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girls-and-honey · 1 year

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I saw your tags on the post about marriage of convenience. I need your thoughts right now!

asdlkfj alright re: this post, I have so many thoughts about marriage and I'll try to keep this at least coherent if not somewhat reasonable in length if you get to the end I'm sorry I failed to keep it short

it probably helps to have a little background on what I think of marriage in general then I'll focus on marriage of convenience. bullet points for this part so I don't get carried away:

you don't need to be married to someone in order to love them, or to 'prove' that you love them also there are many types of love but we're not going to get into that

you don't need to love someone to be married to them

in school we learned the whole 'separation of church and state' thing right (maybe this is a us-specific thing?) and that phrase bothers me so much. the way I was raised framed marriage very much as the religious 'sacrament of marriage' but how is that separation of church and state if there are legal effects of marriage as well??

my own view of marriage is much more based on its legal implications rather than its religious ones, in fact I don't usually think about the religious aspect at all unless it's specifically referenced

interpersonal implications for me lie somewhere between legal and religious (closer to legal, and primarily just how myself and my partner feel about being married, friends/family might have secondary opinions but it's not their relationship)

okay and onto marriage of convenience thoughts. examples cited in the post are excellent reasons: tax benefits, tuition reduction, and yes pet-friendly housing as well! other reasons could include residency rights (especially for someone seeking refuge from a country that is not safe for them), alleviate family pressure (it's your life but look some families feel very strongly about this), more financial reasons including social security breaks, inheritance rights, no gift/estate tax for exchanges between spouses, cheaper health insurance for policy holder + spouse or family coverage, etc..

this probably counts more as a benefit instead of a sole reason since you can make an advance directive but it's one that I think about quite often: medical and legal consent. in the event you're unable to provide consent, the order of priority (again, at least for the us) follows this list until one applies: advance directive, legal representative, married / civil union spouse, close relative, close friend. there are definitely decisions I do NOT want to leave up to my family. also if you're a spouse I believe you have emergency services rights like riding in the ambulance or visiting in the ED that are not given to family/friends

plus if there's marriage of convenience it stands to reason there would be divorce of convenience? I'm joking but yeah you can get divorced if you no longer want to be in your marriage whether it was for convenience or not. definitely think this falls under a cost/benefit consideration on a case by case basis, and there are probably some situations where both parties plan to be married for x amount of time for their specific benefits, but honestly I think it's realistic too for people to just. stay married until it doesn't make sense anymore, financially or otherwise

also I feel like this needs to be said, a marriage of convenience doesn't mean you just pick a complete stranger and marry them. I guess it might, but probably shouldn't for most cases. it's not that you're getting married just for the sake of being married, there's still a benefit for one or both parties it's just that the benefit doesn't include the whole romantic love commitment piece

asldfk was about to post but I want to say one more thing actually. I feel like the two biggest reasons people have to oppose marriages of convenience are 1) it's 'cheating the system' which okay?? the system is broken anyway. marriage is a legal institution, if you can use it to your advantage go for it or 2) it somehow diminishes the sanctity of marriage for everyone who marries for love which like, again. separation of church and state is where??? not anywhere near marriage. I'll state it more clearly: marriage is not an exclusively religious act. there's absolutely nothing wrong with marrying for love btw but it doesn't mean these other reasons are invalid or make a marriage somehow less real

anyway I'm very pro marriage of convenience, I'm not a professional (what would that even be, marriage counselor maybe? lawyer? idk but I'm not it) these are literally just my thoughts

#sorry this took so long to answer i just got off a 2 hr call with my mom then spent some time contemplating as I was writing #neither of us are phone people but she's Going Through It with work and wanted to talk through job options (she's quitting good for her)#ahh I tried to keep it short but it still ended up longer than I meant while somehow not covering everything I was going to say #but this sums it up pretty well #anyway who wants to marry me for tax benefits #(joking unless you're the one remaining active mutual I actually know irl...)#thanks for asking btw I was thinking about rambling in the tags and decided it wasn't worth it at the time but this felt good to write #asks

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one-abuse-survivor · 2 years

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Yoooo, dissociation anon here! Hope you are doing well<3

Good news: I'm finally done with my exams!:D Bad news: the government screwed all of us over😔 They just went and like, removed all of the scholarship placements completely, so now if you want to get a higher education you need to pay and absurd amount of money (ew) or sign a 10-year slave contract with the government (ewwwwwwww, also, fun fact: my family actually tried to push this contract on me earlier in the year, but I gaslight gatekept girlbossed my way out of it! Too bad they are enforcing them now...), so my options for now are great👌🏻 Or you are a chosen one, because for those guys the places are free. Fuck them, by the way.

But! Good news - my brother is transferring to another uni after his current one straight up intentionally failed them (it's... A very long and complicated story), and the cost of his tuition in his last uni can cover both of our educations, because yaaaay, absurd elite unis which ruin their students' lives while milking their finances dry!! Well, at least he didn't kill himself.

So for now my plan is to gaslight gatekeep girlboss my way to a scholarship place after one of the chosen fuckers gets yeeted out for being dumb:) On one hand, yeah I shouldn't be so bitter about it but for god's sake, I am going to despise you if the government treats you preferentially for doing literally nothing while fucking everybody else over in the process.

Then there is an option to become an agronom, but honestly when I think about it... I'd rather spend my time getting my way as a manipulative fucker while thriving in my dream field than learn about a literal one.

How's your mental state for now? Oh and a hi and good luck to all of the other anons out here!:>

Hi again! I'm doing well, thank you 😊 hope you're having a good day today despite everything that's going on ❤️

Well done for finishing your exams! That's so horrible that they removed all scholarships, though, I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope things work out for you anyway and you don't have to go anywhere near that contract! And I'm glad to hear you have a plan. Also, I really hope your brother changing uni means you have to see less of him.

Thanks for asking! My mental state has been significantly better since I finished all my uni deadlines last week. I'm taking lots of time to just rest and do things that bring me happiness, which is really, really nice. And I feel like I've been making progress with my physical and mental health lately :)

Thanks for your encouragement for the other anons! Sending a big big hug ❤️

#Ask #Dissociation anon #Suicide mention #Suicide tw #Russian politics tw #Fascism tw #Toxic brother #abusive brother tw #Gaslighting mention

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wildsunscorpion · 3 years

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How Bum Geon Woo communicates through his body language (Plus how he's actually giving the special treatment Eui Joon's been yearning for)

I reread DCS for, like, the tenth time now. Yes, I'm obsessed ohmygod! I'm liking how these two characters are written so far. I originally wanted to break down just Chapters 20-24 of DCS because the first time I read it I got just a little annoyed with how Geon Woo (a.k.a. Ahjussi) was, let's say, just kind of pushing Euijoon's limits. But I ended up doing more than just Chapters 20-24. Dios mio.

I was just a little tired of seeing the same trend with guys in manhwa. They always seem to be domineering, especially if their partner is the "sweet and naive" archetype. (Eui Joon, I think, does not really fit into this mold.) Of course, that's usually because they're dealing with their own issues, and I don't really blame them.

But I like DCS because it justified that kind of behavior in Geon Woo when he was having sex with Eui Joon (in Chapters 20-24, particularly). Lol I'm probably the only one who realized this later than I should have ehehe. I'm still posting this tho.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD‼️‼️

His antics speak volumes. It's amazing how I missed all those details just because the sex scenes were. Steamy. As. Fuck. Good lordy! Geon Woo is definitely a man of few words (He once said Eui Joon makes him talk like he would for a whole year, haha!), so it would make sense to communicate whatever's going through his mind in a situation through body language.

I also want to add the times that he makes the effort to hold a conversation with Eui Joon. Geon Woo doesn't really talk when he doesn't need to, so it's important to pay attention to his actions.

☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙

Chapters 0-12

The first time we get a glimpse of Geon Woo's side of the story was when Eui Joon finally confesses to the person who's been his crush for 3 effing years, Hyeon Woo. Eui Joon is inexplicably happy when Hyeon Woo says he'll consider and comes to the convenience store in good spirits. Geon Woo, keen as always, notices, and when Eui Joon tells him what happened this is what we get:

It's the way it was framed. How we see his reaction from behind rather than from the front. He turns away, seeming to go inward and brood once again.

Afterwards, another gangster comes. The guy challenges Geon Woo for taking too long at the front of the line. Geon Woo asks Eui Joon if he smokes, and when he replies that he doesn't, Geon Woo "borrows" the lighter on the countertop and uses that to throw a stronger punch to the man behind him, who temporarily falls unconscious. Geon Woo turns back to Eui Joon, seeming to have something else to say. But he sees the frightened look on Eui Joon's face and decides to keep it to himself before leaving through the door.

"And..." He pauses, turning to Eui Joon. "... Never mind. Good work."

JUST WHAT WAS HE ABOUT TO SAY?!?!?!

In the succeeding panel, Eui Joon is nonplussed. He wonders out loud, "What is happening?" Couldn't have said it better, girl. Geon Woo was just taking out his frustration and he had the perfect opportunity at the moment.

The second time was when Geon Woo invites Eui Joon to drink after the incident with Hyeon Woo (who basically asks Eui Joon to cheat with him and inebriates him—probably with the intention to take advantage of him). From the side stories, we learn that Geon Woo has taken an interest in Eui Joon after seeing him for the second time, and when he comes by through the hallway—finally discovering they were neighbors—and witnesses the two, he sees it as a chance with Eui Joon.

He invites Eui Joon out to drink, after Eui Joon's suggestion for a dinner at 2 in the morning fails to entice him. Eui Joon rambles his questions away, wanting to get to know him better, but Geon Woo doesn't immediately answer and catches him off guard when he "casually" inquires after his sexuality. Not the smoothest move there, lol, but in the side stories we see that wasn't really his intention.

"Damn it, why did I ask that question? It just slipped out..."

He answers Eui Joon's questions afterwards, surprising Eui Joon with the fact that he's actually been listening to what he's been saying for the past minute. We're starting to see just what kind of a person he is (Listening skills are always a plus in my book).

A little later, we see them on their way back to the apartment. Eui Joon asks Geon Woo to tell him anything interesting because he's been the one talking all night. Geon Woo acquiesces, asking a question that may have been part in consideration of Eui Joon's vulnerable state, and perhaps also part due to the possibility that he worried about him.

"Come to think of it... School has already started. Isn't it tiring to work 'til dawn? Aren't you working too much?"

Geon Woo's face is a little hard to read. So every subtle change in his expression says something. If you read the manhwa, you'll see the slightest bit of concern in his eyes. It's hard to catch until you've read the side stories (at least for me, haha).

One more thing I like about Geon Woo is that he doesn't meddle when it's not his business. He knows the state of Eui Joon's family—their inability to afford his college tuition, his hospitalized brother—and he knows he can help. I mean, I don't know how wealthy and powerful he is as a gangster but he probably has the means to. But he rarely opens the topic to Eui Joon.

Aaaand onto Chapter 8! Just before the first sex scene in the entire series. Eui Joon is crying because he had a shitty day both at school and at work, poor thing—all because of Hyeon Woo. He cries even more when he notices that Geon Woo, who came to the store every day, didn't come to the store that day. When he encounters him outside, he breaks down, catching Geon Woo off guard.

Geon Woo tells his lackey to leave and asks Eui Joon to stay. Eui Joon tells him he was fine and proceeds to go back to his room, but Geon Woo frightens him when he says he was already being nice. And then we get this:

"Ah, I don't mean it that way... Just a while."

That gentle tug is honestly so uncharacteristic of the usual ruffian behavior we often see from Geon Woo. It's a nice sweet detail that proves what he says in Chapter 26 (when he finally confesses) that he treats Eui Joon differently from others.

Eui Joon cries his heart out to Geon Woo, and Geon Woo just lets him. Afterwards, Eui Joon resolves to forget about Hyeon Woo. By finding someone, hmm, more physically endowed.

"I must find someone more good-looking than him. With a nicer body... And a bigger dick!"

Clueless guy basically described the man beside him.

To that, Geon Woo says:

"How long have you known me? You really dare to say anything like that in front of me?"

Which comes off as slightly hostile at first. The next panel shows a dark aura surrounding Geon Woo, which Eui Joon interprets as distress from his implications of doing it with him—whose sexual preference so far remains ambiguous (In the side stories, we learn that Geon Woo himself struggles with figuring this out.). But then, he surprises Eui Joon when he slowly leans in to kiss him.

CUE SEX SCENE! I pitied Eui Joon a little because he wasn't really in the best state when Geon Woo offered this. In Geon Woo's defense, though, from the moment he found out that Eui Joon was gay he saw doors opening. When Eui Joon said something like that, I think his attraction to Eui Joon finally caught up to him and he couldn't resist the opportunity. He definitely wasn’t distressed by the implication of Eui Joon’s words; he was distressed by the decision he had to make—to go through that door or not. Because he knew he wanted it, even though he was constantly denying it from the start.

“This dirty thought wasn’t something that I have planned from the beginning.”

The day after, Eui Joon is a little rattled. He doesn’t know how to treat Geon Woo after that—not when he realized that sex could be that hot and satisfying (uwu). Geon Woo appears to be unaffected while Eui Jon’s brain is in knots about everything. But the questions Geon Woo asks tell us that he’s beginning to show Eui Joon a little emotion. He asks to see Eui Joon’s face to inspect the healing bruise he got yesterday (the one that Geon Woo covered with a bandaid—which was so sweet, huhu). And then, he asks if he was tired after school.

“Let me see your face.”

“School classes. Are you tired after taking them?”

From my perspective, he wasn’t just asking for the sake of being nice to the person he slept with. The story still hasn’t covered much of Geon Woo’s history to know whether he had been like this with his previous partners. Although there was a moment in Chapter 27 during one of their conversations when he gave us a little glimpse:

Geon Woo: It's normal to cry over pathetic things at your age. Eui Joon: Have you cried like that before too? Geon Woo: No. Eui Joon: Then how do you know that? Geon Woo: I just... know. Because there was a guy like that around.

From the time Geon Woo invited him out to drink, I think Geon Woo was genuinely concerned when he asked how Eui Joon was doing.

☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙

Chapters 13-26

Geon Woo's love language, I think, is his actions. He fights off the gangsters that bully Eui Joon into giving them discounts or even paying for them from his own pockets so they won't have to. He gives Eui Joon food and medicine when he finds out he was sick (the morning after having sex with him in the car for hours, lol). He likes taking care of the person he likes. So in Chapter 26, when he "confesses" to Eui Joon, that was Geon Woo pointing out that he's been doing the same thing all along.

"I mean, look at me just once... What kind of person I am. How I treat you. Take a good look at it. If you think that I'm good, then pick me. If not, you can throw me aside." "But. Before you do, you should understand this. Until then, I don't intend to let you get away."

This "non-confession" (he actually tells Eui Joon it wasn't a confession) actually says a lot about Geon Woo. His attitude towards their relationship is very blunt and straightforward. Once he's made a decision, he stops listening to his doubts and stands by it. I don't really know when Geon Woo decided that he liked Eui Joon. It was more slow-growing. In the side stories though, we see him considering this big-time when this thought crosses his mind:

"There's the common phrase of having the opportunity to meet your fateful love. If there's a sign for it, would it be possible to stay vigilant?"

AHJUSSI YOU SOFT-HEARTED ROMANTIC I CAN'T T^T He becomes more bold with Eui Joon afterwards, but he's still a little prickly. He's constantly weighing his options, trying to figure out in what way will doing the things he does for Eui Joon benefit him, if at all. In Chapter 13, when a customer comes inside the store and forces Eui Joon to pay for what he bought, he's on the scales. But then the memory of that morning flashes through his mind, and he remembers how the simple act of Eui Joon giving him his number had made him smile like an idiot. He beats the customer for him, taking the money he owed, and gives it back to Eui Joon. He even manages to casually ask him out on a date. The guy can be smooth as fuck.

Eui Joon: Are you saying... we should eat together? Geon Woo: Sure. I guess I've done something worth compensating. Will you give me my reward?

Take notes, people! At this point, Eui Joon has gotten him wrapped around his finger, and he didn't even know it! Of course, Eui Joon still thinks their relationship is only purely sexual, but then Geon Woo begins doing these uncharacteristically tender gestures that Eui Joon initially interprets as Geon Woo giving him special treatment.

"Let me see your face." "School classes. Are you tired after them" "I'm thinking that... You'll look good in short hair, too."

And Geon Woo even tries to initiate a conversation with Eui Joon when he feels like Eui Joon couldn't take the awkwardness. A good example was when Geon Woo treats him dinner at the restaurant.

"...." "Is this your first time coming to this kind of place?"

Somehow, these things he does still feel kind of forced, like he was genuinely annoyed at Eui Joon and everything he did. Even when he asks to do it with him again and Eui Joon refuses because he was still sore, there was a moment of frustration that shone through.

It was a sign that Geon Woo was still confused about the things he was feeling towards Eui Joon. He knew he wanted him physically, but then he doesn't take up the woman's offer that evening after Eui Joon refuses him. It wasn't actually written on paper, but knowing Geon Woo's character he might have felt uneasy about going through with it. Not particularly on Eui Joon's behalf, but it may have been unconscious because of his budding feelings.

His feelings were something that rattled him, and he was usually undeterred in any kind of situation. What rattled him more was that Eui Joon didn't know anything about what he was going through.

"Being naturally attracted to you, and going through unfamiliar emotions. This feeling should only be felt at an adolescent age."

We're seeing him from behind again. The use of this perspective in manhwas / mangas / comics usually makes you feel like can't tell what the character's thinking about, but most importantly that they're most likely about to go do or SAY SOMETHING DAMN IMPORTANT. Like, maybe, telling their feelings to the person they like!?!?!

"Eui Joon-Ah. I like you."

ASDFGHJKL DID ANYONE SEE THAT COMING?!?!?!

That actually surprised me hella lot. I'd originally thought Geon Woo was the tsundere type, but he was more honest with his feelings than I believed. However, he hadn't been completely convinced by these feelings until Eui Joon had offered to break it off. Suddenly there was an exit to his situation, but he didn't really feel happy about it. He was frustrated at not being able to properly understand what his words made him feel. Because the truth was he didn't want to break things off. He just wouldn't admit to himself at the time that the reason was he actually wanted Eui Joon.

We could see him debating it himself, poor thing:

"I didn't expect myself to be in a situation where I couldn't even understand my own feelings. I should've figured it out the moment I couldn't understand my sexual preference. I'm not that young anymore... What is this?" "No... It could also be a spur of the moment... It doesn't seem to be like that. It might also be due to pride, but I feel it's not necessary for these kinds of feelings to affect my pride... But even when it's like this, I still want to..."

Geon Woo decides to "have a little fun" before conceding to Eui Joon's request to "end their entanglement". But I've noticed that whenever something bothers Geon Woo too much, he takes a smoke. When Eui Joon makes the suggestion, Geon Woo does just that.

The slightly rough way in which Geon Woo treats him afterwards shows his frustration. He grabs his arm roughly and pulls him towards the car, but he doesn't realize he was hurting Eui Joon's wrist with his own watch until Eui Joon whines in pain—at which point Geon Woo just laces his hand through his instead. Which I thought was so sweet T^T

When Eui Joon freaks out about doing it at the school where he studies and asks Geon Woo to consider it for him, Geon Woo says, "Do I have to consider that for you too?" And when Eui Joon asks for him to do that, Geon Woo replies, "I guess I've been too nice to you." THE MAN WAS FREAKING FRUSTRATED!!! Geon Woo even challenges him to stay quiet, telling him no one will hear them if he does. Throughout the whole thing, Geon Woo wanted to dominate him, daring him to take what pleasure he could give him, but with an aggression that bespeaks the storm in his heart and mind. Reading it back, I realized just how damn hot that scene was. I mean, goddamn. After Geon Woo admits his feelings, there's a serenity about him afterwards. He no longer has to second-guess taking care of Eui Joon or expressing what he felt towards him. He gives him food and medicine the next day since he caught a fever. He "invites himself" to watch a movie with him since they both had nothing to do for the rest of the day. The guy was basically courting Eui Joon, haha. Not a confession, my ass XD

And then, when Eui Joon opens up about how he rejected Hyeon Woo, Geon Woo tells him he'll also wait for him for around three years T^T

MY HEART I CAN'T T ^ T ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ So that's kiiind of a long breakdown. I included as little pictures as possible. Copyright and all that. I just really like this series so far. I want to be able to read the original someday. Hopefully I'd be able to learn Korean T^T. If you like this as much as I do, chat me up =D would love to hear other thoughts.

#dangerous convenience store #dcs #bum geon woo #ahjussi #yeo eui joon #bl manhwa

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not-close-to-straight · 2 years

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I turned 21 in September & spent the weekend in San Diego. I think it depends on your mood if you’re in a Vegas mood or not 🤣 I’m always down for sitting at home & the party life if not for me so I’m team stay home buuuut sometimes staying in a fancy hotel is nice too especially when they have a big tub & you got a good deal for it. I was trying to stick the second job out bc they have tuition reimbursement after being there for 6 months but honestly I hate it & they pay so little. I did my FAFSA for the first time & it was so stressful holy shit. My mom isn’t helping either. She refuses to give me her info for it & I can’t file as an independent so that’s fun. I’m finding the older I get the more nasty her attitude is & she blames it on her depression & doesn’t take accountability for anything. It’s really frustrating & I’ve been thinking about taking a break from her for some time idk. I had to put my 14 y/o black lab down in May & whew I still cry when I see videos of her. I’m watching Hawkeye mostly for Hailee Steinfeld I love her to death. Oh oh I got ticket to see Spider-Man on the 17th & I am so hyped bc I love watching Zendaya on the big screen. I’m taking off work so I can see it during the day when it’s not busy bc crowded theaters are a no no. Yes & I’m still not over Tom Holland & Zendaya dating they are so cute with their height difference 🤣

You know, I thought 22 sounded a little too old when I typed it but it was close enough lolol

Re: Family things-- the best thing (healthiest thing) I ever did when I was about your age (20ish) was completely cut my mom out of my life for a period of time. I literally up and moved states, changed my phone number and blocked her on every form of media I could think of and just lived my life. We have been back in light contact for years now but one thing the cut-off really did was establish some extremely firm boundaries with a woman who didn't think I had a right to any boundaries.

Don't take this as me saying "cut her off!" but take it as me saying, needing to go no contact or even extremely low contact for a while could be very beneficial both for you and for her to maybe force her to see you as a separate, grown person? I think alot of times in mother-daughter situations, even in relatively healthy relationships, the moms can have a hard time as seeing their daughter as separate than them and then conversely, as ever "grown" especially if the daughter isn't married/having kids of her own yet and if there is a mental health issue there, mom/daughter pairs can really turn towards co-dependence and emotional immaturity and that can be really difficult especially as we the daughters are trying to stretch our wings and move on. My relationship with my mom was never great, but when I turned about 16 and was suddenly old enough to drive/work/be independent it turned super toxic and it only got worse when i turned 18 and moved out, it was like the older and more independent I got the more she felt she had to control everything about me and it was crazy. i went no contact for a while, then ONLY text messages and i would only respond to specific ones and I was probably... 26? before we even talked on the phone again? I'm not saying it needs to be that drastic with your mom or anything, but i AM saying that if you need to step away you don't need to let anyone make you feel guilty for it. Your mental health is just as important as hers (and honestly MORE important, because its your own health vs someone else's health, so you should take care of you first, then others).

LISTEN. I care very little about Tom Holland and Zendaya but I will fully admit they are sort of ridiculously adorable. From what I've seen with interviews and social media, just ridiculously adorable. Good for them. Also that height difference has me cackling, I love to see it

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quakeriders · 3 years

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hi! i believe you've said you're german right? what advice would you give to someone who's going to do a postgrad in germany? i'm planning on moving to the north western part in october/november to study computer science and i don't know what to expect exactly. is university more difficult? is state health insurance good? i'm sorry for bombarding u with questions skjdfhkjdsh

hey hi, yeah im german.

to answer most of those questions its important for me to know what you're comparing germany to. bc if you're from the uk or france etc. its not that different but if you're from the us for example, the government is great.

so in germany you have to have insurance to study at university and state insurance has got you 1000% covered with a 100€/month plan. if you got a part time or full time job you would be insured through them though. so state insurance is totally fine. private insurance is for small business owners and rich ppl.

if you dont have much money, i think you're also entitled to get bafög (student credit)

if you're going to a state university you only have to pay around 500€/semester which will give you a public transportation ticket as well and if you're eligible for bafög you'll get almost the same amount but each month.

edit: 500 might be a reach, i dont know the national average but i pay like 370€ or something every six months and our cheapest public transport tickets are 50€/month=300€/semester so you know basically free

i'm pretty sure your university has a buddy program that would be happy to help you get settled and help you setting up a bank account and everything so you can ask them about all the benefits and options.

but generally my tip is to go with state things over private, we got that going for us in germany at least.

as for the difficulty, again, i dont know what to compare it to and also it highly depends on the uni you're going to go to. some are highly competitive but mostly, i think if you're getting into a grad program you're gonna be fine. (at least you dont have to stress about studying longer bc of student loans or whatever bc honestly unless you're going to a private uni, the tuition costs as much if not less than six months of a public transportation ticket alone would cost you)

if you got any more questions you can ask me, i dont know how much help this is going to be but im sure you're going to be fine and we have a quite stable system for students in germany especially if you're going to a state school. and dont be afraid of reaching out to the universities contacts they give you bc its really helpful when getting settled in.

#long post //#i swear im not flexing about tuition cost #im just trying to reassure you

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glass-expanse · 4 years

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This is something like the first time in three weeks I've actually checked my social media. I'll tell you something-- living without social media is liberating.

Nothing ever really changes on these sites. Not really. Popping back on them, it just feels like everything's the same. All the people are making the same sorts of posts, with the minor differences in hyperfixations. All the Instagram stories are still basically the same. No one has anything productive to say on Facebook-- although there was one post that I wish I had the guts to tag my best guy friend in XD it was very much him.

Overall, though, I don't feel like it has added anything to my day. If anything, I think it subtracted from the value of my morning.

Since I dropped social media, my depression has gotten better. I've been reading 4 chapters of the Bible a day and writing in my journal every two or three days. I've begun a search for a second job.

I've been talking more with friends via text and even a couple phone calls. I feel more connected, more in tune with life, than before. And it's not always perfect. Sometimes I feel more zoned out than others. And I still haven't properly cleaned my room. But you know, that's alright.

Some days I still feel stuck. Although I have decided on welding school and have a plan to earn money for the tuition and supplies, I feel a bit in an odd spot. I haven't made any progress on a second job in a couple weeks... The last progress I made was getting the understanding and support of my best guy friend. (He's honestly a financial genius and I have loads of stuff to learn from him so that was a pretty big thing.) I don't feel like I'm actively moving towards a big part of my goal though. I mean sure I'm working most days of the week, but I haven't gone through with further investigation of any job opportunities.

I guess one thing I wish is that I were less exhausted on days off so that I could tackle things more easily. Even eating right is a huge struggle right now. I have essentially dropped the idea of inktober and NaNoWriMo this year in favor of working harder on getting the money I need.

And then we have Sundays. I visited a church near my home for the first time a few weeks ago. I went there two Sundays before work began to start at 10:30 again. It kind of makes me sad to think I can't go to church. I know people who go there, but that's not even the most of the reason I miss going... The sermons are great and really feel spiritually refreshing.

I've begun to question what a Sabbath really means. Because ultimately on my days off I'm only sleeping and struggling to eat well and wishing I could go hang out with my friends (although now that I have a driver's license and a freeway worthy vehicle (2010 RAV4) that should be easier). I'm not devoting those days to worshipping God or anything.

I'd like to start maybe a Monday morning Bible study with my best gal friend, maybe at the Tim Hortons the next city over. But I haven't brought it up or anything yet. At least it would be a start.

But yeah overall I feel like I'm beginning to really desire more time with God even when I feel so washed out that I can barely do my daily Bible reading. So that's a good thing and also a little bit of a bad thing because I haven't really done anything to move closer to ANY sort of goals. Not Jesus goals, not job goals.

So while cutting out social media altogether has definitely had a positive impact, it's not doing all the work haha. If anything, I feel like I've been awakened to a new state of being-- one not trapped to endless scrolling. I may still look up a ton of stuff on Google and read a lot more articles than usual... And I may watch YouTube videos a bit more frequently... But overall I've been quite pleased with the decrease in meaningless time on my phone.

I'm looking forward to whatever my next step in faith will be. I just know that I don't think social media will have a part in it.

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bangtansdoc · 5 years

Text

Into the light.

Part 1.

Ost: OMG!- Joy red velvet ( Ost of the great seducer).

Pairings:Park Jimin(BTS)×reader

Genre: Fluff, horror(maybe Idk), Vampire! Au, CEO! Au, secretive and very clingy-ish Jimin. Ack guys this is one's a long read. Hope you can follow through to the end.

Ost: Joy(red velvet)- OMG!(Ost of the great seducer).

Word count: Honestly I don't even count it anymore.

Synopsis: You need money. Park Jimin has money. You end up getting a job as a house keeper in his gargantuan mansion. But what secrets might the handsome CEO be hiding underneath his flashy image?

PS: This whole fic was inspired by Jimin's GDA 2019 looks. It was le'jin'dary.

He watched as blood pooled out from her body. There was so much blood. He wondered if it was normal for her to produce that much, considering who she was. He tried to reach out to her, to hold her hand, even though he knew she was already gone. His vision faded, and he knew it wouldn't be long before he joined her.

***

"Hey Y/N are you watching the news right now?!" Your best friend's voice screeched out of the phone before it reached your ear. "No I'm not Joon. What's the problem?!" "Go find a TV right now. Or..." "Joon! I'm on my way to work now. Can't it wait?" "It IS about work. And it can't wait. Y/N..." "Ok see you later Joonie!" "No don't you...." You quickly hung up the phone as you felt a migraine creeping along your head to the base of your skull. You leaned your head against the bus window and sighed. You were exhausted. It was bad enough that you were working two part time jobs(they were initially four but Joon had argued that if you didn't tone it down you would flunk all your classes and probably end up in a hospital which had ended in you clocking him over the head and eventually conceding cause....he was right) but you also had a big test that you really weren't prepared for. You brought your fingers to your temples and massaged them lightly. "Don't fret Y/N." You spoke softly to yourself. "You can do this. Only two more years left till you graduate. You got this." Your phone buzzed with a text message. It was Joon. "PICK UP THE PHONE NOW YOU STUPID BRAT." You sighed again and switched off your phone. "Not today Namjoon. Not today." You whispered again to yourself as the bus arrived at your stop and you disembarked.

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You jogged lightly towards the glue factory, adrenaline coursing through your veins as you prepared to tough it out through another day of work. So it was to your surprise when you met several employees loitering around the factory's compound, with several men moving boxes out of the factory and into a large truck. You quickly approached the elderly woman that was the head of staff. "Mrs Avery?" She looked at you and relief washed over her face like you were the answer to all her problems. "Oh Y/N! Thank goodness you're here!" "What happened?" "Don't you watch the news dearie? Some whistleblower reported the president of the factory for embezzlement. So they cut us all off, packed up and are 'moving to rural areas'. Pssht." Your eyes bulged out of their sockets. "What?! But-- but---" "There's nothing we can do dearie. We're all out of jobs now." She said again as she quickly made her way to another group of employees. Your mind raced and spun around. Packed up...cut us all off....out of jobs... Your tuition fees were due in a month. And you were perfectly, utterly and catastrophically broke. You fumbled for your phone in your trousers pocket and dialled your best friend's number. "Joon! I'm doomed! Doomed Joon! I'm- I'm gonna get kicked out of school. The factory---it-it shut Down. I don't have any money Joon! What am I gonna do?!" "Calm down Y/N! Your tuition isn't due for about a month. You have plenty of time to find a new job before then. "No no no! Don't you get it?! No job will have as high a pay as a factory in time, and no factory will hire a part timer now after this whistleblowing incident!" You could see practically see Joon scratching his forehead in thought. "Ok Y/N? Take a deep breath." He paused as you did so. "Now calm the hell down, and come on over so we can figure out what you're gonna do." You blinked back several tears as you hung up and bolted for the bus station.

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"Maybe you should ask your parents for some cash." You stared at Namjoon like he had just sprouted horns. "Kim Namjoon. How long have we been friends?" "Since kindergarten." "Exactly. So you of all people should know that that isn't an option." "But you're really desperate now. You can't do this alone." "So what's gonna happen to my FIVE siblings Hun? I've been taking care of myself by myself pretty well. Now is no different." Namjoon sighed exasperatedly like you were the dumbest person in the world. He was probably right. But what were you to do? Growing up in a family of eight was no joke. Your father was a teacher and your mother owned a bakery. But their earnings alone were not enough to cater for all your needs. So you had decided to unburden them by fending for yourself. You had started working as soon as you were old enough. Your parents were apprehensive at first but you were able to alleviate their fears of your working affecting your studies. You had worked your way through high school, moving from job to job and had been offered admission into a prestigious University. Your family was again afraid that the tuition was too much for you to handle alone, so you had borrowed money from Namjoon, which you were still currently trying to pay back. It had seemed that luck was on your side when you got a job at the glue factory. The working hours were reasonable and the pay was good. You figured that if you saved enough you would be able to make it through the four years of college. Until this happened. "I could lend you money again." You covered your face with your palms. "I still haven't finished paying you back for the last time you lent me money." "It doesn't matter." "It does matter! Our tuition is not chicken feed!" Namjoon shrugged. "It's not my fault my parents are rich." You groaned again before throwing a plushie at him. "Dogmatic jerk." You muttered under your breath. "Don't worry. I'll think of something." "Yeah well whatever you think of, better think of it fast."

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"Hey hey Y/N check out what's on the news right now." Namjoon said as he plopped down beside you in the school cafeteria. "Do you spend all your time watching the news?" You asked teasingly, making him open his mouth in thought which you giggled at. "Probably." He replied and you burst out in laughter. "Anyway guess what?" You decided to humour him. "What?" "You know the glue factory you used to work at? The one that got whistleblown?" You looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Ok ok you do. Well park Jimin just bought it." "Park Jimin? The mega ultra super rich business tycoon?" " Yeah, the mega ultra super shady one. Something's not right about that guy. I know it." You rolled your eyes. "You've 'known' it for six months now." "Yeah I mean all people know about him is that he's super young and super secretive. We're talking about no friends, no family, not even a freaking pet....." "Namjoon..." "And he lives in this gigantic mansion with no one but his housekeeper." "Maybe he just likes his privacy." "Yeah no one ever just ' likes their privacy' . Especially super rich business moguls. He definitely has something to hide." Namjoon paused. "I'm thinking of making him the protagonist of a book I'm writing." You stood up with your tray of food. "Goodbye Joon. Call me when you have something better to discuss. Like where to find a job maybe?" "Hey I'm helping out as much as I can." You leaned towards him and kissed his cheek. "Well you should help out more than that." Your phone buzzed with an alarm. "And there goes my lunch break." You shoved your food into Namjoon's arms. "I have to go job hunting." "Hey let me come with." Namjoon said as he hurriedly stood up. "No you don't have to. I'm going to the job center to ask if they have any openings. And you have class." Namjoon raised an eyebrow. "And you don't?" "Well I won't even have a class to ditch anymore if I don't get a job now. See you." You said again as you quickly made your way out of the cafeteria.

***

You stared at your phone and sighed. It had already been a week since you had been to the women's job center. They had been skeptical, especially after you had stated all your conditions, working part-time during the week, Sundays free and also the fact that you were a student. However they had promised to get what they could for you, especially after you had begged them that you would work anywhere as long as the pay was good. But now here you were, staring intensely at your phone. What if you weren't able to find a job in time? You were sure that asking your parents for that much money would definitely affect at Least one of your siblings. You rubbed your temples and felt that awful migraine creeping along your skull again. You were not a happy-go-lucky endearing kind of girl who was always smiling even while suffering, but you always kept a healthy level of optimism in your tank, never letting your troubles or problems get the better of you. Namjoon had also played a great part in that. You fell back on your bed. But lately it had been getting harder to see the good side of things. You groaned in frustration, wondering if the job center was really finding it hard to get you something to do. Your phone suddenly buzzed to life, and you sprang off the bed like a rabbit, stumbling to the dresser and grabbing your phone like your life depended on it. You glanced at the caller ID and curled your toes in anticipation. "Hello is this Y/N/L/N?" A soft voice boomed out of the phone. "Yes. Yes it is." You said quickly, your heart in your throat. "Ok. I'm from the women's center. I'm happy to inform you that we've found a job for you." You heaved a sigh of relief. "Oh thank God. I thought you weren't gonna be able to." The voice let out a soft chuckle. "Well it was difficult. But we managed to get something for you last minute. You are really lucky. The job offer sprang up out of nowhere. And it meets all of your conditions." You couldn't believe your luck. You wanted to leap into the air in Joy. "Thank you so much. When can I start?" "Uh, you still have to come down here as Soon as you can to get more details. Your employer is very particular about the people he hires. He is a private man and wants to interview you first." You mused on this. "Whatever he wants. As long as I get the job." "Ok then. Come down to the agency tomorrow so I can give you the details." The voice said and hung up. You fell back on your bed again smiling like an idiot. "YES!!!" You shrieked as you wriggled about. You heard a small voice at the back of your head. "Don't count your chickens before they hatch Y/N." You pushed away the thought. Things were finally looking up.

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You sat down in front of a desk with a computer on it. You had arrived at the job center and had been waiting for about twenty minutes. You checked your phone for the time. You were beginning to get agitated. Where was the attendant? A middle aged woman suddenly plopped down in front of you. She greeted you with a warm smile. "Miss Y/N?" She asked and you responded with a nod. "Sorry for taking your time." "You spoke to me on the phone?" "No my coworker did. But she's out sick today so she told me to take care of you." "Oh." You responded and waited for the woman to continue. She switched on the computer and began to tap at the keyboard. "Ok so you've been offered a job as a housekeeper." "Uh can I know who I'm working for?" The woman smiled. "They wanted you to find out when you came for the interview." You were confused and began to wonder if this was some elaborate prank by Namjoon. Really. How private could one person be that they were keeping their identity a secret from their prospective employees? Were they some kind of mafia clan? You started to think of declining the offer when the woman, as if sensing your doubt, spoke up. "It's not dangerous Y/N. And I promise you the pay is very good. The CEO is just a very private man." CEO she said. There was something off about this woman too. You eyed her carefully. Ok Y/N. Let's see how this goes. "Alright." You said finally. "Great." She tore out a slip of paper and scribbled something on it. "Here's the address. Your interview is in two hours." "Two hours?! Well why didn't you...." "I didn't think you'd accept the offer." She didn't think you'd accept it? Exactly what was going on? You hurried to get your things. "Good luck!" The woman yelled after you as you dashed out the door.

You stopped short in front of an enormous gate. The gate had two iron carvings of a Jade dragon embedded into it. You heaved a sigh and pressed the doorbell. You waited for a while and was about to press it again when a deep male voice boomed over the PA system. "Yes?" Yes? Oi. "Uh, I'm from the women's center. I applied for the post of housekeeper." "Oh. You're early!" Yeah barely. You thought as the voice said again and after a while the gates slid open. You stepped into the compound and gasped so hard you almost passed out. Before you was the largest compound you had ever seen. There was a huge maze like garden on both sides of the compound, and sandwiched in between them was a beautifully lit walkway. There were lights and lanterns decorating each side of the walkway and you could only imagine how it would look at night. You walked slowly and gasped again when you saw the house. At the far end of the compound stood the biggest palace you had ever seen. In front of it was a pavilion, and in the pavilion was a water fountain with water sprouting out of it. The house was enormous and you felt as if you were standing before the tower of Babel* instead of a freaking house. The mahogany doors swung open and a well dressed Man with blonde hair walked out and towards you. He was just as beautiful as the house. You began to wonder if you had accidentally walked into another dimension.

"Y/N? Welcome." The man said cheerily, smiling at you constantly. "Come on." He spoke again and you shivered. You followed him into the house and your eyes almost fell out of their sockets. You were standing in a very grand Hall, fit for a king. Now you weren't an artsy girl, but you could make out several pieces of art work placed in the hallway by the walls, all leading up to a glass stand, above which hung the portrait of a young girl in a hanbok. You stared at the portrait, entranced by the girl's beauty and how sad her face looked, before wondering what sort of creep you were about to work for. "Beautiful isn't it?" You heard the male's voice beside you. He was also staring at the painting. "Yes. Yes it is." "It's the most exquisite piece of art in the mansion. Apparently the CEO described the girl to the artist himself." You turned to face the man. So he wasn't your employer? You had thought that this CEO being so private would've interviewed you himself. Guess even the most private still order lackeys around. At this point you still didn't know who exactly you were working for. Just what kind of mess were you getting yourself into? "This way." The handsome male led you towards a beautiful set of spiral stairs. You ascended quietly as the man led you again into a parlour room. He sat down on a cushion and you sat opposite him.

"So Y/N. Hi. I'm Kim taehyung. I'm CEO Park's PA." An alarm went off in your head. CEO Park. CEO Park. CEO Park!!! "I'm sorry do you mean CEO Park jimin?" Taehyung studied you. "Yes." Oh God!! CEO Park jimin, the super secret mega business mogul that Namjoon disliked. Why hadn't you seen the signs? It was when taehyung had asked if you were alright that you realized you were gasping for breath. "I'm fine. I'm fine." Taehyung studied you again. God was he handsome. You hoped the CEO looked nothing like him or else it would be very hard for you to concentrate on work. "Okay." Taehyung leaned back on his chair and crossed his legs. "Let's discuss the conditions of your employment." "But I haven't accepted the offer yet." Taehyung raised an eyebrow. "Well you're here aren't you?" You shifted in your seat. "So you'll be working Mondays through Saturdays, like you requested. Your job requires regular maintenance of the essential parts of the house. A Gardner and a mailman come occasionally. You'll also be residing here..." "What?" "Yes. In order to be fully efficient you can't afford to commute every day. Trust me it'll be much easier if you lived here." You sighed and wondered again if you were making a mistake in accepting this job. "You'll be receiving six thousand dollars at the end of every month..." Your eyes widened and your voice caught in your throat. "I'm sorry. Six thousand dollars?!" Taehyung smirked at your reaction. "At the end of every month." He paused. "Do you have anything to add?" You cleared your throat. "The-the pay for this month, can I receive it now? Like up front? I really need the money. I promise I will work for the full month I owe." Taehyung narrowed his eyes before placing a piece of paper before you. "That's a contract. Sign it." You carefully picked up the contract and signed it, sealing your fate. Taehyung smiled. "There. With that you can't run away. We will catch you if you dupe us." You gulped. "I'll speak to the CEO. The money will be forwarded to your account before the end of the day." You smiled brightly as tears brimmed in your eyes. All your money problems had just been solved in under an hour. "Thank you so much." You gushed, extremely grateful. Taehyung smiled a boxy smile at you, almost as if he was as excited as you were. "Anything else?" He asked. You sighed. "When can I start?"

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"YOU WHAT?!" Namjoon yelled at you after you briefed him on your new job. "Y/N..." "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before I decided this Namjoon, but I really need this. You know that." "Yes, but..." Namjoon ran a hand through his brown hair. "Forget all jokes now. I've read a lot about CEO Park to know that he's hiding something. Something that could be potentially dangerous. Working for him.... Living in his house, puts you at risk. He could be some kind of secret mafia boss for Christ's sake!" You stared at Namjoon's concerned eyes and pulled him closer to you. You knew he was just worried about you , but you honestly thought he was just being paranoid. All in all, you couldn't blame him. You cared about him just as much to be paranoid if the roles were reversed. You planted a chaste kiss on his soft lips. "I'll be fine Joon. Really. I promise the second something seems off I'll quit immediately." You smiled at him and his expression softened. "Fine. But that doesn't mean I'm okay with it." "I know." "When do you start?" He grumbled, a sound you associated with a large, pouty bear. "Uh, tomorrow. Wanna help me pack?" He stared at you, incredulous. "Tomorrow? But shouldn't they at least have given you some more time to pack?" "I chose to start tomorrow. Better to get it over with as soon as possible right?" Namjoon shrugged as he picked up a pink bra, scrunched his face and tossed it aside. "Can't argue with that." He said as you grabbed the bra and stuffed it into your suitcase. "Trust me Joon. It'll be over before you know it. Oh and by the way, you should see his house. You'll love it."

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You stood up from your crouched position and stretched your back. You had already successfully moved into the CEO's mansion and had been working for a week now. You saw taehyung regularly, he always popped in with a smile and the excuse of ' fetching some documents' when you knew he was probably checking up on you, obviously at the CEO's orders. Said CEO had not shown his face in the house since you arrived. You hadn't even seen his car in the driveway, not that you would notice anyway, with the fleet of cars parked in it. It was always the same routine everyday, and it was exhausting, but the amount at the end of your Bank book made it totally worth it. It was actually a bit easier because you were on break and you braced yourself for the stress you would face once school resumed. You took one last look at your Bank book for encouragement before exiting your room to begin the days duties. You made your way downstairs to the storage room and passed by the front door. You stopped abruptly as you saw a pair of male shoes placed beside yours. Must be taehyung's. But he had left the previous night. And why didn't he let you know he was back in the house? When did he even get in? You rolled your eyes and shrugged off the thoughts. He probably had something else to take care of and it wasn't like he had to tell you each time he came in. You grabbed your equipment and made your way to the pool.

You pulled back the sliding glass doors and stared at the exquisite marble pool before you. You gently placed the cleaning equipment on the floor and was about to drain the water when you noticed a movement in the pool. "Taehyung?" You called out, as you cautiously approached the pool edge. There was no answer. You moved closer and slipped on the marble, tumbling into the pool. Now you hadn't meant to be so overdramatic, but your fall had caught you off guard. You thrashed and flailed in the water, your movements causing you to sink further in. Suddenly, strong arms gripped your sides and hoisted you out of the water. You felt the arms holding on to your sides and a pair of legs wrapped around yours to stop them from thrashing about in the water.

You sputtered and coughed, before opening your eyes and both your heart and time stopped. In front of you, with his arms around you was the most beautiful human being on the planet. His eyes were a deep blue and they stared at you intensely, his lips were plump and pink, and his blonde, wet hair matted across his face. The sunlight reflecting on the water hit his face and he shone. He sparkled like an angel and you became as dumb as a mule. He must have sensed that you were in shock as he put his arms around your waist and guided you out of the water and into the folding chair. He stared at you again, before grabbing a towel and he began to walk away. Your brain came out of autopilot right then and you scrambled to your feet. "Wait!" You yelled, and the man stopped, turning back to you, his eyes burning with curiosity. "Thank you for-for saving me. My name's Y/N. Who- who are you?" You sputtered out. "Y/N right?" His voice came out, soft and pleasant. "You must be the new house keeper. I'm your boss, Park Jimin."

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Part two will be out soon! Hopefully!.

Comments would be appreciated!!!

#bangtanfluffs #park jimin #fantasy #vampire au #horror au #bts ceo au

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