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herstarburststories · 3 years

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illicit love

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x reader

Summary: Jensen loves you, but sometimes love isn’t the right thing.

A/N: Hey, guys! All we needed was a newish fic to say that I was really back, here it is! This one goes for @negans-lucille-tblr 6k challenge. So glad you got to another millestone, honey. It's like I was posting my part for your 5k celebration just yesterday! xD Prompt in bold.

Warnings: age gap, cheating

Jensen Ackles kept squinting through the bricks of his memory in an attempt to recall where it all began. Maybe it was when he drove off the road he had known for years with the dumbfounded desire to take the trails yet traveled, threading his fingers through your hair on the night of September 7th. He could’ve chosen the easy out and say it all started to crumble with the first kiss, but no. The actor, father, and now horrible husband highly doubted that. No, as he unwound the convoluted wires in his mind, it wasn’t the first clandestine meeting that he saw as the beginning, not the first kiss or the primal stolen glances. It wasn’t even the lies or the way he pushed his body against yours in an act of illicit faith.

Like any grand mistake, it was way before that. Just like how the church not-so-gently advised, it all starts with craving something you never thought you would want.

It happened when he landed the job in a new series after leaving a fifteen-year-long rollercoaster, pushing away any real witness to the fact the old show that swallowed part of his soul was over. There was a certain shock of excitement misplaced by the fact he was going to be working with Eric again, and that the show was an abrupt change considering what he had been doing previously. Now, he believed it was his body’s particular way of telling him that — as the savage animals can sense rain or a calamity — this, baby, this is gonna change your life.

JENSEN ACKLES CAST AS SOLDIER BOY!

‘’Since when have you read comics?’’ Jensen arched his messy eyebrows at Dee’s curiosity about the Homelander and Soldier Boy panel making it to the screen. Shaking the comic book in his right hand slightly, he continued: ‘’Especially that kind.’’

‘’Never,’’ Danneel stated plainly, “but I have Google. It was pretty much the first thing that appeared.’’

‘’Well, Eric said that scene won't be on the screen. Besides, the portrayal won't be that Soldier Boy, but the original one who died in the war. ‘Course, he wouldn’t have died there in our show, but it ain’t the panel one.’’ He shrugged, bringing her closer to his side as she snuggled against him. ‘’There’ll be a bunch of Herogasm, which is basically drugs and sex. Just not with Homelander.’’

Danneel nodded at his explanation, humor clinging to her words as she added: ‘’Guess the only man I have to share you with is still Jared.’’

‘’Hey, you knew what you were getting yourself into.’’ Jensen scoffed playfully before kissing her cheek. ‘’Can't wait to start the show.’’

Jensen leaned forward to rest the comic that he had been religiously studying to form a psychological character profile on the dashboard of the Impala. The actor was spending plenty of hours inside his most palpable Supernatural souvenir -- Baby. His safe place. He sure as hell needed one of those, as molding a whole character that has a bunch of source material wasn’t as easy as he pictured. With Dean, he was putting himself and the script in one until it made his imaginary best friend. It was love at the first sight. Soldier Boy, however, was a long story short. Jensen figured he should do both, honor the character created and add his own special ingredients to it. It was a brand new kind of passion that he hadn’t done for a series in the longest time. Still, his glance trailed back to the woman by his side in the backseat.

‘’Let's hope it won't last another decade,” she mocked.

Jensen shook his head with a chuckle, relaxing against the leather seat. Even the mere smell of the Impala was enough to settle his nerves. ‘’Eric has plans for five seasons.’’

Danneel’s features contorted as if having war flashbacks. Sort of. She never imagined Supernatural would make it that far, and now with three kids, signing on for another excessively time-consuming idea for a new show didn’t seem too appealing either. Yet, she would support Jensen in any decision he’d take regarding his job. “Remind me the last time I heard that line before?”

‘’Come on.’’ He let out a wry huff, poking her side in a playful manner. She couldn't help but laugh, returning the gesture with tickles to start a very light-hearted battle. He seemed happy with the new job, something Danneel truly thought he would have more difficulty with. She’d pushed her weathered worries away with his easy-going laughter for now.

SOLDIER BOY’S LOVE INTEREST?

Eric Kripke threw the gossip magazine on the table, his eyes not straying from his long-time friend’s. He could’ve simply added the digital article to an irate email and be done with it, but he was a simple man with extravagant taste. That had been usual through his whole career, especially regarding the Supernatural aesthetic. Yet, in those mundane situations, Jensen almost found it too much. That wasn’t the case, though. If anything, the plain, yet still overpowering words that his green eyes scanned made his body sweat. He could even hear his organs working from the absolute silence of the blame that covered the room. Kripke’s room had never seemed more like an interrogation chamber than now.

The magazine in question held Jensen and your picture on the cover, his arms wrapped around your torso as he pulled you close. The most sequin smile hung from your lips like happiness was something that could be touched on that sunny day in the private park near the studio. Giant and garish letters made the headline along with the subline: Jensen Ackles wearing his Soldier Boy costume caught sharing a passionate kiss with the new arrival of The Boy’s Team: Y/N Y/L/N, also known on-screen as Cangaceira!

His voice came out as an accusation: ‘’What’s this, Jensen?’’

‘’We were…’’ The director just waved his hand to interrupt.

‘’Don’t try saying you were practicing a scene because I wrote the Soldier Boy and Cangaceira kiss, and it wasn’t here.’’ Acid tainted his words with no space for fake niceties on his set. Jensen remained in the chair, not even daring to make the most subtle move. Eric knew where he was hitting, and Ackles deserved a punch in the jaw. “The sex scene wasn’t here either, but you two added a lot of erotic subtext. Trust me, I know.’’

His shoulders fell in exhaustion. ‘’Eric…’’

‘’You’re lucky we were going to make those two a couple anyway. I can just put the kiss here and save your ass. What if that wasn’t the case, huh?’’ the director continued, more interested in spilling out his anger than listening to dumb excuses. ‘’What about Danneel, Jensen? You have a wife and kids, for God’s sake!’’

The breaking point. Jensen rose to his feet with sudden frustration, a growl leaving his lips as he pushed the chair to the side with uncharacteristic brutality. How could Eric bring up his family like this? And how could Jensen’s heart not bring them up when he kissed you before? It was all a fucking mess, and he had no choice but to choke down whatever came out of it, even if it was poison and spite.

‘’Fuck, Eric! Do you think I don’t know that? Do you think it doesn’t pull me apart every time I go home and know I’m lying to the people who love me?’’ The vein on his neck popped as he spoke, emotion gushing thicker through his arteries than blood. Woe remerged under his skin as he swallowed dryly, resting his hands on the table and looking down. That wasn’t him. He had done a lot of things that weren't him lately. ‘’I have enough guilt here, pal.’’

Eric just glared down at the man’s outburst, furrowing before asking, ‘’What’s going on, Jay? You don’t just get up and cheat on your wife. That ain’t you.’’

He shook his head. ‘’I don’t know. Y/N’s just…’’

‘’At least 20 years younger than you,” he stated. ‘’Just starting her career and might be getting the homewrecker title if someone finds out.’’

‘’I won’t let that happen.’’

‘’How? You are gonna be more careful or will you cut it out and go back to your wife and three kids?’’ When Ackles didn’t respond, Eric sighed. ‘’Just stop this, Jensen. Let her go.’’

Jensen scoffed humorlessly. ‘’I can’t.’’

Kripke felt like talking to a teenager. He shook his head as he got up. ‘’Do you have any idea what you’re doing here? This could destroy your family, destroy Y/N’s chance to make a name when you already have your own. That’s selfish in all proportions, Jensen!’’

‘’I know, I know.’’

‘’She deserves more than this and —’’

‘’I know.’’

‘’You are gonna mess up everyone’s lives —’’

‘’I know!’’ He slammed the table and winced, turning around with his hands on his head. If only he could stop his thoughts for a second and reorganize his feelings. ‘’Do you think it doesn’t rip my heart out that I can’t love her?’’

‘’Who?’’ The burning question was ready to set everything ablaze. ‘’You can’t love Y/N, or you can’t love your wife anymore, Jensen?’’

He couldn’t love you in public. He couldn’t love Danneel anywhere. Love just escaped through his reaches when you spoke his name like a prayer, and it was time to accept that.

‘’Both.’’

NO CHICK FLICK MOMENTS: SOLDIER BOY AND CANGACEIRA TALK ABOUT WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THEIR RELATIONSHIP

‘’It's amazing to portray with Jensen. I’ve watched Supernatural since I was like twelve, which probably isn't advisable.’’ You chortled, answering the reporter’s question. Your body could barely contain your excitement under your skin, although, why would you want that? You did it. You got the job you had dreamed and worked hard for. To a bonus, you were working with Jensen Ackles! If there was someone that had earned the right to scream to the sky until your face was the color of the red carpet your heels currently stood on, it was you. ‘‘I was even a Samgirl!’’

Jensen faked a gasp next to you, a light spectrum surrounding the interview. ‘’Really? Me too!’’

You pushed his shoulder playfully while he chuckled. ‘’Anyway, I'm very excited to be here and portray a strong latina superhero. The representation’s very important, and to be able not only to cherish it, but to be a part of it doing what I love and inspiring people like me is… mythical.’’

‘’Wow, woman!’’ Ackles pursed his lips, clapping a little before shifting his gaze from you to the reporter. ‘’She likes the big words. I swear, dude. She’ll just come and in like, a casual conversation, say something like gelid or whilst, and then she's gonna say dumbass. Both sound smart as heck.’’

You winked. ''It's the accent. Makes everything sound nice.”’

Jensen nodded but was quick to sprinkle in an incendiary remark to his compliments. ‘’Yeah, I have never seen someone confuse coach and couch before. Go sit on the coach got a lot of wrong ideas.’’

‘’Hey, you sat on the coach!’’

‘’Because I’m a good boy.’’

You rolled your eyes despite the grin on your lips. ‘’Sure, mister hours-to-get-ready.’’

‘’Hey, plenty of face masks are needed to keep this — ’’ He pointed at his face. ‘’at fourteen.’’

‘’All I hear is that you’re old.’’ Your eyebrows knitted together. Jensen licked his lips at the sight. On any other day, he’d pick you up, say I’m gonna show you who’s old, and enjoy where your teasing had gotten you two, but he couldn’t do it now. You’d get what was coming to you after the event, perhaps even under the table if your dress allowed it, or in the bathroom, if you kept going.

The mischievous smirk on your cherry-stained lips proved that you knew what was going through his mind. God, you were his sweet death. Nonetheless, Jensen sighed dramatically and looked at the camera. ‘’This is what I have to deal with every day.’’

The reporter went on, happily surprised about how comfortable you and Jensen seemed together. Usually, new coworkers were timider around each other during interviews, especially when they were a romantic pair. The journalist decided to try getting a little sneak peek of the couple aspects of Soldier Boy and Cangaceira.

‘’It's definitely interesting.’’

‘’But not in the best way.’’ The only thing more messed up than Jensen’s relationship with you was the correlation between your characters. At least you and he had the purity of love, even if it was twisted enough to turn heads and churn stomachs

‘’Certainly not in the best way.’’ You agreed, bringing him back into reality as always. ‘’It's really nice to explore a couple that doesn't consist of two white people getting to it like most main characters of the shows in our current climate. It’s not the kind of relationship you should be rooting for — not because it's interracial or anything, that's pretty much the biggest, if not only, positive aspect about those two — but because they aren’t healthy at all, just as all main relationships in our show. It's not a romance series, and we certainly don't treat our couples like it.’’

‘’Told you she is the beauty and the brains.’’ His cheeks dimpled with joy and pride as he looked at you. Jensen knew how excitedly nervous you were about that interview. He couldn’t wait to tell you how great you were like you were born to sell dreams and magazines. ‘’But yeah, it’s a messed up relationship like any other in The Boys. After all, it's not a respectful, wholesome show. It's about gritty superheroes that ain’t got heroism. Soldier Boy isn't a good guy, and it translates in his relationship too.’’

You nodded in agreement, brushing his arm to keep you sane. ‘’It’ll be an interesting dynamic to see on-screen to our show standards, but it's not an actual picture of how a relationship should be.’’

THE BOYS 100TH EPISODE PARTY!

The glimmer of his green comet eyes caught your undivided attention in the throngs of people. The crowd had gathered for his family, his arm around his wife's waist as you both shared a tender, stolen look. You savored her wine and yearned for the man in her arms.

It was just a small celebration due to COVID’s lasting effects on public events. People from the set and their significants together were in the Ackles house for a couple of drinks, small talk, and a cake with The Boy’s comics printed on it.

‘’Aunt Y/N!’’ JJ tugged your dress, her mix of Danneel and Jensen’s features almost haunting your soul. Almost. You would never despise a kid for that — you didn’t even have the right to. If anything, JJ was the one that would graduate to hating you someday. You didn't have enough youthful stupidity not to know the risks of being in love with a married man. ‘’Auntie!’’

You leaned in the most that you could with the red skirt, glancing at the child. ‘’Yes, honey?’’

‘’That’s my new Barbie! I bought a beach one! She looks like you!’’ the blonde kid said with a childish joy that ached in your heart. You could end up destroying her family’s stability if Jensen went any further, yet there she was; buying dolls that looked like you and so happily babbling about it.

You were a monster. Love opened you up and planted greedy seeds, and now you were a monster growing like a beautiful tree that could never be strong enough to hold a kid as they climbed up. The fact that you could sense Jensen’s eyes on your ass didn’t help one bit.

‘’She does! That’s so cute, JJ.’’

‘’You can be her. I have one who looks like mommy, I’ll be her, ‘kay?’’

Your nausea was replaced by a pageant smile and a nod, and so you spent the night sharing longing stares with the dad and playing dolls with the daughter. It was a role that was never yours.

ILLICIT AFFAIR? JENSEN ACKLES SEEN ON THE BEACH WITH Y/N Y/L/N

‘’I can’t believe you did this to me, to our family,‘’ Danneel screamed exasperatedly as she threw her clothes in a bag and heart on the wall. Jensen just stood there, accepting the deserved fury. ‘’Ten years of my life, Jensen, and you just threw it away for a mistress! I gave up on my job to be a stay at home mom because you didn’t want a babysitter. I supported you in every moment. I loved you!’’

‘’I’m sorry…’’

‘’You don’t get to be sorry,” she howled, glaring at him with the hatred of an overthrown nation. She felt like he got to the podium and forgot to say her name. ‘’You let that woman get in my house, drink my wine, talk to my children…’’

Reflexively, he said, ‘’Our.’’

‘’Shut the fuck up! There’s no ours anymore, no us!’’ Her words had garnered a learned violence, much louder than the sound of the zipper closing her duffel bag. She threw the CC exclusive on the floor, holding onto the handle for dear life. He didn’t deserve to see her breaking, only her anger. ‘’You destroyed our family, you destroyed me!’’

He pleaded, unable to discern if it was for her or the guilt: ‘’Dee.’’

‘’I hope you’re happy. I hope you go to her, get her to sleep on our bed, and be happy for a month.’’ She gulped, pursing her lips. Her glossy eyes coupled with the pink hue of her lipstick brought back a treacherous memory of their wedding day. ‘’And then, I hope she cheats, like you did to me.’’

The next headline didn’t call it love.

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theexecutionerssong · 5 years

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Recap of EIL3 under the cut :)

Skam OG

Skam Italia

Skam France

Skam France/Italia/(OG)

The opening ceremony gave the tone for the day, aka starting late but with a lot of chaotic, happy-to-be-here energy with a member of each cast saying a couple of words of gratitude.

I was whisked away to the autographs with the OG skam cast just after. It was pretty great because it was the beginning of the day so everyone was still very chill. I first got to talk with Simo and Adam. and I thanked Simo for coming to the screening the other day, I asked if it was not too uncomfortable for him not being able to understand everything that was going on and I apologised that we didn't have a translator but he was very very happy to be here, some people were translating for him anyway, he said he really enjoyed the energy that we were giving off and for welcoming him with such a warm welcome. He actually loves Paris, he’s been here a few times, he was here 2 weeks ago then went back to Oslo then came back for the convention, he really loves it here :’) Then I went to Adam, who told me his whole life story azertghjk like how he had slept the night before, what he ate, everything it was so funny. Thomas was extremely chill, he took his time with everyone, really talking with us, he said he didn't have a lot of sleep either the night before because he was really excited. it's not the first time he’s doing the convention and he had loved it the last time but this time it was even better because Josefine was there with him.

Just as I was going up to Ulrikke, the staff came to tell me I had to leave and do my duo photoshoot with Maxence and Axel. I knew it had started already because I could hear them being their chaotic self a room over. When I got to the room, the energy was indeed through the roof. The trio Leo/Robin/Paul was happening at the same time and Axel kept going over to them to photobomb them, like every time one of them would shout in the room CHECK DE GANG, he would leave the photoshoot with Maxence and go with the guys, it was a mess but he was unstoppable. I know the bodyguard (I’ve been to other cons before and he handles the security on all of them), I was talking with him while queueing and he said that he didn’t know if Axel was either the best or worst person he had had to deal with. He was this close to strangle him or put a leash on him azerfghj. The girl before me didn't have any idea what kind of pose she wanted to do, and Maxence said “wait, is it my turn then?” to Axel, and just like that did a headstand like actually on his head not even on his hands, on his HEAD, what even azedfghjkl then it was my turn, they asked if I had already done other things already. I told them I had been doing my autographs with OG and Axel went “oh that’s AWESOME” and then to Maxence “wait who is OG, have we met him?” and Maxence looked at him all fondly like he was the dumbest person on earth “OG as in originaleuuuuh”, I burst out laughing at Axel’s face. Anyway, I told them I loved their shirts, you must have seen them, they were wearing the ones with half a rainbow heart on each, Maxence explained it was designed by a friend of his :’) we took our picture, I got a hug, they squished me so hard, and then I went back to finish my autographs with OG Skam.

Josefine was the sweetest, I didn't know what to say to her just that I was really really grateful that she was here and her nails were amazing (GREAT CONVERSATION GAELLE HERE, WOW) but she actually lit up because they change colour depending on whether it's hot or cold, she was really excited about it, she threw her arms up over her head and shouted “SCIENCE!!!”. I didn't want to hold up the line for nothing so I went to Ulrikke. I thanked her for pouring out so much positivity, about bodies, genders, feminism ect on social media, it really makes a difference to me, and she said that she actually needs to do it for herself before doing it for anybody else because she needs to hear the words, she needs to think positively, she needs to give back, and publishing her thoughts actually helps her a lot, and getting positive feedback is a very appreciated bonus.

The Skam France panel was supposed to start then but let me tell you, it was not happening. I was not in the same room as the guys when I was doing the autographs with OG but I could still hear them screaming their heads off and cheering and chanting that damn oui-oui song, they were being so fucking chaotic so of course they were running very late.

I had to wait around a bit and I was annoyed because I completely missed the Skam Italia panel that was happening during my autographs and shoots. I also missed the beginning of the Skam France panel when it finally started because I was sent to do my autographs with the Skam Italia cast.

I tried to speak my best Italian, I was a bit rusty, but they were so kind anyway. Bea actually knew the town my family is from in Sicily, I thanked her for her portrayal of Sana because I can’t begin to imagine the impact a character like her could have in my tiny Sicilian village. Rocco was very sweet and focused on what you’re telling him, he didn’t even glance at my notebook at first, I told him that his character is always such an important character to me personally in every remake but I especially enjoyed the Skam Italia portrayal because it was the first one, there must have been a lot of pressure and expectations but he nailed it. He said if he could help even one person, that would be enough for him, it was important to him too, he’s hoping he could continue portraying this kind of characters. I was supposed to take selfies with the actors as well but I hate pictures (photoshoots are okay because it’s a more ~professional setting) but he insisted like “why, why don't you want to?” I was just “I'm way more comfortable behind a camera than in front of it, nothing against you, so sorry”, for real I felt so bad, but Bea heard us talking and she said “don't push her if she doesn't want a picture” and he apologized, which made me feel worse azerfghjk I was like dude you're fine don't worry, thank you, ciao.

After that I had to wait a while for the next thing to happen because they were so so late that's when I got to meet some of you and I'm very very very happy to have met you, thanks for the love you gave me, for giving me a hug :’)

Then I went to my duo photoshoot with Assa and Lais, they were so sweet and kind but I couldn't say much to them, we had to hurry because we were running so late and we were supposed to be doing the Skam France panel already. It should have had started over an hour before. Assa and Lais left quickly after and started the panel with the others while Maxence was busy doing his duo shoot with Rocco. I had to miss the beginning because I was queuing for that. When it was my turn, Rocco said “this one speaks Italian!” and Maxence said “no, I know her, she speaks French” and my brain completely froze because I was not expecting them to remember me at all so I went “I speak both” in ENGLISH azerfghjkl i’m a dumbass but they laughed so it’s fine i guess

I went back running to the main room for the Skam France panel, I had missed 25 minutes already but you can thank Manon for filming what I had missed. The whole panel is on my YouTube channel so I won't repeat everything that was said here, I will be translating it but please give me time, it's a very long and very tedious process so please be patient with me, it might take me a few days, sorry about that.

I just want to point out, and I've said it before because it’s so obvious every time I see them together, I want to say that the friendship between Axel and Maxence is so beautiful to see in person. I think you all saw the videos but when Maxence got there after his duo photoshoot with Rocco, he just went straight to Axel and sat down at his feet, Axel was rubbing his shoulders and being very supportive. I think the day was a bit hard on Maxence, I’ll talk about it more later but he was stressed out, very happy sure, but you could see he was a bit overwhelmed. While he was in the photoshoots with Axel or Rocco it was fine, when he was with Coline it was fine, during the panel with the others it was fine, but when he was by himself you could see he was a bit anxious.

The staff really did their best to not lose more time, as in stop the cast from taking questions once they were out of time. we were supposed to have been eating lunch already over an hour and a half earlier but Axel just flat out refused. He got up, took the mic for himself, went to the line of fans who were waiting for their questions and said “don't worry I’ll do the translation myself, be quick, be quick but we're doing everyone's questions, as long as there are people in the queue then we are not stopping and we will eat later.” just my input here but I think he needs to learn to stop. He wants to do good, but he is going to exhaust himself. The rest of the cast didn't complain either.

Then we were able to eat very quickly. The afternoon started with the Skam France groupe photoshoot. At first they were doing crazy poses, they were being their chaotic selves, they were impossible to manage but the staff had to be a bit strict and tell them to stop, no pose, no moving around just stay where you are and let the fan go in the middle of all of you because otherwise we would lose way too much time again. Everyone was getting between Maxence and Axel and I could see the girls who were sitting on the floor were starting to get tired, I think, so when it was my turn, I went “I want the girls, I want the girls, sorry guys” and I knelt in the middle of them, they looked so happy like Marilyn and Anne Sophie cheered so loud, Zoe went “ahAH SUCK IT” while Axel behind me pretended to be upset but I don't regret it for one second ahah.

I then did all the solo photoshoots with all the cast from OG and the OG group picture, and a duo with Ulrikke and Josefine, so that took me a while even if I tried to be as fast as possible.

In the afternoon I had a meeting with Josefine but since we were late the staff decided to do a group meeting with Josefine and Thomas instead of two separate ones, so I ended up having also a meeting with Thomas that I didn't pay for. The more the merrier I guess but still a bit meh for them (I mean they seemed happy to be together but still, especially since the staff came to pick me up in the middle of it to do my group photoshoot with the Skam Italia cast - Bea went “ahhhh la mezza italiana!!” when she saw me, cute cute cute).

The meet and greet with Josefine and Tomas was pretty sweet. Thomas’s mum called in the middle of it and we talked with her, it was funny. They were asked very interesting questions such as what is on their bucket list. Thomas said he wanted to learn to be a plane pilot and Josefine said “no you don't you're gonna DIE”. Josefine said she didn't really have a bucket list because she was really trying to live in the present and not spend her life looking forward to something because otherwise she wouldn't appreciate the present to the fullest and we got into talking about the minute by minute concept and the “life is now” line in OG, it was very inspirational. somebody also asked about how they were cast and I don't know if the story had been told before, I hadn't heard it, but basically they were both told separately that the person they were doing the casting with was in love with them and they had to tell them that they didn't feel the same way and let them down gently. It ended up being an hour long very awkward moment, they remember it fondly though. They both have projects coming up but Thomas cannot say anything about it at all, we cannot even know if it's a movie or video clip or music or theatre, nothing. Josefine has a movie coming out in theatres in a few months and she is very excited and weird out about it because it's her face on the big screen and she's not sure she's ready for that. Josefine was cold so Thomas gave her his jacket, she was swimming in it. They were both very grateful the other was there, it actually what made them decide to come to the convention. When they learned that the other had been invited, they called each other and said “are you going? if you're going then I'm going.” Josefine was also asked how she had been approached about the storyline in season 2. Julie met with her to talk about the sexual harassment storyline beforehand, even before actually writing it, because she wanted to make sure Josefine was comfortable playing something like that but Josefine was really on board with it because it's such an important topic that is not discussed or shown on TV enough.

I got to see the panel with Josefine and Thomas but I missed the one with Ulrikke, Adam and Simo but I gave the camera to my friends Manon and Louise so it's on YouTube thank you friends!

We then started the autographs with the whole Skam France cast and that was a mess, that was the biggest mess, I think because Dream It oversold the passes and there were way too many people queuing. It was getting late, it was already 6:30 when that's when the conventions should have ended, the cast was tired but also the fans were tired and cranky and some of them had panic attacks because they were anxious they wouldn't get their autographs before they had to leave to get a train home for exemple. I started with Assa, then Laïs, then Moussa, then Leo. The notebook I get all my autographs in is just a pretty paper blank notebook in which I write all my favourite quotes, inspirational lines from shows or songs or poems and Leo went through it and was like “oh I've got a nice one” and wrote and I quote “Gaëlle, the best revolution is to make love” and then said please “don't #BalanceTonPorc me” (the French equivalent of #MeToo) well alright then I guess azerfghjkl.

We then had to leave the autographs because the closing ceremony was about to start, since the other actors from Italia and OG were done for the day. the closing ceremony was emotional because that's when everyone thanks everyone and cries, especially since so much money was raised for organisations like SOS Homophobie, SOS Autisme, project Rescue Ocean, another association for deaf people that I unfortunately didn’t get the name of and the gay centre in Italy. in total €18,000 was raised. the heads of the organisations were there to receive the checks, it was really emotional, Marilyn was asked to be the godmother of the rescue ocean project branch in Paris and she cried so Coline and Anne Sophie cried too, Maxence was crying too, some fans had raised money by themselves and got on stage too to make a little speech and he hugged them so tight, he was really touched and so were they. Dream It convention thanked everyone for coming especially the OG cast because without them there wouldn't be anything, Skam was their first convention and it will always have a special place in their hearts. Then they announced that there would be a fourth edition of the Everything Is Love convention but it will be over 2 days, thank God. that's when What Makes You Beautiful started blasting through the speakers and everyone lost it, everyone was hugging each other and dancing and singing and taking pictures and videos, I think you all saw the videos by now, it was such a glorious mess, and I lost all sense of composure. it looked like the Skam France cast was the only one with energy still left though.

That should have been the end of the convention, we were so late, it was I think around 7pm by then but the Skam France cast and the fans who had the proper pass all had to go back to the autographs. And I think that's when it got too much for real. I know we paid for it and I know the cast doesn't want to disappoint us but that should have been the end of it. We stayed for autographs and the selfies but it was so disorganized, people kept cutting the queues, a lot of girls - mainly not French, gotta admit - were not respecting the rules and I don’t know if they just didn’t care or if they had not understood the translation but they had zero respect for others :( some people would monopolize the cast for so long and were slowing everything down, and I know you want to talk with them, I know it might be your only chance because you came from across the world but please be respectful of the people around you and of the cast. Leo had to leave because he couldn't take it anymore, he had a headache. I’m thinking of Assa who was graceful until the end, and who had been fasting all day. I think I saw Lais drink something at some point but Assa didn't drink or eat anything all day, I saw her drink for the first time when it was already after 9.

I went through my autographs as quickly as I could, I didn't ask for selfies at all. Lula was even upset about it because she recognised me, she said something like “oh thank you for the beautiful pictures, do you want a selfie?” and I repeated I don't like selfies and she tried to convince me I was pretty lmao.

I thanked Robin for raising money for the deaf and HOH community because I’ve got a couple deaf friends and I can see how they struggle sometimes. He said one of his best friends as a kid was deaf and he remembers how he got bullied, and he himself got bullied because he skipped two classes, he was younger and shorter and smarter than everyone so he knows what it feels like to be isolated and he wants to help.

Coline has music projects coming up which is exciting. Marilyn was still crying when I got to her so I couldn't talk with her or else I would have cried too and Coline next to her was ready to burst too.

I said to Maxence that I was really excited for the House of Gaunt short film to come out and that I loved being an extra on set for the day and his head snapped up to me “oh my god I'm so sorry I hadn’t recognised you” and I just went “azerfghjk dude stop apologizing, I’m not remarkable”, he got angry I would say that, gave me a hug and scolded me, what a sweetheart :’) Someone had given him a Slytherin scarf, a wand and a hood (I think they gave a Griffyndor scarf to Axel too) earlier and we joked about how frustrating it is that we can’t talk about his actual Voldemort costume.

Axel was the last one I got to talk to because there were so many people for him, it was insane. I didn't catch what he was saying to the girl before me, what they were talking about, but I heard him shout “WELL AN ASSHOLE IS NEVER GOING TO TURN INTO A VAGINA NOW IS IT” and then he went on a rant about how some straight guys would want to have anal sex with their girlfriend but God forbid two guys have anal sex together, which, you know what, that’s very true and a very blunt Axel thing to say.

After that I was done so I waited around for my friends to be done too and I just observed everything that was happening. Coline had to leave because she had a dance lesson at 10 p.m., can you believe she had a dance lesson after such a long day?? Maxence was very jumpy, he kept going outside (with Lula sometimes) to smoke, you could see by the end of the evening he was stressed out. He even sat on the table crossed legged because he couldn't sit on the chair properly anymore. But he would still hug and listen to everyone. Axel’s voice was fucked completely again but he didn’t seem to care. The staff of the Dream It convention and of the hotel kept pressing them and the fans because it was 9:30 and the hotel should have been closed already but Axel, Maxence, Lula, Robin and Paul wouldn’t leave as long as fans were still there.

I left around 9:40pm, I was fine if only tired, but I genuinely don’t know how the cast was still standing. I really hope they are better organized next time, it’s already a good thing they will be doing the next convention over two days instead of just one because that was too much. I had an amazing time and I would do it all over again, and it seems the cast feels the same (I apologized to all of them for how late it was during autographs but they wouldn’t hear it) but still. More time, less people, would have been way easier to manage.

#skam italia #skam france #skam #eil3 #this is the longrst thing ever #congrats to anyone who's read it all #i might not make sense so ask away if needed #gaelle parle #im 99% sure i'm forgetting a ton of things #skam france event

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ninthfeather · 4 years

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Ninth, I am trying to watch M*A*S*H, but Hawkeye and Trapper are just... teeth-grinding... Can you recommend me some of your favorite episodes?

Ok! So, if Hawkeye and Trapper are teeth-grinding for you, first of all, that’s understandable–a lot of their jokes about women are not really that funny, and they often go way too far while making fun of the rest of the cast, especially Frank, but also Henry and Radar in earlier episodes. While Hawkeye remains a main character until the finale, Trapper’s actor left the show after three seasons and was replaced as Hawkeye’s partner-in-crime by BJ Hunnicutt, a practical joker who’s also a happily-married man with a young daughter. You might enjoy that dynamic a bit more. So, I’m gonna try to focus a bit more on some later episodes, and on ones that focus on side characters:

S1 ep 12 “Dear Dad”: The first of M*A*S*H’s many “Character writes a letter home as a framing device for several unrelated incidents at the 4077th” episodes. I like this one less because it’s Hawkeye narrating and more because of the stories, most notably Klinger mailing a Jeep home piece by piece and Hawkeye performing surgery in a Santa outfit.

S1 ep 15 “Tuttle”: This is the one “Hawkeye and Trapper shenanigans” ep I’m gonna recommend. The two of them make up a doctor as part of scheme to get supplies to the local orphanage, and the lie balloons until this fictional man wins a commendation, at which point they kill him off and the camp has a funeral for him. The spiral of continuously escalating nonsense is wonderful.

S1 ep 19: “The Long-John Flap”: Hawkeye gets a pair of long-johns from home, and in the middle of winter in Korea, they’re the envy of the camp. Under duress, lends them to Trapper when he’s sick…and soon, the things have been traded around the entire main cast. One of the first really good ensemble episodes, and excellent in terms of characterization. Basically, it works on the same principle as the “Who broke the coffee machine?” bit from Brooklyn 99, using a petty squabble to bring out interesting facets of all the characters.

S1 ep 20: “The Army-Navy Game”: During a much-anticipated football match between the army and the navy, the 4077th comes under attack. First, they call for support from their own forces–and then for a different kind of help, when an unexploded US bomb lands in the middle of camp. This one is a “Let’s mock the US military” episode, and it balances humor, drama, and suspense really really well.

S2 ep 12: “The Incubator”: Hawkeye, Trapper, and Radar get into it with some supply officers after finding out that while an incubator for cell cultures is not on the Basic Equipment List for a M*A*S*H and they can’t have it, they’re welcome to request a pizza oven. A good example of the “let’s mock military bureaucracy” subgenre of M*A*S*H episodes.

S4 ep 25 “The Interview”: The M*A*S*H personnel are interviewed for what is basically a propaganda reel. The episode was originally aired in black and white, so try to find it in that format, if you can! This episode was part script and part improv, and it really feels authentic to how these characters would react to being interviewed.

S5 eps 1-2 “Bug Out”: The camp evacuates their current position in favor of a safer location, but one patient can’t be moved. Pierce, Margaret, and Radar stay behind, while the rest of the camp attempts to retreat in an orderly fashion. An hour-long episode that really hits that comedy vs. humor balance.

S5 ep 9 “Mulcahey’s War”: Please skip this if detailed medical stuff or discussion of self-harm are triggers or squicks for you, but it’s a good episode. Father Mulcahey’s difficulty in connecting with a patient leads him to ask Col. Potter for a chance to go to the front. This is more drama than comedy, but it’s *really good.* Mulcahey is a lovely character and this episode was really good for fleshing him out.

S5 ep 23 “Souvenirs”: During the Korean War, many locals, especially children, made money by retrieving battlefield souvenirs and selling them to US soldiers. Of course, the fact that these battlefields were often full of unexploded mines and bombs made supporting these children ethically questionable at best. As you may have guessed, this episode also leans into drama rather than comedy, but once again it’s good. Also, there’s definitely *some* humor, it’s just in the form of jerks getting their due.

S6 ep 5 “War of Nerves”: This episode focuses on another side character, psychologist Sidney Freeman, and tackles some pretty tough ethical questions in the process. Specifically, how do medical professionals justify healing people and then sending them back into a war, knowing they are very likely to get reinjured? I wouldn’t call this episode uplifting, but it’s cathartic.

S6 ep 20 “What’s Up, Doc?”: Margaret, worried that she may be pregnant, approaches Pierce about a pregnancy test. What follows involves some medical history and is perhaps best not brought up here, but suffice it to say that this episode is an excellent Radar and Margaret focus piece, with a bonus bit of good Klinger content. Not bloody enough to require a medical squick warning, but I will spoil you: no animals die during the episode. I promise.

S7, ep 11 “Point of View”: Please skip this if the medical bits of M*A*S*H squick you out, but otherwise, this episode was amazing. It was an experiment with perspective, filmed from the point of view of a soldier with a throat injury being treated at the 4077th. The unusual POV creates a sense of immersion and also allows the writers to use the limited POV in order to create suspense–whereas in a normal episode, you follow the characters around, this time you’re hearing snatches of gossip during the POV character’s brief interactions with the principals. It’s neat as all heck.

S8 ep 19 “Morale Victory”: BJ and Pierce complain about the same movie running in camp all the time; Col. Potter gets fed up and appoints the two of them as morale officers, challenging them to do better. Meanwhile, Charles deals with the case of an injured soldier who feels his nerve damage has ruined his career as a concert pianist. This episode is some of the best Charles Emerson Winchester III content the series has to offer, and also some surprisingly good (if not perfect) disability theory for when it was made.

S11 ep 1 “Hey, Look Me Over”: Nurse Kellye wants Hawkeye to take her seriously as a woman. This should not take nearly as much effort as it does. You can tell Alan Alda did the writing because it’s a little heavy-handed at times but Nurse Kellye is amazing and we should all respect her.

An additional note: People are and will probably always be divided on Klinger--some people love him, some even consider him an example of early and imperfect LGBTQ+ representation, some people just don’t find him as funny, and other people consider him a harmful portrayal of crossdressing/trans people. If you find yourself wanting to avoid Klinger wearing a dress because you aren’t as comfortable with the way the writers handled him, you should watch later episodes, since he crossdressed less as the series went on and the writers ran out of quality jokes to tell involving his wardrobe.

#tournamentsofroses #M*A*S*H #recommendations

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an-avid-reader · 4 years

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The Sun is Also a Star - Nicola Yoon

my rating: 3.5/5

Natasha is an undocumented citizen, her family moved from Jamica to America when she was a little girl. For the most part, her family has laid low and stayed out of trouble until one day, her father receives a DUI, which means that they have been discovered. Natasha and her family have less than a day to leave the US, before they get in more trouble. Daniel is Korean-American. His immigrant parents want the best for their sons, that means going to school and living a better life. But Daniel’s interests lie elsewhere—both in career and what it means to fall in love. When Daniel and Natasha cross paths, their differences may seem incompatible...but after all, don’t opposites attract?

Link to Goodreads || Spoiler-free review below

Let me start off by saying that I’m still unsure about my rating; I’m slightly conflicted with my opinions on this book. I will say that in terms of the development of the story, I prefer it to Everything, Everything, which is Yoon’s debut novel. Both are love stories in very extreme/unique situations and diverse characters. Yoon’s writing is easy to read and eloquent, in my opinion--I can definitely see that it improved in The Sun is Also a Star. Bonus: love the title and the cover of the book.

This book is supposedly written from the point of view of the universe, which probably explains why we switch from first person to third person. For the most part, I didn’t really notice it, and I could distinguish Daniel and Natasha’s chapters (most of the book is from their point of view). However, there was one ‘chapter’ where it was just super confusing, unfortunately I don’t remember which one it was! I found that to be interesting though--and I wonder how different the book would be if we had it all in third person as opposed to switching back and forth.

For the characters, I love the diversity we see, and how there was inspiration from Yoon’s own relationship. I agree with her reasoning--there needs to be more portrayal of POC in books, movies, shows, etc. That being said, I found that there were A LOT of stereotypes. Don’t get me wrong, stereotypes exist because they are a version of someone’s story (as stated by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie), but there were some that made me dislike Natasha’s character. It wasn’t really the racial stereotypes that bothered me, but rather the science stereotype. At one point, Natasha and Daniel get on the topic of religion and god, and she plays the “science is all we need” card. My issue is that science and religion can coexist (as a current biochem student who went to a catholic school with amazing and unbiased science teachers, I can attest that they can indeed coexist!). The thing is religion is based on belief--that belief can stem from comfort, a reason to be alive/to be good, something to confine in, morals, etc. Science is based on facts and evidence. You don’t believe in science, it’s factual, but you can choose to believe (or not believe) in religion--either is fine, regardless of religion. I’ve realized that the whole science vs religion story is not for me, it just makes me angry. There was a good chunk of the middle part of the book where Natasha is less “extreme” about her views, but then she hit me with that “science is all we need” and I just became annoyed.

Daniel was more reasonable in my opinion. I personally haven’t met anyone that follows his story; where he wants to pursue a creative career but his parents want him to become a doctor (as an immigrant myself, this isn’t something that I can relate to either). Again Natasha comes in and says that he’ll be a starving artist, which just annoyed me again! Yes, we need scientists and engineers, but creative people--authors, film directors, actors, etc. are necessary to keep our society sane. Furthermore, some careers require the cooperation of the arts and the sciences, like architecture. So once again, let’s stop pinning science against the arts when we need them both (also lowkey organic chemistry and biochemistry are arts but that’s just my opinion). Actually maybe we need to stop putting science on this pedestal from time to time *sips tea*.

Okay so stereotypes and annoyances aside, I loved the progression of their love story. I also love that the questions to “fall in love” were consistent throughout the whole story. I appreciated that Yoon mentioned when people were staring at them, as an interracial couple. I think that there is still a lot of racism embedded in our society, not just white people against other races, but other situations like this where it was Korean vs Jamaican. I also liked that Charlie, Daniel’s brother, actually rejected his culture--I think that was his version of coping with an identity crisis, and I believe that there are others like him who do this in order to fit it, which actually saddens me a little bit. I think these small, but important details capture the reality of being a non-“natural” citizen/immigrant/not being white. I can’t say I’ve read many books like this, so it definitely stands out against other coming of age books, and YA romance books.

I really liked the sprinkle of knowledge along the way. For example, at one point, the universe explains to us the multiverse (which is a pretty simple explanation that is accurate and easy to follow). One thing that sort of surprised me was the juxtaposition between the tone of the book (which I guess in some ways is a little dark) and the cover, and then there’s one character that has suicidal thoughts. It literally came out of nowhere. And then there’s the progression of the language that progresses. I would never expect to read "...graduates summa cum laude..." in such a colourful book, but here we are. I’ve never heard that phrase until last year in university, and now it seems that it pops up everywhere (o.O)

The book takes place over the course of a few hours, yet it didn’t seem to drag on. We hop from one adventure to another and we get to see Natasha and Daniel’s love story develop, even though their love is set up to be doomed from the beginning. Yet, they bump into each other and end up finding each other in the big city of NYC. This book was super interesting from a story-telling point of view, even if I wasn’t a huge fan of some of the characters. I think that’s why, at the end of the day, I’m sort of distraught by my rating because the story itself wasn’t super cringey to me and I can clearly see that Yoon’s writing developed from one book to another, but the stuff I didn’t like are prominent and crucial to the story...well except maybe the epilogue which I felt was just thrown in there to try to satiate the book but it felt unnecessary.

If you’ve read this book, I’d love to hear what are your thoughts--did you enjoy this book or was it overhyped? (and if you’ve seen the adaptation, is it worth it?)

Thank you for reading my review, I hope you are having a pleasant day, wherever you are in the world!

~ Cassandra / an-avid-reader

#mine #review #book review #books #reading #booklr #the sun is also a star #nicola yoon #book #bookworm #ya #ya novel #diversity

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popcornbutterflymedia · 3 years

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this is written on the on the afternoon before the fourth episode of the series on after my fourth viewing of this third episode, which is crunch time for my favorite episode yet. i figured this would write itself. this might be as short as a note, let’s see where this goes. this is the most complete episode thus far. while all three episode are great in their own right, the first two seem like expository, introductory episodes, this feels like the beginning of classic hih. this is where we begin to play.

the third episode begins where the second season left off. we see just how hard max took the bullying, not because she was hurt, but because the harassment has gone too far that it has caused her the means of taking care of her family. the first two gaps collectively is proof that belle is max. i don’t see anyone else as max. it’s belle’s ability, willingness, and daring to transform. just know you have won me, and a lot of us over. belle is such a drama princess in the best ways possible. she pretty much owned that confrontation, and the mantra scene after. now, i don’t know the shooting sequence, so i don’t know at what point donny decided to grow up, i just know that at some point, he did, before that point though, he was already warming up to it. this is if that same confrontation scene is our reference. donny takes time to lock in, at least at this point, but when he finally connects, he’s there with you and you feel it.

more family drama. max gets home after a harrowing day of dealing with deib and his merry band of bullies, only to face her dad as a basang sisiw. there is no question as to her dad’s gentleness, his walking the tightrope where this daughter is concerned, the eagerness to make up for it, the desire to be a dad. on this episode it’s his reassuring ít’s okay... as his daughter was scrambling for acceptable words to explain why she was caught in such a precarious situation, that got to me.

macy is a different story. she isn’t necessarily the evil stepmom, but i don’t trust her. and that air of suspicion is why i adore the portrayal. i never know if she’s sincere or not. i’m in between wanting to hate her, while still being respectful of her valid fears and trust issues. i suppose max being her husband’s daughter isn’t enough. how unfortunate.

as max retreats to the safety of the written word and her babu, the question still looms: who is babu? it looks like the email address is giving away the confidante’s prized identity. does it?

hospital stories. hospital stories are my absolute favorite moments of deib’s in character, it’s where he is most human, most disarmed. this is where donny is his most engaged, of his own scenes without belle. i am guessing this is after the growing and glowing up? moments by the his brother’s bedside amaze, because the character doesn’t need to shed tears for me to start bawling. it will always be the keeping it together that will get to me the most, and that i will understand and resonate with so deeply. having said that, deib’s unravelling is a curiosity. as much as dale’s identity is also a curiosity.

on the topic of humanizing characters, it’s interesting how max and deib both, are each one person respectively less of being cursed as stereotypes and caricatures of their own characters. for max that person is her lola, with an uncle as a bonus, and for deib it’s his brother. lola is max’s keeper, kuya dale is deib’s. relationship with his brother is a reference point for his soul. it’s a soul that was willing to come forth, if that soul was enough to weather the noises of the world, and ward off the expectations of social stature in the high school hierarchy. it wasn’t at this moment. ego and reputation still won. the shame is understandable, but why blame max for her friends’s clumsy fingers? it’s really any opening to get to max, is it? everything is max’s fault, even the beloved star players almost losing game.

the marked social outcasts of benison high converge away from prying eyes, and we get to find out more of the bad words that must not be spoken. the same bad words i am excited to meet in person. that’s such an odd sentence to write, but dalia, the girl is reliable for queenly behavior herself.

with the ceasefire off the table, all eyes are still hot on our heroine. our star player is getting too close to comfort, still a pain but in a mischievous playful way that involves floral undergarments and height differences. it was funny, and would have stayed funny if mister headmaster did not see the two in the middle of playing.

an anti-bullying project together in exchange for not being suspended, just so she wouldn’t be her father’s headache, and he wouldn’t miss game practices. much as they abhor working together, i am sure we are secretly thanking mister headmaster as early as now for bringing our lovebirds together. they’re portrayals convince me of their cat and dog dynamic, but the inability to stay away, and the constant glint in his eye makes me think there is already an attraction there from the start. i can tell that for him it’s the fascination for her difference, and indifference, the attraction to her emotional abandon, which i imagine is a big deal for someone who has had to be calculated for most his life, and to think, that even with that already calculated nature, he still can’t get on his mom’s good side. hahaha! wait, i am crying again, as i am writing this.

at their usual hangout, said project raises taguro’s friends’ eyebrows. taguro finds out sensui has an older brother (human moment max, enough to be curious about your adversary?) it turns out, deib having an older brother in a coma, the reasons for that coma, as much as they are narrative altering curiosities, aren’t as narrative altering as the person credible enough to tell the truth of said confinement: the calm and quiet big sister that is michiko. dale’s friend and batchmate, and probably something more? is dale going to be the third wheel to tob and michiko? how will that change the dynamic, if ever? is michiko the key? the key to what? so many questions. does dale have to wake up for the questions to be answered? am i watching too many kumu live sessions? i love those!

i could be wrong. if i am, don’t mind me. i know nothing about the books. i probably should get my hands on them when it becomes available. how many are original characters, and how many are hybrids of two or more characters? is michiko an original character? if she is, i just feel i need to say this: kaori is michiko taranza. michiko has so much to be thankful for, for kaori being her vessel. a lot has been said about the casting of this series, one of the most resounding is the belief that kaori should have been max, because she has some traits and characteristics of the character, which i admit to seeing. if kao was cast as max, then there would have been no one else more perfect to play the japanese big sister role. apart from the fact that belle is doing a fantastic job as max, it isn’t kaori’s loss that she was chosen as michiko, it is michiko’s gain, it is her blessing to be played by kaori. a role she’s doing such a great job portraying. if hih is an exercise in acting for these kids, and acting is a transformative process, then kaori is doing a great job filling in the prim and proper big sister shoes. i just need to explicitly say that. more than being the right casting, this is the sensible casting. they just make sense.

while mean girls are served as secrets are uncovered at the barb, in a covered court not far off, egos are bruised, dares are made, scores are settled, and for a three on three friendly game, (”friendly” being the operative word), it’s an all out testosterone fest. and it’s awesome! we finally get to see what the lone shark is made of. the boys did great that it expanded the show’s source of rivalry and tension. we finally get to see miah in action, and to say that he’s effective is an understatement. that boy’s good, real good in character, if you want an actor to play a bigger role on a show (rj, perhaps? i know nothing), you could surely count on miah. you know he’s great because he made donny step up. he made donny even better. i don’t mind more of these competitive encounters in the future. the deib the star player lost by one (so i need the bears to win on the next court meet ups. and yes, i am speaking about these encounters like they’re absolute certainty). the star bear lost by one, again, and the barb is about to swallow max whole. good thing she was able to work around her schedule to accommodate her master nemesis. taguro refuses to get suspended she is willing, instead to enter the lion’s den. just for a school project she insists. it’s home court advantage, to keep sensui’s enemies closer, and not at all for a second kiss. as max is leaving, michiko reminds her to play nice. “magpakabait ka ha? natalo si deib.” she calls out. somehow, that reminder has more weight in tagalog. it’s a heaviness i would love to understand more of, and see lighten.

max makes it in time to the enrile mansion. somehow, the difference between her rugged motorbike and elegant, imposing home is striking. this also speaks also of the stark difference between its owners.

for someone who has everything, deib’s home is empty. i don’t know if that’s surprising or not. it’s hollow, a nanay (yaya) on every floor as max’s welcoming party. the first nanay thinks taguro is pretty. i don’t know if this piece of information is relevant to the story, but it is personally striking that someone like her knows so much about her ward, because sometimes they’re the only people who care to know. and that’s incredibly touching. does deib tell her about this girl?i wonder what he says about her. why the need to share? do they approve? is there anything to approve of in the first place? completely irrelevant, but i am crying again. it’s the lolas and the nanays for me any day.

a hollow house with a maze for a second floor, a floor too easy to get lost in, although not quite as loss as i suspect those who reside there. max got lost anyway. does max know a boy’s room isn’t a bathroom? a boy’s room is where she found herself in, not just any boy, but the sensui to her taguro. deib enrile.

this is deib enrile at his rawest, without his defenses, stripped of his public perception and reputation. he was able to use his homecourt advantage for a split second, until the glint of fascination in his eyes returned and gave him away. poor max had to deal with his looming, imposing presence with no time to run, and no place to hide. she probably does not know it yet, but the tables of whatever this game they’re playing turned. the stakes shot higher, the air of tension around them thickened, and in that moment something shifted. hers is the winning hand.

his enchantment for this spitfire girl is irresistible. her introduction to him deepened so suddenly. it feels like they’ve made falling a competition, and all these together made for a supercharged last moment of this episode.

a few things:

i am so glad both donny and belle are of legal age. i am so glad belle is of legal age, and game, and brave.

i still can’t put my finger on why scenes like these feel different with these two. this isn’t the first scene of this nature i’ve seen, but i know it must’ve required time to build that trust and comfort level. and in the context of the story, to have this moment this early on in the story is daring, and throws the narrative wide open for possibilities.

on first viewing, this moment earned all caps twitter screaming, as well as actual screaming. the succeeding views still have that same effect, but calmer, quieter. it still somehow hits stronger when you realize that deib, in all that he did, was deliberate. max, once the shock subsided, i believe had a moment to decide, and she stayed.

saying yes to moments like these also throw the door wide open for possibilities of what donny and belle are willing to do and are game for. i am excited to to see their choices and where their choices lead the both of them together. i can’t wait to see them fly.

episode 4 tonight! and sesson 2 please? :) apart from the pandemic, i hope it’s an easy decision.

for a post written in two half days, that began, the day before the fourth episode, amd written between real life and birthday parties, this post really did write itself. i must love this episode that much. i know i have so much love and gratitude for the show, and the team. who all make it easy to find words that are hopefully inspired. 💙🐻💘

#tv #tv: he's into her

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