arc 8 otto gets more and more deranged with every appearance i love it 😭😭😭😭 this chapter was a mainly otto centric one which was fascinating!!! URGH i have many thoughts :((( the whole chapter being about “walking with light”….. where otto acknowledges that:

and this is AFTER julius apologizes to otto and otto emphasizes to julius’s face that. yeah. julius is still an enemy. like yeah theyre exchanging more pleasant words now but otto specifically emphasizes that otto isnt a knight. julius isnt a merchant. julius is in another camp. theyre opposites T^T AND THEN roswaal telling otto that opposing emilia and subarus way of thinking is a poison that Will kill him. BUT THEN OTTO says

he cant walk with light meaning he cant see reality and still choose to be idealistic and noble like julius and emilia and subaru even though hes still trying to support emilia and subaru. :,,,))) and he admits that!!! hes still choosing to walk a darker path than them even knowing hes not as strong as others!!! even knowing that emilia and subaru will never agree with him and vice versa!!! hes walking alone, in a way T^T

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

so many of you talk about the cruel adults in your childhood that negatively effected you and caused lifelong insecurity yet you're still perfectly fine with being that mean stranger to any kid that has the misfortune of existing around you and thats just really gross !!!

god i need straight ppl to be fuckin normal abt gay intimacy like right now

🧸🧃⛈️

its kind of funny that crk brought out such Emotion in me that i just whipped out all my knowledge on how symbolism and colour affects art. im not playing about those cookies bro.

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revenge of the island where everything’s the same except scott chooses to vote out zoey instead of mike to gain the upper hand or smth 

the catch is that previously-dormant-since-leaving-juvie mal ends up fronting after, similar to how zoey invoked commando zoey, bc he’s the Protector of the system--or maybe he and mike end up co-hosting??? and it turns into a push-pull thing between them and scott bc mike and scott are already dealing with their issues; meanwhile mal’s as morally gray as the next person and although he’s royally ticked off at scott for messing with mike and threatening the system, he also can’t help but be impressed at how utterly slippery scott is--and ofc tries to exploit that slipperiness and use it against scott. while scott’s sorta confused bc ‘okay this guy isn’t svetlana or chester or manitoba or vito, so who is he??’ but also he’s like ‘wow a worthy opponent?? hell yeah!’ and there’s def some underlying tension reaching its peak that gets cut off when scott gets eliminated following canon events (so mike gets eliminated like zoey was btw) bc duh they’re both trying to beat each other for (mostly) different reasons and with questionable morales within a show where everyone’s pitted against each other, ofc there’s gonna be a tension plus mal kinda doesn’t like scott for what he did lmao (v understandable and valid)

and then they meet again in all-stars and that tension rekindles...among other things :)

somewhere along the way (maybe in a snippet of a scene before scott’s elimination or during all-stars or in the span of time between their eliminations and roti’s finale) scott does the equivalent of apologizing for threatening the system, mainly bc mal would have thrown him without ado straight into fang’s jaws if he didn’t own up to it, but also after being in mal’s (and mike’s) presence for as long as he was, scott genuinely starts to feel bad--not for kicking out all those ppl prior, including zoey, but of how he went abt hurting mike and the rest of the system--mal was just that push he needed to own up to his misdeed. anyway after that, mal doesn’t want to forgive or see scott in a more ‘positive’ light after that happens, but this time mike, the more forgiving one out of them all, is the one being the push to get the alters to try to forgive scott, and after that, as they say, it’s history :D

no but, the urge to write this as a oneshot-type fic set during revenge of the island that acts as a “prologue” for the next multichaptered fic set during all-stars-

it’d give an excuse to portray scott as the villain he deserves to be in all-stars while also warring with his emotions bc I can bet that homeboy has never had a crush, fell in love, or dated anyone before. (plus hopefully I can write mike’s system (namely mal) in a better way than fresh did, and I can touch upon his past--like how he ended up in juvie--and his relations with other characters, like duncan and zoey and cam.) 

swear I’ll elaborate more on this when I don’t have a project due within a day and when I’m not in a motivation slump lmfao

generally i think ppl should stop worrying so much and just be cool w being yourself. not an exaggeration but most times i have hung out in a random group of strangers and they’ve told me afterwards that they thought i was “awesome” or “super interesting” it was never because i was trying to be cool or trying to act a certain way it was always bc i was shamelessly being myself. so like. Don’t worry so much. just talk about the things u like talking about. the right ones will come and they’ll love you for it it. i think that’s all there is to it, like genuinely.

since i'm finishing the whole fic before posting it

for extra info: i will say i would prefer not to post it all at once, but i'm putting it on the poll just in case ppl REALLY want it. if it gets 50%+ of the votes i'll do it that way otherwise i go with the next option lmao

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

neuroses ruining yr life is a real missing the forest for the trees type beat but man im trying to see

...

everybody be like im the ceo of infinite well not me. i am no Officer. i AM that man this is nothing to me get kinning cowards

being in pain is so isolating nd alienating lol >.<