#bc straight men play up gay relationships in the show and its not Shocking at All to me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tendercoretroglodyke · 3 years

Note

... I’m interested in legitimately gay Reese (I assume one piece of evidence is “look at what they’re doing and tell me you’re not gay”)

okay this is like 2 days late but this is why reese malcolminthemiddle is legitimately gay:

(side note: did anyone need a queer media thesis paper or something... I am willing to share lmao)

so none of this is like... rock solid evidence or anything but I need to believe at least one main character of a show is gay and/or trans to maintain interest and reese is the most plausible gay character. also it’s early 2000′s so he just gets a lot of vaguely homophobic jokes lmao

first of all, yes, the biggest piece of evidence he’s gay is those lines from that episode I quoted the other day--thinking malcolm is gay, he tries to show his support by giving him a gay porno: “’Naught Pool Boys 3!’ I watched 10 or 12 of these, and this one seems to have the most stuff you guys like.” and when malcolm says he isn’t gay, reese responds “Malcolm. Check out what those guys are doing in that movie, and THEN tell me you’re not gay.”-- so, 1) reese sat down and watched like a dozen gay porn movies to ““find a good one for his gay brother”” and 2) he thinks malcolm would reconsider his heterosexuality if he watched what was in that movie, implying that HE reconsidered his sexuality after watching that movie, or at the very least found it hot

in the same episode, the character tricking malcolm into thinking reese is gay lists the following as evidence: he obsesses over his hair and his looks, loves his gourmet cooking, has a bunch of magazines covered in comically muscular men, and that he’s angry and acts like a jerk because he’s “dealing with something weird and confusing.” now obviously, the obsession with hair/looks can be chalked up to the fact that he’s a teenage boy, and there’s nothing inherently gay about enjoying cooking. the dozen magazines of muscle-bound men could certainly be taken as gay evidence, though, and it IS established in the show that his entire bully persona is his way of masking his inner feelings and insecurities. there’s literally a whole episode where he & malcolm realize they have no friends because they act like little shits to push people away because they’re afraid of rejection and/or abandonment from their peers. they ostracize themselves before they can be ostracized by the other students at school. I could probably write a whole other essay on reese’s psyche tbqh lmao there’s a shocking amount there!!

of the brothers who are actually old enough to be attracted to girls (reese, malcolm, and francis), he shows the least interest. now bear with me here. you might be thinking, “well, yeah, it’s malcolm’s show, we’re not gonna see things from other people’s perspective!” but that is actually surprisingly untrue, the show is very much equally shown from each family members’ perspectives. starting about s2, when malcolm is in early middle school, he starts getting crushes on girls and pursuing them. francis goes after a few women in the first couple seasons and then marries a woman we see a lot throughout the show.

in the roughly... 130?? episodes I have watched so far, nearly all of reese’s “interest” in girls involve either: competition with malcolm, genuinely just liking her as a friend, or some completely ulterior motive. the only exception to this I can think of is in the early seasons where he has a crush on a cheerleader and tries to get on her good side by joining the cheerleading squad, which the writers clearly set up as a way to make gay jokes about reese. let me give you a few examples of his relationships with girls

the first relationship we see him in is with a “stupid girl” that malcolm tried (and failed) to date, and the main reason they get together is that they think on the same wavelength and genuinely seem to enjoy hanging out. they take breaks from their bro chats to make out every once in a while. eventually he gets her to break up with him because he doesn’t want to go to the school dance with her (he doesn’t want to go at all). years later, he’s dating some girl we meet for like 5 minutes, before he goes to confess to her that she’s the first girl he’s ever loved. she then breaks up with him. he’s sad, but taking it fairly well. he’s about to leave when he sees malcolm hiding under the bed, and learns that he stole his girlfriend. he then runs away to join the army. he was clearly MUCH more upset that his brother stole his girlfriend than he was that his girlfriend broke up with him. there are many more instances of him and malcolm competing for a girl’s affections, and he seems mostly motivated by the competition itself.

in addition to “stupid girl,” he also manufactures an “attraction” to his female army buddy in the last season. the premise of this episode is that his old army buddy (a girl he play-wrestles with and insults like he would his own brothers) comes to visit him, and malcolm convinces reese that she’s attracted to him, and that reese’s nervousness at learning that fact is proof he’s in love with her. there’s a misunderstanding where reese asks her if she has certain “feelings” and she says she does, but what she ACTUALLY means is that she has a crush on reese’s MOM. she’s a lesbian. reese later propositions her (saying he’s saved his virginity for this--he’s probably about 18 here), and when she says omg no im gay, he is HUGELY relieved they can go back to being friends. CLASSIC mlm/wlw friendship moment.

there’s an episode where these cute girls pick up reese (& nerds) to kiss in front of their boyfriends to make them jealous. reese is all for it, and when malcolm argues that it’s not worth his dignity and the beating he’ll get from the girl’s boyfriend, reese counters that that’s WHY he wants to do this--he’s completely invisible at school, and thinks getting beaten up for kissing some guy’s girlfriend will at least make him known around school. at no point does he indicate he’s actually attracted to this girl, and when it comes time to kiss her, he finds the weakest excuse to run away at the last minute.

im not gonna list all of these but there’s more lmao

the following is a random assortment of one-off gay jokes and out-of-context lines with gay reese implications, often homophobically bc its early 2000′s writing:

says “I’m gay” to a girl to give malcolm a better shot at her

(again in competition with malcolm) tries to flirt with a girl by spraying milk in her face as the punchline to a joke, which is. well. hm. self-sabotaging, to say the least!!

Reese: “Do you think it’s right to totally change who you are and turn your back on EVERYTHING you believe in, just to impress a hot guy??” [his dad gives a long, blank stare, before asking:] “...Burt Reynolds hot, or Sting hot?”

“YEAH I like clouds! I call them sky kittens :)” (I just think that one’s sweet!)

“Look, Christie, here’s the thing. When I first met you, I was just messing around. But we’ve gotten so close that, now... I really like you! I can’t keep this up anymore. I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve been pretending since the day I met you. It’s so hard having to constantly cover my tracks to keep my story straight... and I don’t WANT to anymore! I’m tired of living this lie! I’m done with it. I’m sorry.”

he catfishes some guy to blackmail him, but is implied to continue the flirtation even after the catfishing/blackmail is revealed

reese is, technically, married to a man. this particular plot point is played as a joke and manages to be both racist and homophobic, so I won’t go into it. but I believe he is still married to that man. technically.

reese takes care of a huge box full of caterpillars until they pupate and become beautiful butterflies. I feel like there’s some kind of gay coming out metaphor here somewhere.

I think there are a couple other times where he comments on a guy’s attractiveness but I couldn’t find specific instances.

In conclusion: Reese is a deeply repressed gay kid who was socialized SO thoroughly as an early 2000′s straight boy that, despite his attraction for men and his obvious compulsory heterosexuality, he still cannot admit to himself that he is gay even as he enters adulthood. Furthermore, his subconscious frustration about this fact is turned outward to form the “schoolyard bully” costume he uses to mask his insecurities and keep others from getting too close to him.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I could be convinced to come back for another talk about how Dewey is trans or about how each and every member of that family is neurodivergent in entirely different ways. Assuming anyone has read this far in the first place!!

#sorry this was so long lmao I legit spent 2 hours on this #I have 2 modes: not doing the thing and overdoing the thing #hey anon if you actually see this I'd appreciate a quick message saying so lmao I'd hate to write all this only for you to miss it #I'll probably rb sometime tomorrow at least #also liz if you're reading this i was GONNA add a bit about francis' gay potential like you mentioned but I ran out of steam so remind me t #i think reese has the most gay potential tho #mitm #malcolm in the middle #anonymous #Anonymous

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cloneslugs · 5 years

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oh fuck u sent me multiple so demo/engie/medic/scout and also u can do the one i already sent

ty i love you

Demo

favorite thing about them

he’s super fun!!! but also really smart and caring and just an all around cool dude he’s like B) !

least favorite thing about them

this isnt about him personally lol but like official stuff(comics) lighten the fuck out of his skin and its like. dont

favorite line

i didnt even see this question when i first did this wtf but uh all his “i love you” esque lines are really excellent

brOTP

exclusing soldier lol!!! probably sniper or engie!!

OTP

soldier :’)

nOTP

besides scout & pyro & just like. looking at just the mercs no one really demo deserves love

random headcanon

he likes turtles a lot & just reptiles/amphibians in general just in a kinda neat/favorite animal type way nothing special, he gets around with engie and sniper and they all get drunk and they talk about cryptids, he has a super big heart he loves love, outside of the battlefield he’s pretty apprehensive and cautious moreso than lots of the others at least, he doesnt push himself to be it often just bc he doesnt like leaderly positions but he defo has one of the more valid voices of reason amongst all of them, he loves to help and just listen to people he’s always ready to offer you a drink and take a load off and just talk things out & he’s super chill and easy to talk to anyway, he comes off as really lazy but he can jump up and make do when he needs to

unpopular opinion

idk whats considered popular or not on here lol but like!! he’s not just stupid silly drunk man he’s actually got heart and is pretty intelligent & like probably one of the better off mercs if he wanted himself to be

song i associate with them (this is literally the worst question im so bad at this if i dont have lots n lots of searching time and also i forget all music ever)

cheap thrills - sia

favorite picture of them (sorry 4 bg edits im doing what i have on hand lol)

hes so fucking happy i love you!!!

Engie

favorite thing about them

he’s my fucking husband he makes my heart fucking soar!!! he’s a quiet little sweetheart and he’s just really smart and nice and has morals iusdahui

least favorite thing about them

fucking nothing you animals

favorite line

all his fucking nerdy engineering lines are so fucking good ;____; he’s so smart and passionate god“i love engines! pinion shafts! flanges. mitigating shock loads. but most of all: i love winnin’!” “they won’t know what hit ‘em! though it’ll likely to be bullets. statistically speaking” theres more but im like ;___; just thinking about him ah

brOTP

medic babey!!!!!! i have a thing for shitty best friends that tire each other out (especially on one side) but love each other at the end of the day and are just ride or diepyro also but for completely different reasons :-)

OTP

spy is fucking excellent -.- dont @ me

nOTP

soldier lol (excluding pyro & scout)

random headcanon

i think all the mercs are autsitic but engie is one of my fucking fav ahhhhh, he and medic info dump for hours especially where their special interests overlap and it gets really boring if youre not one of them lol, he loves learning but he hated school so much ):, he has pretty bad anxiety but only under certain circumstance, he’s kinda jealous that spy gets to automatically be seen as a paternal figure bc of scout and he kinda wishes he could settle in like that but he also doesnt think he’d be very good at it for a very prolonged amount of time, he loves math!!!! he loves numbers a lot he associates it with lots of fun and colors and just !!!!! wow wow!!, he has really really really high empathy when it comes to machines and stuff, he loves dogs especially smaller ones, he really loves to fidget w/ tools and stuff bc he always has one on hand and theres lots you can do with some of them, he’s really lazy and has a hard time applying himself sometimes

unpopular opinion

the comics really brush him aside i need to see him more please for the love of god he’s just as interesting as anyone else also fat engie is the only valid engie & also soldier/engie is fucking forced and weird idk where it comes from except they wear hats lol & also people call engie short but if you dont make him 5′00 give or take 3 inches youre doing it wrong and i cant stand by it

song i associate with them

this is like. also a soldier song for me lol but Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - the decemberists

favorite picture of them

ms pauling and medic!! his buddies :) also i just love the shadowboxers art

his fly costume makes me so ;___; i love you little man

also i hate to default to beard engie but this is literally the sexiest man alive

Medic

favorite thing about them

i have a thing for shitty men with halfway decent hearts but are trying(sometimes) okay like okay he’s so chaotic and bad but ;___; i love you

least favorite thing about them

this mostly applies to his Meet the vid but he comes off as really apathetic and cruel? i think in everything else he comes off as a bit nicer if not absentminded and not too socially aware which is :)

favorite line

bro when he warns heavy about that gun in the comix? gay rights U__U also the like “you can take the brain out of the criminal and put it in a pumpkin, but you cant take the criminal out of the brain in the pumpkin” or whatever shit sir i love you

brOTP

engie baby!!!! i also really like spy & sniper bc im weak for shitty support relationships i think med just works really good w/ everyone really in some way

OTP

heavy baby!!!

nOTP

all of the mercs are fine (excluding the usual lol) but like cHeavymed people are freaks die

random headcanon

he has really poor eating & sleeping habits he almost relies on everyone else to keep him alive, he’s autistic & he’s jewish but not really practicing, he pulls & tugs on things when he’s stressed, he’s actually really smart medically he just doesn’t like showing it/messing w/ people (it makes some of the smarter mercs nervous lol), when he gets bored & has nothing to play with he digs for drama he loves to start unnecessary arguments that have no value whatssoever, he’s scared of dogs, he only trusts sniper & maybe heavy to handle his birds if he were to die, heavy & archimedes are like mega comfort objects(?) for him !!, he’s kinda really bad at showing he likes/cares for people, this goes especially hard on engie ):, he has a really big sweet tooth, he cant cook, he doesnt ever censor himself and can be pretty rude, he’s an open book and has no sense of integrity, he got super attached to heavy right off the bat for seemingly no reason and it was just super awkward lol, he gets distracted really easily and drops projects too often when he gets bored/forgets, his room is a mess he doesnt know how to do chores, he’s trans and hasnt done anything to medically transition but he handles everyone on team who is

unpopular opinion

he’s not a fucking sociopath lol like he has a heart and cares he just has a hard time differentiating right from wrong and doesnt think things out i love you

song i associate with them

this is my emo music time i keep changing this but im gonna go It Was A Swift Not A Swallow - Crywank

favorite picture of them

i cant pick between these two he’s saving his fucking boyfriends life & also the 2nd he just looks so peaceful and :)

Scout

favorite thing about them

he’s a sweet boy!!! he just wants friends and he’s stuck with a bunch of middle aged men we have to love his endurance also he’s a little baby faced menace i love you

least favorite thing about them

in the canon i ignore lol.. too straight we cant have that

favorite line

all his lines talking about how the group of them are all best friends and stuff??? i love that

brOTP

sniper !!!! also spy also everyone

OTP

no one really lol pyro is like. the only one im comfy w/

nOTP

sniper lol if we’re talking popular things & all the rest of the mercs really

random headcanon

he’s a super sweet boy who loves everyone on the team, he warmed up the fastest out of all of them and became super attached!!, he really wants a base dog, he really likes to spend time with everyone and listen to them talk like he loves sitting with engie and having him explain nerdy engineering nonsense that he’ll never get but he tries to but its just fun seeing how excited the other person is!!!, he became super close to sniper right off the bat for some reason which is weird bc scout can talk forever and sniper doesn’t know how to hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes but they like hanging out even if it gets tiring, he lives off of sugary drinks medic keeps telling him to stop, he loves to hang out w/ spy and they get on each others nerves but really enjoy it at the end of the day, he has little to no sense of boundaries, he loves to give hugs!!, he really tries to engage with everyone’s interests like i said he just loves making/seeing other people happy, he loves being part of big groups it always just feels like a big family to him

unpopular opinion

he gay :)

song i associate with them

the calculation - regina spektor

favorite picture of them

trans rights!!!

Soldier

favorite thing about them

he is a sweetheart he is my big stupid husband and we both love raccoons =.=

least favorite thing about them

the patriotism…… we arent having that

favorite line

he’s literally so fucking funny especially all his things w/ merasmus and just. everything

brOTP

excluding demo uh !!! SPY!!!! :D

OTP

demo :)

nOTP

engie x.x

random headcanon

he’s super sweet !!! he loves his friends so much, he loves to show off his raccoons to everyone :), he bonds w/ sniper over wildlife(raccoons), everyone has a lot of patience w/ him bc he struggles to communicate things a lot and kinda needs his time to get points across, he’s actually really observant and it would be really good if he just didnt jump to wild conclusions based off of it all the time, he’s really conscious of his actions and how they affect others like he’s kinda violent impulsively but hes taken note of who is and isnt okay with it or who’s okay w/ him saying what in front of them, he’s really protective of his friends!!! he knows theyre capable but he loves looking out for them, he loves to drag them off on fitness expeditions/training but he tires out before a good number of them/gets bored, he wakes up the earlies he loves the mornings, he can cook but nobody knows it, like scout he loves to indulge in what other people like but he’s more handson he loves to screw in screws for engie or hand medic tools or read out loud to spy or heavy or show sniper things he catches/turn over rocks with him, he loves medics birds but doc wont let him touch them ):, he wants to get a base dog too, he has no volume or tone control, probably the best hugger, he’s kinda shy about personal things like himself in general or being trans & liking guys he’s actually pretty decent at keeping personal things to himself not that he wouldnt share it just feels weird,

unpopular opinion

he’s not just like shouty mean stupid man,,, he’s actually really sweet

song i associate with them

rejoice- AJJ

favorite picture of them

i have worse naked honey pics but this is fucking it lads gay rights

#im like. digging thru my tee eff 2 playlist on spotify this is hell #asks #tf text #sorry this is long lol i feel like im leaving out so much #also shout out to cecil youre the only valid person out here #triplecrossed #if i missed anything kick me #these make me so happy to do i love talking and talking and talking about my interests

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crvwly · 7 years

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anyway i feel like this is extremely topical at the moment so if anyone is interested, this is the piece i recently wrote on representation in media and why it’s important. some names are redacted bc i wrote this for my university newspaper but it doesn’t change much!

According to the US Census, about 40 percent of the country is composed of people of color—in Hollywood’s world, however, only a quarter of all characters are non-white, and something isn’t adding up.

“We live in this community where popular media is catered to white, cisgender, straight, and able-bodied people, especially men,” J. F., a CU Denver English major, said. “Positively representing minorities in media acknowledges that they do exist and they are important. It allows them to look up to someone just like them and show them that it’s okay to be who they are.”

Unfortunately, many minority groups are given hardly any material to love and identify with. According to the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), less than five percent of characters on TV in 2016 were identified as part of the LGBTQ+ community, which is the highest that rate has ever been. The list of media representation gets more depressing as it goes on. A report from The Media, Diversity, & Social Change (MDSC) Initiative at USC’s Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism found that, in 2015, less than two and a half percent of characters in film had a disability. The same study showed that only 28 percent of characters were non-white, and barely 33 percent of characters were women.

In case it wasn’t obvious enough, here it is spelled out: women make up half the world’s population, but are only represented as a third of the world’s population in TV and movies.

Minority characters in TV and movies are also negatively stigmatized, abused, and killed on TV shows and movies for what people have started to call the “trauma porn” genre. The minority characters are typically built up to be very genuine, kind, well-mannered characters in order to get the audience to grow attached to them, after which they are beaten down to their last grain of sanity or physical strength, and usually killed. One trend within the trauma porn genre is called the “bury your gays” trope, in which gay characters are killed off for shock value.

This past October, a new sports anime about figure skating—Yuri!!! On Ice—premiered and, as its opening song implies, ‘made history’ by having an openly gay and interracial relationship between two main characters on Japanese television.

A lot of shows—sports animes in particular—are guilty of queerbaiting viewers by writing characters to appear stereotypically queer without following through in the show. Yuri!!! On Ice, however, stunned the audience by doing the opposite; there was very little queer coding aside from the romantic interactions between the two main characters, and by making the focus of the show the skaters’ careers, it proved that gay people don’t need to be hair-flipping, scarf-wearing, and flamboyant to be gay.

The main characters’ relationship wasn’t the only feature of interest that had fans hooked on the show. Both men, Viktor Nikiforov and Yuuri Katsuki, suffered from mental illnesses that were directly addressed throughout the course of the show. Viktor had depression and Yuuri had severe anxiety and panic attacks.

Many mentally ill queer fans have latched onto these characters like a lifeline. Their narrative is far different than the many others spun out for queer characters on TV. The show doesn’t focus on the trials and tribulations of being a queer person; it’s about figure skating and love of all different kinds, and one of those kinds just happens to be between two men. There are no painful coming out stories, no family disownment, and absolutely no gay people are killed. The characters are relatable to queer people without making the story about how horribly and painful it is to be a queer person.

Another trope is called “disposable women,” in which female characters are killed off to motivate the male lead’s plot and character development.

A list of minority character deaths which occurred for no significant reason includes: Poussey Washington (Orange is the New Black), a black lesbian; Lexa (The 100), a lesbian; Queen Ygraine (Merlin); Mary Winchester (Supernatural); Abbie Mills (Sleepy Hollow), a black woman; Larry Blaisdell (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), a gay man; Michael Corrigan (House of Cards), a black gay man; and about a thousand more.

These characters can further the plot and the diversity of the show without being killed off for shock value. Poussey Washington’s death aired in the midst of the growing Black Lives Matter movement and was supposedly meant to show solidarity. However, rather than having the show’s characters host a rally or the show creators coming together to give a message of gratitude for those in need, they killed yet another black person. The major problem with this kind of representation is that it tells the people who identify with these characters that they are expendable if it benefits someone else, and real life tells them this enough already.

“When roles are given to people in media that aren’t accurate representations or aren’t representation at all, it leaves an entire perspective out,” B. N., an MSU Denver student, said. “We already live in a society where rights aren’t given to real people in those marginalized communities. When inaccurate narratives are shown to the majority group, it makes them think that a more diverse population doesn’t exist and doesn’t deserve rights or recognition. Putting focus and value on marginalized communities gives them more power, which is the reason that a lot of people don’t do it.”

However, creating diverse stories has caused a problem when it comes to casting actors to fill those roles. Doctor Strange, a new Marvel movie, recently came out and met strong audience backlash when it was discovered that the Tibetan characters were cast as white and other non-Asian actors, including Benedict Cumberbatch and Tilda Swinton, the two leads.

This act of whitewashing is nowhere near an isolated event in Hollywood, and it occurs in other formats as well; there is a growing trend of casting cisgender actors to play transgender roles and having straight actors play queer characters, and the worst part is that the actors are applauded for their bravery in taking on such “controversial” jobs. Offenders include Eddie Redmayne (The Danish Girl), Jared Leto (Dallas Buyer’s Club), Johnny Depp (The Lone Ranger), Jennifer Lawrence (The Hunger Games), and dozens more.

“People shouldn’t be able to proclaim that stories include a transgender narrative unless there’s a transgender actor filling that role,” B.N. said. “The same goes for narratives that are meant for people of color, or disabled people. Getting proper representation is a big step toward getting positive representation.”

Society’s lacking representation of minority groups is what makes shows like Yuri!!! On Ice such a fantastic reprieve. The creator, Kubo Mitsurou, tweeted a few weeks before the show’s finale, “No matter what everyone in the real world thinks of this work, the world within it will remain a place where there will be no discrimination for what you love. I will protect that world, no matter what it takes, even if it’s the last thing I do.” She stood astoundingly true to her word to the last episode. The show was, at its core, happy, and clearly intended to make the LGBTQ+ community feel welcome.

“Seeing yourself in media is so important for validating your identity and coming to love and accept yourself,” B.N. said. Having positive representations of marginalized groups is about more than proving to majority groups that minorities exist outside of their stereotypes. There’s more to representation than sticking a few people of color, queer people, and women in the backgrounds of movies and television shows. Allowing young people to grow up and be inspired by fictional characters that look like them and feel like them gives those kids the ability to think, “If they can be successful, strong, and happy, then I can, too.”

#txt #my writing #representation #ok to reblog

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unsubstantiatedopinion · 4 years

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Thinking about when I got my IUD. On the information trail of something else, saw a Quiz on a teen health site of which birth control is for you.

I had to work to get the answer I actually Use. Mind, the major change was "I am willing to go to a doc" and then it followed with the legit "I'm cool w my period getting heavier".

Mine started, and has settled back into being fairly light flow, long lasting, and like one day of cramps that are pretty easily managed.

But this quiz when I answers everything else,(thr first time, no clinic) offered me the Sponge on my list. Like yeah yeah condoms at the top of the list.

In 2016 on campus they were stocking both in the dorm bathrooms, external were more popular by a lot. But if you looked up success rates on Planned Parenthood, external had a higher efficacy rating. I figured that it was probably user error, but like, What? Then at a student health fair, I did ask the people at a sexual health table if they knew this, and if they knew why and they didn't. Though they also thought it was probably a familiarity w the device thing.

My sex Ed classes in 8th grade and HS did have us learn how to put a condom on a penis. (My 8th grade was taught by a lesbian and some outside person was brought in for part as well, but we did learn how to make a dam out of a condom as well. Didn't realize that was unusual knowledge.)

On the one hand, the external condom is the one birth control where the expectation is on the man to be dealing with it. And it has the wonderful qualities of being a in the moment sort of thing, very sweeping passionate much flirty. (And while *I* have never successfully done a seductive foreplay with a condom, there's some solid visual potential there.) And it is effective, one of the few things that is both birth control and STI control.

All that is wonderful.

The internal condom, by contrast, is a newer thing. So it hasn't come into the visual lexicon of "seeing this in the bedroom is normal". And tbh, popping it into place is harder to make into a teasing sensous thing. But i think there's more to it than that.

Unlike the other internal birth control methods. Even than the ring or what are some of those retro ones, sponge or diagphram. Once they are in place, they aren't Seen.

Most of the objects that are placed internally have a reputation of being for wives. Partially bc they are less effective(and the stakes of a pregnancy for a married woman are lower.) partially I think bc they are seen to 'break the mood', which you can get away with when you've seen intimately into the other's life, but when you are still in the dating sexy mystique phase culturally you aren't 'supposed to" do.

Which is also Bad.

If you do not feel like you could say to the other person, hey, can we pause or stop this? Don't fuck them.

But the modern methods of birth control, are mainly chemical (and not good vs STI) but their burden is entirely in the woman. Financially, emotionally, physically.

The optimistic version is that, this is women taking control of their bodies and lives.

But, 1. At what cost? And

2. So invisibly.

The unpopularity of the internal condom to me seems like a stroking of a man's ego. And falling into old hetero scripts.

Which is why I am using man and woman mainly here. Lesbians have less use for condoms generally (toys are washable, and gloves are better for hands). The accessabiltiy and flexibility of external condoms, makes them prefered for gay men. Sure the inner ring of an internal condom can be removed for anal sex, butt that is only one of many sex acts avalible to men outside of fanfiction.

But the Straight(tm) script has man pursue woman be innocent. And if she's not innocent, play innocent; otherwise this isn't a date on the good girls path to wedding. Basically if the woman is shown to be experienced it is mark against her, or specifically for the man's enjoyment. (See history of sex work, succubi as a concept, kink, and/or MILFs).

The pill, and even nexplenon or and IUD, are hidden. Sure they are pre-planned taking ones own reigns, but they aren't visible where the action is. (And the pill is way more popular anyhow, and has plausible deniability-its not cause I'm a slut it's for my cramps. Which is a legit use, but is not the Only reason it should be allowed). They also have that 'ready and avalible at any time' quality. Which, could be - unkindly- seen as making The Sex ready for the picking at any time.

By contrast, the internal condom can be a statment, it's a statment that at some point the woman said to herself, "I plan on getting Laid tonight". Probably when getting dressed and choosing a matching set of underwear. But unlike coordinated sets, its something that really is for her, and her protection. (Yes it's possible she is carrying an infection and doesn't want to pass it along.)

It's incredibly loud and enthusiastic consent.

Which, is not the Straight(tm) prefered narritive.

Obviously, it is the Best version of events. But consent is a whole other post.

The main reason I don't go for it myself, besides Covid, is the they are harder to find, more expensive and so it feels more like a waste of money if you don't fuck. And I haven't gone on many dinner dates that might lead to a rendezvous. And wouldn't want that nagging push. (on the other hand, totally see how this pressure is bad on men in Straight(tm) narritive. There lots of transaction happening in any relationship and we really don't think actively enough about it's influence as a culture).

In personal experience, the #1 reason I didn't want hormonal birth control was lack of research on its physical effects beyond not getting knocked up. The "it's not unusual for this to increase depression but also we are just now half a century later actually looking into this". Plus personally the arm stick was a bad fit with my dislike of needles and my need to pick at things. And there was no time of day in college where I would be able to reliably choose to take a pill. Probably 11am but then I'd need to remember to pack it with me and just, I wasn't here for that life.

Which is where we get to the IUD.

The scene, 2016. The context, I had had a condom break (intercrural, which I STRONGLY recommend) but it freaked the fellow out a bit. (He did not suggest an iud, and tbh I don't think I involved him in the decision at all. ) The other context was the 2016 election. And frankly, the Fear that was being drummed up. Not unwarranted, but, there was a spike in IUDs at that time bc people were worried about loosing access to other forms of birth control. And I doubt I was alone in worrying about loosing options in the event of a rape.

I am against abortion as a method of bieth control. But I think the way to not have abortions, is prevention. Abortions that remove a dead fetus or a dieing fetus that are protecting the mother, aren't birth control, that's sepsis management and tragic. Abortions that are only for the girl babies, are birth control and tbh the way to cut down on that animation is cultural change. It's my opinion that if a woman is going in for an abortion, something has Failed Her.

But, I was at a point where my getting pregnant would be really bad. My mental health was in a sketchy place. I was in school. And frankly not terribly employable since a science degree at a bachelor's is still all grunt work.

I looked into what options were avalible. I researched. My mother had, at some point offered to assist in getting a prescription for the pill, framed in the cramps story. Which for my sister IS why she's on it. I lucked out on not having a Catastrophe of a uterus. (Hyperbole but still).

I remember the process of going in.

I remember being Angry that in the pre-appoinment I was told that the policy was you need to get a pregnancy test up to like 2 days before or so. And I set it up so that I have a block to squeeze in this extra appointment on like the day before. I look up what to do before hand, PP recommend taking a painkiller before showing up so it has time to kick in.

I do all the steps. I go in alone. For myself, I don't want non-experts besides me involved. These are things between me, a doctor, and god and/or my/a/my understanding of amoral system.

The secretary was friendly and like, yeah Doc is doing a lot of these. Reassuring. They didn't give me any preprocedure instructions besides this test (and it was also a STI test I don't remember if that was required or I was like heck if I'm here might as well).

But the appointment happens and three plot twists. 1. They've got a better painkiller and would have preferred I hadn't taken an over the counter before. But it all worked out. And frankly the insertion was absolutely fine. Like yeah little pinch but as u recall it it was more like if you pinched a like big chunk of thigh than like finger in a door.

2. There was a med student/intern/person. I was asked if she could be in the room. Not shocking, University hospital is a teaching hospital and I'm totally chill with being a model. She seemed uncomfortable, wanted to go into pediatrics so not really relevant to her I think. Nothing hands on.

3. The thing that made me mad was that I had to take an additional pregnancy test before she would do the procedure. I took the previous test when the intake had suggested. At the same hospital. So it's all their records. And I hadn't had sex in the interim and even if I had, nothing would have had time to implant. Plus, while I recognize that technically IUD can in a few cases be an aborting procedure, by getting a copper iud, I was saying I plan on not having kids for up to the next 10 years. Thinking back on it, maaaaaayyyyybe maybe a test might have seen a pregnancy that might have been floating around to go etopic and all. But no, this felt controlling and paternalistic.

I didn't have a strategy for dealing with it. For demanding and asserting that I just did this. I did say it once, but that wasn't listened to.

And I know that this isn't an unusual or even particularly egregious example. But still.

After was lots of bleeding. I think I basically bled in some capacity for a month or two. Was on painkillers for long enough that i did get some like stomach pain or maybe just worried docs I don't remember except being told to switch to acetominiphine which I don't think works as well for me but resolved whatever the issue was. And I'm a pads person and did get a bit chapped.

After that resolved. I did have one terrifying Surprise Heavy period like a few months later. I bled through a pad. There was crying in the CVS bc there wasn't a absorbtion conversion between tampons and pads and this was all new and scary.

The next month leveled out. Though things were still heavier than pre-iud or now. But not terrible. And I've seen worse. I couldnt use my mom's strategy of the diva cup, which she got on early I think bc it's Wonderful for HEAVY flow. But between never having had success w a tampon and the potential suction removing the thing and ripping out an IUD. Not worth it.

But for the most part it settled out.

But I still think about it.

The good thing was the RELIEF of the Safety of not having to worry about ending up pregnant. Sure STIs are a risk. But back-alley or date rape transference is likely either way and at least I only have to deal with one issue instead if the moralized one. And in chosen partners, frankly they were either rather virginal. Or Defs gonna use a condom. Like, the bf in the IUD times, we still used a condom each time. (I don't know that he's done it, but he had also apperently been planning on getting a vasectomy asap, since like highschool.) The 'i never want kids' was one of the reasons we stopped dating. There were a few other reasons but like they all boiled down to 'want differnt things from the Future' which is why we are friends still.

But things will come up, and I'll remember, I've got a chunk of copper in me.

That knowledge weighs in my consideration of sense of self, and self identity. It feels representative, and significant.

I don't check for the strings as often as I should, and I think they've mostly stayed out of the way.

But this is a significant thing to me.

And a thing that I keep to myself a lot.

But I do Want to talk about it, because it is so Significant.

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