had an ask that rotted in the depths of my askbox last year like "meadows how do i befriend you 🥺" and i have to tell the embarrassing anecdote of how i was chugging along writing a barely-read fic (three chapters in and not a single comment) and then one day someone descended with an essay-length comment that made me feel so wild i immediately went and wrote another chapter. and i got another essay-length comment so i sought it out to befriend it.

my girlfriend-before-being-my-girlfriend just showed up in my mentions on twitter one day and complimented a screenshot i'd posted. so i followed her back and i don't think we've stopped talking since.

it's that easy. you just have to interact with me.

ik you prob wrote abt this ages ago but I wanted to say I appreciate your additions abt the 'almond mom' discussion. I saw it came from a child model almost fainting and the mother advising her to eat a couple of almonds chewed very slowly. So literally from eating disoreded mom harming and abusing child by purposefully malnourishing them. Ofc over time ppl posted more ambiguous things but what if the er mom was asked to comfort the child and 'did her steps' imstead? Or the mom eating salad (1/2

2/2 and the family eating heavier meals. Oftentimes the mom is visibly upset with the children so maybe they are 'breaking the cycle' by eating satisfying food after being told not to for many years? Like I agree we must not forget ppl acting 'strange' w food incl moms are victims of society which promotes disordered eating. But to actively push that on your child is cruel. And many ppl are not mentioning how strange their mom is but rather how it results in treating them, shamimg, policing them

I feel you, I could understand if the 'pacing bc she's worried and not ED' interpretation if it was one of many used in the analyses, but it irked me when so many bloggers just ran with that alone. Not very empathetic to the child, gyns, who in the post example was in the fucking ER, implying she wanted comfort but her mother prioritized her own body image instead... It's so funny (not funny) how they breezed past that part and was like "this bitter ungrateful child!! of course she's definitely lying about her mom to mock her"

It's an interesting analysis to focus fully and only on the 'almond mothers' in that post. But then to say that's the only way to see it and say that children are responsible for their mothers' healing is repulsive. I can't tell if that conclusion came from temporary tunnel vision, or if they never had a bad relationship with their mother, or if they no longer see themselves in the child now that they're adults, or if they're partly speaking from unresolved issues and believe that fixing their mothers will fix them too. They would've betrayed their younger selves just like their mothers did lol.

Not to mention, like you said, mothers are grown women and had decades to reflect on their experiences and illnesses to decide how they'd raise their daughters. As an adult and as a parent, they had that responsibility to step up for their children lol. The audacity of the ~approach your mother with a feminist mindset to break entire generational cycles of misogyny and EDs~ statement is unbelievable. To put that work on children? So the mothers shouldn't need to do anything? Why don't we start smaller with something kids can do?

I think that post got like that because of the whole "mother discourse" that had people acting as if someone said 'mothers should be officially recognized as a subhuman class' instead of 'I prioritize girls because they're the common denominator demographic of all women'. Cue the overcompensation and almost victim-blaming kids who were coached to get EDs. They seriously looked at a kid in the ER and blame her for her mom being fucked up, no one in that post contested that first reply. Yikes, but that's the internet, I guess.

Thank you for the message, I'm glad we felt seen by each other. Have a good day, anon!

I honestly don't know if therapy would help you at this point. You are so closed off from personal responsibility and realizing you need to change your mindset. Therapy isn't an easy fix, it's a tremendous amount of work and it's uncomfortable. You say you can't think of any other hobbies and you'd be bad at them forever anyways?

You've given up before even trying if thats your mentality. Nobody picks up a hobby because they want to be amazing at it. They pick it up because it might be fun. I recently picked up guitar (I've never been in music classes) so I could play some real simple stuff at the camp fire and I'm NOT good. But it's nice to just play a simple song next to the fire. If someone told me I was good at it I'd be insulted cus I know it's a lie.

It really doesn't matter if your brother was good at football in high school. You were in highschool a full decade ago it's time to move past the jealousy of the 'gifted' sibling. He's not worrying about being good at something he enjoys because it doesn't matter in adulthood unless it's your literal job.

You beg for strangers online to tell you you are good at something and then when people come up with things you are good at you shoot them down. Nobody responded to your writing because the vast majority of people following you are in similar timezones to you and you buried your writing reblogs with 1 million other posts so how is anyone to even see them? You victimize victimize victimize and never entertain changing your personal mindset which is the only way to stop your spirals.

Most people don't even post about their hobbies online because they are just doing it for fun not for praise.

I mean like. There's seriously nothing new I can think of that doesn't cost insane amounts of money that I don't have rn??? Like. If people have suggestions cool!!! I'd love that!!!

And it's funny bc I had an excellent therapist that was helping in 2019 but she retired when lockdown happened bc she did not want to do virtual appointments and was pretty fuckin old. I just haven't found the right therapist since.

And sorry but i cannot be content being bad and everything I try. I can have hobbies just for fun. I do Kandi just for fun. I play games just for fun (for the most part). Hell one of the games I was the worst about years ago (overwatch) I now just play and am like PROUDLY shit at. I know I'm garbage but tbh being garbage at overwatch feels more fun than trying to be some stupid pro to me. I love being garbage at fighting games to. My brother MELTS me anytime we play ANY fighting game bc hes a decently ranked comp player and im a button masher. And I'm cackling the whole time.

My problem is there not ONE THING I am good at to me. Nothing. And having a relative that can pick up anything and ace it gets frustrating and makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong that I struggle to be good at anything after YEARS, let alone instantly.

No one in the past 24 hours has told me I'm good at anything but being a friend which... if that's the case. Why do i have zero irls. Why can't I connect with others at all.

And I refuse to believe NO ONE AT ALL saw that writing I posted. It's not possible. I have 150 followers and I don't think I posted much that day until I got upset that it was being so overlooked.

mail

A) anon, there is something ,weird to start on the road with 11 wins in the row and since then ...losing and falling just a goal per game. It is not a lack of depth etc it is lack of chemistry, bad atmosphere or dynamics. Of course Tazer likes his vacay in Arizona or Mexico, new gf and their links to psychedelic paradise but he has skipped All Stars Game since 2017. Also with Lindsey and up to warm climate. Seth Jones is up to All Stars for The Blackhawks. Tazer up to Cabo. He is not so mad about ice hockey lol

B) we have BROONZeee!!!!

C) anon. Lol, I mean it is funny what you said. I think Wright looks older than 20, Bedard like 14 but the rest of both team look like young guns.

Very interesting games in the finals as well as semi finals. Very adult like hockey. I guess anon Czech success in adult as well as minor category is linked to the change of coaches and ex communist big wigs. They got a bronze as well as silver but you hear from those Czech biggest big mouths popping out in the press that they have no clue about the system called ,gegenpress and d men not sitting on blue line but counter on counter attack of rival forwards. They were not excellent skaters with other tech level but their battling and team spirit with an inner strength were enormous. I guess you hear from old Czech ex communist nepo troupe bs like oh very active defence and how get a positive mindset from 8-10 to zero lol. I guess it is in synch with a promo of 51 years old still playing Jagr in Czech press by former Pens who is also a co owner of an ice hockey club just in time when their juniors won a silver medal. So desperate. He was brilliant during WJC as 17 years old but decades ago. Competing about press and attention with a generation of his possible children lol. So nasty as well bcs it was apparently a case years back when adults got tips from M about development or just admitted they know her.. all about male vanity and s....and how young players date young beauty pageants girls lol.

Seriously. I would like to know how many guys M gets to NHL draft from her ice hockey academy close to Zdeno Chara's home town within years based on development, tactics and skating lol. M was apparently stupid when she said all Czech ice hockey players are slow, any angling was up to Marketa being sent to stick to her ,figure skating,. They still trash her and sent to the kitchen to cook a goulash bcs it is a surname of a player who was another target of their former fashionista nepo coach.

Apparently this junior coach is a main coach of an ice hockey team and his assistant coach is a father of Filip Zadina. He won with previous team 3 titles of their league and Czech junior coach got a gold 20 years ago.. Maybe a reason behind the change of the wind and Finish coach for adult Team Czechia but he apparently plays very strict defensive system seen during their journey to a bronze. Marketa preaches two way read and react gegenpress ice hockey seen with the juniors of Czechia.. it is quite funny and sad how once amazing ex NHLer's vanity and deluded idea about reality regarding the career and age, his murky links to ex communist money laundering politicians.

D) anon Bedard is amazing but he is not so complete player like Sidney Crosby, sorry.

pt 1 from me :) — you have the BEST takes on this whole patrick thing. of course what he said was despicable, but we have absolutely no idea of his personal life at the time. we ALSO have no idea of what he is like as a person now. assuming he has changed, hopefully he addresses the tweets and publicly apologises, but it's like??? this man suddenly got thrown into a fandom who in two seconds FLAT dug up some things he said a decade ago because they thought he was ugly.

part 2 from me :) — like he's probably so overwhelmed, he stress deleted the tweets once they were brought up. i mean he probably didn't even remember them. hopefully he comes forward and apologises, but it's totally understandable that he's taking a little while. i just hope the fandom will accept an apology bc a lot of people are for recasting. it's like i BET if this had been jack wolfe or someone else who is perfect and had zero casting backlash, recasting wouldn't even be in the picture.

part 3 from me :) — like idek where im going with this, sorry for the long rant, but chronically online takes like this get on my nerves. AGAIN, all of this is assuming he's grown and isn't still a dick, but if he was a bad guy i would be doubtful that leigh and all the cast members would be hyping him up so much. i'm just hoping he addresses it and everyone stops shitting on him. and this is coming from a nikolai stan, who is also a queer female sa survivor. i think i can speak on this.

You make some great points! Like the whole situation reads as people not being satisfied with his casting choice bc of his physical looks, not because of his questionable tweets. People are demanding he be recast, not that he step up and apologize. They don't care what he has to say about the matter, they just want him gone. Honestly, that's such a harmful mindset to have if you think people can't change.

The fact that people are hiding their pettiness and shallowness behind the shield of social justice is honestly gross.

crack request of me right now but... is it bad that i kinda want this top three + deku teamup to fail 😭😭 or at least not go to plan.

like look, i get why the other kids got left behind, since they're neither deku the mc with the op power nor the top heroes with sometimes decades more experience, and the way horikoshi has been scaling their powers it's usually only deku who gets to have the bamf explosion of power moments outside of training (the other kids do help out for sure, but usually it involves careful planning like the put gigantomachia to sleep thing, and generally they're not allowed huge displays of power, so that makes u feel like they can't keep up with deku) but like... it rubs me the wrong way. what we're doing now is grooming deku to be the sole pillar (a concept proven shitty and unstable) while the other kids aren't granted the chance to have all might or whoever pay extra special attention to them. like all might sucks as a teacher tbh. even in 284 he has the other kids take time from their own training regiments to help deku instead of like... making up an exercise that benefits the whole class and deku. he left behind 39+ kids who looked up to him and needed guidance (basically implying they're not worth his time, are not gonna be able to make a difference) at a time when the world around them is falling apart.

and like... i get it, deku is the mc, he's gonna get special attention, he's gonna get the cool powers and the bonus training or whatever. im absolutely not mad about that. i'm also not expecting all the kids to get equal relevance or whatever. you could argue that we've got no time to waste on training the other kids and their feelings. but i can't help but be a bit frustrated that horikoshi created so many cool characters with so much potential only to have it seem like they'll end up sidelined. like it feels atp like the tertiary protagonist is endeavor not shouto.

and ig what im asking for is the other kids rising to the occasion. even if they don't have guidance from the symbol of peace or full support from the top three heroes, even if they don't have the generations passed down power, even if they're not the chosed one, even if they're left out of plans and treated like they're secondary, id like to see them defy expectations. I'd like to see a scenario where the old heroes won't cut it and where the kids take charge to bring about some genuine change in both the world and the hero system. i want to see a scenario where the current plan fails and they need to be bailed out by the kids (+everyone else). i'd like to see the other kids grow out of both a desire to be great heroes and spite lmaoo

like i know this is probably irrational wish fulfillment on my end, and im not a writer so this probably wouldn't make for a cool story to anyone but me, but damn do i want it and damn do i miss the kids.

Ok. Hello my dear anon. Now that’s a long ask.

Ok. Warning. My opinion may be a bit biased, and also more focused on the origin trio than the whole class, bc let’s be honest it was obvious from the start there the main focus would be.

1. Let’s start with the fact that I’m not a Deku hater. Yes I make jokes, yes the sole focus on him makes me bitter bc we all have our favorites and want them to shine, yes I’m dying to see tdbk team up, bite me. That doesn’t mean that me, you or any other person wishing to get smth more is a “die Deku die!” enthusiast.

2. Your opinion is valid and understandable. Honestly, I get it. More so I think that’s gonna be the case bc come on, you can’t tell me that this dream team is gonna just kick a couple of asses, scream “plus ultra” and restore the whole country back to normal. I call bullshit. I’ve heard the guess that it may be a mirror to Katsuki’s kidnapping during the forest arc. (Would be cool bc the whole class could come to the picture and save him, plus Deku realizing he’s not alone etc etc)

3. About Deku being op and others being in his shadow.

Well, yep, as you’ve said- our broccoli boy is the mc, so 🤷🏻‍♀️

But taking jjk for example I don’t feel bitter about Megumi. And in Haikyuu I didn’t feel bitter literally about any character, especially Kageyama, god damn it’s the most satisfying shonen manga for those who has “I usually like mc’s bff/rival more” mindset. (it’s me)

That’s why I’m gonna die in the hill of denial that in bnha at least Bakugou and Todo are not gonna end up eating dirt and be satisfied with the average place somewhere behind Izuku.

Welcome to my praying circle, let’s sit and drink cola/wine while waiting for tumblr to go mad with the frames of other class 1A ( 2a now) kids. Plus Shinsou. Plus shiketsu kids, why the fuck Inasa wasn’t at the war arc, wind throwing villains here and there?!

4. The most irritating thing for me is this.

And this

Again, I totally get it. They need to protect ofa. What’s the better place for it than being sandwiched between top to heroes. And yes you can say the others are just kids and dealing with real life threats is too early for them. Deku simply has no choice. I’m ok with it.

But holy shit, was I disappointed to witness this exact frame...Yeah, yeah, call me Shouto simp, whatever man. But the build up, the “here is my hand, let’s fight together”... it’s only natural for me to to wish Todo was there too. I’m craving for Shouto/Hawks/Enji team up.

About Deku’s arms. Excuse me, but... it had so great drama potential. That he injured his arms and for now is unable to use them to the full capacity or something. I’m a sucker for a good angst so🤷🏻‍♀️ but then it was solved just like that? Ok, what did stop you to order these gauntlets like half a year ago, ha?

Welp, It’s for the reason that our duo is out of the picture. Suspiciously so.

Let’s wait a bit and hope for the best.

toffee!

no dont apologise! i didnt check until just then so np :)

mmm yeah it is a bit trippy. hehe ITS TRUE THO. yeah sadly i think ur right, and tag blocking is probably a good idea. sometimes smut written well or not in excess is okay but goddamn when its abt 01 line and thats the whole fic... *silently blocks tags*

hehe i do that all the time lol this conversation is carrying on threads from a month ago :) mmm yeah ur probably right sadly, same. HA HE DIDNT HAVE A CHOICE and now i have someone to talk to abt them, so thats good! I KNOW felix was actually the one who got me into skz with his iconique gods menu line so i guess i have a soft spot for him. i always tell myself my bias is chan but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ guess im more whipped than id like to admit. mmm yeah that does make sense dw i hope they do that as well. YES king seungmin hIMSELF. GODDAMNIT DONT GET ME STARTED ON MINHO IN GODS MENU I DIDNT EVEN KNOW HE WAS PART OF THE GROUP UNTIL I STARTED GETTING MORE INTO THEM. BITCH (affectionate) THE LINE DISTRIBUTION HAS BEEN UTTER DOG SHIT but *deep breath* its better now so were moving on adn hoping it stays that way. sis same but i may or may not have gone thru a rlly depressed phase and actively sought out the elimination episodes so i could actually force some tears out of my emotionless shell of a heart but what cna you do? lmaoo i feel that irl, binnie deserves more vocal lines. yesss channies accent is rlly prominent then, i think also the way he structures his phrasing? is more english speaking than korean? but yeah i totally get what ur saying. AJKSAL lmao

okay then! im excited for whenever it gets done! (maybe tag me?) ahh the cold shrivelled heart of a dark au writer beats again at the thought of torturing another poor characters very soul (/j) :(( yeah that would suck not being able to see them. ohhh ur on the other hemisphere to me! were just going into spring rn. mmm smth to look forward to! YES you put it into words. they rlly are pretty independent from the company (remember how jyp rejected that other dudes songs after like 3 seconds and then how he was apparently nervous to show the song hed written to chan cos chan was so good at writing hits ahhh sweet revenge) mmmYES we rlly need a mute and remove notifications button for our brains dont we?

YES CORRECT i totally agree. some people jsut dont give it a try, adn assume its bad cos its korean smh racist assholes. yes! im coming up to my 6 month anniv actually! sis sAME, i feel like theyre being tugged into appealing to the western american market and theyre not staying as true to their artistic flair as a group, especially with only writing english songs atm. *sigh* ah well, at least theyre bringing recognition to the kpop world. AHUH dead on, theyre going to be discarded pretty soon and then where will bp be? theyll prob go solo paths which is rlly sad but what can you do when the company is run by a prideful asshole? yg is not going to last much longer in the big four if they keep this up.

hehe you get it. oooh very cool! whos ur ult? (sorry if youve said this before) mmmm yeah good decision, i feel liek thats probably a wise decision. this is my first album release as a kpop stan (not counting mixtape oh) so i think ill get it for sentiments sake. yeah! im excited for the new music! mingi was the one who got me into them, but atm my bias is seonghwa followed by san, wooyoung and ateez but jonghos high notes man *swoon* he, yeah atm ive got jake, jay, nikki, jungwon and sunoo down so just trying to get the rest :) heh, yeah kard i rlly only got into cos of bm, ive seen him like interacting with a lot of idols and he seemed nice so i decided to check out the group. ikr gunshot man *another swoon*

no noe! i didnt know what it was until i got it lol. thx toffee ill try and take that to mind :) yeah lol im on a waiting list thats not going to be free until late september so hopefully i can hold on until then. hope ur okay, that sounds like it sucks, hope you can find someone. maybe ill just take you along on my phone and the therapist can get a two for one patient deal lmaooo. mmm, sorry no i havent mentioned it before, i dont rlly talk abt it much. uhhh basically hypermobility? if you google it, it doesnt seem bad, jsut joint flexibility but ive got the severe end of the stick, leaning towards ehlers danlos syndrome so thats fun. basically it just makes it hard for me to exercise, run, jump, stand or just walk for long periods of time and gives me a lot of joint and muscle pain so... thats fun! but obviously so many other people have it worse than me, so i try not to complain. normally in young people it will improve as they get older, but my doctor said bc its severe in me, its unlikely to get much better. but again, i dont have the worst lot in the bunch, so its all g.

oh its good that its not the bad type of rain, a light sprinkling can be relaxing sometimes. aww thx darl, the concern is appreciated but it went pretty well and i managed not to cough too much on stage or kill myself trying to run around to the other side of the stage in the pouring rain so thats good! oooh tea buddies! my dogs a labradoodle, but shes a bit more of a feral poodle lol not much labrador in her at all, unless its her relentless urge to hunt down every bird that has ever walked this earth smh :((( hopefully they can come back on soon, does uni have dances?

ahhh a mood if i ever heard one. hopefully things will get better for you soon, ik anxiety sucks ass. ooh thats always good! when its sunny here, its always melt ur thongs to the pavement hot so the nicely cool sunny days are a lovely change. hehe impatience is not so good for you, but good for us that get to see ur beautiful theme early. ahh no worries, itll come eventually hopefully. and if not, then just things that make you not anxious are good. it doesnt have to be black or white, sometimes gray is good. mmmmm sames i have midterms this week to catch up on and then two weeks of end of terms so thats fun! i hope u can overcome that a little, heres some channie to be ur motivation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8LWyNjzOww. hah! i hear that all the time, he seems to be everywhere. did you see that tiktok of hans slowed back door rap, i stg it sounded EXACTLY like namjoon, it kinda scared me. also teh beginning of another day, sounds so much like joon i swear.

that reminds me! idk ur biases! i feel like this should be smth i should know so please! feel free to elaborate!

ahh im glad, i was worried it is. mmm same, so no hard feelings if either of us misses a day or smth. ill start worrying if weeks/months have gone by, but if its just a little while thats more than fine. ill just picture you studiously completing notes and i wont worry lol

<3 w.a. 🐺

at some point i really think i'm going to start blocking accounts because blocking tags won't be enough. i saw ask tags the other day and it just made me want to bleach my eyeballs.

i could talk about god's menu felix for hours man. the teaser for god's menu that featured his part on the bridge made me look forward to the mv release. you: biases chan, also you: lixiesbabyhands. yes you are more whipped than you think. i can't believe orange haired minho was given NOTHING during that era but they kind of made up for it in the b-sides. i also hope it stays that way. the distribution for this era was pretty fair.

"torturing another poor character's soul" in all honesty, i used to live for this. 2017 me leading up to early 2020 wrote nothing but angst. i have another aussie friend on twt and tbh i'm still really (O.o) about the seasons! jyp should be terrified skz could easily take over that company. heck if skz grow old and start their own company, they'd probably do a great job at running it. PLEASE. i have issues on muting/notifications both mentally and in real life. sometimes, i just wish to disappear.

some people in my country are just disgusting tbh. not only racist but homophobic too. they label kpop as 'gay' and it DISGUSTS me. it's a problematic behavior/mindset people in my country need to fucking get rid of. anyway, HELP ME 6 MONTHS??? and i've been in this shit for like a decade eye. tbh, i’m not fond of kpop groups trying to appeal to the western audience :// it feels like they’re losing their identity in a way. yes recognition but at what cost? yg has my favorite groups but that’s one shitty company when it comes to promoting.

okay my ult! it’s haechan from nct but i consider chan an ult too. like a close second above my whopping list of kpop boys. oh yes! you should get the album just for like a keepsake? remembrance? how did mingi appeal to you? omg did you start getting interested in ateez back when he was still on hiatus? NOT YOU BIASING THE SAME PEOPLE I DID WHEN I FIRST STARTED STANNING. the infamous ateez thot-line. jongho is easily one of the best fourth gen vocalists out here, no one can change my mind :( good luck with memorizing the rest of enhypen! just in time for the comeback too. i hope i’ll get into kard soon but i’m pretty content (and a tad bit overwhelmed) with the amount of groups i stan right now.

please hold on though, feel free to vent here if you like. thanks for the offer tho HAHA but like i’ll try to get checked here too when the cases die down a bit. i’m sorry to hear about your condition though :( please don’t ever overwork yourself to the point that your joints/muscles would ache. it’s completely valid to complain about it tho. i get that you have others in mind but keeping that mindset really doesn’t do you (like you internally) any better? so if you need to, vent your frustrations out and don’t keep it in.

oh my god, about your performance last sunday. was the stage out in the open? glad you didn’t cough too much and did well on your concert. i’m proud of you! i can never understand dogs and poor birds T_T uni doesn’t have dances unfortunately. i think there’s just one party at the end like a graduation ball. what year are you in anyway? if it’s something that you’re fine with sharing. if not, it’s cool.

good luck with your exams! and thanks for the link! AHA what a cutie. i think he does this motivation thing once in a while during his lives and it’s just comforting. yeah joon and han my irl just freaked when we made that discovery. ult crumbs for her. oh god not me forgetting about every biases when you asked. you can ask for my biases in a few groups just list down the one’s you’re interested in knowing. 

i missed yesterday because i was grinding and finishing what if we stay + school work. finally did it today. i’m sure i’ll reply in like a day or two, definitely not a month unless i state otherwise. if i ever decide to abandon this blog, i’ll let you know.

Okay, I have been casually catsitting (not doing it as a business) for over a decade. Usually when people take vacation, but sometimes in recent years mid-day check-ins on I'll or elderly pets. I normally don't get too bogged down by the inconvenient parts of the job (lots of time driving, mediocre pay, stressful communication, being nitpicked or reprimanded when petowner has really specific requests) because I'm not able to have cats of my own and I genuinely enjoy seeing my fireball clients (most of the time.)

However, I'm noticing I'm way burnt out and I wonder if anyone can relate...

I think it all started when Christmas 2019 I agreed to sit for two clients who live 30+ minutes apart. I don't mind working over the holidays too much but wow I was basically spending the entire day driving for four or five days bc both people wanted 2-3 visits. One client does tip me, but overall getting $15 for what ends up being over an hour of work+commute with no gas included. And while sitting for one cat and having to drive over twice a day is a little stressful, doing it between two places is just......no.

BUT while I refer to the two families I sit for as clients, they are both friends of my family. This adds such a weird stressful dynamic. I would raise my rates or turn one client down or say I can only do one visit, but there's a guilt/anxiety around it bc I know they don't have the money to pay more and I know their situation in life and that finding an agency to come in would be stressful. But I also realize that not standing up for myself creates a level of resentment that simmers under the surface and boils up whenever some minor thing happens (note asking to please not leave dishes in the sink, passive aggressive text from client, etc.)

I guess at the end of the day, I'm not some 16 year-old making some money to get fro yo when I go out with my youth group anymore (thank God)... I'm a grown woman who does as thorough of a job as I can taking care of your pets and usually spends way too much time b/c I feel bad that they're alone and also have little sense of time. I'm essentially a top of the line artist giving you bargain basement prices.

Don't get me wrong...mostly my clients do say thanks and sometimes I do fall short. Another difficult thing about casually sitting for people you know is that they are in the mindset that you are a petsitter who will follow their exact schedule for their pets when irl your accommodating them and working them into/bending your existing schedule. But overall I feel locked into...I have to always say yes to requests for sitting and I can't take breaks.

Lately, I've been doing check-ins for one client who went back to work. I'm still working my retail job so I'm bending over to accommodate her and the kitties. Driving 15 minutes to spend thirty minutes letting cats outside bc she is now afraid to leave them outside which inevitably turns into 45 bc you can't herd cats back inside and then having to drive 30-40 to my job bc I'm further out of my way.... all for $15. Idk. I just feel like all my labor in undervalued but I also don't see myself being worth enough to expect more. All the things I love and have considered working in just don't pay: museums, music, mental health, writing, religion, animal care. Sometimes I feel like crap or even scared bc I don't know how I'll make it down the road when I'm not living with family. This turned into something else but...

Anyways, today I had agreed to go do a check-in, but I sprained my ankle three weekends ago and spent this week working standing up (womp womp) so it had ballooned up again this morning. I was going to soldier and go, but I had this growing sense of "no. I need to rest my damn foot and I am mentally and physically exhausted and this is my day off anyways why am I putting my well-being after a check-in that is not totally necessary." So I text her And explain about my ankle, and she's just like okay that's fine I'm coming home early." And I'm like wtf you're not sorry About my ankle?? Do you think I'm lying to get out of this? I am doing all this as a favor to you and the cats bc the paycheck is sad for his draining this whole thing is.

And the trouble with knowing this person in addition to have a sort of business transaction with them is that I start making excuses for their rude behavior bc I know they're very stressed etc. Or as I mentioned before, I guilt myself into saying yes to jobs I don't want bc I am busy and overwhelmed myself. Ex. Aforementioned client asked me earlier in the year about sitting Easter break. I am torn bc I know my family is planning to rent a beach house as a staycation, and I haven't vacationed since a two-night trip Feb. '20. But client says she's going to see her dad and I know he's elderly and she hasn't seen him but once since quarantine started...how can I let her down?? So I end up saying I'll sit for her part of the week I'm taking off while I'm still home, figuring she can get a service for the rest. Lo and behold, she doesn't end up going to see her dad but ends up taking my service so she can go visit a friend. I spend half my vacation essentially working, sprain my ankle and try to work on it, feel generally annoyed.

I know some of this is on me; I am working on setting boundaries and getting more in tune with myself and communicating better. It's on the table in therapy and constantly on my mind, but maybe some can relate about the stress of sitting "unprofessionally." Not that sitting with business it without problems...my friend was making under the poverty line when she had a business. But you can have a bit more separation in theory.

OH one more thing...THE CAMERAS. Now both my clients have security cameras and I kinda get it. You live alone. There's a stranger in the house. But it's VERY uncomfortable and a little demeaning. My friend who worked professionally agreed with this. I wish people would be more upfront and clear about the cameras and consult you a bit. It's like, client got a security system and just told me to make a pass key one day. I assumed the camera turned off when you turned alarm off and were in house, but I get a text the other week about something I did in the house and I'm a little, 1) hurt they feel they have to monitor me, 2) creeped out they are going thru footage of me. You know, again when you have an established relationship with someone and they claim to trust you, it is a bit demeaning to be recorded. Also just (let me reiterate) uncomfy. The camera clicks and stuff. And it didn't even occur to me until recently that it records sounds.

Anyways, I probably sounds like an entitled asshole whineypants but I thought there was the possibility this would help someone. I do really love cats even if I'm developing allergies 🙃 and I can understand my clients' anxiety to some extent, but I just feel really burnt out right now in this area and others.

What are your Thoughts on moving to a foreign country? I moved to Korea a couple years ago so I'm definitely biased, but we get all types of weird here...

sry for the delay, i got this super late last night so i figured i'd save them til i woke up w a slightly clearer head

so to be clear i don't think there's anything inherently bad about moving to a foreign country, sometimes it's perfectly fine & respectful & no problem. but I do think that there's often certain aspects/attitudes that are. shall we say Problematic. this is probably more going to be a list of half-baked thoughts rather than diving too deep, and this is definitely going to be from the point of view of i, an english, talking mostly about the english (and a little about white americans bc theyre us)

 the gentrification aspect is a big thing. rich english people moving to places like benidorm is one example that comes to mind - the way tourism changed the city so u have the tourist centre and then the "old town" further out, so then people start travelling and moving to the old town because it's more "authentic" as though THEY aren't part of pushing that "authenticity" further and further out. I also had an uncle who used to visit thailand a lot and he loved it because the savings he was travelling on were worth so much more there. He never moved, but if he did I'd be judgy of that kind of taking advantage too.

related to the last, a lot of english expats in places like spain had the audacity to be pro-brexit because they didn't want immigrants coming here to "take advantage" of the country's resources, particularly the nhs. but they didn't think what they were doing was the same because they contribute where they are (: as though immigrants never contribute here, and as though they were all even working instead of many being retirees.

this take may be problematic but i DO think there's something to be said for helping out at home instead of taking your contributions elsewhere. every single country has its issues and the people who are best equipped to overcome those are the people who have known the countries since birth. when a country is going through rough issues & people are just like 'im getting out' it does feel a little like... abandonment? especially considering those who up & move in times of trouble are often those who have enough stability & security that they'd be able to make difference in ways the people fighting to just keep their heads above water can't necessarily. again thinking a bit about brexit, and also a little about trump's election, how so many left-wingers were like "well this is stupid i am leaving" and i'm like, please don't? we have real problems here that need fixing? if everyone who disagreed with the political trajectory of the country just left who would be left to stand up against it? dont leave us alone with bojo im beggin

sometimes it comes from a fetishisation of culture for sure. there are weebs who move to japan, there are koreaboos who move to korea, etc. then these people walk around looking like idiots, being disrespectful, and giving their native country a bad name. you could say there's an upside to this, in that they learn the real culture of where they are and hopefully it humanises & normalises the people there for them, but.... that's at the cost of everyone having to put up w/ them. and im not sure that's always worth it. go home and learn some respect, then visit politely, THEN maybe consider moving.

there's a certain amount of cultural erosion that can happen when people move with the wrong mindset. if people have the RIGHT mindset, then moving to other countries helps preserve cultures that have maybe been trodden down, because it's more people getting to learn about those cultures - but with the wrong mindset, people just end up further treading all over everything. an example for this one is the english moving to wales. the welsh language has made a big comeback over the past few decades, but for a long time the english were pretty much on a quest to wipe it out, such that even a huge number of welsh people never got the opportunity to learn their own language. so while it would be really cool for english people living in wales to learn welsh, and be part of bringing that language back to the forefront, they by and large simply don't. given that there are whole villages in wales now where almost everyone there is english, those are villages where the native language is not getting its chance to flourish, and where the welsh who DO speak it are forced to speak english anyway because it's just easier when surrounded by all these english people. this point applies MUCH harder in ireland too, where the irish language hasn't yet managed to make nearly as much of a comeback as the welsh, but I use wales as an example bc I'm more familiar w it, having never been to ireland.

none of these mean people should never move countries or anything, but it's just. really important to be respectful in how it's done. otherwise it frankly comes off as colonisation without invasion. also gotta add that these truly are half-formed thoughts that i've never really laid out like this or had a long think about before, so i'm very open to discussion on any counterpoints or additions.