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Re:painting walls Blue
There's like 3-5 times I can think of where I was more excited about sex than my baseline pleasedness about the fact that my walls are blue.
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Sure sex is fine or whatever, but have you tried painting your walls Blue?
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My gender is an interesting article on the other side of the road.
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Is the work of Tom of Finland the best argument for "hyper-ripped men in superhero comics are for the sex appeal"?
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Thinking about when I got my IUD. On the information trail of something else, saw a Quiz on a teen health site of which birth control is for you.
I had to work to get the answer I actually Use. Mind, the major change was "I am willing to go to a doc" and then it followed with the legit "I'm cool w my period getting heavier".
Mine started, and has settled back into being fairly light flow, long lasting, and like one day of cramps that are pretty easily managed.
But this quiz when I answers everything else,(thr first time, no clinic) offered me the Sponge on my list. Like yeah yeah condoms at the top of the list.
In 2016 on campus they were stocking both in the dorm bathrooms, external were more popular by a lot. But if you looked up success rates on Planned Parenthood, external had a higher efficacy rating. I figured that it was probably user error, but like, What? Then at a student health fair, I did ask the people at a sexual health table if they knew this, and if they knew why and they didn't. Though they also thought it was probably a familiarity w the device thing.
My sex Ed classes in 8th grade and HS did have us learn how to put a condom on a penis. (My 8th grade was taught by a lesbian and some outside person was brought in for part as well, but we did learn how to make a dam out of a condom as well. Didn't realize that was unusual knowledge.)
On the one hand, the external condom is the one birth control where the expectation is on the man to be dealing with it. And it has the wonderful qualities of being a in the moment sort of thing, very sweeping passionate much flirty. (And while *I* have never successfully done a seductive foreplay with a condom, there's some solid visual potential there.) And it is effective, one of the few things that is both birth control and STI control.
All that is wonderful.
The internal condom, by contrast, is a newer thing. So it hasn't come into the visual lexicon of "seeing this in the bedroom is normal". And tbh, popping it into place is harder to make into a teasing sensous thing. But i think there's more to it than that.
Unlike the other internal birth control methods. Even than the ring or what are some of those retro ones, sponge or diagphram. Once they are in place, they aren't Seen.
Most of the objects that are placed internally have a reputation of being for wives. Partially bc they are less effective(and the stakes of a pregnancy for a married woman are lower.) partially I think bc they are seen to 'break the mood', which you can get away with when you've seen intimately into the other's life, but when you are still in the dating sexy mystique phase culturally you aren't 'supposed to" do.
Which is also Bad.
If you do not feel like you could say to the other person, hey, can we pause or stop this? Don't fuck them.
But the modern methods of birth control, are mainly chemical (and not good vs STI) but their burden is entirely in the woman. Financially, emotionally, physically.
The optimistic version is that, this is women taking control of their bodies and lives.
But, 1. At what cost? And
2. So invisibly.
The unpopularity of the internal condom to me seems like a stroking of a man's ego. And falling into old hetero scripts.
Which is why I am using man and woman mainly here. Lesbians have less use for condoms generally (toys are washable, and gloves are better for hands). The accessabiltiy and flexibility of external condoms, makes them prefered for gay men. Sure the inner ring of an internal condom can be removed for anal sex, butt that is only one of many sex acts avalible to men outside of fanfiction.
But the Straight(tm) script has man pursue woman be innocent. And if she's not innocent, play innocent; otherwise this isn't a date on the good girls path to wedding. Basically if the woman is shown to be experienced it is mark against her, or specifically for the man's enjoyment. (See history of sex work, succubi as a concept, kink, and/or MILFs).
The pill, and even nexplenon or and IUD, are hidden. Sure they are pre-planned taking ones own reigns, but they aren't visible where the action is. (And the pill is way more popular anyhow, and has plausible deniability-its not cause I'm a slut it's for my cramps. Which is a legit use, but is not the Only reason it should be allowed). They also have that 'ready and avalible at any time' quality. Which, could be - unkindly- seen as making The Sex ready for the picking at any time.
By contrast, the internal condom can be a statment, it's a statment that at some point the woman said to herself, "I plan on getting Laid tonight". Probably when getting dressed and choosing a matching set of underwear. But unlike coordinated sets, its something that really is for her, and her protection. (Yes it's possible she is carrying an infection and doesn't want to pass it along.)
It's incredibly loud and enthusiastic consent.
Which, is not the Straight(tm) prefered narritive.
Obviously, it is the Best version of events. But consent is a whole other post.
The main reason I don't go for it myself, besides Covid, is the they are harder to find, more expensive and so it feels more like a waste of money if you don't fuck. And I haven't gone on many dinner dates that might lead to a rendezvous. And wouldn't want that nagging push. (on the other hand, totally see how this pressure is bad on men in Straight(tm) narritive. There lots of transaction happening in any relationship and we really don't think actively enough about it's influence as a culture).
In personal experience, the #1 reason I didn't want hormonal birth control was lack of research on its physical effects beyond not getting knocked up. The "it's not unusual for this to increase depression but also we are just now half a century later actually looking into this". Plus personally the arm stick was a bad fit with my dislike of needles and my need to pick at things. And there was no time of day in college where I would be able to reliably choose to take a pill. Probably 11am but then I'd need to remember to pack it with me and just, I wasn't here for that life.
Which is where we get to the IUD.
The scene, 2016. The context, I had had a condom break (intercrural, which I STRONGLY recommend) but it freaked the fellow out a bit. (He did not suggest an iud, and tbh I don't think I involved him in the decision at all. ) The other context was the 2016 election. And frankly, the Fear that was being drummed up. Not unwarranted, but, there was a spike in IUDs at that time bc people were worried about loosing access to other forms of birth control. And I doubt I was alone in worrying about loosing options in the event of a rape.
I am against abortion as a method of bieth control. But I think the way to not have abortions, is prevention. Abortions that remove a dead fetus or a dieing fetus that are protecting the mother, aren't birth control, that's sepsis management and tragic. Abortions that are only for the girl babies, are birth control and tbh the way to cut down on that animation is cultural change. It's my opinion that if a woman is going in for an abortion, something has Failed Her.
But, I was at a point where my getting pregnant would be really bad. My mental health was in a sketchy place. I was in school. And frankly not terribly employable since a science degree at a bachelor's is still all grunt work.
I looked into what options were avalible. I researched. My mother had, at some point offered to assist in getting a prescription for the pill, framed in the cramps story. Which for my sister IS why she's on it. I lucked out on not having a Catastrophe of a uterus. (Hyperbole but still).
I remember the process of going in.
I remember being Angry that in the pre-appoinment I was told that the policy was you need to get a pregnancy test up to like 2 days before or so. And I set it up so that I have a block to squeeze in this extra appointment on like the day before. I look up what to do before hand, PP recommend taking a painkiller before showing up so it has time to kick in.
I do all the steps. I go in alone. For myself, I don't want non-experts besides me involved. These are things between me, a doctor, and god and/or my/a/my understanding of amoral system.
The secretary was friendly and like, yeah Doc is doing a lot of these. Reassuring. They didn't give me any preprocedure instructions besides this test (and it was also a STI test I don't remember if that was required or I was like heck if I'm here might as well).
But the appointment happens and three plot twists. 1. They've got a better painkiller and would have preferred I hadn't taken an over the counter before. But it all worked out. And frankly the insertion was absolutely fine. Like yeah little pinch but as u recall it it was more like if you pinched a like big chunk of thigh than like finger in a door.
2. There was a med student/intern/person. I was asked if she could be in the room. Not shocking, University hospital is a teaching hospital and I'm totally chill with being a model. She seemed uncomfortable, wanted to go into pediatrics so not really relevant to her I think. Nothing hands on.
3. The thing that made me mad was that I had to take an additional pregnancy test before she would do the procedure. I took the previous test when the intake had suggested. At the same hospital. So it's all their records. And I hadn't had sex in the interim and even if I had, nothing would have had time to implant. Plus, while I recognize that technically IUD can in a few cases be an aborting procedure, by getting a copper iud, I was saying I plan on not having kids for up to the next 10 years. Thinking back on it, maaaaaayyyyybe maybe a test might have seen a pregnancy that might have been floating around to go etopic and all. But no, this felt controlling and paternalistic.
I didn't have a strategy for dealing with it. For demanding and asserting that I just did this. I did say it once, but that wasn't listened to.
And I know that this isn't an unusual or even particularly egregious example. But still.
After was lots of bleeding. I think I basically bled in some capacity for a month or two. Was on painkillers for long enough that i did get some like stomach pain or maybe just worried docs I don't remember except being told to switch to acetominiphine which I don't think works as well for me but resolved whatever the issue was. And I'm a pads person and did get a bit chapped.
After that resolved. I did have one terrifying Surprise Heavy period like a few months later. I bled through a pad. There was crying in the CVS bc there wasn't a absorbtion conversion between tampons and pads and this was all new and scary.
The next month leveled out. Though things were still heavier than pre-iud or now. But not terrible. And I've seen worse. I couldnt use my mom's strategy of the diva cup, which she got on early I think bc it's Wonderful for HEAVY flow. But between never having had success w a tampon and the potential suction removing the thing and ripping out an IUD. Not worth it.
But for the most part it settled out.
But I still think about it.
The good thing was the RELIEF of the Safety of not having to worry about ending up pregnant. Sure STIs are a risk. But back-alley or date rape transference is likely either way and at least I only have to deal with one issue instead if the moralized one. And in chosen partners, frankly they were either rather virginal. Or Defs gonna use a condom. Like, the bf in the IUD times, we still used a condom each time. (I don't know that he's done it, but he had also apperently been planning on getting a vasectomy asap, since like highschool.) The 'i never want kids' was one of the reasons we stopped dating. There were a few other reasons but like they all boiled down to 'want differnt things from the Future' which is why we are friends still.
But things will come up, and I'll remember, I've got a chunk of copper in me.
That knowledge weighs in my consideration of sense of self, and self identity. It feels representative, and significant.
I don't check for the strings as often as I should, and I think they've mostly stayed out of the way.
But this is a significant thing to me.
And a thing that I keep to myself a lot.
But I do Want to talk about it, because it is so Significant.
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Naps with other people: a delight, aw cuddles.
Overnight sleeping with other people: get your arm off me, you monster.
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If you don't know/ I haven't told you who I like and dislike, it's because I don't like you.
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The Worn Favor, cursed item
This peice of veil (locket, hair, kercheifs,etc) gives either second wind once per day, or 1d12 hit dice to be used on short rest. (Possibly with text, 'may love and honor restore you'- the player should know this good ability when it is found)
If used before the first long rest that the character possesses it, the saving throw is at disadvantage.
On the first long rest, the character is visited by a dream of a beautiful woman, save as charm but Wis or Cha, whichever is not the characters spell casting mod, dm to set DC, but it is Cursed so 15 is totes fair.
If a save is made, an intellegence check DC 10-12 allows the character to remember the dream. This is the oppertunity to discard the item.
If not, each long rest the dream returns.
If fail the save, the character beloved they have sworn am oath of love, courtly, romantic, sisterly, player choice (but courtly romantic is the intention).
This oath compells the character to do good/honerable/impressive works as devotional tokens to the Lady of the Veil.
After some time, it becomes harder and harder to do things that are cowardly. Ranging from taking psychic damage to disadvantage then cannot willingly makeing stealth checks.
Meanwhile, there is a compulsion to display the Favor ever more prominently.
When displayed, advantage on persuasion checks to do brave and valient things. (Good for generals).
Cannot willfully discard, and it taken away, take psychic damage (increase with time held?) Remove curse is effective.
The Lady may also exist, and if so, there might be a component of "try to Find me when you've got treasures for me, etc"
Inspired by The Veil.
"she said, 'Come back to me, though the whole world you travel. Win through each day a new honor for me. And let every victory you claim be a token, return to my arms your true love I will be."
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Do i make the unsubstantiated goblin market?
As a group chat?
Just, every so often, those that have been invited get a magic item description?
Or is that what this is for.
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Clearly seeking just after one relationship form is meh, as opposed to speaking out the sort of person you want to spend substantiot time with.
That said, the models that appeal most to me are the triad, perhaps open, perhaps not, but the key things that each member of the set is initmately fond of each of the other members. A larger polycule than that just seems like lots of coordination. But then after that being kinda like a couple. Cohabitation, shared financial goals, shared familial goals.
I want kids so I want at least male partner who will live in my house with me. And I think time management wise, post children external partners will get less intimacy due to time and coordination.
But in the world without kids, there is the fantasy, I guess, version where long lived partners, and I guess it's kinda a primary partner and secondary but more like, there is a couple, but thee are regular sets of time where they seem like the casual pairing wile one goes off to have other serious relationships. Granted the true fantasy element is that these are long enough loved characters that part of their we come back to eachother is the nessecity of being fairly undieing. But still. Fewer threesomes. More bringing in other resources for the partner with the occasional dallince on 'my' end.
I pictured myself being married, as a step towards kids.
I wasn't really called to be a nun but I do see the appeal of that life.
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I’ve been thinking about how in wedding vows there is the being faithful thing.
more from “wilst du bist der Tod entscheidet,Treue sein fur alle Tagen?” becase I thikn that is more colloquially ambiguous. do you promise to be true to your partner.
I don’t think being faithful or true necessarily is predicted on monogamy. I think it is a statement of honesty. or openness. of trust.
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Like one of the lovely things about the fellow is that hes not a brat. I get to be the brat mostly.
Like its really nice that he’s here for what he’s here for unambiguously.
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Part of that is I think just which things he wants, which is pretty much just, “hit me w your best shot” minimal rp of any sort. and minimal sexy framework.
and with the really limited other ‘rationalizations’ the unequivocal “im here and I want this” is really helpful. It helps everyone, top, audience etc in on the same page.
Stage combat has a rule of be scared for the character not he actor.
I’m leary of hitting from the standpoint of, causing pain - fairly fun, especially the creative ways. causing damage? not fun. bad. I don’t want to hurt. and I am not terribly practiced, and the human body is resilient and also a pile of crap and the difference is not that large.
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the other part might also be that in some ways we are more old school, the ds part is less interesting to either of us than the sm element. kinda switchy both of us.
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I keep thinking of the one time that after an evening out, we ran into (was invited out with us, I forget that part) a mutual friend - and his new girlfriend. and she was a very confident pretty new domme. tiny thing. and he was just so bratty. tiresome. if you aren’t going to follow directions you don’t get the funisment you are looking for. that is just bad boundary setting. thats my take on it. Obviously there are other dynamics and with enough discussion etc you guys do you.
But not for me. I don’t need to bend you to my will, I can get someone who is excited to be bent.
I was also unsettled by how confident she was in herself, when she basically admitted that she knew a similar amount as me. (that might be false, she might have had some medical training, but she was just as if not more new). maybe my researching is making things worse because they are trying to temper the more common enthusiasm.
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when quarantine is lifted I want to ty more things.
even though that also involves making new friends/trusted people and that sounds exhausting...
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OK but consider, is it not substantially more appealing to have a partner that is going to stay where you asked him to, and is excited to do so, because you asked rather than because hes cuffed to a thing.
cuffs are the boring-est form of bondage, change my mind. get some pretty rope crafting in and you get better feeling, and handles for more of the dragging around and things.
I even get the- ok well now someone has to get creative
and I get the “i want a physical restraint because I feel more comfortable that will not overstep boundaries’ or ‘ if there is this nod to coercion I can accept things that I would like while also assuaging my internalized shame and things.
But when topping?
I dunno I just don’t see the appeal of Having to fight someone for the activity.
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there are morning and day people and night people. and I like night people, and I like morning/ day activities.
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Till Lindemann claims that all rammsteins songs are love songs.
I think this is fascinating perspective. I also think this is true.
I do not think that that is him claiming that the love described is always healthy or good. its often obsessive, its often misdirected, or pointing to a flaw in it.
Haifisch is georgeous and noble.
Rosenrot is romantic, and probably a critique. or at least a touch tongue in cheek
Spiel is clearly objectionable.
Du Hast is a divorce song.
All for them are human, important. Like how NIN Closer is so, so dark, and depressed but i is real and important.
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the lyrics are clever- Du Hast, is easy to say, for the most part, and so go onto guitar hero, and got popular. but translating it well is hard to do elegantly. And it isn’t their only song with puns, or archaic language. But the enunciation is largely pretty clear, so its this interesting thing where a beginner speaker can understand a good amount, but will have to look things up. not inaccessible, and not simple.
it is interesting too that because their songs are more popular with audiences who don’t speak German, that the music videos are in this interesting spot where some internet people seem to be trying tot interpret lyrics meanings based on the videos, but that is incorrect. they may tell a complimentary story, but they are not the same story.
just the general high production value of the showmanship is clearly a draw as well.
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I know why there aren’t as many female celebrities who are (tumblr)/media darlings for being cryptids and just chaotic energy but it is still sad
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My work has these signs that say ~ "you wouldn't bungee jump without a bungee cord, don't share documents" which first of all Karen, you did not send this through a focus group of anyone under 37, did you?
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