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no-one-fuck-a-man · 2 years

Text

Berry Blues

Season One

Part Eighteen - (Laryngitis) Sexy Eyebrow Tick

Quinn Fabray x Reader

Summary: When your sister meddles in the clubs members efforts the team finally gets more songs, only for Rachel to fall sick. Mercedes has a new admirer, which does not please Santana.

Word Count: 5,562

WARNINGS: Lying, sickness, a “fight”

-----

Sometimes life was weird.

Well, honestly, life was weird a lot of the time.

But you never expected to be startled with something so abnormal on a Monday morning.

Even your teacher was shocked and had to do a double-take when Puck entered the choir room.

A bald Puck

"Who is that guy?" You overheard Brittany as a shocked Santana.

The sam Santana who came up to you after the lesson and told you, "Puck doesn't turn me on anymore."

"So what? Is that my job now, or something?"

You shut your locker door, glancing at the girl before she followed you down the hallway.

"I'm being serious, Y/N. It's like he's not hot anymore."

"Are you sure it's the hair that's doing it and not just the fact he's a man?"

Santana scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Am I coming over tonight, or what?"

You stopped. Looking into her brown eyes for a few moments.

"Okay. Come the usual way at the same time. My dads may joke about me having cheerleaders sleeping at the house, but they'd flip if they found out."

She smiled at you seductively, running a hand down your arm, "See you then." Then she spun on her heel and left.

"What did she want?" Quinn asked, walking up to you.

"It's Santana," you reasoned, with a shrug, feeling kinda shitty that you were lying to the blonde. It wasn't like you were dating her, so why did it feel like cheating? "She always flirts for no reason."

"She was flirting?"

"Why? Jealous?" you teased.

The blonde shook her head, eyes looking onto the ceiling. But never once denying your words.

"So, can I maybe stay over tonight?"

'Fuck'

"Uh. sorry, no." At her sad face, you rushed to think of a lie. "Rachel's making me watch all these sad musicals with her. Said something about it mirroring her misery." You rolled your eyes. "We're gonna be up well into the night with her sobbing and cry-yelling about the story. You don't want to be there. Trust me. I'm only saving you. How about this-" You held onto her arm, still wanting to make her happy, hoping to give her something to look forward to. "-Stay over this weekend. The whole weekend. Come Friday night, and I'll drive you to school Monday morning. You won't even need to see Puck during that time."

Quinn smiled brightly at that.

"Really? Your dad's won't mind?"

"You, kidding?" you asked rhetorically, "They love having you over. I think they miss you being there more than they will me and Rachel, when we go to college."

She giggled, "Well, I am very likeable."

"That you are, Fabray."

'That you are...'

---

"I am very disappointed in you guys."

"Always know how to start a lesson, huh, Mr Schue?" you asked, walking into the room, a little late for the club meeting.

Finn turned to your sister as you sat down beside Brittany.

"Can't believe you narked on us."

"Don't get mad at me for exposing your laziness," she shot back.

"Wait. Hold up. What's going on?"

"Your sister bugged the choir room and told Mr Schue that some of us weren't singing during rehearsals."

'Oh, fuck'

"Yes," Rachel said, directed at you, "Even you. I am tired of carrying all of your weight. Regionals is in a month, guys," she continued. Looking around at the rest of the team.

"I'm just trying to understand what's going on here," Mr Schue said, "Finn, why did you stop singing?"

"Because you started giving all the male leads to Jesse. Kind of shook my confidence, you know?"

'Now you know how the others feel'

Santana sighed. "What difference does it make? Everyone knows that my job here is to look hot."

You pulled an 'okay' face, nodding your head to the side.

"You are hot."

Quinn glared at you momentarily, but you paid that no mind. The blonde rubbed her hands together as she gave her own reasoning.

"My baby hormones are making me moody."

"You're telling me," you mumbled to yourself, but still gaining a smack to the knee from the girl, as she had inadvertently heard you.

"There are so many lyrics," Brittany spoke next.

You shrugged yourself. "We all know that I'm here just to stop Rachel from doing things that will make me want to rip out my own eyes."

"And yet, you didn't stop 'Run, Joey, Run'," Quinn pointed out.

"In my defence." You pointed to the girl. "I don't really know what 'Run, Joey, Run' was until then. Also! That was a comedic goldmine, and you can't deny that."

"Okay, no," your teacher stopped your and Quinns conversation, bringing the topic back to the problem at hand, "A chain is only as strong as its weakest link."

"I bet I could out logic that statement," you mumbled.

"A Glee Club is about a myriad of voices coming together as one," he said, linking his fingers together, in demonstration, "All right? This ends now. Which is why your assignment for the week." He paused, mulling his thoughts over. "Is for each of you to come up with a song that best represents how you see yourself, where you are in your lives right now. Your voice then... you're gonna stand up here and sing your hearts out. All of you."

"Solos?" Kurt asked excitedly, "In front of everyone?"

"The Glee Club has lost its voice. It's time for us to get it back."

"I'm gonna sing 'Run, Joey, Run'," you joked.

Everyone, but Rachel, collectively gathered to fill the room with a resounding, "No!" As you cackled.

---

Twenty-four hours of Rachel badgering on at you about not singing in the club later. And you were sat in the midst of another Glee Club meeting.

You were sitting by yourself in between two empty seats, which you had your arms stretched out over their backs. Santana and Brittany behind you, and Matt and Mike in front of you.

Out of the corner of your eye, you watched as Puck leaned in closer to Mercedes, "Girl, you got more curves than a Nissan ad," he tried to flirt.

"Seriously?" the girl replied, "That's what you came up with?"

"How he managed to get far enough to even get a girl pregnant is beyond me," you spoke to yourself as a slight cringe came over your face.

"She felt fat, and he got her drunk," Santana stated.

"I'm sorry." You slowly turned to face the girl, trying to process this new information you had just been given. "What?"

Just as you were about to snap at the buzzed boy, your teacher stopped that from happening as he entered the room.

"All right, guys." He clapped his hands. "Let's get things started."

"As I was first on the sign-up sheet, I'll kick things off," Rachel said, quickly taking the place at the front of the class from the man.

"Okay..."

"I have chosen Miley Cyrus' 'The Climb'. Because it's about overcoming obstacles and beating the odds. In my case, the obstacle is you, my lacklustre teammates, who refuse to carry their own weight."

"Oh, gee, thanks. Love you, too, sis."

Turning, she directed Brad that he could start playing.

Little did you know, that was what was about to happen in the following seconds, would make you have to hold your laughter in harder than you did for your sisters project, for the previous Glee Club assignment.

I can almost see it

That dream I'm dreaming

'Wait. Is this how the song was supposed to sound?'

But there's a voice inside my head saying

You'll never reach it

'Nope!'

'It very much did not '

As soon as you realised what was happening, you had to reach over and try and hide your smile behind the collar of your shirt.

Soon finding that that wasn't going to work, you pulled the bottom of your T-shirt up to successfully cover it this time. Your bare stomach still clearly gave away your hidden chuckles as it jostled with every one.

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make

Feels lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

Oh, this was gonna kill you.

Death of laughter.

Your sister's final punishment for not singing when you should be.

But I

Gotta keep tryin'

It wasn't only the rest of your classmates who were pulling confused and pained faces at having to hear someone sing so out of tune. Your teacher and the piano player was among them.

Even your sister was confused as to what was going on.

Gotta keep my head held high

"Rachel..."

Finally, a release, a saving grace, from your teacher interrupting her performance.

"I think you've lost your voice."

Your sister looked forward, staring off into space, as a look of pure horror swam there.

"Oh, there is a God!"

"We need her voice to perform next month, Artie told you, worry in his eyes.

"Oh, come on," you scoffed lightly, "It'll be back within a week. Then your tone took on a dreamy one as you looked up at the corner of the ceiling, "It will be the quietest week of my life." An excited gasp tore through you. "I might be able to sleep in for the first time ever ."

---

The doctor's office was a change of scenery.

You were messing around with some of the latex gloves. Snapping one onto your hand, Finn rolling around on the stool.

You were both just two big kids.

As your sister waited, in the blue gown, to be seen by the doctor.

"What if he says I'll never sing again?" Rachel asked suddenly, "I mean, who am I without my voice?"

"Rachel Berry."

"I- I'm just this spoiled annoying child-"

"Hey, you said it, not me." You shrugged, at the same time, Finn spoke. The boy, saying something way nicer than what you just did.

"Don't say that. There's, like, so many awesome things about you."

Your sister stared at the boy, hope filling her eyes.

"Like?"

Finn scoffed a laugh, trying to brush the question away just so he wouldn't have to answer it.

"Look, he's not gonna say you'll never sing again."

Just then, the doctor drew back the curtain and entered the room further.

"Bad news, Rachel. You'll probably never sing again." The girl gasps. "I'm kidding."

"Doctor, I feel like I should let you know that that's not a nice thing to do to my sister. No matter how funny it is," you said humorously.

Rachel glared at you, her attention returning to the doctor when he continued speaking.

"You have severe tonsillitis, which has resulted in an inner ear infection. From the looks of things, it's not the first time. You should have had them out years ago."

"Does that mean she's not allowed to talk for a while?" you asked, leaning forward hopefully.

"Why should I let you butcher my throat when just resting my voice for a week and chugging down herbal tea will do the same job?"

"This is a very serious infection," he said clearly.

"I think she's worried about the surgery affection her singing voice," Finn spoke for your sister.

"No. That's, definitely, what she's worried about."

"At least start by taking these antibiotics." The doctor scribbled down her prescription, sassily continuing, "Unless you worried they're going to adversely affect your dance moves."

The man left after handing the slip of paper, leaving you all to sigh.

"What do you think I should do?"

"Have the surgery," you said instantly.

"Maybe you shouldn't ask your boyfriend. Oh, wait, you can't. He's not here."

"Or you know, you can be petty and say things like that," you muttered, pulling the gloves from your hands, throwing them into the trash.

"He's in San Diego on spring break with his friends from Vocal Adrenaline," Rachel rushed to explain.

"When are you gonna realize that he's not into you like I am?" Finn asked, rolling his chair around to be in front of her.

"Oh, I really don't want to be here to see this."

"You think he's gonna stick around if you can't sing?"

"Just give me a reason to kick his ass."

"If you're a vocal cripple?"

"I don't know, but those words just sound really iffy to me, bro."

"Look, I know that you've always been jealous of Jesse. A-and even though he and I haven't spoken since the 'Run, Joey, Run' debacle-" you snorted lightly, remembering the video. As Rachel got up from the bed, "-You just have to accept the fact that." She struggled to find the right words. "I still care about him deeply. And I know he still feels the same way about me."

"Okay, that's all well and good," you spoke up now, eye's glued to your watch, "But can you go get changed now, 'cause I gotta get to work soon."

Finn was staring at the curtain your sister was behind.

The curtain your sister was undressing behind.

The curtain that, clearly, showed your sister undressing behind.

"Hey," you scolded the boy, "Advert your eyes there, soldier."

Your head cocked to the side when it seemed that he hadn't heard a thing you said.

"Finn?" your tone was curious now, "Look away from my sister... dude?" You waved a hand in front of his face.

He didn't even blink.

Was just in his own world.

While also staring at your sister's changing shadow.

Knowing that you weren't going to be able to snap him out of whatever universe he was daydreaming up, you did the best thing you could.

You stepped in front of his line of sight. Blocking Rachel from his view. Still, not breathing his concentration.

---

Jessie is a friend

Yeah, I know he's been

A good friend of mine

But lately something's changed

That ain't hard to define

Jessie's got himself a girl

And I wanna make her mine

Finn stood at the centre of the choir room, arms stiff by his sides, getting back into the groove of singing in front of everybody.

You just wish he chose a song that didn't give you second-hand awkwardness.

And she's watching with those eyes

And she's loving him with that body

I just know it

Your eyes flashed with anger, 'She better not be'

And he's holding her in his arms

Late, late at night

You know I wish

That I had Jessie's girl

I wish that I had Jessie's girl

Luckily, the song was easy to enjoy.

So, you didn't have to focus on how straight-up embarrassing it was and could just have fun with your seated friends.

Where can I find a woman like that?

And I'm looking in the mirror

All the time

Wondering what she don't see in me

Matt's shoulder nudged against yours. Both of you, messing around, playing the air drums, as Finn played the actual instrument.

Unable not to notice the way Quinn couldn't look at the boy and wasn't swaying with your team.

And how Rachel looked almost like a deer-in-headlights at being sung to so obviously, whilst she has a boyfriend. Her eye's still giving away just how much she liked it, however.

I've been funny

I've been cool with the lines

Ain't that the way

Love's supposed to be?

Tell me, where can I find

A woman like that?

Like Jessie's girl

I wish that I had Jessie's girl

Suddenly, the singing boy was up, on his feet, rounding your seated sister.

Literally.

Practically belong the song as he walked around the chair your sister sat in, never once taking his eyes off of the brunette. Suddenly stopping in front of her.

I want Jessie's girl

Where can I find a woman like that?

'God', you placed your head in your hand, shaking it lightly, as you kept watching the two, 'They're gonna be married by the time that they're eighteen'

Like Jessie's girl

I wish that I had Jessie's girl

Finn finally left her and was standing at the front of the class once more.

I want, I want Jessie's girl

You clapped along with the rest of the room.

Mr Schuester 'whooing' as he stood from his chair.

"Nice work! Now that! That is the kind of soul-exposing song I was talking about." He pat the boy on his chest. "We should all be inspired by Finn's bravery. Good job, buddy."

"Wait. We've all gotta be that honest?" you asked, a small amount of fear beginning to show through your eyes.

"It would be ideal, yes." He nodded.

'Yeah, I'm out'

"Uh, Mr Schue, can I sing my song now?" Puckerman asked next.

"Yeah. Let's go for it, Puck."

The boy hopped down, moving to open the door, allowing a group of musicians to enter the room.

"What are they doing here?" Mercedes asked.

"I invited my brothers from the jazz band and their righteous horns to help me out with my song," he stated, "Since I shaved my mohawk, I started seeing things differently. Last week, I joined a black church-"

"Aren't you Jewish?" you sounded, confusion etched across your face.

"-And I recently downloaded every song Sammy Davis Jr ever recorded on iTunes. He was a black Jew, you know? And my inspiration," he added, with a head tilt, "So, without further ado, I give you one of Sammy's biggest hits."

Puck waltzed over, and plucked a hat from one of the Jazz Band members, and placed it upon his own balled head.

You leaned over to Matt. "He just wanted to cover up his lack of hair."

She gets too hungry for dinner at eight

'Me too'

She adores the theatre

And won't arrive late

She'd never bother

With people she'd hate

That's why the lady is a tramp

The boy jogged up to Finn just so that he could dance down the row of occupied seats in front of you.

Doesn't like crab games

With Barons and Earls

Won't go to Harlem

In ermine and pearls

When Puck passed by directly in front of you, you quickie reached out and took the hat from him, just like he did its original owner.

Sitting back down in between Matt and Mike, both buoy chuckling as you nodded to them, the hat securely upon your head now.

Won't disk the dirt

With the rest of the girls

Brows scrunched at the boy when he waved his finger at Quinn, that burning jealous feeling swelling in your chest again.

And it would have only been made worse if you could have seen the look Quinn gave him.

Mikes own brows raised at Matt.

The two, sharing a knowing look without your knowledge.

That's why the lady is a tramp

The burning feeling left suddenly, with your eyes widening and mouth dropping open, as Puck slid in front of Mercedes.

The girl looked just as taken aback as the rest of the team.

She like them free fresh

Wind in her hair

Life without care

She's broke, it's oke

She hates California

It's cold and it's damp

That's why the lady is a tramp

Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh

You laughed song with the two friend's by your sides as he danced across the floor, the band still playing, and your claps along with the tune, filling the room.

And things just got so much better when he pulled Mercedes up to perform with him.

I get far too hungry

To eat dinner at eight

I adore the theatre

But I never come late

You never bother

With anyone that you'd hate

That's why the lady is a tramp

I like the free fresh wind in my hair

Life without care

Smiling, you tugged at the boy's arms, directing them so you could whisper in their ears.

"Look at Santana's face."

In unison, the three of you turned to see the angered look upon the girl's features. Arms folded across her chest, plotting happening behind her brown eyes.

"She looks like she's gonna kill someone," Mike whispered.

You nodded. "This is gonna be entertaining."

She's a swinger, a humdinger

Hates California

Too cold and too damp

Leaning over your knees, you tapped against Quinn's shoulder.

As soon as the blonde peered at you questioningly, you pointed Santana out.

Her eyes widened slightly, moving back to yours, both of you silently communicating, knowing that Santana was up to something since you both knew the Latina so well.

Coming to the same conclusion.

'You had to warn Mercedes'

That's why the lady

Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh

That is why the lady is a tramp

Everyone, but Santana, of course, gave the two a round of applause. Some even went as far as to give them a standing ovation.

You amongst them. After being lightly persuaded with a nudge from Mike.

All in all?

Not a bad Glee Club lesson.

---

You were by Mercedes' locker, waiting for the girl, along with Quinn.

When she rounded the corner and spotted the blonde leaning against the lockers in front of you. You watched as she took a small breath, gearing herself up for the conversation they were about to have.

She swiftly walked up to the girl as you moved to stand beside both of them. That way, it would be less awkward for you to make your snarky comments as always.

"Look, Quinn..." Mercedes started.

But couldn't continue her sentence, thanks to one of your comments.

"Oh, that's sexy." You pointed at Quinn's raised eyebrow, finger going to graze the skin just under the plucked hair. Realising your words, you quickly changed your tone from blunt truth to teasing, "That's very sexy."

Quinn smacked your hand away from her face, shooting you a look, turning back to the girl before her.

"Go on, Mercedes. Just ignore them. It's what I've started to do."

"Hey!"

"I can never see myself being into a guy like Puck, especially since he's your baby's daddy, but... something just happened between us," she explained, with a shy shrug.

"I say, go for it," Quinn replied, gesturing her hands down.

A shocked, confused face pulled against Mercedes' face. Scoffing out a, "What?"

"Look. I screwed up by letting Puck get me pregnant."

"You screwed up by getting screwed."

You laughed at your own joke, bending slightly as you did.

Quinn sighed lightly, placing a hand upon your shoulder blade.

"He's an idiot," she carried on, as you rose back to your full height, "And his mother won't let me eat bacon."

"Oh, been there. I used to have to sneak it in. Now it stays in the freezer in the garage."

"I'm stuck living with him right now. But at least, if you guys are dating, I won't have to spend so much time listening to his insane theories on how 'Super Mario Brothers' changed civilization."

"Basically, it's a win-win for her," you told the girl, "She won't have to date him, and she won't have to listen to his bullshit. And if I'm being entirely honest, it's a win for me, too." Mercedes looked at you curiously. "I won't have to listen to blondie over here rant about him all the time."

'Also, you're in love with Quinn and won't have to feel that burning jealousy every time they're near one another'

"But you do realize he's using you and your popularity, so he won't get tossed in a dumpster," Quinn added.

"I know he's using me." The girl rolled her eyes. "But in a way, it's even better. I'm not you. I've never had a guy like me for anything, but now I'm such a steaming mug of hot chocolate that one of the studliest guys in school-"

"Gross."

"-Wants to use me to harvest some mojo."

"Oh, so it's like a dating of convenience."

"Exactly." Mercedes smiled at you happily.

"I just don't want you getting hurt."

"I know what this is." She nodded at Quinn. "My heart's safe."

"Oh, I'm not worried about your hears," she told the girl clearly, " I might be okay with this. But not even Puck is going to be able to call off Santana."

"Dude, she's so scary," you whispered, bringing both girls' attention to you, "She threatened to tie me to rail tracks once before, all because I stepped on her foot while doing choreography in the choir room. I know that she wouldn't be able to do that. But it was still scary."

"See?" Quinn asked Mercedes, pointing to you, "And we both know Y/N isn't scared that easily."

"Except spiders," you admitted, "Spiders scare me easily. Please, neither of you tell Santana that."

---

A tap came at your shoulder during the beginning of the next Glee Club lesson.

Looking to find who or what touched you, you found Santana. The girl bent over her lap, handing you a pen.

The pen, that was your silent code that she wanted to "spend the night" at your place.

You nodded to her once in agreement, the girl returning it.

"What did Santana want?" Quinn asked once you returned back to your previous position.

"Just to give me back the pen I lent her." You showed the object between your fingers.

"Santana actually returned something?" she asked, surprised.

"I know. I thought it was weird, too."

The Latina pushed your head forward, making you smile cockily over your shoulder at her as you rubbed the afflicted area. Getting an eye roll from the girl in return.

Mr Schuester sat sown in the free seat beside Quinn, indicating that Kurt was about to perform his song.

"Gentlemen," he said to the band, for them to start playing.

"Is he trying to make his voice deeper?" you whispered to Quinn.

"I think he is."

There's a black man with a black cat

Livin' in a black neighbourhood

He's got an interstate runnin'

Through his front yard

You know he thinks

That he's got it so good

"Do you know what's goin' on with him?" you asked Tina.

The girl shook her head. "Not a clue."

And there's a woman in the kitchen

Cleanin' up the evenin' slop

And he looks at her and says

Hey, darlin', I can remember

When you could stop a clock

Oh, but ain't that America

For you and me

Ain't that America

Somethin' to see, baby

Looking around your friends, you could find the same confused look on every single one of their faces.

Well... all but Brittany.

Who was swaying side to side, lightly clapping along to the song.

Ain't that America

Home o the free, yeah

Little pink houses for you and me

Oh, baby, for you and me

Confused, scattered applause sounded once the song was over. Everyone, still so taken aback by everything the boy emitted right now.

"Uh..." was all you were able to say.

It had rendered you speechless.

That wouldn't last for long.

"Is there something wrong, Mr Schue?" Kurt asked, basically waddling up to the teacher.

"I don't really think you got the point of the assignment," he said, shaking his head, "This was about finding a song that expresses who you are. That song didn't really sound like you."

"Well, I'm sorry if I didn't live up to your expectations."

"That voice you're also putting on doesn't sound like you."

There you go!

Didn't last for long at all.

"No, no. This group needs you to be you, Kurt. You can literally do things that no one else can."

"I'm not a box. There are more than four sides to me."

"Don't lose track of who you are, just because it might be easier to be somebody else."

"Hey Kurt, when this whole trucker phase is over, can I have that hat?" Quinn nudged your side. "What?" you asked her, almost aghast, as the boy walked away, "Pony cap."

The girl sighed out through her nose at your goofy self.

You smiled teasingly, "I know you wanna kiss me."

You could tell that that gigantic eye roll must have hurt as she turned away from you.

Leaving you to never know just how true that statement was and how the blonde was denying her own feelings. Deciding to blame it all on the baby hormones.

---

Santana's tongue was shoved down your throat as she laid upon you.

Or it was until she broke the kiss with a pop.

"You're distracted."

"What?" you asked, voice husky, watching as she pushed herself, so she was hovering above you.

"You're thinking about something else while you're kissing me."

"No, I'm not."

'Yes, you are'

'You're too busy thinking about how much this feels like you're betraying Quinn'

"Listen. If you have to think about preggers while we're having sex, at least let me know. So that I don't feel bad about screaming out someone else's name."

"Woah!" You quickly sat up, pushing her, so she was sitting in front of you. "What makes you think I was thinking about Quinn?"

"Oh, please," she scoffed, rolling her eyes, "You're infatuated with her. Basically, everyone knows it."

Your face fell at that.

"Everyone?"

"I see you aren't denying it anymore." Another eye roll when Santana was met with stunned silence. "Don't worry, Quinn doesn't know a thing. She just thinks you're the same old Y/N, who's annoying but sweet at the same time."

"She thinks I'm sweet?"

The girl cocked her head to the side and gave you an 'I-told-you-so' look. Making you relent with a huffed groan.

"Fine! Fine, I like her okay." You pointed a finger into her smug face. "But don't go telling anybody, okay?"

"But-"

" Anybody who apparently doesn't already know."

"Fine. Your " secret "." In air-quotes. "Is safe with me."

"Thank you."

"Now. Can we get back to having sex?" she asked, crawling back over you as you slowly laid back down.

"Yes, we- Wait. Who do you think about when we have sex?!"

---

It was intense.

Watching Santana and Mercedes angrily sing at each other over the surface of the piano.

You need to give it up

Had about enough

He belongs to me

The boy is mine

"They're seriously fighting over a guy who got a girl pregnant," you whispered over to Tina, the girl's eyes widening as she nodded at you. Agreeing that they were both nuts.

I think it's time we got this straight

Sit and talk face to face

There is no way you could mistake

Him for your man, are you insane?

You see, I know that you may be

Just a bit jealous of me

Because you're blind if you can't see

All my love is all it took

You had to admit, though.

This performance was incredibly arousing.

You need to give it up

Had about enough

It's not hard to see

He's mine, he's mine

Mercedes turned away from Santana, crossing her arms over her chest.

The Latina looked at her as if she was crazy before mimicking the girl's movements.

Them both now back to back.

I'm sorry that you

I'm so sorry

Seem to be confused

You seem to be confused

He belongs to me

The boy belongs to me

You can't destroy this love I've found

Your silly games I won't allow

Santana came up behind Puckerman, passing her hands down his chest. Spurring Merceces' anger on.

"Man, it must be an ego boost having two girls fighting over you," you muttered to yourself.

The boy is mine without a doubt

He was my love right from the start

I'm sorry that you

Seem to be confused

He belongs to me

That boy is mine

You need to give it up

Not yours

But mine

Not yours

But mine

Not yours

No, mine

I'm sorry that you

Seem to be confused

He belongs to me

The boy is mine

"That was intense." Mr Schue rushed up to stop the shoving match that was well on its way. The girl's egging the other on in quiet mutters. "You know, I gotta give you guys prop for the passion. Maybe hold back on the animosity a little, all right?"

"Yeah, okay." Santana nodded. "I know, I understand."

"Oh, don't do that," you told the teacher, the very second he let the girls go and turned away from them.

Santana instantly moved to shove Mercedes with force.

"Hey, hey, hey. Seriously, this ends now." The teacher stopped them from going at one another once again. "Please. All right? You can go at it in song, but that is it."

"Oh, that's good to know."

"Enjoy it while you can, Weezie," Santana stated, before moving to make her way from the room, "His hair's already starting to grow back."

After that intense lesson, you had come to the conclusion of two things.

One. Mercedes needed no help if she were to ever take Santana on in a fistfight,

And two.

Puckerman didn't deserve either of those girls.

-----

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#quinn fabray x reader #quinn fabray imagine #quinn fabray #original work #original fanfiction

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theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin · 4 years

Note

I'm curious, what are your thoughts on Canon Harry, Hermione, and Ron?

Given my absolute trashing everyone else and sparse comments on Harry, you can probably guess.

I honestly don’t even know where to start with this.

I guess we’ll start with Harry.

Harry Potter

First, sorry guys, Harry is painfully stupid. It’s not that he doesn’t try hard academically, that he’s not book smart, or that he’s just acting his own age, he is honestly, truly, painfully dumb and is consistently an idiot throughout the entire series.

Let’s take third year as a random example. Harry’s informed there’s a mass murdering Death Eater on the loose that has the country in such a panic that they send dementors to Hogwarts, he is told directly that this guy has motive to come directly after him, he even notices that he’s kept a close eye on that summer in Diagon Alley.

Harry decides that his life is a bottomless pit of despair if he can’t go to Hogsmeade every month with everyone else. Not even if he doesn’t get the candy, Hermione and Ron bring him that afterwards, but not going at all brings him misery. And I get it, it sucks to be stuck in the castle when all your friends get to go on a field trip. BUT HARRY, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHY EVERYONE’S MAKING YOU STAY IN THE CASTLE?! Harry’s response is he isn’t afraid of death because... he isn’t afraid of death. Really, it’s not so much that he’s that brave but more that he hasn’t thought this one through.

Harry finally gets to sneak out to Hogsmeade and is thrilled and it takes Hermione pointing out that Sirius Black may very well know these other entrances (which he does) for Harry to even realize this is a possibility (even though Harry didn’t make the map). His response to Hermione is surprised Pikachu face for two seconds then, “No, there’s no way, Sirius Black could never figure out something as cool as this.” Then, when Harry’s finally caught, it takes both Snape and Lupin calling him a dick who dishonors his parent’s sacrifice and entire nation trying to keep him safe, for Harry to realize that maybe sneaking into Hogsmeade was a pretty shitty thing to do.

We also have the whole firebolt incident in which Harry’s sent a very suspicious package that could very well kill him with no return address. Harry gets unbelievably pissed that Hermione narks on him, even though he does eventually get the broom back. How dare Hermione get in the way of his quidditch!

This is just one book, mind you, we could go through all seven and find equally mind bogglingly dumb moments. Harry’s just not a bright guy (he also is very academically lazy, but that’s not the same thing.)

Otherwise, Harry doesn’t just have a little anger issue, he has a serious problem and I’m convinced he’s a psychopath.

Whoa, you say, hold on! Where does that come from?

Well, not so much the earlier books. While Harry is a dick (and yes, guys, he is) he doesn’t show really worrying tendencies. The worst he gets up to is icing out Hermione when she becomes inconvenient (see Firebolt fiasco), treating Neville like trash (Harry bails on Neville to sneak out to Hogsmeade), and just being generally self-centered.

I’m talking about the Order of the Phoenix onward. First we have HARRY’S RAGING CAPS-LOCKS FOR AN ENTIRE NOVEL. Granted, he’s an angry dude in a stressful situation, but that was... a lot. But it’s really Half-Blood Prince were I start grimacing.

We have his reaction to Ginny. It never really seems like Harry ever likes Ginny, it’s more that he has this green rage monster in his chest that wants to possess her. It is the weirdest thing I’ve ever read in my life. Or, well, one of them. So that’s... a thing.

Then we have the whole Draco thing. Harry becomes obsessed with Draco Malfoy, more so than usual. And yes, Draco was up to no good, and sure we can tilt our heads and say it’s pretext for Draco/Harry. Except guys, Harry’s scary about it. Take out the appeal of the slash for two seconds, Harry stalking Draco is that problematic thing that if Draco were a woman we’d be saying “ABORT ABORT ABORT”. It of course, culminates in the bathroom incident. Now, you say, Harry didn’t know what that spell would do. Well, he knew it was for enemies and even afterwards, though he panics and feels bad, what he really seems to be bad about is the potential consequences to himself not the action. he focuses more on the fact that the beloved Halfblood Prince was Snape than he does the fact that he nearly murdered Malfoy. If I’m remembering correctly, Harry in fact makes out with Ginny not long after, got to set that chest monster loose, y’all.

Then in book seven Harry starts using the unforgivables with absolutely no regret. Torture for you, Bellatrix, I am edgy now. It’s very clear that Harry only cares superficially about morality. He generally follows the rules and various ideals because he likes the idea of being noble and virtuous, he isn’t actually a virtuous guy at all.

I’m not even sure he really understands friendship. Harry’s friends are people who are great and all except when they become inconvenient, then he can treat them like the trash they are until they come back around (if ever).

He’s kind of a monster actually.

He’s also the poster child of why Voldemort may have a teensy-tiny point that the statute of secrecy as it stands around muggle children is not sustainable. Really doesn’t look good for the cause when the most famous child in the wizarding world is raised by extremely abusive muggles and grows up extremely maladjusted because of it.

Hermione Granger

Now, I give Harry a lot of flak for his treatment of Hermione, but Hermione’s not a barrel of roses either. She may be friends with a pair of assholes who don’t really like her all that much, but she kind of dug her own grave.

First, Hermione has a bit of a superiority complex, even when she’s completely friendless. She absolutely looks down on girls like Pavarti and Lavender and part of the reason they hate her so much is because of that. That’s part of Hermione’s issue, she’s too good for everyone, and so she eventually becomes friends with famous Harry Potter and Ron Weasley who barely tolerate her because she was too good to be friends with, say, Neville.

Hermione never realizes this.

She also deeply enjoys, I believe, being the smartest person in the room and much smarter than her friends. Granted, this is what she defines herself as, and it means she’s needed by everyone around her for this reason, but she still does like it just a little too much.

And oh my god is she horrifyingly righteous.

This we see in what happens to Marietta, Umbridge, as well as her own parents. She permanently disfigures a girl for snitching them out to Umbridge, never telling anyone this was the consequence, and is smug when we see what happens to her because “snitches get stitches”. It’s pretty heavily implied by canon that Umbridge was raped by centaurs (first they’re centaurs, that’s what centaurs do, second we next see Umbridge in the hospital wing looking catatonic and the gang laughs and makes horsey noises). Yes, Umbridge is a vile evil woman, but that Hermione’s so proud of her vengeance is.... concerning.

Finally, her parents. Hermione, without asking her parents’ consent, wipes their memories and rewrites their entire lives. Congratulations Hermione, even more than Harry you are the poster child for Voldemort’s cause of “what goes wrong when muggles raise a magical child”. Hermione essentially kills her parents, treating them like no more than dolls, and the most she’s upset about is what it did to her. To Hermione, her parents aren’t people, not really.

People in general aren’t people, or at least, Hermione is more than willing to go to drastic lengths if she feels she has been slighted or betrayed. Never get on Hermione Granger’s bad side.

Ron Weasley

Shockingly, I’m not really a “Ron the Death Eater” kind of person. Ron clearly has an inferiority complex, he sees being friends with Harry as a way to make him special from his brothers, he’s overly ambitious and easily jealous, he’s academically lazy, kind of an ass, and he has many flaws as a person.

That said, he’s not the same level of scary asshole as Hermione and Harry. Ron doesn’t cut up Draco Malfoy in a bathroom or even disfigure the guy. He’s just your more or less normal dude who doesn’t realize he’s friends with lunatics.

TL;DR Harry and Hermione are assholes. Ron’s kind of an asshole too but shockingly less so than the other two.

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michaelneedssomefics · 5 years

Text

Haloween

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Word count: 2k+

Warnings: Smut, cursing, tiny bit of angst.

A/N: This is the first fic I've ever written, so please leave your opinion! Also you're more than welcome to send asks and requests :) I kinda want to try head cannons aswell.

You and Peter have been dating for the past couple of months, and you've went as far as sex before, both of you took each other's virginity and kept the sex pretty much vanilla.

It's October and Halloween parties are happening almost every night, both you and Peter knew about them and were invited to them, but Peter isn't really into the whole "partiying" idea and you'd rather spend the night with him if you were already free.

You were shopping for your costume for the Halloween dance when your eye suddenly cought a bright red on one of the racks. You walked towards it and saw it was a Victoria Secret angel costume. It had red stockings, attached to a full body red silk lingerie, a matching robe and white wings. 'Why not just try it on?' You thought to yourself. You took your size and went to the dressing room, tried it on (boy was it hard to get everything into the right holes) you looked at yourself in the mirror and damn you looked stunning. Your boobs were so complemented by this outfit, same goes for your ass. The robe ended barely after your ass, not really trying to hide it.

You would never even think about going like this out in public though, let alone a school dance. But then this idea popped in your head... you've been seeing these youtube videos of girls pranking their boyfriends, wearing scandalous costumes and telling them they’re heading out to a party, to see their boyfriends reaction. A smirk appeared on your face at the thought. You took the costume off, went ahead and paid for it and headed back to you place, too excited about the idea to wait.

When you got home you texted Peter, 'Hey, wanna see u, come over pls? xx'. A few minutes later you heard your phone ping, and saw a message from Peter saying 'sure angel, I'll be there in about 10'. You giggled at the irony of the nickname. 'Oh I'll show you angel' you thought.

After Peter arrived you two watched a horror movie, cuddling each other with a blanket wrapped around the both of you. You both didn't really watch the movie, more talking with each other, and you subtly changed the subject to Halloween, to try and bring up the party subject. "Oh, I was invited to this party tonight and I think I'm gonna go, do you want to come with me?" You asked him, knowing he's not into the whole party idea. "No, I don't really want to, but you have fun". Goody goody.

It was now around 6pm so you excused yourself, saying you need to go get ready. Peter followed you to you bedroom, and laid on the bed, scrolling through his phone while talking with you through your attached bathroom while you were styling your hair and doing your make up. You decided to go with simple waves, leaving your hair down. You did some of your make up as light as you could, so the attention would be all on the outfit. You closed the bathroom door so Peter won't see the outfit before it's on you, the action making him a bit confused since it's nothing he hasn't seen before, but he pushed the thought away, thinking nothing of it.

You were standing in front of the mirror with the full outfit, wings and everything, the robe closed. 'Pete would know I would never go out with something like this' you thought. 'Well, there goes nothing' . You open the bathroom door, walking casually to the full length mirror, as if everything is normal.

Peter was just... staring. 'Wtf?' He thought. Is this really what you're gonna wear to the party? You went over to your shoe rack, picking black high heels. You went over to sit next to peter on the end of the bed, putting on your shoes.

Peter was immediately standing, looking at you suspiciously. You put on the most innocent face you could, looking at him through your eyelashes, "What's wrong?" You asked. He open and closed his mouth, not knowing what to say. Is this ok of him to not want you to go out like this? Since when do you even go out like this? Let alone buy outfits like that one? "You're... you're pranking me or something right? You'd never go out like this". Shit. You knew he knows you too well. "What do you mean 'like this'?" You tried to sound irritated. "I, I mean wearing next to nothing. Are you really going to a party wearing lingerie??" He said in disbelief. Were you really that oblivious? " uh, yea. I'm a Victoria Secret angel, it's the outfit." You said bluntly.

Peter shook his head. "You're, you're not going like that! Are your parents really allowing this??". "My parents are out of town until tomorrow night, they don't need to worry about what I'm wearing. What, were you gonna nark on me or something? Who are you to decide what I wear and to where I wear it?" You said, both of you knew your parents would never allow this, putting aside the fact you would never go out like this. "(Y/N), just thinking about all the guys that would stare at you makes me worried sick! What if one of them tries touching you? I'm not letting that happen!" He says. "Then come with me if you're so worried about a guy staring!" You said, knowing fully well how he hates parties. "No, you know I'm uncomfortable with going to these kind of things (Y/N)" he says quietly. "Then it's your problem, not mine." You copy his tone. "(Y/N) how could you possibly think going out in fucking underwear to a party is ok?!" He half yells, "it's the same as going to the beach in a bathing suit Peter! Besides, I'm wearing a robe, no one will see anything!". "Come on a napkin would cover more then that robe! (Y/N) don't you get me?? I'm gonna be worried to death if you go out like this! No way am I letting any guy a chance to eye fuck you and those fuckers might do more than just looking at you!" He was yelling a lot at this point, and you've never seen Peter this angry and frustrated, and this would also technically be your first big fight, so you decided to stop before things get out of hand.

"Okay okay babe, I was just messing around, I'm not really going anywhere, no one's going to eye fuck me". You said calmly, cupping his cheeks with your hands and looking into his eyes trying to get him to relax. You could see Peter's disbelief at first, eyebrows shooting up, lips lightly parted, and a second later his eyebrows furrowed, his jaw clenched. "Pete-" he didnt let you finish, crashing his lips on yours, kissing you roughly, you gasped in surprise which gave him the chance to slip his tongue into your mouth, you kissing him back immediately after, you tongues fighting for dominance, you lost.

After a few minutes of one of the most passionate kisses you've shared with Peter, you both parted in need of air but peter quickly took off his shirt, then your whole outfit at the same speed, almost ripping your costume in the process, leaving you in nothing.

He picked you up and threw you on the bed, his eyes were so dark, and all you could do was stare at his bare abdomen, never failing to mesmorise you, but your focus was brought back to Peter's eyes as he started talking, "no one gets to see you wearing something like that other than me." He said while taking off his pants, leaving himself in nothing but boxers who left nothing to the imagination, his cock strained against the fabric. You felt yourself getting wet, he was so sexy when he was angry with you. You crawled towards him slowly, reaching up to rub his length through the boxers, pulling out a groan from him.

"Yes, right, no one gets to see me like this other than you baby. Let me make it up to you, make you feel real good", you said, slowly taking off his boxers. Finally, he steps out of his boxers, leaving you face to face with his fully erect cock, his tip a red as angry as he was, a tiny bit of pre cum leaking. You kissed the base, lightly biting and then soothing with your tongue. You then licked excruciatingly slow from the base to the tip, Peter moaning, you start sucking hus tip, each time you bring in you mouth more and more, swirling your tongue around. "Fuck" Peter says breathlessly. He reaches up to your hair, tugging it making you moan, the vibration sending more pleasure to him. You stop your movements suddenly, his cock still halfway inside you mouth, looking up at him, blinking innocently. He's confused at first, then realizing what you're implying he hold your head in place with both of his hands, and slowly starts thrusting into your mouth. He then speeds up, thrusting a little deeper, his head thrown back, moans and curses coming out of his mouth. "Fuck, feels so good, you're never going out like that, fuck, that ass is mine" you hum in agreement, the vibration almost sending him over the edge so he pulls out immediately, a string a saliva hanging from his tip to your tongue.

"Please tell me you're on the pill". He says, pushing you on your back, starting to circle your clit with his thumb while leaning over you with his other arm, "yes, yes, I am, shit" you moan, "good because I wanna cum inside you". He kisses you roughly, spreading your lips with his fingers, "you're so wet, just for me, tell me, would anyone else be able to get you this wet by just sucking their dick?" He asks, kissing your jaw, then your neck right where your sweet spot is. "N-no pete only y-you make me feel like this" you choke out, moaning so loud, you just want him inside you already. "That's right, only I can." He says suddenly flipping you on your stomach making you squeal. He grabs your hips pulling you up, kneading your ass with one hand and the other guiding his cock to your entrance. He slowly fills you up, both of you moaning loudly. Once he's fully in he let's you stretch out a bit, leaning over leaving marks on your shoulders.

Once you're stretched enough you wiggle your ass a bit, looking at him over your shoulder, saying seductively, "please, fuck me". And that's it for him. He pulls almost all the way out, thrusting back in quickly, he kept going like that, making you moan so loud you grabbed a pillow and buried you face in it to muffle your moans. After a while he snakes an arm around your waist pulling you up so his chest is to your back, while still thrusting faster and deeper he circles your clit with his other hands' finger, and you were screaming his name. "fuck (Y/N), gonna cum, gonna cum in that tight pussy, because it's mine, no one else's. Cum with me babe, come on". And that was it, your eyes rolling so far you saw stars, you were tightening around his cock, making him cum too, his thrusts sloppy as you both road out your highs, and you felt his cum dripping down your thighs.

He pulled out, you dropped on your stomach, breathless, and turned on your back to see peter walking over to the bathroom, coming back with a warm cloth, he gently cleaned you up, then him self, then threw the cloth on the floor and plopped down beside you on his back, and you snuggled up to him, his arm pulling you closer by your waist.

Damn. Peter has a whole other side of him you need to explore.

"You didn't... you wouldn't..." Peter tried to say, not finding the right words, "no Pete, I wouldn't, only you get to see these parts of me.", you said and he chuckled lightly, kissing your temple and pulling you closer, both of you exhausted, falling asleep almost immediately wrapped in each other's arms.

#peter parker #spiderman #smut #peter x reader #peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #peter parker smut #spiderman smut #marvel #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction #marvel smut #tom holland

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selfignitingimagines · 7 years

Text

Stiles- Maybe We Could Both Benefit

Request- could you write a stiles one where you guys get caught for doing something the other did so y/n egged someone's house but stiles gets caught for it bc they were running in opposite directions and ran into the direction of the other's "crime scene"? the ending can be up to you! thanksss :))

A/N- Promised this one forever ago, but work has been killing me and I’m writer-blocked trash.

Your sneakers pounded on the concrete as you raced across the sidewalk, glancing over your shoulder every few seconds. The streetlights above you cast a glow over your dark hoodie, and although you were terrified of being caught, the exhilaration you felt was like a drug racing through your veins. Maybe it was a little immature to be egging your ex-boyfriend’s car, but what else were you going to do about the fact that he had cheated on you? Yes, you were vengeful, and you had to admit that clouded your judgement. But when you stopped at the grocery store earlier that day to pick up ice-cream to mend your heartache, you saw the eggs through those glass freezer doors, and they were just too tempting to resist. You had been so caught up in the thrill that when you smashed half the carton of eggs against his windshield, you didn’t realize his dad had been taking the trash out. By the time you noticed him, the damage was already done, leaving you with no other option than to run, still carrying the half-empty egg carton. You ran down the street as he yelled out to you, and you turned the corner with the threat of the police being called hanging over your head. Luckily you had your hoodie on, so he didn’t recognize you, but your relief quickly ended when you saw the cop car turning around the corner. What the hell? you thought. There was no way he could have called the police that quickly, but even though you were confused, you weren’t going to risk being seen in case they weren’t headed toward a different call. You quickly ducked behind some azalea bushes, and sank into the dirt, hoping that your dark hoodie would provide enough cover. Twigs stabbed you through the fabric as you shifted against the bush, but you weren’t going to move until you were sure they were gone. You waited for a few seconds, until you heard the tires of the car rolling past you. It seemed to take forever to pass, but you were able to glimpse it going steadily up the road. You calmed down a little bit as you told yourself that they might not have even gotten a call. You glanced up the road and saw that they were far enough away now that they wouldn’t see you unless they looked back, so you slipped out of the bushes. As soon as you did, something hard and big slammed right into you, causing you to slam to the sidewalk on your back. “Shit!” you heard a voice cry. You blinked in the little bit of the light the streetlamp provided and sat up, but when you reached out to pat yourself and make sure you were okay, your hands came away sticky, wet, and red. “What the hell?” You glanced up at whoever had slammed into you, and the first thing you saw was their yolk-covered hoodie. It was then that you realized the egg carton was no longer in your hands, and the ones you hadn’t gotten a chance to throw were all over this guy’s clothes. You weren’t too torn up about it though, because he had a can of paint and a wet brush in his hands, and you were guessing that was what was all over you. “Dude!” you cried. “I am so sorry,” the guy breathed. “But, uh...it looks like you got me too.” Your lips twitched. “Yeah. My bad.” It was hard to tell in the dark, but you could see he had kind brown eyes, and hair cropped close to his scalp. If it wasn’t a trick of the light, he might have had some moles dotting his face too. “Egging someone’s house?” he asked, gesturing to the broken carton. “Car,” you corrected. “My boyfriend cheated on me.” He nodded in appreciation. “Respect. It’s a little old school, but totally retro.” “What about you?” you questioned. “Is this...red paint?” “Yeah,” he admitted. “It’s all washable though, so don’t worry about your hoodie...you know Jackson Whittemore?” You snorted. “Who doesn’t?” The guy’s lips tilted up. “Yeah, so, he said some really shitty things to my friend Scott on the lacrosse field today, so I wrote ‘asshole’ on his porsche with this.” “No way,” you said with a grin. “Only problem was, Jackson likes to take late-night walks, and he came home and saw me.” “Did he see your face?” you demanded. He shook his head. “Nah. I don’t think it’d matter if he did. I doubt he even knows I exist.” “Maybe that’s a good thing.” The blare of a siren suddenly hit your ears, and you whipped your head around the find the same cop car from before driving toward you. You guessed they had looped back around, and you cursed yourself for not considering that as a possibility. “Oh shit,” Stiles said, tossing the paint-can and brush into the bushes. “Should we run?” you demanded. He sighed. “No, they’d just catch us.” “I saw them pass by before, but why are they back?!” “There’s a cul-de-sac at the end of this road,” he told you glumly. The car whooped as it pulled to a stop beside you, and you glanced down at the red paint covering your hoodie. The other guy wasn’t much better, considering his shirt was sticky with yolk and there were eggshells on his jeans. Yeah, you definitely looked guilty. The slam of the door caused you to jump, and you stood there nervously as an officer stepped out of the car. “Hey, Parrish,” the boy next to you said, scratching the back of his neck. You shot him a wide-eyed glance, but he paid no attention to you as the young deputy walked over with his arms cross. “Egging a car, Stiles?” You swallowed, but Stiles just met your eyes and straightened up. “Well, not exa-” “Not your best,” the deputy commented. “I’m still gonna have to radio your dad, though.” Behind him, the passenger door opened and another officer stepped out, this time a woman. She had dark hair twisted back into a braid, and as she eyed you carefully, you saw that her nametag read Clark. “I think we found the vandal.” “Two vandals,” Parrish corrected. “Stiles?” Deputy Clark asked. “You were egging someone’s car?” “I’ve been told it’s not my best.” She sighed. “And this is the one who got Whittemore’s porsche?” “Well, she is covered in paint,” Parrish remarked. “Brilliant deduction work guys,” Stiles remarked dryly. “Actually, though-” “Yes!” you blurted. “It was me. I painted over the car.” Stiles’ head whipped toward you, wondering why you would be covering for him. He had only just run into you on the street, and splashing paint on a porsche was definitely worse than egging a Toyota. He didn’t have time to ask you, but you didn’t think you could have given him a solid answer even if he had. You didn’t quite know yourself why you had covered for him, just that you really liked him. “Alright guys,” Parrish announced. “Get in the car. We’re going to the station.” “Aw, Parrish, come on,” Stiles groaned. “Stiles, you can’t get away with everything just because your dad’s the Sheriff.” The guy huffed, and ran a hand over his short hair. “Yeah, yeah. Story of my life.” Parrish walked over to the car and held the door for you. At least he’s chivalrous, you thought, as you slid into the backseat. Stiles followed after you, and Clarke and Parrish got back into the car and pulled on their seatbelts. “Your dad’s the Sheriff?” you muttered to him, once the car pulled away from the curb. “Hey,” he said, shooting you an offended look. “I’m not a nark if that’s what you’re thinking. And apparently you aren’t either.” You sighed. “Jackson would flay you alive if he knew it was you. You’re the Sheriff’s son. Mr. Whittemore would have a field day with that.” Stiles pursed his lips. “True...but if you take the fall for me, I’m gonna owe you.” “Oh yeah? Owe me what?” “Maybe...maybe a date?” You began to grin. “Wouldn’t that be me helping you out?” “Well, yeah. But I think I’m a pretty cool dude, and you seem like a pretty cool girl, so, uh, maybe we could both benefit from that?” You smiled and leaned back into the seat. “Sure, Stiles.” He beamed. “Awesome. That’s...awesome. And, uh, by the way, what’s your name?” “Y/n,” you told him. “Y/n,” he repeated. “Alright then, Y/n, how much do you wanna bet that I can get Parrish to turn the lights and sirens on?” “No,” came the firm reply from the front seat. “Aw, come on. You know you want to!” You sighed in content as you listened to them bicker back and forth. Maybe you should have been freaking over the fact that you were in the back of a police car, but somehow, it didn’t seem so bad. The night had started out with heartbreak and bitterness, and you hadn’t thought that would go away anytime soon. Now, sitting beside Stiles as you rode through the darkness, it seemed to be ending with the promise of a new beginning.

#teen wolf #teen wolf imagines #selfignitingimagines #stiles stilinski imagines

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vainenpoika · 5 years

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attempted fic the first

I don't own anything belonging to J.K.Rowling and associates thereof. I also have no idea what I'm doing, and may yet regret making this available to the public.

in which the longbottoms and potters Go Way Back (read: fealty oath going back literal centuries), and so madam augusta is Immensely Narked Off when dumbledore dares to place harry with someone else and won't even arrange for playdates. clearly the only acceptable response is to raise neville on stories of potter/longbottom comradelyness and send him off to hogwarts with strict orders to invite harry over at the earliest opportunity. so when they meet on the train, neville recognizes him straight away but respects his decision to not use his last name for now - maybe he wants to make an especially dramatic entrance, that's almost traditional for pureblood heirs anyway. heavens know malfoy will be trying something similar, though plainly his discretion is not nearly up to the same standards. really, barging in like that and insulting everyone, has the boy no tact? what has his mother been teaching him? neville hardcore channels his grandmother to gratifying effect. malfoy makes himself scarce. having thus boosted his confidence, neville is actually almost expecting gryffindor, only to find himself in hufflepuff after all (the sorting hat approved of his loyalty). harry remembers what malfoy said about hufflepuff and duffers, but he also remembers neville making a right fool of him on the train, and asks the hat to put him with the badgers; the hat sees a kid following a friend and allows it. hermione was already sorted gryffindor, we'll see how that goes for her. ron weasley winds up in ravenclaw, shocking most everyone but especially his brothers. malfoy stays in slytherin. i'm sure there are other people we care about, they remain canonical until further notice.

wait, what? i thought you just didn't like formalities, i never would have thought - this is an actual problem. well. you may wish to sit down for this. comfortable? right. well, i have good and bad news for you. good news: congratulations, you're a lord! that means you get respect, extra priveliges, and even a certain amount of governmental power. bad news: i regret to inform you that you are a lord. that means you have responsibilities, and you havent been taught how to handle them. worse news: you are the last of your line, which means that i have no idea who, if anyone, has been acting as your regent. this is worrisome, especially considering it should have been their job to keep you informed and prepared. chances are that you do have one, owing to the fact that the economy has yet to outright collapse, but that they don't even close to have your interests at heart. with me so far? i think so? good, because i really don't know how i could have made it simpler. now, our families have been friends for a rather long time, meaning that i am honor-bound to aid you in times of need. this qualifies, though i don't expect you to take my word for it. why wouldn’t i? you've known me for one whole week, i could be out to steal your fortune for all you know, i would be remiss in my duty if i allowed you to trust me on one week's acquaintance so just let me do the honorable will you? and find yourself outside sources as well, i shan't have you learning all of this from one probably biased source! this is really important to you, huh. ... yes. on which note, lesson one: honor is important, not just for you personally but for your house. minor infractions might be forgiven but never forgotten; major infractions and you end up like the malfoys. huh? lord malfoy broke his oath to the king of france once a couple of centuries back, and his children had to sell everything and move to england before anyone would trust them with literally anything. they still bear the shame of it even now, and it's only in the past couple of generations that they started regaining some of the honor they might have had. you do not want to do that to your descendants. um. yeah. how do i not do that? simple version: do not break your given word. if you anticipate any difficulty keeping a promise, then do not make the promise. your family's oaths and alliances are something you should definitely look into, and soon, but there's also a decade's worth of general knowledge that you're missing, and some of that is urgent. family magic and honor are tied to each other, but i have no idea how sensitive to that kind of thing you may be, so if you happen to get a really bad feeling about a particular course of action, i'd look into it very closely before making a move. oookay? is that something that's likely to happen? it varies from person to person. don't worry about it unless it happens, just don't discount it out of hand if it does. okay, i guess. so wait, if you have to help me out, does that mean i should be doing stuff for you too? if i go to war, you would have to go with me, i think, and you can't try to cause me serious harm outside of extenuating circumstances, but that's not likely to come up very soon. again, this is the kind of thing you shouldn't just take on faith, so do your own research when you get the chance. alright? ... yeah. this is kind of a lot to take in, though. fair. i can't think of anything that really can't wait, so we could pick this up again tomorrow? um, okay. and, er, thanks. yeah. want to work on the herbology essay?

it's actually ron who ends up crying in a bathroom on halloween, and neville is the one who notices. harry's still the one to insist on going after him, though. when they get to the bathroom, they find ron behind a makeshift barricade that's holding up pretty well, actually, looks like he managed to magically reinforce it, but his wand is in splinters on the floor. harry jumps on the troll's back, then neville uses a chunk of stone to break its skull. ron is fucking traumatized, but also rather grateful. when the professors show up, ron is like, 'i was just taking a leak, prof', to which mcgonagall replies that this is a girl's loo, weasley, try again. (it's myrtle's loo, to be precise. this may become relevant. don't ask me how the troll got there tho) when it's all settled, the hufflepuff duo get a shitton of points and a lecture; ravenclaw in general gets an antibullying seminar and a lot more supervision, which will come in handy when luna shows up next year. ron gets a new wand, paid for out of the bullies' pocket money, and some new friends. in gryffindor, alone among jocks, hermione granger feels rather melancholy. not to worry, though, pretty soon she'll be playing chess and studying with ron in the library. it will be a longstanding joke in their year that the hat accidentally put hermione in ron's place and was too embarrassed to correct itself when he showed up.

so. what now? i figured we might start by answering any questions you've come up with? um, ok. i have a list, actually. good thought. right. so, ah, you mentioned a regent? yes, that is one of my own more urgent questions. whoever they are, they certainly haven't been doing their duty by you. so how would i find out who it is? hm. do you know who your solicitor is? ... i have a solicitor? okay, i should have expected that response. the answer is probably, unless your regent is actively sabotaging your house. i'd suggest writing to gringotts and seeing who they have on file. if anyone knows what's going on with your estate, the solicitor should. if not, get a new one and have them find out soonest. right. ok, write to gringotts, then write to solicitor if available, and if they can't help then find someone who will. got it. ... are you actually taking notes on this? well, yes? i mean, you're taking the time to teach me what i should have already known, the least i can do is pay attention and learn quickly, right? that... you bring honor to your house. okay, i haven't gotten that far in my reading. what precisely does that mean, and how should i be responding?

malfoy eventually works up the nerve to apologize to harry for getting off on the wrong foot (as they've both been avoiding further antagonism) and offer an invitation to his house for the holidays, to which harry looks shifty until neville steps up and says he's already got a prior engagement, thanks, but perhaps malfoy would be up for attending the longbottom's annual yule ball? and malfoy is a bit embarrassed because yeah he should've guessed the longbottoms would've claimed first dibs on the potter, but that's a bit overshadowed by being the first malfoy invited to longbottom manor in a longass time. like, pre-immigration-to-the-isles ass time. he accepts with alacrity and runs off to write his mother. (harry asks if neville really meant it and is nearly smothered in the hug that follows. the latest longbottom is quickly coming to the conclusion that the potter needs all the hugs he can get)

wait, so when you said that 'our houses are friends', did you actually mean something more along the lines of 'your house pays fealty to mine'? because that is what i am seeing here. are you just now looking that up?! peace! i thought it was the usual mutual aid alliance. i started with the more recent records, but they just say that of course our houses always act together, what more do you expect from longbottoms and potters? i've only just now gotten far enough back to figure out how we got that way, is all. fair. yes, your ancestors did swear to mine. standard oath for that period, protection for service and mutual good faith. it doesn't really come up in daily life, just when one or the other of us gets into some sort of trouble. i'll get you a look at our family chronicles over holiday, if you like? cool. but, er, it says something about renewal of oaths? not until i'm confident you know exactly what you're doing. you've enough people trying to take advantage of you, i'll not add to that list. bit difficult to take appropriate revenge on myself, you see. well. i wouldn't want to make trouble, i suppose. so remind me what devil's snare has to do with purple sponge mold again? they're symbiotic, see; the snare needs the dark to survive, while the mold grows faster when watered with blood...

so hufflepuff house in general is more-or-less rule-abiding, but they are still teenagers and dumbledore's little speech about the third floor and death is a fucking challenge. they held a whole house meeting about it and set up their own rules, 'nobody below third year' and 'this shouldn't need saying but Share Your Findings!', and 'anyone who disobeys will be turned in to the professors, yes, bartely, that means prefects too'. because they know the younger years will unionize if they aren't included in some way, they're mapping it out on one of the walls, having bribed the weasley twins to come up with ink the professors couldn't see. by the end of the year and quirrel's little game, hufflepuff house has it pretty much figured out - the whole thing is a trap, designed to match an intruder's skill level and let them in, with just enough trouble to dispel suspicion, but not out. luckily for hufflepuff, it's designed for a single intruder, not a group. only the potions challenge seems to have taken that into account, such that if you aren't prepared only one person can get past at all. but they have most of the permutations mapped, and when harry's little squad realizes what's up, it's a hufflepuff prefect they go to. they end up making extra barriers around the area, spirit wards as well as physical - turns out ron is Real Good at Walls these days - rather than going in after, but we still get a nice dramatic scene - maybe harry helped cast one of the wards and he uses that link? maybe it's in a dream the next night? - and quirrel is still thoroughly gone.

everyone passes their exams, more or less, and then it's time to negotiate living arrangements. harry, being now old enough to have some say in the matter, uses that fealty oath to be like 'actually neville is the boss of me, headmaster, not you, and neville's gran is the boss of him, so i'll be staying with her for the holidays kthxbai', at which point dumbledore is forced to disclose the whole blood ward business rather ahead of schedule, to which madam augusta is Even More Narked, but that's when neville steps up and asks if the wards are bound to the house or to the family, because if it's the house then he's going with harry and if it's the family then they're all coming with him, so there. nobody is quite sure how to explain to the Young Longbottom that the dursleys are grown adults with no obligation to listen to him, not least because technically he will someday outrank everybody present and has no obligation to listen to any of them, but dumbledore admits that it is the house actually, so he gets to go negotiate the dursleys into letting yet another preteen cohabitate with them. in the background somewhere, ron and hermione have made arrangements to spend a week or two at each others' houses. it'll be fun. harry promises to write malfoy over the summer, having graduated to awkward-but-vaguely-friendly acquaintances. we'll see how that goes.

ron has a Supremely Awkward summer at home with his gryffindor family, and finds himself ducking into percy's room more than once for a bit of peace and quiet (percy tolerates this in exchange for a good word in penelope's ear) and avoiding the twins wherever possible. he has a great time at hermione's though, picks up a few words of french, and arthur at least enjoys hermione's return visit. they quietly agree that most future summer visits should be at her house.

#harry potter #neville longbottom #wizarding lords #phonefic #help i don't know what i'm doing #fuck jk rowling

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theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin · 3 years

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Any opinions on Remus Lupin? I just can't seem to find anything about him in your archive.

Just so you know, I wasn’t really avoiding this ask, it’s more that whenever anyone asks me about a character like this I have to prepare to have a good chunk of time free. Rants take time, you know.

But yes, there are now a number of asks about Remus Lupin and so the people have spoken and I am prepared to answer.

Remus Lupin’s life is a dumpster fire of pain and suffering culminating in him dying in pain and suffering nearly dooming his son Teddy to lead a life of pain and suffering and I can’t believe Remus agreed to have a kid knowing he’d probably pass on lycanthropy. Well, a lot of his decisions towards the end of the series become eyebrow raisingly questionable, but we’ll get into that.

I guess something I should probably address, since I see a lot of fics gloss over it or just never realize it, is that being a werewolf is akin to having leprosy. Whether it’s good or bad I won’t get into, personally I think turning into a blood thirty/uncontrollable wolf that will potentially eat a village probably isn’t a good thing and wizards are right to be at least wary, but it’s important to look at how he’s treated by society.

Lupin is given an opportunity the vast majority in his position are not and is allowed to attend Hogwarts. Dumbledore took a huge risk with this, had anyone found out (had Snape narked), I imagine the board of directors would have immediately sacked him. As this was the age before wolf’s bane (in which Lupin could have taken a potion and simply been ill for a few nights rather than turn into a werewolf), Dumbledore was actively endangering the lives of all the other students by giving Lupin admission. In fact, one student nearly gets eaten/infected. So, Lupin gets very very very lucky that Dumbledore took that risk for him, that Snape was silenced but not killed, and that he only ever had that close call with Snape.

However, on graduation his luck ends. Due to his disease, Lupin is not able to be employed anywhere and when we catch up to him in canon gives strong signs of being homeless. He seems incredibly worn down by life, aged far beyond his yeas (the guy’s gray at thirty something), and is resigned but not shocked when he’s fired from Hogwarts after having nearly eaten three students because he forgot to take his medicine.

But let’s take a side tour to Lupin’s shitty friends. My god, I’ve gone over James and Sirius before, but they are the world’s shittiest friends to everyone but each other. Lupin screams something like the charity friend for these guys, they’re friends with Lupin because it makes them feel generous and cool to be friends with a werewolf. The Animagus thing to keep him company, while cool and requiring a lot of hard work, feels like a weird gimmick if you take ten steps back. They turn into animals so that they can run around with their werewolf friend at night and keep him company? That’s great and all, guys, but it doesn’t exactly make Lupin’s life better.

More damning, everything they seem to do with Lupin is to remind him he has this horrible incurable disease that will see him dead in a gutter. Lupin is Moony to his friends, because he’s a werewolf, har har. I can’t quite recall but I do think there were offhand canon mentions that James and Sirius made a lot of jibes/good natured jokes about Lupin being a werewolf. Lupin is the werewolf friend.

And then we get to Sirius and what he did to Lupin. Sirius, as the world’s worst joke that belongs in a Stephen King novel, actively goads Snape into stumbling on Lupin on the night of a full moon nearly getting him mauled and making Lupin a murderer. This, more than anything else, highlights to me that Sirius never really cared about Lupin. Lupin’s condition, Lupin himself, is reduced to a tool Sirius can use to get what he wants (humiliating and or murdering Severus Snape). Lupin realizes this and the next day I’m sure Sirius and James are going, “Come on, Lupin, it was funny! And it was Snape! It was Snape and funny!” Never mind that Lupin probably would have been executed or else sent to a penal colony had Snape died or been infected. Sirius nearly destroys Lupin’s life, makes him a murderer, for a giggle.

I don’t think Lupin ever really gets over that.

We see in canon that, at least by Harry’s third year, he has no doubt in his mind that Sirius betrayed Lily and James. Fics often make a gradiose show of Lupin having to apologize for doubting Sirius, BUT WHY SHOULD HE?! Given what Sirius did to Lupin with Snape, given Sirius’ complete lack of empathy afterwards, if I was Lupin and this horrible thing had happened with Lily and James I might be surprised but in retrospect I’d go “Yeah, there were signs”. Of course, this makes things a little awkward when Sirius turned out to be innocent, but I hardly blame Lupin for believing it was Sirius.

Which gets me into Sirius/Remus, Wolfstar, or whatever terrible thing we’re calling it today. I get that fandom loves to warp Remus and Sirius into Harry’s cool uncles (guys, neither of them were this, I’ve been over Sirius but I’ll get to Remus) but it’d be the most toxic mess I’ve ever heard of. Given their history, given the pit of depression Remus is in in canon, given the sheer crazy of Sirius when he gets out of Azkaban: it’d be a cesspit of terribleness of Nabokovian levels.

Right, yes, so why Remus isn’t Harry’s cool uncle: Remus has no interest in being Harry’s cool uncle. If you go back and actually read “Prisoner of Azkaban”, rather than watch the film, Lupin is very very very hands off with Harry. Harry asks if Remus knew Sirius Black/his parents and Lupin gives a very vague non-committal response, Harry goes to Lupin and asks to be taught the patronus and Lupin agrees to give one very brief lesson, Harry’s the one who seeks out extra attention and rather than Remus. In other words, had it been up to Remus he would have been in and out of Hogwarts without Harry any the wiser. After the reveal, similarly, Remus never really reaches out. He’s always a much more distant figure than Sirius in Harry’s life, never really contacts him the way Sirius does despite not being on the run, and shows up awkwardly to one Christmas at the burrow. He’s not family to Harry, Harry stretches the definition to make him fit, but he’s not really interested in the role.

Instead he marries Tonks in what I can only describe as a complete descent into despair. Yes, feel free to throw stones at me, but guys. He marries this barely legal girl he barely knows, during most of that time period he gets to know her he’s off on the world’s worst mission trying to convince werewolves that the ministry/Dumbledore are great (needless to say, they’re not impressed). He marries her, she gets pregnant within the year while Voldemort takes over the country, and then they both die leaving their likely werewolf son an orphan. As it is, Lupin even starts panicking, realizing that he’s damned his son to a miserable life and that he’s married this girl he barely knows (and Harry, wise and empathetic man of the year, calls Remus a coward for fearing as much. Ah Harry, never change.) Teddy does get lucky in that he doesn’t apparently become a werewolf, though he is still discriminated against because his father is a known one. Lucky you, Teddy, dodged a bullet.

So yeah, that’s Lupin’s miserable life. What a dumpster fire, you poor, miserable, man.

#ask #anon #headcanons #harry potter #remus lupin #remus lupin's life is an endless pit of misery that ends in pointless death and the guarantee of his son's future misery #he's stuck with the marauders as friends because no one else would be friends with him and then they take constant advantage of him #what a life

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