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trenchcoatsbi · 11 months

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yoo could i ask for a playlist for a tallulah qsmp fictive mayhaps? she has an insatiable hunger for music it's frightening (/silly) ,, she likes soundtracks (child of light is her current fav), stuff like the oh hellos/cavetown/bears in trees, and generally cozy sorta feeling songs, plus anything lullaby-ey if that makes sense :] hope u guys are well! sorry this is a tad long or vague hhaha -–🔉🌠

hello! Admittedly I rushed this a bit I’m not as sure about these as I was about 🌾🪶 Phil’s but I took a swing we’ll see if I missed later I guess. I tried to include as many artists as possible so you have plenty of people to look through since you said she was a bit insatiable when it came to music! I did phone in the last few songs like the lullaby-eque ones. yeah again this was a bit of a mess on my end. Though I have been writing down songs for this for a while I didn't have an easy time narrowing down things as to what I wanted to include so at this point I've just thrown my hands in the air and declared it done now. Sorry if the playlist is messy or unsatisfactory.

Art used is by @/sallomezz on tumblr and can be found here!

Hope you find something to enjoy on the playlist or in my bonus ramblings below! -phil

okay so I kinda cheated my self imposed rule of one song per artist but in my defense I couldn’t choose between Moonlight and Paperwork… They’re my two favorite Fish in a Birdcage songs and I thought both were kinda fitting so oh well both of them are there.

Anywho I could go on and on and on about how I was this close to fighting myself to the death (<- hyperbolic) over this. Let's just get to other recommendations I didn't put on for one reason or another.

Starting with musicians I put on there but didn't include a song from for whatever reason:

Myxrite! My personal favorite song Now and Again doesn't look like its on Spotify at all so uh yeah I'm linking it here because I like it a lot.

Bug Hunter is on there too but he's currently in the top ten of my favorite musicians so yeah here's more suggestions! Go With The Flow and Listen to Your Mom pretty high up there in terms of my favorite songs. Making Up Words is one of my favorites lyrically (though I must say that Disco in the Panic Room is up there too), and of course I have to mention Try My Best and Slow Burn because I keep using lyrics from them to inspire drawings (that I'll never post anywhere online). Okay fuck I need to move on before I link literally every single one of his songs lol

Same as Bug Hunter, The Narcissist Cookbook is up there in terms of my favorite musician + he put the MOTH album (one of his old ones that wasn't on on youtube yet) on youtube recently so he's been in my head a lot. Ghost Stories and UNWELCOME GUESTS (warning: unwelcome guests starts with a phone ringing noise idk my friends always get surprised by it so I'm just gonna mention it in case) are rahgjagh they are so good they exist in my head rent free

Madilyn Mei has been on loop in my head cause a friend of mine. Anyway Six Legs (tippy tappy toes) and Sleeping in the Kitchen. just live in my brain now because of them lol

The actual recommendations that aren't just more songs from folk on the playlist already:

I Fight Dragons! I fucking love them! Their music tends to have techy/8-bit noises and they're a bit more on the rock side of things but their stuff is really good! Good Morning Sunlight and Oh The Places You'll Go... They are the most <3 to me forever... Sunny Afternoon too... God I love IFD I need to make my friends listen to them with me more

If you like IFD you may also like Jonathan Coulton or the portal song guy as my friends know him lol. Nobody Loves You Like Me or Now I Am an Arsonist or really anything from the Artificial Heart Album is always my go to for showing people besides the songs from Portal (Still Alive and Want You Gone) that my friends know.

Similar to IFD, a lot of Going Spaceward's songs have techy noise in the like proper releases, but his youtube has a lot of acoustic versions of his songs that don't have those. His covers are good but really most of his music is just funky. Uh since I will absolutely not narrow this down in any timely fashion I'm just going to link the entire Can You Hear It Album and uh Count Past 23.

Joseph Dubay is a musician I only got into like a few months ago but I really like his stuff, kinda similar vibes to what i was going for with this playlist but a lot of his songs just didnt fit the vibe so I didn't feel like adding them. That being said I am obliged to tell absolutely everyone I talk about music with to listen to Pastel Goth and 4evr so yeah.

Completely different vibe but San Fermin may be of interest to y'all! Astronaut and The Woods are the ones I listen to most from them but everything about their music just scratches the brain itch for me. Their stuff is indie rock which is kinda in the genres of the bands you mentioned!

A bit of a different suggestion but since you mentioned her liking soundtracks AZALI might be a cool youtube channel to check out! They make short songs in FL Studio and idk I'll be honest I don't listen to soundtracks or things like you mentioned in that part of your ask but I do listen to every upload AZALI makes and I think they're all pretty neat. The songs are all like a minute or two long but I like to just put them on loop when I'm writing. Truth, Violence, Warmth is my go to for writing for this specific project, but Mechanical God was how I found their channel and I'm just fond of City of Shattered Glass so there those three are my suggestions.

#phil posts #sbi asks #playlists #qsmp fictive #tallulah fictive #🔉🌠 anon #somethings might be a bit messed up wrote this while half asleep haha #if anything is messed up I'll fix it when I wake up -phil

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justcourttee · 4 years

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So I know you've been very busy so just stay strong, I know you can do it! :) I was also wondering if I could request more sibling jasonette with the Joker going after Marinette once he finds out they're related? Take your time getting to this request if you need to, I know it'll be great when you get to it! Don't stress yourself out too much!

Thank you so much, I really do apologize for being so spotty the last month or so. I think I’m finally getting back to some sense of normal, so hopefully, I can write more :)

I hope you like it!

An Average Night in Gotham City

Marinette couldn’t believe her luck.

Being the holder of the ladybug miraculous, you would think that everything would go her way, but it seems that Tikki had a funny way of distributing that good luck.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?”

The rank smell of something souring surrounded her senses as she dangled from the ceiling by her wrists. She was certain that there would be some difficult bruises to hide later but that was the least of her concerns at the moment.

“What you have is a pissed off college student. Who snatches someone from a library? Don’t you have any respect for my education?”

Something sharp poked her back causing her to hiss in pain.

“Now, now, I really do love Gotham State University and if it was game day, I wouldn’t dare step foot on our campus, Gothamite pride and all. But you my dear, well once I learned that you attended the school, I just had to stop by and say hello.”

His maniacal laughter would strike fear in the hearts of most, but honestly, she was just too pissed at this point to care.

“Okay, you said your piece, may I return to the library? I have a paper due at midnight tonight and I literally only have one paragraph finished.”

Another strike against her back felt hard enough to draw blood. The Joker was not in a joking mood tonight.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, How rude of you to want to leave when you just arrived! You batbrats are all the same, always in a rush. That’s why Jason is my favorite little bird. He always makes time for me,” his dreamy sigh faded into a scowl and in one quick movement, he was face to face with Marinette, his hand forcing her to stare into his eyes, “At least he used to. With you in town, he never seeks me out anymore!”

Releasing her cheeks, he turned away in a mock sob, using the edge of his purple tie to wipe away his tears.

“Maybe it’s because you two have an abusive relationship. I mean who wants to seek out someone that beats the shit out of them all the time.”

Joker stroked his chin thoughtfully as if her words carried some weight to them.

“Perhaps you’re right, maybe my last beating didn’t express enough love and admiration. How do you beat him to show him you love him?”

With a snap of his fingers, one of his men rushed forward to place a stool in front of him. Plopping down, he crossed his legs, motioning for her to speak.

“Uhm, well, I don’t beat him. Being my brother and all, we fight on the occasion, but if I want him to know I love him, I bake his favorite sweets or surprise him with a visit to his work.”

“Ah ha! That’s what I have to do! I got too reliant on my good old friend seeking me out, but maybe every once in a while I should seek him out!”

“Wait, that’s not really-” She couldn't finish her sentence as a crackle of electricity echoed through the warehouse. Her breathing was labored as she slowly began to come to terms with her situation.

“You know little batbug, you are slowly becoming a second favorite of mine. Of course, none of you could ever replace Batsy himself, but I would be lying to myself if I wasn’t fond of you and my Jason.”

If this was how he treated his favorites, Marinette was terrified to think of what Tim or Damian would go through if they were in her place right now. As he continued his monologue of the highs and lows of his and Jason's great relationship, Marinette took the time to take stock of her options.

There were ten men in total, more than likely at least five more outside posting guard. Fifteen wouldn’t be too hard, but there was one wildcard she couldn’t account for. Joker hardly ever accepted a fight that he wouldn’t believe to be fun and if she was honest, she couldn’t figure if he would jump in or not.

Tikki had already been working at the ropes holding her wrists, it was mere moments before they snapped, the only thing that stood in her way was that clown.

“-anywho, I suppose it’s time to go pay Jason a visit. Boys, leave this one alive. I like her.”

There was a slight groan of annoyance that sprinkled throughout the room.

Now was her time. The minute Joker stepped foot outside of the warehouse, she would be able to escape with almost no effort. As the doors slid open, Marinette nodded to Tikki to chew through the last rope.

“Where is she?” A frantic voice spilled through the front door causing Marinette’s eyes to snap into focus.

Several guns were trained on Jason as he gripped the front of Joker’s suit, his fist curled and ready to strike.

He came for her.

It wasn’t that she had any doubt, but she figured that her emergency tracker hadn’t sounded after seeing the response time from the team. As she dropped softly to her feet, Marinette slammed her elbow into the nearest man’s neck, gripping his gun as he dropped to the ground.

A few guns shifted from Jason to Marinette, seemingly unsure who was the bigger danger at this point.

“Oh Jason, I knew you cared. Marinette said I might have to seek you out, but that’s just not true is it. You always find your way back to me.”

His laughter was infuriating and Marinette could tell Jason was seeing red. If she didn’t get them out of there in the next few minutes, there was no telling if she could stop him from murdering the clown in front of him.

“You stupid clown, I could care less if you attack me, but you leave her out of this you understand?”

The Joker shook his head, a small giggle escaping his lips as he waved his men to stand down.

“Leave her out of this? Oh Jason, batbug there has become one of my new favorites. But don’t you worry, you’re still number one in my book.”

Marinette felt a shiver throughout her body at the sound of the growl that emitted from Jason.

“Jason, let's just leave. This isn’t a fight for today.”

There was no response as he and the Joker remained locked in an invisible argument, neither budging at the sound of her voice. Taking a step closer, she kept her gun trained on the clown, her eyes scanning the other men for any sudden movements. Instead of fighting her, they parted to allow her to get closer, all of them feeling equally confused as her.

Lowering her gun for a brief moment, she reached out to place a gentle hand on Jason’s shoulder.

“Jason, not today.”

She felt the tension in his body melting under her touch as he loosened his grip in the Joker’s suit. With one last glance, Jason dropped the man to the floor, turning to pull Marinette into a tight hug.

“Your stupid tracker needs an update. Tim could only place it near this area and it took me entirely too long to get here.”

Marinette winced under his tight grip, the realization of her wounds finally hitting her. Pulling back, she nodded to Jason as they both moved to walk out the door.

The sound of several guns switching off safeties echoed, causing them both to stop in their tracks.

“Joker, let us go.”

Her eyes met his as he lifted himself from the floor, brushing off the imaginary dust he had acquired. There was a certain glint in those eyes that screamed danger to her. They both shared a mutual understanding that he knew far too much and that he could attack whenever he wanted. This advantage seemed to please him as he nodded, motioning for his men to stand down once more.

“Batbug is right, this would be no fun if the two of you were dead. So many interesting possibilities for the future, it’s so exhilarating.”

The sound of his laughter stayed with her even after they were blocks away from the warehouse.

“Batman was right behind me, I’m sure he’ll get there before they have time to clear out.”

Marinette nodded absentmindedly as Jason pulled them into the nearest ally. As gently as possible, he lifted the back of her shirt to exam the wounds. Letting out a low whistle, he began to patch them one by one, the stinging of antiseptic cutting just as deeply as the wounds had.

“Mari, what were you doing before that clown kidnapped you? It doesn’t look you struggled much, there only seems to be torture wounds.”

Marinette’s eyes widened as she suddenly remembered.

“Jason, we have to get back to the library! My paper is due at midnight! That idiot snapped me while I was writing, I only have one paragraph done and I don’t even know if it saved.”

Jason struggled to bite back the laughter that was fighting to escape.

“You know Marinette, this is what you get for waiting to the last minute. Don’t you know by now that there is a fair chance of getting kidnapped while you’re trying to do school work?”

Marinette reached backward swinging blindly as Jason’s laughter finally bellowed through. As he pulled her shirt back down into position, Marinette turned to give him one last hug before she took off into the night.

Jason and Tikki shared a look. Together, they took off after her, giggling and calling after her as they raced through Gotham’s streets. All in all, it really was just another average night in Gotham City.

Permanent Tag List:

@ash-amg @rebecarojas07 @heaven428 @long-lost-peace @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @moongoddesskiana @nach0ava @iamablinkmarvelarmy @seraphkitty @clumsy-owl-4178 @pawsitivelymiraculous @mialuvscats @leagrey @smolplantmum @animegirlweeb @glitterflowercat

#jasonette #maribat #marinette dupain cheng

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gallickingun · 4 years

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reality-is-often-disappointing x denki || gallickingun matchups

@reality-is-often-disappointing : I, have shamelessly came here on note for a first tier matchup. MHA, my hobbies are a wild variety that includes mainly singing -as i have an ' amazing' alto voice- writing, drawing -in pencil mainly but also acrylics on canvas- I'm good at cooking -better thank baku if I do say so myself- reading fanfics obv, fangirling/gushing over hot guys with the girls yk? my dress code is ultimate modesty as i dont like showing skin, yet it's classy chic, very picky while shopping yes. my favorite colors are blank and vintage pink. aesthetic is more cutsie unicorn colors -my rooms main colors- but i actually only ever like wearing black. i do know how to swim but cant because *da-dun* i have dry eyes/also wear glasses. my favorite food is dark chocolate w/ those bits of cherries or oranges. as a first date i'm open to anything from a movie in or out, to walks on the beach or even just the arcade. i'm a she/her, and currently feeling like i'm going for a guy as a match triggers: only degradation or backtalking, it makes me anxious, a paranoid mess and i'll most definitely end up crying without even noticing. 165cm or 5'5 dark natural black hair (the 80s lion cut up to collarbone & a fringe) eye color, theyre black/brown when in sunlight. im white with a med and warmish olive undertones, natrually rosy cheeks -holy dark circles- full brows and what i've been called as "doll-like-eyes" or "cat-eyes" since theyre big and long naturally curled lashes. My birthday is on 31st of october, scorpio, INFP personality to cut short for you! I'm a child-free spirited but also am like-mature at maximum effort. I either sleep 3 or 16 hours there is no inbetween (once slept for 24 hrs but I'm not going to talk about how that freaked everyone out) I've been singing since I was three or since I've remembered. Secretly wanted to go on those x-factor shows but bleh, no. Fame is not really for me. Anywho, love you! Have fun with this and drink water! 🎵

Thank you so much for sending in the request for this! You’re such a gem, I really appreciate every time I get the pleasure of interacting with you, darling 🧡

― Denki would love the fact that you sing! He thinks you have a beautiful voice, and even if you’re across the house, if he hears you start to pick up a tune, he’ll join in! ― I think the two of you would pull all nighters together some nights, and other days sleep until you’ve passed the whole weekend by without doing much of anything. Denki can stay up until the sunrise, or he can sleep until noon, whatever you want to do! ― He loves your free spirit, it makes it easy to take you on adventures and experience the world with you.

⁂ Denki will randomly offer to pick you up from work, and the two of you will drive a couple of hours to the countryside or the beach - windows down, music blaring, singing until your throats are numb - and you’ll spend a night or a weekend away from the world, just wrapped up in each other.

⁂ He’s a horrible cook, absolutely terrible. Kaminari loves that you cook dinner most nights, because not only does he get to eat your delicious food, he also gets to praise the heck out of you for preparing a wonderful meal. He really adores it when you make too much and he gets to take the leftovers to work the next day. Of course he brags about you to all of the other heroes, and he really loves the note you leave on top of the tupperware.

⁂ Even if the two of you aren’t actively together, you’ll still stay up late. Sometimes you watch Kaminari while he plays video games, laying on the couch with your legs over his lap while he mashes the controller buttons and speaks to whoever is on the other side of the headset. In between each match or round, he’ll slip the headphones off his ears and run his palm along your calf, massaging your leg, “Whatcha doin’, babe?” And he’ll listen to you drone on about whatever YouTube video you were watching, whatever thing you’re reading, or whatever social media event has gotten your attention.

⁂ He learns how to harmonize in order to compliment your voice better. He shows it off one night when you’re singing along while cooking dinner - Denki sidles up behind you, arms around your waist, and starts to harmonize in your ear along with the song you’ve been captivated by for the last few weeks. You feel warm at the sound of his voice, and even more so due to the effort he’s put in to prove to you that your interests are his interests. And boy, is he interested in you.

⁂ Kaminari will be down to try all kinds of fruit chocolates with you - you guys even play a roulette style game where you have to guess what kind of fruit is hidden within the chocolate. You win, mostly, because Denki just wants to stuff his face with sugar so fast that he doesn’t recognize the fruit chunks. But he still plays and is in awe of you getting every single one right because you never fail to amaze him.

Denki slips in through the doorway, sliding off his shoes in favor of his house slippers as quietly as possible. He notices that the television is still flickering on and off, images bouncing off the glass of the window panes scattered throughout the living room walls. A chuckle parts his lips when he sees you curled up in one of his old hero merch designs - a hoodie that is too large for you, so big that it would seem it has swallowed you whole. Your legs are curled into your chest and your head rests on the arm of the couch, gentle snores making your nostrils shudder.

He tries to pick you up, slipping his arms carefully beneath your frame. But somehow you stir, your eyes peeling open lazily as you smack your lips, slowly sinking away from the realm of slumber. A gentle smile tugs on your lips and you frame his face with your hands, “Another late night?”

“Duty calls,” his voice does not sound as excited as it once did to get those midnight rings from the agency. Now, he just aches to be at home with you at the decent hours of the night, where he can hold you and fall asleep with you and remember why he fell in love with you all over again, every time he gets the faintest of whiffs of your perfume or your shampoo.

“Dinner is in the oven,” you are murmuring, your head lolling against his chest as he settles you into his hold, “I waited for you to start the next season.”

Kaminari is laughing, but the sound of it sobers you up and you grab him by the collar of his jacket with the one arm that is listening to you tell it how to move, the other pinned between your bodies, “H-Hey, don’t laugh at me! I waited for you to start it, now we’re gonna start it.”

Somehow you’re settled back into the couch, hands desperate for him as you search his torso for somewhere to find purchase. Kaminari leans down and kisses your forehead and then the tip of your nose, his lips hovering just above the bow of your mouth as he whispers, “Whatever you want, honey.”

Please check HERE to see if I’ve done your matchup already. Remember, I will also post your matchup with the tag: “#emoji-matchup”, using your emoji in place of the word, so if you can remember your emoji, you can search my blog for that tag to see if I have completed it already!

#kaminari denki #bnha #mha #my hero academia #bnha matchup #mha matchup #kaminari matchup #kaminari denki matchup #morgan does matchups #reality-is-often-disappointing #🎵 matchup

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ladywhaiyvern · 3 years

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Musings of An Otaku #7- Of Machine Animals and Relics of Old Ones

Ever since life took its course a few years ago, I stepped away from the video game scene to spend time with family. Back and forth hospital trips and long days of surgery among the other stressors of just being in a busy hospital environment would have been a great excuse to lose myself in a game. But for some reason, I just could not for the life of me sit down long enough to get into any games. Mobile games hardly counted in my book. If that was the case then the only “game” I played during that time frame was “Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp.” Hell, that’s the only mobile game I still play now. Religiously. Every day. Do dailies on Pocket Camp and then switch over to New Horizons and do my dailies there. Shit, I wish some of the items they offer in PC were available in NH! I digress. At this point, I had not sat down with say one of the next generation consoles at the time and played a newly released game.

I guess I am trying to make up for lost playing time now as we are in the middle of pandemic. Limiting the time out in public to essential trips only. No eating out as much as I used to. What better way to pass the time, then catch up on games that I wanted to play but never got around to. Lord knows I have all of them purchased. Just haven’t played a single one yet. Then again, this goes for anything. I still have a very large pile of Anime blu-rays and dvds sitting around that I haven’t touched. Manga on shelves yet to be cracked into. I am working on getting through my Dragonlance books though! Just started book 2 of the Elven Exiles. Things are not looking good for the elves at all. ANYWHO!

Horizon: Zero Dawn. A game I remember seeing trailers and game footage for when it was in development back in the day. I was interested in it then, but then things had happened in life (as I have said). Started picking my way through it early last year. It was different, interesting. Your typical open-world action RPG. Beautiful graphics and landscapes. Didn’t think too much about it as I set it aside for a little while and then came back to it full force. Aloy did not draw me into the world, as much as the lore did. I wanted to find out what the hell happened to the world and why these animal shaped machines were so hell bent on killing everyone. I liked the look of these animal machines. Come on, I absolutely love Power Rangers and the seasons that used animal motifs (or mystical creatures). So, mechanical beasts were nothing new to me. They just were not sentient and hellbent on destruction. I mean, one can argue for a few seasons about it but I’m not here to discuss and argue Power Rangers. This is about Horizon: Zero Dawn.

I do not recall how many hours I spent going through the main scenario of the game (as I did spend A LOT of that time hiding and planning ambushes on machines). And, well I am the type to go through the entire friggen map and get every single item and complete every quest. Okay, maybe not EVERY quest. I still have the hunting ground trials to do but I’m not really concerned with those as I am getting all the metal flowers, and ancient vessels. What can I say?! I laughed at the recommended level you had to be for the final showdown. I was way over that….and I mean…..wwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaayyyyy over that. I had the nice ancient amour as well. The one where you had to go around and get the power cells to open up the bunker. The one that has the nice shield factor. Yeah, I liked that. I liked many of the outfits with the added bits and bobs of machines and wiring. It was different and yet still very tribal looking. I also enjoyed the tribal aesthetic. We, as humans went back to the typical hunter/gathering tribal lifestyle after Zero Dawn. Nice to see the different kinships emerge. All the old memories of my cultural anthropology and archeology classes came flooding back which was not bad at all!

I completed the main scenario the other day and WOW! Overall, that was a damn good game. While I did not connect with Aloy at the start of the game, I did become interested in her side of the story. I mean, seriously she was one of the only people that could unlock things with her genetic connection. The basis of how the world came to be destroyed and basically overthrown by these animal machines is a little on the scary side. We are becoming more and more reliant on technology. And that technology is slowly becoming more and more self aware and sentient. Everything is going that way. Look at our security systems, look at the smart houses, our cars, our smartphones, our smart watches. Machines that help us with cleaning and cooking are completely different then what I grew up with. Machines implanted into the body to help extend someone's life! I saw this first hand with my father and his LVAD (left ventricle assist device). Technology is both amazing and scary at the same time. It can be used for both the good and the bad. Dark and light. Shadow and sun.

Shit, I read an article the other day that both China and France are looking to create their own mobile military with biologically engineered supersoldiers. Taken from the New York Post’s article: “The French seek to improve “physical, cognitive, perceptive and psychological capacities,” and could allow for location tracking or connectivity with weapons systems and other soldiers.” https://nypost.com/2020/12/19/france-china-developing-biologically-engineered-super-soldiers/

And that, my friends, is how the basis of Horizon: Zero Dawn started. No joke, machines built for warfare that went rogue and self-replicated by the use of absorbing plantlife, animal life and human life. Drained the Earth of its resources and caused “Zero Dawn” to be implemented. The basis for these “super soldiers” and “machine warfare” is nothing new to the Sci-fi genre. I mean, it’s been used in many many movie plots, video games, television, anime, manga, comic books and novels. It’s just scary to think that something like this could actually happen. It is not as far fetched as we think. Yes, many of these forms of entertainment have one more aspect going for them that we currently do not. Space travel. Another living planet humans live on. But the overall thought of some rogue machines being capable of self-replication and eradicating human life is still scary. And with any technological form- you know there will be some people who will be dead set on hacking these machines. I mean, even Aloy is hacking the machines to get them onto her side. Which, if you have not overridden one of the bigger machines in the game- it is so worth it! Love just sitting back and watching the machines fight each other! We are not that far from a Cyberpunk dystopian future. Hack the planet!

I am moving into the DLC of the Frozen Wilds and am pretty close to being done with that as well. As I am enjoying it as I get to play more in this world and explore areas that are new, I am also a little on the disappointed side. I was hoping to learn more about the previous world and it’s demise. Granted, I am not done with the Frozen Wilds. I am in the process of traveling to the Thunderdrum- so I am hoping that will shed some light on these “demonic” machines and maybe expand the lore some more. I am done with the majority of the side quests and gathering the pigments, animal figures, and blue gleam.

I am really glad that I finally decided to sit down and give this game a try since it’s been on my “to play” list for a few years now. I enjoyed the overall story and despite me not being one to enjoy a whole lot of stealth play- I did enjoy this one. I can definitely see how they set the series up for a sequel. I’m excited to learn exactly where we shall be going in the second game.

#random musing #musings #video game #video games #otaku #ps4 #ps4 games #horizon #horizon zero dawn #zero dawn frozen wilds #zero dawn

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365daysofsasuhina · 4 years

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[ @sasuhinabigflash2020 || Day Six: A Grey Coat ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

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This has quickly become one of his favorite places to be.

While the wall around Konoha represents a lot of things he’d rather not think about, it provides a rather unparalleled view of the village as a whole. The Hokage monument may show more at once, but at that height people are little more than specks, and there’s something about watching them at a better distance that Sasuke’s come to enjoy.

Feelings are still mixed about the place he was born. Sasuke knows, now that his anger has cooled and his rationality given time to smother the coals, that there’s still much about Konoha that is innocent of the crimes committed against him and others. Civilians have no part in the politics. Your average shinobi is just trying to get by and protect their home. It’s the roots of the village - literally and figuratively - that contribute most to its rotten core. Those in power that abuse it, and do ugly things to keep their hold on said power.

...but he has a plan for that. It will just take time, and organization. For now, he’s working first on himself before he can confront all that made him the way he is.

It’s been weeks since the war’s end. Much is still in flux. Even reparations from Pein’s attack are still being worked on, supplies still scarce at times as the complete rebuilding of Konoha continues. Ironically, the wall - so useless in keeping out the most potent threat - was one of few things left intact.

It’s here Sasuke sits, and thinks, and watches. While it’s patrolled by Konoha nin and they gave him suspicious looks at first, most have grown accustomed to his harmless perch, and even give him space as he lingers. If anything, they know he’s more than capable of defending it if anything were to happen. Personal opinions aside, he’s still unquestionably strong.

Today, the weather is a bit overcast, threatening rain as thunder rumbles miles in the distance. Even now, the sound brings a strange, tight melancholy to his chest. Flickering pieces of his final battle against his brother are always brought to mind whenever he hears a storm. But as time passes, it fades ever so slightly. He’ll always mourn Itachi, and he still serves as one of the younger brother’s fiercest drives to changing Konoha into something worthy of Itachi’s sacrifice. But Sasuke makes no attempt to find cover as the sky darkens and the winds subtly pick up.

Someone else, however, takes that upon themselves.

With a muffled thwump, something drops across his shoulders, and Sasuke blinks in surprise, caught off-guard enough he doesn’t react violently, instead left a bit stupefied as the figure behind him comes around to a side.

Once he sees them, he manages to relax a hair.

“You’re going to get drenched here in a m-minute,” Hinata offers, lowering herself to sit along the edge with him. Sandaled feet dangle over the several-storey fall to the ground beneath them.

“A little rain never hurt anyone.”

“You still might catch a cold.”

That flattens his expression a few degrees. “I’m not scared of a cold.”

Pale pink lips curl in a smile. “No, but you should fear someone’s reaction if she finds out, right…?”

At that, Sasuke scoffs, a hand pulling at the fabric he’s been cloaked in. A grey coat, seemingly waterproof if the texture tells him anything. Considering it a moment, he then pulls it on completely. “Thanks.”

She doesn’t reply beyond a nod. Her hands grip the edge of the wall, staring out over the village. “...I’ve never actually been up here.”

“Really?”

“No reason to be,” Hinata replies blithely. “But I saw you and thought I’d come up.”

“And bring me a coat?”

That earns a glance, tinged a bit worried. “Well...Naruto-kun let it slip you’re still a bit, um...lacking in supplies.”

“I’m not a charity case,” is his terse counter.

“I know that. It’s called being nice,” is her own rebuke, managing a hint of a smile. “Besides...it’s g-going to be getting cold, soon. They’ll be hard to find.”

He just gives a small sound of indifference, pulling at a cuff. It’s actually pretty nice. “...thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

The pair then fall into companionable silence, which is soon accented with the soft patter of rain upon the stone of the wall. Against his hood, they seem to whisper in his ear.

Hinata draws her own, leaning back slightly on her palms. “At least it’s not cold enough to snow yet…”

“Not a fan?”

“Mm...yes and no.” She goes quiet for a long moment. “...I guess it’s just an odd sign that time is still passing. It’s felt both slow and yet...really fast since the war. I’m not ready for Winter, but...that’s not going to stop it from coming.”

He glances at her, but offers no reply. In a way, he knows what she means. So many things are broken, disjointed, unsettled. The fact that the world itself is offering them no reprieve seems unfair, but that’s an entirely human notion.

“...is it true you might leave?”

The sudden change in conversation pulls his gaze completely. “Who told you that?”

“It’s just the word going around,” Hinata replies softly. “I think...some people are worried about it.”

By ‘some people’, he knows she mostly means his teammates. It’s true, he tossed around the idea of taking time to travel, observe the world, sort out his thoughts. Even now, it feels tempting. “...I don’t think I will.”

“Oh?”

“There’s too much to do here,” he replies, knowing it’s vague. “I don’t want to lose any time.”

It’s then she looks back at him, and Sasuke can’t help but feel ever so slightly unnerved. Even now, Hyūga eyes make him feel looked through rather than looked at. Especially Hinata.

“...I see. Is it...anything to do with the council?”

A slight tick of irritation twinges in his chest. Seems the idea isn’t being made as confidential as he’d have liked. “What makes you think that?”

“Well...given everything that’s come to light -?”

“I don’t know yet. That’s...not exactly a simple situation,” he cuts in, not exactly eager to talk about it...let alone out in the open. “I’ve still got a lot to think about.”

Sensing his spark of temper, Hinata quiets, looking to her lap. “...sorry, I...shouldn’t have assumed.”

“Hn.”

“...but...I-I hope you know that...if you need any help, I’d be happy to give it.”

He gives her a dubious glance. “...why?”

“...a lot of reasons,” she offers, taking her turn to be vague. “Is it n-not enough to want justice to be done?”

“...I’m not exactly someone everyone else is eager to rally around,” he counters. “Just seems odd for anyone to want to do so of their own volition.”

“What Konoha did was a g-gross overstep.” To his surprise, her expression hardens. “Regardless of the politics...killing every single member of a clan - or...nearly - is a horrible way to handle dissatisfaction, and an imbalance of power a-and rights. It just...makes me wonder if something like that could have happened to any of the rest of us. I...I know I don’t have a grasp on the entire history, but...from what I’ve heard, it still seems like the village made the wrong decisions, and for the wrong reasons. I just...want to make sure nothing like it happens again. And that...the ones who did orchestrate it are made to face justice for what they did to you, and...your family.” She turns to him, face still set in stone. “You deserve at least that much.”

For a moment, her vehemence takes him by surprise. “...how much do you know…?”

At that, she hesitates. “...just...bits and pieces, really. I’ve heard some from Naruto-kun, and...others.”

Ah, right...apparently they have their share of overlapped acquaintances. He knows who’s really behind this, now. “...getting involved might get you in serious trouble.”

“Sometimes you need a little trouble to make things right.”

After a short pause, he snorts softly. “...can’t argue that,” he agrees, lips curling just a hair.

By now, the rain is pouring, and despite his coat, the rest of him is quickly growing soaked. And a glance shows her much in the same boat.

“...we should probably get inside. Can’t be catching those colds.”

Hinata lets slip a small laugh. “True...and I should head home.”

To his surprise, Sasuke finds himself disappointed at that. “Yeah, me too. Thanks for the coat.”

“You’re welcome. At least we know it works, ne?” She smiles at him. “Well...for part of you, anyway.”

The pair of them then slip from the wall, each landing safely on the ground below and parting ways. Hinata takes the streets as Sasuke decides to hop to the rooftops, mindful of his chakra to cling to the slick tiles. Once home, he shrugs out of his coat, pleased to find his head and torso completely dry.

Mulling that over, he hangs it outside to finish dripping before deciding to scavenge for some lunch.

Gonna be brief cuz it’s late, and I have another piece to post right after this :’D As for why I’m late, been having major toothache problems that knocked me on my butt and delayed me, but I managed to grind out two days’ prompts today! Tho as a warning, neither are proofread because I’m in a hurry xD Anywho, this piece! Mostly just a bit of scene-setting and dialogue between Sasuke and Hinata early on after the war in ALAS. Which, as a matter of fact, is being majorly replotted...not that I’ll ever write it, BUT...yeah. Hence the mention of Itachi still being dead, because in any possible rewrite, he would be. But yeah! This is mostly just a bit of angst, a bit of fluff, a bit of slice of life. I really love just...writing little moments between them, honestly. On that note though, I need to work on getting the next part up, so I’ll go for now! Thanks for reading~ (Also, going to get to comments tomorrow, I hope. I'm just too tired atm, apologies for the delays :'D)

#sasuhinabigflash2020 #shbf2020 #sasuhina #uchiha sasuke #hyūga hinata #a light amongst shadows [ canon verse ]

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weirdponytail · 5 years

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HUZZAH! Upcoming drabbles/attempted drawing sets for Huntik stuff!

OKAY I told y’all that traveling helps spark my creative juices and I did not lie!

Oddly enough though, this time it sparked drawing juices, which is mildly annoying because drawing takes me days longer than writing.

Anywho, I wanted to keep you all up to snuff on what I’ll be up to. See, a while back I saw some really cool artworks on tumblr where someone (and I’ll link them when I find them again) had drawn ‘pictures’ of the Huntik team in the actual style of the show and had them done out like Facebook posts/snapchats sort of that the team shared. I love it/them, and when I went down to the beach this Thanksgiving it got me thinking ‘hey! It would be really cool if I could draw snapchat style story thing (I’ve never actually used or even SEEN a snapchat app in person so I’m pretty clueless to most of it besides what I see of memes) of the Team at the beach on actual holiday’ and then, because it’s me and I haven’t touched it much for ages and since hey, I’m there, I thought ‘ZOMG WHAT IF TEAM FLORIDA INVITED THE MAIN TEAM TO THE BEACH AND TEAM FLORIDA SHOWED UP AFTER THEM?!’

So in my usual style I gathered up a good pound or so of seashells and bits of junk while muttering snapchat labels/titles/lines(?) to go with each picture that only make sense if you can see my mental image of what I want to do with each line/how they came about. Naturally I started typing these one liners out on my notes app as I walked back to the hotel and totally didn’t walk into a light post in full view of a diner’s window, but good news is that I’m gonna show you these one liners and later add more stuff to it via reblogs. I’ll try my best to add some understandable description to ones that I can describe well enough. :3

Also, for clarification: these probably won’t be actually done in drawings. I’ll likely give up on them and just write a fic as best I can around them. Currently I’m trying to clean house because dad has some interview guy coming over to evaluate his new life situation with his injuries for a trial or somm’at, so it’s wild here right now. I can see the carpet in my room. It’s really impressive.

Anyway, here’s the oneliners!! :D Cheers, Seekers!

Lok’s Phone (in general order of arrival):

BEACH TIIIME!! (General shot of a beach.)

Um okay apparently Sophie can surf?! (Sophie chillin on a board past the breakers waiting for a wave)

OOOOOH DAAAANG SHE SHRED! (one of those vid clips of Sophie doing some board trick or something)

Cherit’s going to be King of the Beach. Den and Harrison are his serfs. (Cherit sitting on a mound of sand while Den and Harrison are apparently moulding a wall around it)

Zhalia, Queen of Sass, kindly tells me that she isn’t in the mood for beach fun. :) (Zhalia lounging on a beach chair in shorts and bikini top and sunglasses, giving Lok the finger)

Oh nevermind. Apparently she’s interested now. (Dante casually walking down the sand as he takes his shirt off. Zhalia’s in the background tipping her sunglasses down like ‘oh daaaayyyum get me somma dat’)

RUN!! (shakey clip of sand going by as Lok apparently sprints away screaming ‘DANTE THREW HER IN THE WATER WE’RE GOING TO DIE!’)

Bwahaha she used Earthtide on him! (Dante buried up to his neck in sand looking sheepish as Zhalia gives him a look with crossed arms)

Team Florida in da house! (pic of station wagon with doors all open and Team Florida unloading)

(To be Continued...)

Sophie’s Phone (no general order this time):

Great day for some waves! (pic of board upright in the sand in front of the waves)

And Zhalia wonders why we still have some trust issues... (Pic of Lok’s bare back as he apparently snoozes face down on a beach towel. A particular someone has written on his back in sunscreen “Kick me, I’m Irish.”)

Team Florida has arrived!! (selfie of a smiling/laughing Sophie with Ket on one side of her with a wild smile and her tongue out flashing a sideways peace sign and Cor on the other wearing a fake beard and plastic viking-style horned helmet with both arms up)

Ket surfs too!! :gasp/surprised emoji and :D emoji: (Ket running out to the water with a board over her head)

I have just been informed that Ket can’t actually surf... (Clip of Ket managing to do an entirely unplanned double front flip as she’s thrown off her board into the water)

She tries very hard. (short clip montage of Ket’s many fails trying to get past the breakers and her various falls of the board)

Marko and Dante are trying to out Zen each other!! :cry laughing emoji: (Slow mo clip of Marko and Dante doing martial arts forms side by side with the waves behind them)

Ket’s growing pile of...stuff? (pic of a small pile of shells, sticks, and various bits of what could be trash next to Mama Cat’s beach chair)

!!! Gareon?? :cry laughing emoji: (clip of a very content looking Gareon floating in the shallows and spraying sea salt from his nose a la galapagos iguana style)

You see that dot? That is what happens when Dante says ‘Powers are okay!’ for beach volleyball and and immediately serves with Dragonfist. :rolling eyes emoji: (Short clip of small dot of color in the distance being swept away by the sea. Halfway through there’s an awkward cough in the background and Dante says ‘Oops.’ Zhalia chimes in with a ‘Nice going babe.’)

(To be Continued)

Den’s Phone:

ALL HAIL KING CHERIT! (pic of intricately detailed meter high sandcastle with Cherit smuggly sitting at the top and Harrison worshiping at the base)

Aaaay, Team Florida! Mama Cat Lady, Wild Child, Viking Man and Zen Master 2000 finally here! (Station wagon pulling up to the deserted parking area)

THEY BROUGHT TBOY! (wildly shaky clip of a streak of white and black as TBoy tackles Den while he records)

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN TANLINES!” (Clip of Ket whipping off her shirt)

Welcome to this year’s World Championship of Pale and Skinny! Today’s category is ‘HOW THE HELL HAVE YOU NOT TANNED AT ALL?!’ (A shirtless Harrison and Cor side by side doing muscle poses)

Judge Zhalia performing the customary Paper Test! (A piece of white paper is held up against Harrison and Cor’s arms. There isn’t much of a color difference!)

OMG MAMA ATTRACTED DOLPHINS! (clip of dolphin pod playing near shore)

Dun dun... (pic of viking helmet)

Dun dun... (pic of fake beard)

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun BWADABWAAA! BWADABWAAA!! (pic of strange looking kayak with...small viking shields attached to the sides and a dragon sculpture at the front??)

DundundundundUN DUN DUN DUN DUN! (clip of Cor vigorously and comically paddling out wearing his viking helmet, fake beard and in the kayak outfitted to look quite like a viking longboat)

(To be Continued...)

There’s more but right now I need to get back to cleaning. Cheers mates!! :D

#huntik #huntik: secrets and seekers #Huntik: Team Florida #team florida #adventures of ket #cor the viking #marko the zen master #mama cat the animal magnet #huntik team #beach fic #show not tell #huntik fanfiction #huntik x team florida #oc #ocs #huntik oc #huntik ocs

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iscribblin · 3 years

Text

Journalling Day 8

So it’s been about a week because it’s been so crazy busy lately and once again I need to go to bed but I just want to do a quick recap of everything that’s been going on.

I’ve joined a new dance class with my South African neighbor called Afro House and I love that I’m learning something completely new and different.

I’ve upped my tennis sessions to 5x per week (averaging 8 hours total) and it’s been a ton of fun. On top of that I signed up for both a singles and mixed doubles tennis tournament and honestly I just feel so proud of my life and so happy with everything that’s going on. Who knew that I would feel like I’m living my best life in the middle of a pandemic? I guess it took the world slowing down for me to realize that I need to just get up and go. I’m lucky that my environment is slowly growing here as it took Laura inviting me to volleyball, Mert inviting me to tennis, and Lauren inviting me to dance that I get to be where I am today.

On top of that, things are progressing pretty well with Baturay. I went on my second and third date with him last week. The second date I invited him over but because of restrictions he needed to spend the night so I cleared it with him the day before by calling him and telling him that we would be sleeping separately (him on the couch) and that this would simply be a “getting to know you” session. Then he joked that he would have his lawyers draw up an agreement that I would sign before he entered my apartment and literally the next day he brought over a “dating contract” and I just about died laughing. See, to me, these are the kind of things I live for in a relationship. The fact that it cost him nothing to print that up but that he did it to make me laugh and made an effort towards me, I was truly impressed. He came over around 8 and we went to bed around 2 giving him only 2-3 hours of sleep since he had to leave at 5:30 in the morning. It was such a nice night we spent the whole time talking. He informed me that he has never been in a serious relationship before so that worried me a bit but Allison was helpful in pointing out that that would mean he hadn’t developed any bad habits that I would have to break.

Then the day after he invited me to his place Saturday to have a “dance session” on his Just Dance game since I never taught him the dance from my dance class. I thought the idea was super cute and spent the whole rest of the week excited and looking forward to seeing him again. On Friday I went to Alev’s house again and I asked her husband “how to bag a Turk” or “seal the deal” (Turk oglani nasil tavlarim) and he advised that I act not as interested and text less. While I understand this method, it also totally isn’t me. I feel like at the moment, we are both expressing equal interest in each other and it’s exciting for the both of us. The playing games just seems childish and unnecessary. As long as one party isn’t overbearing on the other party, then the “high” of a new relationship is half the excitement. Why would I fuck with those emotions unnecessarily?

The only thing I plan to do soon is have an exclusive talk where I will casually mention that I did have someone I was talking to but I have since stopped and perhaps mention that I was upset he didn’t text me the day after we hung out Saturday but I most likely won’t do the latter since I don’t feel I played that right (since I didn’t quite know how to artfully play it) but I will slow my roll a little just to up the ante.

Anyways, Saturday went extremely well. It sort of freaked me out. I was initially hesitant to take things to the physical level with Baturay but I started thinking more and more that it was something that I actually needed since I wanted to make sure that the physical attraction would be there for me as well. Additionally, I liked the idea of sort of surprising him with a take-charge attitude that I ended up playing out that night where I would lead him into the bedroom to sleep, take his hands into mine, and pull him in for a kiss. This quickly turned horizontal onto his bed with lots of rubbing and rolling and tossing and turning. Although I just wanted a steamy make-out session, I sort of lost control and after a few attempts I let him take my top off and we also rounded second base that night. I didn’t mind that it went there since I was able to stop it from going further but when he didn’t text me the next day (Sunday morning after I left) I spent the whole day racking my brain with guilt and worries of regret for getting physical even though I was previously so confident with my decision-making.

I was disappointed all throughout Sunday and beginning of Monday that he didn’t realize how important that follow-up text after getting physical is. I felt like I had become vulnerable and opened up my body to him and he didn’t realize the weight of this when it’s done with someone I have feelings for. Today he finally texted me around 5 like usual and nothing was wrong so I played along since it was only 24 hours sans text but at the same time I am not the type of person to let things wither away. So we will see if I bring it up but I feel like it would be important for him to know that although it may seem small, it was a big step for me.

Anywho, I should sleep. Perhaps I’ll continue on this post tomorrow. Good night :)

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brocolirose · 7 years

Text

I have lost sleep.

So to speak. When I fall asleep, I’m a log for at least 8 hours. Such a waste of life. (Look at me, being an angsty teenager at age 27. That’s what 4:30AM sleep-deprived cynicism looks like.) But this pattern of not going to sleep before 4AM has been recurring very often in the past 2 or 3 weeks, and this time I mustered up the focus to write down those things that bug me, and those things that stress the fuck out of me. Hear Me Ramble.

One of the biggest challenges I face with journaling as an activity is choosing the medium. Putting pen to paper is the most satisfying, sensorially. Tracing the letters, forcing myself not to write in a jumble, whiting out mistakes and re-writing on top.... They’re the small, irreplaceable pleasures. Typing is a lot less about fine motor skills and less emotionally invested (at least in my case -- I put a lot of thought in the form and content of manuscript text) -- but it is much quicker, much cleaner, much more flexible, and above all easy to reference. I sometimes read my very old blog posts, and I wonder both at how much/little different I am from back then and at the fact I have actually journaled/blogged so little in the past 7 years. Where did my writing go ?

Well, to put it bluntly: it probably went in the sinkhole of Facebook comments, for the most part. I spent so much time fighting losing battles. Then you give up on Internet crusades when you burn out from the broken-record conversations. Anyway I don’t recall writing a lot more besides that and getting my college degree in Korean studies. Boy did I learn how to properly scratch paper in those 3 years. (Funny thing is: my laptop kinda broke down in the first year and needed to be constantly plugged in, so I couldn’t really bring it to campus and use it to take notes -- so I got really good at switching my color gel pens while scribbling.)

Anywho (I love this silly little word), writing used to be a way for me to process my feelings and thoughts, and somewhere along the way it just got dropped. There was also a time I took a lot of photos and went through the trouble of sorting my favorites, editing them and showing them (in my FB photos, ifyou’re looking for impressive). But one then the other vanished, mostly around the time I got a first boyfriend, and then when life became a busy whirlwind (to my standards -- I need a loooot of leisure time -- not having found my calling and whatnot). I’ve made a few feeble attempts at writing over the past year, to deal with my depression, in the context of therapy -- but I got hung up on the medium, and never could find consistency.

But fuck it. Pen and paper is a pain to carry around then review. Livejournal is as good as dead. So here I am, on my last long-standing blog. A kingdom of isolation, stranded on the far shores of.... well, Tumblr. Whatever that means.

(It’s a 5AM ramble now, woohoo!)

Oh I have a bit of that rice drink and matcha, let me drink that to quench my thirst. Yummy.

If you’re still reading this, wayward voyager, let me reward your patience now and tell you what has been stressing me out. See, I have been living and working full time in a different country than my own, living on my own (and then with a flatmate) for the first time in my life, making good money (considering the job), and getting a taste of adulthood I never had before. But this “time away” has not gone according to plan (life, duh) and shit started hitting the fan 6 months in. It’s been nearly 4 years since I realized I had nearly all the symptoms of chronic depression, and so far no doctor, therapist or counselor has contested this self-applied diagnosis (nor did they diagnose anything on top, which is a relief). But here in Cork I was suddenly forced to take care of it, and for the first time I had a proper network of support to guide me toward the help I needed. In Paris I never had the time or energy or interest to look up the help myself, and mom paid rent. Locked in a situation where I needed to provide for myself, but couldn’t carry out my work because of recurring breakdowns, and refusing to fold back onto my Paris mommy-shelter, I left myself few rescue routes: get better, or end it. You might have noticed I’m still here.

(or am I?)

Long story short, this year has really helped me tie up a few loose ends, and opened up the path to resolving other issues, instead of drawing a curtain on them.

- I mourned a friendship (or two); - I took responsibility for my feelings in general, and figured out the emotional hardships I was willing to tackle in a long-distance, polyamorous relationship (there have been many); - I started to really get the wisdoms of Buddhism and Stoicism, and it helped me keep a less dramatic outlook on life; - I Netflixed the months away, and caught up on a lot of shows I would have never seen otherwise. (honestly I don’t remember a fifth of it, and the remaining less-than-a-fifth is very unlikely to be useful in daily life or conversation, and I’m just not a TV-show-fangirl -- so we may bar this whole thing as a huge waste of time and money, but I’ll own this.) - I have never drawn so much in a very long time. I posted a lot of stuff on Instagram lately, relatively speaking. Paradoxically I got myself a new laptop in January to do more digital stuff, but ended up, over the last 6 months, filling out a drawing pad instead: twice bigger than the previous one, and filled twice faster. My brain’s a twat. Or maybe just my expectations are. Fuck me, whatever. - Now that I’m coming to grips with emotional hygiene, I’ll be able to start building some financial hygiene. Because I wasn’t able to save more than my ass’ skin and what it takes to keep it dry, warm, clean and peachy.

I’m also figuring out that instead of being a nice smart badass waiting for her chance in life, I am more of a wasteful cowardly fuckwit with delusions of grandeur -- while paradoxically knowing my life is shit, yes. (not top-grade never-getting-out-of-there shit, but still shit. Entry-level shit, if you will.) But I used to think that I deserved better and just didn’t get the starting boost I thought I had deserved by virtue of being born with whatever beautiful brain I thought I had been endowed with.

Truth is: although I’m human and thus inherently flawed, so far I’ve done a pretty terrible job of picking up the skills needed to progress in life as an autonomous adult. Just to say I’m not as smart as I like to think I am.

Somehow this thought is liberating. It’s good to be an idiot. To embrace being a dimwit. No need to impress anybody, even myself.

That doesn’t mean I will let everything go strapless and become even more thoroughly irresponsible and aimless than I already am. I simply want to acknowledge the very likely possibility that I’ve been setting the bar a little too high for myself by factoring in a stellar intellect that flirts with no other stars than those wriggling over the seabed floor.

So there: I’m stupid, and it’s okay. It just means I should get my sheep in a row and work harder, otherwise my peachy ass becomes crisp bacon. (hmmmmmmmmm bacon 🥓)

(It’s 6AM, I wouldn’t mind some bacon and eggs.)

Hmmmm I didn’t get too much into detail, and I suppose I’ve rambled enough because I don’t feel like going on. But it felt good. :) So I’m going to close off by saying that what stresses me out is that I may not be fully ready when the day comes that I have to fly back to Paris (July 5th), and I’ll have to leave plenty of stuff here because I didn’t move my butt to expedite my stuff back nor sell what I could. And I’m afraid of losing other friends as I figure out how to go about being a polyamorous, sliiiightly bisexual person with values that do not bar flirting with someone who happens to be somebody else’s “other half”. I’m also scared I won’t find a livelihood whose required work won’t drive me crazy or suicidal.

Because I’ve experienced these things. But I’m not afraid of going stag on a backpacking trip across Europe and more. Because, of that, I am clueless.

#diary #depression #redemption #cork #ireland #polyamory #lost friendship #backpacking #late night ramblings #sleepless #sleep deprived

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