I don't personally enjoy death in my stories for one because I have no experience with it personally and for two because you can't torture a character anymore once they've died 😇

I have a theory I'm still working on it tbh about why Paige never posts about Azzi and I think it is sort of about comfort levels. Like we know Paige is a big head and loves the attention. She's happy to post her little thirst traps and read all the comments about how people want her, that's fun for her. But Azzi is different for Paige so I think it's actually more of a protection thing. It def feels like Paige is both guarded w/people but also in her idgaf era sort of like ok if you pay attention I'm telling you where I'm at. But Azzi while I think more open with people in general is kind of more careful on socials. I think Paige is partly respecting that and also she's chronically online enough to know that whatever she posts with Azzi in it will turn into a Pazzi meltdown because people can't keep it normal on main. So it could be (my theory) she's doing it to protect what they have/Azzi and not have it devolve to stuff maybe one or both isn't 100% comfortable sharing yet in public or want everyone to see in their mentions. Paige can sort of control the reactions she gets to her posts and is willing to accept it but she doesn't want to leave the potential for weird comments up to chance and any hate toward Azzi. I keep coming back to private not secret. What they have may be for the people who matter to them to know, but it's not for the rest of us (yet) so she's trying to keep it that way. I dunno if it makes sense. This got long sorry!

yeah this is very similar to what @bkristen thinks!

it’s funny bc paige really does love all the attention she’s getting rn but ik she’d be losing her mind if it was the other way around and she had to put up w people talking abt how much they wanted azzi

i like the theory that azzi is more open w this stuff even if she’s more introverted and even though i didn’t come up with it myself, i do think it tracks

love my private but not secret besties 🤪🤪

Hihii, i sae ur post on like trauma and ‘policing’ in drs, and I just wanted to add a lil something as someone who was actually traumatised by a dr (sorry for the ask, social anxiety sucks 🧍‍♂️) (also sorry if i sound kinda rude/angry in this, unsurprisingly im a little emotional abt it 😇 no pressure in reading it or anything, just thought id add my lil thingy to this whole. thing i dunno 😚)

For one, I think it’s kinda stupid how people have started to think that suggestions are policing. Like, I get if someone comes up to you and goes ‘uhm, actually, u cant do that in ur dr bc i said so’ then yeah lol that’s definitely policing. But, if someone’s giving you a genuine suggestion in goodwill, then it’s in no way policing? Like, sure, you might not like it, but you don’t have to listen to it??

Secondly, completely agreed with the trauma thing. I feel like people just get mad that they can’t do anything and everything in their drs without consequences, like its some magical wonder world or sumn. I’m sure there’s probably some kind of reality or way to get around it, or something, but imo it’s not worth using yourself as an experiment over. This is literal trauma we’re talking about. Like, serious mental problems that will seriously haunt you quite possibly for the rest of your life. There’s also some level of like romanticism of trauma that could def play into it, but I don’t really know enough about that stuff to add it all in 🧍‍♂️

Last thing, I think it’s pretty stupid how people expect us to just. Not say anything about it. Like, again, coming from someone who got literal harmful trauma in their dr, you just expect us to sit back and watch as other people do the same thing?? Personally, i literally got said trauma because I was a stupid, misinformed kid who didn’t know what trauma really was. People can’t expect us to just be happy with watching people traumatise themselves??? I’m never gonna try and force someone not to make that decision ofc, because it’s their life at the end of the day and if they’re gonna make that decision, it’s on them. But still, it’s something that imo everyone should at least brush over at some point (not to mention that it’s actually a sort of interesting thinking point when it comes to consciousness between drs and all that, imo.)

Anyways, sorry for the little rant <3 I just wanted to say tysm for actually covering this on here, seriously. It means a lot to me and it’s a really good thing to educate people on this and help keep people safe from it. Anyone accusing you of policing is ridiculous and has no idea what they’re talking about.

i’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to post this, this past weekend has been crazy busy.

thank you so much for sharing your story. i really appreciate others perspective on the topic and will continue to talk about it because of how impressionable minors are in this community.

i thought i posted this days ago and i actually didn’t so im sorry i wasn’t ignoring i just actually forgot i saved this and didn’t post it

a vent-y ramble with mentions of suicidal stuff and general blegh

ppl in my life keep telling me i'm underselling my abilities when it comes to functioning and such and that i can do more than i say/think and. idk. maybe they're right? but it doesn't change the fact that everything FEELS impossible to do. even if i technically can and even if i don't feel like death afterwards, the whole starting to do the thing is the hard part. and like it's probably due to me not wanting to do any of it. it sounds silly and childish and i dunno maybe it is, but the fact is, if i don't wanna do something, my brain will do everything it can to make sure i avoid it, no matter how mundane. it used to be worse when i was a teen but now i have more foresight so like i still force myself to do things i find highly unpleasant (like brushing my teeth or going to doctor's appointments or. fuck. wearing a bra??) and while they don't feel like the end of the world once they pass (...usually), it still feels like it's taking all of my energy to start them. and ik abt executive dysfunction ik i have it but it's more than that, it's not about having to hype myself up to do something, it's the explicit purpose of avoiding it.

and i think. it's tied to my suicidal tendencies. like, my immediate thought is always "i would rather die than do this" bc that's literally true about literally everything, but it pops up more forcefully and loudly when i really really don't want to do the thing. AND ofc depression is the cause for my lack of energy

it's also like. sensory issues make so many things straight up painful. and the brain's most basic instinct is avoiding pain. so i dunno maybe it's just the instinct. so basically, these people are not wrong, i technically CAN do all these things, just like i technically CAN touch a hot stove or shove a knife in my head as long as i don't think about it too hard and force myself to ignore it and take enough medication to calm down beforehand and have someone there to support me through it. like i don't think they realize this is on the same level for me bc it just does not process in their head that these mundane actions you need to do in order to live are this painful for me. and they never will get it!!!!! or even if they do they'll say "true, it sucks, but you need to do it anyway, that's life" like omg yes i know that's why i wanna die 😭😭😭😭😭😭 come on we've gone over this so many times

that's why i keep spiraling and that's why it feels impossible. most of my energy goes into forcing myself to start actions or even just preparing myself mentally for them, more than actually doing the actions themselves. and because i don't care about anything, i have no way to recharge the way others might be able to, so i'm running at 0% at all times

anyway that was a very long way to just whinily say "but i don't wannaaaaaa 🥺"

Hey! Just wanted to ask if you have any headcanons abt ignia, zeref, and natsu being brothers👀

With Ignia that is a big ol no because I just don't like him lol. I don't care for anything introduced in the sequel and he's included in that🤣.

With regards to Zeref and Natsu however, weeeeellllll. I have mixed feelings on that plot point.

Like i was never big on Zeref and Natsu being brothers, I personally think it should've just been Natsu being Zeref's creation alone. That would be a spicy enough plot twist by itseld and neatly answer the zeref and natsu connection. Them being brothers kinda felt like too much on the pile y'know?

But, I don't completely hate it. It does add an interesting layer to connect the protag and our main villain plus interesting backstory and lore because for us the audience Natsu before Igneel was a mystery and this was an excellent opportunity to look into that as well as zeref's history as well. However i think the brother plot point in canon wasn't used to its full potential.

Like i said above it missed the moment to show history. What was ancient fiore like when they were kids? What killed baby Natsu? Did Zeref have to recreate a new body for Natsu from his dna or use the old one? Exactly how long was he at it to make Natsu? To make END?

The brother plot point is a huge source of some delicious conflict which couldve been dug a lil bit deeper from both parties.

On Zeref's side you have this guy who clearly loved his family. He went to all this trouble to bring back his brother after all. But! He only brought back his brother, his younger brother. Not even his parents. Why not bring back all of them? Why stop at one?

Questions my dear anon. Why only bring back your younger sibling? For control? The one member he had authority over. Why bind him to a book that you can easily manipulate?

And then after bringing back Natsu he tied his life to his own so if one goes they both go. And then he gave him to Igneel. There's just so much to unpack there. Zeref's love was twisted and dark and it rotted him.

Can you imagine seeing it from his side, working tirelessly through grief to try and bring back his family- maybe he intended to bring them all back- for who knows how long and his grief and determination morphs to obsession where instead of all he just brings back one. One that he's going to make sure sticks with him to the very end so when Zeref finally falls he won't fall and be alone like when he lost his family the first time.

And then on Natsu's side. Oh on Natsu's side. There is so much there that went unused. Learning that his life is tied to a fragile book, that Igneel knew. To know that you died and was brought back, that the guy who's pretty much responsible for almost all your friends' grief is not only your maker but the only living relative you have left.

How do you process that? How do you forgive if, you can forgive at all? It would've been a moment for Natsu to really question his ideals and think. For Natsu who was always so sure of his identity as Natsu Dragneel, Fairy Tail wizard and Son of Igneel to question himself at the core and for the main theme of friendship and found family to really shine through as chosen family comes face to face with blood family.

I know you asked for hcs and I went off track but there was a lot that could've been done with the brother plot line that could've really deepened a lot of stuff but instead only skimmed surface level and went the easy route of forgiveness after a fist fight which felt really hollow and underwhelming.

I dunno man I just have a lot of thoughts with regards to this 😅😅😅

after a million years plus an addition million years post the show ending i am finally just now scribbling out my takes and stuff on fethry's immediate family a la how they would fit into dt17 canon

the breakdown in my mind is that all 3 of eider and lulubelle's children are Strange and Ambiguously Disordered (fethry taking the most after his mother) and also to some degree have inherited eider's legendary strength (abner being basically on par with his father and fethry as the baby and the runt of the three being much more close to just having normal person strength, though still a bit surprising for how noodly he is)

more specific points abt the family under the cut bc i dont want the post to be too long @_@

abner

definitely autistic (as 3 and also lulu are) but its like in that. i dont have healthy coping mechanisms to deal with how alienated from ppl i feel so im just gonna fish and carve wood and if anyone enters my space i will burn it down with both of us still inside it. way

that being said abner’s still plenty capable of being a compassionate guy deep down. he cares a lot about his family and takes whatever responsibility u entrust him with extremely seriously

comes off as emotionally stunted bc he doesnt really show affection in the “normal” way, including and especially physical affection and also. saying shit  out loud. he has his own love language its called * noncommittal groan of acceptance as you enter his house *

in my brain i know he should have a job but all i can think about is him fucking off in the woods so he doesnt have to talk with people. maybe one of those people who sit in towers all day to make sure forests dont burn down. i dunno

mary

loves acting and wants to be a professional stage/screen actor so bad but is unfortunately terrible at acting. probably been in like a few commercials or something

very very dramatic, im talking full comedy sketch of a julliard actor levels of melodrama and stage fainting, whether onstage or not. this makes it hard to tell if her reactions to things are genuine or not unless u are her brothers or parents who have been dealing with this forever

since the acting career is not really taking off Yet she has maybe ripped off 1 or 2 or 20 or so people maybe more just to keep the lights on. ironically when shes conning people she can actually act convincingly (my leverage fans out there. you know)

some of you will probably ask about dugan and while i do absolutely love dugan personally in my mind marys not ready nor interested in motherhood. so. maybe some day i will reveal my own dt17 dugan origin concept idk

eider

something of a local folk hero due to both his truly legendary strength and his equally strong inclination to lend his neighbors a hand, or really anyone else who may need a little help for that matter

as exceptionally goofy and loving as you could want any dad to be, though he can also be a bit stern when he needs to be, and a little prideful

in my mind i think it would be very cool if he had moved his family into granny elvira’s farm to give her a hand bc while shes a tough old woman everyone still needs a hand from time to time but i dont know if this contradicts any serious duck lore so forgive me

lulubelle

full loon baby ! none of this “looks like every other member of clan mcduck” shit !!! yes this includes the blood red eyes #epicloonwin

many make the mistake to count her as an absent minded spooky insane woman but this could not be further from the truth. she is very sharp-witted, observant, and is only spooky simply because its pretty near impossible to creep or gross her out, and even harder to full-on scare. and also because she makes long uninterrupted eye contact all the time

fethry definitely inherited a lot from her, but one of the main things they share is the tendency to cycle through all kinds of seemingly unrelated hobbies and interests; but much like fethry’s chief passion seems to be marine biology, lulu greatly enjoys botany and all it’s practical applications, as well as music

uncommon questions number 20 for your farmers pls. gimme. (and vowels for you abt tyler)

thank you goatmama for the questionfscxsfcs

OK

questions 20 iiiisss:

If they were asked to explain the difference between romantic and platonic or familial love, how would they do so?

Bo would explain it in such an odd fucking way. like. to the pointvwhere not even he knows. i would provide an example but i. i dunno how he would explain it. all i know is thag hed take an hour to explain how he doesnt feel romantic attraction to ANYONE but only sees it as a friends upgrade where you do the coupley stuff. and how there is barely any difference other than not liking the platonic person enough to do coupley things. and hed STILL deny that hes aromantic because he has a big fat crush on allan (his canonical boyfriend in his main story, and his ex boyfriend in the sdv story.)

Ophelia would say something along the lines of; “I’m.. not sure about the difference? I supposed it’s just a feeling. Or the difference in boundaries… But i also jump the friendship stage for most of my relationships. So. That’s a good question. Why don’t you ask someone who’s been in more relationships??” ophelia and bo are so similar in their attraction levels its insane. isaac was actually the first guy ophelia ever “fell” for, and even then she sees them as mostly friends with extended boundaries. shes be very nice about her explanation, though. bo would have an attitude for sure

Jo would DEFINITELY say “The difference is whether or not i love them like that duh?? Are u dumb or something..” (she didnt graduate highschool and has no rightvto call others dumb). Anyways. Jo couldnt answer it at all. She feels the difference. She knows it. But cannot put it into words.

Tyler would say there is no difference. The only difference is how far you’re willing to take it. He does not experience romantic attraction at all. the only reason he was married in the past was because his ex husband benefitted him. he never loved him lmfao.

im starting to notice a common theme. hm. maybe i should do some looking into myself.

ANWYAHS,

the vowels for tyler:

A) Why are you excited about this character?

He gen just has the coolest story out of all of my farmers. Ok. Sure. Bo has the angst and the shitty birth parents and all of the found family tropes. Ok. Sure. Ophelia has the divine intervention and mysterious wizard killing off her parents for “a reason.” Ok. Yeah. Jo differs from my normal character tropes, where none of them are actually moronic. She has layers of her story that relate deeper to Bo and Ophelia than you could ever imagine AND she watched her girlfriend die. Like. Yeah. those are alrigth or wtv… BUT TYLER?? TYLERS GOT THE KEY TO IMMORTALITY?? Tyler has a reason to be unhinged and careless. hes been around for too damn long. Tyler has one of the COOLEST stories ive ever put together. he IS. the def of mysterious and i love him.

E) Are they someone youd get along with? Would they get along with you?

tyler and i wouldnt get along bcz id find him creepy and weird and hed find me super annoying. he also presents more than twice my age so that aint happening. (tylers “43.” technically like 200 smth but, ignore that lol!!)

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

tyler. tyler’s canon is sdv technically… because all of my farmers center around bo, my first farmer. and in bo’s CANON backstory, the one that i use and manipulate to fit him into other fandoms im in, magic doesnt really exist. like. at all. so tyler would, one, be dead, and two, probably be some woman who disguised herself to fight in a war. which, is cool, but. not as cool as immortality. tyler, unfortunately, wouldnt be that awesome in the “canon” universe that hed be a part of. a lot of my stardew valley based ocs wouldnt. (all ofvthe adventurers that ive created especially.) so. i def prefer tyler in the sdv universe.

POST SESSION 1 DLDND CHARACTER THOUGHTS

holy SHIT y’all the hiatus is over w a long ass session to start us off. i passed out so hard post session but now. i have things to say abt peoples characters and im going to say them. plus an added pronoun check for my own memory. this is a long post so ill pop it all under da cut. tldr at the end 2

IZZY | ALASTRELLE (they/he)

i LIKE THEM. i like them. i was very eyes emoji at their intro and im rly excited to see a druid. i have a feelin that theres a lot more 2 alastrelle than meets the eye but im not rly sure what. we got an insight check that he seems to know more than hes letting on... but like. idk. i have a feelin that theyre more like... they know stuff but not in a malicious way? mayb im bein 2 optimistic and alastrelle is just waiting 2 absolutely decimate every1. they DID heal ma’el tho so like... i think they do not want this. they seem kind. i want 2 know more.

CADILLAC | R-D 2.04 (pronouns unknown - seems to vary)

everybody is so mean 2 me image. r-d is rly. look. i love them but i also hate them. he’s so fuckin funny but also.... gestures broadly at the last hour of the session. she seems 2 b tha only character built 4 outright combat. at least from what weve seen. it seems like a lot of the others went 4 classes that cld offer support (from my limited knowledge of the classes themselves plus dnd) whereas cadillac built (literally) a beast. she seems really cool and had some rly amazing moments first session. designated antagonist im super interested to see how every1 is going 2 interact w the person who drew 1st blood!! also tha character we got the most backstory 4 session 1. kinda dont blame it for the murders but. i dont want any pcs to die T_T

NOX | DOCTOR (PALL’OR) REMAEDI (he/him, okay with they)

HE’S COOL... the outfit is very wizardly but we know hes a cleric. am i right when i look at the ref art and see that hes purple. he is purple. he also shotgunned an unmentioned vial (WHY DID NO 1 ASK ABOUT THAT AUAUEUEGEUGH) and the rice and meat. chuggin ig. seems like... cautious? mayb suspicious but remarkably chill. well. i say chill. again. gestures at the last hour or so of the session. LUV the weapon design. would luv 2 see it do some more damage (see “r-d is built for combat” above. terrifyink). i want 2 know more abt his eyepatch and stitches and general deal. do we think hes an unethical doctor guys. would he kill u for like. fun.

CERIN | EIWN (she/her)

pretty lady. fllushed emoji. i love her design a lot its rly cool. i assumed she was druid bc of it but idk if pep would have allowed class double ups? plus cerin is bein v secretive... possibly monk? eye dee kay im rly just guessin at this point. shes so funny 2 the bit w the shelter being her height and alastrelle tryin 2 fix it secretly was great. i dont have much 2 say abt her yet but i think she will turn out to b EXTREMELY interesting. i kno 4 a fact cerin will say smth and then the dash will explode w how much we love eiwn.

RIVER | MA’EL(VAR) (he/him)

IS HE NORMAL??? squints. i dunno... intro was. suspicious. i did like him tryin 2 explain stuff to r-d that was kinda funny. he seems to b like... relatively level headed? i struggled to get a read on his personality except like... suspicious of others but wants 2 cooperate. clearly doesnt want 2 b here el oh el. HE DID ALMOST DIE 2 TIMES WITH NO IDEA WHAT WAS HAPPENING EL EM AY OH. i wonder how hes gonna react to that.

PEP | MIYM (she/her, okay with they)

MIYM MY FUCKIN BELOVED. kenku AND a bard? plus card themed LDFKJ. alto WISHES he could. the resume made me laugh sm and she generally just seems so nice... i like that she’s immediately forming more positive relationships w tha others... probably intentional on pep’s part as a filler character for the pair offs. i was wondering why they were getting such an outright dmpc and was wondering if she was gonna get killed early... i was real newvous. its cool tho. i like her a lot. very glad miym explained the whole premise 2. thank u from da audience i was a little like WHAT THE HELL. but in a good way

TL;DR - I LIKE THEM ALL. i think theres a LOT of things we havent touched (obvs. it was 1 session) but a lot of seeds and references to things wer made i think. also it looks like we got a lot of elves lol. im generally just rly excited 2 see them play again and having consensual and established pvp will make things VERY interesting. i wonder what the symbols on the like... bracelets/necklaces are 4. and what happens when someone dies.... do they both go to zero/make death saves? i guess we will see....

ever since i saw a post about the idea of sonic (jokingly) being a sort of wind god, i’ve had so many thoughts in my head abt an AU that goes like:

Ok so an AU where Sonic IS a wind god who lives up in, idk, God Land w/ some other gods.

Anyway, one day he decides to drop down to the mortal plane for fun and to experience the world he’s helped create, bc sitting around blessing mortals n stuff gets boring after a while.

Basically, mans skydives outta god land without telling anyone & its all fun and games until he crash-lands in a field head first (& surprisingly does not lose his memory).

From there, he’s found and rescued by Tails and his magical golem. Sonic wants to hide the fact that he’s a god, so he feigns complete amnesia… until Tails decides he wants to try and help him recover his memories. Then Sonic claims to have recovered some memories the next day. He makes up a very odd yet mundane story abt his life. Is his tale believable? …Ehhh if you squint hard enough🤨.

And eventually a plot begins where someone in the story needs, or is trying to get, the 7 Chaos Emeralds or something. idk. Is it Eggman trying to get them for nefarious means? Is it one of the good guys getting a prophecy to gather the 7 emeralds? Someone else entirely? Dunno.

Anyway some lore stuff I have cooked up:

This is basically a fantasy rpg-like setting with magic and kingdoms and all of that. Technology would probably exist, but it’d be magically fueled u know? Like a “phone” being a specific crystal fueled by mana that allows voices to travel long distances or smth.

Tails is a self-taught magic scientist. He’s gone as far as to create a Golem from scratch in his off-time by the name of Emerl. Emerl is seen as odd for a golem, as he wasn’t built with a personality or directive in mind, rather, he was built to form his own personality & directive by observing others. At the start, he mostly takes after Tails & Tails’ friends. Now he also gets to take after this odd, lackadaisical, cocky, yet soft-hearted stranger by the name of Sonic. Yippeeee!

Amy is a paladin (thanks SF:SB) who is the retainer to Princess Blaze of Soleanna. She’s got an eye for strategy (shoutout to whatever Forces was trying in that regard) and presents a more level-headed exterior in the public, but is truly just a peppy, bubbly girl on the inside (& off the clock). She hangs out with ppl like Tails & Cream when she can.

Silver is a mage and oracle-in-training who’s the retainer to Princess Elise of Soleanna. He’s usually cheerful, naive and optimistic, but also has low tolerance & respect for people who bother him (stares at the Sonic Rivals Duology Silver. I love that little punk).

So yes, Blaze & Elise are related here. I mean cmon SOLeanna? SOL dimension? SOLaris??? BOTH CHARACTERS RELATE TO FIRE IN SOME WAY???? CMON!!! Anyway Elise & Blaze are step-siblings & Elise is a bird.

Anyway, there could possibly be a “kingdom” for each of the gods?? I could see characters who’d fit as important royal-like figures corresponding to each elemental god, but im not sure of that yet. At the least, we got the Soleanna Sisters

There are mortals who’ve been blessed by certain gods. Some examples are Tails being blessed by “Sonic” [whatever Sonic’s god name is], Blaze + Elise by Solaris, & Knuckles by Tikal.

Speaking of, so far, the gods I’ve thought of are:

Sonic (Wind), who looks like Super Sonic in his god form & any mortal depictions of him. However, he disguises himself in a different form (that’s just his normal blue self in-game/media) when dropping into the mortal realm.

Tikal (Earth), who looks like her usual in-game self. Also, those blessed by the Earth God are the only ones with notable healing capabilities. While anyone who’s blessed by a god has better self-regeneration than those not blessed, only those blessed by Tikal are can directly heal others.

Chaos (Water). aka the God of Gods. Almost never seen by the other gods unless its something important. Sonic, being the youngest of the main gods, has never actually seen Chaos in any way shape or form. VERY picky about who gets their blessing. Probably doesnt even bless people anymore, actually.

Solaris (Fire), who im not sure what looks they’ll have. Maybe literally how they look in 06 (which i think is just some weird… bird-like shape of light? Or maybe they look like Crystal Mephiles? Or a bird anthro? Maybe they shapeshift when they feel like it? Can Solaris split themself into Iblis & Mephiles or is Solaris just one entity? Much to think about.

??? (Light). There’s a “Fallen God” who was once known as the God of Light. After a certain incident, they were branded as the God of Destruction and banished to the mortal realm with his memories wiped. The God of Light is hardly known or worshipped in the mortal realm after most traces of their existence have been removed. These days, those blessed by the God of Light are few and far between, to the point where it’s become a mark of misfortune to have such power. Hmmmm I wonder who this Fallen God could beeee 🤔

& there may be another character or two who could fit the role of a god but idk off the top of my head.

…& I think thats all i’ve got for now. Listen this has been cooking in my head for days and especially last night for some reason. lmk what yall think bc its a fun little story idea thats been swimming in my brain hgkgh. Or if yall wanna shoot off some ideas n stuff that’d be fun too.

Lately several new people in my stream chat have mentioned that they really like the size diff&dynamic I have going on with syren and loah, and that honestly gives me a major dopamine boost each time. A couple people even followed me because the comic sounded interesting to them and I'm just (´；д；`) < ??) (Goodness this turned into a real rambling rest is under the cut xD)

I'm very particular about the intensity of the size diff with the characters, as well as many other things. I'm certainly aware that many of the themes I have going on with the characters are popular kink categories: size diff, age gap, older characters, experienced vs inexperienced etc. While there's definitely spicy bits in the story, it is not the main focus at all. Before anything else it's all very wholesome, and all things considered, rather tame. I didn't start writing it all just to get these themes/categories in, the story does touch upon some topics related to things that spur from things like age gap in adult relationships, being in your 30's-40's and having no relationship experience, sour family relations due to chosen gender/sexuality to name a few. So while it's mainly fluff, there is some things that have more... depth?(I hope I can call it that) It's also a personal mission to portray characters who are not in their "wild and prime" years anymore, but still find and experience romance and have wild sex, because honestly, fuck the notion that you should have experienced it all in your 20's and the fact the media hardly ever portrays anything else. I'm not really a fan of things taken into hyper-unrealistic proportions, which the internet is full of... And with size diff character ships I've lamented about that a lot. (especially in the nsfw territory of it. I get that kinks are abt fantasies and so on, but personally I am so bored of seeing the related content being so saturated with hyper-level everything. Not bashing anyone who loves the stuff tho!) So I'm just trying to create the content I'd want to see more, and it's wonderful when I come across other peeps who want to see exactly the same kind of content! A couple years ago when I was kinda tossing the idea of the comic in my mind as something I'd want to do... And when I described loosely what it would be about, all I got from people was "that sounds incredibly boring" - "that's not very interesting" or just an "ehhh..." As much as I'd like to say that I don't let negative feedback get to me, it very easily does. I had already given up on the idea of actually making the comic for a good year since then. Only after I got proper medication and my mind cleared a little with the productivity boost, I decided that well, fuck all that feedback, I'm going to make just for myself then. I need to create it. So honestly each and every, tiniest crumb of interest the idea is getting now feels kinda weird. Absolutely wonderful, but also weird; I've glued my mind so tightly to the thought that I'm not expecting it to interest anyone but myself and that will have to suffice. (I'm planning on sticking to that too, it helps so I don't start thinking about "well what would others think about this scene" etc. too much.)

I dunno, I'm just having kinda good vibes about my "little" project lately and it's really nice. Everyday I'm anxious of what it's going to turn out like and confused about how to do stuff and if I can actually do what I'm attempting, but I am glad that I decided to start it and that I've kept at it. ( ˊᵕˋ )♡

thinking abt ames ships that don’t involve sonic.  thinking so much.

because like — it doesn’t occur to amy that other people...can be romantically interested in her?  on the one hand she knows objectively that she’s cute and sweet and likeable, but also it just doesn’t occur to her that that’s a thing anyone ever has or will ever feel for her.  her romantic thoughts have been so sonic - focused, and she’s experienced so much pushing - away at sonic’s hands and being - annoyed - with - her - crush from others that she just sorta.  doesn’t consider that possible.

so there’s that level, having to get through to amy — who even in the best case scenario is not exactly bursting with self esteem and who doesn’t tend to notice this stuff unless you’re outright like ‘i am romantically interested in you’  — that no actually u do like her.

then there’s the fact that — they’ve been so sonic - focused for so so long!  like, amy absolutely has a crush on blaze, for example, but they just straight up don’t process it as a crush because they’re so sonic - focused.  so there’s amy having to make the conscious choice to move on from sonic, or at least allow other focuses.  there’s the potential pain inherent in knowing, especially early on, that amy is still in love with sonic and a part of them always will be.  there’s wondering what they see in a guy who’s great but who was a dick to them for so long and has rejected their feelings for so long when you are RIGHT THERE.

i dunno.  i just think its all fun

god i realize i am going on but one more and then i'll b done for the night

i think it's been rly good of me to start a bunch of stuff this summer and decide to wait to post any of it until it's complete. like i keep thinking how weird n unproductive ive been bc i haven't written and published a work to ao3 since pdf in june and then i think abt it and im like. no wait. i have over 30k for one au i started and it's still not out of the intro section. ive written a shit ton of notes for fics and then have gotten a decent word count on actual prose (5-10k) plus that.

and it's not like i haven't been writing?? and it's been easier to breathe bc i feel like i post smth (to ao3 specifically) and then sit and wait and live and breathe for some sort of feedback for days on end and then get so worked up and disappointed when it doesn't happen. plus i feel like when i post fics in progress i lose motivation for them faster but also i feel like i have to be committed to what i post. it's easier to sit and puzzle things out and decide i don't like and need to delete whole sections vs posting a chapter and not liking it as much a month or week or x amt of time later. it's jus better?? like it's jus been better. this is a better way to write .

and if i absolutely am in a mood where i need to post smth ill jus drop it here on tumblr and it's a done deal. like this is a place where nothing needs to be perfect and i can always go back later and delete a post and move on. and it's good like this. like i feel like i got so frustrated at the start of summer bc of this one fic but that led to me deciding i didn't need to post anything in-progress anymore which has been a rly good decision so far so. worth dealing w that ig.

but it's also kinda. hard. like it's not perfect esp since i don't get the traction i do on tumblr that i do on ao3. but at the same time ik if i upload a fic im gonna make myself sick and miserable fretting over it and im done w that. im done. that doesn't mean that i won't post any more updates to fics i have up now that are in progress bc they're already up. jus that. right now at least. anything new had to be done completely. which means if i wait longer that'll have to be fine and when i get antsy or tired i'll throw smth up here. i write drabbles n stuff all the time i jus never post them publicly as much as i could. like what's been going on the past week-ish could be normal i jus usually don't have a high level of confidence until i let smth sit for a while.

hhhhh dunno where im going w this anymore.

there’s a character i want to make a familial f/o who’s been a comfort character and important to me and a big brother figure since i was like 12 but i feel kinda weird abt it,,

(t.rauma ment, nothing graphic, talk abt mental health under the cut)

i actually have had a f.ictive of him. it’s kinda weird and hard to explain esp bc i have no official diagnosis whether it’s o.sdd or d.id i jus know i’ve had people in my head that are distinct personalities and frequent d.issociation w/ different levels of memory loss since i was like at least 8? 9? but likely earlier cause i have hardly any memory of my life prior to that age. anyway. like i said its difficult to explain but i think he started as a more vague figure in my head bc i have suffered some severe trauma re:my biological brother, and i kind of remember like, wanting to have a brother like they had on d.isney shows. i actually used to watch h.annah m.ontana and think cause j.ackson and m.iley fought that me and my brothers relationship was normal, and then get confused when we didn’t make up like the rival siblings always did on tv. so i formed this very vague personality who was the tv brother i wanted to have a normal relationship with, and then when i started watching the show this character was from, i attached myself SOOO heavily to this one character for so many reasons that i think that part just kind of took that character on and became him. the part even took his name, jude. i actually kin the character that’s his little sister, just for… the trauma reasons lol. so he’s so so so important to me for coping w trauma and for just being able to imagine having someone in my life who could be that person i needed when i was young, but i worry that it’s weird to make him a part of my f/os. i guess i worry that A) it’ll be seen as like, sort of faking, like “oh well that character they claim as a f.ictive is also an f/o so they were just imagining him as a brother all along instead of having a true a.lter of him”. and B) i worry it’s unhealthy, like… im definitely not trying to consciously, but somehow i worry that it’s like, trying to hold on to a part when treatment and coping kind of requires you to recognize that as helpful as parts are, they are still part of your own brain and not discrete people. and C) i guess im just concerned it’ll be seen as weird, to have a f.ictive of a character and have them as a familial at the same time, i dunno.

i don’t know that anyone who follows me rly has experience w this stuff. im not necessarily asking for advice here so don’t feel like you have to know an answer. if anyone wants to weigh in, that’s welcome, but i guess i just needed to get this off my chest cause i’ve been thinking about this for a lot longer than i think y’all’d expect

if ur cool with it id like to know more abt ur thoughts on the walten files, ive never been a fan of it since it feels kinda lame

i tried watching it awhile ago to see why everyone was talking about it and its simply not my thing. it feels tonally dissonant and far too derivative of preexisting works to feel genuine. to put it bluntly it feels dead.

im not going to complain about its unpolished nature because i genuinely like works that allow themselves to be a little rough and i typically love when artists set out to create their own series like this independently. in the context of that i never expect it to look completely cohesive, and in some instances it can lend itself to whatever tone the series is going for. however in the case of the walten files it starts to get distracting, especially with the amateur nature of the voice acting and script writing. it makes it hard for me to take the series seriously.

the creator has a sort of ugly attitude as far as ive seen, in that the series’ success has made them act big headed. they give entire plot points and character summaries on twitter.com rather than integrate it into the series. they act condescendingly toward their critics and lean very hard into the fandom part of their audience. the fact it has a merch page just makes me feel a little yucky about the earnestness of the art. i understand artists need to make money (in fact i encourage buying from artists, and i am artists) but plushies and t shirts feel sort of evil to me, at least in the context of this kind of series.

and maybe thats another reason i feel yucky about it, because it feels so specifically engineered to generate a fandom culture around itself. it has all the tropes to the point it feels baity. this “retro” “analog” horror stuff has become very popular in recent years and im not going to say it inherently fails but its rarely effective when it’s overly reliant on the fact that it looks “old” to have any sort of character, and this results in it feeling very lifeless. this combined with the (forgive me for using this term) prominence of “sexyman” type characters that are glitchy cursed haunted robots or tall guys in suits who drink and murder children, and the dialogue trying and failing to be funny/snarky and really destroying the 70’s/80’s immersion by using modern slang and internet jokes, it just gets very grating. i dont know why but (embarrassingly) i actively start feeling pissed when i watch it.

i dunno. maybe some of my anger toward it is unwarranted, because in my head it’s the face of a lot of phenomena that i really hate on the internet. i was trying really really hard not to compare it to petscop because its rarely fair to compare works to that series, but in episode 3 it very clearly wants you to compare it to petscop. so im gonna compare it to petscop. sophie walten is paul leskowitz for women and also done embarrassingly poorly, because this series tried to create a paul type character while unaware of what makes paul work. the pills thing is kind of hilarious. it writes these things from a perspective devoid of empathy, imo.

it also very clearly takes after fnaf and specifically other fan works like squimpus’ fnaf vhs series, which i personally think does everything the walten files tries to do but better. and i sincerely think this is because its elements are included with specific purpose. the walten files feels like it includes things because it thinks it would be cool rather than because it would genuinely serve what the series is setting out to do, which is clearly some sort of arg-adjacent mystery. thats how i feel about a lot of “analog horror” stuff actually … it just would “look cool” and it’s relatively easy to pull off on a superficial level. this is rarely executed well, however, because the substance of the series itself has to also be designed around that era, otherwise the immersion falls apart.

those are my exhaustive and blunt feelings about it. but im just some guy. ultimately it doesnt much matter its just annoying and my only worry is how it sets a standard for this kind of art going forward.

id love to open this for discussion though like. i think its a very interesting case study and i like talking about it with others

i hope ur ok with unprompted asks abt leverage bc today i am like this :-( because someone is posting hate on the OT3 in the OT3 tags. (not as a mistake either, they refused to use the right tags) tbh i am so so excited for the revival but this modern-day-esque toxicity is what i've been worried abt the whole time.

THE POINT OF THIS ASK: they said something that is wiggling in my brain, and i figured you may have a good perspective since i know you like the OT3 and are aware of/comment on fandom/media racism. they said the OT3 is popular because of fandom racism, because hardison is black and fandom wants to focus on the white guy (eliot). i think if this were true then people would just ship parker/eliot like ive seen people do in other fandoms not make an ot3? but wanted an opinion from another person?

Totally cool to send me unprompted asks! Whether Leverage or whatever else. And first off, sorry to see you've been experiencing nastiness in the OT3 tags. I personally never have, but maybe that's down to me not actually knowing what the commonly used tag is? I legit just found blogs to follow who post enough thiefsome content for me, and pick up more here and there, but I dunno where most people post stuff. leverage OT3? parker/hardison/eliot? hardison/parker/eliot? hitter/hacker/thief? something along those lines probably, I've found some stuff tagged under each but have no clue what the 'main' one is. (Also I came up with my own name for them and post my own stuff mostly under that so I really got no clue what most people do, haha.)

Anyway, I digress. On to your main point - well, I will give a disclaimer first. Pretty much the entire time I've been on tumblr I've mostly been in a happy fandom bubble and not even noticed a lot of the nastier discourse. Probably down to the way I pick blogs to follow and then mostly stick to my dash? But anyway, that remains true for Leverage. And in fact until I started my rewatch I was never really involved in the fandom, despite loving the show. I actually haven't read much fic yet either. So there's probably plenty going on I'm not aware of.

That being said, yeah I would agree with you that generally I think if this was racially motivated then people would just ship Parker/Eliot. I don't think people usually default to poly relationships, so I don't really think that is a good argument against one. The only exception I would say is if there's a huge trend of people shipping the three of them together, but only using Hardison as a prop for the other two. You know, if fic focuses mostly on Parker and Eliot and Hardison is just around to be supportive and not given the same level of depth, that kind of thing. However, in the fandom interpretations I have personally seen of the thiefsome, that isn't really the case. It can't hurt to be aware of trends if you do see them, but I don't think you gotta worry too much about this one.

People can be mean. Try not to let it bother you, maybe blacklist if possible (though I guess that ain't if they're intentionally using whatever the main tag is) or build your own happy dash bubble to retreat to. The people I reblog a lot are really nice if you need a starting point! ^_^

Edit - check in the comments for some other perspectives. Seems like there is a tendency to focus on Eliot more, though perhaps not in a straightforward a way as that person was saying? (I dunno what they were saying exactly though so I can't really speak to that.) Doesn't mean we should stop shipping all three but we can be more aware of how we do so, and make sure not to skimp on giving Hardison his fair share of emphasis! (Parker too obviously but you get my point.)

I love Sirppi!!! Can we get more stuff about them and Brahms and how they interact with each other?

A-hh,hhhs;;;; (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ t-tysm... GLADLY. I'm planning on trying to write a lil first draft level thingy based on radio brahms as an exercise when my summer break starts (dunno if ill post since itll be just that, first draft, just a way for me to practice how i work stories in that world & how i might one day tell my own full stories w/in it), so I'm VERY happy to talk abt it & any questions can be very helpful.

I think I have to mention about radio brahmses personality in this a bit b4 i get started on the interactions !!! In GENERAL i depict Brahms a bit more mature than the standard, more as a dad jokes kinda guy who just has no socialization. Same applies here. He is actually very wanting and willing to be an adult, but he is just incredibly bad at it (or parts of it), and he thinks it has to be all kept a secret. Yada yada. In radio, Brahms is the one who comes forward after getting over his nerves. He is incredibly bad at understanding his flaws and recieving critisism, but also incredibly bad at expressing his emotions / what he wants / etc. Has some serious social anxiety. Is still severely nasty.

So when it comes to interactions, I'll jump directly to when Brahms has shown himself. Before that, Sirppi has begun to chat with the doll and actually get kind of comfortable. When they find out Brahms is... well, Brahms, they're kinda in shock, and at first, they just try to Stay Safe for the first few days "until the shopkeeper stops by". They almost completely ignore Brahms, and make clear that they are taking care of a child, the doll Brahms. They keep up the routine. Similiarly to when Greta returns to the house and uses that parent voice, expect Sirppi, who has gotten kinda comfy talking with the doll, talks at brahms the doll, and Brahms the lad kinda is just. A) weirded out b) so used to following this routine c) doesn't know what else to do so he just. Follows along at first, but this time, staying around Sirppi, coming out of the walls more. He just sits there, awkwardly, staring, not knowing like. What 2 do.

did some quick warmup sketches before i start work too so >:)

It scatters from there, Brahms starts to kinda slowly gather the nerve to do things, and Sirppi slowly realizes that he rly is just like a dude and warms up to him.

Some small bits n pieces of interaction scenarios I'm thinkinh sbt;

Sirppi is not a good cook, they just try to get things done as fast as possible. They start by Sirppi making Brahms food, but one day Sirppi wakes up to Brahms very upbeat at their door, following them to the dining room, where they find a full 5 star filling breakfast for the two of them, and that's the first time they eat at the table at the same time, together (however, Sirppi doesn't like that Brahms didn't make a plate for the Brahms doll, and gets one themself for it) (Brahms id confused but is like fine)

Sirppi started out reading more childrens type books to the Brahms doll, but slowly Brahms starts to give them like fr fr poetry books and stuff and they actually kinda slip away from their lil game 2gether when they have a lil convo abt some poem and its meaning. Sirppi gets flustered and book time is over.

Sirppi is quiet and soft voiced, but they raise their voice one time when Brahms gets too close, and he is very cranky and annoyed by it and whines and complains in his head and questions and questions but. He respects their personal space still, afterwards. And he's angry and annoyed every time he wants to be close but can't, but he still tries his best to not make them uncomfy, and at some point he realizes that it's bc the comfort of others is actually pretty important to him. And he starts to question what his own comfort includes and limits. He one day tells Sirppi off about smth he feels is uncomfortable, and Sirppi respects it, and that day they eat 2gether in a happy, meaningful silence :')

Uhmmm OK I WONT RAMBLE MORE FOR THIS ONR I GTA GET TO WORK BUY.... THANK U FOR CARING IT MEANS A LOT TO.ME