people on here will say that bi people experience homophobia but then get mad when bi people say they experience homophobia

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/735066906548191232/calling-mf-relationships-straight-anon-i-would#notes

You know it would have been 100% more helpful if you'd just added the link, because like this I had to use tumblrs dreadful search function to figure out which parts you were specifically refering/answering to. /post/734652801973616640/what-word-should-i-use-biphobic-heteronormative#notes Now I'm gonna write unreasonably long response, so skip if you don't wanna read, bc I'm currently running on energy drinks and bad decisions.

1 It might surprise you but I can and do both. I in fact tell a lot of people not to assume a couple is heterosexual or homosexual just because of how they "appear." I can do both lol.

2 If they can get married or not has absolutely nothing to do with my issue as such. I'm really confused why you even bring this up since my focus was on how M/F relationships are treated in queer spaces, and how people always default to straight or gay, instead of just not doing that since queer is more than just "straight" or "gay". Maybe it was because I mentioned not liking the way straight passing/straight passing privilege is used? But that still is a different layer of the issue I have with the term itself and how it's applied in queer spaces to treat non-homo queer identities. I do think the term has its valid uses, but there's a difference between "you can't be queer if you're in a M/F relationship, because even though you're queer that privilege means you shouldn't enter queer (safe) spaces" and "SPP is when you don't need to fear from the Government or bigots for being out with your opposite gender partner." Though that doesn't take into consideration what happens if a M/F couple might not fit the typical cis normative and heteronormative gender roles. A feminine man, and/or a masc woman in a relationship can still experience open queerphobia. A lot of people do not acknowledge that even straight passing privilege isn't as cut and dry and "M/F", but comes also with the need to uphold a certain type of gender conforming role in society. Anyway, I'm objecting to the use specifically of "straight" as a way to other bisexual, and other non-straight relationships and how it's actively used to push M/F couples or M/F presenting relationships out of queer spaces, even when one or both people are queer. This includes relationships with trans, enbies, and other queer identities. Because it happens and it's not rare that even the queer community has tried to erase or push out bisexuals, and other non-monosexual queer identities. 3 My question more along the lines: Why the need to "gender" a relationship to begin with? As in why do you need to label a relationship as straight or gay just by looking at someone? Especially by queer people. Why is it ok to use that "binary" in queer spaces to exclude queer people because they're on the "wrong" side of the binary? A binary, hetero or homo, they don't even belong to? How often do you actually need to label someone else's relationship? We know the gender binary is bullshit, but people in queer spaces still decide to uphold certain binaries in so many aspects, and then judge you based on the binary they uphold, instead of you actual identity. It always seems to be much more acceptable to other and mess around with the identities of bisexuals and pansexuals, or other identities that fall outside the monosexual binary of homo and hetero, or the even the gender binary of male and female presenting.

Add-on: I also see bisexual relationships be labelled gay and it becoming a big thing in queer fandoms to erase their bisexuality, or of course pansexual character, even when one or both characters are bi, and then they get claimed under just the homosexual label, aka "Lesbians" or "Gay." This happened with Korrasami, Bubbline, and recently Lumity, even though each of these relationships has at least 1 bisexual character. I still see fandom wank about these relationships and how people are "erasing" lesbians when they state that the bisexual character is in fact bisexual, or how people label them under the lesbian identity for both. This happens with males as well, but it's more visible with female presenting relationships and characters. And obviously on the other end, when queer characters get labelled as straight, and then suddenly their actual queer sexuality doesn't count and they get treated as bad rep, or as not-valid because they aren't performing queerness on the right side of the monosexual binary. An example from recent times was Owl Houses HunterxWillow, where even though Hunter is bi and Willow is said to be pan, people disregarded their queerness because it was an implied M/F relationship sp people started wank about it being a "straight relationship" and doesn't count. Obviously there are more instances, but Owl house is more recent in my memory and this is long enough.

Ps: I don't care what you label your own relationship. I'm speaking in general terms, and I do not decide or speak for each individual bisexual, or pansexual or w/e. I'm speaking on my observations on how the label "straight" has been used to treat bisexuals and pansexuals as less valid or even completely erase their identity the moment they enter a M/F presenting relationship.

Pps: The first post was just a tired vent, and more of a throwaway thing. Not sure what this is, but I'll try avoid the energy drinks for now.

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Hey you don’t have to answer this obvs if it’s something you don’t want to share/talk about but I’m curious how did you meet your wife/navigate getting married in an aromantic way? I kinda feel like I might be aro and I’m getting older and feeling like. I want a partner and I don’t want to be alone but I don’t know if I really feel romantic love, and I just feel kinda hopeless about finding that, but it’s nice knowing there are people who do find it.

absolutely, yeah!!! i love to talk about my relationship honestly, for a lot of reasons (it makes me feel very happy and warm inside, and i love to talk about this wonderful thing i have in my life with this wonderful person, i am a Wife Guy for real) but also for exactly this reason too - bc i don't think a lot of people know that what we have, what we're doing, is an option. or if they do think of it, they don't think it's realistic or something that can actually happen.

i spent a long time thinking that what i wanted, the thing that would actually make me happy, that i daydreamed about just... it was a nice thought but the odds that i would be able to actually have it were so low that it didn't warrant thinking about at all. i wanted a partner, someone i could live with and raise kids with and build a life together with, and i wanted it completely platonically. i didn't want romance and i didn't want sex either but i did want intimacy, emotionally and physically. i assumed this would only be possible with another aro(ace) person, because i didn't think anyone who wasn't aroace would want that, or that it would be like. unfair somehow, or asking someone to give enormous things up to be with me. (this was all a bunch of jumping to assumptions and internalized bullshit, btw. my fiancee is a lesbian and is just as happy as i am, wants our marriage and our life together, exactly the way that it is, just as much as i do - and has been extremely patient and kind in reassuring me of this.)

(haha this got long again, it usually seems to when i'm talking about My Aro Experience and relationships and em sldj. further under the cut-)

and then it was like, well, i already have no idea how i'd meet another aroace person irl, and even then i have no idea if we'd be compatible. if we'd have the same values and vision for our lives. if they'd want kids. if they'd be comfortable with the kind of physical affection i really wanted to engage in. etc. so i just kind of told myself that y'know, it would have been nice if i had the option of not being alone, but i didn't, so i had to just get used to it. (and it is perfectly fine if someone wants to be alone. that's great. that's a huge thing the aro community is fighting for all of the time. but i did not want that. i just thought it was the only choice i had, if i wasn't willing to force myself into a romantic and probably sexual relationship i didn't want.

my wife and i actually met quite a while back, when we were like. sixteen or so, online. we've been friends for a really long time. which is why when im asked how long we've been together by people who don't know our relationship is platonic, or that i'm aro, or whatever, i have a hard time answering it XD. because like, our engagement was the first we'd ever decided to Be In A RelationshipTM, but if you think about it as a progression of the same relationship we've always had, just as dating before an engagement would be, we've been together for like. coming up on close to ten years.

figuring out navigating our relationship has been a little difficult at times but mostly it's been absolutely wonderful. difficult mostly in the sense that there's no script for this, nothing set out that tells us this is what a relationship like ours is supposed to look like, or usually looks like. we've had to figure it out ourselves. but also that's one of the things that's really been wonderful about it. we can decide at every single point what it is we want, what it is that'll make us happy.

like - at first we decided to have separate bedrooms when we moved in together after we finished our respective degrees/got married/got immigration all sorted out. and then after sharing one when we went to my hometown to introduce em to my family we were like. well. we were fools, huh. so, turns out we're sharing a bedroom. (and i'm... really happy with that, particularly, because it turns out i sleep really well when em and i are together. i used to write a lot about characters sleeping in the same bed, cuddling, etc, and i still do, but i always sort of assumed it was completely obvious i had no idea what i was talking about bc it couldn't possibly be the way i described it. and now that i've been there, it's better.)

the rest of the world is a little trickier, haha. it's a little weird and bad sometimes that people are constantly assuming i'm in a romantic relationship, tbh. even in the aro community i see a lot of people talking like the only people around are nonpartnering/single or in romantic relationships. and the rest of the world, people who don't know i'm aro or who do but like.... forget that a lot? or assume it's changed or doesn't matter or something? is kind of exhausting and uncomfortable. for the most part, we don't bother explaining the nature of our relationship to people. this is also something we talked about! we discussed how much we wanted to clarify or contextualize, and decided that ultimately like... with the exception of people we're very close to, and in contexts like this (fairly anonymous post on ye olde internet with the ability to immediately block anyone who clowns on it), it's really nobody's business unless we decide it is and we're cool with just letting people assume whatever. that doesn't mean it doesn't suck sometimes, but it's a calculus i've made and we've made together.

anyways, just. there you have it!!! i trust my fiancee and i love them and they love me and our greatest priority is always making sure the other person feels safe and loved and respected. and i feel that in every conversation we have. it's a unique situation and we've had to figure a lot of things out along the way, and that's included a lot of conversations i just don't know how to have, but we've figured it out together. i felt hopeless for a really long time, too. i wish i could go back and tell myself in the past where i'd end up. and that's part of why i keep talking about it so much and so openly, so that people know they don't have to just... there are options, y'know? options for going after what you want and talking about what you want with anyone in your life who you have a significant relationship with. i could've cheated myself out of the best thing that's ever happened to me by assuming it just wasn't possible. i'm so glad that i didn't.

Aight let me try to establish some things about this thing which may or may not end up being part of the Moth Wizard universe just so I can tell myself that I'm not neglecting that to start a new project.

Concept background: I had a dream there was a TV show where a group of 5ish young adults being found dead together covered in blood so some mysterious figure brings them back to life hoping they'll avenge themselves, and leaves without realizing they all came back wrong and with amnesia and don't even know their own names let alone who killed them but they return to their lives and try to figure out who they're supposed to be without letting anyone know what happened to them while also trying to find the killer. They're also undead and don't feel pain or bleed or die so that's another thing they have to try to hide. They sometimes get flashbacks and glimpses at their lost memories and one plot point I remember coming from this was that one of them remembered kissing a girl and assumed that was her girlfriend and kissed her publicly then found out she had a boyfriend and she tried to save it by saying she was tired of being in the closet but the girl she kissed hates her now because she was also in the closet and she outed her even though she promised it would be a secret! Also I'm pretty sure the undead characters were mostly rivals, exes, and similarly having beef with each other when they were alive, which made it suspicious that they were so friendly all of a sudden (because being resurrected together is a binding experience and so is being the only people who know you're dead).

What I've additionally decided about the characters since: There's exactly five of them, two girls, two boys, one enby, and one of each binary gender is cis. The enby (any pronouns) has a beard and I will not tell you her AGAB. The lesbian in the aforementioned plot point is the cis girl, but only because of like a closeted lesbian who is cis is a different situation socially from a closeted lesbian who is trans like if you're already openly trans you can't play the unassuming cishet by getting a boyfriend and if you're still in the closet about being trans you have even less reason to date a boy if you're not into boys y'know? (I will acknowledge that some eggs misinterpret their gender feelings as homosexuality but if she's closeted as a lesbian she'd probably be closeted as a gay man too and I'm putting way too much thought into this sorry) To remedy this I've decided she ends up falling in love with the trans girl later on. Oh also several of their genders change slightly when they die, mostly just flavor changes like adding pronouns and such, but the one who was a cis guy when he was alive is agender now (he/they/it). They killed his freaking gender man that's messed up. One of them (can't decide who but not the cis girl she can't hog all the plot) is Jewish bc apparently I need to have Jewish main characters and their arc will focus on Judaism and how their relationship with it changes with everything they go through. They're Ashkenazi mainly because that's what I'm most familiar with and qualified to write and if I write something else I'm going to accidentally make it Ashkenazi at some point simply because I didn't know a thing was exclusively an Ashkenazi thing. They're conservative/Masorti because I think that's the context I want their arc to take place in, based on my understanding of different communities, not so strict that they would break a hundred mitzvot on their first undead day that they wouldn't have broken in life or that they'll have too significant problems if they become less observant during their character arc, but not so relaxed that they wouldn't be properly accommodated if they become more observant during their character arc (e.g. shul not keeping Shabbat or family not keeping kosher), but I'll be the first to admit that my perspective on this is mainly informed by a modern orthodox perspective and some of my assumptions may be wrong and this lore is not set in stone. My general idea for their arc is before dying they're not the most religious but they do care and participate in the culture, but after dying, most of their connection is gone because they don't remember it, and they feel further alienated from it by the fact that they're forced to pretend to be the person who did care before they've had a chance to figure out why they should care. There's conflict, there's questions about their death and undeath and how being undead isn't really compatible with a complete rejection of faith (although you certainly can make up whatever explanation you want, it's not like necromancy and zombies prove Hashem is real specifically, but like you must accept that something exists that can mess with death itself), and eventually I, as a future convert, do want them to find their way back home, on their own terms, and I think they'll be closer to it when they've done so. Also this paragraph was meant to be shorter than the last wow mission failed.

Questions to be asking: First of all which one of you is Jewish? Second of all should it be more than one? Thirdly what are y'all's names and like what cultures do the gentiles have going on and on a connected note races (in my dream they were all white but I have the conscious power to do better)? How old are these kids?? What are the other plots everyone's got something going on not just the lesbian and the Jew what do the rest have going on? Where was I going with this post I forgot somewhere along the way explaining everything I do know? What do I call this story?

Not a question: Who is the killer? I know who the killer was, it was revealed in the season finale in my dream but I'm not spoiling it :P

hm idk how ur gonna feel abt an ask like this but i do want to get smth off my chest & u seem p safe. feel free to delete if u want

i saw a post recently talking abt how "gay" got used as a slur a lot more than people acknowledge. and it got me thinking of my school years & how often it got thrown around.

thing is. and heres where my train of thought goes off the rails. i actually experienced the word "incest" as an attack more than the word "gay"... which. ill explain. but it really got me thinking on this whole purity culture & demonising of incest depicted in literature & yknow taking things too far with whats considered incest.

bc at the end of the day. the reason incest is illegal (mostly) is to prevent inbreeding & the health issues that come along with that. if ur not blood related then theres no problem.

and like. the reason i got called incestuous and generally ostracised was bc i was close with a boy in my year. like we dated for a week as 14 yros do. and at some point i discovered that hey. his last name is the same as my aunts and lo and behold hes my 2nd cousin thru marriage or smth. so. not incest at all.

anyway that p much ruined our friendship (& it was a friendship. i broke things off before i even knew we were related bc i just didnt feel the same way and we stayed friends for a little bit) all bc some kids couldnt let it go that we had the vaguest relation to each other. he got bullied for the rest of our school year & ive felt horribly guilty for leaving him bc i wanted to be "cool" & ended up without any close friends like we were.

sorry if thats a weird thing to put in ur inbox.

Hey, anon. I don't mind this ask. I hope you don't mind me replying publicly. (In future if you don't just say so.)

This post will be a bit long, so I'll go ahead and put it under a readmore.

TW for discussions of "gay" used in a negative way, and discussions of the use of the word "incest," and its association with child sexual abuse, though there's really nothing terribly bad here as I'm not going into detail on any of thse topics. (If you need something tagged, though, let me know.)

Now, I'm old as dirt by tumblr standards, and I remember VIVIDLY the word "gay" being used in a negative light. As a kid, I didn't really see it used as a "slur" per se, but it was used to mean something was bad.

Like, if you saw a movie that sucked, you'd say "Man, that movie was so gay." It meant something like "lame."

So obviously, it wasn't a good thing, and when I got a bit older and was explained why using the word was bad, I stopped, and fortunately most other kids did too and it mostly faded from use (in that sense) at least as far as I noticed.

(I'm not saying gay hasn't been used as a more nasty slur/word ofc, this is just my personal experience with it.)

Granted, keep in mind when I was in high school, our LGBTQ+ club was just the "Gay/Straight Alliance." Back then, it was basically, you were gay/lesbian, or you were an ally. We never talked about trans people or nonbinary people or ace/aro people. Ofc every one of those identities/kinds of people existed, but as far as my world went, they didn't. Most of my circle of friends was queer in some way, but many were closeted or semi-closeted for various reasons.

Anyway, sorry for that detour. Now, as to your incest situation. I'm sorry that happened to you. It definitely wasn't fair. You didn't have any way to know if you were related, and if/when you did it was "easy" to end the relationship. But kids are kids, and they always love to find a way to single people out, and they probably didn't really care what the actual truth was.

Even if you'd discovered having a similar name was total coincidence, I'm sure they'd still have bullied you for "incest."

I wasn't bullied for it, thankfully, but I did have a classmate in high school with the same last name as mine. My name is very common in some places, but where I lived at that time it was not, so everyone assumed we were fraternal twins. He was a nice enough guy, but I really didn't want people to think we were siblings. But no matter how many times we both explained we weren't related, no one believed us.

Sometimes, once someone makes their mind up about something, there's no changing it.

As for "abandoning" your friend because you didn't want to be left out and regretting it, I get that too. There was a guy I dated when I was around 16, and we were very passionate, but I think honestly I entered a major depressive episode and lost all interest in everything, including him, and... anyway, I regret how things ended between us even today, many, many years later. I wish I could shake my 16-year-old self and tell them not to be so cruel, but we can't change the past, only learn from it and move forward.

With regards to antis/purity culture taking incest so far, I do agree it has gotten ridiculous. As you said, the reason incest is taboo is because of inbreeding, because if your (general you) DNA is too closely related, you increase the chance of having major/significant diseases due to a lack of genetic diversity. But antis tend not to understand the WHY's behind things (since they also believe pedophilia is bad bc it's disgusting, and not because it hurts children, who become real grown adults).

But I have seen some really wild takes called incest. Like a ship from one fandom where the male and female characters are friends. A lot of people consider it "problematic" apparently, because they have a "sibling-like" relationship. They did not grow up together, they aren't related, and yet that's "incest" according to antis.

I do want to mention another reason that incest can/is considered so bad, and it's because, despite what antis may think, most sexual abuse of children comes from someone close to them in their lives, often a family member or close friend. So for a lot of people, when they think of "incest," they closely associate it with sexual abuse of a child. It's possible that's why antis get so upset about it. I don't know. But that is another aspect to it. (Ofc for you, in your past situation, you were both around the same age, so that's not the case, but that association is there.)

But, in the end, in fiction, it doesn't matter, because there are not actual children who can be conceived or harmed, and so the whole purpose behind why incest isn't allowed in many places in modern times doesn't exist.

I hope you're doing OK now, anon. Don't be to hard on yourself. A lot of people have done things when they were young teens they regret and wish they could "undo," but as long as you learned from that experience so you could become a better person than that 14-year-old version of you, I think you're doing OK.

Sending you some hugs. <3

I need to rant for a minute.

And also, I say this without doing any proper research into Japanese laws, culture, etc. I'll just speak about my experience with it over the years.

So yaoi is controversial, it always has been. There's like... 8 different sides. The homophobes, the fujoshis, the fetishists, those who think yaoi shouldn't exist but for the exact opposite reason the homophobes do, and so on.

My earliest experience with yaoi was during a time when I didn't even know homophobia existed. So to me, yaoi was just "man gets with man", the same way I'd view any romance of man gets with woman. Just... romance. That's it. But I was also well aware that gay romances were rare. So when I watched my first yaoi, it was a 2 part OVA series, and well... I didn't expect it to be so explicit. Now I was very well aware of hentai, which is basically porn. Straight anime porn. So I assumed then that yaoi basically just meant gay anime porn. And so bc it was such a rare thing to see, I looked into it, and watched them all. Basically all in a row. It wasn't hard lol there's not that many and they're short. At max, 4 eps per show, mostly 2 eps on average. They all featured sex scenes. Some more explicit than the others. The plots weren't anything to write home about ofc. It was basically porn.

Through this was the discovery of shounen-ai. More about the romance than the sex. Usually a 12 ep anime series. Again, the stories for most of these were nothing to write home about.

Junjou Romantica became the most famous bc it was a mix of both. It was about the romance, but they did have sex (non-explicit). And this show got 3 seasons. And a spin-off, Sekaiichi Hatsukoi. Very, VERY rare for a gay romance to have that.

Now Junjou itself is controversial (I get why). But outside of that, its kind of the "ideal" romance anime, in a sense. If you imagine you're watching one of the thousands of romance animes with a straight couple, and you're always wondering when they're gonna kiss, and when they do kiss, when will be the next time?? Well Junjou is like, "yeah but they're adults so we're not gonna just build up to a kiss, we'll... give you a little more". I can only think of two "straight" romance animes that had sex scenes outside of ecchi and harem nonsense. It was a finale episode of a non-romance anime called Kiseijuu where they two mains get together and they have sex (its not explicit)

The genres for this anime were:

Its a really good anime. I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'll re-watch it someday.

But here's the point I'm getting at.

Romance was not listed as a genre.

When an anime wants you to know its gonna have a gay couple in it, it will use the following terms:

Gay sex is yaoi, gay romance is shounen-ai, lesbian sex is yuri and lesbian romance is shoujo-ai.

When an anime wants you to know its gonna have a straight couple, it will use the following terms:

Straight sex is hentai and straight romance is just romance.

Here's what gets to me.

In Kiseijuu, in this anime where romance isn't listed as a main genre in any way, the couple is still implied the whole time. The show is full of action and plot but these two are hinted at. And then they get together. And they kiss. And they have sex.

Something like Inuyasha, which is a shounen-adventure series, does have romance as a genre

You straight up KNOW the main characters will get together. For Kiseijuu, its not so directly out there like Inuyasha and Kagome, but heavily implied. And then the result is that they do get together, despite it not being a romance anime, or having romance listed as a genre.

My frustration is why can't this happen with gay couples.

ACCA is a great anime, and its genres are these:

But the lead blondie and his blue haired friend are constantly eye-fucking each other.

I, for the most part, never ever truly care for the main implied couple in a show, but I'm always rooting for them. I'm rooting for Inuyasha & Kagome, I'm rooting for Ed & Winry, I'm rooting for Eren & Mikasa.

And if I see an ending kiss, or an ending hand-hold, or literally anything that implies "we're a thing", I feel joy. I swoon a little bit. Cause its so damn cute.

In ACCA, if you replaced either of these two with a female character, you just know what the show is hinting at, despite romance not being a genre. Bc as we know, if a show has the genres "action, adventure, magic" and there's a leading dude and a leading gal..... flirting the whole time....... they're still gonna get together.

Like, I would love to see at the end of this, these two looking at each other in a romantic way (so you, the audience, gets it), and then it ends. Even that. Even something as mild as that.

That an anime doesn't have to have the explicit genres of "yaoi" or "shounen-ai" so you know you're defo going into an anime where the plot is basically about the two main males getting together.

Give me an action anime where it just so happens that the leading guy has insane chemistry with his best friend and so the whole time you're thinking "damn I love the fight scenes in this anime, and the plot is fantastic. ...and also, they totally have to get together" AND THEN THEY DO and its just NORMAL cause its IMPLIED THE WHOEL TIME, its not just random GAYBAITING or FANSERVICE, its just a very obvious pair who you can clearly see fell for each other throughout the course of the action packed show.

GUH. NOT HARD TO ASK

LOOK. HOW. HE. LOOKS. AT. HIM.

WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

realizing that so many (if not most) women who call themselves lesbians nowadays are not lesbians at all and are actually bisexual is so depressing.. bc before i peaked i was happy there were finally so many women i could relate to who were exclusively attracted to the same sex, but after having peaked i feel very much alone in this again. like i spent my entire childhood and teenage years with zero girls to relate to (in regards to sexuality), and these days it would seem like there’s a huge online lesbian community, when in fact it’s just a bunch of tims and women who in theory could be completely attracted to them. :(

I know exactly what you mean... I have had the same experience and it is so depressing and isolating. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only lesbian left, which I know is irrational, but following lesbian identified artist/writers on social media and having them eventually create art/writing involving dick or males honestly feels soul-crushing and like a betrayal at this point. I've become jaded, but I get so furious if I let myself think about our reality. The lesbian community has been so thoroughly invaded and colonized by males and male-attracted women that it's suffocating and alienating to the actual female homosexuals it was created by. We are shunned, attacked, and harassed for exactly what that space was meant to liberate us from. Everywhere on Earth is so homophobic. I grew up inundated by conservatism and homophobia, and as soon as I became an adult and was free to express myself for the first time, the LGBT community had turned against me. Our sexuality is immutable. So where do we have left to go?

90% of the reason I was ever attracted to radblr in the first place/made this account after years of orbiting is because it's the only place that lesbians can 1- gather and discuss their sole attraction to women freely and 2- are more likely to be actual lesbians. At this point I just assume every woman claiming lesbianism is bisexual until proven otherwise. Some I give the benefit of the doubt (When I was a TRA I used to say I would date a trans woman if she was fully transitioned, but secretly when I considered the reality of it- the male bone structure, voice, mannerisms, body- I was deeply uncomfortable and repulsed by the idea, though I was afraid to acknowledge it. I'm sure some of these women are the same) but at this point it's happened so many times... And nowadays even those women who are actually lesbians are inundated with comments accusing them of transphobia for expressing their exclusive attraction, regardless of how mainstream they are. So many of them end up transitioning. It really is grim.

But we are still here, even if we are small in numbers, and we will persevere as we have through all past human existence. It's so difficult to be positive about it, but being a lesbian is really a wonderful thing to be. We have such a long and illustrious legacy. To be a woman and to love only other women is a blessing in so many ways. Evidently not everyone can be quite so lucky :)

i got these comments on this post where I talk about how anti-sexual content, purity culture mindsets have turned around and started making me feel ashamed again for being lesbian and having sexual feelings about women.

this is not okay. i crossed out the name bc this person is only 15 and i don't need anyone abusing them, but i do need to talk.

I'm both a-spec and lesbian. that means i experience periods of no sexual attraction, and periods of sexual attraction to women.

I've said this before and I'll say it again, the lesbian communuty doesn't make much accepting space for aces, and the asexual community doesn't make much accepting space for lesbians.

case in point.

this has to fucking stop. i made a post about an issue that is affecting me personally where society is adopting a very conservative, sex negative attitude that is feeding into gay shame. this is important.

this person, most likely, saw my username saying I'm lesbian, saw that i was talking about feeling ashamed for being sexual, and probably assumed i was talking about asexuals existing as the source of shame. that's lesbophobia to assume, to start with, but i do want to note that that reaction is partially founded in the commonality of lesbians using that type of coded language to shame asexuals for existing. it's a two way fucking problem. and i want to note both issues while I'm speaking, but this lesbophobic behavior i need to focus on because its what just happened.

the second comment....that's pure fucking disgustung. i also deal with hypersexuality as the product of abuse and mental issues, and that is a direct derogatory slam on my condition, which didn't really have anything to do with the post, other than involving sex. they also called me that purely on the basis for having sexual feelings at all, even after specifying that I'm a-spec; which is also aphobia, against gray-aces like me.

this is the shit that gets asexuals alienated from other communities. this is the fucking reason that i, an ace lesbian, don't feel fully accepted in the lesbian community, and why I am uncomfortable in many ace communuties.

y'all have to fucking STOP. not only do you need to stop, you need to call this kind of speech out, teach others better, and make it known that you don't stand behind this kind of behavior.

it's utterly unacceptable. there feels like so much tension and hostility between the two communities, and as a member of both i feel like there's no real hope for it ever improving unless this disgustung shit gets sorted and stops happening.

this is pure lesbophobia, with a side helping of being aphobic and sex-shamey to boot. it's not what asexuals stand for or believe in, and that needs to be crystal fucking clear.

I'm curious. How do you feel about the idea of dating a GC dysphoric male? Personally i can't do it unless they were completely detrans or desisted bc i had too many terrible experiences with mtfs both while i was more woke and when i turned around. It's just way triggering to me and i'm unwilling to compromise on that lol. Also he'd have to be non-op, i don't like neovaginas regardless of labeling. What is your current stance?

Assuming we'd get along well and really like each other a lot, be compatible as people (sexually and otherwise), be on at least roughly the same page about stuff that matters, and able to "agree to disagree" where our opinions differ, have similar goals in life, etc, which goes for anyone I'd date... I'll only focus on the kinda stuff that would realistically generally differ a GC dysphoric male from a GC regular male, I think would only really be his relationship with his body, participation/involvement within trans circles and transition (physical and/or social) related stuff.

And when it comes to that, I feel kinda like this: I draw the line at genital surgery too. I get queezy about neo-vaginas, as well as neo-penises. In fact I feel queezy about any genital surgery that's more drastic than male circumcision. Although I'd probably be fine with other kinds of surgery like breast implants, FFS, etc. I can absolutely find feminine males attractive and wouldn't mind calling a male partner my girlfriend, she/her, etc. Although I draw the line at ever referring to a male partner of mine as a lesbian. There goes my limit.

In regards to dysphoria, it is nice being able to relate to dysphoric partner, even if the dysphoria isn't going in the same direction. However, if he'd have strong genital dysphoria, that would make it difficult for me enjoy sex. Although it's not like I'd have to have PIV every single time, I am kinda traditional/old fashioned in what types of sex I actually enjoy (and believe me I've tried a lot of different kinds, and there's a ton more I wanna try, but penetration and oral remain as my top 2 favourites), especially with males. So if he'd have a ton of genital dysphoria that would greatly impact our sex life, we'd be having a problem. I'd be completely dissatisfied, to be perfectly honest, and I don't wanna end up in that sorta situation to begin with, if at all possible to avoid.

I know that is probably very TMI (and for that I'm sorry) but honestly it's my biggest concern about possibly dating a dysphoric male, so kinda had to go there, lol. I hope you don't mind. Because I know that having intense genital dysphoria seems to be far more common among dysphoric males than dysphoric females, for reasons I can only speculate about. So I've never been overly concerned about that aspect being a problem when dating other dysphoric females (two of my previous partners were/are dysphoric females), but it most certainly becomes a big question in regards to potentially dating dysphoric males.

So I do have a few concerns about dating dysphoric males, even if they're gender critical, but I wouldn't say "never" on that point. It is fully possible that I could love such a person and wanna spend the rest of my life with him. But yeah, to be realistic, I'm probably quite unlikely to find a dysphoric male that I'd actually be compatible with, and I don't see much of a point in trying hard to look for one. And with all this said, the number of dysphoric, transitioned males I’ve ever been actually attracted to have been 2 trans women. I knew both irl, kinda. They were barely acquaintances, and very different from each other. One was very masculine but passable, white, and interested in me, but fully transitioned, so the idea of neo-vag put me off there, as well as her aggressive behaviour. The other was very feminine but non-passing, black, not interested in me, but early in her transition and came off as very sweet and kind. So with those kinda prospects, me dating a dysphoric male feels like an unlikely thing to actually happen. Because there are so many little things that need to fall into place, and there are so few dysphoric GC males out there, and I don’t even do long-distance dating anymore. So in theory, yes, but in practice... probably won’t happen.