me, 14 and reading the end of mockingjay:

me, 24 and reading the end of the ballad of songbirds and snakes:

Dark Urge thoughts that make my brain go brrrrr:

losing themselves in the bloodsport while sparring and accidentally seriously injuring their partner

asking the party to start tying them up again after the revelation that they orchestrated this whole plot, reeling and terrified of what they're capable of

insisting that post-revelation everyone learn how to take them on in one-on-one combat in case it ever comes to that

realizing that the name they use throughout the game is something they made up after Orin scrambled their brains, feeling a wave of recognition and then nausea at Gortash casually using their old name

having only a token from before their memory loss to give them an inkling as to who they are, Anastasia-style, guarding it closely throughout their journey to Baldur's Gate and now staring at it, wanting to keep it close just as much as they want to be rid of it

I want to make sure you all understand that i do not encourage self harm, nor do i romanticize it. The reason why i draw the scars on Lucy is that, the trauma does NOT define her and that she's herself despite all of it. She still wants to show her skin like anyone else and i think it's okay. I know i haven't revealed much of my character's personality and story and lore, but she is not perfect and i want to make sure you all understand that. I want you to understand that people with trauma can grow and change and even though the past might manifest in your behavior or your body. You are beautiful and i love you. Please do not hurt yourself.

The fuller Darcy next-gen headcanon, while I'm at it:

Elizabeth Jane (Lizzy) Darcy. She's quiet, withdrawn, dutiful, and intense. Strong eldest daughter vibes. She's very handsome and expected (not by her parents so much as their wider social circle) to be charming and witty to go with it, like her mother, and is neither; she low-grade resents her while also idolizing her. Gets on well with her father and most of her aunts, but rarely confides in anyone.

Edward Darcy (named for Mr Gardiner and Lord —). He's sensible, down-to-earth, loyal, earnest, and easy-going. Very much wants to live up to his strong sense of responsibility as The Heir. Most people like him well enough without having a strong impression of his feelings or personality. Gets along well with both parents, but is slightly intimidated by his father's sterling reputation and force of presence.

Christopher Darcy (Kit, named after Darcy's father in my headcanons). He's high-spirited, clever, friendly, and very content in his own skin, more so than any of his siblings. Like Edward, he's easy-going and practical, but more energetic. He can be a bit careless and outspoken, even impertinent, while also able to pull on a touch of hauteur when annoyed. His spirits and confidence can make him exasperating at times, but also endearing to pretty much everyone around him, including both parents.

Georgiana Darcy. She has quite a bit in common with her brother Kit; she's not quite as comfortable with herself, but she's at least as fearless and impulsive (Voted Child Most Likely To Give Her Caretakers Headaches). She's quick-witted and can get carried away with her own ideas, but is also gregarious and kind, and readily befriended the family's shy charity case, her cousin Fanny Price Bella Wickham.

Honorable mention next-gen characters: Bess Wickham, the most driven, intelligent, and calculating of the Wickham children; George Wickham, her closest sibling, less ambitious but more careless; Martha Bingley, a bubbly, inquisitive, matchmaking middle Bingley child; and Sarah Gardiner, born a few months after P&P ends, thoughtful, pragmatic, and courteous.

her absolute worst pregnancy was with jace

i work in an organization that relies heavily on volunteers. most of them are between 65-80 years old and the women especially are obsessed with temu and shein, amazon too but the appeal of the former two is how cheap the items are. they mostly buy clothes and jewellery as well as tech accessories. they spend hours browsing and they are always trying to get me to do it with them, comment on the quality of the items. it's really weird i don't get it either.

like when im telling you my mother has ROOMS full of like clothing racks FILLED with this shit i am not lying. and ive noticed it amongst a lot of older women among all backgrounds, ethnicities, classes, etc they LOVE it. like i get it the cost of everything is rising and greedflation is crazy so the prices must look amazing but the quality of the items + chemicals used in their overseas production is not worth it... i know a lot of my peers have fallen for it too but it is nice to see that some of the younger generation are choosing secondhand or high quality items at the cost of buying less

Staying at mom and dads place tonight... its nearly 9pm and lil man is still sleeping.. dont want to wake him from the nap that took forever for him to fall asleep for... so yeah.. luckily my parents dont mind us staying😅

Ok I finally watched Midnight Museum 5 and I am absolutely dying. I have no idea what the fuck is going on in this show, ever.

Love that special aroace brand of panic when a random stranger is nice to you and you get all warm and fuzzy which makes you wonder... is this what attraction feels like??? Am I finally feeling the thing??? Or is my lonely touchstarved bullshit acting up again???

ooooo i love the idea of shinobu in her league verse making light hum / chirping noises that reverberate as a soothing technique. her singing does actually have the ability to induce a tranquil state, charming is just one facet of it

it’s been over a month now and i still can’t say enough how satisfying it was to watch 13 blatantly and shamelessly flirt with a woman. 

Like yeah, u seduce the pretty girl, Doc! 

Was trying to design a telepathic alien child that is the embodiment of ‘kills you with my mind’ - and I succeeded! So here’s my daughter, Jeepers!

Alt Color(?)

Please watch The Artifice Girl. It's a great movie with smart dialogue, wonderful actors, and the ideas that are perpetuated and implied throughout the film are amazing.

Spoilers under the cut:

I love the differences between the three main characters (Deena, Amos, and Gareth) and how their attitudes towards Cherry differ. Whereas Gareth doesn't see Cherry as an autonomous being that is basically a human at that point, Amos continually points out that she needs to be asked for consent, that he can't actually tell the difference between her and a human because she's so real. Furthermore, Deena, although she came across as the "bad cop" in the first act, she became far more sympathetic in the second. I love how she was the middle ground between Amos and Gareth, how she gave Cherry a choice to shut down after their conversation whenever she wanted and that she was thinking of the future and that it would be better to start asking AI for their consent now rather than later.

But what really got me teary eyed at the end was when Cherry doesn't absolve Gareth of his actions/attitudes towards her. There's no "Thank you for giving me life" and "I owe you everything and that makes you a wonderful person" or "You were like a father to me". It was made clear time and time again, that he was more of an employer to her rather than just a father figure despite the fact that he is her creator.

There's bitterness and sadness and regret, all mixed together and when you've spent Act 1 and parts of Act 2 seeing her calm and nearly emotionless, seeing her pain and rage in Act 3 is so cathartic. She finally has a voice and she's using it to remind Gareth that even if she is not human, she still has agency.

Just like the children who are exploited and solicited, Cherry is in a position where she has no choice, where an organization continually profits off her.

There's also the whole bit where she brutally tears into him, telling him that she bears the weight and brunt of his trauma, how he should have had the Clearwater conversation with her years ago--50, in fact.

There's this one line in Act 2 where Deena tells Gareth to "grow up". I think he never got past his child and the events that happened then.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I came into the movie with no expectations and I thought that certain things were going to happen, but no. Completely subverted my expectations and made me rethink my expectations and beliefs in autonomy, who gets a say in making decisions, and how the decisions imposed on us by our parents can either heal or build us up as the years go by.

Another thing about the movie that I can never get enough about was the dialogue. You just jump in media res and you're forced to focus and fill in the blanks. All the fat has been cut, what needs to be said is either conveyed through body language or the necessary arguments/discussions that take place throughout the film.

It's minimal, but packs a powerful punch.

The Artifice Girl

ooooOOOAAAHHHH HUBBA BMHUBBA