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thepublishingpress · 16 days

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the fire burns so bright (until i cannot hide)

Sokka always feels like he has something to prove.

From being a worthy son, a strong warrior, to a wise leader.

But there is something else that he yearns to prove, in his heart of hearts, buried deep.

He wants to prove that he isn’t a monster.

He’s not like them.

His father tells him, again and again, I know you are not like them, I know you would never do that, never betray us.

I know, I know, I know.

But it all feels fake.

It always feels fake.

Sokka knows that in the elders’ hearts, in some of the mens’ hearts, maybe even in his parents’ hearts, they fear him.

They are terrified of what he can do.

And beside him, beside his flame that he can push to the surface and burn this place to the ground, is a blue-faced figure, standing tall, silent and watchful.

But Katara doesn’t know this.

He didn’t know this, for a time.

No one knows this, except for the elders, his parents, and some of the men.

And he was fine with that, he was fine with his powers.

Until they took his mother away.

After, he always felt stares, crawling up his body,

The judgement, the renewed suspicion.

And so, is it really any surprise that one night, feeling alone, and bitter, and isolated, he cries?

He tries not to cry too loud, to avoid waking Katara or Gran-gran or even Dad and causing them to fly into a panic, muffling his sobs with his parka.

He stops, though, when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

He flinches, and opens his mouth, prepared to shoo away Katara or maybe even Dad, but stops, freezing when he sees its face.

A blue face, marked with intimidating snow-white fangs.

His mother had always told him he was blessed by a spirit, but Sokka had never bought it. After all, the spirits and the Avatar abandoned the world, so why should they care about him? A fire child, an ashmaker.

But here one of them was, crouching next to him.

“Who are you?” Sokka whispers, because he would really like some answers.

The spirit tilts its– his? –head and says, “I do not know. I do not remember. All know is that I am is your protector.”

“I’ll give you your name,” Sokka decides, “The Blue Spirit.” He chooses to call him.

“I like that name,” He tells Sokka, “But now, will you tell me about your pain, child of the flame?”

Sokka blinks. That subject change was very fast. But he supposed Blue was like that. Quick, to the point. Sokka scooches closer to his supposed guardian. “It’s just that I’m Water Tribe,” Sokka confesses, and spirits does it feel good to let this out. “We’re all about, um, watery stuff you know? And I’m, well, like you said, a ‘child of the flame.’”

Blue seems very thoughtful, placing his hand under his chin. “You are Water Tribe by birth, but fire flows through your veins,” He muses to himself. “Agni certainly loves to play such games.”

“I just wish Agni hadn’t picked me.” Sokka complains.

Blue chuckles, only for a bit. “No one, not even most spirits, would like to get caught it Agni’s web of odd games.” He agrees.

Sokka grins at him. “At least I have you now.”

And that was the beginning.

When the Fire Princess came, Sokka was terrified.

He felt ready to run and to hide, but he felt and cold hand on his shoulder, and resolve filled him once more.

He put on the face paint.

And was instantly knocked down.

Sokka tumbled through the snow, and there was his presence again. He’s taking this guardian role very seriously, Sokka thinks in the back of his head as Katara rushes towards him.

Then the tiny 12-year old boy came, and sacrificed himself to keep their village safe.

Katara tells him they have to find him, and that she doesn’t care if he doesn’t want to, because she’ll go anyway.

(But Sokka, being the genius he is, had the forethought to get a boat before Katara even opened her mouth.)

When Sokka had tried to show-off to the Kyoshi Girls, he did have his reasons.

They were dumb reasons, but reasons nonetheless.

He was also definitely not expecting to be humiliated, the girls laughing at him, and the hot burn of shame scalding him like heated water as he leaves.

But he remains curious as to how they fought, the fluid motions interesting him.

So, later, he approaches the leader– at least, the person he assumes to be the leader– and asks her to teach him.

He humbly kneels down and says, “I’m sorry for what I said,” He apologizes. “I would be honored to be taught by you.”

Suki raises an eyebrow. “Really?” She asks, skepticism dripping off her voice. “You be willing to be taught by a girl?”

Sokka bobs his head. “Of course.”

She smirks. “And you swear to follow all of our traditions?”

“Yes.” Sokka agrees.

Her smirk grows wider, which, honestly, should have put up some red flags for Sokka. “Just so you know, I do mean all of them.”

Sokka didn’t understand until he put on the dress.

Sokka grimaced as he twirled around a little. “It’s a dress,” He complains. “I can’t fight in a dress!”

“It’s not a dress,” Suki says patiently. “It’s our armor.” When the slight pout was still on his face, she says, “Hey, listen. That silk is for bravery, and gold for honor. Wear that with pride.”

Sokka pauses. Those things were good. Maybe it wasn’t so ba—

“Hey, Sokka! Nice dress!” Aang says cheerily, and Sokka knows it’s probably meant as a good thing, but spirits does he want to strangle Aang.

Sokka pulled a face. “Let’s just get this over with,” He says glumly.

He ends up getting knocked down again and again, over and over. He gets frustrated, throwing his fan into the wooden pillar.

Suki sighs. “Sokka, you don’t use brute force in this style of fighting,” She explains. “You use the enemy’s strength against them. Now,” She tugs the fan from the pillar and hands it over. “Try again.”

The peace Sokka was feeling was quickly disrupted, for Fire Princess Azula arrived.

She and her crew started attacking the Kyoshi Warriors. Azula was perhaps the most vicious in her methods, flipping Kyoshi Warriors, sending them flying. Sokka felt his heart beat, faster and faster. He flew into action, jumping forward, fighting with his fans, albeit a little clumsily.

But Azula sadly is able to knock him over as well.

“You seem to be getting better,” She says mockingly. “For a peasant, I suppose.” She raises her fist to deal the finishing blow, but an invisible presence, and Sokka knows it’s Blue, drags him faster than any normal human could.

“Sokka!” Katara cries, rushing forward. “Come on! We have to leave.”

“But–” Sokka tries to say, but then Suki is there.

“You have to leave, Sokka” Suki tells him, and maybe his heart cracks a little here.

“Wait!” Sokka says, “I just wanted to say, I’m sorry for treating you like a girl when I should’ve treated you like a warrior.”

Suki smiles. “I may be a warrior,” She says softly, leaning forward and pecking him on the cheek, “But I’m a girl too.”

He blinks, but he can’t say anything in reply because Blue has started dragging him again.

Later, Aang confirms Sokka’s theory that the bald kid is absolutely insane because he rides the Unagi, that crazy serpent thing, and extinguishes all the fire.

He tries to talk with Blue about it later, but the spirit just huffs, and like a child, crosses his arms and looks away whenever Kyoshi Island is mentioned.

The first time Aang meet Blue, they tell him later, is when Sokka is kidnapped by Hei Bai.

Aang finds Blue in a panic, frantically searching for his chosen. The moment he sees Aang, Blue grips his shoulders and begs him to find Sokka.

As they search, Blue explains. “When the spirit kidnapped Sokka, they somehow separated me from him. I can’t– I can’t find him in here, the spirit is hiding him somewhere, I can’t–”

Aang places a comforting hand on Blue’s shoulder. “We’ll find him, don’t worry,” He promises, and Blue relaxes.

Meanwhile, Sokka is screaming as Hei Bai drags him away, kicking and struggling.

Hei Bai seems to quickly tire of this, tossing him away into the fog.

Sokka hits the ground a bit too hard, and passes out.

Blue shakes him awake. When Sokka opens his eyes, Blue sighs with relief and hugs him tightly.

“You’re alive,” Blue murmurs, his voice muffled by Sokka’s shirt. “I thought I failed and that– that you were gone forever–”

“But I’m not,” Sokka says gently, “I’m still here and sarcastic and incredibly as strong and manly as ever, Blue.”

Blue huffs. “Sure you are.”

(Things don't stay all chummy for long. Aang has a time limit, the comet, and then...)

When Sokka heard the screams of his little sister, he ran.

She was crying, and crying hard as she ran away. Aang stood a few feet away, looking horrified.

Sokka felt anger rising in his chest, breaths puffing out quicker.

“What happened?!” Sokka screamed. “Who did this to my sister?”

“I did!” Aang said, voice cracking. “I'm sorry, I was practising firebending and it got out of control–”

And Sokka’s brain stopped. The words circled around in his head.

Practising firebending, got out of control, practising firebending–

It got out of control.

Sokka’s breathing quickened as he remembered the day he tried to firebend and Blue’s face had been burnt and Sokka had cried and cried and begged for forgiveness until Blue told him he was a spirit and he was fine and now this had happened to his sister.

“Get out,” Sokka said, voice shaking. “Get. Out!”

And Aang obliges, running away. Sokka packs up Appa, rambling to Blue.

His hands tremble as he places all their stuff. “I could have done that to Katara, Blue. I could have done that to anyone. I already did it to you!”

Blue sighs. “Let me do the packing, Sokka.” Blue says gently.

“Why?! I'm fine! Completely fine! Totally focused.” Sokka exclaims.

“Sokka, you're completely rattled. You're even tying up Momo.” Blue points out.

Sokka realized this was quite true, and begrudgingly obliged.

Sokka’s heart is quaking, because he has to hurry fast.

He has to save these people.

He’s not what Jet said he was, he’s not an ashmaker, he’s not like those people that took his mom and Jet’s parents from them!

He’s good, and he repeats that to himself over and over.

(Somehow, it feels like a lie.)

But Blue is there, and it makes him feel good.

(But only a little.)

“Please!” He begs the town, “I’m not a spy! I’m serious! The dam will break, and your town will be flooded!”

The soldiers growl, coming closer at them with their very pointy spears. “Just look at your clothes!” One of them says in disgust. “Some other nation scum, I’ll wager. The Water Tribes certainly must be weak if they sent you.”

The others grumble in agreement.

Sokka might’ve been drowned with them, trying to convince them to listen, but someone steps forward.

“Listen to the boy!” An old man says, voice shaking from age. Sokka realizes it's the elderly man Jet tried to attack. “A crazed young man tried to attack me just because I was Fire Nation, even if I did no wrong against him! I certainly wouldn’t put it past him to blow this town to smithereens if given half the chance.”

The town evacuates almost immediately.

When he finds Katara and Aang, Katara is beating the living daylights out of Jet, tears forming at the corner of her eyes.

Sokka tells them all of the village’s survival.

“You’re a traitor, Sokka!” Jet screams at him, “A traitor! You’re no better than the Fire Nation! You are an ashmaker!”

Katara looks murderous, but Sokka cuts in before she could say anything.

“No, Jet.” Sokka says calmly, though inside the words sting, “You became the traitor when you stopped protecting innocent people.”

“Sokka,” Katara says carefully as they leave, “Why did Jet call you an ‘ashmaker?’”

And now, he cannot hide anymore. He just opens his palms, and small flame flickers.

Katara gasps. “Sokka, you–”

“I know,” Sokka says shakily, “I know. I’m an– an ashmaker.”

“Sokka,” Katara whispers, “Don’t say that.”

And Katara hugs him, and so does Aang, and then Momo joins in and Appa lets out a little roar.

And, as always, there’s Blue. And even if Sokka can’t see his face, he thinks he’s smiling.

The Northern Water Tribe is disgusted by him.

Really, he should’ve expected it.

More awful and hateful words are thrown at him, especially by Hahn. They push him into the snow.

Yue is the only one who doesn’t care.

She is nice to him, and finds his fire fascinating.

“Why?” Sokka asks. “Why do you like it?”

Yue pauses. “I am a non-bender,” She says softly. “And being a firebender is always better than being a non-bender. At least people take you seriously and they respect you. Even if in their heads they think you a monster.”

Sokka thought about that a while after, and realized it was true.

He and Yue talk a little more, and he realizes he’s falling for her, fast.

(He doesn’t see the angry aura radiating off Blue in massive waves when he figures this out.)

Sokka cries after the Siege.

He hates this, so much.

He hates Zhao, he hates the Sun Spirit, he hates–

He hates his firebending!

The hot tears of shame and hatred and grief rush out of his eyes.

And then there’s whispering sounds, going faster and faster until it suddenly stops and Blue appears.

Blue crouches in front of him, and grabs his chin.

Sokka stares into the seemingly soulless eyes.

(But Sokka knows there’s humanity in Blue. He knows how Blue reacted when Sokka got kidnapped.)

Blue carefully wipes Sokka’s tears away with his thumb.

“I know now,” Blue says. “I am not only your guardian. I am also to be your friend.”

Sokka cups Blue’s hand, which is now resting on his cheek.

“Thank you,” He whispers, and Sokka means it. “You give me more warmth than any burning flame.”

&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&

A/N: uhhh yeah it took a while- i decided to split this into the books bc i realized how lengthy some of the episodes would get (like the boiling rock for one. theres a reason its split into multiple parts.)

(also to see if anyone would like this lmao)

@ultfreakme as promised, it is here!

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