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oh-mother-of-darkness · 2 years

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Hi hello I am OBSESSED with your most recent fic, it’s pacing and emotional points hits so good. I just have two questions, 1) does Tim realize the suicidal ish thoughts Jason is/was having and 2) I know its a cliff hanger on purpose but HOW do they deal with this after and irl

Howdy yes I would love to talk about that actually :)

Here is the fic I’m talking about, and I guess this is the directors commentary

1) I think if you had asked Tim before the fic took place whether he thinks Jason is or has been suicidal, he would have come down somewhere along the lines of “I mean probably,” just because I do believe suicidal ideation is Tim’s normal state of being, and I can say from experience that if you are a person experiencing suicidal ideation you tend to assume others do too. Also like… Jason’s life has kinda sucked. It’s a relatively safe assumption.

I don’t think, however, that it was on Tim’s mind during the events of the fic. When I was planning and writing the thing, I imagined Tim as (1) extraordinarily uncomfortable with the entire experience and (2) responding to that by treating Jason as a puzzle that Tim can solve, even going as far as to think that he’s more equipped than Jason to do so. More than once in the story, Tim treats Jason’s mind as something Tim can poke into doing what Tim wants.

Tim didn’t exhibit a lot of empathy during that fic, and that was an intentional choice. He wasn’t really trying to help Jason feel better; all his problem-solving was oriented around getting out of the situation. He was scared and impatient in weird circumstances where he didn’t have a lot of control over what happened, and it was supposed to show.

I think the most important thing to hammer home about Tim’s perceptions and motivation is that when it comes to trauma, Jason and Tim overlap in a really uncomfortable and difficult way. Maybe a different sibling (the earliest mental draft of this story actually used Damian instead) would have been able to approach Jason from a place of understanding and validation, but Tim can’t really do that. Tim isn’t going to stand there and say that Jason’s right because he doesn’t believe that, and I don’t know that he could really be convinced otherwise.

Now could he have approached Jason with kindness? Could he have engaged with the nuance of the situation and their history? Yeah, totally, but that wasn’t the story I wanted to tell. I chose Tim over Damian here because I think the idea of Jason explaining his own consciousness to Damian is interesting, but the idea of Jason defending his own consciousness against Tim is fascinating.

The fic is loosely inspired by a therapy exercise that I saw a few times in IOP— the therapist places an empty chair in front of the patient and tells them to imagine a younger version of themself sitting there. What do you say to your younger self? What does your younger self say back? I’m not a huge fan of the actual therapy technique, but I did think it was an interesting idea to play with story-wise.

I ended up deciding on Tim as the secondary character because Tim personally experienced the aftermath of Jason’s death and has a completely different perception of events, with the maximum potential for conflict. That sets up a situation where Tim pushes back against everything Jason says, and Jason gets to defend his current and younger self in the argument.

I played with this concept for months, asking myself just what Jason needs out of an interaction with his younger self. If he’s looking at that empty chair from therapy, what needs to happen? The first thing I arrived at was validation. Jason needs to acknowledge that what happened to him was horrible, and though he doesn’t agree with everything his younger self thought or decided, God, he had every right to be fucked up about it.

What better way to do that than to have someone else standing there belittling the whole thing? And Jason gets to yell back, validate his younger self, come to his own defense in a way where he can see himself as someone worth defending. It puts him in the headspace to look at himself and say, hey you were in so much pain, and you didn’t deserve that, and you don’t deserve to stay in pain. I want you to get better. I want good things for you.

I don’t know that Jason could say it the other way: I was in pain, and I didn’t deserve it, and I don’t deserve to stay in pain. I want to get better. I want good things for myself.

Once he brings himself to say all that, once he decides that about himself, he gets the opportunity to move past what happened. He, Jason, is really the only person that can heal the part of himself that has stayed hurt and alone and locked in a state of desperation and self-destruction. You may remember that my 2021 new year fic was on that topic. It’s a shocking amount of consistency from me, I know.

So no, I don’t think Tim caught onto the state that the younger Jason was in, at least not until Jason acknowledged it out loud.

2) Since Jason did say it out loud, though, I think it’s safe to say that Tim walked away from the experience knowing. I can confidently say that the two of them finished business with Hatter speaking the minimum amount to each other, left as quickly as possible, and did not acknowledge each other for at least two weeks, and only awkwardly after that.

I imagine that if you gave Tim awhile to review the whole experience, he might end up feeling a certain amount of shame, and I guess there’s potential in that for some kind of resolution between the two of them. Personally, I wouldn’t advise Tim to specifically bring it up again, but I think he has the opportunity to take the new information he has about Jason/Jason’s motivations and act differently in the future, maybe in a way that’s a lil more supportive.

If I were to invent a scene for the two of them to settle their differences over all this, I would probably have Tim make some kind of olive branch gesture that Jason accepts without comment. Maybe Tim very awkwardly says something to the effect of “I guess I’m wrong sometimes” when he’s technically talking about something else, and they both understand that he’s sort of apologizing for some of the things he said and the assumptions he made. Less is more here, I think.

My original intention was to publish the fic we’ve been talking about on Christmas, and then sort of follow it up on New Years with the fic I ended up actually publishing on Christmas (the mostly comedic one about going to therapy). In the original draft of the therapy piece, which assumed y’all had already read the Hatter one, Tim has looped Damian into what happened, and Damian very intentionally goads Jason into talking about (and eventually agreeing to) therapy.

I think I’m glad I didn’t end up going down that path, because I prefer them as separate, unrelated fics. But there’s your insight into my intentions, I guess.

#anon please know that there's an equal amount of lore for everything else I've ever written #and I’m simply desperate to talk about it #so thank you 😘#asks #suicidal ideation.#suicide.#suicidal thoughts.#there I think that’ll evade the weird new tag rules

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ask-readyplayergaymers · 7 years

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((So on top of this blog you've got like, 2 other AU askblogs too (and they're both amazing), so I was wondering, how many AUs do you have? For like. All of your fandoms? I'm very curious uwu))

((UHHHMMM LMAOOO

Honestly probably way too many to count but uh. Let’s see if I can remember them all

Be More ChillThis AU, of course!

My Life Tickets AU where Michael hands in a ticket in exchange for living for another day,

Cyber AU where Michael is Jeremy’s squip and manifests in any technology near him (mostly his cellphone),

Timeloop AU where Jeremy relives the night of the fire over and over as he attempts to help his friends escape the house without dying,

Pirate AU (I HONESTLY DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW THIS CAME ABOUT BUT APPARENTLY IT’S MINE NOW?? IDK) where Michael is the captain of an awesome crew of pirates who kidnaps Jeremy, a young noble, and the two fall in love as they sail the seas and look for treasure and all that stuff lol,

Peculiar Steampunk AU based off of Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children where all the kids live together under the squip’s protection with their own unique set of abilities, also set during a Steampunk sort of era. So Michael has powers over plants, Jeremy’s wicked awesome with electricity (and also has a prosthetic leg after an accident with some people hunting them), etc.

I put the rest under the cut to save space because there really is a lot whoops

Also if you want to know more about any of these AUs? Just send an ask and I can give you links to more thorough descriptions for each of them!))

Mother 3/EarthboundAsktwinheroesoftazmily: My first ever blog on tumblr, it’s a post-game AU where Lucas and Claus are living together in peace :’)

Reform/Hero AU: Lucas is part of the Pigmask Reform group which repairs damage done by the Pigmask Army, he’s assigned to Tazmily and meets Claus there, who has a personal vendetta against anything Pigmask and a huge secret revolving around the downfall of the army

Friends AU: Lucas befriends the commander and the two of them run away from the army together and attempt to pull the remainder of the Needles before the army can recapture Commander

2p AU: Lucas and Claus’ personalities take a complete 180! Lucas becomes an asshole and Claus is just insane lol (also they’re colored differently of course, Luke’s got red hair and Claus is blonde)

Sorcerer AU: Claus is a sorcerer living secluded in the woods, one day he finds Lucas covered in blood and having no memory of who he once was.

I actually have a LOT more AUs for Mother 3 but these are the only ones I’ve formally introduced so far haha, but yeah there’s also the Crazy Town AU, the Kingdom AU, and the Hospital AU to name a few

Big Hero 6Inari: Hiro is a superhero known as Inari, he runs into Tadashi one day after a skirmish with Yama and eventually Tadashi comes to discover his identity so they split the name and become crime fighting heroes together! Hiro’s 19 in this AU and attending SFIT, he’s not related to Tadashi and therefore his only friend is human!Baymax (who is a healthcare major, go figure), and then he befriends Dashi and the rest of the crew!

PokemonPokemon Legends: My very special very amazing and wonderful hack!! It’s about a girl named Aqua, her next door neighbor Magma and her caretaker Drake, as they all come to discover the secrets of their past and their connections to each other involving some of the legendary Pokemon.

Later on we get the counterparts of Green (Jade), Red (Crimson), Blue (Turquoise), Silver (Cobalt) and Gold (Aurum) that remain with them for the rest of the arcs!

Arc two is about the relationship between Jade and Crimson and how their rivalry nearly tore it apart. But then they make up and it’s very gay. Also we get the legendary birds involved and Mewtwo behind the scenes, pulling some strings.

Arc three is about Aurum, who’s been taken by Lugia to the depths of the sea, and Cobalt’s valiant rescue attempt along with the rest of the crew! He makes bonds with Ho-Oh in order to save Aurum and tells Aqua about his history with Team Rocket and how Aurum saved him.

Arc four is about the Distortion World (also a bizarre version of the land of the dead), and Aqua and some of the others are trapped there. While there they encounter other “them’s” from other timelines where they died, so they run into a blind Cobalt who was killed by Lugia, a burned Aurum who was overwhelmed by Ho-Oh, Jade, whose arm was cut off and killed by Crimson due to him being possessed psychically by Mewtwo, and Drake who was killed by Groudon in an attempt to make peace in one of the timelines. Yeah, it’s pretty dark compared to the other three arcs lol

SenyuuShadows Are Darker in the Light: Ahh yes my infamous Senyuu fic, it’s a high school AU that’s very dark and sad, the ending is bittersweet. Basically it’s a unrequited love sort of thing where Ros moves away without a word and Alba’s left to deal with the aftermath.

FNAF AU: YEAH I MADE AN FNAF AU it’s loosely based off of the plot but. Seven years ago Alba was murdered at a restaurant/arcade place, his body was never found and neither was the murderer. Years later Ros, who was present at the time of the murder, is still looking into what happened to the person he loved the most, and decides to start working at the restaurant in order to get access to files he wouldn’t be able to see otherwise. But his first day on the job he runs into the ghost of Alba, who has been trapped there for years and cannot move on unless he is brought to justice. It’s really sad but really heartfelt and fun at times, too :’)

Letters into Paper Airplanes: I can’t give too much away about this one, but basically Alba receives letters from Ros every week, having never met him in person before. He falls in love with Ros over the course of a year of getting the letters, but there’s a huge secret behind them that he finds out later which is absolutely devastating. It has a happy ending though, I swear!!

SonicRoomies AU: In which Shadow is a human and crashes with Chris after Sonic returns to his world and the two of them grow up and get into tons of shenanigans together :’) Shadow basically has to deal with Chris’ teenage rebellious phase, it’s pretty hilariousIn the end though they get together after the whole mess with the Metarex, and they return to Chris’ world since Shadow belonged there from the start

Mystic Messengerask-saeran-and-saeyoung: My Mystic Messenger ask blog, hey-o! It’s not too much different from the canon plot after Seven’s route ends, except that Seven isn’t dating MC. He lives with Saeran and the two of them have all sorts of fun together while Saeran adapts to being out of Mint Eye at last

VoltronSimulator AU: I sure do love this one…so basically it’s set in the future as a canon divergence to season 2, Keith was horribly injured during the final fight with Zarkon and was sent out into space in an escape pod and trapped inside a simulator that Pidge and Lance created. Inside the sim Keith is tricked into believing that he’s back on earth with an AI Lance watching over him. Of course he does end up discovering the truth eventually but he learns to forgive and falls in love with AI!Lance and they start a relationship together once Lance is granted with a physical body outside of the sim ;D

Kingdom HeartsEclipse Kingdom AU: Sora is the prince of light, Riku the prince of darkness—they’re forbidden from interacting with each other but lol Riku ends up falling in love with Sora, who does in return, and then they start having rendezvous on the border of their kingdoms. Eventually Riku discovers he’s engaged to Namine, so he and Sora decide to run away together to Destiny Islands to escape the marriage. Namine, Axel and Kairi go off in search of them and encounter Roxas, and they all team up to find the princes and bring them home. A lot of other stuff happens but that’s the gist of it!!

Swapped AU: Sora and Riku get swapped with their younger selves, so Riku’s stuck with a younger Sora going on about Kairi and Sora’s stuck with a younger Riku being all edgy and moody and shit lol;; the older counterparts make the younger ones realize they’re hella gay for each other and it’s a fun time

Hanahaki Disease AU: Riku has Hanahaki Disease and is faced with either getting it surgically removed, therefore erasing his feelings for Sora and completely destroying their current relationship, or admitting his feelings to Sora with the chance of them being not returned and the disease killing him as a result. Yeah. Yikes.

KingsmanFamily Coping AU (hell idk I just came up with that title just now lol): An AU ending to the second movie so SPOILERS AHEAD okay?! If you haven’t seen it yet please stop reading. Anyway. In this AU Roxy and Merlin live, but Princess Tilde dies. Eggsy has a hard time dealing with her death and the guilt he feels for not saving her in time, but Harry, Merlin and Roxy help a lot with that. They all move in together in a big house and get up to tons of shenanigans both at work and at home, and Harry and Eggsy especially help each other through their issues (guilt, butterfly visions, all that).

Adopted AU: HARRY ADOPTS A YOUNG EGGSY AND IT’S THE BEST GODDAMN THING EVER. Harry has to balance being a super spy and taking care of a seven-year old kid at the same time with Merlin constantly poking fun at him and Eggsy getting into mountains of trouble at Kingsman HQ whenever he brings them there. Then we get into fun things like kidnapping for ransom, Harry having panic attacks over said kidnapping and then him and Merlin charging in like fucking badasses to save his (their, Merlin totally gets attached too) son.

My Babysitter’s A VampireGrim Reaper AU: After finding out that Ethan’s fated to die, Benny makes a deal with a Grim Reaper to trade his life for Ethan’s, becoming a Grim Reaper in the process. Between his new job in the underworld and sneaking back to White Chapel to see Ethan, all sorts of crazy things happen!

AND PHEWWW I THINK THAT’S IT!! At least those are the ones that I’ve actually talked about and introduced before, I’m sure I have a lot more I’ve either forgotten about or haven’t had the chance to show yet, so yeah :’) I have way too many AUs lol but they’re all so dear to me and so much fun to talk about so!! Hmu with that good content we can chat about all of these any day, I’m down //high fives you

#H eck I have way waaaay too many AUs #I had to actually go over to my other blog and search my AU tag just to make sure I got them all RIP #I just make up AUs for everything what can I say;;#The mod answers #The final boss makes an entrance #OOC #Shima's AUs #I LOVE ALL MY AUS THOUGH!! THEY'RE ALL THE BEST #Come hmu on my personal and we can chat about them all day I have absolutely no objections to that #Press A to talk #An NPC appears #Long post

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