ok um i have done it i've created a thing

pls enjoy

“wife”

pairing: corpse husband x reader (female)

words: 1,714

requested?: no (send some in tho pls :) )

plot/summary: felix invites his friend, y/n, to play among us when they need an extra player. her and corpse get along well

authors note: so this isnt that good and i know a lot of corpse fics use a similar plot. i just wanted to try to write for corpse. hopefully things i write for him in the future are better. let me know what you think tho! also i really wanted reader to be best friends with karl bc i love him sm. uh every swiggly line is like a small time skip. this was written late at night btw and i didnt take much time to go over it

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

You sat up from laying down when you heard your phone ring. You looked at the caller ID.

Felix.

"What's up Felix?" You ask with a small yawn.

"Aww, how sweet," You hear in the background.

You giggle and ask, "Is that Sean? Hi Sean!"

"Yeah, we're playing Among Us and need an extra player. You down?" Felix explained.

"Sure, just give me a few minutes. See you soon, whore"

"Bitc-" You hang up before he can finish.

You got up and turned off your TV, going to get ready. 

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

You quickly tweet out that you're going live and say something on your insta story as well. You start your stream and slowly watch people flood in.

"Hey everyone! How are you guys doing?" You wave and smile, reading the chat.

"Everyone doing good, awesome! And i'm sorry to anyone having a bad day. I hope i can brighten it a bit!"

"Okay, sorry i didn't give you a further notice. I didn't even know i was gonna stream. Felix invited me to play Among Us so... here we are!"

You quickly join the discord and pull up the game, putting a cover over where the code goes.

"Hello?" You ask as you join the call. A chorus of greetings came your way.

"(Y/n)?"

"Karl!" You smile brightly.

Karl Jacobs was a good friend of yours. You would play on the Dream SMP sometimes. When you would, it would mostly be you being stupid with Karl and Alex, also known as Quackity. You were even a well know citizen of El Rapids.

"LET'S GOOOOO!" He yelled, making you laugh.

"Hey (Y/n), do you know everyone here?" Sean asks you.

"Um," You quickly scan through the names, "no, i don't think so."

You recognized names but you only personally knew Felix, Sean, Karl, and Ethan.

"Oh my god! Your voice is so cute!" Pokimane exclaims.

You giggle softly, "Thank you Poki!"

You're voice wasn't high pitched or anything like that, you just always spoke very softly and calmly. You were also a bit quiet.

Felix introduces you to those that you didn't know.

"There's one more person we're waiting for," He says.

While everyone waits, you and Karl run around each other's little characters and make jokes between yourselves. You mute yourself to read donations every once in a while.

You hear the discord chime, signaling that someone joined the call.

"WAIT CORPSE! DON'T SPEAK YET!" Felix yelled. "We have a new player. This is my friend (Y/n), say hi to her"

"Hello (Y/n)," Corpse said. You were taken aback by how deep his voice was but you didn't show it.

"Hi Corpse! Nice to meet you!" You said happily.

"Okay, how is she not freaking out?" Bretman said, making everyone laugh.

"Uh, (Y/n), do you mind letting me have black? It's cool if not.." Corpse asked gently.

"O-oh sure, no problem." You were usually black with the pink flamingo hat, but you ran over to the little computer and changed your color.

"Simp," Ethan mumbled, knowing you never switch from black.

"Thank you," He said, then the game started.

The word “Imposter” appeared on your screen in red, yours and Corpse's characters underneath.

As the game started, you thought no one could hear you so you spoke to your chat. "His voice was so deep, what the fuck? Holy shit that was hot, i'm gonna-"

"(Y/n)," Rae laughed, "You know we're playing proximity chat, right."

You blushed as you realized and said "Ha, anyways..." and ran to start faking tasks.

You ended up in electrical with Karl. "(Y/n)! My good friend, my buddy, you would never kill me right? Haha..." He said.

"Of course not, Karl! My good friend, my buddy. Why, I'm not even imposter," I said as i quickly dipped into the vent and back out, making him laugh.

I decided to show him because I knew Karl wouldn't say anything, and it's funny.

"Oh that's good then. Are you sure you're not imposter?"

"Mhm, pretty sure," You said, going back in. As you came out, Sykkuno walked in and froze.

"Uh, (Y/n)?"

"Fuck... Karl run! Go!" You said, Karl starting to leave. You walked closer and quickly killed Sykkuno then vented to security.

"That was close..." You told your chat.

You saw Corpse as you made your way around the map and walked into navigation.

"Hey, Corpse, how ya doing?"

"Ah you know, good. Just being crewmate and all."

You stifled a laugh, "Oh yeah I feel that, buddy."

"Yeah because there's no way that i'm imposter. No way i could be faking tasks and there's no possible way you could be the other imposter" He said quickly.

"For sure. Hypothetically speaking, though, if you were imposter, how many people would you have killed by now?"

"I would say probably around two."

"Interesting," You said right before a body was reported. It was Sykkuno's. Felix and Rae were also dead.

"WHAT!" Corpse yelled.

"Where was the body at?" Sean laughed.

"Uh I found it in electrical," Bretman said.

"I'm pretty sure Karl was in there earlier."

You calmly said, "It's not Karl, I was with him for most of the round."

"How do we know the two of you aren't imposters?" Sean asked.

"I was alone with him, he would have taken the chance to kill me."

"No, he's your best friend."

"He's also ruthless,"

"TRUE! SO TRUE!" Karl yelled.

"So skip?" Corpse asked.

Everyone agreed and the voting was skipped.

The next round, I spent with Ethan. He was pretending to be mad at me because Sean said Karl was my best friend.

"What happened to Blue Boi Buddies, huh?!" He exclaimed.

"Neither of our hair is even blue anymore!" You argued back.

You were in reactor with him when Corpse and Poki walked in. He hit the lights and you took it as a sign to double kill. He killed Poki, you killed Ethan, and the two of you made your way to electrical to help fix lights.

You and Corpse went the opposite direction of reactor after the lights were fixed, Karl going with you.

Poki's body was reported. That double kill only left you, Corpse, Sean, Karl and Bretman. You only needed two more kills.

"I still think it's Karl and (Y/n)," Sean said quickly.

"I was with (Y/n) the whole time," Corpse said, "In fact, I think it's you."

"That does make sense. Why so quick to accuse others, Sean?" You ask.

"It's not me!" He yelled.

"I actually agree with Corpse and (Y/n)," Bretman said.

"I was with you!"

We all voted for Sean, him voting for Karl. Sean was ejected.

When you load into spawn, you wait for the kill cool down and kill Bretman, saving Karl.

"Victory" appeared on your screen.

"God damn it!" Sean yelled.

"Good job, (Y/n)," Corpse said lowly.

You smiled, a slight blush on your cheeks, "You too Corpse."

"Their voices go together and they're a fuckin dream team? What have i done...," Felix sighed.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

A few more games went by. Most of them you and Corpse spent together, whether you were both crewmates or if one of you was imposter.

You really enjoyed his company and you actually got along with him pretty well.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

"(Y/n), before we get serious, I have one question to ask you." Corpse said as both of your characters stopped.

"What's that?" You giggled.

"Do you know Bingus?"

"Bingus? As in, our lord and savior, Bingus?"

You could hear the smile in his voice, "It's settled, you're my wife now."

This made both of you laugh and your chat go crazy.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

Eventually, people had to start leaving. You said your goodbyes to everyone and left the discord call and the game.

You set stream to where it was just your face cam.

"Guys, what should we do now?"

You saw some people asking what time it was for you.

"It's 3 AM right now... I’m not tired though.” You had been streaming for a few hours; You never even noticed how late it got.

People in chat were yelling at you to go to sleep, making you chuckle.

“How about we do a quick QnA, then at 3:30 I go to bed. Deal?”

You watched as the chat filled with questions. They obviously seemed to like the idea.

“‘Who is your best friend? Karl or Ethan?’ Neither, Alex Quackity. Next question.” You answered quickly.

You laughed, “I’d like to clarify that that’s a joke, i love all my friends equally.”

You answered more questions. Some were from new viewers asking basic questions, some were about future streams and videos. 

“‘How do you feel about people shipping you and Corpse?’“ People are already shipping us?” You laughed, “I’ve said before that I’m okay with shipping, as long as the other person is too. I think it’s funny.”

You continued to read chat. “Wait, we’re trending?”

You checked Twitter and “#(your and corpse’s ship name)” was trending in the US.

You laughed as you scrolled through the tag, “Oh this is so funny.”

“Fanart already?! You guys are so talented!”

You read chat, looking for more questions. You saw people telling you that it’s 3:30.

“Okay fine, a deal’s a deal. I hope you all have, or had, a great day and I’ll see you guys later. Depending on what time it is for you, you should also get some sleep. Stay hydrated, love you!” You ended stream.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

You scrolled through Twitter as you laid in bed, liking fanart and dumb memes. Also replying to a few of your friends’ tweets.

karl :) @/KarlJacobs_

@/(your username) what the honk ?

*clip of you saying Quackity was your best friend*           

You liked the tweet and replied, “karl no,,, look away,,,”

You continued scrolling, feeling your eyes get droopy. Your eyes fell closed but quickly opened when your phone vibrated. It was a DM. 

From Corpse.

You two had followed each other earlier.

Corpse: hey (y/n), just wanted to say you’re really cool and i’d love to play again with you soon 

You smiled, a light blush spreading across your cheeks, and replied.

You: i’d love to, corpse

Corpse: ok, see you soon ‘wife’

You: back at ya, ‘husband”

Corpse: :)

You: :)

Babes in Chuckletown

OHO BOY, am I angry.

I was in the middle of a very long chapter in my fanfic when my computer randomly decided to restart, costing me NOT ONLY a very long chapter, but the ENTIRE THIRTEEN-CHAPTER DOCUMENT. I thank god that I uploaded it all to AO3 up until the thirteenth chapter (which is going to be a pain the ass to rewrite), but now I have to go in and copy-paste, re-bold and re-italicize everything.

So that’s how my Halloween is going. Excuse me while I cry.

Anyway. Please enjoy this one-shot I’m making up on the fly about Arthur having no choice but bringing his small child to Ha-Ha’s because he has nobody to watch her. Me being in an angry mood helps me to channel Hoyt’s ... Hoytish-ness. Hoyt was definitely an asshole in the movie, but I feel like the lines “I like you, Arthur” and “I’m trying to help you” flew under the radar in light of his dickishness.

I’ve been wanting to write this for a while, I just have no conceivable idea where this would logically fit into my fanfiction, so I gift it here. I’ll let this be a birthday present for the incredible @funsizedshrimp, since they seem to love my Carrie Fleck as much as I do and I absolutely should return the favor for all the lovely art they gift to me. I love you lots, you wonderful person you.

__________________                ______________               __________________

“Hey Peanut, can you do me a favor?”

Arthur’s voice was soft, nearly indecipherable. The pudgy hand that had been grasping at his shirt collar suddenly pushed against him, exerting the energy to be able to lift her head up.

One bleary eye opened to look at him. Her cheek was rosy from her uneasy resting spot on his collarbone. Neither the time nor the place allowed for such coddling, but he continued to rock her on his hip uneasily.

“Mm?” she questioned.

“Can you put a hand over your ear?” he asked, softer still. “Daddy has to talk to someone and it might be a little loud. Not suitable for a baby’s ears.”

Although Carrie grumbled something that only he could decipher as “Not a baby,” she conceded. The sharp bone in her ear pressing against his collarbone hurt, but in the magical age where she began repeating every colorful phrase she heard from the television, he couldn’t risk anything.

Taking in a wavering breath, clutching the bag in his hand tighter, Arthur opened his boss’ door.

“Oh, how fucking nice of you to ... what the fuck is this?”

Hoyt looked up from his stack of documents -- chiefly the words complaint, absence, and Carnival bore into his head from a yellow slip on his desk -- to see Ha Ha’s resident hooky flinch in protest. What he first thought was an overgrown ragdoll, he realized with some incredulity was a toddler, pressing its head into Arthur’s neck.

“You brought a fucking kid into my shop?” he asked, voice rising.

“Hoyt ... please --”

“Please what? This should be good.”

It gave him no pleasure to watch Arthur be so hopelessly awkward, dropping the paper bag in a vain attempt to hike the kid further up on his person. He knew the guy was going through a rough patch with the wife. That it happened on Hoyt’s dime, though, made him hard to sympathize with.

Fumbling for something to do besides stand uncomfortably and rock his daughter into a sleep that she couldn’t attain, Arthur sat in the green chair across from Hoyt’s desk. He positioned Carrie to be able to rest easier in his lap. At a groggy whimper, his hand instinctively pressed against her arm, hoping it would keep her semi-warm. He didn’t know why Hoyt kept the AC on at all hours of the day.

“Well aren’t you a real mother hen,” Hoyt observed, devoid of anything Arthur could recognize as a positive emotion. “What’s it doing here?”

“I ... I had no other options,” he blurted out. “I can’t afford another day off work, but I have nobody to watch her.”

“Do I look like I’m runnin’ a charity ward, Arthur?” Upon further thought, “You didn’t bring her through the locker room, did you?”

“Nobody else is here,” he said quickly, realizing how bad that might’ve sounded once it reached his own ears. “And I made her close her eyes.”

Two scraggly grey eyebrows rose in vague surprise.

“Your mistake, not mine.”

Arthur felt the tips of his ears burn, unsure if he guessed correctly what Hoyt was referring to. Carrie may have been a surprise, but she was no mistake.

“How are you supposed to keep track of the kid on assignment?” Hoyt questioned, flitting through the ever-expanding pile of papers on his desk. “You’re booked for Amusement Mile today. That’s fuckin’ dangerous.”

Awkwardly, Arthur cleared his throat, feeling unable to meet Hoyt’s disbelieving eyes. His fingers rubbed Carrie’s arm up and down. She burrowed further into the crook of his neck, keeping her hand dutifully over her ear as promised. Her face was hidden from view by a crop of blonde hair -- the little veil he had left that kept work and home as two separate realities.

“I - I, um ...” A giggle got caught in his throat, as thick as a billiard ball. He forced it down. “I was wondering if I could keep her here. Just ... just for --”

“What?”

“Just for today, a -- and tomorrow, I’ll be sure --”

“Are you stupid?” Hoyt cuts in, and Arthur’s hand moves from his daughter’s arm to the small hand over her ear like a reflex. “You’re not serious, are you?”

“W -- well, Randall brought in his kid a few w -- weeks ago ... I thought maybe ...”

“Randall’s kid is twelve already, not three.” Hoyt heard a soft mutter of “she’ll be five soon,” as if it would sway the argument in Arthur’s court at all. “What the hell are you thinking in that fucked-up head? No relatives, no friends?”

“Nobody,” he said, and it surprised Hoyt that he hadn’t seen Arthur ... quite so sad before. He’d been sad, sure, but not pitiful. He couldn’t be more pitiful if he was dressed as Carnival doing this begging. “My -- my wife just left, I don’t know where she is. My in-laws are on vacation in Burbank and my mom is in the hospital. The neighbors won’t take her and -- and the preschool is closed ‘cause of a rat infestation. Hoyt, I’m ... I’m begging you.”

Something about the sight was so pitiful, so unfunny in his desperation, that Hoyt narrowly refrained from cutting back with My mistake for thinking you’d have friends.

“Mmf, Daddy,” the source of the frustration croaked. “My arm hurts. Can I put it down?”

“Yeah, Peanut,” he said quietly. The hand slid out from underneath his warm palm and found its way around his neck once again. A thumb brushed away a few strands of hair from her face, unveiling a curtain for her to view this strange new room.

Hoyt almost let slip a surprised “holy shit” as the kid’s head rose to look around the office, wide-eyed in her wonderment, but he thought better of it. But holy shit, did she look like Arthur, in eyes and face shape at least. Slap on a greasy brown wig and she could’ve been a pint-sized clone.

“A jack in the box,” she said quietly, pointing at the dumb clown statue out of his sight in front of his desk. “Daddy, jack in the box.”

“Yeah, Carrie, I see.”

Hoyt bit his lip, at a loss. It was always harder to turn a kid away when he had a name and a face to set to them. Until then the kid could’ve been a delusion for all he knew, the way Arthur talked about her like there was no god damn tomorrow. Who on this green earth would ever think to --?

Ugh. Fuck.

“You owe me, Arthur. Big time.”

____________________

Nine in the morning rolled around to a relative calm. The kid was, to his relief, quiet and weedy for the most part, like her quiet, weedy father. A long stretch of silence ensued -- half-hour? Two hours? He didn’t fucking know -- where the rhythmic punching of the time cards from the locker room and pen (or crayon) on paper substituted for awkward and mindless conversation he didn’t want to indulge in.

His only indication that she was there at all was the knowledge that his door hadn’t opened since Arthur hurried out to get ready and dropped her in Hoyt’s proverbial lap (had it been a literal instance, he might’ve tossed the kid through the window on reflex), and the occasional kicking of leather sandals and bell bottom pant legs barely visible from his vantage point.

“Hey, don’t get any crayon on my floor,” he warned, wondering internally if she made up for in mischief what she lacked in outward annoyance.

“I won’t,” she replied, too high and cheery for nine in the morning. “I draw pictures to stop Daddy being sad.”

Well isn’t that just fucking lovely. But he had a schedule to amend.

He could send Arthur to the kids’ hospital in Randall’s place -- the kids seemed to really respond to Arthur better ... god, why did Randall have to be such an obnoxious prick of a clown with the kids? It was getting harder and harder to place him--

The rustling of paper and a soft grunt made him look up. Hiding her face from his view, the kid was holding up a drawing of ... colored dots? Big whoop.

She pointed to a bright green one, taking up the center of the page.

“That’s -- that’s my daddy at work,” she explained. He raised a brow. Quite a likeness. “And that’s me, with an ice cream.”

Her little pointer finger trailed to the scribble next to the green -- a flurry of yellow and brown and pink. Was that what she’d spent the last hour on?

“What’s that then?” he asked before he could stop himself, not realizing any words had left his mouth at all until the cap of a chewed blue Bic pen tapped against a blue scribble, neatly tucked away in a folded corner.

“That’s my mommy,” she explained, as casual as though he’d asked for the time. Oh. “She’s taking a break.”

He nodded, not trusting himself to say something he might regret in the hours to come. Before coming to the realization that it was not his business nor his time to care, a question flitted through his mind if Arthur had told the kid about her mom at all.

“I got work to do,” he settled. “Read a book or something.”

____________________

Hoyt never thought he’d ever be disappointed to have a knock on the door that wasn’t Arthur.

“C’min,” he said distractedly.

“Hoyt,” Gary said. “Barney needs the key to the storage closet. Forgot his shoes at home.”

“Second time this week,” Hoyt tutted. Standing up, he allowed himself a stretch that popped his back in several satisfying places, and reached for the key under the strip of tape marked STORAGE. “Tell him this had better be the last damn time.”

“I’ll try.”

Their eyes, as though having just materialized in the room, landed on the girl, still lying on the floor but looking up at Gary, saying nothing. Gary’s face softened.

“Oh, hello,” he said amiably. “Is this your daughter, Hoyt?”

Don’t ever say something like that again --

“Nah.” He shook his head and sat back down. “Arthur’s kid.”

A moment of recognition passed where Gary’s eyes lit up like a damn Christmas tree. His smile grew wider.

“So this is the Carrie we’ve heard all about,” he exclaimed, sticking his hand out. “Pleased to meet you, Miss Fleck.”

At the lack of response, Hoyt looked over the desk. A blonde crop of hair was unmoved, and even quieter than she’d been before.

“Didn’t your daddy teach you not to stare?” Hoyt probed.

“She’s alright, Hoyt,” Gary countered, keeping his eyes on the girl. “She’s still very young.”

No time like now to teach ‘em not to stare

“Thanks, Hoyt,” Gary continued. At the door frame again, he smiled once more at the kid. “It was very nice to meet you, Carrie.”

The door closed. As if cued by the click of the lock, she turned quickly to Hoyt.

“He was small!” she whispered.

“Yeah, and you’re rude.”

“How rude?”

“It’s fuckin’ rude to stare at him ‘cause he’s short,” Hoyt snapped, pulling yet another litany of papers in a barely-together manila folder from an overstuffed desk drawer. “He doesn’t stare at you ‘cause you’re a girl.”

“But that was scary.”

“There’s a lot scarier guys to be on the lookout for, kid.”

“Who?”

Your daddy, for one.

“I don’t wanna be rude,” she said quietly, beginning to stand. She swiped a bit of dust from the knee of her bell bottoms, putting a nagging word in the back of his mind to sweep the office soon. “I wanna be like my daddy. He’s nice.”

He looked at her briefly before returning to his papers again. Crudely and off-tune, he made out that she was attempting to whistle the Andy Griffith theme.

Andy Griffith. Sheriff Barney Fife. God damn you, Gary.

The back of a blonde head was cast in varying shades as she stood in front of the window slats, drawing a little pointer finger over the sharpie-marked letters. MIME. WHITE FACE PAINT

I have no doubt you’ll be exactly like your daddy. Good luck with that.

____________________

Two o’clock gave Hoyt his first opportunity to get a real look at the Fleck girl. That still felt weird to say.

“Here,” he said stiffly, digging into his back pocket to produce two dimes. “Go down the hall ‘til you reach the Pepsi machine and get us two sodas. It’s lunch time.”

She swiped the dimes from his hand. The contact of nails against his palm made him shiver more than he expected. She felt startlingly real.

A few hesitant steps later -- and he really had to question how poor Arthur was that she looked at the dimes like she’d never seen them before -- she turned to look at him. The pink clip holding her bangs back suddenly bobbed on her head.

“Daddy not let me have soda,” she said.

“Your daddy’s out working. Skedaddle.”

“But what if he come and sees?”

She was lucky her little girl charm made up for the annoying inconsistency of her grammar. If there was one thing Hoyt hated, it was inconsistency.

“We got two hours ‘til you gotta worry about that.”

He looked down again, swiping a red mark through Randall’s name. Another complaint from a kid’s parent from the latest birthday party. God damn --

A clanking made him look up, and sigh. She couldn’t reach the door handle.

“Every paper I can’t sign ‘cause of lookin’ after you is coming out of your daddy’s paycheck,” he threatened, standing to open the door.

The kid was made all the more startlingly real, assaulting his senses as he had to grab her arms and push her forward to get her to stop gawking at the animal statues and props in the storage closet that swallowed the hallway. At least the locker room was empty.

What the fuck are you thinking bringing her here, Fleck?

Leaning against the opposite wall, he watched with waning curiosity as she rushed over to the machine, concluded she was too short to reach the buttons, and pulled over a yellow chair (the uneven wobbly one that grated on his nerves to hear scraping against the ground in uneven increments) to stand on. Licks of curls rested on her shoulders, reminding Hoyt of her mop-headed father.

Rushing back to him, she triumphantly handed him a blue Pepsi can, keeping the Mountain Dew for herself. Eh, he’s had worse.

“Stay,” he said gruffly, unsure of what else to say. He was more accustomed to dogs than kids, but felt satisfied by her listening skills when she climbed into the yellow chair next to the black trunk-table.

Two minutes later and he found himself in the impossibly weird scenario of not only having lunch outside of the comfort of his office, but tossing a banana to a kid who, by all the laws of nature, should not really be allowed to exist. Cute as she may be, to see physical proof of Arthur Fleck’s sex life made it hard to look at her for more than a few seconds.

Hoyt looked anyway, a little annoyed at her inability to open the soda can with her frail little finger. Weak like her damn dad. He swiped it, opened it with a secretly satisfying hiss, and watched her take a great sip. Scrunching her nose -- thank god for her, it wasn’t like Arthur’s -- she stuck her tongue out in derision before reaching over to set it on the table.

Hoyt switched the cans. He hated Pepsi anyway.

He also hated bananas, and the leftover couscous his wife made the previous evening. Mentally he made a note to pack his own damn lunches from then on.

So the banana went to the kid, less out of concern for her eating and more as a means to stop any bellyaching from either her or his wife later.

“So your dad doesn’t let you have soda,” he found himself asking. Why his brain was unable to catch up with his mouth, he wasn’t really sure.

Through a mouthful, she shook her head at him. Swallowing down a sizeable bite, she said, “The sugar bad for my heart.”

“Hmm.”

“My mommy let me have soda, though,” she said, perkier now in a way that made him feel a little rigid. “She likes Coke.”

Hoyt held back a snort of derision and surprise. There were funnier things to mock Arthur about than his wife hitting it big and leaving. Coke was for the rich, he knew. Poor people ... drank Pepsi, he supposed, looking at the kid and the soda can again.

She seemed much more content with the Pepsi can. Metaphorical? Maybe. He was never one to think of analogies -- nor did he really care.

At the sound of the entrance banging open, her eyes widened and she went red. Her hands stayed firmly around the soda can as her proverbial cookie jar.

Whatever jaunty tune Randall was whistling as though he wasn’t twenty minutes late was cut short upon making eye contact with the kid. Hoyt saw something that looked friendly, but not in the same fashion that maybe Gary had in mind.

“Didn’t realize you paid for ‘em so young, Hoyt.”

An inexplicable burning sensation flared in the tips of Hoyt’s ears.

“It’s Arthur’s kid, now fuck off,” he said quickly. “And you’re late.”

“Car broke down again.”

“Well get it fixed, or don’t let it break down on my time.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Randall sighed, breezing past them with his nicotine-smelling clown suit in hand, chief of the parents’ complaints.

The girl’s eyes trailed after the huge man, staying on the hallway long after he’d left. She leaned in just after he took in a mouthful of cold, crunchy couscous.

“What did he mean?” she asked quietly.

“Don’t ask questions.”

____________________

Hoyt’s leg bounced, eyeing the clock out of his peripheral. If Arthur believed Hoyt was letting himself be saddled with the kid for one minute past four o’clock, he was really out of it.

The kid was getting restless, and relentlessly annoying. She surprised him with her expert knowledge on blowing up and tying balloons -- of course Arthur would teach her that, what a valuable life skill -- but the inefficient scraping of two ends of a tightly-woven balloon into a barely-decipherable balloon animal made him wanna pop the thing right in her face. God damn, why did he keep a pile of them within her reach?

She made a snake, she declared. Or a worm.

Upon reaching for another one, it came with an unnecessary avalanche of wormy friends as the corner of a plastic bag scattered a cluster of colored balloons on the carpeted floor.

“Shit,” he grumbled, rounding the desk to collect them. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her put back the one she’d originally grabbed. “You’d better hope your dad has money to pay for new balloons, kid.”

“Shhh ...” His eyes narrowed at her, watching her lean down with him to collect handfuls -- albeit smaller handfuls -- of long balloons. “Shit. Shit, shit, shit.”

____________________

Two minutes to four, Arthur came into the office, looking like a man on a mission. It was to his visible relief, Hoyt noticed, that the kid was happy and very much alive.

“Daddy!” she exclaimed, hopping from the chair to take aim around his pant leg, leaving her picture book on the ground. A hand stroked some hair behind her ear and she smiled sappily up at him. “I drew you pictures and -- and I made you a balloon snake, but it popped.”

Groaning, he pried her arms away and bent down to her level.

“Were you good for Hoyt?” he asked, the faintest smile threatening to split on his face. Eight hours of work would not stop him from enjoying how soft her hair was, or how she smelled like cherries when she hugged his hulking, sweaty form.

“Just aces,” Hoyt smiled cloyingly, twisting a pen cap between his fingers. “Get a sitter for her tomorrow or don’t bother coming in.”

“That good, huh?” Arthur questioned, groaning again in achy protest as he stood up. “I’ll find a sitter for her, I promise.”

____________________

Three hours and two much-needed baths later, Arthur was finding a familiar rhythm in twirling his best girl around their little living room, not minding that he got lost in the mask he wore in front of her. Their old turntable warbled and scratched, but he scarcely noticed.

Carrie didn’t smile at anybody the way she smiled at him. He hoped she knew the flip side to that was true as well.

Que sera sera

Whatever will be, will be

The future’s not ours to see

Que sera sera

“I talked with Mom on the phone today,” he mentioned, watching her face brighten into a widening grin. “She said she wants to meet up with us to take you to lunch on Saturday.”

“Is she come back?” she asked. With her left hand enveloped in her father’s, she shifted her right arm so it rested against his chest and she could lean back to look at him. His face fell slightly.

“No, Peanut, I don’t think so. But you’ve been doing so well with school ‘til it closed, I thought you could tell her all the new rhyming words you learned. You learned what rhymes with bit, didn’t you?”

Her eyes traveled up to the ceiling, scrunching her nose to remember.

“Split,” she concluded, aglow in his proud smile. “Now you.”

“Befit. You?”

“Uh ... grit.”

At a very inelegant dip, which sent her into shrieking giggles as she felt her ponytail brush the floor, he said, “Banana split.”

“That doesn’t count!” she laughed.

“Oh, really? How does it not count?” he humored.

“Cause I said split! No cheating!”

“Then tool kit,” he smiled. “But now you have to think of two words.”

“Quit, and ...” She stopped to consider. “Oh, I learned one today! Shit.”

____________________

“Hoyt?”

“What do you want?”

Arthur looked from the paper in his hands, to the area of space between his person and the paper, filled in by the sight of his feet doing an awkward little soft shoe. Should he even question Hoyt about this? He was as honest as he could be, but something about this didn’t seem to add up.

“It’s just, uh ... my paycheck seems higher than it should be?”

“Is that a problem?”

“Well, no, but --”

“Then what is it?”

A nervous sweat started to form at Arthur’s hairline.

“It’s just that ... I did the math, and -- and it looks like you paid me for one of the days I didn’t work.”

“Are you tellin’ me you don’t think I did my math right? Go get a fuckin’ bank job if you think you know better.”

“So ... I’m -- I’m fine if I deposit the two hundred from the check?”

“Your money,” Hoyt grumbled, signing away another mindless paper. For being a clown business, he sure did have a shitload of paperwork. “Pay your rent, buy a hooker, some booze ... a snazzy divorce lawyer.”

Turning, Arthur felt something air-light in his chest, still disbelieving of the good fortune.

I can pay the rent, he registered. I can pay the rent and I can buy Carrie some new toys.

“Hey, how’s the little ankle-biter, by the way?”

He turned again, slower.

“What?”

“Kelly, the -- the kid you brought in on Monday. Raised hell in my office.”

“Oh ... Carrie?”

Arthur looked down at his shoes again, smiling. Staying with his mom and her newly-broken arm, bellyaching about wanting Hoyt at her babysitter again because “Nana can only make TV dinners.”

“She’s just aces.”

Summer Games (Segret Santa gift)(this was by geekygirl89)

This is for you for the Snk Veterans Segret Santa. I really hope you like it! And sorry in advace if it’s cringy or you don’t like crack fics. Don’t hesitate to tell me and I’ll fix it. Pass a wonderful day!^^ (I also added some of my headcanons for the vets answers…)

~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~

“Alright folks!” Said Hanji smacking an empty box on the big table where Nanaba, Moblit and the cadets were forced to sit. Hanji decided that they are going to celebrate their first day of summer holidays by playing a game with all the cadets!Yay! “So…Again, how did she get you approvation for this bullshit?” Levi turned to face Erwin who just cleared his voice. “I-I was really tired and she was getting on my nerves” Levi could tell that he was lying but decided to investigate later. “Hurry this shit up I have work to do” He growled then. The mess hall was empty apart from the six vets and all the cadets. It was seven and everyone have eaten their shitty dinner. The windows were all closed apart from the one their table is next to; the room was really hot and the fresh air helped to make them relax and get ready for the game Hanji set for that evening… “So why are we here?”…Which none of the teenagers knew about… “Since I heard that many of you would like to get to know us better…” “Who the fuck said that?” Growled Jean crossing his arms looking at Eren “The fuck are you looking at??” “Connieeee, I’m hungryyy” “Eh? But you just ate dinner!” “Eren, C-calm d-down, please!” Everyone started to talk and make noise. “You all better shut the fuck up before I…” Levi was cut off by Hanji who shushed everyone and continued their speech “…As I was saying…I decided to set a game where you write a question or a dare to Me, Erwin, Levi anonymously in those piece of paper” Hanji sat on the wooden stool on Erwin’s left, facing all the cadets who were all receiving a piece of paper and a pencil by Moblit and Nanaba. “You then fold the paper and put it in the box in the middle” The box at issue is a cardboard box with some ugly titans scribbled all over it. “But I don’t know how to write!” Said Eren. “I will write it for you…” Offered Armin. “I can’t write either” “Me neither!” Armin sighed “Okay! I’m going to write them!” “I’ll help too” Smiled Nanaba grabbing a pencil and a paper. “You better hurry up, brat” So Armin started to write what the other whispered him in the ear. Sometimes giving them a questioning look or a WTF expression while Nanaba was just giggling and complimenting them for their originality. “Okay, everyone is done” Moblit put the last piece of paper on the box and shook it a little bit and took a paper out of it. “The first question is…Uhm…<If you had a really fluffy bunny, what would you name it?>??” “Who the hell wrote that shit” Everybody started to laugh apart form Armin (Who was too confused), Christa (Who was a tomato), Nanaba (Who gave a reassuring smile to Christa while patting her back) and Ymir (Who was glaring at everyone else). Levi shook his head and cursed under his breath “I hate animals, those things stink”. “I would name it Easter Joy!“Grinned Hanji. “Tch, Toffe, I would name it Tofee or Amie” Erwin just laughed “I don’t have enough time to take of a bunny but I would probably name it something that goes well with the title Dr.” “Great, the second question is <What’s the craziest thing you have done?>” “That’s actually an interesting question!” “No it’s not, Shut up Jean” “Fuck you, Connie” Hanji thought about it “Uhm…I would say…Oh yeah! Trying to get swallowed by a titan to see their stomach from the inside!” “Joining the Survey Corps” “Trying to slice three titans in with a shot” “You know you failed doing that” Snorted Levi not hiding his smirk. “Well, you failed in killing me” Replied Erwin smirking as well. A confused “What?!” Came from the 15 years olds and Nanaba but they were both ignored by the others. “Tch…Touché” Levi returned to face forward. “What?” “ANYWAYS! Next question!” Erwin was glad that Hanji interruped their conversation since he didn’t know how to reply to Levi’s ‘Tu sha’ not that he knew what it meant anyway… “Can I pick one?!?” Asked Christa raising her hand and jumping up and down on the chair while overflowing her cuteness in every direction much to Ymir’s pleasure. “Of course! But wait a second!” And with that Hanji hopped off of her stool, grabbed Moblit and went off to who knows where. “Okay, I’m leaving"And when Levi was about to hop off of the stool Erwin stopped him by grabbing his collar "No Levi, you are staying here and suffering with everyone of us” Levi was about to split fire when Hanji came in with Moblit. Again, Erwin was grateful that Hanji came always at the right moment. Levi doesn’t agree. “Since things will probably get boring quickly we decided that everytime one of us lies they are going to take a swing off of these bottles when possible” She dangling the three half empty bottles of booze in front of everyones face. “I did nothing” Whispered Moblit trembling under the superiors glares expecially the one from Levi while the scientist smashed the bottles on the table capturing some of the cadets attention. “…Is that alcohol?” Asked Erwin when he finished helping Levi to sit on the stool, at which most of them sneered (they stopped immediatly though). “Yessss” And with that Nanaba extended the box to Christa who took a piece of paper “It says <What’s one one of useless talents you have? The others had to say if your answer is true or not>”. “Did one of you brats wrote that? Arlert, answer the question” Armin quivered a little bit but was able to stutter a positive answer “Yes, sir” “Who wrote it” “You can’t ask that!” Replied Nanaba who was really having fun with this game “It was supposed to be anonymous” Armin sighed in relief “Tch” “Okay, you go first Levi” Everybody turned their attention to the captain, apart from Reiner and Jean who were planning to steal the booze when everyone isn’t paying attention… “Tch, I can’t get drunk” “FALSE! His useless talent is knitting!!” “No, It’s not you fuckin-” “You lied Levi you have to take a swing from that bottle” “I didn’t lie!” “Whatever! I’m your commander and I order you to take a swing from that damn bottle since you can’t prove us your talent” “And how did I prove my ‘Knitting talent’ thingy??” “Weren’t you the one who made us the sweaters for christmas??” Asked Eren “Who do you think would knit ‘Brat Number X’ on everyones sweater??” Replied Reiner while Eren just huffed crossing his arms. Levi grounted but drank from the bottle anyways, twisting his mouth in disgust “…Why am I still here…” “I can tie a cherry knot with my tongue!” Grinned Hanji “Oh, yeah! I saw you doing that! It’s true!” Smiled Moblit while Nanaba approved by just nodding her head like Levi and Erwin. “Okay, mine is being ambidextrous” Said proudly Erwin. “What does that means?” Asked Ymir “It means that you can use both of your hand to draw, paint or write” Answered Moblit. “Yes, and it a really rare talent” “Armin is that too” Butted in Eren “Me too” Added Hanji happily “Looks like your rare talent isn’t rare at all eyebrows” “That isn’t even an useless talent!” Replied Hanji. “You can finish a 1000 piece puzzle in twenty minutes though” Moblit tried to finish this game as quickly as possible… “Erwin drinks!” And with that Nanaba picked another piece of paper from the ugly box. “So…<Can you speak in a foreign language? If so can you say sentence?> That’s really original!” Armin smiled happily hearing that. “Well…One time I tried to learn four different languages but I ended up mixing them together” Hanji scratched her head shyly. “I’m fluent in sarcasm” Said Levi “Apart from French” He added after while Erwin rolled his eyes “I learnt Latin when I was a teenager”. “That’s soo freaking cool say something please!” “Alright Hanji…Um…Oh yeah I always loved this saying 'dum vita est spes est’ Which means 'As long there is life there is hope’” Erwin looked to the ceiling trying to remember the words of the saying while Levi stared dead in the cadets eyes and said “Sais-tu combien de temps ta mère prend pour chier? Neuf mois.” “Uh…What does that means?” Asked Connie. “You don’t want to know” And with that Moblit went on with another question “This one says…” “It’s a fucking paper it doesn’t talk” “Ehm…<What’s the most interesting or disgusting thing you’ve read or seen this week?>” “I literally saw two cockroaches fucking in Shitty-Glasses because she can’t fucking clean her shitty office” Levi glared Hanji who only giggled “I found an old recipe in the library I’ll try to cook tomorrow and ya’ll will have the pleasure to try it” “Oh no…” Whispered Moblit with Nanaba and Levi. “Ahem, Anyway this week I read that if you sleep less than 4 hours and more than 10 hours you’re at a higher risk for dying at an early age. So remember to always sleep at least 8 hours a day, we don’t want to lose our mans in such a dumb way right Levi?” “Yea, yeah whatever say that to the pile of paperwork you give me everytime” Erwin rolled his eyes a second time for his teenager like attitude. “Can I pick???” Asked Hanji bouncing up and down making half of the cadets have a heart attack thinking that she would fall from the unstable stool and smash her head for good. Moblit just extended the small ugly box to Hanji with his quivering arm. “Lets see…<If you were arrested with no explanation by the bitch brigade,> One point for that <What would your friends and superiors assume you had done?>"She smiled "They would think I killed someone by accident, blown up the whole Head Quarters or made a hole in the wall while experiencing” “That I killed somebody without it being an accident” “That I discovered some really segret informations” “Alright my turn” Erwin picked a piece of paper while the other were confused by his previous answer “<What would be the absolute worst name you could give your child?> Oh, it would definitely be Nile” “Tch, Eren” Smirked Levi. “B-but why???” “Ignore him Eren” “But Mikas-” “Ignore him” “Hmm…I think that every name is wonderful in its own way!” Sang Hanji grinning like a child “Levi you read the next one” “Tch, lets see what you brat got here <If you were held at gun point and told that if you didn’t impress them with your dance moves->…Uh…<-You would be killed, what dance moves would you bust out?>?… I won’t even comment on this. You answer first” Levi ripped the paper while Connie just pouted without anybody noticing while Armin looked at him sighing. “I…I don’t know…Really…” Mumbled Erwin. “Ha! Me neither! What about you levi??” “I would kill them first and then dance on their grave or directly on their body” He said without flicking. “Uh…okay…Next one please! Erwin your turn!” Said Hanji while giving the bottle of alcohol to Moblit who put it on the table near Reiner who gave a glance to Jean who just smirked. “Actually can I read it?” Jean put his hand up seeing that Erwin wanted to pass “Alright, Erwin will be next” Nanaba shook the box and gave it to Jean who read the question. “<Do you have a favourite cadet? If so who is it?>” He gave a questioning look to Armin who just shrugged mouthing a 'I don’t know’. “I don’t have a favourite, I hate every single one of you equally…” “I do have a favourite! But I’m not going to tell who is it!” “Tch, we all know that you like to experiment on Jeäger” “I don’t have a favourite, everyone is important” CoughMikasa&Armincough. Anyway Moblit was going to take the box from Jean and give it to Erwin but the teen just got up to bring it to Erwin himself. But as he was doing it he 'trip over’ Levi’s stool making the tiny man crush on Erwin and his old unbalaced stool which knocked Hanji off of her own stool with the others in a mass of tangled limb and bodies. Hanji passed out since she was the one who got smashed by Levi and Erwin’s body weight. Moblit and Nanaba rushed to help them but they got trip over by Jean and the broken stool (Which hit Erwin head) hitting the floor and adding to the mass of bodies and unconscious adults. Meanwhile Reiner explained everyone what just happened and what was the plan. “You are going to get in trouble and me and Christa are not going to be responsible of what you idiots are going to cause. Let’s go Christa” And with that Ymir left the crime scene with Christa following her giving the other an apologizing smile. “Let’s steal some bread, Connie!” The guy signed but followed Sasha anyway to the kitchens. “Okay Armin, what do we do know?” Asked Jean looking at the unconscious vets “W-What? I-I did nothing!” “Yes, but we are all in trouble now (Minus Ymir and Christa)” “We better hurry up though…” Reiner pointed to Levi who was slowly waking up but before he could open his eyes fully Eren hit his with the stool’s broken leg knocking him out once again. Armin would have sworn he heard him whisper “Revenge” but decided to ignore it and try to find a solution while Mikasa was checking if Eren got a splinter of wood in his hands. “O-Okay, We will drag them to their room and pretend that nothing happened. If they ask, just say that they all passed out” Everyone nodded in agreement “B-But wouldn’t it be suspicious?” Stuttered Berthold sweating a lot. “We will say that Sasha put something in the tea they drank this evening” Said Reiner carring Moblit on his shoulder “Yeah, and we will say that they hit the floor” Added Eren helping Mikasa to carry Nanaba while Jean and Armin carried together Levi. “Berthold you stay here and keep an eye on those two. We will burn the papers and put the box back to squad leader Hanji’s office, I have the key” Berthold nodded to Armin while shifting from one foot to another “H-H-Hurry up, though”. After carrying a (more than expected) heavy Levi to his room, Jean stayed in there and wrapped his head with bandages while Armin went back so get the empty box and put it in Hanji’s messy room…It was easy, he just left it on the floor with the other boxes with ugly Titan. Each one being the exact copy of the one he had in his hands. He decided to ignore that too. Mikasa and Eren put Nanaba in her bed and turned back to the mess hall where they found Armin burning papers with Sasha and Connie while Reiner and Jean were trying to carry Erwin. Mikasa carried Erwin to his room. Alone. While the other carried together Hanji to her room. They took a while since the floor was full of papers, boxes (looks like she was trying to make a 'good’ one), pens, notes, clothes and things like that. They also found an interesting paper on her desk… “Okay, we burned the evidences including Hanji’s black mail Erwin to make us play at this game paper wich Reiner found, we got rid of the ashes and we carried them to their room (thank god they weren’t wearing straps today). We have to throw away the stools” “What if we make a falo?” Asked Eren “A falo during summer? Are you dum-” “Okay! We can hide them in the forest or toss them in the river” Armin interruped Jean before he start a fight “And then we can enjoy all the alcohol for the rest of the night”. Armin’s plan was really well done, but if only he knew that Mike woke up in the infirmatory from the loud noise and the reeking smell of ashes, berthold’s sweat, Armin’s brain’s vibes and booze, saw (and smelt) everything from the infirmatory window they would probably still have the rest of their short summer vacation instead of having extra chores and one hundred laps a day for the rest of their summer (which just started by the way).

~♥~♥~♥~♥~

Eeeee….It’s my first time writing something and posting it that’s why I submitted it instead of making it public (I posted it on Wattpad only to get the approval from my pen pal)…Tell me what you think via private message or my ask box. Merry Christmas and sorry if it came out late.