#but I am also conflicted because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable
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professor!re4r leon fucking u.. i think (or at least wanting to fuck u)
cw content : leon size kink kennedy (jk) | sub-afab-fem-reader and dom!leon kennedy | age gap(ur 22 he's 27), leon masturbating, penetration, slightly weird ooc leon ♡
[to clarify, i am 18. anyone <18 and anyone >18 uncomfortable with interacting pls dni]
authors note bc i love rambling; btw i'm writing this in public at some boba cafe can u believe that lol im literally supposed to be studying but hwatever fuck it leon make me go blaahhhhhh. btw what do i call this? a fic?blurb?drabble? idklmfao by the way i have NO idea on how to write professor x reader shit so im sorrhy if this sucks ass.
synopsis : conflicted and flustered professor!leon kennedy of your local college struggles to improve his class' average because students like you—incompetent, airheaded, spoiled and klutzy— make it difficult for him :(
‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵
you heard the rustling of laptop bags and stationery as leon's students left for that morning lecture. though, they moved slow and drowsy; for leon is sure nowadays this generation can't afford to wake up at 6:00 in the morning to prepare for a 7 a.m. lecture on "deviance and crime control."
especially you.
kennedy is a sharp man. he harps on students even if they get a B on any assignment, but he swears it's on his tough love (to which a lot of students aren't really aware of, just that they know this stoic pretty-face of a man has high standards.)
he is also keen on attendance. something girls like you seem to take lightly. it was absurd, really. most professors don't give a shit, do they?
it would've been fine with leon if you missed lectures even twice a week as long as you emphasized your understanding of his lessons through putting stellar effort on your schoolwork. but the best you've gotten on his class was a B- drawing close to a C+.
so, he needs to have a chat with you. urgently.
"l/n, i need to speak with you." leon spoke, confrontative as his black jeans peered from your right peripheral vision. he stood tall beside the edge of the table where you sat. jesus, was he trying to give you a heart attack? (he always had this habit, he'd just pop out of nowhere. he has silent feet.)
yes, you may have missed his lectures from monday to thursday to go to macedonia with your family: but if leon were given the opportunity for a vacation he would snag it too, right?
you looked up at the young professor, wide-eyed and a bit intimidated. what the hell did you do this time? you closed your laptop, gave leon your full attention. leon has also noticed this about you; you're quick to pay attention but you have the memory span of a dumb rabbit. maybe even the IQ of one too, if leon was rude enough.
so you sat there, hands on your lap as you fiddled with the pleats of your blue plaid skirt. the color makes his heart beat a little—he loves the color blue. and the way it looked on you... wait, no. what the hell was he thinking?
"you couldn't even spare the few minutes to e-mail me that you'd be missing four- four, of my classes in one week." he emphasized with a slate tone, and the way his eyes peered down at you added that he needed your reasoning of the situation. he'd love to hear what you had to say for yourself. "i had to talk to your friend, ashley, for some clarification. even the president's daughter has the dignity to show up to my class with a verbal apology." leon scolded as his fingertips met the pages of your notebook. did you even care about his classes? :(
much to your chagrin, your lips were pressed in sheepish silence. hopeless, even. you didn't even have anything to say for yourself? how pitiable.
you simply can't miss class, that wasn't right! just because you thought you could hide in the shadows amidst leon's collective of 73 students (yes he counts), you aren't out of his eyes. in fact, you stood out to him even if you were just an incompetent scholar.
he sighed at your silence. "fair enough, an apology can't compensate for your lack of presence or decorum." he then placed your paper on the desk, you had gotten a D. you were never a bad student but this was your first D ever! your eyes widened and he caught on even though he could only see the crown of your hair. "surprised? because i'm not." leon uttered flatly while his pale fingers flipped through the papers right in front of you. you even spotted a few contractions— when did you even pass this?!
but you weren't a bad girl to him, no. you were capable of shame and guilt. you looked sideways, unable to meet his eyes and training your vision to the floor. you felt low, disappointing a professor that gave you numerous chances to break out of your awkward shell.
"you're a smart girl, you know that?" he finally sighed softly. he wanted you to look at him, make him another promise that you'll start putting effort in his class. he needed to maintain his class's average or else he'd prove he was an inept professor, and he can't do that when he lets 'students like you' get away with shabby attendance and subpar schoolwork. "i don't just give students chances. but that doesn't make you special." and it was true—he's voluntarily failed 6 of his students before. "you'll do something about this, right?"
"yes, professor kennedy.." you muttered modestly.
"hmm?" he hummed inquisitively as he took your paper back. he was willing to give you a chance. "listen to me. i'll give you the chance to redo your paper. i know when students rush their work and if i see even a hint of redundancy in it—i will take all my chances back. and you are never taking absences from my class. i don't want you entering even a minute late, or leaving a second early. i hope we're clear, l/n."
naturally, you were scared. so you nodded up at him after countless confirmations that you will do you work and that you'll show up to class no matter what. he has to use your word against you, he's sorry but it's for your own good.
once he was satisfied, he gave you a nod and turned his side, dismissing you. after all, leon was a busy man. you're not his only student.
it was when you walked out the building and then 20 minutes away from it that you felt like crying. you hated being scolded by him :( but just when you were about to go through your bag for your handkerchief, you were stuck with an inconvenient realization. you forgot your handkerchief.
‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -♡- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵
leon just stared at the table where you sat from just now, backpack strap over his shoulders since he was just about to leave. he gripped onto either of them slowly as he stared down at your handkerchief in contemplation.
a twofold baby-blue hankie embedded with a subtle floral print. tentatively, he picks it up with his hand and examines it. for a minute his mind went blank, conflicting between chasing you and just returning it to you or to leave it by the lecture podium for her to retrieve tomorrow (when you hopefully attend his lesson again.)
..but blue was his favorite color.
"damn it." leon, with a barely audible mutter, shoved the handkerchief in his jacket pocket. he felt like the most guilty man in the world, poor boy.
...
leon sighed.
he wasn't celibate.
his hormones were in shambles once he got to his place. perhaps part of it was because he knew he hasn't graded the recent tests yet.
manspreading, tie loose, shirt stuffy and jeans undone while his hair wisped in slightly disheveled directions. cold breaths followed out his pretty mouth.
"nnn..fuck.. uhh-" leon whimpered into the baby blue cloth, laced with your perfume. he felt so guilty, so perverted. he shuddered every time he could see over the edges of the cloth, seeing his cream-leaking tip from previous orgasms spurt teasingly. "ahh- fuuuck, p-please-"
his grunts were high. he was close to crying, staining your pretty handkerchief with guilty-pleasure-ridden tears. spilled milk, it trailed down his pretty shaft as he pumped it over and over. his motive was you— you were just so fucking stupid and had so much naivete, it absolutely vexed him knowing how endearing you were.
until a slip of leon's mouth surprised him, earning a small squeak from him as he accidentally muffled your name in your cloth. "fuck, y/n- a-ahh.. u-uhh..hmfff.." he was frustrated; whining and cumming while his mind stirred with the thought of you and your pretty eyes and the photographic memory of your dumbstricken face.
he gave out a tired whine into the cloth, so, so close to crying his frustrations out. he just wanted to eat you. christ, and he was so hard for you it made his head ache..
he could only watch his girth that pulsed with white. he pried the sweet handkerchief off his lips, breathing roughly and wiping his tears. he felt so, so sorry for you. the color of the cloth looked exactly like the skirt you wore yesterday. and yet to top it off, he (ashamedly) wiped his cum off with your dainty cloth. oh, he's so sorry..
‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ -♡- ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵
he didn't want to come to this point. or maybe he did and god was force-feeding him with culpability (he's atheist). he offered once to tutor you personally. one-on-one, no distractions. and so suddenly, someone's skirt was on his clean carpet floor..
your blouse draped over your shoulder and was pulled above your bra carelessly. he handled you with so much ease, squishing you into position while he tried to slowly push his thick length into your syrupy hole. you bit the knuckle of your thumb, and whimpered timidly that he was too big. but look where you were now.
"fuck- you're so- you feel so good.. shut up and take it all, yeah?.. hmmff-" there leon goes, harping you again. you were so loud but it wasn't even your fault, not when he was pistoning his cock into you and paying no hesitation to his pace. you were simply too sweet for him not to please. "sweetheart, hold onto me.." he mutters.
he was pushing every squeak and cute little wail out of his pathetic student, rutting his tip into that spot. "n-nnghh- aah!~" you were running low on words.
"yeah?- mhmm...ffuck, right here? huh?" the feeling of him thrusting against that spongy part more and more sent your mind further into autopilot. you were past squirming around and pushing him away, you just had to take it.. and take it.. and you were doing so good ♡.
"l-leoonn.. m-mm!- fffeels t-too good-" you babbled, mind stuffy with the pleasurably-shameful feeling of being gorged with your professor's thick girth. he shuddered at the way you uttered his name so adoringly. to leon you were so dirty but so, so cute. he had you puddled into tears beneath him while he fucked into your cute little hole with fervor. he just wanted to stuff you full, make you his, adore you forever.
he whined softly into your shoulder. you kept clenching down on him and it made him impossible to think. his phone was ringing on his bedside but he doesn't even give a shit—if anything he tried to drown it out by thrusting into you faster, to which made him lament into your skin. he even adjusted your hips up impossibly further.
"l-leeonn, n-no..— n-no more, please!!-" you blabbered adorably, voice mumbly and whiny as you clawed at his shoulders or back— you didn't know anymore.
"shhh shh.." he cooed over your cries with a quiet and honeyed voice, planting a soft kiss to where he could reach on your face or head. "i know, i know, it feels so good, hm?.. just let it feel good, baby—ahh, fuck-.. uhh..." he moaned lowly into your shoulder, unable to stop the way he rutted his cock into your creamed-up cunt. you seemed to be enjoying it, so why were you complaining? leon thinks to himself smugly but he knows he can't act on his pride. after all you made him like this—submitting to his carnal urges...
you didn't wanna cum a third time, huh? silly little girl.
leon growled quietly into the crook where your neck and shoulder met. you've never heard that sound from him. he held you down, constraining you, and squished you further into his mattress. a helpless and surprised yelp lolled out your tongue as he went impossibly quicker while he cursed like he was about to break down in tears. leon was mercilessly grinding his cock into all your sensitive spots, not letting your pleas of retort contest him. "fuckfuck- u-uhhh, take it, baby, c'mon... do it f'me, it's gonna feel so good-.. ahh!-"
he couldn't even finish his sentence—just piping his cum in you roughly as if he were proving a point, growling whinily along the way. he even kept fucking you shallowly while you were a dumb, sniffling mess with no sense of self-assertion as you creamed all over his shaft uncontrollably a third time. consecutive and quiet whimpers could be heard from you while you soaked in your overstimulation, needing him desperately to reassure you again through the overbearing pleasure of being pushed past what your cunny can handle.
"poor baby." he muttered to himself breathily as he gave the last of his tired, frustrated thrusts and pulled out of you; giving you the time to breathe while he pats your hair down comfortingly. his fluttering eyes finally closed as his head found refuge in your neck, slightly limp with exhaustion as he huffed cold breaths on the wet patches of your skin.
he pulled his head away after a minute of regaining what's left of his strength. leon looked down at you with subtle puppylike eyes, like he was sorry for ever being so harsh on you; even before he fucked the shit out of you. you quietly took your handkerchief to wipe some sweat off his neck— and his cheeks went a little rosy, remembering what he did to it that day you "lost" it ♡.
seems detergent can't wash something like lust away!
#leon kennedy smut#leon s kennedy#guys im sorry if my writing is pretty vague idfk lmao#re4remake leon smut#THIS IS SO BAD AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH#leon kennedy x reader#leon kennedy x reader smut
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Re: autistic advice; i keep seeing people making fun of stuff like "are you in a place to hear bad news" or scripts like that. I grew up in an environment where it was common practice to just drop heavy subjects on people out of the blue, & I still find that intensely uncomfortable. But I've now had multiple people tell me that it makes them feel shitty when I ask, for example, "are you up for a dark subject?" & I don't really know how to square it away. I want to make sure that I'm not stepping on anyone's toes or making them feel ambushed or trapped, but apparently it makes some people feel like they're not allowed to have their feelings. I end up feeling pretty shitty about it, because like... it feels like either I have to be Rude (because it DOES feel rude to just drop a dark topic on someone) &/or risk having something shitty I can't deal with dropped in my lap, or else really upset people. I guess... is there a way to navigate this?
I would recommend being more specific.
People find phrases like "Are you in a place to hear something that might hurt you?" and "Are you up for a dark subject?" to be a bit presumptuous about what their emotional reactions will be or what they are capable of handling. It also can make what would have otherwise been a very unremarkable exchange become tinged with anticipatory anxiety.
When someone asks me a question like "are you up to hear something dark?" I might feel coddled and condescended to, rather than emotionally respected. Or if they ask me "are you prepared to hear something that might hurt you?" / "are you up for a serious conversation?" I think they're about to drop some serious emotional bomb on me, like that they're friend-dumping me for something horrible that I didn't realize I did. Then when it ends up being a meme they want to share or a question about a celebrity lawsuit or something i'm kind of pissed at the false alarm and the coddling that, rather than protecting me, made me feel worse.
In either case, rather than giving me time to emotionally prepare or interact when I am ready, these vague questions have introduced some kind signal of social or emotional threat. If anything, it increases the felt urgency to just have the damn conversation already and see what kind of monster is lurking behind the person's words. It makes me *less* likely to exercise control over when the conversation happens or when I see the upsetting thing.
So be specific. "Do you wanna see a disgusting meme?" "I want your opinion on something, but the question touches on sexual assault. Is that okay to talk about?" "I want to talk to you about a conflict I'm having with my other partner." "Can I ask you your opinion on this transphobia discourse?" Etc.
The more specific you can be about the subject and why you are asking about it, the more power you are giving the other person to actually decide what they want to engage with. When someone asks me if I am willing to discuss something dark, I really have no idea what to say. They're imposing their judgement of what is a dark or upsetting topic onto me, when really they have no idea what I might find triggering and what I might really enjoy getting to talk about.
Rather than trying to protect me from something I haven't even encountered yet, you gotta let me encounter it, and actually trust that I will take care of myself. If I don't want to talk about sexual assault I won't, if I don't want to look at gross imagery I'll say no, if hearing one more bad thing about your other partner is going to make my jealousy fume, I am responsible for handling that. You're not responsible for my emotions.
It's good to notice which subjects your friends are especially sensitive to and what big triggers they have so that you can be considerate. My friends know I cant look at lots of blood flowing out of someone for instance and dont send me visuals/fics that feature, say, wrists being slit or blood being drawn. But if they forgot, I'd understand and just look away and squeal oh no i cant look at that get it away. And that would be fine. They are not responsible for my reactions to things.
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Haaard agree on anti-Chaggie post (so sorry Chaggie shippers. We love you)
Alastor is known to steal the attention of people whenever he is on screen. But when he is with Charlie it makes it more interesting! They bounce off of each other in an entertaining way. Even if you don't ship them they are funny. Alastor is getting a kick out of just talking to Charlie. He finds her amusing (probably in a mean way lol). And Charlie while thinks he is an asshole, (cus he is!) she sees he tries to help her even with an obvious hidden ulterior motive.
They don't see eye to eye in their goals but at least they are both real characters with their own motivations and that makes them very dynamic with each other. Also they are both goofs, love 'em
Chaggie has fans within people that just want cute and non-dramatic relationships. Or just a queer couple that is wholesome without any dramatics. Valid!
It's just awkward that Vaggie is all about Charlie. This one thing puts me off. Considering my previous experience with it was in Steven Universe (Rose and Pearl, anyone?). But it's just personal thing. Sometimes things like that are funny like "they are obsessed with this person lololo" or "they are... Uncomfortably obsessed with this person"
[I think it depends on if the other person is on the same level? Charlie seemed somehow dismissive of Vaggie but it can be explained that the plot was just more focused on hotel than them (ugh 8eps. waiting for S2 to have fillers).]
Shipping is all about preferences and that's okay! My friend is a Chaggie shipper and I am a Charlastor shipper. I asked her to explain to me the appeal and she explained it as "a cute couple that has no conflict whatsoever. People like that exist and it's more common than very dramatic or action-driven couples". And I just like a bit fucked up dynamics where I watch someone in that dynamic go through some emotional turmoil (mostly Alastor<3) and also co-workers/housemates dynamic (when I need something cute and simple)
Some people just prefer down to earth things, especially if their life is a rollercoaster. What's important is to respect each other!
Sorry for a lil essay. I just think sometimes it's important to say "these are prefrences. We don't hate you for not liking your thing and the same goes in vice versa"
All fandoms have a group of people that is.... A bit too devoted to something. Respect others even if they don't like the same thing you do. Instead ask them to explain to you why they like it in a non-hostile manner or don't interact at all.
We're all tired of shipping wars, especially when some companies add oil to this fire to monetize more. I just want to get back to old fandom days when you both would be shopping different things and then end up in a make out session /j
Sorry for an essay again. Love your art, especially when you draw unhinged or going insane Alastor because Charlie makes him "feel". Thanks for all the content<3
This!!! So much this!!!
I hardly even need to add anything to this tbh, you already said everything that needs to be said perfectly!
I often like to think of shipping as the more adult version of playing with dolls, and that different people will play with their dolls differently! Some may prefer to follow the instructions on the packaging, playing with the toys exactly as intended, whereas others might find that boring and instead prefer to mix things up and do their own thing!
How I play with my set of dolls should have absolutely no impact on how you play with your own.
Thank you so much for writing out this ask, I'm honestly really glad to see that common sense and critical thinking skills within fandoms haven't completely died out yet lmfao
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The issue is that you’re always giving Katara the bare minimum of her culture. In your AUs, she can’t have both a betrothal necklace and hair loopies - she either has to have one or the other. I couldn’t even tell that it was Katara in your Lee and Kya AU. I thought it was Jin.
I think it’s wrong to assume that anyone who has an issue with your Fire Nation Katara AUs are automatically jealous and bitter Zutara antis. Even having read all the context, your portrayal of Katara in the Hunters AU along with the caption makes me uncomfortable as a woc.
I know it seems like I'm always putting Katara, in specific, in an uncomfortable position. Maybe I am.
I love to explore what situations like those—being forced to hide who you are, always a foreigner, holding on to a single remnant of your identity (and doesn't that sound like Zuko?)—do to a character. I don't always get it right, but I don't think there is a right way to do it.
These are extremely sensitive subjects, I know, and they are important to me, too.
It is never my intention to make anyone feel uncomfortable with what I think or how I decide to express it. I'm genuinely sorry if I made you feel that way.
I love these fictional cultures. I love these characters. And I don't want to "give Katara the bare minimum of her culture", but putting her in a position, within the AU, where she is forced to have only said bare minimum has consequences that I feel compelled to explore. Not only with Katara, but also with Zuko, with Aang, with Iroh, with Sokka... They are all different characters and react to these issues differently, and that's so interesting to think about.
The Southern Water Tribe culture is dying. Katara's culture is dying, and my stories' intention is not to finish the kill—I want to see how, despite every single obstacle thrown in its way, Katara's culture survives. And if I have to let her keep only her necklace to do so, then so be it.
On the other hand, I never thought of you as an anti, nor was it my intention to treat you, or any other anon, like one. You have been nothing but respectful so far (am I right to assume you're the one who asked about Katara's cultural identity in the first place?), and I would be a hypocrite to demand said respect without giving it in return.
Antis are rude. Antis are spiteful. Antis mention colonizers and woc and domestic abuse without caring or knowing about what they're talking about. Antis tear you down to feel better about themselves.
I refuse to treat anyone like an anti unless they give me reasons to do so.
You are not an anti. You are a person who has legitimate concerns about how I tackle sensitive issues in my AUs and artwork. You disagree with me, and you state your reasons for doing so, because these themes are important to you, personally.
I don't expect anyone to readily agree with me on anything. My opinion is my own, with all the conflict and trouble it may bring me. But it is mine, and I will defend it. However, I'm also self aware enough to recognize when I'm wrong, and when I'm treading on dangerous ground.
Someone once told me I'm as neutral as a wall. They meant it as an insult, but I guess they're right.
Judging everyone for the actions of a few is not really my thing. I have only come across one single anti so far (fortunately). I'm not about to get on the defensive and start attacking everyone. Unless they deserve it.
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WIBTA if I withheld a job from my ex?
cw: maybe abuse?
My ex (28f) and I (24f) broke up two years ago. we're on decent terms, but I moved cross-continent and we don't talk often but are on good terms. every few months we chat and catch up. I don't think she's a bad person and have no ill-will towards her.
we got together when I was 19 and she was 24, which makes me feel weird now as a 24 year old, esp considering I was homeless and recently exiting a sex trafficking situation. I'm physically disabled- she had a physical government career (think military, first responder, etc) and had a good amount of muscle on me as a result. our relationship centered around substance abuse a Lot, and she did shove me, push me, etc. the worst thing she did was break my arm when I was trying to get her to eat when she was really drunk because I was worried about alcohol poisoning. I'm an addict tbf, but I didn't put my hands on her- I was awful, I'd leave for days after we fought and scare her, and that's not okay. I want to clarify that I'm also shitty in this scenario- I'd leave, I'd call her mean names, and not pick up the phone. overall, it was a toxic relationship on both our ends.
she left her government job, and I have gotten her a job since our breakup in the nonprofit work I do. The company I recommended her to operates hundreds of miles away from me, and so I wasn't worried about running into her, despite it being the same niche area of nonprofits. People there were uncomfortable once they found out she was my ex, because they were concerned about me when we were together, but she did well and genuinely helped out a really hard-up charity.
Recently, we've caught up- I never plan to get back with her, because someone breaking your arm is bad and I recognize that. My friends rightfully disapprove of us talking, but I needed some copies of vet records for my cat she had, and she asked if I knew anyone hiring. I am successful in my career and hold sway in the field I work in. I have worked at this one company I absolutely love working for, like I'm at my dream job, and I don't think it'd be appropriate to recommend her to apply. I am higher up now, and they would let me refuse to supervise her due to conflict of interest, but I just don't want her at the company. She's great at her job and would be a massive asset, esp bc it's a nonprofit and we struggle to find decent staff, but it'd freak out my work friends, she'd come into a similar environment as the last recommendation I gave, and I honestly just want to focus on my career without dealing with the stress of having her around, even though we're friends now, she still scares me a little.
So I told her to apply at companies I have a good reputation with but do not plan to work with again. It's basically the same job, same pay, as she would get if I offered her a job where I'm at, but my company has better policy and is more understanding. we're so understaffed in my field that people recommending friends, family, exes, whatever, to apply is normal and, frankly, appreciated, as long as they aren't working with them directly. I would be able to put her in an office on the other side of the country and never have to talk to her w work, but I just. Don't want her at this company, even though she'd help a ton and it's slightly better than the other jobs I've set her up with. She doesn't know I'm holding out, but AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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I'm rereading utb and while i def understand and agree with ef being held accountable for things, at the same time, it seems like everyone is constantly acting as if he's supposed to know how to have a healthy relationship and to cope with his emotions, much less his trauma, without anyone actually explaining or modeling this
Like, everyone constantly brings up the fact that he tried to kill Kadek even once they've acknowledged why and gary is starting a relationship with him while also essentially his prison warden and with how little ef has experienced in the world, especially as a psychologist, gary still not doing anything to help him get better coping skills makes it feel like he's setting him up to fail
Like, temsen is technically correct that ef domestically abused gary but he has literally never seen a non abusive partnership and is literally a prisoner in his current one
Idk, I really love this fic so, so much and thank you for writing it and i don't even need a response or anything, I just get defensive of ef when I'm reading sometimes bc he's trying so, so hard basically all the time and it seems like people acknowledge it sometimes in the moment but then don't give him the tools to make it any easier
Answering this one publicly because I know you're not the only one who feels this way or has felt this way!
Okay firstly, some of this conflict I'm evoking in the reader is intentional. I want people to feel defensive of Efnisien. I want people to think 'hey, hang on a minute.' There's a lot of reasons I want that, including the fact that in reality, most people don't recover from being abusive even after they've been in horrifically abusive situations in a vacuum (i.e. the whole world doesn't suddenly stop and become soft as cotton wool just because you've been abused! If you go and interview a whole bunch of people in jail right now, a lot of those folks (especially those who have done repeated serious crimes) will have experienced horrendous and incredibly unfair amounts of abuse, y'know? It's complicated. Yes, they have a right to heal and a right to support. Some of them probably did some pretty awful crimes as well. *coughs*serial killers*coughs*)
Obviously Efnisien is nowhere near that level, but the dissonance remains. He's certainly tried to murder more than one person. But we root for the person whose perspective we're reading. Still, people do not heal in a comfortable vacuum. In fact, most people are asked to be accountable for bad behaviour usually while suffering terribly. Because most people - unless they're certain kinds of extremely rare people - do bad behaviour because they don't know better and/or they're suffering intensely and it can momentarily feel good or satisfying to make other people hurt too.
That's an extremely hard process for the folks who are in that situation. Anyone who has had to recognise they're being a bully, or being abusive, usually goes through a period of time where they can't just immediately change, and what's expected of them seems impossible.
Now to everything else:
This world is a dystopia. There are things happening which aren't going to feel good when you're reading - systemic issues, issues around unfairness - because it's a dystopia. If those things weren't happening, and people just felt blithely comfortable with the entire world, well, that's not actually what I'm going for. There are times it should feel extremely disturbing to read.
So there are times I want readers to feel like things are unfair. There are times I want them to feel very strongly in one person's defense and only later realise the other person was hurt too. There are times I want them to feel like everyone is being unfair to a character. And times when I want folks to feel like the situation just sucks all round. Like, my intention in amongst the hurt/comfort isn't for things to feel easy or nice all the time, I am absolutely challenging the reader by introducing things that feel uncomfortable.
So when folks like yourself tell me this stuff it's like - yeah! It's a dystopia! And - yeah! Unfair things are definitely happening. This is especially true in the beginning when no one really has a concept of how bad things have been for Efnisien, or that he's an alpha. It remains true because no one is perfect. But it happens less often, that's what makes it feel more jarring as the story goes on. If you're rereading it's going to feel worse in the beginning, that's on purpose. The story is doing its job.
it seems like everyone is constantly acting as if he's supposed to know how to have a healthy relationship and to cope with his emotions
I don't really know what scenes you're specifically referring to here (like, just the first few chapters? The whole story? Temsen's single lecture?), but this is absolutely not the case. I'm going to look at the whole story:
The majority of the time that Efnisien is rude and disrespectful, especially once Efnisien and Gary are living together, Gary mostly ignores him, brushes it off, doesn't react or responds like it's normal dialogue lol. He's not constantly correcting his behaviour and he's not constantly like 'hey rephrase that to be polite' or 'I have feelings too' (maybe he should say the latter sometimes).
Gary is more aware than anyone that he shouldn't be Efnisien's guardian and that he's not a companion. He says this, out loud, to several people, several times. So we know that he knows that the situation isn't great / fair re: Efnisien's care (and frankly his own. Of the two of them, Gary's the one who keeps coming close to potentially dying from the other person's actions).
especially as a psychologist, gary still not doing anything to help him get better coping skills makes it feel like he's setting him up to fail
Gary is not Efnisien's psychologist. And psychologists are not doing their jobs on absolutely everyone, 24/7! This one is so important to remember (both in real life and sometimes in fiction). He's categorically not Efnisien's psychologist and it would be even more toxic if he attempted to be this if they were living together!
Gary being a psychologist is his job in the same way being an artist is a job, it's not specifically relevant to their relationship, except that Gary sometimes has better understanding of the root/s of some behaviours.
Ask any psychologist how they live at home and most of them do not want anything to do with their psychology jobs in their personal life, because they're mentally fatigued/tired from talking to people all day. They are not perfect people, they don't have perfect control over their emotions, they aren't teaching everyone the coping mechanisms they need to survive (this takes a lot of labour! It's exhausting! People can't do that 24 hours a day and stay sane. It gets toxic fast.)
The majority of the time Efnisien has extreme emotional responses, Gary just tends to absorb them, acknowledge them, or actively care for him. It's easy to miss these moments because I'm usually not making you feel conflicted about it.
The times Efnisien has extreme emotional responses and then chooses to repeatedly hurt Gary, there are often extreme emotional responses that follow because you know, that's what Efnisien was aiming for! He was trying to severely hurt someone!
Let's move onto Temsen and Efnisien, because this might be more of what you're thinking of, since Gary almost never holds Efnisien accountable tbh. Temsen is a doctor, and a peak alpha who is a leading educator in academic omega rights and theory. He is the first to deeply understand how young alphas left to get away with their smaller abusive behaviours are the kind of alphas who grow up into rapists, murderers and torturers like Christian in Underline the Blue.
(I just want to add, Christian's own abuse and PTSD is real, I don't think any of us are rushing to hold his hand and pat his head, because we sympathise with Nate more than Christian. But Christian has real pain, and real suffering too. He's a great example of how 'you're still accountable for your behaviour though' at its most extreme).
So, Temsen sees Efnisien's behaviour and he lectures and shuts him down like he would any young alpha who is on a really dangerous path. Even within that, he acknowledges himself - out loud - that it's a complicated situation and the time he comes down on Efnisien the hardest, he says the timing is poor. The majority of the time, he shows Efnisien compassion and care, and listens to his opinions, even when they disagree. He is the first to validate his gender both repeatedly in words, and in hormone and medical support. He's the first to change his approach to Efnisien's medical care when Efnisien calls out his lack of respecting his right to privacy, and he's the first to correct Gary about it when Gary expects Temsen to keep giving him information. He offers pragmatic, compassionate advice about many sensitive subjects in Efnisien's life, his health, his secondary gender, his nesting behaviours. And I would say this is how Temsen actually models better behaviour.
Temsen doesn't expect Efnisien to have all of these skills, but Efnisien has to be told what he's doing wrong and how that's not acceptable behaviour and how he's hurting people, to start learning those skills! Otherwise why would anyone bother? Vindictively hurting other people in moments of rage can feel satisfying for folks who aren't being held accountable.
You say no one is modelling better behaviour to Efnisien so I'm just going to pose some questions that are rhetorical:
How many alphas at HIllview are mounting or torturing Efnisien every day?
Does Efnisien have choices in what he eats?
Is Efnisien's opinion listened to more and more, especially in matters of his health?
Do they care about his pain and offer him painkillers when he's suffering?
Are the characters in the story trying to enrich his experiences and help him to become a more mature person by helping him overcome his fears of things like going outside?
Are the characters deliberately trying to expand his support network by helping him see new people and lean on them for help, instead of keeping him in a box and forbidding him from seeing anyone? While also taking into account the safety of others?
Are the characters largely gender affirming once they learn more about Efnisien?
Are the characters actively teaching Efnisien social sciences to help him understand more about the world and human rights, which includes his own rights?
Do the characters acknowledge that Hillview isn't an ideal place for Efnisien, just a good place for now?
Do the characters want Efnisien to have a future where he's happier?
Do the characters allow Efnisien to have his emotional responses as long as they're not also abusive responses? For example, is Efnisien allowed to cry, nest, seek comfort, or even be angry, provided he's not being domestically violent? (The answer is yes).
Do the characters to the best of their ability explain things clearly and maintain their own boundaries around Efnisien to remind him that he can also maintain his own boundaries?
Are Efnisien's wishes largely respected where possible? (The answer here is also yes - such as refusing internal exams with Temsen, or having control over what he does most days and how he spends his time etc.)
Can Efnisien see lots of examples of people talking civilly to each other and often with great care, and not being abusive to each other? Can he see alternative forms of conflict resolution, management and repair?
Is Efnisien offered opportunities to repair rifts that he's created himself, after being cruel to someone?
This is just a start, but these people through these behaviours are already role-modelling a ton of better behaviours than anything Efnisien has been exposed to in the past. And we can see that Gary himself role models a lot of these things to Efnisien directly, including apologising frequently and quickly when he realises he's made mistakes. This is how Efnisien learned to apologise! And he literally has thoughts like 'Gary does this / so I guess I should do it too.' That's literally role modelling a behaviour :D
Gary's actually a pretty good role model, and the only reason Efnisien's behaviour starts to improve at Hillview as well as his quality of life is because Gary and Temsen are role modelling these behaviours.
Like, temsen is technically correct that ef domestically abused gary but he has literally never seen a non abusive partnership and is literally a prisoner in his current one
Efnisien isn't literally a prisoner in his current relationship!
I feel like when folks identify really strongly with a character, it's very easy to miss the times when Gary and Temsen for example brainstorm ways for Efnisien not to live with Gary. Aside from at the very beginning, these characters have actually talked about - in the story, in dialogue - options for Efnisien to not live with Gary.
Like they literally talk about making Efnisien a new room in the headquarters and possibly even building him his own building down the track so he doesn't have to be with Gary! As they trust Efnisien more, they offer many options to him. As the story goes on, they are absolutely not forcing Efnisien to stay with Gary, and nor is Gary. Efnisien himself communicates clearly that he would rather live with Gary than be on his own. This is something that gets checked in on, and more than one option is given to him.
Missing this is understandable, it's a long story, but it also means it's not true that Efnisien is a prisoner in that he's being forced to live with Gary. That's only true in the beginning when they literally think he's just a murderer/attempted murderer who's going to kill everyone at Hillview. As the story progresses, it shifts to 'well he's not a murderer, what are his other options?'
Can Efnisien live a free life wherever he wants? No. That's where the 'dystopian universe' tag comes in. He's not safe to, but Hillview staff wouldn't be concerned with educating him and teaching him independence if they didn't want him to live as independently as possible one day. It's not like Gary has to try to get Efnisien comfortable with going outside and experiencing the outside world, and it's not like he has to encourage Efnisien to meet omegas and betas etc. to hear different opinions, y'know?
But yeah the role modelling is happening: Efnisien's showing more and more tools in coping all the time! He's been growing them since the beginning of the fic. He's learned to communicate better. He's learned how to articulate what he wants and doesn't want more clearly. He's learned how to care more for others even if he often misses that he has the power to really hurt them. He's learned more (not less) confidence. He's having less (not more) trauma responses. He's learned how to trust in the people around him more, so he's starting to talk more about his experiences of gender. He's learned that what he went through was wrong, and is sharing more about the abuse he suffered.
These things would not be happening in a story where people weren't giving him the tools to cope with his life or weren't showing him ways to communicate differently.
The reason Efnisien talks more clearly and articulately now in the story, the reason he laughs more, cries more (which is more open/honest imho and healthier than repressing it), talks more, talks about his past more, expresses his opinion more is because Hillview has been equipping him with more tools to live a richer life pretty much as soon as they realised he's not going to just murder people at the drop of a hat.
In some ways they're showing more trust than our society would because like, attempted murder could land him in jail for a while in our society, y'know?
The reason they haven't paired him with an actual psychologist is that they don't have any peak alpha psychologists and Efnisien can use alpha persuasion on anyone else, and would certainly get angry enough in therapy to use it. We only need to look at how Efnisien responded to Dr Gary in Falling Falling Stars sometimes in therapy sessions to see that yes, this is a guy who - if he had the tool of alpha persuasion - would absolutely use it to get a therapist to shut the fuck up when he felt like it, lol.
But yeah, as always, if folks are feeling really uncomfortable when reading something I've written, it's often intentional. You're right, Efnisien's situation is unfair. A few of the specifics you've brought up aren't true, and have missed things in the story, but it's still not a fair experience, it's not always a pleasant experience, and it's...pretty dystopian!
When we get really deep into our emotional connection to a character, it can still help to remember that the situation often isn't exactly the same as it feels. But this story also has the tags: darkfic / disturbing themes / dystopian universe for a reason! The visceral discomfort is a feature, not a bug.
#asks and answers#underline the black#underline the rainbow#falling falling stars#efnisien ap wledig#dr gary konowalous#ohlo ohlo temsen#a very long response sdfklfjas basically yes it's unfair#it's not *as* unfair as you say#but it definitely *feels* that unfair in the moment#especially the chapter where temsen lectures efnisien#temsen himself acknowledges that the situation isn't fair#and gary chastises temsen for it#and then gary is very caring to efnisien so you know#it's literally a moment in time where even gary#isn't holding efnisien accountable in the same way sdalfkjas#he's *upset* but that's different#we could have a whole other post about how gary's emotional responses dictate his#reactions to efnisien but that's a whole other thing#if i accidentally called you anon while writing this i'm really sorry#it's a habit i get into sdaflkjsa
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i definitely do understand where people are coming from when they really feel for laios during his conflict with toshiro, but i am not looking forward to the social media posts about how he's the worst and bad forever. i got Thoughts on this.
because laios is definitely not free of blame in this conflict. even if it was on accident, he was doing a lot of racist microaggressions towards toshiro almost immediately (assuming his name is "shuro" and introducing everyone to him this way, talking about his looks being "strange", grilling him constantly for information for 5 hours about his home despite him wanting to leave after the first few seconds of their interaction), and his difficulties with reading social situations was making him uncomfortable regularly. and while laios perhaps didn't know the harm of what he was doing and thought it was just them being pals, that doesn't change how laios made toshiro feel.
but toshiro even recognizes that laios isn't doing this out of malice, which makes being upset at him the way he is even more frustrating. even with the aspect of cultural differences making communicating directly difficult, direct communication in any cultural setting seems to be one of toshiro's weak points, and he's aware of it. but having some guy decide that you're besties despite you not really doing much to reciprocate that feeling, having this guy touch you when you are not accustomed to it, having him say shit that is incredibly insensitive, and having him invite himself along to things is understandably shit that would be unbearable after a while.
the world doesn't revolve around laios, and toshiro is not required to sit down and educate him on social cues/the entirety of his culture's social norms/how not to be doing casual racism just because they came in contact with each other. a lot of this built up resentment probably wouldn't have festered were he to have said "we're not close in the way you think we are, so stop it" when shit first started getting out of hand, but toshiro didn't say that and acted according to the norms of his own culture to strongly imply it. he wasn't "wrong" for making the choice to do that, but it went over laios' head.
while the way in which everything exploded between them was terrible and honestly a nightmare scenario for anyone who is neurodivergent, it's kind of a perfect storm situation. while laios had one awful big reveal, toshiro was dealing with being made uncomfortable by laios for the entire time they've known each other. like that sucks to know that not only did someone you thought you were pals with didn't feel the same, you learned that your presence/behavior was bothersome, insensitive, harmful, invasive, or even outright bigoted. he didn't intend for it to be bad, but it was bad for toshiro. that sucks to find out.
him being frustrated that toshiro never told him otherwise feels more like laios is both saying that to toshiro, but also low-key is misdirecting anger he has for himself for not "getting it". laios seems to be a really extroverted guy who wants to make friends but often dislikes that people don't "get" him and that he doesn't "get" them either. it sucks to be shown that yet again, you didn't read the room right.
i don't think that toshiro hates laios as a person (given that he did seem concerned about their well-being before he left them to continue through the dungeon and gave him the bell, as well as their hug moment in the end), but he sure hated how laios was treating him. but even if toshiro would never come to like laios and even if he does hate him, i don't think that makes him a bad guy. some people just don't mesh, and let's be real - laios' first interaction with him was "hey you look weird let me get your name wrong and introduce you to all my buddies after trapping you in this tavern for 5 hours" which is an awful thing to do.
neurodivergence does not make you immune to perpetuating racism, or make people who find you unpleasant immediately ableist. i think toshiro's anger and frustration were, to a large degree, understandable. it sucks how badly it hurt laios to realize that his feelings of friendship were one-sided though, but toshiro was not doing this out of malice either. it was frustration that built up over the entire time they knew each other, and also feeling misunderstood by laios.
laios deserves love and friendship, but he is not owed it from toshiro just because he thought he was being nice and friendly towards him.
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Thoughts on TOTK Ganon's appearance?
A lot of them!! Some would say: too many!!! Too much!! So much so that I was almost starting to turn this ask into a TotK early review, so I'll simplify my answer a little.
I have not finished the game yet, but I have seen the memories and a good chunk of it, but my opinion is therefore incomplete and subject to lapses in judgement/hasty positions. Also, my opinion on this is kind of a buzzkill and I already made people depressed and bummed out by explaining it, so I'm putting it under the cut to avoid hurting the good time of people who might not want to think about this/might disagree on this description alone (and I understand, since it's an opinion that also depresses me!!! I wanted to like everything!! I wanted to be blown away!!).
I think this Ganondorf is like OoT Ganondorf redux, but with even more problems than OoT Ganondorf, somehow??? which is honestly a flex at this point.
(I love OoT Ganondorf to be clear, but the flaws are pretty undeniable and you have to navigate through a lot of bullshit to get to the good parts)
Between the green skin that lacks any proper justification in the context of the game (I say this because I always hear "oooo but it's because he's a demon/undead" and uhhhh no, it's not because of that apparently), the fact that he's half naked but we're never ever meant to conceive him as a human person in any way but merely as a constant physical threat... Like I'm certain the famous Ganondorf Designer did their utmost to give him justice and there is an obvious attention to details in his design, and I'm not blaming them or anyone in particular for the Nintendo treatment --but it does add up to something quite uncomfortable in his characterization regardless. Even the fact that his face rigging is extremely flimsy and makes his emoting feels super strange bugs me (I heavily suspect it's because it's way less soft anime and structurally very different from any other face in the game, especially around the jaw, and so they had to do a custom rig and had to work around its limitations --it's all speculation, and I am always here for Unsettling Ganondorf Faces, but it kinda felt accidental and not intentional like in WW or TP). He's at once a lot and really not much. I find his characterization beyond barebones. Even Twilight Princess Ganondorf had more to him than this (like the man was fascinating in comparaison, show me a guy claiming to be chosen by the goddesses while sitting on a throne next to the decapitated statues of said goddesses any fucking day over what we got here)
I like the mechanical aspects he introduces; the gloom is cool, the hands that grab you are amazing, the bosses are such cool callbacks --and he's just causing messes and putting parasites in things!!! You go girl. I do love that he's having his little puppet Zelda run around causing hijinxes, that's very fun of him and my favorite part of his character in this game so far, tho I don't know if that even counts as him --and I'm not 100% sure what that even says about anyone?
But here's the thing: nobody (beyond * arguably * Rauru) seems to be allowed to have a character arc in this game, so it's hard to come up with anything to say since he's the sole cause of conflict while being almost completely motivation-less. I don't think anyone is written particularly competently honestly; it just shows more with him because a Ganondorf who's not well written reverts back to Ganondorf at his most generic expression of a baddie imaginable, with a side-serving of, quite frankly, really questionable orientalist themes that I see little excuse for being handled the way they were in the year of our lord 2023. Like I'm kinda shocked not to see more people calling the racism for what it is, because it's... pretty blatant. But that goes beyond Ganondorf and that's the whole game, and I said I would try to keep my scope limited, but!!! I will screech about imperialism eventually!!!
The other aspect of that discussion, which is inevitable, is how much does TotK erase everything that came before? I'm sure there are some amazing Zelda theorists out there who will find a way to reconcile all of this, but for now, I get the sense that Nintendo wanted to get away from their messy timelines (fair) and reinvoke some of the old songs for a new audience, and in doing so scrubbing the slate clean. My problem is not so much that they wanted to do this (even if I think BotW's solution was, strangely, much cleaner and more respectful of their own history), but what they introduced instead: and, in Ganondorf's case, he's kind of reduced to a parody of himself --one that is so unbelievably unsympathetic and impossible to relate to and also responsible of his own oppression and also not oppressed since he attacked first!! and also oppressive?? (I made A Sound when I heard the line about Rauru talking about "the last free gerudo village falling" bitch!! free according to whom??????)
Removing a lot of the Goddesses/Triforce thing (so far, maybe it will come up) also does this conflict zero favors in my opinion, as it makes everything and everyone's actions much less fated and an expression of self-determination/resilience over their predestination, and much more uhh political in a bad way, while still borrowing the aesthetics of divinity to justify its own mind-numbing moral simplicity.
I don't know. Maybe the third act reveal will really surprise me and make me reconsider my position, but it would take a lot to scrub off all the dedicated efforts made to flatten Ganondorf to his lowest possible denominator (him and his people honestly my follow-up to the gerudo post will probably be Oops! All Salt) for the sake of the most brazenly imperialistic and feudalist Hyrule to date and its really weird and uncomfortable reimagined origin story.
So uhhh, Thoughts Bad! I guess thoughts bad. :(
(Matt Mercer did a great job with what little he was given tho, and so did every voice actor)
#tloz#ganondorf#totk#totk spoilers#tears of the kingdom#totk critical#gerudos#asks#thoughts#thank you for the ask!!#I truly adore a lot of things about the game!!#the narrative is not a part of it#I find it so... cheerfully oppressive#my brain is really going overdrive over trying to figure out what bothers me so much about this story#so thanks for the outlet and sorryyyy#it's a rant#like a proper one#but I kind of feel insane to see fellow game writers not criticize any of this??#like it's not at all a part of the conversation?#and it's not even the only thing I want to criticize about the narrative design#HOWEVER this is not at all a condamnation of anyone who do enjoy him or feel creatively compelled by his appearance here#I'm sure there are things to do that are cool and powerful#just like there were in OoT#but I just don't see an excuse for Nintendo itself to be so careless in handling these themes in 2023#(again: the company not the individual devs)#(I've BEEN THERE --not in Nintendo but AAA-- I know the pain of complexity being rejected and rewritten as its opposite)
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Thank you for the advice! On the topic of the Miracle Box and character bloat, I do struggle with the latter as I'm quite fond of the Miracuclass and have already attach myself to them. I do want to give them character developments since the show never did, but I am aware that having a massive cast will be difficult to write. For now my source of inspiration is Young Justice since they have a huge cast of heroes as well.
As for the Miracle Box and the shows rep on Chinese representation, I'm curious to hear your thoughts and what you would have done about it. I am Chinese-Indonesian and we celebrate Chinese New Year so I'm pretty familiar with the Chinese Zodiac. There is a story that about the origin of the Chinese Zodiac, the emperor held a contest to decide the animals that will be included in the calendar. The first is the rat and the last being the pig. Interestingly enough a cat originally wanted to join the contest only for its spot to be stolen by the rat.
The massive cast could have worked if they got ride of Marinette being the source of everything wrong in the universe and just had each episode deal with a conflict caused by one classmate or another, so I don't think you have to abandon them if you're going to match canon's monster-of-the-week format. Just be aware that it's downright impossible to write 18 characters (all the teens) or 36 characters (teens + kwamis - Nooroo) in a single scene and have the audience be able to follow what's going on. I'd strongly encourage you to scrap making most of them heroes and just keep them normal teens, but it is ultimately your call as you're the one who knows what story you want to tell.
I absolutely get the temptation to use the whole class because I personally love Rose and Juleka, but I ultimately chose to keep them as minor background characters because that's what was best for the story and I live by the code of kill your darlings since my goal as a writer is telling good stories.
I'm familiar with the Zodiac myth because of the anime Fruits Basket, but I am not Chinese* nor am I an expert in Chinese symbology and beliefs*. Please keep that in mind as I discuss this next section. If I get something wrong, then anyone is welcome to chime in and correct me or to give further context as this stuff is really hard to research if you don't read Mandarin or Cantonese and/or if you don't have a background in this stuff to help set off your BS detector. A random blog could have good info or it could be written by a person making stuff up and I don't have the background to tell, so I'm skeptical of all of them which is why we're just going to talk about what's on Wikipedia here since that's usually at least mostly accurate and it gives us enough info for me to explain why I took one look at the zodiac stuff and went, "Hell no!"
My rewrite came about long before we knew all of the powers of the zodiac miraculous, so one of the first things that I had to do was figure out what to do about that because I wasn't going to just make up powers. I was going to base my stuff on the actual zodiac since I do try to be respectful to other cultures. This lead to me researching the Chinese zodiac*.
I very quickly realized how complicated this thing was. Every animal in the zodiac is associated with personality traits, two of the other animals, one of the five elements, and either yin or yang as well as several other things. I'll also note that Western representation of the zodiac has simplified it as there's more than just the 12 animals of the years. There are also animal signs assigned to the month (called "inner animals"), day (called "true animals"), and hour (called "secret animals") of your birth.
In other words, there's a lot of depth to the Chinese zodiac* and it has real cultural significance in China.
I was immediately wildly uncomfortable trying to come up with random powers that somehow respected that depth and significance. I also realized that the show didn't seem to be using the real zodiac to guide the powers it had assigned or the way the kwamis were being written, which also made me uncomfortable! I had previously assumed that they must have a cultural consultant to guide the cultural elements, but that does not seem to be the case for any element of the lore or Marinette's writing. Like to point out a big one, as best I can tell, a miracle box based on Chinese lore would not use a ladybug for good luck and it definitely wouldn't use a black cat for bad luck.
In other words, the miracle box seems to be about as Chinese as fortune cookies.
Between all of that, the character bloat, and the fact that the team is fighting one villain (meaning that you really don't need 17 powers), I decided to completely scrap the idea of the miracle box being tied to a specific culture and came up with my own lore that I won't go into here.
If I had the money to hire a cultural consultant or personal knowledge of Chinese* beliefs, then I would have considered redesigning all of the zodiac miraculous to be based on Chinese* beliefs and changed them into powerups to replace the colored macarons and cheese that have basically been forgotten about. (We are never seeing what the last three colors are for. Never!) I think that would have made more sense than the potions and it would have been more fun/limiting. It's basically how the show is using the zodiac anyway. The temp heroes are defined by their powers and little else since Ladybug is the only team member who is allowed to have a meaningful role on the team.
Basically, the Zodiac animals have a ton of potential to be something really cool that teaches us about Chinese* beliefs and I would love, love, love to see someone take that on. I mean, why have a main character who is half-Chinese and a box based on Chinese lore* if you're not going to capitalize on that?
*I bet you were wondering about all the red asterixis up there, weren't you? Well, buckle in because it gets worse.
I am not going to touch on this further because I am wildly unequipped to do so, but I would be remiss to not acknowledge the fact that the miracle box is said to be Chinese, but the miraculous monks are explicitly stated to be Tibetan, which is yet another "hell no!" There is a massive conflict over the fact that China claims that Tibet is not a country, but a part of China while Tibet claims to be its own nation. Some brief research on my part indicates that Tibet may even have its own beliefs around the zodiac and no. Just no. No, no, no! I'm not touching that minefield for a million dollars! Idk what the writers were thinking combining the two cultures like that, but that does seem to be what they're doing otherwise it would be the Tibetan miracle box or the monks would be in China. Writers, what are you doing?
Once again, I am not a part of any of the above cultures and I am not claiming to be an expert on them. I am just giving you my logic for why I took one look at the miracle box and went running for the hills. Aka why redesigned it to not be a mine field for my personal ethical code what which can be summed up as "research and represent all cultures to the best of my ability as cultures are not aesthetic. If I don't want to do the research (or can't for some reason), don't tie the setting/lore/whatever to a real culture." I'm not claiming to be perfect about that, but I do try and I like to think I know when I'm wildly out of my depth which was 100% the case here. No. Just no. No, no, no.
#ml writing salt#ml writing critical#Can you tell how wildly uncomfortable I was writing this?#Because I was wildly uncomfortable
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Is it possible for me to be a platonic but not around/ace? like I'm allosexual alloromantic but when I saw the definition of aplatonic I just felt so seen. Reasons I think I might be aplatonic:
1) The only time I ever actively try to seek out other people's company is when I'm romantically/sexually attracted to some degree (which, to be fair, is actually kinda frequently even though I don't usually act on it; I'm just a very sexual/romantic person tbh. All the times I've actively gotten close to someone and then became good friends, it has always started with at least a minor romantic crush that was unrequited or that I didn't wish to take to that level because of other conflicting factors [e.g. coworkers, already being in a relationship, etc]). I don't view these as being the same as squishes because these are basically people that I would definitely date under certain conditions that just don't happen to be met and so I don't pursue them in that sense.
2) I have friends, but besides the aforementioned crushes-turned-friends, they're kind of just people who ended up in my life somehow, or who became attached to me and then put in the work to get close themselves. I find it easy to meet new people and become acquaintances but very hard to get close, and hard to know who counts as a "friend" and at what point that distinction is made.
3) A lot of people in my circles are also very touchy-feely and I am STRONGLY touch-repulsed from anyone I'm not in a romantic relationship with; words cannot describe how uncomfortable it makes me to be casually touched on the back or arm by another person as part of normal "friendly" conversation. And yet this repulsion doesn't apply to romantic/sexual partners at all, I actually love affectionate touch in those situations but ONLY from romantic/sexual partners.
So like, is this anything? Are there allo-allo-apl people? Can anyone else relate? I don't want to co-opt a term that's not for me but I really feel this one in my bones.
Hi anon!!
My opinion of this has changed with the expansion of the aplatonic community and with more voices coming forward to share their stories. Which is to say that: yes, I absolutely believe that an allo/allo person can be aplatonic.
And I will give you the answer I give to most questioning people which is: a label is meant to help you. The benefit of labels is to help you put easy words to your lived experiences and feelings and to also find a community of people who also share these kinds of experiences. If you feel that the aplatonic identity works for you and helps you with all of these things then absolutely try it on! You might find that it really does fit you perfectly, to which I say: there are definitely other AlloAlloApl’s I have seen in the aplatonic tag, and if it doesn’t? Well, it is just a label and you can remove it at any time that it is no longer helping you.
I hope this helps anon!
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I see a lot of people saying they have typing quirks because of disability, that its a conflicting access needs issue, because of OCD, etc, and it makes me sigh a little because if it's a mental thing, they need psychiatric help for it (and before anyone says psychiatry as an institution is scary and evil; It can genuinely help people imo in the same vein as like. medication. Which people also fearmonger about but thats another rant) and in most internet spaces there's this thing called a "backspace bar" or "delete button" which is really awesome because you can use it to delete stuff that you might have accidentally typed or sent. Sometimes you can even edit it! Very fascinating indeed. There's no reason to push under the bus other disabled people. Typing quirks are literally from homestuck. Nobody used them before then unless you were doing illegal elite hacker shit.
mmm the thing is... I don't use typing quirks myself nor do I have OCD, so take this with a huge grain of salt (and of course I don't want to speak over people with OCD in any way!), but like... the way I understand how OCD works, a typing quick could be a legit compulsion for something, no?? and yeah, nobody used them before homestuck, but that's not a valid argument here imo, because you know, brains tend to latch onto things they see somewhere. So it could have developed into a compulsion for some people and they just learned it from homestuck.
However, I very much agree that text should be made accessible. so either one has to provide a translation (aka the same text as plaintext) or have a friend, mutual or headmate provide one. if you can't do that, maybe make the post later when you're able to either drop the typing quirk or have someone translate it.
I also agree that in most cases it's probably not a thing they literally can't drop, but more of a "dropping it would make me a bit uncomfortable"-thing and people are just stubborn about it.
(I am not commenting on the whole psychiatry thing btw cause then I would have to write half a book, because I have Thoughts and Opinions and I'm not in the mood for that rn)
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↳ Req ! ༉‧☆
➸ Requests are currently: CLOSED
↳ Even if requests are open, please keep in mind that I am not obliged to answer them. Also, please don't be demanding or rude or I'll block you.
➸ My inbox is: OPEN:
↳ For asks, thirsts, blurbs and drabbles, but keep in mind that once again, I am not obliged to answer them or to make a lengthy reply about it.
↳ If I like an ask enough, I will most likely write something about it.
➸ My DMs are: OPEN.
➸ Blog rules:
↳ The usual. Just like any blog who has a minimum of common sense: Be respectful. Racism, Homophobia, Islamophobia, Classism or any sort of discrimination will not be tolerated. One thing is to be uneducated and the other one is being disrespectful.
↳ You can ask about me, just don't get too personal. I don't mind sharing my opinions. It's my blog anyway.
↳ Do not ask me to be mutuals. If I like you, it will happen.
↳ I don't really use tone indicators but if you want me to, and it helps you then let me know! I want to make this comfortable for anyone.
↳ This is a safe space, and I do my best to keep it that way. Don't come here to complain about other people (as in creators/writers) because that's a you problem. Thank you.
↳ Venting is allowed (ask first) but I'm not a therapist so you may or may not like my answer. I just try to be nice.
↳ Remember that not everyone has the same taste or preferences, so if you don't like something... don't read it.
[自分で信じられないくらいあの人に夢中なの]
[辛くて涙を拭いている時はアタシのせいでそうしてるでしょ？]
‗ ❍ WHAT DO I WRITE ? :
➸ YES ! : Smut. Angst. Honestly there's little I won't do. I enjoy dark content/dead dove do not eat, so keep in mind it will be seen often around my blog. Also different types of AUs are allowed
↳ KINKS/TAGS : PiV. Anal. Pegging. Ass eating/fingering/play. BDSM. Cum/Creampie/Cum eating/Squirting. Dirty talk/Praise. Exhibitionism/Voyeurism. Grinding. Breeding. Armpit. Daddy Kink. Mommy kink. Size difference. DDLG. Corruption. Watersports. Ownership. Free use. Pain. Masturbation/Female/Male/Mutual. Oral. Facesitting. Facefucking. Orgasm Control/Denial/Overstimulation. Blood play, Breast play, Breath play/Choking. Impact play. Nipple play. Sensory play. Roleplay. Hate sex. Period sex. Body worship. ABO/Omergaverse. Fisting. Humiliation. Sex toys. Spit play. Metaphorical Cannibalism. Fauxcest. Stepcest. Eroguro/ Mild Gore.
➸ MAYBE ? : Fluff. Lactation kink. Mistress kink. Pet play. Threesomes. Incest, Vomit, Wound fucking — Anything including graphic/strong gore. [NOTE: these are in maybe since I have never considered them and/or I lack the skills or the full intention to write them. Most of my dddne work is for exploratory purposes]
➸ NO ! : Scat play. Literal Necrophilia. Age play. Age regression.[NOTE: these are things that I don't find particularly interesting/or I will not write]
↳ If you are going to send me Twitter (X) links, please keep in mind there's a possibility I might not post them. I'm not a fan of visual pornography and sometimes (depending on the content) it makes me uncomfortable. I feel very conflicted about the porn industry so respect my choice. If you really feel like you need to send it... at least give me some context so I can divert my attention from it. I understand some people might find it appealing.
↳ I may have missed something so if you have any doubts ask first! Inbox is always open for questions and brainstorming ! ! !
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Ins & Outs of 2023 💜
I know we're halfway through the year but change doesn't have an expiration date. I've been inspired by seeing lists made by other people so I take a crack at writing my own!
Outs:
Traumadumping/Sending me long rants in my inbox: Now I'm not saying you can't talk to me if something troubles you, I'm always open for a shoulder to cry on. But I am not a therapist. Also, if I'm talking about fandom stuff I don't need textbook long rants about the dangers of white feminism/liberalism/centrism/politics/whatever when I'm talking bout be like, Bratz or Transformers 😅. Half the time it is really not that deep, overly long rants clogs my inbox and honestly, I find them uncomfortable. It seems less like a conversation and more like a grudge post so if your feel that strongly you be better off making your own post. I am just one person!
Calling everything cheugy/ soulless: most of the time cheugy is just a word use to crap on things women likes. Also just because you don't vibe with a certain piece of media doesn't make it soulless, sometimes you don't need long rants or explanations. It's okay to dislike something without putting people down. I personally see this term so much it's becoming as overused as Mary Sue
Respectability Politics: most of the time the people who you work to try to earn respect won't give you that. Some noses need to be broken (metaphorically speaking). It's not being rude you're protecting your space.
Aesthetics: what I mean by this is following trends JUST to follow a trend even if it risks landing you in financial hot water. Or breaking down varied styles based on barebones idea (like there is more to Y2K than a belly shirt and shiny pants). Also not everything needs to be an aesthetic. Speaking of, Shein Hauls. Don't do it! You'd be better off saving on something that's actually worth the money
AI/NFTs: I don't need to explain this one
Beige: Going back to Aesthetic, beige has a connection to it. I know it supposed to give off clean vibes but everything being beige/gray/greige with nary a drop of color in sight just makes me sad :(
Recording People In Public: unless you have permission (or outing a potential Karen) don't do this. You could put someone's life in danger and it's just super rude in general. Getting a popular tiktok isn't worth harming others.
Cringe Culture: I admit I am guilty of participating in it back in my teen years. But now that I know better I realized I was being so sacred and insecure I wanted to be like everyone else...which is being a bully. It made me miss out on fun events and creators I couldve enjoyed if I had taken my head out my ass. Plus I'm not exactly Picasso myself, so who am I to judge. You don't know what an artist is going through sometimes the cringe is their outlet. As long as it's not hurting anyone why should u put people on blast for having fun?
Brand/Studio/Fandom Wars: I think we're at that stage where they have good and bad (and neutral) points. Everything is not always about conflict who makes the better movies/products. I find it reductive and sometimes it gets too far and innocent people end up getting dragged into a war they didn't ask for. Plus artists who work in rival companies/brands do support each other. We can enjoy media without pitting them against each other all the time and honestly it's just obnoxious stan behavior. Looking at you Cartoontwt.
Now it's time for the INs!
Creating for fun&joy: Yes it's okay to be upset if your art or stories aren't getting as much attention as you like, but that doesn't mean no one enjoys it. There's always one or two persons who loves your work! In general it's important to have fun and not let algorithms and "get rich quick" consume you. There is room for fun. Also don't make spite your entire motivation or else you'll end up with a Sonic Omens/ BlueyCapsules scenario. Take it from me: I may hate Cars 2 and Shrek 3 but I love those franchises too much to let interesting ideas go to waste. I have fun with the creating process, making picrews of Gwynn and Rhodanthe and self indulgent stories of my carsona and Finn.
Thinking For Yourself: You do not need to peddle someone else's opinions just bc they're popular. You don't need to jump on bandwagons, you can watch or read media and come up with your own conclusions. Practice Discernment and expand your horizons beyond watching that one review.
Self Inserts/OCs: back to cringe culture what helped me break out of that is making my own OCs. I love making OCs and Self inserts, it helps me get comfortable with designs and writing, everyone has a unique OC and have fun with them. Plus the ships are so cute everyone has a funky selfship or oc x canon
Color/Wearing what works for you: A pop of color helps to make your outfit stand out, and wearing what you want even for a couple of hours helps with your self esteem. Again everything doesn't need to follow an aesthetic or a trend as long as it suits your tastes (and budget)
Buying Products That Work: Don't just buy things just to have them decorate the shelves half the time bc they're cheap & not good for your body. Same with clothes buy something that lasts not because it goes well with a tiktok. Sometimes it's okay to spend a bit more on a product if it truly works for you. Also DIY can be VERY miss (the charcoal & glue peel off masks come to mind) so just get something specifically formulated for you
The Curtains Are PINK! Yes I wrote that in pink 💁 but essentially learn to value critical thinking. Learn to handle - and give - constructive criticism. Yes there are things that aren't that deep but that doesn't mean anything is unworthy of discussion. There's a lot of value in analysing media, and it helps you from hopping on bandwagons of misinformation
Working On yourself: doesn't need to be therapy (btw don't use BetterHelp) it can be anything: writing your feelings out in a diary, making vent art, trying new things, talking to someone you trust, stressballs, fidget toys. 2023 is the year of healing; it is VERY important to know how to FEEL not just shove down your emotions or take it out on someone. We're all adults we have a responsibility to initiate our positive change.
And I guess that's it! That's all I have of my Ins and outs for 2023
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2, 7, and 24 for the ask game!
2. Where do you get your fic ideas?
Typical it starts with a vibe (lots of music inspo!) Wanting to see characters interact under certain circumstances and the emotions involved in that. Sometimes this is for catharsis purposes, sometimes it's just because it would be unhinged and entertaining.
7. Post a snippet from a wip.
From my Eluzriel WIP for @polyacotarweek: (M rating)
Where Azriel stands, immersed in the shadows of the tavern, leaning against the sticky wall in the back with the perfect view of the faelight illuminated stage.
Elain is a goddess on the stage. Winding and twisting her body in sensual movements that belies the innocent creature she’s supposed to be — not that anyone could believe it with the sinful shape of her body, those curves that promise ruination.
Azriel loses himself in her performance.
He only breaks his concentration to adjust himself, his stiff length pressing uncomfortably against the seam of his pants.
She’s putting on a show so artfully, but that’s not what is making Azriel rock hard. No, it’s the prolonged eye contact with the target, the absolutely smooth way she plays for his attention, makes him feel special, and then drifts to another side of the stage like its purely duty.
Leaves him wanting.
They’ve only been in this city of untold secrets for a week, but Azriel knows she’s going to crack the governor where all his other spies have failed.
The male is so wrapped around her finger he’s probably already mapped out in his mind where he's going to buy her a townhome down the street from his office, signed to “The Fawn of Prythian.”
Fuck, Elain is hot.
The little number she’s wearing today is especially sexy, not like the other frilly pieces that tie more into the innocent, virginal look the owners want her to push.
Azriel wants to follow the seam of the body suit with his tongue, rip it off with his teeth, and leave just that tight bodice that draws her perky little tits together. Just right for plunging his cock between —
Elain nearly stumbles in her heels and Azriel recognizes it as a problem spotted right away.
He snaps out of his lustful reverie just in time to see the broad male surge across the tavern, hair gleaming like dripping blood in the fae lights.
“Get your hand off of my mate.”
24. How do you choose whose POV to write in?
Oh. Hm. Probably the source of the most conflict or whoever's emotional state I'm most interested in? Also, occasionally, based on whose voice I feel the most comfortable writing! (Anyone too intelligent or witty, I avoid because ... that, I am not, and I don't think I can sell it for prolonged periods haha!)
Thanks for the asks, dalring!!! fanfic writer ask game
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Some Thoughts tm about Charlie and Amber, which I am putting under the cut because it's not really spoilers, but it is talking about their relationship and some of it gets a little nsfw so, eh, read if you want, I just kinda wanna ramble about them in no particular organization.
Amber and Charlie's relationship isn't exactly healthy, but to put it in one particular category of bad can't really be done. One, by the time they meet, Charlie is already five years dead, and Amber only barely past her first year of undeath, so there is a slight knowledge and experience gap, not to mention that in year one for Charlie, she'd been put through the wringer of surviving on her own as almost-a-social-Caitiff and then proving that she can support the Warren and thus reap the benefits it provides by being a member. Amber on the other hand has (even if she is only realizing it now and doesn't like it) been something of a kept pet project by her Toreador sire, a collector's item kept in pristine condition in its glass box, so she doesn't have some of the streetwise and knowledge of the greater Kindred world that Charlie does. And yes, Charlie uses this against her to get what she wants out of Amber.
After that, there's the angle of Amber being a Toreador, and Charlie being a Nosferatu. It's one of the longest mutual grudges in the Kindred world, and while a lot of those of the two clans scoff at how overblown it is, (Charlie being this sort of person herself for the most part), she and Amber learn firsthand with hands-on experience just how this kind of conflict can happen and perpetuate across millennia. It ends up being an exploration of how Charlie is starting to take on the philosophies and worldviews of her clan, whether she realizes it or not, and already going into the interactions with Amber with a chip on her shoulder about 'the pretty privilege of the Clan of the Rose' , which Amber then doesn't help dispel. Amber has her own issues with identity, and those are a little harder to lay out, but they clash pretty badly with Charlie's, and it leads to some pretty nasty assumptions and accusations that in all honesty, neither of them would find themselves saying to anyone else, under any other circumstances. They aim to hurt each other when they fight about this, and they do.
Going right from that into this, Amber is attracted to Charlie, and she also knows, see the point above, that there are things Charlie is insecure about, and just like Charlie is using Amber's shelteredness and her connections as a Nos to extract goods and services, so too is Amber using this to get her own services. Amber and Charlie don't....hatefuck, exactly; it's not something either of them want in that way, their worse arguments never leading to sex as an outlet, but it IS sometimes a very charged exchange. It's connection, and a form of argument and understanding at the same time. Amber knows what to say to make Charlie do what she wants, even if Charlie is a little uncomfortable. Charlie is also inadvertently teaching Amber how to twist being extorted into doing the extortion...and might not mind that sometimes. A weird sense of pride that someone is learning how to survive the harsher side of the Kindred world from someone who LIVES in that side of it, and also feeling like Amber is also in her right to hurt Charlie because of what she's doing. Essentially - when Amber asks, Charlie's usual response is 'fine, but I'm complaining the whole time'.
Charlie and Amber's back and forth is complicated and honestly one that can bring the darker side of what Charlie is capable of out, as well as expose some of the parts of herself that she doesn't want to acknowledge (both literally and figuratively.)
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Sooo...
I'm friends with a boy with whom I've been in a situationship before. He ended things with me in January but we stayed in contact and after a month I asked him if we could try again with each other. He said no, because even though he really likes me as a person and would really want to stay in touch he's not in love and he doesn't think he'll ever be, he's just too afraid of commitment to do so. We agreed to continue as friends in the end (I also asked for some no contact to help me feel better and calmer).
We've been friends for a while now.
We text quite regularly, met up once but planned more hangouts (uni is crazy right now for the both of us) and talk on the phone. We're both in each others' close frineds list on instagram too. I think it's safe to assume that he didn't agree to be friends just to be polite. He's even fixing some behaviours that were sources of conflict before (like not telling me when he's busy just brushing me off - now he tells me and makes sure I know he likes to talk to me/meet up with me).
The thing is that I still like him a little, and I think he might like me too it's just that he can't sort out his own emotions. There were small things that happened that I don't really do with my guy friends (I have had multiple for years and years and I'm quite close with some of them). I'm talking about things like intense eye-contact, almost flirty teasing, brushing of hands/knees/arms, him saying "kisses" when ending a phonecall, stuff like that. He even told me that he doesn't care if people think that we're together, if they want to spread that rumour then so be it (I was really upset about people saying this, as I didn't want him to think that I want to get him back or make him uncomfortable in any way).
AND he also did something that confused me even more. Back when we first started talking he sent me a spotify playlist to show what music he liked. I loved it actually, started following it and asked why am I the only one who does when it's public and so good. At first he thought it was private and then said it's probably because he doesn't show it to many people. I think it was private and he made it public to show me (he also added like 24 songs to it that same day but none after that for a while). He started adding songs again like 5 days ago. Some of them have some pretty interesting lyrics (for example "I wanted to kiss you but I didn't know how" or "I'm going crazy for you"). BUT I'm not the only one following it anymore, there's another user. He also posted a new profile pic like 5 days ago. And on that same day a close friends story with some music (no suggestive lyrics there but it's weird to me that he knew I would be reminded that I'm still in his close friends list).
Is he trying to make me jealous or something?? Is there someone new he's talking to? Why would he use a playlist that his "ex-situationship" follows to show someone (I think that is a bit risky because it could easily be interpreted as him being not completely over me or make the girl feel like a replacement).
I'm probably overanalyzing things. I might be jealous but mostly I am confused. It's unusual for him to be this active on social media (or at least he wasn't like this while we were in that situationship).
I've just started to make peace with being there for him as a friend since I love spending time with him and he's so supportive and kind to me. He can calm my anxiety down like only my closest friends can. But it makes me feel weird that I might be dragged into something where I'll be "the other woman" or something like that.
What should I do? Should I ask him if he's seeing someone? Should I just continue being close/connecting with him? How do I stop myself from constantly thinking about what he might be thinking or feeling? I really don't want to go no contact but I'm getting tired of having to calm myself down and constantly worrying about being percieved as trying to get back together.
Thanks for anyone who answears, I'm genuinely at my wits end right now.
.
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