idek what im trying to say anymore#shoutout to my homies who felt like aliens their entire childhoods only to be diagnosed later in life we are so strong and whatever#kisses you on the forehead#also tbh it feels good to project it onto my ocs. it makes me feel better about myself#making brie autistic as shit makes me feel more normal because in my head im like well shes living her best life. why cant i#and all the straud kids too. theyre still living their best lives and theyre totally confident w themselves and they accept their diagnosis#and they accept its just a part of them you know!! nothing to be ashamed of. so why cant i#THIS IS SO LONG IM SORRY im very emotional right now. ik this is kinda weird but i really want to find the confidence#to talk about this without feeling embarrassed about myself. autism rocks !#this is literally the autism website idk why im nervous right now you are all literally autistic why am i so nervous LOL
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pepprs · 2 years
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also the favoritism thing is still making me so fucking mad and insane btw. im not jealous / resentful of my brother bc he deserves her love and is also burdened in his own ways by it and bc i think my drama w my mom has shaped my life in profound ways and given me friends i cherish and i would never trade any of that for the world but jesus fucking christ. why do i have to beg you to interact with me like a mother. why do i have to talk to me at all beyond asking me to do you 847439473 favors a day. why do i have to beg you to take an interest in my life and apologize when you hurt me and be nurturing and perceptive for once in your fucking life. like it hurts to hear her asking him about his classes and whatever bc she didn’t think i was stressed out w school but i had to talk to a ****** hotline last decemver when i couldn’t take it anymore and my mental health was crashing and burning and it doesn’t even fucking matter to her at all and she’s going to get him the nice gifts and throw him the nice parties and whatever because she hates me and my sister for… and let me get this straight… being complicated and anxious and depressed and also girls. lol!
#purrs#delete later#sorry i knowive been insane about momposting but this shit has me screeching like an ape. the way when my brother was born she decided me#and my sister would be okay with each other bc we were twins and meanwhile she was leaving my sister to have anxiety attacks and me to take#care of her and all of this happening at like 7 years old and she would come into my brothers room every single night and kiss him goodnight#and talk to him for a long time and she wouldn’t even come in and say goodnight to us. LOL. ok. like our room being a depression nest is not#an excuse. us not helping out much in the kitchen or around the house (which is bad but also we have reasons for it that i think are valid#and i only do it here and not elsewhere btw.) is not a good excuse. you can’t decide you love your one kid more because he helps out and#keeps his room clean and whatever. maybe he is normal because you made it very clear from the time that he was born that he was your top#priority and you gave him your attention and didn’t take it away meanwhile my sister and i have always had to share bc we’re twins and she#cast us aside when he was born and has fucking tormented both of us for years over who we like what we want where we go all of that shit and#then has the AUDACITY to call herself a good mother. being a good mother is more than feeding your kid and projecting your childhood trauma#onto them by preventing them from ever developing cancer to the point where they’re afraid fo like. go outside. you have to be patient and#nurturing and kind and like.. motherly. ans i know no one can be a perfect mother and she has been hurt so badly and she is dealing with a l#lot right now but COME ON. for gods SAKE. i am right fucking here. why don’t you care about me? why do you make it clearer every day?#ask to tag#like the way she would say when my sister and i were growing up and going through it that she wished she could book a hotel and live there f#far away from us and miss out on us growing up so she wouldn’t have to deal with us being anxious and hormonal because we were teenage girls#LOL. totally did not impact me at all. totally is not a wound that informs every breath i take and every thought i have. not at all#* like maybe he is normal because you uh… idk. just a guess here. actually gave him the motherlove people need to be functioning healthy#human beings? idk. just a silly thought. haha
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le-velo-pour-dru · 1 year
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I'm literally so normal about watching iDKHOW/Brobecks videos on the TV <3 (<- complete lies)
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arthur-r · 9 months
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had a really good night. feeling a little bit sick to my stomach but what can you do
#met seth from poolboy again today!! twice if you count each occurrence how i did the first time#so i’ve seen poolboy twice and theoretically met seth five times. i mean that’s how many conversations i had so. pretty fucking awesome#however i feel a little bit ill. cause of listening to my recording and hearing how awfully annoying i am#the keyboardists fiancé was actually standing right in front of us and so after the show he talked to us#cause me and my two friends who were there we were singing along to all the songs and poolboy is not a very famous band#so after the set was done the guy was like asking us questions and then he’s like yeah i’m actually engaged to jp from poolboy#and anyway that was really really cool in the moment. i just feel a little bit ill hearing myself talk to him?#like ‘poolboy is my fAvorite band .. ‘ ‘..my favorite song of theirs tOtal is corrections’#i dont know. i think i’m just dysphoric and autistic so i have to feel bad about conversations when i have them recorded#but. um. i met jp dreblow’s fiancé that’s Pretty Cool. and i talked to seth and he gave me a free CD!!!!#cause i only had a $20 or a $5 and it was $10 and they didn’t have change and so he said it’s fine just take it for free!!!!#this was after i told him that they’re my favorite band and the absolute coolest and that we had seen them before back in january#and all of that. and i did meet him three times that day (shdhdf it’s a silly way to count it) but also got his autograph so. i’m really#lucking out with these interactions. secret to a dream life: have the most random guys who live in your state be your favorite band#it can’t go wrong. these guys are absolutely incredible and i have had so many random opportunities to say hi and be really excited#anyways i have a year of the weasel vinyl from the january show (with autograph) and a good orchard CD from today (free and with lyrics)#and i got a photo with seth today. i’m pretty sure what i said was ‘could i get a photo with you if that’s normal?’ and he said yeah sure#i feel like my relationship with poolboy is like. the opposite of a parasocial relationship. or like the most amplified version of that#cause i think of them as super cool unattainable celebrities but it’s like. some guy with a masters in library science who i’m probably the#first person to have asked for an autograph or a photo or anything like that. but see there’s the funny thing is that it’s both kinds of it#on the one hand i think of them as fancy fancy when they’re just some guys. but i also think of myself as The Only Poolboy Superfan which is#not necessarily true. who knows really. but they’re sure pretty freaking awesome and i sure got to see them today!!!!#anyway i’m real tired but i was really happy to see poolboy today. even though i feel a little bit sick about how i speak and sound#cause that’s not going to change. and it’s not like anyone said anything about it so i can assume they didn’t notice#i just have this creeping feeling at all times that everyone i meet is just treating me nice cause i’m too obviously autistic#like they hear what i say and they hate me and they judge me but they say well clearly something’s wrong with this kid so i’ll let it slide#but hey. some people love me. so hopefully your average stranger doesn’t hate me as much as i’m scared they might. i sure hope they don’t#anyway i had a good night it was really good i’m just being me a little bit. i hope everyone is well i’m about to go to sleep#friends only#i’ll be around in the morning this is my last tag i love you all very much and see you tomorrow goodnight
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logically-asexual · 1 year
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personal problems in tags
#so there’s this guy#i had a huge crush on#and he actually liked me back#and he was everything i wanted in terms of#he had more or less the values as me and was open minded#and he was smart and cute and also had many of the same interests as me#but it made me sad to talk to him because he had a lot of issues and he would always vent to me and i couldn’t hold a normal conversation#because he would always turn it into some complaint about himself or his life#and also because i talked about him about me being ace and he said it was okay#but i didn’t really trust him that he was okay with it.#and then he wrote me this weird letter that just showed a really weird perspective on things that honestly just scared me off#so i stopped talking to him#but im not over him. i miss him. and i have to actively remind myself of why i stopped talking to him because i want to go back sometimes#anyway#i am rarely attracted to men but when i do i do have a type and it is ummm#not totally traditionally masculine men. more like soft boys but who are also kinda emo or goth and at first glance appear like bad boys#and also are tall and have dark fluffy hair and wear black clothes#so i just watched renfield and im IN LOVE with the main character. of course. he ticks every box#but i realized he reminds me of this guy from real life lol#and i just posted a bunch of renfield pics and gifs to my stories and this guy saw them#and im wondering. if he sees these and realizes that that’s him#and realizes i did like him a lot. so much that i still like him in other places.#i don’t know. i guess i hope he does. just so he knows#vent
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pepsitwist · 1 year
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made a joke abt not being able to get any more wrestling figures bc then i’ll have to start collecting and my dad took it really seriously and is now pointedly not responding whenever i suggest xmas gifts for me that are wrestling related
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eeveearoace · 2 years
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do you ever just. get exhausted. by socializing with people. even people you like! but you feel like you're not allowed to leave. so you just stay there. slowly dying. because if you ask to leave, someone complains about you "not wanting to spend time with family" when that isn't true at all! you want to spend time with them, but your energy is depleted and you just want to beg to have a minute to yourself. but it isn't socially acceptable to leave so then you feel like you're freaking out even when it's half an hour after the conversation ended.
or is it just me
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tedhugheshater · 2 years
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i had a dream with gerard. i miss it already and i just woke up
#so#i was in mcdonalds with my best friend and my bf. and they were saying that gerard was upstairs with some fans#but i didnt want to go upstairs and bother him or sum. so i just go and look for a table (were not actually tables and were school desks)#and in the second row i see him sitting there totally alone. he was like tbp era yk and he looked at me and idk what we talked#so i sit next to him and we start talking. but wait we are not talking like face to face which would be the obvious thing to do bc hes next#to me -we were talking via twitter. like he tweeted something snd i answered and so on. i dont remember exactly what he was saying but it#was very gerardesque bc in my dream i went like god hes really back on twitter this IS gerard. at a moment a fee fans were also answering#to his tweets obvs and there was like a conversation between me and g and the fans made comments and casually joined every now and then#we were joking with him ablut blood and he said something smong the lines 'i havent listened to all of my songs in some time but you guys#sound as if you listened to all the vynils and then consumed them with ur mouth and swallowed them' normal clearly#they bother him (friendly bc he isnt bothered) with saying shit like haha u r a kinky bitch and thats when he says that#and he says he doesnt even remember what he said in his songs because 'i have written so much' but that he does remember not writing about#girlhood and being a woman -he was joking. so i answer 'gerard. gerard. look me in the eyes' and say abt the times he sang abt girlhood#and i mentioned revenge and not that kind of girl and he laughs like uuuhh u got me i was just joking hehehe. then we continue talking but#now face to face. i ask him what he thinks about argentina (im argentinian and in the dream he was here) and he says he likes it a lot bc#1. its small (????? we are literally the 8th biggest country but okay??? i think he meant like buenos aires is very. narrow streets and cool#like the way its built its weird and unique) and 2. its the only place in the world where it frels like its still the 90s#i know we talked some more but i dont remember by now. next thing i know i am with my mother saying i need her to give me money#because they were playing a concert that night and she was like i cant#and i think i was like damn okay ill ask gerard themself if i can do it free if i go with them but then i woke up#rad. the first part felt very real btw#then i was just showing symptoms of illness and being chrinically online /j#but yeah. that i guess. i never remember when i dream eith him#music#mcr#emo#gerard way#we didnt even eat at mcdonalds we were just sitting there
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i realized that uh. i changed in some ways that maybe arent from good causes
like it might just be growing up and getting older, but like. the way it changed is reminding me a lot of like... trying to avoid certain things
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