#as long as u dont look at it from the back
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Angel - Paige bueckers
part 2
• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}
• warnings {smut}
• comment if you would like to be added to the taglist
bellas’s pov
paige
- you wanna come over
what. the. fuck. yes, yes i do. but i don’t want to be ‘just another girl’ to her
fuck
bella
- why
- don’t you have other girls to fuck
i know that sounds rude, but its true. i’m not gonna get used by that tall, blonde, gorgeou-
wait, what am i saying.
paige
- i want u tho
fuck. should i go?
no i shouldn’t, yes i should, no, yes, no, yes
bella
- i’m straight
i mean, its the truth. i guess
paige
- you sure angel
no i’m not sure, also call me angel again. fuck
bella
- i’m sure
i’m not
paige
- then why don’t i believe you
cause its not true
bella
- you should
- cause its true
paige
- i don’t wanna believe it
fuck.
bella
- goodnight
“fuck” i scream into my pillow, thank god Avery is at Jakes tonight.
should i go
no
yes
ugh.
i cant stop thinking about her, for the past hour my favourite activity hasn’t been executed because of this tall, blonde, gorgeous girl.
fuck. im gonna regret this
bella
- whats your dorm number
paige
- 354
bella
- coming
i quickly put on some mascara and change into sweats and a hoodie. this is fucked
i start walking (running) to paige’s
i’m gonna regret this
“i knew you would change your mind” paige says, while opening her door. fuck she looks good, she has changed into a white t-shirt and boxer shorts. fuck
“shut up” i say, smashing my lips to hers, wrapping my arms around her neck and she grips my waist.
after a couple minutes, her tongue begins to explore my mouth and i let out a soft moan and she lets out a soft chuckle in response.
without breaking the kiss, she begins leading us to her room
i’m gonna regret this. i’ve never done anything with a girl before, i want to, but its my first time. i guess i’m nervous
paige throws me on her bed and kneels on-top of me, taking me in.
“you still straight” she says smugly. fuck i hate her
“i dont know” i say breathlessly, fuck i hate how vulnerable i’m being right now
she laughs, literally laughs in response.
“i think your straight” she says, at the same time taking off my hoodie.
fuck i didn’t wear a bra
“no bra princess” she says, smirking at me
fuck.
“its for you” i say, shocked at my own confidence, why am i so confident, i wasn’t 5 seconds ago
“good girl” she says, latching onto my left side and massaging my right nipple.
fuck. call me good girl again
i let out soft, breathy moans and she hums in response.
dont get me wrong, i love what shes doing. but i want her downstairs, you get me.
“paige” i say, almost out of breath
“yes baby” she says, still attached to my skin
“can you touch me” i say, almost begging
she moves from her old position and she is now extremely close to my face “where do you want me to touch you princess”
folded
i take her hand and move it to my core
she raises her eyebrows and begins to take off my sweats, painfully slow.
i let out an agitated grunt, and she doesn’t speed up. is she truing to kill me
after 3 hours, my sweats are off and she spots the wet patch on my panties. fuck. thats embarrassing
i cover my face in sheer embarrassment and she tears them away.
she starts to touch the wet patched formed and lets out an accomplished sigh.
“paige please, stop teasing”
she begins to take my panties off, with her teeth. fuck i’m dead.
my pussys glistening from my wetness and i want to die. why is she doing this to me
“so wet angel” she says, admiring me
i let out a moan, extremely annoyed by how long this is taking
she gats the hint and begins lowering her tongue to me.
“oh my god” i moan, shamelessly arching my back
flattening her tongue and licking up and down my folds, she hums against my core. i cant stop moaning
she moves to my entrance and begins teasing, and a string of pornographic moans come from my mouth.
she begins to pump her tongue in and out of my entrance, while looking up at me. fuck
“fuck paige, my clit please” i say, begging
“desperate slut, aren’t you?” she says, cocking her head up at me and i cant help but moan at that comment.
she attacks my clit and moves two of her fingers up to my mouth. fuck
“fuck paige, fuck fuck fuck fuck” i moan
“suck” she demands
i try my best to suck her long, skinny fingers but its probably a shitty attempt.
she moves her fingers from my mouth and moves them to my entrance. shit
“paige fuck” i scream as she enters me, mouth still on my clit. my hands are in her hair, pushing her down
she curls her fingers, hitting my g spot exactly and i cant stop moaning, borderline screaming.
“fuck paige, im close” i say, barley getting the words out
“cum for me angel” and those words send me over the edge. i feel myself tense around her fingers, and my back arching more that i thought i ever could, paige helps me ride out my climax
“fuck” she says, laying down next to me, im completely out of breath
“ok, you can go now” she says, facing me
i shouldn’t have done this.
#paige bueckers x reader#paige bueckers headcannons#paige bueckers smut#paige bueckers fic#paige bueckers#uconn#uconn wbb#uconn huskies#uconn women’s basketball
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ꨄ MAKE IT UP . 𓂃 ㅤ۫ ㅤ⊹
— c.s. series | part 1 . .
pairing :: chris sturniolo x fem!oc
summary :: in which isabella decantis has to share a dorm room with her high school enemy, chris sturniolo.
word count :: 1,390 k
warnings :: swearing, angst (??), lowercase intentioned, 3rd person, chris is a dick, drinking, throwing up, fluff if u squint, n thats it
a/n :: yall r crazy for getting tense to 800 notes 😭😭 i love u guys all dearly. also the story line is js smth i ended up doing on c.ai and i thought it was realy good so 😁 also credits to maxine for the name she said she wouldnt read this if i didnt give her credits
COLD was what amber-eyed isabella decantis felt while walking down the long hallway. after waiting for weeks and even months, she had finally gotten accepted into her dream college. the brunette girl looked down at the small folded paper to know which dorm was hers. to her surprise, the hallway was empty on move in day. she knew how hard had been working and how much money she paid to get one of the dorms that have a private bathroom. she knew she deserved this.
‘ROOM 617’ was said on the small sign on the door. isabella put her boxes down after struggling to carry them for almost 10 minutes. she excitedly took out the key to unlock the door, but it was already open. bella raised her eyebrow slightly, a bit shocked that her dorm mate would already be here. she opened the door slowly while letting out a soft, “hello?”
her amber eyes met with blue eyes. “uhm.. what the fuck are you doing here?” chris mumbled, getting up from his bed. isabella’s jaw clenched as she looked back down at the folded paper. “this is room 617?” she spoke with anxiety laced into her tone. “are ya’ blind?” the brunette boy spoke coldly. “no because if i was, i wouldn’t already know that im gonna have to be with you.” she spat as she kicked her boxes filled with clothes and other things into the room.
bella picked up the few boxes and placed them on top of her bed. the room now completely silent, she took a box knife that she had in her purse and started to open the boxes up. “cant fucking believe im gonna have to be stuck with you for the entire year.” chris mumbled under his breath, thinking that isabella couldn’t hear him when in reality she did. “well we both wouldn’t be pissed off if you didn’t bully me through all of high school, wouldn’t we sturniolo?” isabella snapped.
“well thats what you deserve for being all slutty n shit when you fucked every guy in school decantis.” he argued back, not even looking up from his phone. bella paused from packing to turn to chris. her hands rested on her love handles. “excuse you! your the one who played every girl in bell borne! remember lizzy? yeah, you fucked around with her for a bit and then you cheated on her with her sister.” she retorted with frustration laced into her words. “but ohhh, no remember that one time when you cheated on her sister with her bestfriend?” bella continued, pissed off that chris was probably not even listening.
“oh please bella! you sent nudes to basically all of the guys during junior and senior year. dont act all innocent and act like you didn’t do anything.” chris finally snapped as he put his phone down. “jesus christ and you fucked how many guys in the bathroom?” he didn’t stop there. “don’t be coming after me sayin shit like im a player when you were a slut too.” he finally stopped. isabella rolled her eyes, turning her back to chris. “oh so now what? when i finally say the truth you stay quiet? is that what hurts you to know bella?” he taunted.
“that’s because its all a shitty humor chris! i didn’t fuck anybody in any bathroom, i didn’t send nu— well i sent nudes to my boyfriend.. i didnt send nudes to any other guy but him!” she defended herself while throwing her hands up with mercy. “for fucks sake chris you’re just like your ex girlfriend. she was such a fucking dick. you know you were nicer in eighth grade but when you started to date her during the summer you became a prick. guessing you also played her then?” bella added, tilting her head to the side slightly while crossing her arms. after a few seconds of awkwardness, isabella knew chris was finally silenced, atleast for now.
bella turned back to her things and continued to unpack everything. she carefully placed things on top of the shelfs next to her bed. her dainty crystals, her box of tarot cards, her little jewelry box, everything that she had loved. but it wasn’t too soon until the silence started to kill her. she then remembered that he had brought her vinyl player along with two or three records. the brunette girl carefully opened the book that held them, then taking them out. happily, isabella plugged in the vinyl player and putting on a mac demarco record on to play. chris groaned quietly as the music started to fill the room. “jesus what is this shit?” he asked while getting up from his bed to turn off the music.
“its music…” bella mumbled, quickly turning it back on. “well yeah it sounds depressing, who listens to that kinda stuff.” chris argued as he turned it back off. the girl pouted slightly. “people who listen to mac demarco?? if its bothering you so much then get out while i finish unpacking.” she shrugged. chris didn’t give her an audible reply, instead just simply putting his shoes on and leaving the room. isabella let out a small sigh of relief, thankful she had the room to herself now for a while.
. . . .
isabella was now in her nicely made bed comfortably. her wired earbuds connected to her phone which played music softly into her pierced ears. she hummed to herself quietly once she noticed the time. 1:03am. the brunette girl couldn’t actually help but feel a little bit worried about where he was. but of course, she quickly brushed it off and enjoyed how cozy she was currently. soon enough, a loud thud hit the door. isabella’s eyebrow raised slightly while lazily getting out of bed.
the brunette walked over to the door, taking out one earbud while opening it. her eyes met chris’ eyes. his hair stook out everywhere and some of it stuck to his forehead, his hand holding a bottle of something, his eyelids droopy, and his scent reeking of alcohol and his cheap cologne. “jesus what did you do?” bella asked while moving to the side to let chris in. “mmmhh” he rather giggled. he belly-flopped onto his bed and wiggled around on it for a while, bella assuming he was trying to get comfortable. “are you.. drunk?” she asked, crossing her arms. “don’t be ridicu-lush.. ‘m not that drunk.” he slurred while continuing to giggle like a baby.
isabella hesitated, but she grabbed the bottle that was in his grasp. “jesus! vodka chris?” she groaned in annoyance. he let out a small hiccup in reply that kinda made her laugh. isabella just watched him wriggle around in his bed before his body shot up. “what now?” she mumbled. “im gonna throw up.” chris groaned as he quickly ran to the bathroom that was connected to the dorm. the brunette girl ran after the boy as he kneeled down in-front of the toilet to throw up. isabella who had emetophobia, was also not doing well. her fingers lightly held chris’ front pieces of hair back with one hand patting his back gently, trying not to look at the throw up.
“there ya go..” she whispered quietly. after he was done doing his thing, isabella grabbed a plastic cup and filled it up with tap water. “here, drink some water.” the brunette said, then flushing the toilet. chris gladly took the cup of water and took little sips. “feel better?” she asked as she leaned against the sink counter, looking down at chris on the floor. “hm, i think ‘m still drunk.” he admitted, putting the cup down. isabella hummed quietly, nodding her head as she stuck out a hand to help chris up. “get some sleep.” she suggested while walking chris back into the room. “m’kay..” he babbled while quickly flopping back on his bed.
the amber-eyed girl turned off the bathroom lights then walked over to her bed. she had also decided to go to sleep. isabella turned off her lamp and put her phone to charge. her body slid underneath her sheets and blankets. she heard chris snore like a truck, “great.” she thought. honestly though, she didn’t mind it that much. after staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, she quickly fell asleep.
a/n ;; STARTING MY FIRST SERIES 🙀🙀🙀 this might be a bit messy for the first part but i do hope u guys enjoyed it!!
taglist :: @espressomads @mattsluttywaist @sturniol0s @luverboychris
#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x fem!oc#chris sturniolo x you#chris sturniolo angst#light angst#fluff if you squint#matt sturniolo#nick sturniolo#chrissfawn#matt sturniolo x you
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GUYSSSSSSSSS
Im looking for this one fic i stumbled upon on tumblr but like it was a link to AO3. PLS NOTE I DONT SHIP GOJO X YUJI BUT IF U ATTACK ME FOR THIS POST YOU WILL BE BLOCKED. NO HATE WILL BE TOLERATED. If u dont ship them but hate on ppl who do , take yourself on a walk cos no one cares. These are fictional characters that we watch for entertainment theres no need to be sensitive.
Anyway it WAS a gojo x yuji fic but i didnt know at the time that it was AND IT WAS THE BEST PIECE OF LITERATURE I'VE EVER LAID MY EYES ON.
I will think abt this fic till the day i die , it has taken a piece of my soul and will forever have it.
It started off with Gojo being unsealed and like before he was sealed him and Yuji was in a secret relationship but when Gojo was unsealed he lost his memories about everything that happened like 2 years prior or like from the time he met Yuji Anyway Yuji runs up to him and hugs him and Gojo like freezes and is like "are you one of my students??" , and Yuji is like absolutely devastated.
Then Yuji spends like the rest of the fic like doing all the things that he used to do for Gojo.
Apparently before he was sealed and when they were together Yuji used to bake his favorite flavored peach cake ( i think ) and now in the present Gojo is like "How did you know???".
But then Gojo decided to be an asshole and kiss Utahime for a reason that i forgot and yuji sees that cos for some reason Gojo called him and told him to meet him at the bridge where he kissed her .
Then like Gojo spends most of his time sleeping and at the end of the fic it was revealed that he slept so much because he used to "dream" abt Yuji but in reality it was just him getting flashbacks frm before he was sealed and their relationship.
He was like "sleep is the only way i got to experience having you" or smth like that. And at the end he got his memories back and all that uk the usual.
But god the way it was written i know for a fact god spent extra time on the author cos theres no damn way.
The fic itself thou was really long and took me like an hour to read through my tears.
Anyway PLEASE HELP ME FIND IT IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT FOR AGES
Oh by the way in this fic i think Gojo was like 2 years older then Yuji so it isnt like a weird age gap type shit.
Ive tried looking in my search history but still nada🙁🙁
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#geto suguru#nanami kento#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#gojo x reader#gojo x yuji#ao3 fanfic#daddys home#ryomen sukuna x reader#suguru x reader smut#jjk x reader smut#pls help#im going insane
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woooowwww wowowowowwwww its that guy. the dude. its my special lil guy!!
uuhh i did this because. i thought the album art for the 1998 anime looked kinda like. the sonic adventure pose. and it was SUPPOSED! to just be a shit post. and then i got
𝒸𝒶𝓇𝓇𝒾𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝓌𝒶𝓎!!
Trimax version
TriStamp version
#art#my art#digital art#Digital Illustration#fanart#trigun#trigun 98#trigun 1998#Vash the Stampede#goddddd this took me way too long lmaooo#i been busy sobb#i am not gonna lie i kinda wanna redraw it for both trimax and tristamp#but im not super sure abt it well see#i dont think itd take as long as this did#the worst part abt art imo is color i just cant do it its too hard i struggle too much i hope u cant tell i gave up on it LOL#i was literally like im done w the colors now i just gotta do bg and showed the colored vers to my mom and she was like 😬#WHAT!! WHAT DOES THAT FACE MEAN!! the colors clash really bad... it doesnt look very good.... love the lineart but the colors...... not it#the defeat in my soul#so i redid it and i redid the shading and the style and said then got back to the colors and stole them from one of my favorite paintings#and then ended up puttin a filter on em sobb#i got the colors from rosalyn drexlers chubby checker fyi#cos i mentioned i stole em might as well say from where#i like her art#idk if her arts surreal but its a lil weird its my type#actually i think its pop? idk im not good at tellin that stuff#dont ask me what happened to the bottom of the text it got cropped off on accident n i noticed too late n was too lazy to fix it#i will not change#anyways thats the post sorry for ramblin so much in the tags loll im tired i havent slept in oof a while
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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed
#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant#its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things#we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an#me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could#feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly#accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore#what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back#with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used#to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting#for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our#bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70#yapping#vent
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as i'm workin on my Ancient stuff- i've got to say that it is really interesting and neat (read: nasty) that there's a good chance most of the Ancient population probably didn't actually wear masks. but We think they did cuz the only really solid evidence of what they looked like at all all comes from places of the higher social circles. and those strived for religious... superiority, i guess. brownie points, not actual dedication to the religion for the sake of its teachings but either because it made them look good, put them higher in the social hierarchy or whatever manipulation have you (or the flawed look upon the religion aka "we gotta get out of this cycle no matter what")
all we are left with are the bastards. the simple people and their cultures that were left to weather the Iterators' rains were simply washed away. nobody cared for their way of life- as long as it served the higher circles well and they stayed submissive (enough so that at the end everyone would take a dip in the void), nobody had to give a singular shit
just how much do we not know about the Ancients' *everything* because of this disregard? how much do we think we are right about, when such is true only for the small but privileged piece of the species?
#Spot says stuff#rw#which is why i -goes insane over oc lore again-#VIVA LA REVOLUCIÓN BAYBEEEEEE#this came to me cuz like. sparrows is very much a Bruh girl. shes a yeehaw if you know what i mean. shes kinda stumpy cuz she grew up in-#-the farms of Euros' facilities n had to haul things around. ancients from the iterator cities? or the ones on the murals? very much dont-#-look like that nah. theyre like twigs without any muscle to hold their bellies in some kinda form so they look like That. the masks-#-themselves originally became a thing for religious reasons. what reason would a farm girl have to wear a mask while workin in the fields?#yanno? it sounds mostly impractical. n down there they prolly werent such religious nutcases like the ''Higher Ones''#sparrows' granda would have some choice words bout her havin a mask now JKVLDSMLKC he constantly complains about Euros cuz like#he remembers what it was like before Euros was turned on- man had an iterator rain free childhood n now he has to deal with This bullshit#''back in M'day we didnt hefta be runnin fro' some rain generated by an overgrown *Toaster*!!! we played in da grass for however long-#-we wished!!! sure aye it was standin there n overshadowin us from time to time but-" ''ya ya we kno granda settle down before u pull smth'#iterators r so fucking terrifying
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I have wanted to wear crop tops during the summer for years and years and for so many reasons never felt like I could/should but y'know? Dammit this summer I am going to enjoy the sun and wear a fuckin crop top
Every single butch out there doing the lord's work inspiring my confidence and many of them with my body shape and I can dedicate myself to strength training because it's /fun/ and I want to see what I'm capable of and I like the feeling of power and who give a shit if I am still square and broad and sasquatchy and working out literally only ever bulks me up and never slims me in the slightest
#this is not like a logical conclusion perhaps#but i have been thinking sm about bodies!!!#and how i want to like mine#and if i cant like it for the way it looks i want to like it for what it can do#and im so into butches with my body type so why cant i be into me!!! fr!!! like!!!#anyway gonna really work the upper body to offset the hips and so i can CARRY LARGE ITEMS#plus core work is already what im doing for my hip misalignment#and im okay to add weighs as long as it doesnt hurt my joint#so!!! strong girl!!! farm??? coming to you summer 2024#I LOVE THE SUN I DONT NEED TO HIDE MY BODY FROM IT#gym bros want what i have. rarely eats meat. builds muscle fairly easily#Idk man. like its not TONED muscle. but its EFFECTIVE#god i miss being strong#i am going to start tracking what i can lift#do an 8 week bodyweight to get back in general shape#and then proper lifting my beloved#the duality of fran#anyway u heard it here folks changing your everyday bra to sports and tank bras so u dont hate urself#literally mindset changing#also genuinely enjoy the stiff feeling the day after a workout. feels good. feels organic
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does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians
#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic#im just like. tired of gnawing#and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get#content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky#young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me#im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing &#digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances#m text#i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story#not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a#lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out#bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples#and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified#(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right)#and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here#(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh)#I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost.#anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein#out as lesbian#like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has#to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic)#meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just#and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so#yknow. personal viewer bias here#but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian#and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out#but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough.#im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes#I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY.#like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'
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I would like. To be in mutual love
#rant#yeah...#...........................................................................................................................................#look its like this. im chronically ill. i know its not totally up to me i cant go out 1-3 times a week trying ro meet ppl. i know i#cant even eat some days my tummy too upset. cant work some days cant even sit up. can barely keep up witj friends i already have#and i know the being drained wont get better. i might be this sick forever. and i know im prioritizing my own art over#meetjng strangers. thats a choice. i know its my own fault im lonely. i also just. i wanna build a relationship#that long term where u meet and become friends then best friends then fall in love and hey if ur lucky marry ur best friend#and i know that wont come from forcing myself on dates w ppl i dont like. i know no ones ever liked me before#i know i havent felt attraction in years anyway. i miss having a crush. but i suppose itd be sad anyway. to crush and not be liked back#to feel ill need to wait another 5 years for another rare crush. i dont believe in fate i dont think. so i might not ever#kiss someoje i like. i might not get lucky and hold a crushs hand. spend months or years with someone like that#i just. i hate so much romance isnt like skills. i cant just date 1x a week until i run into love#i cant even find 1 person a month to crush on let alone ask out. cause the feelings are luck too#luck of who u run into even if u go tl events. even wuen i had 10k tinder matches the only date#the only person who respjded. was someone with a gf who didnt have much in common with me and me not mucj w them and it#was just not enough click to even make a friend#god it makes me sad. id like to kiss someone special. hold their hand. hear em talk hours#i have friends and love em but i dont wanna kiss a friend. i just dont feel romancy very much.
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*walking with a friend and a guy my friends befriended (he seems okay? weird humour but cool ig) talking abt falling out of windows*
me: there's actually a word for throwing someone out of a window in english. defenestration
guy, quite weirded out (i think from his voice, his face is like. he's literally twice as tall as me i ain't looking that far up): why? do you just know that??
me: .... Reasons. (chronically on tumblr and weirdly informed abt strange topics)
#a biscuit's rambles#hes not yet desentisised to me saying random weird ass shit ranging from mildly concerning to 'what kind of illegal sites are you on'#and its soooooo funny#i randomly offered them sugar and he looked So wonderfully confused (i am known for randomly handing out sugar packets among my friends)#thus started a contest (well its been 2 days so far) of carries the most random shit in their pockets#so far im winning with my embroidery thread and tealight (which i did not pocket specifically to have something weird in my pocket)#its very funny. its absolutely hilarious. he has no idea what im like and is so utterly unprepared#maybe i do like him (was unsure up until uhhh yesterday when we first properly talked)#(idk he has a sense of humour i kinda. Do Not Like and ive no idea where he came from so i was like. i dont personally need to get to know#him. like good for my friends buuuut. also hes like 2m tall that is freaky as fuck. BUt he seems a chill dude so maybeeeee)#(first impressions and all of that jazz. u dont gotta like everyone. but u might. lmao)#no but for real if im standing anywhere close to him i literally have to tilt my head back as far as can go to look at his face. its weird#no hate to him or tall people i just come from a long line of small people and moderately sized friends this seems Wrong lmao
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I am coming to the realization i have been slowly killing myself with work i think oops
#m thinking now and im like#i havent read ... anything consistently .. or watched anything .. or had time to like do anything#in genuinely so long#and i was like kinda becoming ok w it#my brain issues .. nothing matters i dont need anything all i need is me i dont need to have anyone or anything with me <- bad. stop it#part of this was the i need my dad to be proud of me braincell but well i win award i have 4.0 gpa and he still yell at me#deciding now to stop caring so much (i still do but ill ignore it) i need 2 be alive again i dont care#im so mad i dont even know .. im so viscerally angry like actually i dont even know what to do with that lmfao#my brother does shit all and u give him sm slack have NEVER treated him as bad as youve treated me#and nothing i do NOTHING is good enough or changes how u look at me#like idk he called me and i cried so much i got so fucking upset i fhkdhdkf ok. ok.#he will b like omg im so proud of u i love u so much ive always believed in u and i just think back to when#he yelled at me once like fiiive years ago and i was like u just make me feel so worthless all the time#and he was like yeah bc you are worthless#and im like hmmm idk bestie i dont think youve ever changed from looking at me like that and it is insanely obvious lmao#i dont even know bro im crazy. m insane got given an inch and tried to take a mile like omg i can actually be recognized as worth something#nevermind ill stop killing myself for that pipe dream now lol#m not even upset im just mad lmao i dont wanna hate my dad and i dont but every day i feel more and more like i should#vent
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#yesterday i was wandering around the campus where ive resided these last 4 years bc ive banned myself from running until my leg heals#and i was thinking like. what am i gonna miss about this place when i leave? bc im always thinking abt the things i cant wait to get away#from. and its a real short list. ill miss the palm trees bc i never get sick of seeing thrm. theyre so weird#ill miss the yucca. again bc theyre so weird looking. ill miss the way u can see where all the ants r bc in the non human populated areas#there isnt grass everywhere bc desert. ill miss that there r so many birds of prey hanging around. and the road runners and all the lil#lizards. and maybe in an abstract way ill miss being so close to the boarder bc when u live near a boarder boarders feel like bullshit#like staring down the road into another country. idk theres something i like abt that. ill probably also miss being able to run outside#all year long bc in the winter during the day all u need is a light jacket lol. where im going it gets real cold 🥶#maybe ill even miss the constant blue skies. but idk ive always liked a cloudy sky better. makes me think of home haha#ill def miss how convenient my apartment rn is. the loft bed. the low cost. the 5min walk to campus. sigh. but thats pretty much it. i#dont think ill miss anything else. im not really close with anyone. my boss was the reason i came here and she left this school in January#so thats it i guess. i think i stayed a year too long and was not well for a lot of my time here but so it goes#just gotta move to the next place. just gotta pray pray pray that i find an apartment soon. i dont even wanna say anything abt it bc im#afraid to jinx things. even tho thats irrational. like. i just gotta somehow project how good a tenant i am. im so quiet u will never see#me and i never complain abt anything bc i have brain problems. sigh. i cant wait for this transition to b over#im so so so ready to be in a new place doing new things. but at least my energy is back. im back to high energy on little sleep lol#i dont understand how my body functions lmao. somehow when i get a normal amount of sleep it's a sign that i feel awful#unrelated
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again, in tags, and dec 18 tw
#i know ppl sensationalize 'let me out' way more than 'elevator' because its much more on the nose#even in the title#and like it has 2x as many listens on spotify so i know ppl are just listening to it cuz theyre like oh what is this#but bro#if depression is part of ur life experience and u listen to elevator#its like#shit#and like ive had depression for so long and it was untreated for SO long that i think it rly rly hits in my personal experience#and like jonghyun was so honest with his emotions and he felt everything so strongly#and i think a moment like let me out is much more like#thats when youre angry and fed up with yourself and with everything and you just want to be DONE youre just tired and youre like fucking le#take a break from this#but elevator is so poignant because it feels so much like the bottom of the well#like when you dont really feel anything#youre on your back in a dark whole staring at the pinprick of the sky#to the point that he's even detached from the self#he is seeing his reflection as if it is someone else#and saying how long have you been that tired? how long have you been that sad?#and to look at yourself and say 'i don't know you' but also 'you know you cant go on like this anymore right?#like bro#i wish i could verbalize like how insanely like#i mean hes an artist he encapsulated the thought in a very poignant and concise way#its just so insane to think how many people listened to those words and were still surprised by what happened#idk#anyway#i miss him
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Kitty cats!! Here we have Otterheart taking some apprentices out (note that this is NOT proportionate. Otterheart is like a full head shorter but I didn’t wanna redraw her.) and on the bottom Owlstar and Mintstar are having a chat. + Cootstone. U can guess who is who
#Back on my way-too-long captions grind amen !#Also I love love love love love my warrior cats kitties so much#I have not read warrior cats in years and I couldn’t make it through the second arc b4 my computer broke but I DONT CARE !!#warrior cats changed me forever look at how good I am at drawing cats#Don’t mind that I fucked up like all of their eye shapes my hands were uncooperative during the lining process#Anywho I won’t make u guess. I’ll tell u which cats are which#from left to right the cats on the too are: Sootpaw. Commapaw. And Otterheart#on the bottom from left to right the cats are: Owlstar. Mintstar. Cootstone#there are a bunch of older cats in my fanclans ermm basically everyone who’s not a teenager here should be an elder at their age…#Minstar’s falling apart at the seams (gonna die soon there’s a scheme about it) and Cootstone’s getting up there#Owlstar’s like 15.. 12…. Idk i wrote it down somewhere I don’t feel like looking#Commapaw is also Owlstar’s kit. Can you see the resemblance ?!#ok now 4 regular tagz#wc oc#warrior cats oc#Petal and Thorn#traditional art#I popped off w this one so hard
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thsc fans made me a kinder person wowie
#was talking with my gf some days ago and i have gotten less violent in my head HELPDGF#no bc personal rambles if ur not interested idm but#last year fucked me up so bad everyday i used to get strikes on insta for my private posts to vent it out#its the funniest shit to look back on tbh Help but i genuinely look back on some posts and go wow this motherfucker rly made me a violent-#person and he acted like all that happened to me was my fault#i seriously do not want another message from that fuck on ny birthday again i will make his life living fucking hell#this december will be full of copperright and thsc . i have not felt so emotionally vulnerable in so long LMAO#thanks to these little fucks i want to throw them around i love yhem#it took some silly gentle people of this fandom for me to realize perhaps i should tone down the violent humor#bc a friend in another friend group lately also opened up that hayy i think im. not ok with playful bullying anymore and i felt bad even#though i dont talk much there Fuck you timezones#i will admit the excessive usage of tone indicators in sticktwt seems too much to me but not a huge issue overall#i am but a reserved fucked up aunt of the thsc fandom that ppl seem to rly enjoy the reactions of when they post copperrifht HSGSSGD#i commissioned 5 people to draw copperright i think that's enough to tell the damage done to me by thsc#coping mechanism for when ur sick for a literal month without a day's break 👍#anyway erm maybe i love u guys what are u gonna do about it#i cannot for the life of me talk in dms without being anxious but tumblr and discord servers are what save my life#i am here but hiding behind a pole cartoon style#gootbye
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idk what it is with me and women but they just flock to me in my time of need. 5 seconds ive been in a room and they want to tie my shoelaces for me they wanna help me do things they want to give me advice and make sure im okay i what
#i wish i was kdiding#I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH IT!#btw im not talking about like. older women although that also happens to me#im talking about girls my age theyll just go to me like im a helpless baby bird if i need something#its not even my cane either because even when i have to do things without it (like my danza folkorica) they still wanna help me#like im so fr first day i showed up a girl tied my shoelaces TWICE and THEN drove me to my dorm afterwards with the rest of her friends i#mean that was so nice#idk what i activate in them but they always wanna help me out its so particular to me#and like. listen ok today we are learning a dance from sinaloa and to be short about it one of the moves is bending your back really far &#i was doing it wrong and bending badly and i ''nearly fell'' multiple times#except see i would never have fallen bc i have been so used to living without a cane until now that i know how to catch myself and im very#yk. good at not falling so i dont embarass myself#but it LOOKS very much like i am about to fall and at least THREE times the president was like ''oh my god ivan are you okay??''#i spooked her so bad i felt bad😭😭#its bc km always in front when shes teaching bc i wanna see her n others r too scared to be up front#and anyways what i was on about literally i was visibly struggling and EVERYONE IM NOT EXAGERARINF ALL THE GIRLS (well there was only one#other guy there but) STARTED GIVING ME ADVICE AND TRTING TO HELP ME one girl moved all the way accross her spot to mine and help guide me#shes so nice i hesrt her her name is charisma bro imagine your name being CHARM and she is charming :> very nice#it feels weird calling her my friend bc well we r all friends in a sense as we r clubmmates but. U Know#long rant TLDR women love me#dont tell them im afraid of them
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