#at least my job is like. super helpful
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#i might have to focus elsewhere than self ship#meaning its like. a semi-haitus?#sort of?#dunno#but theres a lot of things going on and i need SO MUCH to get done and its S O F U H N#idk man#tuition costs so much#i did an oopsie and rent for a place I'm living off-campus costs a LOT#im so close to having my fafsa be done but need my parents to electronically sign something and they're already in bed#im tired#im almost done#someone give me so much money /hj#joking cuz its just. a joke. but i wouldn't deny it if i just so happened to get a crap ton of money#at least my job is like. super helpful#like i get SO MUCH MONEY from thay place#ough#vent#the cake doth speak
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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i'm really not mad about how they ended it with wilmon tbh
#shimmer's thoughts#young royals#prince wilhelm#simon eriksson#young royals season 3#young royals season 3 spoilers#yr s3 spoilers#yr s3#i feel like it needed to happen. i would've been upset if it didn't happen#and whether or not it works out... i don't think i'll be upset. i don't think i mind#like. wille needs help and support. but simon isn't the person to give that to him. he's dealing with a lot too#so it's just. this felt like the right thing. this had to happen. yknow?#i wonder if this is an unpopular opinion? ig i'll check the tags after this now that i can unblock them#anyways. i was worried i'd be super stressed but i'm honestly quite calm about the cliffhanger. my brain is quiet now#wilmon-wise at least. i just won't get invested in the other characters until the show's over then#edit after glancing through the tags: to be clear i'm not saying wilhelm is a terrible person or anything#i think he's just struggling and clearly needs help simon can't give him. there are multiple sides to it#although yeah they're kinda/basically in an abusive relationship in which wilhelm is the abuser#things can still be complicated. it doesn't need to be black and white like that. it usually isn't in real life#and i think yr does a good job portraying that
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getting laid off 🤝 suddenly having infinite time to draw and write
#idk what to do i've always quit jobs before with something lined up#this feels... awful#at least me crying on the call made my bosses cry#and they were very complimentary and offered to help me get freelance work and write me recommendations#and they also didn't immediately boot me from the system so i could have some time to grab my design files#but a piece of me can't help but feel like a factor of letting me go is because i'm super reserved and awkward#time to cry :)))))#h#vent
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w h y did the preview have to drop now of all times?
#i wasted 2 good hours (when i could’ve been sleeping) reading this and i?????#spoilers for this in the tags from here on out bc i need to liveblog my life&crisis ok—#the intro/prologue thing is basically just setting up the fantasy world thing of the play (as seen in the non-concert parts of the mv)#the fantasy world part seems to be in yujiro’s pov and the real world parts seem to be in aizo’s pov… for now at least.#they don’t alternate povs with the ‘one’ and ‘two’ dividers like in the previous lxl novels… for now at least#anyway chapter 1 opens with aizo finishing up his job stuff and meeting with yui for ramen#yui is pimpin’ as always#and ft4 is apparently not an idol group. but that’s a crisis from earlier so nvm that#they get to the ramen place where yui orders them super spicy ramen and goes ‘dw bby eating spicy food will help you get better at singing’#which is a blatant lie btw ಠ‿ಠ and aizo knows it#and then a weird flashback sequence occurs when aizo’s like ‘teach me how to skateboard brooo’#in which it’s revealed that ken???? simpbasaki ken???? is good at sports????????#anyways they split up from the ramen place and yui immediately hops on the phone to plan a dinner date with rio#aizo sees it and is like ‘ft4 really get along huh’… then he’s ambushed from behind by hotaru#cue lxl dogwalking date thing where they talk about yujiro’s life ig#then cut to the part where tamura tells them that they’re gonna be in a musical#they leave with the scripts and go to kodai’s cafe. they end up fighting and almost get kicked out#they return to the office and the staff be like ‘omg you guys fought again didn’t you?’. they’re too obvious man#anyway they both accept the musical casting offer in unison，go ‘stop copying me!!!’ and all that dumb childish nonsense#then aizo thinks about how ft4 and their dance-vocal unit-starring idol senpai (kazuma and mifuyu) get along well…#…and wonders ‘how long will we (him and yujiro) be like this?’#or maybe he wondered it first and then thought about his gay af performer senpai lineup later idk. it’s 3am i can’t rem and i wanna sleep#anyway that’s where we return to the fantasy world and yujiro’s pov where he and fantasy-aizo (who isn’t explicitly named yet i think)…#…and of course even *they* are fighting too.#but in any case it seems like this novel’s gonna be about lxl’s ✨bonds✨ esp with the focus on how ‘well’ ft4 (and mifuyu+kazuma) get along—#pls!!!! be a bl novel!!!!!!! i’m begging!!!!!!!!!!!!!#inedible blubbering#life&crisis foreverrrrr~#<-that’s gonna be my tag for this novel idk as i said it’s ✨3am✨—
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do you want me to fucking go off on you? do you truly fucking want that mother?
#“oh you and your sister never listen to me and blah blah blah” we fucking do (or at the very least i do)#“you guys never help out” does me doing the litter and taking out the trash and on occasion hand washing the dishes mean#fucking nothing to you? does me sweeping the floor every once in a while because you chose to keep us in an area that is ALL SAND/DIRT ROAD#for whatever stupid ass reason also meaningless? does me doing my damn best to help out mean fucking nothing?#do you want me to kill my self. do you want to lose your eldest child to something YOU could have fucking prevented all because you can’t#stop being a bitch to him all the time? do you really fucking want that mom? because at this rate i am once again on the road to fucking#attempting it. i’m so god damn sick of how you treat me. the only time i can do anything i want is at night. i stay up super late playing#games with my friends because its the only time in the day when you aren’t bitching and whining for me to do something you don’t want to do#for the past several days i’ve been up until five in the damn morning just to do something that makes me happy.#you misgender me. you deadname me. you refuse to accept any aspect of my identity. you don’t treat me like a god damn person.#i have so many different ways i can consider attempting if i truly wanted to. the only thing keeping me alive is my friends. because they a#least show that they fucking care and actively want to do things with me. like group drawing or playing video games.#YOU on the other hand; mother; yell and get mad at me over the stupidest shit and never fucking apologize.#i cannot recall a singular time you’ve apologized for being a complete bitch to me over something so fucking unimportant.#and yet i’m expected to be completely fucking fine and happy all because you provide me with the bare fucking minimum.#”i clothe and feed and provide a place for you to live” THAT IS THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM. sure you could argue over the fact i’m 18 and#should be out working somewhere. but you give me so few opportunities for going places and even considering getting a job or finally gettin#my driver’s license. plus i would rather fucking die than work any food service or customer service job. because i’d be going somewhere#where i’d mostly get talked down to or yelled and then come home and have the same shit done after working for hours and getting minimal#pay. i’d rather work on my own fucking terms with commissions than go into any job where i have to interact with others in public for any#reason. where i’d be treated just the same as at home. like someone who isn’t a person and doesn’t deserve anyone to be nice to them.#i constantly so desperately wish that maybe one day soon i’d find someone to be with romantically and that i could maybe live with them and#get out of this hell hole that i’m supposed to call home. to go somewhere and have my efforts appreciated. to go somewhere where i’d#actually fucking be loved. i shouldn’t have to wish so god damn hard for a better life all because my mother can’t fucking treat me like a#person with hopes and dreams and thoughts and feelings.#i’m ending this rant here before i get too angry and upset. see you all in maybe an hour.#suicide mention#ask to tag
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swear to god if i open a fanfic ONE MORE TIME only to be greeted with an author's note saying "i asked chatgpt to tell me a story about-" i am going to go fucking NUCLEAR
#it's NEVER tagged!!!#i am so sick and FUCKING tired of hearing about chat bot shit. it's irresponsible tech that is only gonna help spread misinformation#/be used as a tool by corporate America to crank out shitty computer generated content#bc anything is better than having to hire people and pay them what they're worth am i right guys!#my job won't shut up about chatgpt i don't wanna have to see this shit on AO3 dot gov! please! is anything sacred!#I've already started running into endless variations of the same regurgitated paraphrased clearly AI-written garbage misinformation article#half of the time whenever i try to google something! i just keep getting AI generated garbage instead of any actual helpful information#side note: is Google like... super fucking broken for anyone else in terms of 'i can't find any useful information about anything anymore'?#or is it just me?#but AUGH. tech bros will be our downfall i swear to god#keep the AI shit out of art and creative endeavors it's a slippery slope and it's not leading anywhere good#this is fucking nfts all over again#or at LEAST if you're gonna be posting chat gpt prompts to ao3 fucking TAG THEM AS SUCH#I'm at the point where i hear someone say AI or chatgpt in an excited tone of voice#and i just consider it an immediate red flag#I'll delete this later it's unnecessarily cunty and i realize that but my GOD im sick of it#is it not enough that all of these writing bots are training on ao3 fics without the authors consent or permission?#now we have to encourage it by putting AI shit on there to begin with?
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having unnatural coloured hair is fun cuz even when it's faded and the roots are overgrown and it kinda looks like shit, you STILL get compliments on it
#eliot posts#tho when it genuinely looks good you get even more compliments#once i did a REALLY GREAT JOB dyeing my hair and styling it and i got like 6 compliments during a SINGLE GROCERY RUN#i would get occasional compliments on my hair before this bc my hair is nice and i care for it well (and esp in hs when it was super long)#but now the compliments are like weekly probably#(tho part of that is also seeing way more new people every day than i used to when i was younger)#sometimes it feels odd to have something so noticeable about me but part of me kinda likes it. helps ppl remember me i guess#lemme tell ya my faceblind ass would fare so much better if more folks had funky hair or AT LEAST weird fashion sense#tho this one time someone mised me up with ANOTHER green haired enby and started talking about danganronpa to me#and was confused when i said i'd never played the game bc they heard me talk about liking it before#yeah they mixed me up w someone else there but it was a fun chat nonetheless
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i lied so hard on that old post of ppl saying they'd never been through this before and asking if it gets better and i talked about edd and said it does get better. i was 11 and did not process what happened and moved on and thought that i had "accepted it," now im 21 and actually realize what's going on and it is NOT getting better
#tw death#chat#this SUCKS man. WHY DOES IT KEEP GETTING *WORSE*#it would help if literally anything normal could happen in my life for like. 3 days. that's all i need#did yall hear about the spill in ohio. it got in the ohio river. so now our water is being monitored#gas leak where my uncle lives. so bad the entire stretch of road is closed#got like 3 people dead 1 in the hospital and literally no one will give me updates on her#im DESPERATELY trying to graduate between all this and im job shadowing under a freak of a man and he kinda scares me#ever since my dog died i have been on a downhill spiral man#scooter died a while back btw. i just didnt say anything bc i didnt wanna make ppl sad#it was cancer...#i am trying to climb back up this hill i've been thrown down im really trying this time but people keep throwing rocks at me JKFHSDG#''stay positive'' i say covered in blood#anyways my birthday is in less than a month. cool#at least i didnt have to be home for the super bowl for the first time ever. absolute god send#also i've caught like 6 shinies in the past couple days. FOUR OF THEM were full odds and also back to back. wack#finally got my shiny bronzor i love bronzor have i ever told you guys that. he is JUST a circle#h#vent#idk how to tag this i just dont wanna throw it in ppl's faces on what should be a kinda nice day lol#but i wanna say it eventually bc i've held back for too long#and now im worried abt ppl back home bc im stuck at the dorm and i have a test and a paper due soon#i need a BREAK. not spring break. i need a BREAK break. i need to grab everyone and go to the beach or something#or just. stay in a nice hotel for a day or two. waste some money#drive everyone to falcon overlook or something so they can see the hills like i did#fun road to drive it's all bendy hehe
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Zaptor from Elestrals!
#elestrals#pixel art#Hey gang another secret tag update#I am in talks with the guy who makes this and he's commissioning me to make every elestral :')#this is my first animation commission/job that will stop me from having to worry about commissions for like... months#maybe even a full year. who knows. But the point is I will finally be a big shot#My home and love life are comfortable as can be but I have been worried about money a little recently as commissions are sporadic#But... I'm actually on track to move to full time animation. I'm so excited.#Game is still under construction. Story is done and I'm still coding. Might need a new computer soon because this one is nearly a decade old#I'm so hopeful that the universe has finally thrown me a proverbial bone at least career wise#I have a small fanbase who is really really nice to me and I met a lot of friends there and I need to remember them when this all kicks off#Misty Ripley Heck are three that have been super supportive and I will help give back to them for keeping me afloat this whole time#Ashley has also been subscribed to me for a year. It's our year anniversary soon and I'm so nervous bc I'm not certain what to get her/do#Will just be grateful to have more memories w her. Might get a little trip away somewhere if she can get someone to watch pets#just checked. Nothing standing out but I'll figure it out now that money is significantly less of a worry#I guess that's nearly every one of my worries gone. Just gotta actually grind and finish game and I'll have nearly nothing to complain about
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u know what my mom and i kill longer drives bc we did two hours driving today didn’t even notice bc we just had an interesting convo
#personal#we can nice things. i promise it’s not all terrible i just whine on here mostly but we do have a lot of good things 😭#but yeah we talked about possible jobs for both of us saw some new tourist shit i told her about a math shape i learned about today#which led into a good conversation about basic math and then different teaching styles like america vs other cultures#and that led into art bc idk. my family is like science?? direct pathway to art or other things#like art and math chemistry and cooking uhhhhh some third one#and then into our current jobs which super cool we work with similar.#not systems but protocols so we go over differences she gives advice which actually very helpful and translates well#and this happens any situation just cause but also great time to practice spainish or we listen to songs in my spanish and we sing and#she translates what they’re saying or like the least awkward version cause some things just don’t translate cleanly at ALL#but it’s fun
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#re: the hard from making out post#it’s very true#especially the super shy part#I was embarrassed when I got hard during a lap dance#like…thank you sir for doing a great job and I’m so sorry for reacting to it#(also having a very visible precum stain didn’t help)#so if you’ve ever wondered if I have any shame for my sex drive#yes constantly even in settings where it’s at least somewhat expected
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I’ve been working 12-14 hour days back to back but I met a seemingly impossible deadline at my new job and the entire executive team thinks I’m the bees knees
(I ought to take tomorrow off, but of course I have to work a second miracle for next week and may as well get a head start)
#who thought software would be a more demanding industry than medicine#live and learn I guess#the hours might be long#but at least I’m not high key stressed out#which is how I felt doing the same hours at my previous job#idk my last few jobs anything less than Excellence was Failure and it was impossible to ask for help#here I had people pinging me all day asking ‘what can I do to help you???’#and I was literally like super happy plugging away at my work#this is not my dream job by a long shot#but I’m gonna make $$$$$ and my cv is going to be top notch#clyde.txt
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Goodbye ninja you son of a bitch. See you next summer when the level cap is increased.
#rain plays ffxiv#I’m finally back on my omni90 grind#now I just have monk and samurai which should be a breeze#I’m actually kinda good at ninja. def not high-end-raid good but high on the emnity list in standard content#I just don’t like it.#unlike black mage which I’m terrible at AND hate#thankfully with mnk sam and nin the baseline dmg for those jobs is so damn high that even if you aren’t playing super optimal#and you maybe fuck up your rotation here and there#it won’t matter all that much. you’ll still be doing numbers.#with ninja I like putting the rabbit on my head between pulls or after the duty is complete lol#also shoutout to the random person in praetorium who gave me pointers when I was first starting out <3#ie. doton is useless in single pulls. and hide resets your mudra cds.#I’ve also been trying to get triple triad cards. it sucks.#if you decide you want to go for all cards. god help you. and god fucking help me.#I spent at least two hours playing against this one fucker in azys la#because he wouldn’t give me the goddamn tiamat card#and it was chaos rules so the rules changed each round but I was so tired I kept forgetting#it was just a bad time all around#anyway rant in tags over#……..for now
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What is the point of a very specialized "watch" that costs the same amount as an actual smart watch (which have apps that theoretically do the same thing) but has fewer functions and isn't even very good at the one thing it's supposed to do?
#IT'S ALWAYS DISCONNECTING AT THE LEAST HELPFUL TIMES#my doctor recommended it because it's the only fda approved seizure detection device and the smartwatch apps aren't fda approved#even though they do the same thing and are in the same price range#this stupid fucking thing barely even tells time#the only times it's ever alerted were false alarms (petting a dog and shoveling the driveway)#the website warns that if theres 'thick fabric' between the device and your phone it might disconnect#which apparently translates to it refusing to connect if my phone is in my pants pocket or Im sleeping under a blanket#this thing has one job and it is terrible at it#I emailed the customer service people to ask for help and they were basically useless#I found a reddit page from FOUR YEARS AGO discussing my exact problem and it looks like nothing's changed#one of the commenters suggested the op just get a service dog instead which misses the point entirely#anyway unless anyone made it through this whole tag rant and has helpful suggestions I'll probably talk to my parents about switching#at least a smartwatch would function as a watch and count my steps or whatever#not that Im super thrilled about the concept of smartwatches overall but in this case it might be better than nothing#epilepsy
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this is from a couple nights ago and was j sitting in my drafts. figured i might as well post it. tw for mentions of the colorado shooting
#idk i cam on here to make a post about last night#where i met with one of my dads' friend from work to get some advice for [redacted]#we were in the city so we went to his place#and spoke to him and he introduced his husband to us and his dog was adorable#and the guy himself was wonderful and rlly helpful#and it had just been a good day overall#but over and above anything else#i was weirdly struck by how few real actual irl times i've seen like.#a functioning happy queer family?#like not in media but in real life#like they're just. regular guys. doing regular jobs. they have a dog.#they have a funky home with cool art and those dumb sv fizzy water tech bro drinks and snowflake projectors#my dad is ex colleagues / friends with one of them?? (like. technically i knew this but also. seeing it in real life was. hm)#idk it was a lot in a good way and in some way it gave me hope i didn't think i needed#like i consume LOADS of queer media#a decent chunk of which is pretty happy and positive!#and yet. it's not real#and also. i think we#or at least i#am so used to depressing queer stories that unless they're super horrific#or at least billed as that#the tragedy in them just doesn't register as concerning or sad?#and even if they have a happy endind#all the despair that leads up to it is just soo normal that i don't question it and it took seeing the opposite irl for me to even realize#that#anyways. i woke up this morning and turned on the news and was met by the news of the shooting n colorado#and i physically couldn't take it like. had to walk away leave the table sit in my room#and maybe it wa somehting with the contrast to my previous night#because i'm usually not that...emotional? about tragedies in general?#like i can acknowledge the horror and mourn but usually i'm not so hit by it personally
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