#benji blakeway fanfic
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homesick (van mccann)
🤍this is my first time writing a fic so bare that in mind haha, loosely based off homesick but i got quite carried away. it was only supposed to be 1K words max oops. let me know which song fic you want to see next or any ideas for them. feedback would be appreciated🤍
wattpad
word count: 8K
warnings: swearing, alcohol
Van had always been an “over protective boyfriend” from making you call him every time you get home after leaving his place even though you literally lived across the street or texting him that you’re home and alright after every shift at your work. Sometimes you thought it was a bit much but at the same time you were so lucky with how much he cares about you.When he was on tour... this wasn't the case. He would go days without talking to you because he was too busy. You were ecstatic the band finally started to get the recognition they deserved however, this also meant they had more dates on tour and they started to fly across the world for weeks on end. You were so proud of them but you never got to see Van or the other members anymore. You were basically the 5th member of the band alongside Larry, the 6 of you were inseparable but then life happened and you had to get a job which completely changed everything.
Once you were touring up and down the country with your best friends, cramped into a van, driving to cities you’ve never been to before and getting to see the love of your life bouncing around on stage for 2 hours a night while he pursued his dreams but now you’re stuck in a dead end job, pulling pints for lifeless people in a tiny town you’ve always wanted to get away from without the people you loved most.
It was understandable that you were jealous of how they’re going all around the world doing the thing they love most while you have to live a normal life. You knew you shouldn’t feel jealous but it was so hard to feel happy when you didn’t even feel included anymore.
You were snuggled up to Van on his sofa watching some shit afternoon gameshow because there was nothing good on the telly to watch, resting your head on his shoulder, barely keeping your eyes open when he told you the news, “Um... forgot to tell you... me and the lids are going to Australia tomorrow... and then straight to Japan... then to America but then back here” he stuttered the words out while stroking your hair. You stayed silent trying to process what he had just said. “Y/N... love, please don’t be too upset. I would have told you sooner but i didn’t want to ruin today and i only found out last minute, I swear.” His voice did that high pitched thing he does when he’s defensive and nervous towards the end, trying to explain why he’s just telling you the day before.
Lifting your head up off his shoulder while staring at the floor so you couldn’t see his face, you quietly said “for how long?” you looked up, met his gaze, and his face dropped. He broke eye contact immediately, started fidgeting with the sleeves of his soft black jumper and said “2 months” almost whispering. You could feel your eyes starting to overflow with tears. You didn’t dare look at him because it would just make it worse. It’ll remind you that you won’t be able to see his wonky teeth, crooked smile, beautiful blue eyes, long lashes, silky lips, the freckles scattered over his pale skin, his lanky frame dressed in scruffy colourless clothes.
You felt him move, sitting up next to you, draping his arm over your shoulder and pulling you into his side. He pressed a ghost-like kiss on your cheek and now he was resting his head on your tense shoulder for a bit before lifting it up, he could tell that you were struggling. You turned your head to say something and he had already been looking at you. Big mistake. You just broke down into tears.
This would be the longest they’ve been away from you since you had met them in your early teens.
You met Van and Larry when you were 12, you had just moved in opposite Van’s parent’s B&B and they offered to help bring boxes in and unpack with you and your parents since it was summer and it was the sticky kind of weather that really makes it hard to do anything productive in. After getting all the boxes in and unpacking a few they invited you all over for a cuppa in their garden. When you walked into their back garden there were two boys your age, Bernie called them over and introduced you to them. You were always quite shy but they just started talking to you like you had been hanging out with them all their life. The rest of the summer you spent it with Van and Larry, they showed you around the whole of the town, showed you their favourite places to go and they told you people to avoid at school.
When the summer was over, you started at their secondary school. They showed you to all your classes, even the ones they weren’t in, just so they could have an excuse to be late to their next lessons. Any classes you were in with either of them, they sat with you even if they had other friends in the class. Within a few weeks, you had met a few girl friends but they didn’t compare with the lads at all, they were all fake and didn’t really like each other and would bitch about anyone who wasn’t there. So you stayed with Van and Larry throughout your school years.
After 2 and a half years of living there, you started to like Van in a different way... you noticed your feelings change when he got his first girlfriend. Obviously there were rumours that you were with either Larry or Van but especially Van, because of how much you hung out and it’s known that if a girl and a boy are friends, people just presume that they’re together. You never heard the end of it from kids in school. Van didn’t care about the rumours, in fact he embraced them in a way.
If people were staring at us two he would put his arm around you or try and hold your hand just to wind you up because he knew how much you hated the rumours. Even your own mam and dad asked if you and van we’re seeing each other because every night after school he would come over to yours or you would go to his and listen to his vinyl and cds, same at your house. You loved the same music, from stereophonics to the strokes or arctic monkeys to oasis.
One particular night, you and Van were listening to the new Arctic Monkeys album “humbug” while lying on your bed. He mentioned that he had started seeing one of the girls from school, that was the moment you realised you loved Van. Your heart dropped. You just shrugged it off and picked up your guitar to try and play along to cornerstone while Van was trying to do an Alex Turner impression, which he failed miserably at.
The next week dragged in and you didn’t see van after school until Friday night when you got a text asking you to go to his. You were confused and a bit nervous, he said that he was going to his girlfriend’s house. Anyways, you wandered across the road and Mary opened the door and said, “Knew he’d get you to fix his broken heart” while smiling and she gave you a hug. You smiled to yourself while walking to his bedroom, he was sat on the floor next to his record player while it was spinning humbug by Arctic Monkeys like last week. You sat down next to him, resting your back against his bedroom wall as he told you about how she broke up with him because her friends thought she could “do better”.
This was the first time you had ever seen him like this, not with a cheeky grin on his face, he genuinely looked broken. He had his head in his hands, “Y/N, be honest, do you think I didn’t deserve her?” you were shocked, you never thought you’d hear van saying anything like this. He was known for being cocky and slightly narcissistic so seeing him like this was out of character. You tapped him on the shoulder so he would look up at you, his face was red and his hair messy. You hugged him and said, “No you didn’t deserve her, you deserve someone who actually likes you the way you are.” You then started making jokes about her and her mates to cheer him up, it worked.
The two of you were laughing all night about things, you ended up staying at his house that night. It was around 2am and you were still awake, just talking about random things until Van changed the conversation, “You know what you said earlier about how I deserve someone who genuinely likes me... I already know the perfect person” he was looking right into your eyes, you could feel the butterflies in your stomach rising. You just giggled and joked saying “Wow you move on quick McCann! Who is the lucky girl? “ you were hoping playing dumb would calm your nerves or change the whole conversation but he put his hand on your cheek and said, “She’s right here”.
You were burning up, you didn’t even know how to respond to it. You had no idea he felt the same way you did. He looked confused when you were just sat there gobsmacked, he moved his hand away and said “Well? Don’t leave me hanging Y/N, what do you say?” you were even more confused by that question, you looked at him finally and said “Wait what am I answering?” you knew what he was asking but you just wanted to make sure that this wasn’t just your imagination running wild. Van just started laughing “for fucks sake, i’ll spell it out. Will – you – be – my – girlfriend?” you couldn’t find the words, you just nodded and said “Yeah, go on then”. Before sharing the most awkward first kiss, when teeth collide. Ever since that moment, nearly 6 years ago, you and van have happily been together.
Not long after this, Van started a band. That’s when you met Benji, he started practicing bass and the rest of the band would rehearse nearly everyday in Van’s parent’s garage. You and Larry would watch and help out with restringing guitars when Van strummed too fast and you would try to tune the guitars like how your dad showed you. You and Benji would play video games while Larry and Van argued about what we should order to eat or what songs should make the setlist at a pub where 4 people had bought tickets.
After only a few weeks of touring throughout the country, even going hours away to scotland, a new drummer joined. That’s when you met Bob, he was nothing like the others. While they were loud and full of life, he was shy and quite reserved. You and Bob quickly became close, you were both very awkward which made trying to talk to each other very tricky but it was amusing to the others. However, you both quickly became good friends after a few days despite that.
The band started getting booked for festivals up and down the country, even some in other parts of Europe and a very small leg of an American festival run! You travelled with them as a roadie but you knew deep down, unlike Larry, you weren’t going to stay a part of the team because you didn’t really do that much technical work, you were more like a pa to everyone else. After this you had to step back from the roadie role, everyone was gutted and Van tried to make you stay but you needed a stable job to help your parents pay the bills.
This year welcomed a new guitarist to the band, Johnny Bond. He’s one of the funniest people you’ve ever met and it felt like he had been in the band since the start. That summer you spent it like the old times, in Van’s parent’s garage. You and Larry watched as they played songs Van had written years ago but now they had a new life and meaning. You never wanted them 2 weeks to end because that would be your last time with the band for a month. Unfortunately they flew by, each day would end in drunken story telling and reflecting on some of the worst yet hilarious stories of being on tour.
That month they were away was one of the worst times of your life, your job was driving you mad since your boss constantly put you on shifts because "you have nothing else better to do". You would have given anything to just be able to walk to Van's and listen to him tell you that it's all going to be fine or how he's gonna "beat up your boss because he treats you like shit". You wish you could just go and have a pint with your mates to make you feel better but no. You were alone with only a lousy message every now and then from Van.
You were still in tears, all these memories came flooding back to you in a matter of seconds. Hitting you like bricks. Actually, being hit by several bricks would probably hurt less than the realisation that you couldn’t carry on like this. You stood up from his sofa, breaking away from him. “I’m sorry I have to go, just need some space” muttering as you walked to his front door to get your shoes on and you saw his legs move into eyesight as you were tying your laces. “I’m so sorry Y/n, I mean it” he sighed. You stood up, he went to give you a hug but you dodged it, reaching for your leather jacket that used to be one of his. As you opened the door, Van solemnly begged “Still come to the pub later with me and the lids like we planned, they all miss you like mad, yeah?” you slightly nodded and walked out closing the door behind you but not looking back.
A few hours of sobbing in your bedroom had passed, it was almost the time you said you would meet at the local pub. You didn’t know if you could face it. You know if you didn’t go, you’d regret it however if you went you know you won’t be able to hold back the tears, you were a mess. When you had gotten in from Van’s you took down all the pictures you had of him and the others off your wall because you couldn’t stand the sight of them. You had put all of Van’s tops, jumpers and other things lying around in your house into a bag that you were going to give back to him. You took off the bracelet Van got you on your 6 year anniversary last year and hid it where you wouldn’t be tempted to put it back on. You took all of the catfish demos, vinyl and cds van had given you over the years, with handwritten notes describing how much he loves you and how these songs wouldn’t exsist without you.
It was 10 minutes before you were supposed to be meeting them, you were staring at the clock hoping that time would just pause so you had more time to collect yourself or had more time to even decide whether to go or not.
You looked in your mirror and practically jumpscared yourself. You had mascara running down your swollen face. ‘jesus christ! I really am a mess’ you thought as you scanned your appearance. Then you also saw in the corner of your mirror a photo booth picture strip you and van did on their last uk tour in one of the O2 academy venues. That made your decision right then and there.
You quickly ran to the bathroom and washed your face to get the residue of ruined makeup off your face and tried to then apply more to cover up the redness of your eyes. Just as you were topping up your lipstick you heard a knock on your door and then your mam near enough shrinking, “Van! It’s so nice to see you again, how’s the rock n roll life treating you then?” you could hear them talking downstairs which bought you more time to get dressed out of one of your old band hoodies and joggers into a slightly newer hoodie and jeans. You took one last look in the mirror to check there was no evidence that you’ve just had a bit of a mental breakdown down. As you go to walk down the stairs you suddenly remember your bracelet so you quickly put it back on.
As you turned to go into the living room you smile, you’re so lucky that your parents get on with Van so well. They were sitting there with a cuppa while your mam was saying how she’d watched their t in the park set on the tv and that she can’t wait to see them live again. Van was beaming, he had been telling her stories about festivals they had done while I was here, working in the shitty pub. You were stood there in complete awe of Van, his over exaggerated hand movements as he tries to explain how “mental” the crowds have been and his smile as he is saying that he can’t believe how many people now love the band. After he was done telling your mam the infamous reading story about how a lad got his kick off and was upside down in the middle of their set because Van dared him to do it, you coughed to get their attention. If you didn’t do that they’d both be talking for days. Van was hesitant to look after what had happened in the afternoon, but you just smiled back at him, acting like you were completely fine even though deep down you were still questioning the longevity of your relationship.
He got up and kneeled down to hug your mam and say thanks for the tea. You both walked to the door and he put his arm around your shoulder and whispered in your ear, “are you alright darling?” you put your arm around his waist and said, “I’ll be fine”. But would you? Just as you pulled the door to leave, your mam shouted from the other room “Oi! yous two, remember don’t be stumbling in here drunk at god knows what time! I’ve got work in the morning and I know what yous two are like!” you and Van just looked at each other and laughed as you stepped out the door and locked it.
Frosted pavements glistened in the moon light as you and Van set off walking to the pub. You loved autumn going on winter, cold breeze floated through the dimly lit streets with hazes of golden lights coming from the scattered street lamps. No words were spoken, just the two of you walking hand in hand. No one in sight. Van broke away, you frowned at the loss of contact and warmth. He was rummaging for a pack of cigs in his jacket pocket, not successful. You had barely smoked, of course you have had a few drags when you would get high at Van's or when you had a few too many, only started recently to try and handle the stress of work. So you handed him one out of your coat. "Thanks..?" questioning what you'd just done, "Since when did you start smoking?" you didn't answer straight away. You lit his cig up with your florescent lighter then lit your own up. "A few weeks ago. You're a bad influence" you smirked.
Rubbing the stump of the cigarette butt into the concrete, the strolling continued. "The Australian tour is actually supporting The Kooks" Van announced, "They're big fans of the band! It's surreal"
"No way?!" you stopped in your tracks.
"Yeah! Me and the boys were buzzing when management told us!" his face glowed with pride as he was telling you the details of the tour and where they were playing "We're gonna be playing to thousands on the other side of the world, I can't believe it" You couldn't have felt prouder in that moment.
Finally, you and Van arrived. The group wasn't hard to miss, even before opening the thick wooden doors you could hear Larry, Bob and Benji laughing at some imaginative tale Bondy was telling. "Brace yourself, they already sound like they're streaming" Van uttered while shaking his head. He was right. "OI OI! Thought you lovebirds had forgotten!" shouted Larry across the room, you just put your head in your hands as Van stuck his middle finger up at Larry.
They stood up one at a time to give you a hug, Bob pleaded "Please come on tour again, you are the only sane one of them all" while Van pretended to be 'disgusted' at his statement. Bondy nearly knocked you over, "Missed you so much lass" he slurred. Benji kept it simple stating, "Forgotten what you looked like! Never see you anymore" You just put on a fake smile as you could slowly feel your heart getting stabbed with each greeting. Larry exclaimed, "I know right! You need to come back on tour one day, I can't do my job without you" you just laughed at him but deep down you felt sick.
You sat in the middle of Bob and Van as Bondy went to get another round in. Drinks were flowing after telling Van you had to catch up with the rest, that would be impossible but you loved a challenge. Roaring laughter filled your booth as they all told embarrassing stories about each other from the past tour, from Bondy falling asleep in the most random places to hiding Larry's gear from him on high up shelves, which Larry deemed it "discrimination against small people". It felt like they hadn't been away and your thoughts about how they're leaving tomorrow quickly disappeared.
More drinks are consumed far too quickly, you felt dazed and your head was starting to spin, you were out of practice drinking like these. Bad idea to try and out drink Bondy. You were now resting your head on Van's shoulder to try and fight the dizziness off, you admired his laugh and facial expressions as they continued to bring up stories and they also started saying how excited they were about tomorrow. You weren't really paying attention, all you could think about is how you're not going to experience this for another 2 months.
"Earth to Y/N!" Larry said while clicking his fingers in front of your face, you snapped out of your daydream in an instant. "I was just telling them about that time me, you and Van got kicked out of The Kooks gig a few years ago. Wasn't it Van's fault?" but before you could even try and remember the story exactly, Van had already put his hands up like he had been caught red handed making you jolt up from his shoulder. "Alright, alright, you win. It might have been my fault but it was your idea to throw that demo on stage!"
"Yeah, I said throw it on stage, not at the bass player!" Larry argued back.
"Sorry Van, you know I love ya but I'll have to side with Larry on this one. Not his fault you've got a shit aim." You drunkenly giggled back. "Thank you Y/N! See I told you! 1 to me 0 to Van" He pretends to write it down on one of the many beer mats. You looked up at Van and his eyes were narrow, He leaned into the side of your head, resting his fluffy hair on yours. "I'll remember that later." He breathed into your ear making your hair stand up and your heartbeat.
It was even colder outside now then when you had entered, you all said your goodbyes as the rest of them did the sensible thing of getting a taxi back to their houses while you and Van staggered back. You were practically holding each other up, not realising how much you had actually drank until the frosty night smacked you in the face as soon as you had stepped out.
Once you had reached your house after what felt like a lifetime of walking, you searched for your key as Van held onto you so he didn't fall face first into the door. You looked everywhere but couldn't find it, "I definitely had it, I locked the door before" you muttered starting to panic until you felt Van grab your ass while laughing to himself, "Van? Not right now I'm in the middle of something" you whined as he tapped you on the shoulder. "Your keys were in your back pocket dafty" giggling like a little boy, you snatched them off him and unlocked the door.
You quietly locked the door behind you, kicking off your shoes and shrugging your jacket off and leaving it in the middle of your hallway. Van stood there still giggling like a child, "Keep it down, remember my mam has work in the morning" you tried to sturdily say however it set you off laughing when he put his finger over his lips like he was being shushed at school.
He followed you upstairs and cashed down on your bed and as you removed your make up for the second time today. You had barely gotten into your pyjamas when you could hear Van lightly snoring on your bed. He was starfished out under the covers. You closely followed by trying to get into your bed without waking him up, you had little to no room but you didn't care. At least he was still here in bed with you.
Sounds of clattering downstairs wakes you, sunlight gleaming through your curtains. There was an obvious change, Van wasn't there. You got up and stumbled down stairs, your head was thumping and you started to regret last night's antics. Wandering through to the kitchen answered where the loud noises were coming from. Van was stood there in his old pair of joggers with his streets hoodie, that he keeps at yours, on. His hair looked untamed, you tip-toed over to him, not making a sound. You crept over and leaned into his ear, still keeping a distance... "BOO!"
Van jumped and you began to crease up with laughter at his reaction, "Fucking hell Y/N! Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something?" you just replied with more laughter while hoping to sit on the counter next to him. "Thought you left me" you said as he handed you a cuppa, "Well I'm still here, aren't I?" He grinned as he moved in front of you and put his arms around your waist, "I'm going to miss this." he sighed into your hug. "Me too" you hummed back, taking in the view of his sleepy look.
You both got changed, and walked over to Van's house. His parents were waiting to see him before he left, they were used to him hardly being home but they still missed him. After talking to them for a while and Mary reminding Van to look after himself on the road and him just nodding along not really listening, you went upstairs and helped him to pack up his things. It was quite easy to pack his stuff since he just lived out of cases anyways, there was no point of him unpacking to just re pack the week after.
You were still trying to fight a headache off but now you're also fighting off the sensation of your eyes watering. The bus they were getting to the airport had pulled up outside, all the lads looked worse for wear after last night. Looks like you weren't the only one with a hangover then.
"Well that's everything then..." Van trailed off "You know I'll message or call you everyday... I'll be back in no time. It won't even feel like I've left." He softly spoke as he rubbed your back. "Promise?" you sniffled, feeling yourself well up again. "I promise" he gestured his pinky as if he was pinky promising, you chuckled. "I'm gonna miss you so fucking much Y/N, wish you could come with us" he pulled you into a tight hug, it was like he didn't want to leave you either. "I wish I could too" you nuzzled into his chest, "I'm gonna miss you too"
As you left his room, he grabbed your arm. "Where do you think you're going? I'm not finished yet" But before you could reply he pulled you into his lips, you threw your arms around his neck. it was passionate, but also soft and gentle, you never wanted to pull away. He was slowly sliding his hands under your jumper as you started to put your hands through his thick locks. As he was trying to undo your bra he had moved so you were against the wall and he nuzzled in your neck, sucking on the sensitive spots, making you sigh with need as you also slid your hands down his back...
"Van we're gonna be late-" Larry barged through the door, you both broke away instantly. "Oh shit sorry... but mate we have to go now" he said looking at the floor as he left, you were bright red and flustered but Van didn't really care. "To be continued?" He winked as he picked up his bags, "I guess" you followed out the door with one of his bags.
When you got outside and there they were, Larry had definitely mentioned something since they were giggling like school boys. You were still painted red with embarrassment so you avoided eye contact with the others, just kept your head down and put his bag in the back. you said goodbye and waved to them all, "Hang on, do I not get a proper goodbye?" Van questioned. "Think you've already had it" Bondy announced. The boys went into fits of laughter, this really wasn't helping. You were practically burning with embarrassment. "Don't listen to them pricks, C'mere" Van once again pulled you into a kiss, this time it was a bit toned down for obvious reasons, but it still gave you butterflies in the pit of your stomach.
"I was only kidding lass, I would too if I had the option" Bondy chuckled while walking over to give you a hug, you and the others laughed while Van looked confused. The bus was ready to go, so you said goodbye to them all, hugging and saying how much you're gonna miss them. "Van wait! forgot to give you this" he stopped as he went to get on the bus, you pulled out the photo booth picture from your phone case. His face lit up, "Thanks love! This was at one of my favourite gigs we've ever done" he put it in his pocket. "Love you" he said before turning around to get on the bus, "I love you too" you said with a lump in your throat.
After you watched your whole world drive away you ran to yours to go upstairs and put up all your photos of them all again, you put their old vinyl and cds on your shelves and display again and you put all of Van's stuff into his own drawer in your dressing table.
Of course these next few weeks were going to be tough but you loved him and nothing was going to change it.
A couple of days had past, they did their first date in Australia and it looked amazing. It stung you watching videos of them performing, you should be there supporting your best friends. However you were tapped behind a bar getting weird looks from old men instead. You haven't heard anything from Van himself, the form of contact you've had was Benji telling you they've landed but they were shattered and majorly jetlagged which is understandable.
A week had past and nothing from Van. You knew the timezones were drastically different but there was still times he could call. So you messaged him,
"hi, the tour looks so good! how are you doing? haven't spoken in ages, just want to know you're ok x"
no reply.
It had nearly been 2 weeks since they left and still nothing. You began overthinking, what if he's not alright? what if he's cheating? maybe he doesn't love you anymore? it was driving you sick. You tried calling him several times but no answer. So you just gave up.
3 weeks had dragged in and it was the last night of their tour with The Kooks tonight, BoB and Larry had phoned you to see how you were doing and to inform you about tour. While on the phone to Larry, you asked about Van, "I've tried calling and messaging Van but he's just not answering, do you know why? just be honest because I'm fed up of being ignored" it went silent.
"Look, Y/N, this has been the busiest tour we've done, he's constantly doing promo or rehearsing. Even I've hardly seen him" you just sighed, "Thanks anyways" you mumbled in defeat.
You didn't even want to wake up this morning. it had been a month and still nothing but today was different. It was yours and Van's 7 year anniversary. 7 years since you were there in his bedroom listening to Arctic Monkeys, laughing about anything and everything when he asked you to be his girlfriend. Now here you are, alone with no message or call. You had pre booked the day off because you though he was going to be home. Instead you were lying in your bed, with his streets hoodie on that smelled of his aftershave and lambert and butlers.
You spent the whole day in bed, looking through the present you had made for your anniversary that you were going to give when he got back. It was a photo book, the first picture was from the first day you had met him in his garden to the last picture of you two being backstage at their biggest headline show to date with the golden disc they go from one of their singles.
You had decided to not think about him anymore, you were focused on trying to figure out what you wanted to do with your life. You were just going round in circles, the only things you enjoyed doing was playing guitar, listening to music and going to concerts. Realistically that wasn't going to get you anywhere.
You jumped up in your bed, a loud buzzing noise coming from your phone. it was like a beacon light up your room. It was Van. You darted and picked it up in a heartbeat. "Van?" you questioned shocked. "Hiii lovee wassup" he was drunk. You groaned. "It's 2am for fuck sake, if you're just gonna slur over the phone I'm hanging up" you were furious.
"No no no was calling to say a miss you and I'm sorry I've been sooo busy with work things" he laughed. you were not laughing. "Van! It's been over a month since you've left and you didn't even have the decency to ring me?!" he went silent. "You know I've been worried about you, all I wanted was to know if you were ok and that you were enjoying the tour." you can hear shuffling and a deep sigh on the other side of the phone, "Baby I said I'm sorry just calm down oh my god, been busy that's all" you could feel tears trickling down your face, "Fucking calm down? Are you joking, you've been ignoring me for over a month Van! Do you know what day it was this week? Huh?!" you were raging at this point. "Ummmm... I don't know... Can't be that of been important, I can't remember" this tipped you over the edge. "IT WAS OUR FUCKING ANNIVERSARY" you almost screamed down the phone. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry I didn't know, Fuck.. Um... We'll do something nice when I get back... I'll buy you whatever you want... Or... We could go on holiday just us 2... Shit" you could tell he knew he's fucked up but you were still enraged. "I don't want any of that!" tears were rolling down your cheek with no signs of stopping. It went silent. "So why are you mad at me then?" you couldn't believe he just said that. "All I wanted was for you to remember! Apparently that's too much to fucking ask these days!" you hung up.
You threw your phone down onto your bed and burst out crying, you didn't even know if you were more upset or angry. You felt like your heart had just been ripped up into pieces by the person you loved most. Your phone started buzzing again, it was Van. This carried on for the rest of the night, however you just knocked your phone off and muted it.
It was getting closer to the end of their tour, you didn't even know where they were anymore. You had a few messages off the boys checking in or begging you to talk to Van because he hasn't been himself since that night. You did contemplate getting in touch with Van but every time you thought of him you just wanted to scream. Why did he only call you when he was drunk? Does he not care when he's sober? Did he mean those things he said? These questions were on repeat in your head. You couldn't escape them.
The 2 months were up. They would be home anytime today. You had been mentally preparing for what might happen. Will Van apologise? or will he just be stubborn like always? You didn't even know if you wanted the answers but you knew you were going to get them soon, if you liked it or not.
You were walking back from work, already in a shit mood. You went in your front door and headed straight to bed. It had been a stressful day of annoying men demanding drinks constantly, there was a match on. You despised match days but you got a bouns for doing them, that's all that matters right...
Your bedroom was a mess. There were clothes everywhere, old wrappers and takeaway boxes scattered across your floor. You didn't have the strength to clean it up, especially not right now. Your mind was running mad with the thought of Van coming back today even though you didn't even know wether you wanted to be with him after everything.
After having a shower and getting ready for bed, you picked up the closest thing off your floor to wear. Without thinking you just threw it on and got into bed. It was Van's streets hoodie. You didn't care, you were too tired to care at this point.
It was only 9pm but you were out cold until someone slammed a car door shut and you jolted from the noise. This street was never busy and was always quiet, especially at night. You knew exactly who it was. Your suspicion was confirmed by light knocks on your front door. You hesitated to go downstairs. You didn't want to answer the door.
Your phone flashed with a notification from Van which read
"Hey I'm outside yours now, we need to talk. please answer the door x"
your heart was going a million miles a hour as you took each step down to the front door. You could see his slim frame through the tinted glass, you reached for your keys which had a catfish and the bottlemen keyring on and unlocked the door.
There he was. Stood in your doorway. Dark shadows under his eyes. Stubble coming through. Red around his eyes. Longer rugged looking hair. Ivory skin, paler than usual.
By now you would have jumped into his arms and you would be asking how the tour was while he just rushed you upstairs.
This time it was very different.
"Can I come in?" he asked gently, expecting you to turn down the offer. "Sure" you said bluntly looking down at the carpet. He still had his luggage with him so he left them in the hallway by the door. You walked into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of vodka, you'll probably need it. He followed, playing around with his jumper.
The tension was thick but you didn't want to show you cared or that he had broken you over these weeks. "So, how was the tour then?" you acted as if nothing had happened. "... Good, really good." Van looked baffled. His bushy eyebrows creased and mouth slightly open. "Look we need to talk, I'm sorry about the way I acted the other night but I was constantly swept off my feet working. They had me doing like 2 interviews then radio sessions and a gig at the end of the day. I know I should have called I'm sorry, it won't happen again." You could already feel the anger sparking, "That's not good enough anymore, every time you go away you promise me you'll stay in touch but you never do! I can't take it anymore, it's like I don't exist to you when you're on tour!" He sighed,
"I can't do anything about going on tour, it's a part of the job. Y/N, I've been dreaming of this since I was a kid, you of all people should know that. I know it sucks but we can get through it, I promise" you could feel the water in your eyes already. "I'm not saying I don't want you to stop touring, all I'm saying it would be nice to hear from you while on tour! Even if it's a text message every other day saying hi. Anything would be an improvement! You've promised me loads that you will stay in touch and you never do, I'm sick of just waiting around all day to see if you're gonna reply or not!" The faucet on your eyes had been pulled, tears were falling. "It's like you don't care about me at all! It's like you care about the band more!" you said while rubbing your eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie.
He stood there, brows furrowed. "Are you mad?! I can't just make time out of the schedule to talk to you, I don't even get to talk to my own mum and dad! I'm trying to build us a future, it's not all about you-" you were bewildered. Did he actually just say that to your face? "Y/N, darling I didn't mean that I'm so sorry, I'm not thinking straight. I'm sorry. Can we just try again huh?" He said worriedly. "Just go Van." you sobbed into your hands.
"Please I'll do anything, please let me stay and talk things through properly, yeah?" He shakily said while going to put an arm around to your neck, you shuved him off. "No, just go, I need to think."
"Ok, I'll go" he walked out, head down rubbing his face.You heard him shuffling around in your hallway and then the door quietly shut.
You fell onto your kitchen floor, head resting on your knees trying to process it all. You sat there on the freezing tiles for hours, staring into space wondering how your relationship got this way.
*knock.... knock....*
Van again. You weren't ready for round 2 of whatever this is but if you didn't answer it you know he wouldn't move and freeze to death until you did let him in, so you got up off the floor. Your glassy eyes were not helping the situation.
You opened the door and walked into your living room this time, more comfy than sitting on stone tiles. You and Van sat on separate ends of the sofa. He was bouncing his leg up and down while rubbing his hands together. You noticed that he'd brought a small gift bag this time. "Close your eyes..." Van instructed as he shuffled over right next to you with the gift bag. "Van I'm not in the mood for your stupid games, what is it?" you groaned, it was like nothing had happened. "Fair enough" he said while opening the bag, there was a white box with a name you couldn't quite make out. "Hold your hand out then" you obliged reluctantly, he pulled out a silver necklace with a little charm on it, he placed it carefully in your palm. "Happy late anniversary..." He smiled.
You passed it back to him. "Do you not like it? I can get it changed if you want-"
"Van, it's lovely but I can't be with you anymore. I love you so fucking much but I can't cope without months of contact at a time. I'm so proud of what you've achieved, the band is finally getting somewhere but I can't handle not being with you. It's like you only care about me when you're here and with the band's success you're not going to be home very often. I love you Van but I can't carry on this way." your voice was breaking saying those words, they felt horrible to be in your mouth. You needed them out even if that meant ending things with Van.
His eyes were swollen and his bottom lip was shaking. "I know I've handled this like a fucking idiot, but please Y/N, one more chance. I don't know what I would do without you. You were the one I wrote my very first song about, it was shit but still..." you laughed at the memories of 14 year old Van trying to serenade you on the edge of your bed using your acoustic guitar. "You were the one who believed that the band would work out, You were the one who supported me every step of the way and you were the one who was always there for me when no one else was" it was true, you had always supported him even when you did doubt some of the choices he made.
"I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for you, Y/N just give us one more chance please. I love you more than anything" His eyes were glistening with tears, the insides bloodshot. He was holding your hand the whole time. Your head was spiraling with happy memories.
"Just one more chance, ok? If you fuck this up that's it." you said quietly collapsing onto his chest.
Van moved back and put his hands on either side of your face so you were looking directly into each other's puffy eyes, "Don't worry, I won't fuck it up." he assured as you both leaned into eachother, softly pressing your plump lips together, you pulled him in deeper until he broke away to reach for the necklace. He moved your hair out the way so he could fassen the clasp on the chain. "Beautiful" he breathed before dragging you off the sofa and leading you upstairs to your room.
You woke up at noon, you were fitted to his side, nuzzled into the crook of his neck. You pressed light kisses on his exposed collarbone, trying not to wake him up. His eyelashes fluttered open. "Morning" you said still half asleep. "Morning, love" he grinned, planting a kiss on the tip of your nose.
#catfish and the bottlemen#van mccann#benji blakeway#bob hall#bondy#johnny bond#vanfic#van mccann fanfic#catfish and the bottlemen fanfic
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will there be more of Edgy or is it done?
More! Needs updated FO SHO! Could go on much longer if you guys want.
I could seriously take this in two directions….do you want more shit to hit the fan, or do you want it wrapped up? Open to all suggestions :)
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Smut september promts
1. “Don’t make me take you home and punch you.”
2. “I’ve never wanted anyone to fuck me this badly.”
3. “You’re not going on in that outfit.”
4. “Don’t give me that look.”
5 “You’re more than just a one night stand.”
6. “Would you just shut up and kiss me already.”
7. “You want me to give you your book/phone/item back? Make me.”
8. “Like what you see?”
9. “Try to stay quiet, understand?”
10. “We’re in public, you know.”
11. “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”
12. “Don’t be so rough, there can’t be any marks.”
13. “I rally don’t care. You still look hot and and I’m trying not to kiss/fuck you senseless right now.”
14. “Are you sure? Once we start, I might not be able to stop.”
15. “No, I’m supposed to be making you feel good.”
16. “Make me.”
17. ″Stop teasing me so much...”
18. “You’re in trouble now.”
19. “Take off your clothes.”
20. “I’m waiting.”
21. “ First one to make a noise loses.”
22. “Mine.”
23. “We can’t do that here!”
24. “Behave.”
25. “What did you just say?”
26. “Come here.”
27. “Watch me.”
28. “I don’t want to hear your excuses anymore.”
29. “If you can’t sleep...then how about we have sex?”
30. “Put that thing away!”
31.”Don’t kink shame me.”
32. “If you interrupt me one more time, so help me god.”
33. “I’m going to put on some clothes before you say anything else.”
34. “Tell me what you want.”
35. “Bite me.”
36. “If you insist.”
37. “Could he make you feel as good as I do?”
38. “You’re n-not, um, w-wearing anything under that, are you..?
39. “Are you trying to turn me on or are you really just that oblivious?”
40. “You taste like fucking candy.”
41. “The only way you’re getting off is on my thigh.”
42. “You make a sound and it’s game over.”
43. “Just let me finish this/this level and I swear I'll go down on you until you cum at least three times.”
44. “If I have to stop what I'm doing, you won't be able to walk for the next week.”
45. “I could just pull your bikini bottoms to the side, no one will notice.”
46. “I haven’t even touched you and you’re already this wet.”
47. “Were you just masturbating?”
48. “U-uh..no, I was just...”
49. “Want some help?”
50. “Why don't you come over here and make me.”
A/N: Hey loves, btw any requests already sent in don’t worry I’m still working on them!! Go wild with these prompts, I’m probably gonna try post a smut request from these prompts each week if I get chance on top of the other requests anyway hope your next week is dandy xx em
#van mccann#van mccann fanfic#van mccann x reader#van#vanfic#vanfiction#johnny bond#johnny bond fanfic#johnny bond x reader#bondy#bondy fic#bondy fanfic#Bob Hall#bob hall fanfic#bob hall x reader#bob hall fanfiction#benji blakeway#benji x reader#benji fanfic#benji blakeway fanfic#benji blakeway fanfiction#catb#Catfish and the Bottlemen#catfish#catfish and the bottlemen fanfic
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🌺 Masterlist 🌸
All my fic updates will be posted on my writing blog: @your-divine-ribs
Please bear with me whilst I update my masterlist and start the long process of uploading all my fics! A lot of links won’t be working yet. Feb 2024
Most of my fics are NSFW so please bear that in mind // ✨ = smut // 🌸 = fluff // 🌧️ = angst
Requests are tentatively open but l can’t promise I’ll definitely be able to fulfil them, however I'm happy to discuss fic ideas anytime!
These stories are works of fiction. They are not, in any way, intended to reflect reality. The stories and characters are purely fantasies originating from the mind of the author. The versions of real-life people that appear are fictional portrayals and do not reflect the real people or their actions in any way.
Catfish and the Bottlemen
Imagines/One-shots Masterlist
Catfish and the Bottlemen imagines/one-shots and headcanons ✨🌸🌧️
Red
Can he do what I do you for you? Your boyfriend’s best friend Van is just too hard to resist (ongoing) ✨🌸🌧️
Forbidden
Y/N gets more than she bargains for when she seduces her gorgeous Professors. Van McCann/Johnny Bond/Alex Turner. Student/Professor AU (ongoing) ✨
The Devil Next Door
Van’s your new next door neighbour who you love to hate. Enemies to lovers (ongoing) ✨🌸
I’m With the Band (CATB/Sam)
Spoilt little rich girl Arabella gets sent to stay with her cousin Larry for the summer. Her expectations of a tedious few months in the quiet seaside town of Llandudno soon take a more interesting turn when she's whisked off on tour with Larry's best mate's band, Catfish and the Bottlemen (ongoing) ✨🌸
Ice Cold
He was all sharp edges with a brooding darkness that set your pulse racing. His blue eyes fathomless pools. It was like looking into a void. Ice Cold // He was a cold-hearted assassin. She was trained to take him down (AU) (ongoing) ✨
Pure
Everyone has a guardian angel except you. You have a guardian demon. He deals with things in a much more violent fashion, but it sure is a hell of a lot more effective (AU) (ongoing) ✨
The Christmas Wish
Single Dad Van’s children only have one special wish for Christmas (ongoing) 🌸
All of Your Children
You and Van become parents (ongoing) 🌸
Dad Van Headcanons / Imagines
A collection of imagines and headcanons of Van as a dad 🌸
Playing Hard to Get
You strike up an unconventional relationship with Van whilst working at his parents’ B&B one summer (completed) ✨
All The Mixed Feelings
When Abby comes out of a toxic relationship the last thing she needs is more complication in her life. But a chance meeting at a party takes her life on many twists and turns in the search for love (completed) 🌸🌧️
Kinktober 2023 Writing Challenge
A collection of smutty imagines featuring my characters ✨
Character Headcanons
A collection of headcanons and NSFW Alphabets for the characters in my stories ✨🌸🌧️
SFW Alphabet
A collection of fluffy mini-fics and headcanons 🌸
Sam Fender Fics
#catfish and the bottlemen#van mccann#johnny bond#bob hall#benji blakeway#sam fender#fanfic#vanfic#van mccann x reader
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#C1. Larry
INTRO: So, that’s my vanfic named Hourglass, guess will be a long one. Sorry for any mistake, english isn’t my native language. At least I hope u enjoy <3
Still with her eyes closed, it was possible to feel the light that passed through the window reaching her eyelids and with half-closed eyes Van tried to identify who had done such brutality early in the morning
- Hey, get up, it's eleven - Benji said removing the sheet undoing the warm cocoon around Van himself
- Dude, why?
- Seriously, you've been doing this for weeks. Look at the condition of this room, Van, has no clothes without smelling alcohol.
- Oh Benji, don't bother me
"Okay, but you're going to pay the laundry fee yourself," he said as Van pulled the cover off and closed his eyes again.
Benji closed the bedroom door and went towards the kitchen where Bob and Johnny were having breakfast, leaned against the counter in front of them and let out a sigh, he definitely didn't know what to do to get his friend back to what he was before. Bob and Johnny looking at each other without saying a word when they heard the doorbell ring, Benji set his cup on the table, went to the door and saw Larry, more quietly than usual, through the peephole.
"It's Larry," he said to the two.
- Did we arrange anything with him? asked Bob
- No, but Van calls him when he's bad, that is, almost always - Johnny turns the last sip of coffee and swings the minivan keys in his face
- So, let him in
- The problem is that Larry winds up a lot and does what he wants, I don't know if you know, but we're going to start a tour in a month - Benji grumbled
- I know, but we've tried everything to get him out of this - said Bob scratching his forehead - What else has to try? - Benji rolled his eyes back and gave a shrug before opening the door.
Larry is a friend of all four, especially Van because they have known each other forever and just didn't live with them because he was still responsible for his grandparents who lived a block away from there, but whenever he could visit them. Benji saw that he had bags in his hand and asked why - Van asked me to bring some things before he came - he replied by putting the purchases on the kitchen table, Johnny started to rummage through them and pulled out a pack of cigarettes .
- It seems to be the same as always: cigarettes, energy drink and prepared food. Don't wait, now he asked for a box of tissues - he chuckled.
- Um, ok. Larry, me and these two are going out, solving problems ... you know. Please try to convince him to tidy up the room at least and anything call me..
The three got into the minivan and went downtown to buy what was missing. Johnny parked in front of a small bookstore saying he was going to wait for them right there, so the two went to the instrument store across the street and Bondy entered the small establishment, but without first finishing his cigarette. The place that looked tiny from the outside became huge, books and books, old and new, up to the ceiling and all kinds, which made Bondy's eyes shine the same way when he saw his guitar.
Despite his serious and reserved appearance, he had acted in several plays during college, which helped to awaken his taste for all types of art and among his favorites was poetry. He spent so much time immersed in them that some verses even served as inspiration for some riffs.
What seemed like minutes were hours and he was only awakened by the vibration of Benji's message that arrived on his cell phone. The two friends and a heap of boxes were waiting for him outside, the curly-haired one looked extremely excited about the new drum kit he had bought, so Bondy threw him the keys so he could put it in the back of the minivan and go home soon.
- Any news from Van?
- So far nothing, but I don't know if this is good or bad
- Relax, at least he will have bathed - Benji laughed, but there was still a shadow of concern on his face. - Seriously man, don't worry so much, Van is crazy but he's not irresponsible. A few more days he will be writing and we will go out to drink again - he felt two pats on the shoulder and a squeeze that he considered as a mini hug.
- So let's go? I can't wait to debut my babies
- And tell Anna everything, right? - Benji poked
- Yeah, how do you know?
- Who doesn't know Bob - Johnny said from inside the van - Now, please get in, we need to know if the handsome guy is fine.
As soon as Benji closed the door the car drove off, the orange light surrounding everything and everyone indicated that the sun was already setting, bringing warm air and wrapped in melancholy . When they got home, they unloaded the boxes in the garage, noticed that the garbage was already outside and that the kitchen was smelling delicious, so they looked at each other and quickly made a bet on who had made the dinner, Benji and Bob bet on Larry and Johnny in Van. Such was the confidence that the two even doubted what could be going on and well, if it was worth money, Benji and Bob would surely have already lost.
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just a thought i had today during love jesus hour so here's this blurb you and van were getting ready for church and you guys get into some argument and it gets pretty heated and you're left super closed off and quiet and van is absolutely fuming and you two just stare at each other silently for a bit and he notices you're off and to avoid further conflict he says "let's just get going, yeah?" and you guys leave the house during the ride he has his hand on your thigh as usual but it feels wrong in that moment and makes you wanna crawl out of your skin when you're at church during the mass everyone is singing o come all yee faithful and it's just droning in the background and you feel very disoriented (you did during the entire mass) and you hear a ringing in your ears and you're eyes are darting kinda frantically between the alter and floor and anything in between and it gets so overwhelming and you push past the people in the pew and run out to the parking lot where you crouch down next to recollect yourself and van runs out after you you know he's angry bc he's yelling 'what the fuck?' and other curses at you and he slams his hand on the car causing you to jump stares at you with a look of disbelief because you guys live in a small town and everyone in that church knows one another and the older folk have known van since he was just a child and you just embarrassed him in front of everyone eventually the anger dies down but the tension is thick you're still super disoriented and now scared of van when you get in the car you sit in the back van shoots you a hurt look through the rearview mirror but you refuse to sit in the front next to him he knew he fucked up but your attempt at creating distance really nailed the feeling in the right place he tried apologizing in the car but you ignored it and looked out the window the rest of the day went by silently too you did all you could to stay out of van's way at home pretty much avoided him at all costs by the end of the day just as you were getting ready for bed van comes into your shared bedroom and says your name softly you can hear the pain in his voice he approaches you and drops to his knees he closes his eyes and rests his forehead on your stomach holding your hips he apologizes over and over "we need to work this out, y/n. i can't lose you. god, i can't lose you. please talk to me. i love you so much." he rambled you ran your fingers through his hair sighing softly and agreed to have a conversation about the events of the entire day
so ye anyway i can't write fanfics or anything very well but enjoy that clusterfuck i would love to make that into a proper oneshot just let me know if any of you want that and i will do my best to provide decent content
#van mccann#van fanfiction#van mccann smut#vanfic#van mccann fic#van mccann fanfiction#van mccann fanfic#catfish and the bottlemen#catfish and the bottlemen fanfic#johnny bond#bondy#benji blakeway#bob hall#catb
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51 - An Original. High school, small town gossip, a pregnancy scare and saying ‘I love you’ for the first time.
HAPPY RELEASE DAY!!!!!! What do you think of The Balance? Please let me know! I’m so curious about other people’s reactions to it.
Anyway here is a fic that’s been in my drafts for a while. It is unrelated to the album lol but just thought I should post something to mark the occasion!!
So here’s one based off a Gossip Girl episode of all things....don’t know, just watched it and immediately thought of a young Van living in Llandudno and having this shit go down. Also slightly inspired by Rango???? Enjoy!
Send me a request if you have one!
E x
**************************************************************
Living in Llandudno was hard enough without the draining and frankly stupid lack of privacy. Being a close-knit community meant everyone knew everyone and everyone’s business was everywhere, all the time. Plus, the town’s people had a huge predisposition for gossip. You’d managed to stay outside of all this for most of your life. However, it all changed when you’d started dating Van McCann. He was known as a bit of a troublemaker, bit of a rebel. He wasn’t bad or anything, just a cheeky young lad who didn’t always follow the rules and liked to make his own fun. Though for you, that was all a part of his charm. But Van’s charm didn’t mean that you were untouched by your occasional occupation as a topic of Llandudno’s rumour mill.
Almost everyone knew Van; his extroverted yet easy going personality made him stand out and with the added bonus of being in a band (which he’d never shut up about) he stood apart from your average skinny white kid. People loved him; he was pretty much friends with everyone at school and around your age. He was a little different but was kind and anyone who took the time to know him knew he had a heart of gold. He was funny and witty and had an instant appeal to him that no one could quite put their finger on. He was intelligent too, though this wasn’t always immediately recognisable. Mother’s hated him at first; he was cigarettes, leather jackets and late nights. Someone you didn’t want your daughter around. But they too would fall for his charm eventually. Father’s also saw him as trouble but the sort of trouble that remined them of their own youth’s back in the day. And besides, everyone loved his parents, Mary and Bernie McCann, so Van’s recklessness was never taken too seriously.
The details of your relationship with Van were often misconstrued by gossip amongst other kids at your school; sometimes you weren’t even aware of what was being said until someone was brave enough to say it to your face. This wasn’t an uncommon thing for couples to have to deal with, but it was definitely made worse by Van’s high profile. Whether that be rumours Van had been seen with another girl, flirting with someone else…though this never bothered you as you knew Van had a flirty nature but was more loyal than a Labrador. Or stuff about him up and leaving with his band and leaving you behind. Not to mention the initial shock of Van dating the ‘good girl’ and all the whispers it stirred. You were a rebel now too it seemed. You and Van just let it be though. You knew what was what, and that was all that mattered. It was all just talk.
The worst rumour though, was yet to come.
………..
“I think I’m pregnant.”
The sentence hit you in the chest like a kick.
“What?” you questioned.
“I’ve missed a period. I never miss a period,” Hannah anxiously whispered through the phone.
“Have you done a test?”
“No, I’m too scared.”
“I’ll go get you one. See you at yours in an hour. It’s okay Han,” you replied, feeling sick to your stomach.
You were only 17, Hannah 16. You felt terrible for her, scared for her and extremely nervous. After you hung up the phone, you called out to your mum that you were heading to the shops and then bolted to the pharmacy. Your headspace was cloudy and panicked, you didn’t give a second thought about buying the pregnancy test for your best friend. You didn’t consider who saw you or what they would think. All you thought about was Hannah, who was waiting in tears for you at her house.
Once you arrived, Hannah let you inside and you went straight to the bathroom. Her face was white as a sheet and her eyes rimmed red from crying. You opened the box and read the instructions to her; her hands were shaking too much to do it herself.
“Does Aaron know?” you asked through the door as she did the test.
“No.”
The timer was set on your phone and the two of you sat and waited in silence, your arm wrapped around your teary friend whose head was rested on your shoulder. When your phone finally dinged after the longest five minutes of your life, Hannah’s head lifted. Your heart lurched.
“You do it, I can’t,” she said, turning away.
You went into the bathroom nervously and looked at the test. An enormous breath escaped your chest.
Not pregnant.
……………..
The next day at school, you noticed people looking at you for a few seconds too long or turning to whisper to their friends as you walked by. Self-conscious thoughts ran through your mind and you constantly fixed your hair or picked for any food stuck between your teeth.
After weaving your way through the corridors full of whispers and side-glances, it was a relief to see Van and Larry leaning against their lockers laughing and mucking about as usual.
“Hello love,” Van smiled, and brought you in for a kiss.
He smelt both smoky and minty; a scent that had quickly become one of comfort to you. He slung his arm loosely around your shoulders and then continued talking to Larry. You fit easily tucked under his arm as if you were always meant to be there and his body was warm against yours even through your uniforms.
“Mornin’,” you mumbled contentedly.
“I was just tellin’ Larry lad here that…”
You listened in a daze as Van spoke, happy and calm by his side. The three of you stayed this way until Benji arrived and the bell rang for your first class.
Later in the day over lunch, you met up with Hannah who was now back to her usual high spirits. When you found her, she pulled you aside and off down a quiet hallway before any of the boys saw you.
“What’s going on?” you asked, confused as you thought all the secrecy was over.
“We have a problem,” she said seriously. Your eyebrows furrowed.
“Katie’s mum saw you get me that test, told her now Katie’s gone and spread it round.”
Your stomach dropped. Katie was an absolute cow. She loved stirring the pot and this bit of information would have made her feel like she’d won the lottery.
“Fuck.”
“You can’t tell anyone it was for me, y/n,” Hannah pleaded. “I don’t want Aaron to know. Or my parents.”
You promised her again you wouldn’t, but you felt anxiety build inside you. That’s why everyone was being weird earlier; they thought you were pregnant. Suddenly, your mind snapped to Van. Did he know? Or was he blissfully unaware? If he heard from someone else that you were pregnant, and not from you, he’d absolutely flip. Not that you even were pregnant though. Fuck. You wanted to throw up just thinking about what people were saying to each other or worse, to Van.
“I’m so sorry y/n,” Hannah whined.
“It’s fine. I should have been more careful, gone to a pharmacy elsewhere. I wasn’t thinking.”
You searched for Van, wanting to get to him first and explain but you couldn’t find him or any of the boys anywhere. They’d probably skipped lunch and the final class of the day which meant he might not have heard anything yet, hopefully. You spent the remaining hour of class feeling absolutely nauseous.
Once the bell rang and school was done, you headed to Van’s house to try and find him. Mary explained with a thick eye roll that Van and his band had gone off with Bernie overnight to play a last-minute show a few towns over. Though he had promised to be back for school the next day. The confrontation would have to wait. You were surprised he didn’t tell you he’d left, but you weren’t mad. Van was easily tunnel visioned when it came to the band. She offered you a cup of tea, but you declined and gave Little Mary a quick cuddle before leaving. You loved that tiny dog to bits. On the way home, you stopped by the fish and chip shop. The lady behind the counter looked at you like she had a bad smell under her nose. Great.
……….
As you arrived in school that morning, you instantly wanted to turn around and head home again. If the rumour hadn’t spread across the whole school yesterday, it definitely had now. People stopped speaking as you walked past, pointed at you, all of it. You wished the ground would open up and swallow you whole. But you had to find Van.
Standing beside Van’s locker was a group of boys you vaguely knew from class.
“Seen Van?” you asked.
“Looking for your baby daddy are ya y/n?” one teased with a smirk.
“Shut up Owen. It’s not true,” you hissed angrily.
“Courtyard,” one of the others commented between laughter.
With a nod, you b-lined your way outside. You stood just out from the doorway and scanned the crowd. Quickly, your eyes landed on Van who had obviously seen you already and was blustering through the hordes of students on the other side of the courtyard. You could feel the eyes of at least 20 people around you, burning into your skin but you ignored them and focussed on the brown-haired boy heading straight towards you. He stared at the ground and his face held a look of determination. You felt scared and frozen to the spot. What did he think? What had he heard?
Before you could say anything, Van spoke.
“I love you y/n. Whatever happens, I’m here. Whatever you wanna do or not do, I’m gonna be there. I’m in love with ya and I’m not gonna let you down.”
His voice was breathless, but he spoke with conviction. Van’s words reverberated through your head. This was not what you thought he was going to say. He knew, someone had told him. He thought you were pregnant. You were too shocked and dazed to take all of this in and think of a comprehensive response. You knew people were staring at the two of you, waiting for the next chapter in the story to spread amongst their friends.
“I’m not pregnant,” you replied bluntly. Van’s face changed; he looked both confused and pained.
Your fight or flight response kicked in and you just had to leave. Run away. You pushed past Van and bolted out of the courtyard. Tears began to spill from your eyes and as you walked quickly away, your head hung in shame and embarrassment. He said he loved you, for the first time. But obviously he was only saying it because he thought you were pregnant. He couldn’t love you. But regardless, he’d said it and you walked off. You knew somewhere deep down that you loved him too, but you couldn’t think about that right now. What the fuck had you just done.
………….
Van’s parents owned a small Bed n’ Breakfast in town. It was not unusual to find him there running amuck. He hadn’t been answering his phone or replying to texts and wasn’t at home or any of his usual haunts. Larry hadn’t seen him either. You were panic stricken and felt sick; something you’d become accustomed to over the last few days. After a sleepless night, the BnB was your last stop. You entered through the reception, hoping to find someone who could tell you where Van had gone.
Through the glass panes on the door, you saw Mary and Bernie in there sorting through paperwork and invoices. You took a deep breath and opened the door. They both looked up when you entered, and their faces melted into looks of sadness and sympathy. While this wasn’t great, it was better than the looks of disgust or disappointment you usually received and that you received from your own mother the night before. She knew the rumour was just that, a rumour, but her advice was to break up with Van and have nothing more to do with it. That was something you were not going to do. You had to fix it.
Undoubtedly, Mary and Bernie had heard too. Probably through friends or acquaintances or whoever they’d seen about town. Maybe Van had told them the real story. This stung. You felt terrible for causing two of the loveliest people you knew, embarrassment and shame and dragging them into a drama they definitely would not have wanted to surround their son. Teen pregnancy wasn’t going to help his reputation, whether it was real or not.
“He’s upstairs love,” Bernie told you softly.
You nodded a thank you and dashed away up the staircase. The BnB was classically decorated, dark wooden floorboards and white linen sheets. Simple and comfortable. You slowly walked down the first-floor corridor, looking for any open doors or signs of Van. Soon enough you reached the end and heard the soft sounds of Van’s acoustic guitar through the walls. Nervously, you pushed the door open.
Van was laid out on the bed, his back leaning against the wall and his guitar in hand. He was wearing his usual ratty jeans and a t-shirt, but looked like he too, hadn’t slept the previous night. When he heard you, he didn’t look up, just kept playing a slow tune. Maybe a new Catfish song, you thought.
“Meant to be putting in clean towels,” he mumbled.
“Van…”
You walked over and tried to sit beside him on the bed, but he didn’t move over for you. Instead, you perched yourself on the end awkwardly. He looked boyish and young, his hair falling into his eyes. He’d been crying. This broke your heart.
“The test was for Hannah,” you said simply. He stopped playing.
“So, you never thought you were…?”
“No.”
Van put his guitar aside, leaning it against the bedside table. He tucked his legs under him and sat cross-legged facing you, then pulled his hands anxiously through his hair.
“This town plots fuckin’ thick stories,” he muttered more to himself than you.
“That could be a lyric,” you smiled, trying to lighten the mood.
The two of you sat in silence for a few moments. Your heart was beating fast and Van’s quiet behaviour was frightening you a bit. You’d never seen him like this before.
“I’m sorry that everyone’s been talking Van…what they must think of us…”
“Doesn’t matter y/n. I don’t care ‘bout rumours, you know that.”
After giving him a small nod, you sat cross legged also and reached for his hand. He let you take it but still wouldn’t look in your eyes.
“This one was something else though…” you continued.
“You didn’t say it back y/n. You fuckin’ ran away.”
Van sounded heartbroken. His voice was low and strained, you could hear the pain and disappointment in it.
“But you only said that because you thought I was pregnant? That you’d be stuck with me and a baby all at 17…”
“What? No!”
Van’s eyes whipped up and met yours, finally. He gripped your hand tight now.
“It was bad timing I know…but I meant what I said. I love you.”
You couldn’t help but let your bottom jaw drop slightly. Hearing it a second time made it sink in. Your brain whirred like a bunch of cogs finally oiled and spinning again.
“I guess when I got told about everything, the baby or whatever, it made me think about my future in a way I haven’t had to yet. Yeah, the band, but you an’ me. I want you in my future y/n.”
You moved closer to him, making the bed creak loudly as you did so. You knelt in front of Van, cupped his soft face in your hands and slowly moved in for a kiss. His breath was hot on your skin and you could almost feel his heartbeat buzzing, just like yours was.
“I love you too, Van McCann.”
The words felt natural and right as they rolled off your tongue. Van kissed you hard, hitting his forehead against yours in the process, teeth knocking together. None of it mattered though, it was the most romantic and passion filled kiss you’d ever shared.
“So…how about we get to work on making that rumour real?” Van winked.
“Oh god,” you laughed with an eye roll before kissing him again and descending beneath the sheets in a room that you definitely shouldn’t have been in.
#catb#Catfish and the Bottlemen#van mccann#catfish#larry lau#benji blakeway#fan fiction#fanfic#fanfiction#van mccann fanfiction
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Drunk N Love
“Oh but babe!” you cried out with laughter as he slung you over his shoulder.
“Yes, Love?” he replied with a slightly intoxicated grin.
“Let’s stay. Just for one more,” you mumbled with a toothy smile.
“No, Y/n,” he began. “As much as I love seein’ ya enjoying yourself. . . you’re actin’ a lil’ sloppy.”
“Sloppy!?” you retorted, shocked.
Van nodded his head in an undenying approval. “Well yeah, you keep stumbling all over the place and you’re doing you cute little laugh thing you hate so much. Ya always tell me to get you home when ya start doing your laughin thing,” he replied.
“Not the laugh!” you shouted back, embarrassed.
Whenever you would get yourself into a drunken state, you had this hideous laugh. It was hoarse and obnoxious. The type of laugh that made everyone else around you stop laughing at whatever was so funny to look at you instead in annoyance.
It happened once at an office Christmas party last winter. They had spent a good amount of money on quality liquor for the overrated event and you weren’t about to let the open bar opportunity go to waste. One of the project managers started talking about a miniature horse that showed up at his nieces fourth birthday party, and you absolutely lost it. Everyone’s eyes had grown wide that night as they turned to you in what looked like shocking disgust. It was the type of look people give others when they need to tone it down.
That night left you a bit scarred. So you came home and told Van to help you out if you ever got too drunk in public.
“C’mon, babe. Let’s go home,” he spoke in your ear.
You gave him a saddened look. You were having fun. But you nodded in agreement and gave him a sensual kiss on the cheek.
“Okay,” you whispered back.
You walked over to the table you’d been sitting at, greeting your group of drinking buddies in saddened distaste.
“I think we’re gonna head out,” Van stated.
You gave hugs to those who wanted one, one saved especially for Bondy. You said the last of your goodbyes and walked away.
Van ordered an Uber, which was already waiting for you out front. He must’ve known for awhile now that you needed to head on home. You both scooted into the back seat. You head was leaning on his shoulder, it felt too heavy to keep upright anyways.
“Oh god! I hope I’m not hungover tomorrow,” you commented, quietly.
“Ya just gotta make sure you don’t go to bed all wiped out, love. You’ll be fine,.” Van replied with a breathy laugh. He looked at you, and how droopy your eyes looked and thought about how beautiful you looked from the streetlight glow. Your head still rested on his shoulder. He kissed atop your head and smiled. You were too out of it to notice his affection.
“Wanna go back to mine or yours?” he asked.
“Mine, please,” you replied softly drifting in and out of slumber.
Van practically already lived at your place, he had worked his way up to a whole dresser full of clothes and started taking up space in your bathroom cabinets as well. You didn’t mind. You didn’t mind the idea of living with him at all. But you knew that it just wasn’t the right time to take that next step.
The Uber pulled up in front of your flat. Van helped the both of you out of the car and you both greeted the driver with the basic etiquettes of ‘goodbyes’ and ‘farewells.’ His arm slung around your shoulder once again as he practically dragged you up the steps. You stumbled all around, acting like a fool. And the both of you just kept letting out breathy laughter.
“How much did’ya have to drink tonight Y/n?” he chuckled.
“I don’t know, I took some shots of extra dry gin, I shouldn’t of, it makes me act all foolish n’ shit,” you replied. It took you a second to formulate a complete thought.
“That’s alright, babe. I like when you get all foolish. I get to be like ya mum and take care of ya,” he smirked.
“Please don’t ever compare yourself to my mom again Van,” you snorted.
“That’s just weird,”
“Okay.” he snickered out as he fiddled with his keys.
When you got inside you leaned up against the wall to carefully pull your boots off. Van reached down and pulled the one that had gotten snug around your heel.
“Thanks,” you smiled.
“No problem, love,” he replied.
You stumbled towards the bedroom. Starting to strip free from the tight shirt and skinny jeans that had been constraining you all night.
You put on a giant t-shirt that lay on the floor from the night before. Throwing yourself onto your soft sheets. You could practically feel yourself melting into the bed.
Van came in the room behind you, shoes off now too. He had a glass of water and some aspirins in the palm of his hand.
“Here,” he said, handing you two of the aspirins and taking the other two for himself. He dry swallowed the pills and handed you the glass of water. You chugged it down and lay back flat on the bed. Van pulled the sheets out from beneath you and tucked you in.
“Hold on! I’ll be right back,” he stated, walking over to the bathroom and turning on the light. You could hear the slight sounds of rummaging through the cabinets. You heard a cabinet shut and Van walk out. It was a makeup wipe. He always knew how much you hated to sleep in your makeup, and how upset you would get when you broke out because of your laziness. He scooted beneath the sheets up next to you as your head rest, sunken into the pillow with drowsiness.
“Here, love,” he softly laughed as he held your face in the palm of his hand. Wiping in swift upward motions like you had asked him to once before. It was so cute how he remembered the little things. You couldn’t help but let out short little laughs as he rubbed your face clean of any makeup.
“Did you make me look like a racoon,” you giggled out.
“Nah, I think I got it all off pretty good,” he replied. Intently looking at your face as if he were examining a piece of artwork. So proudly.
He held up the cloth to let you examine all of the concealer and mascara that had managed to rub off.
“Ew,” you responded.
“It’s all good, love,” he said, tossing the cloth on the nightside table and cuddling up closer to you. You both were resting your drunken heads into your pillows. His arm reached across so that he could run his fingers through your hair.
“Wanna watch a movie or somethin’,” he asked.
“I dunno. I’ll probably fall asleep before it even starts,” you mumbled out.
“That’s alright,” Van replied softly with a gentle loving gaze. He got up from his spot, turned all the lights off and rolled back in, grabbing the remote and turning on Netflix. He put on Stranger Things. You’d already binged watched the show at least four times now. So it wouldn’t bother you if he tried finishing up the second season.
Van pulled you in closer, his arm found a home around the back of your neck, resting peacefully between you and the pillow. You rolled into him, your head on his chest as soft sounds pursed from your lips.
“Aye, Y/n,” he whispered softly as the TV show started to play. You looked up at him, his eyes already meeting yours.
“I love you,” he smiled out. “I dunno, just wanted to let you know that,” he said kissing the tip of your nose.
You grinned really hard, from ear to ear. You face got all hot. Even after all the time you’d spent together, Van always found a way to make butterflies form in your stomach and your cheeks blush tomato red. It was a puppy love thing you couldn’t seem to get over.
“I love you too,” you mumbled into his chest, peacefully.
The TV show began, and you tried to painfully keep consciousness. You just wanted to be up, next to him. Even if you weren’t talking. You just wanted to hold onto this moment forever. However, fifteen minutes passed by and you could no longer hold your eyelids open. You coddled closer into his chest and drifted off to sleep, peacefully. Laying next to the one you loved.
#McCann#catb#Catfish and the Bottlemen#van mccann#vanmccann#fanfiction#fanfic#fandom#johnny bond#Bob Hall#benji blakeway
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#4 | casual affair
a/n - based on casual affair by panic! at the disco. i’ve had this idea in mind for like... two months? two and a half? before my catfish gig for sure. postponed it as always, had some free time and no wifi the other day and voila. as always, dedicated to @cosmic-hero75 for reading every single draft I had for this thing. and yeah this is still lowkey awkward but whatever.
warnings / word count: umm... smut, as always. 4k words. it’s becoming my brand, innit?
Clothes on the floor, hands gripping the white sheets, mouths clashing against each other. Moans, sighs, soft cries and names called out repeatedly, like a mantra. Scratches decorating his back and love bites on your collarbones. Your legs wrapped around his waist, his fingers running through your hair, accompanied by the bittersweet knowledge that you might never see him again. Fingers gripping the bedsheets, knuckles turning white, a hug and the door closing behind him.
The first time you and Van had hooked up was after their All Points East performance. With your friends busy at work, you’d decided to go alone – you weren’t going to miss this. And in spite of your inner romantic wanting to tell the story differently, the truth was, both you and Van weren’t entirely sober. You’d bumped into him and Larry after their set and offered to buy them a pint. It was sunny in London, and with the buzz you got from a day of live performances, your head was spinning; you felt invincible.
Soon, you and Van found your common ground. Both fresh out of serious relationships, neither of you was looking to get involved. You’d had your heart broken too many times to care for that. And Van, a rock star with a broken heart and the world at his fingertips, was finally learn to take advantage of that. Maybe if life was a fairy tale, you would have fallen in love and changed your mind; he would’ve asked you out, and you would’ve lived happily ever after. But life wasn’t a fairy tale, and neither of you was looking for anything more than immediate gratification.
You’d exchanged numbers anyways, mostly because you enjoyed each other’s company. You were sharp and Van was witty; you weren’t used to finding someone so in tune with your sense of humour. The banter went on and on, and by midnight you were back in his hotel room, his necklace dragging along your bare skin.
***
What you thought was a one-night stand turned into a tradition. Whenever Van was in town he’d call you up and you’d get together, usually at yours. He’d come around with your favourite beer and a cheeky smile, a smile you – like many others before you, you found irresistible. You’d torture him a bit before letting him in and you’d spend the night together, chatting, drinking, and eventually curled up in bed, hands all over each other.
“Hands up,” he mumbled and you obliged, allowing him to take off the t-shirt dress you were wearing. He pressed his lips against your collarbones, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses down your stomach. You could feel him grinning against your bare skin, his fingers stroking your inner thigh, dangerously close to your wetness. You felt your breath hitching as you lost your self-control, devoting every inch of yourself to his touch.
“Van,” you let out of a sigh, eyes rolled back in ecstasy as he focused his tongue on your weak spots. You’d always found it funny how Van seemed to enjoy touching more than he enjoyed being touched, and suspected it was a praise kink he’d never admit. Seeing you, your knees weak and body arching to the touch of his fingertips was enough to drive him wild. Hearing you beg for it, call out his name, was enough to get him rock hard and aching for more. Onstage, he got off people screaming along his lyrics and girls calling out his name. In bed, when it was just the two of you, he wasn’t any different. You found out oddly endearing.
Soon, he started staying the night. You’d share your bed, and for a day at a time, you’d get to wake up to a messy haired, sleepy Van. You’d watch as his eyes fluttered, his freckles brighter in the morning light. He’d pull you closer, almost instinctively, pressing his lips against your bare shoulder. Unlike the night before, those kisses were always softer, almost cautious. As if you’d ever kick him out of your bed.
***
You kept telling yourself it was nothing more than a casual affair. You hooked up when he was in town, and he never stayed over for more than a night at a time. Sure, you’d gotten to know each other, but that was bound to happen; after all, both you and Van were naturally chatty. You’d never met his parents or the rest of the band for that matter, and he’d never met your mates. You’d lived in your little bubble, a night at a time, and when you did, nothing else mattered.
Lucy - your preschool best mate, on the other hand, wasn’t as convinced. “Come on, y/n,” she rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her vanilla latte. “It’s definitely more than just a casual affair. He stays the night, you share childhood stories and make him tea when he wakes up. You’re way past casual at this point.”
“Luce, come on,” you shook your head, “it’s me we’re talking about. Let me talk to the barista long enough and I’ll start sharing childhood stories,” she chuckled, “it doesn’t mean anything. He comes over when he’s in town, we have fun together and he leaves. Sometimes to go on tour, sometimes to… god knows where. I rarely ask. I’m still not looking for a serious relationship and neither is he. It’s just fun.”
“Alright then,” she took another sip. “What would you say if I told you fans are speculating he’s seeing someone? Apparently, there’s this girl in New York. They say they’ve been together for a while now or something along those lines. Of course, it’s just rumours, but –“
Her voice faded into nothing but background noise as you took a moment to ponder her question. And truth was, there was nothing to ponder. You should’ve been happy for him; you should’ve had some sort of a neural, ‘good for him’type of reaction. Casual affairs are never exclusive and you knew that… and yet, your first reaction was far from joyful. You could feel your heart breaking, aching to call him up and ask if it’s true. If there’s someone else.
And in that moment, you realised Lucy was right. You’d never meant to, but you were falling for him. You were falling for the stupid, charming, beautiful Van McCann, and there was nothing you could do to stop it.
***
You didn’t tell him. Instead, you kept your arrangement going, enjoying the infrequent nights you got to spend together. Knowing Van wasn’t looking to fall in love, you figured some was better than nothing. After all, telling him you’d started developing feelings for him would’ve probably ended your relationship, if you could call it that. Then again, it was Van McCann you were talking about; the man who wrote scruffy love songs and couldn’t imagine not getting married and having kids. Van McCann, the hopeless romantic who kept breaking his own heart, who’d do anything for the ones he loved. If the romantic in you couldn’t stay completely detached, how could he guarantee the romantic in him did?
You kept going back and forth on that, unaware that your dilemma became more and more noticeable. While at first it seemed as if Lucy and you were the only one who could tell there was more than meets the eye, by the third time Van came ‘round yours, even he could tell you weren’t your usual self. And boy, was he oblivious sometimes.
“You alright, love?” he mumbled against your skin, his fingers absentmindedly caressing your bare back. You nodded, and he rolled his eyes. “C’mon, y/n. We’ve spent enough time together. Hate to say I know you ‘nd all, but I do. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” you replied, almost instinctively, and he rolled his eyes once gain. He wasn’t wrong – he did know you, better than you were willing to admit. “Look, I… when we met last summer, we were both fresh out of serious relationships. Don’t think we would’ve bonded the way we did if it wasn’t for that. But…”
You didn’t have to finish that thought. His body tensed, and he nodded. “You want one,” he muttered, and you nodded. “I’m… I’m sorry, y/n,” he took a deep breath, his eyes frantically searching for his clothes. “I’m not ready. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He got dressed and left, not bothering to stay the night, and you didn’t argue. You figured that’s how he would react – after all, life wasn’t a fairy tale. You felt tears streaming down your cheeks as you sat there, on your bed, holding onto a blanket that still smelled like him. You hated the thought of losing him, but you knew it was for the best. And maybe, just me, both you and Lucy were wrong after all; his heart’s been torn apart so many times, and now, perhaps the boy who wrote scruffy love songs and believed in love was torn apart, too.
***
The healing process was a strange one. In an attempt to avoid anything that reminded you of him, the first thing you did was put your Catfish records in your under-bed storage, which evidentially proved itself useless. Apparently, it’s hard to avoid someone who’s an international rock star and keeps performing in festivals nationwide. You didn’t block him, even though you probably should have, but you did duck his calls and texts. You had nothing to say to each other.
The next step – quite possibly Lucy’s favourite, was a rebound. She was a big believer in rebounds, as much as she believed in zero second chances. For men, that is. She was constantly on guard, waiting for the moment you’ll say Van waltzed back into your life. But you didn’t, because he didn’t. The way you saw it, at least he had the decency to stay away from you, even if sometimes you wished he hadn’t. The videos, gig pictures and gifs were definitely not helping. You kept scanning through them, looking for signs of his wellbeing, wondering how he was doing without you. Whether he thought about you, or missed you at all.
And then, came Lucy’s co-worker. She kept insisting you’d make a perfect couple – or, at least, perfect rebound couple. No strings attached, she promised, and you finally gave up and agreed to go out with him. Just one date, no strings attached. You had nothing to lose and everything to gain, and you liked those odds. Especially since with Vans, they were the other way around.
His name was Luke. The first time he called you, he sounded anxious, almost concerned you didn’t want to talk at all before your date. That made you laugh. He seemed to be the antithesis of the confident Van you’d fallen in love with. He asked where you wanted to go, and you’d agreed to meet at a small café down the street. It was the kind of place you’d walked by more times than you can count, yet never went in. To your surprise, he lived in two blocks away, and soon enough you found yourself grabbing your favourite denim jacket and getting ready to go.
***
The place itself was just as adorable on the inside as you thought it would be. With pastel-coloured tables and a wooden floor, it felt more like a newly-designed Barbie’s Dream House than an independent café, but you liked it. Luke met you outside, holding a bouquet of roses he admittedly found cheesy, but you didn’t. As he walked you to your table, you kept thinking how long it’s been since you’ve been on a date. A proper date, that is. And as he pulled your chair back, you realised you kind of missed it.
His green eyes stared at you intently, listening to you. What started out as a conversation about work turned into childhood stories with Lucy, moments in secondary school she’d rather forget and your wildest benders. He prompted you to keep going, asking questions and laughing when appropriate. And as he toasted to your mutual friend for bringing you together, you realised Lucy was wrong. Luke wasn’t the perfect rebound partner, but he would make a damn good boyfriend. Someday.
Even though the café was down the road from your place, he insisted on walking you home. It’s dark, you never know who’s out there, he said. And so, you let him walk you home, your hands deep in your pockets. As you approached your place, you thought you’d seen a familiar shadow move, accompanied by the smell of mint and cigarettes. Your heart skipped a beat as you’d realised where that combination was oh-so-familiar from. Van.
It’s all in your head, y/n, you promised yourself repeatedly. It’s all in your head. You miss him and it’s natural, but whatever it was between you is over. He has no reason to come around, and he didn’t. It’s time to let go.
And so, in a final attempt to let go, you invited Luke in.
***
It took two glasses of wine and a shot of Malibu to get you to admit you didn’t want Luke to stay the night. Perhaps you could’ve said it more nicely – or at all, instead of mumbling something about having to work early the next day, but he quickly caught on and left. No hard feelings, he promised. It’s just a first date. I’ll call you, he added, driving your mind into overdrive over the million-dollar question: did you want him to?
And deep down, you knew the answer was no. Luke was a sweetheart, no doubt, but once again, you found yourself realising you weren’t in the right headspace for a relationship. Except this time, it wasn’t the end of a serious relationship that left you feeling like you weren’t ready, or wondering if you ever will be again.
God, why did relationships have to be so complicated?
A knock on the door forced you to snap out of it, leaving the dilemmas in the half-empty bottle of Malibu on the kitchen counter. Was it Lucy, wanting to know everything about your blind date with Luke? Was it Luke, wanting to know what had gotten into you? Was it your neighbour, fundraising for celling renovations for the pub downstairs, or whatever odd initiative he’d gotten himself into this time?
You opened the door, your heart skipping a beat at the sight in front of you. With a dead look in his eyes and an unfinished pint from the pub he’d walked out on, Van stood in front of you, and you sighed. You’d recognised the glass he was holding – The Black Lion, the pub downstairs. So you weren’t crazy after all, you thought to yourself, an odd wave of satisfaction washing over you.
“Can I come ‘n?” he muttered, and you stepped aside as he stumbled into your place.
“Van, it’s one in the morning. What’re you doing here?” you carefully grabbed the glass out of his hand, putting it aside. He just shook his head and sat down, his back against your kitchen wall. “Van, come on. You haven’t called in months, and now you’re at my doorstep?”
“I….” he looked up, spacing out. “I’m…. drunk,” he finally mumbled. You’d never seen him so drunk he could barely piece together a coherent sentence. In spite of the absurdity of the situation, you found yourself laughing. As if you couldn’t tell he was drunk. And with him like that, you knew there was no chance for a decent conversation.
So instead, you grabbed his hand, pulling him back up. He mumbled something, but instead, you let your mind focus on the white cotton of his shirt against your skin and the sound of his breath next to you. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed,” you muttered, directing a very disoriented Van to the bedroom with you. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, dragging his feet on the floor, hardly keeping his balance.
“Thought we weeeeren’t doin’ that ‘nymore,” he mumbled, taking the time to finish the sentence. You rolled your eyes as you closed the bedroom door behind you, watching Van stumbling down on his way to your bed. You followed him, helping him to take off his boots. He closed his eyes, allowing you to take care of him. You left the room for a second, and by the time you came back he was sound asleep on your bed.
You slept on the sofa that night.
***
You woke up with a sore back to the sound of someone stumbling into the kitchen. It took a second before the night before came back in flashbacks: the date you had, how you sent Luke home, drunk Van knocking on your door and crashing on your bed. You looked up and watched as he put the kettle on, rubbing his eyes. Not wanting to wake you up, he tiptoed around the kitchen, and you took a moment to study the man in front of you.
You hadn’t realised just how much you missed his slim figure in your kitchen, or the way he hummed his favourite songs as he made his morning tea. Even when hungover, the way he carried himself was mesmerising and you found yourself smiling, allowing yourself, just for a second, to question his presence there.
But life wasn’t a fairy tale and you couldn’t allow yourself to ignore that. You got up and he turned around, holding a teabag. “Mornin’, love,” he greeted you, standing still. You couldn’t blame him – how do you greet your ex who isn’t quite your ex, who also happened to stop by drunk and crash on your bed? A hug? A handshake?
With neither of them feeling appropriate, you simply sat down. “Cuppa?” he asked and you nodded. You spent the next few moments in silence as he made two cups of tea, only looking up at him when he stood in front of you, handing you your favourite mug. He remembered. “Listen, y/n –“
“Van, enough. What are you doing here?” you put down your mug, and he sighed. “You were the one who walked away, remember? You have no business being he- “
“I couldn’t bear seeing you with him, okay?” he interrupted you, his words dripping with jealousy. “I came by because I wanted to talk ‘nd he was there, and I couldn’t fuckin’ bear seein’ you with him, alright?”. You’ve never heard Van angry before, yet there he was, his breath irregular and his jaw clenched. You felt your head spinning as the anger built up inside of you.
Van. Van who walked away. Van who didn’t want anything serious, yet had the nerve to get mad at you for simplytrying to move on. “Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t want to be with me, and yet you have the nerve –“
“Well, maybe I made a mistake,” he interrupted you once again, his voice low. “Maybe you’re all I’ve been thinking about. Maybe I can’t get you out of my head. Maybe I should have never walked out your door, y/n.”
You took a long, deep breath, aware of your anger more than ever. You could feel your heart racing and your blood pumping through your veins, yet instead of yelling or walking away like you wanted, you found yourself mumbling through clenched teeth, “maybe I’m over you.”
Well that’s a lie, you thought to yourself as soon as the words slipped out. Of course it was a lie. You were far from being over him – you wouldn’t have let him in otherwise, and he knew that. “Then tell me to leave,” he whispered, his eyes fixed on yours. “I’m serious, y/n. Tell me to leave and I’ll leave.”
But you couldn’t. You couldn’t tell him to leave because you didn’t want him to. The last thing you wanted was for Van to walk out the door, leaving you alone once again. So instead you lurched forward, smashing your lips against his. He wasted no time, cupping your face with both hands as he deepened the kiss. Like a smoker indulging in the taste of nicotine, you wallowed in the taste of his tongue ravaging your mouth. You kissed until you were breathless, holding onto each other.
He pulled away, his lips pink and pupils dilated, and you pulled him back in, wrapping your legs around his torso and arms around his neck as he pressed you against the kitchen table. You kissed until your lips ached, sloppy and desperate, teeth gnashing together. You kissed frantically, lips pulled between teeth. Damn, you’d missed him more than you were willing to admit.
“Arms,” he mumbled against your lips. You lift your arms up and he took off your shirt, throwing it on the floor next to you. He kissed hot and wet down your neck, his hips grinding against yours. You weren’t going to argue – it’s been long enough since the last time you felt him on top, hands and lips desperate to touch every inch of bare skin they could reach. You threw your head back and whimpered as his mouth went to your breasts, eager to make up for the last time.
“Fuck, Van,” you hissed, your hands going straight to his jeans. With his mouth on your nipple and his hand between your thighs leaving you breathless, it took every bit of control you had left in you to unbutton his trousers. After all this time, Van still knew your body like the back of his hand, and if you weren’t so intoxicated by the pleasure washing over you, you would’ve probably found that impressive.
You watched his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as his fingers helped you remove the clothes between the two of you. With them lost somewhere on the floor and his mouth making its way down your chest and stomach, your body vibrating in anticipation. He pressed his forehead against yours and grinned as he slid two fingers inside of you. Your breathing grew erratic as he worked his way inside of you, focusing on your sweet spot. The intensity of your eye contact enhanced the skilfulness of his fingers, and you could already feel your release building up inside of you.
“More,” you whimpered, aching for more. He knew you well enough to know exactly what you wanted, and boy, was he going to tease you with that.
“What d’you want?” he murmured, his fingers still working deep inside of you. You groaned as he pressed sloppy kisses down your jawline, your stomach turning into an avalanche. Your eyes squeezed shot and you moaned his name as he whispered, once again, “what d’you want, love?”
“You,” you breathed out, hips instinctively pushing forward. “Please, Van, just… fuck me.”
That’s it. You’d said the magic words. Withdrawing his fingers, he took a moment to look at you. With your lips pink and slightly parted, your cheeks red and strands of hair glued to your forehead, he couldn’t help but appreciating how divine you looked. “Fuck, you’re…” he breathed out and smashed his lips against yours, slowly pushing himself all the way in. Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and you could feel every inch of him, every vein, every slight movement. How you could think of being with anyone else was now beyond you.
You begged him to go harder and faster until you could feel him in your stomach, which was kind of fucked but god, you loved it anyways. Then, everything happened all at once, and better than it ever did before. His hands holding down your hips as his thrusts became harder and harder. His necklace dragging across your skin, bright in the kitchen light. Sweat glistening, sloppy hot mouthed kisses and weak knees. Van’s low groans and a string of ‘fuck’s and ‘oh god’s, neck kisses and love bites you would be proud to show off the next day. Your body vibrating in ecstasy as you let go with Van’s eyes fixed on you, mesmerised by the sight of you unravelling underneath him. Van’s mouth falling open as he came, the two of you panting each other’s names until you were completely out of breath. Van, not ready to pull out just yet, enjoying the electricity of your touch and you, not ready just yet to be empty.
When he finally pulled out, you pulled you closer and kissed the top of your head. “Missed you,” he mumbled and you smiled, leaning into his touch. It was soft and intimate and real,more real than any other night you’d spent together.
“I missed you too, Van,” you whispered. “Did you mean it?”
“Mhm. I made a mistake, y/n, and seeing you with him…” he huffed and you chuckled, caressing his cheek. You didn’t need more than that – you know exactly what he wanted to say, and somehow that was enough.
The rest of the night was spent in bed, snuggling and catching up – in every sense of the word, until you finally fell asleep, his arms wrapping your naked body as he pressed his body against yours. You woke up to him caressing your back, planting soft kisses on your shoulder. His hair was messy and the bags under his eyes were prominent, but as he smiled his crooked smile, you couldn’t help but fall in love all over again.
You knew he wanted to take things slow, and you didn’t mind. Life wasn’t a fairy tale – it was complicated and risky and full of obstacles and absolutely wonderful. You had a lot to talk about and even more to figure out and you both knew it, but that could wait another day. In that moment, you were just happy the boy who wrote scruffy love songs and believed in love decided to give it another chance after all.
#Van McCann fanfic#van mccann#catfish and the bottlemen#vanfic#johnny bond#Larry lau#bob hall#Benji blakeway#this is so fucking awkward for me to post but I'm also proud of it??
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:)
Here she is! I didn’t proof read this. So im hoping the name Vlad didn’t creep in somewhere, anyway enjoy. I’ll post again tomorrow.
____________________________________________x3
“You are to go straight in…..” The sounds of girls trying to talk to Van and security yelling while he talked to you were slightly off putting to your anxiety. But you just held onto his a little hand tighter. You looked at Van as he continued to ignore the security guys orders and talk to you.
“Babe, shouldn’t you be listening to him?” He looked around with a confused look.
“What are you on about?... who?.... anyway! I’ve got an idea for a video, it involves you.” You tried to keep up with the boys and security escorting you all into the studio but a pen in your face stopped you.
“Van! Christ….” He caught the pen and signed something for the girl quickly as security urged him to go inside.
“What, love? They’re not going to hurt you.” He smiled and brushed hair out of your face.
“Yeah, I know that, but when security says something to you next time, please pay attention.” He dropped his hand from your face.
“Okay, sorry. I didn’t hear the guy, don’t be mad.”
You immediately went to the refreshment table the studio set up in the bands room.
“I’m not mad, I just freak out a little sometimes. I went from barely going anywhere, to going everywhere with you. All these places are new to me.” You grabbed a cold water and took a seat beside Bob. His hair was up in a bun, and you’ve always felt a closeness to him, he was easy to be around and talk to. Especially when Van was busy with other things, you knew he would be there to listen to you.
“You gonna be alright?” He placed his hand on your knee.
“Yeah, I’ll be okay. Maybe I’ll have a bath tonight at the hotel.” You rested your head on Bob’s shoulder and looked at Van who angrily bit into an apple at the refreshment table.
“The question is… Is Van gonna be okay?” You smiled at him and Van spit the apple out. Bob laughed at Van’s disgust as he threw it in the trash.
“Christ.. you’d think they’d have offered fresh apples. These ones have gone bad.”
You got up and stood next to Van.
“A bit of a bad apple like yourself eh, lad?” Bondy joked. Suddenly everyone was making fun of Van’s sudden mood change. You hugged Van.
“They’re just poking fun, babe. Come on. Are you going to be alright?” He wrapped his arms around you.
“Yeah I’ll be fine, still don’t understand you and Bob. It gets me sometimes.” He took a sip of your water.
“What’s to understand? You never complained about it before. He’s just easy to get along with. Easy to talk to. It gets lonely when you’re away doing interview or other rockstar things. It’s nothing romantic.” Van looked passed you while you talked, at the lads who were all seated and waiting for the word from the manager.
“I don’t believe that, I don’t think you completely know Bob. He gets this look when you’re in the room.” Bob must’ve overheard his name because he looked over, but then started a conversation with Benji.
The sound of silence could’ve killed. Even though it was only two seconds.
The door swung open.
“CANCELLED!!!” A small blonde with a clipboard and headset stood in the doorway.
“You’re joking..” Benji ran his fingers through his hair and plopped further back into the seat. He hadn’t managed to sleep on the plane and was wired off redbull to stay awake through this interview.
“Hey, it’s alright mate. Maybe you can get some rest now.” Bondy put his hand on Benji’s shoulder.
“Hoping the caffeine crash comes soon. It’s half passed ten at night. I don’t wanna be awake all night.” He got up out of his seat and brushed passed the blonde back towards the car park in the back.
“Don’t worry about him, he hasn’t been sleeping well.” Van smiled at the girl as she apologized and left the room.
“Right, im finding the pub closest to the hotel and that is where I’ll be for the rest of the evening, if anyone needs me or would like to join you know where I am.” Bondy clapped his hands together and left the room as well.
Bob held the door open for you and Van and walked with you guys to the cars.
The hotel was pretty extravagant, you guys hadn’t even settled in when you got off the plane it was straight to the studio from there.
“Right, let’s get the key cards.” Bondy started talking to the man behind the counter. You stood with the lads looking at the hotel lobby.
“Here ya go guys!” The guy with the name tag that read Thomas was American, and his accent caught you off guard. His superior walked over, and stood behind him.
“Have a pleasant stay.”
You got into the lift with Bondy, and a couple of luggage bags. The boys got into the second lift and you met them on the 7th floor. You could hear faint yelling.
“What’s going on in there?” You looked at Bondy and he smiled big as the doors opened. The boys were dead silent.
“Hey guys! You alright? Long time no…” He was cut short as Van pushed passed him.
He walked briskly down the hallway and you jogged behind him, shrugging your shoulders to Bondy.
“Van! Hey!” You caught up to him as he stopped at the door that read 7014. He mumbled to himself as he got the card to work.
Bob came up to the two of you.
“Hey, mate.. can we talk?” Van swung the door open.
“Finally, fucking door!” He walked in and threw his bag on the bed and sat by the end table, picking up the phone, talking to room service.
You walked in and sat down by the balcony doors, wondering what happened.
“Mate, I don’t want to talk right now. Can you just leave?” Van quietly said while covering the phone with his hand.
Bob stood there for a second and threw his arms up in surrender.
“Alright.. I’ll be heading out with Bond in a little while.” He left the room that you hadn’t had the chance to admire.
The lights were dim but the room was still pretty lit. The furniture was an espresso color and all the furnishings were pretty modern, fancy glassware decorated the room subtly making it sparkle.
“This place is gorgeous..” You made your way toward Van who’d just hung up the phone.
“I’ve ordered some food. Because apparently you can’t get alcohol in here without the food. So I hope you enjoy the chicken.” The sarcasm in his voice was dense.
“Are you going to talk about what happened or not?” He threw himself back into the fluffy bedding.
“I’d rather not. It was stupid and I should probably talk to Bob after we eat.” The tone in his voice calmed, and he ran his hand down your arm giving you a smile.
You laid down next to him and rested your leg on his lap. He played with your hair making playful sounds. Finally he gave up trying to ignore it and sighed in defeat.
“I brought up how close you and Bob are.. well.. I kind of just yelled at him and asked if he was into you.” He stared at the ceiling then looked over at you expecting you to say something.
“Anything to say, sugar?”
For some reason you were trying to figure out why that enraged you, but you couldn’t so you just blinked.
“Okay, yeah we all need to talk.” You removed your leg from his, got up and grabbed your phone from your bag.
Van slowly got up and watched you make a call.
“Huh?”
“Hi Bob? Did you guys leave yet? Perfect, can you come back to the room now?” You hung up the phone and looked at Van who was still waiting for you to say something, but knew he shouldn’t say anything to you while you were ‘quiet-angry’.
But broke the silence anyways.
“What are you even gonna say to him?” His blue eyes shifted from you to the bathroom doors then to you again.
“I’m going to ask him if he’s attracted to me the way that you think he is.” As the words came out of your mouth you realized that you weren’t sure what you were going to say, you shook it off as you heard the knock on the door.
You motioned to Van to open it while trying to maintain a boss persona so that you could get this problem fixed ASAP.
Van opened the door.
“Sorry about earlier man, we cool?” He held his hand out to Bob who grabbed it not knowing what he was walking into after Van’s half-assed apology.
“We’re cool.” He pushed his glasses up and pulled the chair out from the desk.
“So what’s up guys?” He did a slow spin in the desk chair.
“You guys tell me, because I have absolutely no idea what’s going on with the two of you boys. First Van tells me that you give me ‘a look’ and then the whole situation in the lift!” Your voice raised with each word because this whole thing was silly and getting on your nerves.
Bob stopped spinning and looked at you dead in the eyes.
“I fancy you.” He didn’t break eye contact and it caught you off guard. Sure there were some moments where you thought he fancied you but you never thought it was true.
Van stood up really fast and you sat down in shock.
“Van! Sit down! We’re here. We’re talking about this.. I’m not sure what to say at the moment because this isn’t going how I expected it to go.” You were sat on the edge of the bed unsure of what to say.
“My best mate fancies you YN, how the fuck am I supposed to react. Am I supposed to be cool with it and how did you expect this to go?” He was still standing, but eventually sat down. Bob stood there with his fingers intertwined together calmly swaying in the chair.
“Look. I’m sorry. It’s not what I expected either, and I’m not trying to come between you guys.” He leaned forward with his elbows rested on his knees.
“I have for some time now, but I would never try to come between you two, alright? Maybe it’s just a small crush and it’ll go away. I don’t know.”
You literally had no idea what to do, but what Bob said made sense.
“Okay.”
Van looked at you.
“Okay? That’s it? So we just pretend this isn’t happening?” Anger didn’t look good on his face, he was always so happy.
“Yeah well.. I just thought that if he did he would lie about it, or just hoped that you were being crazy.”
A loud knock on the door shut everyone up.
Bob answered the door while you and Van talked.
“Right. So I’m supposed to be okay with this?” Van sat beside you on the bed.
“Yeah I guess so. He said that it might just be a small crush..” you shrugged your shoulders trying to make it not a big deal.
“Okay… shit.” Van ran his fingers through his hair, staring at the floor trying to make light of the situation.
“Uhh.. chicken?” Bob held the door open and room service walked in.
“Enjoy!”
You looked at the trolley of stuff that came rolling in. A bottle of whisky, wine and two dinners. Room service left and it fell silent.
“Well.. looks like theres enough glasses.” You grabbed the bottle and poured whisky into three glasses. The boys just watched you as you handed them a glass each.
“This isn’t going to ruin anything. I refuse to let this ruin your friendship.. OUR friendship okay? Drink up. Cheers.” You took a big gulp of the whiskey and it made you shudder.
“Gross..”
Van turned his head toward Bob, who looked like he was getting ready for the worst.
“Cheers, mate.” Van stood up and clinked his glass against Bobs.
“Cheers.”
Van clicked on the TV and everything returned to normal. They slowly started talking about new music and you scrolled through the messages in your phone that you hadn’t had the chance to reply to.
Bob shot out of his seat.
“Shit! I was supposed to meet Bonds a half hour ago.” He downed his drink and threw his black pea coat on.
“Are you guys coming?” He stood by the door checking himself in the mirror.
Van looked at you, and you looked at the cold dinners. Reminding you that you hadn’t eaten anything yet.
“Yeah, I might be able to get some fries there.” You stood in front of the mirror checking your hair.
“That actually sounds good. Wasn’t really feeling up for chicken.” Van grabbed his coat and you all left the room together.
You guys just caught the lift, an elderly woman who shot you guys a dirty look stood in the corner as if she was too good to stand near you’s.
Seven floors later, the door opened and Bob motioned the lady to exit the lift.
“After you.” She snootily brushed passed you guys and walked to the desk.
“Now to find Bondy.” Bob texted him as you guys headed out the doors.
Van patted down his pockets locating his cigarettes and lighter. He took one out and offered you one. He lit it for you once you were both out the doors and walking.
You both just followed behind Bob, who had found out where Bondy was.
“Where the fuck.. How do you even get in?” You were all stood outside but you could see in, but the door wasn’t opening. You could see Bondy get out of the bar chair and point toward the side of the building. You all walked down a small ally and a big metal door swung open as Van dodged it.
“Leave it to Bondy to find a place like this.” Van held the door open for you.
You followed the lads into a booth, and scooted next to Van and Benji who looked exhausted.
“I couldn’t sleep. Bond said Bob ditched him, so here I am.” He sounded a couple drinks in, or just sleepy, no one could tell anymore.
“Well im here now!” Bob passed the menu across the table to you.
“Yay, they do fries here.” You skimmed through the small menu but you were dead set on fries. Van put his arm around you and kissed your cheek.
“You’re sharing those with me, right?” The way he whispered that to you tickled your ear and you giggled.
“Of course I am.”
A waiter walked over. He was blatantly gay in the way he walked and did his makeup. His makeup looked hella good and he did a better job than you could ever do. You had to say something.
“I love your makeup!”
He appreciated the compliment.
“Thank you babe, now what can I get you guys?” He held up a small notepad and pen.
“An order of fries.. uhhh and whatever you guys have on tap.”
He scribbled that onto his pad.
“and would you like to get the pitcher or just a pint?” He smiled and waited for an answer, and before you could give it to him Van answered.
“Pitcher, and could you also throw in some tequila shots?” Van chimed in beside you.
“That’s not a problem handsome!” He winked at Van and walked away.
Bondy laughed.
“Tequila shots for ol’ handsome. Why are we doing shots? Are we getting wild tonight? Do we have anything scheduled for tomorrow?” His face went from happy to concern with the fact that he’d have to travel hungover.
“We don’t leave here until tomorrow evening, we’re catching a plane back to the UK.” Benji was looking at his phone while answering Bondy.
“There ya go mate! Lets get wild boys.” Vans smile meant trouble.
That smile meant you were going to be babysitting one if not all of them.
The waiter came back with the drinks and your fries.
An hour in at the pub and Benji started nodding off.
“Yeah fuck this, im going to bed. Don’t wake me when you come crawling in Bond.”
Bondy looked at him with a seemingly genuine smile.
“No problem.” He watched Benji walk away.
“I’m probably gonna wake him, poor lad.”
Bob laughed at him.
Van and Bondy’s slurring became another language as they staggered next to the jukebox tapping on the screen trying to agree to a song.
You and Bob sat and watched the chaos unravel slowly. The two had gone and ordered more shots. Then tried to go back and get more but the bartender had cut them off after Van knocked a glass off the bar. Bless her soul.
“There it is. Now lets get out of here before security takes my boys.” You got up and Bondy threw himself into you.
“Im so very drunk.” He reeked of alcohol.
“Yes you are!” Van leaned onto you and you had to push Bondy toward Bob because the weight was too much. He caught him and gave him a pat and put a cig in his mouth for him.
“Bondy, get away from her. You can’t have her. Neither can yoooou Bob Hall.” You held Van up and he slurred his words.
Bondy slurred back.
“I don’t want your girl, Bob doesn’t want your girl. What are you on about there boy?” Bob lit Bondy’s smoke for him so he’d stop talking once you guys were out of the doors.
“Please stop talking guys. Can we just get you back to the hotel and into bed?” You looked at Van to quit his shit. He rolled his eyes.
“Okay.”
The hotel was only two blocks down the street. Once you got to the doors Van hurled all over the curb in front of the hotel.
“Shit, do you need help YN?” Bob stopped.
Bondy turned around to watch Van vomit.
“Can’t keep up maaaaate! You guys take care of him, I think I’ve got it from here, goodnight!” Before anyone could answer he was staggering into the hotel. He couldn’t get into any trouble, you’d hoped.
“Van, babe? You gonna be alright?” You rubbed his back as he sat on the curb.
“I just need a second.” He put his head in his hands.
Bob looked at Van on the ground and sat beside you and him.
“I can’t just stop liking you, YN.”
You turned around shocked he would say that around Van, but then you’d noticed Van was falling asleep.
“We’re not discussing this right now, I think everyones had a little too much to drink and I need to get Van up to the room now!” It definitely wasn’t the time to talk, Bob helped you carry Van to the room.
“Right. Thank you, I’ll see you in the morning.” You walked Bob to the room door to say goodnight after you both managed to plop Van onto the bed,
He went to reach for the door handle but stopped. You weren’t sure what he was doing.
“are you going to be sick too?”
He turned around and gave you a hug.
“Goodnight,YN.” You sunk into his hug and held him. You were frustrated with him but you still loved him too.
“Goodnight Bob.” He pulled away slowly and within seconds his lips were pressed to yours and you pulled away quickly and looked behind you towards the bed where Van was passed out drunk.
“You need to leave.”
#fanfic#storytimecatb#Catfish and the Bottlemen#van mccann#Bob Hall#johnny bond#benji blakeway#part 1
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Pacifier - Benji Spinoff
filling the requests “OMG I would sell my soul for that Benji spin off" + “are u sure u write all the lids cause... where’s benji” + you and benji are dating but you’re trying hard to keep it under wraps + straightening benji’s hair for @vanfictionforall
author’s note Originally I had written the first third of this for a song preference, and someone mentioned a spinoff, and I was like... finally, I can do the Benji fic. A big soz to @vanfictionforall for having the Benji request in my inbox for literally a year - girl, I don’t even know if you have a blog anymore, but if you do, hope you see this! I finally got around to it.
_______________________
She said “I’m feeling like it’s putting on
When you say you don’t need me
And you want nothing of me.”
“Come on, Y/N,” Larry laughed around a mouthful of chips. “You’ve got to like him. You know you do.”
“Nope.”
“The way you look at Benji is the way I look at Lou. And we all know how I feel about Lou,” Bondy said, blowing smoke out of his mouth as he precariously leaned back in his chair. The rest of the Catfish crew laughed.
“Oh! There he is! The man of the night!” your cousin Van said as Benji re-entered the room. All night, ever since you’d hinted to Van about your crush on Benji, the news had spread like wildfire in the group. Every time Benji would get up to leave, the conversation would recommence.
“And why am I the man of the night?”
“Hopefully later you’ll see,” Bondy winked, and Benji rolled his eyes. He was used to supposedly mindless banter.
“Hey everyone, why don’t we play an old favorite of mine, a game of spin the bottle? There’s enough of us here!” Van said, winking. The winks from everyone were getting annoying and you regretted telling them anything about your crush on Benji at all.
“I don’t mind kissing Van,” Larry piped up, and settled himself in front of Van. You laughed, and still didn’t understand what Larry saw in your cousin.
“Actually, could I just speak to Benji for a second?” you asked. They definitely weren’t expecting that.
“Sure, Y/N,” Benji said, to the happiness, and dramatic irony, of the group.
You led Benji outside onto Van’s back patio, and from inside, the boys could see you discussing with him about something, your smile slowly growing wider and wider as you spoke frantically, and then as Benji spoke. At last, through the window, the guys saw you both stick a middle finger in the air, and your lips met for the first time of many.
“Guess we don’t need to play anymore, then?” Bondy snickered, shaking so hard that he fell over in his chair.
****
When you walked in and saw the glances from the other guys, you knew your plan had worked.
Funny enough, for a week or so you’d been trying to find some way to tell the other members of Catfish that you and Benji had been dating. You had hinted to Van that something was up, but obviously the melodrama of it all had transpired into a much wilder reveal than you’d hoped for.
“So you’re together, then?” Larry inquired. You nodded.
“It’s about time,” Van laughed. “I suspected, but didn’t want to say anything.”
“Oh, and the entire group teasing her about it is your way of not saying anything?” Benji cockily replied.
“Oi!” Larry’s voice screeched from the kitchen. He had gotten up to make himself another drink. “You knew about that?”
“Well, we’ve been trying to tell you losers for a while, but you can’t take a hint,” you shot back at Larry. “We’ve been together for like 2 weeks.”
“Love you’ve been on tour with us for that entire time. How’d you hold back?” Bondy asked, genuinely curious at the lack of PDA you and Benji had shown in that amount of time.
“We didn’t know whether to keep it a secret or not. But you fucks were so annoying that we just went and did that,” Benji laughed, his long arm motioning outside to the patio.
“At least we don’t have to hide anymore,” you said, giving Benji knowing looks. He caught your gaze, remembering the same moments you’d almost been caught this far.
“Shh! Benji!” you whisper-yell, tugging him down by his belt loops back into the bushes, hoping to quell his whooping laughter. The thistles were scratching at your elbows. There were leaves in his hair.
“What’s wrong, babe?” he asked, dazedly crouching beside you, shirt material being pushed by the branches at his back.
“They can’t come over here, cause they’ll know the girl you were making out with was me!” you yelped, tugging his shoulders further down so his wild leaf-crowned hair wouldn’t poke above the shrubbery.
“We’ve got to do something about this hair,” you chuckled, pulling leaves from his strands once he’d settled down into the mulch.
“Just cut it off,” he slurred, moving to kiss your cheek.
“No! I love it,” you said, caressing the wiry strands. “That lad in your band has amazing curls. Why don’t you take some of his advice?”
“Not into it,” he said, lying back on a bush. You were sure it was poking and scratching his back, but drunk Benji never became aware of such things until the next day.
An idea popped into your head that made you look at him with narrowed eyes and a wry smile. When he realized what you were on about, his eyes widened.
“Hell no, Y/N.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“Not a chance!” he half-yelled, and tackled you into the mulch.
****
That “not a chance” had done nothing for him, because a few days later he was sat in your beauty chair at work, surrounded by a few friends.
“Dunno why you’d do something like this for him, Y/N, but we’re all for it,” Van snorted, rifling through the magazines in the salon as you surveyed Benji’s hair situation. Van hadn’t been keen on coming, but wanted to be present for the whole process in order to tell the story later.
“Dunno why he’d agree to do this with her, either, ‘cause he’s vehemently opposed to any of us touching it at all,” Bondy said, spinning lazily in a vacant chair next to Benji. Bondy’s friend Lou was discussing conditioner with your fellow esthetician Maddie, asking about how to get the right “bounce” to his curls. Thankfully, the salon was having a slow day, or every employee in there would have been monumentally irritated.
“I’m all about that new look,” Benji said to you, and you both laughed. You made eye contact with him in the mirror, and your hands absentmindedly caressed his hair. It was a moment until Van decided to interrupt.
“Right so when we gettin’ on with this?” Van asked, antsy. You couldn’t tell if he was ready to go or if he just wanted the results now.
“I’ve plugged in the iron, Van, it’s heating up now. We’ve got to give it a few more minutes so it gets as hot as it can. I only want to run over his strands once, because it could damage them if I have to go over them more than that. I’m going to use a product to prevent frizz and heat damage as well. You’re going to be looking like Cher in no time, babe,” you laughed, turning to Benji.
“I’m so going to regret this.”
“Look on the bright side. People won’t recognize us when we go out.”
“Why would you care about that?” Bondy asked pointedly. Panic bubbled up in your chest.
“Well, uh... he’s in one of the biggest bands in the UK.”
“Right,” Bondy stated. He stopped the slow spinning of his chair, now deep in thought. “Gonna go out for a smoke,” he nodded to you and Benji, and left.
*****
“I look like a show dog!” Benji exclaimed, eyes wide in the mirror. His locks were now twice as long, hanging limply at his shoulders, the curls pressed flat against his head. The rest of the group guffawed behind him. His silky black hair looked like he’d gone back to his middle school scene phase.
“Where’s your Sonny?” Van laughed, pressing his hand against the wall as he hunched to contain his laughter.
“You’re so dead, Y/N,” he whispered, and immediately pivoted to chase you around the salon. You squealed, dashing between swivel chairs around to the back rooms, Benji hot on your heels. As you reached the supply closet, you realized you were at a dead end.
He grabbed you and turned you to face him, eyes mirthful, sly smile playing on his lips. “Got you,” he whispered.
His lips fell onto yours, pressing softly but soon moving faster as the kiss heated up. His arms wrapped around you tightly as the kiss deepened.
Close footsteps immediately broke you apart. Your heart beat wildly in your chest.
“What you doin’ in here? We’re trying to leave now,” Lou popped his head into the room.
“Just showing Benji which shampoo he needs for his new silky locks!” you said, your voice rising a few octaves as you grabbed the nearest bottle of whatever. You hoped it didn’t betray your actions.
“Oh. Alright. Meet you in the car?” Lou asked.
“Mhm!” you and Benji replied simultaneously. Benji smiled sheepishly.
There were more memories of you two sneaking around on tour, but the mention of your name brought you back into the conversation at hand.
“Y/N, you’re a really lucky gal, Benji’s a great guy,” Van said, taking a bite of pizza. “I mean, it’s a bit weird that my cousin is dating someone who I also consider to be my brother, but I guess --”
“Gross, Van,” Benji replied. You smiled at your cousin’s weirdness.
“But I guess there’s no one I’d rather see you with. I can really see this working out.”
#benji#benji blakeway#catfish and the bottlemen#catb#catb fanfic#catb benji#catfish benji#benji fanfic#banjo#fluff
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Hi! Sorry to bother you, I was just wondering if you had any songs in mind for chapters 8 and 9? I love your new story so much already 💕
Never a both!
8 - “Adored” - Sea Girls
9 - “Mad Sounds” - Arctic Monkeys
10 - “Taxi” - The Maine
11 - “40 Steps” - The Academy Is…
To be straight up, nine was a filler chapter, ten starts to unravel the story, and eleven is where the shit starts happening!
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Cutie Patootie..
Requested to do a Dating would include sereis..Here we go!
Warnings: None
You met him at a bar, it was late and you were tired and when he offered you a drink you couldn’t help but accept his offer. Letting him eventually walk you home, where he insisted on giving you his number "Just in case" Your cheeks reddened almost immediately and that still remains one of his favourite things about you, your lack of being able to hide your shyness towards him. You didn’t know it then but that was one of the most confident he’d ever been, and it was all for you.
When you found out about the shared appreciation of Star Wars and all things geeky over one of those phone calls, weekly movie nights went without saying.
He asked you to be his girlfriend after four months of edging closer to each other on the sofa through each movie. Your cheeks went red like in the first time and you just nodded your head. He, of course, couldn’t shake the smile off his face after that, kissing you whenever he got the chance, making your heart burst and skin tingle.
Then you had to meet the lads, you were definitely nervous, but that certainly dulled down when he grabbed your hand giving it a squeeze, saying: “They’re all idiots anyway, probably wanna steal you away from me you’re so perfect”. The smile never faded, so when you walked into the shared flat of Larry and Vans you left your anxiety behind. You soon became comfortable, and one of the las in turn!
The sex had you the most nervous. Your body confidence not at its peak and after years of staring in the mirror unsatisfied with what stared back at you, you didn’t fully understand why Benji could even want you in the slightest. So putting it off seemed easier than talking about it. But soon enough he started to worry for you, his kind nature shining through worried for his “cutie pie” one of the many little names he had for you. When you explained you could see his heartbreaking in front of you as he pulled you into his lap, playing with your hair soothing you. “Buttercup, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid my eyes on, and I want every part of you, no matter what you think, I want it all,” He whispered in your ears, “But only when you’re ready”.He added at the end, needless to say, it was fucking amazing. He took it slow, letting you relax and giving you everything you needed and had lacked in previous relationships. Ending up intertwined in soft sheets, tangled in love for each other and a new confidence kept for him.
Movie nights still remained, even when you moved in together after a year of dating. Moving in meant it was easier, your flat was the first place he’d be after a tour anyway. Those were the best couple of days when he would come home. When you got to just lay next to each other, hands roaming breaths meeting, eyes wandering. When you were with him you felt whole again.
He’d always know when you needed loving extra, especially after bad days at work and icky periods. Usually solving your sore head and achy heart with hot cups of teas and slow kisses. He’d lay you down on his lap in the middle of the couch, stroking your hair and rubbing your back. When it was your time of the month he’d be this overly protective Benji that usually didn’t show too much, only in stressful situations like busy clubs and anxiety-riddled train stations. He’d make sure to do everything for you, the shopping, cleaning, when you were living apart he’d basically move in to nurse and fuss over you.
But he always gave you space when you needed it, not being that often but you knew he’d always appreciate your choices. Knowing when to leave you alone and when to give you all the hugs and attention. He was so soft and full of love for you that it made you insufferably devoted to him.
His tours would seem to last years, even though he still called you nearly every day. One day a care package even arrived when he found out you had gotten a promotion. when you opened it with your best friend you almost cried, knowing that he was always thinking of you. It was full of inside jokes and personal things he knew you’d love, it showed the true extent of his love for you.
Dating Benji is like everything good in a best friend and then everything exciting and intimate about a boyfriend put together. Your nicknames for him would include, 'my boy', 'honey', 'cutie patootie' cause well he was in every way of the words cute and a patootie!
A/N: Heyo! So this is my first ever Dating would include, I did it in paragraph form but oh well tehe! Lemme know If I missed anything out or you’d fancy a part 2 , I tried my best this is my first Benji fic wooo! Also will update my masterlist, would anyone like it as a full post? Hope you’re well, as always I’m hear to talk or to rant to about current affairs xx Em
#catfish and the bottlemen#van mccann#catfish#catb#fluff#fanfiction#van mccann x reader#benji blakeway fanfic#benji fanfic#benji x reader#benji blakeway#benji blakeway fanfiction#catfish and the bottlemen x reader#catfish and the bottlemen fanfic
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xoxo
#alternative#alternative rock#catb#catfish#catb fanfic#catfish and the bottlemen#van mcann#indie boy#alt boy#bob hall#bondy#johnny bond#benji blakeway#indie
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Just working on a request right now but trying to decide what to write next. Let me know if you fancy reading anything like below...
Chance meeting with Van in a hotel and reader is really shy as she’s a massive fan
Van/Bondy teaching reader how to play the guitar
Reader is Bob’s brother and has to hide her growing relationship with Van
Then There Were Three Part 2 (more of the same!)
Naughty shopping trip to Ann Summers with Van (not sure if my brain should be let loose with this one!) 🙈
Reader’s first time with Van (romantic rather than smutty)
Something cute with Bob (please don’t ask me to do Bob smut, he’s too pure!)
Something cute with Benji (idk how to go about writing Benji though - sorry Benji!)
Also really fancy writing some kind of AU but this would probably be a long one so might do this once I’ve completed my main Wattpad story...
Any other suggestions let me know...
#apologies for unleashing my cringy fics on the CATB tumblr community#catfish and the bottlemen#catb#van mccann#johnny bond#bob hall#benji blakeway#fanfic#vanfic#smut#fluff
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perhaps i shouldve made this sooner seeing as ive liked the boys and their music since like 2015 or so but ya know always late to the party anyway i'll be writing on here from now on and i would love to see requests
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