gintama was healing to me because its nature has a comedy show that breaks the 4th wall all the time is that it helps you take a distance. like don't get me wrong gintama can be deep and serious but it's also so very unserious in a way that doesn't make the serious parts less impactful it's just yeah listen life is stupid and absurd like that and people are full of wounds but overall we all act very silly. it humbles itself all the time in a way that i found very pleasing...When I love something I tend to dig deeper and deeper and it can be hard for me to take a distance the more i'm emotionally invested. And then you have gintama that constantly switch between 20 episodes of the characters doing shits together and serious arcs with character deaths and brain rewiring level of drama and angst. And even in these serious arcs there is an effective mix of comedy and seriousness that makes it undoubtly gintama (I think that's why I have issues with farewell shinsengumi tbh it takes itself too seriously to my taste...among other things but that's another discussion).

When Gintoki reveals his wooden sword has nothing special at all and that he threw away the notebook of his dead teacher bc he spilled ramen on it, and when the characters make fun of takasugi's emo image behind his back, and when we finally get a joui4 reunion and you expect tragic reminiscences of a lost war and camaraderie but it's actually so stupid you even wonder if it's real. The war was definitely a traumatizing experience and we see that as well, but what matters most is what the characters choose to remember, and how they live day by day in the present.

And I still love trying to fill the blanks and thinking about the characters' past and what made them who they are today but it's all very personal in the end. i will make my assumptions based on vibes and what i choose to take seriously or not. it's like the cat of shrödinger(sorry) but like 'is gintama deep or not' and you never know for sure and it doesnt matter in the end and it's fun. And something Gintama is very serious about is that there is so much love in the comedy and the fun.

for the end of year meme: 1, 8, 10, 14, 20 !! Please and thank you!

OH MAH GOD IT’S LATE!!! (I am so sorry @nalufever I finally got around to answering asks and I’m starting with the most recent ones!! It’s appropriate as they are for the “End of the year” meme I reblogged!)

 Anyways, without further ado, let’s answer these lovely questions~! >w

1. First things first, did you have a good year?

A: Well, I guess that is the first thing to ask when jumping from one year to the other! ^_^ If I’m being honest the year started out really bad. Lots of family problems, stress from college and my horrible relationship was weighing me down and draining me of my energy. I never want to blame anything on anyone, but I was in a dysfunctional relationship with someone and I finally got out of it around April. It’s a long story, but I don’t feel like dwelling on that stuff. I’m stronger now! (I mean I “hope” so ^ ^;) I was happy that I got in the honours roll for my first year which gave me entry to showing my artwork to judges at the college I got to! It was an amazing experience and I made some cool friends along the way! It’s a small class, but we’re like a family. :D As for my actual family, I lost my grandma…She was an inspiration to me and even today I will always show my appreciation for my grandparents! Other than that, my family had gotten better and we can finally understand each other a bit more when it comes to communication which is always a plus!! :3 Even on here with Tumblr being who it is, I still have lots of friends that didn’t leave and I’m happy to see they are better from last year! In short, (cause you can see THIS is a paragraph xD) I think the year was wishy-washy! It was all over the place, but it made up for it at the end to be called “good”. ^v^

8. Which fashion trends did you hate?

(I thought of him when I thought of the word fashion xD Don’t kill me, I LOVE Max

A: Even though my mom is a lady who lives by fashion, I can’t say I know the styles of 2018! ;w; I looked up a source (well you know Vogue and all that jazz :/) to base my opinion on. I only think this would be easier if I could say what I “loved”, but it’s a hate one so gotta be mean xD lol. I mean I never “hate” anything, so I’m gonna give it a shot. 

One thing I don’t like about fashion trends if I’m being frank is that it’s usually clothes on the runway. Many styles I see based on Vogue’s source are styles I can’t see the everyday person wearing. Personally, I wouldn’t wear half of those designs outside. That’s just me. My sense of style is a hybrid of my mom’s fashion she wears/sells, 80′s-90′s fashions and cutesy outfits. (that I think I’d look bad in ;w;) I’m gonna give a small bullet point list. (I know I always say small xD)

 Arty Impressions - This was the first one on the article I read. From what I can gather it’s fashion with famous works printed on it. (Artworks, for example, Andy Warhol’s, screenprints) I mean I can see the connection, but for me wearing something with a reproduced art piece is hard for me to personally wear. LIke it has to be done like how T-shirts have a design in the middle or small embellishments on it to make me wear it. The example I saw is fun and creative, but for me, I couldn’t see myself liking/wearing those pieces. It depends. 5/10? I guess xD

Plastic/see-through material - This honestly has been a reoccurring style that I have seen. It’s become more prominent now according to last year’s trends. I can’t stand the “see-through” look. I don’t know what it is, but it’s just too awkward to wear outside. LIke people will defend that you can wear what you want, but for ME and ME Only, I can’t wear those kinds of stuff. I would feel very scared/concerned with how I look. (Even to myself) If you don’t know what I am referring to, I mean like that umbrella looking material. (I’ve added the source in the paragraph above for this question! ^_^)

Geometric/Flannel Print - I can never see myself liking the flannel scene. For pyjamas, no problem! To wear outside, I can’t bring myself to do that. You can see me in an old sweater, but flannel I don’t think any of my friends have seen me in that xD I just can’t say it’s aesthetically pleasing to me. I have a problem liking this style. Maybe I will when I get older, but as I’m young and creative I see myself wearing clothes for the young generation! :P (my mom says that anyways xD lol) The clothes that make you feel like partying, even though you don’t go outside like me xD lol 

As much as I love talking about fashion, I think I would bore everyone with my opinions. xD (You’re definitely not here for these are you? xD If so, thank you) 

10. What song sums up this year for you?

A: I don’t have a definite answer, but I went through a lot of things. Many times I wanted to be in a dream world…Like to escape everything. All the pain and depression. I still feel that way, but in 2018 it was WAY worse. This song I originally heard in Silent Hill: Downpour (A GAME I LOVE ;w;) was a song I thought of when I see this question. I think it’s a great song! sad, but I’d recommend it. The singer’s voice is lovely. It invokes so many emotions in me ;w; (I’ll give a youtube link) 

Ed Harcourt - From Every Sphere

14. Favorite new TV show?

(I HAD to make it this guy >w

WARNING: HUGE ANSWER BELOW!

A: Well, as you may know, I don’t watch many shows anymore. I mostly play video games, but for the sake of this amazing question, I’ll say what anime(s) I did enjoy last year! I don’t think I’ve ever loved an anime as much as I love Gintama. It’s really funny because I originally “disliked” Gintama. It was a naive thing for the young me to have said at the time. I judged the show so harshly after seeing anime (IMO) being shat on with the usual themes and scenes I ALWAYS see. I began to give up on anime as a whole. My story starts when I was pissed at my brother telling me, “Gintama is amazing Tash, trust me you’ll regret hating it.” I answered with my normal response of, “ sure Ja, you ALWAYS say that. How will this be any different?” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that…Well, it’s too late now for present-day me. My brother showed me all the “humorous” parts first. (I honestly felt like he tricked me, but the show really starts that way xD) Anyways, we eventually watched a few episodes and I told him I didn’t understand the humour. (it’s honestly hard to get into if you’re not open-minded or don’t understand the comedy Sorachi uses) Until he decided to hit me with his ace, “The Shinsengumi Crisis Arc”. All I can say is, a different side of me was born. I started to see what a show could truly offer if it was done right, the way I wanted to see it. It’s hard to explain, but without Gintama’s sad/inspirational/happy/stupid/clever story writing/arcs I don’t think I would have ever gotten through 2018. I haven’t finished the episodes as of its recent update, but I really learned a lot from the show. I want to give a HUGE shoutout to Sorachi for writing this masterpiece and I would 10000% recommend it to ANYONE! It’s a show that changed my views on people’s situations and lives. I think all the arcs are amazingly written and so far I don’t think I’ll ever get bored of it! It really got me in the feels. I can honestly say that if you can’t feel after seeing an arc in Gintama, you haven’t felt. It’s that amazing! (Then AGAIN, it’s an opinion not everyone will sadly share xD) Also, I am really enjoying Bleach! I’m sad at how it ended in terms of what things happened and I honestly hope Kubo will be ok. I loved his episodes and the earliest ones really touched my heart like Gintama. He’s also really great at making me cry every episode! :P

(GOD SORRY FOR THE ESSAY AND STUPID STORY LINES xD I’m sorry I can’t add a RM for this b/c then everything under can’t be seen like the other answers ;w;) 

20. Did you develop a new obsession?

Well…YES! Many obsessions!! The real question is which is the one that I obsess over the most? Well I’ll put some bullet points to hopefully make it smaller xD

First of all, I don’t want to say it but I’ve taken a “liking” (what an understatement lol) to Gin Ichimaru from Bleach~! >////

I think everyone knows, but I have an obsession with cute/pink/pretty stuff. (Can it be called that?) I just LOVE pastel colours or pinks/blues/purples. Those kinds of soft colours you see in Hello Kitty toys or Fairy Kei/Kawaii merch (if I’m correct xD) I just have a HUGE soft spot for childhood stuff! I literally still act like a kid xD lol I don’t think I’ll be growing up anytime soon haha xD lol I just love to collect them! :) 

Vaporwave I guess has become a new obsession and old art styles of the past! I just can’t stop being in awe at those marble statues! The curvature and bodies are so magnificent! >w

So many different art styles that are brought to this world! :D This is the truth! I absolutely love most styles I see on here and whenever I encounter them! >w

Other than that, I don’t think I have any other obsessions I know about :P Sorry, I’m super boring xD That’s the art student life lol (only me guys xD dw)

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR MESSAGING ME AND SENDING THIS AMAZING ASK YOU AWESOME PERSON!!! @nalufever I am so happy to have gotten something from you and I hope you’ve had a great Christmas and Happy New Year, friend!! I hope you stay happy and healthy this year!! All the best to you! Thank so much once again for taking the time :)

If anyone else is interested, you can send me something as well~!

Take care from me and Happy New Years everyone!!!

Saku~!

F, L, U, Y, Z! Any fandom you feel like, even if I don't know it. :D

F: What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

I’ve been in the Merlin fandom since the show debuted 2008 and I literally just joined a discord server this week for it. Still active in that fandom after 10 years.

L: Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. 

Hmm this is tough. Okay wait I got one. Chris from Yuri on Ice. The character is deeper than he initially appears and he is a very good friend to those he cares for. While not my fave, I can understand why people like him and he seems to have a good sense of humor and general roll with the punches attitude that’s admirable.

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

This is hard tooooo. imma try to pick different types of characters too.

1. Gintoki from Gintama. He has a tough life but he always maintains a sunny personality. He has a big heart and will give everything to help a stranger or the world on the whole (even though the world has rarely helped him in return) just because he believes in the best of everyone. Also he is HILARIOUS. And a really cool swordsman. he’s a bit of a dumbass too.

2. okay I gotta go back to Merlin and go with the main and title character, Merlin.  He’s played by my fave actor colin morgan (and this role is basically what made him my fave actor but i love his other roles too). merlin is a really strong character. he would do anything for the people he cares about but he isnt a push over about it. he kicks the butts of people who he cares for too whent hey are being dumb. lol. he is super powerful but very very humble. and he has a good sense of morals. 

3. Kim Jin Hyuk from Antique Bakery (korean movie). he IS an asshole. hes rude and can be straight up mean. but he is actually really complex and interesting. he was kidnapped as a kid by a guy who used to feed him a TON of cake. now he cant eat cake without throwing up. but he opens a cake shop anyway! because he wants to be the BEST cake shop and then catch the guy who kidnapped him! he suffers from night terrors about ti.. evn tho he cant REMEMBER what happened. his brain blocked it out. he only knows he hates cake and being touched by men. the fear of being touched by men leads him to being like... homophobic about the other main character who is gay but despite this they end up working together and then actually becoming quite close and jin hyuk like grows A LOT throughout the course of the film to be more comfortable around him and be more happy in his life in general and to learn to let people in. for only have 1 movie (not a tv show) to work with he’s a really interesting character with a lot of backstory and personality to work with. i dont think i’d ever be his friend in person... but i love to write from his pov lol.

Y:  What are your secondhand fandoms

I’m not couting things where i’ve watched show or whatever but decided to stop cus that isnt all 2nd hand.

hmmm .. scarlet heart ryo, one direction/harry styles (mean i’ve heard their music but never really sought it out. i reblog my friends posts of harry cus fashion), fullmetal alchemist, death note, there are a few other animes but i cant think of them right now, final fantasy, always sunny, futurama, bojack horseman, bobs burgers, im sure there is more but thats all my brain will think of right now.

z: Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go!

I just started getting one of my figureskating fandom friends into BTS and its awesome to see them experience it all for the first time cus its bringing back memories of my first time experiencing it. sharing fandoms is so pure and wholesome. 

ALSO i made a discord server for a SUPER small fandom obscure movie (the korean film mentioned above) and TWO WHOLE PEOPLE JOINED IT :D

HOLY SHIT SO i’ve written to you before and i’ve been on your blog for a quite a while now like.. last year or more? i was always too shy to write even with anon on but i’m trying really hard to write comments to you! idk if you’d want comments even on your older docs or writings but im gonna try and make an effort to write to you more! ANYWAYS, YOUR ENGLISH IS SO GOOD!! i always wanted to say this— but like, you literally write so much better than many native english speakers. LIKE YOU WRITE SO WELL I CAN’T EXPLAIN IT— YOU’RE ONE OF MY FAVORITE AUTHORS. also, when you write for jjba, i was so happy because you wrote for a fandom i found relatively hard to find good writings about. and then when i got into jjk, I FOUND OUT YOU WROTE FOR IT TOO AND I’VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH ALL OF YOUR WORKS. i literally even read the five you make of fandoms i don’t even know because your writing is *THAT* good. and lately, i’ve been getting into using AO3, and then i also became really obsessed with gintama. i was searching for gintama fics on ao3 cause it was so hard to find any on other platforms and i read multiple really good ones AND THEN FOUND OUT IT WAS YOURS. I WAS SO HAPPY YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND. anyways— i don’t know where im going with this ask, i’m sorry that it’s getting too long. BUT I REALLY LOVE YOUR GINTAMA FICS OMG. THEYRE LITERALLY A MASTERPIECE. the shinsuke one literally was so GOOD. like i re-read your works on the daily. YOUR SAKAMOTO ONE IS SMTH I READ BEFORE I SLEEP i really hope you make some more sakamoto ones in the future or maybe even katsura. i don’t really care, i’ll read everything you write anyway. sorry for the bother! please stay safe, healthy, and happy! thank you for writing for us! 💗

OH MY GOD A VETERAN WHO HAS SEEN MUNKEY EMBARRASS HERSELF FROM THEE BEGINNING TwT

a lot to unpack here ahh, first of all thank you for this ask!! it made me really happy!!!

please, you don't need to force yourself to comment! sending an ask is fine too and OMG getting comments on older fics are sooo wonderful for me cause i get to go back and reread my stuff! i post so many fics that sometimes i forget about the things i've written lol

thank you!!! i try to listen to audiobooks and podcasts to learn more words and improve my english!! i am so happy that it's working!!!

SO BASICALLY, I'M ALL OVER THE PLACE HUH? NHEJKVBJ

i write for many fandoms and like you can't predict which fandom i'll write for next, it's like a gambling without knowing the rules but still going all out hehe

i'm so so happy you've enjoyed my works and i'm so glad i've been able to provide you some sort of entertainment with different fics from different fandoms.

ok now fangirling time. gintama is the only fucking fandom i will never be able to leave, it had me in its clutches. it's the first anime i've ever watched, it has characters that made me into who i am today and if you met me irl you'd actually see the similarities. whether it be me being bullied (lovingly) by friends for being a munkey, me being unable to go a day without smoking or putting mayonnaise into food that shouldn't have mayo in it, me being emo and doing cool stuff my friends make fun of me for and lastly just me being the exact person gintoki is like. gintama is really and literally just me, as if it was made for me lmao (i know i don't make sense i just talk so fucking much when it comes to gintama because i love this show wayy too much and i hate that i will never be able to experience it for the first time ever again. i was fucking 8 when i watched this shit it's amazing how i'm still so invested in it)

okay okay back to the ask, uhhh i loved writing smothering silence omg, it was my favorite work in gintama before that shinsuke fic i wrote recently. ahh, don't worry, i'll definitely write more for gintama and omg... zura... i forgot about his goofy ass. hit me up with requests and i'll choose my favorite to write for him, it's so hard coming up with stuff for him when his whole existence is about wanting to fuck forlorn wives and having an ntr fetish???? like idk anymore this guy is too much for me hjwefbrgjr

again, thank you so much for this ask!! i... it reminded me of why i like posting here. it's just that i enjoy talking about the things i love and someone talking back. idk. i don't have weeb friends irl cuz i hide that part of myself (like toshi lol sorry i had to)

anywayyy i'm talking too much but yes thank you so much, you made my day!!! <3 <3 <3