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holycatsandrabbits · 4 years

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Give Me A Kiss

Released as part of the #Great Good Omens Snake-Off event!

ficlet by @holycatsandrabbits (Dannye Chase) based on a comic by @hayamiyuu

*comic reposted with permission*

Crowley learned that Aziraphale was comfortable with snakes in Crete around 3000 BC. Crowley had been fleeing from something—probably some mob of humans he’d played a trick on. He’d taken his serpentine shape to hide, turning himself small and dark and slithering beneath some stones in a field. It was cold, and the meager autumn grass didn’t offer much protection, but that had seemed the least of all evils at that point. Eventually, he’d become cold enough that he drifted off to sleep. Which was rather a dangerous thing for a snake to do, but again—a lesser evil.

When Crowley woke up, though, he was warm. No scratchy grass surrounded him, no dry dirt. He was somewhere with a heat source, somewhere soft. He opened his eyes to realize that he was curled up in the lap of an angel, who looked delighted to see him awake.

“You missed our lunch date,” Aziraphale said, with obviously false reproach, his blue eyes sparkling sharply as only an angel’s could.

“Sssssorry,” Crowley managed to say.

“Oh, no matter, dear. I was able to track you down. You know, I don’t think I’ve seen you as a serpent since Eden. It’s quite becoming.”

It took a lot of determination, but Crowley slithered off the warm angel’s lap and back onto the cold ground.

Aziraphale’s smile faded. “Oh,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry, I’ve upset you.”

Aziraphale got to his feet. He towered over Crowley like this, and Crowley felt almost claustrophobic. He stretched himself back into human form, the right size, right temperature, right face. He shrugged, and they said no more about it.

But he never forgot what it felt like to wake up feeling so warm and—and safe. It was a harsh thing to realize that he could trust an angel.

oOo

Crowley discovered that Aziraphale was comfortable with giant serpents in 1038 AD in Cappadocia. Hell had ordered Crowley to hang about in a cave, menacing the population of a nearby town, collecting treasure and making some sort of legend of himself. Crowley had thought that sounded like quite a nice assignment for once. Of course, Hell had failed to mention that the presence of an enormous serpent-monster in a cave would attract knights with swords. That part was not fun.

The first few knights ran away at the sight of Crowley, and so he’d relaxed a little. Then had come a braver man who’d held a blessed weapon. When he got past Crowley’s defenses and stabbed him, Crowley had nearly passed out from the pain. He managed to win the fight, sending the knight fleeing for his life, but Crowley wasn’t sure how long it would be until he came back, with more men and more swords forged with priestly aid.

Crowley needed to leave. The problem was, he was too injured to change form, and he could hardly crawl about the countryside hoping no one would notice a dragon. So he’d blocked off the entrance to the cave as best he could and tried to sleep enough to heal.

He woke later to a sharply cold sensation and the sound of someone humming a hymn. He knew who it was without looking. “Angel,” he growled.

Aziraphale stepped into view around one of Crowley’s enormous black coils, looking a little more dusty than he usually did. “Oh, you’re awake,” he said, in an ordinary tone, quite as if he were talking to a person and not a giant snake. “I’m sorry, I had hoped you’d sleep through the healing. It can’t be pleasant.”

Crowley wanted to hiss at him, but in this form he feared he’d terrorize the angel. He pulled in on himself, groaning in pain.

Aziraphale gave him an admonishing look. “I’ve been here a week, my dear. If I was frightened of you like this, I’d have left by now.”

“A week?”

“And without my magic cloaking this cave, you’d have had other visitors by now. So you can be self-conscious later. Right now, you’ve got to let me heal you.” Aziraphale bustled away out of sight again behind a serpentine coil, but he kept chattering. “Bloody irresponsible of you to do this, you know. Become a dragon, fight knights. We just set up our Agreement, and now you’re risking it all without a thought for me. What am I going to do if you get discorporated? I don’t want Hastur or Ligur as an adversary. Disgusting, the both of them.” His voice fell low. “And if someone comes back with another holy weapon, you could be destroyed completely, so—”

“Ssssssorry,” Crowley said, and the sound filled the cave, making it uncomfortably loud.

Aziraphale popped up again, completely unimpressed. “I should say so. Now, hold still, I don’t fancy being knocked about by your tail.”

The healing took another two weeks, during which Crowley mostly slept. Aziraphale didn’t normally sleep, but the work seemed to take a lot out of him. Once Crowley woke up to the startling sight of an angel curled up for a nap with an enormous demonic serpent, tucked among his coils like a little white mouse. As if prey had found itself protected by its predator.

Apparently Aziraphale trusted Crowley as well. This was not good news. In fact, this was really going to put a cramp into the whole falling-out-of-love-with-Aziraphale plan that Crowley had been working on for the last thousand years.

oOo

It took a lot longer for Crowley to discover that he was comfortable being a snake around Aziraphale.

After the Abotchalypse, when Crowley was free to visit the bookshop as often as he pleased, he found that it was quite fun to lurk among the books as a small snake, scaring away customers (and startling an angel, if he could manage it). One day, Aziraphale made an exasperated noise and shooed him out of the Yeats section and onto a sunny windowsill. Crowley found that it was actually quite pleasant there, even if it was out in the open, and still a great place from which to menace potential customers.

The point of being a snake in the bookshop, Crowley had told himself, was just that it was an age-old instinct to avoid making it obvious that he and Aziraphale were friends. If Gabriel came through the door, Crowley could easily hide. The problem with that was, if Gabriel made one false move toward Aziraphale it was very likely that he’d be met by a giant serpent who definitely was not attempting to be inconspicuous.

The truth was that Crowley still just wasn’t sure how Aziraphale loved him. He knew that Aziraphale did love him. Aziraphale had said so, and looking back, he’d certainly acted like he had for millennia. But Crowley was a demon. Could an angel really love a demon? Could he love someone who didn’t even have a human face?

One night Aziraphale was sitting on the couch by the fire, reading a book with those ridiculous little glasses on his face, and he was simply the most adorable, impossible, beautiful thing Crowley had ever seen. So Crowley, in snake form, slithered down off of a chair and crawled into Aziraphale’s lap.

Aziraphale gave him an absent-minded caress, still reading. Crowley lifted his head up over the top of Aziraphale’s book, getting in the way. They sat there a moment, human and snake, angel and demon. Aziraphale didn’t recoil or pull back. He never had. He just smiled a little, looking patient. Crowley kissed him.

It was a wonderful thing to be a demonic snake who was trusted and loved in all of his forms. But, Crowley discovered, after having given Aziraphale a small snakey kiss, that it really was much nicer to kiss an angel if you had hands to hold him with.

HolyCatsAndRabbits (Dannye Chase) on Ao3. Fic Commissions for OC’s open!

@summerofspock thank you so much for organizing this event!!

#GGOSO #Great Good Omens Snake-Off #Dannye writes #art-fic collab #ineffable husbands

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cruecifymesixx · 4 years

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Love and Leather /part Sixxty Nine/

Word Count: 5.8k

A/N: meet snakey sixx everyone! enjoy! feedback is always appreciated

Warnings: light smut, language, nikki being sketchy

Taglist: @brideofdraculana , @xstarryeyesx , @aryssav , @miserablecunt , @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol , @fandomshit6000, @anntheboneless, @justjodeye, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @awesomealmostdopestudent, @romanticvengeance , @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @rockersbox, @brooklyn-antiques, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @lilytalebi, @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream, @lunamadhatter99, @broke-n-bitchy, , @thanks2pete, @slowandangry, @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @motherloovebone, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001, @wheresmyvodkabitch, @waywardprincess666, @iluvmesomemarvelndc @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @primal-screamer@electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @miss2001babe, @nassauartist @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120 @xrosegoldwolfx, @lauravic, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe, @kellysimagines @thoughtsoftheantagonist @marvelismylifffe, @sleepyjunhong @lovemythsworld @meetthesixxter @sparxx27 @gingerspicetalks @kaitieskidmore1 @unknownoblivion @siliwanoel @nevergoodenuffbutokaaayyy @sublimeprincesswasteland @kylieinwonderland @haileynicoleseavey17 @lavendersoundbarrier @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor, @duffshairdye, @xpoisonousrosesx, @m0rnlngstar, @cranberrirolls, @oskea93, @love-struck-aries, @idumpyourgrass, @minxtruck, @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @cruesixxlover1991, @arianareirg, @fentitrbl, @dogmom2014, @sinningsixx, @motleycrueprincess, @zoenicoles, @marvelismylifffe

We rolled around black satin sheets, gasping for air with lips ghosting over one another as Nikki hooked my leg around his waist. Nikki wrapped fingers into my hair, pulling my head back as he kissed my neck with heavy breaths brushing my skin. French tips scraped up his back, engraving crescent moons into his shoulder blades. Nikki’s panting and moaning was prolonged as the pace of his thrusts became erratic before a deep groan tumbled off his lips and onto mine.

“If you came home you could get fucked like this whenever you wanted.”

I wiped sweat from my brow, staring up at the ceiling as light kisses swept over my chest. When they tried meeting my lips, I tilted my head to the side, “I have to go get Ari from school.” I unraveled my legs from his hips as he sighed and rolled off of me, holding his junk in his hands as he went to the bathroom, displaying bratty behavior as he slammed the door.

I picked up my panties from the floor, well what was left of the tattered shreds. I tossed them in trash can before grabbing my jeans and sliding them on. I threw a sweater over my shoulders, being content of finally not having to deal with the uncomfortable and itchy sling wrapped around me.

My shower started running, taking the hint that he didn’t want to go with me. He’s been pressing the whole ‘come back to California so we can be a family thing’ for the past week and a half now, but he’s persistent and he won’t stop until he gets what he wants.

*Nikki’s POV*

I heard the front door shut, rolling my eyes as the hot water ran over me. I know my remarks are coming off as brash, but she won’t even bother to have the conversation of moving back with me. She just brushes it off or completely ignores me. We spend most of our time in her bed when Arianna is at school, I’m not complaining about it, it’s one of my favorite pastime, being able to get between her legs. Always has been. But I need more from her. Hell, we haven’t even talked about us being together yet.

Was I rushing her? Possibly, but we’ve already wasted so much time in the last few years of her being gone. So was I really in the wrong for wanting her back home? Where she belongs? To be with me so all three of us can be a family? Why is that such a bad thing to want? She should want that too.

I turned the water off, stepping out as I wrapped a towel around my waist loosely as I walked out into her bedroom. I fixed the blankets and pillow on the bed. I went into her closet eyeballing shopping bags that were in the corner as I dug through my suitcase, opting to wear sweats and a black shirt. I organized my suitcase after, shoving clothes back inside before pushing it against the wall and out of her since she was already complaining she tripped over it. I stood in the middle of her closet looking at all the dresses, some were new and some were old with very fond memories attached to them, others were a bit hazy.

I noticed a small box on the upper shelf that had ‘N.Sixx’ written on it. I stepped out of the closet, trying to hear if there was any signs of her returning with Arianna. I closed the closet door before grabbing the box and sitting down the floor with it. I furrowed my eyebrows, clothes I haven’t seen in years. An old black scarf with red skulls, an old baseball cap, a white and grey and ripped up T-Rex shirt. I wonder when Sage and Greyson came to get her stuff they accidentally mixed some of my things in with hers. I pulled out all the garments seeing all five of the albums on vinyl. I’m assuming she didn’t get the ‘Decade of Decadence’ album...

I smiled to myself, seeing all the covers were signed by the four of us. There was also a few pictures of Vanity with all us. I couldn’t remember when any of them were taken. My eyebrows furrowed when I saw a matte black shoe box under the albums. I gently grabbed it, seeing that it was deteriorating already. I opened up the lid seeing faded and withered deep red rose petals mixed with dried up yellow and pink ones. She’s into some weird shit.

I dug around in the box seeing a handful of folded up pieces of paper. I took one and flattened it out across my knee, reading my own hand writing:

‘Good morning beautiful, I tried being as quiet as I possibly could. I had to leave early to go to the studio. I should be home around 4pm. Be ready when I get back, I want to take you out to dinner tonight.’

-Nikki

I grabbed another piece of paper:

‘Look at the beauty in her eyes,

A glow that shines like the sunrise.

Her smile opens up the cloudy skies,

Her laughter delights butterflies.’

‘She is a thornless rose without compare,

She is the love my heart will forever endear.’

I shoved that note into the pocket of my sweats, maybe a song could come out of it?

I reached for another note, seeing her name written in blue cursive as it was folded up into a heart:

‘I’m sorry I caused our fight last night. I’m trying my hardest to wean myself off the junk, I didn’t mean the words I said to you. You didn’t deserve it doll. To see those pretty eyes filled with tears, it just rips me to shreds even more than what I already am. If you actually saw this, I didn’t know where to leave it other then on the windshield of your car, come by Tommy’s house later. We’re having a party.’

-Nikki Sixx

There was more bits and pieces of papers folded up, I chose not to read all of them because I got the just of it all. She had kept all the little love notes I’ve left for her over the course of our relationship. My heart swelled when I saw a picture strip of us, probably from the Santa Monica boardwalk. It had to of been before I was sober as my arms weren’t covered in tattoos.

*flashback, 1986*

“Come on. Let’s go in there.” I turned back to look at Vanity, “I want to take pictures.” I smiled, tugging on her hand as I lead her into a photo booth.

“This is so lame, Nikki.” She chuckled a bit as I pulled her straight on to my lap. I grinned, kissing her bare shoulder as I put a dollar into the machine, “Can we get some chili cheese fries afterwards I am- hey! I wasn’t ready!” She cracked up in a fit of laughter as the flashes started going off.

“Pay attention. Or I’ll be the photogenic one. Not like it’s hard or anything.” I joked as she looked at me, another bright flash going off.

“As if, you don’t have the fancy photographers to make you look good right now. Your hairs flat and you look average.” She stuck her tongue out, throwing up the devil horns with one hand as she wrapped her free arm around my shoulder tightly.

“Average? If I was average could I get away with this?” I quickly pulled up the t shirt she was wearing, the flash going off right on time to get a great tit shot even if she was wearing a bra.

“Nikki!!” She squirmed in my lap, smacking my hands away from her shirt before fixing it, “That was a dick move.” She mumbled as I smiled and placed my lips on hers, tasting vanilla chapstick and the sticky sweetness of left over cotton candy.

“I’ll give you a dick move later.” I wiggled my eyebrows as she planted her lips back on mine.

“Sorry, average guys don’t get to do that.” She teased, sliding off my lap and pushing the curtain back to leave the booth.

We both reached for the photo strip at the same time, however I was faster then her as I held it high above her reach. I chuckled before handing it over to her, “Here. You keep it, to remind yourself of all the fun you have with ‘ol average Nikki.”

*end flashback*

I panicked when I heard the front door close, “Shit!” I mumbled as I accidentally dropped the box, spilling the rose petals everywhere. I picked them up gently, not wanting them to crumble in my fingers as I put everything back in the shoe box before placing it back into the other box and then back onto the shelf.

I opened the closet door, gently shutting it as I walked out of Vans bedroom, “Angel! How was school- oh...hey Clementine.” I stared at her as she had a pizza box in her hands before putting them on the counter.

“Uh...Van left to go get Arianna.” I explained as she nodded, “Yeah I know, this is what we do every Friday. I come over with pizza after school and then we hang out.” Clementine replied.

“Oh...uh cool. Thanks for the pizza. I thought you worked in Arianna’s class?” I questioned as I grabbed a slice and went to sit in the living room, kicking my feet up on the coffee table.

“I’m just a teachers assistant. Only work at the school three days a week.” I watched as she put her jacket and purse down before flipping on the tv.

“You seem to be making yourself comfortable here.” Clementine voiced.

I smirked, “Could say the same thing about you.” I took another bite, glancing over at her, “I mean, you being Arianna’s aunt and all. So if you only work three days at the school, how do you pay your bills?”

Clementine narrowed her eyes at me, “My paintings sell, plus babysitting Arianna.”

I nodded as I tossed the crust onto the coffee table, “Oh, I would’ve thought maybe Tommy was paying for your stuff or something.” I shrugged laughing towards myself as I channel surfed.

“Nikki, you know Tommy doesn’t pay for anything.” She defended herself as I chuckled.

“How am I suppose to know that? You think I pay attention when he talks about you?” I shook my head at her statement

"Please you love to find anything on me to use at any chance you get." Clementine spoke in a matter of fact tone. I rolled my eyes and looked over at her.

“Me?” I scoffed, “What have I ever done to you?” I chuckled a bit as I grabbed my water bottle from the table and took a sip.

“Nikki...” She shook her head as she started picking up toys from the living room floor, “Don’t act like you don’t treat me like dirt.”

I smirked, “I treat you like dirt? Huh, maybe you’re just too sensitive.”

“And maybe you’re too much of a dick. Maybe even jealous?” I stared at her as she stood in front of the tv, blocking what I was watching.

“Me a dick? Maybe. I think you missed a toy.” I motioned to a stuffed animal as she picked it up and threw it in a toy bin.

“You take the name asshole too gladly.” She grumbled, “You should be nice considering the fact I’ve been watching you daughter since the day she was born and have been here while she’s grown up while you’re off being blown by Brandi and snorting coke.”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.” Our scowls met each other, “Plus, Vanity has forgiven me and we’re working through it, alright? So back off. I know I’ve already missed a lot. Do you want a thank you for stepping in?”

Clementine shook her head, “No, not from you because it would mean nothing.”

I chuckled a bit, “Thank you Clementine for taking care of my girls, but I got it from here. You aren’t needed.”

“Excuse me?”

I ran my hand over my face, “I mean, I’m here now and I’ve appreciated what you’ve done but you don’t need too anymore. I’m Arianna’s father and I can give her everything she needs and more. Same with Vanity.” My lips tugged into a smirk as I stared at her, “They’re gonna come back home with me, you know what that right?”

Clementine stopped cleaning as she held onto one of Ari’s toys, “Yes, eventually they will.”

I shook my head, “We’ve already discussed it. She’s more than thrilled to come back home.”

I knew I was lying straight threw my fucking teeth. But I also knew Vanity would cave and stop being stubborn and would come back with me. It was just a matter of time. If I could just get Clementine to get Van on the same page as me, it would be a lot smoother.

“You’re lying. She hasn’t mentioned it to me at all. She would tell me something like that.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure about that? From what I understand, She’s scared because she knows how you get. She thinks you’re gonna lash out or something. I don’t blame her, you’ve tried controlling what she does before and she doesn’t do well being held down.”

Clementine stares at me in shocking, noticing the wheels turning in her head, “I-I don’t lash out. If anything I’ve kept Vanity from doing stupid shit and making herself look like an idiot. How I am? Nikki, you’re so full of shit.”

“Am I now? She says you’re overbearing and overly sensitive about everything which I thought she was just being dramatic, but I see it now.”

Clementine shook her head, “She wouldn’t say that about me. We’re best friends, I’m the god mother to her child, your child. She wouldn’t say anything behind my back that she wouldn’t say to my face. You of all people should know that Nikki. What the hell are you even trying to do right now? Get me out of her life?”

I chuckled, exhaling as I got off the couch and went to my jacket that was hanging in a chair, “It’s simple Clemmy. We don’t need you around any longer. But for your wonderful service however...” I grabbed my wallet, pulling out a blank check, “I’m willing to give you X amount of money for you to uh, back off and convince Vanity to go back home.”

I reached for a pen, fiddling with it as I stared at her, “What do you say? Just throw a number out there for me and we’ll call it even.” I smiled as her eyebrows were knit tight.

“Don’t need me? You can’t just fucking pay me off! What the hell is the matter with you!?” She shouted at me as I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose in annoyance.

“Look, Vanity treats you like a rag doll. You’re constantly cleaning up her messes and trying to fix things. I love her to death but she walks all over you and anyone else that waits on her hand and foot. You’re practically her maid.”

Her eyebrows raised in shock, “I’m not her fucking maid. I do what I do for Vanity and Arianna because I love them not because I’m asked too, I do it because I care.”

I rolled my eyes, “Fine, how does fifteen thousand sound?”

“Nikki! No! I’m not doing this.”

“Twenty five thousand?” I smiled a bit when her eyes flickered to the check, remotely considering taking it from me.

“No, I don’t need your money.” She said weakly, eyes never leaving the small piece of paper that laid between my fingers.

“I could obviously throw in a little extra for you to keep your mouth shut. How does fifty grand sound? You could do a lot with that. Pay off some loans, maybe get a better car, maybe a deposit on a new place to live. I’m just trying to ease the blow of you being alone.”

Her gaze met mine, the fact of her being alone finally dawned on her once Vanity and Arianna would leave for California, “I won’t be alone. I have Tommy.”

I laughed, “Tommy? Oh? He hasn’t told you has he?”

Clementines face scrunched up before relaxing to a neutral state, “Told me what, Nikki?”

“Ah, I don’t know. Never mind.” I chuckled a bit, “So is fifty our winning number?” I raised an eyebrow as I brought a inky blue pen down to the paper, “Well, I’ll tell you anyways because you deserve to know, and I’d want to know if I was you.” I explained as I signed my name before blowing on the paper, “You know his divorce with Heather isn’t finalized, right? They haven’t signed papers yet.”

Now, that wasn’t a lie.

I folded up the check and handed it out for her, seeing tears in her eyes, ”Wh-what? He said they were...” she mumbled to herself as I shrugged. I looked towards the door when I heard keys jingle. I quickly put the check in her jacket pocket before patting her arm.

“Oh! Hey Clem! Didn’t think you’d be by today.” Vanity was full of smiles as Arianna ran in front of her and to me.

“Hi sweet pea. How was school?” I picked Arianna up, kissing her cheek as I held her at my side, “Did you know red and blue makes purple and green and yellow makes blue?!” I chuckled as she yelled ecstatically in my face.

“Really? I did not know that! Maybe you’ll have to show me later.” I matched her enthusiasm as she nodded feverishly before wiggling out of my arms and running over to her toys.

“I was just heading out actually...” Clementine spoke at a hushed tone as she started grabbing her jacket and purse.

“Oh...I was gonna order Chinese from our favorite place for dinner later. You sure you have to go? You know you can stay.” Vanity clarified as she smiled at Clem, “I haven’t seen you in a few days...”

I rolled my eyes as Clementine shook her head, “I wouldn’t want to be in the way of Nikki visiting.” I nodded in agreement, stopping when Van looked over at me, “I don’t really feel that well either.”

I snaked my arms around Vanity and pulled her to me as I leaned my chin onto her shoulder, “What? Who cares about Nikki?” Vanity laughed as I ran my finger tips up her sides as she tried pushing my hands off her, “I was gonna order extra pot stickers because I know we always fight over the last one.”

I held her tightly, smiling at Clementine, “If she doesn’t feel good I’m sure she wouldn’t want Arianna to catch whatever she has, isn’t that right Clemmy?” I placed light kisses on the side of Vans neck as she tried pulling away from me.

“He’s right Van....wouldn’t want Arianna to get sick. I’ll call you okay?” Clementine assured as Vanity reluctantly nodded.

“Bye auntie.” Arianna came over and hugged Clem’s legs. She smiled down at her, brushing pieces of hair out of her face, “Don’t let mommy have the last pot sticker.”

“Bye Clementine. Thanks for stopping by.” I spoke, sauntering over to the door as I felt her glare at me. I opened up the door for her as Vanity waved bye to her before she got distracted with Arianna.

“I hope you rot in hell.” Clementine whispered to me as I nodded, pretending to take it into consideration before shutting the door in her face.

By a sparkly gold painted finger, Vanity motioned for me to come to her. I exhaled deeply as she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, finger tips twirling the ends of my hair, “Promise me you didn’t say anything to her.”

I smiled, shaking my head as I ran my knuckle over her cheek bone, “What? Of course not doll, she just wasn’t feeling good. But Chinese for dinner? I’m starving. The pizza she brought was gross.”

Vanity stared up at me, seeming like she was deep in thought, “Are you sure you didn’t say anything? She seemed upset...”

I made an ‘X’ over my heart, “I swear Van. I didn’t say anything. She wanted to stay but then she got sick in the bathroom. She didn’t look to good when she came in. Don’t worry about it babe, I’m sure she’s fine.”

“Yeah, okay. You’re probably right.” She uttered as I pressed my lips to her forehead.

“Usually am, anyways.”

*A few days later, Vanity’s POV*

I walked up the broken up pathway of Clementines cute little duplex. I bent down, picking up the lady bug painted rock Arianna had made for her and grabbing the spare key to let myself in, “Clem! You home?” I called out for her, glancing around at the mess on her small dining table. The smell of old incense rested in the cool air as all the blinds and curtains were closed.

“It’s Van! Uh...I tried calling!”

I heard water from the bathroom running, “I’m home! I’ll be right there!” Clem spoke as I noticed the dark and gloomy paintings that were on an easel drying. I smiled when she came out into her living room. She didn’t look to hot. Baggy sweats and a white shirt that had blue and green paint splatters on it as her vibrant blue hair was up in a bun.

“I’ve been calling and you’ve been ignoring me.”I spoke as I pushed decorative pillows to the side and sat down ion her couch, also moving a empty pizza box out of my way.

“I’ve been busy. What do you want?” Clementine expresses hastily as I titled my head to the side.

“What’s with that attitude?” I brushed it off quickly, “You totally missed our Friday movie night. Arianna was excited for it. I let her pick out the snacks and candies.” I smiled at her as grabbed a half smoked cigarette and lit it.

“You two had Nikki. We’ve had plenty of movie nights together. I’m sure it was fine if I missed one.”

I chuckled, “Nikki doesn’t count. Friday’s have always been our thing.” I motioned between us as she didn’t seem amused with me being here.

Clementine shrugged, “Well it won’t be a thing soon with you moving to California.”

I groaned, “Nikki...” I closed my eyes before I looked back at her, “Clementine, it’s still discussion between him and I. We’re still trying to find a middle ground.”

Fuckin Sixx. I can’t believe him.

“Really? Cause it seems like you’ve already made that choice. Since I’m not needed as much now.” Bitterness lingered off her tongue as she stared at me intently.

I rubbed my lips together, trying to figure out what to say to her, “Clem? I haven’t made any choice yet that’s why I haven’t brought it up to you.” I frowned at the fact that Nikki would even go ahead and start telling people I was coming back regardless of how I felt right now, “Who said you weren’t needed? Because I know it’s not me.”

“Oh, please. I know you want to go back to California. You miss it and you have other friends there. No need to stay for Clem, not that I expect you to stay for just me.” Clementine expressed as I shook my head in frustration.

“Are you not listening to me? I haven’t decided if I want to go back. It’s all Nikki who keeps pushing it. Did I do something wrong?”

She sighed, taking off her glasses and wiping them on her shirt, “I’m thinking logically Vanity. Why wouldn’t you want to go back to Los Angeles, be with Nikki and raise Arianna? You can’t have me at your side forever.”

“I know that…” I mumbled, ripping strings off my jeans as I adverted her gaze, “Still, I was gonna offer if you wanted to move with us if I decided too.”

“Move in? With you and Arianna? And him?”

I nodded, “Of course! I mean, you saw how big the house is when you went to California with Tommy. There would be more than enough room for you and all of your things. Arianna needs her aunt and I need you too.” I spoke softly, that itself wasn’t a lie. It was the truth. If i was gonna end up back in Hollywood, I sure as hell would need her by my side.

She sighed, folding her arms over her sternum, “Nikki wouldn’t let me step foot in his house.”

“Our house.” I corrected her, “That house is just as much mine as it is his. Stop worrying about Nikki, I promise he’s not out to get you.”

“Van, you know he doesn’t like me.” Clementine countered as I rolled my eyes, “He’s never liked me from the start.”

I huffed, “Nikki does like you. He just doesn’t know you that well. But so what if he doesn’t like you? That’s his own problem not anyone else’s. If he wants me back home like he says he does then he’ll just have to deal with it.”

Clementine rolled her eyes, “For once, can you just not defend him? He acts nice for you Vanity, but when you’re not around it’s different. He’s an asshole.”

I snickered, “Clemmy, Nikki is an asshole to everyone including me. Nikki’s an acquired taste.”

“Yeah, well, he’s always talking down and ridiculing me. He uses my relationship with you and Tommy constantly. Like, did you know Tommy’s divorce isn’t finalized?” Clem sulked as she came and sat next to me.

I looked at her, “Well, I mean….T mentioned it a time or two ago…”

“Is it or is it not?” She questioned again, “Because Nikki said that it wasn’t.”

I noticed her cheeks turn pink as tears were starting to form, “Well…they’re still figuring out who gets what. It doesn’t mean anything, Clem. Tommy is in deep with you, you know that.”

“He’s still married, Van. He’s been lying to me. Are they living in the same house? Why wouldn’t he tell me something like that? He’s taking a page out of Nikki’s book.”

I frowned at her words, “Tommy’s just…I don’t know. But no, he’s been renting out a condo while she’s at the house.”

Clementine wiped her eyes, frustratingly tossing her glasses into the side table, “Just still with her on paper. Why hasn’t he signed them? And why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let me get involved with him if you knew he was still married.”

“I’ve been telling him he needs to get them signed. And, I-I just, it wasn’t any of my business and I didn’t think twice about it. He kept saying he was working on it. You know how Tommy feels about you Clem, he isn’t lying about that.”

“I wouldn’t have gotten serious if I knew he was still considered married, Van! I don’t want to be labeled as some home wrecker!” Her shouting took me by surprise as I gawked are her.

“You’re not a slut, Clem! Look, there’s no Hard feelings between them. Heather knows about you already and she’s happy for you two. Tommy’s told me.”

She frowned, looking down at the floor as she rubbed her neck, “She knows?”

“Yeah, she does. Heather is a sweetheart. She doesn’t have one bad bone in her body. But look, I’ll talk to Tommy. I’m sure he’s upset with himself too, okay?”

Clementine shook her head, “Yeah, can’t wait to have him heated over the phone. Just love when he angrily hangs up and then leaves drunk messages.”

“Well, maybe you should think about moving to LA. I’m sure the distance thing is hard. Just consider it okay? I would have a bedroom ready for you and a place for you to work on your art. Just think about it, okay?” I expressed as I reached over and rubbed her arm, “Plus, we’d have so much fun together in California.”

Clementine smiled a bit as she leaned her head on my shoulder, “I know, I know. I’ll think about it.”

I rested my cheek against the top of her head, “Thank you. Now, stop being all gloomy and open up some windows. Smells like a suffering artist in here.” I chuckled as she attempted punched me in the leg lightly.

“Tell Arianna I’ll make up for missing movie night with some ice cream this weekend.” I nodded as she moved away from me.

“I should get back home. I’m sure Nikki’s waiting for me so he can force I love you’s down my throat as well as other things.”

I chuckled when Clementine pretended to gag, “I’ll call you Van.”

I arrived back home, opening the door to see Nikki strumming away at the bass, pausing to write something down before continuing to play, “Ari in bed already?” I asked him as he looked up at me and nodded.

“Bout thirty minutes ago, she hardly fought me this time.” Nikki explained as I put my purse on the table, kicking off my shoes before I walked over to the couch and sat by him.

“How’s Clem feeling?” Nikki chuckles a bit as he strummed a chord. I saw the down played smirk on his lips. I wrapped my hand around the fretboard as he looked up at me, flipping his hair back and out of his face as he did so, “Yes, Princess?”

“Nikki, tell me you didn’t talk shit to Clementine to rile her up.” I questioned him as he looked away from me quickly. I caught his jaw, forcing him to keep eye contact, “Look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t.” I felt the jaw muscles under my palm contract.

“I didn’t.” He paused as he gave me a crooked smile, “I may have mentioned California and she got upset, that was it. I didn’t do it on purpose if that’s what she’s having you believe.” Nikki pulled away from my touch as he put his bass down on the floor.

“Nikki, why would you even mention California to her in the first place? I haven’t even told her!” I shouted quietly, Nikki looking at me through furrowed brows.

“Baby, I thought she knew you were thinking about coming back home. That’s all.” Nikki spoke softly as he rested his hand on my knee, “I just assumed you would’ve told her already. I am sorry.”

I pushed his hand away from me, “I haven’t told her anything because I don’t know what I want! I wanted to wait until I decided to bring it up to her. That’s why I haven’t told her Nikki.” I shook my head as I leaned my head back on the couch cushion, “And now she’s upset and Clem doesn’t normally get upset easily.” I mumbled as Nikki wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest.

“Really? Cause I thought everything makes her cry?” He chuckled as I shoved his chest a bit, “Tommy bitches about it sometimes too.”

“Nikki.” I said his name sternly as he laughed again, seeing him try to kiss me but I turned my head. Nikki then forcefully gripped my jaw to make me look at him.

“It’s just a joke, relax princess.” He mumbled before he placed a soft, warm kiss on my lips, “So…how about California?” He smiled, wiping my gloss off his lips as I laid my head on his lap.

“I offered Clementine a bedroom at the house.” I ripped the band aid off quickly as he stared down at me.

“What-why? Wh-why would you do that? Vanity, what the fuck?” Nikki grumbled, pushing his hair out of his face.

“Well, because someone-“ I scowled at him, “Also told her Tommy hasn’t signed the divorce papers. So now, she’s not even gonna consider moving in with him, not like she was anyways. Plus, she’s my family.”

Nikki vocally groaned, “That-that was my bad. I didn’t mean for that to slip, but c’mon doll. If she’s serious about Tommy she’ll move in with him eventually so why have her come into our home?”

I narrowed my eyes, “Because I want her too. Damnit Nikki. Why couldn’t you just keep your mouth shut? I’m sure you did it on purpose just to make her feel bad.”

He shook his head, “No! I didn’t. Babe, she’s your best friend and godmother of our daughter. I wouldn’t do that.

“So why can’t she move in with us? It’s my house too. And I also have a say who comes in and who doesn’t.” I argued back, “And! She’d be closer to Tommy and that means he wouldn’t leave all the time and the band could actually make some music. Isn’t that what you want?”

Nikki rubbed his temples as he smirked a bit, “Yes, that’s what I want. But I don’t want some stranger in my house. I don’t know her Vanity.”

I shrugged, “So what? I know her. Plus, Arianna will already be dealing with a change in her environment. I wouldn’t want to take Clementine away from her too. If you want me and Arianna you’ll also get Clementine too.”

Nikki looked up at the ceiling, probably cursing God for making him have to deal with me, “Fine! Fine! You want Clementine to come too? Fine. I’ll have a room ready for her and just to be nice, I’ll even give her a studio to make her art in peace and out of the way.”

“I also want my own bedroom…”

I wasn’t ready to be with him again.

Confusion and hurt was written all over his face, “Wh-what? What do you mean? Your own bedroom? You have a bedroom? I thought we’d share one…”

I sat up in a sitting position as I looked at him, “Vanity, I’ve apologized a dozen times.”

I nodded, “No, I know. And I know you’re sorry. But, I’m not ready to be with you. Can you understand that?”

Nikki frowned, “You don’t want to be with me?”

I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t bring myself to say yes or no. I just didn’t know what I wanted.

“Sixx, I love you. And you know I love you. But I think we still have a lot we need to work on before we could even think about getting back to where we were before.” I expressed as he nodded.

“I just want to be with you, Van.” He mumbles as he took my hand in his, “To just be yours again. And you to be mine and have a life together.”

I gazed into his mossy hued eyes, resting my hand against his jaw again as he slightly turned his cheek to kiss my open palm. He nuzzled his face into my hand, a pearly white smile meeting mine, “This is how we start again.”

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thewhumperinwhite · 4 years

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Café: Roadside 1

Previous: Teaser 1, Teaser 2, Hospital/Squad Car, Empty Bar, Used Car Lot 1, Used Car Lot 2, Gas Station

TW for: Kent and therefore referenced suicidal ideation, Vic’s Creepy Vibes.

Between the medication-induced dulling of the pain in his wrist and the soft hum of the truck’s engine under him, Sol is kind of fighting to stay awake.

“You can check out for a while, you know, kid,” Paxon says, glancing at him sideways for a second. “I don’t mind.”

Sol shoots them a glare, but when he opens his mouth Paxon rolls his eyes and takes a hand off the steering wheel to wave dismissively at him. “Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m an untrustworthy shmuck and you’re ashamed to be working with me, I’ve heard the speech.” They sound— a little annoyed. They’ve been driving for a few hours now, Sol guesses. Maybe they’re grumpy. Repositioning their hands on the wheel, they glare out at the dark road in front of them. “Honestly, what do you think I’m gonna do, man? I’m driving.”

“I dunno,” Sol says, maybe a little bit petulant. “That’s why I wanna keep my eye on you.”

Paxon looks at him, out of the corner of their eye, just long enough that Sol has to fight down the urge to snap at them to just watch the damn road, already. Then they sigh and focus back through the windshield. “Okay, look, I’ll tell you what. If I try to act on whatever sinister intentions you assume I have, I’ll have to stop the car, won’t I?”

Sol examines their profile, to see if it looks like they’re trying to trick him. They mostly just look tired and irritated, though. “I guess,” he says doubtfully.

“And the sudden lack of engine noise will wake you up if I stop. Won’t it?”

Sol is— not actually sure about that. On the one hand, maybe not. He hasn’t had to worry about being able to leap awake at the slightest disturbance since he got his apartment, almost a year and a half ago now. On the other hand, there’s no way he’s going to admit he’s been spoiled by a year of living comfortable to Paxon Field, who clearly has no such disadvantage. “I— guess so. Yes.”

He still doesn’t relax, though, and Paxon, noticing, finally thumps their free hand against the steering wheel angrily and glares ahead at the windshield. “You know what? Fine. You wanna be exhausted and miserable tomorrow, you just go right on ahead, babe. I’m sure I don’t care what you do.” And then they reach for the radio and snap on an 80s pop song, though they keep the volume down, presumably out of respect for Kent, who’s been asleep for an hour at least and doesn’t seem to piss them off half as much as Sol does.

That’s what convinces him it’s safe to sleep, actually. At least for a few hours. The truth is, he can barely keep his eyes open.

He makes it through “Love Shack” and “Come On Eileen,” but halfway through “Every Breath You Take” he stops jolting himself awake and lets himself drift, finally.

This song’s so fucking creepy, he thinks, and sinks into uneasy dreams filled with teeth and eyes that drip with blood.

——

Pax waits twenty minutes after Sol’s breath has slowed to a steady rhythm, curled up in his seat like a little kid, before they pull their phone out of the pocket of their coat and send up a short, non-specific prayer to thank whatever deities might be listening that there’s still cell service.

It’s— actually kind of embarrassing how well they still remember the number.

“Hello?” The silky voice sounds kind of confused, and maybe a little sleep-heavy, so at least there’s that.

“You’re a piece of shit,” Pax says mildly, cranking the music just a little, so they’re voice will be lost among the synth riffs.

There’s a surprised intake of breath, but when the voice speaks again, it’s filled with a vindictive sort of pleasure. “My god, I never thought I’d hear that voice again. What’s the news, little Paxon Field? You don’t expect me to come to your rescue again after all these years, do you?”

Pax’s lungs empty themselves in a huff of mirthless laughter so hard they sort of half hunch over the steering wheel, the corners of their scarred mouth pulling up into a furious grin with the effort of not raising their voice. “No, I don’t,” they say sweetly. “In fact, just the opposite, sweetheart.”

“Oh?” They hear the smile in his voice, and remember what it looks like— all sparkling dark eyes and sharp white teeth. “Do tell.”

“I found something,” Pax says, trying to keep from snarling. “Something you’re looking for, if the rumors I hear are true.”

Silence on the other end of the line. Pax waited. They can’t fuck this up. They will not fuck this up. They’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this for too goddamn long.

“Have you,” the man says flatly. He doesn’t sound like he’s relishing the idea. On the one hand, the uneasy displeasure in his voice is like music to Pax’s ears, but on the other hand—

“Yeah,” Pax says sweetly. “And I think I’d like to make a deal with you, old man.”

Another surprised silence. Pax wonders if they’ve been too forward. Fuck this espionage bullshit.

“You would.” The man is taking his sweet time considering it, and Pax hasn’t even set their terms yet, dammit. “I’ll be honest, Paxon— that surprises me.”

“I’ll bring you—what you want,” Pax says, looking straight forward through the windshield. “And you can start writing the check now and keep adding zeroes till I get there.”

They pause again. Goddamn the old man and his slow-ass business deals. ...Goddamn the old man just in general, too.

“You want money.”

Okay, moment of truth. Pax does their best to sound defensive and a little ashamed of themself. It isn’t very hard. “Hey, fuck you, man. The world’s ending. I need enough cash to get outta the country while planes are still flying, and enough to settle on after that. If anybody can understand that, you’d think it’d be you. Don’t think I can’t smell your brand of weird science all over this, you fucking freak.”

The old man laughs. Okay. So far so good. “You flatter me,” he says, and he really does sound flattered, the psychopath. If Pax ever doubted that the bleeders really were some of his “creations,” this is all the proof they need. “Name your terms, puppy.”

For a second, Pax forgets themself. “First of all, you call me that one more time and I’m driving this fucking truck off a cliff with your cargo inside, you get me?”

Sol shifts in his sleep, just slightly. Pax winces, but the boy’s breathing settles back out quick enough.

The old man chuckles in his ear. Pax feels their lip curl into a snarl.

“Yes, yes, I’m sorry— Paxon. Your voice brings back such memories, a man forgets himself. Can you bring yourself to forgive me?”

Paxon’s hand tightens convulsively on their phone, and the other is growing white-knuckled on the steering wheel, but they fight very hard to keep their voice light.

“I think the fact that I didn’t kill your cargo the second I heard his name proves I’m the forgiving sort— to a point,” they say brightly.

“His— oh. Oh!” Pax frowns, bracing themself to hear whatever unpleasantness the man is revving up for, but then the voice in his ear softens. “That’s right, isn’t it? It’s been— too many years.”

“I always wanted a son,” the man says in a voice that makes Pax shudder all the way down to their toes.

“Want whatever you want,” Pax says through numb lips. “I want three hundred thousand.”

The old man hums. Pax has been real careful about that amount— high enough to sound real, but not high enough to be refused outright.

“What do you say to one-fifty, dear? I want what you’re bringing me, but there’s no reason to take an old man’s savings, is there?”

There’s an awful snakey smile in his voice, now, and although Pax fucking hates all these stupid mind games, they’re fairly confident that this is a test.

“Well fuck you too, then,” they snap, and make sure to brush their phone against the side of their face so he can hear them removing it from their ear.

“Alright, alright,” he calls loudly, laughing, and Pax releases the breath they’ve been holding and brings the phone back up. “I just wanted to be sure you meant business, old friend. Three hundred it is.”

Thank you, god. “I ain’t your friend, shithead,” Pax says sweetly, and allows themself a moment to celebrate their victory before the man’s voice pipes up in their ear again.

“Well, Paxon, dear,” he says. “Is that all? I know your— cargo— can be a handful. Tell me— is it giving you trouble? Perhaps I’ll have to scrounge up a finder’s fee by way of apology.”

Pax wants to squeeze their eyes shut. But they’re driving. So the most they can have is one extra-long blink.

“He looks just like you,” Pax says, and hangs up on the man’s happy sigh.

They drive in silence, faster than they need too, like if they press their boot down on the gas hard enough they’ll stop feeling dirty. It doesn’t work, or course— it never does— so instead they run over old memories like they’re picking at wounds instead, and then their hand tightens on the phone until the plastic creaks in their fist.

“Vic Michaelis,” they say, like a curse and also a promise. “I’m gonna take a bath in your blood, you fucking shithead.”

——

Pax almost jumps out of their skin when they glance in the rearview mirror and see Kent Graves staring out the window at the dark countryside, looking tired and a little ill but most definitely awake.

They slip their phone into their pocket— it’s been switched off for only a little more than fifteen minutes now— and shoot a grin into the mirror, hoping it’ll look more genuine than it feels.

“Mornin,’ sleeping beauty,” they say softly. “You sleep okay?”

Kent blinks slowly, first up at Pax and then down to the clock on the dashboard. “Oh,” he says, his pretty voice a little scratchy with sleep. “I guess it is morning, huh? Have you been driving all night?”

Eyes back on the road, they shrug. “Guess so. No big deal. Not my first all-nighter.” They smile up at the mirror again. It seems fairly clear that he’s just woken up and didn’t hear a damn thing, and their spirits are quite high at the moment, end of the world or no. They kind of like Kent in spite of themself— the longer they can go on being friends the better, as far as Pax is concerned. “I’m in a hell of a lot better shape than either of you two kids, anyway.”

Kent shifts, winces, readjusts his position to put less pressure on his broken bones. “I— guess that’s true,” he croaks. “I feel like we’re taking advantage of your kindness, though. We can stop for a while anytime, if you want.”

Pax grins at the dark road ahead of them. This far upstate, there aren’t that many street lights, and they haven’t passed a single other car in hours, now. It’s a bit ominous. Pax grins harder. “Naw,” they say brightly. “Safer to be moving, anyway.”

Pax has their eyes on the road, but they hear the frown in Kent’s voice when he responds softly, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

There’s a pause. The truck rumbles along smoothly under them. They are getting fairly tired, actually.

“Hey— Paxon?”

Pax smiles up at the mirror. Kent is fidgeting in his seat like a little boy, his hands folded together in his lap. “What is it, sunshine?” Pax prompts, when he doesn’t continue.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Uh oh. Pax’s smile tightens a little at the corners, but they force themself to relax. “Sure, kid, shoot.”

Kent examines his hands for a long time, and Pax watches him in the mirror, their hands tightening on the steering wheel.

“Do you know this part of the state at all?” he asks finally. “I’m, uh— I’m not totally— “

Pax blinks, and then laughs harshly, startled. “Sunshine, do you— do you not know where you’re going?”

Kent shrugs, looking up at the mirror through his lashes. “Not entirely, no.”

Pax shakes his head, grinning. “That’s fucking hilarious, sunshine. Yeah, I grew up upstate, but it’s been a long time. What do you know?”

“Uh.” Kent laughs awkwardly, picking at his face a little. “Well, I—PAXON!”

“Wha—” Pax looks back through the windshield just in time to see an unmistakably human form crouched in the road.

“Fuck!”

They yank the wheel to the side without thinking and their head smacks smartly into the steering wheel when the car plows into and halfway through the guardrail, which causes their vision to go bright and starry for a few seconds. They feel Kent’s weight slam into the back of their seat, and mostly just hear Sol jerk awake swearing.

The occupants of the truck sit still for a moment, a little shell-shocked, and then the front airbags deploy.

“Aw shit fuck goddammit,” Sol spits, shoving the fabric away from his face. “I am never getting in a car again—”

“Did we hit her?” Kent croaks urgently, rubbing his forehead where it must have struck Pax’s seat.

“Did we hit who?” Sol barks.

“I’m not sure,” Pax says, reaching up to see if their head is bleeding. It isn’t, so far. “I don’t think so.”

“Hold on—what the hell are you doing?” Sol yells. Christ, that kid is loud. Pax winces— and then turns back to find that Kent is trying to push his door open.

“Now you just wait right there, sunshine,” Pax barks. “Are you out of your mind?”

“Wh—” Kent stares from Pax to Sol, looking honestly confused. Maybe he hit his head harder than Pax thought. “Are you? There’s a little girl in the road in the middle of nowhere! I’ve gotta go see if she’s okay!”

He went for the door again, but Sol nearly leapt into the backseat to grab his arm. “Hey— hold your damn horses! She could be crazy!”

Kent shook him off. “We can’t know that from here,” he snapped.

“You don’t even have a weapon, dumbass! If you keep doing dumb-ass shit like this you’re gonna get yourself killed—”

“Good!”

Sol freezes like a popsicle. Kent yanks the door open and stumbles out onto the shoulder. Recovering, Sol yells “H—Hey, dumbass, wait the hell up!” and runs out after him.

“God fucking dammit,” says Pax, and reaches into the backseat for their sword.

#whump #original whump #the café at the end of the world #betrayal

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sole-cuore-amore-e-droga · 5 years

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Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Finland to Eurovision with a meme icon and his side-kick

youtube

“heeeeeey what is that song on that video???” Definitely not Darude - Sandstorm. Grow the fuck up.

I mean that they basically threw off the open call for songs from Finnish artists, instead opting for having one artist national final, usually one very known but very gettable-bored-of name so that they could get some more viewership rather when they pick a random nobody from a bunch of other random nobodies. Last year YLE got themselves an artist whose Eurovision ticket was long overdue, but this year they went the extra step and brought us HIM.

No, not that HIM. They can't go anyway as they've already disbanded. I'm talking about HIM.

Yes, THAT HIM. Meet Toni-Ville Henrik Virtanen, which thankfully has a pseudonym to publish his music with - Darude. Almost 20 years ago he published this beautiful techno single "Sandstorm" with lyrics like "du du du du du du du du du du du du". And now it's become the big-ass target of memery for the past few years on the Internet, with Darude being very well aware of it all - I don't think he has escaped questions about "Sandstorm" now that the Eurovision interviewers media is on horizon and interviews literally every single representative, no matter if they're shy or unpopular with the bookies at all.

And even if "Sandstorm" was the only thing to shake his tiny little Finnish world, it did not break Darude to be just a one-hit wonder (well he still looks like one but yeah) and he's got more music out ever since. And it probably sounds a little too tragic when YLE resorts to just nagging and begging Darude to represent their nation, even kinda secretly hoping that thanks to him Finland can have a qualification just solely for the meme factor. Darude even said so that he at first rejected their calls, but this year became THE year for him to go, and he's not alone obviously - his credited vocalist friend for this ride to Tel Aviv became Sebastian Rejman, a bit washed-up media star who already did some collaborating with Darude.

So the format was basically the same for this year's UMK - artist announced separately, then each of their 3 songs gets published every week on a specific weekday, with single cover art and a music video already, and the Finnish people together with international juries vote for the best track. Simple as that. Unlike with Saara Aalto though, all Darude & Sebastian songs were barely even distinct from one another in sound - just techno songs that have a piece of "Sandstorm" with themselves. Well only 2 do anyway. But still, techno/house songs to listen to on the radio when you're driving and minding your own business. And I had hard time picking favourites but all of them were alright I guess. Yet somehow my least favourite happened to win... and that was "Look Away", very much so inspired by natural disasters and how do we all ignore everything around us. No matter if it's a storm or hurricane or tornado or wind throwing sand at our eyes.

I don't know why the song didn't click with me all that much at first, I suppose it was because it's just a mindless gloomy techno song that raises global awareness (we already have Denmark talking about that, but they're insisting that "love is forever", while Finland is just... getting up more seriously in all this), and besides that, it's just incredibly repetitive. It consists more of the pre-chorus-ish chorus (I mean the line "is it in my head? Am I the only one?" and that other line preceding) and the actual chorus that mostly goes like "look away, look away, look away...". Even to the point when the song ends with some additional “look away”ing but under a different drum beat. What's it with Finns having a passion for the word "away"? We already had seen them sending a "Sing It Away", which was basically a cheer-up tune telling you to sing your problems off... while this year? We're trying to NOT look into the problems dead in the eye. We're looking... erm, uh, away.

But now I do have to say that I somewhat like it. Tell it to ya - the B minor chord is possibly one of my least favourite music keys, so I might as well be a little bit more negative on it if takes the song with itself to sound incredibly dull and painfully meh. So thankfully we'll be hearing it live half a step lower (idk if that's what it is with most EDM singers in Eurovision that shit like this can be possible, as well as idk why are they allowed into Eurovision in the first place. But seriously, why can't you just choose the same key you sang in in studio for Eurovision...), which made the song sound better to me - as a Nightcore junkie, I am passionate about hearing songs in different keys all the darn time, to see in what key would a certain song sound the best. It's usually the song's key that makes me like a song better or worse live rather than a live performance itself (though in some NFs I can see which of my favourite acts are DoA by not even emoting towards them - my emotion has to be evoked, and if I evoke it on purpose, well then, I'd just rather stay motionless completely on anything and only yelp if a song causes me to do this unexplainedly). We'll see how Sebastian will execute his singing live. As for now, he's the captain of this sinking ship that hit a small iceberg (another one of the disasters we usually "look away" from until it's found in our history books). Not Darude. Darude's just merely a musical hold-up of the disaster. It all has to depend on the vocalist and if the staging clicks with the audience. Sure, Darude can put on a red wig and green sunglasses so that he could click with the meme audience, but that won't get the Finns far.

So I like this song, it actually has some cool musical moments thrown in (I like the piano for one), I can enjoy this off my free time. But Estonia does it better at the "Finno-Ugric EDM-ish entry about Mother Nature's tantrums" category and I ain't even sorry for saying this. But I gotta be sorry for Darude. This year's UMK had the lesser care about it because... well, these songs weren't exactly inspiring or anything, and with people wanting something groundbreaking, their hopes kept on vaning away with each and every song release of the UMK entries': "oh so the next 2 two songs will be good right?" "oh so then the last one will be the best one, yeah right?" "...oh, okay then .-." And him, as the Finnish meme king, should have deserved a better year for a better Eurovision stint, so he could have become something à la Epic Sax Guy. Right now I mostly see a middle-aged DJ with 2 kids, not a redhead dude with green sunglasses looking shadily on us. And that's okay sometimes because memes don't necessarily need to be remembered for memes (just like I mostly remember Kanye West for music, and then memes come second), but Finland's gonna take a miracle to get through, and I hardly see any. That's an aina mun pity.

Approval factor: Eh, it's alright, but I would certainly not hold it up to high regards post-contest? lol.

Follow-up factor: it's kiiiiinda bleak knowing that after giving us probably one of the most favourable dark horse efforts for Eurovision they're now going down the dancier route, with one entry after being a banger, the other being a dad banger. Ah well. It doesn't flow so neatly in my eyes, it seems.

Qualification factor: almost dead in the tracks. Finland flows anywhere they can, having a lot of bad luck for 3 years this decade, and I doubt that the juries will be supporting this heavily, considering they are better at rating good vocalists over bad ones, so I don't think this will sail through. But I secretly have hopes in this. It's not that bad, but Estonia is in this semi too, and it's a friendlier EDM track, so I don't quite think that repetitive will out-compell the good formulaic. Plus, Sebastian has a lot to fix vocally, and I doubt that he will carry Finland any further if he doesn't fix anything, so so far the chances of Finland aren't looking up imo. Bottom 5 at the semi is more likely if not already the actual outcome. Maaaaybe 10th in the semi at best, but I doubt it.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

The more this section pops up in my works, the less I wanna recap national finals anymore. I hope there’s more breather moments with me having to review a lot of internal selection songs in between the ones from NFs, because this whole season was an utter disaster, and it’d help if the next one isn’t. So let’s check in on Finland's selection’s best:

• But seriously, did anyone ever see Darude as a Finnish representative coming??? No??? Me neither. I was just sitting there, waiting to see if there's a hope for Mikael Saari (you know, that balladeer guy from previous UMKs - I do believe some audiences love him just as much as Saara Aalto, who only was on one UMK and one Euroviisut) to be announced on this special separate programme. Nope - the trilingual hosting trio of the programme that included Krista Siegfrids in it as the token Swedish speaker just happened to happily proclaim Darude as THE Finnish hopeful... and the world was s h o o k e t h. Just look at him go. His smug grin is still iconic on here.

• During the wait for all the UMK songs to pile up, the excitement for Darude faded away and everyone moved on to support other countries. I can't blame them, because I have found like one decent song this UMK that's still worth listening to twice a year or so - "Superman". Where Darude becomes the everyday hero for ordinary people that have difficulties in live to do mundane stuff. Maybe this song would have made him look like a better meme than his current entry would have? Just watch him go on his DJ booth dressing like a knock-off superhero because EBU doesn't allow blatant advertising. A way better gimmick than Gromee's snakey hands. Alas, no one will have to hear "Superman" anymore. Granted it's just an EDM song just like any other, but somehow I liked it best, end of.

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• There's at least one memorable screenshot from UMK as well, so I'm happy with that. I saw this pop up on my Twitter time line and I could not stop laughing inside. Seriously. Krista and this other guy should host ESC provided Eurovision is ever coming back to Finland. They had a lot of iconic outfit changes during the NF itself (and the NF itself had "Look Away" with some dancer on a cube but they scrapped the tall cube for Tel Aviv entirely), but those floral onesies are my favourite.

Now I kinda hope that there’s something that will alarm YLE in the meantime that Finland needs a better approach for Eurovision and we’ll see another fully-fledged UMK in the works next year, and then Finland can be great again. For now, I’ll just wish “onnea” to Darude and Sebastian, with hopes that people don’t look away from their song at all! (but most likely they will so what’s the point.)

#eurovision 2019 #tel aviv 2019 reviews #finland 2019 #darude ft. sebastian rejman #look away #finland

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