NIER GOES TO COSTCO

excerpts from a short fanzine i did

you can read the full thingyu here

me at work #ugh#ughh #blahugh#ughhh #Repost @asis with @get_repost ・・・ All. The. Time. https://www.instagram.com/p/B5x9HDtgRPY/?igshid=19k67jsc4sk63

Therapy is Good.

I decided it will be helpful for me to take notes on how my therapy sessions went, so I can keep track of all the things we talk about. I feel like the sessions are so emotionally and mentally draining that I have a hard time recollecting what exactly we discussed if I don’t write it down soon after the appt. 

But as I am writing down what we discussed this evening, it feels like a lot of things are surfacing and I am discovering a lot of things. My therapist, Y, said these sessions are to make space for my suffering. And I had to fight an instant recoil from that statement, had to stop myself from minimizing my suffering and saying that there are worse things out there. I am so TIRED of how I minimize my emotional baggage. I’m still fighting it. I also have to fight the urge to defend the very people who are problematic in my life, even as I love them and they love me. 

For me, I want my therapy sessions to be about no holds barred truth-telling, as I have experienced it. In order for me to do that, I cannot minimize, distort, or defend what other people’s intentions may be. I can only tell my side of the story--this is the starting point in my healing. And this may be a different approach than for other people. This approach is very tailored for my emotional healing--simply because my experience with emotional baggage has been to stifle it and to tell myself that there are worse problems out there- which doesn’t help with my own healing at all. 

BLAHUGH. But I will say that this is one of the best things I have done for myself--potentially the best thing I have done for myself. Therapy is so so so good. Having the space to discuss what I am struggling with, what I face, what I experience, has been so healing simply from the hope it gives me. It’s still early on in my therapy sessions that we are still getting to know each other, but I already feel the healing.