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delopsia · 1 year

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🍗 i haven’t written anything in like a thousand years but i really hope these are the type of abnormal headcanons you were looking for!

rhett is “whatever they had at the gas station” but make it crunchy. cowboy seems like a snacker to the max, like, the only meal this man ever really wants to eat or cares about eating is whatever cecilia makes for dinner. this is a man who gets up before dawn and can’t even think about food before eleven (never mind actually having any time to sit and eat a real breakfast most days) and when he does it’s never from a plate; grazing like a gazelle type eats. maybe around eleven-thirty he’ll hit up a pouch of trail mix or something. he actually likes raisins thank you very much and definitely prefers honey nut sweet n’ salty chex mix to any of that fake m&m or chocolate chip addition weirdness. when he’s not absentmindedly crushing a family sized bag of jalapeño cheetos, spicy honey mustard combos, or old faithful (pork rinds), he can be found stealing bites from whatever you’re eating whether you’re into it in the beginning or not. the first time it happened a few months into your relationship you almost caught his wrist with your fork and looked at him like he was out of his goddamn mind. “i asked you if you were hungry...” you explain when his brows furrow into that cute ass grumpy puppy emoji face he swears he doesn’t do. he just sighs and tucks back into the booth seat across from you on his phone and lets you eat it in peace... but you can’t stop thinking about it and this and him and before you know it you’re cutting a good bite of pancakes off the stack and holding it up to him. those big blue irises flick up, a little smile tugs at his lips before he opens wide and hums in delight at the soft buttery syrupy diner brunch. rhett tries not to look like the cowboy who caught the flapjack when you ask for another set of cutlery.

okay... i’d say my beloved bobby is the complete opposite: a real meal kinda guy. he’s southern and eats like it (affectionate). he likes it all: spicy, sweet, finger-lickin’, hearty, comfortably full-bellied, might think about taking a nap afterwards type eats. barbecues, (i don’t headcanon bob as being religious so maybe post mission dagger squad potlucks with his mama and sister recipes that he he picked up over the years), holidays, etc. but back to the matter at hand, i can totally see him being fast food chicken sandwich fiend. if the place he finds himself in has one he’ll try it. he doesn’t believe any place has The Best chicken sandwich because that’s his mama's all day everyday and there’s absolutely no competition. but they’re all pretty good in their own way regardless. when he’s home on leave and gets the inevitable craving for a mcdonald’s chicken sandwich specifically, it’s a bit of a production. you were with him one of these times and off you went to find the ol’ golden arches. he was polite as pie in the drive thru because of course and when he asks for extra napkins at the end you suspect they actually gave them because of it. he parks in the back corner of the lot like teenagers and you feel a little giddy. he kisses you and starts unloading the bag; his two crispy chicken sandwiches and a quarter pounder with mac sauce and cheese. they actually put extra mayo and pickles on both of his sandwiches which surprised you and you’re about to say as much when he opens them up to stack them together arranging the pickles and all between the sturdier looking of the two buns. you try not to get distracted when he licks the mayo from his fingertips and asks of you could uncap the bottle of hot sauce right there “please, darlin’” and when you look down as if it magically appeared there sat a small half-finished bottle of frank’s red hot xtra. you jokingly call him crazy as he heavy-hands the liquid cayenne onto the sandwich and just about unhinges his jaw to take a bite. he nods, chews and says “but that’s why ya love me...” like he wants you to mean it but also like he could let it roll off like a joke. you stare at his side profile as starts going as red as his hot sauce. “yeah,” you whisper, an thread of finality weaving through your words, “that’s why i love ya.”

!! oh this was so cute to read; I literally had walk out the room and get my head on straight because I started melting midway through. I love every word you've said😭

Rhett, the food thief! I never even thought about it until you mentioned it; there's no way he isn't one. The first time we even see him in the show, we literally watch him walk in and steal a piece of Amy's bacon. What's to stop him from reaching over and stealing a piece of your food? I rest my case, your honor 💃

I love love the headcanon of him being a snacker that just grazes all day. Eats one meal a day but has countless snacks before and after. Probably keeps them hidden, too, because there's nothing more annoying than looking for a snack that someone's already eaten. The pork rinds are in the glove box; the trail mix is hidden in the tack room. You're only aware of this because you walked into the shed and found him pulling that bag of jalapeño Cheetos out of what's supposed to be a toolbox. As soon as he sees you, he just...quietly looks at the bag, then back to you, holds it out, and goes, "do you want one?"

So that's how you wind up as a member of the Hidden-Snack Alliance™

Now that you've said it, I can't unsee it. Bob. Sweet, sweet bob who could eat an entire horse and still be hungry. The type of guy that finishes your food for you when you're full and don't want to take the leftovers home. He doesn't even have to ask after a while; all you have to do is give him a short nod. Leftovers? Not on Robert's watch.

Do you think he has a list? Because I feel like he's got a whole list on his phone, ranked from best to worst, with detailed reasons why, and it's always changing, but it always says "Moms :)" in the #1 slot. "Bob, is the chicken sandwich from here any good?" "Only if you like getting food poisoning, sweetheart."

Kisses!! before he ever touches his food! I have left the building, never to be seen again. He straight-up has his own "secret menu" item AND has the Frank's Red Hot Xtra on standby. If you look hard enough, there's probably a gallon container of it in the back of the cabinet, and he just refills the same bottle over and over.

He's crazy, but most importantly, he's crazy for you.

#i am GONE i have PASSED AWAY #this is my favorite thing i have ever received #How are we supposed to live laugh love without these two men??#if tumblr's post editor crashes one more time i will PERSONALLY drive to their headquarters and take a bite out of the first person i see #rhett abbott #bob floyd #robert floyd #robert bob floyd #rhett abbott headcanons #robert bob floyd headcanons #bob floyd headcanons #delgato's asks

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viiixs · 10 months

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some flying guillotine hcs??

silly mischievous man x silent man

(opt) how would they interact with requiem 👀

- ✨💅

General Flying Guillotine HCS

— XTRA; meeting and interactions with REQUIEM

!! warning – mentions of corpses, smoking, blood

« HCS »

» Flying Guillotine is a very feared name in China Town, you never know when They’ll appear and when They do, its often said to not get in their way nor rat them out. if you’re feeling a little too adventurous for your own safety, perhaps you’ll have to wish your prayers of love will reach your family and loved ones before you meet your end. They’re said to be the Nightmare of China Town.

» They both work under Lady Thirteen, The China Town Beauty, as Her Hit men. They would do anything just to clear the speck of dirt in Her name, whether if They had to get their hands bloodied up in the process. Lady Thirteen was a mere celebrity in China Town, seen as perfect and Elegant. yet who knew that She would actually be their Boss?

» They work for Lady Thirteen as a way to repay her for what she has done for them in the past. It was during a difficult time in both their Lives and ever since then, They started to work for Her. yet theres a small rumor that spread like wildfire, that Flying Guillotine is trying to find Lady Thirteen and Hurt her. Many Residents of the Town have feared and prayed for that Rumour to be nothing more but a false narrative that was created just for a scare. yet who knows? no one knows the true intentions of Flying Guillotine and their main goal in the first place, not even Lady Thirteen herself in that matter.

…………………

» starting off strong with their dynamic being absolutely like a cat and dog one. you have FG!Wujiu whose just tired + no energy while FG!Bi’an has tons of energy.

» during off days, Bi’an would usually ask Wujiu if He’s up to check some places in the area, relax in the Tea-House or have a nice game of cards. Wujiu would usually (mostly) say yes, but in some cases He would just be too tired.

» Flying Guillotine are smokers, if you couldn’t tell. They would usually smoke to cool off some steam and thats about it, well, there would be some occasions where They would just want to smoke for no reason or they just feel like it.

» if cigarettes aren’t available, they would usually just lay around in the Tea-House to drink Tea or to grab a bite. Fan Wujiu usually opts for something filling while Xie Bi’an chooses something light. They usually use it as their resting place during closing hours since it’ll just cause havoc if they come in during working hours, besides, Lady Thirteen owns the place. so another reason would be so they could discuss business with Her.

» when doing actual business per se, They usually tend to avoid public spaces as it’ll just lead to more suspicion. imagine going to the market just to get some fruit, and you just see an unconscious body right infront of you. either way, not really pleasant.

» If they have no choice whatsoever, They’d usually clean up the evidence (or atleast try to) when they have the time. if the blood is way too cemented on the ground, They usually just leave it be. sure, it can still hold suspicion which contradicts to their actual plan, but atleast its not a literal body.

» Their Missions usually go smoothly, until a certain distraction has been showing up.

» It was no other than Requiem. Requiem and Flying Guillotine are in no good terms. Their bosses, True Proof and Lady Thirteen has also some vendetta against eachother aswell, which lead to a rivarly between the two groups. so maybe that also adds onto that.

» Their meetings are pure coincidences. if they do happen to meet, It’ll just be laced with pure annoyance with a spat exchange of words.

» maybe a glare, maybe a side eye, who knows. Their Interactions with the pair have always been Limited due to their respective Missions. They could maybe get into good terms, yes. but with how things are happening, its doubtful. but not impossible.

NOTE: GETS DOWN ON MY KNEES

ANNNNOOONNN IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO MAKE THIS SOB SOB, I PROMUSE IT WAS ON MY MIND I JUST KEPT PROCRASTINATING. ITS ON ME.

anyway hi im sorry for not posting for like a monrh or something writers block got me feeling different, and also because i should tell myself to stop adding scenarios/fanfics to almost all my requests when i see fit. because it definitely slows down my pace when it comes to writing. anyway!!

i also apologize if this was? idk prettu bland or its not what you’re wanting, anon. but i really had nothing in mind and just… went with it.

i’m also super happy requiem is finally getting a little more attention. since last time when i wrote here (2021?) He barely had anything. so its very nice since hes my fav wu chang skin! :3

also, i do still have some more guillotine headcanons i didnt add. for instance, i headcanon Wujiu usually asks Bi’an to help braid his hair and stuff like that. but this’ll suffice. (hopefully)

#identity v #identity v headcanons #idv scenarios #idv wu chang #identity v wu chang #wu chang #skin hcs #xie bian #fan wujiu #identity v imagines

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fwacchi · 2 years

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If possible can I pls request D and X for kanae, kuzuha and shu?

[please read!!!]: ok i really do not know about the pets part, especially for Shu😭 i don't think i've ever watched any clip that mentions what animal he likes or what he doesn't, so if i made a mistake, please enlighten me!

100 followers event request

pairings: Kanae, Kuzuha, Shu Yamino x gn!reader

letters: D and X

genre: fluff

Kanae

D = Domestic (How much do they help around in the house?)

You can expect him to help you around the house a lot.

You don’t even have to ask him for help and he’s already giving you a hand at whatever you’re doing.

You’re washing the dishes? He’ll dry it for you. You’re folding the laundry? He’ll help you with it, no problem.

He just loves helping you and he doesn’t even consider it to be an annoying chore.

X = Xtra (Includes : 1) Who does most of the cooking? 2) How often do they bring you out on a date? 3) How are they around pets?)

If you know how to cook, then he will let you do the cooking part as he doesn’t really like to trouble himself with cooking. But he does help you to cut the vegetables and stuff to make it easier for you. If you don’t know how to cook though, then he doesn’t mind cooking, but he also expects you to help him with cutting vegetables.

Very often because he loves going out on dates with you. Usually brings you out on relaxing dates but if you want something more exciting then he doesn’t mind giving it a try.

He really likes pets, especially cats! And somehow, they are also automatically drawn to him. If you’re okay with it, then he would like to get a cat or dog as a pet. I personally don’t think he wants to keep anything other than cats and dogs.

Kuzuha

D = Domestic (How much do they help around in the house?)

Oh, I’m so sorry, hun….just, sorry :’)

You do not expect this man to help you around the house.

He would just watch you do all the chores while he enjoys his chococo.

But if you ask him to help you a bit with the chores then he’ll do it.

Wouldn’t help if you don’t ask because how would he know you needed help?

X = Xtra (Includes : 1) Who does most of the cooking? 2) How often do they bring you out on a date? 3) How are they around pets?)

Again, I’m sorry but you have to do most of the cooking. If you don’t know how to cook then it’s about time you learned how to. Headcanon that he’s very messy and clumsy in the kitchen. If it’s a simple food that doesn’t require a long time of cooking and many ingredients, then he’s willing to cook.

He doesn’t really bring you out on dates, prefers to just sit at home and relax instead. He will bring you out if he’s in the mood for it or if you ask him to but it’s not often that it happens.

Prefers dogs over cats or any other pets. He already has a dog so whether you like it or not, you have to deal with it. But he is scared of big dogs because he thinks it will definitely bite him. If it’s anything other than dogs and cats, then I don't think he’ll be very fond of them.

Shu Yamino

D = Domestic (How much do they help around in the house?)

He prefers splitting the chores between the two of you.

If you’re doing the dishes this week then he will take care of the laundry.

So he expects you to do your part of the job correctly, unless of course, you’re feeling under the weather or anything of that sort.

He also does a thorough cleaning once every week so you better help him out with it.

X = Xtra (Includes : 1) Who does most of the cooking? 2) How often do they bring you out on a date? 3) How are they around pets?)

He’s a decent cook and generally likes cooking. If you’re bad at cooking then he doesn’t mind cooking most of the time, but he does expect you to at least give him a hand.

He brings you out on dates, but it’s not very often so you wouldn’t feel like going out on a date is pretty normal. He wants every date to hold a special meaning in both of your hearts.

I think he’s a dog person, and would randomly pet any dogs he sees. He once brought you over to a dog cafe and he didn’t leave the place without petting every single dog there. Hates to keep birds/parrots as a pet because of how noisy they can get.

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ridearockox · 1 year

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Some Extra Who Ship Looks/Vibes!

11/10 OK, so I'm here to talk about Roger/Keith, specifically during this era, because the potential for an alternate fix fic is so big with them and I'm been having some really soft thoughts about them. Keith at this point where things are really starting to fall apart, and while Roger wants to help he doesn't want to seem forceful. Then one day Keith is like "OK, I'll bite. Help me." because he's bursting at the seams and he needs to do something, anything. And Roger has waited his whole life for this! He helps Keith rebuild himself from the ground up and they also develop a relationship that's very soft and domestic. Good ending!!!!! Also the sex is very soft and cute because I can't see them in any other light hah!

9/10 Pete is xtra awkward and shy and is sure that John is gonna think he's a weirdo/punch him if he ever comes clean about his very gay feelings and thoughts. But much to his surprise when he finally crosses the line John is more than OK with it. Also John trying to play it cool like he isn't 100% ignorant about whatever him and Pete are doing. It involves A LOT of awkward and inexperienced sex and not knowing what to do with hands, and I should 100% write more about that, I've been thinking about it ever since that ask about all of them ending up together and I started with John and Pete having awkward barely legal sex lol

10/10 Had to cheat with this one because I had zero good photos of them together in the Woodstock/Tommy era. But I love the post Tommy fame dynamic, where Pete thinks he is so out of Roger's league, while Roger keeps treating Pete the exact same regardless of him now being considered this glorious frontman. Like I like to think of them in a established relationship at this point and this is a kind of hiccup on their dating because when Pete finally started seeing him and Roger as equals, Roger is now a sex symbol overnight and how is Pete gonna compete with that? But Roger reassures him that absolutely nothing is going to change between them what the hell?

#whorible boys

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cmterygrl · 7 months

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miguel o'hara nsfw hcs

a/n: ive fallen into his trap. i cant get him out of my mind LWAVE ME ALONE !!!!!!! also im formatting this the same as my cod ones

general thoughts:

- i've debated on how experienced he is for longer than i should, and the ultimate answer i decided on was: he has experience — of course he does, but he probably hasnt gotten much action in a while, considering the stress of his job and how busy he is and everything else wrong w him (affectionately). that being said, once he knows what his partners needs are.. he takes that shit seriously and will not settle with anything lower than giving you pleasure.

- i believe in the miguel dom leaning switch agenda ! most of the time hes a dom, not strictly hard or soft it just depends on the day and his mood. but also, sometimes he just wants you to take control and hes not like super subby but he does like giving up control every now and then.

- eye contact. this is so obvious but he holds eye contact at all times, outside of the bedroom and inside. if eye contact makes you nervous he uses that to his advantage to make you shy 🤭. sometimes he holds your jaw and forces you to look at him in the eyes when you're not listening, that or he moves in the direction your head does to maintain eye contact. (LIKE THAT ONE SCENE ON THE TRAIN IK U GUYS KNOW WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT)

kinks + positions:

- breeding kink. does this need elaboration? he gets off on it, everything about it. the sight of his cum spilling out of you, the thought of filling you up to the brim with his seed makes him hard in seconds.

- size kink. again, this is self explanatory me thinks... but i'll elaborate anyway 🤭 i think we've all agreed hes like 6'9 and hes big and strong and muscular so a size kink is just written in the stars for him. he uses his size to his advantage and its always such a turn on to see just how different the two of you are in size — you can be tall but most likely arent as tall as him and thats still enough for him to want to ruin you.

- marking. he has fangs.... and you dont think he wont want to leave some marks behind ??? obviously with the fangs out, he wont press hard enough to break skin but definitely bites down enough to leave a mark. also loves leaving hickies anywhere he can; preferably places less visible but occasionally leaves a small one in plain sight. really likes teasing you by giving hickies to the inside of your thighs when hes going down on you.

- mating press. this ties into the breeding kink... also self explanatory. he wants to be Deep in you and will take you in any position that allows that.

- standing/against a wall. sometimes he gets home and is just too impatient to get to your bedroom, he just has to feel you around him as soon as he can. he pushes you up against the wall and his pace is relentless, large hand's gripping on the soft flesh of your thighs and mouth on your neck; marking whatever spot he can.

xtra:

- big. i know his dick is big i just know it !! if i had to give a number i'd say no less than like 6 inches, but also not like ridiculously big like be fr. but that man is thick too ! hes got it all, length and width plus the right ways to use it. maybe im biased but i believe his stroke game is top tier 🤷‍♂️

- well groomed. likes to keep himself trimmed whenever he can. hes mexican so i would say he has a fair amount of body hair? but when it comes to it he prefers to be trimmed, not clean shaven though — he just doesn't want it to be unkempt. also definitely has a happy trail.

#atsv x reader #miguel o'hara #miguel x reader #atsv miguel #miguel smut #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara smut #miguel ohara x reader #miguel ohara smut #spiderman 2099 #breaching out from my cod writting 🥸#2099 ─ ✮

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blue-raspberrys · 9 months

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mmmm goldfish. so tasty. so good. i love the taste of their salty exterior with the slight hint of cheesy goodness that hits the palette right after. i love the slight crunch they have as i bite into their fishy bodies. and then after i finish my snack when i get to lick the salt off the fingers i just used to handle those delectable baked crackers. i love staring at their warm smile mirroring my smile before handing it off to my tongue. goldfish colors are my personal favorite. not only does the slight cheesy goodness hit the tongue, but also a tinge of another tasty flavor i can't quite put my finger on, different with each color. a good pretzel goldfish is good every now and again, especially with some creamy peanut butter. Flavor Blasted Xtra Cheddar is one tier below colors for me, only because of how good colors is. The extra (or should i say Xtra) cheesy flavor powder on each fish aiding in the overall cheesiness of the cracker, making it taste like heaven. the s'mores goldfish are an incredible innovation on the goldfish idea. the chocolate, graham cracker, and marshmallow mixing so well in my mouth. what is unique about this one, however, is the fact that you can separate each of the three flavors and consume each mouthwatering flavor by itself. although i have yet to taste them, i'm sure the cupcake flavored goldfish are just as delectable, possibly adding a needed sweetness to balance out the saltiness in the roster. the original, although less popular, is great to eat with some soup in the evening while peering out of the window onto the misty lake in front of you. not only is the product incredible but so are it's advertisements with lore-filled fun for the whole family. and s'mores this is truly the epitome of all snacks, bested by no one. we have been blessed by the gods with this treat.

fuck pizza goldfish tho that shit tastes like ass

#the snack that smiles back #goldfish #silly behavior #rant post #tasty #delicious #delectable #my post #my writing

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neos127 · 2 years

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dating them includes

pairing: nct dream x gn!reader genre: fluff warnings: none notes: this is basically what i associate them with ©gyuuss

mark! marvel movie marathons. giggly kisses. dance covers together. borrowing hoodies. holiday decorating. songs about you. not wanting to get out of bed. ranting to each other. couple photos. comic books. storing pints of ice cream in the freezer.

renjun! picnic dates. study buddies. morning walks. random doodles on your homework. playful banter. morning and night texts. sweet pet names. pampering each other. dancing around the kitchen. fluffy blankets. early morning conversations. relaxing baths.

jeno! gaming together. led lights. rooftop cuddles. tv show marathons. morning runs. laying in each other’s laps. bike rides. baked goods. poking you for attention. lunch dates. late night drives. comfy sweaters. texting funny pictures. a folder in his camera roll dedicated to you.

haechan! neck kisses. warm hugs. sharing earbuds. play fighting. pointless conversations. holding hands and swinging them. bright smiles. braided friendship bracelets. teasing. beach strolls. singing you to sleep. 3am make-out sessions.

jaemin! cafe dates. mini photo shoots. lazy days. movie nights. cooking together at 1am. matching wallpapers. pinterest couple. sweet notes. matching outfits. making each other laugh. ordering take out. face masks. deep eye contact. plushies. butterfly kisses.

chenle! spam texting. shared laughter. baking competitions. memorable vacations. fancy restaurants. breakfast in bed. heart shaped chocolates. valentines dates. calm rainy days. knuckle kisses. opening the door for you. arm around your waist. tracing shapes on each other’s skin.

jisung! shy hand holding. hesitant kisses. meaningful conversations. head pats. comparing hand sizes. piggy back rides. romantic poems. warming each other up in the cold. encouraging words. dance lives. laying in the grass. oversized t-shirts.

taglist. @junityy @eternallyhyucks @yeoforce @wonderwrench @cookydream @feyregels @13isacoolnumber @omgnctchina @wonjaems @blveberryflavored @odetoyeonjun @squiishymeow @jeonginshq @xtra-cheese @fairybinie @notbeforelong @bite-me-mingi @zsuke @todorokiskitten @tsupuffs @haehyuckk + taglist form

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just-here-for-the-moment · 3 years

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The Wedding Night

Word count: 4900+

Rating: explicit, 18+ only

Outline: Jack “Whiskey” Daniels x “You” (cis/het female reader; “blank canvas”/no physical description/no name/no use of “Y/N”)

Warnings: Jack running his filthy mouth; mentions of virginity and defloration; mentions of lack of experience; gorgeous lingerie; one light spanking; fingering/F receiving; oral sex/F receiving; oral sex/M receiving; unprotected P/V sex in the context of marriage; breeding kink; mentions of anal sex; mentions of blowjobs/gagging; mentions of sex toys/dildos; alcohol; marijuana

@quica-quica-quica - My love, this is what my brain did when we talked about me writing something for you that was "Xtra filthy Whiskey with a little fluff" ... You can drag me off to horny jail now, LOL. My work here is done! :D

A very special Thank You to @babypedrito for beta-reading and absolving me of all of my horny-jail sins.

---

"Are you nervous, honey?"

"No, I don't think so... well, maybe a little. Will it hurt?"

"Oh darlin' I hope not. I'll be real gentle with you."

---

The wedding had been elegant and fun and a little flashy, just like Jack.

The sheer number of guests had been stressful, but you had been blissed out all day, letting Jack spin you around the dance floor as many times as he could at the reception. You didn't want to start your wedding night exhausted, so you and Jack had opted for a mid-morning ceremony followed by a lunch reception. Statesman had splashed out for all of the liquor and an open bar, but you had been so busy greeting your guests and smiling for pictures that you hadn't had time to sip a full glass of champagne, let alone eat anything. The minute you and Jack arrived at your honeymoon suite, he had placed an order for room service and given you orders to eat, shower, and take a nap.

God, you loved that man. He was sassy and stubborn, but he did take excellent care of you.

When you woke, the last of the evening sun was streaming through your balcony doors. You stretched and yawned. The bed was empty, so you wandered out into the sitting room. Poor Jack was half-undressed and passed out on the sofa in front of a muted football game, the TV remote rising and falling on his chest as he snored softly. You shook his arm gently, "Baby?"

His dark eyes popped open and he smiled at you. "Hey, darlin'. Did you get some rest?"

"Yeah, Jack, I did. Thank you."

"Well I can't have you all tuckered out before we even get started. Wouldn't be gentlemanly of me." He winked at you.

You smiled at him and fluttered your eyelashes. "And are we going to get started soon? I'll need to change into my wedding night ensemble."

He sat up and grabbed your arm, pulling you down onto his lap as you squealed.

"Do you have to change? You look just fine as you are, honey."

You laughed. You had napped in an old undershirt of Jack's and nothing else except your wedding and engagement rings. You cooed softly at him as you rubbed your hand against his chest. "But Jack, baby, I bought it just for tonight. We only get to do this once, and I wanted to make it special for you."

He scowled as if he wanted to say no. You decided to pout your lower lip out just a little and sweeten your voice. "Please, baby? Please let me wear my special lingerie for you. It's my first request as your wife."

He pretended that he was giving in resentfully. "Alright, darlin'. If it'll make you happy."

You kissed him on the tip of his nose. "Oh, Jack. I think we'll both be very happy." You stood up off his lap and he swatted your bottom playfully.

"Now, now. None of that." You shook one finger at him playfully. "Just give me a few minutes and you can go lie down in the bedroom while I get ready. I'll meet you in there."

You bounced into the bedroom to grab what you needed, then locked yourself in the bathroom to freshen up. You heard Jack groan as he stretched and got up from the couch, soft footsteps moving to the bedroom. You caught your own eyes in the mirror and grinned. This was going to be so good.

It didn't take you long to get dressed, because your wedding night "ensemble" consisted of just three pieces. You had purchased an ivory-white babydoll nightgown with a big satin bow centered between the lace cups. The gown's skirt was billowy and entirely sheer, and the satin-ribbon hem hit you just at the top of your thighs. The back featured a slit from the band all the way down, forming a flyaway opening. There was a matching ivory lace thong with an open crotch, and you had found coordinating ivory marabou slippers with a kitten heel to tie things off. You were dressed in two minutes. All that was left was a quick touch-up of perfume and mascara, and a few deep breaths.

You opened the door a crack and called out to him. "You ready, baby? No peeking!"

"I'm not peeking."

You poked your head out to see Jack sitting against the pillows on the king-sized bed, hands dutifully placed over both eyes. You slunk out the door and stood at the foot of the bed, tucking and tugging the last tiny adjustments to your outfit. You put your fists on your hips and smiled at him. "Okay, you can look now."

Jack pulled his hands away and you saw his eyes take a half-second to refocus on you. When they did, his jaw dropped. He gave you one long look up and down, and you giggled and spun once to give him the full picture.

"Baby doll," he bit his lip and looked hungry. "You look good enough to eat. You did all that for me?"

You laughed. "All what, Jack? There's hardly any material here."

"Don't I know it." He whistled, long and low. "You want me to leave it all on or rip it off of you?"

You gasped and giggled. "You know I don't know what I'm doing. I guess I'll have to let you decide."

“Oh, baby girl... ” he shook his head and got up off the bed. “I don’t know if I can be in charge of such an important decision.”

“Well then, let’s just play it by ear and we can decide later.” You cocked an eyebrow at him as he wrapped his arms around your waist. “Because I am eager to get started.”

He smirked at you and tilted his head. “Is that so?”

“Yes, it’s one of the benefits of being Mrs. Jack Daniels. Now that you’ve made me an honest woman, I finally get to see what all the fuss is about.” You smiled shyly. “Unless, you don’t want to?”

“Now hold on a minute darlin’. You know I’ve been looking forward to tonight.” He kissed you. “I just want to do it right, that’s all. I wanna do right by my wife her first time.”

You bit your lip and looked up at him through your eyelashes. “I know you do, baby. I trust you.”

"Are you nervous, honey?"

"No, I don't think so... well, maybe a little. Will it hurt?"

"Oh darlin' I hope not. I'll be real gentle with you."

You smiled and leaned in for a kiss. Jack held you tenderly, taking his time and working your mouth slowly open before plunging in with an eager tongue. The kiss was nothing new to you. You and Jack had kissed like this hundreds of times… but now you were husband and wife, and it was your wedding night.

You let yourself melt into Jack’s embrace, and when the kissing got so good that you moaned, he smiled against your mouth. He moved his lips to plant kisses on your cheek and jaw and neck, murmuring to you in his low, gravelly drawl. “Are you ready?”

You nodded, and then released a breathy, “Yes, Jack. Yes, I’m so ready. Can we please go to bed?”

He pulled back. “Well, I need to know you’re really ready. We only get to do this once.”

You considered for a moment, biting your lip. “I do, I want to. But I’m a little nervous. Can I have some champagne? Just to relax.”

He nodded. “Okay, just one glass though.”

“Thank you, baby. I just want to relax a little bit, not get drunk or anything. I want to remember tonight for the rest of my life.”

He kissed your forehead. “Me, too darlin’.”

You sat on the bed as Jack went out to the living room to retrieve one of the “his and hers” champagne bottles that Champ had sent over, and two champagne flutes. He popped the bottle open and poured two glasses, then sat next to you on the bed.

“Cheers,” you said as you clinked your glass against his. “To us.”

“To us.” Jack sipped his champagne and wrapped his other arm around you, rubbing lazy circles into your back with his thumb. You loved his thick fingers and strong hands. You had seen what they could do with a dangerous whip and lasso, and you trusted him utterly with every part of your body.

When your glasses were empty, you felt a little looser, the edges of your nerves just barely blurred. You smiled at him and handed him your glass to set down on the bedside table. “I’m ready.”

He tucked his head down toward you, slotting his mouth over yours for a deep kiss. “Okay, we’ll get started. Lie down on the bed for me. Scoot back a little.” Jack stood up and faced you.

You lay back and scooted up so that your feet were flat on the bed. The hem of your nightgown slid up and pooled across your hips. Jack kneeled down on the plush carpet and stroked your leg with one strong hand. He lifted one foot and kissed the inside of your ankle softly. You shivered, and he repeated the action with your other ankle.

“Can I take these off?” He tapped the top of one slipper.

You lifted your head to look down at him. “Oh, yeah, sorry. I guess you should take them off.”

“Ain’t nothing to be sorry about, honey. You look amazing.” He slipped them off gently and tossed them theatrically over his shoulders, making you laugh.

“What should I do with my hands?” You wanted to know if you should be doing something other than leaving them palm-side down on the bedspread next to your hips. It felt stiff and awkward.

“Just relax,” said Jack. “You’re doin’ fine.”

You nodded, laying your head back down as he resumed stroking your shin.

“Can I touch you?” He slid his fingers a little higher, grazing the inside of your knee.

“Yes, please.”

He ran his fingers up to the inside of your thigh, sweeping your skin with a soft touch. Each graze of his fingers set your skin on fire, and you felt your anticipation build. You were getting wet; you could feel it, and you knew that it would help with what was coming next.

Jack paused his touch at the outer band of your thong, just at your pelvic bone. “Do you want to leave this on or take it off?

“I don’t know. Um, it’s crotchless, does that make a difference?”

“Not right now, but if it gets uncomfortable we can take it off.”

“Okay, just leave it on then... and thank you.”

“For what?” Jack stroked your lace-covered mound slowly. Little sparks of electricity flew everywhere, buzzing outward from wherever his fingers touched.

“For taking such good care of me. Especially on our wedding night.”

“Oh darlin’, I wouldn’t have it any other way,” he drawled. “I’ll take care of you for the rest of my life. I love you.”

“Oh Jack,” you sighed. “I love you, too.”

“I’m going to touch you between your legs now. Just breathe and relax, okay?”

“Okay.”

You felt Jack’s fingers stroke down over your clit and pet you softly there through the lace before moving down. He hooked a strap of the open crotch with his finger and pulled it to the side. The pad of one thick finger paused at your outer labia and you bit the inside of your mouth nervously.

“You ready?” Jack sounded calm.

“Yes, please, baby. Please touch me.”

He answered by spreading your outer lips open and rubbing a line gently up and down over the inner labia, spreading moisture as he went. You were practically dripping for him. He pressed one finger against your opening and applied gentle pressure, letting your slick do the work of guiding his fingertip inside. You felt his thick finger enter slowly, and when it was finally all the way in you exhaled.

“Is that okay, darlin’?”

“Yes,” you breathed out. “Yes, you feel so good.”

“Okay, I’m going to put another one in. You tell me if it’s too much for you, honey.”

“Yes, Jack.”

He pulled his finger out to the tip and you felt its neighbor join it. The pair pressed into you again, slower than ever. You felt so good, all of your nerve endings sparkling, the wetness growing and growing as Jack worked you open. You could do this forever.

“How are you doing, honey?”

Your voice came out half-whisper, half-gasp. “Ohhhh, Jackie. I feel so good.”

“You sure feel good down here, darlin’. Makes me want to taste you.”

“You can do that?”

“Yes, ma’am. If you give me the go-ahead, I’ll eat you out like a Sunday dinner.”

You laughed, and more tension left your body. “Okay. Yes, please eat me… Wait, can I call it that?”

“If you let me do it, you can call it whatever you want.” He chuckled. “You ready?”

“Oh yes.” You flung your arms up over your head and stretched. “I’m ready, baby.”

Jack left both fingers inserted and used his free hand to open the straps of your thong wider. You felt cool air hit your clitoris and you shuddered. Then Jack’s warm lips met your intimate center and you moaned.

“Oh, Jackie. You feel so good. I can’t believe we’ve never done this before.”

He pulled back, sounding almost plaintive. “You said you wanted to wait until the wedding night, darlin’. I was just followin’ orders.”

“Well I’m glad we’re doing it now.”

“Me, too.” He kissed your clitoris again and you gasped. The contact sent sparks racing up your spine. Your legs shook and threatened to close around his head.

“Keep ‘em open for me, darlin’. I want to see this pretty pussy as I taste it.”

You shifted your feet a little further apart. “Is this good?”

“Oh, it’s good, honey. You should see yourself, all spread out for me on our weddin’ night. If I’d known you were going to look like this, I would’ve married you the day we met.”

You lifted your head to look down at him again. “Are you going to keep talking, or are you gonna eat me?”

He didn’t answer, but plunged his tongue out to flick your clit . Your hips bucked and he pulled his fingers out gently. He reached up and tugged at the front of your thong. “Can I take this off? It’ll be easier access.”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

He hooked the side straps away from your hips and you lifted your butt to help him slide it off. He threw it to the side and wrapped his strong grip around your thighs as he lowered his mouth to you again.

His kisses and licks were urgent, an open-mouthed assault on your tender and swollen pussy as you writhed and squeaked. His iron grip on your upper legs kept you anchored to him, even as you shifted across the bedspread. You had no sense of time passing; it could have been seconds or minutes later when you felt your orgasm build until you thought you were going to snap.

“Jack! Oh fuck... Jack, I’m gonna come. I’m coming for you now!” Your moans and shouts didn’t phase him, he just kept licking and slurping at you as your pussy throbbed and clenched around his tongue. He slowed his pace just a little as you climaxed, and kept holding you tight as he kissed you more gently, bringing you down with him as you finally relaxed.

You came back to yourself after a few moments, your breathing slowing into something more normal. Jack lifted his head and relaxed his grip on you. “How was that, honey?”

“Oh, Jesus, Jack,” you gasped. “For chrissakes. I think I saw stars.”

He chuckled and stood up. His face was wet from nose to chin, mustache slick, hair mussed and eyes twinkling. He was absolutely wicked. You couldn’t believe he was finally yours.

You sat up and hugged him around his waist, resting one ear against his tummy. “Ohhh, thank you, Jack. That was absolutely wonderful.”

He petted your hair as you squeezed him. “You’re welcome, baby girl. Do you feel good?”

“Yes, Jack. Oh, I feel amazing.”

“Do you want to try now?”

You pulled away and looked up at him, eager to try anything he wanted. “Try what?”

Jack took a half step back and shed his suit pants, then his undershirt and briefs and socks. You watched as he undressed, taking in the sight of his strong arms and hands. Your eyes widened at the sight of his cock, growing bigger by the second. When he was naked he gave himself a few lazy pumps and then cupped your chin with his free hand. He looked deep into your eyes with that calm, authoritative manner of his.

“You just kiss it around the tip a little and then open your mouth, darlin’. I’ll show you what to do after that.”

You grinned and nodded up at him. “Okay.”

You looked back down at him, at his fist wrapped around the base of his hard, dark cock. Every pump of his heart was sending more blood to his erection. The head of his penis was nearly maroon, and you wanted more than anything to give him the release he had given you so freely.

You leaned forward hesitantly and placed a few soft kisses to the sides of the head, next to the slit of him that was growing damp. Tiny pecks turned into softer smooches, and Jack waited patiently while you got your fill of the experience. The sensation of his velvety skin on your lips was enticing, and you found yourself moaning and drawing out the kisses for longer and longer.

Finally Jack tapped your shoulder, indicating you to stop. He brought his large hand up to cup your chin gently. “You ready, honey? You can open up if you’re ready to try.”

You nodded and opened your mouth obediently, as wide as you could, tongue hanging out. Jack laughed gently.

“Relax, darlin’. You don’t have to unhinge your jaw. Just open up like you’re going to take a taste of something delicious, ‘cause you are.”

You relaxed, letting your mouth close a bit. Jack placed the tip of his penis just inside your lips and took his hand off your jaw. He let it rest on your tongue and then he slowly slid it from side to side as he shifted just a bit deeper.

“You can suck on it if you want, real gentle.” Jack’s voice was encouraging, his drawl low and husky.

You closed your lips gently around the head and gave one experimental suck, like a lollipop. Jack pumped his fist up and down gently, “That’s it, darlin’, real slow and soft.”

You switched between soft sucks of the head and open-mouthed licks, feeling awfully pleased at the huffy breaths and moans that were coming out of Jacks’ mouth above you.

“God, honeybee. Is this your first time giving a man a blowjob?”

“Mmm-hmm,” you hummed.

“Well, darlin’ you’re doing just fine.” Jack brought his free hand to cup the back of your head. “Are you ready to go deeper?”

You flicked your eyes up to him, giving him a wide, innocent stare as you pulled off. “Deeper? How deep does it go?”

“Oh, all the way, darlin’. I think you can fit all of me into that sinful little mouth of yours.”

You looked from his dark eyes to his penis and back again. “Are you sure? I won’t choke on it?”

“Oh, no. I’ll be gentle, honey. We’ll go real slow and get you used to it.”

You nodded and opened your mouth again. Jack placed the head of his penis back on your tongue and you closed your lips gently around it. He removed his fist and then placed both hands on the sides of your head.

“Go slow, honey.”

You looked back up at him to see that he was gazing at you tenderly, enchanted by the sight of his cock disappearing into your soft mouth. He grinned softly at you. “Just go slow.”

You closed your eyes so that you could concentrate on it. He held your head gently between his big hands as you relaxed your jaw and throat, trying to take him as deep as you could. When the head hit the back of your tongue, Jack held it there and moaned soft praises to you.

“Oh baby girl, you are just perfect. Look how I fit in that sweet little mouth of yours.”

You glowed at his praises and pressed just a bit deeper. When the head hit the back of your throat, Jack made a soft hiss and pulled himself out.

You looked at him with wide eyes. “Did I do okay, baby?”

“Oh honey, yes. You did great, but if we keep doing that I’m not gonna last long, and we won’t get to the main event.”

You giggled. “Okay, where do you want me baby?”

“Why don’t you lie back on those big pillows and just relax, darlin’.”

You scooted up to the top of the bed and lay flat. “Like this?”

“Yes, darlin’. Just like that, pretty as a picture.” Jack knelt on the bed and crawled up to you. He reminded you of some jungle cat stalking its prey. He was going to devour you.

“Do I need to take my nightgown off?”

“Only if you want to, but it won’t get in my way.”

You nodded. “Then I’ll leave it on, I like it.”

“That’s fine with me, honey. Are you ready for me?”

You nodded vigorously. “Yes, Jack. I’ve been waiting so long. Please.”

He lay next to you and stroked you from hip to breast, cupping you through the lace before running his hand back down. He lifted the hem of your nightgown and pressed two thick fingers to your entrance. “You’re still so wet for me, but I have lube if you need it.”

You shook your head, “No, I think I’ll be okay.”

He assented. “Alright, but if you need it, you just say so and I’ll stop.”

“Okay, baby.” You cupped his jaw and kissed him deeply. “I love you, my husband.”

His face broke into a soft smile. “And I love my wife. Can’t believe I’m so lucky.”

“To find a virgin for your wedding night? Something special to deflower, that no one else has ever touched?”

“No, just to find you.” He kissed your forehead. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Even if you weren’t a virgin I’d still love you, still be the luckiest man alive to have you on my wedding night.”

Tears sprang to your eyes at his tender words, threatening to overspill. “Oh, Jack. I love you so much.”

He continued caressing you with his fingers. “I love you, honey. You think you’re ready for me now?”

“Yes, Jack, please please please. Right now.”

“Alright.” He shifted up to hover over you. “Just open your legs and relax your hips. I’ll be extra gentle.”

You did as he asked, releasing one slow breath out through an o-shaped mouth. He pressed the tip of his penis to your opening, then looked at you one last time with eyebrows raised for permission. You nodded and said, “Go ahead.”

He pressed in slowly, stretching you open. He felt so big and hard and glorious as he slid between your walls. The wetness in your core provided so much glide that he got all the way inside before you even realized it. He bottomed out and stopped, holding himself up on his arms to look into your eyes. You could feel your own slick mixed with Jack’s saliva drip down between your cheeks.

“Are you alright, darlin?”

You smiled, “Oh, I’m more than alright, Jack. My husband just took my virginity on our wedding night.”

He leaned down and kissed you. “I’m going to start moving in and out now, but if you need me to stop, just say so.”

You nodded. Jack started easing his hips in and out, and you could feel every steel inch of him sliding in and out. You felt another orgasm starting to build. “Oh, Jackie, I think I’m going to come for you again. Can you touch me down there?”

He shifted back to his knees and reached one broad thumb to swipe your clit. “God, honey, you’re so wet for me.”

You barely heard him as the room started to get fuzzy. You felt the dam threaten to burst, and you managed to gasp out, “I’m co-” before you bucked your hips again and came hard, clenching around his cock as he slowly pumped in and out.

“Oh fuck, baby girl. You should see yourself. That greedy little pussy is trying to eat me alive. I’m not gonna last much longer. Can I go faster?”

You moaned, “Oh my god, yes. Go for it.”

Jack took his finger off your clit and pumped just a little faster. “Oh fuck, baby girl. Where do you want me to come?”

“Inside, Jack. We’re man and wife now. You can fill me up and I’ll give you gorgeous babies.”

“Oh honey, I just want to fuck you and watch you get so round. You’re going to be pregnant before you know it.”

“Yes, Jack! Yes!”

“You gonna have my babies? You want all of me?” His words were exhaled in rough gasps. “I’m gonna fuck a baby into you. You won’t be able to get rid of me, you gorgeous girl. Gonna carry a part of me around with you for the rest of your days.”

You felt one more impossible rush of slick dripping from your pussy at his words, and you simply moaned, incapable of speech.

Jack suddenly fell onto you, face buried in your neck, and you felt him thrust hard and then stop. Something hot was releasing inside your pussy, and you whimpered and stroked the back of his head.

“Oh, Jack. I think I love you.”

He groaned into your shoulder, the words muffled. “I love you, too, darlin’.”

---

“Jesus Christ, Jack. That was amazing.” You took a sip of your champagne and passed the joint over to his side of the bed. “That was better than that time in Cancún!”

Jack laughed and choked on his toke, then passed it back to you. “God, I loved Cancún.” He took a long drink of champagne. “Was that the time I fucked you so hard the neighbors called the cops?”

You giggled. “No, that was that shitty little hostel in Amsterdam while we were on assignment, remember?” You took another puff and thought while you held it in, then you blew out a long string of smoke. “No, wait, it was Belgium.”

“That was fun.” Jack grinned to himself. “Remember Italy?”

“Which time? The yacht off the coast, or that blow job outside the Colosseum that one time at 3 a.m.?” You passed the weed back to him.

“Oh, Christ, honeybee. I forgot about the Colosseum.” He took a long toke and another thoughtful sip from his glass. “But that yacht was fucking amazing. I was balls-deep in you under that blue Mediterranean sky. God, you were so sexy in that little swimsuit you were wearing. Made me wanna marry you right there.”

“Aw, you old softie. You’re such a sweetheart.”

He handed the roach back to you to finish. “Remember L.A.? You looked so good gagging on my cock in that bathroom, mascara runnin’ all down your face. I almost felt bad it was a convenience store. I should have taken you back to the hotel first.”

“No way! That was hot. I had that plug in my ass all day, and you did me just fine when we got back. I couldn’t sit right for three days.” You threw your head back and laughed, nearly upsetting the bottle of champagne and the Altoids tin full of joints sitting on your lap.

Jack reached a hand out to steady the bottle. You fished a fresh joint out of the tin and closed the lid. A thought occurred to you as you lit it.

You exhaled and turned to him with wide eyes. “Holy shit, Jack. I should’ve bought my vibrating panties. Maybe we can run out tomorrow and buy a new pair.”

“Nah, they never get you off right. You said they move around too much.” He took the joint from you and drained the last of his champagne. “How about a new vibrator instead?”

“Okay, but tomorrow night it’s your turn to be the virgin.”

He exhaled a huge lungful of smoke and passed the joint back to you, waving his hand to indicate he was done. “Alright, but you have to promise not to be gentle. Can we do college professor and failing student?”

“Mmmm…” you thought for a moment. “Yes, but only if I get to spank you.”

“You got it, honey.”

You leaned over and kissed him. “God, I love my husband.”

He smiled at you and took your empty glass. “I love you, darlin’.”

--- Just-here-for-the-moment’s masterlist

My “all fics” tag list: Please DM me if you would like to be removed!

@anaaaispunk @justanotherblonde23 @gracie7209 @nicolethered @honestly-shite @driedgreentomatoes @dihra-vesa @1800-fight-me @the-queen-of-fools @juletheghoul

@kesskirata @honeymandos @silverwolf319 @mourningbirds1 @greeneyedblondie44 @spacedilf @maxwell–lord @anxiousandboujee @cevvie @quica-quica-quica @sherala007 @writeforfandoms @libellule2001

#kingsman fanfiction #kingsman fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x you #agent whiskey x you #agent whiskey x reader #agent jack whiskey daniels #you ask and JHFTM delivers

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fbfh · 3 years

Text

condoms and clown sex - leo x reader

So uh this started in the intimacy hcs pt 2 but it spiraled into something else so enjoy this

850 ish words

as with all smut/nsfw works, all characters are aged up to 18+

genre: smutty slice of life, kinda fluffy kinda crack, but it’s leo so there’s always at least a little crack

warnings: implied smut, mentions of clowns and clown sex, getting judged for buying a weirdly large amount of condoms

Leo’s on top of you, his hand on your cheek, his mouth on your neck. He rolls his hips into you just the right way and you let out a little moan, tugging up the back of his shirt. You can feel his smile against your skin. He pushes himself up, straddling you, and tugs off his shirt, throwing it aside with a flourish. You bring your hand to your face, feeling it heat up and giggling at his theatrics.

He starts shimmying out of his pants, and his hand comes down next to your shoulder. He leans on top of you again, his free arm reaching for the night stand. He pulls out a box, and sits back, pulling out the last two condoms. He looks at you, a smile, at the corners of his eyes.

“D’you think it’ll be enough?”

Two condoms was a reasonable amount to have for one session. For normal people. Which you weren’t. You look at him straddling your hips, shirtless, pants undone with a raging hard on.

“Nah,” He laughed at your response and bent down, hiding his face in your neck.

Cue emergency rite aid run.

He threw on a loose pair of sweatpants to try and hide the problem you had been about to fix and you grabbed the first shirt you found, which happened to be one of his, which didn’t make things easier for him. At all.

You know it’s probably a weird time of day to be hastily shopping for condoms and you’re in aisle 12 trying to find the right ones.

There’s not really a delicate way to put this, but your boyfriend is hung as fuck. There’s maybe one or two other kinds of condoms that actually fit him comfortably, but they’re pretty hard to find. You’re scanning the shelf, looking for the kind you can actually use.

You turn to see him holding a box that says “extended pleasure”. He doesn’t even finish his sentence before he starts laughing.

“Ah, yes, trojan’s dong numbing classics,”

That one got you. You start to laugh way louder than you should have in your current circumstances. You glance around at the (thankfully) mostly empty store, except a few other people and the lady at the pharmacy desk .

“So like,” you keep sorting through boxes and end caps looking for ones that will actually fit him, “since a lot of these are latex do you think you could put some lube in a balloon and use that in a pinch?”

He laughs silently, trying not to draw any more attention. You’re already getting a lot of weird looks from the lady behind the pharmacy counter.

“If you’re having sex with a clown, then yeah, those are the only ones they can use,”

You’re fighting your laughter, and breathe out.

“Do their nipples honk when you squeeze them?”

He let out a loud laugh, then bit his lip to try and keep it contained.

“I can’t find them, I’m gonna have to ask someone,” you tell him, not wanting to waste any more time. You head over to the lady at the pharmacy desk.

“Hi,” you start, remnants of the repressed laughing fit still on your face and voice, “do you guys have the extra long extra wide condoms? I think they’re durex?”

She kind of hesitates not knowing if you’re joking.

“Sorry, we were looking but we couldn’t find them…” you point back to the condom aisle.

“Uh… yeah…” she brings you over to an end cap where they had gotten moved to.

You thank her and grab like 10 boxes.

You walk over to Leo to tell him you’re checking out.

“Okay, do we need prescription strength asphalt scented deodorant or earwax removal kits for any reason?”

“Unless we’re pranking someone, I don’t think so” You both laugh and head over to check out.

You somehow pay for 11 boxes of XXL condoms with a mostly straight face and Leo meets you at the door to leave.

You grab his butt and he giggles. He leans in close and mutters.

“If we really try we might be able to get these to last a whole week,” and you squeak when he bites your ear.

You can see the cashier and pharmacy woman sharing a look as you leave and like… you can’t blame them; that was a weird thing to experience out of context.

“We can never go back here again” you snicker.

“Aah, they’re just jealous” he picks you up bridal style and spins you around, “that they don’t get to bone the hottest super sized bad boy 73 times a day, unlike some people”

“Xtra long xtra wide for her pleasure sized mcshizzle, apparently” you quip. He laughs again, setting you down before he drops you and you hurry home to finish what you started.

Which you do. Several times.

#leo x reader #leo valdez x reader #leo valdez smut #heroes of olympus x reader #heroes of olympus smut #hoo smut #hoo x reader #leo valdez lemon #hoo lemon

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the-penultimate-pam · 3 years

Photo

Throwback... Friday? to the Outside Xtra intro video and a wholesome moment with the whole gang on/around the green sofa.

Source: Outside Xtra: What Is It? Who Are These People? from @outsidextra

Thanks for the suggestion @a-casual-egg!

[ID: A gifset of scenes from the Outside Xtra YouTube channel.

Gif 1: Ellen and Luke sit on a green sofa in front of a white background. Ellen is a short white woman with long brown hair. Luke is a tall white man with short brown hair. Ellen bites her lip and begins laughing, then they both turn to watch Jane enter and sit next to Luke as Ellen starts applauding. Jane is an East Asian woman with long dark hair.

Gif 2: Mike, a white man with short brown hair, dives in from offscreen to lay across the back of the sofa, then promptly falls behind the sofa. Ellen, Luke, and Jane react with laughter, horror, and a cringe respectively, before the image cuts to a television test screen.

Gif 3: Ellen, Luke, and Jane twist around to look behind the sofa while Andy, a bearded white man, stands behind the sofa. Mike’s hands can barely be seen, but their shadows on the wall behind the sofa show that one hand is giving a thumbs up while the other pretends to pull it back down. The captions say: ANDY: Mike’s dead. LUKE: Mike’s dead. ELLEN: Right, bye Mike.

Gif 4: Mike, Ellen, Luke, and Jane are sitting on the sofa while Andy crouches behind it. Mike and Andy point at Luke and Ellen, then Ellen and Andy give double thumbs up. Luke scrunches his face up and shakes his head. /End ID]

#wholesome content as always #I started watching these channels just after oxtra was launched and they've been such a bright spot in my life #hard to believe it's been almost 5 years #outside xbox #outsidexbox #outside xtra #outsidextra #oxboxtra #ellen rose #luke westaway #jane douglas #mike channell #andy farrant #green sofa #can't forget the green sofa

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simpurnatural · 3 years

Text

SFW Alphabet - Jack Manifold Edition

request: fluff alphabet with jack manifold ?

Jack Manifold x Reader

Warning ⚠️: Probably a swear word or two :)

Any writing errors? Point them out! Love some helpful feedback! <3

REQUESTS ARE OPEN LUVS <3

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Jack’s love language(s) is probably quality time and physical touch. He’s not one for PDA but he will hold and kiss your hand, kiss your cheek, and all the gentlemen type things.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He’s the chaotic friend that laughs at everything. The friendship would’ve started when you guys both in English at college. You thought he was funny and he thought that you were a dork so you guys clicked instantly.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Oh most definitely, Jack makes sure to get his daily hugs and cuddles in from anyone who is willing to give them to him.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Eventually yes, but barely being eighteen he won’t be thinking about settling down with a family anytime soon. Lad can pour himself a pint but has probably burned water at least more than once. He’s a tidy man though, cleans after himself and makes sure to not leave any messes.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d stutter a bit but he’d eventually get to the point while holding your hand like:

“Listen, I don’t think this’ll work out.”

But then he’d read your emotions wrong and start blabbering his ass off like:

“Well no- But yeah you’re a g-great person just not for me? But I assure you that there a plenty of fish in the sea! Wait- but not like actual fish that would-”

“-Jack, I get it.”

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

If and when he asks you to marry him, he knows he’s in it to win it and will be by your side till the end. He doesn’t think about getting married (in general) anytime soon since he’s still got a whole of adulting ahead of him.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Jack is a very gentle whether it’s in the way he holds you or in the way he speaks to you. He also is open to sharing how he feels about most things and is always ready to listen when you need him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He LOVES hugs, especially if they’re from you. He turns those two second hugs into a cuddle session if there’s time for it.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He doesn’t say it too early in the relationship but it does come out when you both least expect it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He doesn’t get jealous easily but he’s a sarcastic little shit that scoffs whenever you try to ask.

“Is Jack Manifold jealous because of the guy from ASDA?” you tease.

“As if,”

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He usually kisses your cheek, hand, and or forehead the most. His kisses are always out of love and so soft. He likes being kissed on the cheek or the lips.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He's fine with kids but you know damn well that if he saw one trip over themselves then he’d be on the floor cackling. He knows how to properly hold a baby so that’s somethinf.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He’d bring you a cup of tea in the morning with some jammie dodgers and enjoy laying in bed with you hours on end.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

You guys will literally watch anything whether it’s on youtube, netflix, hulu WHATEVER while laying in bed. He’d have a arm around your waist while you lay head on his chest.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Jack will literally talk about anything (but not in a self-absorbed way) if you’re willing to listen. He won’t blabber his whole life story but you get to learn something new about him everyday.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He’s very patient and rarely almost never raises his voice. Jack is a really chill and laid back lad.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?

He usually remembers most things but not everything.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite memory is when he asked you to be his girlfriend. He was a stuttering mess but you said

“Oh get on with it Manifold!” “Or will I have to ask you myself?”

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He knows that you can hold your own but he knows when to step in. He’d probably speak for you if he sees that you were scared or at a lose of words. He likes knowing that his bff or s/o will kick someone’s ass if they try anything.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Depending on how you guys plan them. He can rock a suit yet build a pretty neat pillow fort. His gifts are you unique but always something that you’ve mentioned before. He’s good with everyday tasks like washing the dishes and doing the laundry.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

I hate to point it out but he bites his nails a bit.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not too concerned, he’s well aware that he’s a handsome fella.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yep. He’s the type to send you random texts/pics through-out the day saying miss you or can’t wait to see you soon.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

You guys play music regularly in your flat so jack tends to ask you to dance with him every now and then.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn’t like a partner who won’t put in the effort to communicate properly with him or keeps their stuff tidy and organized.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He tends to sleep on his side, holding you close to his chest.

shoutout to @the-coldest-goodbye for the template <3

#jack manifold #jack manifold fanfiction #mcyt #mcyt fanfiction #dream smp #dream smp fanfiction #cant stop that jack manifold grind

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thebountyfucker · 3 years

Text

Cad Bane NSFW Alphabet

The format is from Din Djarin (SFW + NSFW 18+ Alphabet Combo) by ChicanaStardust

18+ ONLY - NSFW

Here's my masterpost

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex) Aftercare? What's aftercare? Cad is not an emotion-driven person. Aftercare for him would mainly include offering a towel to clean up and maybe offering his shower if you were especially messy. It would be quite rare for Cad to submit to cuddling.

B= Body part (What’s their favourite body part on themselves, and their partner?) Cad is not vain in that sense - he definitely enjoys strutting around and having people know how good he is. However, this vanity is driven by his skills rather than his looks. Cad couldn't give two shits about what his body looks like. (But take his hat and your a dead person) I think Cad's an ass man through and through.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically) Cad would cum anywhere he damn pleased - mostly face, chest, back, or ass. He would cum in his partner as well but that usually occurs when he and his partner don't have time to clean up. Duros' cum more than humans, but can only really orgasm once in a session.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) & Dirty secret (self-explanatory) Cad? Settling down? No. He'd either retire alone or be killed before he settled down with a partner and family. It's just not who he is. He can cook, but he is not great at it and he usually eats pre-made food. He can clean, but is often pretty busy. Cad's interest in Jango was more than rivalry based. They may have been involved before Jango's death.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?) Cad is experienced. He's a flirt, though not it a cute way - in a rather intimidating, 'this man has power' way. He's slept around a lot and as such, knows how to please a multitude of partners.

F = Fiancé (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) Cad does not commit to anything other than jobs, and even then he could be convinced to betray an employer for extra coin. He would also never marry.

G = Goofy (are they the serious type or more humorous?) Cad, goofy? No. He's very serious. He takes himself seriously, and his job seriously. He would likely find goofy partners annoying.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? Etc.) & Head (Giving and receiving) No hair, so no problem. He wouldn't care about hair on his partners, though if they had rather thick, coarse hair, it might be a bit irritating to him.

Cad doesn't mind head - giving or receiving. His fangs often turn off receivers, and he doesn't care enough to try to convince them otherwise. He'll accept a blow job if his partner is insistent but, again, doesn't care enough to try to convince a partner.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) & Intimacy (How intimate are they during sex?) Cad would not say 'I love you'. Also, there is little intimacy in his couplings.

J = (Jealousy and Jack off/Handjob combo) Cad is a jealous lover - but only if his partner tried flirting with his hunting rivals. Anyone else, he doesn't much care because he doesn't consider them a threat. Cad likes handjobs, especially in public settings. He also masturbates, but not often.

K = Kisses that lead into kinks (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed? What are one or more of their kinks?) If you could get Cad to agree to a kiss, he might, but it wouldn't be anything spectacular. Cad sees kissing as intimacy and he's not really down for that.

Cad would have a few kinks - exhibitionism, dom/sub, and biting are just a few of them.

L = Location (Favorite place to do the do.) Cad likes fucking on his ships, and in bars. But has nothing against fucking in his apartments.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) & Motivation (What gets them going?) Cad sleeps in when he can, but that is rare. His mornings are really dictated by his work schedule.

As for what gets him going, it's definitely touches - cock touches, specifically.

N = No (something that is a turn off? ) Cad would not mind being called 'daddy' but anything beyond that regarding a daddy kink is a no go. Also, anything that has to do with feelings.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) Cad will not tell his partners anything about him. He's very closed off. It's not because he's trying to protect partners, it's because he doesn't trust people.

P = Pace (are they soft and sensual? Or are they rough and feral?) & PDA (are they open to displaying the relationship?) Cad is definitely more rough and feral - again, for him, sex is about pleasure, not connection. Slow and sensual would be very rare.

Cad's not opposed to PDA in terms of public sex but there would be absolutely no hand-holding, hugging, kissing, or the like.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) Cad does not remember much about partners. He doesn't much care, either.

R = Risks (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks?) Cad takes risks, but not carelessly. He thinks through the risks. He'll experiment, but won't go out of his way to suggest new things.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) Cad's not protective as much as he is possessive. He might protect a partner, but not without getting something in return.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) Little effort. Again, Cad isn't looking for companionship as much as he is looking for a quick fuck. He might buy clothes or kinky outfits, but that would probably be it.

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease.) Cad does like to tease. He delights in seeing his partner squirm and beg for him. He is not fond of being on the receiving end, though.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) & Volume (Are they loud during sex?) Cad's not vain. As long as he has his hat, he's good. He's middle-of-the-road in terms of volume. He does dirty talk and moan and grunt, but he is not loud about it.

W = Whole/wildcard (What's a random headcanon for the character?) Cad likes fucking partners in the cockpits of his ships while going through hyperspace.

X = Xtra & X-Ray (Random Headcanon/ What’s Underneath those clothes) Cad is attracted to men too, and has just as much experience pleasing them as he does pleasing women.

Cad is thin-framed and rather scrawny. He's still quite strong, as he's able to lift targets up. His cock is long, with a pointed head and ridges along the sides of his shaft.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?) Cad fucks, and he fucks often.

Z = Zzzzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?) Cad sleeps pretty lightly, as he's used to having to wake up at the drop of a hat. He will sleep for eight, nine hours when it's permitted, but that's not typical. He can function well on a few hours of sleep.

#cad bane #star wars smut #smut #star wars

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