#anyway enough of my ranting for the night
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"we need more angry and complex female characters!" you guys can't even handle bryce quinlan
#yes i am once again expressing my annoyance at this fandom#is bryces hatred of the fae right? no. does it cause harm? of course it does#is it understandable when you consider that her father and the majority of the fae she encountered as a CHILD and teen were abusive fucks#that treated her like garbage for something she had no control over? abso fucking lutely#if you cant see shes traumatized by that then its on you lmfao#as if she wasnt rightfully called out for her beliefs and started to see how her thinking can be harmful by the end of hofas#anyway enough of my ranting for the night#hofas spoilers#cc3 spoilers#house of flame and shadow spoilers#crescent city#bryce quinlan#tp
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Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.
Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen
A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death
#hellsing#alucard#kouta hirano#translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent#fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online#i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443'#but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands#the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake#anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool#if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first#and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf#i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia#then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point#but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page#and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. ....#i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh#the hellsing brainrot runs deep#also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491#except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo#the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002#which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out??#i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch#sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less#it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was#maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'
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Chat what if I started crying
Tw for animal death in the tags
#my senior cat is doing not great#she must’ve been bitten by some large neighborhood animal#she’s pretty sick and has some bite marks from canine teeth on her lower back#she probably won’t make it through the night#I really hope she does so we can get her to the vet#why didn’t we take her when we first found the bite marks#if she doesn’t at least she dies with loved ones#unlike my other cat#who died from being attacked by some different beast#like god two three years ago at this point#idk why this cat is making me feel so much worse#maybe it’s because instead of my mom randomly sitting me down and telling me#I’m watching her decline in real time#we probably won’t get another new cat after this#I hope we do though#I don’t like not having a fuzzy little study buddy#and my other cat at the moment doesn’t really do affection#I have a little bit of hope though because she still has enough energy to be hissy spitty at the dog for simply existing#and when we moved her from one end of a bed to the other she stood up and re situated herself#lowkey wanna start sobbing but idk I feel like that’d make my parents pay attention to me and that’s lowkey what I don’t want#like idk my family does the physical affection like hugging and shit#but when k feel like shit that’s not really my thing#and boy howdy do I feel like shit#anyway rant over#bye
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What is with fucking absurd time blindness
#like girl#we have to do stuff for YOUR bank#and still want to do stuff in Portland#and don’t get me wrong#there’s like plenty of time#but there isn’t enough time for my buffers y’know#also wdym you won’t be ready if we left earlier#how long does it take to pack a bag for one night?#URGH#my time matters damnit#I’m too anxious for this shit#also I already know we won’t be leaving on time#anyway#rant semi over#personal
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why is there so little going on in my life that a simple crush on a person i barely know takes up so much space in my brain...why
#i'm sitting here making up little daydream scenarios FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS NOW what is wrong with me why is my life not more interesting#i WISH i was a mysterious person with lots going on but in reality i'm just at home giggling into a pillow being silly#i mean granted i am on my period rn BUT STILL WTF#i wish i could tell the romantic part of my brain to just SHUT UP IT'S NOT THAT SERIOUS WE BARELY KNOW THEM STOP IT#but apparently it doesn't work that way....sigh#i don't even know if they're single??? can we at least make that clear before jumping to the daydreams??? PLEASE!!???#feels like i'm losing my mind#i used to think that in my late twenties i'd have all this stuff figured out.....HAH#but hey at least i'm still capable of having silly crushes after this long stretch of time of not being interested in anyone!#i just hope i'll find out soon that they're not single or sth so i can move past it#bc there's no way a sweet person like that could like me#...even if my brain wants them to#anyway#even in my late twenties i still don't know how to handle having a crush and what does that say about me?#ok enough ranting good night
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i do not know if i ever sent this to you. i have posted it. i hope you like it Princess.
#uhhhhhm no you HAVE NOT SENT THIS TO ME BEFORE?!?!#I literally am speechless#I’m not super talky right now#but even if I was I feel like I’d still be fucking speechless#like I already said I love your writing 🩷#and it fucking BLOWS ME AWAY when people write about me or use me as an inspiration#like????????? what??????? me???????????!#I’m going to keep this close to my heart and look at it whenever I’m feeling down#I don’t remember if I said that already but it’s true#I need to get a journal or a cute box to put things like this in so I can just grab it and look through them when I’m feeling shitty#one thing I needed to say is the fact that you shared this with me now of all times??? is kinda crazy to me#idk if it’s a coincidence or if the universe/God/whoever/whatever is trying to tell me to go back into music and singing#not going to go into it too much but I’ve been looking at my life a lot lately#and I’m realizing I’m not getting any younger…. I know I’m still young but if I don’t do something soon -#my life is going to completely pass before my eyes and I really really don’t want that#I’m *finally* going to get mental help soon (long story but I have to wait a few weeks)#and once I’m actually mentally stable I can focus on what I want to do with my life#so I’ve been thinking a lot about my performing arts background and then randomly a get an email from a choir director I know#asking if I could please join the choir for their Easter performance cause they could really use my high notes#and she just kept complimenting me and it felt really nice ☺️#then when I went to the first rehearsal I sat next to this girl and we were singing a part and the first sopranos go up to a high A#and I can hit it easily but most of them couldn’t so it felt like I was going this mini solo lol#but she asks me what my range is and I told her that back when I trained I could sing queen of the night which I think goes up to an F6#and she was talking about how impressive that is#and it made me think about if I actually trained and got back into it how good I actually could get#I don’t mean this to be like ‘look at me look at me I’m so good’#it just feels nice to have a little bit of a direction again#who knows if I’ll actually go down the music path again but it does sound damn exciting#I miss it with all my heart - I miss singing and performing and acting… I even miss music theory#anyway rant over and i ran out of space but thank you so much I seriously can’t thank you enough 😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
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I keep trying to convince my Latin teacher to let us watch the Vesuvius episode of Puppet History for one of the Latin club meetings
Also apparently we’re gonna watch the pjo series the first meeting after we get back from break so common Mr C W there
#we stan my latín teacher yall#he let me paint him on a pot for Roman art day and now it stays in the classroom#he honestly puts up with so much of my bs it’s astounding I love it#another thing I keep trying to convince to let us watch for Latin club is Hadestown but his current answer is no#not because he’s opposed to slime tutorials as a concept he just doesn’t like the quality of the filming#also every test is open notes it’s great#anyways enough of my ranting#madurday night live
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#ok rant moment#so for years now i have struggled with excessive and disturbing nightmares and i wake up often during the night#a month ago i finally decided enough was enough and i went to my doctor about it#i was scared hed tell me i was just wating the wrong thing or having too much caffeine#that i wouldnt be believed#but he was instantly so kind and cared about the issue and didnt blame it on me#he said with what i was describing and how it happens every night no matter what#as well as me confirming i had multiple accounts of trauma and chronic depression and anxiety that i go to dbt therapy for#that these were ptsd induced nightmares and my fight or flight system is not turning off even when i sleep#which causes vivid dreams and feelings of high anxiety causing nightmares and spiking my blood pressure enough to wake me often#i felt...so validated#he gave me a medicine that helps with them which i didnt even know existed#anyway i was telling my mom and aunt about it this weekend#just about my sleep problems and how i got meds#and they were just saying how they thought i just vape too much or drink too much caffeine#i was upset by this but i let it go.#they just wont understand and any time i bring up anything about my trauma to my mom she doesnt wanna hear it or believe it#which is really shitty but i guess ive accepted it#anyway ive been doing 1mg per night for 3 days and its helped a little but im excited to move on to 2mg tonight bc thats what the dosage#schedule is#ive been quiet about this problem that i thought was normal for so long and i cant say how good it feels to at least be validated and#helped by my doctor#thanks for listening wheee#♡♡♡
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It seems to really be hitting my mum just how young she was when she had me in light of her upcoming birthday
#+Extra#like on the one hand she feels old cus its a big birthday coming up but on the other hand it seems to only just be hitting her just#how young she is to have a 22 year old daughter which is frankly old news at this point she was always too young just in denial#we had a very odd conversation last night in which she started off by saying that my soon go be 18 yr old brother and the 19 yr old#definitely arent responsible enough to watch the kids for a couple of hours while she gets her hair but then that its ridiculous that an#under 18 yr old (her phrasing) cannot open a bank account without a parent because she was entrusted with an entire human being at that#age and so he should be able to open a bank account by himself and i was listening like no thats the wrong conclusion its the opposite the#adults in your life shouldve been more concerned about you also what a revisionist recount saying that no one was concerned about you#having a baby at the age and it was probably because my dad was an adult so they felt they had no need to be concerned when i know all of#your family tried to express concerns that you wouldnt hear which led to years of animosity during my childhood staff at your college also#expressed concern as did your friends you just dont wanna admit that now. also how can they not be trusted with the kids for a couple of#hours when youre 15 minutes down the road as basically adults when 1 is going off to uni in September supposedly and the other has#basically moved out already and i was left entirely alone with the kids at younger than 15?#the sexism and gender stereotyping continues to perplex me#anyway hoping no one got to the end of this rant to add that im once again reminded that my birthday is actually just a day for my mum to#mourn the youth she missed out on by having a baby stupid young
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Happy birthday elden ring
#funny enough I just started playing it again a few days ago and I don’t even realize it was so close to the anniversary#anyway in addition to having the stats to use every weapon and spell + being at either the soft or hard cap for the 3 non damage stats#I’ve now done every cave dungeon or catacomb#I’m sure there are still a few open world bosses like death birds or nights cavalry#so I might try those next#I’m in kind of a dilemma because I wanna keep playing my current save since I’ve got everything so I don’t wanna start a new save#but I don’t wanna go into new game plus unless I know there aren’t Gonna be dlc#because if they follow the trends of the other games they’re gonna be harder than base game stuff#and I don’t wanna have my first playthrough of them on ng+ difficulty#anyway tag rant over I probably will just start a new save soon#elden ring
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#hi guys#i have a kh blog but it has literally 3 followers and inwill not be droppinh the link#u find it by osmosis or not at all#anyway WHEN will people realize that sora and kairi deserve to be problematic#i want them to make each other WORSE no one understands me#like also they can be happy together tjats cool and good and theres ALSO not enough of that#but every day i go to archiveofourown dot org and im like i bet someone has noticed the themes and narratives today#and done fun things with them#and no one ever has#okay thank u all for being subjected to my kh rant on my ml blog have a good night#the ml fic is going well i made progress
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#gonna rant for a bit#i thought the last i'm gonna see of him was at his father's funeral but somehow i ended up at his party last night#and dear god i got drunk and he got drunk and we ended up talking for like two hours#and he said to me in too many word that he always liked me and that he misses me at uni#and that he somehow still thinks about the things he said to me while we were second year bc he made me sad then#which is true#and he ended up saying so many things but i wish he hadn't#bc i'm gonna think about it for the rest of my life#and all of this was happening while his girlfriend was like not even 10 meters away from us#he also invited me to his other party which is in a month but i know i'm gonna get uninvited bc dear god that girl must hate me#and she probably hated me for years even when they were not together but she was into him#i just wish he got drunk enough to not remember some things i said#bc as usual i revealed too much and i overshared#oh god#i wanna see him again but i also don't#bc he is an idiot who HAS A GIRLFRIEND#i really thought i was over him lmaooooooooooo#isn't it funny how almost every time i talk about a guy here it's about the same one#anyway
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#damien.txt#venting abt personal life in the tags lol sorry new followers <3<3#ahhHHHHHHHHHHH why must sleeping be so hard#i cannot for the life of me figure out what the fuck has gone wrong or how to fix it#but here i am AGAIN at 5:30 a.m. contemplating pulling an all-nighter bc i could not sleep#and i just. am possibly going a little bit insane#bc i hate this. it feels awful. (whoa no way not getting enough sleep feels bad? who would have guessed-)#the answer at this point is probably medical intervention#and by medical intervention i mean i need to go to the store and pick up melatonin gummies lol#i am just a broke college student tho man... funding the inevitable melatonin addiction will SUCK#addiction is a strong word to use here. i just know i will want to use it every night if it works#which is like the intended usage but still. that shit gets expensive#anyways i wish having insomnia or something insomnia adjacent was actually cool and fun and edgy#and not just like. being on the verge of tears as you lay down in bed with a headache#but you literally cannot stop thinking and moving around long enough to fall asleep#my thoughts aren't even that bad they are just constant and i would like them to shut up pls <3#ok i am done ranting lmaoo this is like the 4th rant abt sleep problems ive done on tumblr#maybe i need to like. fix this lol
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#sorry to bother#don't mind me#poll#shitpoll#haha don’t even worry bout it guys#I’m completely normal#This is definitely not something I lie awake at night thinking about haha#What if no one likes me and I disappoint everyone and they all leave me behind because I’m not good enough-#ANYways we’re skipping over that I’m not putting my nihilistic thoughts on here#I mean unless anyone wants my depressing writing rants on here?#Haha anywho
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#ive been going to sleep at like 7-8 pm and waking up at 5am and its honestly been really good#i love being awake in the early morning hours its actually my favorite#a part of the reason i miss road trips so much#i would leave at like 330-4am#and it always felt so exciting !!!#anyway these days i feel very productive at that time so thats when ive been uploading content to manyvids and pornhub lolol#it just makes me happy to do work at this time idk lolol#also its definitely the anxiety but my stomach has been not okay for days and im just like its enough already#please prepare yourself for the mozzarella cheese#its a comin'#also im so happy rn because i picked up marijuana for my friend last night and the person gave me so many free drugs and she !!#didnt even know im having money issues#she was like please take this#a lovely person and i am so grateful she doesnt even know!!!!!#sorry for this incredibly long tag rant#well im sorry you may have to witness it at least lolol
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the thing about me is i adore rotoscoped animation with all my heart
#last night i booted up hotel dusk and like#i havent played more than 2 minutes of it but i havent stopped thinking about the visuals since#i think it might be the most beautiful and visually striking ds game ive ever seen#of course thats an example of well done rotoscoping with stylization#stylization (like don bluth movies) helps remove a lot of the uncanny valley factor from a lot of rotoscoped animation#BUT . i also like bad crunchy rotoscoping#i love all rotoscoping jsfdkJKFLD#all those crunchy barely painted over rotoscoped movies from the 70s#LOVE that shit#also im gonna be honest. flowers of evil is a weird enough manga that i think the scary rotoscoping of the anime kinda works#but dear god i love rotoscoping i think everyone should do it forever all the time. TRACE over reference footage PLEASE im begging#its controversial because of some of the crunchier uses and some people foolishly think its lazy#its just a tool tho and it can be used well or poorly. and to be honest even when its done poorly i think its good#listen. anything to make animation easier or faster or aide in any way is good in my book#sorry rotoscoping rant over. i love it so much#anyway hotel dusks beautiful rotoscoping is making me want to try animation again LOL
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