In Which There is Trouble in Paradise

“You great foolish fop,” Sophie cried. “Is there no end to your selfishness?” Howl looked up from his spells with an affected air of innocence. “May I at least know why exactly you’ve chosen to visit your wrath upon me this time?” “And you have the audacity to pretend innocence?” Sophie raised her voice. “You slitherer!” “I am not!” Howl insisted. “If you’re going to scold me I’d like to know why!” “Is nearly killing someone such a routine activity that you need to be reminded of it?” Sophie yelped. “Wicked man!” “I am a very assiduous wizard,” Howl protested, twirling his blonde hair defensively. Sophie fought the urge to leap at him and yank it very, very hard.  

“So you don’t remember leaving a concoction of heaven knows what dripping- yes, dripping- above Calcifer this morning before you went off gallivanting to buy emerald-studded garters, or whatever frippery you indulge yourself in?” “Indeed, I don’t,” Howl answered impatiently. “I don’t understand why you’re so fussed about Calcifer all the time anyway. You’ll spoil him. Besides, he’s perfectly capable of leaving whenever he likes.”

“I,” Sophie said, drawing herself up to her full queenly height, “Have always felt that one would rather spoil someone than kill them.” Howl rolled his eyes. “The old ball of gas was never in any danger anyhow.” “So you admit it! You did drip all over poor Calcifer!” Sophie squawked. “So what if I did?” Howl flopped sulkily back in his chair. “You were clearly ready at hand to protect your darling Calcifer, therefore I see no issue.”  “Yes, well, I-” Sophie found herself at a loss for words. It wasn’t often Howl relented to her, but now that he had, she found herself wondering why she had picked a fight with him anyway.

“You’ve been a very bad wizard,” she said finally. When Howl continued to sulk, she added, “Traipsing off all day and leaving me by myself, an old lady like me. Wicked, wicked man.” “By yourself? By yourself indeed!” Howl exclaimed indignantly, sitting up again. “She has a Prince and a fire demon to tea every day and complains of being by herself!” Sophie gaped in angry astonishment. “What are you on about, you ridiculous man?” “Prince Justin!” Howl cried, leaping from his seat. “Always popping his crowned head in for a chat with another man’s wife! And Calcifer! Whenever I ask him to drop by, he’s much too busy with his travels, but when Sophie asks, there's all the time in the world!”

Sophie stood up and stared at Howl in sheer and utter horror. And then she began to laugh. She doubled over and laughed until tears were streaming from her eyes. Howl stretched his most wounded look across his face. “If you intend to laugh at my woes, perhaps I’ll head down to Michael’s. Then you’ll see what it’s like, always having to share. Heartless Sophie!” “Oh, Howl,” Sophie gasped finally. “You don’t mean to tell me that all of this sulking and keeping away from home was because you were jealous? And here I was thinking I’d frightened you off!” “What was I to think?” Howl wailed pathetically.

“Let me put your mind at rest, you wonderful imbecile. Prince Justin has been visiting so often because he needed a spell put into his armour, and it came out wrong. Calcifer is lonely. He misses moving the castle, though he’ll never admit it. ” Throughout this little speech, Howl’s jaw had been descending lower and lower. Sophie chuckled.

“So there. You still have plain little Sophie Hatter all to yourself.” “Oh, Sophie,” Howl groaned. He took her in his arms tightly. “What a pair we are!” “To think you were jealous of Calcifer!” Sophie giggled. “Oh, hush,” Howl said, “You can’t blame me for worrying. Dear, beautiful Sophie!” She smiled up at him, and he kissed her soundly. 

guys i reread the hmc book and omfg im obsessed like who knew all i needed to make me happy was a foolish fop, an old woman, an awkward fifteen year old and a sassy fire demon

Sophie Hatter and Lucy Gringe/Heap should be best friends. They are very similar I don't think the Castle nor Ingary could survive them but I would be very happy.

Meanwhile Howl would be having a weird eye contact game with Marcellus Pye to determine who is the more vain and dramatic (and Howl would win because he is the most dramatic and vain AND because he punches people who kidnap children while Marcellus kidnaps them).

thinking of book howl & Sophie & their lovely dynamic of:

Howl: I’m gonna go to bed. Where I may die. Cuz I’m sick.

Sophie: then perish.

Everytime I see an Howl's moving castle AU , It's usually a movie version and that's fine, that's wonderful even. I'm not criticizing it but I'm genuinely left wondering how the characters in said AU would fare as Book!Howl and Book!Sophie.

Because you would need to make sure said character could be as dramatic and.. unhinged as Book!Howl and Sophie and...I just don't think as many characters could do it.

A lil practice in perspective with this piece mostly, so here's Howl and Sophie, who I designed based 50/50 on their book and movie counterparts! I actually would love to revisit this piece and paring in the future, since the book is one of my all time favs

green slime be upon ye

Howl truly is the man of all time. He’s a playboy. He’s a malewife. He fell in love with a ninety year old woman. He’s a rugby player. He smells like hyacinths. He’s not a natural blond. When dying his hair went slightly wrong, he filled his home with slime. He has a PhD. He’s a wizard. He found a way to another universe and he told absolutely nobody about it. He makes video games about the magical universe for his nephews. He can’t play the guitar. He always takes a guitar with him when he’s trying to seduce a woman. He’s a self-proclaimed coward. He got drunk to trick himself into doing something dangerous. He overcharges for his services to rich people. He undercharges for his services to poor people. A woman invaded his home and declared herself his cleaning lady and he just let her stay. He loves spiders. He lies about his surname to everyone, including royalty. The true spelling of his first name is Howell, but we don’t find out until halfway through the book because the POV character thinks it’s spelled Howl. He’s even Welsh.

Them 😏✨ 2nd picture: *angry welsh screams*

But what if … the movie adaption was more faithful to the book 🤔🤔?

Look it is very important to me that everyone knows that Sophie is also fucking nuts in the book. Everybody always talks about how absurd Howl in the book but Sophie is right there with him.

She's so determined to be the normal sister that she's just actually convinced herself that the magic she is clearly, visibly, blatantly performing happens to everyone. Just. You know. Not anyone around her. The curse wore off weeks ago and she's just totally sure she's happier as an old woman. Her sisters have initiated some complex long-game tomfoolery to switch lives and Sophie also thinks that this is the most logical choice.

Sophie does not move in with a romantic mythic man who treats her right, she moves in with a runaway doctoral candidate who immediately dates her sister and drags her into his family drama. She and Howl are both so afraid of romantic commitment they accidentally trick themselves into becoming life partners. They kill the witch of the waste mostly on a whim, and they argue about which one of them is more impulsive for doing so the whole time.

A Walk in the Skies 👒

Howl’s Moving Castle illustration!

"People need to read the book to see how dramatic book-Howl is!" True, but on top of that, even people who read the book need to read the sequels..

movie howl: that's my girl! sophie you're hair is so pretty, i want to protect you and love you forever

book howl when sophie wants to clean his room:

forgot to post these doodles i did on my copy of hmc :)

One of my favorite parts about the writing of Howl's Moving Castle is how easy it is to write off all the things from our world at first as him just being a weird wizard™ (also thanks to bestie @jutenium for spotting this I wouldn't put it like that without you!!/pos). Sure, Sophie uses weird descriptions, but readers have every reason to believe them because of the way Howl is presented as a character. When Sophie says he wrote with a quill that doesn't need an ink, you wouldn't think it was actually a ballpoint pen, you would think Howl had just enchanted his quill so that it wouldn't need ink! When she adds that she can't make out a single word, you think he has matchingly terrible handwriting, but in fact Sophie has simply never seen a pen writing. When she sees the mysterious labels on his books, you think he's keeping a lot of obscure magical literature, but it's really just an encyclopedia and a guide like "Top 10 Rugby Tips." When Sophie notices the bottles in Howl's bathtub, you think they're some kind of magical jars where he keeps girl's hearts, but I'm almost certain that they're just 'Dove' and 'Head and Shoulders' that he's enhanced with his spells and put silly labels on. When you read Calicifer singing a song in a language Sophie doesn't understand, you think it's some kind of ancient cipher or code, but it's actually just a rugby song in Welsh that Howl sings when he's drunk. And finally, when you see the terrifying black door, which is completely shrouded in darkness, you imagine a passage to an eerie, mythical place, similar to what Miyazaki showed us - but it's just fucking Wales.