#blame the roses remastered
Note
:D omg, you are going to make me addicted to apolo, the man cries out to be loved, a request for the favor of our dear apolo (in devinart there was a farm where the reader dated leo but he cheated on her with calypso, then the He realizes that he made the worst mistake of his life, seeing that because of calypso he was attracted but he loved the reader)How does Leo react when he discovers that his ex-girlfriend, whom he still loves, is now Apollo's partner(fiancee) pleeeees
i'm a loser.・゜-: ✧ :-
leo valdez x fem!reader x apollo
summary: Leo realizes that he messed it up a little... well no, he totally screwed up. And now he's going for you, he's going to tell you that he loves you, that you should be together for the rest of your lifes oooh, wait. Are you married with Apollo? THE GOD APOLLO?
warnings: THIS IS SO LONG, HAHA but another one? mmm nope, i don't think so.
a/n: yeaaaah, the concept you gave me is so hilarious, i love it. Leo is literally my boyfriend but making him suffer makes me laugh, it's like YES DAMN CRY FOR ME, but whatever. i was even inspired by that song by my beloved Beatles. i hope you like it.
w/c: 2.617 (the longest I've done so far, followed by "lovelorn")
Apollo wanted to laugh, he really wanted to, but he had learned not to make fun of other people's shit, but damn, could you blame him? He definitely never thought that Leo Valdez was an opponent for him, don't get him wrong, he was saying it because he likes him. (really) and helped him during his mission, but there, standing from his palace on Olympus, he could see everything, including if someone was threatening against you, his wife.
Flames rose as Leo threw the map into the air in fury, totally frustrated in Festus. He couldn't find you, in fact, Apollo kept wondering how he was tracking you, but he didn't seem to want to answer that question. No, or he would end his patience, yes, he had appreciation for the Son of Hephaestus, but when they messed with you, he would lose his mind immediately, or worse, try to get into their relationship? He would be in charge of throwing Leo from the Mount Olympus.
Of course, he wasn't afraid, much less jealous, but he knew what the relationship with Leo had meant to you. You were totally in love, even Apollo knows that you would have married him if only Leo hadn't screwed things up, and boy did he do it big.
He mean, cheating on you with the now ex-sorceress Calypso? Oh, man. Who the fuck would cheat on you? Hmm, yes, Leo Valdez.
The main doors of the palace opened and Apollo dissolved the image. Some murmurs were heard, followed by footsteps heading towards the main throne room, it was definitely you.
— Apollo?— He heard the doors opening, and he stood in front of the fire, he didn't want to lie to you, but he couldn't interfere either, he knew that would make you upset. The footsteps approached and he felt you take his arm. — Apollo!—
He looked at you and feigned surprise. He raised both hands in welcome and cradled your face with them before giving you a chaste kiss on the lips. — My beautiful wife.
You closed your eyes when his lips touched yours, and you smiled tenderly.
— Dear husband — You said in a soft mocking tone. You used to do it when Apollo couldn't help but sound so… posh. But to tell the truth, he filled you with joy.
He ran his fingers over your forehead, removing some baby hairs, and made a golden wreath of laurels appear on the crown of your head. He always spent his time adorning you and making you feel loved, you loved him.
Then, Apollo forced himself to blow out the bubble.
— Do you want something, dear?
— I know we're on… — your cheeks turned pink — the honeymoon, but I need to go to Camp Jupiter.
Your pleading eyes, damn, not even Zeus would dare say no to you. Then, he realized what was happening. Apollo tried to hide the realization from himself, but that name began to swirl in his mind; The Fates. Those antiques would hear about him.
—The honeymoon is an old concept, with traditions that we really don't take so… literally anymore —Apollo said as he gently ran his fingers over your blushing cheeks. —So, you know you can come and go whenever you want. I'm not like my uncle Hades.
The blonde giggled, and you poked his arm, making him jump.
— Apollo!
— My love!
You looked at him with a frown, and he smiled even more, trying to push aside all those thoughts where you could get hurt.
It was a fact, you were going to meet Leo at Camp Jupiter, and he wouldn't be able to do anything.
He caressed your face once more and turned, walking to the large window of the great room.
You felt bad leaving him alone, you didn't want to leave him like that, but you were in the last semesters of your degree. Yes, you were on vacation, but you had to leave some paperwork behind.
— I won't take a second.
Apollo let out a short laugh, full of knowledge. He knew it would take you at least a day and a half to get back to him. He turned to you and walked slowly.
—Just come back to me, dear.
Your eyes shone, and you walked the distance he needed to close the distance between you. You took his hands and kissed his knuckles.
— Always.
He turned his hands so that he was the one holding yours now and made a wedding ring appear on your ring finger. When you looked at the diamond, you raised your eyebrow and your look became amused.
—Do you mark your territory?
Apollo smiled and kissed your forehead.
— In case some fool hasn't heard the great news that I am your husband.
The fool was Leo, yes. Apollo said it for him, if not, for who else?
Your husband had done you a favor and made you appear right at the entrance to Camp Jupiter, advantages of a god making you his wife. When the campers guarding the doors saw you, they immediately opened it for you.
You excused yourself and made your way towards New Rome, in fact, you hesitated whether to go there first or go say hello or… If you would meet them anyway near the university.
You walked to the limit.
You loved New Rome, it was definitely home to you, at least when you had to stay on campus during the semester. But to live the rest of your life there would also have been pleasant, although Mount Olympus wasn't bad.
You made your way and some looked at you. So, you quickened your pace, you didn't like to attract a lot of attention like that.
You moved quickly towards the university and found the campus. Blessed be the gods.
You clutched the papers to your chest and walked.
— HEY!
You turned around slowly, not really wanting any questions. But you turned completely around when you saw Frank holding hands with Hazel, trying to reach you.
— GUYS!
They both caught up to you and smiled hungrily. They wanted to hug you, but they backed out at the last moment, which made you frown.
— What was that?
Frank started babbling and Hazel laughed nervously.
—Can we hug you?
You laughed and threw yourself at both of them, so you hugged at the same time. — You fools, I'm the same as always. Just how married and that's it.
Frank denied. — WITH APOLLO
Hazel punched him in the belly, making him double over. The three of you laughed, and then she looked at you nervously.
—Have you seen anyone else? —She asked. You denied.
— I figured Percy and Annabeth would be in New York for the holidays. Nico and Will, Camp Half-Blood, Jason finishing his accounting for the new altars. Piper, in Oklahoma… — You made loops with your hand and thought if you had forgotten someone.
Hazel looked at Frank, and he encouraged her to say whatever had them both acting that way.
Hazel sighed.
—Leo arrived in the morning.
Your expression did not change at all, a reaction that your friends had not expected.
— AND?
Frank scratched the back of his neck nervously. — He is actually searching for you.
Then your eyebrows raised, showing your confusion.
— what? — You snorted. You looked for any sign that it was a joke, but there was none. — So? Do I owe him money?
Hazel laughed nervously and shook her head.
— I think he's looking for you because he wants to fix things with you.
— He's desperate — Frank agreed.
You laughed sarcastically.
—But he knows that I'm already married, right?
— Apparently… no one told him.
— What? — You asked again, raising your voice a little more. Both exchanged nervous glances. You mean, how far is Indianapolis? — Wait, he was with Calypso, he literally cheated on me with her because he said she was the love of his life.
The two of them raised their shoulders and you scoffed.
—Anyway, I'll leave these documents and go off to enjoy what's left of the vacation. Apollo waits for me. Will you accompany me?
Damn, the three of you were about to enter when you heard someone call your name, then Hazel's and finally Frank's, he was definitely the one who turned around, consequently forcing you and Hazel to do the same.
What your eyes saw were priceless. It was Leo running across campus with half his shirt burned and a desperate expression. Your heart raced, and your feet wanted to run away, instead, you stayed still and speechless.
—You are seeing the same thing, right?
Your friends nodded.
—He wasn't like this when we last saw him— Hazel said, forcing a smile and shaking her hand at Leo.
Leo had stopped at Camp Jupiter for supplies, also to check that you weren't there, and you definitely weren't there when he arrived, but rumors spread fast. You wondered if your ex-boyfriend had heard about why everyone was whispering about your arrival, but it seemed like not, or at least he seemed to ignore it.
And so it was.
Fate, the planets, and the stars aligned to ensure that Leo was ignorant about it, so that you would be the one to deal the final blow.
Things with Calypso didn't work out, why? Leo couldn't get you off his mind. Oh, what had he done? He literally cried like a baby when he realized he still loved you. He loved you, you loved him, so as always, he had to screw up.
Leo ran harder; He was taller, a little stockier, and his curls were fluffier than ever. Everything you used to worship was probably just a shadow of its former self. You weren't saying that he was bad, but you definitely no longer felt anything for him, although you couldn't help but feel a tug in your tummy full of melancholy, pain, and anger.
You had already forgiven him, but his recklessness made you want to kill him.
With little breath, Leo crouched down in front of you, grabbing his knees and looking for air.
You took a step back, your face dripping with confusion.
Hazel and Frank looked at him disapprovingly.
—I've been looking for you—he finally said.
— That's what I heard.
Leo stood up and wanted to hug you. To your surprise, you didn't stop him. You missed your friend Leo Valdez. Not your cheating ex-boyfriend, Leo Valdez.
Frank and Hazel screamed and became nervous.
—I've missed you.— He said, breathing softly, taking in pinches of your scent.
Your heart clenched and you forced yourself to smile.
—Me too, Leo.
That gave him courage. He broke the hug and gently took you by the arms.
— I was wrong… — His brown eyes projected remorse and sorrow. — I was seriously wrong, I shouldn't have…
The son of Hephaestus took a deep breath.
— I betrayed your trust. I put your love aside to think that my place was with someone else, but what a jerk… My place has always been with you. You are the one I love the most. Please forgive me …
Those words, as you would have liked to hear them so long ago, but now they were slipping over you, completely meaningless.
—Leo…
— Please! Give me another chance.
His plea resonated, drawing the attention of some residents. They took it as just a student love situation until they saw you. Oh shit, weren't you the wife of the great Apollo?
— Leo, you see… No. We can't have another chance.
Leo's heart beat so fast that he felt like it would jump out of his heart. He held you a little tighter and leaned down.
He was going to kiss you.
— No! — Hazel gasped and Frank hid behind her.
People around the campus seemed on the edge of their seats, they even plead the gods for Apollo didn't appear out of nowhere and incinerate them all. The god was definitely struggling to control his breathing from the palace. Where did his Yoga classes go? Someone meditate with him, please! He wanted to hang Leo.
You put a hand on Leo's lips, and he felt something cold. You slowly pushed him away with a frown on your face.
— I said no.
You turned your hand and revealed the glow of the diamond to his view. The Sun made it look ethereal because, well, it was.
Leo's soul fell at his feet, and he shook his head in confusion.
—I don't… I don't understand.
— I'm married, Leo. I married someone. Did you think I would be heartbroken since you
cheated on me with Calypso? That I will wait for you? — You snorted and pushed him gently.
— But with who?! Who the fuck-
You put your hand over his mouth again and shook your head.
—Don't do that.— You sighed brokenly and tried to do it delicately. If you named Apollo, everything could go to Tartarus. —He considers you for helping him during his mission as a mortal.
The gossipers laughed, some adults denied indignantly, and their friends, shit, Frank was almost having a heart attack fearing that Apollo would burn Leo to ashes.
—Apollo? —He said, with even greater confusion.
The god was still clinging to the edge of his throne, expectant.
You looked above and came to the conclusion that he was giving your ex-boyfriend a break. That action fell like a bucket of cold water on the son of Hephaestus.
He walked away from you.
— what?
You turned your gaze and caressed his cheek kindly. — I don't hold a grudge against you, Leo. I loved you so much. But I found someone who did not doubt his love for me and without thinking wanted to grow with me.
The boy shook his head and stumbled as he relented, leaving your hands suspended in the air. A gust of sweet air embraced them in that silent moment.
He let you go and thought he might have you back.
You were his friend, his confidant, and the love of his life, yet he let you go.
He disguised his doubts with bad jokes, dishonest touches, and lies.
How could he have been so stupid?
Haha, there goes the idiot that lost the love of his life to a god.
How could a love like the one you used to possess lose?
Look at me, then, Leo said to himself.
You returned with Apollo and your nerves were overwhelming you. This time you felt so distant to the palace, as if you were not worthy to enter. Still, they received you and welcomed you.
— is in his room.
You thanked and headed to the bedroom. Taking care not to be noisy and watch your steps.
Being at the foot of the entrance, the door opened and revealed your husband. Smiling?
Apollo opened the door and pulled you into the room. You couldn't help but laugh.
Your clothing magically changed upon entering, your modern clothes replaced by a white robe edged with gold. Your hair now adorned with laurels and golden jewels.
The jingle of jewelry amidst your loved one's laughter seemed like the most exquisite sound to you. He held you in his arms and hid her face in the crook of your neck.
You stroked his fluffy blonde curls.
— Welcome.
He said, bumping his forehead against yours.
— Did you miss me?— You said with humor. Apollo kissed your lips, instantly making you feel disoriented. He traced your cheek, your chin, and your neck. Kissed you behind your ear and hummed.
— I know I told you it would be fine if you went, but gods, how I missed you. Don't leave me the rest of your holidays.
You nodded.
That was your home.
#maría's shared dreams☆｡ﾟ✧#pjo hoo toa#leo valdez#leo valdez x you#heroes of olympus#leo valdez x reader#leo valdez x y/n#lester papadopoulos#lester papadopoulos x you#apollo x you#apollo x reader#trials of apollo
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Louder than Words
Yet another remastered story, everyone! And yes, I'm still here. - ONND
***
Ann stared in vain at the screen in front of her, lingering on the clock in the corner. She had told her boss - the firebrand lawyer that she aspired to be like - that she could have her report done by Monday morning, and yet for the past three hours she had accomplished absolutely nothing. It was as if a fog had set over her, and she knew exactly who to blame.
In one furious motion, the diminutive blonde rose from her seat, stomped through her apartment hallway as loudly as her five-foot frame could, stopped, and pointed, as sharply and as angrily as her finger was capable of pointing.
“YOU!” she bellowed, her face bright red.
“Yes?” Richard, her boyfriend, turned in his swivel, utterly unfazed, resting his hands in his lap as he looked up at his fuming visitor.
“Don’t play dumb with me!” the girl bellowed, “Your stupid fucking hypnosis bullshit has been messing with my head all night, and I’ll remind you that I have a lot of work to do.”
“My… stupid hypnosis?” he repeated softly, raising an eyebrow, “But… I thought that hypnosis didn’t do anything?”
“Oh shut up, smartass,” Ann barked, “it doesn’t. But all your yammering on about figuring out the trigger” - she added air quotes as she mocked - “and how revolutionary you seem to think this bullshit is has been giving me a fucking headache, and now I can’t focus on my goddamn work.”
“My oh my,” the man shook his head in his seat, “such rude words. As I said before, I’m quite proud of this new file, and I’m very appreciative that you would let me test it out on you. I just thought you should know that it’s trigger-based, in case that helps you manage it. After twenty-four hours, I’ll be happy to remove it if you just ask, but I need to collect a few observations first.”
“I don’t need you to remove shit,” she snarled, “It doesn’t do anything, and I wish you’d stop wasting your time on it. Just tell me what the stupid trigger is or whatever, so I can focus on more important things. Christ.”
“Oh, but where’s the fun in that?” Richard smiled, “Besides, if the file really isn’t doing anything, then it’d seem to me that you just need a simple distraction. So why don’t you take your mind off work a few minutes, hmmm? Relax a little?”
Ann growled, but eventually released her pointing hand and exhaled. She wasn’t one to admit it, but perhaps, she thought, he was right - a simple distraction was what she needed.
The girl left her boyfriend’s office and made her way to the kitchen, where she quickly came upon some lingering plates and cutlery from the night’s dinner. Once more, she took a deep breath, before taking a sponge and turning on the faucet, immersing herself in a simple, productive task to clear the fog in her head.
And within just a few moments, that fog seemed to start to clear. The girl felt calmer and more at ease, and didn’t even show annoyance when a familiar face came in to join her.
“Aww, thank you!” her boyfriend remarked, “You didn’t have to do that. Maybe I can help?”
“I can handle it myself,” she said without turning, “but thanks.”
Indeed, it seemed she was almost done with the work anyway, only one plate left to scrub off and place into the couple’s dishwasher. But then, that plate slipped from her hands.
In a moment of sudden panic, Ann scrambled to regain a grip on the wide dinner plate, her wet fingers grasping madly at the air over the sink. Finally, she was able to regain a hold, but it came at such an awkward angle that she ended up diverting the full pour of the faucet towards her body, blasting her with such force that she had to drop the ceramic into the basin below.
The plate shattered into pieces, and Ann just stood there, trying to make sense of what had just happened, and what had come of it. She was drenched - the burst of water had reached her face, her t-shirt, and the front of her pants. As her boyfriend stepped calmly in front of her, turning off the sink and beginning to collect the shattered remains of the plate, the girl erupted once again in frustration.
“Fucking seriously!?” she yelled out, “Why the fuck did you have to distract me again? I was finally starting to fucking relax and you had to get up behind me and…”
“Whoa there now,” he gestured, as if trying to rein in a horse, “no need for that kind of hostility. I’ll just take care of the little mess here, and I think you should probably focus on getting yourself cleaned up?”
Again the girl growled, balling up fists as she walked away. Part of her wanted to keep arguing, but she knew there would be nothing to gain. Plus, she knew he was right - she needed to get herself cleaned up. Her shirt was sopping wet, and the stain on her pants had soaked her underwear as well.
As she changed herself out into dry clothes in their bedroom, Richard once again came to join, tapping her ajar door before peering in.
“You gonna be alright changing yourself there, babe? Maybe I should get you something a little more absorbent, in case you have another little mishap?”
“Real funny,” she rolled her eyes, “I can keep my pants dry just fine, as long as someone doesn’t keep distracting me. Now could you please leave me alone?”
“Alright, alright,” he acquiesced, and walked away.
Ann, dressed in a fresh set of clothes, took several deep breaths to try to calm herself down, hoping that she might be able to focus enough to get her work done. But as she stared again into the screen, she found herself again veering away from her task. She played games, watched news, checked social media, and did everything except the thing she was supposed to do, until a familiar feeling finally pulled her away from her seat.
“God fucking damn it,” she muttered under her breath, shaking her head as she walked away from her laptop. She wondered why she had been so ineffective - she’d never been one to struggle so much with writer’s block or procrastination before, and she didn’t really care about the stupid hypnosis trigger, did she?
But then, only a few feet from her chair, Ann felt something strange. The urge that she had, that had started as a simple need for a pee break, seemed to be developing unnaturally, growing stronger and stronger each second. But it had gotten beyond even that.
The girl looked down, unable to believe what she was seeing. There, at the front of her fresh pair of shorts, spots were appearing. They weren’t some burst of desperation, but small, uncontrolled drop, leaking through underwear, and beginning to drip onto the floor.
“Fuck!” She launched into a sprint for the bathroom, but it was already too late. The drops had turned into a full-blown stream, flowing down across the legs of her shorts and forming puddles on the hardwood below, with her muscles unable to stop anything.
She finally did enter the bathroom, but there wasn’t much left for her to do there. She tossed off her ruined shorts and panties - her second such set of the day - and sat half-naked on the toilet bowl, mulling her situation, cursing until her face turned red.
And then, like clockwork, he showed up, carrying a crinkling package in his hand as he waved to his girlfriend from the bathroom’s entrance.
“What the fuck do you want!?” she balked, “And why do you even have that?”
“Occupational hazard,” he chuckled, “different hypnoses affect people in different ways, and sometimes these h-”
“NO!” she pointed, glaring suddenly, “Don’t say that word - that word that rhymes with ‘yelp.’ That’s your fucking trigger word, isn’t it? Isn’t it?”
Richard smiled and shrugged, and then began to answer. “A good g-”
“No!” she cut him off, “You know what? Don’t fucking say anything. Don’t talk to me tonight. Sleep on the fucking couch. Okay?”
The man standing in the hallway nodded, raising his free hand up to gesture for calm. He said nothing.
“But,” Ann went on, her voice turning timid, “could you leave the package here? Thanks.”
Her boyfriend tossed the package towards her before proceeding to walk away once again. Ann, after a few moments, reached to bring it closer to herself, shuddering as she examined the contents.
Diapers. A small, mostly empty bag of thick, adult diapers. Ann wondered if she really needed them, or if she was simply letting Richard’s riddles get in her head. Either way, she figured, it would be easier to just put one on. Tomorrow afternoon, she reminded herself, she would be done with this insanity, free to go back to her normal life. And she would never agree to let that man hypnotize her again.
With a sigh, the girl took a garment from the bag and unfolded it, trying to make sense of front and back. This will be over soon, she reminded herself, and she stood to wrap the diaper around herself. It was an alien feeling, and she winced as she heard the plastic crinkle. Still, it wasn’t all that uncomfortable, and she was able to ease into the sensation as she walked back towards the bedroom, carrying the remainder of the bag in her fingers.
Richard had gone to sleep on their sofa, as requested, and Ann flopped onto their bed alone, thoughts from the previous day racing through her mind. She was too tired to try to do work any longer, and she reminded herself that it would be a waste of time anyway. Within a day, this would all be over, and that thought calmed her as she drifted off peacefully.
****
Some nine hours later, Ann rubbed her tired head as she tried to adjust to the new day. She wasn’t used to sleeping so long, and she certainly wasn’t used to the new sensation between her legs.
“Oh, Christ…” she mumbled, tossing off her blanket and covers to reveal a sopping diaper underneath.
“Good morning, sleepyhead!” Richard waltzed in, a wide smile on his face, “Ready for breakfast?”
“Could you not be so fucking loud?” she whispered, holding the side of her head, “i literally just woke up. Jesus…”
“Oh my,” he said, speaking more softly now, “looks like someone’s had a busy night, huh? I suppose I’ll just leave you to it, then.”
And for a few moments, he did, working away in the kitchen while the girl tried to orient herself. Slowly, Ann was able to untape her worn diaper, wrap it, and toss into their wastebasket, before pulling another from the bag - the last, she quickly realized - and setting it around her hips.
“Need any… assistance there?” Richard chimed in from the kitchen.
“No!” she balked, “I can change myself. I don’t need you using this as an excuse to humiliate me any more.”
“Suit yourself, then.”
This time, however, it seemed the tapes were baffling Ann. Try as she might, she simply couldn’t fix them around her waist, no matter if she was lying down or standing up, no matter how she tried to position her hands.
“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” he finally asked again, peering into the bedroom door.
“I told you not to… ugh…” the girl scowled, crossing her arms and turning her head. “Fine! Go ahead and fucking change me already. I hope you’re happy, asshole.”
“Always!” he answered cheerily, whistling to himself as he fastened the blushing girl’s diaper.
“Y’know,” he said, just as he was finishing the work, “I think I might have to pick up a few things at the mall today. Would you care to join me?”
“Fine,” the girl replied, her head still turned away, a scowl still covering her face, “whatever.”
Breakfast was a silent affair - flapjacks and scrambled eggs, which the girl ate, to her relief, without incident. All the while, her mind continued to race through her current situation, as she struggled to accept the profound effects the hypnosis seemed to have had on her, and wondered how much further it would go before the day was through.
Soon, the two were in the mall lobby, watching Sunday crowds scuttle about around them. Ann had chosen a light blue sundress to wear - the one clean item she had that wouldn’t leave her with an obvious bulge - but she was still highly self-conscious of what was hidden underneath.
“So what did you want to get here?” the girl asked, nervously maintaining her hands at the hem of her dress.
“Well,” he began, “I did notice that package I gave you was running a bit l-”
“Oh my fucking god,” she cut him off, “You fucking asshole. You just brought me out here to buy diapers, didn’t you? You just want to fucking humiliate me, is that it?”
“Now, now,” Richard answered calmly, “no need to make a fuss. Yes, I may have needed to pick up a few of those, but I’m also happy to go shop for anything you like. My treat - it’s my way of thanking you for -” he paused and grinned, anticipating her grimace at his next word, “helping me with this project.”
Ann’s face turned red as she clenched her teeth. She wanted to scream that this was some trap, but she fought against the urge, not wanting to call attention to herself in this state. Plus, if he was being honest, this could be a chance for her to salvage her situation with a bit of material compensation.
And so, the girl led her boyfriend without a word to an upscale clothing outlet, handing him a basket to carry. For the next hour, she would fill it with anything that caught her eye, smiling gleefully as she snatched up the most extravagant items in the store. And Richard, for his part, said nothing.
That was, until he heard the girl’s stomach emit a familiar rumble.
“Uh oh…” he teased, “looks like someone’s gotta go.”
“It’s fine,” Ann rolled her eyes, “I can wait. I’d rather not deal with a public bathroom right now.” And with that, she went back to picking clothes, as her boyfriend shrugged silently and averted his gaze with a whistle.
It was only a few moments later, though, that a sudden and powerful cramp struck the girl, causing her to nearly drop the dress she was holding. With wide eyes and blush cheeks, the girl looked nervously around before admitting a change of heart.
“Berightback,” she blurted, and she darted off into the mall. And after putting their overflowing basket aside, her boyfriend ran after.
For a moment, Ann stopped and turned. “Don’t follow me!” she yelled, “I don’t need your fucking help, okay? I - I - oh god…”
The second cramp that hit, it seemed, was far more forceful than the first. There, in the mall’s corridor, Ann grunted as she felt her body pushing and pushing, a massive, mushy mess filling the back of her diaper.
She wanted to cry.
“There there, sweetie,” Richard said softly, “it’s okay. Why don’t we just make a quick run to the pharmacy, and then we’ll be off home and get you nice and clean, ‘kay?”
“You…” she grimaced, but she held back. Don’t make a scene here, she told herself, not here.
And so she went along, swallowing her tongue and her pride as he took her by the hand over to the mall’s small drugstore. But against his word, Richard seemed to be taking his sweet time, whistling as he carefully looked through the packages in the diaper aisle, before settling on one he liked.
“Oooh, this is perfect! A nice big package for you. Can you read how many diapies are in here?”
“Fuck off,” the girl whispered through gritted teeth, “I can read fine, asshole.”
“Oh?” the man countered with a condescending smile, “Go on, then.”
Fuming through her nose as she tried to contain her rage, the girl let her eyes drift to the package, finding nothing but incomprehensible symbols on it. Then, those eyes began to dart around the aisle, finding only the same on every other package and sign. And when she realized what it all meant, Ann snapped.
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME?” she yelled, stomping her foot against the store rug, “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME??”
“Now now, sweetie,” Richard smiled, putting aside the package he was holding, “there’s no need for that kind of language. Don’t forget we’re in a store now.”
“Fuck you,” the girl retorted, her face beet red as she landed another stomp on the floor, “Fuck you fuck you fu-”
In an instant, the girl found herself looking down at the floor, positioned with her full diaper facing up over her boyfriend’s knee.
“Tsk tsk tsk” he shook his head, stern but calm, “How many times did I warn you?”
*SMACK*
“Little girls like you shouldn’t be using such foul language.”
*SMACK*
“And now, this is what you get.”
*SMACK*
“Is that clear?”
Ann nodded behind watering eyes as she was let down onto her feet, her hand reaching to support her sore bottom as she winced at the sticky mess that had been pressed against it.
She would be silent for the rest of their mall trip, hiding her face behind her hands as her boyfriend checked out the new package of diapers, and looking away as they drove home. It was almost over, she told herself, remembering that there were only a few hours left before the day was up. This nightmare is almost over.
That only made it more shocking, however, when he led her back into their apartment to reveal what was once his office, redone completely into a full, adult-sized nursery, complete with a giant crib, soft pink-colored walls with infantile decorations, and a changing mat, onto which she found herself being placed.
“I hope you don’t mind,” he smiled, “I did a little redecorating while you were asleep last night. Thought you mind need this.”
“What the fuck,” the girl seethed, preparing to burst once more, “You fucking psycho…”
“Now, now,” he chided, “what did we say about naughty words?”
“I can say whatever the fuck I want!”
“Can you, now?”
The girl was ready to go off once more, but she was interrupted by a strange feeling. Her tongue, it seemed, was lost in her mouth, and all of the sounds she wanted to make seemed impossible.
“Ga…” she mustered, “ba… da…” but she simply couldn’t formulate a word.
“Oh, too bad,” Richard commented, unable to fully hide his chuckle at the girl’s state, “Seems like someone’s lost her train of thought. And it’s such a shame, because I’m sure you really wanted to ask for me to undo this hypnosis.
“But that’s not going to happen now, because you went and said those words again - I can. So sad, really - you could have probably figured it out when you were still smart enough, but instead you went and insulted me and my work, thinking you were so much better than all of it.
“I guess it can’t be helped. I guess that’s just the girl you are - or at least, the one you were. Thinking you were better than everyone else, thinking you could do anything. And that’s exactly why I had to teach you this lesson.”
Ann lay in wide-eyed shock as she soaked in the revelation. Her mind raced as she tried to find a way out, a way to escape being this oversized baby, unable to speak a word, being changed out of a full, wet, messy diaper before being put down into her crib for a nap.
But she couldn’t.
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"fuck the abusive bs that was push onto him" ok ninja training your kid is *going* to leave mental scars. if you raise your kid in an active fucking boobytrap zone like he did it does some fucking bullshittery to your brain. and i'll be real with you as an abuse survivor i dont like how hussie wrote dave's story concerning bro and the flavor of abuse that dave was subjected to but its undeniable that bro was abusive. like you cannot tell me that the abuse story was Pushed onto him when in act one hes fucking sword fighting with his 13 year old kid like its fucking kung fu panda the remaster. you can like his character like honestly super ninja man who owns porn business is sweet. good for him but not good for little baby dave because that would 100 and 3 percent fuck up a kid !
So Dave being fast as a baby after Bro Strider attempted to throw him is something natural things babies can do or it was because of his training, because babies brains and minds work faster like this. Riiiiight?
Also, John uses an actual hammer to strike at his Dad and Rose tried to commit suicide via electric outlet in front of her mom. But no one puts the blame on either characters for that. No one calls John a douche for hurting a kind Dad Egbert. No one depicts Rose as suicidal for that moment.
Defending Hussie's bullshit writing means you still have some respect for his shitty writing. Even if you claim to hate it, you still stand by his side that you think Bro being abusive was meant to happen.
Bro Strider was not likely meant to be an abuser. He is also another avatar self projection of Hussie, similar to other characters like Dave, Dirk, and Equius. But no one calls Hussie an abuser or thinks he is as horrible like Bro is. You can't even use the argument that this is what he saw in his own father. Because we know that Hussie loved his dad a lot. There was no bad blood between them. It was only after his father's death after writing Act 5, that Hussie had spiraled down to depression that it seeped into his work. So not even Bro's death shown earlier would coincide this.
No one these days play around the idea that maybe Bro was under the influence of Lil Cal in some way, like how Gamzee and Jack Noir were when they first saw this puppet. And Gamzee was still one of the pieces to make Lord English himself too. Bro was this to a degree as well. No one tries to think the idea that maybe because he wasn't fully Dirk Strider or human minds work different compared to trolls and Carapacians, Bro had some resistance against Lil Cal, but not by a lot. He keeps Lil Cal at his side so that way, Dave won't be in harms way. But in turn, Lil Cal is trying to make Bro do bad things.
Strange though, despite entering the Medium with Dave with Lil Cal, he doesn't go after said kid. He goes to fight Jack Noir. Why is that? Why would an abuser leave his precious target behind for something else? Some could argue because Bec Noir was a threat to Lord English, Lil Cal had to influence Bro to fight against him. Or that it was part of the plan in the first place to separate the guardians from their children after entering the game.
Either way, it is possible for the parents to have stayed with their kid. Like if Dad Egbert wasn't kidnapped, he could have fought alongside John. If Mom Lalonde didn't go progress Sburb alone for her daughter, she would still fought with her. Some could say Mom Lalonde knew that she had to let her daughter grow on her own. But remembering that Mom Lalonde from the beginning, despite knowing the end of the world was coming, she genuinely loved her daughter and Rose didn't notice it until it was too late. Mom Lalonde could have stayed with Rose to show she really loved her daughter. Would Rose had finally accepted it if she was with her? Or would she still be in denial and thinks there was a second meaning behind it, even after entering a game that not even Mom had control over?
#Bro Strider#Dave Strider#John Egbert#Rose Lalonde#Beta Kids#Homestuck#Homestuck fandom#Andrew Hussie#Dirk Strider#Lil Cal#Lord English#Bec Noir#Jack Noir#Gamzee Makara
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i am volatile. violated. my body was not always my own // the boston garden loves you: a playlist
a playlist about the boston garden, and how it loves its flowers
track list below the cut
that unwanted animal-the amazing devil
“oh, and you rip my ribcage open/and devour what's truly yours/and our screaming joins in unison/i cry out to the lord/'cause if we join our hands in prayer enough/to god, i imagine it all starts to sound like applause”
the spine song-cake bake betty
“and when i have died, will you use my spine/to swing from tree to tree in search of places pleasing to the eye?“
call me pretty-elliotly
“call me yours, i’ll call you mine/tracing flowers down my spine/make me a god/you’re fanged and clawed“
fight for me-aliceband
“i’ll make you cry for me and lie for me/and bleed for me and die for me/but most i'll make you right for me/i'm sure i'm right for you/i'll cover up your eyes and make you work/i'll rob you of your soul and make it worse“
all or nothing-the dream masons
“i’d sooner give it all away than only just give half of me/it’s all or nothing/either i’m worth it or i’m not.”
evelyn-kim tillman, silent films
“and i've seen decay/give way to growth/and make the most of nearly nothing“
i wanna be adored-remastered-the stone roses
“i don't need to sell my soul/he's already in me/i wanna be adored“
body terror song-ajj
“i'm very sorry that you have to have a body/one that will hurt you, and be the subject of so much of your fear/it will betray you, be used against you, then it'll fail on you my dear“
bloody nose-jack conte
“left you there for rot/all my fears are overgrown/will someone burn this grove?”
the horror of our love-ludo
“i want you stuffed into my mouth/hold you down and tear you open/live inside you/love, I'd never hurt you/but I'll grind against your bones until our marrows mix/i will eat you slowly”
strangler fig-the crane wives
“climb me, climb me to the canopy/higher, higher 'til there's nothing left of me/tell me/tell me what you see/desire, desire 'til there's nothing left of me, oh/you’re the culprit/so don't blame me/when I'm gone and you have naught/when you're hollowed out and empty”
envy green-the arcadian wild
“envy green, growin' ivy vines that hold me/up they go, past the collar bones and freckles on my nose/higher, higher 'til the words I tell myself are covered/envy green”
black rose-eliza rickman
“pray, baby, pray/over our sins/and oh, we'll grow our own/don’t let him know/don’t let it show/you reap what you sow/take this black rose”
back to the ground-the crane wives
“little buds make their graves as the warmth inside us fade/but I still don't know shit about letting go/so I know you're not the one/use me up and when you're done/just give me back, give me back to the ground”
big god-florence + the machine
“you need a big god/big enough to fill you up/shower your affection, let it rain on me/pull down the mountain, drag your cities to the sea/shower your affection, let it rain on me/don’t leave me on this white cliff/let it slide down to the, slide down to the sea”
#blaseball#boston flowers#words tag#GUESS WHO JUST REALIZED THEY NEVER FINISHED AND POSTED THIS PLAYLIST#there are many things in blaseball where I care way too much about my personal interpretations#the Boston garden and it’s interactions with its players is Very Up There#this is a communication between the garden and multiple members of the team#like. in a way the garden eats all of its players. it eats them to show its love but it eats them nonetheless.#and it asks you first but you have to answer in very specific ways to get a desired outcome#because if you do it wrong it will not care that you said no and it will begin to eat you anyways whenever you step into the threshold#but it is somehow more violent then. perhaps it hurts. perhaps it’s the emotional violence.#the Boston garden eats everyone. it eats those it loves it eats those it hates.
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🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨ 🫶
Oooo thank you Nerdie!!! Music is such a huge part of my life and I've been really inspired by it lately especially for my writing so here are some that I've been playing consistently in my lineup recently!
I highly recommend anyone to check out The Beaches, they are kick ass Canadian girls and so bloody amazing. 🇨🇦
(Picking only 5 was a lot harder than it should be 🙈)
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25 March 2023: Nine Steve Forbert albums:
Jackrabbit Slim/Alive on Arrival 40th Anniversary twofer (2020 Blue Corn Music expanded reissue of 1979 and 1978 Nemperor albums; this reissue presents the titles in reverse chronological order; Alive on Arrival here is the “original Japanese master,” whereas Jackrabbit Slim is a 2020 remaster
Little Stevie Orbit (2018 Rolling Tide reissue of 1980 Nemperor album, presented here as a 2018 remix)
Steve Forbert (The Fourth Album) (2011 Rolling Tide expanded reissue of 1982 Nemperor album)
Mission of the Crossroad Palms (Paladin/Giant, 1995)
Young, Guitar Days (2001 Rolling Tide/Relentless Nashville release of 1978-1981 recordings)
Over with You (Blue Corn Music, 2012)
Compromised (Rock Ridge Music, 2015)
Flying at Night (Rolling Tide, 2016)
Early Morning Rain (Blue Rose Music, 2020)
Meridian, Mississippi-born singer-songwriter Steve Forbert has been in my consciousness since the late ’70s, when my brother bought his first three albums and I loved Forbert’s 1979 hit “Romeo’s Tune” (from his second album Jackrabbit Slim). I didn’t bother buying any Forbert albums until about 2017, for whatever reason, and then late last year I decided out of the blue that I needed his brand-new album Moving through America. (I purchased that when this page was on hiatus, so there’s no post to link to.) I loved that album so much that my enthusiasm was running very high when I went to Milwaukee to see Forbert perform there on March 25 at the intimate venue Shank Hall. Forbert has done seemingly dozens of fan-club items and one-off tour releases, so I went to the gig ready to hit the merchandise table hard, and that’s what I did. I came away with the nine albums shown above, a mixture of those early reissues (the top three packages), a couple of oddball items in the middle there, and then the bottom four discs in the photo above are relatively new releases. You can see from my notes above the photo that Forbert has hopped around like wild on all manner of tiny little labels. Of his first four albums (again, the top three packages in the photo), three of them (all but Little Stevie Orbit) have scads of bonus tracks. When I start amassing this many albums by a single artist, it can only mean that I’m planning a catalog study, and I look forward to beginning Forbert’s in earnest come next January.
I was so excited at the merch table that I just started pointing at things (”I’ll take of those, and one of those, and one of those...”). I was amazed by how many different things he had available, even if none of them was one of his weird, fan-club or tour-only things. Still, until that moment I only owned two Forbert albums on CD (along with a handful on vinyl), so it was like being in a candy store.
The merchandise person was a bit of an oddball, a raspy-voiced woman in a mask, and I still wonder: is that Forbert’s wife?! Surely not. They seem roughly the same age, but if they’re a couple it’s a bit of an odd couple. At one point when I was making my selections she seemed taken aback that I wanted so much, so I asked, “Is that okay?” She hollered in her brash rasp, “THE MORE YA BUY THE LESS I GOTTA CARRY!”
When I got back to the hotel, I could not believe my eyes. Seven of the discs were pristine and sealed new copies. Mission of the Crossroad Palms and Young, Guitar Days, however, were used copies, and not just any used copies, but trashed copies with significantly scratched discs; one of them had a guy’s initials in magic marker on the disc itself, and the other had a big sticker on the tray reading “DISC AT COUNTER.” What in the absolute blue blazes?! Never in all my days have I seen torn-up used CDs at a concert merch table. Surely this could not be Forbert’s doing? I blame that nutty woman! And they were not used-CD prices; I paid something like $13 or $15 a pop. Damnation! I prefer to believe that this was an accident and Forbert would be mortified if he knew about this. I just can’t believe he would knowingly sell torn-up copies of his own albums, let alone at full price.
Below we see the front covers of all nine purchases, including the bogus used ones, presented left to right beginning with the top row and in the same order that they are listed above and shown in the first photo (top to bottom).
Here are the back covers of the same, in the same order.
After I got all these home, I did some research to figure out exactly how many CDs this man has released, once all the fan-club items and other oddities are considered. Forty! Forty Forberts! I have made my brother listen at length to my incredulous reaction to there being Forty Forberts in this world, and as you will see in subsequent posts, I am making my way toward accumulating all forty. Some of them will be impossible to find, I fear, but when I do start this catalog study it will take me well over two years even if I have to skip several of his more arcane releases.
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To The Wick - Bobby’s Birthday
Disclaimer: I’m not usually a fic writer, I tend to stick to original stuff, but I just felt like I had to write this for Bobby today. I definitely wrote this in one go and did no proofreading, so I’m very sorry for that.
Summary: 2.3k wd. Bobby celebrates with Rose and Ray while still dealing with survivors guilt. Lots of fire imagery and comparisons.
WARNINGS: deals with death, symptoms similar to anxiety or PTSD, funeral mentions, survivor’s guilt
Staring at the flame, he fought every impulse to snuff it out with his fingers. For a moment, he contemplated on its gentle flickering, not unlike himself at this time. Every moment of its existence a fight against very strong currents, against all but one element surrounding it. All it knew was heat and the need to grow outward, but not being able to without the permission of exterior forces.
The words to the Beatles’ birthday song drummed on his ears, but his mind was in the back of the cavern where the music could only echo at a distance. Shaking his head and pulling his mind out of the depths of the cave, Bobby let a small smile loose for Rose and Ray and blew out the candle on the cupcake before him.
His friends cheered and they all bit into their own homemade cupcakes. Rose had been perfecting her recipe, and so far these were the best.
“You’re going to open a bakery,” Bobby told her through a mouthful. “And I’m going to be your most faithful customer.”
“But I get to do all the taste-testing, right amor?” Ray teased, earning a hand messing up his hair from Rose.
“Mi abuela didn’t pass this down and I didn’t tweak it so you could eat it for free all the time,” she said in a sassy tone, kissing his cheek.
Ray raised his eyebrows. “Noted,” he replied with a smirk.
Bobby finished his cupcake, entertained by the two lovebirds.
“So,” Rose started saying. “Now it’s time to open gifts!” She leaned away from her seat and grabbed an object from the counter a few feet away, then handed it to Bobby.
Tearing apart the purple wrapping and blue ribbon, he looked down at the small stack of CDs. Meditation Sunrise, The 7th Chakra, and Celtic Wind sat in his hands like rectangular dumbbells, each weighing heavier on his heart than he cared to admit. Suddenly, Ray was draping something over his head, and as he looked down he found himself wearing a necklace of prayer beads.
“You guys!” he chuckled, trying to sound genuine. It was his birthday, he was supposed to enjoy all of this. The gifts were actually great, too. “Thanks, this is awesome. You’ll both have to join me in a session, you know.”
“We were thinking we could do it with you today, if you wanted to,” Rose told him.
Bobby sat back in surprise.
“O-okay,” he stammered. He caught the look in her eyes that was hoping this wasn’t too much, to which he gave her a small smile of assurance. It was impossible to blame them for anything he felt today, especially when she and Ray were putting in so much effort to make it full of the joy and happiness it was meant for. It didn’t mean he hadn’t subconsciously stuck his hand in his pocket to where he kept a lighter. Just to feel that it was there, of course.
“Is it okay if we do it later tonight?” he asked. “I just have a quick meeting with my producer and a couple other things afterward to do. And I can pick up some incense while I’m out.”
“Great plan!” Ray exclaimed. He didn’t elaborate, but Bobby could guess that all the eye contact with Rose meant something he needed no part in. He got up from the table and grabbed another cupcake for the road.
“Say we meet back at, like, eight or nine?” he asked, grabbing his leather jacket and keys.
Rose looked up from being halfway embraced with Ray, barely paying attention. “Sounds perfect!”
********
“So, after talking with Jedd we decided we wanna cut out the second repeat of the chorus in Long Weekend. It makes it easier to put into radio time.”
Bobby stared at Callum, his producer, in disbelief.
“But we can just do a radio edit, then, why cut it off the album track?”
Callum blinked condescendingly.
“You think you’re just going to get radio edits out like that before you have an album out, kid?”
“Have you listened to it?” Bobby challenged. “That album is gonna shoot through the charts and I know you know that.”
“Tch,” Callum acted like he’d been shot by a Nerf gun. “That’s a bold statement from a guy who didn’t write these songs.”
A fireball seemed to form inside his chest, and Bobby wished he could open his mouth and shoot it toward the man. He clenched his teeth.
“You signed the deal, you recorded these songs, and you are getting this opportunity from us. We - need I say this - are professionals. Trust me, I’ve dealt with music written by dead people before. You’ll thank me in a few years.”
He was trembling to keep the fireball from burning down the entire room, and clenched his fists. Focusing on a stupid paisley design on the carpet, he avoided eye contact with Callum. There was no way he was letting Luke’s songs go any different than what they had played together for so many years. He had read the contract well enough, hadn’t he? It was hard enough not crediting the rest of them, but it was honor Luke with letting his music connect to people or honor Luke by letting him keep his songs to the few who heard them from the source. Not to mention Alex and Reggie being equal parts in that equation.
“Fine,” he forced out. “Make the cut. See how it does. I’ll bet you that when I make a remaster in twenty years with greater freedoms because I’m a respected artist, fans will ask why you cut it to begin with. I’ve got better people to see than you right now.”
He only saw Callum shaking his head out of the corner of his eye as he pushed through the door of the studio, flipping the bird behind him. It would’ve been nice to simply say over my dead body, but he was already bulldozing over his three best friends and it wasn’t fair.
It wasn’t fair that he could walk along the street, get into his car, and drive off in a huff. Not fair that he could go to the abandoned grocery store parking lot and yell until his lungs were sore. It was absolutely inadequate that he remained on this earth, soul inside his body, light in his eyes, breath and blood and bones and all. He screamed in that parking lot until he was dizzy.
Bobby laid in his seat, exhausted, until twilight approached, and then started the engine again. The route was so well-known now that he knew exactly when the lights turned so he never had to make a stop. He came to the right stop and parked on the shoulder, looking wistfully out the window.
So far, he hadn’t managed to set foot on the grounds again after the funerals had passed. Still, he came and made sure his line of sight at the closest angle to get a proper look at them. They were all in a row, even though only two stood vertically. Reggie’s parents had cremated him and only gotten a stone plaque that acted as a placeholder while they kept his urn with them at home. It was nice of them to at least contribute to keep the three together.
Today still wasn’t the day he was going to venture closer to them. Bobby wasn’t going to handle it well after the conversation he’d just left. He pulled the lighter out of his pocket and flicked it off and on. It hadn’t really been a habit he had before, but there was something weirdly comforting about it. For something that couldn’t think, it really understood him. He didn’t want to use it on anything, he just wanted to watch it exist before disappearing. The fire was them. But he could control it.
Taking in a deep breath, he went to get some incense.
********
Mats were spread in the backyard with tiki torches and a camping lantern in the center, more paper lanterns hanging from the tree above. Bobby had gotten a nice incense burner a few weeks back and was excited to put it on display. Ray was in his swim shorts, already seated with his legs crossed and repeatedly going “oommmm” and breaking it with giggles when Rose swatted at him playfully.
“We’re not doing that kind, tontoroso,” she teased.
“Pero me quiero - ah!” Ray cried as she accidentally thumped him with the boombox she’d been carrying out.
“Oh, lo siento mi amor, me desculpes!” she cried, setting it down to address the minor bump now forming on his head.
Bobby sat patiently as they babbled for a moment ensuring that Ray wasn’t harmed too much, smirking a little. He didn’t really mind being the third wheel on his own birthday - it helped take away from some of the guilt.
“Okay!” Rose said finally, standing and adjusting the bottom of her tank top. “I think we should try the Meditation Sunrise, so it will guide us through every motion and we don’t have to think.”
“Agreed,” Bobby nodded, with Ray doing the same. “The less thinking the better.”
Rose pressed play on the first track as all three of them sat in their assumed meditative positions with their eyes shut. Calm, synthesized music floated out of the speakers of the boombox, with light chimes twinkling here and there.
“Welcome to Meditation Sunrise. This first exercise is to help you free yourself from resentments and embrace forgiveness. Listen to my words. Focus on my voice and soon you will be free of anything that stirs up anger. This can be anger toward another person, anger toward a higher being, or even anger toward yourself…”
Bobby felt his heartbeat increasing and strained to keep his eyes closed. He tried to sit up straighter so that he could breathe in even deeper. He could hear Ray and Rose exhaling, sounding so calm and relaxed, and let out his own breath hoping it came out the same way.
“Forgive faults. Resentment comes from Latin, meaning ‘to feel again’. We all have these feelings, and they all visit us from time to time. Sometimes we hold onto things in the past that have caused harm. These things were painful. Letting these feelings continually visit us repeats that pain. In this exercise we are here to let it go…”
Taking a careful peek through his eyelashes, Bobby checked to see what Rose and Ray looked like. They sat close together, holding hands with the remaining ones shaped in circles. Rose had her head tilted back, so free and open to the sky, so light from the weight that wasn’t sitting on her chest. The flames from the tiki torches flickered and Bobby squeezed his eyes shut so he wouldn’t focus on them instead.
“Now we are going to envision that we have a shovel in our hands. We’re going to dig. Get that shovel deep into the rich soil and lift it up. Set the soil to the side. Smell the fresh, upturned earth. If you want to, you can kneel down and take some into your hands. Let the soft, rich earth be cool to the touch. Let it calm you.
“Imagine you are digging in a garden and planting a seed. It’s a seed of happiness. It’s small right now, but will grow as we continue through our meditation. We just need to go a little deeper into the ground…”
Bobby’s mind was transported back to the cemetery he’d visited earlier. It travelled all the way to the funerals - open ground, lowering cheap wooden boxes. His hand filled with a small amount of dirt.
“Stop,” he muttered, eyes remaining closed. Rose and Ray were still entranced.
“Stop, stop, turn it off, I can’t -” He felt his breathing get uneven, and Rose was already in front of him, cradling his face and wiping away tears that he didn’t realize had escaped. He jerked away from her touch. Ray rushed to stop the playback on the CD.
All he felt was heat rising everywhere. In his veins, all over his skin, the fireball growing like a small sun in his chest, and apparently tears could be hot, too. There was too much rage building up inside. Bobby let out a frustrated cry and kicked over the incense burner, the camping lantern doing down with it. Turning, he almost hit a paper lantern and he whacked it off the tree as he headed back inside the house.
Rose caught up to him and frantically tried to block his path.
“Bobby, I sincerely apologize, I did not know it was going to be like that,” she placated. He paused as she stood before him, pleading. “If you need me to, I can get you a different present, I just wanted to do this because you had seemed interested and thought we would have a fun night together - Bobby, I am so sorry!”
Looking back at her, he sighed heavily and placed a hand on her shoulder.
“You don’t need to get me anything else,” he told her solemnly.
Ray had joined them and put an arm around each of them. A twinge of reminder came to Bobby as he recalled Luke doing the same thing for him. But coming from Ray, it still had the warmth and love connected to it that he needed. He looked between the two of them.
“That was a bust,” he said. They all chuckled a little, albeit with heavy hearts. “But having you guys still made it a good birthday.”
His friends both muttered an “aw” and they came together in a group hug. Bobby sighed as they both squeezed him so tightly before breaking away.
“So what do we wanna do, then?” he asked.
“We could watch Wayne’s World,” Ray suggested.
“Baby,” Rose objected, giving him a look.
“What?” he lifted his hands defensively. “I could make a dip, we could grab some tortilla chips, you know I love dips.”
“But Bob -”
“No, I like that idea,” Bobby interrupted. “Ray makes some good dip, I’ll give him that. I think we can hold off on the meditation for now. Wayne’s World it is.”
#julie and the phantoms#jatp#bobby#bobby wilson#fanfic#happy birthday bobby#birthday celebration#tw: death#tw: anxiety#tw: ptsd#tw: funeral#tw: survivor's guilt
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Distance
From Aspen to Denver, and all the way back to Colorado Springs, Hawk could feel the distance close in on her, like a pursuer over her shoulder. Crammed inside the Kodiak, Victory snored lightly into his seat’s headrest - so close that they brushed shoulders as the treads jostled over bumpy terrain. Yet the gap between them could outrun the length of the Rockies. What had she done wrong?
"I dream of skin,
Of the nerves beneath, waitin’,
Like embers, hungry for breath."
Little Sparrow's poetry was a soothing hum that made Vic scowl back at D.A. When he'd caught her eye, he’d pinned her with a glare before looking away, brooding on some point in the distance while Hawk exchanged glances with the others. She didn't understand. Only a couple weeks ago, he'd been himself - cracking off-color jokes and hollering whenever he planted a bullet in some unlucky waste trash. Now, he hardly spoke - dodging her gaze and trailing behind like an aloof shadow.
Perhaps it was for the best. Not many were complaining about Victory's sudden silence. Neither was Hawk, really - except a nagging that tugged like Polly at her hair. What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't he just spit out what was on his mind?
“Maybe he’s constipated,” Fish-Lips had offered with a chuckle. For Hawk, though, that wasn’t much of a comfort. Sometimes she'd scrutinize him, figuring he'd let something slip if she watched him long enough. He'd be normal, or as normal as Vic could be - wearing a slack expression that offered no emotional undertone. But then, that same scowl would paint his face - as if he were staring at dog shit in the snow - and Hawk's curiosity would hound her until the team found something else to shoot.
She might've let it go, might've blamed it on another mood swing. And yet…
Sometimes, when he thought she wasn’t looking, when he believed she was completely absorbed in whatever she was doing, she'd catch him watching from the corner of her eye - his gaze a mirror to the hunger he bore down on the map back in Aspen. A strange thought occurred to her, imagining herself unveiling that hunger like furniture left in a pre-war bunker. Memories played in her mind, like one of Eidolon's explicit stage performances. A different Victory, one she'd known only a short time ago, hummed into her neck while her hands roved along his back, tracing the ridges of his spine and the bumps of unknown scars - a landscape as rugged as the road to Aspen. She wondered if she'd ever feel that again.
Hawk was lifted from her thoughts as Vic shifted beside her, facing her with a cheek planted against the headrest while the rest of him sank into the leather seat. The memory sparked a low flame - a curiosity mingling with an inexplicable urge.
Maybe, despite his distance, he did want her to touch him. But how could she when he held her at arm's length? How could she when he only responded with a jabbing finger and a snarl?
Placing a hand on his shoulder, she let the soft fur of his coat swallow her fingers. The fibers were cold, like he’d tossed his cloak in the snow. The Kodiak's heater couldn't keep up with the chill most days - yet she knew underneath, his body was warm, like the hazy heat wafting from a gas lamp.
She closed her eyes. This was the closest they'd been since that night in the garage, remembering him pinning her down to Fastback's counter as he collapsed, sweating and shaking, on top of her. His breath had been a ragged pulse by her ear, but when she traced her fingers down his back, he stiffened - like a dog preparing for another blow. When he’d relaxed, finally - burying himself into her neck while his breathing became an even rhythm - she’d believed he was enjoying her touch. If only she’d known she was wrong.
The feeling of his shoulder lifting slightly with each breath was like waves crashing on shore. She ran her thumb gently through the fibers of his coat.
I hope you realize I meant nothing by it, she told him silently. She got no response other than a light snore.
Pulling her hand away, she opened her eyes - gaze shifting to the view outside the Kodiak’s windshield as Coyote drove closer to Colorado Springs. The landscape unfolded in front of them like pages from a pop up book - rumbling past trees that rose like bony spears from the snow. She felt that pursuer grow closer - breathing down her neck like a growler closing in on a deer - and she sighed. Fishing for the Nico-pops at the bottom of her pack, she lit one before taking a long drag - breathing in the tang of cherry underlining the tobacco. It was the only thing she could do to shut out the distance.
#my writing#victory buchanan#hello hi yes i'm still writing#and yeah tori amos is good inspo for vic x ranger shit
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This is something a bit different from me, but in light of the recent announcement from Ubisoft that there’s going to be a remake of Prince of Persia: Sands of Time coming out in January 2021, I thought I’d share some thoughts.
(This started out small but got outta hand so super long post incoming, no spoilers for the games)
So first off, a bit of my history with the original game.
I’m a big fan of the Prince of Persia (PoP) franchise, and I’ll fully admit that nostalgia plays a big part in it. You see, in many ways this 2003 classic was my real entryway drug into the world of videogames.
It wasn’t the first videogame I had ever played. My friends had consoles, there were some games on the school computers, but I didn’t own games as a kid. As far as my parents were concerned, these were all the spoils and soul damning devices of Lucifer himself. You know how it is, every generation goes through this thing of blaming all the world’s problems on a new artform: rock and roll, comic books and then videogames.
So yeah, a gaming console or buying games for the home computer was a BIG NO-NO!
But of course, the more an authority figure says you can’t have something, the more you want and crave it. It was only a matter of time until the opportunity presented itself to me.
And then the day finally came.
It was just me and a couple of friends, going to this new magazine store near the school. And there it was: the dvd case that came with a gaming mag for like 5 euros if I remember correctly, stupid cheap for such a great game.
There was doubt, there was fear, there was anxiety. I didn’t know much about the game, only the old 1989 DOS Prince of Persia:
This had the same name but looked different. I was seduced immediately.
The case stared longingly at me:
It’s not my fault, I was bewitched and I bought it.
My symbol of rebellion, my first big transgression, and my first real treasured posession that I bought with hard earned money.
PoP:The Sands of Time was my original sin so to say:
Accurate representation of what happened that day
I furiously installed the game as soon as my parents left the house. Played it for a couple of hours and stood in awe at the thing - the cinematics, the cool parkour moves, the arabian nights setting, the time manipulation to undo mistakes when platforming or in combat, the Prince breaking the fourth wall saying:”no no no, that’s not what happened, let me start over” whenever I died and got a game over…
You have not experienced true fear if at some point in your life you didn’t feel the cold sweat running down your back as you hear the very distinct sound of your parents’ car arriving when you’re doing something “prohibited”.
As soon as I heard that sound, I quickly quit the game, uninstaled it (I could not run the risk of them finding out I had tainted their machine with a videogame *gasp!*), and ran to my room to hide the game before opening the door for them.
Neetheless to say, I never made much progress since I had to start over every time after quitting and uninstalling the thing. I would just play those first couple of hours over and over, never knowing how the story progressed, but I was happy all the same. At one point I knew every line of dialogue, every music cue, every sound effect of that beginning part. It would be some years before I got my first laptop and finally managed to complete it.
All of this to say that the game means a lot to me. Not just as a product or piece of entertainment. This wasn’t casually playing on someone’s gameboy advance or PS2 to have a bit of fun and pass the time.
This was more intimate.
It was just me; the game; a dark room and a blanket; and a sincere and charming, simple but compelling story told seamlessly through mechanics that only enhanced it. This was me witnessing gameplay and storytelling going hand in hand in a way that even many of my other favourite games don’t do, or don’t do as well (there’s usually some disconnect where a game only manages to really excel at one but not the other).
Ok, so on the announcement and trailer:
youtube
As a big fan you might think I was super hyped for this.
But I gotta say…no, not really.
I’m not super angry, but I’m not really excited either honestly. And I don’t think it’s just the rough and uncanny character models and animation that people are pointing out all over (although that doesn’t help).
I guess to talk a bit on that, I should stress out that my problem isn’t that it doesn’t look realistic enough. To be honest, and this is going to sound rich from a big Witcher 3 fan, I think that the gaming industry overall, moreso big tripple A titles, seem to have this unhealthy obsession with photorealism. Like, I don’t need to see the characters’s pores to care about these polygon people. Strong art direction is what I feel is more valuable. I just don’t think this arms race to photorealism is sustainable. Games are taking longer to make and fund, and I’d rather have dev teams spend more time polishing and refining the games’ mechanics and/or story if the trade-off is less “realistic” graphics.
It might just be personal preference, but I wish we were getting more stylized character and world design. Go look at some screenshots for Pathologic 2, a game that came out last year that hits that sweet spot between full-blown cartoony/caricature and realistic by today’s standards:
And I think that is somewhat what they were going for with this remake’s character models (or I hope it was). But it’s still not quite there, hopefully they’ll work on improving those so they can hit that sweet spot also.
(in defense of my hipocrisy and love of The Witcher 3, I think the more realistic look was appropriate for the world they were portraying, it benefits from it. However I don’t think I would love it any less if it had less detailed models and environments)
One last thing on the graphics.
I will say this though, at least from the footage we see in the new trailer the team seems to be capitalizing on colour. Big vibrant reds, blues, whites and yellows in the environment look great, and really captures the 1.001 nights/arabian nights feel that I absolutely love. I appreciate that since there’s always this tendency for remakes to suck all the colour and life from the original (in both games and movies), regardless if it fits the setting and tone or not.
Anyway, I think the reason I’m very much without a big reaction is that I believe the 2003 original is a true classic, a masterpiece even - I guess I should stress out that when I say masterpiece, I don’t mean it’s perfect. Just that the whole is bigger and better than the sum of its parts, that the things it does right, it does so right, that it completely overshadows the flaws.
The story, the art direction, the gameplay (the holy trinity of platforming, combat and puzzle solving), the brilliant introduction of the dagger of time as a gameplay and story mechanic (one of my favourite mechanics in all of gaming), the music, the charming duo that is the Prince and Farah, the tight pacing with the game being just the right length and not overstaying its welcome, the outstanding level design where you’re never stuck doing one thing for too long (the game is always juggling between combat, story, platforming and puzzles, mixing and matching)…
Looking at all these things, I just really don’t think we need a remake because I don’t think there’s that many glaring terrible flaws that could justify it.
Adding more scenes and content could be good, or it might backfire: bloat and ruin the game’s already excelent pacing and fluidity (which I think is the main keyword that better describes the original, everything flows superbly). The original was only 6-8 hours long and it is better for it. I’m not confident that adding dozens of hours of gameplay like the big tittles today would help at all.
The only real improvements I can see are:
tweeking and perfecting the combat (I’ve seen it mentioned that they’re implementing a targeting system which sounds good);
perhaps also better Farah’s A.I during combat when you have to help protect her from swarms of enemies;
Maybe throw in a couple more enemy types? The cut sand tigers for example?
usual things like adding the option of subtitles, add the ability to skip cutescenes;
But other than that…
I don’t even think the graphics of the original look bad. They’ve aged of course, with the game being 17 years old, but still. I installed it last night and played through the first hour to take some screenshots and I think they’re still good:
I can understand the MediEvil remaster, the Spyro remaster or the more recent FFVII remake in terms of wanting to update the graphics. I can understand that not everyone can easily go back to these low poly lads:
But this game? I know I’m influenced by nostalgia and all, but I don’t think it needs that makeover that badly, especially when compared to these other remakes and remasters. Funnily enough, I just noticed that these examples I just listed were all PS1 games. PoP: SoT was a PS2 , PC and Xbox game. PS2 era games have aged far better visually and don’t need that big a makeover in my most humble opinion.
It would be one thing if the original was out of print like a Rule of Rose scenario ,where you can’t find the game unless you go to ebay or something and it’s stupid expensive. Or if it was a pain to get running on modern systems like it was with Grim Fandango, until it got a remaster.
But no, you can find the Sands of Time trilogy and the PoP (2008) reboot on GOG and Steam (on Steam only there’s also the PoP:The Forgotten Sands midquel). So there isn’t the usual problem of the game no longer being accessible to people who want to play it, which helps justify the need for a remake.
The original still plays nice, sounds nice and looks nice, so I guess this all goes to show that at the end of the day, this remake just feels a bit unnecessary to me, at least from what little the trailer showed (I would love to have my bitter cynical ass proved wrong though!).
Maybe I just have a superhuman tolerance for older games and how they look, I really don’t have that big a problem if the game itself is good or interesting, so I don’t always think older games need remakes.
Maybe my falling out of love with Ubisoft in this last decade has curbed forever any hype I might have for their announcements, even when they pull out my son, my baby boy Prince of Persia out again.
Maybe I’m just burnt out and too pessimistic about remakes, remasters and adaptations (although game remakes usually do better than film ones).
And this makes me a bit sad because I don’t want to sh*t all over the first piece of “new” Prince of Persia content we’ve had since 2010??? Oof, it’s been a while.
Especially knowing that Yuri Lowenthal is coming back and excited to voice the Prince again. And I also don’t want to be too harsh since we’re looking at an alpha of the game. But so far I’m just very numb to this, I do seriously hope it turns out good and that they don’t rush it out the door. But I’m not convinced we need a remake in the first place. The original is a milestone, a game changer. I’d rather see a game that had great ideas and poor execution being remade than something people already love and consider a masterpiece.
Guess we’ll see how I feel once more news and footage come out.
Oh and feel free to share your own thoughts on this remake. I’m curious to know what both fans and newcomers alike think.
small edit: I can’t believe I was just watching this Sands of Time playthrough on youtube and at one point it is said: “Another game that is designed similarly to this is Soul Reaver actually.”
Of course! I didn’t even see it! All of my favourite things are connected!!! Maybe that detail was another thing that helped me getting really into Soul Reaver as I was first playing it.
#prince of persia#prince of persia: the sands of time#prince of persia remake#ubisoft#videogames#my ramblings#I can't seem to write a short post to save my life!
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Saturday Summary 8/22
Turned into a busy day! First off was a Michael Jackson birthday set at the Attic, then I did 2 sets at Sphynx, filling in for the ailing Ankari (get better soon!). I didn’t have much notice for the second set, but I pulled it together, even if it is a bit random. sadly, MJ’s They Don’t Care About Us is relevant again.
Sphynx (both sets)
Norman Brown - Remember The Time
The Equatics - Ain't No Sunshine
Eve St. Jones - Blame It on the Boogie
Michael Jackson Tribute - Thriller
Andrea Balducci - Spooky
Louis Armstrong - Spooks
Charles Mingus - Mood Indigo
Trombone Shorty - Tripped Out Slim
Ella Fitzgerald - April In Paris
Ray Charles - Joy Ride
Scubba - Mais Que Nada - Jazzy Version
Louis Armstrong - The Frim Fram Sauce
Michael Jackson Tribute - I'll Be There
Louis Armstrong - St. James Infirmary (Gambler's Blues)
Jazzystics - Heartbreak Hotel
Louis Armstrong - Summertime
Dave Baker - Year of the Cat
The Haggis Horns - Way Of The Haggis
Willy Chirino - Guantanamera (feat. Arturo Sandoval)
Louis Armstrong - Mack the Knife
Norman Brown - Man In The Mirror (feat. Sounds Of Blackness)
Count Basie - Oh Pretty Woman
Solsonics - Montuno Funk
Victor Wooten - Funky D
Ella Fitzgerald - Dream A Little Dream Of Me - Single Version
Alien Fashion Show - Detroit Swing City
Louise Baranger - Love Potion No. 9
James Brown - Sunny
Ray Charles - Let the Good Times Roll
Louis Armstrong - La vie en rose - Single Version
Willy Chirino - Yellow Submarine
The Attic
Michael Jackson - Black or White
The Jacksons - Blame It on the Boogie
Michael Jackson - They Don't Care About Us
Michael Jackson - Ain't No Sunshine
Michael Jackson - Blood on the Dance Floor
Los Colorados - U Can't Touch This
Michael Jackson - Rock with You - Single Version
Michael Jackson - Bad - 2012 Remaster
The Jackson 5 - My Cherie Amour
Michael Jackson - P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)
The Jackson 5 - I'll Be There
Michael Jackson - Dirty Diana - 2012 Remaster
Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror - 2012 Remaster
Janet Jackson - Nasty
Michael Jackson - The Way You Make Me Feel - 2012 Remaster
Michael Jackson - Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough - Single Version
The Temptations - Remember The Time
Michael Jackson - Beat It - Single Version
Janet Jackson - Rhythm Nation
The Jacksons - Enjoy Yourself
Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal - 2012 Remaster
Michael Jackson - Billie Jean
The Jackson 5 - ABC
Michael Jackson - This Is It
The Jackson 5 - Dancing Machine
Michael Jackson - Jam
Michael Jackson - Leave Me Alone - 2012 Remaster
Janet Jackson - What Have You Done For Me Lately
Michael Jackson - Thriller
Michael Jackson - Dangerous
The Jacksons - This Place Hotel (a.k.a. Heartbreak Hotel)
Rockwell - Somebody's Watching Me - Single Version
The Jackson 5 - I Want You Back
The Jacksons - Can You Feel It - Single Version
Janet Jackson - Escapade
Phil Collins - In The Air Tonight - 2015 Remastered
Janet Jackson - Black Cat
The Jacksons - Torture
Michael Jackson - Who Is It
The Jacksons - Lovely One
Michael Jackson - Blue Gangsta
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SUPERGIRL PLAYLIST: SEASON 1 (PART I)
Summary: This is a compilation of songs that can possibly summarize Kara and Winn’s thoughts and feelings throughout Season 1 of Supergirl. All of these songs were compiled using the application Spotify Song Radio and the song “She’s A Bad Mamma Jamma (She’s Built, She’s Stacked) by Carl Carlton in Episode 1 of Season 1 of Supergirl as its base.
1. She’s A Bad Mamma Jamma (She’s Built, She’s Stacked - Carl Carlton
2. Through the Fire - Chaka Khan
3. The Way You Do The Things You Do - The Temptations
4. Isn’t She Lovely - Stevie Wonder
5. Silly - Deniece Williams
6. Car Wash - Rose Royce
7. Mr. Telephone Man - New Edition
8. We Are Family - Sister Sledge
9. Everlasting Love - Carl Carlton
10. Sir Duke - Stevie Wonder
11. Groove Me - Guy
12. Let It Whip - Dazz Band
13. Let’s Get Serious (Single Version) - Jermaine Jackson
14. Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me) - The Temptations
15. All This Love (Single Version) - DeBarge
16. Best of My Love - The Emotions
17. Signed, Sealed, Delivered (I’m Yours) - Stevie Wonder
18. Rock the Boat - Hues Corporation
19. Encore - Cheryl Lynn
20. Let’s Hear It for the Boy - Deniece Williams
21. I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch) - Four Tops
22. My Girl - The Temptations
23. Shake Your Pants - Cameo
24. Candy Girl - New Edition
25. Watchin’ U - Ardijah
26. Lady (You Bring Me Up) - Commodores
27. Working My Way Back to You - The Spinners
28. Boogie Shoes (2004 Remastered Version) - KC & The Sunshine Band
29. Sparkle - Cameo
30. Head to Toe - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam
31. Ladies Night - Kool & The Gang
32. New Attitude - Patti LaBelle
33. Time Will Reveal - DeBarge
34. Midnight Train to Georgia - Gladys Knights & The Pips
35. Boogie Fever - The Sylvers
36. Stay - The Temptations
37. Cool It Now - New Edition
38. Ain’t No Woman (Like The One I’ve Got) - Four Tops
39. Apache - The Sugarhill Gang
40. Candy - Cameo
41. Got To Give It Up (Pt.1) - Marvin Gaye
42. I Found Lovin’ - Fatback Band
43. Pick Up the Pieces - Average White Band & Gene Paul
44. Lady Soul (Single Version) - The Temptations
45. Lovergirl - Teena Marie
46. Blame It on the Boogie - The Jacksons
47. Rapper’s Delight - The Sugarhill Gang
48. Last Dance (Single Version) - Donna Summer
49. The Second Time Around - Shalamar
50. When Somebody Loves You Back - Teddy Pendergrass
51. Looking For A New Love - Jody Watley & Louil Silas Jr.
52. Can You Stand The Rain - New Edition
53. Sir Duke - Stevie Wonder
54. Blame it on the Boogie - The Jacksons
55. Is It Good To You - Heavy D & The Boyz
56. Shout, Pts. 1 & 2 - The Isley Brothers
57. Let’s Stay Together - AI Green
58. Oh Sheila - Ready For The World
59. Apache (Jump On It) - The Sugarhill Gang
60. If It Isn’t Love - New Edition
61. Do I Do - Stevie Wonder
62. I’m Coming Out - Diana Ross
63. Forever Mine - The O’Jays
64. My Prerogative - Bobby Brown
65. If Only You Knew - Patti LaBelle
66. Cut the Cake (Single Edit) - Average White Band
67. Ain’t Too Proud To Beg – The Temptations
68. I’m Every Woman - Chaka Khan
69. Candy Girl (Mixed By: Arthur Baker & Maurice Starr) - New Edition
70. Written All over Your Face - Rude Boyd with Gerald Levert
71. Shake Your Groove Thing - Peaches & Herb
72. Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thing - Stevie Wonder
73. It’s A Shame - The Spinners
74. Love Ballad - L.T.D
75. Doo Wa Ditty (Blow That Thing) - Zapp
76. If I Had No Loot -Tony! Toni! Tone!
77. Meeting In The Ladies Room - Klymaxx
78. I’ll Be Good - Rene & Angela
79. I Wish - Stevie Wonder
80. Lovely Day - Bill Withers
81. Bad Girls - Donna Summer
82. Lost In Emotion - Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam
83. Get Ready - The Temptations
84. Turn the Beat Around - Vicki Sue Robinson
85. Every Little Step - Bobby Brown
86. Looking For A New Love (Radio Edit) - Jody Watley & Louil Silas Jr.
87. Back In Love Again - L.T.D. & Jeffery Osborne
88. Rhythm Of The Night - DeBarge
89. Play That Funky Music - Wild Cherry
90. Lean on Me (Rerecorded) - Club Nouveau
91. Call Me - Skyy
92. Fool’s Paradise - Meli’sa Morgan
93. September - Earth, Wind, & Fire
94. Soul of a Woman - Johnny Gill
95. Rock Wit’cha - Bobby Brown
96. The Cisco Kid - War
97. Run - Bell Biv Devoe
98. Roni - Bobby Brown
99. Saturday Love - Cherrelle & Alexander O’Neal
100. I Like - Guy
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lust (kinds of love)
Tony Stark x Reader
Part Four of the Kinds of Love Series
Summary: you and tony haven’t discussed your tryst. at all. in your head, you’ve rationalized it as a fluke - a drunken slip up. so when you’re home alone and tony gets back from a stark industries function, drunk, you’re not entirely expecting the way the night goes instead...
Characters/Pairings: tony/reader, james rhodes, friday
Warnings: smut, like a lot of smut, adult language, drinking, the reappearance of my apparent billy idol-during-sex fetish, tony is the hands-iest guy ever
Word Count: 3,745
Prequel - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 -
MARVEL MASTERLIST
“FRIDAY, can you play my second night-time playlist? The one of Spotify?” you asked the room as you opened the freezer, lips pursing as you considered its contents. You had the New Avengers facility to yourself for the night and had helped yourself to the contents to Tony’s bar around eight. It was after ten now, and you’d had three self-made margaritas and were happily buzzing just enough that ice cream was now the only thing that mattered to you.
You rolled your eyes at your options but helped yourself to a tub of Ben and Jerry’s all the same. Stark Raving Hazelnuts. Sure, you were living with him, but even when he wasn’t at home, you never could escape Tony Stark.
“Of course, Miss L/N,” came the friendly, automated response. “Would you prefer to begin with a particular song?”
“Just stick it on shuffle, please,” you said, grabbing a spoon out of the drawer as the first chords of Grand Funk Railroad’s remastered edition of I’m You Captain/Closer to Home started playing. You bopped your head along to the beat as you made your way to other side of the kitchen island when your book lay open. Hopping up onto the stool you’d just vacated you spooned some into your mouth.
“Eh, not bad,” you said to yourself, digging the spoon back into the tab as you considered the label. Tony smirked cockily up at you from under the logo, surrounded by stylized swirls of ice-cream and nuts. You blamed the tequila for the tiny smile you gave it in return. “Oh, don’t look so pleased with yourself, Stark. It’s no Triple Caramel Chunk.”
It had been a bit over two weeks since you’d woken up in Tony’s bed, and neither of you had addressed it since that morning. You’d showered and dressed, caught on your way out the door by Tony, still in a pair of sweats and without a shirt. He’d presented you with fresh brewed coffee, toasted bagels and scrambled eggs, and you’d hidden your blush and agreed to a hurried breakfast together before you rushed off to your other life at N.Y.U.
You’d seen him sparingly since then; the two of you were kept busy by your own personal and professional commitments. Every time you saw him you considered bringing it up before you remembered his recent breakup with Pepper, or the age difference, or your superhero careers. So, you just carried on like nothing had happened, stuck in a stalemate of just being friends.
“…I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free…”
You looked up as a new voice joined the one on the speakers. Tony strolled into the room, a crooked grin on his face and his voice pleasantly lilting. He was wearing a tailored, two-piece suit, the charcoal material complemented by an emerald tie and pocket square. The tie had been loosened slightly and the top button undone, baring the base of his throat and the barest hint of his chest. His smile widened as he spotted you. “Hell, gorgeous.”
You chuckled, shaking your head. It was clear from his too-loud voice and carefree smile that he’d been drinking. “Have fun tonight, Tone?”
He shrugged, pouring himself a generous glass of scotch at the bar. “Missed you.”
“Oh, please,” you rolled your eyes with a smile standing. You rested the small of your back against the edge of the counter. “I’m sure your night was way more fun than mine. Unless you think a night alone with Chaucer is a riot,” you added, gesturing to your book. Medieval Lit was kicking your ass.
Tony smiled at you over the lip of his glass, moving towards you. He stopped a foot or so in front of you. “No, but if I remember correctly, a night with you can be pretty exciting.”
You snickered, tucking hair behind your ear. You felt a light blush rise in your cheeks; this was the first time either of you had broached the subject. “That was smooth, Tone. Nice.”
“Cheers,” he replied, raising his glass before taking a drink. He glanced up at the speaker closest to him before meeting your gaze again, head tilted to the side. There was a slight, drunken edge to his movements and to his words, but he didn’t stumble or slur; it was just a… looseness. A kind of relaxed. “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover. Paul Simon. Are you thinking of leaving me, sweetheart?”
You raised a brow, giving him an amused smile, your fingers gripping at the edge of the counter. You released it with one hand to take his glass from him, holding his gaze as you took a sip.
“Is that what we are, Tony?” your voice was soft, almost intimate, but you couldn’t help the uncertainty that underscored it. “Are we lovers?”
“Is that what you want us to be?” he asked quietly, closing the distance between the two of you at an almost casual pace. Butterflies rose in your belly as he came to a stop in front of you, a few sparse inches between you. You could almost feel the heat of his body on yours as he took the glass from you and set it on the counter. Tony’s eyes were hooded, his gaze heavy; the way it travelled down your body before returning to your face made you clench. They met yours, flickering back down to your lips for a few, lingering seconds. His tongue slipped between his lips, wetting them.
“Tonight was terrible,” he said. Your lips crooked in a small smile and you reached out to touch his tie, almost as if you were considering the material.
“I’m sure it was glamorous.”
“Glamorous…” Tony repeated, watching your face. “Sure, it was glamorous. And dull and predictable just like every event I make an appearance at lately. Is it wrong that I just wanted to be here?”
You shrugged, your eyes still on your hands. You straightened his tie idly and smoothed your hands over his shirt. “Nothing wrong with wanting to be at home. I mean, it’s where the heart is, isn’t it?” you joked.
Tony let out a quiet, breathy laugh, cupping your cheek in his hand. You met his gaze again. “Not ‘home’ here. ‘Here’ here. With you.”
“Tony…” you said, swallowing. Your whole body was buzzing having him so close to you. “How much have you had to drink?”
He reached towards you, and your breath caught. But his hand passed you, and he held up the Ben and Jerry’s you’d abandoned so he could read the label. His lips curved in a wide, self-satisfied smirk.
“Don’t get too excited, Captain Ego,” you snarked dryly. “It’s the only flavor you had.”
“Mm-hmm,” his smirk didn’t falter, and he slowly placed it back on the countertop beside his glass and stepped in again. His body brushed against yours, warm and firm and familiar through the expensive material of his suit. One of his hands grazeed over your hip, gliding under your tee shirt to settle on your waist.
Tony leaned in to whisper to you, his breath tickling the sensitive flesh of your throat. “How’d I taste?”
The husky resonance of his voice sent a tingling sensation through the small of your back, and while the memory of his hand in your hair and your lips wrapped around him flickered in your mind, you couldn’t help but scoff at his words.
“Oh, now I know you’re drunk, Tony,” you laughed, smacking his chest. “There is no way that a sober Tony Stark would ev—”
Tony cut you off, his lips meeting yours eagerly, roughly. His fingers tightened on your waist, his other hand moving to your shoulder. You whined against his mouth, fingers curling around his tie again to encourage him closer.
You could feel his smile on your lips and his growing need against your thigh, and you felt your own want fluttering inside you. The counter edge was digging into your back as he pressed against you, but you ignored it, lost in the sensation of having Tony Stark kissing you once more.
“Tony…”
He pulled away from your lips to mark your throat with his teeth, the hand on your shoulder moving into your hair. You gasped at the teasing pain, felt his other hand slipping over your hip. It glided down your thigh, circling over your knee and slipping up between your thighs to part them. Even through your tights, the sensation was a wonderful torture.
“I told you I missed you,” he whispered, his teeth and tongue teasing your earlobe for a moment. His knee pushed between both of yours and he pressed his thigh against your centre. Tony’s hands found your hips again, urging you to move with him, against him. You sighed the beginnings of a moan as you ground against him.
“You saw me a few hours ago…” you mumbled, cupping his face in your hands and bringing his lips back to yours. He ground your hips against him, groaning against your mouth as you brushed against his crotch. He peppered kisses along your jaw desperately, fingers digging possessively into your flesh.
“Not like that,” he replied softly. Your shirt was riding up, your tights bunching in his hands. You braced your hands on his shoulders for leverage, rolling your hips over his thigh. “Missed you like this…”
Your breathing grew ragged as the coil inside you tightened; even through layers of fabric, you could feel the heat building.
“Having you like this…” he tugged your shirt collar to the side, burying his teeth in your collarbone for a moment before lathing his tongue over the mark he left behind. His breath was hot against your skin, intoxicating, and his fingers slipped between the two of you to slide against your centre and find your clit. “Touching you like this…”
“Fuck, Tony…” you moaned outright, and he grinned, kissing you again. You gripped at his hair, desperate for release.
Tony rested his forehead against yours, his breathing heavy. “Tell me you missed me, too, sweetheart. Please…”
There it was… sweetheart; the pet name made honeyed by his voice. You’d been craving it since you’d left that morning, but it hadn’t left his lips since.
“Tell me you missed me…” he murmured again, his fingers increasing their pressure on your clit. “Tell me, please…”
“I missed you,” you gasped, riding his hand. You were so, so close… “Jesus, fuck, Tony, I’ve missed you…”
His lips found yours again as you came, your whole body shuddering against him. He withdrew his hand slowly, pressing a kiss to the corner of your jaw. He withdrew enough to meet your eye, pushing hair away from your face gently. “That’s my girl.”
You flushed at his words, bracing yourself against the counter for support.
“Now turn around.” He said roughly, guiding you by the waist. Your hands don’t leave the counter, gripping it, and you whimper as you feel him press his body into your back, the length of him against your ass. He brushed his fingers over your shoulder, pushing your hair over your shoulder to bare the column of your neck to him.
You shivered as he pressed his lips to your throat, his hands skimming down your waist to your hips, his fingers hooking into your tights.
“Tony…?” you asked hesitantly as he pushed your tights and underwear down over your backside.
“You trust me, sweetheart?”
Your memory flickered to that desperately lost look in his eyes your first night together as he told you he didn’t know who to trust.
“You can trust me, Tony. You can trust me.”
“Always.”
“Then relax,” Tony says huskily, his hand sliding up your spine and under your shirt. He presses down, encouraging you to bend over, your stomach on the cool surface of the bench. He leans over you, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. “I got you, baby.”
You feel a flush of heat rekindle inside you at the new pet name, and a moan escapes you as he grips your ass with one hand. You hear his zipper lower slowly, your breath catching as you feel the head of his cock slide against your slit, brushing against your clit before settling at your entrance.
You whimpered, pushing back against him. He stopped you, his hands tightening on your hips.
“I need to hear you say it, Y/N. I want to hear you… oh….” He broke off in a groan as you wiggled your hips, and he gave your backside a light swat. “Behave yourself, sweetheart.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” you joked breathlessly, and he chuckled.
“Come on now, sweetheart. Let me hear it…”
“Please, Tony…” you relented, your voice almost a whine. “Please, I need you…”
“Good girl,” he murmured, and you could picture his smile. The two of you let out long, heady moans as he slowly sheathed himself inside you. his hand flattened against the middle of your back as he withdrew, pushing you into the hard surface as he withdrew, almost entirely.
He thrust into you again, agonizingly slow, and you heard him hum appreciatively. “You really do have excellent taste in music.”
It took you a moment to register the opening lines of Billy Idol’s Rebel Yell, and you shivered as Tony pushed into you again. You might have rolled your eyes if he could see your face. “Tony, please, just fuck me already.”
“Your wish,” you could hear the roguish grin in his voice, and he thrust into you, hard. “FRIDAY, turn it up.”
Tony’s fucked himself into you hard as the volume rose, his thrusts almost in time with Idol’s beat. His hand fisted in your shirt, holding you in place and pulling at the material until you felt the collar bite into your throat. Your hands searched blindly for something to grab hold of as you felt the tension build in your lower belly again; your wrist hit his glass, sending it and the Ben and Jerry’s to the floor.
It shattered, no doubt sending broken glass and scotch everywhere, along with the half-melted ice cream, but Tony seemed undeterred; he gave a guttural laugh and another smack to your ass, slightly harder this time.
“Unh…” you grunted at the sensation, your eyes rolling back in your head. His hands took hold of your wrists, bringing them both to the small of your back.
“I thought I asked you to behave yourself,” he growled, holding them in place with one hand, the other returning to your waist. The hold arched your back and your breasts bounced with each thrust; even with your shirt and bra still in place, the movement made your nipples brush against the cool surface of the counter.
“Tony, fuck, I’m gonna come,” you bit out through clenched teeth, and he cursed, his fingers tickling your waist. “Oh, my god…”
His thrusts slowed immediately, and you whined, attempting to push back with your hips as he slipped out of you. His hand met your ass again with a smack before he gripped the cheek, massaging it lightly. Tony leaned over you, his chest pressing against your back as he spoke in your ear.
“I need to see your face, sweetheart.”
“The couch?” You suggest, and he kissed your shoulder by way of answer, helping you stand.
“FRIDAY, take it down again,” he said, and the music became a quiet backing track to your actions. You still had your slippers on, but Tony took hold of your thighs, encouraging you to jump up and wrap them around his waist so he could carry you over the broken glass to the couch.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he told you as he lay you down, pulling your tights off completely. He tossed them to the floor as you pulled off your shirt; you parted your legs for him eagerly. Tony knelt between them, still fully dressed, and your breath shuddered as he pulled off his tie, his gaze holding yours.
You reached down to palm his erection as he removed his jacket and began unbuttoning his shirt; his eyes closed and his breath caught. “You fucking wreck me, you know that?”
You smiled coquettishly, fingers sliding over his cum-slick cock. “How do you think I feel?”
Tony chuckled as his lips met your again; this time the kiss was languid, slow and sweet. His tongue mingled with yours, your fingers curling his sweat-damp hair. His hand travelled over your thigh, hooking your knee up over his hip. You kissed your way along his cheek and jaw to his ear, rolling the lobe teasingly between your teeth. He sighed into your neck at the sensation.
Tony angled his hips to slide the length of his cock between your labia, brushing against your clit with every slow stroke. He touched your hip, your waist, your breasts, with gentle fingers, each touch leaving sparks tingling under your skin. His lips never left yours for long, his goatee tickling your chin, then your cheek as it he pressed a kiss to your temple.
You arched under him; your whole body ached with need. This was somehow more agonizing, more arousing, more intense than the way he’d pounded into you; every whispering sensation left you burning for more.
You pushed your hips up into him, a moan catching in your throat as he slid into you again. Tony’s lips fell to your shoulder, parting against your skin. Bracing himself above you with one hand, the other came to rest possessively on your hip. His nose skimmed along your throat before his lips met yours again.
Hands gripping at his biceps, you hummed into his kiss, breaking away only when his hips found the right angle. Your head fell back, your moans answered only with the sound of flesh meeting flesh and the mix of nonsensical adoration and filthy commendations Tony murmured against your throat.
“…perfect…” he whispered, teeth grazing against your sweat-sheened skin. “…so fucking perfect…”
His hips broke their rhythm as the two of you steadily built to climax, your voice hoarse and your throat dry as you came. Tony’s fingers tightened on your hip as he followed you, the arm bracing him shaking slightly. He rolled off of you almost immediately, kissing your temple again, and you giggled lightly as he managed to roll you onto your side and pull you into his chest.
His arms curled around your waist, and one hand gave your breast a teasing squeeze before you swatted it away. His answering laugh tickled your neck and danced through your back, and you pulled away only long enough to make you both more comfortable; a cushion tucked under your heads and the throw from the back of the lounge thrown over you both.
Your legs tangled with his as you settled again, and you smiled as he settled his face into the crook of your neck. You felt his nose bump lightly against your hair, and his lips on your shoulder. You covered his hands with yours, almost experimentally, a blush building in your cheeks as he interlaced your fingers.
Infamous playboy Tony Stark was a cuddler.
“You okay?” he murmured. You arched your neck, turning your head to press a quick kiss to the tip of his nose. He smiled as you settled back in his arms, releasing your hand for a moment to pull your hair away from your neck. “Good. FRIDAY?”
“Yes, Mr. Stark.” The AI replied, and the lights dimmed until the room was dark, and you closed your eyes.
You felt Tony’s lips move against your skin again in a faint whisper. “Missed you.”
***
“Mr. Stark,” FRIDAY’s pleasant voice pulled you from your sleep. You were still tangled on the couch with Tony, one hand still intertwined with his. The throw was halfway onto the floor, and the room was bright with natural light. Tony groaned beside you. “Lieutenant Colonel Rhodes has just arrived home from his outing with his old squad, sir.”
“Shit,” you muttered, trying to extricate yourself from under Tony’s stubborn arm. You’d gotten up in the middle of the night for water, and part of you blessed yourself for putting on your underwear and Tony’s button-down. Although, still not the best welcome-home image for Rhodey to walk in on Especially since, except for the throw, Tony was still completely naked. “Tony, for god sake…”
The bastard snickered sleepily against your back, and you froze as you heard Rhodey’s footsteps echoing over the marble floors.
“Tony, you in—what the hell did you do in here man?” you heard him call out, exasperated.
The man beside you sat up, running a hand through his hair. He yawned, grinning at his old friend over the back of the couch. “To be fair, that was Y/N’s fault.” You smacked him, still hidden from sight. His smirk widened as he looked down at you. “Wasn’t it?”
“Y/N…?” Rhodey asked in confusion, and you sighed.
“Damn it, Tony…” you sat up, giving Rhodey a sheepish smile, one hand trying to tame the back of your mostly-sleep mussed hair. “Hi, Rhodey.”
“Hi?” he replied. He had this amazing ability to look both confused and tired at the same time. “What am I looking at exactly? Are you two…?”
“Uh…”
“What you’re looking at is an attractive woman in a ridiculously overpriced shirt,” Tony said blithely, his arm snaking around your waist. You blushed, fastening another button over your chest. “Which I’d very much like to get her back out of, so—”
“Tony!” you admonished, the burning in your cheeks deepening. You were never going to be able to look Rhodey in the eye again. He ignored you, securing the throw around his waist and standing. He pulled you up with him, his arm slipping around your waist again, and you tugged the hem of his shirt lower.
“—you’re gonna have to tell me about your night with the rest of the Village People later.” Tony continued, his hand squeezing your side. “After we’ve showered.”
With that declared, Tony wrapped his hand around yours and tugged you away from the couch with a wink. You gave an embarrassed giggle, following him hastily out of the room without meeting Rhodey’s eye. You were halfway down the hall before you heard him shout.
“The Village People didn’t even have anyone from the military!”
.
.
.
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tags: @lovely-dreamer19 @spacesuitsforemergency @wittyforachange @wefracturedmotivation @january-echoes @fandoms-pizza-wifi-ym13 @magnificentmariposa @lol-you-thought @mikariell95
#iron man#tony stark x reader#tony stark#mine: fanfic#tony stark x you#iron man x reader#iron man x you#tony stark fanfic#tony stark fanfiction#tony stark imagine#iron man fanfic#iron man fanfiction#iron man imagine#marvel imagine#marvel fanfic#marvel fanfiction#avengers fanfic#avengers fanfiction#avengers imagine#marvel reader insert#avengers reader insert#the avengers#the avengers imagine#the avengers fanfic#the avengers fanfiction#the avengers reader insert
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Anniversary
How is this blog not dead fully yet? I blame the lot of you for it. Just let it die already.
No, but really, this blog was made 7 years ago, SEVEN YEARS AGO, even after a long two year drop, it’s somehow still up & kicking like never before. Honestly, it already all thanks to those lovely, lovely people who stayed close to me through the whole thing. You know who you three are, & thank you for staying by me through ALL of the crap I’ve put you through. The joys, the feels, all of it.
So, to celebrate this special occasion, a long time ago, I made a music list, which gave themes to my characters, locations & situations, as many others did. Now, I’ll be sharing another additions to the list, including some for characters that you all have yet to meet, so watch out for those spoilers. One can never have too much music in their lives, my friends! I hope you have a lot of free time, cause with this list you all might be here for a while listening to all the tracks~ Haha~
Well, first things first.
A̶͝n͘͡t̷̶į̡̀-́͘Ỳ̛͞ou͜. Dabble series inspirations:
Dead By Daylight Theme
Sorcery And Sudden Vengeance
Ira Deorum
Icarus
Blood Red Roses
Corrupt
v!Older Universe:
Long Live the Queen(Older Ann) - Killer Queen
Despair Monarch(Mature Sue) - Control
Legion of Blades(Stevenson, Medusa, Arachne, 4 unknown characters) - The Men of Intelligence
Abyssal Knights(unknown) - Shagaru Magala
!The Divine:
The Great Lord’s Hymn/Prayer Hymn(Yang) - Hymn of the Fayth Cover
Chant from the Abyss(Ying) - Hail the Nightmare
The Honored One - The Sending
The Gifted One - Deadman Wonderland
The Great White Dragon - 君臨天下
The Eternal Hydra - Incarnation of Evil
SUMMONED!(Ancient Beast Battle) - Summon Beast Battle ~Remastered~
Fallen:
Main Theme - At Long Last
Tears Stained Upon the Veil - Teary Edge
Where Worlds End - Otherworld
The Sky is Falling! - The First End
!Inter-Dimensional-Traveller:
He & She Who Loved(Ann & Bowen reunite) - Isn’t it Wonderful/Suteki de ne?
After 100 Years(Older Ann & The Madman reunite) - The Blossoming Season
Interlocked Souls(Older Bowen & Older Ann) - 心心相依
Sweet, Comforting Darkness(Sue & Oni) - Undisclosed Desires
!IshiraiALostPeople:
Chaos Befell(Ann takes down Lamashtu) - APOCALYPSIS NOCTIS
For the March to Come - Male Roar
Dread(Ereshkigal’s moments of despair) - 妾隨君去
Bitter Sweet, Comic Relief(Inanna’s shenanigans) - Mi’ihen Highway
And Thus was Truth(Inanna & Ereshkigal learn of Ann’s past) - 鳳凰于飛
Reborn Again(Ereshkigal bathes with Ann in the sacred spring) - 採蓮
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Gensokyo Festival Remastered: Tales from the Great Mountain
I wasn’t too happy with this story when I wrote it. It was all right, certainly, but kind of average. I rewrote the first section entirely and touched up the rest so it would flow better, so it should be pretty good now.
The Waterfall of the Nine Heavens sparkled in the morning sun as it flowed ceaselessly down over the mighty grey slopes of Youkai Mountain. Its waters fell past trees and dove under rickety wooden bridges to tumble into a deep, clear pool at the deepest end of Genbu Ravine.
The swampy valley stood still in the warm morning light; only the river snaking between the muddy banks and concrete quays was going anywhere in a hurry. The gentle roar of the hydroelectric dam was always there, joining the snores of a several hundred kappa to form the world's most relaxing din. Most of the kappa would be snoozing until midday in their warm paddling-pools and communal swamps.
By contrast, the high slopes were a hive of motion. Flocks of tengu were steaming rice and grilling meat in the village square, warming their wings on the rooftops or soaring out over the forests. The printing presses were already clanking into action as Aya dragged Hatate out of bed and Momiji brought her some bacon and eggs, purely to annoy Aya. It was going to be a day like any other.
A few minutes' walk along the mostly-traversible path from the tengu village, a young goddess gazed out over the valley, the river, the fields and forests below. The mountains in the distance seemed to be dripping with gold as the sun rose over their peaks.
The girl was awestruck. Nothing she'd ever seen in the Outside World could compare to the wonder of nature. Not even Neon Genesis Evangelion.
Everybody was so happy and peaceful, even when they were fighting, and for the first time in her life, the living goddess felt truly at home.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"
Sanae looked up in surprise as Kanako emerged from the ornate wooden shrine. The mighty storm goddess sat herself on the wooden decking, put her arm around Sanae's shoulders and gazed out over Gensokyo.
Sanae smiled. "You're so right. It's beautiful! I love Gensokyo so much!"
"And we live on the best mountain ever..." sighed Kanako.
"There's just so much Youkai Mountain to love! The grass, the boulders, the little streams, the waterfalls, the trees, the fairies...!" gushed Sanae.
"Oh, if only we could charge people for access! That'd make me the happiest goddess in the world!" cried Kanako, caught between desire and despair.
"...Um." Sanae had learned how to cope with Kanako's more mercantile moments. "Hey, Lady Suwako? Have you ever thought about charging for access to the beauty of nature?"
Kanako's eyes widened with horror. "Sanae, how could you think of-"
"Scourge Sign: Mishaguji-Sama!"
Sanae dove into the flower bed seconds before the shrine exploded. She'd been hoping Suwako would just have a few stern words with Kanako, but they did move in mysterious ways after all...
By-and-by, a storm brewed over the mountain.
"Now, that's rotten luck," sighed Momiji, handing her empty plate to the wolf tengu on washing-up duty. "I thought we had an agreement with that snake goddess! No storms during the Summer."
"I don't think it's Kanako's fault this time. Look up there!" cried Aya, pointing up over the highest rooftops to the stark grey slopes above. A red-and-green misfortune goddess was balanced on the very tip of the mountain, spinning so fast her whole body was a blur.
"Hi... Hina Kagiyama?! Up there?! We have to get rid of her!" Momiji drew her scimitar. "Aya, flank her from the rear! Hatate, get above her and pen her in with your stock images! I'll draw her fire!"
"Sorry, were you talking to me?" Aya was busy slotting a new reel of film into her camera. "Go ahead and pummel her. I'll just be over here."
Hatate gave her a look. "Don't blame us if your house gets washed away..."
"But Hatate, don't we live together?" said Aya sweetly. "Guess I won't bother getting your stuff out of the rain!"
"Rrrrgh! You-! You selfish, good for nothing bird-brain!" Momiji kicked at a random boulder, smashing it to rubble. "Fine, laze around while we fight bravely for queen and country. I'm sure that won't end badly for you."
"Don't let me keep you, then. Toodle-pip!" said Aya, waving cheekily.
Muttering furiously under her breath, Momiji stormed up the pinnacle of the mountain. Thanks to Hina, she stubbed three of her toes on the way. Hatate smashed face-first through several trees, getting all scratched and battered. She could hear Aya laughing at them both. Hatate sighed heavily, flew up and kicked Aya in the face.
"Hina! Oi, Hina!" Momiji grabbed one of the goddess's long ribbons and gave it a yank. Hina spun to a confused stop.
"Uh, c-can I help you?" Hina laughed nervously. "And can I have my shoulder-wrap back, please?"
"I'll say you can help me. Your misfortune is going to bring down the mountain!" snapped Momiji. "Well, um, theoretically. Look, we don't want you here!"
"What?! But it's so pointy!" whined Hina. "I can spin so well up here! How am I supposed to resist?!"
Momiji shrugged. "Willpower. It isn't my problem at the end of the day."
"That's easy for you to say. I'm not leaving, though." Hina retrieved her spell-cards. "Do you want to go, tengu? 'Cause I'm ready for you!"
"Count on it! Hatate, make sure you get my best side!" Momiji raised her sword above her head and flew at Hina.
#Touhou#writing#fanfiction#Touhou fanfic#Sanae Kochiya#Kanako Yasaka#Suwako Moriya#Hina Kagiyama#Aya Shameimaru#Hatate Himekaidou#Momiji Inubashiri
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Why the GoldenEye 007 Remaster Was Cancelled
https://ift.tt/3oMuZz5
If you’ve been keeping an eye on video game social media over the last few days, you’ve probably spotted this video of a YouTuber playing a remaster of GoldenEye 007.
While many people were quick to call this remaster “fake” or merely a fan-made tribute, recent evidence strongly suggests that this is the remains of an official attempt to remaster GoldenEye 007. Naturally, that information has left many people wondering why such an incredible remaster of such a beloved game never saw the light of day despite the fact that it appears to be nearly finished.
The answer to that question is complicated, controversial, and heartbreaking for legions of GoldenEye 007 fans who have been waiting for the chance to play one of the best multiplayer experiences ever released on a Nintendo console. Ultimately, though, it’s a story you have to hear.
What is the GoldenEye 007 Remaster?
The GoldenEye 007 remaster is an updated version of the 1997 N64 classic. It appears to be the same game content-wise (aside from a few additional multiplayer maps and a couple of relatively minor features), but it has been updated to feature 60 FPS gameplay, a 16:9 ratio, and various visual improvements. It’s been said that the remaster was designed similarly to the Halo remasters, which is to say that a team essentially just swapped out a few parts of the original ROM. Like those Halo games, the Goldeneye 007 remaster even offers the ability to swap between the old and new visuals on the fly.
The reason we know so much about this remaster (and the reason it’s been in the news lately) is that a YouTuber called Graslu00 uploaded a full playthrough of the seemingly lost project. While footage of the remaster had been uploaded online before (more on that in a bit), this was the first time that most people outside of Rare had seen it played from start to finish.
The extent of that footage (as well as the quality of the remaster itself) inspired many fans to ask new questions about this canceled remaster that many people long suspected had been abandoned before it could be completed.
When Was the GoldenEye 007 Remaster Developed?
Before we go further, now is the time to clarify that some of the answers to these questions are based on loose information and more than a little speculation.
With that out of the way, the public conversation about this remaster really heated up in 2008 when EGM’s rumor mill turned out a brief mention of a GoldenEye remaster that had seemingly been canceled by Rare. A 2008 article from 1UP elaborates on this story by suggesting that the game was just a couple of months away from being released on XBLA for Xbox 360 before the plug was pulled. Uncovered files suggest that work on the remaster began as early as 2007.
However, there are a couple of details in that story that don’t gel with what we know now. For instance, the 1UP article notes that the “XBLA version would have featured the same graphics, maps, and weapons from the N64 version” and that the big selling point would have been the “crucial addition of online multiplayer over Xbox Live.” That doesn’t seem to describe the footage of the remaster that we’ve seen years later.
So far as that goes, there are two things to consider. The first is that some of the information available in 2008 was simply incorrect. This really seems like the most likely factor given how much information on this subject was known at that time.
It should also be noted that the remaster itself has been improved in some ways by modern emulators. While I won’t name drop some of the emulators and uploaders involved with this process, it’s clear that some of the visual fidelity that we see in these uploads wouldn’t have existed in 2008.
Still, the bulk of the remaster footage certainly seems to be based on the game that Rare quietly worked on sometime around 2007 and ultimately had to abandon just a few months before it could have been released.
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Why Was the GoldenEye 007 Remaster Cancelled?
Unlike some of the details regarding the GoldenEye 007 remaster’s development, we actually know quite a bit about why it never got released simply due to the fact that Rare has talked about it a lot over the years.
For instance, in a 2008 interview with Videogamer.com, Rare engineer Nick Burton clearly stated that the game’s cancellation ultimately came down to licensing:
“I kind of wished that the differences got sorted out, but obviously there’s the licensing issue for Bond, even if it’s something that’s already come out,” said Burton. “It’s incredibly hard to solve because there are so many license holders involved. You’ve got the guys that own the license to the gaming rights now, the guys that have the license to Bond as an IP, and there are umpteen licensees. Me, just personally, I thought, ‘God, that’s a difficult problem to solve.'”
Over the years, the narrative regarding those licensing problems boiled down to the idea that Nintendo and Microsoft (who owned Rare by the time this remaster was in development) simply couldn’t agree on a deal that allowed either to re-release GoldenEye. This story is seemingly supported by a 2006 MTV interview with Reggie Fils-Aime in which the former Nintendo of America president stated that he’d “love to see [GoldenEye 007] on virtual console” but that “there are a lot of issues there.”
That quote reinforces the idea that between Rare being a Microsoft owned company, Nintendo publishing the original GoldenEye 007, and EA and Activision controlling the gaming rights to the Bond franchise in later years, there were just too many moving pieces that had to come together for the remaster or a re-release to ever happen.
What’s interesting is that many people seem to think that the reason Rare couldn’t release the GoldenEye 007 remaster on XBLA or as part of the Rare Replay collection is simply that Nintendo ultimately failed to give the port their blessing. That idea makes some sense as it would seem that Microsoft and Nintendo would be the two major players involved in a deal over that specific Bond game. On top of that, a remake of GoldenEye 007 that was published by Activision was released exclusively on Nintendo Wii in 2010. That remake reinforced the suggestion that Nintendo ultimately blocked the Goldeneye 007 remaster from being released.
cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });
Is Nintendo Really to Blame for the GoldenEye 007 Remaster Never Being Released?
While Nintendo does seem to be a factor in this story, leaker Graslu00 shut down the idea that this is all Nintendo’s fault in an extensive message that they recently reposted on Twitter.
I've updated the pinned comment on my longplay video regarding "Nintendo and the cancellation of XBLA".
I'd appreciate it if you gave it a read before saying that Nintendo is the main issue and I misunderstood or simplified the problem, I did not.
Thank you. pic.twitter.com/79wPyHEU8r
— Graslu00 (@Graslu00) January 31, 2021
If you can’t read that message, it basically says that even if Nintendo and Microsoft had struck a deal, they’d still have to deal with MGM and Eon Productions who had their own concerns about James Bond video games. Those concerns may have required Rare to alter the original GoldenEye in ways that would have almost certainly hurt the game in the minds of many fans. The idea of a remaster of GoldenEye with “no cheats, no use of Bond theme, and no good vs good characters in multiplayer” certainly doesn’t sound appealing.
While there is some debate regarding the exact content restrictions placed on Bond games, this isn’t the first time we’ve heard of such restrictions. In a 2020 interview with GamesIndustry.biz, Adam Foshko (Activision’s director of story development when they controlled the Bond gaming rights) explains that making Bond games requires adhering to certain ideas of the character.
“Bond is unique because the IP holders have a very particular view on Bond as a character and how he should be used,” said Foshko. “Having worked with them, it’s more about: ‘How does Bond get out of a situation?’ rather than: ‘Can Bond shoot a guy in the face?’ It comes down to the goals and things that are unique and special about Bond in particular — even though people would like to play Bond in a situation.”
Restrictions aside, the other factor that doesn’t get referenced all that much is Rare’s interest in such a project. In a 2015 interview with Polygon, Rare operations director Drew Quakenbush noted that one of the reasons GoldenEye wasn’t included in the Rare Replay collection is that the studio chose to focus on “characters and worlds that Rare made independently” when selecting the games for that collection. He says that the issue “wasn’t necessarily licensing” and that “GoldenEye doesn’t really fit tightly in with that particular boundary that we put on there.”
Even if licensing is more of an issue than Rare was willing to suggest, this idea that Rare wants to somewhat distance themselves from GoldenEye certainly isn’t new. In that 2008 interview with VideoGamer.com, Nick Burton is asked “Does GoldenEye almost haunt the studio?” Here is his response:
“No, not at all. I wouldn’t say indifference. It’s nice to see people still talk about it. But I also think, and a lot of us think this, that you look back at it and it’s still good fun to play, but if I played it now with my gaming tastes as refined as they are now, would I still have the same reaction or have I really got rose-tinted spectacles on? It’s almost impossible to separate one from the other. I still look at it and think, no, it’s got great level design for instance, but then you think I’m saying that because maybe the control feels really good, but it’s not perfect. But it’s not perfect because the frame rate wasn’t high enough. It’s very difficult to separate your memory. As someone coined at work the other week. ‘You need some brain bleach’ so you can get rid of the memory.”
From everything I’ve seen, the issue basically comes down to a combination of licensing problems, content restrictions, and willingness. The long and short of it is that many people see GoldenEye 007 as a time capsule that has proven to be especially difficult to dig up and preserve.
Can You Play the GoldenEye 007 Remaster?
Recently, outlets and players have revealed that a full, working version of the GoldenEye 007 remaster has been leaked online and is currently playable.
While the process of downloading and playing the game is complicated and almost certainly wouldn’t be approved by anyone with controlling interest in this game’s license, it’s already clear that the game files are rapidly spreading online and is generally well-received by fans so far despite its obvious rough edges.
It should also be noted that those interested in playing a more modern version of GoldenEye should absolutely check out the GoldenEye: Source fan project which remakes the N64 game using Valve’s Source engine. It’s a brilliant experiment that almost perfectly captures nearly everything that made GoldenEye 007 special while updating the game in ways that even this remaster necessarily does not.
The post Why the GoldenEye 007 Remaster Was Cancelled appeared first on Den of Geek.
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The Last Jedi thoughts
It’s been a week and I’m still on the fence with this movie. Everytime I think I’m getting over the disappointment and starting to enjoy what was good there, I come across some review that’s like “THIS IS THE GREATEST STAR WARS MOVIE EVERRRR!!! ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING!” and it flares up again. I feel like I’m in the Gombrowicz’s tale, “how is it breathtaking, when it’s not breathtaking?! how is it beautiful, when it’s not beautiful? how is Rian Johnson a great director, when he’s the worst one since George Lucas?”. I need to get away from any discourse about this movie, or I’ll end up hating it. And it doesn’t deserve my hatred, because it’s not really a bad movie.
Bitter Me: *whispers* Luke Skywalker.
Me:
So I’ll just put my feelings here and move on. Under the cut, ‘cause lots of spoilers and overhelming bitterness, tho nothing new, others said all that already, so ignore as you wish.
“Star Wars: A New Hope” was the first movie I watched in cinema. No, I mean the remastered version from 1997, I’m not that old. But, yeah, Star Wars were the movies of my childhood, and are still among my favourite stories ever. After surviving the rocky Prequel Trilogy during my teenage years, I was excited to be brought back to the universe, and while The Force Awakens was redundant as far as the storyline goes, it won me over with the visuals. I made a conscious decision not to get attached to any of the new characters, because I felt there wasn’t enough to know about them. Besides, in the past Luke Skywalker didn’t became my favourite character until the second movie, so I figured I had the time to fall in love with them until I saw more.
Nice Me: Look at this one, he’s played by your favourite actor.
Bitter Me: That one is garbage.
Bitter Me: I’ll just wait to see the whole story. Maybe others will do something extra.
Nice Me: Like what? Blow up the Starkiller Base? Risk their life to save friends? Talk to Darth Vader’s helmet?
Bitter Me: Lose a limb.
(Btw, did you notice the advancement of the medical treatment in Last Jedi? The guy gets slashed through the back and wakes up mere days later just fine, other barely gets a scar…
Bitter Me: at least they are consistent with that.)
So, going in to see the Last Jedi, I had open mind, no expectations for the story, because Star Wars - aka the series that always makes it to the top of the lists of biggest plot twists ever - and I knew nothing besides what was shown in the trailer. And yet, I made one mistake. I saw someone’s tweet about how it’s the best Star Wars movie since the Empire…
Bitter Me: …and then I spent first hour trying to understand, where did this guy saw that greatness, because it just wasn’t there.
I’ve got the biggest gripes with the editing, cinematography, and directing in general. You see, this series, however bad the movies were, they at least were visually stunning. They had certain style and flow - despite all the action, there were always slower scenes, a bit more nostalgic, giving you time to soak up the visuals and feel the emotion. Johnson fails at that repeatedly. The edit at the beging is very rushed, the scenes chopped, and set-up of some could’ve been better. Even Ahch-too, which was amazingly shot in previous film, here becomes a more of clustered and claustrophobic set.
Nice Me: But there are some magnificient shots. The admiral Holdo launching into hyperspace - absolutely beautiful. The pretorian guards fight - one of the best lightsabers fights. The Crait scenes with crystals and everything.
Bitter Me: which just angers me more, because if he’s capable of pulling of shots like that, why the whole movie isn’t equally beautiful???
Nice Me: But the Leia in vacuum scene starts beautiful too. I’m ecstatic that we finally have an undisputed proof that Leia is not only force sensitive, but she actually mastered the use of it. It would have been really interesting to see more of her in the next movie, might she have become a teacher Rey needs...
Nice Me:…but then the latter half of that scene is shot in such a way, it comes of as silly and utterly dumb. The guy is just bad at showing visions.
Nice Me: Breath. Just breath.
Bitter Me: …that one was horribly edited.
Nice Me: But the scene at dark place at AhchToo was impressive…
Bitter Me: …as a trick shot with no substance that leads to nowhere. He could have used some of that creative visuals for the Force Skype scenes, they were edited in such bland manner…
Nice Me: …you’re complaining about that because it reminded you of Alina and Darkling having identical force bond in Grisha, down to the shirtless scene…
Bitter Me:… as bad as that was, Bardugo at least gave a good explanation of how it was possible.
Nice Me: Snoke did it.
Bitter Me: I recognize the narrative need to create such connection between them, I just think it could have been done in a more artistic way visually.
Bitter Me: Rian is praised for the daring and innovative writing of this movie. And yet the main plot can be summed as: they are evacuating the rebel resistance base, escape - but not far, cause they can’t enter hyperspace, so they sneak into evil ship and try to turn off tracking beam, and then seek hidding on a nearby planet. Yep, I’ve never seen a star wars movie with a plot like that.
Bitter Me: So what’s so daring here? destroying all the symbols of the star wars franchise? Making Luke grumpy and acting against his very core?
Bitter Me: Look, I’m not so much against making Luke a space hobo hermit, who no longer wants to train Jedi, it‘s possible to have such turn after you tried and failed. But I have everything against Luke trying to murder Ben, because he’s too powerful and tempted to the dark side. Luke did everything he could to save his father, who was far deeper on the Dark side. Luke was himself tempted by it, and resisted it. Luke would have done everything to save Ben, but he would not draw a lightsaber on him…
Nice Me: But he says it was a flitting feeling, just a moment of weakness, he regrets deeply…
Bitter Me: What exactly young Ben Solo had done to lead Luke to even consider such an act? We are only told the dark side was rising in him, and that’s sounds vague as hell.
Look, The Star Wars at it’s core were a story about hope - that there’s good even in a bad person, about redemption, and unwavering familial love. Luke was the embodiment of that, and that scene goes directly against it.
If he so insist on having such a drastic turn for Luke, he should’ve made us understand, how did it happen. We should’ve seen more of young Ben Solo, and their dynamic prior to the break. It would serve both their characters and story overall better than this cheap shot for the shock value, so we, like Rey, would cry: You have created Kylo Ren???
But, honestly, if Rian is oh-so-clever and daring writer, he could’ve come up with a better, more complex backstory for Luke and Ben’s breakdown.
Bitter Me: and besides Luke’s arc here? The big lesson he learns? „the real great master let’s his students grow beyond him.” That’s such a simple one, so obvious, it’s dumb and annoying, not worthy to be Luke’s final arc. He was wiser than that. Luke was never about being great and powerful, he rejected offers to became such through dark side, he left his jedi training because his friends were more important to him. Why would he be afraid of his student becoming more powerful than him?
Nice Me: But Luke is great. Like when he says „what do you expect me to do? show up and wave my lightsaber, and they will all run off scared?”, he might be mocking the heroic ways and everyone’s expectations, but if you look back, he achieved his biggest win in the Original Trilogy by tossing asside the lightsaber and refusing to fight.
Bitter Me: …and then he goes and does excatly, what he mocked: shows up, wave the lightsaber and scare off the pesky First Order.
Nice Me: And it was EPIC! And the shoulder brush! hilarious!
Bitter Me: yeah, yeah. Btw, was that their first meeting since Luke tried to murder Ben? so he just like that, shows up, mocks Kylo’s powerlessness, fights him and then promises to forceghost hunt him for eternity?
Nice Me: What do you want him to do?
Bitter Me: …I don’t know, APOLOGIZE for trying to murder him?
Nice Me: fine, but this is still about redemption and love and hope. Rose says: That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love. It’s a great quote.
Bitter Me: Then who is saving Kylo? whose there left to love him? Rey, walking off on him, closing door on him? Leia, giving up on him, saying we need to kill him? What mother would say something like that? Leia would say something like that? The princess who was always compassionate, and hugging everyone around? Who spent all the previous film insisting on bringing Ben back?
Nice Me: She says it in a tone that suggests she’s not believing it herself. like she’s trying to convince herself, because others expect that of her, because he’s a threat to them all. And Luke counters it immedietly.
Bitter Me: …It’s still there.
Nice Me: …and there’s still third movie. The story is in progress.
Nice Me: At least Snoke is dead. That was GREAT. He always felt like this unnecessary ouside evil force, that people can conveniently blame for all the bad things done, just kill him and everythings gonna be bright and shiny again. By removing him so early, they made way and time to explore more complex evil inside us, err, characters, or harder to spot like the riches benefiting from the ongoing war. That’s a nice storytelling turn.
Nice Me: And Rey as a random nobody is a joy for my heart, because I’m a bit done with Chosen One trope, where hero’s been destinated for heroics on the qualms of being born a prince or noble or someone powerful. I’ve had hard times connecting with such characters, because I myself never felt born special.
(Bitter Me: Then how did you end up liking Luke, the very icon of Chosen One trope?
Nice Me: Loss of the limb.)
Bitter Me: okay, but that was only told to us, just like Rey’s vision of Kylo’s future. Told, not shown. I mean, given how bad Rian is at visions, it would be cringey, but still it’s a movie, use the visuals to convey the information. Not everything needs to be telegraphed, did we really need that guy liking the rocks on Crait to know it’s salt? Who cares it’s salt? That was distracting.
Nice Me: …that was to bring the attention to the footprint…
Bitter Me: …the big zoom on it did that just fine. The joke was unnecesary.
Bitter Me: Actually half the jokes were unnecessary. The humour was crude, often misplaced and under cutting the drama of the scenes. They say it was needed to balance out the dark themes this movie deals with, but in my opinion the previous movies dealt with the same dark drama, and yet used humour in a less forced nor cynical way. Some say it felt more like a Marvel movie, and true, that’s how it felt.
Nice Me:…but you loved Thor Ragnarok - for it’s humour exactly.
Bitter Me: one, Thor used humour with better placement and sense of purpose, didn’t try to undercut the emotional impact of the scenes with it. Two, it was a Marvel movie - you expect such humour, because that’s their style. Going to the Star Wars you expect Star Wars - great visuals, action scenes, emotions, feelings, not disgusting alien cow. It’s anti-climatic.
Besides, why are we so ashemed of pure emotions and drama, that we need to undercut it with gags and jokes? why there must be a wink, „yeah, we did this serious scene, but we’re not sure we got it good enough, people might mock us for it, better mock ourselves first.” For gods sake, dare to be honest. If it’s serious, heroic, epic, let it be such!
Nice Me: The latter half of the movie was great, tho. Rey using force in non-combat way to move rocks and save friends, nice way to turn joke around into something beautiful. All of them coming together on Millenium Falcon board. Luke’s death with the suns setting, making nice parallel to the sunset at Tatooine long ago at the begining of his journey. That last scene about the power of storytelling, I cried a little, it was so moving…
Bitter Me: … the storytelling about what? Self-righteous jedi deciding who is worthy of forgivness or chance for redemption, and who to finish off while they’re still a kid and asleep? About mothers giving up on their sons? About destroying everything that once was sacred, stripping it of the value? It’s all clever writting, but without understanding the soul of the Star Wars, without keeping it’s core sacred, it came of shallow.
Nice Me: shhh, calm down. It’s just a movie.
Bitter Me: How did we come to the Star Wars being just a movie? just a story? quite ironic, in the context of that ending scene.
Magic is gone.
Nice Me: Come on, Let’s watch it again, maybe you’ll like it better. There’s a cute orange murderball...
Bitter Me: …and my fave actor gets trashed around. Fine, let’s watch it again.
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