#both have murdered and will murder again
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Priest, Monsignor, and Belos walk into a bar, what happens?
Monsignor found dead (again) at the Arby's parking lot.
#they would tag team him in a second#zero hesitation#magical adventures of freaky#both have murdered and will murder again#monsignor could potentially take on Belos alone
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Blood sticks, sweat drips
Break the lock if it don't fit
A kick in the teeth is good for some
A kiss with a fist is better than none
———
wait what do you mean a red string of fate ties us together but all we do is strangle each other with it. what do you mean this string can only stretch and tangle but never break and yet we keep biting and gnawing on it to try to free ourselves from it anyway.
#taimizu#mizu x taigen#taigen x mizu#taizu#blue eye samurai#mizu#taigen#there was an attempt#i love that my last art of them is super soft and warm and tender and this one is them at their most toxic#i must stress that both of these are important to their dynamic <3#early taimizu = toxic crazy insane#late-game taimizu = soft yearning tender sweet growing together etc#at least that's how it is in my delusional mind bcs lbr taimizu are NOTTT capable of tenderness YET#but their scene together in the forge is proof that they do have potential to be soft and playful and happy together <33#but anyway this post is not about that. this post about them both being feral murderous bitches who get turned on by violence <3#lol i keep saying it but it's TRUE so i'll say it again—they HAVE the range honey!!!!!#ok i'm done
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family resemblance.
--
prints
wolf's story (left)
ash's story (right)
#love and war#who says murder cant be a productive mother daughter bonding activity#just kidding#they dont have that sort of relationship#(for any newcomers - wolf is one of ash's mothers. in a sort of conceptual way. theyre not actually genetically related.)#ive missed doing rendered illustrations#comics are my true love but i cant lie. the shading process is therapeutic#also#ash ends up taller being than both her mothers when she grows up#important information#once again thank you for indulging my oc brainrot#i appreciate it#oc art#hearteaters#stillindigo art
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he lived, he served cunt, he got put in a psych ward and probably some other shit but I've been too busy looking at all the domestic fluff to figure out the lore
#agshsghd these are still very much early sketches just trying to figure out how I wanna draw the guy ywy#I am struggling so badly to not fall into my old phobs imitation strickes that never really worked anyways.....#tricks*#AHSGSJGSJSHS#AGAJFSJSHSJSHSHJSKHDJD#to my mutual who very muchs knows who they are I am sorry for how annoying i'm going to become#i work like a sleeper agent for both phobs art and murder gingers and well....#fun fact old asher designs circa 2018/19 were heavily phobs coded so you partially have this mfer to blame for asher's rizz#unfortunately this resurgence means I once again have to face my worst enemy....drawing straight hair#agsjsgshdhhd i have way to many things to say but I need to stop bc I need to be awake in....less than two hours fucc#sergey razumovsky#....i don't actually know what I should tag this as whoops://#major grom#major grom plague doctor#bubble comics#ig#idk#aight i'm out#my art#mgpd
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The.... the hate my baby correctly post??
BEHOLD
#i know there is more than one post which explores this theme!#but yes. anyway dage did some things wrong but so often not the ones he's accused of#he's not a hypocrite and he doesn't care that jgy's mom's a ho#in fact he cares too little and doesn't notice other people caring!!!#that is a huge subset of his problem with jgy. not all of it tho! in fact he could be perfectly sympathetic and understanding and the first#murder for personal would be a real stumbling block. they'd both need to change for this to work#also he's not a cop 😭😭😭#he's a feudal warlord but then again if you make that the problem you have to be mad at all the other aristocrats#actually you know who would have had an amazing relationship?#baby xue yang and nie mingjue who was just wandering by one day and saw a street kid get his hand crushed and refused to shut up about it#he would be so annoying
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and now for something stupid
#but really i also just wanted to play around w this sort of coloring style bc its been FOREVER since ive used it#and i think i can make it look better now#AND i think i can make more sillay stuff like this and not have it take as long w cleaning up lines#anyway now you all understand the terrible dynamic between these three#phobo's infodump text is just copypasted from the wikipedia page for knives.#julliet ALSO uses knives is the thing so hes actually mansplaining < JOKE#he just wants to share. even if it gives her a headache. but he wouldnt mansplain he doesnt have it in him. hes ok with felonies tho#but julis life hasnt known peace since she was told to take care of the newbies#and shes ALSO a newbie (just slightly less so) so really this is probably just tartarus hazing her#theyd take one look at the two disorganized unserious overeager newbies and think ''you know what would be fucking hilarious''#and pass them onto the neurotic slightly-less-newbie who takes everything as seriously as possible. disaster combination.#i cannot stress enough that this is a group of bandits and murderers theyre NOT above hazing.#deimos actually is doing the best job at it since he is stealing as we speak#i mean hes not supposed to do it to his teammates but still. on the right track#as for the dynamic between deimos and phobos themselves its like. theyre just bros. theyre both pretty similar in personality#except deimos is kinda more mean and cynical while phobos can be kinda. dense and naive despite literally where hes at in life#but most of the time theyre basically beavis and butthead#i would also like to stress that juli is not being homophobic she just already cannot stand these guys and cant believe the audacity#but. complete misunderstanding. karma for stealing wallets ig#this will never be cleared up by anyone ever#but again thats not their dynamic they are just beavis and butthead. and i guess that makes juli daria LOL#finn's ocs#finn's art
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yakou furio's character is so tragic to me. i wanna meme about how they used the fridged wife trope but other than that it's like. he lost his family and later all of his coworkers and just. existed alone for years.
looking at the state the submarine and especially his bedroom was in, with everything being a mess and all the cigarette butts in his bed, yakou was clearly depressed. he wouldn't even take on any interesting cases to fulfill his passion as a detective because he was so afraid of the peacekeepers. instead he just kept his head down. surviving but not actually living.
and then he finally gets some new detectives to work at his agency and the first thing he can do is fail to save most of them from dying horribly. but the five that yakou did manage to save latch onto him and he starts getting into a leader role! even if his new coworkers are all rowdy and get into trouble they still respect him as a leader and look up to him.
the detectives keep picking fights with the peacekeepers that yakou has been trying so hard to dodge. and usually the resolution is kind of messed up because the victims die but the detectives prove themselves capable of handling the peacekeepers! they're helping people! for the first time in a while, yakou comes toe to toe with peacekeepers willingly, to help his new friends. he realizes that he is able to stand up against amaterasu corp, with the help of the others.
but by the time he realizes this, the stage has already been set. the letter from yomi turned his grief into anger and a thirst for vengeance. although yomi gave him the information and opportunity, yakou was ultimately the one who chose to murder the man who murdered his wife.
yakou has already rebuilt his life after his wife's death. the detectives at his agency look up to him and he would do anything for them. it would never be the same as the life he had with his wife but yakou had the chance to turn over a new leaf with a new found family who cares about him.
but instead, yakou plans a murder. he needs to die, over and over, in order to access the man he wants to kill and he accepts it. he needs to trick two kids, who look up to him and who he cares for, into becoming his accomplices to the murder and he accepts it. in the wake of forcing his detectives to witness his murder, he needs leave them in a lab filled with peacekeepers who want to kill them and he accepts it.
and it's not that he doesn't care about his detectives. yuma and halara disobeyed his orders and assaulted several peacekeepers, and he was willing to be arrested himself before throwing his employees under the bus. yuma and fubuki were implicated in terrorism and yakou and the others solve the case for them, then prepare to fight an army of peacekeepers to protect yuma.
for his murder plan, yakou only needs desuhiko and fubuki's powers. but he brings halara and vivia along as well because they would be able to protect the two younger detectives and fight their way out of the lab after yakou dies. he enacts his plan on a day that yuma wasn't around because he won't be able to help fight peacekeepers, so it's better to just keep him out of this mess. he covers up his murder-suicide to protect his detective's feelings, but also because they would be implicated as his accomplices if his plan was revealed.
and yakou probably expected that the other detectives would be fine. if they'd left him behind to die, the other detectives probably would have been able to either fight their way out or hide out in the lab a bit longer and figured out a good plan to escape. if yakou had his way, he would have gotten his revenge and his detectives would have gone home grief-stricken, but unharmed and forever unaware of their roles in his death.
but yakou doesn't account for the fact that the other detectives would try to save his life. yuma doesn't run after the hitman and escape the peacekeepers, he stays behind to beg yomi to help yakou. fubuki uses up all her energy to rewind time to try to prevent yakou's death instead of helping the others escape the lab. halara, vivia, and desuhiko not only have to fight off peacekeepers, but they also have to carry yakou to a hiding spot to give first aid. and instead of calmly planning their next move, everyone is desperate to solve the case so there would be any chance of getting yakou to a hospital as quickly as possible.
one major theme of rain code is that despite tragedies that may have happened in the past, people can work together with those they care about to live a better life in the future. and yakou could have had that. his wife's death should have stayed in the past, and he should have continued to mentor the other detectives, solving mysteries together and enjoying each other's companies.
but yakou couldn't let the past stay in the past. he had every chance to not go through with his murder. he has new people he loves, but he manipulates them and puts them in danger in order to get back at the person who killed the last person he loved. his victory was a pyrrhic one. he got his revenge but in return, he destroyed himself and his detectives' trust in him. he enjoyed his revenge momentarily before dying and leaving his new family, who he used their love and trust for him to his advantage, to pick up the pieces.
yakou furio had lost everything in the past. but in trying to pursue it he destroyed everything he had in the present. that's the tragedy of his character to me.
#shut up pandora#rain code#master detective archives: rain code#yakou furio#character analysis#yakou is one of my favorite characters btw#hes a good person at his core though he fucked up#but also you dont have to be a good person to be a really good character which i think he is#this is @ ppl in youtube comments slamming on yakou for being stupid in chapter 4 btw#like thats the point#thats whats good about his character#would you have preferred if he were JUST a fun dad who gets fridged#thats fucking boring#we do nuance in this household and by household i mean my personal blog#but also what he did was pretty fucked up especially for the kids that he actually got involved#vivia was screaming crying throwing up bc it was a vivia chapter but i wanna see what fubuki's reaction was to the whole thing#bc man is she never gonna want to use her forte again#tragic anime dilfs will scar their kids for life in an elaborate and painful murder suicide instead of going to therapy#i like to acknowledge both sides of characters in general#but yeah while yakou was a really good mentor for the others at the agency and definitely loved them all very much#he put his want for revenge over his love for his found family#and died before he could reconcile to said found family about it
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hii hiii is it alright if I request something with kotoko and haruka?(platonic ofc) their character foils drive me insane with all the weak stuff authngghn icant be normal about them
Oooh thank you so much for the request! I realized that these two actually have one of the smallest windows to talk easily, given Haruka's nervousness and Kotoko's T2 changes. They have such interesting approaches to strength/weakness, and I hope I could capture it a bit here! This takes place immediately following Kotoko's bday timeline after Harrow's release:
“I’ll accept those birthday wishes…” Kotoko gave him a wave over her shoulder as she returned to making her bed.
She shook her head in awe. It was rather impressive how quickly the boy had changed after his verdict. The others had more subtle differences, but he was someone entirely new. She could rest easy, at least, knowing that her verdict wouldn’t change her much. For as long as she could remember, she’d been like this. She knew where she stood, and neither guilty nor innocent verdict would affect that. This verdict was really only an indicator on whether the warden could be trusted or not.
Her body tensed up when she turned back around, startled by Haruka lingering silently in the doorway. She decided against chastising him for scaring her half to death. Still, she couldn’t keep the bite from her voice as she asked, “did you need something else?”
“Ah… I just…” He twisted his hands together. “I had a question.”
He fell silent, but Kotoko could tell he was chewing on his next words. She waited.
“H-how do you do it? All the time? You’re older and stronger and braver and I-I just don’t know how.”
“Give yourself some credit. I’m not that much older, or stronger. I only have, what -- two, three years on you? And you did very well in the arm wrestling tournament the other day.”
She wasn’t being patronizing. For someone so sheltered, Haruka could do some damage. He stood a few inches taller than her. The others had taken the arm wrestling as a little game, but Kotoko had used the event to measure up her fellow prisoners. After his close match with Mikoto, she had made a mental note to take him seriously.
“No…” his expression twitched, getting frustrated with the misunderstanding. “Not muscles. I mean… you don’t have someone like Muu. You don’t need someone next to you all the time. But you still talk with everyone… and it looks easy. All the time. You always know what to say, and what to do. You never look scared. You never cry.”
Kotoko’s smile softened. She wasn’t the prideful type, but his words gave her a wave of accomplishment. She certainly was scared. She did cry. But she wasn’t about to show a single crack in her resolve in front of anyone here. Haruka had given her the greatest of compliments by confirming her success.
“Ah, you mean strength of spirit. Well, that doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It comes with my purpose, with my virtues.”
“Virtues…?”
“I see the injustice around me, and want to protect the innocent. When I see how awful the world can be, when I see the monsters that are hurting those who are weak, I can’t help myself.” She clenched her fist. “The power to do so just comes to me.”
“Oh…” Haruka looked down at his palms.
Her heart sank, realizing he didn’t quite understand. It was a shame that not all of humanity could be as righteous as her. That heroic drive had always come so naturally to her; she wasn’t sure she could put it into words to explain to others.
Haruka’s open hands were trembling. “Um. Is there any other way?”
“Hm?”
“All my life… I only cause pain to everyone.” His worry gradually turned to desperation.” I hurt everyone who gets close to me. Especially things that are small and weak. My whole life, I’ve been nothing but a… a curse. So… is there another way? Please. I want to be better. I want to be strong! I want to be like you! Tell me!”
He stepped forward, pleading. Kotoko stepped back.
His blue eyes widened at her sudden shift into defense. “Ah! I. I’m sorry. I’m-I’m sorry. It’s your birthday. You should be… Have a g-good day.”
“Wait.” Kotoko stopped him before he could flee. She was aware of the massive gap between them, the vastly different backgrounds they came from. Still, she offered the same advice that had helped her in her toughest of days.
“Don’t worry so much about others’ strength. The quickest way to burn yourself out is getting overwhelmed with the power that’s all around you. Once you start putting all your focus toward honing your own skills and strengths, you’ll realize how much you’re truly capable of. You don’t need anyone else. You’ll realize that you are enough.”
“I… am enough…?”
She placed a hand firmly on his shoulder.
“So, no need to get all worked up now, okay?”
“O-okay. I’ll do my best.” He stiffened, trying to appear worthy of her words.
She let out a bitter laugh. “I told the others not to do anything for my birthday, but I don’t think they paid me any mind.” Kotoko still couldn’t fathom how they were so friendly with each other given the situation. “Let’s go see if there’s some cake or something.”
#milgram#kotoko yuzuhira#haruka sakurai#thank you so much! this one was super interesting to write 👀#the thing is even though they dont have any direct problem between them they would still have a hard time communicating#but once they DO communicate there would so much they could learn from/help each other with!!!#this is leaning into my theory that kotokos murder (like harukas) was a rightful emotion that spiraled out of control#it really puts it into perspective how young kotoko is when you remember shes not too much older than haruka#and theyre both susceptible to strong emotions that stem from feeling weak int he face of the big scary world#but kotokos sees her as some blessing of power to serve her heroic thoughts and haruka sees his as a curse#ty to my pals who helped me find the exact spot in the timeline i was looking for 🙏#although kotoko doesnt believe she can change that easily she 100% undergoes the exact type of dramatic change as the others#once again referencing the arm wrestling info from yamanaka#between that and the fact that strangulation actually takes a fair amount of power#i just think its very good to remember that haruka is so physically strong#also something something kids looking up and wanting to be like kotoko and her complex emotions on that....#these two are sooooo interesting AH#drabbles
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So... Murder Cat with soon to be Murder Dog and Murder Bird Drones.
Murder Cat has the depression and trauma.
#murder drones oc#serial designation K1T#serial designation R0VE4#serial designation S0NG#their names are just Kitty‚ Rover‚ and Song. Their future designation names are Red-R0ve4‚ S0ng-Str1ke‚ and K1T.#It's been a while since I drew my murder kiddos. I plan on making some kind of au and story because I have one cooked up in my brain!#it involves basically set in same universe but also not.#there are humans in my story and worker drones and murder drones and it's basically worker drone revolution fighting humans for resources#could they come up with a peaceful solution for both sides?#dunno. maybe? who knows. These animals are former pets donated to become murder drones and take care of rebels and keep in line (still wip)#the story is still in progress and the idea is subject to chain idk but I am really excited to use these three characters again because K1T#-was always planned to be in a group with a dog and a bird#working on Song-strike and Red Rover's murder designs#this is gonna be LIT!!!#sorry for the wall of tags
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[shaking and biting] but what does it MEAN. what does it SAY what is the THEME
#akkdlflf i watched this long lecture video abt austrian national identity and the researcher said 'the austrians are quite adept at#selling the austro hungarian monarchy back to tourists incl ones from former parts of the empire... but even in the imperial nostalgia they#don't want back multilingualism or multiculturalism or any of what it actually was'#(it was a lot abt the way in which austria deals with orban's hungary in and after the 2015 refugee crisis)#ajskgldo and that just made me think about... how pointless some things feel. both in fiction and in academic research#you CAN say meaningful things about almost any topic and with almost any argument! but in some strands of history trying to 'uncover events'#with no exploration of the context and what it all MEANS and what the things we think about it mean#is the most prevalent and popular type of research :/ like there's a reason i overrely on hamann's bio of rudolf because her central thesis#is that he wasnt a crazy murderer but someone with a forward-thinking political vision that went as far as suggesting a sort of 'proto-EU'#among other things#so like. she is looking at what it all MEANS!!!#and like. my favourite todolf fanfics are also like that 😂😭 perhaps not abt politics but about suffering and power dynamics and guilt#same for original fiction. i'm never happy if a book i'm reading isnt saying something#or then again - this is more personal pickiness but. they should also be saying something NEW AND INTERESTING#a lot of the time. sometimes if you have a fave trope you can just enjoy it over and over#but idk even tropey stuff can say things#ajlsldkfkf i'm just so tired of kitsch in all its forms and also of bad science
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the hunger games au! anakins confidence! obi-wan being the mentor! the fact that they’re together BEFORE anakin even gets picked!
poor robin tho lol :( but you know the games go on for like 12 hours longer while Anakin waits for someone else to kill her. In theory it’s because of his ruse with the capital, but it’s definitely just for obi-wan. So really, obi-wan did help her live longer than she would have otherwise, from a certain point of view.
also obi-wan definitely finds it romantic that anakin let someone else kill her & rewards him for it after the games ;)
(also for a sec i thought maybe the other girl would be padme & maybe anakin used to like her and is briefly sad & padme is a master manipulator and makes obi-feel like shit for choosing to let her die (making anakin hate her lol) and also making obi-wan feel super insecure about the ruse and also maybe really petty and bitchy? and she’s also really popular in the capital and canon padme isn’t a terrible fighter either)(maybe padme pretends to be (or is) pregnant and she pretends their anakins and obi-wan is SO insecure and/or seeing red)
lmao sorry for the massive ask the hunger games awaken something terrible in me
oo i think maybe a braver writer would probably have made anakin's other tribute padmé, and i guess there's still time for that, but i didn't want to for a couple of reasons, hence using a made up oc instead
i think the tug of guilt obi-wan would feel over having a preferred victor (anakin) and giving them both trainings but then really carefully only campaigning for sponsors to take a look at anakin, not the other tribute.....because anakin needs funds for a blanket, anakin needs food, obi-wan is watching anakin suffer and any second he may have to watch him die.... he feels guilty about the other tribute but he cannot watch anakin die....like that's enough guilt for obi-wan, i don't think specifically padmé could make him feel worse
also i think another reason i didn't choose padmé was because i didn't want anyone to think anakin used to like her lol this anakin is not normal this anakin is a creep this anakin was like. fourteen, saw obi-wan being all pathetic and sad and decided if obi-wan wasn't going to take advantage of him anakin was going to take advantage of obi-wan, worm his way into his confidences and affections and then never ever leave like this is not a boy who had a crush on any sort of padmé amidala he would not be sad he is not capable of being sad about the other tribute this is not a normal dude and tbh its easier to just. not have her in the story than to push back against that all the time
or i think i'd have her as part of the capitol who works with obi-wan to overturn palpatine once the rebellion is going on, but i think she would find anakin off-putting because he's 100% creep but not a creep who is in love with her and it just actually makes her uncomfortable to be in a room with him. asks obi-wan to blink twice if he needs rescuing. obi-wan blinks a lot of times because he's confused as to how anyone could ever need saving from anakin
anakin wouldn't hurt a fly
#asks#obikin#hunger games au#padme: wait sorry are you saying that you cant understand how anyone could find the guy who murdered 20 people in 2 days offputting#obi-wan: that wasn't his choice :( i asked him to#padme: im gonna stop you right there because this revolution isgoing to be really hard to carry out#if i don't feel comfortable in a room with you too#also just spare padme from that in general lol#i also thought about having ahsoka be the other tribute#but i didnt think people were ready for that#like there wouldnt be a happy ending where anakin grows to care for her and then they both get out of the arena#it would have been 'make padme pregnant in couples counseling au' all over again#and that was exhausting for me as the writer i cannot lie
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considering my brand is bitching about FH all day, sometimes I feel bad at convincing myself wcsmp didn’t end well for scott and milo. Like damn girl leave him with SOMETHING…
#In my defense exactly 0 people were seriously expecting the good ending#i saw people jokingly predict milo wouldn’t give a fuck about the murders or the selling his soul for immortality or the#But then again you need to be able to look past the horrors to date scott i think. the concerning level of attachment was part of the deal#I just. Ohhh I cant look past what he was willing to do for milo. I can’t look past the amount of self destruction#Glad it ended well for him but the canon ending is like. some better alternate reality fantasy for me#Which is crazy because IT IS THE CANON ENDING ITS LITERALLY REAL#but i still catch myself thinking man… I wish everything worked out for him and milo :/#AS IF IT DIDNT????#HES LITERALLY HAPPY AND IN LOVE????#I just cant believe it like there’s no way#What happens when milo dies again. Scott is still a litch with like eight spare souls its very unlikely he dies first#What happens then? Eight consecutive suicides?#Like girl please go to therapy before that happens. Im afraid of what you’ll do to the world or yourself or both#*he* might not have magic anymore but he’d figure out something for sure#bree barks so fucking loud
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trying to plot out a xichen/huaisang emma au solely for the purposes of slotting jin guangyao and nie mingjue into the already married siblings role. in theory this leaves us with no one to play emma's dad but no they're both emma's dad for maximum impact. and obviously jin guangyao is also the nanny. and it ends with huaisang vowing to be worse, actually.
#they still get married tho no one is escaping the toxicity#i think everyone lives? maybe?#an improvement on my original jin guangyao is harriet idea#wwx is now harriet and nhs is insanely smug about wangxian#thus his vow to be worse actually#i think jc and wq are frank and jane#sorry to jc! and also frank actually they're a terrible mashup except i cannot resist them having a secret engagement on account of wq's#controversial connexions and related poverty#however since this is jc he obviously does not succeed in his plan to flirt with nhs for cover#making nhs obviously even more smug. and again#worse#originally i was also going to have jgy kill nmj after huaisang hooks them up but it's just too sad even if it's the right choice i shan't#it IS the right choice though like it should be a murder mystery-emma mashup from xichen's pov#where he's soooo concerned about huaisang and jgy after mingjue dies#and huaisang is like. using his matchmaking as deep cover to send jgy to the gallows#but that version of the story is so miserable#and i think unfair to both mingjue and jgs neither of whom are likely to get to that place in their relationship under the conditions#of this au. they're busy being married and fighting about whether mingjue should be more politically active or w/e#jgY now that was unfair to jgy#emma but no one learns anything. emma but one of the brontes was there giving notes#not anne sorry anne i love u anne
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Ok but that video made me think of sea longing again and I'm gonna be SICK with it, tolkein was RIGHT in having it as representative for this larger than life soul-hunger that is both terrifying and wonderful
#i need to swim regularly again but hip bas + chlorine is so murder on my skin and hair#and its not like i have easy access to saltwater pools#and lake ontario both cold and extremely gross polluted during the warmer months#and you cant swim laps in the fuckin. lake. yknow#WAHHHHH i need to float in one of thise sensory deprivation tanks tbh#and ALSO climb around the rigging of a massive boat#i dont mind heights. i would love to be a rigging rat ok#the duality of fran
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Genuinely I love Julian's route in The Arcana so much. The potential of it, this inherent pull towards someone and you don't understand why -- he's admitted guilt to murder yet you can't help but feel this strange insistence that he's innocent. You don't know how, but your body, mind, & soul are screaming at you that this man that you have never met before is good, he's not what others say he is, he's not what he himself says he is; and then you learn that he doesn't even remember what happened, he just assumes he's the guilty party because he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he was. Why else would he forget unless it was an unbearable guilt he couldn't bear the weight of?
And, on top of it all, he has this same strange familiarity with you. How does he feel when he sees you in the shop and his heart stutters? When suddenly his aimless searching for something feels resolved, when he looks at you and everything feels right? He doesn't know you and yet his body remembers.
The mutual amnesia of people who used to be extremely close. He sees you for what he thinks is the first time ever, but his body is telling him no, we know them, we miss their touch. And you, the apprentice, slowly realizing you're feeling the same things? You immediately trust him because, before you forgot, he was your partner. Your mentor. Somebody you were so incredibly, incredibly close to, but you died and he blamed himself and everything crumpled and he made himself forget so it could never happen again and then --
There you are. And neither of you remember, but at the same time, some part of you does. The muscle memory never left. He touches you so casually, pats your arms and grabs your hand and leads you around the alleys as if it's second nature because it is. He dreams of your face and his torment and of losing you, and doesn't realize that it was real, and that his body itches to hold you because that part of him can't bear to lose you again.
I am obsessed with it. How many little tells are there, really, that the two of you share and hint at it being an old habit from times forgotten? How many little touches used to be daily routines? How many flutters of visions aren't just passing thoughts and wishes, but memories?
You think of how hard it would be to kiss Julian with a plague mask on, and his response is "Imagine trying with two of them," because he wanted to kiss you when you were his apprentice, when you were both desperate and tired and aching and tortured by the plague with only each other's company as a comfort. Maybe that's why you had the thought of kissing him in the first place, too -- but neither of you know why the subject was brought up, neither remember, yet some parts of you do.
Ugh. I love it. And when Julian finally does regain his memories? And he realizes you're real and you're here and you've been here, and he has been able to touch you and hold you this whole time, but now he can truly appreciate it, but he's also horrified with the weight of losing you all over again. Oh my God. It's so good. The potential underlying thoughts and emotions are so good.
#im rambling#im just obsessed with past lovers who have mutual amnesia#but they both feel this weird sense of /rightness/ when they find each other again#and everything starts moving so quickly and its too quick to be comfortable yet it is more than comfortable#its natural its instinctual because you both fit#youve always fit you just dont remember#the tragedy the beauty the intimacy#the love shared inherently between people who cant remember why#but their bodies know they miss each other#and touching one another comes as easy as breathing even when everything around them is telling them no this is dangerous this is not sane#he is a murderer he is a terrible person he will hurt you#but your body says /no/#because its whispering /i know him/#grabs my heart and sobs into the pavement#im so sorry im rambling so much i just. its so good. i wish we had more books like this#not the one sided amnesia trope but the TWO sided amnesia#you dont remember what happened you dont remember who you used to be but your body is screaming /its them its them its them/#sigh#julian#julian devorak#the arcana#the apprentice#arcana#arcana apprentice#spoilers#julian spoilers#Julian route spoilers#ilya#ilya devorak#Wolfy speaks
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not to sound too much like people that say "all the steven universe characters hate people who read killing/stalking" or "sonic the hedgehog supports decriminalizing sex work" or "twilight sparkle would be ashamed of you for being racist" but it is certainly something that orym's character revolves so much around the women in his life and how they affected him and how much he loves them and how deeply he respects his female friends, but half of his fans are so hostile and misogynist towards imogen, laudna and/or fearne to the point where his detractors are convinced he's a chauvinist bully and think he actively hates all of them.
#🍃#orym of the air ashari#i say this as someone who has seen both 'sides' of the orym vs imogen kerfuffle and it's giving bowlgate#it's either 'imogen is perfect and orym is abusive and controlling' or 'orym is perfect and imogen is abusive and controlling'#or people who want to murder both of them which is shockingly common. mostly laudmoore shippers who hate both imodna and ashrym#anyways characters can have flaws. they are a feature not a bug and pointing them out is not bashing them nor coddling them#hate seeing posts where people allow him moral grayness and all the comments are basically:#'YES HE'S EVIL AND HE SHOULD DIE PEOPLE ONLY LIKE HIM BECAUSE THEY WANNA BANG LIAM'#okay those are my last words on this don't ask me about it again#'i don't care about character discourse it's too stupid for me to take seriously' i say as i do this#but like. it is stupid. it is painfully stupid.#remember when fcg had a mental breakdown and everyone started seeing them as nothing more than a time bomb until FRIDA came along? yeah
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