#at least its better than none?
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michael, meet the other michael!
#fnaf#faith the unholy trinity#michael afton#michael davies#crossover#fnaf 6 au#me doods#people always say that two heads are better than one but i don't think two michaels is better than one#at least its better than none?#one got a new friend that day the other a new fear and guess who got which lol#another silly doodle to the fnaf x faith crossover hehe
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I have a lot of fondness for clunky Hallmark Christmas romance movies with rock bottom production values, vaguely established and extremely contrived plots, dodgy dialgoue, often questionable line readings, and child actors playing a kid who seems either three years younger or older than themselves. Hallmark have not undermined themselves with glib, self aware irony or attempted to "elevate" the delightful low artform that they excel in. Refreshing, honestly.
#netflix could never#they are incapable of that level of earnest storytelling#for this specific kind of story at least#because they think they're better than it#hallmark knows that none of us are too good for a movie about an autistic marine biologist#who thinks her best friend's brother ghosted her after they hit it off at the friend/sister's wedding#and *tells him* that repeatedly to his face instead of not addressing it#and he's like 'I definitely replied ot your email! you ghosted me! but let's let bygones be bygones. It's The Holidays' for the whole movie#and the resolution is that it got saved in his drafts#amazing#what other studios are delivering this level of banal miscommunication#what other movies have b-plots about learning how to be good at talking to interns as well as seals?#where little kids read poems they wrote at a christmas parties that sound *exactly* like a little kid wrote them?#and not in the 'kids who haven't internalised cliche yet can write some beautiful lines' way#mystic christmas: would recommend to a friend#there are no supernatural elements btw#that's the name of the town#which literally could have been named anything because it doesn't seem to be important to the plot at all#and no one makes any plays on 'mystic' that relate to its literal meaning
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...
#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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on further reflection maybe it isn't out of character that i liked the kens over the barbies when a lot of the joke is how the barbies are all blandly nice and hypercompetent which as you may know is like my single most uninterested gender dynamic for fictional characters
#i shouldn't be saying any new opinions without rewatching the movie maybe fan response & hindsight is biasing me but it's like#oh you have men that are allowed to be silly and cringe but the women are all nice and have only minor surface level flaws? cool im bored#and the human characters honestly fall into a similar trope. the human women have *more* personality but still very little.#margot barbie as i remember her didn't really. have any flaws or do anything really wrong but she at least had desires#so she's *better* than the others. none of the other barbies except weird barbie are even distinguishable smh#i mean issa rae had the funniest jokes when she was allowed to speak but that's about it.#avpost#there's a reason the main barbies sequence i can remember is when they pretend to be stupid to get the kens to like mansplain to them#bc it was the one time the female characters were allowed to be like. silly. and not boring or trying to force an unearned serious beat.#unfortunately the idea of bad and/or cringefail women is antithetical to a movie like this but idk that's the characters i actually enjoy .#weird barbie could have at least been cringefail but she's still. hypercompetent too. :-/#idk maybe on repeated viewings ill catch more Subtle Flaw Nuance that makes the female characters less boring to me but#it just feels like based on what the movie was going for they were targeting all my personal least fave female character tropes#well meaning liberal babys first feminism media can fall into this trope of goofy men with competent nice women and its soooo dull.#like not always i have enjoyed my fair share of well meaning liberal baby's first feminism media. i have a soft spot 4 it.#but its usually things where the women have conflict *with each other*. or its horror media. so the women aren't all perfect/nice.
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sitting back after writing 3k words of a fic and thinking. what the hell is this
#ada speaks#if i say what ive written#this entire scenario is insane but. i guess im committed#it has been a very very long time since ive written mac and its like. allll coming out in a way i didn't really expect#i *almost* feel worse for what im putting him through than dennis. ....almost.#this shit is honestly so heavy i think i need a break but none of my other fics are light either lmfao#whats worse: hostage situation turned incredibly fucked up conversion therapy#or the most relentless barrage of awful truths realizing that your existence is nothing more than a burden on the people you love and#no matter how much you sacrifice and how hard you're beaten down you will never have anyone to lean on because even though youve finally#reached a point where you realize you have to open up to them they will never see you for who you truly are because of the years of lies#you've fed them#*wheeze*#okay i answered my own question actually this is the lighter fic comparatively#dennis is suffering in both but at least he has mac with him in the former for better or worse#north dakota dennis suffers and then season 13 on is the bleakest most hellish time like has dennis actually been close with the gang since
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venting dont mind me xp ✌
#if i dont get out of my parents house im going to die#either by my hand or my mothers#i refuse to be forced into the role of woman becuz my mother cant get over herself or accept other peoples suffering#so i either leave or i die#i am never more depressed than when im in this house and it gets worse everytime i return#every second of oeace is a facade careful held up by smiles and jokes while ignoring who i am to please others#and ignorjng the genuinely genocidal beliefs of my parents against myltple peoples#at least one of which includes me#why cant life be easy#when is it .y turn to tbrive#in this hluse i am no older than a middle schooler no more mature or happy#everyday i dream of relapsing sh-ing just for some control of the pain i experiemce something anything#maybe someone will finally listen to me and se ehow ioset i am see how smothered i am and the sting will pull me back down to earth again#but no who would see would understand#my brothers or my parents none of them would kniw why even if i said it to thwir face#i dint event even want to think of what my mother woukd say#shed use it as an excuse to further deny my transness surely#say how horribke and spirtful and manipulative i am against her#that i ddi it to hurt her#i am trapped as a doll in a house only allowed to be agreeable no politics no emotions other tan#contentness and love and adoration for my family#or else i am unloveavle and horrible and sick#i cannot tell my mom she has uoset me becuz it would be unfair i am silent instead#i am to take her anger and rage as a perfect recepticle and no matter how well i handle it#i am thanked with resentment amd scorn amd terfisms#i can neither disagree woth her beliefs nor avoid discussing them to keeo the oeace all she wants is comoliance#i refuse to do that tho ill take hee scorn on that one thing i refuse to xomprimise my beliefs verbally to save my own skin#ill just be quiet#im sure id be a better recepticle for her dead so she can dress me up as a girl one last time#the dead cant argue or disagree with you its everything she wants from me
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so sane. and normal.
tw // existentialism , derealisation , suicide ment , bright colours (?) for the drawing under the cut
(please dont read the text below too if youre not in a good state of mind)
#vent art#derealisation#ive been told how this story ends and im still naively hoping for a better one like the fool i am#sorry . god sorry i know i should be normal and better than this#thank you ghost and judas and em for grounding me through this insanity with the convos im#ripping my hair out . im going to get coffee so i can properly think about this and then promptly ignore it#more derealisation in tags#more vents ahead cause i cant fucking. fuck. if i dont present this somewhere itll be forgotten and wiped off by force#if theres the chance that one person sees this or that its etched into the internet - then theres no point in forcing to erase it off so i#get to keep this process#okay more vent ->#okay im 19. nothing much has addressed It. so that means i should live my life as I have#ignoring It completely right?#if It was a crucial part of my life; surely something about It would be mentioned by now. surely.#so it doesn't matter if It stares at me for every waking moment. it doesn matter if It plays a crucial role in what I am and how I exist#it doesnt matter if once It is ripped away#so will my existence#It doesn't matter that its Incomprehensible yet I am forced to comprehend it in every waking moment#it doesn't matter that It is extremely tied into my existence. it doesn't matter that if It is gone - i will be too - and it doesn't matter#that its logical to assume that#its logic and it makes no sense#none of this makes any sense#but im 19 now. nothing has associated itself to It. nothig resembles It.#i should ignore it#me when the incomprehensible horror makes me go insane if i dont acknowledge or process it at least once a week I Am Doomed As A Human Bein#i will never be able to feel connected to living. i will never be able to feel connected to other people#pathetic ass life i need to get better at living actually AUAUUAAAAAAAAAAA
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I have been non-existent balls deep in pinterest finding masc makeup tutorials video recently and have come to the conclusion that it honestly kinda sucks there are only tutorials made by and for white people who are already pretty attractive
#like. their eyes makeup doesn't work on me because my eyelid isnt like them#their jawlines are already pretty sharp. sharper than me at least my face is very round irl#I mean. at least it helped a little! tried it yesterday and its better than nothing!! I could figure it out myself if I keep trying#so I'm not saying having only them is bad. better than having none at all sure. just wish I see one that would work with me specifically#like a bonus thing yknow
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...i have learned more about the batman canon/dc universe against my will and i think i get it now
i think i get why everyone is angry
because right now?
right now i'm furious
#congrats whoever has been running dc because now i HATE batman and its your fault#motherfucker is ON. MY. SHITLIST.#right at the TOP#just below the joker and just above The Bat Who Laughs because at least that second motherfucker HAD AN EXCUSE#i want to kill the bat i want to kill the bat i want to KILL the bat#honestly i think the only reason ANY of us like batman anymore is because we don't know/remember this comic bullshit#and none of the movies or games GET THAT FAR because they only have a few hours of run time to do so in#this is like the fictional version of Never Meet Your Heroes/ Favorite Celebrities#this also kind of explains why everyone fucking hates batman beyond#because it STARTS OFF in the aftermath of a lot of this bullshit and so can't handwave it away as easily#it basically triggers the entire goddamn fandom that IS aware of this bullshit and i Get That Now#which makes WHY i liked it so much fucking ironic as shit#i was too traumatized to believe in the wholesome shit#so one that went 'you were a shit tier man and that affected your heroing but i'll be BETTER than YOU' made more sense#fuck you DC my canon now - we're starting from scratch and i'm flushing most of this shit down where it belongs
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having a low literacy skill is just going insane over the most basic dots to connect. like ah yes, Jack Aubrey falling for a mining scheme matches with his misfortune at land, i am a genius.
#i am at least better at reading now than i was 3 years ago and even thought im still not that good at it#im proud of my progress#but i am constantly under the impression i am missing deeper themes even if there are none#but mark my words one day deeper themes and symbolism won't fly over my head#and then its over for you all#look a talking muffin
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An odd criticism/nitpick I have of Miraculous, is that for magical pieces of jewelry, the Miraculouses are at best bland.
Like the Bee and Tiger Miraculous look quite good, but every other one looks soooo boring
Miraculous Ladybug is a show thematically embedded with Fashion. It takes place in Paris, one of the world centres of fashion. Several characters in the show (Gabriel, Chloe, Marinette, Zoe, Juleka, Adrien, Audrey Bourgeois, etc) either work in the fashion industry, have shown great interest in the fashion industry, or are straight up fashion designers. Miraculous is also heavily inspired from Magical Girl Anime and Manga, a subgenre known for superfluous costuming and highly detailed-feminine clothing.
And what do we get at their magical jewels? C-grade level plastic toys that look like they came out of a Kinder Surprise.
#miraculous critical#honestly i can go on a whole rant about the fashion as a whole#its (the fashion) is almost everything wrong with early 2010s fashion with none of the good#at least it didn't suffer from the god awful layering trend#it just doesnt make sense to me to make fashion a theme in a show in which the medium is heavily inequiped for it#they could have done anything else:#art music theatre architecture#but noo do the one thing thats actively hostile to a 3D action show tv budget#the PV ladybug and chat noir Miraculouses look sooo much better than the current one#i get why they changed cats#but ladybugs??#rambles#ohh boy here comes a bunch of tags#Sailor Moon was refrencing Gucci and Dior what does Miraculous have#the dragon??? 🤮😫#the dog miraculous😭🤢#Miraculous#miraculous salt
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People bitching that fanfic, a hobby, isn't as good as published work with teams of paid professionals behind it are so fucking stupid what's next walking into a soccer field of adults playing the game and telling them they're shit at sports, if they don't play like David Beckham and get his wage too they're becoming Worse At Soccer and they best get onto a professional team lest they lose their legs from playing So Bad??
Congrats on thinking hobbies and paid jobs/professions is the same, now can people have their hobbies without them being compared to works that still come out dogshit despite having a team or alleged professionals behind them? At least when my fanfic is shit it's because the only one who looked at it was me, what the fuck is the excuse published authors have to write such crap when they have teams of professional editors?
#winters ramblings#deadass this is why i consider at least good fic better than bad published lit. like yeah if a fiv has problems#its because MAYBE 3 people total read it over to edit it and none of them got paid#books have MASSIVE teams and marketing campaigns behind them and every New York Times Best Seller STILL sucks#but mostly WHY are you acting like a HOBBY should be treated the same as a PROFESSION#like buddy lmao WHY the fuck would you even compare a HOBBY to a PROFESSION??!?#like fuckin congrats when people show you their art do you tell them they arent picaso so they should never paint again??#miserable person behavior
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i am. making a mistake
#my posts#im. very depressed. in a bad state. and also ill and unsure if im actually becoming feverish. and its midnight#i. am struggling emotionally and with a class and with motivation and i guess im also underwhelmed#like i have. shit to do. and things id rather be doing. im doing none im just sitting there feeling useless#i. just told a classmate i didnt start my assignment at all yet not even read the material#and he said it makes sense you were a bit sick im sure youll feel better and be able to do it#and i told him that hes wrong bc i would have been able to at least read the material before getting sick#and that if i was doing okay i would still be in the same situation#i. i dont. think i should be having this conversation with him#i dont. know why im doing this. i want to kms#i mean he has talked to me once when he was struggling he broke the mental illness barrier but i dont think i should be passing it either#i feel like i should stop saying whatever the fuck i am saying idk why i started idk if its too late for that#editing my tags to ad more bc i dont want to make another postabout this#yes i made a mistake. idk how to reply without going further into the conversation#'you could do what you told me and do the text to speech thing you sometimes do when you struggle to focus' my guy. my man. i cant#idk what to tell him that isnt an 'i cant even start that i can only open the documents i cant do more than that' i made a mistake#idk how to lie my way out of this idk how to just say 'yeah i should do that' or something and thats it#i mean i guess i do want to have someone to tell them how im actually doing but i dont. think its the right thing to do#also i want to throw up and cry and die and if i knew where our thermometers were id check my temperature#yeah my brain is barely working so since i feel my options are actually answer or ask him to forget i asked#i am asking him to forget i asked#i do feel awful and stupid but i dont think actually replying is good and i dont have another way to do so
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honestly this is going to be controversial but after our dad told us quite a few stories about smaller dog actively trying to provoke and bite his lab mix (uve heard of him) to the point an incident happened that made him way more on edge around other dogs since... we think that we need to start to be more critical of small dog owners who dont train them because if a big lab mix like our sweet big boy meant to actually hurt their dog for growling and trying to attack him trust us we would not let our sweet boy be put down because some idiot did not train their dog to not actively attack other dogs because they think its ok cause their dog is small. train ur small dog cause even a generally gentle and well trained bigger dog (like our dad's lab mix) can snap if provoked enough.
#canções do rei#sorry were fuming about what our dad told us about this guy just letting his three smaller dogs try to gang up on our sweet big boy#now hes way more skittish around other dogs and bit two one today#and no none of those two dogs got hurt he just grabbed them and shook them then dropped them#we know its a trauma response and want to work through it#for his safety and the safety of other dogs#but its awful to think that it all goes back to one guy who didnt train his dogs and just expected ours to be calm all through all that#even tho the poor thing was terrified according to our dad who was there#idk its just frustrating to see how this guy's neglect of his dogs affected our dog by traumatizing him#we will delete this later#and if u read this: dont u fucking dare say anything mean about our lab mix hes been sweet to everyone including all other dogs#even ones that were mean to him up until that incident him becoming more aggressive as a trauma response isnt his fault#and we want to put him in a dog hotel that has trainers for a bit to see if we can at least find a management plan for this issue#why a dog hotel? cheaper than hiring a trainer to go home#plus we can visit him there anyway if he needs us for comfort if hes nervous#hes still very good with people just more on edge with other dogs so having trainers who know better how to deal with this around will help#hopefully
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i love my best friend. he never makes fun of me for "eating" words or for misspelling homophonic words (just earlier i wrote piece when i wanted to write peace)
#fyi i am incredibly dyslexic... my brain sometimes misses all the stop signs#my family knows better than ask me for the time. it doesnt matter if it is an analogous or digital clock#itll be at least a minute before i give you an incorrect answer#i have a system for reading papers where i use different highlighters for different things#blue is for authors intent#pink is for important methodology step#green is for results related to that step#yellow for acronyms i need to remember#the first read is always the most painful but i manage#also thats why i never write ids for my own art. it would be kind of a disservice lmao#id love to show you my notes sometimes its all colors and doodles#thankfully none of my professors give a shit. god bless em#tessas txt
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something else im not a fan of for the new covers is that nothing on it indicates anything at all about the story. im already not a fan of them not using official art at all, and the text isnt even reminiscent of the series, but i kinda vaguely recognized milly's gun and barely saw meryl's gun there. volumes #4-6 don't exactly revolve around those two, and i feel less so with #7-9 for legato's thingy. it's nice its not yellow and blue anymore, but it looks like dark horse focuses too hard on making it similar to the prev deluxe editions, but also saw that hellsing's cover got the colors trigun probably wouldve had first.
dark horse deluxe covers really like that bare minimum style, but trigun apparently doesnt even have that iconic of a symbol (but idk the other two series and how recognizable the other two are, esp w hellsing's just being a cross lol), so they cycle every cover, which makes it feel different from the other dark horse series.
the only feature for this version is
which just makes it a giant version of the originals with a hardcover, but people want it because its an oop series and there's not much of another option.
i just kind of think it sucks these released editions are $50+ when there arent any other accessible books. i think dark horse even reprinted hellsing singles w/o any update later so that also sucks
idk how much these editions covered, but dark horse totally couldve just done a hardcover edition of these since this deluxe trigun is just a new cover and ribbon. its like they want praise for bringing back a classic series, but are hitting u over the head w the fact they published it, but also dont wanna do too much work
#personal#yea yea my 100th 'not a fan of dark horse deluxe covers' post. unless they do reveal more features#obviously i recognize milly's gun but those two dont get as much attention as they deserve in the manga. and meryl's i feel is more iconic#for the ridiculous amount of guns so putting one feels silly lol.#and tbc my only problem w ashita no joe is the price and that its the first english version. they at least used art and probably put more#work into it. when trigun apparently isnt getting an update (and fans are doing it for free)#they literally couldve just done a reprint... of either edition bc deluxe is just a new cover that removes the art#if u dont have any books this is better than none but also it feels like. way less than they could do. esp compared to others
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