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aroaceconfessions · 3 years

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Ive recently just came to the conclusion that i am aroace. Ive alway felt like a black sheep compared to my peers bc i could never understand the “butterflies” in their stomach. Ive never dated, liked, or kissed anyone. My “crushes” have never stemmed past aesthetic attraction.

It was hard coming to terms about it. I would cry and plead to know what was “wrong” with me. Ig you really should be careful what you wish for, because i got my answer.

It all hit me in a wave. I started putting all the pieces together, how it all connected with how ive been feeling mentally for yours. Learning this put me in the worst mindset ive ever been in.

Its crazy, its rare to hear talk about this community, but its almost nonexistent when it comes to the people who are aroace and disliked being this way.

It was like i was grieving this life i was never going to have, grieving this life that would never make me happy anyway. I never understood how i could feel SO sad about giving up this fantasy future, but not actually WANTING it.

The idea of finding my one true love and having a happily ever after was beautiful, but the reality made me sick.

The media is so saturated with reaching “the American dream” that society cant fathom someone not wanting that. As my mom says “my happiness doesn’t lie in the hands of someone, it lies somewhere else.”

To them its there norm, to me its something i dont want.

“But maybe you just haven’t found the right one.” Even IF by some means i find someone (just cause i dont know what the future lies) it shouldn’t negate my feelings NOW.

I found this book called “loveless” by alice oseman, and i related to it alot more than I thought; it made me feel like iw ant the only one.

I came out to my family and they were sooo supportive and accepting of me. It was shocking because i wasn’t accepting of myself yet. But once i did that, i felt like i was slowly purging myself. After i came out to them, it made me the happiest id ever been.

But i still have a small case of FOMO. Like how could i be SO sad about giving up this fantasy future that i truly didnt want?

I felt pathetic for feeling this way, i felt guilty and selfish KNOWING there are hundreds of people out there that are truly happy BEING this way. I wanted that too; just a taste of it.

Being aroace in a world where people are afraid of what they don’t understand, is a different type of lonely. A type of loneliness that you cant truly understand unless you are too.

I had it all figured out, down to the T. But now, i didnt know what my life would be like now. And it kind of scares me. Unfortunately i don’t know anyone else like me who can understand this feeling. I know that in due time, i will be happy with who i am. But right now, im not so sure..

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #coming out #Loveless #Alice Oseman

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krabmeat · 3 years

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sometimes i think about all the different alters ive met and i realize that i honestly dont think ive had a bad experience with any! even with some who i think didnt like me very much. honestly one of my fondest memories with an alter is from a c!quackity alter! ill be honest, i was being a bit of an a$$ to this dude just cause of who they were a fictive of so i hope they know that im sorry for treating them like i knew them right off the bat. i had no right to do that and they have every right to dislike me for that.

eventually though, i stopped being a jerk and the quackity alter basically just asked the normal "name and pronouns, how are you" but then they asked a very, VERY fun question! "what are your political views?" this awoke the debate kid/overanalytical side of me and i ended up sending a super long message about it! it was very fun to write out and share with them and i feel that quackitys reaction honestly made me the happiest.

they didnt respond.

another alter had to respond for them instead, actually! i wont give much on WHY quackity didnt respond because thats theyre buisness but it apparently really really resonated and i guess hit hard with them? and it made me very very happy! because that was from what i remember one of the first times someone was willing to listen to me ramble and actually have a reaction to something i had a lot of emotions and big ideas and thoughts for!! it was a wonderful feeling and im so damn glad it was from such a cool dude. as much as it felt like quackity didnt want anything to do with me, they seemed super damn cool and i really hope theyre doing well!! im sorry for being a jerk to you before and acting like i knew you, but i wish you the best in everything! but yeah, just wanted to ramble a bit about this expirience. i think about it a lot when im sad and it makes always makes me happier just thinking about it!

#krabs kommunicating #tw mention of politics

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