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charcoalgrayswriting · 3 months

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Just Hold Me Part 1

Let Us Just Pretend

Bell/Adler if you squint

Words: 2603

Summary: After the events of Solovetsky, Bell has been overworking themselves, much to Adler's displeasure.

Jolting from their sleep-deprived daze, they blink blearily down at the papers in front of them. They knew the second they ceased to be useful, they would get a bullet to the head. It was this fact that pushed them to work tirelessly, hands cramping as they wrote, attempting to decipher Russian codes. They had to be good enough. Their life depended on it.

A steaming cup of tea was placed in front of them, and they glanced up at Adler, emotionless behind his signature shades. He was probably just waiting for an excuse to kill them, to tie up his last loose end in his hunt for Perseus.

They grunted in thanks, pulled out of their focus, only just now realizing how thirsty they were. The cups' warmth seeped into their hands, cold and slow to react because the safehouse had sub-par heating that was rarely enough to warm the building to a livable temperature. Truly, the CIA spared no expense.

Letting the steam warm their face they savored the soft herbal smell and the feeling of the warmth against their cheeks before downing the drink in a few gulps, eyes watering as it burned their mouth and down their throat. They could track the path it took through their body, feeling the heat spreading slowly through them. It was nice. Like a hug.

When was the last time they had been hugged?

Turning back to their work, again they buried themselves in the codes and ciphers, mind frantically searching for clues and connections. Adler hovered behind them, and they pretended not to feel his gaze on their back like a brand, silently and irrevocably marking them as his.

A few minutes after they had consumed the tea, they really began to feel tired, slumping forward before jolting back up, the letters and numbers on the page doubling and blurring as their eyes unfocused. Pinching the skin of their wrist between their fingers, they attempted to focus on their work again.

“Bell,” Adler’s voice rumbled from behind them, and they flinched.

Bloodshot unfocused eyes turned to look at him, swaying as they craned their neck to face him, blinking in the harsh fluorescent light of the safehouse.

He was much closer than they thought he was, only a few inches away from them, a hand on the back of their chair.

Blinking up at him, they huffed, “Yeah?” eyes threatening to close, despite not wanting them to. They still had work to do.

“You should get some rest, you haven’t slept more than three hours since we got back from Solovetsky.” he was right, they had returned from the islands over a week ago, but they needed to be useful.

“I’m fine.” they dismissed him, turning back towards their work. This had to be a test, somehow, some way.

“Like fuck you are,” Adler’s hand landed on their shoulder, solid and warm as he spun them around on the metal chair. They swayed, black dots swimming in their vision as they gripped the back of their seat for support.

“Fuck off,” they grumbled, swatting at his hand and missing completely. It stayed, squeezing their shoulder tighter in a once comforting grip.

“I’m giving you a lift back to the hotel, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way, but either way, you will be sleeping in a real bed tonight.” for someone supposedly attempting to take care of them, he sure made it sound like a threat.

They scoffed, “Wow it almost sounds like you care.”

“God damnit Bell,” he almost yelled, and they shrink back into themselves. Not noticing, or just not caring, Adler reached under their armpits and yanked them up, sending their chair clattering to the ground as they stood.

The quick ascension made their head spin and their knees buckled almost as soon as they put their weight down. Grappling for Adler, they wrapped their arms around his neck, the only thing keeping them from crashing to the floor was him.

“You call this fine, Bell? You can’t even stand by yourself.” he scoffed, wrapping an arm around their waist, and an arm around their shoulders, pulling them flush up against his warm solid chest.

Their chin landed hard on his shoulder and they inhaled the comforting scent of cigarettes and whatever cologne he used, his hair tickling their temple. As soon as the scent hit them, they relaxed in his arms. A Pavlovian response artificially implanted in their brain.

“I just need to–” they weakly pushed at his firm chest, but Adler cut them off, holding them still.

“What you need is to sleep.” His tone changed from one of annoyance to one of concern, “C’mon Bell, you’re running on fumes.” He shifted them in his arms, sweeping their feet off the ground, one arm braced against their back, the other under their knees.

“Put me down you fucking bastard!” they shouted, words slurring ever so slightly, as they struggled against his iron grip. Unfortunately, they were running on fumes, and their disjointed flailing did less than nothing.

Staying stoically quiet, Adler simply tightened his grip on them, marching towards the safehouses exit. Their pathetic attempts at deterring him did nothing to stop him as he carried them outside into the frigid air.

Opening the car door, he tossed them none too gently into the passenger side. Slamming the door on them, he hurried around to the driver side.

Attempting to orient themselves, their head spun as they sat up on the seat. By the time they had recovered enough to get their bearings, Adler had already locked the car doors and was pulling out of the back alley the car was hidden in.

“You fucker,” they grumbled, flopping down against the seat, head sliding towards the window, feeling the chill radiating from it. Might as well settle in, they were already in the car, and no matter how hard they fought, sleeping in a real bed did sound nice. Not that they would tell him that.

“You need rest if you’re going to be effective Bell.” Adler admonished them, and they laughed brokenly, choking on a sob, leaning against the window of the car, eyes listing closed.

“Oh so that’s your play,” Adler gave a confused grunt, so they continued, voice cracking and words slurring, “Gonna keep me in working shape ‘till I’m all used up, then put a bullet in me.” they sighed, keeping their eyes closed, sinking into the comfortable leather of the seat they dozed on.

“C’mon now Bell, it’s not like that.” one of his hands snuck over and grabbed theirs, warming their cold fingers in his firm grip. It was nice, almost felt like he cared.

“Don’t bother Adler. I’m a loose end.” they sighed, clumsily attempting to pull their hand away from his, and failing, before muttering. “The second Perseus is dead, I will be too. We both know I wasn’t supposed to survive Solovetsky.”

He was silent for a moment, only the sounds of the city filling the silence between them, “That’s what you think? S’ why you’ve been burning the candle at both ends?”

Listlessly, they replied, “My life is determined by my usefulness.” The rest of the ride was silent, at some point, Adler turned on the radio, and soft German singing filled their silence. Weaving in and out of consciousness, they thought that the ride was taking longer than it should, but was too comfortable to care, or to open their eyes.

When the car came to a slow stop and Adler killed the engine, they knew it was time to open their eyes. But they couldn’t bring themselves to do it, even when they heard his sigh and felt his warm hand leave theirs.

Adler must have been feeling kind, because he caught them before they fell out of the car when he opened the door they were leaning on. Grumbling, he picked them up from the seat he had tossed them onto, slamming the door shut with his hip.

God, that should not be attractive, They thought to themselves, allowing their head to rest under his chin, looping one of their shaking arms around his broad shoulders. They watched the scenery go by through heavily lidded eyes.

“Gonna go in the back entrance, don’t want people seeing you and asking questions.” Adler explained, entering through an employee door. Instantly, their body was surrounded by warmth, even warmer than the car. Maybe they had died, and this was Heaven. They probably wouldn't be going to Heaven.

“Just tell ‘em I’m drunk.” they snorted, nestling further into his comforting hold, closing their eyes against the bright lights.

Just for tonight. They promised themselves, unconsciously relaxing into him.

“Close enough to the truth,” Adler murmured, pressing his lips to the top of their head.

“Th’ fucks that mean?” they asked, cheeks flushing. Obviously because of the sudden warmth, and not his actions.

“Mmm,” they felt his chest rumble as he declined to answer, pushing open a door that led to a dimly lit staircase. “Most people use the elevators nowadays, so we can mostly use these things unseen,” he informed them, beginning a slow, steady ascent up the stairs.

“Doesn’t answer my fucking question,” they grumbled, not really expecting an answer from the cryptic bastard anyway.

The asshole just huffed a laugh in response. They weren’t sure how many flights of stairs he climbed, but they did notice when he stopped climbing them, his steps evening out.

Listening to him fumble for the key to the door, they kept their eyes closed. When the pair entered the room, they were quickly deposited on the large plush bed.

Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea, They acquiesced, curling into a ball where they laid, not bothering to undress or get under the covers.

“Bell,” Adler groaned, and they pried an eye open, staring at his exasperated expression.

“Mmph?” they grunted, not bothering with words.

“You gotta get some pajamas on before you sleep.”

“Oh f’c ‘ff,” they groaned, closing their eyes again, listening to Adler’s long-suffering groan. The sound of a door clicking open and closing was almost interesting enough to force them to open their eyes, but they stayed shut, already halfway to sleep, thinking Adler had just left them.

A few seconds passed before the door opened and closed again. Surprised, they listened to the sound of his feet shuffling across the carpeted floor, the mattress dipping as he sat down at the bottom, pulling one of their legs onto his lap.

Grunting in confusion, they craned their neck, eyes squinted as they watched through blurry vision as Adler began carefully unlacing their boots.

“Wh’t r’e you doin’?” they grumbled, head flopping back down, limbs refusing to respond to them. He still didn’t respond, seemingly entirely focused on removing their boot. Once the first one was deposited on the floor, he grabbed their other leg and repeated the careful process.

Finished, he let them go, and they curled back up and were about to get comfortable before a bundle of clothes hit them in the face.

They startled with a yelp, eyes flying open as they jolted, ready for an attack. Blinking blearily, they stared at the clothes in front of them, a white mens undershirt and a pair of red and black plaid flannel pants.

Locking eyes with Adler, the pair engaged in a staredown, neither willing to break first. When their eyes began to water, they blinked, looking away with a defeated sigh. Clumsily, they sat up and began to shuck off their turtleneck.

Jolting, Adler made a distressed noise, and they couldn’t do anything other than roll their eyes as they looked up at him, top half on, half off.

“You’ve seen me in less,” they grumbled, finally pulling the tight fabric over their head, messing up their hair. Receiving no response from the man, they huffed, beginning to shimmy out of their jeans.

Once they had removed their top layer, they were left in just their underwear and amusedly, Adler still refused to look at them. Stripping the rest of their clothes, they sat naked on the bed, swaying. They reached for the clothes he had brought them, shimmying into the soft, well worn pants.

After wearing jeans for so long, the soft loose fabric felt heavenly against their skin, and they rushed to pull on their top, hands trembling slightly. As they pulled it over their head, they inhaled and stopped short, letting the top fall down their torso, arms still up in the air.

It smelled like him.

“This yours?” they accused, glaring at Adler, who glanced back over at them, face giving away nothing. Sometime, when they had been changing, he had too.

Shrugging nonchalantly, like this wasn’t a major gesture, Adler grunted, “Couldn’t find yours.”

“Coulda jus’ asked.” they squinted suspiciously at him before laying back down, snuggling on top of the warm comforter.

Adler gave a put upon sigh as they closed their eyes again, “Bell,” he groaned, and they heard him begin to walk towards them.

Grumbling, Adler flipped back the covers, “Gonna make me do everything for you?” he scooped them back up in his arms before gently placing them on the uncovered section of bed.

They allowed him to situate them on their back, leaning into his gentle touch. When he pulled away, they pried open their eyes, staring up at him.

He looked so different like this, glasses off, hair disheveled, wearing an old olive t-shirt and worn gray sweatpants. They could almost call this, soft. Domestic.

As if he could read their mind, his face softened, and Adler brushed a lock of hair away from their face before he tucked the covers around them. Unable to help themselves, one of their arms snuck out from the heavy comforter, clumsily grabbing ahold of his shirt, just before he pulled away.

Looking down at their half-lidded eyes, Adler hummed, taking their hand in his. It was rough, calloused from years of hard work in the field.

They tugged at his hand, cheeks warming. “Stay,” they whispered, looking away from his intense gaze.

“You are in no condition–”

“No! Not… not like that.” they stuttered, “Just hold me close until I go to sleep.” they blinked up at Adler, and could see his hesitation.

Disappointed, but not surprised, they slowly began to withdraw their hand from his. Scrambling, Adler gripped them tighter, and they looked back up at him.

“Scoot over,” he demanded, and they smiled up at him, just a small thing. Complying, they shuffled over, watching as he sat on the edge of the bed.

He stared down at them for a few seconds, “You sure?”

They groaned, rolling their eyes again, “Let us just pretend, if only for tonight?” they blinked up at him, eyes wide.

He is silent as he slides in next to them, rolling onto his side to face them. They copied his movement, hesitantly snuggling into his open arms. Placing their head under his chin, they allowed Adler to roll onto his back with them now half laying on top of him, their only protest a small squeak.

Slowly, they melted into his embrace, muscles relaxing as they rode his chest up and down. A contented sigh left them as Adler began to play with their hair, his hand warm and firm against the back of their neck.

His chest rumbled underneath them as he whispered, “I’m not pretending,” just as they tipped off the cliff of wakefulness and into the deep ocean of sleep.

Part 2 will be Adlers POV of this interaction

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