already thinking "and by 'religious' really i mean 'christian'" re: how the term "religion" is not really useful when it's largely like, from a christian perspective, what is considered "equivalent" of christianity, see: perhaps a "rival"/obstacle to some person or group being considered christian....and even if not thinking about converting anyone, resulting in some at best misinterpretation / misrepresentation based on framing it through/as [element of christianity] and limiting of any more accurate language

like how tumblr recommends me a post about someone thinking about "religion" in general and concluding that it's Weird and perhaps Wrong for anyone who is a "true believer" in their religion(tm) to Not be proselytizing / trying to Convert everyone. like yeah why isn't everyone being an evangelical christian, they ought to be, benevolently informing all those around them that they're going to hell, otherwise. don't see any problem with this conclusion, or that someone's getting antisemitic in the notes already in agreement, or that That's Not How This Works and you don't just know how All "Religion" works based on considering it to be an alternate version of christianity (which in itself doesn't All work like that either)

you can tell you work in academia with how much patience you have for some of these asks...."I don't know what is and isn't true anymore" is such an indefensible cop out of a way to exist in the modern world. morally clean "Leftists" could at least have the decency to learn the history of the people and places they pretend to care about for internet points, but hey, it's way easier to take the Opressor Approved route and give into despair and recycle repurposed right wing propaganda like the TERF version of geopolitics. a lot of people need to ask themselves, if there were no internet asspats involved, would you actually still care?? anyway thank you for your patience and willingness to engage, you're a better person than me :')

So far as the other anon goes, they have apologized and taken responsibility that it was a dumb thing to do, I have accepted that apology, and I think that matter is now closed. And yes, I do actually appreciate (as discussed in many other posts and asks) that it is difficult to always and automatically find reliable information, that it has been made deliberately even more difficult to do so by various bad actors, and that this results in a big ol' Bad Take Sea even by people who are genuinely otherwise well-meaning or want to make a positive contribution. So I really do have sympathy for that. Perhaps the previous anon did not put that sentiment across in the best of ways, but as I said, we should all have a bit more grace in remembering that we are real people behind the computer/phone screen and are dealing with different stressful things, and therefore sometimes make mistakes and do or say things we don't mean. (You know, for those of us who aren't pornbots. Oh tumblr.)

Where you and I absolutely agree, however, is that just because it is sometimes difficult to acquire that information, or that systemic and deliberate barriers/misinformation has been put in place to increase the difficulty, it does not excuse people from the responsibility of doing so, especially if they want to put themselves in the position of being the Perfectly Correct Social Media Oracle who will judge and criticize everyone else's responses and act as if that has some real-world impact or is a real marker of someone's "personal morality." And there are for sure plenty of people who are doing that with literally no self-awareness or other critical tools, because as you say, they want the Internet Asspats for being seen as a "Good Person" according to a very narrow and limited definition. But they can't think about what that entails, how to challenge it or correct it, or otherwise apply it carefully, so, yeah.

As I said, I am generally willing to answer asks that are made in good faith and show a real willingness to learn, because (as noted and which is doubtless visible again here) I am an academic and I enjoy having these kinds of discussions. But this topic in particular, and modern social media in general, is really not made for it, and it's easy to get sucked down the Discourse Black Hole that doesn't do anything for anyone, and I try to avoid that. So I answer only when I think I can contribute something useful to the discussion, which results in those kinds of long and careful responses where I do always worry that I haven't said enough or said it the right way, especially with the bad-faith reading police eager to leap on any small misstatement or sentence taken out of context. That is of course a hazard of being a person on the Internet in 2024, and since I am still here and still answering questions generally, I have clearly decided to accept it. But I also don't have an obligation to respond to *everything,* and I don't. It is a fine line to walk and again, I am a middle-aged tired academic and ordinary person doing my best. I appreciate your support. :)

Heyo! I saw your post about RSD and tried to comment but Tumblr said "no," so I'm sending it as an ask, I guess. 😅 Not trying to be a creeper.

I took Focalin for a while (currently on a blend of Wellbutrin and Prozac, because it manages all parts of my AuDHD well). It helped with a lot of the symptoms of brain fog and executive dysfunction, but I haven't noticed much (if any) difference in my RSD. If anything, it gives you a tiny gap of space in between the painful impact and your reaction. So I get a (non-judgy) mental voice letting me know that while my feelings are real and valid, assigning extra meaning to the perceived rejection isn't helping me.

Silly example: getting a briefer text without all the required emojis and punctuation to let me know the other person isn't pissed at me.

This feels like a slap in the face OR like a hole ripped in my gut. And I can't do anything about that feeling. But what I can do is realize my brain is telling me that the other person is upset, that I've done something wrong, etc etc. My brain is telling me that, but the only objective information I have is "I got a short text." It's up to the other person to tell me that they're actually upset.

So to sum up:

1. Meds didn't make RSD feel better (for me), but it gave me some breathing space to choose some different reactions.

2. Validating the reaction for how scary or painful it is (the reaction is NOT stupid) is important.

3. Recognize the other bits that are contributing to why this particular thing feels so very bad.

4. Discard everything that is not super simply and objectively true.

I know we tend to be hyper intuitive and often right in our assumptions, but the bottom line is that that sh1t is not our business.

I'm interested to hear other people's behavioral recs!

No Problem! I don't know why you couldn't comment, sorry 😞 Maybe you are on your side blog or something (?). Anyway, that doesn't matter. Thanks for answering! I hope it's ok if I answer publicly.

What really bugs me about the whole RSD situation is, that objectively I know. My brain knows. That the person is just in a hurry, that it wasn't directed at me, that sometimes things upset people and you can't avoid negative reactions. That it is impossible to be everybody's darling. All that. But 5 minutes later I'm sitting in the corner, crying anyway. Like, bawling my eyes out. And that makes me feel incredibly immature, not being able to rationally go over my emotions and deal with them like an adult (like all the other adults) and instead cry, because a coworker told me I'm a bit loud sometimes. Which is exactly what happened today. I had to go home from work early (I'm fucking… in my mid 30s goddamn!!!! I'm a project manager!), because I was in tears and could't get a grip of myself. That coworker has never said anything remotely mean to me ever and I felt so betrayed. Why was he being all nice and stuff all the time, if he thought I was loud and obnoxious? I know that that is what adult people do. Talk about things. Make a joke or try do soften the blow of giving someone critique by wrapping it in a funny comment or a little quip. But that did not prevent me from dissolving in a complete melt down. And of course I feel so stupid for it. In hindsight, this whole situation is just hysterical. And additionally, I'm going to completely change the way I interact with that person in the future from now on. Not consciously, but yeah. Also I'm super scared to go back to work tomorrow. I feel humiliated by him saying I was obnoxiously loud sometimes and always had to comment everything, in front of all the other team members. And them agreeing, after I asked a few in private. I don't want to be seen at that place anymore. I'm so sure they've talked about me behind my back before that situation. There also is a 100% chance I'm making this up in my head and actually everyone already forgot. Except me. I'm sitting here all paranoid and puffy-eyed, sniffling like an idiot about things that can't be changed anymore.

Thanks for sharing your insights! I actually feel better now. I'm a bit sad to hear, that medication didn't help you. I don't want to self-diagnose too much, but I was reading a bit about RSD and medication and how treating the ADHD through medication can affect the RSD positively. But we'll see.

Firstly, thanks for giving me advice about the adhedonia not long ago, knowing how it's called the thing I tend to suffer (apart of the TDA, LOL) most of time helped me a lot —an also thanks to the other people to gave me tips in that post too. I'm feeling better because, well, Christmas vacations are coming! So that means I'll be able to recover more mental health and finally write again, even if it's just a month.

Now I want to ask for more tips that are... How can I organize longfics? I'm a messy person, like... I don't even write the ideas my brain vomit to me at random times, and even when I tell my friends about it that messages end up being buried alive. I kinda used to organize things when I was like, 14yo. It was still messy as hell but least so, now I'm straight up refusing to even do lists. But I feel that if I not know to organize some things I won't able to finish a longfic never ever never again.

I know that there are like, templates? For organizing plot-points and characters and all of that, but I can't recall how they're called. But more importantly than that, I want to know how other people like to organize their things and see if something clicks with me! (Specially because I recall seeing posts like this here on Tumblr but I can't find them)

--

Oh man, this is such a great question.

I'm all about structure. My plotbunnies tend to come with a lot of plot attached, and I like genres with defined structures (cozy mystery, crime procedural).

I use spreadsheets for everything, including this, but now that I use Scrivener, often, I just use a text document there.

I start by laying out all the parts of the plot that I already have, then I try to make them an academic outline like:

I.

A.

1.

a.

This helps me see where I have a lopsided structure with tons of detail one place and none another. I also look at the timeline as the characters experience it and adjust. If I. takes 24 hours and II. three months, that tells me something about how much detail should be in each, what the final page count should be, etc.

Generally, longer stories that are satisfying have a structure with multiple peaks and dips in action, and the later peaks are higher than the earlier ones.

I find this kind of chart or fitting one's story into a five act structure or whatever to be helpful when you have a good plotbunny that just isn't quite working for some reason, but you know at least parts of it are sound. It helps point out a spot you might be overlooking from familiarity.

I don't find most of these external structures at all helpful for generating plotbunnies. If you have an instinct for structure from years of consuming media, you'll come up with something that works better than following a formula you can't really feel.

Most structures exist to try to explain why some blockbuster movie works retroactively anyway. Unless it's literally theater and there are literally intermissions between chunks, little is set in stone. Even plays often have the "wrong" thing in Act I.

I'll see breakdowns of some novel and they talk about the "inciting incident" or whatever beat in the plot formula, and I'm like "You picked that part as that beat? Really?" Like... I agree the plot formula is basically sound and I agree the book being analyzed is great, but I don't think the formula applies to the book in a super straightforward way that everyone would agree on.

The hero's journey is so fucking general that you can retrofit it to almost any story that has any sort of physical or spiritual journey. But I don't find it inspiring on its own because it is so general. It doesn't actually explain why a particular subgenre's plots work without one adding a lot more detail and specificity.

--

I tend to put down all my notes on what should be in a story, then rearrange them in story order as I figure that out. I might have a section at the end for things I haven't placed yet or revision notes. I'm a very logical person and work in order a lot. Hell, I write in order, which is generally a terrible idea and even trips me up when I get to a hard bit and waste time instead of moving on. But it's how my brain mostly operates.

Out of the various canned methods, the one I adopted the most from was the Snowflake Method. I like the idea of outlining and then making it more detailed and then EVEN MORE DETAILED till the "first draft" is basically paint by numbers. Some people find that extremely limiting though.

Another thing I try to keep track of is some very basic "What's the point?" or "What's the big change?" notes. I don't do extensive character sheets or big writeups external to the main prose of the story. I don't do exercises where I interview my characters. None of that feels useful to me. It's too much, and I get lost in the weeds. God... I feel like I should be saving this for my patreon.

Uh... anyway, I try to have a big note to write towards that's like "Character X thinks they want A but it's really a symptom of needing B" or "The point of this fic is the big twist in chapter 11" (so I either need to set up emotions that really lay the groundwork for the twist to be a big deal or I need to lay the red herrings to make the twist a shock or whatever).

July 25, 2010

Transcript:

omg. jeremy is still sleeping.

Hey guys. Hayley here.. I'm sitting in the front lounge of the bus. Being on voicerest is never fun but it's an almost constant chore when I'm on the road. Maybe I'm getting too old to headbang? I get the most intense "bangovers" (shhh, i know how that sounds).. the first few days of tour and it causes my throat to get a lot hoarser than it would be otherwise. So yeah, needless to say, this off day is pretty event-less. However, typing feels great! So, here I am! 2 days into the biggest US tour we've ever done. My head is spinning. So much hard work is paid off every time I look up and see everyone smiling, singing, and having a good time. We want this show to be fun. And while, we're still getting used to the set-list and the sore necks, it's already everything we could've hoped for. Make sure to hit up Brandon (@branchesbro) on Twitter and let him know what you think of all the videos that we made for the show.  (holy capslock, i just realized i have been writing this like an essay... back to the norm). there are 2 videos, in particular, that we shot while we were home in franklin only about a week and a half ago. the one for "Decode" and the one for "Looking Up". there is a small cameo by my younger sister, Erica, in the "Decode" video. she plays a menacing shadow person. that sounds ridiculous... but i don't know what else to call her role hahah. anyways, Brandon pulled off those two videos - as well as a few others - extremely well. and in such a short amount of time.  another thing... the clothes. my friend Jen (@bunnyjenny) and I designed some stuff for the guys and I to wear. so much fun. for whatever reason, i really enjoy girl-scout stuff.. one of the first goodwill purchases i ever made was a toddler sized girl-scout dress that i wore as a shirt. there's a pic of it somewhere from 2006 when i brought it on tour with me. so yeah, i still have that sort of obsession.. (mostly with the cookies) and wanted to go with that type of "punk rock girl scout" sort of style for this tour. and since the color scheme was very similar to what the guys like to wear anyways, we just made clothes for everybody! this is my first go-round with the whole designing/costume making biznass. i enjoyed the process very much. still figuring out a way to sew my mic pack into the dress i made without messing with the style of it. we'll get there. i'm just stoked that we actually made some skin-tight pants and they are durable... but stretchy enough that my booty isn't hanging out the back when i jump. that's so embarrassing. ugh, i could go on about clothes for days. sorry to bore you all. i'm gonna post a few close up "making of" pics of all the pieces i'll be wearing on stage over at my tumblr and if you're interested, you can check it all out. >> (yelyahwilliams.tumblr.com) oh, and i've also just started blogging for MTV.com. i think it's just for the duration of the tour... but go and check it out and comment me a lot so i look like a real important journalist.  i really hope that jeremy is actually sleeping and not dead. because it's like 3:45. i'm gonna go shake him and tell him our bus is on fire.  thanks again if you've already gotten tickets to the shows. can't wait to see you out there. let us know each night what you thought of it... ps, brandon from delaware is a great singer.  hayley

hello dearest! <3 for the ask game:

how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)

How long is your longest fic?

What order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

Hey mate <3

1; So, as someone who is currently studying creative writing at university, the lack of community.... I guess, response fanfic tends to get these days (beyond a very appreciated Loved this!!!!!11!1!1 which of course <3 thank you random commenter person. but also. what about it did you love.) isn't as - er, frustrating as it could otherwise be, since I get feedback on my writing from professional academics on assignments and such. Basicaly - I actually really miss FFN calling it 'reviews' instead of comments, because that encouraged people to actually... tell me things. And not just spam letters. And i love the letter spamming! keysmashes are nice :) But i always remember the comments that talk about the fic more than the ones that just flatter me. Like, yes, flattery will get you quite far opposed to popular aphorisms, but er I'd also like to know if my sentence structure flows nicely. That would be useful. I like getting feedback as much as support, the lack of the former can be a bit awkward though because it means I don't know what I need to change to improve my work. As someone who wants to storytell just like, in general, outside of fanfic, that's kind of important! Support is great. Love support. Would also love feedback if people were willing to give it <3.

Oh!!!!!!!! Oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay. So. I don't know if saying you and viv would be cheating or not (or count as nepotism? hey besties <3 <3 <3 hehe) sooooo you guys are honourable mentions <3 but okay, so - in absolutely no particular order, and nowhere near all the people i could rec;

Ꝥ. esama | Archive of Our Own !!! hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 281 works of impeccable quality and substantial wordcount, you'd be remiss in saying Esama was anything but prolific, especially given those cover roughly 66 fandoms, give or take Ao3's consideration of things like Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts as separate media franchises......... hmmm. Anyway. Really really great author. Go check out their works!! trust me. They'll have at least 1 thing you'll enjoy. My personal favourites are all assassins creed fics, but they have hp and mcu fics, too bestie so yk. Specifically i recommend Wizards IN SPACE - I mean, it is quite literally called Wizards. IN SPACE. what is not to love about that premise? The writing is A* tier, to boot. <3 esama is basically the reason I write fanfic. Give 'em a look-see; they're also here on tumblr, as @/esamastation :). Good to give a follow - they're much more consistent at posting when they make new fic/chapters on their tumblr than I've ever been on mine, lol.

Ƿ. For someone else who is also here on tumblr (and may or may not count as nepotism. I don't actually know the definition of nepotism. Hi tumblr mutual of mine, lol!) Is freddieslater | Archive of Our Own. I will read almost anything they write for fandoms I know, and have read things for fandoms I don't know one even small thing about just because they wrote it. RJ's style is just superb, and their ability to write fic you can completely understand even if you don't know the fandom is really grand. Good glee & TVD fic is hard to find, lemme tell ya that right now, and theirs is superb! Remus is also here on tumblr, under the same username :). Hence. You know. Being mutuals and all.

Ł. This is a curveball. Something to throw you off your game. I'm going to recommend an FFN author who only recently migrated to Ao3 that writes solely SI fics. Yeah. That's what I'm doing. Some of the first fics I remember fully reading all the way through were this guy's work, so I think it's only fair to give him a shout. Soleneus | FanFiction. I haven't read all his fics for reasons that should make themselves... very clear upon looking at his account, but the fics I have read, namely the Fallout and Mass Effect series plus the Worm fic (a franchise i actually know nothing about; some kind of grimdark superhero thing I think - prior knowledge was not stated as necessary, and I read way too much fic for things I've never seen. Bestie why am I telling you this like you don't already know that?) are genuinely really well done series and some of the best examples of how to get an SI/OC fic to work without being all mary sue and shit. [or marty stu, in this case, I suppose?]. I'm going to be frank and say not every rec for an author I give recs all their works - I'd avoid his HP stuff because his view on the series is diametrically opposed to mine, for example. But that doesn't mean that what is there isn't worth at least a gander. I'm of a mind that you should give fic a chance even if the summary or whatever sounds strange; this might come from the fact I first started reading fic on things like FFN and Twisting The Hellmouth, which didn't have filterable tags and people would just straight up lie in the four-characters-allowed-here section so more people would find their fic, so.... I've ended up reading a lot of stuff I wouldn't recommend. But you find things that come from a different perspective than your own to a franchise you love, and that can be interesting! My views on the worlds of ME and Fallout are vastly different from his, but his fics for them are far better than anything I could ever write for them. His worldbuilding is seriously solid stuff, and honestly his characters are pretty good. SIs get a bad rep, I think, because of things like the shitty reincarnated as harry potter or whatever and just be an asshole for 40 chapters trope, but it can be done properly, and Sol achieves that. I really enjoyed the Fallout and Mass Effect series when I read them, 'bout... half a decade ago lmao, but still - those would be the ones I'd say to take a look-see at.

3. Hm. I actually think it would be in that order; Characters drive the story for me. Their emotions and thoughts and things all drive the action - but, then, that's just standard story structure (according to my Novel module lecturer, anyway). My style specifically is.... interrogative? I like Putting People In Situations and Making Them Do Bad Things For Fun And Profit [Angsty Entertainment]. I can go chapters without dialogue, though I love writing it, because writing gives you the unique ability to see right into the character's thoughts, unlike in things like film where that's more difficult (or awkward - just look at the narrated version of Blade Runner, lmao). You can, I guess, wallow. My writing style is brooding alksdjf;alskdfj;alskdfj; god. I can't escape the vampire allegations /joke. Er. Hm. I like fun things :) Like making my blorbos suffer :) But they'll be happy in the end so it's okay :). Also - I write romance, sure, but I tend to use romance as a way to look into the characters involved. It's sort of more a tool than the main draw, which is why my steo never gets anywhere close to dating alsdkjf;alksdfj;asdf oh well.

4. My longest fic is For What It's Worth. This should not be a surprise, given it's a rewrite of HP5 -> 7. It is currently 91 ,527k, with the wip next (and fucking final, jeez) chapter has about 3, 517k words atm, but that's nowhere near how many it's going to have. Harry's not even left Privet Drive yet! It's still early summer!! Also, If you count the side stories, 100, 576k is the wordcount for the series - so that boosts the collective count to 104,093. So. This fic is long enough on it's own, but it's over 100k when the in-continuity and arguably-part-of-the-fic side stories are included. Oof. (Nowhere near all that long a fic in comparison to many of the things I read, though. Read a 2 mil word star wars fic once. Very good fic! I don't remember what it's called.)

5. I write in the order I write; sometimes I write chronologically, start of fic to end of fic. Sometimes I write a scene and then find where It goes much later on - that happened in Keeping This; the fic got piecemealed together over a course of. A While. And one of the scenes sort of... towards the middle? I wrote way before it showed up. You can see this in my Journey Across the Dimensions WIP ficlet collection fic (that i really should separate out and make an actual series, instead of one of those fuckawful fic collection fics. I am the problem). But most fics I just write in order. FWIW's first two chapters - 32k words before the edit, down to 29k - were done in a single session on one Sunday. Like, 10am to 4pm or something like that. I don't remember that was in 2018!!! I can't remember that far back!!!! I have the brain of a forgetful goldfish!!! A sieve a cat got it's claws on!!!

Thanks for the ask bestie <3 <3 <3

So, I've gotten very fed up with hearing constant statements of "wicca is this and that" and having to evaluate them secondhand (even the academic ones). I looked at your recommended reading list and there's quite a lot of books on wicca, but there's a bit more than I can dedicate resources to reading rn. So I wanted to ask: for someone who is already pretty familiar with the historical context and early development of wicca, but wants to get a better insight into the fundamentals of it as a religion, which one of those books (if read in combination with the gardnerian book of shadows, which I'm def reading) would help the most with that in your estimation?

Anyway, regardless, thanks for hanging around tumblr and providing a good voice of sense against some of the nonsense on here sometimes.

Oh thank you, that's such a really sweet thing to say ;-; I appreciate it, and it means a lot to me. You have no idea.

As for the question: Above and beyond, I would absolutely recommend Thorn Mooney's work before anything else. She's a currently initiated Traditional Gardnerian Wiccan, and High Priestess of her own Coven.

I believe that currently the only one she's actually written on Traditional Wicca in particular is quite literally titled Traditional Wicca: A Seeker’s Guide.

I do have a few personal nitpicks about it, but those are very small things that're more personal points of contention over various definitions, points of devolvement, and so on- all of which is really very normal, and which is fairly typical among Wiccans, and not anything that would actually change the recommendation in any capacity (especially not for Non-Wiccans). But for transparency's sake, I'm obligated to say that I can't say I agree with it 100% in all capacities- especially (as a Traditional NeoWiccan) whenever she speaks on NeoWicca and post Codification era practices.

Overall the book tackles a lot of topics and misconceptions about Traditional Wicca specifically, and breaks down what it is and what it isn't, and how it got there. And ultimately it's directly geared towards people who don't know anything about Wicca except the mainstream nonsense, and are confused by the back-and-forth bullshit; who want clear, solid answers "straight from the horse's mouth", so to speak.

Her book's been heralded by a number of our remaining Elders as an incredible, well done book; one that several have actually been surprised none of them ever even thought to write before themselves, but which has been sorely needed for a long time. And I feel like that really should tell you a lot about the quality.

Past that, I feel like Thea Sabin's Wicca for Beginners: Fundamentals of Philosophy and Practice, and Deborah Lipp's The Study of Witchcraft: A Guidebook to Advanced Wicca both do a good job of further supplementing the information that Thorn Mooney gives you in her book- although both are older books with quite a few errors in their own rights in some areas. They're also geared more specifically towards the active practice of various forms of Wicca once you get past the introductory chapters.

Hi line! You're about to hate me 😂

3, 4, 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 15, 16, 18, 19, 21, 22, 25 all for JATP

I could never hate you!! But that is a lot, so let's dive right in, shall we? I don't remember which ones I already answered yesterday, but hey, maybe you'll get a different answer anyway, right?!

3. What inspires you to keep creating fanworks?

Phew! Honestly, I haven't done much in the JATP fandom for a while, and that makes me sad, but I haven't given up completely. Just haven't been bitten by that particular bug lately. Usually, though, it's just a song or a prompt that I hear/see and my brain goes, "***Whatever particular ship it makes me think of!!***"

4. What are your favorite types of fanworks to make?

I'm still not 100% sure how this question is intended to be taken. I only write fics, I can't draw or write music or poetry to save my life, and I absolutely love it when my fics either get my yelled at (that masochistic streak we discussed) or people tell me they literally laughed out loud at something I wrote.

6. What has been one of your favorite fandom experiences?

Hands down, the friends I have made. Even though I am barely active in the JATP fandom lately, I still talk to many of the friends I made there on a daily basis.

8. Who are three fanwork creators that you love seeing on your dash?

Oh, my word! I'm quick to unfollow someone if I don't like at least the majority of the stuff they post, so it's hard to narrow it down. I always love to see anything posted by molinapattersons, tillstarscollided and legolasghosty, but I'm too old to figure out how to actually @ them.

9. What's a fanwork that made you laugh?

crest barrel break made me laugh! Love some oblivious idiots. hi, welcome to shark week was also very funny, but in a totally different way. Then there's ride until i can't no more..., which is just....man. I could probably keep going with these for most of the night.

10. What's a fanwork that made you cry?

It's been a while since I read it, but Adrift on Your Silence had so many emotions, including liquid leaking from my eyes.

11. What's a fanwork that made you squeal?

There are so many, I am absolutely positive, but I'm gonna have to go with Adrift on Your Silence again. Seriously, it's so good. Go read it.

15. What three fanworks are you the proudest of making?

Ain't Nothing Funny When a Soldier Cries, which I co-wrote with Emi & Robyn. It's painful, but it turned out so much more beautifully than I ever could have imagined when I had the initial ear worm.

You Rescued Me From Reachin' for the Bottom. Again, it just turned out so much better than I ever imagined when a friend said, "Would you please write a fic about a slow dance to this song?"

Girl Crush (I Wanna Taste Her Lips) was so, so much fun to write, and it's the first fic that really got me yelled at. (So basically, you can thank the people who yelled at me about that fic for all the other pain I have written.)

16. Are there fanworks in JATP that you've revisited multiple times?

Basically anything I have bookmarked, plus a few that I just happen to run across in random searches and read even though I have already read them.

18. What fanwork of yours would you like more fans to check out?

I don't really know. Girl Crush is by far the fic with the most hits, and even that only has 1700. I'm just not a well-known writer, and that's gonna have to be okay by me.

19. What fanwork by someone else would you like more fans to check out?

Absolutely anything by relightthatspark or legolasghosty. They're both amazingly talented writers who don't get nearly enough recognition.

21. What is a recent fic you read for JATP that you enjoyed?

I have honestly been on a huge HP kick for a while now, so that JATP I have read has been read as a beta, and I think most of it isn't posted yet.

22. Tag someone who brings great vibes to the JATP fandom!

Tumblr isn't letting me tag....but you, Shelly, Emi, Legolas, Robyn, Kay, and SO. MANY. OTHERS.

25. What unique thing do you think you bring to the JATP fandom?

I dunno about "unique," but I try to help people (when they want it) with the "mom perspective." Try to help them dig into Emily's head and why she reacted the way she did, rather than playing the whole "Emily was just a horrible mom" angle. Most people don't really wanna hear that side of it, but if someone does, my inbox is open. :)

(art commission by the lovely and talented @curious-menace)

It is a time where I would like to see what my followers think about various concepts I have in mind pertaining to alternate versions of one my fics. It may take some time to write out any alternate versions since I've been busy and stressed out so much lately, but I am very curious as to what others would find intriguing to read.

But first, some backstory so be patient. We'll get to the voting at the end of this post.

I've been having a lot of bad days lately, and my mood has plummeted to a major low. This includes my self-esteem, which has always been in the dumps but is now basically a dumpster fire.

However, I don't want to be entirely cruel to myself. I deserve some sort of happiness, some sort of reprieve, and writing can be a good coping mechanism. I put a lot of my own thoughts, emotions, struggles, opinions, etc. into my works, as they serve as a way for me to get things off my chest. Sometimes, it's just cute and funny stuff, other times angsty but eventually fluffy stuff, and other times it's quite depressing and dark.

One fic, in particular, stands out, and that is the Mortal Kombat/Batman Arkhamverse crossover, "Volunteer," (trigger warnings: mentions psychological torture and suicide...more about this fic in a bit for those who would rather not read it because of those triggers) which features Arkham Knight Edward Nigma and Jonathan Crane, as well as a lady friend for Edward named Sara. It also features Erron Black and Cassie Cage from Mortal Kombat (Cassie is only mentioned in the story a few times).

If you read the blog intro/self-introduction post pinned at the top of my Tumblr, you know very well how I feel about Cassie Cage (particularly in MK11) and the Erron Black x Cassie Cage (BlackCage) pairing. Those negative feelings are mostly due to a very bad experience with a pushy BlackCage fan who just wouldn't relent one bit on their stance and it was emotionally and mentally draining to try and talk to them, including providing counter-arguments.

I've come up with alternate versions for "Volunteer" recently due to the spike in stress, depression, anxiety, and insecurities I've been dealing with as of late. This is where my followers come in!

I would like people to vote on which alternate take on "Volunteer" they would be interested in reading. Now, I can't guarantee when I'd get to it because, as I mentioned already, I've got a lot going on. However, I really want to try and write at least one alternate version of that fic, just to get some insecurities and negative thoughts off my chest.

Now, for those who are wary of reading "Volunteer" because of the trigger warnings, here's my advice: Just read the first chapter, if you want to. Chapter 2 deals directly with the sensitive subject matter, although, you can probably guess what happens anyway just by reading Chapter 1 and if you know anything about Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow...well, he likes to mess with people...mentally. To put it very mildly.

Now it's time for the voting. I have three different scenarios I've come up with that are variations/alternate versions of the current "Volunteer" fic's concept/storyline. I'd like followers to select 1 (one) alternate telling of the fic. I will open anonymous asks again, so if you are shy or just want your vote to remain a secret for some other reason, then that's fine by me. Otherwise, you can reply to this post with your choice.

Edit: if you are turned off by the idea of a Mortal Kombat/Batman Arkhamverse crossover, I get it. I don't read crossover fics myself, and that's usually because the crossovers either make no sense or do make sense but the ideas are poorly executed.

This crossover I'm talking about, though, isn't a full-on crossover of MK and Batman. There's no world-building, no larger plot, and no other characters in MK even appear or are mentioned except Erron Black and Cassie Cage.

If anything, it's more of a Batman Arkhamverse standard AU with Riddler and a female oc, and Erron and Cassie are the only concrete elements of MK brought in. I mean, yes, the other MK characters exist, I guess, but they have no purpose in this crossover I've written, and won't make any appearances.

So, if you had any concerns about the crossover aspect, I hope this clears things up

Choices below the cut!

A) "Don't You Wish"

This version is inspired by a song from Pink, called, "There You Go." In this alternate telling, Erron manages to survive Scarecrow's fear toxin, and escape (most likely because Erron is out of his mind and panicking, thus not a threat, and he has no one to help him, so Scarecrow doesn't give a damn what happens to the dude). The first thing Erron does is go to Sara's place, having already broken up with Cassie after realizing dating her was a mistake, and Sara means more to him than he thought.

Well, it's been several months since Sara basically pushed Erron out of her life for his poor choice in women, and (Arkham Knight) Edward Nigma has proven to be a much better (and, wiser and more sensible -- yes, I know, but he's not a skirt chaser, Guys) friend to Sara. While Erron ran off with a blonde selfie princess, Edward offered genuine comfort and companionship, and now Sara has been in the process of moving on from Erron even further.

Sara humors Erron and lets him tell her -- while sounding terrified, confused, and conflicted beyond belief thanks to the fear toxin -- what happened to him. Now, Sara doesn't know Edward asked Scarecrow to take care of Erron as a means of getting revenge for her. Doesn't matter anyway. She's unsympathetic towards Erron's plight, feeling as if he didn't even give her a chance to confess her feelings towards him, nor did he even seem to notice how she felt; it was like he was too busy with thinking with his privates to realize he had someone in front of him who would have treated him better.

Sara tells Erron -- in a flat, disinterested tone -- that his situation is tragic and all but wtf is she supposed to do? Why not go to his dumb blonde gf? Oh, they broke up? Well, how predictable. And Crane is also a (sort of) friend to Sara, which shocks Erron and leaves him feeling worse than before.

Sara sends Erron on his way, and he wanders off in a daze, unsure of what to do with his life now.

Sara and Edward meet the next day, and they have a pleasant time, obviously moving towards becoming a couple. She chooses not to mention Erron as she is completely severing the cowboy from her life.

B) "I Don't Even Miss You"

This alternate telling is similar to the previous one, but this time it's inspired by a Miley Cyrus song, "WTF Do I Know" (Hey, her Plastic Hearts album is actually fantastic!), and Edward is with Sara when Erron arrives at her place in a distressed state. At first, Sara deals with Erron in the hall of her apartment building, unsympathetic to his plight and basically telling him, "I told you so," and "too bad." Erron is getting more and more upset, even angry at Sara's callous tone, and starts to raise his voice, demanding to know why she is being so cold at a time like this?

Edward overhears Erron raising his voice to Sara, giving her a difficult time, and he gets pissed. Edward steps out into the hall and not only mocks Erron in various ways, but demands that he leave immediately, or what Scarecrow did will seem like a trip to Disney Land. Erron has caused Sara -- who is currently moving on and growing closer to Edward -- enough problems and heartache.

Edward reveals he set up Erron, and while Sara is stunned to find this out, she handles it better than expected. Edward said it was his way of getting revenge for her, and he'd do it again if need be. Erron is sent away feeling so much worse, feeling lost, hopeless, and betrayed.

Sara and Edward talk and she admits she's upset that he did something like this without speaking about it to her first. However, he explains that he genuinely did it for her and he doesn't want her to feel pain at the hands of some "idiotic cowman," who doesn't consider the feelings of others and who behaves like a greedy, violent Neanderthal. (And yes, Edward does care for Sara, and he didn't send Scarecrow after Erron out of jealousy -- maybe a little jealousy but it was mostly rage over Erron causing Sara so much emotional pain)

Sara means more to Edward than he can express, and he may not be the best when it comes to emotions, but he does care about her and wants her to be safe.

Sara forgives Edward, understanding that, through his heartfelt but very nervous and shy confession that he is sincere about his feelings for her, and they make amends. She of course tells him to never do something so extreme without consulting her first, though, because what happened to Erron -- while she doesn't care what happens to him in the slightest -- was a bit too much.

C) "Listen When the Devil's Calling"

Another title inspired by a Miley Cyrus song, "Night Crawling," and this alternate telling involves Telltale Riddler and no Scarecrow. Almost a year has passed since Erron went with Cassie and Sara, out of bitterness and heartache, refused to speak or see him. This didn't sit well with him as she was his only friend, and his relationship with Cassie dies within a few months.

He goes looking for Sara, realizing she has moved out of her apartment. It doesn't take him long to find out where she is, and she's with The Riddler, a notorious criminal genius and one of Gotham's elite villains. Erron is worried for Sara and seeks her out.

Turns out, Sara's just fine. This isn't one of those scenarios where the girl is with a guy who just using her and taking advantage of her vulnerability. No, Edward does actually love her and takes good care of her. He finds people like reckless, selfish, and ignorant people like Erron to be a disgrace but also amusing because of how pathetically primitive they are.

Edward also doesn't appreciate how Erron pushed aside a good thing in Sara to pursue a girl who is a social media brat and has more selfies on her phone than brain cells in her, well, brain. It defies all logic to Edward, but he's also not surprised because of how much of a disappointment Erron is as a human being (hey, this is Riddler we're talking about, and he's not one to be sweet and gentle to those he can't stand). Edward doesn't say these things out loud, though, as it's a bit too vulnerable and personal for him to do such a thing with someone he doesn't know or trust.

Sara is upset that Erron has resurfaced and she remembers how heartbroken she was when he went after Cassie Cage. She wants Erron to leave her alone like she asked, so she can move on. She can't trust him anymore, because he's just a skirt chaser in her eyes.

Erron tries to plead his case, tries to apologize to Sara, and expresses how he really feels, but this just distresses her further. Edward steps in and tells Erron he's done enough to Sara, she clearly doesn't want to see him, and he needs to take his leave.

This isn't a request.

Edward pulls Erron aside, telling the cowboy that the only reason he's going to walk away from this alive is that Sara hasn't asked for him to be killed. Should she tell Edward to take care of Erron, well, you all know what Telltale Riddler is like.

And those are the three variations on "Volunteer."

If you could be so kind as to:

leave a comment with your choice or

send an ask (even an anon ask) with your choice or

suggest your take on this story.

I'd appreciate it immensely!

Thank you all so much for supporting me and my writing and being patient with my sluggish publishing schedule!

I wrote this for:

The only reason I am making this is because I saw all these dark fic writers who have always been on the receiving end of hatred suddenly get up and decide to do the same for someone else. For just one second let us all forget everything a particular author(s) wrote and imagine a mob of people making call out posts and mass unfollowing and blocking happening. That is what you all did. Coming after anyone like this is not right, no matter who they are.

As for the content of writing being referred to, I will speak as someone who has been groomed and raped, someone who is trying to heal. This is wholly my personal opinion but this needs to be said. For everyone saying that non-con is okay and grooming is where you draw the line, let me tell you its not. Being raped was awful. It destroyed me. It is inhumane. For people to say you can tolerate non-con, but not grooming makes it seem like you're trivialising rape, as if it's somehow okay when it isn't.

You don't read or write grooming not because it's somehow the worst possible thing but because it makes you uncomfortable. It makes you uncomfortable knowing there are people in the world who are preying on kids and doing this. But then again, to separate these bastards from those who go around violating women is stupid. Yes, it is horrible when the victim is a child, a minor. You question humanity, you question your faith when that happens because just how inhumane did you have to be to do that? But people, if rape doesn't make your skin crawl just this much, then there is something wrong with you.

I was 7 when a family friend began grooming me. I was 10 when my mother found out and moved us to a different state. I was 12 when my neighbour I'd never spoken to raped me. 19 when I was raped again, 23 when I finally understood what happened to me. It happened again, and again. The trauma that I have is not used here as an excuse but as evidence to what I am about to say:

Grooming cannot be called out if you are okay with non-con and rape. It cannot be called out if you support forced pregnancies and marriages. It cannot be called out it you're okay with violence where a woman is stripped and beated and starved in a cage if she wasn't a good "pet". If you do this, to me you're a hypocrite.

You cannot make someone a villain for writing about something you find wrong and uncomfortable. That's exactly what happened to dark fics and I was disgusted at seeing so many dark writers do that yesterday. Yes, grooming is wrong and nothing will ever justify it. But I wholeheartedly believe that none of the people who deliberately or accidentally wrote it ever support it, just like in the case of non-con rape fics. If you say that those authors or people who stood up for them support grooming then you're at fault. That just means you believe that other dark authors support rape. You cannot just choose one.

And to anyone saying Grooming is wrong in any kind of fiction, that it is unacceptable to write about it anyway, my dear fellow Tumblr users, it's fiction for a reason. There have been whole published fictional books where grooming has been depicted and questioned. There have been movies and series and fanfics and articles, but none of them support it. You cannot be okay with a 19 year old and 40 year old and throw a tantrum about other stuff. You cannot be okay with a man drugging or molesting a sleeping woman and take out a witch hunt as you did yesterday.

As a survivor of both, I can tell you that the place where you draw the line is wrong. There is no assult "more bad". I understand concerns where people don't want to read anything involving someone underage, be it smut or something else, which is absolutely okay, but to actually take out pitchforks and bully someone online for things that can easily be fixed with some polite talk is shitty.

This is addressed only to those people who are dark writers and support dark writers. You all are, to me, hypocritics. People received hate, death threats and "gkys" because you all rallied this way. You know how that feels like and yet celebrated in the public shaming of someone.

I know a lot of people will disagree with me, which is okay. Have a right to your own opinion, but for god's sake stop calling out people and then dragging them and their friends through the mud. All those posts about being kind and forgiving and second chances you all reblog, it's time to apply those to yourself. Because what you did yesterday was bullying. It was harrassment.

thank you for telling me what you've been through and what you think about what happened in the last couple of days.

anon is just telling their opinion about a subject we all have talked about lately, and they're saying this without calling anyone any bad names, so please do not send in anything to harass the anon nor anything about this subject. this is that last thing i'll be answering/sharing about it.