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#billy batson roping bruce into his hijinks is peak shenaniganizing
rad-batson · 8 months
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AU where after 12yo Billy’s identity gets revealed to the JL, Bruce Wayne gives his number to Billy for emergencies or any other situation where he might need an adult (like a get-out-of-jail free card, covering rent, signing a permission slip, advice, anything.) No strings attached. He won’t act controlling. Just in case, you know?
And for a while it’s never used because Billy would rather take his own eye out than ask an adult for help. Until Billy realizes there are a lot more benefits to this than he thought. Now whenever Uncle Dudley is at work and Constantine is too busy running from the magical authorities or (more importantly) he doesn’t want either to know what he’s doing, Bruce is the adult he calls.
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Cap, over comms: Hey Bruce, I need advice.
Bruce, already in the zeta tube: Which villain is it?
Cap: You have style, right? What should I wear to the school dance? Because Dudley said a ruffled tuxedo shirt is “a classic” but it sounds ugly and-
Bruce:
Bruce: Oh, it’s that kind of advice.
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Bruce: *posing as Billy’s guardian for class registration day*
PTA Mom: Hello sir, is this your son?
Bruce: *looks at Billy*
Billy: *nodding his head*
Bruce: Yes
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Billy: Hey Bruce, can you buy something for me?
Bruce: What is it?
Billy: *slowly hands Bruce a copy of The Conjuring*
Bruce:
Bruce: Billy, I don’t think you should—
Billy: You promised :(
Bruce: *whispering* fuck
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Cap, over comms: Uhh, Bruce? Do you know Sanskrit?
Bruce: Yeah, why? Is it for a school assignment?
Cap: …Don’t tell Constantine.
Bruce:
Cap: I got kidnapped by an ancient cult, and I need you to help me escape.
Bruce: *crushes the mug of coffee he’s holding*
Bruce: Oh?
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