#biblically accurate stiles quotes
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STILES: (repeatedly slamming his broken phone against the table in frustration)
DEREK: “Stiles, stop that! How would you feel if I banged you against the table?”
STILES: “ … do you want me to answer than honestly, or—”
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#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#derek hale#sterek#teen wolf
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College!AU, w/ (Human) Single!Dad Derek and his lab partner Stiles
STILES: “What I’m thinking is I’m up to my ass—”
(sees toddler Eli standing beside Derek, watching them with wide eyes)
STILES: “—terisk in academic bullcrap, which means I do not have time to hold your hand through this project. It’s just basic o-chem, dude—you got this! Alright?”
DEREK: (sighs heavily) “… alright.”
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#derek hale#eli hale#teen wolf#college au#lab partners au#all my homies hate o-chem
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STILES, about DEREK: "Am I painfully, miserably, desperately in love with him? Yeah, of course, but that's a problem for Future Stiles. Right now, I'm just tryna survive long enough to retake my math test on Friday—these parabolas got hands."
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#derek hale#sterek#teen wolf#all my homies hate parabolas
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STILES, to DEREK: "Okay, so two things; one, you called and left a weirdly-cryptic voicemail? Which was freaky, 'cause I didn't even realize you knew how to work that thing—seeing as you never answer it, like, ever. So don't do that again, please and thank you.
STILES, to DEREK: "Two, I think someone just tried to kill me."
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#inncorect quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#derek hale#sterek#teen wolf
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Alive Hale Family!AU
DEREK, about ISAAC: "We are not keeping him."
CORA: "We kept Stiles."
STILES: "She has a point, unfortunately."
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#derek hale#cora hale#isaac lahey#teen wolf#gotta love AHF aus
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SCOTT: "Dude, you don't look so good. Are you sure you should be here right now?"
STILES: "I'll have you know I haven't puked once in the last 57 minutes—I'm basically cured."
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#scott mccall#teen wolf#tw puking mention
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STILES: (shaking his head dramatically in mock disappointment) "You and your unending supply of weather-inappropriate scarves."
ISAAC: "I'll have you know I own a completely normal amount of all-season scarves!"
STILES: "And who told you that, Lizard McGee?"
JACKSON: (squawks in offense) "I didn't even say anything!"
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#isaac lahey#jackson whittemore#teen wolf
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DEREK: (makes a weird face) "Why are you wearing that?"
STILES: "It’s Costume Friday!"
DEREK: "Today’s Tuesday."
STILES: "Costume Friday!"
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#derek hale#teen wolf
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STILES: "Wait, where's my food? What—oh my god, what is this?!"
(he pulls a Ziploc of baby carrots out of his backpack with a look of horror on his face)
DEREK: "That, is a healthy and nutritious snack."
STILES: "I'm gonna die."
DEREK: "You're not dying, Stiles."
STILES: "I am going to starve to death in this stupid, pineapple-scented car. You're my enemy now, Derek, we're enemies again—I'm going to ruin your life for this."
DEREK: "By doing what, dropping a Twinkie into my bag? How did you find out I'm terrified of preservatives, I hid it so well."
STILES: "Hey! Twinkies are a great source of—"
DEREK: "Carcinogens, yeah, I know."
STILES: "Derek Hale, you son of a—"
ISAAC: "Can you guys stop flirting until Erica relieves me for the next watch? She's the only one that doesn't mind your... freaky foreplay stuff."
DEREK: "We are not—"
STILES: "Isaac, you take that back right now—"
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#derek hale#sterek#isaac lahey#teen wolf#inspired by that one stakeout scene in the mentalist with rigsby and van pelt
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AU where Stiles raises/trains ferrets
JACKSON: "That demon just bit me!"
STILES: "Huh?"
JACKSON: "He bit me, Stiles!"
STILES: "Ketchup bit you?"
JACKSON: "You mean Goliath? That massive beast of a rat? Yes, him!"
STILES: "Sounds like a you-problem, man—he's an excellent judge of character."
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#jackson whittemore#ketchup the ferret (oc)#teen wolf#i love ferrets#ferrets
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STILES: "Hey-yy, Scott! Scotty-boy, Scott-ster, Scott-a-roni—"
ISAAC: "Please make him stop."
SCOTT: "We both know I can't do that."
STILES: "First of all, rude. Second, I need your help. Like, right now."
SCOTT: "What?? Is everything okay?! Where—"
STILES: "I'm getting there, dude, just hold on! So, Derek gave me this thing—"
ISAAC: "Was it mono? He seems like a carrier."
STILES: (glares at Isaac) "I think I liked you better when you were too scared to sass me."
(Isaac throws his head back and cackles, while Scott shoots Stiles a horrified look)
STILES: "Anyways, he gave me this leather hangy-thing that's supposed to glow when I'm in the presence of the ghost we're hunting—"
ISAAC: "Hold on, the what?"
STILES: "I know, right? It looks like a car air-freshener but there's this weird sigil—"
SCOTT: "Wait, wait, can we go back to the ghost hunting thing real quick?"
STILES: "Me and Der are hunting a ghost, what's not clicking here?"
SCOTT: " ... we'll just circle back to it later."
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#scott mccall#isaac lahey#derek hale#teen wolf#ghost hunting#dark humor tw#tw for implied child abuse
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Alive Hale Family!AU
STILES: "Do you know how to use Pinterest?"
DEREK: "Uh... I guess?"
STILES: "Great, I want a summer wedding."
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#derek hale#sterek#teen wolf#gotta love AHF aus#fuck summer weddings tho#i hate the sun#drunk people are gross but SWEATY drunk people are worse
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(in Stiles’ room, after school)
SCOTT: "Oh my god. Dude."
STILES: "What?"
SCOTT: "I smell dead people."
STILES: "Don't quote The Sixth Sense at me, it is not that bad in here."
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#scott mccall#teen wolf#the sixth sense
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STILES: "He dresses like an aggressively bisexual squirrel, and you're surprised? Your gay-dar is wack, dude."
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#teen wolf#the aggressively bisexual squirrel is isaac for all those wondering lol
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SCOTT: "And you just went with him?? Dude, what is wrong with you!"
STILES: "He had a point, okay! And a gun—several guns."
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#scott mccall#teen wolf#i make these myself (no bots/ai) so please don't steal them willy nilly
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JACKSON: "Fuck you!"
STILES: "Sorry, man, you're outta luck. I don't wanna get arrested for indecent exposure—last time was way too close."
#biblically accurate stiles quotes#incorrect teen wolf quotes#incorrect quotes#writing prompts#stiles stilinski#jackson whittemore#teen wolf
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