@tilltheendwilliwrite @alexakeyloveloki i... have no words

what is this feeling?

somedays i feel like a god, somedays a pathetic worthless mortal being.

i'm struggling between self doubt and over confidence. i've been swimming & swimming & swimming incessantly trying to reach an invisible shore.

whenever i think about my future, i feel scared and feel like walking backwards to my childhood. because my childhood was an endless summer, a forever thing.

lately everything seems so blurred, can't distinguish between reality and imagination anymore. i've been living too much inside my mind. in monet's words: i want my heart to stay "awake" in a "colorful silence". but lately i've been feeling like my heart has been drowning in the same sea of silence. everything feels parched.

today, i tried to shut my mind and listen to the melody of this mellow may evening. and suddenly i witnessed a bird sitting at the branch of a tree.

i felt a bit liberated from my thoughts, from this never ending vicious loop for a brief moment.

i'm 20. and maybe i'm not the only one who feels this way. feels so lost...

thinking about this

This journal is an archive of my soul

Perma Tag List

Still around? Please like or comment.

No, I am not adding to it, I am in fact closing it.

With the changes tumblr has made I have decided to post to Ao3 and then link here to tumblr. I have kept a tag list when others have stopped and have kept posting here but am making the switch. It's only fair to ask if yall still wanna be bothered by me via tag list if Ao3 is not your thing. I also know that people follow different Fandom and what not, likes change, and that is okay!

And thank you for reading. I really never thought anyone would wanna be notified of my stories much less wanna be tagged in the first place and its meant so much to me.

As always, just a like or comment to stay on the list. Again, not adding to it, to be notified you can follow my library or my Ao3.

Tiku on Ao3

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Junk journal entry. Accepting my uniqueness

the only way to live is to almost die every day.

iyflicblwytmbwdyssb?

Chaos is my love language, chaos is all I know, chaos is all I make and chaos is all I am!

the symbol of the butterfly is wonderful to me:

it’s about change and how it can be beautiful. it shows that something ugly can become beautiful too.

remember, the person you were a few years ago isn’t the same person you are now. you are the most beautiful part of yourself right now. embrace it like a butterfly does on their wings.

i recently got my 5th tattoo and it states:

“She’s beautiful chaos and wild butterflies”

you might feel like you are not yourself or that everything is just not right (or chaotic) just remember that you are right where you need to be to be the best part of yourself. just like a butterfly, wear it proud.

During rainy nights i sit outside curled up. i stare into the cloudy sky looking for the moon when it’s not there. i let my face heat up from the hot steam rising from my cup. i sit here to feel something to feel content, run away from the chaos, from time. Because as long as i sit on my balcony chair and hear the cars passing by, see the dimming candlelight that fluctuates in the wind, everything seems so simple and so down to earth.

I choose black in your memory as I try to murder your ghosts in my head ..

This irony is wreaking havoc.

In oxymorons and paradoxes,

In hopes for something impossible to happen

Dammit. Is Ao3 down?

I just feel like everything is pointless, I'm trying to fit in a world that fucking hates me.

I've been stuck in my mind as long as I can remember.

Shit, I've suffered. A lot.

I want it to stop PLEASE

All of the voices, ringtones, song pieces, lenguages, pictures, intrusive thoughts I really want to die.

mans is T I L T E D

hes f u m i n g

Excited to share this item from my #etsy shop: Nuerospicy Content Creation Organization Digital Sticker Pack https://etsy.me/3FpA7VB

Me piden enfoque, pero yo digo:

En qué te enfocas cuando todo es un caos?

Cuando ni siquiera la fe te da una salida.