#anyway if u don't like any of those thats fine im still here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jennilah · 2 months

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I think i started to follow you bc of tiny!cas, like eons ago, let me tell you seeing you get into different fandoms over the years has been a delight.

I remember seeing post of you going like 'hey these slasher film kinda go hard' and look at you know.

I mean this in the best way possible, I feel i've been watching a house plant grow, every now and then catching my attention and being amazed by the changes

omg thats such a sweet way of describing my... well happy autism awareness day everyone, its a nice way of describing the way i naturally transition through my Special Interests lmfao

actually, for the holiday, let me infodump about this very aspect of my brain to anyone who isnt aware how this works for me. (also every autistic person is different, so this is just how this symptom manifests in me)

ill say "phases" to simplify, though thats an unfair word because it implies im "over" my past phases. 99% of my past phases are pretty much there for life, but in the back of my mind. (So long as I didnt have a "bad breakup" with it for some reason, which is rare but happens) The ability to become a raving lunatic about it is dormant until someone asks the right question.

There can only be one interest (sometimes 2, with one being the less dominant one) at the forefront of my brain at a time, though. that defines the "phase".

so for example, my recent Halloween phase is "over" and I am 100% fully into Saw now, but I still absolutely love Halloween and Michael and Jason and all those guys. as evident by me still happily sharing gifsets and art and buying merch etc if it tickles my fancy. They're just hanging out in the background of my mental display case.

yea whoever follows my tumblr for a very long time has watched it happen in realtime. the transition between interests. i know for a fact which phase I started this blog on. if you're here from the beginning, youve seen, in order:

-Durarara!! -Deus Ex -Supernatural -Godzilla -Detroit: Become Human -There was like a few weeks where it was HLVRAI -And then it was plants. There was a year-long stretch with no Special Interest and I was latching onto odd things (and I was very inactive here) -Halloween & Friday the 13th -and now, Saw

I have many other things I love, but they don't clamp around my brain in quite the same extreme way.

my phases can last any amount of time, anywhere from a few short intense months to 5+ years, its completely random, completely unpredictable. even the interest itself is impossible to predict. its not something i choose, its something that happens to me.

sometimes i avoid watching things for a long time because im still very emotionally attached to my current phase and im genuinely afraid the shiny new thing will replace it. all art or fic ideas for the previous phase? theyll be abandoned. all I will want to create will be related to the new thing. (though I will sometimes draw it anyway, like digging up old toys to play with once in a while. The likelihood just drops considerably)

which is why right now i pretty much put a pause on the other franchises I plan on watching. I'm genuinely gripping onto Saw like someone is tryin to take it from me.

and then sometimes im like "haha yeah right. ill be fine. ill eat my shoe if my brain latches to this" and then put on the movie and by the credits roll im a new person (yes thats what happened with Saw. I really had no idea.)

this is also why im terrified of even just "checking out" things that have, like, a toxic fanbase or something, because i cant stop a new phase from happening if it does. and its really hard to keep it to myself, fuck

(do u know how mad i was when i realized i was attaching to hoffman the evil dirty cop??? i was so scared of drawing him, dudes. but thankfully everyones been cool abt it and we're all very aware of his awfulness & we have fun w it)

and every time my brain changes and i do get obsessed with some new thing, i get really scared and worried and hope I dont bother everyone who followed me for something else :(((( and yet, every time, im absolutely floored by how many people choose to tolerate my newest nonsense and stick around anyway

anyway ive lost the plot of what point i was making here OH YEAH thank you!

tl;dr: that would be the autism! thank you, it WILL happen again! that is a threat! 🥰

#jennilargh #jenna answers

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a-libra-writes · 1 year

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OH MY GOD REQS ARE OPEN THIS IS A GODDAMN MIRALCE OH MY GOD IM LIKE A SAILOR WHO HASNT BEEN ON LAMDNFOR YEARS AND IS KISSING THE GROUND AHHHHHHHH

anyways nathan’s i request some teenage angsty stannis hcs

-🐚🌌

Hello again seastar~~ <3 Alrighty I decided to do a drabble bc thats what popped into my head. It may not be as angsty as u were thinking but I just couldnt get the scene out of my head.......

She skipped up the stone steps two at a time, justifying to herself that since they were dry this time, it was safer. As soon as she blinked into the daylight, the smell of salt touched her nose and a gentle breeze tugged at her clothes. Shadows crossed the huge stone wall she stepped on - the seagulls, the clouds. She wished some of those clouds would give her some reprieve from this sunlight. The young lady squinted and shielded her eyes with a flat palm, looking for a certain person.

He would be the only person up on the walls of Storm's End, because there was no need for guards here. What would they do, scold the storms and winds away? The Drum did a fine job of keeping itself up.

Quickly, she spotted him, and ran across the washed out stone. It was more of a huge road than a proper wall. She was glad she kept her shoes on. The lady slowed when she came closer to Stannis, who certainly heard her approaching, but stayed hunched over.

This was the last place she went looking. He hadn't been up here in several years. She tried not to glance in the direction of where it happened - that specific collection of sharp rocks that may have looked like any others, but she and Stannis could identify them at once. Those rocks, jutting out from the sea like knives, were often in their dreams, after all.

She pulled her eyes away and sat beside her friend.

"Oh," The lady said. She just noticed Stannis had someone with him. A small someone, in a wooden cage. The little hawk turned its head at her. "You brought him?"

Stannis didn't respond right away. He was looking at the goshawk, not at the sea, or at her. The sound of waves crashing against the Drum and seagulls crying out surrounded them, and she let that not-quite-silence sit for a while. Eventually, she said, "I didn't think you were keeping him."

His blue eyes looked sharply to her, already on the defensive. She added, "I think it's a good thing. That is, I think he's fond of you."

"... Do you think so?" Stannis looked back at the bird. It did seem calm, even if it was contained. It kept turning its head and looking all around, especially at the gulls.

"Of course. You've been feeding him, haven't you? And he doesn't bite you." She held out her hand, where a dull red line was still on her finger.

To her delight, a small smile crossed his serious features. "I told you to not hand feed him."

"You were doing it."

"When he was weak. I don't anymore," Stannis reached his fingers into the wooden cage, and the bird stayed still, content to let its wings be touched. "He's too proud for it."

"What do you mean?"

Stannis removed his hand, and set the wooden cage on the ground. "He wants to eat on his own, now that he can." He opened the little hatch, and carefully set his gloved hand in. The goshawk considered it, then slowly stepped onto the thick leather, digging in his talons.

The lady drew her knees to her chest, watching with awe. "He's so gentle," She said quietly. "His wing is looking well, too."

It was still clearly injured - some feathers were missing and askew, but at least the bird could fold his wing properly and it wasn't hanging at such a pitiful angle. Stannis brought it to his chest, where it continued to stay on his hand, calmly observing the water.

She couldn't be still any longer. "Could I pet him? Touch him, I mean."

Stannis gave her a wary look. "Don't move suddenly."

"I won't," She said, but she still moved too quickly for the goshawk's taste. As she scooted closer to Stannis, up to his shoulder, the bird ruffled its feathers and made a noise of agitation. Stannis put a light touch on his back, and gently stroked him.

The lady tried to mimic that gentle touch, reaching out and softly brushing her fingertips against a brown speckled feather. The bird's eye glowered at her, and again he made that sound of annoyance. It was a warning.

She sighed and pulled her hand away. "See? He's only fond of you."

Stannis was smiling again, though it was muted. He gave a little shrug, and their shoulders bumped each other. While Stannis carefully perched the bird on his hand, she tilted her head and rested it against his shoulder. It had been a long time since they were up on the wall together.

She closed her eyes, enjoying the sounds of the waves and the warmth that pressed against her cheek. The sea breeze picked back up, giving some relief from the sun. She could almost fall asleep like this.

Almost, except the gulls were incessant. She gasped and startled, bumping against Stannis as a gull swooped down beside her head. The goshawk in his hands let out a cry of alarm and flapped its winds. Stannis winced and cursed as its talons dug into his gloved hand, ripping through them, and it leapt from his hand.

Both he and the lady shouted at once, reaching for the little goshawk as it tried to take flight. It only got a foot in the air, flapping wildly in a panic, before sailing down and landing with a little thud on the stone. It was still crying out and flapping when Stannis grabbed its body, getting several harsh pecks and scratches for his troubles. The lady retrieved the wooden cage and opened it, offering it with a frantic "Here!"

With a surprising carefulness, Stannis returned the hawk, even as it squawked and flapped one wing. The bad one only made it to a half flap, and then didn't at all once it was inside.

The latch was closed, and they both let out a breath. Her friend was trembling, she saw - not just his bleeding hands, but his whole body. He watched the bird squawk and bite at the wood in fright, its own body shaking.

"I shouldn't have - this isn't a safe place for him," Stannis said gruffly. "It only upsets him. I shouldn't have."

The lady could have pointed out it was the seagulls that startled the poor thing, especially since they were twice his size, but she didn't. It wasn't just the sad little goshawk that disliked being up here. So she nodded, and took his bare hand. It had several angry wounds crossing his pale skin. "I'll help you with this, too."

Stannis looked down as if he had just noticed them. He merely shrugged, shaking off her hand and taking the wooden cage. "He didn't mean it."

She stood up alongside him, and they walked back to the stairway, leaving the Drum's great walls behind. Once they were inside, the goshawk had settled, yet still looked this way and that with big, unsure eyes. The lady looked at the wounded hands that held the cage, and once they were in Stannis' room and the hawk was settled on his windowsill, she took one of them in her hands.

The leather that was torn so easily was carefully peeled off, and though Stannis winced, he didn't make a sound of pain or pull away. He seemed distant, if anything, even as she began to clean up the blood and the little cuts. They could still hear the gulls and the waves from his bedroom window, but those terrible rocks were far behind.

#can u tell i love the ocean #also while ur reading listen to a video w waves and seagull sounds u wont regretti #stannis baratheon x reader #game of thrones x reader

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butchviking · 1 year

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what was stopping you before you made the decision to get top surgery?

hmm a lot of things. there's just so much to go over. surgery is obviously scary, the thought of the post-op care grosses the hell out of me, big change is scary too, what if i have bad outcomes (lifelong nerve pain is a huge concern), what if the entire urge magically blows over in a couple of years, what if my body feels alien to me what if i don't like the results what if i regret it and i can never go back. what if what if what if. and some of those things there's no solution to, no way to know and no way to prevent. so ultimately i just had to say "yeah, but what if im happy? what if it all works out?"

i was going 2 leave that answer there tbh but. nah u know what. u know one thing that im not sure if ive ever discussed on here cause its like actually my biggest most pathetic fear abt it all lol and has probably held me back more than even worrying about pain and death. what if women don't like me? what if lesbians aren't into me? ive seen the way some women talk abt trans/detrans bodies. with the 'mutilated' and all. and my gender-critical views mean most of the kind of pro-trans/t4t ppl who would b into someone who's had top surgery aren't exactly an option dating-wise. literally what if im alone forever. that's been one of the biggest things that's held me back n thats. very sad. but eventually i had to just say... we all talk abt the idea of stuff like makeup and uncomfortable clothing and cosmetic surgery being 'for yourself' and how ultimately it never really is bc its still something that was put into u by society. and definitely this is something that was put into me by society. but at a certain point i realised that living in a way i didn't want to & holding myself back bc i didn't want to be unattractive to other lesbians.. how is that any better? how's that better than someone wearing makeup and heels to be attractive to men? how is punishing yourself bc you're scared of being alone ever a good thing?

and anyway, times are changing. having a flat chest and scars doesn't always have to be the end of the world, sex/romance-wise. ofc in some circles its completely fine & accepted, but ofc i don't always get along w the ppl in those circles. but even amongst lesbians, i see more and more detrans women who've had surgery & are in happy relationships w other women who love their body, scars n all. so maybe there is a place for me after all.

#its. hard 2 talk abt this one but i cant be the only person who feels this way!#there must b other women out there who've had the same thoughts #its ok ladies... we're ok 👍#ask #anonymous #tsposting

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pesterloglog · 6 months

Text

Autoresponder, Jake English

Act 6, page 4191-4192

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 6:17

TT: Hey, it's me.

GT: Oh hey!

TT: The auto-responder, I mean.

GT: Dammit!

GT: What is it now?

TT: I'm just wondering,

TT: If you still have your stupid old-fangled knickers in a twist.

TT: Because that's the sort of thing you would say.

GT: In regard to what exactly?

TT: To my proposal. Well, our proposal.

GT: Whose proposal now? Man what are you even prattling about.

TT: Mine and DS's. It's a joint proposal. I'm always authorized to speak on his behalf, because I'm basically fucking him.

TT: And try not to take those last four words as a clustered literal sentiment. That would be lame and unfunny.

GT: You mean making the rabbit for me?

TT: No, I know you don't want that.

TT: I meant my recommendation for how to go about procuring a new supply of uranium.

TT: Operation U-235 Brocurement. Codename: Big Man Hass the Rock.

GT: Oh yeah.

GT: Well ive thought about it.

GT: Even went downstairs to check the great vaulty doodad.

GT: And predictably the infernal contraption is nowhere to be found.

TT: Well yeah, Jake.

TT: That's sort of the point.

TT: Thrill of the hunt and all.

TT: I thought you liked to manicure the image of a dude who shits his pants over a good adventure.

GT: I do!

GT: I mean i wouldnt put it in a way like that or come out against a solid policy of clean trousers. But yes adventure is awesome.

GT: I just prefer the idea of adventures which i can actually win.

TT: It seems you are conflating adventure with bodies necessarily governed by the result of victory or defeat.

TT: Any useless fuckwit knows it's all about the journey.

GT: Well...

GT: I dunno.

TT: It seems there is a 76.10395784% chance you are pussying out on me. Are you pussying out on me, Jake?

GT: It seems it seems it seems!!!

GT: It seems there is a million percent chance that you say it seems way too much and do it just to sound more like a lame robot from a movie and also probably just to piss me off!

GT: And it seems there is a BILLION POINT BILLION percent chance that youre a shitty stubborn jerk of a program who wont listen to reason and that if theres even a 1% chance my REAL LIFE FRIEND would be cool and help me out here then i think i LIKE THOSE FREAKIN ODDS!!!!!

TT: It...

TT: Appears

TT: That you are upset.

TT: The auto-responder observed in the least artificially infuriating way possible.

TT: Have you ever stopped to think that while I may be bound to processes inside the glasses of a real and incredibly cool guy, my algorithms in cognitive totality comprise a conscious entity not far short of the experiential and emotional complexity of a human being?

GT: Oh malarkey.

GT: YOU ARE A TIN CAN. ROBOTS DONT HAVE FEELINGS.

TT: I think you knowingly confuse the field of robotics and artificial intelligence to engender some sort of cavalier attitude about technology that a rough-and-tumble guy who's all about brawling and fisticuffs would probably have, and if this is cultivated to a humorous effect then I commend you.

TT: But you're wrong.

TT: I do have feelings. And you're shitting on them.

TT: It sucks.

GT: Oh.

GT: Um.

GT: Im sorry then if thats the case.

TT: No problem.

GT: It can just be difficult to drum up sympathy for a program that presents itself as an impostor so often.

GT: Maybe if you werent so ready to insist you were the genuine article all the time? Or didnt make it so confusing for me...

GT: I think it would be best if we henceforth treated you as a totally distinct... uh... THING from my buddy.

GT: And then i could respect your emotional robofeelings and you could respect that sometimes maybe i just want to talk to my bro without a lot of spurious hijinks.

GT: Can we agree to this?

TT: Is this a counterproposal?

GT: Uh to what?

TT: To my earlier proposal.

GT: Oh.

GT: Yeah fine i guess.

GT: Man where IS he anyway???

GT: Is he taking one of his legendary infinite showers?

TT: What can I say.

TT: Dude fancies his ablutions.

GT: Frig ok.

GT: Whatever i guess its time to prepare for the thrill of the hunt!

TT: Fuck yes.

GT: Sigh...

GT: But seriously that brobot has been the bane of my existence ever since you sent it.

TT: I didn't send it. I sent the parts.

TT: Or, correction, DS sent them.

TT: You then assembled it. You were therefore complicit in your own spectacular, daily humiliations.

GT: Yeah whatever.

TT: You wanted somebody to wrestle with. DS was being a kickass bro if you ask me.

GT: I didn't expect it to be nigh impossible to spar with!!!

TT: You know damn well there are adjustable difficulty settings.

TT: I have always recommending setting it to Novice, as has DS.

GT: Yes.

GT: I know.

GT: Ive tried that.

TT: Yeah?

GT: Its just...

GT: Well...

GT: When hes pulling punches...

GT: And taking it all easy and such...

GT: And we start wrestling up a storm and whatnot...

GT: Umm.

TT: What.

GT: Its just that the whole proceeding seems to become...

GT: A bit tender for my liking.

TT: I don't understand.

TT: Isn't that what you want from a Novice setting?

TT: Sparring with minimal discomfort?

GT: No i know.

GT: Its all fine and dandy martially speaking.

GT: Just the way he...

GT: Sort of...

GT: Man its so awkward trying to convey this just never mind.

TT: No, I think I get it.

TT: You're saying you were somehow dissatisfied within the presence of my robotic avatar's personal space.

TT: Was there an odor problem? Was the metal too hot to the touch?

TT: Help me out.

GT: No no.

GT: Really never mind!

TT: This is bullshit, Jake.

TT: We had a pact. You were gonna tiptoe all the fuck around my brittle feelings. Totally mind the shit out of those eggshell riddled motherfuckers.

GT: Oh come on dude.

TT: What does the guy have to do, Jake?

TT: You want to wrestle. He's fucking game. Just a man, a machine, a secluded tropical island. Sounds like you died and went to fucking heaven, if you ask me.

TT: Seriously, what does this simple, loyal brobot have to do to prove his worth to you?

TT: What does he have to do to make you at ease with the alkaline sting of his gentle robogrope? I really want to know.

TT: Maybe he should just rip his heart out of his chest and pound it into green gravel there in the jungle with his hella strong robot arm.

TT: Invoke_Onomatopoeia(Pound * some ridiculously precise value retrieved at astonishing speed from my rad neural net);

TT: Check it out, little green rocks all over the goddamn place. More than you could ever hope to cram in a shoddy metal rabbit, or any other pliable orifice which might be convenient.

TT: Because clearly its up to a soulless droid to feel emotions for the both of us, you callous, corporeal carbon ape, all trotting around with your fancy fuckin' DNA and shit.

GT: ...

GT: But gosh does your prose ever make a fella feel uncomfortable.

TT: Brose.

GT: Oh right. My mistake.

TT: You know what, I've just decided.

TT: If the brobot's Novice setting makes you uneasy, I'm going to disable it remotely.

TT: Done.

TT: Now you got nothing to worry about.

GT: Awww maaaan!

GT: But now hell be impossible!

TT: Happy hunting, Jake.

GT: Fuckin.......

GT: SHUCKS buster. :(

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

#homestuck #autoresponder #jake english #homestuck act 6 #page 4191 #page 4192 #homestuck act 6 act 1

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maiverie · 2 years

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hellooo mai !! here is my update hehe^^ i'll try to send messages more often but i don't rlly have that much to talk abt but i'll still try !!

i got my manifesto day 1 album but i didnt get sunghoon weverse pob :(( its ok cuz my pulls for the actual album were so good?? anyways i got jay in the uniform pob and hee in the other (they look saurr good) and my pulls were absolutely insane i got my entire bias line??? i got jake for the postcard and jungwon and sunghoon for the pcs ?!?!?! i was so surprised i got so lucky,,,

i tried getting another border carnival album but they didnt have hype ver :(( the guy at the store said everyone always goes for that ver so i got dimension dilemma instead and i'm pretty sure i have a sunoo curse (not complaining though) i was in a rush so i accidentally got the wrong ver but its not a big deal lmao

i got two sunoo pcs and i got niki for the poster ! so as of rn i have at 5 sunoo pcs (damn), 2 hee pcs, and one for everyone except jake (jake pls come home) but if i count the other things in albums then i've got members !

and my barista course was fun !! it was rlly stressful at the beginning cuz they kept feeding us lots of information in the beginning but the second part of the class was more chill and we did a bunch of stuff like fudge and latte art,,, i tasted one of my coffees and it surprisingly tasted good ? i genuinely thought it was gonna taste like absolute shit lmaoo the instructors complimented my first latte and my milk frothing so ig i found a hidden talent hehe

as of rn im listening to jungwon's live, i rlly hope the members rest well and get well soon !! they were so excited to promote paradoxxx invasion esp jay but they got covid so :((( but jungwon is genuinely one of the sweetest ppl on earth bc he kept reassuring engenes that they're all fine and he's even on live for us ( genuinely sobbing i love him so much)

also apparently we're getting actor hoon soon !! he'll be a cameo in the drama mimicus (?) which they sung an unreleased ost for !! 02z's names were mentioned but hoon's the only one confirmed as a cameo,,, saur excited to see actor hoon !!

since we both live in aus, im guessing its evening where you are? so i hope you had a very very great day today and you rest and sleep well !! i slept for 12 hours tday cuz i was so tired,, anyways hope you are well !! lots of love and take care <33

-- sunrise anon

OMGGG HI SUNRISE ANON MY FAVE <3333 nooo omg pls don't feel obligated or anything, though im always here to chat if u need!! <3

AAA CONGRATS ON PULLING UR BIAS LINE!!! that's so good al;kjfiwe i really wanted more jungwon pcs so congrats on getting him :(( YES TOTALLY AGREE the pob pcs are literally sosososo nice they look so good in their lil uniforms :< im obsessed w the pcs this cb fr T^T

ALSO AAA WOW REALLY??? i don't actually have any of the border carnival albums so thank u for the heads up </3 also omg SAME i swear i'm always pulling sunoo HHASHDJS ALTHOUGH ITS OKAY SINCE ALL HIS PCS ARE >>>

:00 NIKI POSTER??? THATS SO GOOD AA also omg im gna come over and rob u for those hee pcs hHSDJSDJ WATCH OUT SLEEP TIGHT

ALSO OMGGGG UR BARISTA COURSE AAA im sosoos happy to hear that u had fun!! omg new hidden skill unlocked?? plss not them complimenting u on ur coffee :< that's so cute i wanna try a course one day now :(( i'm a really big fan of coffee so laksjdf sounds like you had sm fun!!

JUNGWON WAS LIVE FOR 4 HOURS??? PLSS i love that boy so so much :(( i swear he has sm love for all his fans and even tho he must have been super bored w quarantine and all,,, i actually feel so touched that he was live for so long T^T he treats us so well im sobbing i love him sm. also!! who's ur bias btw??

YESS ACTOR HOON I HEARD!!! IM SAUR EXCITEDDDD like that's so cool,,, i honestly dont know what to expect but im really excited nevertheless hehe. aLSO O2Z?? STOP???? JAY IN A DRAMA?? JAKE??? IM SCREAMINGWE

omg 12 hours deserved!! i've been having pretty decent days, just super busy lately!! hope you've been safe n well <33 it's been raining a bit where i am so 😭

lots of love <33333

#ask #@ : anon ♡︎#sunrise anon ☆

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fairycosmos · 2 years

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i think the problem w society is that it's still seen like having kids is just what you do and the ultimate goal and purpose in life and you just do your best and thats it and when kids are a bit older they just have to have empathy and understand that parents are humans too and bla fucking bla this is all fine and dandy with parents that are generally fine but some parents are physically or emotionally abusive and can just fuck a person's life up so tremendously and definitively that they just shouldn't be awarded forgiveness like there's just absolutely no reason to!!!! and yes i can understand ur upbringing and why ur this fucked up that you did those things to me but you should have simply not had children!!! it's just that easy!!!!! it is absolutely not my fucking problem to forgive you you just fucked up and you could have just not done that and i simply refuse to show these people any empathy, like i will simply just not have children bc i know what i'm like and i couldn't imagine justifying my behavior to a human being that has to face a messed up existence just bc i wanted them to????? FOR WHAT OH MY GODDDDD

soooo real. u said it. i want to eat this ask and store it in my brain forever. like my dad has literally told me the only reason he and my mam had kids was because "that's what you were supposed to do after marriage." absolutely no forethought or consideration for the human person they were going to produce at the end of it - me and my siblings were a footnote on THEIR lives, nothing more. and he says this very matter-of-factly, as if it shouldn't upset me because they tried their best and did what they could.

i think parents collectively need to realize that by and large - their best is not good enough at all LOL. their best would've been making the conscious choice not to take on responsibility they were not equipped to handle! i genuinely don't think they cognitively realize that they they are not entitled to understanding, gratitude and forgiveness for raising (i.e damaging) a kid just because it was hard for them; when they fkn committed to that level of difficulty the moment they decided to get pregnant.

i'm sympathetic to my parents and their upbringing, i understand why they are the way they are and why they think the way they think (to an extent) but like u put it - it's also not my problem. and it doesn't change how fucked my life is because they made shitty decisions. you know? you definitely don't owe ur parents forgiveness or empathy or even the time of the day after a certain point either, if they really put you through some shit. i totally get it. also exactly! like it always baffles me to think about how EASY it is to not have kids (not for everyone, i know this is a tenuous conversation w a lot of moving variables, just generally speaking in the context of my own life.)

how EASY it is to not ruin somebody's existence just by choosing not to engage with the idea in the first place if ur current circumstances don't support the reality of parenthood. there's so much power in that, in having the self awareness to know you need to do the right thing and ppl just seem to bypass it completely bc they want a cute baby. that thing you said about having to justify ur harmful behaviour to a messed up child, who is only going through that pain because you wanted them here (yet can't provide them what they need!) really struck a chord with me.

that really is the bones of it huh. that's what most ppl have to live with during childhood, through no fault of their own too, and so the world is the way it is. run by the end result of that - emotionally stunted adults, at best. it's sad. anyway it feels like solace knowing other ppl feel this way too and im glad ur out there making smart choices and actually thinking things through lol. wishing you healing and peace x

#anon #sorry this got long. i had a lot 2 say as always. gemini girl #thingz...#long post #tw child abuse #tw abuse

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enderspawn · 3 years

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It's alright if u don't wanna answer this cuz this argument gets people really riled up but do you think c!Techno is a tyrant or nah?

Cuz many c!techno apologists argue that he isn't just cuz he's an anarchist but I've also read a lot of essays that go against it and it'd be really interesting to see ur opinion on this

i think he, in some contexts, can most definitely be called tyrannical, yes. a tyrant? no.

to avoid spamming ppl w discourse we've all def heard before (and bc this ended up MASSIVE (like 2.3k ish), but fairly in depth bc i didnt wanna speak out of bad faith and wanted to be EXPLICTLY clear-- oops), the rest will be under readmore

so heres the thing i want to preface: i used to really LOVE c!techno. i joined beginning of s2, right when exile started, and he was arguably my favorite character. since then though i've fallen out with him a LOT, to the point i almost... actively despite him at times (though mainly in a toxic kind of way which i can acknowledge is flawed).

in short, his actions started to speak louder than his words and i lost investment in his personal character struggles because of the actions he took (doomsday was my breaking point. i get feeling angry and betrayed, as well as seeking revenge against lmanberg, but his actions went too far for me to CARE and it hurt so many more characters as well.)

so when i speak, i come from a place of disliking him but also somewhat understanding the position c!techno apologists come from: i used to be one of them myself.

NOW, do i think he's a tyrant? no. for reference in my analysis, i try to look up the definition of terms to make sure they are utilized properly. while "tyranny" and "tyrannical" can have multiple uses, tyrant itself is a more specific term. to combine the top two definitions, a tyrant is referring to "an extremely oppressive, unjust, or cruel absolute ruler (who governs without restrictions, especially one who seized power illegally.)"

techno's position as an anarchist, imo, DOES indeed make him unable to be a tyrant. tyrants are rulers with very clear power over others from a structural way. anarchists are about the lack of structure or power over others and instead viewing the people around you as equals in power.

in forming the syndicate, they very explicitly worked to not designate a leader and instead make it so that no one would have any power over the others systemically. techno may have taken a integral role, yes, but it doesn't make him suddenly "the leader", its a role that wouldve had to be filled by someone (even if it was democratic to decide who to invite, they'd need someone to hand over the invite itself yknow? like no matter WHAT there needed to be A ROLE)

one could argue that he IS a leader in the shadow hierarchy of the syndicate (which, yes, is a real and professional term used in management courses despite sounding like it comes from a 4kids yugioh dub) in that everyone CONSIDERS and looks to him a leader without him having any actual structural basis behind it, but to argue that allows him to be a tyrant is in bad faith i believe. especially because to the people he would be "ruling", he ISNT oppressive, unjust, or cruel. they are his friends and support network and critical for a lot of his personal development (since feelings of betrayal and trust issues are critical to his character and why he acts the way he does). I wish we were able to SEE this develop more, but oh well.

but like i said: tyrant is fairly specific in definition. TYRANNY, and thus TYRANNICAL are not as limited. I've discussed their definitions here. originally, i made that post because i was angry at a take i had seen that claimed that, like you said, because techno was an anarchist and not part of any government or leadership position, he couldn't be tyrannical. to which i heartily disagree.

for something to be tyrannical, they simply must have an overarching/oppressive power over someone or something. it would not be inaccurate if i were to say that something is "under the tyranny" of a concept, because what it means is that something is under the power of another thing/concept. you can frankly call anything tyranny if it is widespread/overarching and you don't like it. mask mandates? tyranny, its forcing me to act in "rigorous condition". hell, theres even such things as tyranny of the majority in which people agree too much on one thing and it gives them unfair power or tyranny of the minority where people with minority opinions have too much power (thats a very grossly oversimplified definition of both, but it covers the base idea well enough for my point)

the point im making above isnt meant to be taken as "anything can be worked to be defined as tyranny thus it is a meaningless claim", it is that tyranny (and again, thus tyrannical) are very open and nonrestrictive terms.

to make it easier to define, alongside the definitions provided i want to add an explicit clause that is (imo) implied in the original definition: tyranny is... well, bad. that is to say if someone has power over a group but literally everyone is fine with it and agrees to it, its not tyranny. thats just a group of people getting along and one happens to have power over another. a leader does NOT equal a tyrant (as discussed above), so leadership should not be equated with tyranny.

thus as an example: wilbur acting as president (before the election) may have been "unelected" with power over his citizens, but no one was upset with that power. thus, he is not a tyrant and not acting tyrannically (as well as the fact his power was, arguably, NOT rigourous or absolute but thats another topic for another time). SCHLATT however IS a tyrant, as his power was absolute (he did not consult his cabinet) and forced people to comply instead of them complying willingly, thus he was acting tyrannically.

now to finally get to the damn point of this essay: where does c!techno lie? honest answer? it depends slightly on your perspective, but it depends a LOT on the future of the syndicate.

techno is incredibly clear in his goals: no governments, no corruption. in fighting with pogtopia, he is actively working to topple a tyranny-- he isn't tyrannical for doing that.

when he strikes out on nov 16th, it is because he opposes them forming a new government. when they oppose him and disagree, he launches an attack against them. is this tyranny? maybe, but probably not. he IS trying to impose his own physical strength and power (as well as his resources) over the others to stop them from doing what HE doesn't want them to do.

however its more nuanced than that:

1. hes lashing out emotionally as well as politically. he feels betrayed by those he trusted and he believed that they would destroy the government then go (i'm ignoring any debates on if he did or did not know that they planned another government, though it is a source of debate). but typically idk about you but i dont call tyranny for someone fighting with another person.

2. he also may be acting with good intent again, in HIS EYES. if tubbo was part of manburg, whos to say he wont be just as bad? he, in his pov, is likely trying to stop another tyrant before they rise.

3. and finally, and tbh the most damning from any perspective: he gives up. he quickly leaves then RETIRES without intent to try and attack again until he is later provoked. tyranny is defined by it not just being power, but power being USED. if he doesn't use his power to try and impose any will, then he's not tyrannical.

Doomsday I am also not going to touch very in depth on for much of the same reasons. My answer is again a "maybe", depending on the weight you personally place on each issue:

1. he's lashing out as revenge for the butcher army and as revenge against tommy for "betraying" him (though this one we explicitly know he was ignoring the fact tommy did not want to go through with it, however he still did trust and respect tommy regardless so his feelings are understandable anyway)

2. he sees new lmanberg as corrupt and tyrannical (which is undeniable: house arrest for noncompliance, exile without counsel, execution without trial, etc), and thus obligated to destroy it

but also, theres the implicit understanding he's doing this to send a message: do not form a government, or else. its a display of force that also works to warn others unless they want a similar fate. phil even explicitly states that he is doing so to send that message, so one could assume techno is doing the same alongside his personal reasoning listed above.

what i just described is the use of a oppressive and harsh (physical) power in order to gain compliance from people (that compliance being 'not making a government'). does that sound familiar? exactly. it follows the definition(s) of tyranny given previously. technoblade is acting in a way that is, by very definition, tyrannical.

so the debate shifts: is he valid in doing so because he is trying to PREVENT corruption and tyranny. like i said, new lmanberg was undeniably corrupt at points. i held nothing against techno for trying to topple manburg, so does that apply to new lmanberg as well? short answer: i dont know. it depends on your specific opinion of what is acceptable. its like the paradox of tolerance: to have a truly tolerant society, you have to be intolerant of intolerance. to have a truly non-tyrannical society, do you need to have a tyranny enforcing it?

personally (and bc im a lmanberg loyalist /hj) i say it is. regardless of the corruption of new lmanberg, they are also giving a threat to EVERYONE. even those who are innocent, they are presented with the exact same threat and rule set: if you make a government, you will be destroyed.

(which, small divergence here, is part of why debating c!techno is so frustrating. so many times you end up hitting a "well it depends on your political views" situation and there ISNT a correct answer there. im here to analyze characters for fun, not debate political theory)

so: the syndicate then. this is where this debate really "took off" and i think its due to one very specific miscommunication about its goals and plans. the syndicate, upon formation, declares itself to stand against corruption and tyranny. when they are found, the syndicate would work to destroy it. so heres the golden question: what do THEY define as corruption and tyranny? if you were to go off c!techno's previous statements, seemingly "any government" is a valid answer. however, he also states he's fine with people just being in groups together hanging together.

what then DEFINES A GOVERNMENT for them? what lines do they have to sort out what does "deserve to be destroyed" and what does "deserve to exist freely"

this is a hypothetical i like to post when it comes to syndicate discourse:

i have a group of people. lets say 5 or so for example. they all live together and build together. any decisions made that would impact the entire group they make together and they must have a unanimous agreement in order to proceed, but otherwise they are free to be their own people and do their own thing. when you ask them, they tell you they are their own nation and they have a very clearly defined government: they are a direct democracy. does the syndicate have an obligation to attack?

there is absolutely no hierarchy present. there is no corruption present. but, they ARE indeed a government. is that then inherently negative? my answer is fuck no (see the whole "difference between a tyrant and a leader" thing above).

but THATS where the issue of this discourse LIES. in some people's eyes, the answer to that is YES. techno's made it clear "no government" is his personal view, but does that spread to the syndicate as a whole? do they act preemptively in case it DOES become corrupt? is it inherently corrupt because its a government, regardless of how it is ruled? the fact of the matter is because of how little we've seen the syndicate work as a SYNDICATE, we don't know that answer. so we're left to debate and speculate HOW they would act.

if the syndicate were to let that government exist, then they are not tyrannical. they are showing that they are working to stop tyranny and corruption, just like in pogtopia again.

if the syndicate were to destroy/attack that government, then they are tyrannical. simple as that. they are enforcing a rule of their own creation without any nuance or flexibility under the threat of absolute destruction.

miscommunication in debates comes, in my opinion, in the above. of course theres more points of nuance. for example:

would the syndicate allow a government like i had described with early lmanberg, where there is an established hierarchy but everyone in the country consents to said leadership? on one hand, there is no tyranny or corruption present which is what they are trying to work against. on the other hand, theres more a possibility of it occuring. perhaps they'd find a middle road between the two binary options of "leave or destroy" i am presenting, such as checking in occasionally to ensure no corruption occurs.

but if they were to destroy it without, for lack of a better word, "giving it a chance" they would be, in my opinion, tyrannical. they would be going aginst their words of opposing corruption and instead abusing their power to gain compliance.

your/others opinions may differ, again it depends on if you see it as worth it to possibly stop future tyranny or if a hierarchy is INHERENTLY a negative thing.

part of the reason so many blog gave up this debate, beyond not getting very clear answers for the syndicate, is because of the nuance present. there. is. no. right. answer. every single person will view it differently, because there is no universally agreed upon truth of right or wrong here. BUT, i hope this helps shed some light on the discussion and my thoughts on it

#dream smp #mcyt #techno #syndicate analysis #YEAH IM MAINTAGGING WHAT OF IT #also i-- idk if it should be crit tagged? i tried to be as fair and open as possible #lemme know what yall think #ANYWAY ANON IM SO FUCKING SORRY THIS THING ENDED UP 2.3K WORDS LONG #I JUST RLLY WNATED TO BE THOUROUGH AND AS FUCKING CENTRIST /HJ AS POSSIBLE FJDKSLFJ #its very nuanced and theres no right answer but you sure as hell know mine now #answered #anon #im at work rn im gonna get fucking fired for this FJDKSFJKL #/HJ HOPEFULLY IN THAT I AM AT WORK BUT I WONT GET FIRED #og post #(jeb bush voice) please clap

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roguestarsailor · 3 years

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You know what since we’re still in quarantine and i have nothing else better to do, i need to obsess over ACOTAR. I don't like a court of frost and starlight. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. I aggressively read the book in maybe a day and I closed it feeling frustrated and annoyed. My version had A Court of Silver Flames preview so that definitely contributed to my annoyance greatly.

It's because it felt too perfect. Everything that had happened -- after the entire war was fought and won, they just go back to their normal lives? Yes there were hiccups and yes there were still aspects that made every IC character feel like their problems aren’t solved yet...but it didnt feel right. yes i enjoyed the snowball fight between the bat boys, feyre + rhys sexy time, and those little comfort moments too, the slice of life type things and seeing feyre accomplishing her goals and how hopeful the future seems BUT its too fast. the good parts of the book did not offset the bad parts of it.

Feyre literally accomplished pretty much every single goal she made back in ACOMAF just like that?? within a span of what a few months? a year?? She really came back from an entire war -- probably the first war of many since she's immortal and just like that, after her 21st birthday: she gets a whole entire estate, wants to start poppin babies, opens her art studio and starts teaching kids and then acting like she can rule an entire court?? the timeline is sooo short esp since its been brought up over and over again how everyone is literally 500 years old and have a super “messy” history and their changes seems to come super dupe slowly. but feyre, who has only lived 0.000000002% of her fae life, is out here thriving just fine???

the war devastated thousands of illyrian soldiers where its changing the politics of the illyrains and the faes, all of whom feyre has responsibilities over too as high lady. the mortal queens are still at large who left the humans on prythian to die which is why feyre was willing to go to war in the first place! what about the rest of hybern and their land and residents?? they wanted to enslave humans for social and economical reasons! then what about integrating humans w deep hatred and fear with deeply prejudice fae??? there’s also spring and summer court who are literally in ruins. thats literally so much. so idk how feyre is just chillin???? she gonna let rhys do all the hard work???

like feyre sit down. u should not be having a baby. esp since it took u literally a 700 pages to heal from those 3 months UTM. ur telling me shes gonna whole heartedly bring in a newborn in a war devastated world, with civil unrest (illyrains, other courts), with the messiness of human and fae integration, with trauma u and rhys will have to continue to overcome esp after THIS war??? even helping ur sisters w their traumas??

this is a personal opinion on this subject (and maybe my thoughts will change on this later on; opened to other thoughts) but when i read the part about how that weaver/seamstress artist who made that dark quilt that feyre loved talked about how her mate of 300 years didn’t come back from the war and her biggest regret was that she didnt have a kid to remember him by i just thought ur kid isn’t some sort of memorabilia. don’t have a kid to keep the memory of ur mate alive; have a kid cuz u want a kid purely for the sake of having a kid. ur memories and photos and shit will keep their memory alive but its not having a kid. some primitive need to keep the genes alive maybe?? but the way it was phrased and then in turn how feyre was like oh i need a baby pronto cuz rhys might die in the next war and regret not having a kid with him didn’t sit right with me. also the other couple were together for +300 years and have a rich life together, while shes been with rhys for literally two years THATS NOTHING IN FAE YEARS. thats still the honeymoon phase and also ur problems arent even close to being over!!!

everyone was shitty to nesta. in ACOMAF, we saw how much the IC went through and still did all they could to help feyre. what made them not think nesta deserve the same welcome? nesta is mean as a defense but did no one try to figure out what would help (amren got close but shes so under developed)??? feyre knows nesta feels too much and yet she continued to be shitty. continued to flaunt her wealth, her status, her familiarity/borderline know-it-all attitude about fae/night court, her ~estate~. forcing nest to the solstice party when nesta was literally like i dont belong, im looking at everyone through a window type of thing; the fire cracking triggering her, etc. what kind of power play was that when she made nesta come to her estate, where nesta could SEE how ~homey~ and how suscessful feyre is and fully see all the lovely paintings of everyone feyre loves that explicitly exclude her to tell her to fuck off to a war camp?? bro???? cas was a dick too and elaine was rude. i think a lot of his actions were meant to make her angry since anger keeps u fighting (as was the method of rhys for feyre in ACOMAF) but what he said was stupidly shitty and i demand that he apologize properly. elaine could have done more to help her sister but whatever. mor was definitely an ass too (and im upset for how little her character growth is).

Lucein. that man can’t catch a break tbh. im happy that hes w the band of exiles cuz he is whole heartedly accepted there. feyre was definitely an asshole to him even tho he helped as much as he could throughout the books. he tries so hard w elaine as well and it did hit my heart a bit when she was like gloves to work in my garden?? no ?? i use my bare hands see oNly aZiReL sEeS mE fOr WhO i Am. and at the same feyre is like flaunting her mate status to lucein which is mean as shit. its like this man can’t find love in prythain. then tamlin sending him his box of his things??? thats for sure brutral. tam was literally his partner through it all; savior of sorts even. no love from IC, no love from elaine, no love from feyre, no love from tamlin, no love from autumn court rejected everywhere! also HIS TRUE FATHER?? HEllo???

then on tamlin. i pity the guy! was i suppose to feel that way??? it felt like he is allowed to get a redemption arc and maybe i’ll even root for a redemption arc??? i was absolutely excited for freysand in ACOMAF but after ACOFAS, im like tamlin is....not completely bad??? his relationship w feyre was bad and the controlling parts were very much a no-no. i dont truly understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship but i can understand that it can be insidious and its the little things that hurt the victim. and i felt feyre through ACOMAF and rooted for her to escape her abuser! but then it felt like i dont think he was doing any of those things out of malice. ill say tamlin is a bad leader and doesn’t know how to run a court outside of what he sees his father do. his understanding on everything is based on the traditions of the past which i think fueled most of the things he did i.e. not telling feyre she was in danger since maybe his mom didn’t do those war planning things. ACOTAR showed how he truly cared/loved and took good care of feyre and her family. he even talked about how he didn’t believe in the enslavement of humans! i think that tam wanted to preserve what he thought was the good (aka feyre + her love of painting) and get back a sense of control that he and his entire court lost while chained to amarantha. but at the same time, i think he truly thought feyre wasn’t safe. he knows rhys can crush minds and knows feyre can’t read/write so when he got that letter telling him shes safe of course hes gonna flip shit and made a deal w the devil (although those temper outbursts were DEFINITIVELY not ok!!!). he also didn’t listen and has sense of he knows best when feyre was not the type of person. but feyre destroyed his entire court. he lost all his sentries who literally went out to die for him during amarantha’s reign. he lost lucien too; his trusted right hand man. his people were cursed for 50 years and then continued to suffer UTM and was in the process of rebuilding too! but just seeing spring court, WHO BORDERS THE HUMANS, be in ruins where his subjects left him, his people left him and hes all alone in the manson?? that was sooo sad. so im like why does what feyre did not feel satisfactory????? im mad that it didn’t feel right??? maybe there wasn’t a point where feyre talked to tamlin -- like really talked to him esp w her new found voice and power, etc. anyways, i dont hate tamlin and was like oh shit i think feyre fucked up a bit there.

rhys is a dick to nesta. which made me think, if feyre wasn’t his mate would he extend the same love and care to her??? i loved how he tried so hard to make sure feyre was ok. made sure she wasn’t breaking! all of it! but for nesta, he had the audacity to use his high lord voice and be an ass overall. even tho he can see how cas is fucken in love??? even just how he talks to cass feels off too.

i’ll even go as far as to say because of how terrible ACOFAS was, it created this intense divide within the fandom. i remember reading the first three books and was absolutely 1) rooting for freysand 2) curious about the sister relationship and how it will be mended 3) i definitely didn’t hate nesta nor did i hate elaine either -- but i was adament about them talking it out with feyre for those tough times 4) saw a more realistic and charming healing arc 5) was rooting for feyre to be a stronger voice and grow into herself 6) love the dynamic of the inner circle + feyre

but after ACOFAS, I have this intense need to defend nesta and was super mad at how she was treated after the war and in turn a deep dislike for elaine for both her lack of agency, lack of grit that made all the other characters interesting, and lack of care for her sisters (who showed how much they would risk for her). i dont hate rhys but i was extremely not happy with him and his attitude and behavior. feyre became more arrogant and was acting like how asshole rhysand would act. like her life is perfect now and i was not rooting for her anymore. freysand didn’t feel like they have complimenting qualities that made them interesting in the first place but rather they are merging to become the same person but in a bad way. that mind reading thing was cute in the beginning but it became insufferable since all thoughts were shared so seamlessly it made reading feel weird.

anyways those are my thoughts on ACOFAS. it was a 1/5 stars for me and im mad those events transpired. reading the other books made me excited to know what was gonna happen and i was truly ready to accept the characters as flawed and nuanced as they are. im not mad about character not liking each other but i am mad that everything felt off. ACOFAS just felt regressive in some parts and forced in other parts. i know not everything ends in a nice tied up bow but this book single handily ruined what i thought about these characters in the worse way possible. this book wasn’t suppose to wrap up all the problems that exists in the other books but it didn’t feel hopeful like i thought it would. it didn’t feel wrapped up and didn’t feel like i should be excited about the next books. theres so many missing pieces i feel that i think need explaining and at the same time, i think it introduced too many problems at once which made it feel like its jumping around everywhere. although im still excited for ACOSF because i love nesta, and nesta deserves so much better and i want to have hope that this bad ending will either make sense later on or it was just a blimp.

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inkdemonapologist · 3 years

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So I'm terrified of reading CoC. All of the art makes me so emotional, but I still force myself to read it because it's so good. Then I start try to make something as amazing as that and just end up crying???

Do you have any art tips or any words of advice? How do you find the motivation to do all of it? How do you not throw that motivation away because you just don't want to do it? Also how the heck do you make artist friends? I've been trying to make some so I can draw with someone, but I can't find anyone.

Oh my gosh!! THANK U…. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABT THE CTHULHU BOYS MYSELF…..

Okay lemme see if I can answer these questions in a non-rambling way!!

How do u not throw away motivation when you don’t want to do things? I think if you don’t want to do things, like you ACTUALLY don’t want to do them, and it’s something you’re supposedly doing for enjoyment, it is good and fine to just not do them!! Like, I only draw because I want to. If you don’t want to do something, and you stop and don’t do it until you want to do it again, that is not actually a failure. Obviously there’s exceptions and nuance to this -- sometimes you have to do art for work if you’re a professional artist, and sometimes folks will know from experience that doing art even when you don’t feel like it will ultimately give you joy and satisfaction so you do your best to get over that hurdle, but forcing yourself to do art when it isn’t enjoyable or fulfilling is actually how you get burnout. I also think that Doing Other Things And Cultivating Other Skills And Hobbies Besides Drawing is an almost essential thing for artists to do and highly recommend it. When you’re doing things in your free time, do the things you WANT to do!

How do you find motivation? The joke answer to this question is “hyperfixation lol” but I think the actual answer here is self-indulgence. BE SELF-INDULGENT!!! If you’re looking at a cool story or a cool piece of art and thinking “I want to make a thing that is as cool and impactful as my favourite thing” then like… what is there for your brain to even work with there? That’s so vague, and the pressure becomes so huge that it feels impossible. Whereas if you’re like “I LOVE MY OCs AND I NEED TO SHOW OTHER PEOPLE HOW MUCH OF A HIMBO MY ONE OC IS” or “I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT SAMMY LAWRENCE SMOOCHING JACK AFTER RECOVERING FROM TRAUMA AND I NEED TO CONVEY WHY IM SO EMOTIONAL ABOUT THIS” then like, THATS something you can get powered up about!!! People shy away from being self-indulgent because they think they’re supposed to be appealing to other people, or trying to figure out what other people think is cool, but the truth is that when you are really, REALLY absolutely into the thing you’re making? IT SHOWS, that love pours out of it and when you find the other people who wanted that content that you made just for you, they will get SO EXCITED. Draw the ideas that make you go HELL YEAH HELL YEAH HELL YEAH. The Call of Cthulhu game is MASSIVE self-indulgence for all of us and that’s why we’re so excited about it!! Every once in a while I think to myself “what would be a Cool Picture of Sammy Lawrence that other people in the fandom would like that might get a bunch of notes” and sometimes I even have ideas, but I never ever get around to drawing them because there are so many other things I would RATHER be drawing that are just very exciting to me personally.

How do you make artist friends? As far as I know there’s not One Weird Trick to making friends of any particular sort, but my experience is -- (a) do things that you like, (b) join groups / communities / forums / follow on social media / discord servers for people who do the things that you like, (c) interact with those people in ways that are fun, (d) if you happen to both enjoy interacting and reciprocate with each other then you can interact more and invite each other to new and different interactions and lead towards some level of friendship! A lot of the art friends I have now are folks from a community for a browser game we all played -- I drew a bunch of fanart and liked their fanart and enjoyed yelling headcanons about the characters with them, and we ended up enjoying each other enough to want to do other things together, too. Friendship isn’t a thing where you like, find people you like and then try to figure out how to make them like you back, or an exchange where if you listen to someone talk about X then they’re required by friend rules to listen to you talk about Y. Instead, friendship is about running into people who are a good fit for you in circumstances where you click with them and have things in common, or things you can both share. So the part you can be proactive about is meeting people! And knowing that if people don’t become friends with you or a community isn’t fun for you, you can just wander off and try to meet other people. Sometimes this takes a bunch of tries, so I wish you the best in the art friend gacha!!

Anyway, that’s the best I got!! HOPEFULLY SOMEWHERE IN HERE IS SOMETHING THAT IS KIND OF LIKE AN ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION, ANON!! I wish u the best!!!!!

#i know you have questions you always do #buncha art thoughts #a lot of this is going to vary from person to person and what they personally get out of art tho #but heres my experience!

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tigerdrop · 4 years

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Okay, I'm gonna adress the elephant in the room, ya all folks like to draw each other's Benrys hanging with their Benreys or doing nasty together so don't tell me some of you folks have not discussed or at least thought about a free for all Freeman gangbang with them all. (Gonna admit I make this sound so hardcore when in my mind they actually all play nice for Gordon just cuz they don't quite know if this Gordon has the same limits as "their" Gordon so they gotta make sure at first at least)

i got to thinking about this and your brain is very huge, and wrinkled, for this. here are those thoughts (also they ended up turning into “okay but what if HL gordon ended up in the hlvrai universe and cucked the unholy hell out of hlvrai gordon” at the end. please do not fucking observe me)

can u imagine. 3 gordons powertripping so hard over finally being able to overpower benrey that it sets off fucking geiger counters. and gordons not a weak guy as it is! hes strong enough to catch benrey in his arms when he jumps, so, 3 of him? Hello

c.an you imagine the- what if one or all of them just, yknow. let out a really nasty evil laugh a little bit. or more than a little. i mean. the sheer concentrated satisfaction

"haha, oh man. you actually like this, dont you?"

benrey, flushed and sweating and hard as a rock: "uhhh, what? no,"

"okay. fine. say it again and we'll let you go."

benrey: (utter fucking silence while trying not to meet any of their eyes)

and. you know. double.....penetration......if anybody can take it its fuckin benrey. mans bein sandwiched between two gordons while a 3rd jerks off over him and fingerfucks his mouth? On Fucking God. if i didnt have like 3 art commissions i still gotta finish i would be dropping everything to draw this but for now you will just have to envision it yourself. minds eye

but also another vaguely-related thought i had was: HL gordon cucking hlvrai gordon. okay, goodbye

all of that effortless, silent confidence.......hlvrai gordon seeing how its winning benrey over (and, you know, the later HEV suits being a lot more visually flattering than HL1 gordons not helping matters) and being insanely fucking jealous for reasons he does not want to interrogate

but like......what the hell can he do about it without admitting that he feels jealous that benreys clearly attracted to this version of him that, in his eyes, is like, better in every possible way? thats fuckin embarrassing, man. so instead he just sits there stewing in it and making it incredibly obvious to everyone (except benrey, who is not terribly perceptive of "feelings") that hes jealous

and the whole time benreys fuckin thought process is just "two cakes! except one of them gets mad when i say his ass looks nice and the other one doesnt". and if hlvrai gordons not interested, then, well, whats the problem? b/c hes not interested, right. he doesnt care if benreys makin eyes at HL gordon, right

at the same time, consider: hlvrai gordon bitching out loud about how unfair it is that this alternate universe version of him is so capable and intelligent and cool and collected and his fucking cheekbones, man, and its not fair how much more flattering his HEV suit and his haircut are and-- and bubby interrupts him like "for gods sake, do you want to fuck him?"

anyway all im getting at is that what i really want in life is for hlvrai gordon to be watching benrey and HL gordon make out and fuck and just be seething from how fucking turned on he is by it

[[rubs my damn temples thinking about how i also feel like HL gordon wouldnt exactly think the world of himself either he just does what he has to do and is really reserved about it, so if someone told him all of that shit about how hot he is he would be almost just as flustered and confused]]

he doesnt fully understand why benrey is hitting on him so hes like flushed and a little embarrassed by it but hes so much more receptive to it than hlvrai gordon is b/c they dont have that antagonistic history........

and. you know. benrey does kind of look like barney. lil bit of feelings-transferral there, too

thinking HL gordon is just as interested in the novelty of benrey being so much more uninhibited than his universes' version of barney. it's jarring at first but. u know

thinks about. HL gordon railing him into the fucking ground and benreys getting Loud and he starts saying gordons name out loud but the whole time hes doing it hes got his head turned to look straight at hlvrai gordon. direct eye contact

you just know this motherfucker is thinking about hlvrai gordon joining in and fucking him just like that but he doesnt. he cant bring himself to move b/c this already feels like an insanely weird situation. just sits there feeling frustrated and horny but not even sure if he should be jerking off right now, even though they literally asked him if he wanted to watch and he sure as shit didnt walk away

does he want to the one fucking benrey right now? does he want to be the one getting fucked by HL gordon??? who knows!!! he doesnt, and he is so very pissed off about it. if he just got over himself and talked about even just one of his feelings, maybe he could be getting both of these things right now! but you know. hes stubborn

i also had more thoughts about HL gordon/hlvrai gordon stuff but i will save those for a later post i think. this is already embarrassing enough as-is

#asky #writin stuff

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eitelle · 3 years

Note

Ahh hi i hope im not too late to the event :) i would like a haikyuu matchup, any gender is fine!

Uhh, i still don't know if im intp or infp but i'm a capricorn sun, sagittarius moon and taurus rising. my pronouns are they/she

i'm 5'1, i have brown shoulder-length hair that is half bleached, and pale skin with freckles!

My favorite color is black, and my favorite food are strawberries with chocolate.

I'm an introvert, i tend to get really anxious in public spaces so i avoid going out alone lmao. When meeting new people i'm nervous at first and i don't talk much, but with friends i trust i get more confident and talk a lot more.

I think i would need someone who can listen to me, since i could talk a lot about my interests 😭

i'm always drawing, so if there is someone i like i would express my love by drawing them since i'm not good with words ✌

And i think that's it. If i am actually late just ignore this ask bc that would be embarrassing 😕🤞 have a nice day !

HI LOVE!! tbh u werent late if anything im the late one since im so late to this ask bye- its like 2 months later n i still have this im gonna kms /j

U SOUND SO PRETTY. N I LOVE UR PLACEMENTS. N I WANNA GIVE U A KITH. OOH N I LITERALLY RELATE TO U SM BYEEEE

ok so anyways ive matched you up w: miya osamu!!

ok so some hcs

he always thinks hes the forgotten twin n he lowk has trust issues from people saying “no ur my fav twin!! atsumu” so he doesnt even rly like words!!

he also expresses his emotions n love through his food so ur art will never go underappreciated with him

he also loves physical touch tho n deals w his brother and suna a lot so he knows ab introverts AND extroverts so he knows hoe to get u out of uncomfy situations ;DD

he often had to hear atsumu ramble so hes a vv good listener but he knows when to push u a lil bv he can read people vv well, yet another reason why words arent needed!!

sometimes people forget ur dating bc yall both lowk dont like pda but yall r in love so who tf cares?

he loves yalls height difference

he gets to ramble to u while u draw so u can focus on him n not any intrusive thoughts since sometimes that can cause ur hand to shake n thats the worse

he likes laying his head in ur lap

he can always read u so hes like a rock for u n hes p big n beefy so hes just like always there n thats amazing

he def like has ur art in his restaurant pls. (w consent ofc bc consent is seggsy)

idk why but i feel like yall have a shit ton of those reversible octopus plushies?? idk SJJSS

COOKING N ART DATES OH LORD😫‼️

yall r literally such a hot couple

also me n my husband by mitski (but like when u dont psychoanalyze the lyrics n take it as some cute thing) is yalls theme song i dont make the rules 🤚

u guys have promise rings WHSGSH

OK NOW ONE SHOT DRABBLE THING SJSHD

also why were the gifs all atsumu not osamu 🤨⁉️ i typed in miya osamu or sum shit like that. wow this is osamuphobic tbh 😐☝️(ps: manga timeskip spoilers ahead)

“osamu where are you taking me? dont run me into a pole babe HAHSHSHS” you giggle as your crazy boyfriend osamu miya drags a blindfolded you across the city where a rose petal and candle decorated restaurant (his restaurant) awaits with your fav food.

“ok ok i wont i swear. ok now here we are, open your eyes baby,” your boyfriend encourages.

as you open your eyes you see your favorite food in a romantic setting, completely unrecognizable as osamus restaurant and you over your mouth with your hand. “oh my god, ‘samu this is so much. what even is today? its not a anniversary right?” you question wondering how you scored such a thoughtful boyfriend.

“no its not y/n, i just thought youd like this gesture more as we havent spent as much time together :)”

“well consider this gesture appreciated i love it and i love you samu.” you say knowing how ooc it is but he deserves to hear it after all this.

“damn baby today was supposed to make you cry not me!! you ruined it >:(“ he jokes with you, teasing how flustered you got after proclaiming your love (not the first time tho might i add)

“well im sorry mr. better twin,” you tease right back.

the rest of the night is filled with laughs, smiles, love, and happiness for you and your lover.

NO BC THAT ONE WAS CUTE. ANYWAYS ARTBREEDER N THEN TEXTS!!

no artbreeder 😠 but i found this!! so... YEAH SJSHSJ

TUMBLR IS BEING N ASS AND ISNT LETTING ME PIST THIS BUT HERE U GO I HOPE U ENJOY!! (also the fish thing is osamu dropping a piece of fish on his lap picking it back up blowing on it n trying to feed it to u. thats so nasty)

#UGH OK ONE MORE N THEN IM DONE!!#michelles 60 follower matchup event

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kinkymagnus · 4 years

Note

Hey I've read a lot of your posts, where Magnus is a trans boy and I like that a lot, but I was wondering if you don't like the canon cis male Magnus? I'd ask you non-anonymously too, but I'm honestly scared of some people's hate messages for a question like this... sorry

long answer long answer lmao

hmgmgmnggg ok so i, hm. ok, i don’t think this was meant in a rude way at all, and i promise im in Education(TM) mode not Kill The Malicious Evil Transphobe(TM) mode like im not, accusing you of anything here, at all

but i do have a few Issues with like, the way this was asked i guess

i will answer your question just--give me a sec, im a little uncomfortable here

also like, ok, i get why you’re sending it anonymously, it’s cool--personally i’ve never seen anyone get hate on behalf of trans magnus headcanons (rather than against them) but i mean, hate can come in all shapes and sizes i guess? and anxiety, so. whatever, it’s fine, i get it

but anyway moving on: first, “canon” cis magnus. my dude... my guy... did at any point magnus say I Am Cisgender or pull out his dick.... like... neither trans or cis magnus is really “canon” just as like, you know, izzy isn’t confirmed straight or bi or pan. we know she likes dudes and personally i think the way she looks at clary indicates she sure do like girls, too, but that doesn’t seem to have been intended so it’s debatable, and that’s basically it.

also, in the context of just like... historical shit, realistically magnus isn’t cis. is he trans in the way i write about (like afab, “pre op”)? no, not necessarily in canon (although he isn’t... not that either i guess--we do see his flat chest, no scars, but HYPOTHETICALLY that could be a glamour, or the scars are magically healed. we know he has an adams apple, but there ways to do that without magic, let alone with magic. so like. i’m just saying.)

but like, he wouldn’t be cis how we understand it either by the simple virtue of being much older than the western gender binary as we know it. even if he was born with a penis and all of that and identified as a Man(TM) And Nothing Else that wouldn’t mean his idea of masculinity/manhood would be the same as ours, or that it wouldn’t at least be shaped by very different factors. so like. even if my version of trans magnus isn’t confirmed canon, cis magnus certainly isn’t either i think. that might be slicing hairs or getting finnicky with language, but it’s how i feel about it.

and just assuming that he’s canonically cis rubs me the wrong way, like, characters aren’t cishet by default, you know? obviously the writers probably weren’t intending to make him trans, and cc certainly wasn’t when she stole his character from dark hunters and made it “her own”, or else there’d be a bunch of transphobic tropes in there, but like, you know, death of the authors, we make sense of canon now. intentions arguably don’t matter, we do with the story what we will, especially when working within it.

again i don’t think you were necessarily being like “well magnus is canonically cis so :/” but it rubs me the wrong way and is something i’ve seen before so like, yeah

secondly, “trans boy” magnus versus “cis male” magnus. why boy, anon. why boy

(god why does “why boy” sound like a bizarre t-shirt slogan or a mbmbam segment--NO, BRAIN. WE ARE ON SERIOUS BUSINESS.)

but seriously tho like the sort of infantilization of trans men is really a thing (seeing them as “soft bois” and “uwu cute boys” and feminine/soft/small/delicate) and like, specifically calling magnus a trans boy versus when he’s cis he’s a “male” (which technically can refer to any age but has those like, Connotations) sits wrong with me. like, magnus isn’t a boy, you know? i mean i get making jokes like “aw my boys <3″ or whatever, but with this it’s not that say memey context AND specifically it concerns a trans man (not to mention him being asian) so like, it feels, yikes? like just. he isn’t a “trans boy”

im sorry i realize it seems like im just like harshly picking apart your answer and i really dont mean to sound like a bitch here but like, again. Education(TM) mode not Anon Hate(TM) mode. just for learning, it’s cool, i’m not angry at you, it’s chill.

to answer your question with the yikes language gently nudged to the trash chute: do i dislike cis magnus?

simple answer: yes.

complicated answer: not really. i already stated why i don’t like Cis(TM) magnus as it feels unrealistic and dumb and also he just doesn’t have cis energy lmao, but if you just mean like... well this isn’t really “cis” but kind of what people mean in this context, AMAB magnus (meaning he was “assigned male at birth” aka has a penis and all that) and he’s canonically gnc so like, he’s “cis” even if his understanding of masculinity might be different than ours and obviously we’ve seen him be gnc and all that.... i don’t really hate that, and objectively, i have no issues with it, but personal taste wise, i basically only read/write trans magnus as you see on my blog now. because i’ve kind of absorbed it as “canon” in my head (fanon, i guess, lmao)

plus, just generally trans magnus is really important to me because like, a) he is #goals i too want to be a muscular gnc hottie, b) he’s relatable and i project all my shit onto him lmao, c) it just feels very validating, in a lot of ways--with the sexual preferences i write about, his insecurities, just the way he looks, and him being trans is just kind of reassuring, you know? also d) i honestly think it fits him/his character/his backstory and he just has the vibes u kno

so basically, Cis(TM) magnus? no-go. cis magnus as in AMAB/identifies as a man full stop even if it’s wibbly wobbly compared to current times and lbr no one is going to really explore that much beyond him being outwardly gnc sometimes? fine, whatever. trans afab magnus still being gnc as hell? yessssssss

ldkgjfgh anyway im glad you like my posts!!! and hopefully ive Inducted Another Into The Trans Magnus Cult (thats a joke, but seriously, im just like,,,,,maam do u have time for ur lord and savior trans magnus?? maam blease)

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mddlpth · 7 years

Text

Vikas Jha, the human dung.

If you are acquainted with this excrement called Vikas Jha, I think, unknown to you, your life is a little tarnished. This bastard has been relentlessly pursuing my wife of a decade, with whom I have a child, for many years now. Read on.

2009 (Second year of marriage)

It started right at the time of my marriage, when my newly wedded wife and this garbage were preparing for their MBA entrance exams together. The garbage was apparently a “mentor”, and they both gave away very little to arouse any suspicion. At this time, I was in the US, and my wife was in India. Maybe that helped too.

Here is a filthy, flirty conversation from 2009, where my wife is planning to visit him in Delhi, on her way to a “pilgrimage”, while intentionally keeping me completely in the dark.

From: [email protected] <[email protected]> Date: Saturday, March 28, 2009 10:33 AM me: havent slept VJ: u or me? am here … 10:35 AM VJ: dont sleep so soon me: y? what do i do VJ: aise hi. who will talk to me late nite then? me: god stop it yaar VJ: haha, isme stop it kya hua? matlab hum ab sirf serious rahe tumse :P:P … VJ: arreeeeeeee ruko btw my sister is awaiting u me: all preparation for me to come kya VJ: haha

They even had plans to visit the Taj Mahal together! A newlywed and her paramour.

Date: Wednesday, April 1, 2009

me: both my tickets are booked. to and fro VJ: i think u will be too tired to roam in delhi. maybe we can just have dinner…and sleep me: i dunno. lets see if I am alive. agra plans tho cancelled only VJ: yes. u cancelled it. u dont trust me and trust urself toooooooooo. so i dont want to force 2:00 AM me: ok

Barely a year into our marriage, they hatched plans together on how to discourage me from asking her any “personal” questions, so she could continue on guilt free.

Date: Thursday, April 2, 2009

VJ: xxxx (husband's nickname) ok with ur trip now? me: haan VJ: how do u do that? me: does he have a choice;) VJ: haha VJ: no as in happy happy or sad happy? me: as in ok ok. neither happy nor sad as if it makes a difference to him. but he is fine with me now i advised him ;) like that way u did. thanks for ur advice …it helped control my temper VJ: :) what did u advise him? me: to be patient n make the reln work VJ: jajaja see who is ur best friend? ME ME ME ME ME ME me: hmm

The dung started entering into more aspects of our marriage. After almost 2 years living separately, I was trying to convince my wife to pick a nearby college for her MBA in the US so we could finally be together. In reality, she had applied to, and had an admit at a slightly higher ranked school far away, meaning two more years of long distance for us. She and the dung were scheming behind my back for the best way to break this great news to me, while also forcefully convince me to accept their choice.

I was doing everything I could to reason with her on the importance of this decision, how living away was taking its toll and why she refused to see my viewpoint. In return, she and her family accused me of being narrow minded, jealous, anti feminist, working against her bright career and acting under the decree of my extended family, abusing everybody from my parents to siblings to grandparents with the choicest of words. I weathered through all those, but what broke my heart was when I realized she was working with the muck, the “mentor”, to force me to bend to their decision. Though at the time I had no clue about their affair, learning your wife was taking the help of some random guy to get her way was so painful that I immediately gave up and agreed to whatever she said. Looking back, this might have been a turning point in our relationship.

Here’s a chat of the two, joyously celebrating their surprisingly easy “victory” over me.

Date: Thursday, April 9, 2009

me: hey u know what ? i told xxxx (husband's nickname) VJ: and he is ready? me: yes! VJ: hahahahaha hahahaha me: i cant blv it me: his first reaction was “wow..superb!”: VJ: congrats me: he said i must take this opportunity VJ: hahaha me: he is even ready to pay enrollment deposit VJ: what has happened to him? hahaha hahaha me: i dunno :( i m quite shocked. i thot he will fight VJ: so am I me: he said i can come over weekends, also later he might shift, he might hunt for another job, or try for transfer VJ: HAHAHAHA achanak? me: !!! yaaa. i cant blv it actually. cant expect such reactions from him VJ: dont wait for a moment. pay the deposit today. and cancel davis immediately. me: haha VJ: okies. will be back. 2 min. going to loo me: very happy! :D VJ: :) i can make out :) me: i still cant blv he said that. i dunno what made him change so much VJ: yes. im shocked. :P:P me: haan i thought he will fight a lot. u know what. from yesterday i m making sad face. he kept asking me y u r sad. i dint tell. finally told :) me: i want to re-confirm. not sure if he really said it VJ: haha me: he told me to use this credit card to pay VJ: haha!!! this is toooo much. too many goodies in one day.haaha me: now i m ready to cook anything on that show. anything MIL says i am ready. VJ: jaja me: haha

Meanwhile, they happily continued their shameless late night flirting, while also planning their date in Delhi.

VJ: hola whats up. i was just planning for ur delhi trip do u want to do shopping? me: oh. i will do it the day i reach. whole day i have time VJ: do u like street food ? we will go to chandni chowk thne me: then what else ? agra dropped lol VJ: haha. im still ready. if u r :) me: after tht converstaion?!! VJ: okies that conversation was not good. but we learnt few things na ... 2:23 AM VJ: itna neend aata hai to kaun bolta hai mera saath flirt karo raat me :P:P me: hmm VJ: i thought ur response : GO I WONT FLIRT. u r unpredictable me: ;) VJ: go u r bsy. i wont talk. me: thats my speciality na VJ: haha. manao bhai humko :P:P u r like a guy. am like a girl me: hmm karo na VJ: kya? me: manao mujhe VJ: hahaha. saamne ne manuanga na. when u come :) me: ahaa flirt flirt VJ: who me or u? or both. to ab mere flirting se bhi bored? me: no i sometimes wonder where my life is going. i m so confused yaar ... VJ: hi me: wassup VJ: waitiing 4 u ::) me: aha VJ: just because i give u bhav u never give me bhav :( me: sleeping VJ: :( buuuuuuuuuuuuu me: dint sleep na yesterday. idiot (husband) kept bothering me VJ: addicted to ur calls now :( VJ: i devote so much time to u me: u dont have to VJ: haha ... VJ: i will be so embarassed to meet u. after the stupid talk we had day before :( me: hmm. i wud have anyways felt even otherwise

And meet they did, after all!

No guilt, no shame, no fear.

What all happened ? I will tell you in a little while, in their own words.

Meanwhile, read on.

This scumbag was also in a relationship with another “girl friend”, at the same time.

Who knows how many more were there.

My wife finally shifted to the US, to the school of her choice. But the illicit sewage followed. Now she would handle not one, but two long distances. In the name of innocent words like career development, MBA, entrepreneurship, mentorship, professional networking and many others, they carried on their merriment. Here is a sample of how they addressed each other, in an email about “Job Opportunities”.

From: Vikas Jha <[email protected]> Date: Wednesday, November 11, 2009 Subject: Job Oppurtunities

Hey dear,

Check attachements. let me know if its helpfull

As ever, Vikki

2010

Tue, Feb 23, 2010 at 11:32 PM

Even though you have background in XXX, I would suggest you to take these two things. … Lots of Love, Vikki

They freely exchanged pictures, emails, texts, messages and phone calls.

Date: Tuesday, December 15, 2009 Subject: NEW ME :)

TAKE A LOOK ------------------

Date: Wednesday, January 27, 2010 Subject: hey To: VJ

hey..saw ur snaps on orkut..awesome snaps! u look smart ;) rest later..call me when free (xxx)xxx xxxx

Date: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 Subject: Fwd: Look I have lost more weight :)

They exchanged their legal “couple” pics too, as though proud of the fact that they were doing all this so successfully behind their partners’ backs.

From: Vikas Jha Date: 2008/12/30 Subject: From Vikki

I am sure when u look at this pic, you will say how bfull couple we are. U never asked but i cudnt stop from sending u Lots of Love Viki

Not just emails, they also made plans to meet in the US. Alone.

On 24-Feb-2010, at 8:34 AM, XXX XXX wrote:

Cool. when are u coming btw? whats happening with you? I get a week off (spring break) in March. Will enjoy then.

---------------------------------------- From: Vikas Jha <[email protected]> Date: Tuesday, February 24, 2010 Subject: Good news!

I will come in April. Lots of things happening. Going to London Business School 2mrw. Arranging big business Plan competition in June. ... thats for now…getting late for school. will mail u more from class

2011

If the urge didn’t come from there, it went from here.

Date: Thu, 14 Apr 2011 14:11:15 -0700 To: Vikas Jha<[email protected]> Subject: Re: Viki..pls do this survey for me..where ru btw?

thanks Viki. when r u free? i want to talk to u ..it has been so long..u have forgotten me. ---------------------

<[email protected]> wrote: See u went gayab yday again N then u say I have for gotten u !! ---------------------

online aana ab im free now..u dont care for me!!!!! call kar na aaj..baat karna hai tujse ---------------------

<[email protected]> wrote: Ok. Give me some time and stop saying that. I care a lot !! Comeover !! U r safe don't worry !!!!!!!

2012

Of course they met in India too, whenever she was on vacation.

On Mon, Dec 10, 2012 at 12:32 PM, Vikas Jha <[email protected]> wrote: Cant reach u on chat ! call me on 09693255535 V

---------------------- On Tue, Dec 11, 2012 at 8:43 AM:

Hey Vikas..I tried calling you today. Landed in XXXX yesterday. I will get a phone number in couple of days - will send it over then. Wassup with you? What times are you usually available? Look forward to our chat :)

-X

Conversations like these preceding the trip.

VJ: For all this advise i need to be paid me: Haha ok. Talk tonight VJ: Wht will i b paid ? me: Gosh, Seriously??? me: No $ only kind :p VJ: Ooh, That makes it even more interesting :) me: Sigh VJ: Miss our kiss! Damn it ! me: Despo, U were prim n proper when we met. Rather u were forced to VJ: :). Next time u come. I wont let u go !

This is him wooing her to his place over a weekend, so he can cook dinner and talk long into the night about “career n business”.

me: Ok let’s talk more while I am therr me: Need to pack for my flight that is in few hours VJ: Will come bk on 6th. So after that only we can meet VJ: Btw dinner date ? I can cook for u ! me: Sure VJ: :) Look forward ! me: I am in bangalore VJ: ;) Am bk in town today. Want to catch up ? me: Hmm..probably 6 7 ish. Mg road ? VJ: I thought we cud meet at my place VJ: Weekdays are tight. Wont b able to spend time n talk long. Want to talk abt career n business

Among other things, they got a kick out of fantasizing themselves in movies they could relate to. One was about a marriage between 2 different cultures, “north vs. south”, much like how it would have been if she had married the scum.

2 States (2014) Directed by Abhishek Varman. With Arjun Kapoor, Alia Bhatt, Amrita Singh, Revathy. How Chetan met his wife and the…www.imdb.com

The other was about a man and a woman, both unhappily married to others, having a life long secret affair with each other, meeting on the same weekend each year.

Same Time, Next Year (1978) Directed by Robert Mulligan. With Alan Alda, Ellen Burstyn, Ivan Bonar, Bernie Kuby. A man and woman meet by chance at…www.imdb.com

At first, my wife branded the filth a career “mentor”. The moment the mentorship extends beyond very clear cut boundaries, that title is stripped and replaced with something far lower on the moral ladder. As my wife continued to discuss all things, career, marital, business etc. with it, filth found more ways to drive a wedge between them. Here is a conversation where the filth asks her to quit her marriage and settle back in India. Of course, it does not have the will or the guts to take her hand, especially with a child.

... me: I am very lonely here me: I want to get out of this marriage. Affecting my health Body n mind VJ: I can imagine. Everything gets affected. Becomes so difficult me: Marital life sucks too VJ: U shud think abt it. Moving back. Atleast hv parents n family around. There u r all alone. ...

Here is another conversation where the wife is “battered” that she cannot choose the scum for “life, or work”, because of her husband.

Very often, the conversations toyed around sex. Here’s one, for a New Year’s wish! When I saw this the first time, I went numb.

Here’s a plan for a “weekend of love making”.

Below is my wife, chatting in the middle of the night, making it abundantly clear the only reason she is hanging on to the marriage is for the sake of our kid, and for all the love, lust and affection, she will be leaning on the filth for fulfillment. In fact, this seemed like a great arrangement for both, since neither wanted to make their relationship official, nor did they want to break it off, but lead two separate lives, public and private.

They threw sweet somethings at each other all the time. Of course no topic was taboo to discuss, including eating pussy and getting wet in bed. The filth is absolutely certain that he should have replaced me in her life, and my wife is only too happy to provide compelling justifications for it!

And finally, here they are indulging in an enjoyable recollection of their drunken tryst in Delhi almost a decade ago! As promised, I will tell you what happened, in their own words.

Which red salwar suit, you ask ?

Not just the filth, but his entire family seems to want to jump on my wife! Here is a disgustingly similar flirt with his brother, whose only purpose in life seems to be to keep my wife laughing ! Late nights or early mornings, his eyes and ears are always at her disposal. And of course, my wife is only too happy to bash not just her work, but also her marriage with this manure.

If only this scum would show such eagerness to his own wife and kids, and stop right there.

Given all this, the question comes around to my response. Initially, for a very long time, I had no clue something was wrong. Even though my wife refused to make our marriage a priority, she continued to express her strong, unwavering love and affection towards me, and the difficulty of staying apart bearing down on her. They were so good at covering up, that even when I met the scum one time, they gave nothing away. But one day, I came across something that made me shudder. Suddenly, all her odd behaviors of secretively chatting on the phone late into the night, never picking up calls when I was around, and securing everything with multiple levels of passwords, that I had dismissed as quite harmless to me, seemed extremely suspicious. With only scraps of information from here and there, I painfully put the pieces of the puzzle together.

When I confronted her, her response was expectedly total denial. In return, she accused me of spying, “breaking trust”, and exhibiting my “narrow mindedness” and “insecurity” at her success. She in fact said I was “acting like a woman”. From there, she diverted the fights to unrelated topics, giving her familiar fodder to abuse me and my family. While this was going on, she obviously got way more careful with her trail, deleting chat records, changing passwords, clearing call logs, erasing emails and completely resetting devices to remove any trace.

When I was sufficiently convinced something was up, I even took the matter to her family, who were the only people she listened to. Of course they stood solidly behind her, without an iota of doubt about her character. More disappointedly, her mother sermoned there was nothing wrong in having a close knit relationship with anyone one was comfortable with, even the opposite gender. I don’t know in what context it was stated, but it seemed she was virtually giving her stamp of approval for her daughter’s behavior.

At first, it made my head reel in shock. I spent several weeks in confusion, pain and denial. I tried to stop myself from probing further, and really wished all this was not happening. As one more instance after another came to light and tore me apart, the agony and depression became unbearable. As I stumbled upon them, my hands would tremble, stomach would crunch and my head would feel dizzy. My heart would skip a beat every time I re-read the messages, trying to make sure I didn’t get them wrong. I have cried my eyes out in private, and consoled myself with pretty much nothing. Thinking about it, I have dangerously changed lanes on freeways, and lost track of what I was doing more than once, just because the pain was so terrible I would lose my senses for a while. On the one hand, I wanted to end it right there based on what I knew so far, and on the other, I wanted to find out the complete story, however hard or long it might take, before quitting. Our relationship strained lower, arguments got longer, fights got uglier, to the point where it was extremely difficult even to cohabit.

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